


Growing Pains

by acclaimedwriter, Liz_87



Series: The Chuffy Chronicles [2]
Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 79
Words: 485,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22973857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acclaimedwriter/pseuds/acclaimedwriter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liz_87/pseuds/Liz_87
Summary: (AU) Six years after the events of Hiding.
Relationships: Lisa "Duffy" Duffin/Charlie Fairhead
Series: The Chuffy Chronicles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1650958
Kudos: 34





	1. NSFW: contains sexual scenes

It was Christmas morning in the Fairhead household but it wasn’t just any Christmas - today was special for another reason. Christmas meant it was also the twins’ birthday. It was a special birthday for the girls, they’d finally hit the age of thirteen.

Despite now being teenagers they still got up at the crack of dawn, running upstairs and banging on their parents’ bedroom door.

“Mum! Dad! Wake up!”

“Urgh!” Charlie groaned loudly as he rolled over and cuddled Duffy’s naked body, “Girls! Its… 6am!”

“But it’s our birthday!” Tilly replied excitedly.

“I know but your mum’s nice, warm and naked.” 

“Urgh, Dad that’s gross!” Lottie replied, pulling a face.

“Charlie!” Duffy gasped.

“We’re gonna go back to our room, we’ll give you ten minutes to finish whatever you’re doing.” Tilly and Lottie went back to their room.

“They’ll be very disappointed to know that I’m just going to go back to sleep!” Duffy chuckled, fluffing her pillow.

Charlie’s hands roamed her body, “Just sleep?”

“I was up late last night helping Santa unload his sack.” She giggled before stretching like a cat.

“And not just the one on his back either, I seem to recall.” He smirked, his hands cupping her breasts. “Five minute quickie?”

“Oh you’re such a romantic!” She giggled as she rolled onto her back.

He moved over the top of her and was about to enter her when the door handle began to rattle. “Mummy!” It was Paul.

“That lock was the best idea we ever had!” Duffy chuckled as she moved to get up. She grabbed her nighty from the floor and threw it on before going to see what Paul wanted. “Morning sunshine!” She smiled at the six year old.

“Certainly was.” Charlie began to get changed, throwing on some pyjama bottoms and his dressing gown. 

Paul smiled at his mum, “Santa been?”

“He has, shall we see what he got you?” She asked, taking her dressing gown from the hook behind the door.

“Lots of toys.” Paul replied with a giggle.

“Just what we need - more toys!” Duffy chuckled.

“More toys!” Paul grinned and dived towards the stairs. “Everyone awake!! Everyone up!!” He began to shout.

“Paul! Shush!” Duffy urged but it was too late. The twins and Oli came bounding out to join them.

“It’s our birthday!” The girls loudly declared.

“Now you’re both the same age as me again.” Emily grumbled sleepily as she joined them all on the landing.

“Cheer up Em! Won’t be for long.” They playfully nudged each side of their sister.

“Where are Jake and Louis?” Oli asked, noticing that his big brothers hadn’t joined them.

“Here.” They both grumbled as they came out of their rooms, rubbing their eyes and yawning. 

“It’s far too early!” Louis complained. 

“Its alright for Peter, I bet he’s still asleep in his flat right now.” Jake grumbled.

“Doing god knows what with girls!” Louis laughed loudly.

“Boys!” Duffy chided.

“Sorry.” Louis replied with a smile.

“Peter will be joining us for lunch later. Alone as far as I’m aware.” Duffy replied pointedly.

Charlie knew Peter was seeing someone, well several girls in fact. He’d heard the rumours.

Whilst at uni Peter had thrown himself headfirst into the social aspects of life away from home. Despite this he had still graduated well and was now working full time.

And Charlie couldn’t have been prouder of the fact he’d graduated in Chemical Engineering and was doing a job he loved. “Come on then rugrats, let’s go and see what Santa’s brought.”

The lounge was full with stacks of presents each wrapped in a different colour of paper with a name tag on the top to indicate the recipient.

“Santa did good.” Charlie replied as he lent against the door.

“He did very good indeed.” Duffy winked.

Charlie kissed Duffy’s cheek as they moved to sit on the sofa and watched the children fight for the presents.

What had taken hours to buy, wrap and stack descended into chaos in a matter of minutes!

The girls whistled, causing everyone to stop arguing.

Jake stared in amazement at his youngest sisters. Who knew they could whistle that loud?!

“Can we dismantle this pile a lot quieter?” Tilly asked.

“Since when did you not like noise?” Emily asked, her eyebrow raised in perfect imitation of her mother.

“When it gives me a headache.” Tilly answered back. Only for Emily to roll her eyes, once again in Perfect imitation of her mother and response with a mutter, “God thats got to be a first.”

“Emily be nice.” Duffy smiled, shaking her head indulgently at Tilly.

Emily pouted. “Ok mama.”

Reaching behind the sofa Duffy then handed a wrapped package to Charlie. “Merry Christmas handsome.”

Charlie smiled as he took hold of the present, “I may have forgot to buy you one.” He teased.

She stuck her tongue out at him and turned back to watch the children, pretending to be in a huff.

The children couldn’t stay in a huff for long and soon it was all forgotten about as they opened their presents. Charlie took the wrapping paper off his present.

“I hope you like it. I wasn’t really sure what to get you.”

“I’ve got everything I ever need.” He smiled brightly.

“Your legendary charm won’t save you if you really haven’t gotten me a present!” Duffy giggled.

“Of course I’ve brought you a present. Would I not?” He kissed her cheek.

“Where is it then?” She pouted playfully.

He whispered something rude into her ear that caused them both to laugh.

“You wouldn’t?” She giggled.

“Is that a challenge, Mrs Fairhead?”

“Sounds like one to me!”

He smirked. “You’re on.”

“Oh I’m looking forward to this!”

He chuckled softly.

A little while later the Christmas presents were all unwrapped and the twins were begging to open their birthday presents.

“Go on then, knock yourselves out kiddos.”

“Woohoo!” Tilly and Lottie yelled with excitement.

The girls began to open their birthday presents. There was a series of delighted shrieks and giggles as the girls tore open their birthday presents.

“Yes! Mum, dad, thank you so much!”

“We got the right thing then?” Duffy asked with a smile.

“Yes!”

“Phew! I nearly sent your dad to get it but decided better of it.” Duffy giggled.

“Dad would’ve got the wrong one.”

“More than likely.” Duffy teased, nudging her husband playfully.

“Well, that’s just rude.” Charlie answered and pouted.

Seeing his dad’s face Oli ran over and gave him a cuddle.

Charlie picked up his son and hugged him tightly, “Love you.” He said quietly.

“You’re the best daddy!” Oli grinned.

Charlie’s heart wanted to burst. “I’m glad you think so, little man.”

“Santa got me a remote control car daddy!” Oli continued excitedly.

“Did he?” Charlie grinned, “How did he know you wanted one of those?”

“I wrote it in my letter!” Oli replied giggling.

“The letter you sent to Santa?”

“Yeh! You were there when I wrote it daddy!”

“Funny that!” Louis smirked.

“Was I? I don’t remember you writing a letter to Santa.”

“Daddy you’re so silly!”

Charlie began to tickle Oli gently.

As always it took longer to tidy up the mess made my unwrapping the presents than it did to unwrap them in the first place.

As he looked around the living room at every single child, bar Peter, Charlie found himself feeling emotional. He was so lucky to have such a wonderful family!

Though they often fought and teased each other it was clear that kids loved each other deep down. All the children, even Louis, had grown closer the older they’d got.

Leaving the children to play with their presents Duffy headed into the kitchen to make a start on lunch.

Charlie crept in the kitchen behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Hello again, gorgeous.”

“Have you come to help or distract me?” She giggled.

“Let me think.” His tongue ran against her earlobe, “Distract. Definitely distract.”

“Lucky I’ve gotten used to your distraction methods isn’t it?”

“Well after x amount of years, I’d like to think so.”

“I’m not even going to dignify that by giving you the right number!” She shook her head indulgently at him before leaning back into his embrace as his hands started to wander.

“Twenty six years officially, isn’t it?” His hands moved towards her breasts.

“That’s how long we’ve known each other yes.”

“And you’re still just as sexy.”

“Do we need your eyes testing again?” She teased.

“No.” He cupped her breasts, “You are so sexy! You haven’t changed.”

“Hmm, I’ll just have to take your word for that.” She smiled as she arched her back slightly into his touch.

“Yes you will.” His hands moved from her breasts and slightly undid her dressing gown, his hands going under her nightie. “Would appear Charlie Jr still finds you incredibly gorgeous too.”

She wiggled her bottom against him. “He does indeed.”

He groaned feeling her bottom wriggle. “I’d bend you over this counter and screw you right here.” He whispered in her ear.

“I’m not sure the kids would appreciate that!” She laughed.

“Probably not.”

“Shame coz I like the idea very much.” She mused, grinning.

“We could always sneak off for ten minutes.“

"You are a bad man..!” She purred.

“And you, Mrs Fairhead, are a bad, bad woman.”

“You wouldn’t want me any other way.”

“No. That’s true.”

Despite Charlie’s best efforts to distract her Duffy managed to eventually get the dinner prepared and cooking.

Everyone had just about finished getting washed and dressed when Peter arrived to join them late in the morning.

Emily opened the door, “Thought I could smell you.” She said to Peter.

“And its lovely to see you too Emmy!”

She hugged her brother, “Nice to see you! You look well. Got a girlfriend yet?” She laughed as she began to move into the hall.

“Who are you? Mum?” Peter teased.

“Narr, not that old.” Emily laughed.

“Excuse me young lady?! What was that?” Duffy remarked as she entered the hallway. “Peter!” She grinned, pulling her eldest son into a hug.

“Nothing mum.” Emily shot up the stairs quickly.

Duffy quirked an eyebrow at her eldest daughter’s hasty retreat up the stairs.

Emily caught her mum’s gaze and grinned.

“She’s getting more and more like you every day,” Peter commented. 

“I’m hoping you mean that as a compliment.” Duffy teased.

“Yes course.” He laughed and kissed his mum’s cheek.

Holding him at arm’s length Duffy gave her son the visual once over.

“You’re doing what gran does to you every time we visit.” He smiled.

“Really?” Duffy blushed.

Peter nodded.

“I am not turning into my mother!” Duffy retorted.

“You are with some things.” Peter smiled.

Duffy turned to look pleadingly at her husband who had just entered the hallway in the hopes that he would reassure her.

“What?” Charlie asked noticing the look Duffy was giving him.

“Please tell our son that I’m not turning into my mother!”

“Your mum isn’t turning into her mother.” Charlie replied with a smirk but winked at Peter.

“Urgh!” Duffy grumbled goodnaturedly as she wandered through to the lounge.

“You alright son?” Charlie asked.

“Yeh…” Peter grimaced. “Hungover.” He admitted with a half smile.

Charlie playfully tutted. “Drinking at Christmas? Disgraceful.”

Peter laughed. “It was a meet up with the lads from college.”

“How they all getting on?” Charlie asked as he moved into the lounge with Peter.

“Not bad. Dean is doing a masters.”

“Wow.” Charlie smiled, “You ever thought about doing a masters? Or are you happy doing what you’re doing?”

“Maybe in a few years.” Peter shrugged.

Charlie nodded, “How’s work going?”

“Good. Boss was talking to me the other day about a possible new project in the new year.”

“Oh? What new project is that?”

“He couldn’t give me too many details yet as it’s still being ironed out but if it goes ahead it would be a major contract for the company.”

“Wow, congratulations.”

The family exchanged the remaining presents before Duffy slipped away into the kitchen to check on the dinner. Seizing the opportunity Jake came and sat next to Charlie. “Dad, can I talk to you about something? I need your help convincing mum.”

“What’s that son?” Charlie smiled at Jake and ruffled his hair.

“Urgh!” The teenager complained, rearranging his hair. “I know mum’s gunna say I have to go coz I’m not eighteen til June but I really don’t want to.”

“Go where?”

“To Andrew’s tomorrow. Look I know the court agreement says they have to share me at Christmas but I just don’t want to go there any more.”

“If you don’t want to go, we can’t force you.” Charlie replied with a sad smile.

“But mum will get in trouble if I don’t won’t she?”

“You’re seventeen, Jake. You’re not a kid. We can’t make the decisions for you, regardless of what the court says. I’ll talk to your mum, ok?”

“Thanks. He’s a dick and I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. To be honest I haven’t for a long time.” Jake admitted.

“And you’re old enough to make those choices.”

“So long as mum doesn’t get a load of shit from the court…”

“She shouldn’t do but don’t worry about it, ok?”

“Its not like she’s not letting me go. It’s just… I don’t want him upsetting her again.”

Charlie sighed, “He’ll always have a hold over your mum.”

“I wish she’d never met him.” Jake whispered.

“But if she hadn’t, we wouldn’t have you.” Charlie said gently.

“Sometimes I’m not sure the trade off was worth it.”

“It was always worth it because she got you.”

Jake pondered Charlie’s words for a few moments. “There’s a girl at college…” He began, blushing slightly.

Charlie smiled, “What’s this girl like?”

“She’s really cute but I’m scared to get close to her.”

“Why? What’s scaring you?”

“Turning out like him. She’s amazing and I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Do you feel you’re like him?”

“I’m half him so I must be.” Jake shrugged.

“Your genes don’t define you.” Charlie sighed, “I have a temper, but I’ve never once hurt your mum.”

“I just wish he wasn’t a part of me.”

“He’s your genes. Nothing else.” Charlie replied, “You have your own mind, and choices and personality. This girl, go for it. You won’t hurt her. You’re not Andrew.”

“But there must have been something that made him hurt mum.” Jake pressed.

“There was but it was nothing to do with genes. Andrew liked to control your mum. He loved the power. It made him feel a big man.”

“He’s not a man.” Jake asserted firmly.

“Exactly.”

“Her parents are throwing a party for New Year’s, can I go?”

“Yes.” Charlie paused, “You know all about safe sex, don’t you?”

“Oh my god, dad!” Jake gasped, looking mildly horrified.

“What? I know what it’s like after a few drinks to avoid temptation and doing silly things.”

“Krystal’s parents are chill but I’m not sure they’re that chill.”

“Just be careful.”

“Who’s Krystal?” Lottie piped up.

“I’d quite like to know the answer to that too.” Duffy remarked as she came back into the lounge.

“Never you mind.” Jake replied back to Lottie.

Charlie shrugged, “I don’t know who you’re going on about.”

“Of course you don’t.” Duffy retorted, shooting her husband a look. “Dinner will be about another hour or so.”

“That’s good, I’m starving.” Jake replied with a smile, “I’m gonna go to my room. Thanks dad.”

“Louis said you were gunna bring your girlfriend Peter, where is she?” Tilly asked.

“I haven’t got a girlfriend, Tilly.”

“That’s not what Louis and Jake said earlier.”

“They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

“Did she turn you down?” Louis teased.

“I don’t have girlfriends.”

“Coz you’re a loser!” Louis laughed.

“Boys..!” Duffy warned.

“I don’t have girlfriends because all they do is break your heart.” Peter replied.

“That’s a bit deep man!” Louis mocked.

“True though.” Peter replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I’m starting to feel the need to stick up for my entire gender here!” Duffy sighed.

“Nah its much better to just…” Peter trailed off awkwardly. 

Duffy motioned for her eldest son to continue, her eyebrow raised in curiosity.

“You know, sex. No strings attached. Can’t get hurt that way.”

“You are so wrong in that, Peter, so wrong!” Duffy retorted, a hint of sarcasm creeping into her voice.

“You’ve got sarcasm in your voice.” Peter replied with a raised eyebrow.

“Because I know from experience what an absolute pile of the perverbial what you just said is!”

“But it isn’t though.” Peter replied. “I haven’t been hurt yet! And I don’t plan on getting hurt any time soon!”

“Yes, well, neither did your dad and I.” Duffy retorted.

“You and dad were different.” Peter sighed, “Can we change the subject, please?”

“So everyone keeps telling me.” Duffy muttered under her breath.

Peter sighed sadly. He’d not had a relationship since he’d split up with Sarah when he was nearly seventeen.

“Peter, you’re good with computery stuff…” Tilly started, a grin forming on her face.

Peter caught his sister’s eye, “I am. What are you after, Tils?” He smiled.

She tossed her new phone at him. “Get round these stupid parental controls for me?”

He caught her phone, “Why what are you searching for?”

“Those ‘stupid parental controls’ are there for a reason Matilda!” Duffy stated firmly.

“Nothing!” Tilly giggled.

“Mum’s right. They’re there to keep you safe.”

Tilly groaned, “Urgh! So lame!” She grabbed back her phone and flounced out the room. “Fine, I’ll figure it out for myself!” She added as she fake stomped up the stairs to her room.

“She’s so dramatic.” Lottie replied and rolled her eyes.

“I heard that!” Tilly yelled before slamming her door.

“Good!” Lottie shouted up the stairs.

“Teenagers!” Duffy muttered, rolling her eyes at Charlie.

Charlie laughed softly and squeezed her knee. “Hormones.”

“Hmm… Lucky we’ve only got three girls to contend with!”

“Very lucky.”

“Unless…” Duffy giggled, her eyes dancing with mischief.

“Unless what?” He asked.

“Well, we could always…”

“Go on…”

“Have a little fun later and see what happens..!” Duffy winked, giggling.

Charlie chuckled, “Definitely not! Our baby making days are over!” His hand travelled up her thigh.

“We can still have some fun though right?” Duffy asked, shifty her leg slightly as Charlie’s fingers brushed the hem of her skirt.

“Urgh! Seriously you guys!” Lottie complained.

“Of course.” Charlie kissed Duffy’s earlobe. His hand moving further up her thigh. “Plenty of fun.”

“You’re so gross!” Lottie complained and pretend to vomit.

“Fancy helping me finish off dinner darling?” Duffy winked at her husband.

“Yes.” He smiled, kissing her ear again.

Duffy giggled at the speed of his rep

“Back in a minute, kids.”

Emily arrived back downstairs just in time to see her parents disappearing into the kitchen giggling. “Do I want to know?” She asked, her eyebrow raised.

Peter and Lottie laughed, “Probably not.”

“They do know we have to eat the food they’re cooking in there right?”

“Yep.” Lottie answered. “Em?”

“Yeh?”

“Can I sleep in your room tonight if Tilly’s still sulking with me later on?”

“I s'pose.”

“Ta sis!”

“You could just sleep in Peter’s old room if you’re really desperate.” Emily shrugged.

“Ah, never thought about that.” Lottie replied. “Where’s Peter gonna sleep though, if I’m in his room?”

“I have a flat…” Peter pointed out with a smile.

“You gotta stay here though! Least for one night. Christmas tradition.” Lottie grinned.

“Of course, what do you think that’s for?” Peter gestured to the holdall in the hallway behind where Emily was stood.

“Nice to have you home again, bro.” Lottie playfully punched the top of Peter’s arm.

Before Peter could reply the sound of a loud giggle drifted over from the kitchen. “Louis, stick the TV on please!” He groaned.

“Urgh, are they really doing it in the kitchen?” Louis asked as he turned on the tv.

Charlie gently bit Duffy’s earlobe, “You’re very naughty.” He whispered in her ear.

“You were the one who started it by putting your hand up my skirt!” She giggled.

“Makes you wet, does it? When I put my hand up your skirt?” He did it again, his fingers brushing against her knickers.

Suddenly able to hear the TV from the lounge Duffy gave Charlie a sheepish look. “Busted!” She giggled.

“We’re not doing anything. We’re cooking lunch.” He smirked and removed his hand. “Wait until tonight!”

“Getting shy and retiring in your old age?” She teased.

“Something like that.” He laughed.

“How disappointing..!” She giggled as she ran a finger down his chest before leaving it resting on the waistband of his jeans.

“It’s Christmas. I should allow our children one day off from hearing their parents having sex.”

“You make it sound like we’ve permanently scared them for life!” She retorted with a grin as she moved to start preparing to dish up dinner. Handing him a pile of plates she smirked. “Make yourself useful then.”

“I think we have.” He groaned playfully as he took the plates and began to lay the table.

Following him through with the cutlery she made a point of leaning over the table directly opposite him as she placed them down.

He slapped her arse. Before he closed the gap between them and pressed himself against her.

“Charlie!” She giggled, wriggling playfully.

“You do bad things to me.”

“I just can’t help being naughty when I’m around you.”

“You just like being spanked.”

“Oh yes please sir!” She replied girlishly, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

He lifted up her skirt and rubbed his hand over her bum cheeks.

She let out a quiet moan of contentment as she backed into him slightly.

He slapped her hard on one cheek.

“And now I remember why I’m glad I don’t live at home anymore!” Peter remarked from the doorway, shaking his head fondly. “Everyone is starving, can we eat yet or do you two need to get a room for a bit first?”

“Let me just finish punishing your mum first and then we can eat.” Charlie replied.

“You two are unbelievable, you really are!” Peter sighed, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

“Five minutes? That’s all.” Charlie smiled, “Then I promise we can have lunch.”

“I’m not sure mum is thrilled with that time frame but sure whatever!” Peter retorted over his shoulder as he headed back to the lounge.

As soon as Peter had returned to the lounge, Charlie spanked Duffy again.

“Oof! Sitting down for dinner will be interesting.” She giggled.

“Just you wait until tonight, Mrs Fairhead.”

“Is that when I finally get my present?”

“Maybe.”

Duffy pouted as she moved out of his arms and headed back towards the kitchen.

“As long as you promise to wear it for me, tonight in bed.”

“So long as your sizing of my clothes has gotten better over the years..!” She teased.

“I think so.” He smiled.

“Good boy.” She picked up the turkey. “Go make yourself useful and carve that!”

Charlie began to carve the turkey, a comfortable silence between them.

It wasn’t long before the food was ready to be put on the table. “Kids! Come help carry some dishes through!” Duffy called round the kitchen door.

“Can’t I be on strike, it’s my birthday.” Lottie answered as she wandered into the kitchen with her siblings in tow.

“No, get your butt in here now young lady!”

“Urgh.” Lottie groaned and, very reluctantly, carried some food into the dining room. “Mum?”

“Yes Lottie pop?”

“How an earth did you manage to do all this when we were all little?”

“You all ate less then!” Duffy chuckled.

Lottie laughed. “Not gannets like we all are now?”

“Exactly!”

“So rude.”

“We also had less kids when you were little.”

“Didn’t have Oli and Paul?”

“Nope.” Duffy placed the dishes in her hands down on the table. “Is Tilly still in a huff upstairs?” She asked.

“Yep.” Lottie nodded, “Want me to go and get her?“

"Please.”

Lottie went to the bottom of the stairs, “Tots! It’s lunch time!”

“Urgh, coming.” Tilly replied, pushing herself up from where she’d flopped onto her bed.

Lottie waited at the bottom of the stairs for her sister.

“Still can’t get round this stupid thing.” Tilly rolled her eyes, shoving the phone into her pocket as she reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Why are you so determined to get round the parental controls, Tots?” Lottie asked quietly, “You’re not in trouble, are you?“

"No!” Tilly rolled her eyes. “Just coz.” She shrugged.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way.” They went into the dining room.

“I can always ask one of the geeks at school.” Tilly shrugged.

“Yeah you could.”

Eventually everyone was gathered around the table ready to dig into the meal. They had a pleasant conversation over lunch. It was nice to have everyone together as they were often here, there and everywhere doing various things. But despite that, they were still a pretty close knit family.

A little while later the meal was finished and everyone was back sat in the lounge, the grown ups half snoozing on the sofa whilst the younger kids played with their toys and the teenagers watched a film.

Charlie was dozing, beginning to snore slightly.

“Daddy sounds like a train!” Paul giggled.

Oli laughed, “He always sounds like a train.”

The boys cracked up laughing making train noises at each other which soon woke up Charlie.

“Daddy is a train!” The boys continued to giggle.

“I’m a train?” Charlie asked with a puzzled look on his face.

“You sound like a train when you snore.” Duffy explained, giggling.

Charlie shook his head fondly, “Do I really?”

“Personally I think it’s more like a jet taking off..!” She teased.

He gasped. “So rude.”

“You did ask.” She smirked.

“I did.”

“At least I d

“Only occasionally.”

“I do not!” She drew herself up to her full height sat on the sofa.

“I beg to differ.”

“I’m the perfect bed companion!” She countered.

“You are when you’re not sticking your cold hands and feet on me.”

“But you’re so warm!” She pouted.

“And you’re always cold.”

“See? The perfect combination.” She smiled.

He smiled brightly, “Love you.”

“Good!” She leaned forward to kiss him before settling into his arms.

He ran his hand through her hair as she settled into his arms.

After having a doze they all had a light tea and then the youngest boys went to bed. It didn’t take them long to fall asleep despite their protests that they weren’t tired.

Charlie watched them quietly for a while. He loved those little boys so much!

Whilst Charlie put the boys to bed Duffy and the girls sat in the lounge watching a film and painting each other’s nails. The older boys had decamped to the dining room to chat and play computer games.

Charlie had got lucky when he landed on his feet with Duffy. Very lucky indeed. He was upstairs for ages.

When he eventually came downstairs Duffy waved her fingernails at him. “What do you think? Emmy picked the colour, Tilly painted my fingers and Lottie painted my toes.”

“Lovely colour, it suits you.”

“Yeh, I wasn’t sure but Emmy said it would suit my colouring so I gave it a whirl.”

“She’s right, it does.”

“I’ll have to get you to pick my make up more often Emmy.”

Emily smiled, “I just have an eye for what colouring suits people.”

“Those art lessons are coming in handy.” Duffy smiled.

“Yes mama.” Emily grinned.

“Are you joining us for the movie or going to play what I’m sure is some horribly violent video game with the boys?” Duffy asked Charlie.

“I might go and play the video game with the boys.”

“I don’t know how you can play those games, they’re so horrible!” Duffy grimaced.

“They’re not that graphic. It could be worse.”

“I see enough blood and guts at work thanks very much!”

“I know.” He smiled sadly, “They don’t play on it all the time, do they? Just occasionally at night, killing aliens.”

“I don’t think so.”

He kissed her cheek.

“Shh! It’s getting to the good bit!” Lottie complained.

“Sorry.” He laughed gently and got up to go into the other room with the boys.

By the time the film finished the girls and Duffy were all sobbing at the romantic ending, even Tilly!

Charlie wandered into the lounge with a box of tissues. “You might be needing these?”

“Don’t laugh!” Duffy sniffled, grabbing a tissue.

“I’m not laughing.”

“Have the boys finished killing all extraterrestrial life in the cosmos?”

“Yes they have. They’re just going up to bed.”

“And that’s where you girls should be headed too.” Duffy added.

Tilly groaned, “But it’s early!”

“Come on you’ve all had a busy day. Plus me and your dad are tired too from someone waking us up at 6am!”

The twins looked at each other and giggled. “I’m not sure who that was…”

“I wonder..!” Duffy chuckled. “Now off you go to bed.”

“Night night mama.” All three girls said and kissed their mum’s cheek. Then they turned to their dad, “Night dad.” They kissed his cheek before all three went off to bed.

Whilst the kids were getting themselves into bed Duffy went through to the kitchen to make herself and Charlie some hot chocolate.

Charlie yawned and closed his eyes on the sofa. He was knackered.

Placing the mugs on the coffee table she snuggled up next to him. “Aw, my poor sleepy boy!” She teased.

He placed his hand on her thigh, “I’m getting too old.” He yawned again.

“Maybe but we survived.” She smiled.

“We did.”

“We have five teenagers living under this roof - heaven help us!”

“It’s bedlam. But I love it.” He smiled.

“Its been nice to have the whole family back together even if it’s just for Christmas.” She smiled.

“I agree with you, it has.” He kissed her neck.

“How about we take these upstairs…” She indicated the mugs on the table. “…and I’ll give you a back rub?” She suggested.

“Just a back rub? That all I get for Christmas these days.” He smirked.

“You were the one complaining you were tired…” She teased.

“Never too tired to make you come.”

“Such a charmer!” She giggled.

“I didn’t give you your Christmas present…”

“I was starting to think that maybe old age was making you forgetful…”

“I’m just hoping it fits.”

“What exactly are you implying by that?” She pouted.

“That I haven’t got the wrong size and it’s too big. Or I’ve misjudged how big your tits are and it’s too small up top. I wouldn’t be complaining…”

She shook her head indulgently at him. “Its not like my underwear drawer has a lock on it Charlie, you could just check and save yourself a lot of effort.”

“I did. But I may have got distracted.” He smirked.

“That explains a lot!”

“Explains what?”

“I thought it was one of the kids that had rifled through it. Apparently I was wrong.”

“Why would the kids be going through your underwear drawer?” 

“That’s what I couldn’t quite figure out either. I thought maybe they thought I’d hidden their presents in there or something.” She shrugged.

He laughed gently and stood up, holding his hand out for Duffy. “Shall we?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” She smiled, taking his hand.

Together with their mugs of hot chocolate, Charlie and Duffy went upstairs to bed.

Once upstairs Duffy sat on the bed resting back against the pillows and sipped her drink whilst she waited to see where Charlie had hidden her present.

He’d hidden it under the bed. He pulled out quite a large gift bag. “Here we go, beautiful. Merry Christmas.”

She raised an eyebrow as he placed it on the bed, she’d been expecting something smaller.

“Open it and you’ll find out what’s inside.”

Taking hold of the bag she disappeared into the bathroom, letting out several childlike squeals of glee as she examined the contents.

It was a series of presents. A new underwear set (that he’d hoped he’d got right, beautiful colouring to match her skin tone) a new necklace and bracelet and two bottles of her favourite perfume. As well as a few other small bits and bobs.

After what seemed like forever Duffy finally poked her head out from behind the bathroom door, a purposefully neutral expression on her face.

“Is it ok? Does it fit?”

“Well, it took me a few moments to figure out exactly how to get it on…”

“What do you mean?” He frowned.

“Trust you to go for the bells and whistles model rather than something standard.” She teased. “Its a good job I’m still pretty flexible so I could do it up!”

“Do I get to see how beautiful you are in it? Or do I have to use my imagination?”

“Oh I’m sure you’ve already done that plenty of times since you bought it!” She giggled. “Close your eyes!”

Charlie closed his eyes.

Duffy opened the door wider and re-entered the bedroom, sliding on a pair of heels as she passed her dresser. She stood before him, the present he’d bought her hidden from his view by her silk dressing gown that was tied at the waist, she’d also refreshed her hair and make up. “You can open your eyes again.”

Charlie opened his eyes. He ran his gaze over Duffy, “You are so gorgeous.”

“Would you like to help me with the final unwrapping?” She asked, her hands playing with the tie of her dressing gown.

He reached up to untie her dressing gown, revealing the set underneath. He gasped.

“What is it with you and ribbons?” She teased gently.

He pushed off her dressing gown, allowing it to fall into a heap onto the floor. He ran his fingertips across the material of her breasts, “Fucking hell.”

“You approve of your present to yourself then?”

“I really do.” He swallowed. “You’re stunning.”

She cast her eyes over him. “You appear to be rather overdressed for the occasion.”

“Would you like to undress me?”

“You really have gotten lazy in your old age!” She remarked as she bent over to reach for the bottom of his tshirt.

His hands began to roam her body. She really hadn’t changed in the last twenty odd years.

“And here was me thinking that getting a toddler dressed and undressed was the most difficult thing to do. Turns out I was wrong!” She smirked.

“Would you like me to stand up?”

“No, just keep your hands to yourself for a minute whilst I get your tshirt over your head!” She chided playfully.

“Sorry.” He smirked. “It’s your fault for being too bloody sexy!”

“If you don’t behave yourself I’ll just go to bed instead.” She replied, placing her hands on her hips and giving him a stern look.

“Oh I intend to behave.” His cock twitched because of her stern look.

“Good boy. Now how about we get you out of those uncomfortable clothes?”

“Best idea you ever had.” He undid his belt and removed his trousers, leaving him sat in just his boxers.

“Now that’s a lot better.” She smiled as she straddled herself across his lap.

He grabbed her breasts, “Duffy?”

“Yes darling?” She asked, draping her arms around his neck.

“Who’d have thought it, hey?” He smiled. “You and me, raising our beautiful children into adults and teenagers. Nobody thought it would happen, did they?”

“They all expected you to have gotten bored of me by now.”

“Yeah they did.” He sighed, “Sex with you is different.”

“Thank you. I think…” She chuckled.

“Always has been. Even now. After all this time.”

“You make me feel old when you phrase it like that!” She pouted.

He kissed her pout. “I can fuck you and make love to you in the same breath. That’s different.”

“How skillful of you!” She giggled.

His fingertips ran up her back, “I love you.”

“Good!”

“And you look fit as fuck, in that.”

Duffy couldn’t help but laugh at his remark. “And you’ve been spending far too much time around our teenage sons!”

“Maybe.” His hands moved around the front of her and cupped her breasts.

“Though that does remind me that I meant to ask the boys what Jake’s friend meant by a word he used to describe me the other week.”

“What did he call you?”

“They were discussing a film they’d seen and they were comparing me to the mum of one of the characters. I didn’t quite catch the start of what Andy said but Craig seemed very enthusiastic in his agreement though Jake didn’t look too impressed.” She shrugged.

Charlie laughed, “Craig didn’t call you a milf, did he?”

“Yes! That was it! Is that even a word?!”

“And you have no idea what it means?” He smiled and met her eye.

“No… Have I missed something..? Tell me!” She pouted.

“Craig wants to fuck you.” He smiled, “Milf stands for mother I’d like to fuck.”

“What?!” She gasped. “But… But… I’ve known those boys since they were seven! That’s so wrong!” She covered her face with her hands, her cheeks burning with embarrassment.

“Would appear you might be wank bank material.” Charlie shifted her slightly, he seemed to get harder thinking about someone else wanking over her. “You’re beautiful. And these lads are seeing that.”

“How am I supposed to face them now?!” She moved to bury her face in her husband’s shoulder.

“By being normal.”

She looked up. “Will you stop finding this so funny?”

“I find it turns me on.” He admitted, “Does it not make you a little bit horny? To know you’ve got a bunch of eighteen year olds wanking over you?”

“I honestly thought that you were the only one who indulged in that particular habit.”

“Wanking? Or wanking over you?”

“Wanking over me. Believe me I’m well aware of the urges of males in that department!”

“Seems you’ve got a few more people who like to wank over you.” Charlie’s hand began to stroke the outside of her knickers.

“You’re really enjoying that fact aren’t you? It doesn’t make you jealous?”

“No it doesn’t make me jealous. Turns me on.” He whispered in her ear as he slowly moved her knickers to the side.

“Because you get the reality when they just get the fantasy?”

“Something like that.”

“Well, maybe we should stop talking so you can get on with enjoying the reality?” She suggested with a smile.

He pinged the elastic on her knickers and tapped her thigh, “Stand up so I can take these off. Or you take them off for me, I’ll watch you remove your wet knickers.”

She stood up, her legs slightly apart and her hands on her hips. “I need your help, I struggled enough getting them on.” She batted her eyelashes at him helplessly.

“Tell me what to do.” He smiled, moving closer to her.

“Well all these ribbons and bows are so confusing.” She replied, her voice dripping with fake girlishness.

He laughed gently and untied the ribbons either side of her knickers. Watching as the knickers fell to the floor. “That’s much better.” He bit his lip.

“You did that in a lot less time than it took me to get them on!”

He pulled her back onto his lap. “I like unwrapping my gifts.”

“You’ve got quite a skill for it too.”

His hands stroked her hips, “Come and sit on my face gorgeous.”

“You’ll need to lie down first unless you suddenly think I’m a contortionist!”

He laughed gently and lay down on the bed. His hands continued to stroke her hips.

She gradually climbed her way over him on all fours, slowly making her way to where he wanted her.

As soon as she was in position, Charlie buried his tongue in her.

“Fucking hell!” She moaned.

His tongue ran over her, inside of her, against her clit. He licked, he sucked, he kissed.

Her hips bucked against him, an urgency to her involuntary movements.

He began to suck against her clit.

“Oh, Charlie! Yes!” She mumbled breathlessly. She pulled herself away from him slightly so she could turn herself around, reaching down his body to tease her fingers along the waistband of his boxers.

His tongue continued to probe her insides.

Sliding her hands inside his boxers she freed his throbbing member and ran the tip of her tongue along it.

He pulled away from her to moan, “Fuck!”

“Don’t stop!” She insisted before wrapping her lips around his cock.

He tried to focus on giving her head but was finding it difficult with his cock down her throat.

She giggled at his obvious distraction, making the skin on his cock tingle.

His tongue and lips got to work once again.

They quickly settled into a perfectly synced rhythm. They even climaxed together.

They were quiet for several moments until Duffy slowly moved to snuggle up next to him, letting out a contented sigh as she settled her head against his chest.

He ran his hand through her hair, “Satisfied?” He whispered.

“Very.” She smiled.

“That’s good, me too.”

A small moan escaped her lips as she felt Charlie’s fingers start to play with the lacy edge of her bra again.

He grinned. “You’ve not changed.” His fingertips tiptoed across her breasts.

“How so?”

“You’re still just as beautiful as you were the day I laid eyes on you.”

“And you’re still a silver tongued charmer!”

“Always.” His finger brushed against her nipple.

“You’ve always been very talented with that tongue of yours.”

“Especially down there, yes.”

“I can’t say I’ve ever had any complaints in that department.” She grinned.

“I know exactly how to get you off and what you like down there. Then again, I do like been down there and feeling you come in my mouth.”

“You do indeed.” She agreed, pushing herself up against his hand.

He smiled, “Are you after something, gorgeous?“

"Maybe…” She giggled.

“Something to do with my cock?” He asked as he moved over the top of her.

“I wouldn’t say no…” She wrapped her arms around his neck.

He kissed her tenderly as he began to tease her. He rubbed his cock over her pussy.

“Mmm…” She deepened the kiss.

He gasped into her mouth as he entered her.

She tilted her head to nip at his neck.

“Shit.” He mumbled.

She wrapped her legs around his waist, pushing him deeper.

He began to thrust, moaning against her neck.

She giggled as the bed let out a loud squeak underneath them.

The more Charlie thrusted, the louder the squeaking of the bed. Until Charlie got up, stood up off the bed and pulled Duffy to standing.

She let out a startled giggle as he spun her around and pressed her up against the wall.

He began to fuck her from behind as she lent against the wall.

“Fuck! Yes!” She moaned as Charlie’s hands roamed her body, his cock thrusting deep and hard.

He slapped her arse.

Her back arched, her head down, as she began to peak once more.

Feeling her on the brink of an orgasm, his thrusts continued to be hard and deep.

“Oh fuck!” She gasped.

“Duffy!”

“Fuck! Charlie!”

“Oh God!”

“Fuck! Shit!”

Charlie groaned as he held her hips in place and began to come.

Duffy reached her hand back, her fingers gripping his hair, an animalistic moan erupting from her.

His breathing was erratic.

“Fuck.” She mumbled. “You ok?”

“Uh huh. You?”

“Yeh. That was… Wow!” She giggled.

Charlie collapsed backwards on the bed and nodded. “Wow indeed!”

“You sure you’re OK?” She asked, tilting her head to one side, ignoring how ridiculous she looked dressed in just her bra.

“Yes gorgeous.” He was still a little breathless. “Come here?” He moved to lie under the covers.

She walked over, fiddling with her bra to try and get it off before she laid down.

He helped her out of her bra and cuddled her. “Love you.”

She continued to give him the eye.

“What?”

“You’re making me nervous.”

“Why?”

“Your breathing doesn’t sound right…” She replied, pushing herself up onto her elbow, her nursing instincts taking over as she reached for his wrist.

He handed her his wrist, “I’m ok. I promise babe.”

“Ssh! I’m counting!” She muttered.

His pulse was on the higher side than normal but they had just done a strenuous activity.

“I’m going to do that again whilst your eyes are focused on my face this time!” She teased, pulling the duvet up slightly.

He laughed gently and nodded. He watched her as she took his pulse again.

“That’s a little better.”

“Am I ok, nurse?”

“You’ll pass for the moment but I’m going to keep an eye on it.”

He nodded and closed his eyes, “I wasn’t expecting to fuck you so hard.”

“Clearly not!” She giggled, settling down into his arms.

He held her in his arms, “You get me like that sometimes.” He paused, “Not just sometimes, all the time.” He giggled.

“So long as you don’t end up having another heart attack on me!”

“I can’t promise that but I can try not to.”

“Please try your best.” She giggled.

“I will.” There was a comfortable silence between them for a while. “Love you.” He whispered again before promptly falling asleep.

“I love you too.” She chuckled as he began to snore loudly.


	2. tw: discussions of abuse

uckily for Charlie and Duffy they both got a lie in on Boxing Day. At least until half seven, when the two youngest boys woke up and clambered into their parents’ bedroom and under the covers with mum and dad. Laughing that they were both naked and repeatedly shouting boobies and willy.

“Morning boys.” Duffy sighed, a blush colouring her cheeks as she tried to grab for her dressing gown without getting out from under the duvet.

Charlie groaned, “Boys, boys. Ssh.” He shook his head fondly. “Can mummy and daddy get dressed first?”

“Can we watch cartoons?” Oli asked.

“Yes. But not for long, ok?”

“Yay!” Paul yelled as he bounced out the bed, knocking the duvet half off the bed in the process.

“Paul!” Duffy gasped.

“Sorry mummy!” He called as him and Oli went back to their room. 

Charlie rolled over and kissed Duffy’s ear, “Remind me next time to lock the door.” He whispered.

“You are utterly hopeless sometimes!” She rolled her eyes, her hands on her hips.

“Hmm. I know.” He yawned, “I don’t know about you but I’m exhausted.”

“Actually despite your best efforts to keep me awake with your snoring I had a great night’s sleep.” She replied smugly.

“Glad…” He yawned again before continuing, “…one of us did.”

“You were asleep before I was.” She replied, her eyebrow raised. “You sure you’re OK?” The worry was creeping back into her voice again.

“Yes.” He smiled and kissed her tenderly. “I’d tell you if I wasn’t.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Love you.” She smiled, giving him another kiss.

“Love you too.” He smiled against her lips.

“We could just let the boys watch cartoons for a while longer and get back into bed..?”

“Hmm, we could.” He yawned again and cuddled her.

“Get back into bed. I insist!” She giggled.

“Yes boss.”

She stuck her tongue out at him.

He licked her tongue playfully before getting back into bed.

“You’re weird!” She giggled, pulling a face at him as she joined him in the bed.

“Maybe.” He laughed gently and stroked her hips.

“You’re supposed to be resting!”

“I am.” He laughed gently.

“Hmm…” She replied, not totally convinced.

“I’m just touching.”

“And we both know what touching leads to…” She smirked.

“Fucking?” He smirked.

“Go to sleep!” She was attempting to be stern with him but couldn’t stop her body from reacting to his familiar touch.

He smiled, “I will.” He stroked her hips again and rested his head on her shoulder. He went back to sleep easily.

Duffy watched her husband sleep for a while before falling asleep herself.

Forty minutes later, Charlie woke up in a bit of discomfort. He rubbed his chest.

Duffy kept glancing over at Charlie as they began the military style operation to get all the kids ready for the trip to their gran’s for the day.

Just as they were leaving, Charlie pulled Duffy to the side. “I don’t want to worry you but…”

“But..?” She asked, the worry clear on her face.

“I’ve been getting niggles in my chest.”

“I knew it! Charlie!”

“I don’t want to worry you. It’s hopefully and probably nothing.”

“You should get it checked out.” She insisted.

“I will. I just don’t want you to panic.”

“With your history? Are you going to go now?”

“We’ll go to your mum’s first. I don’t want to worry the kids.”

“Because you keeling over at mum’s won’t concern them at all…” She replied sarcastically.

“You’re so sarcastic.” He squeezed her bum playfully.

“Charlie..!” She warned, though her voice wasn’t as stern as she would’ve liked.

“I will go once the kids are with your mum.”

“Peter has his car. I’m sure his brothers would happily get in with him. Then I can drive the girls and the youngest boys in my car.”

“Are you sure?” Charlie asked. “I don’t mind going to your mum’s and making sure you’re all there.”

“I’d rather you went straight to the hospital if you’re not feeling well. Once I’ve dropped the kids off at mum’s I’ll head over to join you.”

Knowing he wasn’t going to win the argument, Charlie agreed to go straight to the hospital.

It ended up taking Duffy much longer than she anticipated before she joined Charlie at the hospital. Her mum had insisted on asking lots of awkward questions despite the fact that Duffy was trying desperately to downplay the seriousness of the situation in front of the children. So by the time she reached the department she was stressed and deeply concerned.

Charlie was sat in a cubicle, fiddling with his wedding ring. He hadn’t wanted to worry Duffy or the children either. He looked up at the sound of her boots clattering against the floor before the curtain flew open. “Babe, I’m fine.” He told her, attempting to reassure her.

“You sure?” She asked, slightly out of breath, raking one hand through her hair as the other grabbed for his notes that lay on the end of the trolley.

He watched her, “They’re private and confidential you know.” He smirked.

“And I’m a nurse so I’m allowed to read them.” She shrugged, flashing him a mischievous grin.

He patted the bed space in front of him. “Pulse is a bit high.”

“So I see.” She replied as she jumped up to perch on the bed.

“I haven’t told them what happened.” He smiled, rubbing her thigh.

“What do you mean? You’re supposed to tell them everything so they can accurately diagnose what’s wrong!”

“I can’t tell them,” he blushed.

“Since when were you so shy? Do you want me to tell them instead?”

He looked at Duffy and shook his head, “I’ll tell them…”

“Thank you.” She sighed. “I told the kids you’d been called into work and that you needed me to give you a hand too.”

“Thank you.”

“What am I going to do with you eh?” She stroked her thumb across his cheek.

“I don’t know.“

"Do you want me to go get the doctor so you can tell them the truth this time? Who’s treating you? Zoe or Dylan?”

“Dylan.”

“And you were too scared to tell him the truth? I would have understood a bit more if it had been Zoe, but Dylan? Really?”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“Its not the first time its happened.”

“I know.” He sighed. “I’ll be honest with him.”

“Thank you. You may just need to adjust your medication. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I know.” He squeezed her hand.

She lent back slightly, resting on her other hand. “Not quite how I envisioned spending boxing day…” She mused.

“Me either.” He sighed. “I’m sorry that my dodgy ticker is giving us jip again. At least this time we had sex.”

“True. It could have been worse. The way you were pounding me against that wall I’m surprised I didn’t catch my head and end up having a fit.” She joked darkly.

“Shit! I never thought of that.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry.” He said sheepishly.

“I was teasing you. You don’t have the force in you for that.”

He stroked her cheek. “Right pair we would’ve been. One heart attack and one seizure due to a rough fuck against the bedroom wall.” He began to laugh.

“The kids would have gone ballistic.” She replied, joining in his laughter.

“Duffy?”

“Charlie?” She replied with a grin.

“I love you.” He ran his thumb over her lower lip.

She kissed his thumb lightly.

He met her gaze and just held it for a while.

They were eventually interrupted by Dylan clearing his throat awkwardly.

“I need to be honest with you, Dylan.” Charlie began as he looked up.

After giving Duffy a small nod of acknowledgement Dylan placed his fists on his hips and waited for Charlie to continue.

“My chest pain started last night, when Duffy and I were… having sex…”

“I see… And you waited til now to come in?” Dylan asked, his voice remaining neutral, the quirking of his right eyebrow the only clue that he disapproved of Charlie’s decision.

“I thought I’d be ok after a sleep. Thought it was because of how rough we were. But the pain’s still been there throughout the morning.”

“You have had a previous heart attack and other issues. It would have been prudent to come in sooner.”

“I know. I was a bit embarrassed actually.” Charlie admitted.

“You could have attended St James’.”

“I could have. But I know I have one of the best departments in Holby.”

“Indeed. I’m going to reassess your test results now I have a more accurate understanding of events. I suggest in the interim that you both consider a more appropriate hobby.” Dylan stated before turning and leaving the cubicle.

“But having sex is a fun hobby to have, Dylan.” Charlie replied back.

Dylan just shook his head in response as he walked away.

Duffy couldn’t help but giggle. “Well… That went well..!”

“Urgh. I don’t think we’ll find a new hobby to participate in.”

“I wonder what he considers an appropriate hobby…” She mused, still giggling.

“Dog walking, probably.”

“I have always enjoyed the great outdoors…” She smirked.

“Oh I know.” Charlie smirked.

“I doubt that’s what he’d have in mind though…”

“Do you remember that stunt we pulled when Paul was about a month old?”

“You mean the time we nearly got caught by the police?”

“Yes.”

“We really have gotten into some scrapes together!” She giggled.

He laughed, “Yes we really have.”

“We bring out each other’s naughty side.”

“You’ve always brought out my naughty side.”

“Oh I’m to blame am I?”

“My dirty mind is to blame.”

“You’ve always had a dirty mind.” She ran her fingers through his thinning hair. “You feeling any better?”

“Yes, darling, I am.” He smiled.

“That’s good. Hopefully they’ll let you go home soon.”

“I hope so. It’s awfully boring as a patient.”

“It really is.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence.

Sometime later Dylan returned to discuss the findings of the test results and the plans going forward.

“Everything ok?” Charlie asked as he reached for Duffy’s hand.

“Luckily your delay in seeking medical attention doesn’t seem to have caused any significant long term damage.”

Charlie breathed a sigh of relief, “That’s reassuring and good!”

“I think a slight increase in your existing medication regime will be sufficient to elevate the symptoms.”

“Do I have to give up my hobby?” Charlie asked.

“Not completely but I would strongly suggest that you take things a little more sedately til your system has had chance to adapt to the change in medication regime.”

“I really wasn’t planning on going so hard. It just kinda happened. You should’ve seen what she was wearing. I couldn’t resist.”

“Charlie!” Duffy blushed, unable to look directly at either man.

“She’s stunning.” Charlie replied, “Even you can see that, can’t you Dylan?”

“I make it a policy not to comment on the physical attributes of another man’s wife.”

“Such a spoilsport.” Charlie rubbed Duffy’s thigh. “Can I go back to the kids now?” He asked Dylan.

“I find it tends to cause disputes even when comment has been invited.” Dylan explained. “You can once I have sorted out your new prescription. Though can I please suggest that you allow your wife to do the driving?”

“Ok that’s fine.” Charlie smiled, “Thanks Dylan.”

It took another hour or so but finally Charlie was discharged and they were on their way back to Kate’s.

His hand rubbed her thigh again as they pulled up outside Kate’s house. “You drive me crazy, you know that?”

“Oh come on, my driving isn’t that bad!” She giggled, purposefully misunderstanding his comment.

“Well, I don’t know.” He smirked.

She leaned forward to kiss him when the commotion by her mum’s front door caught her attention. “What the..?” Realising it was Andrew she jumped out of the car. “Shit!” She muttered. “What the hell are you doing here?!” She demanded as she stormed over.

“Jake was supposed to come to mine today! Or did you forget that part of our arrangement, Lisa?”

“And you feel that gives you the right to come round here and intimidate my mum and children?”

“Did we really expect anything less from him, mum? He’s a bully. A pathetic bully.” Peter replied as he moved towards Andrew. 

“And you’re a dickhead. That’s why I want nothing to do with you.” Jake replied.

“You heard him Andrew.” Duffy remarked, giving Peter a warning look to back down.

Peter wouldn’t. He really struggled to control his temper around Andrew. 

“This isn’t over, Lisa!” Andrew warned. 

“Actually yes it is. You /ever/ come here again, scaring my siblings, I’ll do what I should’ve done, years ago.” Peter’s hands clenched into fists.

“Peter, no.” Duffy sighed. “Andrew, can we talk about this in private like grown ups?” She suggested.

“Fine.” Andrew nodded.

She gave Charlie a look, concerned that he was bound to object.

Charlie nodded, “Yes. That’s fine with me.”

“Let’s go over by the car.” She suggested to Andrew, starting to walk away from the house.

Peter watched them closely as Andrew and his mum walked over to the car.

“I don’t like this dad.” Jake muttered as he stepped back into the house.

Charlie squeezed Jake’s shoulder reassuringly. “Me either.”

“Why did you let her stay out there alone with him then?”

“I’m watching mum, don’t worry.” Peter reassured. “He dares lays a finger on her and I’ll kick him to the kerb.”

“I’ll help you.” Jake added.

“Daddy!” Oli yelled excitedly from the dining room doorway. “We’re bored but granny said we had to stay in here.”

“Just for a minute, Oli. It won’t be for too long.” Charlie replied. 

“The man was mean!” Paul added sadly.

Charlie crouched down to his younger two children and replied, “I know, son. Daddy’s sorry, ok?” He kissed Paul’s forehead and then Oli’s. “Go and play with your sisters.”

The little boys nodded and ran off.

Jake sighed. “I remember you doing that for us too.” He whispered sadly.

Charlie smiled sadly, “I’d do anything to protect my children. All of you.” He squeezed Jake’s shoulder again. 

Peter’s hands were clenching and unclenching repeatedly, he was becoming more and more wound up.

The voices outside were rapidly increasing in volume.

“Right, I’ve had enough!” Peter made his way outside and towards Andrew and Duffy.

The two adults were stood practically toe to toe, Andrew looming over Duffy in an attempt to intimidate her.

Peter pushed Andrew away and punched him in the mouth, “Try intimidating someone your own fucking size!!” 

Charlie and Jake rushed over to try and stop Peter from hurting Andrew any further. The front door closing behind them both.

“Peter!” Duffy gasped, grabbing hold of her son’s shoulder.

“Come on, big man!!” Peter shrugged his mum off and went for Andrew again. Only to be stopped by Charlie. “Son, listen to me. He’s not worth it.”

Jake stepped up alongside his brother. “Let’s do this, it ends here!”

“I’ll make you all pay for this.” Andrew threatened as he dabbed at his lip. Without warning, Peter went for Andrew again. This time headbutting him and breaking Andrew’s nose. 

Charlie had to physically drag Peter away from Andrew, “Son, please.”

Seizing his chance now that Charlie had hold of Peter and spurred on by the sound of his mum’s tears Jake took aim at Andrew knocking him to the pavement. “Stay away from my family!” He hissed.

Andrew didn’t have the energy to get straight back up. “I think you’ve made your point, Jake.” Andrew replied before he got up slowly and slouched off. Duffy wasn’t so easy to intimidate anymore.

Once Andrew was finally out of sight Duffy began to shake, the fear she’d managed to hold in check until then finally coming out.

Jake turned to his mum and hugged her. “It’s alright mum, I don’t think he’ll try that again.”

“I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.” She sobbed.

“No it’s not. He’s just a knob.”

“You boys shouldn’t have done that.” She sighed.

“Done what? Give him a taste of his own medicine?”

“Violence should never be the answer.”

“No but some people need it.”

Duffy sighed. This was the last thing she wanted.

Peter was still being calmed down by his father. He was shaking.

“Peter?” Duffy reached out tentatively towards him, her other arm still around Jake.

“I’m ok, mum.” Peter smiled.

She gently pulled him towards her, holding both him and Jake like they were small boys again, despite the fact that both were now grown men who towered over her.

“Me and Jake are old enough to look after you now.” Peter said gently.

A watery smile broke out on her face. “I’m still fully capable of looking after myself for some time yet thank you very much!”

“You’re our mum. I don’t think Andrew is going to come back, now he knows you’ve got two big lads looking after you.” Peter sighed. 

“He’s a dickhead.” Jake added.

“Once the holidays are over we’ll have to go see the solicitors to make this official if that’s what you want?” She asked Jake.

Jake nodded, “I’ve not wanted anything to do with him for ages.” He admitted, “I just didn’t want you to get into trouble with the courts.”

“So you two thought you’d start a street brawl instead?” She asked, rolling her eyes.

“He’ll live. Unfortunately.” Peter muttered.

“Peter!” Duffy warned. “You need to have a serious think about what you want before we go to the solicitors, Jake, do you just want to cut contact or do you want to go further?”

“Further? What do you mean?” Jake asked.

“I’m not completely sure but when you were younger I tried, unsuccessfully at the time, to have his parental rights revoked. We can try again if you want?”

Jake nodded.

“Ok. We’ll book an appointment in the new year and explore your options.” She promised.

“Thanks mum.” Jake kissed her cheek.

“Shall we head back inside now? If I’m honest I’d rather go for a walk by myself to clear my head but I have this sneaking suspicion than none of you three is likely to let me out your sight any time soon.” She sighed.

“No. Not just yet. Not until we know he’s definitely gone.” Charlie said gently.

“Fine.” She sighed. “I’ll go sit in the garden for a bit then.” She added as she walked back towards the house.

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck.

“At least we know where she is.” Jake shrugged. “Bet this is the last thing you needed on top of being dragged into work on your day off?” He remarked to Charlie.

“Dragged into work?” Charlie frowned, before remembering what Duffy had told the kids. “Ah, Yeah. That’s right.”

“Yeh, mum said it was super busy…” Jake replied, a hint of suspicion creeping into his voice.

“Yeah, that’s right.” Charlie sighed, “I had a check up at the hospital.” He admitted. 

“Hang on…” Peter started putting the pieces together. “Dad!”

“What?” Charlie asked.

“Why did mum lie? What’s going on?” Peter was fast getting agitated again.

“I had a heart attack ok? A mild one so I don’t want anyone to panic ok? I’m fine. They’ve readjusted my medication and I’m gonna be just fine, boys.”

His father’s reassurances did nothing to calm Peter.

“Peter, look at me?”

Peter slowly raised his head, his eyes wild and his hands twitching.

“I’m fine. I wouldn’t be home if I wasn’t.”

“Hmm.” Peter looked unconvinced. He kept glancing nervously at the house.

“What’s worrying you?” Charlie asked.

“It just makes me nervous when mum starts lying about things. What else is she hiding?” Peter mumbled.

“What do you mean? She only lied because I told her to.” Charlie sighed, “Do you think she’s lying about something else?”

“With her who knows?” Peter shrugged, his tone bitter.

“Peter! Enough! Your mum’s never lied about anything unless it was to protect you and Jake!”

“If you say so.” Peter muttered before skulking back into the house.

Charlie sighed heavily.

“You sure you’re OK?” Jake asked.

“Yeah. I guess.” Charlie shrugged.

“I’m sorry I made things worse.”

“You didn’t.” Charlie reassured.

“Maybe I should have just gone to Andrew’s today.” Jake sighed.

“You had every right to refuse to go.” Charlie sighed, “I don’t know what’s wrong with Peter but I’ll get to the bottom of it.”

“He was fine when I saw him a couple of days ago so it must be something recent.” Jake shrugged.

“Thanks son. We should probably go inside, shouldn’t we?”

“Yeh. One of us should probably go check on mum too.”

“I’ll go and check on her. You and Peter have done enough for today.” They went back into the house.

Kate hurried into the hall as she heard the front door close. “Is he gone?” She asked anxiously.

“Yes gran, he’s gone.” Jake replied. “Hopefully he won’t be back.”

“What happened to your hand?” Kate gasped.

“I punched him. He deserved it.”

“Jake!”

Jake shrugged, “Is mum ok?”

“She walked in, slamming the front door, stormed through the house and then out into the garden, slamming the back door behind her too.” Kate sighed.

Charlie sighed, “I’m gonna go and see how she is.” He made his way to the back garden.

Though she heard the back door open Duffy didn’t look up or turn around.

“Sweetheart?”

Duffy sighed. “Are the boys OK?”

“They’re both worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.”

“I just didn’t expect him to come here. That’s all.”

“I know. Neither did I.”

“Are you OK?” She asked, clearly trying to steer the conversation away from herself.

“Not really but I’ll live.”

“I can take you back home if you’re not feeling well.”

“No I’m ok.”

She patted the space next to her on the bench.

Charlie sat down beside her.

She leant her head on his shoulder. “You really scared me earlier.” She admitted softly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Today has been a bit of a mess hasn’t it?”

“Yeah it has.” He rested his head lightly on hers.

“I know we should go back inside but I kinda just want to stay out here like this for a while.”

“That’s ok.”

“Its going to sound silly but it feels like our own little bubble where no-one can get to us. I like that.”

“No it really is our own little bubble.”

Several minutes passed with neither of them feeling the need to speak. They just took the time to recentre themselves - something they only ever seemed to be able to do with each other.

After a while, Charlie whispered, “Ready to face the world again, gorgeous?”

“I think so.”

“Come on then.” He kissed the top of her head.

She pushed herself up from the bench and then wrapped her arms around Charlie’s waist, leaning into his side.

He cuddled her, “I love you.”

“You must do. Why else would you stick around through the seeming unending chaos?”

“Because my life would be very dull and very boring without you and the children we’ve raised keeping me company.”

“Dull is certainly not a word I’d use to describe our life together.”

“It’s eventful.” Charlie replied with a smile.

She couldn’t help but giggle at his choice of word as she opened the back door and was instantly hit with a cacophony of noise from inside the house.

Charlie wouldn’t have it any other way.

The kids were in various rooms downstairs except for Peter who had disappeared upstairs.

Charlie made a mental note to have a word with him later on.

They headed through to the kitchen where Kate was still fussing over Jake’s bruised and cut knuckles.

“Gran, please stop fussing.”

“Mum just let me take a quick look.”

Kate stepped aside with a sigh.

Duffy took hold of her son’s hand and examined his knuckles. “Hmm… I think you’ll live! You agree Charlie?” She asked, tilting Jake’s hand towards her husband.

“Yeah he’ll live. It’ll be sore for a few days.”

“Have you taken a look at Peter?” She asked.

“No, not yet. He’s upstairs.”

“That was quite a crack when he hit Andrew.” She sighed.

“I’ll go and check on him.” Charlie replied as he made his way towards the stairs.

Peter was sat on the bathroom floor, the door slightly ajar.

“Peter?” Charlie climbed the stairs two at a time.

“Is mum ok?” Peter asked without looking up.

“Worried about you.” Charlie replied, “Can I see your knuckles?”

Peter reluctantly held out his hand.

Charlie sat on the floor in front of Peter and took his son’s hand in his own. He gently examined Peter’s hand, “When did you learn to punch like that?”

“Uni.”

“You got into fights at Uni?”

“A couple of times. The counsellor suggested I take up boxing as a way to channel things.”

“You’ve been going to counselling?”

“It was that or risk getting thrown off my course.” Peter admitted.

“Do you feel the counselling has helped?”

“In some ways.” Peter sighed. “I always thought that if I could just give him a taste of his own medicine I’d feel better and all the crap would go away.”

“But it didn’t?”

“Not really. When I went out the other night all my mates were so happy and content in their lives. I want that.”

“And you’re not happy?”

“In some things I am. I mean, work’s going great but personally… No.” Peter sighed. “I bumped into Sarah while I was out too.”

“Ah. How’s she doing?”

“She’s good. She’s got a boyfriend. We, um, we had a nice chat…”

“You really miss her, don’t you?”

“Yeh. Especially after…” Peter’s voice trailed off.

“Especially after, what?” Charlie asked, still keeping hold of his son’s hand. He may be a grown man now but Peter would always be Charlie’s little boy.

“We went outside for a cigarette. And, well, we were both drunk and it just sort of happened…”

“What did?”

“We had sex.” Peter admitted.

“Peter!” Charlie sighed.

“I know, I know.”

“It’s not easy, trying to move on from an ex but going back and getting burnt over and over again isn’t healthy.”

“She wanted it just as much as I did.”

“You need to learn to move on. It’s not healthy.” Charlie reiterated. 

“Says you!” Peter retorted pointedly.

“You’re talking about me and your mum?”

“Well you two are the experts of not ‘moving on’..!”

Charlie sighed, “I don’t have an answer for that.”

“Please don’t tell mum. I don’t want her making a huge deal of it in her head.

“I won’t.”

"You know what she gets like - she’ll be planning the wedding by the end of the evening!” Peter remarked, managing a small chuckle.

Charlie agreed with his son.

“Is mum cross about me and Jake attacking Andrew?”

“Surprisingly no.”

“I just couldn’t help it, seeing him looming over her like that… It brought things back…”

“I know. I understand.”

“I know she thinks she can defend herself, and in some ways she can, but he’s dangerous and she’s just walks into it every time.” Peter sighed.

“I know.”

“The fact he’s not even supposed to be anywhere near her doesn’t seem to occur to her.”

“Your mum will do anything to protect her children. Even if it means challenging him.”

“And taking a smack in the face - or worse - as a result.”

Charlie smiled sadly, “She used to make sure you were both sheltered from the abuse. As much as possible.”

“So now it’s our turn to shield her.”

Charlie nodded, “You’re both looking after her.” He smiled sadly and kissed Peter’s forehead. “He ruined enough of your life growing up Peter, don’t allow Andrew to ruin your future too.”

“Things will be just fine if he stays the hell away from her and Jake.”

“I think the punch you and Jake gave him, may have made him rethink his ideas.”

“Good!”

There was a pause before Charlie returned to the previous conversation topic. “Have you dated anyone since Sarah?”

“I’ve been on a few dates but nothing much really ever comes of it.” Peter shrugged. “I’ve been told so many times to go out with other girls as a way to 'get over’ her but it just feels so empty. Did you feel like that when you weren’t with mum?”

“All the time.” Charlie admitted, “But I still dated other women, had a few hook ups, things like that…”

“I’ve met great girls who were pretty and fun but at the back of my head is always the thought 'but they’re not Sarah’.” Peter sighed.

“Sarah was your past. She isn’t your future, Peter. When you meet someone, you’ll know. Really know they’re the one.”

“How do you know she’s not?”

Charlie shrugged, “I don’t.”

“Food’s ready!” Kate called from the bottom of the stairs.

“We should go down for something to eat.”Charlie paused, “What did you mean earlier when you said about your mum hiding things?”

“I’m not sure but I’m just get a weird sense of something from her. I can’t put my finger on it though but in the past when I’ve felt like that it never ended well.” Peter replied as he got to his feet.

Charlie took a bit longer to get to his feet. “What do you think she’s hiding?” He asked. “Any ideas?”

“I’m not sure. She looks well enough. Maybe a bit tired but given the amount of things she tries to do all at once that’s not surprising.” Peter shrugged.

“Your mum does too much and doesn’t like to ask for help.” Charlie agree as they made their way downstairs.

Jake looked over as they came down. “You ok bro?” He asked Peter quietly.

Peter nodded with a smile. “Yeah, you?”

“Yeh.” Jake gave his older brother an affectionate nudge in the arm. “Gran made pasta.” He grinned.

“She must’ve known we were coming!”

The atmosphere noticeably improved as the kids dug into the pasta, chattering excitedly amongst themselves between mouthfuls.

Charlie squeezed Duffy’s knee under the table.

“Did you get much out of him?” She whispered.

“A lot.” He smiled and kissed her ear.

“I see…” She replied in a tone that implied that she was hoping he would elaborate.

“Maybe later ok?”

Duffy sighed but conceded that now was neither the time nor the place for a discussion. She tried not to let her mind become overwhelmed with considering what could possibly go wrong next and instead tried to focus on making the best out of the rest of the day.


	3. tw: illegal drug use & ED discussion

5pm

New Year celebrations had started early in the Fairhead household with the two youngest boys having invited their best friends over for a party tea.

Four boys under eight now ruled the household. The girls sat together in the room, discussing their own plans for tonight.

Their discussion currently focused on arguing over what film they wanted to watch on the big TV downstairs.

“Definitely this one.” Tilly threw a scary movie onto her bed. “Mum and dad will crap themselves!”

“Dad will vote for that so he can ‘comfort’ mum when she gets scared..!” Lottie giggled, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“What kind of comfort, Lots?” Emily giggled.

“The sort of comforting that happens a lot in this film!” Lottie replied, throwing down an 18 rated film she’d found under Jake’s bed.

“Urgh! Lottie where did you find that!!” Tilly picked up the film and read the back, “Oh… My..!” She giggled.

“Its Jake’s!” Lottie giggled.

“That’s so rude!”

“Do you think Jake was getting tips for tonight?” Emily giggled.

“Quite possibly.” Tilly laughed loudly.

“So long as Louis doesn’t cramp his style.” Emily smirked.

“Isn’t Jake going to Krystal’s tonight anyway?” Lottie asked.

“Yeh but mum says he’s got to take Louis with him!” Emily laughed.

“Louis might pull a girl himself.” Tilly shrugged.

“They’ve got to be home by 1am.” Lottie shrugged.

“Well if Louis and Jake are anything like mum and dad, they’ll be finished in five.” Tilly answered with a giggle.

“I think that’s more dad’s fault than mum’s.” Emily mused with a smirk.

The twins giggled.

6pm

“Mum!” Jake groaned. “Do I really have to take Louis with me? He won’t know anyone!”

“Yes!” Duffy replied, rolling her eyes at the mess the youngest boys had left her lounge in before running upstairs to their shared room.

Jake looked pleadingly at Charlie.

“Do you think it’s wise?” Charlie asked as he wrapped his arms around Duffy’s waist.

“You were the one who wanted Louis to socialise more.” Duffy remarked.

“You’re right. I did.” Charlie replied, kissing her neck.

“And who better to look out for him than his big brother?”

Jake groaned. “He’s so gonna cramp my style!”

“You’re taking him with you and that’s the end of it!” Duffy declared firmly.

“Urgh, fine!” Jake sulked off.

“What’s his issue?” Duffy sighed, leaning back against Charlie.

“There’s a girl…” Charlie began. “Might have something to do with that.”

“Ooh! Is that this Krystal you two were talking about at Christmas?”

“Yeah. He fancies her like mad.”

“And why am I only hearing about this now?” She pouted.

“I don’t know much. Just there’s a girl called Krystal that has a nose ring and he really likes her. That’s all I know.”

“Who calls their child Krystal? Really?”

“It’s unique.”

“Hmm… Mum thought Matilda was an 'unusual choice’ so I can’t wait to see what she thinks of Krystal..!” She giggled.

Charlie laughed softly.

7pm

Oliver and Paul’s friends had just left and it was time for the boys to have a bath before bed.

Both boys were stood naked, wiggling their bits in the mirror and laughing.

“Come on, in you get!” Duffy told the boys once the bubbly water was ready.

“Look mummy! My willy’s bigger than Paul’s!” Oli shouted from the bedroom.

“No, I’m quite alright thank you, I’d rather you just got in the bath sweetheart.”

Oli came into the bathroom with Paul following behind.

Duffy gasped as the boys jumped in the bath splashing her with water.

“Oops.” The boys giggled, “Sorry mama.”

“This is why I didn’t get changed til after your bath.” She shook her head affectionately.

“Mummy?” Paul said quietly.

“Yes little man?”

“Will you ever have a baby in your tummy again?”

“Probably not sweetheart, why?”

Paul shrugged. “Just wanted to ask.”

“Oh, OK.” Duffy replied.

It didn’t take long to get the boys clean and up to their room to get dressed for bed.

“Can we have a story?” Oli asked.

“Would you like daddy to read it?”

Both boys nodded excitedly.

“Charlie! Your storytelling skills are needed!” Duffy called down the stairs.

Charlie came up the stairs, “Is mummy no good at telling stories?”

“I need to get things ready for the girls’ treat.”

“Of course.”

She gave both boys a goodnight kiss before disappearing back downstairs.

Charlie sat on the floor in between both beds and began to tell the boys their favourite night time story.

Even though they knew every word they hung onto their father’s voice like it was the first time he’d told them the story.

He loved reading stories to his children.

By the time he’d finished reading and tucked them into bed the older boys were about to head out to the party, the girls were setting up the lounge and Duffy was busy preparing snacks in the kitchen.

He kissed his sons’ foreheads and went downstairs.

Jake was busy fiddling with his hair in the hallway mirror whilst Louis already looked bored of waiting.

“Come on! Your hair looks fine.” Louis mumbled, rolling his eyes.

“You have no clue.” Jake grumbled.

“I know you’ve got a crush!”

“Shut up!”

“She likes you!”

“Who told you that?” Jake asked, his demeanour instantly changing.

“I heard it.”

“Who from?” Jake pressed.

“A friend.”

“Who do you know that knows Krystal?”

“You’d be surprised.”

Jake still wasn’t convinced but really wanted to impress Krystal so decided to go with it.

“Are we going yet or what?”

“Alright!” Jake grumbled before heading out the door along with his younger brother.

“I would’ve said peace at last but we’ve still got you three.” Charlie chuckled softly as he joined the girls in the living room.

“Movie time!” The twins yelled.

8pm

Duffy and Charlie sat on the sofa whilst the girls had brought down their pillows and duvets from their bedrooms and spread them on the lounge floor.

Charlie’s hand rubbed Duffy’s thigh.

The girls dove into the snacks as the opening credits started.

“Do you want some snacks?” Emily asked her parents, having managed to wrestle one of the bowls away from the twins.

“Thanks Em.” Charlie took a handful of crisps and handed some to Duffy.

Looking down at the crisps in her hands Duffy frowned slightly and nibbled slowly at them.

“You ok?” He whispered in Duffy’s ear.

“I’m fine!” She whispered back sharply.

He kissed her earlobe.

Duffy snuggled into her husband’s arms, taking the opportunity to subtlely discard the crisps in her hand, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

He did notice but didn’t say anything.

9pm

Jake looked nervously around the room, his fingers squeezing the beer can in his hand. He glanced over at Krystal again. So far all he’d managed to do was say hi to her. He felt like such a dork! He’d also managed to lose track of Louis.

Louis was sat out in the garden, smoking. Krystal looked over at Jake again. He was so cute!

Little did Jake know that the cigarettes that Louis was smoking were laced with weed, so distracted was he by Krystal.

Krystal was fast tiring of playing things cool so she casually walked over to Jake, picking up two more drinks as she did. She held one of the drinks out towards him.

“Thanks.” He took the drink. “You having a good night?”

“Yeh, I’m glad you could come.” She smiled softly.

“Me too. I had to bring my brother.”

“He’s your brother? He don’t look nothing like you!”

“Technically half but he’s cool.”

Krystal nodded. “I have three brothers.”

“What are they like? Younger or older?”

“One older, two younger.” She smiled, relaxing. “Do you have other brothers or sisters?”

“Where do we start?” Jake laughed, “There’s eight of us. Oli, Paul, Lottie and Tilly, Emmy, Louis, me and Peter.”

“Wow!” She giggled. “Do you all live in the same house?”

“Yes we do.”

“Mad house like ours then!” Krystal smirked. “I… Um… I can show you round if you like?”

“Yeah I’d like that.”

She tentatively took hold of his hand and led him out into the hallway. There were loads of teenagers milling around the downstairs but no-one seemed to notice as she led him upstairs. Once at the top she turned so they were out of sight of anyone who might be looking up. “Much better.” She smiled.

Jake smiled and moved closer to Krystal. “You’re really beautiful.”

“I was hoping you’d say something like that.”

Jake blushed and met her gaze.

Krystal moved forward and lightly brushed her lips against Jake’s.

He froze. Shit. Did she just kiss him?

She pulled back nervously. “I… Erm… I thought…” She babbled.

In order to silence her, Jake kissed her.

They spent several minutes making out, their arms around each other.

Jake pulled away reluctantly.

“What’s wrong? You do like me don’t you?”

He nodded shyly, “I really like you.” He confessed, “I’ve never kissed a girl before…”

“Really? I wouldn’t have known.” She smiled.

He nodded and kissed her again.

Louis was laid on the grass outside giggling along with a couple of the lads he knew from the year above. He felt really chilled. A pleasant feeling.

One of the lads passed him a beer.

“Cheers.” He opened the can, “Not bad this party.”

“Yeh, Krystal’s family know how to throw a party. Well, her mum and dad are at some kind of retreat - they just leave her big brother in charge.”

“Ah right.” Louis nodded.

“Talking of brothers…” One of the other lads remarked. “I wonder if yours has managed to bang Krystal yet..!” He laughed.

Louis laughed, “Probably not.”

“She’s not his first is she?”

“I dunno.” Louis shrugged, “We don’t really discuss banging girls!”

“But you have right? You’re not a loser virgin.”

“Course I’ve fucked a few girls.”

“Cool. Fancy another joint?”

“Nah. I’ll pass. Still enjoying the effects of this one.”

“Fair play mate.”

10pm

“No, you said we could watch this film next!” Lottie complained. “I let you pick the last film!” 

“But I want to watch this one!” Tilly complained.

“Then you should have picked it when you had the chance.” Emily reasoned.

“Urgh! This is lame!” 

“Girls, enough.” Charlie said quietly, “Can we please just watch a film?”

Duffy quietly slipped out the room whilst the girls continued to argue.

“Girls!” Charlie warned before he followed his wife.

Duffy yelped when she turned and realised that Charlie was behind her in the hall.

“Are you ok?” He asked.

“I’m fine!” She snapped slightly in reply.

“No you’re not.” He sighed.

“Its nothing, just drop it.” Catching sight of herself in the hallway mirror she sighed softly and turned to move away from it.

“Of course it’s something. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“Noticed what?” She demanded.

“That you’re hiding something from me.” He paused, “I’ve noticed your eating habits have… changed.”

“No they haven’t!” She replied defensively.

“You didn’t eat the crisps. You threw them away. I know how anxious you get at meal times.” He stepped closer towards her. “What’s it telling you? Your brain, what’s it taunting you with this time?”

“I just wasn’t hungry. Why must you always make such a big deal of these things?”

“Are you anorexic again? Or is it a combination of anorexia and bulimia this time?” He asked, closing the door as they went into the kitchen.

“That was just a bug, I didn’t make myself sick!” She was getting angry now.

“I’m not accusing you, sweetheart.”

“Yes you are! You think that I’m so fat again that I need to starve myself and make myself sick!” Her words rushed out as her eyes filled with tears.

He shook his head. “I don’t think you’re fat.” He replied. “You’re beautiful.”

“If you really thought that then you wouldn’t accuse me of being ill again.”

“I’m worried about you!”

“You don’t need to worry.”

“I’ll always worry.”

“And that alone stresses me out.” She sighed.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, “You’re so gorgeous.”

She tried to pull away, suddenly edgy at the contact.

He sighed and moved his arms from her.

She walked out of the kitchen and back into the lounge.

He sat on the bottom step of the stairs and sighed.

“Daddy the film is starting.” Emily told him as she wandered into the hallway.

He smiled sadly as he caught his daughter’s gaze. “I’ll be in, in a minute princess.”

“You ok dad?” She asked softly, sitting on the step next to him.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine sweetheart. I just need a minute.”

“Are you sad coz mama is sad?” Emily whispered.

“Yeah.” He answered quietly.

“Why is she sad?”

“I don’t know why.”

“I could try and talk to her?” Emily suggested with a shrug.

“It’s ok Em.” He kissed her forehead.

“I don’t like it when you’re sad.”

“I don’t like being sad princess. I don’t like it when you’re sad either.”

“Maybe if you give mum a cuddle she’ll cheer up?”

“Tried that. It didn’t work.” He sighed.

“Oh…” Emily pondered the situation.

“When did you get so big, Em?” He asked sadly.

“I’m not! I’m still smaller than all the other kids in my class.” Emily giggled, nudging her dad’s arm.

“I remember the day your mum told me she was pregnant with you.”

“I caused a lot of drama for you both didn’t I?”

“No. If it wasn’t for you, your mother and I wouldn’t be here.”

“You love mum lots and lots don’t you?”

“Yes honey.”

“She loves you lots too.”

Charlie nodded, “I know.” He paused, “Go and watch the film princess. I’ll be in shortly.” He kissed the top of her head.

She shot him a look that indicated that she didn’t entirely believe him, her green eyes sparkling in the light.

He bit his lip hard trying to stop the tears in his eyes.

Emily leant over and gave her dad a cuddle.

He cuddled her tightly. As soon as she was gone into the living room, Charlie broke down crying in tears in the kitchen.

Duffy couldn’t help but notice that Emily kept looking over at her as they were watching the film.

Charlie decided to go and sit in the garden. He needed some time to think. 

“Dad’s sad.” She said to her mum with a shrug, “Coz you’re sad.”

“I’m not sad.” Duffy replied reflexively. “Did he tell you that?”

Duffy gestured for her eldest daughter to join her in the hallway so as not to disturb the twins watching the film.

Emily got up off the sofa and followed her mum into the hall.

“What’s going on princess?”

Emily shrugged, “Dad’s sad.”

“Did he say why?”

Emily shook her head with a sigh.

“OK.” Duffy sighed. “You go rejoin your sisters and I’m going to go speak to your dad.”

“He was on the stairs before. I don’t know where he’s gone.” Emily nodded and kissed her mum’s cheek, rejoining Lottie and Tilly in the lounge.

“I think I know where…” Duffy mumbled to herself as she headed to the back garden. She lent against the doorframe of the back door. “You planning to share that?” She teased, indicating the cigarette in his hand.

“Maybe.” Charlie replied back and took another drag of the cigarette.

“You know that’s a filthy habit..?” She chastised him but there was a glimmer of a smile on her lips.

“Uh huh. I know.” He patted his knee, “Come and sit here?”

She did as he asked, perching on his knee and stealing the cigarette from his mouth.

“I don’t like it when you’re sad.” He said quietly.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t.” He kissed her neck.

She took a drag on the cigarette, coughing slightly as she blew the smoke out.

“How long have you been struggling with your eating again?” He asked quietly.

She sighed. “I’ve noticed these last few months that I don’t seem to be as toned as I was, no matter how hard I try. I thought if I cut back a little it would help but…” She sighed again.

“It hasn’t?” He asked.

“Paul asked me earlier if I was going to have another baby. I tried to brush it off but, well, I’m clearly fatter than I thought.” She sighed, taking another drag on the cigarette.

“You’re not fat! Duffy, there’s hardly anything on you.” He sighed, “Paul asked you about another baby? Him and Oli have been asking me for days if we’re going to have another baby.”

“Really?”

He nodded.

“The other kids would have a fit!”

He laughed, “Yeah they would.”

“We’re far too old for that kind of nonsense again.” She giggled.

He rested his head on her shoulder lightly. “You’re beautiful. As for your figure, I haven’t noticed any changes.”

Taking hold of her husband’s hands she moved them around her waist. “See?” She pressed his hands into her stomach which was a little softer to touch but barely noticeable to look at.

“What?” He really had no idea what he was supposed to be feeling.

“I worked damn hard to get my stomach muscles back after I had Paul but now they’re just all flabby.”

“Are they? I can’t tell…” He moved his hands to her hips.

“It doesn’t seem to matter what I eat or how much exercise I do.” She sighed.

“You’re gorgeous! And you look bloody amazing for someone who’s had seven children!”

“Hmm…”

“You really do.”

“You’re just trying to butter me up..!” She giggled, feeling his hands roaming and something else pressing against the underside of her thigh as she sat across his lap.

“I’m not. I’m trying to make you feel better. More sexy and confident. Don’t forget Mrs F, you’re wank bank material. You sexy milf!”

“Charlie!” She blushed.

“What?”

“Stop finding that so funny!” She whined, pouting at him.

“Does it not even make you a tiny bit wet?” He whispered.

“I prefer men not boys.” She smirked.

“A certain man with a certain cock.” He whispered and kissed her earlobe.

“So long as he doesn’t keel over on me again. Which he will do if he keeps up with these!” She remarked, gesturing with the cigarette that was still in her hand.

“I only have one. Or two. Just when I’m sad and need to think about things.” His hand moved up her and groped her breast, “I could just fuck you right now.”

“So I did make you sad?” She sighed.

“No I…” He paused, “I didn’t know what to do or how to broach the elephant in the room without you taking my head off.”

“I just hate that it’s always there looming over us like a shadow - that it’s the first thing your mind jumps to.”

“Your weight?”

“That you think I’m gunna relapse.”

“I worry that you will relapse and I won’t notice.”

“I can’t seem to hide anything from you for long.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.”

“Its probably a good thing. It’s those blue eyes of yours, they do funny things to me!”

“Just like your green eyes do funny things to me.”

“You don’t seem to be looking at my eyes most of the time.” She teased.

“No it’s your breasts and arse.” He admitted.

She giggled before giving him a kiss. Pulling back she wrinkled her nose. “You taste like an ashtray!”

“Sorry Mrs F.” He cupped her breast again, “Do you fancy going upstairs and… reacquainting ourselves with one another?”

“We’re supposed to be watching a film with the girls…” She reminded him, a naughty twinkle in her eyes.

“We’ll watch the final film with them.” He smirked.

“You never know what might be in store for you later.” She smiled as she stood up from his lap and handed the cigarette back to him.

“I look forward to finding out.” 

11pm

Peter had gone out into town with a few of his friends from work.

“Fancy a round of shots?” His colleague Damian asked.

“Yeah why not?”

Damian ordered the drinks and placed two in front of Peter. “Get those down your neck and go talk to that blonde who’s been giving you the eye for the past hour!” He encouraged.

“What blonde?” Peter asked before he knocked back the two shots with Damian.

“Her over there.” Damian attempted to point her out subtlely.

Peter followed Damian and nodded. “Alright, I will.” He took a few seconds but he found himself heading over to the girl.

She gave him a dazzling smile as he approached. “Hi.”

“I’m Peter.” He smiled, “You look gorgeous:”

“Thanks. I’m Holly.”

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“Sure. Vodka and coke please.”

He smiled and went to the bar. He ordered two vodka and cokes and a short while later, returned to Holly. “You here alone?”

“With a couple of mates. You?”

“Yeah, same. You from around here? Holby I mean.”

“Yeh, grew up round here. Came back a few months ago after uni. Are you from Holby?”

“Lived here all my life.” He smiled, “What did you study?”

“I just qualified as a vet.”

“Oh woah. A vet? Congratulations.”

“Thanks. What do you do?”

Peter sipped his drink, “I studied chemical engineering at Uni, I work in that sector.” He blushed.

“Cool.” She leaned slightly closer to Peter. “This place is really rubbish, do you know any better bars or clubs?”

“Yeah. I know a better bar we can go to if you fancy it?”

“Sure. Lead the way!” She giggled.

He finished his drink and held his hand out for her.

She took hold of his hand. “Aren’t you going to tell your mate that you’re leaving?” She giggled as she allowed him to lead her outside.

“Nah. He knows. He was the one who encouraged me to come and talk to you.” As they left the club and got further into town, Holly began to shiver. So Peter took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

“Thanks.” She smiled.

“It’s alright.” He took her to a bar just by the river on the outskirts of town. “Another vodka and coke or something else?”

“Another vodka and coke thanks.”

He didn’t let go of her hand as they waited to be served. His thumb stroking the back of her hand.

“I’ve not been here before, it’s nice.” She remarked.

“It’s my first time here too.” He admitted.

“But you said..?” She giggled.

“That I knew a better bar?” He laughed gently, “I remember my mates telling me it was a good place. Kinda figured it would be a good idea to try it out.”

“Ah, thought you’d chance it?” She smiled.

“Yeah.” He smiled.

Eventually they managed to get served and found a spot by one of the windows overlooking the river.

He found himself gazing at her. Damn, she was gorgeous!

“Like what you see?”

“Yeah, you’re really pretty.”

“I thought seeing as how it’s new year’s I’d best make an effort.”

“You look good! Great in fact. That dress suits you.”

“It wasn’t just the dress I made an effort with.” She winked.

Peter nearly choked on his drink. “Do I get to see what’s under your dress at some point?”

“Depends…”

“Depends on?”

“Well, it takes more than buying me a few drinks.”

“I’d like to take you out for dinner one night.”

“I’d like that.” She smiled, moving closer to him.

He met her eye and then looked at her lips. “Can I kiss you?” He asked, a little nervous. For the first time in a long while, he really liked someone who wasn’t Sarah.

“I was hoping that you would ever since you first came over.” She smiled.

He smiled and lent forward, his lips brushing against hers.

She slipped her hand around his neck as she kissed him back.

He deepened the kiss, his hands on her waist.

Holly moved her other hand to grope Peter’s arse.

He slid his tongue into her mouth.

Her tongue dueled with his. She was pleased to discover that he was a great kisser in addition to being really fit.

Eventually pulling away to catch their breaths, Peter let out a small giggle.

The general hubub in the bar was getting louder - it was almost midnight.

They began to count down for new year.

12am

“Happy New Year!!” Tilly and Lottie yelled as they watched the fireworks display on the TV.

“Happy new year, you troublesome three.” Charlie smiled brightly at his three daughters. “Happy New Year, baby.” He kissed Duffy tenderly.

“Happy New Year.” Duffy smiled, snuggling up closer to him under the blanket that lay over them.

“Here’s to another year with you and our children, driving me crazy.”

“Cheeky! You’re the one that drives me crazy!” She giggled.

“I don’t.” His hand slowly ran up her inner thigh under the blanket.

She shifted her leg slightly, flashing him a mischievous grin.

His fingers began to stroke her jeans.

Duffy tried to keep her attention on the firework display but Charlie’s wandering hand was proving very distracting and she found herself melting under his touch.

Charlie’s hand slipped into her jeans though he was mindful of their teen daughters being in the room.

Emily was busily making some notes in a sketchpad she’d brought down from her room just before the display started.

Charlie whispered in Duffy’s ear. “Fancy sneaking off?”

“You are a bad man!” She giggled softly, moving to get up from the sofa as quietly as possible.

As she stood up, Charlie slapped her arse hard. 

All three girls groaned, “Urgh! You and mum are so gross!” Tilly replied.

Duffy blushed scarlet as she turned and playfully pushed Charlie through the door into the hall.

Charlie chuckled and pulled Duffy in the direction of the stairs.

The sound of hurried footsteps on the stairs pulled Jake’s attention away from Krystal. Turning he recognised one of the lads from his year. The teenager looked panicked.

“Jake, dude, your brother’s puking in the garden!” He gasped.

“What?” Jake stood up hurriedly, he looked panicked. “Shit!”

“He was just chilling and then suddenly his eyes went all funny. He slumped over and puked.”

Jake apologised to Krystal and ran down the stairs and into the garden. “Louis?”

Krystal followed Jake into the garden just as Louis appeared to be improving somewhat.

“What’ve you taken!” Jake demanded to know.

Louis blinked at his brother several times, a dopey smile on his face. “Hey bro.” He slurred.

“He’s fine, just take him home.” One of the other boys shrugged.

“Come on! Get up! I’m taking you home.”

Louis giggled as he tried to get up, tripping on his own feet.

With great difficulty, Jake managed to get Louis home. “Our parents are going to kill us!”

Louis just giggled. He didn’t understand why Jake was stressing so much, everything was just fine.

Jake tried to quietly get Louis inside the house, he didn’t want to alert their parents. “You’re stoned, aren’t you? Fucks sake, bro!”

Emily walked out of the kitchen as her brothers arrived home. The twins were aleady upstairs and she was just getting a drink before going to bed. Her eyebrow rose instantly at the sight in front of her. “What the..?”

“Where’s mum and dad? Are they in bed?” Jake asked, a hint of worry in his voice. “Help me get him into bed, Em. Please.”

“Yeh, they’re otherwise occupied.” She smirked. “What happened?” She moved to help Jake.

“They’re shagging? Least it’ll keep them busy for a while, if dad lasts that long.” Jake smirked, “He’s stoned.”

“Fucks sake he stinks!” Emily complained.

Louis continued to giggle.

Together, they managed to get him upstairs into his room and to bed.

“Ssh, Louis!” 

Louis giggled, “Emmy! You’re the best little sister ever!”

“Yeh, I’m fantastic, thanks for noticing!” She replied sarcastically. She turned to Jake. “Is he gunna be OK? Should I sleep in here tonight just in case?”

Jake shrugged, “I’m hoping he’s just stoned and pissed and will sleep it off. Should we put him on his side? In case he’s sick? Don’t want him to choke like you did.”

Emily shuddered at the memory. “Yeh, roll him on his side. We can put pillows behind him. His clothes are wet, should we change them?” She asked.

“I’ll change him. I hope he’s got boxers on under there. You’re too young to be seeing things like that.”

“I just hope for your sake that he hasn’t pissed himself!” Emily retorted as she turned around to face the door.

“Fuck. I never thought of that.” Jake began to remove Louis clothes. “It don’t smell like piss.”

“I couldn’t get past the smell of puke.” Emily complained.

Louis grumbled and tried to get off the bed.

“You’ve got a strong stomach like mum.” Jake sighed, “Louis you need to sleep!”

“Fuck off!” Louis tried to push his brother but only succeeded in falling off the bed with a loud bang.

“What the hell was that?” Charlie asked as he continued to thrust inside of Duffy.

“Huh? That wasn’t us.” Duffy replied, looking around the room before realising that the noise came from above them.

“I’ll investigate in a minute.” He mumbled against her ear. His thrusts getting harder.

“Good idea.” She mumbled distractedly.

He grabbed her breast, “Fucking hell.” He groaned loudly.

Emily looked down the stairs in a panic before turning to help Jake once more. “I think they’re still distracted.” She told her older brother as she and Jake helped Louis into bed. The second time, Louis passed out.

Jake was about to head back downstairs when he heard footsteps approaching. “Shit!” He mumbled. 

The bedroom door flew open and the hallway light came on.

“Daddy?” Emily mumbled from the doorway of her room, rubbing her eyes.

Charlie turned, “What’s wrong sweetheart?”

“I fell out of bed.” She explained, letting out a little sob.

“Oh sweetie.” He hugged his little girl, “That was very silly. Are you hurt?”

“I had a bad dream.” She mumbled.

Jake took the opportunity to escape back downstairs.

“A bad dream? About what?” Charlie took her back to bed and tucked her up.

“There was a monster.” She replied, thinking on her feet.

“A monster?” He kissed her forehead. “Do you want daddy to check under your bed?”

“Yes please.” She smiled.

Charlie checked under the bed for monsters.

Emily checked that Jake had gotten back downstairs.

The coast was clear.

“I’m ok now daddy, thanks for checking.” She smiled.

He kissed her forehead. “Goodnight baby girl.”

“Night, daddy.” Emily replied. She waited til her dad had gone back downstairs before letting out a breath. They’d gotten away with it - so why did she still feel so worried?


	4. tw: illegal drug use & ED discussion

Louis shoved his school tie into his bag as he slipped out the side gate. He’d gotten his morning registration mark so no-one would know that he was bunking off to meet the lads from the party up at the rec.

“Didn’t think you were coming.” One of the lads said as Louis finally made himself known.

“I had to go to registration or they’ll call my dad.” Louis grumbled.

“That’s shit.” John replied.

“Yeh. Can’t wait to be done with that shitty place in the summer.” Louis sighed, sitting down on the swing.

“What you planning on doing then?”

“Fuck knows.” Louis shrugged.

“You got some money with you like I said to?” Tony asked Louis.

“Got a tenner. All I could get.”

“You ain’t gunna get much with that.” Tony rolled his eyes.

“Can’t you go in your mum’s handbag for some money?” John suggested.

“She ain’t my mum.” Louis muttered. “Its all I could get, alright!” He added sharply.

“Alright chill.” John replied.

An older guy in his twenties who Louis hadn’t seen before entered the rec and began to make his way over to the lads.

Louis watched him, “Who’s that?” He asked.

“His name’s Dave, that’s all I know.” John explained. He pulled some money from his pocket and handed it to Dave without a word, receiving a small package in return.

Louis watched as Tony did the same thing before Dave turned towards him.

“This is all I’ve got.” Louis gave him the £10.

Dave took the money and contemplated Louis for a moment. “You’re new round here aren’t you? Tell you what kid, I’ll do you a special deal - call it a welcome gift.” He handed Louis a package just like he’d given the other two lads.

“Cheers mate.” Louis replied with more confidence than he felt inside. 

“Just make sure you’ve got a bit more cash next time yeh?”

“Yeah I will.” Louis fiddled with the package. He was still in two minds…

Dave handed him a piece of paper. “My number should you need it.” He explained.

Louis took the number and put it in his pocket.

“I’ll see you lads around.” Dave told the three of them before wandering off.

“Fucking hell! Dave’s not normally that generous!” Tony gasped as he rolled himself a joint.

Louis wasn’t sure about this but soon found himself joining the lads and rolling himself a joint too. As soon as he took a couple of drags on it he found himself quickly relaxing. All his thoughts disappeared. All the anger and confusion.

“See? I said you’d chill.” John mumbled.

“Not right though, is it?” Louis mumbled back.

“Who gives a fuck about that?” Tony shrugged, giggling slightly.

Louis sighed, taking another drag of the joint.

“You scared of getting into trouble?” Tony teased.

“No! Fuck off.”

“Coz only babies are scared of getting in trouble.” Tony taunted.

“I said fuck off! I’m not scared!”

“Just leave him alone.” John interjected. “You’re killing my buzz by arguing.” He complained.

A silence descended over all three lads as the morning passed them by. Louis was half asleep staring at the clouds when his phone rang. He didn’t answer it, he was too chilled.

The phone rang two more times. On the third time it rang, Louis finally answered.

“Louis! At last!” Emily grumbled.

“What’s wrong? You alright sis?”

“You’ve got my lunch.” She sighed.

“Shit? Have I?”

“Yeh, I can’t eat yours.” She grumbled. “Where are you? I’ll come meet you to swap boxes.”

“Erm… Bit busy Em.”

“But I’m starving and I haven’t got any money to get something else. I’ll come to you, I don’t mind.”

“I’m skiving.” He admitted, “Please don’t tell your mum.”

“Fuck sake Louis!” She harrumphed. “Where? I need to eat!”

“Down the rec.”

“I’m coming over.”

“Love ya sis.”

“Louis? You ok? You sound… Weird…”

“Yeah fine.”

She wasn’t convinced but hung up the phone and headed to the rec.

Louis dropped his phone onto the grass and lay watching the clouds.

Tony noticed Emily arriving at the rec. “Who’s that?” He asked, perking up.

“My sister! She’s thirteen. Keep your eyes to yourself.”

“Don’t be such a drag.” Tony retorted. “Well hello sweetheart.” He smiled at Emily.

Emily smiled at her brother, ignoring Tony. “Hi. Louis, swap lunches with me.”

Louis fumbled with his bag before handing over his sister’s lunch to her.

“Ta.” She wrinkled her nose. “Weed?”

“No…” Louis lied.

“Bollocks.” She replied.

“Shouldn’t you be getting back to school like a goody two shoes?!” Louis mocked.

“Shut up!” She turned to leave, “Don’t worry! I don’t plan on telling our parents about your little skiving session today.”

“Good!” Louis replied, his fingers twitching in his pocket where the weed was.

Emily shook her head and walked away, going back to school. She was worried about him.

The rest of the day passed as normal until it was approaching tea time. Though it was almost two hours since school had finished Louis hadn’t arrived back home yet.

Emily was more quiet than usual. She was sat on the floor of her bedroom.

Jake hesitated in Emily’s bedroom doorway, he was concerned that Louis going AWOL and Emily’s nervousness were connected in some way.

She sighed deeply and pulled out her diary. “Will you stop staring at me?” She didn’t look up, feeling Jake’s eyes on her.

“Do you know where Louis is?” Jake asked softly.

“No.” She replied. “Will mum be home soon?”

“I think she finishes at 7pm.”

Emily sighed and nodded. She shoved her diary into her bag and stood up. “I’m going out.”

“I’m coming with you.” Jake insisted.

“No. I’m going to the hospital. Please Jake! I wanna be on my own!”

“I can’t let you go on your own!”

“Why?” She rolled her eyes, “I’m nearly fourteen!”

“Yeh and if mum and dad find out I let you just go out on your own they’ll string me up! Plus gran will never agree to it.”

She groaned. “Fine, I’ll stay here then.”

“He’ll turn up.” Jake attempted to reassure her.

“Who? Louis?”

“Yeh. He…” Jake’s words were cut off by the sound of the front door opening and closing.

“I think that’s him.”

“Did something happen today? Is that why you’re upset?”

“No.”

“Fine.” Jake sighed. “You are as stubborn as mum sometimes!”

“I’m not!” She protested.

“You really are.” Jake chuckled.

Emily rolled her eyes. “Whatever bro.” She grinned.

“Urgh, I’m not sure I can bare living with two of mum!” Jake laughed as he headed back downstairs.

Emily giggled softly. The amount of times she’d been told she was exactly like her mother was a lot.

Jake arrived downstairs to find Louis in the hallway. “Where you been?”

“Out with a few friends.” Louis replied with a shrug.

“You’re lucky that we were able to cover for you with gran.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you have any ideas why Emmy is upset?”

Louis shook his head. “No. She ok?”

“She seems worried about something but won’t say what.”

“Ah ok. Maybe she’ll talk later? Or maybe it’s nothing?”

“She seemed to want to go out but I said she couldn’t on her own.” Jake shrugged.

“Maybe she’ll talk when she comes down?”

“She seemed to want mum so maybe when she gets home from work she’ll cheer up.”

“Hope so.” Louis smiled.

When Duffy finally arrived home she was exhausted and stressed, it had been a hell of a shift!

Emily hadn’t come out of her room and she’d refused to eat when Kate had served up food for the younger children.

“Everything been OK mum?” Duffy asked, barely containing her yawns.

“It’s been ok. Emily’s not come out of her room though and she refused to eat dinner.” Kate replied back with a sigh.

“That’s not like her, maybe she’s getting sick.” Duffy replied before heading upstairs to see her eldest daughter.

Emily lay on her bed, hugging her teddy tightly. She often retreated into herself when she had things on her mind.

“Hey princess, you feeling OK?” Duffy asked softly as she reached Emily’s bedroom.

“Uh huh.”

“Gran said you didn’t eat your tea.” Duffy explained, sitting down on the bed next to the teenager.

“I’m not hungry.”

“But you need to eat.” Duffy sighed, feeling somewhat hypocritical.

“I’m not hungry.” Emily stated again and sighed. She held the teddy tighter to her chest.

“OK. Did you at least eat your lunch?”

“A little bit. I was sick.” Emily admitted.

“Oh princess! Why didn’t you say? Looks like you and me are staying home tomorrow.”

“No I wasn’t sick because I’ve got a bug…” Emily sighed.

“Is something worrying you? You can tell me.” 

“No.” Emily lied and turned away a little. “I’m fine.”

“Can I have a cuddle? I’ve had a rubbish day.” Duffy admitted, hoping that Emily might open up.

Emily crawled into her mum’s lap and cuddled her tightly. There was a silence for a while, “There’s someone I know that… I think might be in trouble….” She whispered.

“OK. You want to help them?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you tell me what kind of trouble they’re in?”

“Not the right sort of people.”

“Have you tried talking to them about it?”

“They’re not the kind to listen.” Emily admitted. “Like their mother.” She muttered.

Duffy’s eyebrow quirked at the comment. “I guess all you can do is be there for them. So long as they don’t suck you into misbehaving too.”

“It’s not that.” Emily sighed, “There’s… Drugs and stuff. And I, I know they’re dangerous.”

“OK. Do you want me to talk to their parents about it?”

Emily shook her head and moved, “I feel sick.” She murmured.

“Oh Emmy! Take some deep breaths.”

“There’s something on his mind….” Emily began and promptly threw up in the bin.

“Its ok.” Duffy soothed, rubbing Emily’s back.

“I’m sorry.” Emily whispered.

“Its ok. Don’t worry.”

“What would you do, mama?”

“If I was you I would tell their parents what I knew. They might be angry at first but it’s the only way to really help them.”

“I can’t say! He’ll get really angry!”

“Are you sure you can’t tell me who it is?”

Emily shook her head frantically.

“OK. If you change your mind you can always come to me.”

Emily nodded.

“Your dad should be home shortly. Do you want to try having a little bite to eat with us?”

Emily sighed sadly and shook her head.

“OK.” Duffy pulled her daughter into a hug. “You’re a very thoughtful young lady. I hope your friend realises that you just want the best for them.”

Emily smiled sadly, “I just see things other people don’t.” She said quietly.

“You do. If you’re weren’t such a talented artist I’d say you’d make a very good nurse.” Duffy smiled.

Emily giggled, “Who knows what the future will hold?”

“Very true.” Duffy smiled as she heard Charlie’s voice drifting up the stairs.

“Do we have any crackers?” Emily asked.

“I think so. I can make you some and bring them up if you like?”

“No I think I’ll join you all downstairs. If that’s ok? Do we have cheese?”

“We do providing your brothers haven’t eaten it all!” Duffy chuckled.

“They’re such gannets.” Emily replied.

“That’s boys for you!” Duffy retorted as they made their way downstairs.

As they had their dinner, Emily couldn’t help but watch Louis closely.

Louis was very twitchy and agitated under his sister’s stare.

She eventually moved her gaze away from him.

Jake had been watching the interaction between his siblings with great interest.

Emily nibbled at the cheese and crackers, still deeply concerned. 

“Did you manage to get everything sorted OK after I left?” Duffy asked Charlie.

Charlie nodded, “Yes sweetheart.”

“I felt bad leaving you to it.” Duffy admitted.

“Don’t be.” Charlie kissed her cheek.

“Was there lots of accidents today?” Tilly asked.

“A few.” Duffy replied.

“Cool!” Tilly grinned. “Do you get to cut people open?”

“Very rarely.” Duffy shook her head at her daughter’s gruesome interest.

“Do you want to be a surgeon, Til?” Emily asked as she finished her cracker.

“Do they get to cut people open?”

“Yes.”

“I wanna do that!” Tilly declared with a big grin.

Emily rolled her eyes.

“You’ll have to work really hard at school Tilly.” Duffy pointed out.

“I’m good at school.” Tilly replied.

“I know but you’ll need to get all As if you want to go to med school.”

“Urgh! That’s so hard!” Tilly grumbled.

“What do you need to be a nurse? Is that easier?” Lottie asked, giggling slightly.

“Five A to C grades in English, Maths and Science. A-levels that ideally contain a science - Biology and depends on the uni.” Emily replied.

Duffy was impressed. “How do you know all that?”

Emily shrugged. “I looked it up.”

“It would be interesting to have another nurse in the family. What do you think Charlie?”

“Yeah it would be interesting.” He smiled brightly. “Don’t always have to be a hands on nurse either. There’s other routes. Clinical education been one.”

“True. I’m not sure I could teach though!” Duffy remarked, wrinkling her nose.

Charlie nodded. “Be too boring.” He admitted.

Duffy giggled, nodding her head in agreement. “Its good that you’re considering your options Emmy.” She smiled before turning her attention to Louis. “Have you had any thoughts about what you plan to do after your exams?”

Louis shrugged, “No idea.”

“I remember there was a time you wanted to be a doctor like your mum.” Duffy smiled warmly.

He smiled sadly, “Not smart enough for all that.”

“There’s still four months til your exams, we can look at getting a tutor if you’d like that?”

“No it’s alright.”

“OK.” Duffy replied, casting a look at Charlie.

Charlie smiled sadly, “You sure you’re alright, Louis?”

“I’m fine!” Louis replied quickly.

“Sure?”

“Yeh.” Louis’ hands felt sweaty, he fiddled with his fingers in his lap.

“Ok.” Charlie squeezed his son’s shoulder affectionately.

“I think being an astronaut would be cool.” Lottie remarked giggling.

“Well you can always be an astronaut, Lottiepop.” Charlie told his daughter.

“Can we launch your stuff into space with you?” Tilly sniggered.

“Rude!” Lottie gasped.

“You’ve turned our room into a pigsty!” Tilly grumbled, sticking her tongue out at her twin.

“Have not!” Lottie stuck her tongue out in return. 

“Have too!”

“Haven’t!” Lottie answered back with a giggle.

“I think you’re both to blame for the mess.” Duffy interjected.

The twins just giggled. That sounded about right!

The rest of the meal passed without incident and within a couple of hours it was just Charlie and Duffy left downstairs.

Charlie was watching her closely as he was sat on the sofa.

“What a day!” Duffy sighed as she sank down into the sofa beside him. “Have you turned the heating up?” She asked, fanning herself with her top and shooting him a look, her cheeks and neck flushed.

“No. Why are you hot?”

“Yeh. It’s probably from charging up and down those stairs.” She shrugged.

“Quite possibly.” He kissed her cheek.

“Has Emily mentioned anything to you about a boy in her class?” Duffy asked cautiously.

“No.” He frowned slightly, “She’s too young for boyfriends! What’s going on?”

“Its not like that. She’s worried about him.”

“In what way?” His hand rested against her thigh.

“She thinks he’s getting in with the wrong crowd and becoming involved with drugs.” She sighed. “Drugs at fourteen, what is the world coming to?”

He sighed, “Do you want me to have a word with her?”

“Maybe we should monitor the situation. Don’t go barrelling in there.”

He nodded, “Sounds like a good idea.”

“She’s a sensible girl. I just worry about her upsetting herself with getting anxious over it all.”

He smiled sadly and nodded, “I understand what you mean.”

“She got sick twice today over it.” Duffy frowned.

“She did?”

“She was sick just before tea and said she was sick at school too.”

“Poor girl.“

"She wouldn’t say who it was. I wish she would so I could talk to the kid’s parents. I’d feel much better about the situation if I could.”

“Emily’s just doing what she thinks is right.”

“I know. I just worry that the kid will end up in the department and then we’ll have to face their parents knowing that we could have done more to prevent things getting so bad.” She sighed.

“I know what you’re saying. Maybe we can try and get Emily to open up more?”

“Good idea.” She smiled.

“Is she asleep?”

“Yeh I think so.”

“She’s exactly like you, you know. In many aspects.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your eyes and sarcasm, her big heart at looking after other people.”

Duffy smiled, her eyes sparkling.

“Exactly like her mum. She would make a fantastic nurse, a bit like someone else I know.” He caught her gaze.

“I agree with you. She’d make a perfect nurse but I think art is where her heart truly lies.”

“Art is her passion.” He smiled.

“It is. Which reminds me, we should read through the latest paperwork from her art classes.”

“Yeah we should.”

“Its on the kitchen table.”

Charlie squeezed her thigh and stood up. He went into the kitchen to retrieve the paperwork before joining Duffy back on the sofa.

Duffy smothered a yawn as she peered over his shoulder at the letter.

“Am I keeping you awake, Mrs Fairhead?”

“I’m fine!” She retorted sharply.

“Clearly.” He rolled his eyes.

“Just focus on the letter.” She grumbled.

“I am. You’re very grumpy.” He teased.

“I’m not.” She sulked.

“Not even a little bit.” He turned and kissed her lips. “You’re so sexy.”

“And you’re incapable of keeping your hands to yourself!” She replied, reaching for the letter with a frustrated sigh.

“That’s because you’re so sexy.”

She immediately became distracted by the second page of the letter. “Have you seen this?!”

“No what is it?”

“A two week residential trip to Europe. She’s only thirteen!”

“Oh wow, when?”

“Easter holidays. I know what you’re going to say, she’ll be fourteen by then but still..!”

“Yes she’ll be fourteen but I think we should let her go. If she wants to.”

“I just worry about her being so far away.”

“I know. But we can’t wrap her in cotton wool forever. No matter how much I’d like to do that.”

“She’s just growing up too quickly.”

“Yeah she really is.”

“Its a fantastic opportunity for her.”

“Yeah it really is. Shall we talk to her about it?”

“Its only fair to see what she wants to do.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

They lapsed into quiet for a few moments.

“Is there… Anything else bothering you?” Charlie asked quietly.

“Other than the fact you’ve turned this house into a sauna…” She rolled her eyes.

“I haven’t touched the heating.”

“Well I haven’t!”

“Fancy an early night?”

“Hmm…”

“You don’t have to, of course.” He smiled.

“We should probably tidy up first.”

“Good point.” He smiled.

They moved into the kitchen to tidy up. Duffy wasn’t sure why she was so antsy.

There was a comfortable silence as they cleaned the kitchen. “You don’t think you’re starting the menopause, do you?”

Duffy stopped midway through wiping the worktop, her head flying up. “What?! Don’t be ridiculous!”

“Ok.” He returned to cleaning the kitchen.

“Is it because I accused you of fiddling with the heating?”

“No. It’s just…” He shrugged, “I just wondered that’s all.”

“Oh, so now not only am I fat I’m old too… Great! Thanks!” She retorted, slamming the cloth in her hands down on the worktop. “I’m going to bed!” She told him before storming out of the kitchen.

“I never said you were old or fat!” He called back and sighed heavily.

The only response he got was the sound of their bedroom door slamming shut.

He rubbed the back of his neck. What was wrong with her?

Duffy sat on the bed in tears, the drawer of her bedside table open beside her. The box inside was taunting her, demanding she open it and swallow the contents, that it was the only way…

He went upstairs and towards their bedroom. “Babe?” He sighed, “Baby, talk to me?”

Hearing his voice she pushed the drawer shut, hiding the diet pills from his sight. “I’m… I’m OK, I’m just tired.” She lied.

“Just tired? Are you sure?”

“Yeh, it’s been a long day.” She forced a smile as he entered the room.

He closed their bedroom door and began to get ready for bed. “Cuddle?”

She hesitated slightly before letting him wrap his arms around her, unable to hide the fact she was shivering.

“You’re shivering.”

“Maybe I’m getting a cold.” She shrugged, hoping he’d buy her excuses.

“Really?”

“It would explain why I was hot earlier and cold now.” She replied, hoping she didn’t sound like she was babbling in a panic.

“Duffy, what’s going on?”

“Its just a cold.” She replied, forcing herself to cough.

“Babe?”

“Yeh?” She replied between coughs.

He wrapped her up in the blanket and duvet before cuddling her tightly. “Get some sleep.” He kissed her head.

“OK.” She sniffled.

Charlie was asleep within minutes, his arm around Duffy’s waist.

Duffy waited til she was sure Charlie was asleep before slowly moving out of his arms and reopening the drawer.

There was a knock on the bedroom door.

Duffy jumped, shut the drawer and slipped from the bed. She crossed the room and opened the door.

It was Emily. She was rubbing her stomach.

“You feeling poorly princess?”

Emily nodded. “Can I have a cuddle?”

“Of course you can.” Duffy smiled, holding out her arms towards her eldest daughter. “I’m glad you’re not quite getting too old for this just yet.”

“I think I’ll always need my mummy cuddles.” Emily admitted quietly.

“Do you want to go get a glass of water?”

Emily nodded, “Please.”

They went downstairs and each got a glass of water before settling on the sofa.

“Thank you.” Emily took the glass of water and sipped it.

“Is this all because of what you told me earlier?” Duffy asked gently.

Emily nodded, “I think so.”

“Its hard when someone you care about is hurting. Is… Is he more than a friend?”

The teen nodded once again. “Sort of.”

“Is it someone you’re sweet on? Don’t worry, I won’t tell your dad.” Duffy reassured.

“Oh no.” Emily blushed, “Nothing like that. I…” She giggled nervously.

“OK. You do know you can talk to me about that sort of thing though?”

“About boys?” Emily blushed scarlet.

“Yeh.”

“I’m not interested in boys yet.” Emily giggled.

“Is that so?” Duffy chuckled.

Emily nodded. “They’re all lame! Especially when they think they’re been cool.” She drank from the water again.

“That doesn’t change as they get older, believe me!” Duffy laughed.

“Urgh.” Emily rolled her eyes.

“Your dad still shows off to try and impress me.”

“You and dad have been together for ages!”

“And yet..!” Duffy snorted.

“Dad says if it wasn’t for me you two wouldn’t be together…“

"We’d both tried to walk away from each other so many times. We knew what we were doing was wrong. Then I fell pregnant with you and we knew we couldn’t keep running from the truth.”

“I’m glad you and dad didn’t keep running. Cos… You’re both in love and you need each other.”

“My life was such a mess back then but knowing you were growing inside me kept me going, kept me fighting.”

Emily smiled and nodded. “In my own little way, I guess I tried to help.”

“You did. You meant so much to both of us right from the start.”

Emily rested her head against her mum’s shoulder. “You and dad mean so much to me too.”

“I can’t quite believe you’re going to be fourteen in a few weeks time.” Duffy sighed, stroking Emily’s hair.

“I’m getting old.” Emily answered back.

Duffy held her daughter tightly, hoping that once more she’d find the strength to fight her demons.

Emily hugged her mum, stroking her hair slightly. “Mama?”

“Mmhmm?”

“Why didn’t I get red hair like you?” Emily pouted.

“It was red when you were a baby. I still see a hint of it in your hair now.”

“Your hair is gorgeous, mama.”

“We can always colour yours if you want? I’ll need to do mine again soon.”

Emily nodded, then didn’t say anything.

“I’m sure your school won’t mind as long as it’s nothing too whacky.”

“Something like rainbow colours?” Emily giggled. “That would be Tilly.”

“Yeh, don’t give her ideas!” Duffy chuckled.

“She’s another one that’s just like you, mama.“

"So everyone keeps telling me.”

“You sure you’re ok, mama?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

Emily shrugged. “I read too much into things, I think.”

“What do you think is wrong?” Duffy asked tentatively.

Emily smiled sadly, “I dunno. But there’s something mama.”

“I’ve been getting more tired and achy than usual recently but I’m sure if I push through it I’ll be fine.”

Emily nodded, “You don’t seem as happy either.”

“Its just a passing phase, I’m sure things will look up soon.”

“Do you have depression like daddy?”

“Not officially but I have had other issues in the past that can affect my mood.”

“What things are those?” Emily asked.

Duffy hesitated. She wasn’t sure she should be discussing these things with her daughter.

Emily’s eyes sparkled in the dark as she met her mum’s eyes.

“A few years ago… I… Um… I went through a treatment program… It was about five years ago actually…” Duffy sighed, she knew she was babbling.

“A treatment program?”

“For my…” Duffy took a deep breath to steady herself. “I… I had an eating disorder.” She admitted quietly, unable to meet Emily’s gaze. She felt so filled with shame admitting it out loud.

“Oh mama!” Emily hugged her mum tightly.

“Please don’t tell your siblings.” Duffy whispered, holding back tears.

“I won’t mama!” Emily kissed her cheek. “Mama, are you feeling better?”

“I’m… I’m OK.”

“Sure?”

“I’ll be OK.” Duffy forced a smile that she hoped would reassure her daughter.

Emily hugged her mum tightly and didn’t let go.

Duffy couldn’t help the tears that trickled down her cheeks.

“Don’t cry,” Emily whispered.

“I’m sorry.”

“Ssh.” Emily rubbed her back.

After a few minutes Duffy managed to contain her tears. She pulled back, her cheeks burning with shame at her loss of emotional control in front of her child.

“You’re allowed to cry mama.” Emily smiled, “Crying’s good for you.”

“You are mature beyond your young years.” Duffy replied, her voice filled with awe.

“Uh huh. I think so too.” Emily replied.

“I’m so proud of you. Despite everything you’ve faced you continue to astound me at every turn.”

“It’s been a challenge, that’s for sure.” Emily giggled.

“I’m sorry.” Duffy’s tone was laced with guilt and sorrow.

“Why are you sorry mama?” Emily asked, “I don’t mean that in a bad way. I have your genes, they come in handy because it means we’re strong.”

“I should have taken better care. Then maybe you wouldn’t have been born so soon.”

“You do realise that’s not true?” Emily replied.

Duffy couldn’t help but smile at Emily’s assertive tone. “Remind me again which one of us is the qualified nurse and midwife…”

Emily giggled softly, “That would be you, mama.”

“So many I know a little more about the situation.” Duffy sighed.

“I was premature because I was stubborn and wanted to see you and daddy.” Emily giggled before turning serious once again, “You didn’t do anything wrong, mama. I promise.”

“You’ve been spending too much time listening to your dad!” Duffy chuckled softly.

“Maybe.” Emily smiled.

“He’s said exactly the same thing to me many times.”

“Daddy’s right.”

“Trust you to take his side.” Duffy smiled, tapping Emily’s nose.

Emily wrinkled her nose. “Don’t tell daddy I take his side cos he thinks I take yours.”

“Of course he does.” Duffy snorted.

Emily kissed her mum’s cheek.

“You should be getting up to bed, it’s getting late.”

“Will you tuck me up?”

“Of course.” Duffy smiled before pushing herself up from the sofa.

Emily finished her glass of water and got up from the sofa. She washed her glass and put it on the side before going upstairs to bed.

Once in Emily’s room Duffy waited for the teenager to get into bed before pulling the duvet up around her and stroking her hair.

“Love you like jelly tots, mama.”

“And I love you too.” Duffy replied, kissing her daughter’s head.

“Goodnight mama.”

“Goodnight princess.” Duffy replied and headed back down to her bedroom. She sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the drawer, her mind screaming at her over its contents. She turned and seeing that Charlie was still asleep she took out the box, turning it over in her hands. She was about to open it when Emily’s face and words bubbled up in her mind. She threw the box back into the drawer and got into bed, rolling over so her back was to the drawer.

Charlie, in his sleep, moved closer and put his arm around her.

Duffy sighed, the shame of her secret battle almost crushing her. She wanted to reach out but couldn’t…


	5. NSFW: sexual content

A couple of weeks later it was Valentine’s Day. Charlie had left Duffy a large bouquet of roses - a mixture of her favourite colours - on the dining room table.

Duffy giggled as she saw them. “You soppy old fool!”

“You like them then?” He wrapped his arms around her waist.

“They’re beautiful…” Her words were cut off by the sound of the girls laughing and teasing Jake in the hallway.

“Give over girls!” Jake groaned.

“You look like a penguin!” Tilly taunted.

“Mum! Dad!” Jake grumbled. “Leave me alone, Tils!”

“I think you look very smart.” Duffy smiled as she walked through into the hall. “Where are you taking Krystal?”

“Haven’t really decided yet, mum.” Jake smiled.

“Have you bought her a present?”

“Yeah.”

Duffy raised an eyebrow as Charlie handed Jake some money. It looked like the note was wrapped around something but she couldn’t see what.

“Have a good night.” Charlie told Jake as the teen quickly shoved the note into his pocket.

“I will do. I’ll call if I need a lift home?”

“Sure.” Charlie squeezed Jake’s shoulder. “Be careful.”

“Yeh, ‘corse.” Jake replied before bidding the others goodbye and leaving the house. Once in the street he took the money back out of his pocket and unwrapped it, snorting at the foil package that was contained within it. He placed both in his wallet and headed off to meet Krystal.

Charlie wanted him to be safe. Safe sex was important.

Jake arrived at Krystal’s house about ten minutes earlier than they’d arranged. He tentatively knocked on the door.

It took a few seconds for Krystal to open the door. She grinned, “Hi.”

“Hi, sorry I’m a bit early.”

“It’s alright, come in.” She stepped aside.

Jake stepped inside and held out a small gift bag. “This is for you.” He explained shyly.

“Aww, you didn’t have to!” She shyly took the gift bag, “Thank you.”

Now he was inside he could better see her outfit. He gasped. “You look amazing!”

She blushed. “I hoped you’d appreciate it.”

“I really do.” He smiled. “My sister told me I look like a penguin.” He sighed.

“Nah you don’t.” She smiled, “You look cute. Very handsome.”

Jake blushed slightly. “So, um, where do you fancy going tonight?”

“We could go to the cinema? Watch that new film you’ve wanted to see?”

“OK. Sounds great.” He grinned.

“Then maybe you could… Stay the night? My parents are away…”

“I like that idea.” He whispered as he placed his arm around her waist.

Krystal giggled and kissed him gently.

By the time they arrived at the cinema it was packed but by chance there was two seats left in the back row. Jake bought them some drinks and popcorn before they took their seats.

They had a lovely night at the cinema, sharing the popcorn, watching the film and giggling.

Towards the end of the film Jake couldn’t help his hand wandering up Krystal’s thigh, the mini skirt she wore had been tempting him all night!

Krystal shivered. She quite liked him touching her.

“Seeing as how we’re in the back row, do you fancy making out?” He whispered.

Krystal didn’t say anything. However, she found herself kissing Jake with passion.

Jake chanced his luck and slid his hand under her skirt.

Krystal parted her legs slightly as she became a little breathless.

He was nervous but took her response as a good sign so moved his hand higher as he began to kiss her neck.

“Oh God…” She mumbled, running her fingers through his hair.

He moaned softly in her ear as he felt her hand work its way into his lap.

Krystal giggled. “How about we take this home?”

“Don’t you want to see the end of the film?” Jake chuckled.

“You seem a little overexcited.” She laughed.

Jake flushed scarlet. “I… Er…” He stammered.

“It’s fine.” She have him a delicate squeeze. “I like what I feel.”

“That’s… Um… Good…” He replied, willing himself not to cause any further embarrassment to himself.

“Will you please relax?” She whispered into his ear.

“I’m trying to.” He admitted.

“Maybe we can do something special when we get home?”

“I’d like that.”

“Me too.” She stood up and held out her hand for him.

He took her hand and let her lead him out of the cinema, trying his best to ignore the stares of others.

They went home together, getting distracted a couple of times and making out under the street lights.

As they entered her house Jake looked around anxiously. “Are your brothers home?” He whispered.

“No. Don’t worry about it, the older two are with their girlfriends. The younger one is with nan.”

“OK.” He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. “Just didn’t fancy getting my ass kicked tonight is all!”

“For shagging their sister?”

“Yeh, I’d probably kick the ass of any guy who tried it on with one of my sisters.” He chuckled.

“You probably would.” She pulled him inside the house.

“Not that I’m saying you can’t handle yourself… Or that they can’t…” He babbled nervously.

She silenced him with a kiss.

After a few minutes of kissing he found himself being led up the same flight of stairs she’d taken him up the night they’d shared their first kiss.

“Are you alright with this?” She asked.

“Yeh, I just… Don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Relax. I’ve never done this before.” She admitted shyly.

“Really? But Dean said…” Jake stopped abruptly, realising his friend had been winding him up.

She frowned. “What did Dean say?”

“That you’d… That you’d slept with his brother. That’s what his brother told him.”

She laughed, “He wishes!”

“I’m glad.” He admitted.

She smiled, “I’ve wanted you to be my first for a while.”

“I felt the same. Since I saw you on the first day of college.” He kissed her softly.

She guided him into her bedroom. “Do you have a condom?” She asked.

“Um… Yeh…” He replied, fumbling for his wallet.

She pulled him towards her by his belt and began to fumble with it.

He gently took it back from her. “Here, let me.” He offered softly.

She handed it back to Jake and giggled softly.

After a few more minutes of fumbling and giggling they were ready. Jake chewed his lip nervously as he looked over at Krystal.

“We don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to?” She smiled, beckoning him over with her finger as she lay on the bed.

He moved to lay next to her. “I do want to. I really want to.”

“So do I.”

He gently took her into his arms, his fingertips caressing her skin.

She got goosebumps.

He gently eased her onto her back. “I really like you.” He told her softly.

“I like you too. A lot.”

“You’re sure you want this?” He asked as he moved over her.

“Yes.” She met his eye, “Do you?”

“Yes.” He moved slowly, gently.

She gasped.

“I’m sorry!”

“No don’t be. It’s fine.”

“You sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not.” She reassured as she scratched her finger nails down his back.

He shuddered slightly at the sensation before moving a little more. He was still worried about hurting her.

She groaned, god that felt good!

“You’re just… Wow..!” He mumbled.

“Fuck, Jake!”

“You ok?” He panicked again.

“Yes! I’m fine.” She smiled, meeting his gaze.

“Sorry. You must think I’m a total dweeb!” He blushed.

“You’re my dweeb though. And it’s cute. You’re cute.” She lent up and kissed him.

He started to make love to her as they kissed. All his fears melted away.

It was perfect, exactly how a first time should be.

Afterwards they lay next to each other, lost in their own thoughts. Jake finally plucked up the courage to say what was on his mind. “I’m sorry about being so obsessed with worrying about hurting you. I… I… Have my reasons.” He whispered.

She lay on her side and faced him. She smiled, “What reasons are those?”

“My dad… My real dad… He hurt my mum. I’m scared I’ll turn out like him.” Jake replied, his eyes filling with tears that he frantically brushed away.

“Oh Jake!” Krystal moved closer to him and cuddled him. “You are the sweetest lad I have ever known! You won’t hurt me or anyone because you’re not your dad.”

“I hope you’re right. I haven’t told many people. Everyone at college thinks that my stepdad is my dad but he’s not. I wish he was. I call him dad coz he’s brought me up since I was little.”

She kissed his cheek, “You’ve got an amazing heart Jake! You’re not your father.”

“You won’t tell anyone will you? I’m currently seeing a lawyer to cut all contact and connection with him. He did some awful things. I don’t like people knowing but I wanted to be honest with you.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone.” She reassured.

“Thank you.” He smiled and kissed her softly.

She returned the kiss.

He groaned as his phone began to ring from the floor.

“Answer it, it might be important.” She encouraged.

He picked up the phone. 'Mum’ was flashing on the screen. “Shit! What time is it?”

“I don’t know, late though.” She giggled. “Answer it.”

He pressed the button to answer. “Um… Hi mum. Yeh, um, I lost track of time. Krystal’s parents said I can stay here. Yeh, OK, mum!” He rolled his eyes. “Yeh, I’ll see you in the morning. Bye.” He turned back to Krystal. “If mum asks I slept in the spare room.” He chuckled.

Krystal giggled softly, “I won’t tell her you were in my bed.”

“She’ll string me up. And my dad! He was the one that gave me the condom.” He admitted, blushing.

“Then your dad was clearly anticipating you… Us… Doing something tonight, wasn’t he?” Krystal giggled.

“Yeh, he hid it in the money he gave me for the cinema! Mum will kill him if she finds out.” He laughed.

“I take it your mum and dad share very different views on having sexual relations?”

“Mum threw a total fit when my big brother slept with his first girlfriend. He was fifteen though.” Jake shrugged. “I think she’s a total hypercrite though. The fact I’m one of eight should tell you all you need to know!” He snorted.

Krystal laughed gently, “Mum’s are just overprotective, especially with boys!”

“Yeh. I think there’s more to it but mum doesn’t like talking about those sorts of things.”

“What things?”

“She’s been through a lot in her life. I don’t really know much about it.”

Krystal kissed his cheek again.

He snuggled into her arms and yawned.

Duffy put her phone down and sighed as she turned to look at Charlie. “He ‘lost track of time’.” She rolled her eyes.

Charlie laughed. “Hmm, I’m sure he did.”

“You knew didn’t you?” She gave him a mock glare.

“Knew what, darling?”

“What did you give Jake before he left earlier?”

He whispered in her ear, “A condom. I wanted him to be safe.”

“Encouraging him more like.” She retorted, though her tone lacked the displeasure her words implied.

“He’s seventeen. He’s over the age of consent.” He kissed her cheek.

“I know, I know. Our kids are growing up too fast!” She pouted.

“I know.”

“I guess we can head to bed seeing as how he’s sleeping in the spare room at Krystal’s house. Seriously does he really think I’m that stupid?”

He laughed gently, “He’s probably worried you’ll string him up by his balls or something.”

“When exactly did I get this reputation?” She sulked playfully.

“I don’t know darling.”

“I’m the cool parent.” She insisted.

“I know you are.”

“You’re humouring me now aren’t you?”

“No.” He began to suck on her sensitive spot on her neck.

“Hmm.” She replied, distractedly.

He kissed her neck, her shoulder and the spot behind her ear that always made her shiver.

“Are you after something?” She giggled.

“Nope.” He giggled softly as one hand groped her bum.

“Its nearly two in the morning…” She pointed out.

“Ten minutes?” He mumbled against her neck.

“Is that all I’m getting? Charming!” She teased.

“I can go for longer.”

“Of course you can sweetheart.” She patted his cheek, her tone gently mocking.

“Shall we..?”

“Sure. Lead the way Romeo!” She giggled.

He gently took her hand and lead her upstairs to their bedroom.

She gasped as she walked into their room. “So this is what you were doing when you disappeared leaving me with the washing up!”

“Uh huh. Do you like it?” He asked.

“Its beautiful!”

“That’s good! I’m glad you like what I’ve done.”

“This must have taken you ages.” She smiled as she looked at the petals scattered on the bed and the muted lights.

“It did but you’re worth it.” He smiled, “I don’t want you to think just because we’ve been together so long that I forget how to make you feel special on Valentine’s Day.”

She smiled softly, her cheeks flushed.

He kissed her tenderly, “Happy Valentine’s Day, gorgeous.”

“I feel bad for not making more of an effort now.” She mumbled.

“Ssh. You’ve made enough of an effort. I don’t expect anything, you know?” He smiled shyly, “I just wanted to make you feel special.”

“You didn’t have to.” She demurred.

“I didn’t have to,” He stroked her cheek, “But I wanted to.”

She tilted her face slightly to kiss his fingers gently.

“Sometimes I feel I’ve forgotten how to make you feel special.” He admitted, “Like we’ve gotten too used to each other…”

“You haven’t forgotten.” She smiled, covering her nervousness as she felt him take her in his arms.

“You’re nervous, why?”

“I’m not.”

“Are you sure?” He laid her on the bed.

“Yeh.” She ran her hand down his chest hoping to distract him.

“Talk to me?” He knew there was something.

“I thought you wanted to have some fun..?”

“I want you to tell me what it is you’re hiding from me.” He said quietly.

“I’m just tired and aching from working so much recently.”

“It’s more than that.” He paused, “You’ll tell me eventually.” He kissed her tenderly as his hands roamed her body.

She held her breath, not sure if she wanted him to realise that she’d lost some weight.

“You’ve lost weight…” He sighed.

“Its only a couple of pounds.” She replied dismissively, moving her hands to try and distract his attention.

“Just a couple of pounds?”

“I’ve been working on my abdominal muscles. That’s all.” She slipped her hands inside his trousers. Why was he still talking?

“Duffy…” He sighed. He wasn’t in the mood for sex. However, his body reacted to her touch.

She pulled her hand back. “Fine! I’ll entertain myself shall I?” She sulked, getting up and going into the ensuite. “Feel free to get your kicks listening.” She sneered before shutting the door firmly behind her.

“You are unbelievable! You know that?! Has it never occurred to you in the twenty odd years we’ve been a couple that you can’t lie to me nor can you hide things from me!”

“Oh go fuck yourself Charlie!”

“Fine! Maybe I will!”

“I hope you enjoy it, you’ll need to get used to it.”

Charlie didn’t reply.

She started to make a series of moaning noises from behind the bathroom door.

“Babe, will you please come here so I can make it up to you?”

The noises got louder.

He ended up walking into the bathroom.

She looked over her shoulder at him. “Can I help you?” She smirked, her gaze focused on a particular part of his anatomy.

He stepped towards her. “Come here?”

“I’m busy.”

“I said come here.”

She stood up slowly. “No need to get so fucking bossy.” She retorted cockily.

He grabbed her arm gently and pulled her towards him. “You’re a fucking nightmare, you know that?” He held her gaze. The passion evident in his eyes.

“I’m your nightmare though.”

“That you are.” He kissed her passionately.

“So you decided you didn’t fancy your right hand then?” She smirked, pressing herself up against him.

He picked her up and carried her through to their bedroom. “No. I want you.” As he lay her down on the bed, he removed her clothes.

“So I can see big boy!” She giggled.

As he removed her clothes, Charlie’s hands found themselves all over her body. He squeezed her breasts, his teeth against her shoulder.

She undid his trousers and slipped her hand inside.

He moaned softly against her ear as he removed his clothing, the touch of her hand on him driving him wild.

She let out a squeal as he entered her.

“Are you okay?” He asked as he began to thrust.

“Yeh, fine.”

“You’re so fucking annoying!” He murmured against her ear, “But you’re my nightmare.”

“Don’t you forget it!” She gasped out.

His thrusts became harder. His hands against her hips.

She grimaced as she felt his fingers digging into her skin.

“Sorry.” He sighed as he slowed down and removed his hands.

“Its ok.” She reassured him, shifting slightly.

“Sometimes I just want you to talk to me.” He whispered in her ear.

“I do talk to you.” She sighed.

“But not always about what you’re struggling with.” He reached down and began to rub her clit.

“Mmm…” She moaned softly.

“I love you.” He whispered breathlessly in her ear as he continued to bring her to the brink.

“I love you too.” She wasn’t really feeling in the mood but she felt bad given how much effort he’d gone to. She let out an encouraging moan.

He flopped down next to her without climaxing himself.

She sighed. “Good to know I still do it for you.” She remarked bitterly before rolling over away from him.

“Coming from the one who was about to fake an orgasm?” He replied and sighed heavily.

“I was not!”

“Whatever. It’s fine. It’s been a long day.”

She sighed. She wanted to tell him why but she couldn’t. It was probably just nothing. He was right, it was late.

A silence lapsed over them for a bit. “I know you’re dying to tell me something…”

“I’m just tired that’s all. Someone has me working all hours recently.”

“No it’s something else. Stop pretending everything is fine!”

“And I wish you’d stop fussing unnecessarily.”

“I’m not!”

“You are! All you do is fuss and pester!”

“I know you’re struggling with something and you’re being too bloody stubborn to let me in!”

“I’m stubborn? Says you!”

“Haven’t you learnt anything, Duffy?”

“What do you mean?”

“You can push me away all you want! It won’t work!”

“I’m not pushing you away. I just wish you’d understand that I’m OK.”

“But you’re not! I know you’re not!”

“You think you know everything don’t you? You never consider that you might be wrong, that I might know best when it comes to myself.”

“That’s because I usually do know everything when it comes to you!” He exhaled.

“I’m sick of you treating me like I’m still the dumb twenty something you first met all those years ago!”

“I don’t!” He sighed and rolled over, “You’ll talk to me eventually, you always do.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Yes there is. Try being honest with yourself.” He couldn’t resist reaching for her hand.

She laced her fingers through his, her thumb stroking against his wedding ring.

“I love you.” He said quietly.

“I love you too. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.” He paused. “I’m sorry too.”

“Not been our best Valentine’s has it?” She sighed.

“No.” He rolled over so he could wrap an arm around her waist.

“We’re a right pair aren’t we?” She chuckled wryly.

“Uh huh, we certainly are.” He kissed her shoulder.

“I love you.” She snuggled into his embrace.

“I love you too. Please just let me in.” He whispered.

She sighed at the sorrowful tone in his voice. But she was OK… She was sure she was. It was just something and nothing… She’d know if it wasn’t…

“I know neither of us are very good at sharing what’s on our mind but…” he smiled sadly.

“Honestly I’m just tired. I’m a nurse, I’d know if it was something more.”

“Are you sure?”

“Are you doubting my diagnostic skills?” She teased.

“No.” He smiled.

“Good!” She turned slightly in his arms and gave him a smile.

“I’ve missed your smile.”

“Really?”

Charlie nodded, “Yes.”

“Well maybe if you weren’t such a fuss bum I’d smile more.” There was a playful edge to her tone.

“But you love it that I care so much about you.”

“I suppose there’s a tiny part of me that thinks it’s sweet. You know, the part that doesn’t find it terribly frustrating and annoying..!” She giggled.

He smiled and kissed her nose, “I’m glad. Because I don’t plan on stopping any time soon.”

“I had a feeling that might be the case.”

“Now I insist we go to sleep.”

“You’re getting bossy again..!”

“I’m not bossy.” He pouted.

She scoffed. “Bullshit!” She giggled. “You love bossing me about.”

“Don’t you mean you love bossing me around?”

“Maybe a little…”

“More than a little, a lot.”

“You’re very sure of yourself!” She giggled.

He ran his tongue over her earlobe.

“That tickles!” She giggled again.

He did it again, just to hear her giggle.

“You are a very bad man!”

“But you love my naughty side.”

“It has its charms. As do you.”

He snuggled next to her. “Love you.”

“I love you too.”

It wasn’t long after that Charlie fell asleep.

Duffy lay staring at the ceiling in the dark. She was exhausted but couldn’t settle. After a while she turned to look at the clock. 3am. Why the hell couldn’t she sleep? Too much on her mind, maybe? It wasn’t the first time it had happened. She’d go to bed feeling utterly exhausted but as soon as her head hit the pillow she’d be wide awake again. Or she’d wake in the middle of the night and be unable to get back to sleep. It was becoming deeply frustrating.

Maybe it was time to bite the bullet and speak to the doctor. She mulled the idea over in her head for several minutes before deciding against it. Maybe sleeping pills would help she contemplated.

Charlie rolled over.

She held her breath hoping he wouldn’t awaken.

He didn’t.

She let out a sigh as she rolled onto her side, making herself as comfortable as possible ready for another long, sleepless night ahead.


	6. NSFW/TW: depression & eating disorder

It was Saturday afternoon and the house was bustling with noise and excitement. It was Charlie’s birthday and Duffy had organised a family meal.

“Urgh, another year older.” Charlie mumbled.

“Another year closer to me finally getting the top job you mean?” Duffy teased as she prepared the vegetables.

“There’s that.” He laughed, “Maybe I should put a note on your file to say you’re not allowed the job.” He teased back.

“But I’m the most qualified..!” She was cut off by the doorbell. “That’ll be Peter, one day he’ll remember he actually does have keys still!” She rolled her eyes.

“Hmm, that you are. I’ll go.” Charlie went to the door.

“Happy birthday dad!” Peter grinned as the door opened. He gestured to the tall, willowy blonde stood beside him. “This is Holly, I hope it’s OK that I brought her along. Thought it’d be a good opportunity for her to meet everyone.” He explained with a shrug.

“You do realise you’ve still got a key, right?” Charlie’s attention was caught by the blonde woman beside Peter. “Nice to meet you Holly. I’m Charlie.” He held his hand out to Holly.

“Hi! Happy birthday.” She smiled widely.

“Its somewhere in my flat.” Peter shrugged.

“Thank you.” Charlie stepped aside, “Come in.”

Jake appeared at the top of the stairs. “Urgh, I thought you were Krystal.” He grumbled at his older brother.

“Why is she coming too?” Charlie asked. 

“You’ve finally got a girlfriend?” Peter laughed gently.

“Well, yeh, duh!” Jake retorted. “Hi, I’m Jake.” He introduced himself to Holly as he walked down the stairs. “His better looking and cooler younger brother.” He smirked at Peter.

Holly giggled, “I’m Holly.”

“Welcome to the insane asylum Holly, buckle up for an interesting night!” Jake laughed.

“Peter was telling me what to expect.”

Tilly came running into the hall towards the stairs to grab something from her room. “Hey loser!” She threw over her shoulder at her eldest brother.

“Hey Tils.”

She stopped, turned and pointed at Holly. “You’re new.” She remarked before carrying on up the stairs yelling for her twin sister as she went.

“Don’t mind Tils. She’s harmless, speaks her mind though.” Charlie explained.

Holly laughed a little awkwardly. She was nervous despite Peter reassuring her it’d be fine.

The doorbell rang again.

“It’s like bloody Piccadilly Circus!” Charlie said loudly as he went to the door again.

“You must be Jake’s dad. I’m Krystal.” Grinned the teenager on the other side of the door. Her black hair was straightened and she wore dark make up around her eyes. Her lips were a deep red that matched the minidress she wore teamed with knee high boots.

Charlie’s eyes widened when he caught sight of the teen. Bloody hell! She was wearing next to nothing. “Krystal? Nice to meet you.” He smiled, “Jake was asking for you.”

She smirked at Jake over Charlie’s shoulder. “Didn’t get enough in study hall earlier?”

“Krystal! Come here!” Jake held his arms out for her.

She strode straight over to him. “Hey dweeb.” She giggled before leaning in to kiss him passionately.

Charlie closed the door and shook his head fondly. He went back into the kitchen.

Duffy looked up over her shoulder as she bent to put a tray in the oven. “Why did Peter ring the doorbell twice?”

“He didn’t. Peter’s brought Holly and Jake invited Krystal.”

“Oh!” Duffy stood and headed straight into the hall. “Jake!” She gasped.

“Yes mum?”

Duffy stared open-mouthed at the young woman who was wrapped around her teenage son.

“Mum, this is Krystal. Krystal, this is mum.” He introduced both of them to each other.

“Hi.” Duffy replied, casting her gaze over Krystal.

“Hi.” Krystal replied, holding out her hand. 

Duffy shook the youngster’s hand. She wasn’t at all what she’d expected!

“I hope you don’t mind Jake inviting me?”

“No, no, that’s fine. Not a problem.” Duffy caught sight of the other newcomer in her hallway. “You must be Holly.” She smiled.

Holly nodded, “Nice to meet you Mrs Fairhead.”

“Feel free to call me Lisa. Or Duffy but that’s a bit of a longer story!” She chuckled.

“Lisa. That’s a lovely name.”

“Well, my mother certainly seems to think so.” Duffy replied, smiling broadly. “So what do you do for a living Holly?”

“I’m a veterinary nurse, not long qualified.”

“Oh I think we’ll get on very well. I’m a nurse.”

Holly smiled, “I hope so!”

“Make yourself comfortable in the lounge, I’m just going to finish cooking.”

“Thanks.” Everyone ended up sitting in the living room as Duffy finished cooking. Charlie had disappeared…

About fifteen minutes later Duffy came back through into the lounge. “Can you round up your siblings and the birthday boy?” She asked Peter and Jake.

Jake and Peter nodded, “Sure!” They both headed off upstairs.

As soon as their brothers had left the lounge the girls bounced in and sat down ready to interrogate Holly and Krystal.

“So which one of you is Holly and which one’s Krystal?” Tilly asked.

“She’s clearly Holly.” Lottie rolled her eyes and pointed at the blonde woman in front of her.

“Cos Holly looks normal?” Emily asked.

Lottie burst out laughing.

“No offence or nothing Krystal.” Emily smiled.

“Um… None taken.”

Charlie was sat on his bed in his bedroom, he had a bit of a headache.

“Ah there you are!” Peter remarked as he stuck his head round the bedroom door.

“Did your mum send you to look for me?”

“Yeh. Jake’s gone to get the boys.”

Charlie smiled slightly, “Suppose I better come down then, hadn’t I?”

“You ok dad?”

“Yeah.” Charlie reassured his son before getting up.

“Is mum ok?” Peter asked, changing tact.

“Yes.” Charlie went downstairs with Peter.

Peter sighed. Some things never changed it seemed…

Charlie was quieter than normal throughout his birthday meal although he did engage in small talk.

Oli couldn’t stop staring at Krystal who was picking at her food. “Don’t you like it?” He finally asked.

Krystal smiled at Oli, “I’m just not a big eater that’s all.” She didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

“Did that hurt?” Paul asked, pointing at Krystal’s nose ring.

“What this?” Krystal pointed to her nose ring and shook her head, “No it didn’t.”

“Do you have any other piercings?” Tilly asked.

“My ears and I have my nipples pierced too.” Krystal replied casually.

Duffy choked on her drink. “Your parents let you do that?!” She burst out.

Krystal shrugged, “My parents don’t know about my nipple piercings.”

“That’s so cool!” Tilly remarked.

Duffy glared at her daughter.

Tilly caught the glare and sighed.

“Would you like another glass of wine Holly?” Duffy asked, changing the subject.

“No thank you, one is enough.” Holly smiled politely.

“Sensible. Do you have to travel far to get home later?”

“No, not far. I’ve got a house in town. One of the new builds, the estate not far from the river.”

“Oh that’s a lovely part of town. Your parents must be very proud of you.”

Holly smiled sadly and nodded, “Yeah I hope so.”

Duffy caught the fact that Holly’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes and decided not to push. She turned back to Krystal. “I can get you something else if you’d prefer.” She smiled kindly.

“No it’s fine, honestly Mrs Fairhead. I’m not overly hungry, sorry.” Krystal explained.

“Oh, OK.” Duffy replied.

A comfortable silence filled the dining room.

As soon as she’d finished her food Lottie piped up. “Can we have cake now?”

Charlie smiled, “You used to do that all the time when you were small.”

Lottie grinned. “I like cake.” She shrugged.

“We know.” Charlie laughed gently.

“I like cake too.” Tilly added with a giggle.

“Everyone likes cake.” Oli pointed out.

“Yeh, cake!” Paul laughed.

“I think that seals it, doesn’t it babe? Shall we have cake?” Charlie turned to Duffy.

“OK, I’ll just go get it from the kitchen.” Duffy smiled before getting up from the table.

Charlie watched as Duffy left the table and the room.

Duffy came back through carrying a cake that she’d made during yet another sleepless night. She placed it down in front of Charlie. “I thought it best not to put the correct number of candles on it..!” She teased gently.

Charlie gazed up at her lovingly and smiled, “We’d run out of cake.”

“And risk a fire.” Duffy giggled, gently resting her arms around his neck as she lent down.

Everyone in the room began to sing happy birthday to Charlie.

After he’d blown the candles out Duffy kissed Charlie’s cheek. “Happy birthday handsome.” She whispered in his ear.

Charlie smiled brightly before he lent up and kissed her lips. “Did you make this cake?”

“Yeh.” Duffy blushed. “Is it OK?”

“It looks gorgeous.”

“Hopefully it tastes OK. I’m sure I’ll soon find out.” Duffy remarked as she handed him the knife and began to remove the candles.

Charlie cut the cake into slices and handed them out around the table.

“Yes cake! Finally!” Paul declared as he dove straight into his portion.

Charlie shook his head fondly. He picked up his fork with a bit of cake on it and fed it to Duffy. There was something different about Charlie and the way he kept lovingly watching Duffy.

“Mmm, not bad.” Duffy decided.

Charlie ate some himself, “Tastes fantastic!”

“I’m glad you like it.”

Charlie hand ran up Duffy’s thigh.

Duffy snuggled closer into his embrace. Since their disastrous Valentine’s Day encounter Charlie had been a little distant so she relished the renewed intimacy.

Charlie was hiding his own secret however.

“I have a special treat for you later.” Duffy whispered in his ear.

“What treat’s that?“

"Just you wait and see.” Duffy teased, discreetly pressing herself up against him.

“Ah I get it.” Charlie laughed gently.

“Clever boy.” Duffy giggled.

Charlie laughed gently, “Can’t wait for later babe.”

“Can I have more cake?” Oli asked.

“Only a little bit, we don’t want you to be sick.”

“Its ok, I’ll puke in Paul’s bed if I am.” Oli laughed.

“Oli, that’s not nice.”

“If you do I’ll wee in yours!” Paul shot back.

“Boys!” Charlie shook his head fondly, “Behave.” 

The rest of the day passed in a smooth manner. The older two left around 7pm, to stay at their girlfriends and the boys were in bed. The girls were doing god knows what in their rooms.

“Well Krystal is certainly interesting..!” Duffy remarked as she finished loading the dishwasher.

“Interesting is one way of describing her. She was barely wearing anything!”

“Yeh, I saw that you noticed that!” Duffy retorted with a playful glare.

“Where was I supposed to look? She’s quite attractive…”

“Too obvious for my tastes.”

Charlie stepped towards her, “Do you fancy having fun?”

“Well it would be rather disappointing for you if your sons got more action than you on your birthday!” She teased.

“That would be disappointing.” He replied as he took Duffy into his arms.

“Shall we see what’s waiting for you upstairs then?”

“Yes!” He was enthusiastic.

She led him upstairs. “Wait here.” She instructed outside their bedroom door before slipping inside and closing it once more behind her.

He waited outside, pouting a little.

Several minutes later she called from the bedroom. “You can come in now.”

He opened the door and stepped into the room, closing the door behind him.

The only light in the room came from candles scattered on the dresser and bedside tables. Duffy lay on the bed her hair fanned out across the pillows wearing a new negligee made of black silk and lace.

He smiled as he stepped towards the bed. “Well hello there gorgeous.”

“Does the birthday boy approve?” She purred.

“He approves very much.”

“Fancy showing me how much?” She smirked.

He crawled towards her and gazed down at her. He touched her cheek, “I can’t…”

Duffy raised her eyebrow at him briefly before a hurt look filled her eyes. “Its my fault isn’t it?” She whispered, the barely contained tears evident in her voice.

He shook his head and stayed where he was, his hand on her cheek. “I can’t… You know…”

Her brain processed the possibilities. “Is it because of what happened at Christmas? Has the doctor said something? Oh why didn’t you tell me?” She’d clearly flipped into nurse mode.

“Duffy, please.” He swallowed, “I can get hard but I can’t finish. I can’t come.” He sighed and lay beside her.

She was still running through the medical possibilities. “Could it be some kind of after effect of the vasectomy reversal, I mean, I know it’s been years since you had it done but you never know…”

“No. It’s because of the meds I’m on for the depression.” He sighed, “It really hurt you on Valentine’s Day when I didn’t come, I don’t want to hurt you again.” He admitted.

“But you were fine on those for ages.” She replied, her eyebrows knitted together. “I thought that was coz you were angry with me.” She sighed.

“I’ve started taking the depression tablets again. I came off them but…” He paused, “Things started getting dark again.”

“Oh sweetheart, why didn’t you say? Valentines was probably just a silly one off. We were tired and grumpy.”

“I’ve tried since… To come but I can’t.” He sighed.

“You haven’t let me try though.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He moved to lie on his side.

“Because I know you think I’m not attracted to you anymore but that’s not true. You make me as hard as anything.”

“I know I’m not as young and slim as I used to be…” She sighed.

“You’re still just as slim and beautiful as the day we first met.”

“We’ll just gloss over the fact I was a stone overweight back then…”

“You weren’t fat when we first met. I thought you had amazing curves.”

“Yet you still teased me when I tried to diet.” She pouted.

“I did.” He kissed her lips, “I didn’t want you to lose your curves.” He began to remove his belt from his jeans.

“So that’s why you told me avocado was fattening was it? Surely if you hadn’t wanted me to lose weight then you would have encouraged me to tuck in instead?” She replied, a smirk pulling at the corners of her lips.

“You’re just perfect, the way you are. Always have been.” His fingertips ran up her side. “So sexy!”

She caressed his cheek. “I do love you. So very much. I’m sorry I’m such a pain sometimes.”

“I don’t mind,” He admitted as he lent forward and kissed her tenderly.

She moved her hand to wrap around his shoulders, keeping him close.

“I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

“You would tell me if there was something more serious wrong wouldn’t you?”

“It’s just my depression, that’s all.” He stroked her cheek, “Things have been a bit bad lately. I got scared…”

“What scared you?”

“That you may not have wanted me anymore.“

"And I thought you’d gone off me…”

“We’re a right pair aren’t we?” He nuzzled his nose affectionately against Duffy’s.

“We really are.”

“Communication has never been our strongest point has it?”

“No its not.” She chuckled softly.

“You’re my best friend. My whole world. You always were.”

“And you’ve given me more than I could wish for in even my wildest dreams.”

“Our huge chaos of a family?”

“Yes. I was thinking earlier that we might want to invest in a bigger dining table.” She giggled.

“Yeah I think we need to.” Charlie moved his head to Duffy’s neck and began to kiss and nibble on her sensitive spot.

“Means more room for other activities too…” She mumbled distractedly.

“I hear you.” His lips moved further down her body.

“I thought you’d approve…” She let out a moan as his touch left a trail of goosebumps on her skin.

“It suits you. I like the lace…” He ran his fingertips up her thighs and parted her legs slightly.

“You always did like me in lace.”

“Always. I remember the first time you ever wore lace for me.”

“The first time I purposefully wore lace for you or the first time you saw me in lace..?” She asked, despite the fact that the path of his tongue was making stringing words together increasingly tricky.

“First time I saw you.” He mumbled in reply as his tongue ran up her thighs.

“Did you really accidentally push the wrong door open coz you were trying to escape an irate patient?” She asked, tilting her head to watch him.

“Yeah. It was completely accidental. A nice surprise though.”

“I’m surprised my shriek didn’t bring everyone down on us..!”

He laughed, “That’s true. Are you ok?”

“Yeh, are you?”

“Yeah.” He slowly pulled off her underwear and chucked them. The knickers landing on the lamp.

“I swear you do that on purpose!” She giggled.

“Throw your knickers?”

“Hit the lamp with them.”

He didn’t answer as he dived between her legs and ran his tongue over her.

“Oh fuck!” She moaned.

He chuckled softly as he began to pleasure her.

She wasn’t sure why she felt so different to the last time they were intimate but it filled her with relief.

As his tongue circled her clit, Charlie reached up and grabbed her breasts, squeezing them in his hands.

She waited for him to notice how much her breasts had shrunk in the last few months.

He noticed but didn’t comment, too busy trying to get her to come.

She became distracted from thinking about her insecurities as he brushed her nipples with his fingertips.

He moved and sighed sadly, “You’re not in the mood?” He asked.

“I am. I’m just so conflicted about how I look.” She admitted quietly.

“You’re insecure?” He sat beside her, “Talk to me?” He took her hand in his.

“I…” Her eyes filled with tears. “I fear I’m slipping again…” She whispered.

“With the anorexia?”

“I kept telling myself that I didn’t have a problem… I almost had myself convinced…”

“But you do? Is that what you’re telling me, babe?”

“You certainly think I do don’t you?”

“You haven’t been yourself for a while. And I’ve noticed changes in your body.” He admitted.

“Tell me the truth. Tell me what you see.” She told him as she pulled the duvet around them and rested her head against his chest.

“Every day I wake up with you by my side?”

“Go on…”

“That you haven’t changed from the day I fell in love with you. You’re still just as beautiful. Still as kind and caring, argumentative and infuriating. Your figure is beautiful, your hips, waist, tits and arse are lovely and I love touching them. But they have gotten smaller recently. The thing I miss the most though is the sparkle in those gorgeous green eyes of yours.”

“I’ve not been sleeping well.” She admitted.

“How long?”

“A couple of months.”

He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her. “Can we go to the doctors?”

“Can we not try and handle it between ourselves?”

He paused, “We can try, if you’d like that?”

“I’d feel better about that. I trust you to help me.”

“We’ll do what we need to together ok?”

“OK. Dare I ask what that’s going to be..?”

“I’m not sure yet. Any ideas?” He rested his head lightly against Duffy’s, “Do you fancy an early night, gorgeous? After we’ve finished talking?“

"I’d like us to reconnect properly.”

“How shall we do that?”

“I don’t know. I miss us being us.” She shrugged.

“How about we just sit and talk for a while? Cuddle, snog..?”

“I like that idea.” She smiled.

He caught her gaze and smiled, kissing her tenderly. “So do I.”

Duffy fiddled with her fingers for a few moments before leaning out of his arms to reach over to open her bedside drawer. “You’re not the only one who has been taking pills again.” She mumbled, unable to meet his eye as she placed the packet in his lap.

He picked up the tablets and studied them. “Are these the same ones as last time? Or similar?”

“Similar.” She admitted. “I’m sorry.”

“Ssh. It’s ok. How long?”

“A couple of months. It was only the odd one at first but, well…” She sighed.

“It became an obsession again?“

"I thought if I managed to lose that little bit more it would solve our problems. That you wouldn’t be so distant anymore.”

“I wasn’t distant because of you or your weight.”

“It was the only reason I could think of.”

“That I didn’t find you attractive anymore?”

She nodded.

“I’ll always be attracted to you.”

“It seemed to be getting increasingly difficult to maintain my figure and I panicked.”

“Your figure hasn’t changed.”

“It has. Clothes don’t lie Charlie.”

“I honestly can’t tell.”

“I can though.”

“I love you regardless of your size. You know that don’t you?“

"The fact you still love me when I’m fat isn’t as comforting as you want it to be.”

“You’re not fat! You’ve never been fat.”

Duffy sighed. There was no point arguing, he’d never see things the way she did.

“But you feel it, don’t you?”

“Always have.”

“Why?”

She shrugged.

“You’re not fat. You never have been and I wish you didn’t feel this way.”

“You think I want to feel like this?!” The edge was back in her voice.

“No. I know you don’t. I just wish you could love yourself as much as me and the children do.” He squeezed her hand.

“I’ve tried. God knows I’ve tried.”

“I know you have.”

“I’m clearly just too damaged to ever be fixed.” She sighed.

“That’s not true. Your demons are always going to be there.” He sighed, “It’s just part of life, but you can learn to live with them.”

“I worry that one day you’ll finally realise I’m not worth all the hassle and leave.”

“That’ll never happen.” He reassured and kissed her head.

“I hope not. I’m not sure I’d cope if you did.”

“Never. I can’t live without you, I don’t know what life’s like without you.”

A comfortable silence enveloped them for a few minutes before Duffy spoke again. “How long have you been back on the meds?”

“A few weeks.”

“And that’s all that’s been going on?”

“Yes. Why? Do you think there’s something else?”

“Oh I don’t know.” She sighed.

“I’m not having an affair if you think I am.”

“Oh, trust me, if I thought that Charlie Jr wouldn’t be in as good a condition as he is right now!” She chuckled menicingly.

He laughed gently. “That’s true.”

“We’ve talked before about how I don’t share well.”

“Oh I know.” He ran his fingertips up her thighs.

“It tends to bring out my temper…” She smirked, shifting her legs apart slightly.

“I noticed.” His fingers moved higher up.

“You’re as bad.” She teased, leaning back slightly against his chest.

“Maybe a little.” He pouted as he ran a finger over her. “Hmm…”

“I like it when you get jealous.” She whimpered as he moved his hand away.

“I might like it when you get jealous too.” He lent forward and whispered in her ear, “Would you like to reconnect as one?”

“You did seem pretty turned on when I started a fight that time…” She grinned, pushing herself closer to his hand that rested in her lap.

“Remind me again of what fight that was?” He smirked.

“When I decided that Maggie would look better with a shorter haircut.” Duffy grinned mischievously.

“You’re so naughty.” He shook his head fondly, “Would you like my hand somewhere?”

“She needed teaching some manners!” She giggled. “I really would.”

“Where would you like my hand?”

She took hold of his hand and guided it to where she wanted it. “Right there.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Remind me what I’ve been missing from those magic fingers of yours.”

He inserted his fingers into her.

She sank back into his embrace, her eyes fluttering closed. His movements were gentle as he slowly moved his fingers.

His own breathing became heavier as his hand moved gently inside of her.

She let out a moan as she turned to kiss his neck.

“You’re so wet.” He whispered.

“I told you that you had magic fingers.”

He kissed her earlobe, moving his hand a little quicker.

She moaned louder as he picked up the pace. She’d not felt this relaxed and yet immensely aroused at the same time for far too long.

“Some things never change.” He chuckled softly as she moaned loudly.

“Smug bastard!” She gasped before another moan escaped her lips.

“I’ve missed hearing you moan because of me.”

“Rather than at you?” She giggled.

“Yes.” He licked her earlobe. His speed changed again, he added his thumb to her clit.

“Oh shit!” She breathed, her bottom rubbing against his crotch as her arousal grew.

So did Charlie’s. He continued to pleasure her.

She was nearing her peak when she placed her hand over his, stilling his movements.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Nothing.” She turned so that she was straddled across his lap. Pulling him close she kissed him soundly.

He smiled against her lips as he deepened the kiss.

She rubbed herself against him, moaning into his mouth.

“Fuck, Duffy!” He whispered.

She moved her hands to unbutton his trousers, his belt already hanging open.

“I want you.”

She freed him from his clothes. “Take me then.” She insisted.

He moved her hips and guided himself into her. Groaning loudly as he entered her.

“Fuck!” She moaned loudly.

He kissed her again, mainly to try and stop them both from being really loud.

The kisses were fervent, breathless. This wasn’t going to last long but neither cared.

Not even five minutes later, they both climaxed.

They flopped onto the pillows, sweaty, breathless, sated.

“Oh my God.” Charlie said breathlessly as he attempted to get his breath back.

“Bloody hell.” Duffy gasped.

“That was… Wow!”

“No kidding.” She smiled, stroking his cheek.

He smiled shyly, “We needed that.”

“Yeh.” She kissed him again. “Happy birthday sweetheart.”

“It’s been the best present and birthday ever.” He cuddled up to her, his arm around her waist.

Despite feeling very sleepy Duffy suddenly sat up.

“What’s wrong?”

“Candles!” She gasped, jumping out the bed to blow them out.

“Shit!”

“Don’t want to set this house on fire too.”

He laughed gently, “No darling, we don’t.”

“That didn’t end well last time.”

“No it didn’t but in a way, it did.”

She smiled as she got back into bed. “You mean Paul?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“He has a lot to thank his big sister for.”

“Yeah he does.” Charlie smiled, “Though I think I would’ve noticed sooner or later when you started developing a bump.”

“It was almost like as soon as you knew the truth he was determined to show himself.” She chuckled softly.

“Very true.”

“I swear my belly popped out overnight!”

“It certainly did.” He smiled as they reminisced.

She snuggled into his arms. “Part of me kind of misses that. Crazy as that sounds.”

“The pregnancy stage?” He threw the duvet over them as they got comfortable.

“Yeh, feeling that special connection with each of them. I don’t think I truly appreciated it at the time.”

“It’s a wonderful thing having a child.”

“It is. We’ve been so lucky in that respect.”

“Yeah we have.” He smiled, “Hopefully we won’t be nana and granddad for a while yet!”

“Oh god don’t say that!” She grimaced. “No, Holly strikes me as a very sensible young woman.”

“Yes she does. I’m glad Peter’s been able to move on from Sarah.”

“The fact he brought her to meet us seems like a good sign.”

“What do you think of Krystal?” He asked.

“Hmm…” She replied uncommittedly.

“She’s definitely unique.”

“I mean who announces to a room full of people they’ve just met that they have their nipples pierced?”

Charlie began to laugh, “Why do I think it would be something Tilly would do?”

“Don’t!” She grimaced. “I noticed that Jake had a big grin on his face when she said it.”

“Well he would! He’s obviously seen those nipple piercings and approves of them!”

“That’s our son you’re talking about!” She pouted before sighing. “Talking of which, I see Louis was his usual sullen self again this evening.”

“Louis’ probably got a lot on his mind. What with his exams.”

“Hmm. I was hoping he’d make more of an effort for your birthday.”

“It’s ok. He was here, that’s the most important thing.”

“Yeh, that was novel in itself.”

Charlie yawned. “I think you took the last bit of my energy.” He laughed softly.

“You’re getting old!” She giggled.

“I really am babe.”

“Aww.” She rolled over and stroked his cheek. “You’re still as handsome and caring as you’ve always been though.”

“That’s good.” He smiled, “I’m glad you think so.”

“You’ll always be my blue eyed charmer.”

“And you’ll always be my green eyed girl.”

She smiled, a slight blush colouring her cheeks.

He nuzzled his nose against hers. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Love you more than you’ll ever know.”

“Feel free to keep telling me though.”

“Always baby.”

“Its good for my ego.” She giggled.

His fingertips brushed against her nipples and he bit his lower lip.

She let out a contented sigh.

He reached down and licked her nipple.

“So much for being sleepy.” She smirked.

“Couldn’t resist.” He smirked, “You’ve got beautiful breasts.”

She wrapped her hand around his neck encouraging him to continue.

He took one of her nipples into his mouth and began to suck.

She moaned, her hand stroking the wisps of hair at the nape of his neck.

He got goosebumps.

Her other hand ran down his chest and stomach.

He sucked against her nipples for ages.

She ran her fingers along his cock, pleased to feel it twitch beneath her touch.

He groaned, “Duffy.”

“Tell me what you want..!”

“You…”

She shifted in his arms and lowered her head towards his lap. “What would you like me to do?” She grinned mischievously.

“Suck me off.” He whispered as he ran his hand through her hair.

“Your wish is my command birthday boy.” She replied before running her tongue along the path her fingers had traced.

“Oh fuck!” He mumbled.

She began to tease the tip, sucking gently.

His eyes fluttered closed. That felt good!

She took him further into her mouth, sucking harder as she did.

A loud moan escaped his lips.

She scraped her teeth along his skin taking him as deep as she could.

He loudly moaned again, tightening his grip in her hair.

She sped up, spurred on by his moans.

He wasn’t going to last long at this rate!

She tickled the underneath of his balls with her fingers.

“Babe…” He moaned out before he climaxed.

Duffy eased his now flaccid cock from her mouth and licked her lips.

His breathing was heavy, his eyes still closed.

“You ok?” She asked, giving him a nudge.

“Yes.” He nodded.

“You scared me for a moment.”

“I’m not having a heart attack.” He smiled and opened his eyes, meeting her gaze. “It’s been a while since I’ve come twice in such quick succession that’s all.”

“Don’t even joke about that!” She pouted, giving him a playful slap on the arm.

“I’m just saying.” He laughed, “Charlie Jr ain’t used to coming so much.”

“Poor thing is out of practice.” She giggled.

“Just a bit, yes.”

“Well then as a nurse I prescribe regular exercise to get him back to full fitness.”

“I like the idea of that.“

"I thought you might.”

“Starting from today, nurse?”

“Always best to start treatment straight away.”

“Yes nurse I agree.”

“But first a good night’s sleep.”

“I agree.”

“We will get through this.” She smiled as she snuggled into his embrace and wrapped the duvet around them both.

“We will. We always do.” He murmured.


	7. Chapter 7

Emily stood in the carpark of the art school trying not to fiddle with the cuff of her jacket. She didn’t want her parents to see and decide that she was too young to go. She’d already said goodbye to her siblings at home. Her parents had accompanied her to catch the coach that would take the group to the airport.

Charlie wrapped his arms around his eldest daughter and kissed her head. “Two whole weeks away from home, hey Emmy?”

“At least being in a dorm with five other girls won’t be weird for me.” Emily giggled.

“That’s very true.”

“I think we’ll miss you more than you’ll miss us princess.” Duffy smiled.

Emily smiled shyly, “Probably.”

“You’ll have to send us some postcards.”

“I will mama!” Emily kissed her mum’s cheek.

Duffy stroked her daughter’s hair. “That colour really suits you.” She smiled. She’d helped Emily dye it red a few days beforehand.

“I’m glad you think so mama.” Emily smiled brightly, “I’m a bit nervous but nerves are good, right?”

“Yes. They just tell you that you need to be a bit brave. It’ll be fine.”

“I think I’m brave enough.” Emily smiled brightly.

“I know you are.” Duffy replied, looking up as the coach arrived.

Emily smiled brightly, “I’ll make sure I send a postcard or twelve.”

“I look forward to them.” Duffy smiled, hugging Emily tightly.

“Love you mama. Love you too dad.” Emily hugged her dad tightly once she’d finished hugging her mum.

Duffy tried to hide her tears as Emily picked up her bags and got onto the coach. She couldn’t believe her baby girl was suddenly so grown up.

Charlie wrapped his arm around Duffy’s waist as he waved Emily off. A lump in his throat and tears in his eyes.

“I can’t believe she’s fourteen and heading out into the big wide world all by herself.” Duffy sighed, wiping her eyes.

“I know.” Charlie’s voice cracked.

Duffy smiled as she saw Emily give a big grin and wave from her seat on the coach.

“I don’t know who’s more nervous. Us or her?” Charlie said quietly.

“Us. I’m certain of that.” Duffy chuckled.

On the coach the kids were finding their seats. A young girl with short brown hair pointed to the empty seat next to Emily. “Can I sit here?”

Emily nodded, “Sure.” She smiled warmly at the young girl.

The girl sat down. “I’m Beth.” She smiled.

“I’m Em.”

“You been on one of these trips before?”

“Nope. First time. You?”

“Yeh, first time too.” Beth smiled.

The girls waved at their parents as the coach left and headed towards the airport.

“It’s a bit nerve wrecking. I’m surprised my parents allowed me to come.” Emily admitted.

“Why wouldn’t they?”

“They worry a lot coz I wasn’t well as a baby.” Emily smiled, “I was prem.”

“Oh, I thought you looked kinda small for fifteen.” Beth remarked. “Its cute though.”

Emily groaned playfully, “Cute?” 

“Yeh, you’re like a pocket sized person.” Beth giggled.

Emily giggled softly, “Never been called that before.”

The girls continued giggling and getting to know each other all the way to the airport.

Emily became more relaxed as she and Beth got to know each other.

They were approaching the ticket desk when Beth suddenly froze.

“Beth?”

“I… Um… Don’t laugh… But… I’ve not been on a plane before and I’m kinda scared.” Beth mumbled.

Emily reached out and squeezed Beth’s shoulder. “We’ll be ok. I promise.”

Beth smiled and blushed. “It sounds silly doesn’t it?”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Most people would laugh. You’re different.” Beth smiled.

“I’m older than my years in my head, that’s what my mum says.”

“Yeh, most fifteen year old girls are so lame.”

“I’m fourteen, just turned.”

“Seriously?! I thought you had to be at least fifteen to go on the trip. Did you lie on your application?”

Emily shook her head, “No. I put fourteen. My teachers wanted me to go. As did my mentor.”

“Oh wow! You must be really good! I’ll have to pick up some tips from you.”

Emily smiled shyly, “I am good. I know that sounds big headed but…” She shrugged.

“You must be. I only started just before Christmas. My mum signed me up coz I was getting picked on at school for being different. She thought I might be happier coming to the art classes.”

“You’re still quite new then? I’ve been doing art classes since I was seven.”

“Seven?! Not only are you pocket sized you’re prococious too!” Beth teased playfully as they boarded the plane.

Emily just giggled softly.

They took their seats and listened carefully to the safety briefing. Beth was beginning to calm down about the idea of flying until they started to taxi along the runway.

Emily squeezed her hand. “It’s ok.”

The flight ended up being rather enjoyable for Beth. She found herself able to relax with Emily in a way she’d never done with anyone else. So she was thrilled to discover that they’d be in the same dorm together for the entire two weeks.

“Have you ever shared a room before?” Emily asked Beth as she began to unpack her bags in the dorm.

“No. Its just me and mum in a two bed flat.” Beth explained.

“You’re an only child?”

“Yeh, what about you?”

Emily laughed, “One of eight.”

“Fucking hell!” Beth gasped.

Emily laughed gently, “I know. There’s a lot of us.”

“Do your parents not have a TV?” Beth giggled.

“Yeah they just like sex a lot and have no idea on how contraception works.” Emily replied with a giggle.

Beth laughed. “Its nice to meet someone who’s parents actually like each other.”

“Your parents don’t get on?”

“Put it this way, my mum refers to my dad as ‘the sperm doner’.”

“Ah.”

“Mum’s had various boyfriends but most of them are morons frankly.” Beth rolled her eyes.

Emily laughed gently, “Boys are morons.”

Beth grinned. “Yeh they are. Girls are way better.”

“Yeah certainly are.” Emily agreed.

Once they’d finished unpacking they headed down to get some food. They found themselves stood next to Jamie in the line.

“Its good they finally let you come to one of these trips Em.” He smiled.

Emily smiled shyly and blushed a little, “Thank you.”

“This is my last trip coz I’ll be eighteen before the next one.” Jamie replied.

Emily gazed at him and her heart fluttered. She’d had a crush on Jamie for a while.

“I’m Beth.” There was a slightly churlish tone in her voice.

“Nice to meet you Beth.” Jamie smiled politely.

“You and Emily known each other a long time?” Beth asked.

“Erm, a while. Haven’t we, Em?”

“Yeh, we’ve done a few exhibitions together.” Emily blushed.

Beth watched Emily and turned her attention to Jamie. “That’s nice.”

“Emmy is the group’s star talent.” Jamie grinned, nudging Emily.

Emily blushed and giggled, “Shush!“

Jamie laughed. Spotting his friends wave at him from one of the tables he said bye to the girls and headed over to join the lads.

“He is so gorgeous.” Emily sighed as she watched Jamie join his friends.

"If you say so.” Beth shrugged.

There was a silence between both of them. They found some seats and ate their meals, the atmosphere reverting back to the easy laughter and fun of earlier though Beth couldn’t get the image of Emily and Jamie together out of her head.

After a couple of minutes of watching Beth and wondering what was on her mind, Emily came out with it. “What’s wrong, Beth?”

“Nothing.”

“You sure?”

“Yeh, I’m probably just tired from all the travelling.”

“It was a long travel, wasn’t it? Not as long as that time my family and I went to Canada for four weeks.”

“I bet that was fun. What did you do whilst you were there? Your parents must be pretty well off to afford a trip like that with eight kids!”

“We went to visit my brother. He lived out there until his mum died and he came to live with us. We didn’t have the younger two boys then.” Emily smiled, “My parents are in hospital management. Band seven and eight.”

“Oh wow, that must have been really tough for him. They don’t work at Holby hospital do they?”

“Yeah they do, why?”

“My mum works as a cleaner there.”

“Oh does she?”

“Yeh, she works all over the hospital but frequently gets called down to A&E if she’s working Friday or Saturday nights.” Beth chuckled.

“Usually where most of the mess is. Have you ever been to A&E at the weekend?”

“Only once when I fell off a swing when I was little.”

“Mum and dad say it’s mad!”

“Do they run A&E then?”

“Pretty much. Dad’s nursing manager and my mum’s sister.”

“Your dad is your mum’s boss?”

“Yeah.”

The first week of the trip was spent in much the same way with the girls chatting and giggling as they took in the sights and did lots of sketching and painting.

“What do you think of this?” Beth asked as she held up the sketch she’d drawn.

“That’s really good. I love the shading at the top.”

“Thanks.” Beth grinned.

“I really want to try painting a sunset whilst we’re here. It looks so pretty over the water.” Emily mused.

“Why don’t you?” Beth encouraged.

“I’m too nervous to go sit down on the beach by myself.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“Would you? I know you prefer sketching to painting but you might find some interesting things to draw while we’re there.”

“Of course.”

Later on in the evening after they’d eaten the girls gathered their art equipment and headed down to the beach.

Beth found herself watching Emily.

Emily balanced her paintbrush between her teeth as she sketched a few guidelines on her canvas.

As Beth watched Emily, she couldn’t be sure if it was because of the light but Emily looked even more beautiful than usual.

Emily was totally lost in focusing on the sunset and her painting so she didn’t notice Beth watching her as she drew in her sketchbook.

Beth drew Emily in her sketchbook. It was one of several drawings Beth had done over the past week. She’d always been more interested in drawing people than landscapes. Emily was the perfect model without even realising.

Emily finally finished just as the sun dipped below the horizon and the moonlight began to sparkle across the water.

“You’re like the moon.” Beth told Emily, “Just as beautiful.”

Emily blushed not sure what to say in reply. After a few moments she finally spoke. “Fancy going for a paddle?” She giggled.

“Sure, why not?”

The girls kicked off their shoes and ran into the water, splashing each other as they did so.

They played in the sea for a while.

Emily plonked herself back on the sand wet and giggling.

Beth giggled as she sat next to her. “That was fun!”

“Yeh. I love the sea.” Emily smiled.

“I noticed.” Beth moved closer.

“It feels and sounds so soothing.”

“I agree, it does.”

“At home my room is in the loft so it’s great for stargazing. Though the views are nowhere near as spectacular as they are here.”

“Oh wow! Really?”

“Yeh, I have an easel set up in my room and everything.” Emily grinned.

“That sounds amazing.”

“It is. You’ll have to come over sometime and I can show you.”

“Yeah I’d like that.” Beth met Emily’s gaze and smiled.

“I can ask mum to cook something nice. She’s a really good cook, way better than my dad.”

Beth lent forward and kissed Emily.

Emily froze. What the..? She wasn’t sure what to do.

Beth smiled shyly as she pulled away.

“I… Um…” Emily stuttered.

“Sorry.” Beth sighed. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Its ok. I didn’t realise you felt like that…”

“I really like you. Don’t you?”

“I do but I like Jamie too and I… I don’t know…” Emily rubbed at her tummy.

“Are you okay?” Beth asked noticing Emily was rubbing her stomach.

“My tummy goes funny sometimes. When I’m nervous or worried.” Emily explained quietly.

“Ah that’s not good.” Beth smiled sadly, “I didn’t mean to make you worried.”

“I just… I…” Emily chewed her lip. She was so confused. She was drawn to Beth but at the same time her heart fluttered whenever Jamie was nearby.

“I won’t kiss you again. Can we forget this ever happened?”

“If that’s what you want.” Emily replied.

“I don’t want to upset you. I didn’t mean to.”

“I’ve never had someone kiss me before.” Emily admitted.

“Sorry.” Beth smiled sadly, “We should go back, shouldn’t we?”

“Its ok.” Emily started to gather her things. “Yeh we probably should.”

It was quiet as they began to gather up their things and walk back.

Once they were back in the dorm and it was time for lights out Emily lay in her bed staring at the ceiling. It was all so confusing. Reaching into her bag she took out her phone and texted Jamie. She asked him to meet her by the fountain as she needed to talk.

Jamie agreed and was sat on the edge of the fountain watching the water when Emily arrived.

“Hi.” She greeted him softly as she sat down beside him.

“Hi. You ok, Em?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” She sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

“I found out that someone likes me. I didn’t realise that they felt like that and I’m really confused.”

“Who’s that?” He asked gently, trying to get her to open up.

“I don’t want to say.” She chewed her lip. “What would you do?”

“I don’t know, Em.” He paused, “What’s making you confused?”

“I thought they were a friend. I like them but I don’t know if I like them like them. Coz there’s someone else that I think I like like.”

“Have you told them this?”

“The person who I like or the person who likes me?”

“The person you like.”

“No coz I don’t know if they like me or not.”

“Speak to them? Tell them?”

“I’m too scared. They’re so much cooler than me. I worry they just think I’m stupid.”

“Why would anyone think that, Em? You’re great, funny, really beautiful.”

Emily blushed, her heart beating hard in her chest. She fiddled with her fingers in her lap.

“You’re cute too.” He smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear.

She tilted her head up to look at him.

Jamie held her gaze for a minute.

Emily found herself getting lost in his eyes as she lent forward to kiss him.

Jamie returned the kiss for a couple of seconds.

As he pulled back Emily found herself even more confused.

“Em? You’re so beautiful. But I’m nearly an adult. And it would be wrong.” He smiled sadly.

Emily sighed. “I won’t tell anyone.” She promised. “Can we just have tonight?”

Jamie nodded and kissed her again.

Emily wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

They made out for a while at the fountain.

Emily’s head was reeling. Jamie made her feel things but so did Beth… It was a bit of a complicated mess for her. She felt Jamie’s hand come to rest on the top of her shorts. His other hand was tangled in her hair and her arms were still around his neck.

He stroked her skin over her shorts.

Emily pulled back slightly. “Do you want me?” She whispered.

“In what way?” He whispered.

“Do you want to sleep with me?” She smiled seductively.

“You’ve only just turned fourteen, Em…” He stroked her cheek.

“That’s not a no…”

“I don’t want to sleep with you, Em. You’re too young. Save yourself for someone special.”

Emily pulled back, anger flashing across her face. “You just think I’m a stupid kid don’t you?!”

“No I don’t think you’re a silly kid.” He replied.

“If you didn’t then you’d jump at the chance.”

“You know I could get into trouble for sleeping with you?”

“If you wanted me then you wouldn’t let that scare you.” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

“I’m not going to have sex with you.”

“Fine. Fuck you then!” Emily screamed before running off.

Jamie sighed. Fucking hell, he’d made a mess of that, hadn’t he?

Arriving back in her dorm Emily sat on her bed and began to cry. She felt sick, confused, worried and scared.

Hearing Emily’s tears Beth got out of her bed and came over. Despite what had happened earlier between them she couldn’t bare to hear the younger girl crying. Sitting down next to Emily Beth hugged her. “What’s wrong?” She whispered.

“I did something stupid.” Emily mumbled.

“What’s that?”

“I was confused… I had a fight with Jamie…”

“What about?”

“I can’t say… I promised…”

“Ok.”

“I’m sorry. About earlier.”

“Me too.”

“You took me by surprise.” Emily explained, placing her hand on Beth’s cheek.

Beth tilted her head closer to Emily’s hand.

Emily smiled softly and then kissed Beth.

Beth returned the kiss.

The kiss quickly heated up and the girls fell backwards onto the bed.

They made out for ages, Emily on top of Beth.

They eventually parted and lay in each other’s arms.

“I… I need to be honest with you…” Emily murmured.

“What’s about Em?”

“I, um, I kissed Jamie earlier. I like him. But I also like you. I don’t know what to do.” Emily admitted.

“Ah, ok.” Beth smiled sadly, “It’s complicated, isn’t it?”

“Really complicated.” Emily paused. “Have you ever liked boys or just girls?”

“Just girls.” Beth replied.

“When did you realise?”

“When I was about your age.”

“Ah right. What do we do now?” Emily asked, she was timid and full of questions. This was all very new to her.

Beth kissed the top of Emily’s head. “We go to sleep, it’s late.” She smiled.

“You should probably go back to your bed, shouldn’t you? So we don’t get caught.”

“Yes.”

“We can talk in the morning.”

Beth nodded. She moved to get up, “Goodnight Em.”

“Night Beth.” Emily replied, giving her a light kiss.

The next morning at breakfast Emily spotted Jamie across the room and froze.

Beth didn’t notice, she was too busy having breakfast.

Emily was torn. Should she go speak to Jamie and try to clear the air or avoid him for a while, hoping it would all go away?

Jamie met Emily’s gaze from over the breakfast hall and smiled sadly. He was equally as torn.

Emily decided to head over to refill her juice as she saw Jamie go to do the same thing. 

“Hi. You ok?”

“Yeah, are you?”

“I think so. I’m sorry I yelled at you. It wasn’t very nice of me.”

“It’s forgotten about, Em.” He smiled. “I think I deserved it.”

“We can still be friends though? I still like you a lot but I don’t want to lose being friends with you over this.”

“Of course we can.” He reassured.

“Maybe one day things will change but til then we’ll always be friends.”

“Always Em.”

Emily smiled broadly at Jamie before heading back over to join Beth at their table.

Beth sipped her juice in silence.

“You’re quiet this morning. Have I done something wrong?” Emily asked.

“No. I’m just tired.” Beth laughed gently.

“Did I keep you awake or something?” Emily giggled softly.

“Something like that.” 

“It could be worse. At least I don’t snore like my brother does.”

“Which brother’s that?” Beth asked.

“Louis. Though him snoring is the least of his problems.” Emily sighed.

“Trouble at home?” Beth asked.

“Not exactly…” Emily ran her fingers through her hair. “Can we talk outside?”

Beth nodded and stood up, “Course if that’s what you want.”

Emily nodded and headed outside. She didn’t speak as they wandered down towards the beach.

There was a comfortable silence as they walked together.

Emily sat on the sand and began playing with a shell. “The only other person who knows is my brother Jake so you have to swear not to tell anyone.”

“I won’t tell anyone.”

“Louis takes drugs.” Emily whispered. “Its been going on for a while now. Me and Jake have both tried talking to him but he won’t listen. He’s gotten himself into a right state a few times and I’m scared it’ll only get worse.”

“Have you tried speaking to your mum?”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“She has enough on her mind already.”

“What kind of things?”

“She’s not been very well. I was thinking about telling dad about Louis but I think he’ll just blame himself for it all.”

“Is there anyone else you can talk to?”

“Not really.” Emily started to cry.

Beth held her as she cried. “You need to talk to your mum.”

“I wish she was here.”

“Not long until we go home now. Only another week.”

“Yeh. But then I won’t see you as often.” Emily replied, wiping at her eyes.

“That’s ok. We’ll make time.”

“I hope so. I don’t want you to go back to your school and forget all about me.” Emily pouted, resting her head on Beth’s shoulder.

“I won’t.”

“Promise me?” There was a flirty edge in Emily’s voice.

“I promise.”

“Good. I know how to sneak out my house to come see you. We’ll have to find somewhere to meet.”

“Yes we will.”

“But that’s ages away. Let’s enjoy now instead.”

“Yeah let’s.”

“Things didn’t quite turn how you wanted when we were here last night. Maybe we could try again?”

“If you’d like to?”

Emily nodded.

Beth lent forward and allowed her lips to brush against Emily’s.

Emily rested her hands on Beth’s waist and allowed the older girl to take the lead.

Beth’s hand went into Emily’s hair as she deepened the kiss.

Emily wrapped her arms around Beth, her hands resting on her back.

They were the only ones on the beach. Time became fluid as they explored each other.

Pulling away, Beth sighed. “I really don’t want to go home at the end of the week.”

“Why not?” Emily asked, stretching out to lie back on the sand, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand.

“Because I like being here with you.”

“Hmm… Sun, sea and…” Emily giggled, waggling her eyebrows.

Beth giggled loudly.

“I was scared to come on this trip but I’m so glad I did.” Emily smiled.

“I’m glad you came on this trip too.”

“What made you ask to sit next to me on the coach? There were loads of other seats you could have picked.”

Beth shrugged, “You’re cute.”

Emily giggled. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

“So what’s the plan for today?”

“I was going to explore the old city ruins. You?”

“Do some more sketching down by the sea.”

“OK. We can meet back up later?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

The remaining days of the trip passed in much the same way until the last day when they travelled to the airport. They were staying there ahead of an early flight the next morning. The group was split up into pairs as the rooms at the airport were smaller than the dorms they’d been staying in for the rest of the trip.

Beth and Emily were staying in the same room.

They’d all been sent to bed early but neither of the girls were tired. Rather than going to sleep Emily suggested a game of truth or dare.

“Em? Truth or dare?”

“Truth.” Emily giggled.

“Have you ever had a boyfriend?”

“No. One of the boys at school asked me out but I turned him down.”

“Why?”

“You only get one question at a time.” Emily chuckled. “Your turn - truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“How many girls have you kissed?”

“About five.”

“Who was the best?” Emily asked with a big grin.

“One question at a time.” Beth giggled.

Emily stuck her tongue out at Beth.

Beth giggled softly.

“Dare this time.” Emily’s eyes sparkled with mischief.

“I dare you to… Dance in your underwear.”

“OK then.” Emily giggled, pulling her tshirt over her head and shimmying out of her shorts. She managed to pull off a couple of dance moves before her giggles totally overtook her and she flopped onto her bed.

Beth giggled softly, “You’re so beautiful.”

Emily blushed.

“I go for dare now too.”

“I dare you to pull a moony out the window!” Emily laughed.

Beth laughed, “Alright.” She pulled down her pants and did a moony out of the window.

Both girls were in utter hysterics.

“What time is it?” Beth asked as she started to yawn.

Emily looked at her watch. “Just after 9.30pm. You’re not tired already are you?”

“Yeah, fancy cuddles?”

“OK.” Emily smiled.

They ended up falling asleep in each other’s arms after just talking for hours.

The next morning Beth was the first to wake up.

Emily was asleep on her chest.

A few minutes later Emily’s eyelids fluttered open as she felt Beth’s fingers playing with her hair.

“Morning sleepyhead.” Beth’s fingers continued to play with Emily’s hair.

Emily yawned. “I’ve never slept so well.” She smiled softly.

“That’s good. Glad you slept well.”

“Did you?”

“Yeah I did actually.”

“I’m glad.” Emily replied, snuggling further into Beth’s arms.

They stayed in silence for a while. “I’m going to miss you.” Beth began.

“I won’t be far away.” Emily reassured her. She looked at the clock. “We’ve got some time yet, let’s make our last morning count.”

Beth smiled, “Let’s.”

Emily giggled as Beth tickled her sides under the duvet.

“You’re ticklish?”

“Yes!” Emily giggled.

Beth giggled, “That’s cute!”

“My brothers tease me for it.”

“How many brothers do you have?”

“Five.” Emily replied with a grimace.

“Five! Bloody hell!”

“Yeh. Wonder what they’ll make of you.” Emily mused.

“Hmm.” Beth shrugged.

“I’m sure once they see that I like you then they’ll like you too.”

“How old are your brothers?”

“Twenty two, seventeen, sixteen, seven and six.”

“Wow! Big age gaps.”

“Yeh, mum got broody again and dad has trouble saying no to her!” Emily snorted.

Beth laughed, “Your mum wears the trousers then?”

“Dad would never admit it but yeh!” Emily laughed.

Beth giggled, her fingertips still running up Emily’s sides.

“That feels nice.” Emily whispered.

“I’m glad you think so.” Time seemed to go quickly because it was soon time for them to leave.

Beth was a little less anxious of flying this time but still hesitated as they arrived at the entrance to the plane.

“Come on,” Emily reassured putting her hand on Beth’s arm.

Beth nodded nervously and let Emily guide her onto the plane where they found seats towards the back.

Emily entwined her hand with Beth’s.

“I really want to kiss you right now.” Beth whispered in Emily’s ear, a blush colouring her cheeks.

Emily blushed before she turned and met Beth’s lips with her own.

Moments later they pulled apart, nervously scanning the people around them to see if anyone noticed. No-one had and they both began to giggle.

The giggles and chatter helped Beth stay calm during the flight but she was still relieved when they landed.

They hugged each other tightly as they said their goodbyes.

“I’ll text you when I get home.” Emily promised before they parted to find their parents.

Beth nodded, “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

Beth kissed Emily’s cheek before heading off to find her mum.

Emily dragged her case across the carpark, spotting her parents on the far side. As she got closer, she noticed her mum’s arm in a cast. “What happened to your arm?” She asked, the concern evident in her voice.

“Oh this? I… Its silly… I tripped over Paul’s new bike. That’ll teach me to look where I’m going!”

“Mama.” Emily wrapped her arms around her mum, “I’ve missed you so much!”

“And what about me?” Charlie asked with a chuckle.

“I missed you too daddy!” Emily giggled.

As they parted Duffy held Emily by her shoulders. “You look so grown up! Where’s my baby girl gone?”

“Still here mama.” Emily giggled softly.

“That’s good. Now let’s get you in the car so you can tell us about all your adventures.” Duffy smiled.

“I will mama. Every single adventure.” Emily replied as they headed towards the car.

Once in the car, however, Emily looked back wistfully at Beth as they drove away.


	8. tw: illegal drug use

Emily looked down at her phone and sighed. It had been a week since she’d returned from her trip to Europe and she had still yet to hear anything from Beth.

She’d texted Beth as she’d promised when she’d gotten home but hadn’t heard anything in reply.

Emily had begun skipping meals, not that she told her parents. She was so confused by everything! Did she like girls or boys? Or both..? Everything had been fine before the trip. Now she didn’t know what she wanted or who she was… 

Across town Peter sighed. He was supposed to be having dinner with Holly but she was running late. He was about to head into the bar when he heard his name being called. The voice was very familiar but it didn’t belong to Holly.

Peter turned, his eyes falling upon his ex Sarah. “Hi.”

“Hi Peter, it’s been a long time.” Sarah chewed at her lip. When she’d first seen him she’d instantly wanted to go over but now he’d turned around she wasn’t so sure. Her fingers played nervously with her jacket.

“Yeah it has.” He smiled politely, still expecting all those feelings to hit him. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m meeting some friends. You?”

“Meeting my girlfriend, she’s running late though.”

“Oh… I didn’t realise you had a girlfriend…” Sarah replied hesitantly. This was a really bad idea…

“What’s wrong Sarah?”

“I meant to speak to you sooner but, well, I was worried you’d be upset and now, I don’t want to ruin things for you with your girlfriend…” She babbled nervously.

He frowned, what was she talking about? “What’s going on?“

She chewed her lip, unable to meet his eye as she let her jacket fall open. "I’m sorry.” She mumbled.

Peter’s gaze fell upon her swollen stomach. His eyes widened. “Oh my God, is that what I think it is?”

“Yeh… I… I meant to tell you sooner but every time I picked up the phone I just bottled it and couldn’t. I’m sorry.”

Peter swallowed hard. “How far gone?”

“Almost five months.”

“Fucking hell!” He sat down before he fell down. “I…”

“AJ’s walked out on me.”

Peter felt sick. “AJ? Your boyfriend?”

Sarah nodded as she sat down next to Peter.

“I really like Holly, she’s lovely.” He smiled, “I’ll support you and help as much as I can.”

“Thank you. I’m really scared.” Sarah admitted.

He squeezed her hand, “We’ll be ok. You’re not on your own.”

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, about us. I’ve really missed you. I made a big mistake letting you go.”

Peter smiled, “I miss you too. But I’m happy with Holly and I don’t want to ruin what we’ve got.”

“Not even for our baby?”

He shook his head. “I’ll support you both but I’ve moved on Sarah.”

“Peter I’m so sorry I’m late!” Holly arrived, looking flustered. “Who’s this?” She asked with a smile.

He smiled, “It’s ok. This is Sarah, Sarah this is Holly. Sarah’s my ex.” He explained.

“Oh, hi. It’s lovely to meet you Sarah. Peter has always spoken fondly of you.”

Sarah smiled, she stood up. “I’ll leave you both to it. Have a good night.”

After Sarah had left Peter and Holly headed over to their table and ordered their food. Peter had barely spoken and seemed distracted.

“Peter what’s wrong?” Holly asked, reached out for his hand on the table.

“There’s something I need to tell you.” He stroked his thumb over the back of her hand.

“OK…”

“Sarah’s pregnant.”

“Yeh, I could see that.” Holly replied somewhat flippantly.

“With my baby.”

Holly’s eyes widened. “But… You said she was your ex…” She stuttered.

“She is.” He sighed, “We had sex one night after far too many drinks. A one night stand. I haven’t seen her since.”

“Were we together then?” Holly asked, her voice a mere whisper.

“No I swear to you, we weren’t. I hadn’t even met you at that point.” He stroked the back of her hand, “I really like you Holly. I don’t want to give up what we’ve got.”

“You’re gunna be a dad Peter. I didn’t exactly sign on to be some baby’s stepmum…”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll understand if you want to call it quits.”

“I need some time to think.”

He smiled sadly, “Take all the time you need.”

“OK. I’ll call you in a couple of days.” Holly smiled softly as she got up from the table. She placed a gentle kiss on the top of Peter’s head and left the restaurant.

Peter sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He decided to get drunk and go to his parents.

When he arrived there a couple of hours later he was surprised to find the door being opened by a very panicked looking Jake. “Oh thank fuck bro! I was about to call you.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” Peter swayed slightly.

“Louis.” Jake replied, dragging Peter into the kitchen, overlooking the fact that he, like Jake, was pretty drunk.

“Where’s mum and dad?” Peter asked as he stumbled slightly.

“Out.” Jake replied.

Krystal and Emily were knelt on the kitchen floor next to Louis.

“He alright?” Peter asked as he attempted to get down on the floor.

“I don’t know what he’s taken.” Emily replied, she was the only one in the room who was sober.

“Just drink? Any drugs?” Peter asked, trying to think clearly.

“Yeh.” Emily sighed, showing Louis’ arm to Peter. “They won’t let me call an ambulance.” She pointed at Jake and Krystal.

“Heroin? Has he taken heroin?!”

“He swore he only smoked weed.” Jake mumbled. “Make him wake up! Peter! Mum and dad will fucking kill us all!” He was getting really agitated.

“He needs an ambulance!”

“They’ll tell your parents.” Krystal shot back.

“I couldn’t give a flying fuck to be honest!” Peter replied back, “He’s taken alcohol and heroin, that alone is enough to kill him. Do you want him to fucking die?!”

Emily had had enough. She grabbed her phone and called an ambulance before breaking down in tears.

Jake and Peter were arguing in the kitchen.

“Where the fuck did he get heroin?” Peter demanded.

Jake shrugged, “No idea! I swear, I thought it was just weed.”

“Were you two out with him tonight?”

“Kinda.”

“What you mean ‘kinda’? Tell me the truth doofus!”

“Yes we were all out together.” Jake frowned, “Don’t call me doofus!”

“Tonight is such a fucking mess!” Peter groaned as there was a knock at the door.

Emily raced to the door from the stairs and pulled it open.

The paramedics came in and quickly began assessing Louis. “Where’s your parents?” One of them asked.

“They’re out. Date night, do they need to be contacted?” Emily asked quietly.

“I’d say so.”

“Is it really serious?” Jake asked.

“He could die.” The paramedic explained softly.

About 45 minutes later Peter, Jake, Krystal and Emily were all sat outside resus when Charlie and Duffy burst through the door and ran towards them down the corridor. Emily was crying and the other three were very obviously drunk.

“What the hell is going on?” Charlie asked as he tried to find someone to tell him about Louis’ condition.

“Care to explain?” Duffy sighed softly as she folded her arms across her chest.

“I tried to help him. He wouldn’t wake up.” Emily sobbed.

“We don’t know anything.” Krystal answered, nudging Jake who was half asleep on her shoulder.

“Yeah that’s right.” Jake mumbled, unable to meet his mum’s eye.

“Peter?” Duffy prompted her eldest son who had so far remained silent.

“I don’t feel so good.” Peter replied sadly.

“Have any of you taken whatever it is that Louis took?”

“I haven’t.” Emily replied, “And I don’t think Peter has either.” 

Jake shook his head, “No.”

“Don’t look at me, I’m not that fucking stupid!” Krystal retorted.

“Enough!” Peter yelled as he stood up.

“Peter, sweetheart, how did you even get dragged into all of this?” Duffy asked as she tried to comfort Emily, rubbing the girl’s back awkwardly with her arm that was still in a cast.

“Was coming round. Needed to talk to you.” Peter smiled sadly, “I’ve made a mess of things.”

“What do you mean? It can’t be as bad as all of this.” Duffy sighed.

Emily couldn’t take being around everyone anymore and slipped out into the carpark for some air and space to herself.

“Sarah…” Peter closed his eyes, “I’ve fucked up.”

“Sarah?” Duffy repeated confused.

“Mum, I’m gunna chuck!” Jake gasped.

“Go to the bathroom then! Or there’s a bin over there.” Krystal said, noticing that Duffy was trying to divide her attention between both her sons.

“What’s going on with Sarah?” Duffy tried to focus on Peter whilst also keeping half an eye on Jake vomiting.

“I got her pregnant. I’m such a fucking idiot!” Peter mumbled.

A myriad of reactions flickered across Duffy’s face in quick succession. “You’ve been cheating on Holly with Sarah?” She gasped.

“What? No.” Peter shook his head, “I’m not a cheat. An idiot but not a cheat.”

“OK.” Duffy paused. “Hang on, that means..! Oh fuck!”

“What?”

“I’m going to be a grandmother?!”

Peter nodded, “She says it’s mine..”

“What do you mean 'she says’..?”

“She just suddenly revealed this bump. She’s nearly five months I think she said.”

“She’s only just told you?!”

Peter nodded.

“Oh Peter..!” Duffy sighed, pulling her eldest son into a hug. Looking over his shoulder she saw that Jake was asleep lent against the bin.

“I’m sorry mum.” Peter began to cry.

“Its ok, we’ll fix this. Don’t worry.” Duffy soothed.

Out in the carpark Emily looked up from where she’d been sat on the ground crying surprised to hear Beth’s voice. “Em? What’s happened? I only just got my phone back and saw all your messages.”

Emily sighed, “My brother’s not well.”

“Louis?” Beth guessed.

Emily nodded.

“What did he do?” Beth asked, wrapping her arm around Emily’s shoulders.

“He took heroin.”

“Oh fuck! Is he gunna be OK?”

“I hope so.”

“I’ve missed you so much! My mum was a total bitch and took my phone off me.”

“What? Why?”

“I flunked my maths exam.” Beth sighed.

“Ah.”

“This last week has totally sucked.”

“Yeah it has.” Emily smiled sadly, “I should go back and check on my brother.”

“OK. Do you want me to stay?”

“Up to you.”

“I can stay, I want to make sure you’re OK.” Beth replied. “I don’t like seeing you so sad.” She added, brushing her lips softly against Emily’s.

Emily returned the kiss before pulling away. “Ok. Thanks.”

“Emily?” Duffy questioned softly, having just arrived outside looking for her daughter.

“You need to go.” Emily told Beth as she clambered to her feet.

“OK. Call me and let me know how he is?” Beth replied before leaving.

“I will.” Emily appeared around the corner, fiddling with the sleeve of her jacket.

“Anything you want to tell me princess?” Duffy asked gently as they walked back into the building.

Emily shook her head, still fiddling with the sleeve of her jacket.

“I’m not angry if that’s what you’re scared about.” Duffy reassured her daughter.

“It’s… nothing.” Emily replied and gently rubbed her stomach. She felt sick.

“Who was that you were with? She looked familiar.” Duffy prompted softly.

“Just a friend.” Emily replied quietly.

“Mmhmm, and your father was ‘just a friend’ to me too.” Duffy replied, giving Emily a small smile.

Emily shrugged and sighed sadly. “It’s complicated.”

“If you want my advice - sit down and have a long think about what you really want and then go out and grab it with both hands.”

“But I don’t know what I want. I don’t know who I am.” Emily whispered.

Duffy pulled her daughter into a hug. “You’re only fourteen. I didn’t have a clue who I was or what I wanted when I was your age either. But if this 'friend’ makes you happy then that’s all that matters to me or your dad.”

“It’s not that simple.” Emily mumbled.

Instead of heading back to resus Duffy guided Emily into her and Charlie’s office. “You can tell me anything. I want to help.”

Emily sat on the floor by her dad’s desk and shrugged. “I can’t…”

Duffy sat down next to the teenager. “Why not? It can’t be anywhere near as bad as the things I got up when I was your age.”

Emily brought her knees to her chest and hugged them tightly.

“As far as I’m aware you haven’t snuck out the house and gotten into a club when you were underage and then had to be carried out after you almost gave yourself alcohol poisoning.” Duffy added, nudging Emily lightly. 

“I met someone when I was in Europe.”

“Tell me about them.”

“She’s so funny, makes me laugh so much. Pretty…”

“Was that who you were talking to outside? What’s her name?”

“Beth.”

“Does Beth go to the art classes?”

Emily nodded, hugging her knees. “But so does Jamie…”

“Jamie?” Duffy repeated, the name sounded familiar.

“We’ve done a few exhibitions together.”

“The lad that does the game characters?”

“Yeah, him.”

“Where does he come into all this?” Duffy was struggling to put all the pieces together.

“It’s fucked up. Everything’s fucked.” Emily rested her head on the side of the desk.

“What is? Emily you need to explain what happened during the trip.” Duffy hesitated slightly before continuing. “Did Jamie hurt you..?”

“What?” Emily looked up at her mum and shook her head. “I wanted him to sleep with me but he turned me down. He thinks I’m some lame kid but I’m not!!”

“Emily! He’s Jake’s age!” Duffy gasped.

Emily shrugged, “I’m not some stupid pathetic kid!”

“I never said you were but what you wanted him to do is illegal for a reason princess.”

“It’s all jumbled up and messy and complicated and I don’t know what to do!” Emily got up, attempting to run away again but couldn’t get past her mum.

Duffy took hold of Emily to keep her from running away. “You like both of them?”

“Let me go!” Emily begged, “Please!”

“No, I can’t do that. Your dad has had enough of a fright tonight already without you going awol too.”

“Please mama!“

"What’s scaring you? Why do you want to run away?”

“Run away from everything.” Emily whispered.

“The fact that Beth came to make sure you were OK says a lot to me.” Duffy smiled. “Its totally OK and normal to be attracted to both boys and girls though.”

Emily gazed up at her mum. “It is?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not cross or angry?”

“No, why would I be?”

Emily shrugged. “I don’t know…” She sighed and stumbled a little as she went lightheaded.

Duffy grabbed for her daughter to make sure she didn’t fall. “Em!”

“Hmm? I’m ok.”

Duffy studied the teenager closely. “When did you last eat?” She asked, fearing the answer.

“I can’t remember…”

Duffy closed her eyes. Her biggest fear was history repeating itself. “I know I have no right to talk on this topic but you need to eat. Is it because you’ve been so confused about Beth and Jamie?”

Emily nodded and sat back on the floor.

“You’re so like me it’s scary.”

“Mama, will you please just hold me?” Emily whispered.

Duffy didn’t reply verbally, instead she just took Emily in her arms. She stroked her daughter’s hair.

Emily closed her eyes as a tear rolled down her cheek.

Duffy wasn’t sure how long they’d been sat there when Charlie appeared around the door. He looked agitated and stressed.

He wasn’t even aware of them being in the room. He was just so focused on finding somewhere for five minutes to get his head back together.

Duffy watched her husband walk across the office and sit down at his desk, his head slumping forward onto the surface. Soon the sound of gentle crying could be heard from the desk.

“Charlie?” Duffy whispered, trying her best not to startle her husband nor awaken Emily who had fallen asleep in her lap.

He jumped, not expecting anyone to be in his office. “Duffy?”

“Down here.”

“Where?” He found her in the dark and sat beside her, brushing his tears from his cheeks.

“She needed some space.” Duffy explained, indicating Emily.

He stroked Emily’s hair. “Is she ok?”

“There’s a lot of things whirling around in her head but I think she should talk to you about them herself when she’s ready.” Duffy explained. “How is Louis? Were they able to figure out what he’d taken?”

“Heroin and alcohol, could’ve been a fatal combination.” He said sadly.

Duffy gasped. “What the hell was he playing at?!”

“I don’t know. Maybe there’s a lot of things going around in his head and he can’t make sense of them?”

“Its all such a mess.” Duffy sighed. “Have you had chance to speak to Peter?”

“No not yet.” He sighed.

Duffy sighed. “Seems we’re going to be grandparents.” She mumbled.

“What?!”

“Shush!” Duffy gasped, worried that he’d wake Emily. “Sarah’s just told him that she’s five months pregnant.” She explained.

Charlie’s eyes widened, “Fucking hell!” He muttered.

“I didn’t even know he had been seeing her again.” Duffy sighed as a thought suddenly hit her. “What about poor Holly?”

“I don’t think he has been seeing her.” Charlie pointed out, “I have a feeling history may be repeating itself here.”

“Yeh, in more ways than one.” Duffy replied sadly, stroking Emily’s hair. “She’s not been eating properly.” Duffy sighed.

“Who? Em?” He sighed and stroked her hair.

Duffy nodded. “I should have spotted it sooner.”

“Hey, don’t be blaming yourself.” He kissed Duffy tenderly, “She’s going to be ok.”

“She told me some things but I don’t think it’s right for me to say what they are. She’s very confused right now.”

“I’m sure Emmy will tell me when she’s ready.” He reassured.

“She will. Just promise me that when she does you won’t go all protective daddy bear on her.” Duffy replied.

“Does it involve a boy by any chance?” He asked with a smile, “I can’t promise because she’s my baby girl. But I can try, ok?”

“Sort of.” Duffy smiled softly. “That’s all I ask, that you try.”

“I will try. I promise.”

Duffy kissed him softly. “Are you OK? It’s been a hell of a night.” She tilted her head, scanning him with a long practiced professional eye.

“I’ll be fine.” He smiled sadly, “Wish I’d known Louis was struggling before all of this.” He admitted.

“He had us both fooled. Though I’m keen to talk to Jake once he finally sobers up.”

“You think Jake knows more than he’s saying?”

“He’s got that shifty look in his eyes like he always does when he fears I’m about to find out that he’s done something stupid.”

Charlie sighed sadly. “It’s a bit of a mess right now, isn’t it?”

“Yeh.” Duffy sighed. “I don’t think I’ll get anything sensible out of Jake for a while. When I last saw him he was fast asleep against a bin full of his vomit…”

Charlie couldn’t help but laugh, “Hopefully he might think twice next time.”

“Did you when you were his age?” Duffy chuckled lightly.

“Erm… no.” He laughed.

“And neither did I.”

There was a comfortable silence as Charlie watched his girls. “I’m going to sit with Louis, is that ok?”

“Of course. I’ll stay here til she wakes up and then I’ll go check on the boys. Have you rang Krystal’s parents?”

“No. I’ll go and do that before going back to Louis.”

“Not the best way to meet them for the first time but…” She shrugged.

“They’re young. I think combined we’ve probably done worse.” He laughed gently.

“True. We’re going to need to have a proper talk about Louis at some point.”

Charlie sighed. “Yeah we do.”

“We should look into treatment programs.”

“I agree.”

“How did we let this happen right under our noses? I mean, heroin of all things?! How did we miss the signs?”

“I know he’d been a bit more… you know… lately but I never thought it was because of drugs.”

“We treat addicts every day but you just don’t think it’s gunna happen to one of your own kids.”

“Hmm.”

“After everything that’s happened this evening I’m almost scared to call Millie’s mum in case I find out that the twins have done a bunk instead of being at a sleepover there..!” She grimaced.

Charlie laughed, “Or there’s one child sleeping soundly and the other has gone awol.” He joked.

“Tilly!” Duffy giggled.

Emily wriggled and stretched on her mum’s lap her eyelids fluttering open. “Daddy?” She mumbled.

“Hello gorgeous. Are you okay?” He stroked her hair.

“Yeh.” Emily’s tummy rumbled loudly.

“Are you hungry? When was the last time you ate something?”

Emily nodded, mumbling her reply to her dad’s second question.

He stroked her cheek. “Is my princess ok?”

Emily glanced up at her mum and nodded.

“Given time I think you will be.” Duffy encouraged.

“Do you want something to eat?” Charlie asked.

“Please.” Emily replied. Though there was still a lot of things whirling around in her head she felt a little calmer after seeing Beth and talking to her mum.

“What would you like, Princess?”

“A sandwich?”

“I can get you one Em. You go be with Louis.” Duffy told Charlie.

“Are you sure?” 

“Is he ok?” Emily sat up rubbing her eyes.

“Yeh, Louis needs you.” Duffy replied.

“I didn’t expect all this to happen.” Emily spoke in a barely a whisper.

“Emmy?” Duffy prompted gently. “Did you know what Louis was doing?”

Emily chewed her lower lip. “Promise you won’t get angry? Either of you?”

“I promise.” Duffy replied, anxious to know what Emily knew.

“I know he’s smoked weed a few times. Just weed, nothing else.”

The realisation hit Duffy instantly. “That’s what you were trying to tell me about that time!” She gasped.

Emily smiled sadly, “I promised I kinda wouldn’t say anything. I didn’t think it was such a big problem.”

“Its ok, its not your fault.” Duffy soothed her daughter, looking pointedly at Charlie who had so far remained silent.

“It’s not your fault sweetheart.” Charlie kissed Emily’s forehead.

“When Jake and Krystal dragged him through the door earlier I was so scared.” Emily admitted.

“I would’ve been scared too. But I’m so proud of you for calling an ambulance and making sure he was ok.” Charlie praised his daughter. 

“Peter just suddenly arrived. Is he OK? He seemed really upset.”

“He’s got a lot on his mind too. I think he’ll be ok.”

“Will Louis be OK?” Emily asked nervously.

Charlie nodded, “He will be. When we get him the help he needs.”

“Let’s get you a sandwich princess.” Duffy prompted. “I’ll call Krystal’s parents.” She told Charlie. “You go be with Louis.”

Charlie kissed Duffy’s forehead and then Emily’s before getting up off the floor.

Louis was still in resus waiting for a bed upstairs to become available so he could be transferred.

Charlie returned to Resus and sat down beside Louis’ bed. He stroked his thumb over the back of Louis’ hand.

The teenager was lucky to be alive.

Charlie sighed, where did he go wrong again? Everything seemed to be falling apart, quickly spiralling out of control. He moved and kissed Louis’ forward before sitting back down again.

Various staff wandered in and out of the room going about their daily routine but Charlie barely noticed them. He was too preoccupied with trying to take in all that had happened this evening with his children. So much had happened in such a short space of time.

He took small comfort in the fact that his youngest children seemed to be ok and happy.

A while later Duffy came into resus. “The kids are sleeping in your office.” She told her husband quietly. “How is he?”

“Still asleep and lucky to be alive.”

“What made him do it?” She sighed. “I think Peter and Jake will both have a hell of a hangover in the morning.”

“I don’t know. He’s got a lot on his mind by the sounds of things. I just wish he could have come and talked to me.”

“Maybe he will. Maybe this will have given him enough of a fright.”

“I hope so.”

She grabbed a chair and sat down next to him, fidgeting with edge of the cast on her wrist.

“How’s your wrist?” He asked gently.

“Itchy.” She frowned. “I feel like such an idiot walking around with it on.”

“Accidents happen. Least it didn’t break using those handcuffs of ours. It could be worse.”

“I would have died having to explain that to Zoe.” She cringed.

“It’s Zoe. She’s probably a secret kinky one too.” He smirked.

“I’ll tell her you said that!”

A period of silence descended over them before Duffy sighed. “We’re gunna have to deal with Sarah’s parents again aren’t we? What’s the bet they end up making it all out to be Peter’s fault?” She grumbled.

He shrugged, “It takes two to tango and Sarah was just as willing by the sounds of things.”

“Oh was she now? How would you know?!”

“He was talking to me. A while ago, when it happened. Said it just happened. They went outside the pub to talk and they ended up you know, shagging.” He paused, “It was probably then.”

“Of all the stupid, irresponsible..!” 

“Pot kettle…” He raised an eyebrow.

“They’re supposed to learn from our lapses in judgement, not repeat them!”

“I know.”

“I really thought he was finally getting his life together. That he’d settle down with Holly. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always liked Sarah but she’s caused him so much pain.”

“It might not even be Peter’s.” Charlie replied without thinking.

“What?!” Duffy gasped, her eyes wide.

“Sarah has a boyfriend.”

“Oh… Oh!”

Charlie shrugged, “Maybe Peter’s just doing what he thinks is right?”

“I swear if she’s lied to him..!” Duffy’s temper was bubbling.

“Hey. We don’t know if she has.” He reassured.

“She’s been determined to trap him for years and she’s finally succeeded.” Duffy was close to tears, the evening’s events were starting to overwhelm her.

Charlie pulled her into a hug and rubbed her lower back, “Ssh babe. You’re getting yourself all worked up.”

Feeling his arms around her she finally gave in and let the tears begin to fall.

He held her tightly as she cried on him.

After a few minutes Duffy pulled back, wiping at her damp cheeks. “I’m sorry. Here I am crying when it’s your son who nearly died this evening. You must think I’m so selfish.”

“No I don’t.” He kissed the top of her head, “It’s been hard for us both. He’s your son too.”

“Not as far as he’s concerned.” She sighed.

He sighed. “He does love you, Duffy.”

“I wish I believed you.”

“He does. I just think sometimes that scares him.” Charlie said sadly.

“He still blames me. He always will.”

“Blames you for what?”

“His mum.”

“His mum dying?”

“You and her splitting up, moving to Canada, her death, being made to come back… All of it.” She sighed.

“Has he told you that?” Charlie asked gently with a sad smile.

“He tends to save the worst of his outbursts for when you’re at work.”

“I think he’s confused and doesn’t know what to do. Or feel.” He frowned, “He’s never hurt you, has he?”

“Not physically. Though I can’t say it doesn’t hurt when he repeatedly yells ‘you can’t tell me what the fuck to do, your not my mum!’ at me in front of his younger brothers. That has raised some difficult questions.”

“I’m sorry.” Charlie kissed her cheek. Just as Louis stirred, beginning to wake.

The teenager’s eyes were glazed and unfocused.

“Louis?” Charlie touched his arm.

Though Louis was awake it was clear that his body was struggling with the come down.

Charlie sighed, “It’s okay son.”

Louis roared, lashing out to throw his father’s hand off his arm. His glazed eyes scanned the room, why was he here? Where was here? He was hot and shaking.

“Louis, it’s dad. You’re in hospital.” Charlie moved closer to Louis, hoping his voice could calm him.

Louis tried to get up. He needed to get out of here. He needed to find his friends.

“You can’t go anywhere Louis, you need to stay here.”

“No!” Louis managed to get off the bed and stumbled across to the counter pushing things around, clearly searching for something.

“Son, please. You need help.” Charlie begged.

“Louis, please, listen to your dad!” Duffy begged.

“Bitch!” Louis screamed, picking up the sharps box and launching it at his stepmother.

Charlie stood in front of Duffy, “You don’t want to hurt her, Louis. You’re just scared and confused.”

“Get me what I need.” Louis demanded though his words were stuttered and somewhat jumbled.

“You don’t need it. You’re trying to escape something, what is it? Why are you using?”

“Fuck. You.” Louis replied, his rage increasing.

“Talk to me? Please? You used to tell me everything.”

“Then you chose her.” Louis slumped to the floor, the shaking getting rapidly worse.

“We’ve been through this.” Charlie sat on the floor and grabbed the blanket, wrapping it around Louis. “There’s something upsetting you, what is it?”

“Wish she was dead. Not mum.” Louis mumbled.

“You miss your mum, it’s only natural.”

“I’ve tried my best Louis. I know I can never replace your mum.” Duffy replied sadly.

Louis shook his head but didn’t verbally reply.

Duffy sighed. “I’m going to go check on the others. Me being here clearly isn’t helping.”

Once again, Louis didn’t speak. His body was shaking a lot by now.

“I’m going to get Dylan.” Duffy added as she left resus.

“Thank you.”

After finding Dylan and sending him to help Charlie Duffy was surprised to find Peter awake as she entered her office.

“My head hurts.” He mumbled, rubbing his forehead.

“I’m not surprised.” Duffy sighed, taking a bottle of water from her handbag and handing it to him.

“Why do you always have water in your handbag?” He asked with a smile.

“Hydration is important.” She shrugged.

“I always remember when I was a kid you’d have a bottle of water randomly stored in your handbag.”

“Kids are always thirsty at the most awkward moments.” She smiled.

Peter smiled back.

“Other than the headache, how are you feeling?” She asked, sitting down next to him.

“Rubbish. Lousy.”

Duffy placed her arm around Peter’s shoulders. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Peter shrugged, “A few months ago, I don’t know maybe eight, nine months ago… If Sarah told me then that she was pregnant, I’d have done anything to be with her, raising our child together. But, now…” He sighed.

“You’re torn. Between duty and desire.” Duffy surmised.

“I said I’d support her, both of them. But I don’t want to be in a relationship with her.” He sighed. “I really, really like Holly. Dad was right.”

“He was right about what?”

“When you meet the right person, you just know.”

“You do. Me and your dad will support you whatever you decide. Have you told Holly?”

He nodded, “She said she needed time to think. I told her to take all the time she needed. It’s a big decision for her too.”

“It is. You’ve not been together long. Helping to raise someone else’s child is a big responsibility and can be very hard at times.”

“I should’ve known better.” He replied.

“I wanted to be so mad at you but then your dad reminded me of my less than spotless record in that department.”

“But it was different between you and dad.”

“What makes you say that?” She was genuinely curious to hear Peter’s take on the situation.

“You and dad weren’t just fucking each other for the sake of having sex I guess.” He shrugged.

Duffy didn’t reply, lowering her head slightly in an attempt to hide the blush colouring her cheeks.

“You and dad really cared about each other. It was just a different situation to the one I’ve found myself in with Sarah.” He opened the water bottle and took several sips.

“It wasn’t always sunshine and roses between us Peter.” Duffy sighed.

“Maybe not.”

“Leaving your feelings for Sarah to one side - how do you feel about the idea of becoming a dad?”

“Scared. Terrified.”

“You’re only twenty two, it’s natural to be scared.”

“What if I’m no good?”

“Do you think you can love this child and do your best for them?”

Peter nodded. “Yes.

“That’s all a child needs.”

He nodded again. “Then that’s what I’ll do.”

“You need to sit down with Sarah and figure out what you’re both going to do.”

“Yeah, I will.” He smiled, “I want her to know I’ll be there for her and the baby. But there isn’t an us.”

“And what if she wants more than that?” Duffy asked, wanting him to consider all possibilities.

“Such as?”

“What if she wants things to go back to how they were?”

“Between me and her? Or are you talking about the baby?”

“Between you and her.”

“It’s complicated but, I’m happy with the way things are.” He paused, “I was waiting for the feelings to hit when I met Sarah but…”

“They didn’t?”

“No. I think I’m finally accepting what we had was brilliant and amazing but it’s in the past.”

Duffy nodded, smothering a yawn. “Its been quite an evening.” She sighed.

“Why don’t you go to sleep for a bit? I’ll let you know if Jake and Em wake?”

“You should sleep too.” Duffy insisted.

“I will, I promise, mum.”

Duffy squeezed Peter’s shoulders before getting up and moving to sit in the chair behind Charlie’s desk. She continued to watch her eldest son, clearly waiting expectantly for him to lie down.

He laughed softly and lay down on the floor, rolling onto his side.

Duffy kicked off her shoes and attempted to make herself as comfortable as she could. She had a feeling they still had a long night ahead…


	9. tw: illegal drug use, eating disorder & assault

A few days later Peter was sat on the sofa in his flat after arriving home from work. He’d not been sleeping well so was almost asleep when there was a knock at the door. He mumbled something that sounded explicit and got up. Approaching the door, he yawned and opened it.

Sarah sighed softly at the scowl on Peter’s face as he opened the door. “Can we talk?”

“Sure.” He yawned and stepped aside, “You and the baby ok?”

“Yeh, we’re both doing OK.” She replied as Peter directed her through to the lounge. “I’ve something for you in fact.” She smiled.

“What’s that?” He replied as he closed the door.

Once sat on the sofa she reached into her handbag and handed him a photo. “You can keep that if you want.” She smiled.

He took the photo and stroked the image. “You had a scan?”

“Yeh, it’s from a couple of weeks ago. I’ve got my twenty week scan at the end of the week but I couldn’t wait so decided to pay to have a gender scan.” She smiled.

“What are we having?” He asked, “Girl or boy?”

“Meet your daughter.” She grinned.

He looked down at the scan picture. “A girl?”

“Yeh. A very wriggly little girl.”

“That’s wonderful. Do you want a drink or anything?”

“Please.”

“Water? Juice? Tea?”

“Tea would be great.”

He put the scan photo in his pocket and went to the kitchen.

Sarah followed him through. “This is a really nice place you have here.”

“Thanks.”

She lent back against the worktop. “This is what we always wanted.”

“It was.”

“A place of our own, raising our baby together.” She smiled wistfully, her hand stroking her bump.

“Is that what you want?” He asked.

“Its what I’ve always wanted Peter.”

He pondered her words for a while. Although he didn’t love Sarah any more, he still cared for her. “I need to talk to Holly.”

“Is she upset about our daughter?”

“A little.” He sighed, “I need time to think Sarah, about all of this.”

“What’s to think about Peter? We’re having a baby. We need you!” Sarah replied, starting to cry.

“And I’ve said I’ll be there.” He stepped towards her, “For both of you. But I need to talk to Holly before making any big decisions.”

Sarah continued to cry.

“Sarah please stop. It’s going to work out.” He reassured as he awkwardly rubbed her back.

She turned into him, resting her head against his chest.

He couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her.

After a few moments Sarah looked up and captured Peter’s lips with her own, wrapping her arms round his back as she did so.

He tried to move out of her grasp. “Sarah, I don’t love you.“ He sighed. “Actually that’s a lie. I do love you, I probably always will in a way. But I’ve moved on with my life.” He explained.

"Is that what you want me to do? Just move on? You got me pregnant and then pissed off!” She hissed.

“You had a boyfriend and chose to fuck me too. Don’t pretend I took advantage of you!”

“You were gagging for it from the moment we got outside.” She countered.

“And so were you!”

“You never even called afterwards.”

“You had a boyfriend!”

“I still love you.”

“This, us. It’s complicated.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“But it is, Sarah.”

“We can make it work. That’s what we always said.”

“Then Sarah. We said that then.”

An awkward silence descended as they sipped their teas. “Have you told anyone?” Sarah asked eventually.

“About our baby?”

Sarah nodded.

“My parents know.”

“Are they angry?”

“No.”

“They’ve always been so nice to me.” She smiled.

He smiled, “I think mum thought of you like another daughter to be honest.”

“I’ll always be grateful for the way they stood up to my parents.”

“How are your parents?”

“I don’t see them too much since I left home. They’re not best pleased about the baby. How’s your family?”

“We’re all good thanks.” He smiled.

“I bet your little sisters and brothers are so grown up now!”

“Yeah they are.”

“Its crazy to think about. I remember your little brothers being born and now we’re gunna have our own baby.”

Peter didn’t say anything. He had a feeling inside he couldn’t shake.

“It’ll be so lovely. She’ll have lots of aunts and uncles and such wonderful grandparents.” Sarah smiled.

“This has been your dream for a while, hasn’t it?”

“Is that such a terrible thing?”

Before Peter could answer there was another knock at the door.

“Let me go and get that.”

When he opened the door he found Holly stood on the other side. “Hi.” She greeted him awkwardly.

“Hi.” He smiled sadly, “Sarah’s here. She came to give me a scan photo. Do you want to come in?”

“Oh… Um… Er…” Holly stuttered.

“Please.” 

“OK.”

He took her hand and led her into the lounge. Kissing her head, he smiled and returned to the kitchen. “Sarah? I’d like you to leave so I can talk things through properly with Holly. I will ring you.”

“You scared what I’ll say to her or something?”

“What do you mean?”

“About how we always planned this.”

“That was a childhood dream, Sarah.”

“That’s now an adult reality Peter.”

“And I told you, I’ll support you both! Please Sarah, I want some time to talk to Holly.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Sarah muttered before leaving.

“Holly, do you want a drink?” Peter asked as he returned to the lounge. 

“No, I’m OK.” Holly replied sadly.

He sat next to her, “I miss you.”

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I was so upset and angry when l left the restaurant, I decided I never wanted to see or speak to you ever again but I quickly realised I couldn’t do that.”

Peter took her hand in his, “I screwed up but I won’t give up on us, I really don’t want to.”

“You’re not getting back together with her then?”

“I don’t love her. I did love her but she’s part of my past. She’s not my future, Holly.”

“But you’ll always have a link with her.”

“The baby?” He sighed, “I have a feeling I can’t shake.”

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged, “That’s the trouble, I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Just a weird feeling about it all?”

“Yeah.”

“Whenever I think about her I just feel jealous. Its stupid coz I don’t even know if I want kids or whatever but knowing that she’s pregnant with your baby…” She shrugged.

“I don’t think it’s my baby.”

“But you slept with her…”

“Yes whilst she was also sleeping with her boyfriend.” He shrugged, “She has this idea that now she’s pregnant, we’ll pick up where we left off. But I don’t want her, I want you.”

“If she was sleeping with someone else at the same time you need to ask for a DNA test once the baby is born.”

“I said I’d support her. Her and the baby because that’s the right thing to do.”

“But if the baby ain’t yours… You need to know. You can’t just live a lie raising someone else’s kid!”

“I know.” He stroked her cheek, “Especially if it means I might lose you.”

Holly couldn’t help noticing that Peter’s demeanour had shifted as soon as she’d mentioned a DNA test. “There’s something you’re not saying. You seem weird about the idea of a DNA test, why?”

“I don’t want to upset her.” He sighed, “This is just so messy and complicated and I know it’s my own fault for sleeping with her without using protection.”

“Yeh that was dumb but she could have taken the morning after pill.” Holly sighed. “You need to know one way or the other though. How would you feel if ten years from now you discovered that the kid wasn’t yours yet you’d been raising them all this time?”

“I’d be angry.” He sighed, “I didn’t know my dad was my dad until I was older.”

“What do you mean?” Confusion was written large across her features.

“I always thought Andrew, Jake’s dad was my dad too. I hated him, he used to beat my mum up amongst other things. I found out he wasn’t my dad and Uncle Charlie was instead.”

“I had no idea. Your mum told you that your real dad was your uncle?” Holly was trying to put all the pieces of what Peter had just told her together and was struggling.

“My mum and dad were - are - best friends. Growing up, he was always Uncle Charlie to me and Jake but I never knew he was my real dad. It’s pretty obvious though when you look at us both.” He laughed, “Blue eyes.”

“Yeh, when we went to your parents house for your dad’s birthday the introductions were a bit unnecessary as soon as he opened the door!” Holly chuckled.

He laughed gently and pressed his forehead against hers. “Can we work through this?”

“I’m willing to try.”

“So am I.”

“A very wise lady encouraged me not to give up too easily…” She giggled.

“Who was this wise lady?” He asked.

“Now that would be telling but she really needs to look where she’s going around kid’s bikes in future…”

Peter smiled, “My mother?”

“She claimed she was ‘just passing’ but I’m not sure I believe her.”

“Where was she just passing? Your work?”

Holly nodded.

“Mum’s crafty.” He laughed.

“Yeh, remind me to never get on the wrong side of her.”

“Yeah, you don’t want to. She can be hella feisty when she wants to be. Just ask my dad, he’ll tell you.”

“To look at her she seems all sweetness but I’m guessing she has to be pretty tough to do the job she does.”

“She’s had to be pretty tough to get to the position she’s in, as Ward Sister really.”

“I’m just glad that she seems to like me.”

“Mum definitely prefers you over Krystal.” He smirked.

“Yeh, Krystal’s quite interesting…” Holly giggled.

“Did you see the look on my parents face when she announced over the dinner table she had her nipples pierced?” He laughed softly.

“I’m not sure your dad knew where to put himself and your mum was clearly horrified.”

He laughed gently, “I wonder what her parents are like?”

“I dread to think!” Holly laughed as she caressed Peter’s cheek. “I’ve missed this. Just chilling and having a laugh with you.”

He moved his head closer to her hand. “So have I.” He admitted.

Holly brushed her lips against Peter’s.

He smiled against her lips as he closed his eyes, returning the kiss.

Several moments passed before they parted and settled into each other’s arms on the sofa.

“Dad always said when you meet someone important, you know about it.” He said quietly.

“Is that so?” Holly smiled.

He nodded and kissed the top of her head, running his fingers through her hair. “Yes.”

“Do you think you’ve found that someone?”

He nodded, “I think so.”

Holly hesitated slightly before asking her next question. “Is kids something you’ve always wanted?”

He nodded, “Yes but, at the same time, the idea of having children terrifies me.” He admitted.

“What terrifies you about it?”

He hesitated, “What if I’m a bad dad?”

“I doubt that. I’ve seen you with your little brothers. You’re great with them.”

“I went through a lot when my mum gave birth to my siblings. It was hard.” He said quietly, “What if the person I loved died?”

“Did that nearly happen to your mum?” She asked gently, squeezing his hand.

Peter nodded, “When she had Oli.”

“And she still had Paul?!” Holly asked incredulously.

He nodded. “I was there. When she gave birth to Oli, she was at home…”

“I’m guessing that wasn’t the plan..?”

He shook his head and sighed. “The memories are still there sometimes.”

“I’m not surprised.” She sighed, pulling Peter into her arms.

He didn’t say anything as he was hugged by her.

“We’ll make things work.”

“I love you.” He said gently.

Holly gasped. “I’ve never had someone tell me that before.”

“You haven’t?”

“No.”

He moved back from her arms to make eye contact with her. “I love you.”

Her eyes sparkled as she smiled broadly at him.

He stroked her cheek before kissing her tenderly.

“I love you too.” Holly whispered after they parted.

He grinned and kissed her nose.

“Can I stay here tonight?” She asked coyly.

“I’d like that very much.”

“Its been awful lonely in my house by myself.”

“It’s been lonely here without you to cuddle up with.”

“Nothing to warm those cold feet of yours on?” She giggled.

He giggled. “Exactly.”

“Have you eaten this evening?”

“No. Do you fancy going out for dinner?”

“Or I can cook something here?”

“Ok, yeah.”

“Hmm, now I wonder what you’ve got in…” She mused as she pushed herself up from the sofa and wandered into the kitchen.

“You know me, probably not an awful lot.” He got up and followed her into the kitchen.

“Which is why we normally eat at mine.” She teased.

“That’s true.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

“Hmm…”

“We could go shopping?”

“We may need to. I do wonder how you ever survived three years at uni!”

“That makes both of us.” He chuckled.

“Did your mum have to send you food parcels?” Holly teased.

“Sometimes.” He kissed her neck again.

“We’re not gunna get very far at this rate…” She mumbled distractedly.

“Am I distracting you?” He asked.

“You always distract me.” 

“I hadn’t noticed,” He teased gently in her ear before running his tongue over her earlobe. “You distracted me from the very first moment we met.”

“I honestly didn’t think you were ever gunna come over.” She snuggled back against him.

“I was still so hung up over my ex. But I realised I wasn’t living in the present. I’m so glad I came over to talk to you.”

“She really messed you up didn’t she?”

“Yeah, a bit.” He admitted.

She tilted her head round to look into his eyes. “Good job you picked a medical professional, I know just how to mend a broken heart.” She smiled.

He smiled, “Yeah you do.”

“I’m more used to working with dogs and cats but I’m sure humans can’t be that much more complicated..!” She giggled.

“Hmm, I think cats and dogs are probably better behaved.”

“You’d think but have you ever seen a cat after he got into a fight with another cat who looked at his cat girlfriend in the wrong way?” She chuckled.

“No I haven’t.” He began to laugh as he imagined the cat.

“They’re truly psycho!” She joined in his laughter.

“I remember when the twins were younger, they were obsessed with getting a cat.”

“Coz they don’t live in a mad enough house as it is..!” She giggled.

“It’s like an asylum!” He giggled alongside her.

“Though your mum did seem rather taken by a couple of kittens we had in being treated when she dropped by…”

“I’m sure she’ll manage to convince my father on allowing her to adopt one.”

“I’m presuming she has a track record for that sort of thing?”

“Oh yes! I’m just glad I don’t live at home anymore. I don’t want to hear how she plans to convince him. It was bad enough as a teen!”

Holly briefly looked confused. “Oh… Oh!” Her eyes widened as she realised what he was referring to.

He laughed. “Some would say its rather cute my parents are still so into each other after all these years but it’s totally gross at the same time!”

“My parents have slept in separate bedrooms for years.”

“I don’t think my parents would know what to do if they slept in separate bedrooms.”

“Mum says she hates dad’s snoring but I never remember him ever snoring.”

“Hmm, maybe he only snores around your mum?”

“Maybe.” She shrugged. “They’re just weird.”

“Shall we go shopping?” He asked.

“I think we’re going to need to unless we just go to mine instead?”

“We’ll go to yours.”

“You may want to bring a spare pair of boxers and socks. I kinda took some scissors to the ones you had left at mine…” She admitted sheepishly.

He gasped, “You cut up my boxers?”

“It seemed like a good idea after a bottle of wine.”

He sighed, “I really hurt you, didn’t I?”

“It just totally took me by surprise. I thought I’d finally found someone I could trust.”

“You can trust me.” He reassured, “It was a moment of madness that has come back and bit me right on the arse.”

“Well, maybe it has.” She shrugged.

He sighed softly but didn’t say anything.

They gathered their things and headed over to Holly’s house. Peter bringing some spare socks and boxers to replace the ones Holly destroyed.

Using her fully stocked up kitchen Holly was able to rustle up a tasty meal of pasta in a vegetable sauce.

They sat down at the table eating their food and engaging in small talk.

Across town Charlie and Duffy had just arrived home from the hospital and were making something quick to eat.

Charlie yawned. “What a shift!”

“It was.” She hesitated before continuing, not wanting to upset her husband after such a long day but aware that the topic needed discussing. “Did you hear back from the rehab facility?”

“Yes I have.” He sighed sadly.

“What did they say?” She asked, taking a small bite of the rice they’d made.

“That they have a place available for Louis.”

“Have you spoken to Louis about it? What does he think?”

“I haven’t had chance to speak to him yet.”

“He seemed really agitated again when I popped by to check on him during my break earlier.” She sighed.

He smiled sadly, “It’ll be the withdrawal.”

“The school sent his attendance record over.” She explained, pointing to one of the letters in the pile that she’d picked up off the doormat as they’d arrived home.

“Worse than we thought?”

“Yes. I’m cross that they didn’t tell us that he wasn’t attending so many lessons. We sent him to school, once he was there they need to take some responsibility for not keeping him there or at least not telling us that he wasn’t.” She huffed.

Charlie rubbed his neck, “Did he say anything to you when you went to see him on your break?”

“Not directly…” She frowned.

“What did he do?”

She sighed. “He asked the nurse to ‘tell that fucking whore to piss off and leave me alone’.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Its ok. I’ve come to expect it.”

“The sooner he gets into rehab and is able to deal with whatever he’s got on his mind, the better.”

“I think he has a long road ahead of him and I worry he’s not going to want to commit to seeing it through.”

“No me either.” He admitted.

“I don’t know how best to help him. Emily and Jake are both still so upset about it all too.” She sighed.

“I would be upset too.” He admitted.

“I just wish they hadn’t tried to handle it all by themselves.”

“That’s Em and Jake for you though.”

“At least Emily seems to be eating a bit better.”

“Yeah.” He hesitated for a moment before dismissed the idea.

Duffy hadn’t missed his brief hesitation. “What is it?” She asked, tilting her head to one side and shooting him a look.

“Nothing.” He smiled sadly.

“Charlie…”

“Are you sure she’s ok?”

“What makes you think she’s not?”

“It’s probably nothing,”

“No, tell me!”

“I heard her being sick.”

“When?”

“Yesterday.”

“She does get sick when she’s anxious…” Duffy replied weakly.

“I know, I know she does.” He smiled sadly.

“It could be anything. She’s probably still upset about Louis, or worried about school or maybe she had another fight with Beth or Jamie…” Duffy stopped suddenly, realising as the words left her mouth that she’d said more than she intended.

“Beth and Jamie?”

“They’re friends of hers.” Duffy stammered awkwardly.

“Just friends?”

“Yes, Jamie is Jake’s age. They go to the art school.”

“Right.”

“Charlie! Don’t be like that…”

“Like what? Is she friends with Jamie the way we were friends or..?”

“You’d have to ask her.” Duffy replied, a little defensively.

He rose an eyebrow and smiled. “Is this where I promise not to go all protective daddy bear?”

“If you go in all guns blazing I don’t think you’ll get very far.”

“She’s my baby girl.” He pouted.

“I know she is but she’s growing up.” Duffy replied, booping Charlie’s nose before giving him a mischievous grin.

“She is.” He sighed. “They don’t stay babies for long do they?”

“No they don’t.” She pouted.

He kissed her lips.

She giggled as they parted. “Don’t worry you don’t need to distract me away from making any crazy suggestions..!”

“Like making another baby?”

Her grin widened and her eyes positively sparkled with mischief. “Is that a question or a suggestion?”

“It was a question.” He smirked.

“Shame.” She sighed dramatically, a silly grin still plastered across her face.

“Fancy it though?”

“I could maybe be pursuaded…” She purred, stretching slightly as she felt his hand start to creep up her thigh under the table.

“You’ve got really nice thighs.” He purred.

“You’re somewhat biased.”

“Hmm, maybe.” His hand creeped higher up her leg.

“You are so predictable too.”

“I can’t help it.”

“I’ve noticed. At least finish your food first. You’ll need the energy..!” She giggled, waggling her eyebrows at him.

“Oh is that so?”

“Wouldn’t want you flagging on the job.”

“Hmm, no we wouldn’t.”

Duffy giggled at the enthusiasm with which Charlie dug into his food. “Now I see where the boys get their terrible table manners from!”

“It’s not me!” He laughed.

“Says the man talking with his mouth full!”

It wasn’t long before Charlie finished his meal.

Duffy giggled as he practically dragged her up the stairs as soon as she placed her fork down on the table. She was about to push open their bedroom door when the sound of vomiting drifted down from above.

“Is that Em?” He asked sadly.

“There’s no-one else up there.”

“Do you want me to go or you?”

“Maybe we should both go?”

He nodded, they went upstairs together. “Em, darling. Are you okay?” 

The door of the bathroom locked quickly.

“Emily, we just want to talk. We’re not angry, we want to help.” Duffy spoke softly through the door.

“It’s fine. It’s nothing. I’m just sick.”

“You know you’re not supposed to lock the door when you’re sick though princess.”

“I’m fine mum, please.”

“I want to check your temperature Emily.”

“I don’t have a temperature.”

Duffy looked at Charlie, gesturing that maybe he should try getting through to their daughter.

“Em, please. We’re not angry or cross. Is there something you want to tell us?”

“I’m ok daddy.”

“You keep being sick.”

Emily flushed the toilet and opened the door. “Look I’m fine.” She smiled, hoping her parents would drop it.

“Are you making yourself sick?” He asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

“No!” Emily replied defensively.

“If you are, your mum and I can help. We’re not angry…”

“Just coz mum does it don’t mean I do too!” Emily fired back.

“Em! That’s out of order! Apologise to your mother now!”

“She told me herself, it’s not like I made it up.”

“Apologise now! Please.”

“I’m sorry that you think I’m fucked up like mum is.”

“That’s enough! Go to your room!”

“Whatever!” Emily muttered, pushing past her parents and entering her room, slamming the door behind her.

“Are you okay?” Charlie asked Duffy, his hand touching her cheek.

“I always feared this would happen.”

“It’s not your fault, sweetheart.”

“Isn’t it?” She sighed then spun around as she heard a noise from Emily’s room.

It sounded like things were been moved. “Shall we go and investigate?”

“Yes.” Duffy replied, pushing open the door and finding the room empty, the window slightly ajar, the curtain flapping against the wall.

“You’ve got to be joking!!” Charlie went to the window, “Em!!”

Emily briefly looked up before jumping down from the wall that ran along the edge of the house and legging it down the road.

He sighed. “Do you know where she’s going?”

“Beth’s maybe.”

“Is that one of her friends?” He turned back to Duffy.

“Um… Yeh…”

“Just a friend?”

“What are you implying?” Duffy asked, a little flustered.

“Is our daughter gay?”

“How should I know? Shouldn’t one of us being going after her right now?” Duffy was fast getting agitated.

“I think we should give her space.” He replied, “She’s told you there’s too much on her mind.” He paused, “Ah! I think I’ve got it.”

“What?” Duffy was struggling to keep up.

“You said the other night that she had a lot on her mind. And you mentioned two names earlier. Jamie and Beth.” He processed his thoughts for a moment, “She doesn’t know what she is, does she?”

“I promised her I wouldn’t say anything.” Duffy mumbled, her head in her hands.

“You haven’t said anything.” He pointed out, “I worked it out. Is that why she’s been off lately? Because she’s scared?“

"She was upset and confused because she hadn’t heard from Beth since they’d got back from Europe.”

“My princess likes girls?”

“So it seems but then there’s also Jamie in the mix complicating matters somewhat.”

“She likes both? Girls and boys?”

“I’m not sure she knows what she wants. But thankfully it seems like this Jamie was raised right and behaved like a gentleman at least.”

“Why? What did she do?”

“It sounds like she… Well, I think she pretty much threw herself at him…”

He raised an eyebrow, “She’s fourteen!!”

“I know, I know. Please don’t go off about it…”

“I won’t.”

“I think Beth is where her heart truly lies.”

“So you think she’s a lesbian?”

“To be honest I don’t actually really care so Iong as she’s happy and treated well.”

He didn’t say anything. His little princess couldn’t be gay…

“I just hope she’s not doing what I used to do when I escaped out my bedroom window at her age…” Duffy grimaced.

Charlie still didn’t say anything, he moved and sat on the edge of Emily’s bed.

“Well, we’ll soon know if work call us to say she’s having her stomach pumped..!” Duffy continued, becoming concerned by the lack of reaction from her husband. “Or she’s fallen into the river…”

“I think I’m gonna go and find her.” He stood up, “Do you know Beth’s address?”

“I don’t. Maybe… We could look in her desk..?”

He nodded, “OK.”

Opening the drawer they began to sift through the numerous notebooks and pieces of paper inside.

Until they found what they were looking for. Beth’s address.

Duffy was distracted by some drawings she had found.

Charlie peered over her shoulder at the pictures.

“I’m not sure we were supposed to see these.”

“They’re quite…” He trailed off.

“Yeh…”

“Will you stay here just in case Em comes back?”

“Its either that or leave Jake in charge…”

“I’ll try and not be long.” He kissed her cheek.

“Take all the time she needs. Maybe you’ll be able to get to the bottom of all of this.” She sighed.

“I can only try.” He admitted. “See you later gorgeous.” He kissed her tenderly before he left to go and find Emily.

When he arrived at the flat on the piece of paper no-one answered the door though there was the glow of a light from a room towards the back of the flat. He knocked again, ringing the bell. There was no answer for several minutes.

He was about to knock for the third time when the door opened.

“I’ll call the fucking police if you don’t piss off!” Beth remarked angrily, pulling her dressing gown around herself, the distinct whiff of alcohol on her breath.

“Is Em here?” He asked.

“What’s it to you?”

“I’m her father. Charlie. You must be Beth?”

“Yeh, so?”

A familiar giggle could be heard from the hallway behind Beth. “He’s come to drag me home coz I’ve been a naughty girl!”

“Em. I just want to talk.”

“Yeh but I don’t want to. Beth, it’s cold with the door open!” Emily pouted, her voice a little slurred as she continued to giggle.

He sighed, “I know my princess is struggling…”

“I am fine!” Emily retorted in a tone that Charlie had heard far too many times from another woman in his life to even consider believing.

“You’re just like your mother when you say that.” He sighed, “I’ll stay here all night if I have to Em. I just want to see you.”

“Fine!” Emily sighed, stumbling slightly as she made her way to the door. She was wearing an oversized t-shirt - not the clothes she’d been wearing when she’d run off up the street. “Here I am. Now will you go?” She asked, leaning against Beth.

“Can I talk to you, alone?” He glanced at Emily and then Beth, settling his eyes back on Em.

“I’m not going back home with you.”

“Why not?”

Emily shrugged. “Don’t want to.”

Charlie reached out to stroke her cheek, “I know my little girl’s hurting right now and doesn’t know what to do.”

“Mum told you where to find me, didn’t she? She swore she wouldn’t say anything.” Emily retorted, her eyes screaming with betrayal.

“She didn’t say anything.” He took a tatty piece of paper from his pocket, “I found this in your drawer. I had to make sure you were ok. I know you’re struggling but you don’t have to struggle on your own.”

“She’s not on her own.” Beth interjected.

“Answer me this question, Emmy? Does Beth make you really happy?”

Emily nodded.

“Then why are you so scared?”

“I’m not.” Emily replied but she couldn’t seem to look her father in the eye when she spoke.

“Yes you are. Answer me, why?”

Emily remained silent.

Beth looked from Emily to Charlie and back again. She sighed. “If you don’t tell him I will.”

“Please princess.”

Emily shook her head and ran back into the flat.

Beth watched her flee, torn between following her and revealing the truth.

“Do you know why she’s scared?” Charlie asked Beth.

Beth nodded. She opened the door further and allowed Charlie into the lounge. On the table was a partially consumed bottle of vodka and two glasses. Some of Emily’s clothes lay on the floor alongside what he presumed were Beth’s.

He sat on the sofa and smiled sadly at the glasses of vodka on the table.

“It happened on the way home from school yesterday…” Beth sighed, grabbing her glass from the table and knocking back the remainder of its contents in a single mouthful.

“What did?”

“Some ‘friends’ of her idiot brother grabbed her off the street and dragged her onto the rec.”

“Which brother? Louis?” He swallowed, “What did they do?”

Beth nodded. “Seems he owed money but since they couldn’t find him they went after the next best thing. She’s covered in cigarette burns and bruises.” Beth started to cry.

Charlie’s heart broke. He got up off the sofa and went to the room Emily was last seen fleeing into. He knocked on the door. “Em? Princess?”

“Go away!” She screamed.

He opened the door. “I can’t do that.”

“Does no-one know how to keep their gobs shut anymore?” She cried, curled up on the unmade bed.

He lay down beside her, “Where did they hurt you? I need to check they’re not infected.”

“I can’t…” She mumbled.

“Was it somewhere intimate?”

Emily shifted slightly to pull the duvet over herself, glancing awkwardly at the floor.

“Is that a yes, Em?” He closed his eyes. “Did they say how much Louis owed?”

“No! Yes… Um… I…” She was growing increasingly flustered. “A lot…”

“How much do you know?”

“They said that it was hundreds. And if he didn’t pay up by the end of the week then they’d take what he’d offered up as an alternative payment…” She sobbed.

“You?” He whispered.

She nodded. “Plus Tilly and Lottie if I wasn’t enough to settle the debt.” She whispered.

Charlie closed his eyes. His heart breaking further. “I’ll make this right, princess. I love you. Stay here, but please call your mum ok? Let her know you’re safe.” He kissed the top of her head.

“Please don’t tell the twins. I made them go a different way home to try and protect them…”

“I promise I won’t.” He paused, “I’m going to talk to Louis.”

Emily slowed raised the tshirt she was wearing, tears in her eyes.

Her little body was covered in cigarette burns. “I’m so sorry for all this mess sweetheart. Forgive me?”

“I lied for him…” She sobbed.

“For Louis? What did you say?”

“He made me promise not to tell you or mum what he was doing. I was scared he’d try and hurt mum again.”

He kissed her forehead, “He won’t hurt your mum because I won’t let him. And those people won’t hurt you again or the twins. They’d have to go through me first, ok?”

“He said that I wouldn’t be able to stop him like last time.”

“Did he say what he would do?”

“Just that he’d make it look like a tragic accident.”

He swallowed, “That’s not going to happen princess. Daddy needs to go and speak to Louis ok?” He kissed her head.

Emily nodded. “Tell mama I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“You have no reason to be sorry princess, no reason ok?” He reassured.

Emily curled up in the bed without replying.

He got up off the bed and left the room. “Look after her, won’t you?” He said to Beth.

“I will. I’m sorry for being rude before - I just couldn’t take any chances.”

“It’s fine, I understand.” He smiled. “Goodnight Beth, night Em. Love you.”

When he arrived at the hospital his head was spinning. He went up to the ward that Louis was in.

Though it was late the nurse in charge waved him through.

“Thanks.” He approached the bed. “Louis?”

Louis barely acknowledged his father’s presence as he lay on his side staring at the wall.

“How much money do you owe those scum bags?”

“Tell them to up my dose.” Louis mumbled.

“Not until you answer me!!”

“Need more!”

“Tell me how much money you owe!!”

“Don’t remember.”

“Yes you do!”

“I…” Louis’ eyes suddenly rolled back into his head and he began foaming at the mouth.

“Shit!” Charlie reached for the emergency buzzer before he held Louis so he wouldn’t hurt himself during the seizure.

Louis’ movements caused the bedsheets to slide down and Charlie noticed a needle sticking out of his son’s arm.

He’d taken heroin. And since it had been a couple of days since his last fix, it was now a toxic dose. “Louis!”

The doctors rushed in, alerted by the emergency buzzer.

Charlie stepped away from the bed as the doctors rushed in and tried to save Louis. He watched as the doctors attempted to reverse the effects of the heroin that Louis had taken.

They managed to stabilise Louis but Charlie couldn’t stay and watch. He walked away and drove home…

Duffy was pacing the hallway when he arrived back at the house. “Where the hell have you been?!” She burst out as soon as he opened the door.

“Thinking.”

“Did you find Emily? Is she OK?”

“Yeah.” He wandered into the kitchen and started to look for a bottle of whiskey.

“Charlie? Talk to me…”

He shook his head. “Bingo.” He pulled a bottle of whiskey out of the cupboard, unscrewed the lid and took a large mouthful of the liquid.

“What the hell happened? What’s wrong with my baby girl?”

“Nothing!” He took another mouthful before wandering into the garden.

“Charlie! Please..!”

“No!” He finished half the bottle of whiskey and sat down on the floor, resting his head against the brick wall.

“You’re really starting to worry me…” She sighed, placing her hand on his shoulder.

“I need you to go away for a while. You, the girls, the younger two. Abroad somewhere…”

“What?! You’re not making any sense…”

“You need to go away for a while! All of you. Even the older two!”

“Are you planning to tell me why?”

“I can’t. You’ll hate me.”

“I’m not going anywhere til you start talking Charlie.”

“Em got hurt.“

"What?! When?!” Duffy gasped.

“Coming home from school yesterday.” He muttered, “Its my fault!”

“How is it your fault? What happened to her?”

“All this with Louis, it’s all my fault!”

“Its not your fault. You didn’t make him take heroin!”

“I destroyed his life. So now he’s going to destroy mine.” A tear rolled down his cheek.

“You didn’t destroy his life. We have done everything possible to give him all the chances in the world and he’s thrown it all back in our faces.”

“He owes money. He’s put the girls up as alternative payment…” Another tear rolled down his cheek. “They got Em yesterday. She’s covered in cigarette burns and bruises.” Several more tears rolled down his cheeks and he began to cry.

“Did they..?” The colour drained from Duffy’s face.

“She didn’t say.” He looked up at her, “I can’t protect you or them!”

Duffy sank down onto the bench. Her breathing became choppy.

“I’m sorry darling.” He moved to her and tried to get her to focus on her breathing.

“I…” She didn’t get any further before she threw up on the grass.

“I’m so sorry.”

“You need to bring her home.” Duffy begged.

“I can’t. She doesn’t want to, I tried!”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. She wants to be with Beth.”

“Is she frightened that they’ll find her here?”

He swallowed, “I don’t know. Shit! I didn’t fucking think about that!”

“Hey, hey, it’s OK.” Duffy squeezed Charlie’s hand. “Have you had chance to hear what Louis has to say for himself?”

He shook his head, “I tried to ask how much he owes but he wasn’t listening. Then he had a massive seizure because he injected himself with heroin. I really need to call the rehab facility but not until I know how much money he owes! I’ll do and sell anything, I just don’t want my girls getting hurt.”

Duffy’s head shot up. “How the fuck did he get hold of heroin?!”

“I don’t know. They must know where to find him or he’s been contacting them.”

“This is such a mess. Do the girls know?”

“About what?”

“About Louis’ sick little deal?”

“Only Em. The twins don’t know.”

“He’s always had it in for my girls. Right from the start.”

“I know.” He paused, “I don’t think he really wants to hurt them deep down. The sooner he gets into therapy and rehab the better for us all.”

“I don’t share your optimism.”

“It’s not going to be an easy ride, I know that.”

“I don’t want him back in this house.”

“Neither do I.” He admitted.

“I need to see Emily.”

“She’s safe.” He reassured.

“I need to know what those bastards did to her.”

“Fine. Can I take you?”

Duffy sighed and nodded.

“Thank you. I can’t drive so we’ll walk instead?”

“I can drive…”

“True.” He squeezed her hand, “Come on then.”

“OK.”

They headed back inside and left a note for Jake before driving over to Beth’s flat.

Charlie and Duffy went to the door and knocked on, Charlie hoping they were still awake.

“Seriously what the fuck this time?!” Beth grumbled as she opened the door a crack.

“My wife wants to see Em. She won’t settle until she does.” Charlie explained.

“Oi pocket your mum’s here!” Beth yelled over her shoulder.

Em ran straight from the hall and dived at her mum, wrapping her arms around her mum tightly.

“Hey princess when did you learn to shinny down drainpipes that quickly?”

Emily giggled, “I’ve been practising.”

“I don’t think I want to know how much you’ve had tonight do I?” Duffy sighed as they moved into the lounge, Emily still clinging to her mum.

Beth smiled, “She’s had a glass. She’s a lightweight.” 

“You okay, mama?” Emily asked.

Duffy nodded. “Its been another long day.” She admitted.

Emily stroked her mum’s cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“Its ok. I just wish you’d come to me and told me what was going on.”

“I didn’t want to upset you.”

“You sound just like your dad! I’m tougher than you all think you know.”

Emily smiled sadly, “Did daddy tell you what happened?”

“He said some lads attacked you.”

Emily nodded.

“Did… Did they do more than that..?” Duffy’s voice shook as she asked the question she feared the answer to.

Emily shook her head, “No mama.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“I will make sure you never have to go through that. I swear to you.” Duffy vowed.

Emily didn’t say anything as she cuddled her mum. She reached out for her dad’s hand.

“Thank you for looking after her.” Duffy smiled sadly at Beth.

“You don’t need to thank me, Mrs Fairhead.”

“You really care for my daughter don’t you?” Duffy smiled at Beth, realising that Emily had fallen asleep.

Beth nodded, “Yes.” She smiled shyly.

“I’m glad. Once all this blows over you’ll have to come to the house so we can all get to know each other properly.”

Beth smiled, “I’d like that.”

“I’m just sorry we didn’t meet for the first time under better circumstances.” Duffy sighed.

Beth smiled sadly.

“Are you here on your own tonight?”

“Yeah, my mum will be back in the morning. She works nights.”

“We have room at ours if you want to stay there tonight instead?” Duffy offered.

Beth smiled, “You don’t mind?”

“Not at all. I’d feel much happier having you both under my roof where I know you’re safe.”

“I’ll go and get changed. Thank you, Mr and Mrs Fairhead.”

“OK, can you bring Emily’s clothes too?”

“I will.”

About half an hour later they were back home and the girls were both fast asleep. Duffy sighed as she sat down on the edge of her and Charlie’s bed.

“I’m sorry for all of this.” Charlie said as he sat on his side of the bed, staring at the floor.

“How many times, it’s not your fault.”

He sighed but didn’t say anything.

Duffy moved to kneel behind him on the bed and began to massage his shoulders.

He sighed contently.

“I love you.” She whispered, kissing his neck.

“We should get some sleep, tomorrow’s another day.” She smiled.


	10. tw: illegal drug use

Louis didn’t want to go to rehab! He’d fought and resisted the idea for so long but to no avail, he was going whether he liked it or not. The whole idea was stupid, he didn’t have a problem. He wasn’t an addict. He could stop if he wanted to! “I don’t want to go!!” He yelled in the car.

Charlie hadn’t spoken during the entire journey. Duffy knew this was tearing him apart inside.

“This will help make things better.” Duffy replied softly.

“I don’t need to be better!”

“You nearly died Louis.” She sighed.

“So?”

“Me and your dad love you and want to help you.”

“Really? Dad just does what you tell him to.” Louis sulked.

“Louis, please.” Charlie sighed.

“It’d be easier for you if I was dead anyway.”

“Louis! That’s enough. You’re my son! Why would I want you dead?”

“Then you could live your perfect little life with her!”

“That’s not true!”

Louis didn’t reply as they arrived at the adolescent rehab facility and entered the building.

The lady behind the desk greeted them. “Are you dad and mum?” She asked.

“He’s my dad, she’s just the whore who broke up my family.” Louis mumbled.

Duffy sighed. “Do you want me to just wait in the car?” She asked Charlie.

“No. We’ll do this together.” Charlie replied as he entwined his hand with Duffy’s.

“He always takes her side. Probably afraid she won’t suck his cock if he doesn’t.”

“Louis! Enough!” Charlie sighed, “I’m sorry about Louis.”

“Its ok. Would you like to follow me?”

They followed the lady as she led them through to a small room containing a single bed, desk and chest of drawers. This would be where Louis would be sleeping for the duration of his stay at the facility.

Louis flopped down on the bed but didn’t say anything.

Charlie placed the small bag they’d packed for Louis on top of the chest of drawers. They’d been sent a list of the things he’d need plus things that were prohibited.

Louis curled up in a ball and continued to stare at the wall. 

Charlie sighed, “I know this is the best place for him.”

“We have a very high success rate in these types of cases.”

“He’s got a lot of anger. A lot of things on his mind.”

“We include individual and group therapy sessions as a standard part of our treatment regime.”

“I don’t need therapy!” Louis mumbled from the bed.

“It will give you an opportunity to discuss anything that is on your mind in an open and non-judgemental environment.”

“There’s fuck all on my mind!” Louis replied back. “You don’t know shit!”

“Maybe we should leave him to get settled in?” Duffy suggested softly.

“I think that’s a good idea.” Charlie sighed, “Bye Louis. Love you.”

Louis merely grunted in return, not even turning around.

Charlie and Duffy left Louis to settle into his new room.

“We’re doing the right thing.” Duffy attempted to reassure Charlie as they drove away.

“I know we are.”

After giving Louis some time to settle into his new room a male staff member entered. “Hello Louis, I’m Antony, I’ll be your case worker whilst you’re with us.” He explained.

“Kay.”

Antony sat down in the chair at the desk. “Do you know why you’re here?”

“Cos everyone thinks I’m an addict!”

“Do you believe that?”

“That I’m an addict?”

“Yes, do you believe that you’re an addict?”

Louis shrugged, “Does it matter what I am?”

“It matters to me.” Antony replied. “The first step to getting better is acknowledging what the problem is in the first place.”

“I don’t have a fucking problem!!” Louis shot back and then sighed heavily. “I…”

Antony remained silent, allowing Louis to continue.

“Don’t have a problem!”

“OK. So if you weren’t here right now what would you normally be doing?”

“Being with my mates.”

“What would you be doing with them?”

“Stuff.”

“Do they take drugs too?”

Louis nodded.

“Do you only take them when you’re with your friends or when you’re alone too?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

Louis shrugged, “On things.”

“What things?” Antony encouraged gently.

Louis shrugged, “Feelings and that.”

“Do you do more drugs when you’re feeling upset or angry?”

Louis nodded.

“As a means of escape?”

Louis nodded again.

“What are you trying to escape from?”

“I don’t want to talk anymore.“

"OK. Would you like something to eat?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“OK. You’re welcome to go sit in the social room if you’d like?”

“I’m fine here.”

“OK. I’ll leave you alone for a bit.” Antony replied before standing and leaving the room.

Louis sighed. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

A while later a boy and girl of about Louis’ age appeared in the doorway.

“Oi new boy, what you been thrown in here for?” The girl asked.

“Drugs. Everyone thinks I’m an addict, you?”

“We’re all in here for that you twat! What drugs?” The lad asked.

“Oi, leave off him!” The girl fired back.

“Who are you calling a twat!” Louis got up and moved towards the lad, “What drugs are you in here for, ya pussy!”

The lad pushed Louis. “Think you’re a hard man do ya?”

Louis shoved him back, “Fucking dickhead!”

Very quickly punches were being thrown by both lads.

They had to be separated by Anthony and another lad. Louis’ lip was bleeding.

Both lads were sent back to their rooms. Later that afternoon the girl appeared back at Louis’ door.

“Is your friend always that much of a twat?” Louis asked without looking up.

“Yeh, Brad thinks he’s top dog round here. I ain’t never seen no-one stand up to him the way you did.”

“I’m Louis.” He sat up.

“I’m Katy. So why are you here?”

“Heroin and stuff. You?”

“Same.” She moved slightly closer and lowered her voice. “You’re in luck coz I know how to score what you need.”

His eyes lit up, “You do? How?”

“I have contacts. It’ll cost you though.”

“How much?”

“What you got?”

“No money but I’ve got a good cock.” He put his hand on her thigh.

“Oh is that so?” She smirked. “I’ll need to try before I buy…”

“Go ahead.”

She got up from the bed and moved to block the door shut. There were no locks on the inside of any of the doors so she moved the desk instead. She then turned around, her hands on her hips. “Show me what you got then…” She smirked.

“You look like you’ve done this before.”

“Maybe.” She shrugged.

He removed his joggers, remaining in his boxers. “Thought so.”

She stepped closer. “That doesn’t bother you though?”

He laughed, “All you women are the same.”

“What you mean by that?”

“I’ve changed my mind! Piss off!”

“What the fuck?! What the hell is your problem? You never fucked a girl before or something?”

“I mean it! Fuck off!!” He yelled. He went berserk, trying to flip the various stuff in his room.

“You’re totally fucked!” Katy retorted, leaning against the door watching as Louis trashed the room.

“Get out!!”

“Nah, I’ve always found psychos quite a turn on.” She replied, her hands twitching slightly as she held them in front of herself.

“I won’t fucking tell you again! Fuck off!!” He was getting really angry now.

“Fine, you know where to find me when you start getting desperate.”

As soon as she was gone, he screamed loudly and began to smack his head against the wall.

The scream alerted the staff who came rushing into his room.

He was still trying to split his head open against the wall.

They had no choice but to place him in restraint.

“Let me go!!” He tried fighting against the restraints.

Eventually they were able to subdue his outburst and decided to place him in lockdown until he was better settled.

Louis lay on his side, staring at the wall. His nails scratching his arm. He needed something to take the edge off.

Things weren’t any better the following morning when he was allowed to rejoin the others in the facility. He hadn’t slept at all and had managed to gouge deep scratches in his upper arms and chest. “Can I go out for some fresh air?” He asked.

“Only within the garden.” Antony told him, unaware of what Louis had done to himself during the night.

“Fine.”

Once out in the garden Louis heard his name being called from over by the wall.

He moved closer to the wall. “Tony?”

“Did Katy find you last night?” Tony replied from the other side of the wall.

“Yeah. You know her?”

“Yeh. She’s a friend of a friend.”

“Right.”

“She’s a good girl.” Tony gave a filthy laugh.

“Yeah, believe so.”

“I’ve got to go but I’ve left a little present for you with her.”

“Cheers.”

“We’re working on a plan to break you out that shit hole.” 

Louis nodded. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

“See you soon.”

“See you soon.” Louis flopped onto the grass. Now he was even more confused!

A little while later Katy wandered past. “Meet me in the shower block.” She whispered.

“Alright.” 

But Louis didn’t turn up… 

Later that evening Katy let herself into Louis’ room without bothering to knock. “You nearly got me busted! Where the fuck were you?”

“Changed my mind!” He replied, still lying on his bed.

“Tony and me put our asses on the line for you!” She hissed.

“I never fucking asked you to!”

“So do you want it or not?”

“Yeah.”

“You better come get it then…” She smirked.

He ended up having sex with her in exchange for the heroin.

After they were done Katy smirked. “Not only are you a big boy you know how to use it too. I’m impressed.” She watched him shoot up. “You gunna share that?”

“Maybe.” He smirked and gave her some. “Aren’t you gonna go back to your room?” He asked.

“And risk getting caught?” She asked. “They’re not allowed to search us intimately coz we’re under eighteen so it’s the perfect way to smuggle it in.” She giggled.

“I want to be on my own for a bit.”

“OK.” She got up from the bed and started to redress, her movements clumsy as the heroin started to take effect.

“You alright?” He still hadn’t taken any himself.

“Yeh. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure?“

"When you were fucking me you called me a dirty ginger whore and said you would teach me a lesson… What did you mean by that?”

“Nothing.”

“Who is she Louis?”

“Who’s what?”

“The ginger whore you clearly want to fuck and teach a lesson to…”

“No one!”

“Oh my god!” Katy suddenly gasped.

“What?”

“When you arrived yesterday… Your mum’s got red hair… Fuck that’s sick Louis!” She giggled.

“She’s not my fucking mum!!” He snapped.

“Ooh, touched a nerve have I?” Katy taunted.

“Will you leave me alone?”

“You want to fuck your mum, you need some serious therapy!” Katy continued to laugh. “Tony says I always go for the weirdos.”

“She’s not my fucking mum!!” He snapped, “Now fuck off and leave me alone!!”

“Yeh, yeh, keep telling yourself that…” She smirked as she left the room.

Louis slammed the door shut and sat on the floor. He tightened the tourniquet across his arm and was about to inject when the door opened and Anthony stood there.

“I can’t stop you if you’re determined to do it Louis.” Antony informed him calmly.

Louis’ hand shook as he brought the needle closer to his vein. “Just want it to stop.”

“Want what to stop?”

“All this.” Louis swallowed and moved the needle into his vein. “It consumes me all the fucking time.”

“We can make it stop together if you just let us help.”

“It’s too late.” Louis dropped the needle.

Antony pressed the emergency button.

“Mum said she was a whore. A dirty whore…”

“Who is?” Antony asked, desperate to keep Louis awake and talking.

“My stepmum.” Louis’ eyes closed, “She’s not a whore…”

“Louis you need to stay awake so you can tell her that yourself.” Antony shook Louis firmly.

“No!”

Louis was rushed to the hospital who called his parents.

Charlie and Duffy hadn’t been at the hospital for long when Louis began to come round. He was disorientated and combative like last time. “Make it go away!” He muttered, trying to fight.

Duffy squeezed Charlie’s hand, encouraging him to speak to his son.

“Make what go away, Louis?”

“Everything!”

“Everything like..?”

“All the bad things, the bad thoughts.”

“What bad thoughts?” Charlie encouraged gently.

“To hurt…” Louis mumbled.

“To hurt Duffy?”

“All women.” Louis mumbled.

“You don’t want to hurt them, do you? You’re not a bad person, Louis.”

“They hurt me.”

“Who hurt you?” Charlie moved closer to Louis.

“You left coz of Duffy and Emmy. I wanted you back but then you had Tilly and Lottie.” Louis cried.

Charlie wrapped his arms around Louis. “It broke my heart every time I had to say goodbye to you. I wanted you to be with us so much. But your mum needed you.”

“She needed you too.”

“I hurt her, badly. And I’ve never quite forgive myself for that. Or for hurting you, either.”

“Why did you do it? Weren’t we enough?”

“I love you more than you’ll ever know.” Charlie told his son.

“Then why did you leave? What did I do wrong?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I tried to fight for you, for full custody, but your mum won.”

“I just wanted us to be happy together. You, me and mum.”

“I loved your mum Louis. But I was also in love with Duffy.”

“Why did you chose her?”

“I was tired of living a lie, pretending to be happy with your mum when I wasn’t. Your mum and I wore each other down and made each other miserable.”

“And Duffy made you happy?”

“Yes.”

Louis sighed but didn’t reply.

“I love you, Louis. More than you’ll ever know. And I’m sorry for the way things turned out. If I could go back, I’d do things differently.”

“What would you do instead?”

“Fight harder for you. Not break your mum’s heart the way I did.”

Louis nodded, his eyelids were growing heavy again.

“Go to sleep. I’ll still be here when you wake up.” Charlie kissed Louis’ head and held him as he fell asleep.

Once he was confident that Louis was asleep Charlie looked up and saw Duffy still stood silently in the corner, tears running down her cheeks. He moved towards her and wiped away the tears, “I don’t regret us for one minute. But if I had my time again, I’d do it so differently.” He whispered.

“We’ve both made so many mistakes along the way.” She sighed.

“All we can do is look to the future and hope things work out.”

“And hope that one day the past stops punishing us.”

“I think it will.” He kissed her forehead, “We’ll stay here for a bit and go home?”

“OK. I just need to go do something, you stay here with Louis. I won’t be long.”

“Okay sweetheart. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Charlie kissed her forehead and watched as she left. He sat back down at Louis’ bedside and took his son’s hand in his own. It was as he was watching Louis sleeping that he noticed the cut on the teenager’s lip and the marks on his arms. He sighed, the cuts looked sore and painful.

It was going to take a lot to fix everything but he hoped they’d made a few precious steps of progress tonight.

He hadn’t meant to but Charlie had ended up falling asleep in resus. The noise of the door reopening startled him awake. His head shot up as he stretched and yawned.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” Duffy apologised.

“It’s fine. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Where’ve you been?” He asked.

“Just went to check some paperwork I left behind on my last shift.” She replied, not having moved from just inside the doorway.

“Aren’t you coming in?” He held his hand out towards her.

She moved tentatively towards him, trying to disguise the fact that her stomach was hurting badly. She just hoped that the low lighting in the room would hide the fact that she was suddenly much paler and perspiring along her hairline.

He sensed there was something wrong. “Where are you hurting?”

“I’m fine. Its nothing. Probably just cramps.” She replied dismissively, trying to sound nonchalant.

“What’s happened?” He asked, getting up and making sure she sat down.

“Nothing. A couple of aspirin and I’ll be right as rain.”

“Duffy, please?” He sighed. “What’ve you done?”

“Its just period cramps! Or is this where you insist I’m too old for that!” She retorted in a sharp whisper.

“Just period cramps?” He paused, “You haven’t hurt yourself in any way have you?”

“No! You know how much I suffer with them.”

He sighed sadly, “OK. You’d tell me if you were struggling, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course. I don’t mind if you want to stay here but I really just want my hot water bottle and duvet.”

“Ok.” He kissed her forehead. “You’re really warm!”

“Oh? It’s probably just a bit warm in here.”

“Let me know when you get home? I love you.”

“I will do. Love you too.” Duffy smiled.

“Love you Duffy.” A little voice came from the bed.  
Duffy froze and turned around. She’d not heard those words said in that voice for a very long time.

Louis’ eyes were still closed.

A single tear slid down Duffy’s cheek as she turned once more and left to head home.

“Want to get better.” Louis mumbled. “Make it go away.” He briefly opened his eyes as he spoke and locked his gaze on his father’s. “Help me dad. Please!” He begged. “I want to go to a different facility!”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Where do you think I got the heroin from? He knows I’m there!”

“Who does? The lads you owe money to?”

Louis nodded.

“OK. We’ll look into what our other options are. I promise.”

“I want to get better, dad. I want to make things better with Duffy. I want to destroy the bad thoughts.”

“We will get through this together.” Charlie promised, squeezing Louis’ hand.

“Mum lied.”

Confusion clouded Charlie’s face.

“About Duffy.”

“Your mum had her reasons.”

“I want to get better.”

“And you will.” Charlie promised.

Louis nodded.

“You should go back to sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Love you dad.” Louis rolled onto his side and drifted back to sleep. 

Charlie sighed sadly, this wasn’t going to be an easy road for any of them. But he hoped they were strong enough to weather the storm together.


	11. NSFW: sexual content

t was Saturday morning, Tilly and Lottie were relaxing in their room after a busy and chaotic couple of weeks. They were both quieter than normal, not really talking much.

“You’ll never guess who I saw walking near school during yesterday break…” Tilly started, breaking the silence between them.

“Who?”

“Sarah!”

“She not dropped yet?” 

“You knew she was knocked up?! You didn’t tell me!” Tilly whined.

“Sorry,” Lottie shrugged, “Thought you knew anyway!”

“No! Wonder when the baby is due… She looks huge!” Tilly giggled.

“Yeah she does!”

“Its weird coz I swear when mum was pregnant it was only her belly that got big. Sarah is huge all over.” Tilly mused.

“Every baby’s different.” Lottie replied back with a shrug.

“I ‘spose. Wonder who the dad is…”

“Who do you think?”

“Well, she wasn’t with anyone when I saw her…” Tilly shrugged. “How did you find out she was knocked up?”

“You really don’t know?” Lottie rolled over to lay on her stomach.

“Know what?” Tilly sat up, suddenly very interested.

“The baby’s Peter’s.”

“What?!” Tilly’s eyes popped out of her head. “I thought he was shagging Holly now!”

“Well he was clearly shagging ‘em both weren’t he?”

“What a divvy twat!” Tilly snorted.

“Hmm.” Lottie sighed.

“So long as Holly don’t end up the same way..! Then he’d be really fucked.”

“Maybe dad isn’t the only one with super sperm.” Lottie giggled.

“Eww! Gross!” Tilly screwed her face up. “I swear every time him or mum say they’ve got summat important to tell us I’m convinced that’s what they’re gunna say!”

“That he’s got her knocked up again? Nah, don’t think that’s gonna happen.”

“Well it’s been six years…” Tilly rolled her eyes.

“Exactly.”

“Oli is six years younger than us dipshit!”

“Oh yeah!” Lottie giggled. “Urgh, I hope they don’t pop another baby out!”

“I’m surprised they don’t just fly out at this point!” Tilly sniggered.

“Tilly!! Your fanny doesn’t get bigger just cos you have kids!”

“That’s good coz otherwise mum would have some serious issues!”

“Can we stop talking about mum, her fanny and dad knocking her up please? It’s making me a tad nauseous.”

“You just be thankful you didn’t get woken up the other night!” Tilly shuddered.

“Ew!! What woke you up? That squeaky bloody bed or dad’s groans?”

“Nah… It was mum being, um, encouraging…”

Lottie pretended to vomit. “They’re far too loud!”

“Far too loud. There’s just no consideration in this house! I caught Krystal running nearly naked across the upstairs hallway the other morning..!”

“Ew!”

“At least Em’s 'friend’ doesn’t act like she owns the place strutting round in her underwear like she thinks she works for Ann Summers!”

Lottie giggled, “I didn’t think you knew what Ann Summers was.”

Tilly reached in under her bed and pulled out a suspender belt. “Where do you think I nicked this from?” She smirked.

Lottie gasped, “Tils!”

“It was Milly’s idea!”

“You ever gonna wear it?”

“Maybe.” Tilly smirked.

“You got your eye on someone?”

“Nah. It’s too much fun watching the lads in our class making twats of themselves trying to hit on me.” Tilly giggled.

Lottie rolled her eyes, “Least you’re getting hit on. No one ever notices me.” She grumbled sadly.

“Aww, I can send some of them your way if you like?”

Lottie shrugged, “Whatever.”

“Anyway… What do you think to this new 'friend’ of Emmy’s?”

“She’s alright.”

“I don’t get why she seems to be practically living here all of a sudden…”

Lottie shrugged, “Maybe we should ask Em?”

“You can!”

“Fine I will.”

“Wait for me!” Tilly giggled as she followed Lottie out the bedroom.

“Hurry up then!” Lottie went up to Emily’s room and knocked on the door.

The was a pause before Emily called for them to come in.

Lottie and Tilly entered the room together. “You alright, Em?”

“Yeh we’re just practising some new sketching techniques.”

“You and your 'friend’?” Lottie and Tilly giggled.

“Do you mean Beth?” Emily asked, picking up on her sisters’ tone. “She’s just getting some sandwiches downstairs but she’ll be back up in a minute so knock it off.”

“Is she a friend? Or is she a friend like mum and dad were friends to each other?” Lottie asked, her hand on her hip. “And why isn’t she at home?”

“Her mum works nights at the hospital so mum and dad let her stay over so she’s not on her own.” Emily replied, ignoring the other question.

“You didn’t answer my other question, Em!”

“Am I not allowed to have friends or something?”

“Sure but is she a friend, friend?”

“What’s a friend, friend?” Beth asked as she arrived back in the room.

“Are you and my sister shagging? Or whatever it is lesbians do to each other.” Tilly blurted out.

“That’s none of your business but yes I’m a lesbian. You got a problem with that?” Beth retorted.

“Would I be stood here talking to you if I had a problem with your sexuality?” Tilly replied.

“Well from the way you were harassing your sister…”

“I weren’t harassing her! I was just asking if you were friends. Or friend friends, like our parents were.” 

“Tils, we should probably leave them to it.” Lottie tried to steer Tilly out of the bedroom.

“It was your idea!” Tilly argued with her twin.

“Yeah well. I didn’t realise she was gonna be a cocky cow!” Lottie answered back.

“You were right pocket, they’re so childish!” Beth remarked.

“Ugh! And you’re so lame, haven’t you got your own home to go to? We’re not charity!” Tilly tutted and she and Lottie left the room, heading back to their own bedroom.

Reaching their room Tilly flopped down onto her bed.

Lottie copied her actions.

“To think I thought she was alright.” Tilly grumbled.

“She might just be a bit defensive until we get to know her.” Lottie shrugged, “Fuck knows.”

“But she is a lesbian…”

“Yeah and..?”

“Do you think that means that Emmy is too?”

“Maybe.” Lottie shrugged, “Or maybe she’s both? What do they call that?”

“Erm… To be honest I stopped listening during that bit in sex ed…” Tilly shrugged.

“Bisexual or something like that. They like both. Cock and fanny.” Lottie laughed.

Tilly wrinkled her nose. “Cock all the way thanks very much!” She giggled.

“You’ve never seen one!”

“Yeh I have!” Tilly pouted.

Lottie gasped, “When? Who’s?”

“Tommy and Lewis got theirs out on the school field.”

“Oh my God!”

“Yeh. Tommy’s is way bigger than Lewis’!” Tilly giggled.

“I’m going downstairs for a glass of water. You want anything?” Lottie asked as she got up off her bed, attempting to change the conversation topic.

“You’re just put out coz Lewis has got a tiny knob!” Tilly teased.

“Maybe.” Lottie laughed.

“You never know he might be a grow-er not a show-er..!” Tilly shrugged.

“Ew! Tils!” Lottie pulled a face before heading to the door, “Sure you don’t want anything from the kitchen?”

“Grab us a couple of biscuits?”

“Alright.” Lottie wandered downstairs, passing her mum in the hall.

“You ok Lottiepop?” Duffy smiled.

“Uh huh.” Lottie forced a smile.

“You sure?”

Lottie shrugged and wandered into the kitchen to get a glass of water, “When did you have your first boyfriend?” She asked her mum.

Duffy hesitated slightly. “Um… Fifteen. Why?”

“Just wondered.” Lottie lent against the counter and sipped her water.

“Are you worried about something? Is someone pressuring you?”

Lottie laughed bitterly, “Chance would be a fine thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t really get noticed.” Lottie sipped her water again and sighed.

“Trust me that’s no bad thing.”

Lottie shrugged. “Maybe one day.”

“When the time is right and the right person comes along.” Duffy smiled encouragingly at her youngest daughter.

Lottie sipped her water again, “Mum? Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Is Em a lesbian?”

“Isn’t that a question you should be asking your sister?”

“Her friend got all defensive with a right attitude when I asked earlier.”

“When you asked or when Tilly asked?” Duffy chuckled lightly.

“Tilly asked. But still, I haven’t got a problem if my sister is a lesbian. Don’t matter to me or Tils!”

“That’s good to know. Because it’s not a problem.”

“If she’s gay, she’s gay.” Lottie shrugged.

“Exactly. So do you have any more questions of a personal nature to ask?” Duffy smiled.

“No.”

“I’m glad that you feel able to talk to me about these things.”

“About boys and stuff?”

“About anything that’s worrying you. I know you’re growing up but I want you to know that you can always talk to me if you need to.”

“I know mum, thanks.”

“Now can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Where are you going with those biscuits I just saw you sneak into your pocket?” Duffy giggled.

“Upstairs to Tilly.” Lottie giggled.

“You know you’re not supposed to eat in your bedroom.” Duffy replied shaking her head fondly at the teenager.

“I know, but Tilly won’t move her arse to come down.”

“Leave that to me.” Duffy giggled. She walked into the hallway and leant around the bottom of the stairs. “Matilda Fairhead get yourself down here now!” She yelled, shooting Lottie a wink.

Tilly groaned and got up off the bed and wandered to the top of the stairs, ”I ain’t done nothing!”

“I’d like a word with you Tilly.”

Tilly pouted and came downstairs, “Yes mum?”

“Eat your biscuits downstairs and don’t annoy your sister OK?”

Tilly shrugged, “That friend of hers has got a proper attitude.”

“How about we all sit down together and have a chat?” Duffy suggested.

Tilly shrugged.

Duffy called Emily and Beth to come downstairs to join herself and the twins to have a drink and some biscuits. Duffy decided to seize the chance whilst Charlie was at the park with the younger boys and Jake and Krystal were in town.

Beth and Tilly exchanged looks over the table.

“I thought it would be nice for us girls to all get to know each other.” Duffy smiled encouragingly.

Emily nodded, “OK.”

“Who wants to start?”

“I will.” Said Lottie quietly.

“OK Lottiepop.” Duffy smiled.

There was a silence for a minute, “What shall I say?” Lottie asked with a giggle.

“Anything, what would you like to tell Beth about yourself?”

Lottie shrugged, “I’m Tilly’s twin but I’m not childish.”

Duffy sighed and rubbed the skin between her eyebrows. This might be trickier than she thought.

“Tilly and I are different, even though we look the same. I’m quieter, she’s-“ Lottie pointed to Tilly, “gob on legs.”

“Oi!” Tilly retorted.

“I’m just saying.”

“How do you put up with this every day?” Beth asked Emily as she watched the twins squabble.

“You get used to it.” Emily replied with a giggle.

“It must be quite a difference for you compared to home.” Duffy smiled at Beth.

“It’s heck of a lot noisy.” Beth replied with a smile.

“So what are your favourite things to do Beth?” Duffy asked, shooting the twins a look to pack it in.

“I like to draw,” Beth replied, “And play netball.”

“Oh I was terrible at netball at school.” Duffy chuckled.

“I like football too.”

“Peter and Jake play football.” Tilly remarked.

“Do they? Maybe we can all have a kick around one day.”

“Yeh, I’m sure they’d both enjoy that.” Duffy smiled.

Tilly was fidgeting in her chair, a clear sign that there was something she wanted to ask.

Duffy looked at her daughter and smiled, “Go on Tilly. I’m sure you’re dying to ask something.”

“Nuh uh, Beth yelled at me last time!” Tilly pouted.

“You’re fidgeting.” Duffy pointed out.

“Only if she promises not to yell.” 

“Fine. I promise.”

“Are yous twos lesbos?” Tilly asked.

Duffy put her head in her hands. “I taught you better English than that!” She sighed.

Emily sighed, “I think so. I dunno. I like boys too.”

“See! I told ya!” Lottie crowed at Tilly.

Tilly shrugged, “So you’re bi-something?”

“Bisexual is the word you’re looking for Tilly.” Duffy explained.

“That’s it! Bisexual!” Lottie giggled, “We learnt about that in sex ed.”

“I’m glad to hear you’ve been listening in those lessons.” Duffy smiled.

“Tilly don’t pay attention. She’s too busy drooling over Tommy’s dick.” Lottie laughed loudly. “She wishes anyway!”

“Lottie!” Tilly sulked. “At least he don’t have a tiny knob like Lewis does!” She shot back.

“Shut up!” They began to bicker again.

“Girls!” Duffy sighed. She turned to Beth. “They talk a good talk but most of it is nonsense. At least I hope it is.” She grimaced.

“Probably!”

“You ok?” Duffy asked Emily, reaching across the table to squeeze her daughter’s hand.

Emily nodded, “Yes mama.”

“Have you spoken to your older brothers about all this? Coz I don’t think the twins will keep their mouths shut for long…”

“Not yet. I don’t really know what to say. Does dad know I’m… you know?”

“Yes he does. Maybe talk to them one at a time? I think Peter has some news of his own for you all too.”

Emily frowned softly, “He does?”

“Sarah’s knocked up!” Tilly blurted out.

“What’s that got to do with us?” Emily asked, “Sarah and Peter haven’t been together for years.”

“Its Peter’s!” Lottie added before Duffy had chance to stop her.

“That can’t be right. Jake said that Sarah is dating Zeke’s big brother AJ…” Emily replied, her brows knitted in confusion.

“It seems she’s been having sex with both.” Lottie replied. 

“Then how can she know who’s the dad?” Emily asked, her brows still knitted in confusion.

“I’m not sure this is an appropriate conversation…” Duffy interrupted, shocked as she hadn’t been aware of that detail.

“Sex with two blokes at the same time… That’s a bit of a slaggy thing to do…” Tilly mused, not considering how her comment could be construed.

“Tilly! Shut up!” Emily snapped, “You have no idea, do you?! She’s not a slag for having sex with two men! It happens sometimes. A man can sleep with as many women as he wants and he’s not called a slag, is he?!”

“Sez the lesbian!” Tilly fired back.

Lottie couldn’t help noticing that their mum had gone awful quiet and pale.

Emily stood up, “Words hurt Tilly! You should be careful what you say and how it can be construed to people around the table!”

“What the hell you on about?” Tilly asked, genuinely baffled.

“You really don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?” Tilly asked, looking at Lottie who just shrugged in return, equally in the dark.

Duffy got up and walked out the room. She couldn’t listen any more.

“Mum and dad were married to other people, they had… an affair.” Emily said quietly, “So does that make mum a slag?!”

“Nah, they broke up, got married to other people and then got back together after they split up with those people… Right?!” Tilly replied, her voice getting increasingly uncertain.

“No they didn’t.”

“How do you know?!” Lottie demanded.

Beth slipped out of the room to follow Duffy whilst Emily dealt with her sisters.

“You alright?” Beth asked as she sat next to Duffy. 

“I asked mum, once. Cos of things Louis was saying.” Emily admitted.

“I’m fine.” Duffy replied reflexively from where she sat on the bottom of the stairs.

“Louis chats shit.” Tilly shrugged.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah but this time he weren’t!!”

“My own daughter thinks I’m a slag - yeh I’m just great!”

“What did he say?”

“Tilly doesn’t mean that,” Beth reassured. 

“That mum and dad were seeing each other behind his mum’s back!”

“She’s right though.” Duffy sighed.

“Fuck!” Lottie gasped. “It all makes sense now..!”

“No, she isn’t.”

Duffy didn’t speak for a few moments as she stared at the floor. “You must be wondering what the hell kinda family you’ve gotten yourself involved with…”

“No, not at all. I know life isn’t always easy or simple.”

“That was not what I was expecting to happen when I invited everyone downstairs.”

“I know.” Beth smiled sadly.

“I’m sorry the girls were rude to you. They should know better than that so I’ll be having words with them.”

“They weren’t. They’re just outspoken.” Beth smiled, “Curious.”

“That’s one word for it!” Duffy snorted.

“They don’t mean any harm. They just don’t always think.”

“No they don’t.” Duffy pushed herself to her feet. “I best go make sure they haven’t all killed each other.” “

When Duffy returned to the kitchen, all three girls were quiet.

"Dare I ask..?” Duffy began.

“You and dad had an affair?” Lottie asked.

“Yes.”

“Ok.”

“I shouldn’t have said what I said. Sorry mama.” Tilly looked up at her mum.

“Its ok. I know you didn’t mean it the way it came out. You just need to think before you speak in future Tots.”

Tilly nodded, “I’ll try harder.” She got up and hugged her mum tightly.

“Trying is all you can do.” Duffy smiled.

Lottie and Emily both ended up hugging their mum.

Suddenly there were giggles from the kitchen doorway. “We hug too!” Oli and Paul yelled as they ran into the room.

“Fairhead sandwich.” Emily giggled.

Duffy could just about see her husband above the kids’ heads. “You have fun at the park?”

“We did.” Charlie replied as the younger two ran upstairs to their room. 

“We should go back to our room, too.” The girls all left, returning to ther bedrooms and leaving Charlie and Duffy alone in the kitchen.

“You’ve missed quite the morning.” Duffy grimaced.

“What happened?” He wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Where do I even start..?” She sighed, leaning back against his chest.

He kissed her neck. “That bad?”

“Worse!” She chuckled darkly.

“What happened?”

“I think the twins may need a lesson in tact and diplomacy.”

“Ah. What’ve they said now?”

“Apparently Sarah is a slag.”

“Oh…”

“Coz according to Tilly that’s what you are if you sleep with two blokes at the same time.”

“She said what?!” He sighed.

“Emily jumped down her throat over it which led to all kinds of other things flying out.”

“About us?”

Duffy nodded mutely.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’ve heard it all before but to hear it coming out the mouth of my own child…”

“I don’t think she meant it.” He kissed her ear, “You’re not a slag.”

“She apologised afterwards.”

“She opens her mouth without thinking sometimes.”

“Hmm… Hopefully she’ll grow out of it.”

“Or she’ll get into a lot of trouble.” Charlie’s fingertips stroked her hips, “I love you.”

“Do you think Peter knows?” Duffy asked, still fretting about what the girls had let slip about Sarah.

“That the girls know?”

“That there’s a possibility that…” She chewed her lip. She didn’t want to think badly of Sarah, especially when she’d been in a similar situation herself but Peter was her firstborn…

“What?” He moved to stand in front of her, his hands still on her hips.

“What if the baby isn’t Peter’s…” She mumbled.

“Is there a possibility?”

“Well Emily said that Sarah is in a relationship with the brother of one of Jake’s friends.”

“So she may not know who the father is?”

“You told me she’d had a boyfriend previously but it sounds like they’re still together. I just don’t know what to think. I don’t want Peter being taken for a ride and getting locked into a situation that he can’t get out of…”

“I don’t really know what’s going on but I worry about Peter too.”

“I just hope my chat with Holly did some good.”

“You never did tell me about how you worked out where Holly worked…”

“I have my ways and means.” She smirked.

He kissed her tenderly.

“Is it bad that part of me hopes it’s not Peter’s child?”

“No, it’s not bad at all.”

“But I fear my reasons are purely selfish…” She sighed.

“What reasons are those?”

“I don’t want to be a grandmother yet.” She pouted.

He laughed gently, “I don’t want to be a grandfather yet either.” He pulled her closer to him.

“Well you’re old enough to be but I’m really not!” She teased, giggling.

He pouted, “So rude.” He wriggled his hips against her.

“Don’t worry I still love you even now you’re old and grey.” She giggled.

“Good.” He laughed.

“There’s no-one else I’d rather be with.”

“That’s good, because I’m not planning on going anywhere, gorgeous!” He thrust his hips against hers.

“No-one else would have you anyway!” She giggled as she found herself caught between her husband and the kitchen table.

“You’re right on that.”

“Lucky I decided to take you on then…” She shifted her legs slightly to pull him closer.

“Otherwise I’d be a very lonely old man, using his right hand an awful lot.”

“I wonder who you’d be thinking about while you did…”

“A certain green eyed red head.”

“You would have gone blind by now!”

“That’s just a myth. You can’t go blind from wanking too much.”

“You been testing that theory?” She chuckled. 

“Well, you know I like to wank.” He smirked.

“Usually all over me.”

“I find you don’t usually object. You tend to encourage me.” His hand cupped one of her breasts, “I like to come all over these if I can’t fill you.” He whispered.

“Hmm… We’ve been getting a little lax with that again lately…” She smirked.

“You won’t let me pull out. You clench around me and…” He groaned, “It feels amazing.”

“Oi don’t go blaming it all on me!” She pouted, sliding her hand down his chest towards the waistband of his jeans.

“I don’t want to pull out when I’m in you.” His breathing quickened slightly as he watched her hand.

Knowing she had his full attention she allowed her hand to slowly move lower, brushing her fingers lightly across his crotch.

His hand moved to the waistband of her jeans. “I want to fuck you.” He murmured.

“What’s stopping you?”

He undid the button on her jeans and slowly moved her jeans and underwear down, whilst maintaining eye contact with her.

“You’re a bad, bad man.” She purred in his ear. The thrill of the risk of being caught was electric between them.

“Makes me even hornier to think we might get caught.” He sat her on the edge of the table as he fumbled with his belt.

“You having trouble there?” She smirked.

“No.” He removed his belt, “Remind me at some point to tie your wrists together again, preferably when you’re no longer in a cast.” He dropped the belt against the floor and removed his trousers and boxers, exposing himself.

“That belt does work well for that.” She smiled, her eyes widening slightly at the sight in front of her even after all these years.

“I like tying your wrists together and fucking you hard.” He rubbed himself against her, “Fucking hell Duffy! You’re soaking!”

“I wonder why…” She giggled.

“You’re just always horny.” He moved himself into her.

She shifted her legs to pull him deep inside her.

He moaned against her ear as he began to thrust.

Duffy giggled as she felt the table shake underneath her.

Tilly shot Lottie a look as they heard a crash and giggles from downstairs.

“What was that?” Lottie asked. 

Charlie undid a couple of buttons on Duffy’s blouse as he continued to thrust hard and deep inside of her, both of them now on the kitchen floor.

“I have a horrible feeling we might be getting a new kitchen table in the next few days…” Tilly replied pulling a face.

Duffy arched her back, desperate for his touch.

“Urgh! They’re not shagging in the kitchen, are they?” Lottie pulled a face.

Charlie released one of Duffy’s breasts from her bra and groped it. 

“Well, I’m staying up here coz I really don’t want to know!” Tilly started making gagging noises.

Duffy let out a satisfied moan. A little louder than she’d intended.

Lottie shook her head, “They’re like horny teenagers!” 

Charlie smirked, “You’re so loud.” He moaned against Duffy’s lips as he kissed her passionately.

“Time for headphones!” Tilly decided.

“Your fault!” Duffy giggled.

“I agree.” Lottie and Tilly both grabbed their headphones and began to listen to music. 

“Isn’t.” Charlie rested on his hands and gazed down at Duffy. “You’re so fucking sexy!”

Jake heard a loud moan as he opened the front door. He quickly turned to Krystal before she had chance to speak. “Don’t ask questions, just go straight upstairs to my room.” He whispered, though he wasn’t sure why he was lowering his voice, it’s not like they’d hear him anyway!

Krystal shrugged, “Alright.” She climbed the stairs as Jake closed the door.

Feeling Duffy dig her nails into his back, Charlie’s thrusts became much harder and faster.

“Was that the door?” Duffy gasped inbetween moans of pleasure.

“Huh?” Charlie was becoming a man of few words, he was close…

“The door… Oh fuck!” She moaned loudly.

He began to come, moaning loudly as he slowed his thrusts down.

Duffy’s fingernails dug deep into Charlie’s bottom as she too came.

He collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily.

“Fuck. Me.” Duffy gasped giggling.

“Fuck!”

Duffy looked sheepishly at the kitchen. “Oops!” She giggled.

“You’re so naughty!” He groaned as he began to harden again.

“You broke it not me!” She continued to giggle.

“It was you.” He began to suck on her nipple.

“Nuh uh!”

He sucked harder.

“Oh fuck!” She moaned, feeling her body beginning to tingle all over again.

He released her nipple, and instead began to suck on the other one.

She reached her hand down between them, circling her fingers around his cock.

He moaned softly, moving his lips to kiss her cleavage.

Encouraged by his moans she began to pump her hand up and down.

He met her gaze. “Yes baby!”

She nudged him onto his back so she could straddle him and move her arm more freely.

He continued to hold her gaze, his breathing heavy again.

She grinned mischievously, she could tell he was close.

He pulled her closer and kissed her passionately.

She continued to move her hand til he moaned into her mouth and came all over her hand. “You messy boy!” She chided playfully.

“Fucking hell!”

She giggled mischievously.

“I could do with a nap now.” He murmured.

“Not til you tidy up!”

“The kitchen and the cum on your hand?”

“The kitchen. I can deal with my own hand.” She giggled, slipping a finger into her mouth.

“You should’ve just stuck my cock in your mouth. All you’d have to do then is swallow.”

“You were too busy sticking something else in my mouth.”

He grinned. He got up and straightened himself out.

“Hmm… That might be awkward to explain…” Duffy giggled, gesturing to the kitchen table.

“Why the table broke?” He laughed gently, “We could just tell them the truth.”

“You can if you want but count me out!”

He kissed her nose, “I love you, gorgeous.”

“I love you too handsome.”

“Love you more.”

Duffy quickly started to dress as she heard movement on the stairs. “Shit!” She giggled.

Just as they both got dressed, the door flung open and Oli stood there. “Why is the table broken?”

“Um… Your dad knocked it over.” Duffy blurted out. “Did you need something little man?”

He stared at his mum and shook his head, “Nope.”

“Where’s Paul?” She asked.

“Upstairs.”

“You boys playing nicely?”

“Yeah.”

“Mum! Dad!” Emily yelled, her footsteps thundering down the stairs.

“What’s wrong, Em?” Charlie asked.

“Come quick! Paul was playing in Louis’ room.”

Charlie ran up the stairs as fast as he could. “Paul?!”

Beth was knelt on the floor holding Paul, both of them covered in vomit. “I think I got it all out.” She stammered as Charlie and Duffy crashed through the doorway with Emily.

“What do you mean? Got all what out?” Charlie’s blood ran cold as he fell to his knees beside Paul. “Will someone call an ambulance?”

Duffy’s hands shook as she called 999.

“We found the sweets Louis hid.” Oli remarked.

Charlie swallowed, “Did you take any, Oli?”

“No!” Oli replied, though he looked decidedly shifty.

“It’s really important Oli, daddy won’t be cross.”

“I put one in my mouth but they tasted funny.”

“We need to take you to the hospital too.”

“I’m sorry daddy!” Oli began to cry.

Charlie wrapped his arms around his son. “Don’t say sorry, it’s not your fault.”

“Mama…” Paul cried weakly.

Duffy dropped to her knees, scooping Paul into her arms, thankful that he was awake.

“It lodged in his throat, he was choking and then he was sick.” Beth explained, opening her hand to show them.

“Thank you.” Charlie smiled sadly at Beth.

“I tried not to hurt him but I had to reach down into his throat.”

“It’s ok, you saved him that’s all that matters.”

“Will he be OK?” Emily asked as there was a bang on the front door.

“I think so.” Charlie replied. Half an hour later, Paul and Oli were in the hospital.

Duffy was pacing the corridor outside resus whilst the boys underwent blood tests. Though she was a highly experienced nurse she couldn’t bare to watch her babies undergo the sort of thing she did everyday.

Charlie closed his eyes, “I’m so sorry.”

“We should have searched his room.” She cried.

He wrapped his arms around Duffy. “I didn’t think to.”

“Me either.”

“I thought it was just heroin.”

“There’s so much we didn’t know.”

“The boys will be ok, they have to be.”

The doors to resus opened and Dylan appeared.

“Are they ok?”

“Initial bloodtests are clear but I’d like to repeat the tests in a few hours and keep them under observation.”

Both of them breathed a sigh of relief, “Thank you!”

“They’re asking for you both.”

Charlie took Duffy’s hand and they went into Resus to the boys.

“Mama.” Paul croaked. “Tummy hurts.”

Duffy sat down on his bed and cuddled him. “Ssh, it’s OK.”

Oli was quiet, he cuddled into his dad. “I’m sorry.”

Paul continued to cry.

“Ssh, it’s ok.” Duffy tried to reassure and console Paul as much as possible.

After a few minutes Paul had fallen asleep curled up in his mum’s arms, his thumb in his mouth.

Charlie sighed as he glanced down at Oli and over to Duffy and Paul.

“This could have been so much worse.” Duffy whispered, her voice cracking as she held back tears.

Charlie nodded sadly. “Yes it could have been.”

She snuggled Paul closer, kissing his hair.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m just thankful that they’re OK.”

Charlie nodded. “So am I.”

“Beth saved his life.” Duffy stroked Paul’s hair.

“She did.”

A few hours later Dylan came back to do another set of obs and repeat bloods.

Charlie still had Oli in his arms, Paul in Duffy’s.

Thankfully the second set of bloodtests also came back normal.

“Can we take them home?” Charlie asked quietly.

“Normally I’d want to keep them in overnight but I think they’d be in good hands at home.”

Charlie smiled sadly, “Thank you. If anything doesn’t look right, we’ll come back.”

“I know you will.”

Charlie and Duffy took the boys home, the journey quiet and tense. Both adults reflecting on how quickly their lives could’ve changed.

The boys settled quickly once they were home.

The first thing Charlie did when they returned home was search Louis room.

Duffy was still sat in Oli and Paul’s bedroom watching them sleep when he’d finished.

“It’s all clean. There’s nothing else there.”

“Oh thank god.”

“I did find something else though.”

“What was that?”

He handed Duffy the empty photo frame. “I didn’t even notice it had gone.”

“What was in it?”

“A picture of us. I can’t find it in his room.”

“You and him?”

“No, me and you.”

“Really?”

He nodded, “I think he might have taken it with him to rehab but I don’t know why.”

“When was the photo taken? Maybe that might be significant.” She suggested.

“I can’t remember.”

“I guess you’ll have to ask him next time you visit.”

“Yeah I will.” He smiled sadly, “Do you think we’ll get through this?”

“What other choice do we have?”

“I’m scared it’ll break us.”

“You and me?”

He nodded.

“No, we’re bulletproof.” She smiled.

He smiled brightly, “I’m glad.”

“Many things have tried but none have succeeded.”

“That’s very true.”

“Crazy exes, near death experiences, our own minds…”

“Just a fair few things.”

“But we’re still here, still together, still accidentally breaking furniture..!” She blushed.

He sat on the floor beside her and rested his head against her shoulder. “I think we’ll always be breaking furniture together.” He stroked her cheek.

“I think I’m going to have some interesting bruises on my back tomorrow.” Her lips briefly quirked into a small grin.

“Quite possibly.” He couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on his lips.

Duffy’s gaze wandered back to the boys. “They looked so tiny and fragile in resus…” She mumbled.

“They did.”

“Hopefully given time they won’t remember much about it.”

“I hope not.”

A hush descended for several moments until Duffy spoke once more. “The twins know about Emily.”

“About her being gay?”

“Yeh.”

“Ok.”

“Once the curiosity had died down it seems like a non issue with them thankfully.”

He laughed, “I take it they keep asking questions?”

“As always.” She chuckled.

“They’re too nosey.”

“I prefer to call it intense curiosity.”

He tapped her nose gently, “Nosey.”

“I’m not nosey.” She pouted.

“Are.” He kissed her lips.

“I just like to get to the bottom of things.” She countered.

“That’s very true.”

“We should leave them to sleep in peace. I’ve gotten the baby monitor out of storage and set it up so we can keep an eye on them.”

“Good thinking.”

She pushed herself to her feet. “I’m going to go speak to Beth. I owe her a big thank you.”

“Will you give her a big thank you from me too.”

“I will do.” Duffy promised as she left to head upstairs.

Beth was sat on the edge of the bed, fiddling with her hands.

Duffy knocked lightly on the door.

“Come in.” Emily said quietly.

Duffy slowly pushed the door open. “You ok girls?” She asked.

Emily nodded, “Yes mama.” But Beth stayed quiet.

Duffy sat down next to Beth. “Me and Charlie owe you a huge debt of thanks for what you did.”

Beth shrugged, “Don’t worry about it. I did what anyone else would do.”

“Still. It was a very brave thing to do. Without your quick actions we could have lost Paul today.”

“Mum always said first aid was important, you never know when you might need to use it.”

“It really is.”

Beth smiled sadly.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what?”

“About what happened to Paul.”

“It scared me.” Beth said quietly. “But sometimes it’s ok to be scared.”

“It is. It scared me and I’ve been a nurse longer than I care to remember!”

“I’d like to be a nurse.”

“You’ve certainly got the instincts for it.”

“My mum always wanted to be a nurse. She says she’s too old for it all now, though.”

“We always need more nurses. You should both go for it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I swear it’s not always this chaotic here.”

Beth laughed gently, “Em says differently.”

“We’re no different to the average family anywhere else in Holby.”

Emily rose an eyebrow and giggled. “I beg to differ but ok.”

Duffy chuckled. “What makes us not average then?”

“There’s loads of us for starters.“

"You say that like it’s a bad thing! It makes for a lively atmosphere around the house.”

“Yeah it really does.”

“You’ve always complained its too noisy, ever since you were tiny.”

Emily giggled, “I miss the noise when I’m away.”

“I think that’s why she joined the art classes - to get away from the twins for a few hours.” Duffy remarked to Beth.

“You know me too well mama.”

“I could say the same about you.” Duffy smiled knowingly.

Emily blushed and looked down. “Dad says we’re too alike.”

“Don’t tell him I said so but I think he might be right. Just this once!”

“I’ll keep it a secret.”

“Or he’ll start thinking he’s right about everything and we can’t have that!”

“No mama.”

“I’ll leave you girls to it.” Duffy smiled as she got up from the bed.

“See you later, Mrs Fairhead.” Beth smiled.

Once her mum had left and gone back downstairs Emily turned to Beth. “You sure you’re OK?”

“I think so.”

“Mum was right, you saved my little brother’s life today.” Emily smiled, sitting down next to Beth.

“It was just instinct.”

Emily wrapped her arm around Beth’s shoulders. “Still. Thanks. I was so scared when we found him on the floor.” She admitted.

“So was I.”

“Mum thinks he won’t remember but I remember going to hospital when I was about his age.”

“Why? What happened?”

“About a week after Paul was born we all got sick. I choked. I have to be careful with what I eat and when I’m sick.”

“Wow, really?”

“Did you not wonder why I had to have special meals sometimes when we were in Europe?”

“No, I never really noticed.” Beth smiled, “So what food do you avoid?”

“Spicy food never agrees with me. Or anything too carby. My stomach can’t cope and then…” Emily make puking noises and actions to illustrate her point.

“Ah, you throw up?” Beth kissed the side of Emily’s head.

“Yeh and if I’m laid down when I puke my throat closes up. Joys of being a premie, even though I’m fourteen now.”

“It’s why you’re so small.” Beth teased.

“Yeh.” Emily sighed. “Keep hoping I’ll grow but…” She shrugged. “The doctors say I should be thankful that my lungs are reasonably OK.”

“I think you’ve done all your growing, pocket.” Beth kissed Emily’s head again, “You’re really lucky!”

“Yeh, I ain’t brain damaged either, just a bit dyslexic. Seeing some of the kids at the clinic I used to go to…” Emily sighed sadly, snuggling further into Beth’s arms.

Beth sighed sadly, “You’re a fighter, aren’t you?”

“That’s what everyone says. I just see it as being me. It’s all I’ve ever known.”

“Your whole family is pretty tough.”

“Yeh, don’t take on the Fairheads we’ll mess you up!” Emily giggled.

Beth giggled.

“Mum seems to have acquired a reputation for being secretly scary but those people who think that have clearly never seen dad if someone upsets mum!”

“Your dad can be scary?”

“Not often but if provoked…” Emily grimaced.

“Is he protective over your mum?”

“Very!”

“That’s cute.”

“Yeh, they’re a bit weird at times but I wouldn’t change them.” Emily smiled.

“That’s good.”

“I mean how many parents would have been so laid back about letting you stay here?” Emily mused, relaxing back onto her bed.

“I have a feeling your mum told your dad that’s what was happening and he doesn’t argue with your mother.” Beth giggled.

“Probably!” Emily giggled, holding her arms out towards Beth.

Beth moved closer to Emily and snuggled into her.

“Just a shame they make you sleep in Peter’s old room!” Emily pouted playfully.

Beth kissed her lips, “But that’s ok. I don’t mind, makes it better when we are able to be together.”

“That’s true.” Emily replied, deepening the kiss.

Beth’s hands roamed Emily’s figure as they made out.

“I’ve never felt like this with anyone else.” Emily whispered between kisses.

“Neither have I.”

“Maybe this is what it means to meet the perfect someone for you.”

“You’re so cute!”

Emily blushed.

Beth kissed her again.

Emily let out a little moan as she felt Beth’s hands slip under her top.

Beth’s hands moved to her breasts.

Emily shifted slightly to kiss Beth’s neck.

Beth moaned softly.

“I think I love you.” Emily whispered.

“I love you too.”

“You do?”

Beth met Emily’s gaze and nodded. “I do.”

“Even when I’m covered in burn marks?” Emily sighed sadly.

“You’re beautiful.”

Emily blushed as she saw the honesty in Beth’s eyes.

“I mean that.”

“I believe you.” Emily smiled, snuggling into Beth’s arms, a small yawn escaping. It had been quite a day.

“Shall we go to sleep?” Beth whispered.

“Mmhmm.” Emily agreed, her eyes already drifting closed.

Beth chucked the duvet over them both. “Night night, pocket.” She whispered.


	12. tw: abuse and drug use

A few days after Louis returned to the rehab facility, Katy was transferred elsewhere. Louis found himself beginning to relax and over the next couple of weeks, really began to settle to the point his challenging and often violent behaviour, reduced significantly. Whilst there were still periods of aggression, they were mostly aimed at himself.

It was time for his first proper one to one therapy session. Up til now he’d only taken part in group sessions, though “taking part” was slightly overstating things as he mainly just sat and stared into space. He didn’t know why he was nervous about the idea of therapy, perhaps it was because someone else would know about his thoughts and how messed up they were.

He took a deep breath as he walked into the therapy room.

“Ah, you must be Louis. I’m Amanda.” The therapist smiled as she guided him into the room.

“Hi.” He sat down on the chair that was facing the one Amanda had got up from.

“You’ve been here a few weeks now. How are you finding it?”

“Better than I thought I would, to be honest.”

“What were you expecting?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know really.”

“How are you finding the withdrawal?”

“Tough.”

“Do you feel ready to start exploring the reasons why you are here?”

Louis nodded. “I think so.”

“OK. When did you first start taking drugs?”

“About a year ago.”

“What made you start?”

“My mates were all doing it.”

“OK. Are they also in treatment facilities?”

“No.”

“So what makes you different?”

He sighed, “I started using more stuff because I liked the feeling of complete calm.”

“What was making you not feel calm?”

“Thoughts in my head.”

“Can you tell me about those thoughts?”

Louis hesitated and looked down at the floor.

“Let’s make this a little easier. How long have you been having these thoughts?”

“Last few years, intensely anyway.”

“Are they always about the same thing?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you tell me what that thing is?”

“I have thoughts about hurting my stepmum.“

"Have you ever acted on those thoughts?”

“Once, when I was younger.”

“What did you do?”

“I tried to put poison in her drink but my sister caught me.”

“Would you have done it if your sister hadn’t caught you?”

“I don’t know.” He sighed, “Probably.”

“How old were you at the time?”

“Young.”

“How were you planning to poison her?”

“Bleach in her coffee.”

“Was there a reason you wanted to poison her at that particular time?”

“I don’t think so.”

“So you only want to hurt her? No-one else?”

“Sometimes my sisters but not as much as Duffy.”

“May I ask how she came to be your stepmother? What were the circumstances of the beginning of her relationship with your father?”

“Dad had an affair with her.”

“Which led to the end of his relationship with your mother?” 

He nodded.

“Are your sisters her daughters or are they the product of her relationship with your father?”

“A product. There’s also Peter who’s the oldest… and two younger brothers, Oli and Paul.”

“So you’re the odd one out?”

“No, there’s Jake too.”

“Do you and Jake share the same parents?” Amanda asked, trying to get as fuller picture of Louis’ homelife as she could.

“No he has a different mum and dad.” 

“OK. So it’s just your younger siblings that are the children of both your dad and your stepmother?” Amanda attempted to clarify.

“No, Peter too. He’s the oldest.” Louis laughed gently, “I can tell it’s confusing you.”

“Right… How about you start from the beginning with your family?”

“Where do you want me to start?” Louis asked.

“So am I right in thinking your father and stepmother were together before your father and mother were?”

“Mum and dad were together first. And then split up. Then dad shagged Duffy and they had Peter. Then my mum and dad reunited years later and had me. Then, dad had an affair with Duffy.” He shrugged.

“And their affair resulted in the breakdown of your parents relationship?”

Louis nodded and began to fiddle with his hands.

“And your sisters and younger brothers were born after the breakdown of your parents relationship when your father and stepmother began their relationship more openly?”

He nodded. “Sort of. Emily was conceived during the affair.”

“Emily is your sister?”

Louis nodded.

“Which parent did you live with after the split?”

“My mum.”

“The split must have been very painful for your mum.”

“She used to call Duffy a whore, all the time.”

“Duffy is your stepmother?”

He nodded.

“Do you agree with your mother’s opinion of her?”

He shook his head and sighed, “It’s complicated…”

“What makes it complicated?”

“Part of me likes her but, I feel I shouldn’t.”

“Why do you feel you shouldn’t like her?”

“Because mum always said she was bad. A dirty whore. She was the reason I didn’t have my dad.”

“But you live with your dad now?”

“Mum died when I was younger. Eight years ago.”

“And that’s when you came to live with your father, stepmother, sisters and brothers?”

Louis nodded.

“Was it just you and your mother up til that point?”

“Yeah.”

“That must have been quite a change for you.”

“It was hard. It was so noisy, I wasn’t used to it. I hated it, been part of something so big.”

“How old were your siblings at the time?”

“When I moved in? It was eight years ago so, they were young too.”

“Was it after your mother’s death that you attempted to poison your stepmother?”

Louis nodded his head once again and exhaled, still fiddling with his hands.

“What made you do it? Was there something specific going on with your stepmother at that particular time?”

“She was pregnant.”

“You planned to poison your stepmother whilst she was pregnant?” Amanda couldn’t entirely hide the shock at Louis’ statement from her tone.

“I didn’t want to hurt her. My thoughts went a bit…” He sighed, “I can’t stop thinking she’s bad.”

“Because she broke up your parents relationship?”

“Because mum said she was a dirty whore who took dad away from us! Away from me.”

Amanda paused for a moment at Louis’ outburst.

“But she isn’t.”

“But you feel like you have to believe she is because of a sense of loyalty to your mum?”

“That’s exactly it!”

“But you don’t totally believe that your mother was right about your stepmother?”

“She’s not what my mum said she is.” He said the words so quietly.

“What is she like?”

“Really kind and funny. Stubborn though, you don’t want to get on the wrong side of her either.” He smiled brightly as he spoke about Duffy.

“And she and your father have a good relationship?”

He nodded. “They fall out like anyone else but they’re best friends.”

“Can I ask about your relationship with your father?”

“It’s not great. We’re not really close.” He admitted sadly.

“Has it always been that way?”

He shrugged, “Part of me hates him for leaving me.”

“When your parents split up?”

He nodded, “And letting mum take me away.”

“Take you away where?”

“We moved to Canada.”

“Why was that?”

“I don’t know why.”

“Were you in Canada when your mum died?”

“Yeah.”

“And then you moved back to England to live with your father?”

“I did.”

“Did your father and stepmother travel out to Canada to collect you?”

“My dad did. He was there when mum died.” He swallowed.

“Ah, I guess your stepmother had to stay home to look after your younger siblings.”

“Can… Can I tell you something else?” He asked, the uncertainty clear in his voice.

“You can tell me anything you want to.”

“I sometimes have sexual urges to hurt my stepmum.”

“You mean like rape?”

He nodded. “To teach the ginger whore a lesson.” He sighed.

“And you think that’s how to go about doing that?”

“I don’t want to hurt her!”

“OK.” Amanda paused. “Do you want to have sex with her?”

“Oh God no.” He gasped. “She’s pretty and that but she’s too old.” He babbled. 

“She’s also married to your father…”

“Yeah there’s also that. I get thoughts about hurting her but I wouldn’t. I love her…” He admitted, “I just feel I betray everything my mum ever told me about her.”

“How would your father react if you told him these thoughts?”

“What thoughts?”

“The urges to hurt your stepmother.”

“He’d kill me.” He replied.

“Have you spoken to her about how you feel?”

He shook his head.

“Do you think it would help to?

“No.”

"What do you think will help you to stop the thoughts?”

“I don’t know.” He paused. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.” Amanda smiled.

“Is it ok to love my stepmum?”

“Of course it is.”

“Even if she hurt my mum?”

“Some things need to be left in the past if you’re to have a chance of moving forward with your life.”

He nodded. “I sometimes think I’m betraying my mum.”

“Its not a child’s place to fight the battles of their parent.”

“I want to get better and do something with my life.”

“What would you like to do with your life?”

“I don’t know yet. Maybe help someone else.”

Amanda smiled. She paused to take a sip of her water. “Is there any other things you’d like to discuss?”

“How do I make amends for what I’ve done?”

“Who do you feel you need to make amends to?”

“Everyone. My stepmum, my sisters.”

“I think keeping on track with your recovery will go a long way towards making amends. But when you feel ready we could look at organising a group session with them where we can discuss how you all move forward from this as a family. Would you be open to that? ”

He nodded, “I would.”

“You were very nervous when we first started this session. Do you feel it’s been helpful?”

Louis smiled, “It’s nice to discuss what’s on my mind, my thoughts and my feelings.”

“It’s important to find a safe way to express what you’re feeling and thinking.”

“Can I see you again next week?”

“Of course you can. You can attend these sessions for the length of your stay here and once you leave we have continued support systems that you can access.”

“Can my parents come and visit whilst I’m here?”

“That’s entirely up to you. Providing you adhere to the rules you can issue visitor requests once a week.”

“Thank you.”

“Would you like to see them?”

“Yeah I would.”

“Visiting isn’t til the weekend but I could arrange for you to have a phone call with them today?”

His face lit up. “You would?”

“Of course.” She picked up his file from her desk and flicked it open to find his contact details before picking up her phone and dialing the number.

Louis couldn’t help the smile on his face. For the first time in a while, he genuinely looked happy and his eyes sparkled.

Amanda briefly spoke to the person on the other end before handing the phone over to Louis.

“Dad is that you?” Louis asked as he took the phone.

“Yes Louis. How are you?” Charlie replied.

“I’m ok.” Louis sighed, “I miss you all.”

“We’ve missed you too.”

“How is everyone?”

“All well.” There was a slight hesitation before he replied however.

“Dad?”

“Yes son?”

Louis swallowed, “Has one of the girls been hurt because of me?”

“It wasn’t one of the girls.” Charlie sighed.

“Then who was it?” Louis asked.

“Your little brothers were playing in your room…” Charlie sighed. “They’re OK thankfully.”

A single tear ran down Louis’ cheek. “You promise that they’re ok?”

“Yes. Beth and Emily found them quickly.”

“I’m so sorry.” Louis’ bottom lip began to tremble.

“Why did you leave something like that in your room where your little brothers could find them?” There was resignation rather than anger in Charlie’s tone.

“I didn’t think. I… I didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt. I was supposed to move them but it… It went wrong!” Louis whispered.

“What went wrong?”

“I.. I..” Louis couldn’t spit his words out.

“We’re not angry if that’s what you’re scared of.”

“No I… I don’t know what happened. In my head things started to go wrong.”

“OK. You owe Beth a big thank you when you come home.”

“I will.” He paused, “Can I talk to Duffy?”

“Just a second.” Charlie replied before calling for his wife.

“Hi Louis.” Though her tone sounded bright there was a hint of nervousness underneath.

“Hi.”

“How are you?” She asked.

“I’m ok.” He paused, “I miss you.” He said quietly.

“Your brothers and sisters miss you too.”

“M… Duffy?”

“Yes?”

He was quiet for a couple of minutes. “I love you.”

She tried to reply but her words wouldn’t come out properly.

“I don’t say it enough but I do.”

“Hopefully that’s something we’ll get better at.”

“I hope so too.”

“Things will get better.”

“They will.” He smiled, “Bye Duffy, love you.”

Louis handed the phone back and sighed. He scratched his arm.

Amanda waited for a few moments before speaking again. “Are you OK?”

“Hmm.” He scratched his arm again, “I think I’ll be ok.”

“You got upset at one point whilst talking to your father. Can I ask what that was about?”

“My younger brothers found my drug stash and ingested them. Luckily they’re ok.”

“What drugs did they find?”

“E. I was told they were E.” He scratched his arm again and moved from the seat. “Do you mind if I sit in the corner?” He asked.

“If that makes you feel more comfortable.” She paused whilst he moved. “Did you ever take any of them?”

“Once but I didn’t really like them.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing really. It just made things really weird.”

“They do tend to distort reality.”

“They’re good for raves and stuff but I prefer to be chilled. Not full of energy.”

“What were you planning to do with the rest of the pills you had left?”

“Sell them.”

“To get more money for heroin?”

He nodded. He tucked his knees under his chin. “To also pay off what I owed so my sisters didn’t get hurt.”

“Did the people you owed money to make threats against your sisters?”

“Not quite…”

“Can you explain more?”

“I put them up as alternative payment.” He bit his lower lip, “But I don’t want to hurt them! I never have!”

“Alternative payment?”

He nodded, “If I didn’t pay, they could do whatever they wanted to my sisters.” He wiped the tear from his cheek, “It was never supposed to be like this.”

“But things got out of control?”

He nodded, “I needed more, stronger stuff.”

“And that cost more than you could afford?”

“I owe £800. Not the biggest amount but it’s a lot.”

“Do your parents know about the money you owe?”

He shook his head, “I should probably tell them.”

“You should.”

“I will.”

“Is that why you got into a fight when you first came here?”

“What?”

“You were isolated for brawling with another patient on your first day here. Was that over drug debts?”

“Oh that?” Louis shook his head, “He was giving me grief a bit but I handled it. Not in the best way though.”

“Its good that you can see that.”

He smiled sadly.

“That is progress. As is acknowledging that your previous actions were wrong.”

“You really think so?”

“I really do. You may not feel like it but you have made progress since being here.”

“I want to continue to make progress.”

“We will do all that we can to help you.”

“Thank you.”

“Is there anything else you’d like to discuss before we bring this session to a close?”

“No, thank you. I think I’ve discussed everything I’ve wanted to.”

“OK, then you’re free to return to whatever it was you were doing before.”

He got up and said bye before he returned to his bedroom. He sat on the bed and sighed, looking up at the ceiling. That had been a hard session but he felt better already!

As he was now cooperating with the rehabilitation program he had been allowed access to more of his personal belongings so the room looked a little more homely than when he’d first arrived.

He pulled the drawer open and took out his notebook. He didn’t know why but he felt the need to write something down.

He hesitated for a few moments before starting to write, the thoughts almost flowing faster than his hands could move to write them down.

At the end he was satisfied he’d said everything and settled the notebook on top of the bedside table.

Reaching down he took his bag from the floor and opened it. He took out the picture of Charlie and Duffy and stroked his fingers over the image. His mum was wrong…

It had been taken at their wedding. Though he’d been fairly young at the time he remembered the day clearly. He’d never seen his father so happy. Though, on the flip side, he also remembered listening to his dad having to practically beg his mum to let him attend. She’d gotten angry at the idea of them playing happy families together.

Duffy wasn’t a bad person. She’d just made a mistake but she made his dad happy. He continued to look at the photo for ages, maybe, just maybe, this would all be ok?

He could tell by her voice on the phone that he’d scared her. It was going to take a lot to put things right but he was determined.

He rolled onto his side and hugged the picture to his chest. Tomorrow was another day, a fresh twenty four hours to continue working on his recovery.


	13. tw: abuse & self-harm

The date of the meeting had finally come through to discuss Jake’s request to have Andrew’s legal rights to him removed. He’d arrived early at the court with his mum and was sat waiting anxiously for them to be called in.

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?” Duffy asked Jake softly as she reached over to squeeze his hand.

“Yeh. I want him out of our lives for good.” Jake replied firmly.

“Ok, we’ll do the best we can.” Duffy replied, attempting to sound more confident than she felt inside.

Jake fiddled with his hands, his nerves over the situation kicking in.

Duffy was about to say something when she saw Andrew enter the waiting area causing her to tense reflexively.

Something that Jake immediately picked up on. “He won’t hurt you mum.”

“I’m fine.” She replied quickly.

“You’ve tensed up, its a natural reaction.”

“Today is about you not me.”

“No, it’s about us as a family.”

Duffy nodded. She could feel Andrew’s glare settling on her as he walked towards them.

Jake met his dad’s eye but didn’t say anything.

Andrew immediately noticed his ex-wife’s wrist was bandaged and couldn’t resist passing comment.

“Charlie isn’t a cunt like you. He doesn’t go around beating women.” Jake replied, upon hearing Andrew’s comment.

“Jake please!” Duffy sighed. “I tripped over Paul’s bike ok?”

“Making excuses again, Lisa?” A small smile tugged at the corner of Andrew’s lips. 

“Oh just sod off!” Jake replied.

“You’d know all about that.” She sneered, forcing herself to meet Andrew’s eyes.

“You just liked it rough Lisa. You’re still playing the victim I see.” 

Jake jumped to his feet and squared up to his father. “What did you just say?”

“Jake please!” Duffy begged.

“Keep walking Andrew.” Jake told him.

“She still can’t fight her own battles. Utterly pathetic!” Andrew spat back.

“And you just can’t let it go that you’re no longer in control and can’t push her around anymore. She’s happy and you’re a pathetic lonely old man who needs to use his fists to have sex with a woman!” Jake laughed.

“You little shit!” Andrew roared as he raised his fist towards Jake.

“Go on, hit me. See what happens.” Jake taunted.

“Jake!” Duffy gasped, things were quickly spiralling out of control.

Andrew took hold of Jake’s tshirt. “She’s clearly not taught you good manners.”

“She taught me that men like you were pathetic and couldn’t fight battles against other men.” Jake shoved Andrew away.

Andrew’s fist was flying through the air in retaliation when a hand suddenly grasped his arm to prevent him landing a shot on his teenaged son.

“We won’t be having anything like that in here! If you carry on, I’ll have to ask you to leave.” The security guy said as he separated Andrew and Jake.

Duffy looked from one to the other as both men continued to glare at each other. Her chest felt tight, her heartbeat thudding in her ears. She only managed to mumble a few words before she abruptly got up and dashed into the toilet.

Andrew walked off and Jake sat down, he looked at the direction his mum ran in and sighed sadly.

Duffy quickly checked the stalls of the toilets, relieved to find she was alone. She lent back against the door, her breathing heavy as she began to rifle through her handbag.

Jake began to fiddle with his hands again, he was quickly becoming agitated.

“Shit!” Duffy cursed. The packet was empty. She really didn’t want to have to make herself sick, not here, but she had to do something, anything, to make it all stop.

Jake knocked on the bathroom door. “Mum? You ok?” He called.

She swallowed back the bile that was rising in her throat. “Fine.”

“Sure?”

“Are they ready for us?”

“Not quite.”

“I’ll be out in a minute. You go wait at the chairs.”

Jake nodded and moved back to the seats.

Duffy’s hands shook. It was now or never.

Jake rubbed his forehead, feeling a headache coming on.

When Duffy rejoined Jake a couple of minutes later she was pale and subdued but her breathing was calmer and she was no longer shaking, though her arms were wrapped tightly around her middle.

“Mum, are you okay?” He frowned.

“Yeh, let’s just get this over with shall we?”

He didn’t believe her. “Are you in pain?”

“No!” She retorted sharply.

“Yes you are.”

“You sound more and more like Charlie every day..!”

Jake shrugged, “Or maybe I’ve just learnt how stubborn and awkward you are and what dad has to put up with.” He smiled and caught his mum’s eye, a small laugh escaping his lips.

“It falls so easily from your lips doesn’t it? Calling Charlie dad.” She smiled, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.

“He is my dad. You’re not just family because you’re blood. It’s like Louis…” He paused for a second. “He’s troubled but he’s my brother.”

“He is.”

“He’s the only one who gets it sometimes.”

“Gets what?” Duffy asked, sitting down next to Jake.

“What it’s like to feel different and conflicted.”

“Different from your siblings?” She asked slightly perplexed, her eyebrows knitting together.

He nodded. “Conflicted about feelings too.”

“What feelings?”

“Loving people you feel you shouldn’t.”

“Ah.”

“He loves you, you know.”

“I’m not sure I follow…”

“Louis.”

“When he doesn’t want me out of his life.” She sighed.

“He told me something once, not long ago. About six months back, before all this started.”

“What’s that?”

He hesitated slightly, “I think you should ask him.”

“What do you mean? Jake, don’t mess me about.”

“Fine, I’ll tell you.” Jake was silent for a few minutes, “He knows you’re not a bad person. That’s all I’m gonna say, you should ask him though.”

“Um… OK…” Before she could say anything more they were called into the meeting room.

Jake stood up, “Come on mum, let’s get this over with.”

“Yes, the sooner the better.” Duffy replied forcing a smile.

“He’ll be out of our lives for good.”

She sighed as they entered the office finding the furthest seat possible away from Andrew.

Jake, once again, took on the protective son role.

The chair of child services addressed Jake directly. “You asked us to convene this meeting Jake so I feel its only fair that we allow you to speak first and explain what it is you want to be the outcome of it.”

“I’d like to revoke Andrew Bower’s paternal rights in relation to me.”

“Is there a particular reason you’ve decided to request that now?”

“It’s something I’ve wanted to do for the last couple of years but I thought now would be a better time to do it.”

“Why is now a good time?”

“Because I don’t want him in my life anymore. I’ll always be connected with him, unfortunately I’m his son biologically, but the trauma he causes my mum is detrimental to her wellbeing and that of my siblings.”

“She’s filled his head with lies!” Andrew burst out.

“No she hasn’t. All mum’s ever done is try and protect me as much as possible.”

“By telling you lies about me.”

“Mum never once spoke bad about you, ever. She allowed me to make up my own mind. And I have. I know mum wasn’t the only woman you ever laid hands on.”

“All lies. Your mother put her up to that.”

“Is it? So why do I have these?” Jake went into his pocket and took out two letters and held them up. “One is from a woman called Marie and another is from Isla.”

“Let me see those!” Andrew demanded.

“He’s a violent man who intimidates woman and doesn’t like it when those women stand up to him.” Jake took a deep breath.

“May I see the letters?” The head of child services requested.

Jake handed both letters to the head of child services.

The committee studied the letters for several minutes.

Duffy lent over and spoke softly to Jake. “Where did you get those?” She asked.

The letters detailed how violent and intimidating Andrew could be on occasions. 

“I have my sources.” Jake smiled and squeezed his mum’s hand.

“I’m sorry for all of this.” She sighed.

“None of this is your fault.”

“We’re going to need to contact these women to provide co-oberating statements before we can continue with this case.”

Jake nodded, “They both said they’d be happy with that.”

“OK, we shall pause here and continue once the statements are available unless there is anything further anyone wishes to add today?”

“No.”

As soon as they were dismissed Duffy fled the building as quickly as she could. Her head was spinning.

Jake eventually caught up with her, “Mum what’s wrong?”

“Just needed some air. It’s stuffy in there.”

“Andrew has another son.” Jake blurted out.

Duffy spun around. “What?!”

“He has a son, Em’s age.”

“I had no idea.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Do you know anything about him?”

Jake shook his head, “Nothing.”

“Is this Marie who you had a letter from his mum?”

Jake nodded, “Yeah.”

“Would you like to get to know him? We could maybe speak to Marie about arranging a meeting?”

“He’s my brother isn’t he?” Jake shrugged, “I haven’t thought about it to be honest.”

“He is. Take some time to think about it. It might be good for both of you.”

“I will.”

“I’m sorry we couldn’t get everything sorted today.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s fine.” He kissed his mum's cheek.

“What shall we do now? It’s just you and me this morning.”

“I don’t know, what would you like to do?”

“What’s something you like to do? We don’t get much time just us these days. I’m game for practically anything so long as I don’t need to use my left hand.”

“Can we just go for a walk? And talk? Sit in the park, it’s a nice day.”

“Sure. Lead the way.” She smiled.

Jake and Duffy went for a walk, going to the park.

“Its been such a long time since I last just walked around this park.” Duffy smiled.

“We should do it more often.”

“We should. How are things at college?”

“They’re ok.”

“Have you had any further thoughts about what you want to do after you finish college in a couple of months?”

He shook his head, “No idea. I think I’m going to get a job somewhere and save up to go travelling.”

“OK. Sounds like quite an adventure.”

“I think it would be nice.”

“Would you go on your own?”

“I’d like Krystal to come with me but I think she has her own plans for the future.”

“What are her plans?”

“To get an apprenticeship.”

“Oh wow! What’s she thinking of apprenticing in?”

“Piercing and tattooing.”

“Um… OK…” Duffy forced a smile.

“I know you don’t really approve of her but she’s great.”

“She’s… Just not what I expected that’s all. But if she makes you happy that’s the most important thing.”

“She’s unique. Definitely unique.” He laughed gently.

“At what point are we going to get to meet her family?” Duffy enquired.

“You want to meet her family?”

“Well it would be nice to.”

“Maybe I can ask Krystal.”

“OK. If you’re serious about her then it would be nice for us all to meet. That’s all.”

“I am serious about her.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you’ve found someone special.”

“She’s special.” He smiled brightly. “I was scared for a while.”

“What of?”

“That I’d be like Andrew and hurt her.”

“Oh sweetheart! You’ll never be like him. You’re a million times the man he ever could be.” She squeezed his shoulder.

He smiled, “That’s because of dad. He has his faults but he’s a good dad.” He was referring to Charlie of course.

“He is.” She smiled. “I do wish he was your father.” She admitted.

“He is. You don’t need to be blood to be related.”

“But if you were we wouldn’t have to go through all of this.” She sighed, sitting down on a nearby bench.

He sat down next to her, “You loved him though. And you were scared, still are.”

“Which must make me look really weak and pathetic. The man sat in that room today wasn’t the man I fell for when I first met him. He changed.”

“No mum, it doesn’t. The only person who is weak and pathetic is him. Not you. When did it start?”

“The violence?”

“All of it.”

“He was so charming when we first met. The suave sophisticated doctor. Such a cliché I know.” She chuckled.

“It really annoys me that even after all this time, he still has such an effect on you.”

“Too much exposure for too long.” She sighed.

He moved closer to his mum. “You know at Christmas, when he came round and starting shouting the odds? When me and Peter punched him?”

“How could I forget.?!” She remarked, her eyebrow raised.

“I remember when I was younger and how dad used to always protect us by telling us to go and play in another room.”

“I had hoped you’d been too young to remember that.” She sighed.

“Just like he did with Oli and Paul that Christmas.”

“Peter told me that he hid you under the bed several times when you were a toddler too.”

“He did?”

“When the shouting got so loud that he could hear upstairs.” She whispered.

Jake kissed his mum’s cheek. “I never understand why you’d want to hurt the person you love.”

“Maybe he never loved me. Not really.” She sighed.

“Not the way dad does anyway.”

“I think you’re right about that.” Her expression brightened slightly.

“It’s kinda cute.”

“So I’m told.” She chuckled. “I think I’m getting a little old too old to be considered cute anymore though.”

“Nuh huh, you and dad are cute together. Especially when I catch him just staring at you with that look in his eye.”

“You mean the expression that makes him look a little bit gormless?” She giggled.

“Yeah that one.”

“He’s always had that look about him as long as I’ve known him!”

“The look of love?”

“If that’s what you want to call it.”

Jake laughed gently. “Fancy a coffee?”

“You buying?” She chuckled.

“Yeah.”

“Then I’d love one thanks.”

“Come on then.”

They headed towards a local cafe but just as they were about to enter Duffy tugged on Jake’s arm and pointed to a couple stood on the street corner further up the road kissing. “That’s Sarah!” She gasped. “But that’s certainly not Peter with her!” She frowned, “Is that AJ?”

Jake hesitated.

“Is that AJ?” She asked again, shooting her son a glare.

“Yes.”

Duffy moved to confront Sarah, her face distorted with anger.

“Mum,” Jake tried to stop her.

“Sarah! Fancy seeing you here.” Duffy declared as she drew nearer, a fake smile now painted on her face.

“Hi,” Sarah smiled as she moved her hand from AJ.

“I don’t think we’ve been introduced.” Duffy added, turning towards AJ.

“I’m AJ.” He introduced himself.

“Nice to meet you AJ, I’m Lisa. I’ve known Sarah since she was a teenager. I see congratulations are in order for both of you.”

Jake winced at the sickly sweet tone to his mum’s voice. This wasn’t going to end well…

“Thanks, it wasn’t planned but what we both want, isn’t it Sarah?” AJ pulled her closer by her waist. 

“Um…” Sarah swallowed.

“Children are a wonderful blessing.” Duffy smiled. “When’s the baby due?” She added.

“Um, AJ why don’t you go and grab me a drink? I’ll catch you up shortly?”

“Um… OK…” AJ replied before heading into the shop.

“It’s not what you think…” Sarah began.

“Really?” Duffy retorted sarcastically.

“Yes!”

“So what do you think I think this looks like?”

“That I’m stringing Peter along, which I’m not!”

“So why does AJ think that’s his baby?”

“He knows there’s a possibility it isn’t his.”

“That’s not what you told Peter.”

“You’ve got no idea, ok?” Sarah began to get agitated.

“Oh I have every idea. You’re lying to my son!” Duffy retorted, her voice beginning to raise in volume.

“I’m not!”

“You told him that you’re carrying his baby!”

“I couldn’t tell him the truth.”

“He deserves the truth! You have turned his life upside down!”

Sarah shook her head frantically, “It’s not like that!!” She began, becoming more and more panicked.

“What is it like?!” Duffy pressed.

“Mum..!” Jake attempted to intercede.

Sarah swallowed, her breathing becoming heavier. “Leave it, please!” She begged.

“You have been determined to get your clutches into my boy for years. You’ve messed his head up so much! I can never forgive that!”

“I don’t know which one of them is the dad!” Sarah blurted out before she moved slightly to throw up.

Duffy immediately snapped into nurse mode. “Sarah? Are you in pain?” She asked, moving to check on the younger woman.

Sarah ignored the question and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “I never meant to hurt anyone…” She said sadly.

“I know.” Duffy sighed. “We need to get you checked over if you’re not feeling well.”

“I’m fine.” Sarah replied weakly but stumbled as she tried to walk away.

“Nope, we’re going to the hospital. Jake can you get my car?” Duffy asked, throwing the keys at her son.

Jake caught the keys, “Yes mum! Won’t be long.” He called. 

“I’m fine,” Sarah protested.

“Its better to be on the safe side. Do you have any pains?”

“I don’t want to go to the hospital.”

“You need to be checked over. How many weeks are you?”

“Twenty four weeks and four days. I’m fine, I don’t need to be checked over.”

Duffy saw Jake jerk her car to a stop beside them, narrowly avoiding hitting the kerb. “At least sit in the car so I can check you over properly?”

Sarah reluctantly agreed.

Once Sarah was sat on the back seat of the car Duffy ducked in beside her and began to press her hands against Sarah’s bump, checking the position of the baby.

Sarah bit hard on her lower lip, it really hurt!

“How long have you been in pain?” Duffy asked.

“Since this morning.” Sarah whispered.

“OK. Have you felt the baby move today?”

“Yes.” Sarah said quietly.

“That’s good. I’d feel happier if you went to the hospital for a scan though.”

“It’ll be fine.” Sarah was distant.

“Sarah…” Duffy began before pausing as the baby kicked against her hand.

Sarah closed her eyes as the baby kicked.

“Well hello little one.” Duffy smiled.

“Can I go now?” Sarah asked.

“I can’t force you to go to the hospital…” Duffy sighed.

The baby kicked again and Sarah sighed. “Stop it.” She whispered.

“You’ll have to get used to that.” Duffy smiled. “Lottie was the only one of mine that wasn’t kicking the living daylights out of my insides 24/7!”

“I hate it, being kicked.” Sarah admitted in a whisper.

“It was them lying on my spine that used to drive me to distraction.”

“Hmm.” Sarah moved to get out of the car, “Thanks for checking me over.” She was about to walk away when she suddenly stopped and doubled over slightly. “Fuck!” She cursed.

Duffy jumped up to grab hold of Sarah before she fell and hurt herself further. “Right, that’s it, I’m not asking this time, I’m telling. You’re going to the hospital with me right now!”

“I don’t want to!” Sarah protested, trying to straighten up.

“Why are you so against the idea?”

“Hate hospitals.” Sarah murmured.

“We get that a lot.” Duffy chuckled darkly.

“Something might happen to me…” Sarah swallowed, “I feel dizzy.”

“I’m not happy with your pulse and resp rate. Let’s get you back in the car. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”

“Don’t tell AJ.” Sarah begged, “Please!”

“Isn’t he going to wonder what’s going on?” Duffy replied as she settled Sarah onto the back seat.

“He doesn’t really care.” Sarah mumbled.

“Really?” Duffy asked as she got into the driver’s seat.

“Yeah.”

“Do you want me to call Peter when we get to the hospital?” Duffy asked, her eyes focused on the road as she pulled away from the curb.

“No.”

“OK.”

An awkward silence descended over the occupants of the car as they headed to the hospital, only broken by occasional gasps of pain from Sarah.

Sarah was getting worked up, which was causing the baby to kick more. “Stop, please!” She begged through tears.

“We’re almost there.” Duffy attempted to reassure Sarah.

“Mummy’s sorry.” Sarah whispered as she stroked her stomach for a few seconds.

The car came to a stop outside the hospital.

“Jake grab a wheelchair and let your dad know we’re here.” Duffy requested.

Jake nodded and did as requested, getting a wheelchair for Sarah and telling Charlie that they were here.

Once Sarah was settled into a cubicle Duffy took hold of the scanning wand and gel. She smiled softly at Sarah. “I’m sorry this is going to be cold.”

Sarah nodded but turned her head away from the screen.

Duffy began the ultrasound scan, her eyes focused on the screen.

Sarah bit down on her lower lip so hard she drew blood.

“Don’t you want to see your baby?” Duffy asked.

Sarah didn’t reply, just continued to look the other way.

“Sarah what’s wrong?” Duffy asked, perching on the edge of the bed and taking hold of Sarah’s hand with her free hand.

“Nothing. Is she ok?”

“Its a girl?” Duffy asked, she was trying to remain detached but it was proving difficult.

“A girl.” Sarah whispered back, “If she’s ok, can I go home now?”

“She’s just perfect.” Duffy smiled, her eyes fixed on the flickering image on the monitor.

Sarah sat up, “Can I have a tissue to wipe the gel off please?”

“Um… Sure…” Duffy replied distractedly, handing Sarah some tissue.

“Thanks.” Sarah began to wipe the gel from her stomach, her lip still bleeding slightly.

“Hopefully the doctor won’t be long before they come beck with your other test results.”

“The baby’s definitely ok?” Sarah began to fiddle with her hands.

“Yes, everything checks out. Though… I have to ask… Are you sure about your dates?”

“Yes, why?”

“Admittedly I’m not an ultrasound technician but I am a midwife and its just that some of developmental markers would suggest the baby is nearer twenty six weeks gestation rather than twenty four…”

Sarah swallowed, “It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Of course it matters!”

“Why does it?!”

“It does if it rules my son out as the father.”

“I’m twenty four weeks!!”

“If you say so.”

“I know so!”

“If you’re so sure will you agree to a DNA test once the baby is born?”

“No! It’s Peter’s!”

“Prove it!”

“No!!” Sarah yelled and burst into tears.

Sarah’s raised voice attracted the attention of one of the other nurses who entered the cubicle.

“I… Excuse me!” Duffy mumbled before beating a hasty retreat to Charlie’s office.

Sarah hadn’t meant to upset Duffy. She curled up and began to cry.

Entering the office Duffy swiftly closed the door and lent back against it before bursting into tears.

Duffy let out a squeal as she heard her husband’s voice from his desk. She’d thought the office would be empty.

Charlie stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around his wife. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Sarah…”

“Is she ok?”

“Yeh the baby is fine but it all just doesn’t stack up. I can’t wrap my head round it. Seeing her on the screen, so innocent, so perfect…”

“What do you mean?” He guided her to sit down.

“Sarah swears she’s twenty four weeks…”

“But you don’t think she is?”

“I’d stake my reputation as a midwife on that baby being twenty six weeks.”

Charlie gasped, “So it can’t be Peter’s?”

“I don’t know. Depends when he was stupid enough to sleep with her.”

“Maybe we need to ask Peter when it was?”

“I thought you said he told you all about it at the time.”

Charlie thought for a moment. “He said it was Christmas Eve when he slept with her, just the once by the sounds of things.”

“If she’s twenty six weeks then that would put the date of conception much earlier in December than Christmas.”

“She’s been lying to him? All this time but why?”

“I don’t know. No wonder she didn’t want me to bring her to the hospital! She knew what I’d find!”

He sighed, “I didn’t think she’d lie to Peter about something like this!”

“Do we tell him?”

“Yes we have to.” 

Jake burst through the door of his dad’s office, “Mum, dad!”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s Sarah.”

Duffy jumped to her feet. “What’s happened? Is she OK?”

“She took a scalpel and has locked herself in the toilets!”

Duffy gasped, her panicked gaze flitting from Jake to Charlie and back again.

“You both know her better than I do.” Jake shrugged.

“You stay here.” Duffy told Jake.

“I will.”

Duffy didn’t say anything else but her eyes begged Charlie to come with her.

Charlie took her hand.

When they arrived in the toilets they could here the sound of crying coming from one of the cubicles.

“Sarah?”

“Leave me alone!”

“Sarah please. I didn’t mean to upset you. We can sort this out.”

“No we can’t!”

“Was there a reason you needed to lie?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me. I may surprise you.”

“It would’ve had a better chance with Peter.”

“Does… Does AJ hurt you? Make you scared? Is that why?”

“AJ isn’t ready to commit. Likes being free, girls, drink, the occasional drugs…”

“So you decided Peter was a better option?”

“Peter would’ve taken responsibility.”

“Yes he would.” Duffy paused. “Did you already suspect you were pregnant when you slept with him?”

“It wasn’t planned. The baby, it wasn’t planned.”

“I want to believe you but you must be able to see why there’s a seed of doubt there?”

“I didn’t plan on getting pregnant and fucking up my entire life!!”

“You never know, once the baby’s here it might make AJ sort his act out. And even if it doesn’t being a single mum doesn’t mean you’ve fucked your life up. Believe me!”

“I’m not being a single mum!!” Sarah shouted, “I’m not being a complete and utter fuck up!!” 

A trickle of blood ran out from under the cubicle door.

“Sarah! Open the door now!”

“Why?”

“We want to help you.”

“I don’t need help!”

“You’re bleeding. Where are you bleeding from?”

“It’s not the baby.”

“Sarah have you hurt yourself?”

Sarah ignored the question. “Nobody fucking understands!”

“Tell us. Help us understand.”

“Why? So you can judge me?!”

“Oh I am in no position to judge anyone.”

“I wanted to feel part of something..”

“A proper family?”

“It’s lonely on my own.” Sarah swallowed.

“Do you remember what I told you several years ago? That regardless of what happened between you and Peter you’d always have me to rely on if you ever needed it? I stand by that.”

Another trickle of blood ran out from under the cubicle door. “I’m tired of fighting,” Sarah whispered and rested her head on the toilet seat. “So tired… Tired of being on my own, with the baby. Being so confused about everything.”

“You’re not on your own Sarah.”

“Yes I am. I always will be.”

“I thought that too once upon a time.”

“I want to go to sleep.” Sarah mumbled. 

“No! I’m not going to let you do that! You hear me!”

“But I’m so tired.”

“I know you are. I know it seems too hard right now but I promise you that it will get better.”

Sarah didn’t reply for a couple of seconds but she unlocked the door.

Duffy moved to sit on the floor, gently pushing the door open.

There was a pool of blood by Sarah’s arm, coming from her wrist. Sarah’s head was still against the toilet seat, her skin pale and clammy.

Duffy quickly removed her cardigan and used it to stem the bleeding whilst Charlie left to get help.

“I’m… sorry.”

“Hey, ssh. It’s OK. Save your energy. I’ve got you, you’re going to be OK.” Duffy reassured Sarah as she took the young woman in her arms, holding firmly to the cardigan around Sarah’s wrist.

“N…eed help.” Sarah was fighting against the urge to go to sleep.

“We’re going to get you that help. Just hang on.”

“You..mean what..you said?”

“Of course I did. I know what it’s like to be on your own with a baby. It’s terrifying.”

“So…” Sarah swallowed, “Scared…”

“You’ll be OK. I’ll be there to help you whatever you need.”

Sarah nodded. “T…hank you.”

“Its going to be OK.”

Duffy stayed with Sarah whilst she was treated until she’d been settled in a ward upstairs. She then promised her that she’d be back in the morning to check on her before starting her shift.

When Duffy arrived to visit Sarah the next morning, Sarah was fiddling with the bandage around her wrist.

“Hi, did you sleep OK?” Duffy asked as she sat down in the chair next to Sarah’s bed.

“It was ok.” Sarah smiled sadly at Duffy.

“That’ll heal a lot quicker if you don’t fiddle with it.”

“Sorry.” Sarah sighed.

“Its ok. Its annoying when they itch.” Duffy smiled softly.

Sarah gently stroked her bump but didn’t say anything.

“I owe you an apology for yesterday. I let my temper get the better of me.”

“You don’t have to apologise. I deserved it.”

“Still, shouting at a pregnant woman isn’t exactly the best thing to do.”

Sarah shrugged, “I…” She sighed and didn’t elaborate.

“Where are you living at the moment?”

“Here and there. Mostly AJ’s but not all the time.”

“So you’re sofa surfing?”

Sarah nodded.

“We can help you find somewhere more permanent. You’d be classed as a priority.”

“I did have my own place but I… um, fell behind on the rent.”

“What income have you got coming in?”

“I’m working at the minute, nothing great though.”

“Its something though.”

“I had plans.” Sarah rubbed her bump, “Having a baby wasn’t one of them.”

“The same thing happened to me. Its hard but it doesn’t have to be the end of all your dreams.”

Sarah laughed sadly, “My dreams ended the day I became pregnant.” She whispered.

“What did you want to do? I’m sure you still can do them, you just might need to adapt things a little.”

“I had a place to study for a masters in September. I withdrew my place when I found out I was pregnant.”

“Oh wow! Once she’s in school you’ll be able to do your masters. I know that seems a long way away but trust me the years will fly by.”

“I’ve been thinking of putting her up for adoption.” Sarah admitted.

“Have you spoken to AJ about that?”

“It’s my choice.”

“I know. But it’s only fair to ask him his thoughts.”

“She’ll have a better chance.” Sarah wiped the tear from her cheek.

“Oh sweetheart!” Duffy reached over to hug Sarah.

“She has no chance with me.” Sarah said sadly, “I can’t provide for her.”

“Providing for a child isn’t just about the physical things money can buy.”

“I know but money helps.” Sarah pointed out.

“It does. But it’s not the be all and end all.”

Sarah traced her fingertips against her bump, “I’m working as a carer at the minute, doing night shifts, six nights a week. It’s so exhausting.”

“I’d just been promoted to sister when I fell pregnant with Peter. I was determined to prove that I could still work just as hard and as many hours as everyone else.”

“I need the money to find us somewhere nice to live.” Sarah closed her eyes, “It’s so lonely being on my own.”

“Once she’s here you’ll never be lonely again.”

Sarah nodded sadly, “I don’t really have anyone to talk to about things.”

“I’m always here to listen.”

“Mum and dad disowned me, said I’d made my bed.” Sarah smiled sadly as another tear rolled down her cheek. “I didn’t mean to hurt Peter. I just… I thought if I could convince Peter the baby was his, I could leave her with him and he’d give her all the things I can’t.” She confessed.

“You’ve probably guessed that I’ve never been the biggest fan of your parents.” Duffy sighed. “I’m not sure he’s ready for all of that. He’d do the best he could though.”

“I really, really love her.” Sarah rubbed her bump. “How can you love something you’ve never even met?”

“Its funny how quickly they worm their way into your heart.”

“I’m just so scared of being on my own. No family, no friends, a baby to provide for.”

“You do have friends and family.”

Sarah frowned, “I do?”

“What do you call all of us?” Duffy smiled.

Sarah smiled, “Thank you.”

“I wish I could stay longer but I’m aleady half an hour late for my shift.” Duffy grimaced dramatically, giving Sarah a conspiratorial wink.

“Sorry, you should go! I’m sorry for making you late. Thank you for coming up and talking to me. I really appreciate it!”

“Its ok, I’m sure I can find a way to get Charlie to forgive my tardiness. I’ll come back again later.”

“See you later. Have a good shift.”

“Thanks. You take care.”

“You too.” When Duffy left and it was just Sarah alone, she rubbed her bump. “Looks like we’re going to be ok after all, bump.”

When she arrived downstairs Duffy jumped straight into her shift but something kept nagging at her. After a few hours she finally plucked up the courage to go find Charlie in his office. Without knocking she headed in.

“Barging in without knocking, Mrs Fairhead, how rude.” He tutted playfully.

“I thought I had an open invite into this office?” She giggled, though her eyes didn’t sparkle the way they usually did when she laughed.

Something Charlie immediately picked up on. “What’s wrong?” He patted his lap before holding his arms out to her.

She sat down in his lap. “Busy few days.” She lied.

“There’s something niggling at you. Is it about Sarah?” He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

“No, well sort of…”

“Do you want to talk about it? It’s probably better that you do.”

“I’ve been having that argument with myself all morning.”

“Talk to me? I might be able to help?”

“Sarah isn’t the only one who’s been lying recently.”

“Why? Who else has been lying?” He asked.

“I didn’t trip…”

“What happened?”

“I’m not totally sure. I think I blacked out. One minute I was stood in the kitchen and the next I’m waking up on the floor.”

He sighed sadly, “Have you blacked out just the once or has it happened on other occasions?” He asked.

“A handful of times.”

“Why didn’t you say anything, sweetheart?”

“I didn’t want you to worry. Its probably nothing…”

“Have you got any other symptoms?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, palpitations those sort of things?”

“I’ve had chest pain a couple of times but it’s probably just indigestion.”

“Can I get Zoe to run some tests on you?”

“Is that a question or a command?” She smirked.

“A command.” He smiled, nuzzling his nose against hers.

“Yes sir!” She mocked.

He rolled his eyes playfully, “Just so I know you’re fighting fit and then I can stop worrying so much.”

“Like you’ll ever stop worrying.”

“Never.”

“When was your last check up anyway?”

“I don’t know, it’s been a while.”

“Don’t you think you should?”

“Fine, I’ll have an MOT whilst you’re having yours.”

“You do realise we’re both supposed to be working right now..?”

“I am working.” He gestured to the paperwork.

“No you’re not, you’re badgering me!” She giggled.

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Rude.” He laughed gently.

“I can think of much more fun ways to be poked and prodded…” She purred, shifting slightly in his lap.

“Is that right?” He reacted to her words almost instantly.

“If you can bare to be parted from that very important paperwork…”

“I need to punish you anyway for been thirty minutes late.”

“I was in the hospital on time…”

“That’s very true.” His hands began to move from around her waist.

“But I understand that rules are rules.” She fluttered her eyelashes.

“You were helping Sarah, I suppose I could ignore that you were late.”

“I should have run it by you first. Seeing as how you’re my boss.” She smirked.

“You just want to be spanked.” He laughed.

“You make it sound like I enjoy being punished.”

“You do.”

“I just can’t help myself.” She giggled.

“Get into position, without your pants on and see what happens.”

Duffy jumped off his lap, still giggling, and was just sliding her trousers down when there was a knock and the door began to open.

“Woah, one minute!” Charlie called and dashed to the door. “Everything ok?”

“Multiple RTA!” Mumbled the flustered nurse who’d just had the office door half slammed in her face.

“I’ll be on my way, give me two seconds.” He apologised. “Sorry for slamming the door nearly in your face.”

“I-it’s o-ok.” She stammered before running off.

“Duty calls!” Duffy chuckled sardonically.

“I guess I’ll just have to spank you later.” Charlie called before he left his office.


	14. tw: abuse, drug use & eating disorders

Louis woke up early on the morning of the visit, tidied his room and had a run around the garden before coming back and having a shower. He was nervous about seeing his father and Duffy after so long.

Though he’d spoken to them on the phone several times over the weeks he’d been away this was the first time he’d plucked up the courage to issue a visitor pass to see them in person.

The photo of Duffy and Charlie on their wedding day lay on top of the chest of drawers. He picked it up and sat on the edge of the bed, fiddling with the photo in his hands.

The time ticked by slowly until it was time to head to the visiting room.

Louis was really nervous. He put the photo in his pocket and went down to the visitors room.

His father and stepmother were sat waiting for him when he arrived in the room. It was just the three of them in there.

“Hi.” Louis smiled brightly.

“You look well.” Duffy replied.

“Thanks, I feel it.” Louis sat down on the chair opposite. “How are you both? How’s everyone else?”

“We’re all OK.” Charlie smiled.

“Duffy? Are you okay?”

“Yeh, out of plaster finally thankfully.”

“I’ve been thinking…”

“Oh?” Charlie asked when his son didn’t continue.

“I really need to make amends to you all. Including Em…”

“You really frightened her Louis.” Duffy sighed.

“I never meant to. It all got out of hand, the thoughts. I know it’s no excuse for what I’ve done.”

“Its not but its a start.” Duffy replied, she nudged Charlie, concerned that her husband had barely spoken since they’d arrived.

“Do you really mean that Louis?” Charlie asked. 

Louis nodded, “I’ve been talking about you both in therapy.”

Duffy tensed slightly, dreading where her stepson was going with this…

“Mum lied to me.”

“About what exactly?” Charlie asked.

“About Duffy.”

“So you don’t think I’m the cause of all that is wrong in your life anymore?” Duffy mumbled.

“No you’re not. You never were.”

“And this is what it’s taken for you to realise that?” Charlie sighed.

“It was more complicated than that.” Louis sighed sadly.

An awkward silence fell over the trio.

“Everything got muddled inside, about you. I felt like I was betraying my mum by loving you.” Louis admitted shyly.

“Your mum had her reasons for hating me. But I hope that we can put that behind us.”

“Mum realised she’d never make dad as happy as you do. That’s why she hated you.” Louis met his stepmum’s gaze, “But I don’t hate you. I want us to move on from this.”

“So do I.” Duffy smiled.

“I know it’s not going to be easy, sticking to recovery when I’m on the outside.”

“We’ve been talking to your school about ways for you to take your GCSEs. That might help you get some structure back once you leave here.” Charlie suggested.

Louis nodded, “I’d like to take my exams so I can do the job I want to do.”

“They suggested you deferring them til January, how do you feel about that?”

Louis nodded, “I’m ok with that.”

“It’ll give you time to catch up on the work you’ve missed.” Duffy encouraged.

“I’ve missed a lot, more than I realised.”

“Yes, the school sent us your attendance record.” Charlie remarked.

“It just spiralled.”

“I just wish you’d come to us.”

“I couldn’t. I was too ashamed of the thoughts in my head.”

“Do you want to share those thoughts with us?”

Louis hesitated. “I had a lot of thoughts to hurt Duffy… Sometimes sexual thoughts.” He looked down at the floor and shifted uncomfortably.

A flash of panic shot across Duffy’s eyes. She grabbed out for Charlie’s arm as she saw him start to tense up with anger.

“I wouldn’t ever hurt her, not like that… Not sexually!”

“Of all the things..!” Charlie was struggling to keep an even temper.

“This was a bad idea! “ Louis began, “You should go.”

“No. We need to work through these things. We just all need to stay calm.” Duffy tried to reason with both of them.

“I would never have hurt you! You’ve got to believe me!” Louis was beginning to get agitated.

“I believe you Louis. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” Duffy replied.

“You do?”

“I do.” She reached across the table and squeezed Louis’ hand.

Louis smiled sadly, “I just hated the thoughts so I smoked weed to get rid of them. But then weed wasn’t enough and I needed something stronger.”

“Which led you to heroin and the ecstasy that was in your room?”

Louis nodded, “I don’t like E. I was planning on selling them, to pay off the money I owe.”

“You still haven’t told us how much that is…”

“£600.” Louis swallowed, “I’d pay some dealers with alternative methods.” He looked down at the floor.

“Alternative methods?”

“Sex.”

“Oh Louis.” Duffy sighed. “Please say you were careful at least?”

“Not always.” Louis said quietly, “I was desperate…”

“Who were you having sex with? Were they also drug users?”

“Some were yes.”

"Women? Men?”

“Both.” Louis said quietly as he moved to the corner of the room. He sat on the floor and hugged his knees.

“Have you ever been tested?” She asked, glancing over at Charlie who was sat motionless staring at the wall opposite.

“No.”

“I think you should. Did you ever share needles with anyone else?”

“Once. She was called Katy, she was here.”

“OK. Will you agree to be tested?” Duffy asked gently.

Louis hesitated, “OK.”

“I’ll speak to the doctor before we leave to get that sorted out.”

“Why don’t you hate me for everything I’ve done?”

“Because you’re just a child. Underneath it all you’re still that bright eyed smiley toddler who would run over and demand I read you stories til you were fast asleep in my lap.” She smiled.

Louis smiled, his eyes filling with tears. His bottom lip began to tremble before he cried.

Duffy glanced over at Charlie once more before moving over to Louis and reaching her arms out towards him.

Louis crawled into her arms and sobbed against her.

“Ssh, it’s OK. Everything is going to be OK. I promise.” She soothed, gently stroking his hair and back.

“But dad hates me.” Louis whispered.

“No he doesn’t.”

“How can you be so certain?”

“Because I know your father.”

Louis’ hand gripped Duffy’s top. “I’ve got your wedding photo in my pocket.”

“I’d been wondering which photo it was.” She smiled.

“Sorry, I should’ve asked before taking it.”

“Its ok. I’d just been wracking my brain trying to remember what was in that frame.”

“You and dad look really happy, you make him happy.”

“He makes me happy too.”

“I can tell.” Louis moved his head to look at his dad, “Dad?”

“Yes Louis?” Charlie replied without turning to look over at them.

“Come here? Please dad. I need you too.”

Charlie slowly, reluctantly, got up from the chair and came over. His head was pounding as he tried to process everything.

“I know you hate me.”

“Hate is a strong word Louis.”

“None of this was supposed to happen.”

“Your father knows that Louis. These last few weeks have been hard on all of us.” Duffy interjected. 

“I’m sorry to everyone.”

“And we’re sorry that we didn’t realise that you were struggling and needed help.”

“I tried to hide it from you both. Thought I could deal with it on my own.”

“Unfortunately that’s a strong family trait.” Duffy sighed, a small smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

“Hmm.” Louis’ eyes fluttered closed.

Duffy continued to gently stroke Louis’ hair as she looked over at Charlie. Though he’d joined them on the floor he’d sat at a slight distance away from them.

Charlie’s head was spinning.

She reached out her other hand towards her husband.

Charlie reached for her hand, taking her hand into his.

“We’ll make it through this.” She mouthed.

Charlie ran his thumb over the back of her hand and nodded.

“You ok?” She whispered.

“No.”

“We’ll talk in the car.” She promised.

Charlie nodded, lent over and kissed Louis’ head. He was so conflicted.

Duffy wasn’t sure how long they sat on the floor together but eventually a member of staff quietly entered the room.

“Is everything ok?” The staff member asked.

Duffy nodded. “He fell asleep.” She explained. “Is it time for us to leave?”

“I’d usually say yes but I think you can stay for a little while longer.”

A few minutes after the staff member left once more Louis began to mutter and twitch in his sleep.

“We should probably take him to his room, shouldn’t we?” Charlie asked. 

Duffy nodded mutely as she tried to calm the agitated teenager.

Louis was still mumbling things and twitching.

“Louis… Louis… Its ok.” Duffy whispered.

Louis jumped awake, startled. His breathing heavy.

“Hey, you’re OK. You’re safe.” Duffy reassured him softly.

Louis searched the room. It took him a few minutes to remember where he was.

“Do you want to talk about your dream?” Duffy asked gently.

“Found Katy dead.” Louis whispered.

“Katy?”

“Girl I met here.” Louis smiled sadly, “I had sex with her in exchange for heroin, we took it together. She was a friend of Tony’s. She had to leave… Dream about her sometimes.” He admitted quietly.

“Ah. Did you have feelings for her?”

“She was troubled, empty eyes.”

“Why did she have to leave?”

“It wasn’t working, her been here.” Louis said sadly.

“It will have been done to help her try to get better.”

“I know.” Louis yawned and stretched.

“We should let you get back to what you were doing before we arrived. I’ll speak to the doctor for you.”

“I went for a run and then I had a shower and tidied. I’ll probably just sleep when you leave.”

“Have you not been sleeping much at night?”

“Some nights I really struggle with wanting to inject.” Louis admitted.

“That’ll get easier with time. Do they have you on a substitute substance to ease you off?”

“Yeh, Methadone.”

“That will hopefully help.”

“It does sometimes.”

“That’s progress.” She paused as the staff member from earlier reappeared at the door.

“It’s time to say bye now, isn’t it?” Louis asked the staff member sadly.

“That’s right.”

Louis hugged his parents goodbye, “Love you both. Thank you for coming to see me.”

“We’ll see you again soon. Take care of yourself.” Duffy replied as she hugged him tight.

“You too.” Louis kissed their cheeks before heading off back to his room. “Love you.” He called.

Duffy briefly spoke to the facility doctor before joining Charlie outside. She was deeply concerned by how quiet he was.

“Are you okay?” Charlie asked her quietly as they sat in the car.

“Yeh.” She replied though now she was outside her hands were shaking slightly.

“That cant have been easy for you.” He placed his hand against her knee.

He could feel her leg tense under his hand.

“Talk to me?” He moved his hand from her knee.

“He’s just a child.” She mumbled.

“I know.”

“Where did I go wrong? I tried so hard to treat him just the same as the others.” A tear trickled down her cheek.

He brushed away the tear, “This isn’t your fault. He said it himself, it just got complicated.”

“I started it all. I should have stayed away.”

“I started all this, remember.”

“How’d you figure that out?”

“I chose to have an affair. It was me who had a choice to not marry Baz but still went ahead and did it, despite being in love with you.”

“But if I hadn’t come back to Holby…”

“If you hadn’t, you’d be dead now.” He pointed out. “I didn’t realise how bad Louis’ thoughts were about you.”

“Maybe.” She sighed. “I just keep going back over it all. Everything I’ve said… Everything I’ve done…”

“You’ve been amazing to him, Duffy. Seeing him asleep in your lap again, made me realise just how much of a child he really is. And how much he’d been doing this all alone.”

“How did we let it get to this?” She sighed.

“None of us are to blame for this.“

"You could barely look at him in there.”

“I almost lost it when he said…” Charlie swallowed.

“That he’d had thoughts of raping me?” She whispered.

Charlie nodded. “I wanted to kill him!” He whispered back.

“He doesn’t know the true depth of what he said Charlie.”

“Doesn’t he?”

“What do you mean? He doesn’t know what happened in the past…”

“Do you believe him?” He asked quietly, “That he won’t hurt you?”

“He’s your son. What other option do I have?”

“When I decided to visit, this wasn’t what I was expecting to be greeted with.” Charlie paused, “I feel he’s genuinely sorry for what he’s done.”

“So do I.” She reached for his hand. “What were you expecting?”

“A moody teenager, still pretending he didn’t have a problem.”

“He’s making progress.”

Charlie nodded and squeezed her hand, “He is.”

They fell into a slightly more comfortable silence as Charlie drove them home. As soon as they arrived back inside Duffy headed for the stairs. “I’m going to run a bath.” She mumbled before dashing up the stairs.

Before he could follow her to make sure she was OK Charlie was railroaded by the twins.

“We need to talk to you dad.” Tilly insisted.

Charlie watched as his wife headed up the stairs before turning back to the twins. “What’s wrong princesses?” He asked as he tucked a strand of hair behind Lottie and Tilly’s ears.

“What’s going on with mum? She’s acting all weird and it’s got to stop.” Lottie replied.

“What do you mean honey?”

“First she let Beth stay over loads and then she let Sarah move in. She said it was only for a few days til she got things sorted but it’s been almost a month now. At this rate she’ll still be here when the baby comes!” Lottie explained.

“Is that her plan? To get herself another baby?” Tilly added.

“What? No girls.” He sighed softly, “Your mum’s helping Sarah because Sarah doesn’t have anywhere else to go. It’s not to get herself another baby.” He reassured.

“This place is quickly turning into the house of waifs and strays!” Tilly complained.

He chuckled, “Tots! Be nice, not everyone is as lucky as you to have a loving family.”

Tilly rolled her eyes.

“Its not just people either. I heard her talking to Holly the other day about a pair of abandoned kittens!” Lottie remarked, throwing her arms up dramatically.

“When you were younger, all you and Tilly wanted was a cat. Do you not want one anymore?”

“That’s not the point!” Lottie retorted.

“It’s who your mum is, Lottie. She cares.”

“Where does it end though dad? She’s gunna start bringing patients home with her at this rate!”

“Don’t give her any ideas.” Charlie laughed softly, “I’ll talk to your mum ok, girls?” He kissed their noses.

“While you’re talking to her can you tell her to tell Krystal to put some clothes on before leaving Jake’s room next time!” Tilly requested, pulling a face.

“Did you get an eyeful?”

“Yeh and its not the first time!”

“I will mention it to your mum. Anything else I should mention?”

“We’re just worried about her. She seems different recently.” Lottie sighed.

“I know sweetheart, I worry too. Ok?” He kissed both their foreheads, “I’ll go and talk to her now.”

“Thanks dad. She might listen to you.”

“I can only hope.” He went upstairs to their bedroom.

The bathroom door was closed but the sound of sloshing water could be heard from the other side as well as the occasional sob.

“Sweetheart, can I come in?”

Upon hearing his voice Duffy began to cry harder.

“Babe?”

She didn’t reply but after checking the handle and realising it was unlocked he cautiously, slowly, opened the door.

Her skin was bright red, both from the heat of the near boiling water she sat in and the way she’d been ferociously scrubbing at herself since she’d gotten in the bath.

Without saying anything, Charlie got into the bath with her fully clothed. He placed his hands over hers to stop herself from hurting herself another more. “You’re not dirty.” He whispered.

She tried to pull away but she lacked the strength to fight. Her skin had broken and started to bleed on her thighs.

“Look at me?” He said gently.

“I…” She ran her fingers along the open wounds.

He gently lifted her chin up and held her gaze. “You are not dirty.”

“Its my fault.” She mumbled.

“No it’s not.”

“It has to be something I’ve done. No other reason makes sense.” She insisted.

“You haven’t done anything!” He protested, “None of this is your fault!”

“I’ve found myself here countless times.”

“And every time you fight the same demons that try and drown you.”

“The only common factor is me.”

“It’s not because of you.”

She curled herself up, drawing her knees to her chest, suddenly realising how exposed she was. She’d been careful not to let her husband see the devastating effect her fast spiralling eating problems were having upon her once more.

“You need help.” He said gently. “How about we go back to the therapist?”

“No!” She pulled away from his arms and moved out of the bath, grabbing a towel and quickly wrapping it around herself before fleeing the room.

“You need to, baby. We can’t go on like this anymore, you can’t.”

“One tiny relapse and you want me back in therapy?! No!” She argued from the bedroom as Charlie removed his soaked clothes so he could dry off.

“A tiny relapse?!” He replied, “There’s nothing tiny about it!”

“There’s nothing wrong with me!” She yelled.

“Yes there is.”

“No there isn’t!”

“You’re skin and bone!” He replied.

“Hardly. Don’t exaggerate!”

“I’m not exaggerating.” He sighed, “I know you’ve been abusing laxatives.”

“What?! I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“You’re not ok, gorgeous.”

“I’d like to know where you get off throwing baseless accusations around..!”

He sighed, “I’m not. I know you’re not ok.”

“I’m fine. I’m completely in control and don’t need you fussing and accusing me of all sorts.”

“No you’re not fine! You’re skin and bone and you’ve just been scrubbing your skin red raw in the bath!”

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Because I’m getting to close to the truth?”

“Think what you want. Nothing I say will make a difference anyway.”

“Be honest with me, that’s all I want. Be honest to yourself.”

“I am. I don’t have a problem.”

He sighed and held up his hands in surrender, “Fine.”

The atmosphere was awkward as they both got redressed. Duffy winced as she pulled her trousers on.

“Can I at least see the wounds on your thighs?” The care in his voice was evident.

She sighed but relented, sitting down on the edge of their bed.

He crouched down in front of her and checked her thighs. “I need to dress them.”

“They’re not that bad surely?”

“I don’t want you to risk getting an infection.”

“OK.” She sighed.

“We’ll get through this.” He reached up to touch her cheek.

Though she tried not to she couldn’t help flinching slightly at the contact.

He removed his hand and didn’t say anything.

She couldn’t help the tears that trickled down her cheeks as he tended her wounds. He was so gentle and loving. She didn’t deserve the care he showed her.

He cleaned them and dressed them, careful not to hurt her.

As soon as he was done she curled up in a ball on the bed.

He didn’t know what to do, he wanted to hold her more than anything in the world!

She shook slightly as she cried silently into her pillow.

He lay down beside her. “Can I hold you?” He whispered.

She gave the barest of nods. If he hadn’t been watching her so intently he would have missed it.

He moved closer and wrapped his arms around her, holding her closely to his chest. His hand ran through her hair as he tried to comfort her.

After several minutes had passed he realised that she’d cried herself to sleep.

He kissed the side of her head and gently tucked her up. He tried to move without disturbing her.

He managed to get out of the room and back downstairs where yet again the twins were waiting for him.

“So what did she say?” Tilly demanded to know.

“Nothing, I haven’t had chance to ask Tilly.”

“You were up there ages!” Tilly replied childishly.

“I know. Your mum’s not feeling very well.”

“She got another stomach bug?” Lottie asked.

“Something like that honey.”

“She’s had loads recently.” Lottie sighed.

“Unless they’re not stomach bugs..!” Tilly chipped in with a smirk.

“Your mum isn’t pregnant, Tilly. I’d know if she was.”

“You say that..!”

“Tilly, I’d be able to tell.”

“Yeh, yeh…” Tilly laughed, giving her dad a dramatic wink.

He shook his head fondly, “Are you two okay?”

“Can Molly move in? Seeing as mum is letting everyone else stay.” Lottie fluttered her eyelashes at her dad.

“No, there’s no room for Holly. Plus I’m sure she’d rather stay with Peter.”

“Not Holly, dad, Molly!” Lottie rolled her eyes.

“Who’s Molly?”

“She’s our mate from school.”

“No, we don’t have any room.”

Jake wandered into the hall drinking from a can of cola.

“Jake, mum’s knocked up again!” Tilly told him causing him to choke on his drink.

“Jake, your mum isn’t pregnant.“ Charlie reassured the teenager. "Tilly, please stop saying that!”

Once he was able to breathe again Jake shot a look at his sister. "Fucks sake Tots, not funny!”

“She’s got another stomach bug.” Tilly rolled her eyes.

“Yeh a ‘stomach bug’!” Lottie repeated, egging her sister on.

“Girls! Seriously, behave!! Your mum is not pregnant!!”

As the words left his mouth he heard a small gasp at the top of the stairs and turned just in time to see a swish of red hair before their bedroom door slammed shut again.

He went up the stairs and knocked on their bedroom door. “Duffy?”

“Go away!” She groaned.

“No.” He opened the door and stepped into the room.

The toilet flushed and she pushed the bathroom door shut behind her.

He closed the bedroom door and tried to open the bathroom door.

“Go away!” She screamed.

“Why? So you can continue to make yourself sick? Will you please just let me in the room?”

“What you gunna do if I say no?”

“Break the bloody door down if I have to!”

“Violence is the answer yet again when I won’t do as I’m told.”

“Don’t, don’t say that. I would never hurt you.”

She didn’t reply verbally but the lock clicked open.

He stepped into the room and hovered in the doorway. “We can’t keep going on like this.”

She turned away from him, hiding her face and hands.

“Did you just make yourself sick?”

“No.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You’re calling me a liar?”

He sighed, “When did you become bulimic?”

“I’m not!”

“How many times have you been sick lately and you’ve told the girls you’ve got a stomach bug?” He sat on the floor and brought his knees to his chest.

“I didn’t tell them that. They decided that for themselves.”

“Ok.” He was quiet, just watching her.

She moved to stand up and wash her hands but Charlie grabbed hold of them before she could.

“I can only help you if you’re honest with me.”

“I didn’t want to but everything else stopped working.” She whispered.

“How long?” He moved one hand to cup her cheek. “How long have you been making yourself sick for?”

“Only a couple of weeks. Not all the time but…” She shrugged.

He sighed sadly, “I know you don’t want to go but please, can we go back to therapy?” He practically begged!

“I’ve got a feeling you’re not going to give me a choice.” She sighed.

“You can’t go on like this. Your body will give up and I’m not prepared to lose you.”

“Its not that serious Charlie!”

“You’re bulimic. As a nurse, you know just how dangerous that can be on the heart.”

“I’ll be OK, I know what I’m doing.”

“I’ll make an appointment in the morning to see the therapist.”

“Good to know you have so much faith and trust in me.”

He sighed and didn’t say anything. What could he say to that?

As she finished washing her hands she began coughing violently.

He watched her. “Babe?”

She wiped her hand across her mouth and immediately washed it again.

“Are you bleeding?”

She started to shake her head but then sighed and held out her hand towards him.

He took her hand in his.

It was streaked with blood.

“How long have you been throwing up blood? Or is this the first time?”

“First time.” She mumbled. “I swear!”

“I believe you.”

“I won’t do it again.” She started to cry.

He pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her. “But you will. Because it’s a need, a coping mechanism.”

“I tried to make it stop. I really did.”

“I know you did. I just wish you’d come to me sooner.” He kissed the top of her head, “What do you need from me?”

“Please just make it stop.” She begged.

“Make what stop?” He picked her up and carried her in his arms back to the bed. It scared him how light she was. “Tell me what I can do to make it stop?”

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t know, either.” He said sadly as he curled up on the bed with her. Why hadn’t he seen she was struggling? Why hadn’t he seen Louis struggling either? He sighed sadly once again, maybe he wasn’t the good husband and father he thought he was.

There was a light tap on the bedroom door.

“Come in,” Charlie called softly, Duffy on his chest.

The door opened slowly and Emily’s head appeared around it.

“You ok princess?” He held his hand out to his daughter.

“Lottie said mum wasn’t feeling well. Anything I can do to help?”

“No sweetheart, your mum’s just feeling a bit under the weather.” He smiled sadly as he glanced down at Duffy. Her hand was clutching his shirt and she was asleep.

“She’ll be OK though?” Emily asked nervously.

“Dad will make sure she is, ok?” He smiled reassuringly.

“OK. And what Tilly told Jake ain’t true right?”

“No, your mum isn’t pregnant, Em.”

Emily’s face flooded with relief. “Phew. Well that’s something at least.”

“Your mum’s just got a lot on her mind at the minute, I’m sure she’ll be right as rain in a few days.” He tried to reassure Emily.

“She’s not been right for a while has she?”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s disappearing before our eyes dad.” Emily frowned.

“She’s fine.” He sighed sadly.

“No she’s not dad. You know that and I know that.” Emily sighed as she sat on the edge of the bed, resting her hand on her mum’s leg.

“I’ll make sure she gets better for you all, I promise.”

“I just wish she realised how important she is to all of us.”

“Me too.” He smiled sadly and took his daughter’s hand in his. “When did you get so big and grown up, Em?”

She blushed and giggled softly.

“You’ll always be daddy’s princess. You and the twins.”

“Despite everything that’s happened recently?”

“Yes.”

“I never meant to upset you.”

“You didn’t.”

“But you wanted different for me?”

“Do you think I’m disappointed because you’re a lesbian?”

“Are you?”

“No. All I want is for you to be happy. If Beth makes you happy then I’m happy.” He smiled.

“She does.” Emily smiled.

“Then that’s all that matters princess.” He paused, “Life isn’t always easy but if someone makes you happy, you keep fighting.”

“Like you keep fighting for mum?”

He nodded.

“Maybe one day she’ll see what we all see.”

“I hope so.”

“I guess we just need to keep telling her til she does.”

Once again Charlie nodded. He really hoped one day his wife could see what they all saw in her rather than her demons.

“Do you want a cup of tea dad?” Emily asked after several moments had passed.

“No thanks darling.”

“OK. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” She lent over and kissed his cheek. “Love you daddy.”

“Love you too, Emmy.” He kissed her cheek. When he was left alone with Duffy, Charlie cried himself to sleep, the emotions of the day’s events pouring out.


	15. NSFW/TW: eating disorders

It had been a turbulent few months but somehow they had made it through so, despite the fact that, like his father, he was no chef, Peter had decided to cook Holly a romantic meal for her birthday. He also tried to make her a birthday cake in a flavour that was her ideal cake.

He was getting a little stressed, how did his mum make this look so easy?

It bloody wasn’t easy! He was about to do something else when the doorbell rang, signalling the arrival of his visitor.

Holly couldn’t help but giggle as Peter opened the door. “Why are you covered in flour?”

“I’m trying to make you a birthday cake.” He said with a small pout.

Her eyes lit up. “Really?” She let out a little squeal of delight.

“Yes.”

“You are just so adorable!” She giggled as she entered the flat.

His placed his hands against her hips.

“I got the card from your parents in the post this morning.” She smiled.

He nuzzled his nose against hers, “That’s nice of them.”

“Yeh, made a nice change to get cards on my actual birthday.” Her bright smile briefly wavered before returning. “The sketches with the card were amazing.”

“That’ll be Em. She’ll be thrilled you love them.” He smiled brightly, “Everything ok?”

“Yeh.” She gave him a quick kiss. “You should get back to that cake.”

“Before it burns?”

“Yeh, cake is always better when it’s not burnt.” She chuckled.

He laughed softly and kissed her nose again. He went back into the kitchen to finish making the cake.

Holly lingered in the kitchen doorway. “Am I allowed in or is it all a surprise?” She giggled.

“You can come in, I suppose.”

She walked in and made herself comfortable on one of the stools by the counter.

“Have you brought yourself a new dress?” He asked.

“Yeh. I’m impressed you noticed.” She smiled.

“Of course I noticed, you look beautiful by the way.”

“Thanks.” She blushed.

Peter’s attention began to focus on making the cake filling but he was beginning to get distracted.

Holly got up from the stool to help herself to a glass of wine from the fridge. Pouring a second glass for Peter she reached around him to place it on the counter next to him.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” She kissed his cheek.

“Making a cake is harder than I thought.”

“Would you like me to give you a hand?”

“Hmm, if you want to.”

She started to help but very quickly couldn’t resist the urge to flick a blob of the mixture at his face.

He pouted, “That’s not nice.”

She giggled as she licked the mixture from his cheek.

He swallowed, suddenly becoming very hot and bothered.

“Mmm, tasty!”

“You having fun there?”

“Yep!” She grinned as Peter took the cake from the oven.

He chuckled softly, “I thought you were.”

“So what shall we do now while that cools?”

“What do you want to do? It’s your birthday.”

“We could watch a movie?”

“What kind of movie?” He winked.

“Something that’s not all blood, guts and explosions?”

“A romantic film?”

“Do you own any?” She asked, her eyebrow raised.

“No. I don’t think so, shall we look?”

“Good idea.” Her eyes danced with mischief wondering how long it would take him to notice the addition she’d make to his dvd collection.

He went looking through his dvd collection and pulled out a dvd he’d never seen before. He held it up, “What’s this one?”

“Fancy that, my favourite film!” She gasped dramatically.

“I wonder how it got there?” He smirked.

“I wonder…” She giggled.

He shook his head fondly, “I never noticed.”

Holly continued to giggle as she took the dvd from him, placed it in the player and made herself comfy on the sofa.

He sat down beside her and reached around the back of the sofa for a blanket.

She snuggled into him as the movie started.

He wrapped the blanket over them and kissed the top of her head.

About half an hour into the movie the timer beeped.

“I should go and finish the cake and check the food.” Peter smiled as he gently moved Holly from his arms.

“Do you want me to pause the movie while you do?”

“No no, it’ll be fine.”

She chuckled as she continued to watch the film in his absence.

By the time he’d finished the cake and prepared the meal the film had almost finished.

He took a deep breath as he lit some candles around the table before calling her into the kitchen.

Holly gasped as she entered the kitchen.

“Happy Birthday babe.”

As she sat down she realised that not only was there a meal waiting for her there was a beautifully wrapped present too.

“I didn’t really know what to buy you.” He smiled shyly, “I hope you like it.”

She excitedly ripped the paper off the present. The box inside contained a crystal pendant. “Its beautiful!”

“I’m really glad you like it. Would you like me to put it on you?”

“Please.” She smiled.

He gently took the crystal pendant out of the box and moved to stand behind her. Gently, Peter moved Holly’s hair out of the way and gently put the necklace on. He kissed the back of her neck when he’d finished.

She held the pendant in her hand. It shimmered in the candlelight.

He kissed the back of her neck again. “It suits you.”

“You did good.” She smiled.

“I’m really glad you love it.”

The conversation lulled at they began to eat. “This is delicious.” Holly uttered after a few mouthfuls.

He breathed a sigh of relief, “That’s a relief. I feared it may be atrocious.”

“You should have more confidence.” She smiled. “Oh yeh, I dropped the kittens off to your parents house yesterday.”

“How many kittens are there?”

“Two.” She giggled.

He shook his head fondly, “Mum’s terrible. What mum wants, mum usually gets, dad rarely says no to her.”

“I guess he was trying to cheer her up. She was really quiet and didn’t look at all well when I went round yesterday.”

He sighed sadly, “My mum’s got anorexia. Least she did, years ago. But it doesn’t go away, does it?”

“I didn’t realise. That must be hard for all of you.”

“It’s tough. More for mum than us really.”

“She’s had a relapse?”

“I think so. I’d guess so. She’s gone really skinny again. And pale.”

“Is there any way we can help?”

“I don’t think there is.” He paused briefly, “Did you notice they’ve got a new kitchen table?”

“Yeh I did. Looks really nice. Antique pine I think your dad said.”

“Tilly said they’d broken the last table doing a spot of exercise.” Peter laughed.

“You’re kidding me?! But your mum’s tiny! How the hell did they manage that?!” She gasped, choking slightly on her wine.

“I think it was wobbly anyway.” He sipped his wine.

“Are you sure Tilly wasn’t just winding you up?”

“About them breaking the table whilst shagging?”

“It sounds like something she’d think was funny. Like the other week when she told everyone that your mum was pregnant.”

“That’s what I thought, that she’d been winding me up. But on the same day, I got a text from Jake, practically confirming what Tilly had said.”

“Ah. What did he say?”

“That our parents are an embarrassment.”

Holly snorted.

“I’m just glad I don’t live at home anymore.”

“Yeh, it’s probably not as cute to you lot.”

“The worst is when you’re trying to sleep!” He laughed and met her gaze.

“Is that why you sleep with ear plugs in?” She teased, reaching over to boop his nose.

“Yes.”

“Shall we go back to the sofa to eat cake?” She suggested.

“Yes we can do if you want to?”

Holly giggled as she moved to grab the cake and a fork. “Grab the wine.” She told Peter.

Peter grabbed the wine and they headed into the living room.

After they sat down on the sofa Holly cackled as she moved to dig into the cake with the fork.

He watched her.

She grinned as she took a large scoop out of the middle of the cake and placed it in her mouth.

He smiled as he watched her, biting his lower lip.

“Would you like some?” She asked, her mouth still full of cake.

“Please.”

She scooped another forkful of cake and held it to his lips. She giggled as she placed the cake in his mouth.

“Mmm, it’s quite nice. I’m impressed.”

“Would it be bad if we ate the whole cake between us?” She chuckled.

“No, we can always burn it off later.” He winked.

“Now that sounds like a great idea..!”

He rubbed her thigh and grinned. “I hoped you’d say that.”

“I think this may go down as the best birthday ever.”

“I hope so.”  
It wasn’t long before all that was left of the cake was a few crumbs and the bottle of wine was almost empty.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered.

“And you’re very handsome and charming.”

“I try to be.” His hand ran up her dress. “That dress will look better on my bedroom floor.” He whispered.

“You mean there’s room on the floor for it?” She hiccuped, giggling.

“Yes.” He ran his tongue over her earlobe.

“Lead the way handsome.” She held out her hand.

He took her hand and led her to the bedroom.

“Clean sheets and everything! You really did go to a lot of effort.”

“Of course I did, it’s your birthday.” He kissed her gently.

She slid off her shoes and wrapped her arms around his neck.

His hands rested against her hips, pulling her closer to him.

“I love you so much Peter.”

“I love you too. I never thought I would fall in love again,” He admitted.

“I’m just glad we got everything sorted out.”

“Me too.” He lay down on the bed and pulled her on top of him.

“Its made me realise something though…”

“What’s that?” He asked his hands running up her sides.

“I do want kids. Not yet though.” She smiled. “I’d like us to have a house together and be married first.”

His eyes widened and he didn’t say anything.

“Sorry, that probably sounds really freaky given we’ve only been together a few months but after everything that happened with Sarah…” The wine she’d drank was starting to make her babble.

“No. Not at all. I…” He smiled brightly, “I want the same Holly. I want me and you to have a house, to get married, to have babies.”

“You do? I’d thought you would have been put off the idea.”

“No.”

“I’m glad.” She smiled and kissed him.

He smiled and returned the kiss.

She moved her fingers to unbutton his shirt.

He pulled her dress off over her head, his hands groping her breasts.

She let out a giggly moan as she heard the dress hit the floor.

“Much better.” He whispered.

“You’re overdressed now though!”

“But your body’s much more gorgeous than mine.”

“You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of trust me.” She whispered, running her finger up his bare chest.

He moved Holly onto his stomach as he wriggled out of his trousers, “You really are so beautiful!”

“I can see that you think so!”

Peter laughed softly as he reached around and undid Holly’s bra.

“That’s one area where you have no reason to be shy!”

“That’s reassuring to know.” He reached up to kiss each breast.

“Like you weren’t already well aware of that!” She giggled between moans.

“No.” He chuckled as he continued to kiss her breasts, his tongue eventually making contact with her nipples.

Her moans got louder as his tongue moved across her skin.

He grabbed her breast and began to suck hard against her nipple.

Her moans encouraged him on.

He moved to suck against the other breast. His erection pressing against her bum. He was getting so horny!

“I want you now!” She moaned.

He shifted her so he could enter her.

She closed her eyes as she savoured the feel of their bodies connecting.

He moaned loudly as they became one.

Their lovemaking was sensual despite them being mildly intoxicated.

As he climaxed, he reached up and kissed her passionately.

They continued to kiss for several minutes.

“We should do this more often.” He whispered against her lips.

“We should.” She smiled, settling into his arms, the duvet wrapped around them both.

“I love you gorgeous.”

“I love you too. Thank you for the best birthday.”

“Every birthday is going to be the best birthday, I promise.”

“That sounds perfect.”

“You deserve it.” He kissed the top of her head, “Night night gorgeous.”

“Night.” She replied before falling into a deep slumber.

It took him a little while longer but soon Peter was asleep too.

Holly was up early the next morning so decided to make them both breakfast that she brought back through to the bedroom.

Peter sat up in bed, “Shouldn’t I be the one making you breakfast in bed?”

“Its ok, I was awake anyway.” She smiled.

“You’re not a great sleeper, are you babe?”

“I’ve just always been an early riser.”

“Not like me that can sleep the day away.”

“Yeh, I’ve never understood how you can do that!”

“I like the peace and quiet.” He laughed gently.

She giggled as they tucked into their breakfast.

He watched her over breakfast as they ate together.

After she finished eating she hesitated slightly before speaking. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course you can.”

“Are you sad that it’s not your baby?” She asked nervously. It was something that had eating away at her ever since he’d told her about his mother’s discovery.

He didn’t answer for a minute, “Is it wrong that I only feel relief?”

“No. That’s how I felt.”

“I was worried a stupid mistake when drunk would always be there.” He sighed, “I didn’t want a baby with Sarah.”

“But there was a time when you did?”

“When I was a kid. When I thought I knew what I wanted.“

"But it wasn’t?”

He shook his head.

“I wanted to be a marine biologist when I was a kid so it’s probably a good thing that we’re not held to our childhood ideas.”

“I thought I knew everything there was to know about life. Didn’t understand how you could possibly love more than one person.”

“That’s one thing I miss about being a teenager is knowing everything!” She giggled.

He laughed gently.

“It’ll be fun to see when your sisters realise that.”

“Tilly’s mum. And mum does know everything so…” He shrugged with a giggle.

“I still can’t believe she told everyone that your mum was pregnant though.”

“That’s really not funny.”

“Yeh, bit poor taste when your mum ain’t well…”

“I don’t think the twins know about mum being ill.” A thought suddenly occurred to him. “Wait, shit!”

“What?!”

“You don’t think she’s making herself throw up, do you?”

“You said she’s anorexic. Anorexics don’t make themselves sick…”

“No but those with bulimia do!”

“Is it even possible to have both?”

“I think so. You can cross over, have traits of both eating disorders.”

“Is she in a treatment program?”

“She was when I was a teen but not recently.”

“Hopefully she’ll go back to it.”

“I hope so too.”

“Maybe we should pay them a visit?”

“Yeah, maybe we should.” Peter agreed.

“We can say we’ve come to check on the kittens to see how they’re settling in?” Holly suggested.

“Sounds like a good idea.”

It was late morning before they arrived at Charlie and Duffy’s house.

Peter knocked on the door.

The sound of someone fumbling with the lock could be heard from the other side along with the familiar giggles of Peter’s youngest brothers.

“They’re so cute.” Peter commented referring to his younger brothers.

Finally the door opened. “Peter!! Holly!!” The boys yelled excitedly.

“Hello troublesome pair” Peter and Holly replied.

Charlie entered the hallway to see what all the commotion was about. “Well this is a nice surprise!” He declared.

“We came to check on the kittens.” Holly explained with a smile.

“They’re in the dining room with the girls.”

Holly and Peter moved into the dining room.

Holly grinned as she watched the twins attempting to teach the kittens tricks. They were completely uninterested of course! “So have you given them names yet?” She asked.

“Simba and Shadow.” Lottie replied as she looked up at Holly.

“I’m guessing Simba is the ginger cat and Shadow is the black cat?”

“That’s right.” Tilly grinned.

“Did you have a nice birthday Holly?” Emily asked.

“It was lovely thanks, I really loved the drawings on the cards I got from you.” Holly replied.

Emily grinned, a slight blush colouring her cheeks. “I’m glad.”

Holly sat at the table and began to talk to the girls, whilst Peter pulled his dad into the living room. “Dad?”

“Everything OK son?” Charlie asked, a little confused.

“Is mum ok?”

“She will be.” Charlie sighed.

Peter closed the door a little, “Holly’s really worried.”

“What about?”

“About mum, how ill she looks.” Peter sighed sadly, “Are you ok dad?”

“I’m fine. We’ve just got to get your mum through this latest relapse, that’s what’s most important right now.”

“Why has she relapsed?” Peter asked.

“I honestly don’t know.” Charlie sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“How can me and Holly help dad?”

“Just support and encourage her. That’s all any of us can do.”

Peter nodded sadly, “I’ll do whatever I can dad. For both of you.“ He paused.” Is Sarah still here?“

"She’s out at the moment with your mum but she’s still staying here and will be back soon. Is that a problem?”

“Its a bit awkward.” Peter replied, “It’s like one of your exes just rocking up and living here.”

“I know, I know. It was your mum’s idea coz she was concerned about Sarah’s living arrangements.”

Peter frowned, “What are her living arrangements?”

“She was pretty much sofa surfing.”

“Oh…” Peter sighed, “She needs to be safe, especially now she’s pregnant.”

“Now do you see why your mum insisted she stay here?” Charlie asked gently.

“Yes but…” Peter sighed. “I’m allowed to be angry about being lied to, aren’t I?”

“Of course you are. You should have seen your mum the evening after she found out..!”

“Let me guess, she went ballistic?”

“She has a tendency to forget that you’re a grown man now.” Charlie chuckled.

Peter laughed gently, “Holly and I talked about our future last night.”

“Oh?” Charlie visibly brightened.

“I’m going to start looking at houses, so we can move in together.”

“So soon?”

“I want to find a house that Holly and I can raise a family in. In the future.”

“Just don’t rush into anything son. Holly is a lovely girl but I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“I’ll try not to rush into anything.” Peter hesitated before continuing. “I… I lied to Holly last night.” He looked down at the floor.

“What about?”

“She asked me how I felt about finding out I wasn’t the dad. I told her I was relieved but that wasn’t entirely true.” Peter mumbled.

“Its understandable to have mixed feelings. I went through the whole spectrum of emotions over you.” Charlie admitted.

“I was just getting used to the idea of being a dad. I brought something for it, for her.” Peter sighed. “You did?”

“Even though I knew I was already a dad by that point I felt so conflicted over everything.” Charlie paused. “You could still be a part of her life if you wanted to be. If this family shows you anything it’s that it doesn’t take blood to be family.”

“Yeah because that’s not gonna mess with Sarah’s head at all, is it?” Peter rose an eyebrow. “It wouldn’t be fair on her.”

“She wanted so desperately for you to be her baby’s father.” Charlie shared.

“I know.”

“Maybe you, Sarah and Holly should sit down together and talk?”

“Talk about what?”

“What happens now going forward.”

“I move on with Holly. Sarah moves on with her daughter.” Peter replied.

“OK. If that’s what you both want…”

“It wouldn’t be fair on Holly or Sarah if I became part of that baby’s life.” Peter pointed out, “Nor would it be fair on the baby either.”

“I totally agree. I just wanted to make sure you’d thought it all through properly.”

“I have dad, you don’t need to worry.” Peter smiled.

“I’m your dad, it’s my job!” Charlie chuckled.

Peter was about to say something else when the front door opened and Sarah and Duffy arrived back.

They were chatting and giggling excitedly, both laden with several shopping bags.

Peter stepped into the hallway, an awkwardness instantly apparent between him and Sarah.

“Peter! I didn’t know you were coming round.” Duffy grinned.

“Hi mum. I came to see if you were ok.”

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” As Duffy placed the bags down it became instantly apparent the kind of shopping she and Sarah had spent the morning indulging in…

“Because you’re ill?” Peter looked at the shopping bags.

“Who told you that?” Duffy replied dismissively.

The bags were filled with various items of clothing and other equipment.

“I don’t need to be told, I can see it when I look at you.” Peter answered back.

“You worry too much Peter.” Duffy rolled her eyes. She turned to Sarah. “No you don’t! I’ll take those upstairs. You go have a sit down.”

Peter sighed, “You’re stubborn.” He replied to his mum.

“And you’re fast turning into your father!”

“Good. Have you thought about going back to treatment?” Peter asked.

“I have an appointment booked for tomorrow actually.” Duffy retorted, picking up the bags and heading towards the stairs.

“I only worry about you! We all do!”

Sarah remained stood in the hallway, “Hi.” She said quietly to Peter.

Duffy harumphed as she walked up the stairs.

“Hi.” Peter replied, his gaze still on the stairs.

“I’m going to check on the boys…” Charlie uttered, heading to the stairs.

“Are you okay?” Sarah asked as she moved closer to Peter.

“Yeh… Holly is here.” He replied pointedly.

“Ok.”

Peter pushed his hands into his pockets. He couldn’t believe how awkward he now felt around someone he once loved. “How you getting on finding a place to live?”

“Not great,” Sarah shrugged, “I think I’m gonna move back in with AJ. It’s what’s best…”

“Does he treat you right?” Peter wasn’t sure why that was important to him but it was.

“Not really but I’m pregnant with nowhere else to go.”

“I’m sorry. For all of this.” He sighed.

“It’s not your fault.” Sarah pointed out.

“Still…” He shrugged.

“Your parents have been great.” She smiled, “I’ve been lucky but it’s time for me to stand on my own two feet, wherever that may be.”

“OK. I’m sure mum will still make a point of checking in on you.”

“Probably. Your mum cares too much. She’s got a heart of gold.”

“She cares about everyone except herself.” He sighed.

“She’s a nurse. You’ll find those that are healthcare professionals are the worst type of people to look after themselves.”

“My parents are a perfect case in point.” He smiled slightly.

Sarah nodded, the awkward silence descending over them again.

“I… Erm… I… I bought something for the baby…” Peter admitted, his voice barely a whisper.

“You did? What was it?”

“Its not much. Just a little stuffed toy.” He mumbled.

“You didn’t have to Peter but thank you.”

“Its at the flat. I’ll drop it round sometime.”

“Thank you.”

“Peter are you..? Oh!” Holly stopped just inside the dining room doorway.

Peter turned and nodded. He moved back to Holly and wrapped his arm around her waist, “Mum and Sarah have been shopping.”

“Did someone warn your dad not to check the joint account?” Holly giggled.

“Not yet but I think he knows not to.”

The trio was prevented from further awkwardness when Jake burst through the front door clutching a letter. “Bro!” He grinned as he spotted Peter.

“What bro?” Peter wondered why Jake was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

“I’m free at last!” Jake declared, holding up the letter.

“You did it?!”

“Yeh. I mean, I know it’s only a fortnight til I’m eighteen anyway but I don’t care! It’s done!”

“Yes!!” Peter fist bumped his brother, “You should go and tell mum! She’ll be made up!”

“Yeh where is she?”

“Upstairs.”

Jake charged up the stairs, nearly flattening his mum as she appeared at the top.

“Woah! Where’s the fire?” She gasped.

He jumped up and down with the letter in his hands. “It’s done! We did it!”

“What?” Realisation flooded her face. “You mean..?”

“Yes! Yes!” He wrapped his arms around her, “We did it! We did it mum!!”

“Oh sweetheart, that’s wonderful.” She couldn’t help the tears that began to stream down her cheeks.

Feeling a tear roll onto his shoulder, he frowned. “Mum, what’s wrong?”

“I’m just… I can’t believe it’s all over.”

“All over mum. You won.”

“It was never about winning, it was about doing the best thing for you.” She stroked his cheek.

He met his mum’s eye and nodded, “The best thing for us, as a family.”

“I love you Jake.” She smiled.

“I love you too, mum.” He kissed her cheek.

“I didn’t realise you were home Jake.” Charlie smiled as he arrived in the upstairs hallway after coming down from the younger boys’ bedroom.

“We’ve done it, dad!” Jake held up the letter.

Charlie attempted to study the letter but it was pointless without his reading glasses on.

“Andrew’s no longer part of our lives!”

“The court granted your request?”

Jake nodded, “Yes! We’ve done it!”

“I’m so pleased for you.” Charlie smiled, squeezing the teenager’s shoulder.

Jake threw his arms around Charlie, “Love you dad.”

“I love you too son.” Charlie reached out to pull Duffy into the hug. “Its turning into quite the month for celebrations.” He smiled.


	16. NSFW/TW: discussion of eating disorders

Jake rose early on his eighteenth birthday and after opening his presents he headed out the house. His parents presumed he was going over to Krystal’s so were surprised when she turned up on their doorstep a couple of hours later.

“Hi,” Charlie said with a smile. “I thought Jake was already with you?”

“No, we agreed to meet here.” Krystal replied, bemused.

“We haven’t seen him since about 9am this morning.”

“His phone just rang when I called him to say I was coming over.”

Charlie frowned, “Come in. I don’t know where he’s gone.”

“He mentioned having something important to sort that he had to do this morning but he said he’d be back by now.”

“Do you know what that was?”

“No, he wouldn’t tell me. Said it was a surprise.”

“Ok.”

It was about twenty minutes later when Jake arrived back at the house. Just as everyone was starting to get concerned about where he’d disappeared to.

“Where have you been?” Charlie asked Jake as he made himself known.

“Sorry, I didn’t expect there to be such a long queue.”

“A long queue for what?” Krystal asked, “I’ve been here ages, you said you wouldn’t be long.” She pouted.

“Sorry. Is everyone else here?”

“Do you want the whole family in the living room?” Charlie asked.

“Please dad.” Jake smiled.

Charlie got everyone including Duffy into the lounge. The only people that weren’t there were Holly and Peter.

“So, um, you’re probably all wondering where I’ve been this morning…” Jake began.

“Yes, where have you been?”

“Well you all know that I recently managed to get Andrew’s parental rights removed and whilst that was great there was one thing that it didn’t achieve. But I was able to do that today.” Jake grinned.

“What’s that?” Tilly asked as she frowned and tilted her head.

Jake pulled a certificate out of his pocket and held it up for the others to see. “Say hello to the newest member of the Fairhead family.”

Charlie’s eyes filled with tears, “Is that what I think it is?”

“Yep. Changed it by deed poll.”

Charlie smiled brightly, “That’s amazing!”

“I’ve kinda been telling people that’s my name anyway for years but now it’s official.”

Charlie wiped away a tear from his cheek.

“It’ll take a while for all the rest of my paperwork to catch up but I don’t really care.”

Duffy smiled brightly, “That’s amazing news Jake!”

“So you’re a Fairhead like us now?” Lottie asked.

Jake nodded, “I certainly am.”

“Cool.”

“Now we’ve all got the same name.”

“Fairhead bundle!” Tilly yelled, diving towards Jake.

Jake smiled as he wrapped his arms around his sister. The rest of the siblings dived on Jake resulting in a Fairhead family sandwich!

“If you’ve finished squashing him can I give him his present now?” Krystal giggled as the gang separated.

“Course, long as it ain’t a snog.” Tilly replied.

“Don’t worry, I’ll save that for later.” Krystal chuckled before reaching into her bag and handing Jake a wrapped package.

“Urgh, gross!” Tilly pulled a face.

Jake took the present, “What’s this?” He asked as he began to unwrap the present.

“Just a little something for now.” Krystal winked.

Jake grinned. He opened the present and gasped.

“You like it?”

“Krystal, I love it babe!”

“Thought you could use it when you go backpacking.”

“You’re gonna come with me though, right?”

“For the summer leg certainly.”

Jake smiled, “Good! I’m glad.”

“Can’t let you explore the Far East without me.”

Jake grinned, “Definitely not, babe!”

“Its going to be so weird without you here all summer.” Emily remarked.

“I’ll be back before you know it, Em.”

“You better take loads of photos of all the things and places you see.”

“I will, I promise.”

There was a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it.” Charlie moved from the sofa to grab the door.

“Morning Charlie. Is the birthday boy awake?” Kate asked as Charlie opened the door.

“Hi Kate.” Charlie kissed his mother in law’s cheek as he stepped aside to invite her in. “He’s in the living room.”

Kate headed into the lounge and Charlie was about to close the door when he saw Peter’s car pull up in front of the house.

“Hi son.” Charlie called as Peter got out of the car.

“Is doofus in?” Peter called as he and Holly headed towards the house.

“One day you’re going to stop calling your brother that.” Charlie rolled his eyes playfully, “To answer your question though, yes Jake’s in.”

“Nah, once a doofus, always a doofus!” Peter laughed, heading into the house.

“I heard that!” Jake called from the living room.

“You were meant to doofus!”

Jake rolled his eyes.

“Happy birthday Jake.” Holly smiled as she handed over his present.

“Thanks.” Jake took the present, “You didn’t have to buy me a present, you know?”

“Its nothing major. Just some new clothes for your trip.”

“Thanks.” Jake kissed Holly’s cheek.

There was a definite theme in Jake’s presents.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were all wanting to get rid of me.” Jake laughed.

“Darn it, you’ve figured out our fiendish plot!” Tilly teased.

Jake glanced over at his mum. Maybe going travelling at the minute wasn’t the best idea..?

Duffy spotted Jake’s expression and decided to cut off any fretting. “So now everyone is here shall we have some cake?”

“Yeah lets!” Lottie replied.

Duffy nipped into the kitchen and brought the cake she’d made through, eighteen candles lit on top.

As his family sang happy birthday to him, Jake blew out the candles on his cake.

Duffy had only cut a couple of slices before the twins dove in.

Charlie laughed, some things never changed with the twins.

Duffy sighed as she could feel Charlie, Peter, Jake and Emily try to pretend they weren’t watching her as she ate.

“This cake is delicious, mum!” Lottie said with her mouth full.

“Yeh, you make the best cakes mum!” Tilly agreed.

Charlie followed Duffy into the kitchen once she’d finished, “Are you okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine.” She replied reflexively.

“Talk to me?”

“Can you believe he’s eighteen?” She asked, not turning to face her husband.

“Only seems like yesterday that you told me you were pregnant with him.” He moved to stand in front of her.

“Took me forever to pluck up the courage to tell you.”

He placed his hand against her cheek.

“And now he’s a grown man about to set off on a big adventure.”

“Can we go out for a few hours? Go for a walk? Or a coffee?”

“If you like. I think Jake is planning to go out with his friends later on.”

“I want us to do something together. I feel it’s been a while that it’s just been me and you.”

“OK. I’ll see if mum can watch the boys.”

“We’ll only be an hour or two, max.”

“OK…” She replied, shooting him a suspicious look.

Kate agreed to watch the youngest two boys for a couple of hours so Charlie and Duffy could go out.

Upon leaving the house Duffy was curious to see where Charlie planned to take her.

They went for a walk, “I wanted to talk to you about how your treatment session went?”

“I told you already that it was fine.” She sighed.

“You say fine too much.”

“And you fuss too much!”

He shrugged, “What did they say? Are you bulimic? Or are you a mixture of both?” They sat on a bench in an open field.

“According to the dietician I have a varient on the binge-purge anorexia subtype.” She replied softly, fiddling with her hands in her lap.

He placed his hand over hers, interlocking his fingers through hers. “Ok. And how can we get through this?”

She shrugged. “I’ve managed three days without being sick. I’ve wanted to but I didn’t let myself.” She whispered.

“And I’m so proud of you, you know that don’t you?” He smiled and kissed her cheek, “Do you have distraction techniques?”

“Yeh.”

“What are those?”

“Its difficult to explain. I could maybe show you next time I need to?”

He nodded, “I’d like that.” He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, “You and I are in this together and I want to be there as much as you’ll allow me to be.”

“I’d prefer it if you told the kids to stop watching me like a hawk whenever there’s food nearby.”

“The kids just worry about you but I’ll tell them to stop watching you.”

“I know, I know. Its just… At least Emily is somewhat subtle. The boys on the other hand…” She rolled her eyes.

“Boys can’t be subtle. It’s just in our nature.”

“So I’ve noticed.” She snorted.

He kissed her nose.

“Is this why you insisted on dragging me out here? To interrogate me?”

“No. To ask you without little ears listening in on our conversation.”

“Little ears that jump to all the wrong conclusions.” She sighed.

“Like Tilly? It was because Lottie mentioned you had a stomach ache again and have done for a few days.”

“So of course they put two and two together and made five.” She sighed.

“They do.” He kissed her cheek, “Is there anything you need from me? Anything you want me to do?”

“Hold me?”

He wrapped his arms around her and held her. “I know you like to push me away, as some sort of attempt to protect yourself but I promise you, I refuse to go anywhere.”

“Part of me is thankful for that.”

“I won’t ever leave. Even when the waters get a little stormy.”

“Good coz that’s when I struggle the most to keep up head up and breathing.”

“You just need to remember you’re not alone in any of this.”

“I hate making things so difficult for you.”

“You do.” He smiled, “But you always were fiercely independent and stubborn. I understand it’s your personality.”

“Never learnt how to rely on others when I was a kid.” She sighed.

“I know, and I understand that.” He reassured, “I know even after all these years, you find it difficult to realise that I’m there and always will be.”

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“You don’t ever have to say sorry.” He kissed the top of her head, continuing to hold her in his arms.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“We were both just lucky to find each other as our soul mates.”

“Right under each other’s noses the entire time.” She smiled.

“Exactly.” He ran his hand through her hair, “My beautiful stunning redhead, woman of my dreams.”

“More a greying redhead these days.”

“Still beautiful though.”

She giggled.

Even after all this time, hearing her giggle still caused Charlie to get butterflies in his stomach.

A comfortable silence settled over them for several minutes as they both just watched the world go by around them.

Charlie found himself just watching Duffy, that look in his eye again.

“You know you look rather gormless when you do that…” Duffy grinned, not turning to look at Charlie. She didn’t need to.

He chuckled softly, “Sorry.”

“I’ve always secretly thought it’s kinda cute.”

“My gormless look?” He questioned.

“Yeh.” She giggled.

“That was the look I was going for babe.”

“Course you were.”

It was Charlie’s turn to laugh.

There was another pause.

“How do you feel about Jake’s news?” Duffy asked, finally turning to face her husband.

“About him finally taking my name?”

She nodded.

“Thrilled, happy, slightly emotional.” He admitted shyly.

“I never pushed for it in the past because I feared the repercussions.”

“He’s always been my son, it didn’t matter that I wasn’t biologically his father.”

“I really thought back then that we’d never be close again.” She sighed.

“Neither did I.” He replied.

“I found myself missing you so much even though you were right there next to me.”

“I suppose it’s a bit like now, isn’t it? There’s things about you I miss, even though you’re right here with me.”

“I do want to get better!” She sighed. “The doctor wants to send me for hormone level tests…”

“Hormone level tests?”

“Says its just routine but…” She shrugged.

“You’re not too sure?”

“I’d rather focus on one thing at a time. Plus there’s nothing wrong with my hormones so it’d just be pointless.”

“That’s understandable.” He paused, “Can I ask you something?”

“Am I going to like this question..?” She replied, a little suspicious.

“Probably not.” He shrugged, “Are you worried about being premenopausal? Or at the very least going through the menopause?“

She contemplated the question for a few moments. "Its not so much the physical symptoms that concern me… Its what it represents…”

“Go on?” He encouraged gently as he squeezed her hand.

“Maybe I just don’t want to admit that I’m getting older.”

“It’s not brilliant getting older but there is a silver lining.”

“There is?”

“Closer you get to getting my job.” He winked.

“Why you planning to retire soon?” She giggled.

“No.” He laughed gently.

“Didn’t think you’d give it up so easily.”

He gave her a tender kiss against her lips, “I’d love to take you home right now and make love to you. Show you how much you mean to me.”

“I’m not sure the kids would be happy about that… I don’t think they’ve forgiven us for the table incident yet..!”

He began to laugh, “In our defence that table was already wobbly, it just couldn’t handle the speed of my thrusts.”

“Hopefully the new table will stand up better.”

“Fingers crossed.” He kissed her again, “I love you.”

“You must do. After everything I’ve put you though.”

“It hasn’t been easy but I’ve put you through things too don’t forget.”

“We’re quite the pair!”

“Yeah we are.” He agreed.

“Lucky we found each other then.” She smiled softly.

“Very lucky.”

“We should probably head home soon but fancy getting up to a bit of mischief first? Prove to ourselves that we’re not getting that old just yet..!”

“What kind of mischief are you thinking?” He laughed.

“Well we don’t have to necessarily go home to indulge ourselves…”

“No, that’s true.”

“So what do you say? Fancy a bit of an adventure?”

“With you, always.”

She stood up and held out her hand towards him, a mischievous grin on her face.

He placed his hand in hers and stood up, “Lead the way, gorgeous.”

She giggled.

“You don’t have a plan do you?”

“Um… Is it that obvious?” She continued to giggle.

“Yes gorgeous, it is. You know something?”

“What?”

“Your eyes are sparkling.”

“I’m having fun.” She smiled.

“I’ve missed your sparkle.” Charlie admitted.

Duffy’s smile broadened. “Fancy a stroll by the lake?”

“I’d love one.”

It wasn’t long before they found themselves at ‘their spot’ by the lake.

“I still can’t believe we conceived the twins at this very spot.”

“That was quite a night.”

“I seem to recall that was your idea too.” He smiled brightly, “Your doctor though! She wasn’t impressed, was she?”

“Yeh I think it was.” She giggled. “Oh hell no! I’m pretty sure I’ll go down as her most complicated patient ever for that!”

“Probably.” He sat down on the grass, “She’ll remember you for years to come.”

“Its probably a good thing that she’d moved hospitals by the time I had the boys.”

His hand rested in Duffy’s lap, “Our family’s complete. Granted with more kids than we’d anticipated but I’d never change it for the world.”

“Yeh, we didn’t quite think that through did we?” She giggled.

“I still can’t believe we conceived the twins so quickly! You were obviously very fertile.” He chuckled.

“No wonder you fainted at that first scan!”

“When you told me you were pregnant with the twins, it was a lot different to how you told me you were pregnant with Em.”

“With the twins you worked it out before I did.”

“That’s true, I did.” He smiled.

“I thought I was just nervous about bringing Emily home.”

“No we had two buns in the oven.”

“That was the longest maternity leave ever!” She giggled.

“It really was.” He lay back on the grass, looking up at Duffy.

“Nice view?” She smirked.

“Beautiful, stunning.”

“Silver tongued charmer!”

“Always for you, babe.”

She lay down next to him. “Very talented that tongue of yours…” She purred.

“Especially when I touch a certain area of yours.”

“Fancy giving me a demonstration?”

“You’re so naughty.” He smirked and kissed her neck.

“You said you were game for a bit of mischief..!”

“I am.” He smirked, his lips moving down her neck.

“We’re hidden by the hedges afterall.”

“I wondered why you were wearing a skirt. Didn’t you wear a skirt when we conceived the twins?”

“I did. At least I had underwear on unlike someone!”

“It was easier to go commando.”

“Commando in a skirt is rather cold.”

“You’ll soon warm up though.”

“Will I now..?” She giggled.

“You will when my talented tongue gets to work.”

“Promises, promises!” She teased, giggling.

He moved over the top of her, his hands running up her inner thighs.

She tried her best to stay quiet as they were only a couple of metres away from the path but he was making it tricky.

He slowly removed her knickers, planting kisses against her thighs.

It briefly crossed her mind insane what they were doing was - it was broad daylight on a warm June afternoon… But she didn’t care.

His tongue ran over her, several times.

She ran her toes up his sides.

He began to give her head. He knew it was a complete bonkers idea considering it was daylight but he’d started now. There was no way he was finishing until she orgasmed.

“Faster!” She mumbled, her fingers grasping his hair.

His tongue moved faster over her.

She smothered her moans as she came hard moments later.

Charlie sat up and licked his lips, “Taste as sweet as ever.”

She pulled him towards her for a searing kiss. “Mmm!” She giggled as they parted.

His hands moved to his jeans and he held her gaze.

“You need a hand there?”

“Can do if you want to help?”

“Just tell me what you need.”

“Your mouth on my cock.”

“Lie down then.”

Charlie laid down on the grass.

She moved so she was straddled across his legs.

He ran his hand through her hair.

She unzipped his jeans and licked her lips.

His breathing began to quicken in anticipation.

Now it was his turn to smother his moans of pleasure as she began to suck and lick. It was so hard!

She grazed her teeth along his engorged length.

“Duffy,” He whispered, his hands tangled in her hair.

“Mmhmm?” She mumbled, flicking her eyes up to look at him, her mouth still wrapped around his cock.

“Your mouth is so good.” He groaned.

She giggled, the sensation rippling over his skin.

“Fuck,” He began to get a little louder.

She sucked harder.

His heart fluttered. Ah fuck, he wasn’t going to last long at this rate.

She looked up at him through her eyelashes, her pupils dilated.

Meeting her gaze, Charlie began to come down her throat.

She’d barely finished swallowing when they heard a rustling sound behind them.

Charlie sat up quickly and moved his head towards the sound.

They both heaved a sigh of relief when a bird hopped out of the bush.

“Thank God for that!”

Duffy had flushed bright red. “Imagine having to call my mum or the boys to bail us out for indecent exposure and lewd public behaviour..!” She giggled.

Charlie laughed as he zipped up his jeans, “It would certainly be a story to tell Megan when we next see her.”

“She’d personally castrate you!” Duffy giggled.

“I don’t think she’s ever really forgiven me for shagging you in the downstairs bathroom at the Halloween party all those years ago.” He laughed.

“Be thankful you didn’t have to sit through an interrogation over the phone the following month about whether you’d gotten your period or not!”

“She cares about you.”

“She didn’t find it funny when I threatened to send her the evidence in the post!” Duffy grinned.

He shook his head fondly, “You’re so mischievous!”

“You love it really.”

“I do.”

“We should get back before Jake heads out for the evening with Krystal and their friends.

“Yes we should.” He smiled.

"Coz goodness knows what state he’ll be in afterwards.”

“I think he’ll be really drunk.”

“So long as he doesn’t throw up on my floor…”

“Hopefully not.”

She reached for his hand as they stepped back out onto the path.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” She smiled, snuggling against him.

They went home, just in time to see Jake before he left.

“Stay safe.” Duffy told Jake as she hugged him.

“I will mum, I promise.”

“I don’t mind what you get up to so long as I don’t get a call from work or the police.”

Jake laughed softly, “Don’t worry mum, I’ll be safe and I’ll be careful.”

“Good. Have fun.”

“Love you.” Jake called before leaving with Krystal.

Once they arrived in town Krystal led him to a small doorway down a narrow alleyway. Pushing open the door they were hit by loud music coming from up a set of stairs. “Time for the rest of your surprise.” She smiled.

“Lead the way babe.” He grinned.

As they reached the top of the stairs Jake realised that the guy behind the decks was his favourite DJ. “How the hell did you pull that off?” He gasped.

Krystal shrugged, “I know people.” She lent forward and whispered in his ear, “But you can say thank you later.” She licked his earlobe.

“You are amazing!”

“I am.”

Jake started to wander round the club that was filled with all his friends. This was the best party ever! He moved to join his mates at the bar.

Krystal headed over to the DJ booth before returning several minutes later. “Do you want to go up and help him DJ for a bit?” She asked Jake.

“Seriously??” His little face lit up. “Of course!!”

“Go for it. He’s waiting for you.” She grinned.

He gave her a quick kiss before he went up to the DJ booth.

The crowd cheered as Jake took over the decks. He played the decks for a bit and after he’d finished he returned to the bar grinning from ear to ear.

Krystal wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her chin on his shoulder. “You should be a DJ! You’re amazing!”

“It was awesome! Such a buzz!”

“You liked your surprise then?”

“I loved it.”

“Good, I’m really glad Jake.”

“This time next month we’ll be on a beach in Thailand.”

“Yeah we will.”

“I can’t wait.” He turned to hold her in his arms.

“Neither can I.”

“Have you brought a new bikini to wear?” He asked, running his hands over her bottom.

She giggled softly as she felt his hands. “Not just one. And I might go topless, just for you.”

“I like the sound of that!” He pulled her closer.

She pouted, “I can’t think of anything worse than tan lines.”

“No we wouldn’t want that.”

“No, we wouldn’t.”

“I’m so glad you decided to join me.”

“I wasn’t gonna let you go on your own, was I?”

“Good. I just wish you were joining me for the other legs of the trip.”

She pouted, “I wish I was too.”

“You still could…”

“I can’t, I need to get back for the job interview, remember? For the apprenticeship?”

“Yeh I know.” He kissed her lips. “I know how important it is to you.”

She smiled against his lips.

“I’ll be home inbetween.” He promised.

“Good, I hope so.”

“I’ll send lots of texts too.”

“As will I.”

“But enough about that. Let’s enjoy the rest of tonight…” Jake grinned.

“Yes let’s!”

Jake grinned as the DJ dropped his favourite song. He grabbed Krystal’s hand and dragged her to the dancefloor.

“Steady on tiger!” She giggled.

“I plan to make the most of tonight and you.” Jake declared pulling her close.

She purred softly and giggled. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“I have a lot to thank you for. I know I’ve said it already but this really has been the most amazing birthday.”

“You deserved the best birthday Jake! I hope every birthday will be just as good!” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Now ssh, I want to dance and listen to this sing.”

Jake laughed as he swung Krystal round.

Krystal laughed gently as she was swung around, although quickly realised it wasn’t a good idea. “Jake, stop!” She closed her eyes, her stomach churning.

“You ok babe?”

“Yeah. Spinning me around with a stomach full of alcohol made me a bit queasy.”

“Oops! Sorry.” Jake grinned dopily.

“You’re so cute!” She stroked his cheek.

“You’re cuter!” He giggled.

“You know it!”


	17. TW: illegal drug use & sexual assault

Louis sat on the edge of his bed. It felt strange to be home after being in rehab for so long. He fiddled with his hands, not sure what to do with his day. He felt oddly… Confused… Being at home.

Since he’d been home Emily had barely spoken to him despite being in the bedroom next door. It seemed he still had a long way to go to repair relations with his sister.

He got up and went to Emily’s bedroom, knocking on the door. He didn’t know if she was home but he wanted to make amends.

“Come in!” She called from inside.

Louis took a deep breath and stepped into the room. “Hi Em.”

“Hi.” She replied, not turning around from her easel.

An awkward silence descended over them. “I’m really sorry for what I’ve done.”

Emily scoffed. “You’re ‘really sorry’? Well I guess that makes everything OK then…”

“No Em, it doesn’t. It went too far and I never meant for you to get hurt.”

“Do you blame me? Is that what it was all about?”

“No. It just got too complicated and messy.” He admitted.

“Coz I’m not the reason your parents broke up.”

“I know that.” He sighed and sat on the edge of her bed. “You and the twins weren’t supposed to get involved.”

“We just got caught up in your hatred of mum?”

“None of this was because I hated your mum, Em.”

“Then why?” She asked, finally turning to look at him.

He met his sister’s gaze, “Sounds silly but I thought I was betraying my mum by loving Duffy.”

“That’s not silly.”

“I’m supposed to hate your mum and you and the twins because you took dad away from me. But,” He smiled sadly, “I love you all. And I didn’t quite know what to do with that so I took drugs. Then things started to go wrong and I couldn’t stop it. I’ll make it up to you, Em. To all of you.”

“You broke dad’s heart with all of this.” She whispered.

“I know I did.” He sighed.

“A lot has happened here whilst you’ve been away.”

“What’s happened?“

"Mum’s been really ill. Dad’s been trying his best to cope with it all but I’m not convinced.”

He frowned, “What do you mean, your mum’s ill?”

“Are you blind as well as stupid?! She’s had a massive relapse.” Emily retorted.

“The anorexia?”

“Its not like she just stopped eating for the hell of it Louis!”

He sighed, “Do you want me to talk to dad?“

"Don’t you dare make things worse!”

“I won’t.” He paused, “I might just cut out dad and go and speak to your mum.”

“You hurt her and you’ll regret it!” Emily didn’t let her small stature stop her when she was angry.

“I won’t hurt her!”

“Don’t trust you.”

“That’s ok. You don’t have to trust me just yet and I’ll make things up to you.”

“So you keep saying…”

“I will Em. I promise.”

“If you’re going to talk to mum then I’m coming with you.”

“Because you don’t trust me?”

“Exactly.”

He sighed, “Fine. Come on then.”

Heading downstairs they found Duffy sitting in the garden.

“Duffy, can I talk to you?” Louis asked.

Duffy placed down the book in her hand and slid her sunglasses up onto her head. “Sure.” She smiled.

He sat down on the grass in front of her. “Did I cause your relapse?” He asked.

“I’m not having…” Duffy stopped and sighed.

“I did.” Louis smiled sadly, “I’m sorry. I know it must be hard for you.”

“Its not anything you did.”

“Maybe not but I guess I didn’t help matters.” He paused, “I assume you’re in treatment or at least have a treatment plan to follow.”

Duffy nodded.

“How are you finding it?”

“Tough.” Duffy admitted softly.

“It is at the beginning.” He smiled sadly, “Stick with it though, it does become easier.”

Duffy nodded. She shifted to pick up her coffee but it was tricky to grip the mug with two fingers strapped together.

“What happened?” He gestured towards her fingers.

“I left my hand in the way when I shut the car door.”

“That sounds painful.”

“Yeh it was.”

He moved to pick up her mug, handing it to her. “Duffy?”

“Yes?”

“I’d like to go to the college.”

“OK, well once you’ve sat your GCSEs in January it’s certainly something we can look into.”

He nodded, “I want to do A-levels…”

“That’s great Louis.”

“And maybe even Uni but I don’t think I’ll get in.” He laughed.

“Aim high and you never know where you might end up.” Duffy encouraged.

Emily couldn’t help the disgusted noise that escaped her lips.

Louis shot a glance in Emily’s direction, “You don’t think I can, Em?”

“You may have mum fooled that you’ve changed but not me!”

“Emily!” Duffy gasped.

“It’s fine.” He smiled sadly, “I have changed Em!”

“That’s as maybe but it doesn’t change the fact that you were quite happy to let grown men rape your thirteen year old little sisters so you could get high!” Emily hissed.

“Emmy this isn’t helping…” Duffy began.

“I wanted to forget ok?!” His fists clenched and unclenched again as he tried to focus on his breathing, “Did they sexually hurt you?” The concern and sorrow was evident in his voice.

Emily’s eyes briefly flickered to her mum before answering. “They ran off when I started screaming.”

“I’m sorry.” Louis got up and moved towards Em. “I’m sorry you got hurt.”

Emily stepped back. “Don’t touch me!”

“I’m going to my room.” Louis said as he disappeared from the garden. His footsteps could be heard on the stairs.

“Emily…” Duffy sighed.

“What?”

“Do you want to talk about what happened that night?”

Emily shrugged, “Which part? The part when he pulled my pants down or..?”

Duffy closed her eyes briefly and swallowed. “Did he rape you?”

“No. They didn’t do anything, ran away once I began screaming.” Emily replied. “Well, one hobbled away after I kicked him in the balls.”

“Oh princess…”

“You think he’s changed?”

“We have to give him the benefit of the doubt. For your father’s sake if nothing else.”

“So you think it’s all a cock and bull story too?”

“I think that people deserve a second chance and he needs our support.”

Emily scoffed. “Yeah well, he needs to understand not everyone is gonna forgive him so easily!”

“I think he does realise that Emmy.”

“Good!”

“Its hard for all of us, we have to pull together on this though.”

Emily shrugged, “Just because he says sorry, doesn’t mean anything mum! How do we know he ain’t upstairs now, calling his shitty friends and asking for that stuff?”

“I don’t know he’s not doing that but we have to trust him that he’s not.”

“Should one of us go and check?”

“I’ll go up and check on him.” Duffy replied.

Emily nodded and watched as her mum entered the house. She picked up a glass and got herself some water.

Duffy knocked lightly on the door as she reached Louis’ room.

“Come in,” He called. He hid something under his bed, trying to act normally.

Duffy poked her head around the door. “Just wanted to make sure you’re OK. Emmy will come round eventually, she just needs time.”

“I know, I understand.” He began to fidget.

“I was thinking you could pick what we have for tea today, what do you fancy?” She smiled.

“I’m not really hungry.” He replied, he glanced at his bedside drawer and bit his lip.

“Oh.” Duffy frowned.

His eyes seemed fixated on his bedside drawer.

Duffy followed the line of her stepson’s gaze. “What’s in the drawer Louis?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head frantically.

“Then you won’t mind me opening it will you?” She asked as she stepped into the room.

“Please don’t.” He whispered.

Duffy sighed and pulled the drawer open.

There was a needle and some foil on top of a book.

“Where’s the rest?” She asked, attempting to stay calm. “Your father searched this room while you were away so don’t say it’s been there since before you left.”

“There isn’t anything else.” He said quietly, “Please don’t take it away, I… I need it just to stay there.”

“Look at me.” She instructed.

He looked up, meeting her gaze.

She gently took hold of his chin and turned his face towards the light, watching intently to see how his pupils reacted.

“I haven’t touched any!” He rolled his sleeves up. “Check me!”

She checked his arms and couldn’t see any fresh track marks. “I want to see your feet.”

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

“Its not a case of believing you or not Louis.”

“Then what is it?”

“I need to make sure you’re safe.”

“I am safe!” He replied. “Will you leave me alone now, please?”

“Not until you take your socks off and show me.”

“Fine!!” He took off his socks and showed her his feet.

She studied them closely before nodding that she was satisfied.

“Now will you leave me alone?” He asked, putting his socks back on.

“OK.” Duffy sighed and turned to head back downstairs.

Louis closed the drawer and then his bedroom door. He sat behind the door and banged his head against the door for a few minutes, why was everything so complicated?

It was an hour later when Louis finally emerged from his room. He was much more quieter and slightly pale.

Tilly wandered past him on the landing near her room. “You ok bro?” She asked.

“Yeah.” He nodded and moved towards the stairs, “Going to get a drink.”

“Its good to have you back home.” She smiled.

“Thanks.” He swallowed.

Without another thought she continued on to her room.

He went downstairs and into the kitchen. His hands shaking a little.

Oli was sat at the table eating an apple. He watched his older brother get a drink. “Why are your hands all wibbly wobbly?”

“I don’t know.” Louis replied back. “I think I’m hungry.” He got a glass of water. “You ok?”

“Yeh. You want an apple?”

“Sure.” Louis smiled sadly as he sat down at the table. “How’s school?”

Oli passed an apple over. “S'alright.”

Louis looked at the apple for a minute, his stomach churning. He dashed to the sink in time to be sick. 

“Mum!! Louis’ been sick.” Oli called as he put the apple back in the fruit bowl.

Duffy hurried into the kitchen. “OK, Louis, you’re OK.”

“It’s nothing, it’s…” He trailed off as he vomited again in the sink. “I’m just gonna go and sit in the garden.” He murmured.

Duffy gave him a few minutes before following him out into the garden. She quietly sat down next to him.

He was acting oddly, being really restless. He couldn’t sit still.

“Louis, I need to know the truth - have you taken something?” There was no anger in her tone, only concern.

He shook his head.

“I’m going to call a doctor to come check you over.”

“No, I’m fine.” He whispered.

“Have you taken your medication?”

He didn’t answer.

“Louis! It’s important.” She sighed. “No wonder you feel lousy. Where are they?”

“I don’t want them!” He replied.

“You can’t just stop taking them.”

“Why not? I don’t want it!” He muttered, “Still makes me an addict, taking that stuff!”

“You were put on them to wean you off the drugs.” She paused. “What did the doctor say after you had those tests done?”

“I can do this myself.” He replied, “I’m fine. Nothing wrong, clean bill of health.”

“That’s a relief. I hope it’s been a wake up call to you though.”

“Maybe.” He wrapped his arms around his stomach.

“You need to look after your health.”

“I am.”

“You’re not if you’re refusing to take your meds.”

“I don’t want them!” He insisted, “I don’t need them either!”

“You’re sixteen so I can’t force you to take them…”

“Thank you.” He mumbled.

“I will, however, beg you to if necessary.”

“I don’t need it. I can do this on my own! I’ll show you I can do this!” He stood up. By now he was sweating and he had a fever.

“Louis you’re withdrawing, please take your medication.”

“How many times?! No!” He made his way back into the house, “I can do this!” 

Louis couldn’t do it. He really struggled with the withdrawal - it had only been a couple of hours and later that night, when he thought everyone was asleep, he took the needle and the wrap of heroin out of his drawer.

Emily heard a thud from the next room. She was still angry so considered ignoring it but upon realising she was the only one who had heard it she sighed and went to investigate.

He found the tourniquet and tied it around his arm, smacking his arm, bringing up a vein.

By the time Emily had resolved to open the door the needle had pierced his skin.

“Get out!” He yelled as Emily opened the door.

Emily took one look into the room and ran screaming down the stairs. “Mum! Dad!” She yelled, not caring if she woke the entire house up.

“What the..?” Charlie dove out of bed along with Duffy.

“Its Louis!” Emily gasped.

“What do you mean? What’s happened?”

“He’s got a needle. In his arm.”

Charlie ran out of the room and towards Louis’ bedroom. 

Louis knew he had seconds to inject but for some reason couldn’t bring himself to. The needle still in his arm.

Duffy stayed with Emily trying to calm down the hysterical teenager.

“Leave me alone!!” Louis said as he saw the figure in his doorway. 

“I told you he’d inject! But nobody listened.” Emily replied.

“Louis give me the needle.” Charlie asked calmly.

“I tried to talk to him princess.” Duffy sighed.

“No! Leave me alone!!” Louis swallowed. “Just let me do it this once? Just a tiny bit..?”

“He’s an addict! He’s never gonna get better, mum!” She replied.

“No because it won’t end at ‘one little bit’…” Charlie sighed.

“Please dad. Just a little bit… Just to help me sleep?” Louis moved the needle further into his vein, “Please!”

“Your medication will help you sleep.”

Louis shook his head. “Go back to bed dad. You didn’t see me…”

“You seriously think I’m just gunna turn around and walk away whilst you take a heroin overdose?”

“I’ll be ok, I know what I’m doing.” Louis was sweaty, shaking, his movements all over the place.

“No you don’t, you just think you do.”

“I’m tired.” Louis admitted sadly.

“I know you are so let me help you.”

Louis hesitated, “This is too hard. You all think I’m scum, that I can’t do this and you’d be right, I can’t!!”

“I don’t think that at all.”

“Everyone does.” Louis tried to inject but couldn’t. He ended up yelling in frustration and throwing the needle and tourniquet onto the bedside table.

“Is this because of the fight you had with your sister earlier?”

Louis curled up into a ball on his bed but didn’t reply.

Charlie slowly edged closer.

“I want mum.” Louis whispered.

“I know you do.” Charlie whispered, sitting down on the bed and taking hold of Louis.

“No! Not mum, mum.” Louis paused, “I want Duffy.” He said quietly as he lay his head on his dad.

“Oh…” Charlie hadn’t expected that. “She’s with your sister, do you want me to go get her for you?”

“Want you both.”

“OK, just give me a minute.”

Louis nodded as he moved from his dad so he could get up.

Charlie kissed the top of Louis’ head before leaving the room. He headed to Emily’s room. “Duffy?” He said quietly, he didn’t want to wake Em up if she was asleep.

Duffy and Emily were sat on the bed.

“Is he ok?” Duffy asked nervously.

“He’s asking for you.” Charlie replied, “He’ll be ok.”

“OK. Are you OK if I go and see your brother?” Duffy asked Emily.

Emily nodded, “Yeah, that’s fine.” She got back into bed and sighed, “Are you sure he’s ok, dad?”

Charlie sighed. “I really don’t know princess.”

“He would’ve injected, if I hadn’t have been there, wouldn’t he?” Emily sighed, “Great! I thought being in rehab would’ve taught him a thing or two about not being selfish and it’s not all about him!” She answered as she rolled onto her side.

Charlie contemplated whether to say what was on his mind or not. In the end he bit the bullet. “Are you angry at your mum too then?” He asked.

Louis was sat on the edge of his bed. He’d locked the needle into a container, not that it made him feel any better. 

“Why would I be angry at mum?” Emily asked.

“Your dad said you wanted to see me.” Duffy whispered, trying not to startle Louis.

“You’re angry at your brother for suffering a relapse so surely you must be mad at your mum for relapsing too?”

Louis nodded, “Yeah.” 

“That’s different and you know it!” Emily answered back.

“Can I sit down?”

“Why is it different?”

“Yeah.” Louis lay back down on his bed. 

“Mum’s doesn’t hurt anyone!! Louis’ does or have you forgotten about what he got those bastards to do to me?” Emily snapped angrily.

Duffy sat on the bed and held her arms out towards Louis. Despite everything she knew he needed help and support.

“You really think your mum’s illness doesn’t hurt anyone?” Charlie sighed. “I know, I don’t expect you to just let that go. I hate the fact that I couldn’t protect you. I made you a promise when you were a newborn that I’d always keep you safe and that afternoon I failed you.”

Louis moved into Duffy’s arms, “It’s too hard.” He whispered.

Emily shrugged, “You didn’t fail me, dad.” She sighed, “I think I’m just angry at the world…” She admitted. “Angry at Louis, angry at mum, angry at you.”

“Will you take your medication? It won’t be forever.”

“You have every right to be angry but holding onto anger just hurts you in the long run princess.”

“It still makes me an addict, taking my medication.” Louis whispered. 

“How do you suggest I get rid of it?” Emily asked her father.

“And not taking it caused you to relapse.” Duffy tilted Louis’ chin to look at her. “This is something that’ll always be there in the background but you learn to live with it without it ruling you.”

“Your brother desperately wants to regain your trust and love. Maybe this is something you can work on together?”

“I want to get better but it’s so hard. I just want to be me again,” Louis answered back. “Not the addict, not the fuck up, not the scumbag. Just me.” He whispered sadly. 

Emily nodded, “Ok, I’m willing to try.”

“And you will be him again, but you need to accept the help of others.”

“It won’t be easy but as a family we will get through this.”

“I don’t have any of my meds left.” Louis said gently, “I threw them away.” 

Emily nodded. “Will you tuck me up, please dad?”

“OK. We can get some more ordered.”

“Of course princess.”

“Thank you.” There was a comfortable silence between them. Louis’ body trembling slightly as he still underwent the withdrawal symptoms of his meds.

Charlie tucked Emily in and gave her a kiss, “Goodnight princess, love you.”

“Do you want one of us to stay with you tonight?” Duffy asked softly.

Louis nodded, “Please.”

“Who do you want to stay with you?”

“You.” Louis said quietly.

“OK. I’ll just go tell your dad and grab a blanket.” Duffy reached for the needle on the bedside table. “And I’ll get rid of this…”

“I put it in the container, it’s sealed. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“OK. It’ll need disposing of properly in the morning.”

“I used to have a sharps bin somewhere.” Louis replied quietly.

“Your dad found that when he searched your room.” Duffy explained before leaving to get some bedding.

“Didn’t want people to get hurt.” Louis said quietly.

Duffy turned and gave him a soft smile. “I won’t be a minute.”

Louis nodded. He closed his eyes and rolled onto his side.

When she arrived back in the room Duffy sat down on the floor next to Louis’ bed and gently stroked his hair.

“Love you, mum.” Louis whispered.

“I love you too. You’re going to be OK.” Duffy whispered back.

“But what if I’m not.” He whispered, “What if I can’t do this? What if recovery is too hard?”

“It will be hard but we’re all in this together. You’re not alone.”

“In the morning….” He paused, “Can we go to the doctors, please?”

“Of course we can. But now you need to sleep.” She told him gently.

He nodded, he wrapped himself up in his duvet.

She sat stroking his hair til she was sure he was asleep before laying down on the floor and attempting to get comfortable.

Charlie was stood in the doorway, “Is he asleep?” He asked quietly.

Duffy nodded.

Charlie moved towards Duffy and sat on the floor beside her. “How are you feeling?”

“He called me mum.”

“I know,” Charlie smiled. “He said he wanted his mum. I thought he meant Baz but he said he meant you.”

“Maybe we’re finally turning a corner…”

“I think so.” He lay down and wrapped his arms around Duffy.

“Is Emily OK?”

He was silent for a minute. “She’s angry.” He said gently, “With the whole world it seems.”

“That’s understandable. She’s been through a lot recently.”

Charlie nodded, “I told her she needs to talk to us. She can’t keep that anger in because it’ll only hurt her.”

“Hopefully she’ll start to open up. She talked a little to me earlier.”

“What did she say?” He asked as he ran his hand through her hair.

“Those boys tried to rape her.” Duffy whispered, a lifetime of trauma seeping into the words.

Charlie swallowed hard. “They did?”

“They only didn’t because she screamed.” Duffy let out a shaky breath. “She did what I couldn’t…”

“Everyone reacts differently.” He whispered, “The fight or flight reflex remember.”

“Or in my case the roll over and play dead reflex.” She sighed.

“And how many women have done exactly the same thing?”

She sighed. “I know.”

“I’m sorry for all of this.”

“You’ve no reason to be sorry.”

“I feel all this is my fault.” He admitted. Just as Louis woke up, he was shivering.

Duffy shifted from Charlie’s arms to pick up an extra blanket and place it over Louis, stroking his hair once more and murmuring soothing sounds.

“What time is it?” Louis asked.

“I’m not sure, the middle of the night.”

“Want to find Tony.” He sat up, “Need to find him.”

“No, you don’t. You need to stay here with us.”

“Want to hurt him.” 

“Because he hurt Emily?”

He nodded.

“That won’t make things right though.” Duffy sighed.

“I know.” He wrapped himself up in the blanket. “You should both sleep, it’s late.”

“We’ll sleep when you do.”

He nodded. “Sleep…”

Duffy gently manoeuvred Louis so he was laid back down again, tucking the duvet and blanket around him.

“Night night mum. Night night dad.” He said quietly.

“Night Louis.” Duffy whispered, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead which felt clammy.

Louis had a restless night, didn’t settle all night. He was clammy, cold, shivering.

Once the daylight started to peek through the curtains Duffy nudged Charlie who was half asleep on the floor next to her.

“Hmm?” Charlie whispered opening his eyes, his arm around her waist.

“Call work and see if Dylan or Zoe can write up a script for Louis.”

“I will.” Charlie sat up.

“Things will be better soon.” She reassured Louis.

“I hope so.” Louis whispered and scratched his arm.

“Do you want me to go get you a drink of water?”

Louis shook his head, “I’ll be ok.”

The sounds of the other children waking up and milling around floated up the stairs.

“I’ll be ok on my own.” Louis smiled, “Thank you for staying with me.”

“I’ll come check on you in a bit OK?” She smiled softly.

He nodded.

Leaving the room Duffy paused to pop her head round Emily’s bedroom door.

Emily was staring out her window.

“Morning princess, you sleep OK?”

Emily jumped, not expecting anyone to be there. “So so.” She replied with a sigh.

“Quite a night wasn’t it?” Duffy remarked as she stretched her arms above her head, her shoulders emitting a loud crack as she did so.

“Hmm, yeah.” Emily turned around to face her mum.

“I’m proud of you.” Duffy smiled.

“What for?”

“Helping your brother last night. After everything that’s happened you could have easily just turned your back on him but you didn’t.”

“Is it bad that a part of me wished I hadn’t bothered?”

“No, that’s totally natural.”

“I never asked for any of this!”

“I know you didn’t. None of us did.”

“It’s just not fair!” Emily sighed.

“You’re right, it’s not fair on any of us - including Louis.” Duffy replied pointedly.

“I don’t like feeling angry.” Emily admitted.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Duffy asked, moving to perch on the edge of the bed.

“I don’t know.” Emily admitted.

“How about a hug? They always make me feel a little better.”

Emily moved towards her mum, “Why do you make yourself sick? Is it the same thing Louis does when he injects?” She asked as she hugged her mum.

“From what I understand he does it to escape his feelings. I…” Duffy hesitated. “I…” She chewed her lip.

“Do you do it for the same reasons?”

Duffy shook her head.

“Why do you do it?“

"Because…” Duffy took a calming breath. “Because I fear being fat again.” She whispered.

“You were never fat mama!”

Duffy sighed.

“Daddy likes your hips mama.” Emily smirked.

“He just says that.”

“You think he doesn’t?”

“He just thinks it’s what I want to hear.” Duffy sighed.

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Emily pouted.

“And how would you know that?” Duffy asked, the beginnings of a smile creeping at the edges of her lips.

“Observation mama.”

“Of your father?”

“Uh huh.”

“He doesn’t have a subtle bone in his body, never has!”

Emily giggled.

“Its good to see you smiling again princess.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes…” Duffy replied hesitantly.

“Tell me about you and dad again. Like when you realised you fancied him.” Emily giggled.

“Really?” Duffy snorted.

“Yes!”

“But you’ve heard this story a thousand times..!”

“But it’s cute!”

“I fail to see what’s cute about me throwing lukewarm coffee over your dad in the hospital carpark…”

“It’s also funny.” Emily laughed.

“It wasn’t when I found out he was my new boss…” Duffy cringed.

Emily giggled softly.

“He teased me for ages over it.”

“It’s cute! Was it love at first sight?”

“I’m not sure I’d call it love…” Duffy blushed.

“But you definitely fancied the pants off him?”

“Are we really having this conversation?!” Duffy giggled.

“Yes!“

"Alright yes!” Duffy giggled. “I did fancy your dad the moment I saw him! Don’t go reminding him though, his ego is big enough already!”

“I heard that.” Charlie called from the hallway which caused Emily to giggle.

“You were meant to!” Duffy called back.

Charlie shook his head fondly and went downstairs. 

“Mum?”

“Yes Em?”

Emily paused for a minute, “What’s a healthy way of getting rid of things?”

“What kind of things?”

“Anger and things.”

“It takes time. We don’t expect you to just instantly forgive Louis for what his actions caused to happen to you.”

“I know. But I’m talking about what do I do with this anger now, in the meantime?”

“Every time you feel it bubbling maybe try counting to ten and focus on your breathing?”

“That doesn’t work.”

“We could get you a punch bag?”

“Box it out like Peter did?”

“Admittedly you don’t have the size behind you that he does but it might help.”

“I paint it out but sometimes that doesn’t work.”

“What sort of things do you paint?”

“Everything.” Emily smiled.

“What do you do with them afterwards?”

“With the paintings?”

“Yes.”

“Keep them, under the bed.”

“Can I see them?”

“Uh huh.”

Duffy watched as Emily reached for a box under her bed. She settled it on the bed and removed the lid.

The pages within were a riot of colour.

Emily literally just threw paint on and hoped there would be some sort of image at the end

“They’re really good.” Duffy smiled.

“Thanks.” Emily blushed.

“Am I the only other person who’s seen these?”

Emily nodded.

The sound of the doorbell echoed up the stairs.

“Who’s that?” Emily asked, biting her lower lip nervously.

Tilly opened the front door.

“Hello. You must be Matilda or maybe Charlotte? Are you parents available?” Dylan asked the teenager.

“I’m Tilly.” She smiled. “Who’s asking?”

“I’m Dylan, I work with your parents.”

“Got any ID?” Tilly asked.

“Ah I see you parents taught you well.” He pulled his hospital ID out of his pocket and showed it to the teenager.

Tilly studied the identification and glanced up at Dylan, “Hmm. Are you sure it’s you? Because you’re better looking on the picture than you are in the flesh.” She grinned.

Dylan raised an eyebrow. “I’m quite certain I’m me yes.”

“Suppose you’ll do.” She laughed as she stepped aside to invite him in, “Come in. I’ll let dad know you’re here.”

“Thank you.”

As soon as Tilly closed the door, Lottie wandered into the hall. “Whose your fancy man, Tots? Bit old isn’t he?”

“Ah you must be Charlotte. I’m Dylan, I’m a doctor and I’ve come to see your father.”

“I’m Lottie, yes.” In the next breath, Lottie yelled up the stairs. “DAD!! MUM!!”

Charlie appeared at the top of the stairs. “Where’s the fire Lottiepop?”

“Dylan’s here.”

“I’ve brought the items you requested.” Dylan explained, not wanting to go into too much detail as he was unsure if the twins were aware of the situation.

“For Louis?” Lottie asked as she headed up the stairs, passing her dad on her way back to her room. 

“Thanks.” Charlie smiled sadly.

“If there’s anything else I can help with please just let me know.” Dylan replied as he handed the bag over to Charlie.

“Do you mind giving him the once over whilst you’re here?” Charlie took the bag from Dylan.

“Of course.”

“Thanks, he just in—“ As Charlie was about to say Louis was in his room, the teenage appeared on the stairs.

Louis looked apprehensive as he noticed Dylan.

Noticing his look, Charlie reassured him. “Can Dylan check you over? Just to make sure it’s nothing else?” He asked.

“Do I get a choice?” Louis muttered.

“Yes. If you don’t want to, that’s fine with me.”

“Yeh right.” Louis mumbled. “Fine, let’s get this over with.”

“Thank you. Do you want to go to your room? The living room is free if you’d rather it in there?”

Louis shrugged, turning to head back up the stairs.

Dylan looked to Charlie and followed Louis up the stairs to his bedroom. By the time Dylan reached Louis’ bedroom, the teenager was sat on his bed.

Noticing that his dad hadn’t entered the room with them Louis turned to look at Dylan. “So are you my dad’s spy?”

“Definitely not.” Dylan answered back.

“But anything I tell you you’ll repeat straight to him once you’re done?”

“I maintain strict patient confidentiality at all times.”

“Ooh get you!” Louis mocked.

Dylan sighed, “Do you want me to examine you or are we both wasting our time?”

“Fine.” Louis held out his arms. “Do what you gotta do.”

“What symptoms are you getting?”

“Sweaty, shaky, pukey…”

“Why are you reluctant to take your methadone?”

“Don’t wanna be an addict anymore.”

“Taking your methadone doesn’t make you an addict.”

“Yes it does!”

“You won’t be on methadone forever.” Dylan paused. “You’re best off speaking to your drug counsellor about all this, it might be worth reducing your dose but you can’t just stop taking it.”

“Why can’t I just stop taking it? They made me just stop taking heroin.” Louis shrugged.

“You can make your own decisions about what you want to do, Louis. I can’t force you. You won’t be on methadone forever and being on methadone doesn’t make you an addict.”

“But trying to inject heroin does.” Louis sighed.

“Yes.” Dylan replied bluntly.

“So I’m still an addict.” Louis sighed, scratching at the track marks on his arm.

“Do you feel like an addict?”

Louis shrugged. “What does it feel like to be an addict?”

“I can’t answer that, I’ve never been an addict.”

“I just want it all to stop.” Louis whispered.

“What to stop?”

“The voices in my head.”

“May I?” Dylan gestured to the chair in the corner of the room. “What voices?”

Louis nodded. “They say terrible things.”

Dylan sat down on the chair, “Have you told your dad and Duffy?”

“Some of it. Dad got angry.”

“Is there anyone else you can talk to?”

“I spoke to the therapist at the rehab centre.”

“And did it help?”

Louis nodded.

“Do you have her number or another therapists number?”

“There’s an outpatients scheme…” Louis replied.

“And is that something you’re interested in?”

“I guess so…” Louis shrugged.

“Then I would suggest becoming part of it.”

“It won’t be the same though.”

“Why?”

“I… I’m scared being out here…” Louis whispered.

“Because of your addiction?”

Louis nodded.

“Are you scared of relapsing on the outside?”

“Yeh… I tried to inject last night…”

“To control your thoughts?”

“I just needed to but then I couldn’t do it…”

“Because you don’t want to inject?”

“Something stopped me.”

“Do you know what that something was?”

Louis shook his head.

“You should really be discussing this with your parents.” Dylan paused, “Or your therapist? Is there something you want to do?”

“She’s not my..!” Louis stopped himself, putting his head in his hands, he didn’t want to go there again…

Dylan didn’t say anything, he just watched the young lad.

“I cause so much pain to everyone around me.” Louis mumbled sadly.

“We all cause pain to someone.” Dylan pointed out.

“Its my fault she’s sick…”

“Who?”

“Duffy.”

“And why do you believe it’s your fault?”

“Coz of what the voices told me to do…”

“People get ill for many reasons, it’s not necessarily because you’ve thought or done a bad thing.” Dylan paused, “Do you hear voices?”

“I think so… I’m not sure…”

“That’s something we need to treat, if you are.”

“What’s the treatment?”

“Medication. Antidepressants, antipsychotics. It depends on what it is.”

“How do I find out?”

“I can ask someone from the mental health team to come and talk to you? I will need to refer you.”

“Um…” Louis hesitated.

“What don’t you like about the idea?”

“What if there is something wrong with me?”

“That you’re mentally unwell?”

“Yeh.”

“Does it worry you?”

“I just want to be normal. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Normal’s overrated.”

“You’ve spent too much time with my stepmum.” Louis retorted, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Is that a smile I see?”

“Maybe…”

“Can I refer you to the mental health team?”

“I ‘spose.”

“Thank you. Can I also make a suggestion?”

“What’s that?”

“That you talk to your father and Duffy. As highly qualified nurses, they have more knowledge with mental health than you realise.”

“I guess…”

“Is there anything else you’d like to discuss with me?”

“Will I ever get better?” Louis asked softly.

“Yes.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Are you determined?”

“I want to get better but I’m scared I won’t be able to do it.”

“You have a very supportive family around you.”

“You say that…”

“You should be having this conversation with your stepmother and father.”

“I would except my dad hates me and my stepmum is terrified of me…” Louis sighed.

“I don’t believe that to be true.”

“Dad won’t even let me be alone in the same room as my stepmum for more than a few minutes.” Louis sighed again.

“I don’t know what’s happened so I can’t comment.”

“The voices told me to hurt her…”

“And do they still tell you to hurt her? Do you have any other symptoms?”

“I don’t want to hurt her!” Louis started to cry.

Dylan looked awkward, “I believe you.”

“Mum hated her but I don’t.”

Dylan smiled sadly. He didn’t really know what to do.

“Amanda said its not my place to fight my mum’s battles for her…”

“I think Amanda’s a very wise woman.”

“Yeh she’s alright.”

“Take your methadone and let people help you.”

“Coz you’re a doctor and you say so?”

“Because it’s the only way to get better.”

“Hmm…”

“You’re in control Louis. No one else.”

“OK.” There was a long pause. “Don’t you want to like take my temperature or something?” Louis asked.

“I think you’re simply withdrawing. It’s not a pleasant experience.”

“You’ve no idea.” Louis muttered.

“Is there any you’d like to tell me?”

“Not really.”

“Are you sure? Have you taken something?”

“For fucks sake! Why does everyone keep asking me that?!”

“Because it’s our job. And we need to know if you’re safe.”

“I didn’t take anything!” Louis was beginning to get agitated.

“I believe you.”

“Good! Go tell my dad that!”

“I will.” Eventually Dylan left Louis room and went downstairs to speak to both Duffy and Charlie.

They were sat on the sofa.

Dylan knocked on the door.

Duffy shot Charlie a bemused look before yelling “Come in!”

Dylan opened the door and stepped into the room. “I’ve finished talking to Louis.”

“Is he ok?” Duffy asked.

“Has he ever undergone a psych evaluation?”

“Not to my knowledge. Charlie?”

“No.”

“But you think he should?”

Dylan nodded.

“What do you think might be the issue?”

“I’m not a psychiatrist.”

“You are a doctor though.”

“My area of expertise isn’t the mind.” Dylan replied. “It could be a number of things.”

“Not just the drugs..?”

“Not just the drugs no.”

“We’ll arrange a consultation. Did you convince him to take the methadone again?”

“I’ll arrange the referral, put it through as urgent. I tried but I don’t know if Louis will take it.”

“Thank you. We very much appreciate it.” Charlie replied, reaching out to shake Dylan’s hand.

Dylan shook his hand, “It’s ok. I’ll um, leave you both to it.”

“Thank you for everything Dylan.” Duffy smiled gratefully.

“No problem.” Charlie showed Dylan out of the house and thanked him. As he closed the door, Charlie lent against it and looked up the stairs.

Duffy lingered in the lounge doorway. “He’ll be OK. We’ll make sure of that.”

“Yeah, yeah he will.” Charlie forced a smile.

“Come here.”

He stepped towards his wife.

As soon as he was close enough she pulled him into a hug.

He rested his head against her shoulder, “We’ll get him the help he needs.” He whispered.

“We will. All of us together as a family.”


	18. NSFW: Sex & discussion of abuse

Holly sighed as she approached the door. This was a bad idea. Peter had pestered and pestered though so she’d finally given in. Stepping up to the door she rang her parents doorbell.

It took a few minute but someone came to the door. There was the sound of keys rustling before the door opened.

“Hi dad!” Holly greeted with forced brightness.

“Hello Holly.” He smiled, “This is a surprise, come in?”

“Um, yeh, I tried to call…”

“Did you? Your mum never said.”

“No-one answered.” Holly sighed.

“Oh.” He closed the door as she entered the house. “You’re looking really well. You’re growing up so quick!”

“Maybe coz I’m twenty two now dad.” She muttered.

“I know but you’ll always be my baby. You know that, don’t you?” He placed his hand against her cheek and stroked it. “Would you like a drink? Your mum’s just nipped out. She won’t be too long.”

“Um, yeh, I’ll have some coffee thanks. There’s someone coming round in a bit that I’d like you to meet.”

“Do you still take one sugar in your coffee?” He asked. “Oh?”

“Yes I do.” She paused. “His name is Peter. Please be nice to him!”

“You have a boyfriend?” He smiled, “I will.” He wandered into the kitchen.

“Yes.” She followed him through, glancing nervously at her watch.

“How’s work?”

“Its been good. Busy.”

He took two mugs out of the cupboard. “I can imagine it can get busy sometimes.”

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been ok.” He smiled, making the coffee.

“And mum?”

“She’s been well.”

“That’s good.” Holly replied, sitting at the kitchen table.

“She misses you.”

“I miss her too.”

He turned around and placed a mug down in front of Holly. “What time is Peter coming? What’s he like? What does he does?” He sat next to her.

“He’ll be here at 2pm. He’s a great guy. He’s a chemical engineer.” She smiled.

“A chemical engineer? Wow.”

“He says it’s not as exciting as it sounds.”

Her father smiled, “He treats you right, doesn’t he?”

“He does.”

“Good. I’m glad he treats you right.” He sipped his tea and a comfortable silence descended over them.

Holly began to relax, maybe things would go well today…

“I’m home darling.” The door opened and her mother stepped into the hallway.

Holly waited til her mum entered the kitchen before greeting her brightly.

“Holly?” Her mum dropped her shopping bags and held her arms out to her daughter.

“Hi mum!” Holly smiled, giving her mum a big hug.

“This is such a lovely surprise!”

“She’s invited her boyfriend to come meet us.” Holly’s dad remarked.

“A boyfriend?”

“His name is Peter. He’ll be here soon.”

Judith kissed her daughter’s forehead, “I look forward to meeting him.”

“Did you get anything nice at the shops mum?” Holly asked.

“Oh just some bits and bobs.”

A knock at the door interrupted any further conversation.

“Will that be your boyfriend? I’ll get it.” Judith went to the front door.

Peter smiled as the door was opened. “Hi.”

“Hello. You must be Peter?”

“I am. Pleased to meet you.”

“You too. Come in.”

Peter followed Holly’s mum into the house, his smile broadening as he spied his girlfriend.

“Hi Peter.” Holly said with a shy smile.

“Hi.” Peter smiled at Holly before reaching out a hand towards the older gentleman in the room. “You must be Holly’s dad. Pleased to meet you.”

Holly’s dad smiled brightly and shook his hand, “Holly was telling us all about you.”

“All good I hope?!” Peter chuckled.

“All good. Can I get you a drink?”

“A cup of tea would be lovely thanks.”

Peter kissed Holly’s cheek as Holly’s father made him a cup of tea. “Do you take sugar?”

“No, just milk.”

He nodded and made Peter a cup of tea.

As they sat down Peter turned to Holly’s parents. “I don’t think I caught your names..?”

“I’m Judith. This is my husband Robert.”

“Its lovely to finally meet you both.” Peter smiled.

“And you.” Judith smiled. “So how long have you known Holly?”

“Since new year.”

“Tell us about yourself, Peter? Holly says you’re a chemical engineer?”

“That’s right. It’s very technical, not very exciting.” Peter laughed. “What else..? Hmm, I grew up in Holby. Moved away for uni but then came back.”

“Are you an only child? What university did you go to?”

Peter burst out laughing. “I couldn’t be further from an only child if I tried! I’m the eldest of eight.”

“Eight? My word, that’s a lot of siblings.”

“Four brothers and three sisters.”

“What are your siblings like?”

“They’re all so different. Even the twins in their own way. The oldest is eighteen and the youngest is seven.”

“Woah. It sounds busy in your house.” Robert answered.

“It can be. Jake has just gone travelling in the Far East and I think Em will be heading off on another art residential as soon as school breaks up.”

“Have you ever thought about going travelling? Holly was planning on going, weren’t you darling?” Judith replied.

Peter gave Holly a surprised look. “Its not something I’ve really thought about.”

Holly smiled, “I wanted to go working abroad.”

“Oh yes, as a marine biologist.” Peter replied, still slightly thrown by the revelation but trying not to show it.

Holly sighed sadly, maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all?

“So what do you do for a living?” Peter asked, clearly wanting to change the subject.

“I’m a mental health advocate and my wife here is a solicitor.”

“Sounds fascinating. My parents are nurses.”

“Nurses hey?” 

Holly moved from the table, “I’ll be back in a minute.” She explained gently as she left the kitchen.

Peter’s gaze followed his girlfriend’s departing figure before turning his attention back to her parents. “Um… Yes… They’re in charge of A&E at Holby city hospital.”

“Quite high up then?”

“Yeh, dad’s nursing manager and mum’s sister.”

“Did you never want to be a nurse? Follow your parents footsteps?”

“Oh hell no!”

Judith and Robert laughed gently.

“What kind of law do you practise Judith?” Peter asked.

“Mostly family and children law.”

“Ah.” Peter nodded knowingly but didn’t elaborate.

“What made you chose chemical engineering?”

“I got really into chemistry and IT in high school.”

“It sounds fascinating.”

“Yeh, it’s really interesting but quite technical so goes over most people’s heads.” Peter shrugged.

Judith smiled brightly. “It’s exactly the same with law.”

“Yeh I bet. So what does mental health advocacy involve?”

“Making sure those that are detained under the mental health act have a voice and understand why they’re being detained.”

“My parents see a lot of people with mental health issues at work.”

“It’s something that’s becoming more common.”

“Yeh they’re often on the receiving end of problems when the system doesn’t work as it’s supposed to.” Peter sighed.

“Mental health services are massively unfunded and I feel it’s only going to get worse.” Robert sighed sadly.

“A&E ain’t much better off.”

“No I can imagine it isn’t.”

Holly still hadn’t returned to the table and Peter looked at the door, “Do you think one of us should go and check on her?” He asked.

“Oh she’ll be fine.” Judith replied.

“You wouldn’t mind if I went to see that for myself?” Peter asked.

“Your choice.”

Peter nodded and moved off the chair. He headed into the hall, “Holly? Babe?”

“I’m here.” She replied in a small voice from the bottom of the stairs.

He sat down next to her. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.”

He rose an eyebrow, “Sure?”

“Yeh.” She paused. “So you’ve met them now…”

“I have.”

“So..?”

“Are your parents pushy? Is that why you don’t get on?”

“They have high expectations yes.” She looked awkwardly back towards the kitchen. “Can we talk later?”

“Of course we can.” He kissed her cheek, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Her smile finally genuine.

“Are you doing anything this evening?”

“No.”

“How about we go out for dinner at that favourite restaurant of yours?”

“Sounds perfect.”

He lent forward and gently kissed her. “Ready to go back?”

“OK.”

He stood up and held his hand out to Holly.

Holly smiled as she took his hand and allowed him to lead her back into the kitchen.

The next couple of hours passed without further incident but Holly was still relieved when it was time to leave.

There was nothing spoken until they got into the car.

Holly let out a sigh as she closed the passenger door. It was now or never…

Peter placed his hand on her thigh, “Talk to me?”

“I’m adopted.” She blurted out.

“What?”

“They adopted me when I was two.”

“When did you know you were adopted? Have you ever met your real parents?”

“I found out when I tried to get a passport when I was eighteen. No.” She sighed. “Apparently my mum left me outside a doctor’s surgery.”

“Oh babe. Is that why things are so strained?” He paused, “Have you ever wanted to find your parents?”

“They said there’s no point. That my birth parents clearly didn’t want me.”

“It’s not always as simple as that.” He paused, “Do you want to find your birth parents?”

“I don’t know. They’ve always said that wanting to find my birth parents makes me an ungrateful little brat.”

“You’re not ungrateful wanting to find where you came from.” He squeezed her knee.

“They see it as a slap in the face of everything they’ve given me.” She sighed.

“You don’t have to tell them.”

“Mum will know if I try and access my file.” Holly sighed.

“Why? Where is it?”

“She has friends who work in the adoption services.”

“You’re entitled to confidentiality. Aren’t they breaking that by informing your mother?“

"Probably.”

“We can still try to access your file…” 

“I’d like that…”

“Then that’s what we’ll do.” He smiled, lent over and kissed her cheek.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“It’s ok.”

“I’m not what they wanted.” She sighed.

“What do you mean?”

“They thought that they could overcome the deficits of my early life, make me in their image instead.”

“You’re an amazing person Holly.”

“They don’t think so.”

“You’re beautiful, kind, funny, caring. Who wouldn’t want you as a daughter? I’d love my daughter to be like you.”

“Really?” She blushed.

“I say my daughter. What I really mean is ours.” He smiled and nodded. “Of course I would.”

“I convinced myself that I didn’t want kids coz I feared I’d abandon them too…” She admitted quietly.

“You wouldn’t do that.” He entwined his fingers through hers as he found her hand.

“But why did she abandon me?”

“She may have thought she was doing what was best for you.” He replied sadly, “I can’t answer that question babe.”

“Maybe she was scared…”

“Maybe she was. Maybe she was young and didn’t have a family?”

“I’m not angry at her, I just want to know why.”

“Then we’ll find your mum Holly, so we can get you answers.”

“I’d like that.”

“What do you want to do for the rest of the afternoon?”

“I don’t mind.”

“We could go home and cuddle?”

“I like the sound of that.” She smiled.

“Come on then gorgeous, home time it is.”

“Yours or mine?”

“Mine.” Peter began to drive in the direction of his flat.

“Thanks for today.”

“No problem.”

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“Something terrible?” He joked.

“You’re very special Peter.”

“And so are you.”

“Hmm…”

“I want you to be my wife and my babies’ mother one day, Holly.”

“That’s not a proposal is it?” She giggled.

“No. I’d do it much more romantically.” He smiled shyly.

“That’s good to know.” She grinned.

“Although it won’t be any time soon, that’s ok, isn’t it?”

“I’m in no hurry.”

He pulled up outside his flat and turned off the engine.

She raised her eyebrow at him when he showed no immediate signs of getting out of the car.

He was thinking about something.

“You ok?” She reached out to place her hand over his.

“Move in with me?” He blurted out.

“What?!” She squeaked.

“Move in with me.”

“You’re serious aren’t you?” She smiled.

“Of course I am!”

“Then yes, I will move in with you.”

He grinned brightly, turned around and kissed her.

Feeling his hand come to rest on her upper thigh Holly pulled back slightly. “Shall we take this little celebration inside?” She giggled.

“I think that’s probably best before I get a little carried away.”

“Wouldn’t want that gear lever ending up somewhere it shouldn’t!”

“There’s that. And there’s also the fact that I don’t want to make a mess in my boxers either.” He laughed.

“That’s a point - you don’t expect me to wash all your smelly clothes now I’m moving in do you?”

“No, I know how to use the washing machine. Only occasionally though.” He got out of the car.

“Oh good, I’m glad your mum taught you how to do that!” She teased as she joined him on the pavement.

“Mum trained me well.”

“I’d not expect anything less. Shame the cooking lessons failed!”

“I take after my dad with that I’m afraid.” He locked the car and headed up to the flat.

“That explains why I’ve never seen your dad cook.” Holly chuckled as she followed Peter up the stairs.

As soon as they were inside the flat, Peter pulled Holly towards him and kissed her.

Holly wrapped her arms around his neck.

He backed her into the wall, his lips finding the weak spot on her neck.

Holly giggled. “There’s some changes that we’ll need to make to this place…”

“What are those?” He whispered.

“I’d like to decorate.” She smiled.

His lips moved to her collarbone, “Go ahead.” He mumbled.

“I’ll need to sort out my place. Give my housemates notice.”

“That’s ok.” His hand moved under her top and squeezed one of her breasts.

“You bored of talking now..?” She giggled.

“Distracted.” He looked up to meet her gaze.

“So easily distracted…”

“You’re gorgeous, how can I not get distracted?” His fingertips brushed against the edge of her bra.

“Charmer..!” She giggled.

“Are you wearing a new bra?”

“Yes. Spent some of the money I got for my birthday.”

“I thought so.” He smiled, “Can I see?”

“Sure.” She wriggled slightly so she could pull her tshirt off.

“The colour suits you.”

“Its a matching set.”

“Can’t wait to see the knickers.”

“Well if you’re a good boy…”

“I’m always a good boy.”

“You are.” She smiled, sliding her hands under his tshirt.

Peter’s own hands ran up her sides.

She giggled as goosebumps formed on her bare skin.

He reached around to unhook her bra and squeezed her breasts in his hands once they were released.

She let out a moan at the contact.

“Shall we take this to the bedroom?”

“That might be a good idea.”

He took her hand and they went into the bedroom.

Holly chuckled and rolled her eyes as she noticed that the bed was unmade.

He laughed gently at her reaction.

“At least the bed will get made more often after I move in.”

“That’s true.” He lay down on the bed and pulled her on top of him, kissing her passionately.

She ran her hands across his shoulders and squeezed his biceps.

He smiled against her lips.

“You’ve been down the gym again.”

“Uh huh.”

“Ooh..!” She pretended to swoon.

“I’ve been boxing a couple of times.”

“I’ve never tried boxing.”

“I can teach you if you like?”

“You not scared I’ll kick your butt?” She giggled.

“Nah!” He laughed and held onto her as he rolled over, so she was underneath him.

“That’s not fair! You took me by surprise!” She giggled.

His lips once again began to move down her neck and over her collarbone.

She moved her hand to grope his bottom through his jeans.

“I love you.” He pressed himself against her, running his tongue along the skin between her breasts.

“I love you too.”

“Love you more.”

“Not possible!”

“Is possible.”

“You’re so silly!” She giggled, rubbing her nose against his.

He giggled softly.

“You’re cute though.”

“Not as cute as you gorgeous.”

She giggled once more and kissed him.

He deepened the kiss. His hands beginning to move down her body towards her jeans.

It didn’t take long before they were both naked on the bed, wrapped in each other’s arms.

Peter took his time making love to her.

It took Holly’s mind off her earlier confession. Peter was one of the few people who knew.

They lay next to each other, their bodies full of sweat. “Are you ok?”

“Yeh. Thank you for being so understanding.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“When I’ve told people in the past they’ve been really weird about it.” She sighed.

“That you’re adopted?“

She nodded.

“Life isn’t always as straightforward as people think.”

"Especially not the kind of people who go to a private girl’s school.”

“I’m the last person who has the right to judge. Look at my parents?”

“Your parents are great!”

“My parents were married to other people and had an affair.” He said gently.

“Oh..!”

“But they loved each other. Still do so who I am to say what they did was wrong or whatever?”

“You can see how much they love each other and you and your siblings.”

“They adore us and each other.”

“You’re very lucky to have such a wonderful family.”

“I am.” He snuggled into her.

“I’m glad our future children will have such a loving family.”

“Oh they will.”

“I mean look how crazy your mum went shopping for Sarah’s baby. Imagine what she’d be like when she does get a grandchild!”

“She’ll go over the top.” He laughed gently.

“Was she like that with her own kids too?”

He nodded, “Yes.”

“Bet your dad wasn’t impressed.” She giggled.

“He got used to it.”

“Yeh after eight kids he must have.”

“I always thought dad was an idiot for letting mum have as many kids as she did.”

“Why? Because of what happened when she had your little brother?”

“Since Em’s birth really.” He replied.

“She was premature wasn’t she?”

“Yeah. Touch and go.”

“And your mum was ill too?”

“Yeah.”

“You must have been quite young at the time, no wonder it scared you.” She shifted to put her arms around him.

“There were other things going on at the time too.”

“Oh?” Though Peter had told her bits and pieces about his childhood there seemed to be a lot of things he was reticent to open up about.

“Mum… Mum’s husband was a bastard.”

“Jake’s dad?”

He nodded.

“Explains why Jake don’t want nothing to do with him.”

“I saw him rape my mum once.”

Holly gasped.

He swallowed, “I didn’t stop him. I couldn’t.”

“He could have really hurt you if you’d tried.”

“Hmm.”

“You were just a little boy Peter. There was nothing you could have done differently.”

“I know.” He sighed.

“You were very brave.”

“No, mum was brave.”

“You’ve both been to some pretty dark places.”

Peter sighed.

“Things will only be bright from now on.”

“With you in my life, of course.”

“I love you so much.”

“So do I.”

“Do you still fancy going out for dinner?”

“Yes. Unless you’d rather we’d have cuddles and a takeaway instead?”

“Tempting but I’ve got my heart set on tacos now.”

“Then let’s go and get tacos.”

“You’re the best!” She giggled, giving him a kiss.

He deepened the kiss and smiled against her lips.

“I thought you were buying me tacos?” She asked between kisses.

“I will, in a minute. This is much more fun.”

“Mmmm.”

“Taco time!”

“Yay!” She giggled girlishly.

He nuzzled his nose against hers and got up.

About an hour later they were dressed to go out and stood outside Holly’s favourite Mexican restaurant.

They had managed to book a table.

Holly grinned as she looked through the menu. “I’d love to visit Mexico some day.”

“Maybe we could go and visit it together?”

“I’d love that.” She beamed.

“Leave it with me, gorgeous.”

“You’re plotting I can tell!” She giggled.

“Maybe.” He winked.

“Do I need to make sure my passport is valid?”

“Yes. That might help.”

She grinned at him before deciding on what she wanted to eat.

They ended up sharing a plate of tacos together.

Swallowing the last bite Holly licked her lips. “This place really does the best tacos.”

“I agree with you.”

“Fancy some pudding?”

“We can always get chocolate cake here or we can go home and you know…” He winked seductively

“Or we could do both..?”

He giggled, “Sounds a great idea.”

“Thought you might agree.”

“Anything to feel you orgasm, babe.”

“Now that really does sound good.”

He smirked, “Chocolate cake or something else?”

“Both!” She giggled.

“Chocolate cake it is then.”

“I knew you’d come round to my way of thinking.”

“Always babe.”

Holly’s eyes widened like saucers a few minutes later when the cake arrived at their table.

“It’s a lot of cake!” He replied.

“Yeh…”

“We could take some home with us.”

“We might need to!”

“Yeah let’s.”

Holly couldn’t resist taking a cheeky forkful before Peter asked for it to be boxed up to go.

They got the cake boxed up and went home.

As soon as they were in the flat Holly headed straight for the freezer and grabbed a tub of vanilla ice cream.

“Remind me to always stock up with vanilla ice cream.”

“I’ll be sure to.” She smiled as she wandered through to the bedroom with it in her hands.

He followed her.

“You better have the cake with you.” She remarked over her shoulder.

“Of course.”

She kicked off her shoes just inside the bedroom doorway and made herself comfy on the bed.

He brought the cake into the bedroom and sat next to her on the bed.

Holly lifted her spoon, a devilish grin on her face.

Peter’s hand ran up her inner thigh.

Holly dug her spoon into the ice cream and flicked some at Peter.

“Rude!” He pouted.

Holly giggled and took aim with another spoonful.

He dipped his finger in the ice cream and smeared it along her cheek.

She attempted to lick it off but couldn’t quite reach.

Instead Peter ran his tongue down her cheek to collect the ice cream.

“Taste nice?”

“On you, yes.”

She licked his finger. “Mmm…”

He met her gaze and laughed gently.

She dipped her spoon into the cake and slowly slid it into her mouth, letting out a moan as she did.

“Nice cake?”

“Mmhmm.”

He took another spoon and dipped it into the cake.

They giggled as they fed each other cake and ice cream, smearing it everywhere.

“You’re so messy.” He giggled softly, looking around at the mess on them and the bed.

“We better clean it up hadn’t we?” She giggled, licking his cheek.

“Nah, not yet.”

“I wasn’t suggesting that we get some cloths and cleaning products…” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh? What were you suggesting?”

“There’s much more fun ways to clean up.”

“Tell me more?”

“We could lick each other clean…”

“Now that sounds much more fun.”

“Exactly!” She giggled.

His tongue began to lick her cheek.

Holly hands worked their way under Peter’s tshirt.

“Your hands are cold.” He whispered.

“I should warm them up then…”

“Yeah you should.”

“Any suggestions?”

“Down my pants?” He smirked.

“So predictable!” She giggled.

“Always baby.”

She slowly edged her hands closer.

“You’re such a tease.” He whispered as he kissed her earlobe.

“Its more fun that way.”

“More fun for you.” He gently bit her earlobe.

She giggled but didn’t deny it.

He gasped as her hands moved into his pants.

“Feels like I’m not the only one enjoying myself…”

“I’m enjoying myself a lot.” He whispered.

“So I see…” She purred, stroking his length with her finger.

A soft moan escaped his lips.

She encircled him with her fingers and continued to stroke up and down.

His breathing quickened against her ear.

She increased her grip and speed slightly.

“Fucking hell babe.” He moaned.

She paused briefly to run her finger over his tip before continuing.

It wasn’t going to take long before he reached his peak. “Hol…”

Holly giggled as she removed her hand. “I thought we were supposed to be cleaning up not making more mess!” She teased.

He groaned when she removed her hand.

She giggled more as she slid her hand back to where it had been.

A few minutes later, he came in her hand.

“Now we really do need to clean up!”

“What can I say? You made it really hard not to come.”

“I think we may both need a shower.”

“I think we do.”

Holly jumped up from the bed. “Race you!” She called as she dashed from the room.


	19. TW: discussion of depression

Sarah sighed as she looked up at the clock again. It was almost 3am and still no sign of AJ. He’d promised her that he’d stop doing this, that he would knuckle down and take his responsibilities seriously. It seemed to be just words. Especially the closer the baby got to being born.

She’d tried to stop him going out as she’d been suffering with terrible back pain for several days now but he didn’t seem to care. Last time he’d gone out he’d disappeared for two days before arriving back home still drunk and smelling of another woman’s perfume.

Sarah knew she deserved better but what could she do? She was having a baby, she was essentially homeless and the pay on maternity leave wasn’t exactly great. She moved out of bed to get a glass of water when she doubled over in pain. Fuck!

She desperately tried to rationalise that it was just braxton hicks again, she’d had them frequently through the pregnancy but she couldn’t help panicking as the pains continued as she made her way slowly to the kitchen.

She grabbed her phone off the kitchen table and tried to call AJ. Cursing under her breath when it went through to voice mail.

Where the hell was he this time?! He’d promised not to turn his phone off!

She closed her eyes as another pain tore through her. Fuck! These weren’t Braxton Hicks! Able to pull herself together for a few seconds, Sarah found Duffy’s phone number in her contact list and rang her. She was running out of options!

It took a few moments but eventually a very sleepy sounding Duffy answered her phone. “Hello?” She yawned.

“Duffy…”

“Sarah?” Duffy’s voice was clouded by sleep and confusion.

“The baby.”

“What baby?” Duffy asked as she sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes.

“I think… Fuck.” Sarah closed her eyes tightly, dropping the phone onto the counter.

“Sarah? Sarah?”

“It really fucking hurts!” Sarah mumbled.

“OK… Right…” Duffy shook herself more awake. “Is anyone with you?”

“Can’t get hold of AJ. Didn’t want to ring but fast running out of options.”

“OK, have your waters broken sweetheart?” Duffy asked as she attempted to get dressed one handed.

“Not yet.”

“That’s good. Have you called an ambulance?”

“Again, not yet. I panicked.”

“Its ok. I need to hang up so I can finish getting dressed and drive over. Can you text me your address? If your waters break and there’s blood before I get there you need to call an ambulance ok?”

“I got it.” Sarah nodded, “Thank you.” After Duffy hung up the phone, Sarah texted Duffy her address and pottered around the room for a while - trying to ignore the contractions. She wasn’t ready for any of this.

It was about twenty minutes later when Duffy knocked on Sarah’s door. She’d left a note for Charlie to explain where she’d disappeared to.

It took Sarah several minutes to open the door.

“How often are the pains?” Duffy asked as she entered the house.

“I’m supposed to count them?” Sarah asked. “About five minutes or so.”

“Sorry I should have told you to.”

“I don’t think I can do this.” Sarah replied. “I don’t want to do this.”

“I’m afraid you don’t have a lot of choice right now.” Duffy replied, squeezing Sarah’s shoulder. “Is there somewhere we can go where you can lie down so I can check on how things are progressing?”

“The bedroom.” Sarah mumbled and moved to the bedroom. However, she had to stop half way when she felt another contraction.

“Just focus on your breathing Sarah. In and out. Nice and slowly.”

Sarah focused on her breathing, breathing in and out.

They finally made it through to the bedroom and Sarah lay down on the bed.

“I’m afraid this is going to be uncomfortable but I’ll be as gentle as I can ok?” Duffy reassured her.

Sarah nodded. She stared at the ceiling, just as a tear rolled down her cheek.

After she’d examined Sarah, Duffy sat back. “You’re six centimetres dilated. Waters are still intact. Do you want me to give you a lift to the maternity suite?”

“You don’t have to. I shouldn’t have called you… Sorry…”

“You shouldn’t be on your own.”

“I guess I should get used to it.”

“I’ve told you before, you’re not on your own!”

Sarah shrugged. “I just want to get this over with.”

“Do you have your hospital bag packed?”

“Yeah, it’s there.” Sarah gestured over to the corner where there was a bag and two suitcases packed.

“Wow! You intending on staying there for a week?” Duffy couldn’t help but giggle.

“I was hoping I’d have a few days before little miss made an appearance to move out but, clearly not.”

“So that’s all your stuff?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you have somewhere to go?”

“I’ll stay here.”

“You don’t seem so sure…” Duffy commented as she picked up the bag and cases.

“I’ll find something.”

“Anyway, let’s worry about that once your little girl is safely here OK?”

Sarah nodded and rubbed her stomach.

Duffy gave her an encouraging smile. “You’ll be surprised what you’re capable of, trust me.”

“Or maybe I’m not, there’s only one way to find out.” Sarah said quietly before she cried out, a stronger contraction knocking the wind out of her.

“Right, as soon as that’s over let’s get moving.”

There was suddenly a trickle of water down her legs and Sarah groaned. “Oh fucking hell.”

Duffy placed the bags on the floor once more. “OK, change of plan, back on the bed.”

Sarah got back onto the bed.

Duffy quickly examined the young woman again. “Right, looks like this little lady has other plans. I’m going to call an ambulance for backup.”

“You can’t be serious?” Sarah swallowed.

“Don’t worry, it’s all going to be OK.”

The pains were becoming a lot stronger and Sarah began to curse a lot more.

“Right the ambulance is on its way. You can do this.”

“Some people make this look bloody easy!” Sarah muttered.

“I hope you’re not including me in that!” Duffy chuckled darkly.

“No.” Sarah screamed. “I can’t do this!”

“You can.”

“AJ is never sticking his dick in me again!! Or any man! Ever!”

Duffy couldn’t help but laugh.

There was a sudden loud crash at the door. On opening it Duffy found AJ slumped on the doorstep drunk. “Nice of you to join us.” She remarked bitterly.

“Huh?” AJ frowned. 

“Fuck off AJ! You piece of shit!!” Sarah screeched from the bedroom.

“You’re about to become a dad so I suggest getting your shit together pronto!” Duffy informed him. As he looked up she noticed his eyes. She sighed. “Are you high as well as drunk?”

AJ shrugged, “May have had a few pills.” 

“I don’t want him to come to the hospital!” Sarah shouted, “He can stay here!”

The two sides of Duffy’s professional brain vied for her attention. Hearing Sarah scream again she made her decision. “You go sit on the sofa and don’t move!” She told AJ before heading back to the bedroom.

“When I can walk again, I’m going to fucking kill him!” Sarah was agitated and wound up.

“Just focus on yourself and the baby.”

“The baby he begged me not to get rid of saying we could make it work! All whilst he’s busy screwing fuck knows who and doing god knows what!!” Sarah’s heart rate began to accelerate higher.

“Sweetheart you need to focus on your breathing.”

“You should’ve let me lie!” Sarah mumbled, trying to focus on her breathing that had become faster.

Five minutes later, with AJ passed out on the sofa, they were in the ambulance on their way to the hospital.

The paramedic had given him the once over and decided that he was OK to just sleep it off.

“I need to push!” Sarah groaned.

“We’re almost there.” Duffy told her, giving Josh a pointed look in the rear view mirror.

“I’m tired.” Sarah murmured.

“On the next contraction I want you give me a big push ok?”

Sarah nodded. On the next contraction, she gave a big push.

“Good girl! Keep going, you’re doing great!”

Sarah continued pushing. “Fucking hell!” She yelled.

“OK, just breath now for a moment. That’s the head out.”

Sarah began to breath again. She couldn’t help the tears that rolled down her cheeks.

Duffy reached out to squeeze Sarah’s hand. “On the next contraction we’re gunna go for the shoulders ok? You’re nearly there.”

Sarah didn’t make a sound as she pushed again on the next contraction.

“Good girl! That’s the shoulders. If you still feel the contraction then keep pushing.”

Sarah kept pushing, eventually delivering her daughter.

Duffy wrapped the baby in a blanket just as they arrived at the hospital. “Oh Sarah she’s beautiful!”

Sarah was silent.

After cutting the cord Duffy rose with the baby in her arms, bringing her round to Sarah who had her head turned away. “Do you want to hold her?”

Sarah was silently crying. She shook her head.

The back doors of the ambulance opened.

Mother and baby were taken straight to the Maternity Ward.

Duffy was extremely worried as still Sarah seemed to want nothing to do with her newborn daughter.

“I’m tired.” Sarah whispered as she glanced at Duffy and her daughter.

“I’m not surprised, giving birth is tiring work. I just… I think it might help if you were to hold her, even just for a short while…”

“I don’t want to.”

“Can you tell me why you don’t?”

“I’m tired.”

Duffy sighed. “Do you have a name for her?”

Sarah shook her head.

“You need a name don’t you poppet?” Duffy cooed at the baby.

Sarah watched Duffy with the baby.

After a few minutes the baby started to fidget. “She’s hungry.” Duffy told Sarah. “Do you want to try feeding her?”

“No.”

“Do you want me to go make her a bottle?”

“Whatever.” Sarah shrugged.

“Can you hold her while I do?”

Sarah shook her head. “I don’t want to hold her. Will you put her in the cot?”

“OK. Or I can take her with me if you’d prefer?”

“Whichever.” Sarah shrugged once more. 

Duffy took the baby with her to get a bottle. By the time she returned Sarah was fast asleep so after feeding the newborn Duffy took her to the nursery and sat with her so she wasn’t alone. She was still there a couple of hours later when Charlie arrived at the hospital to start his shift.

“Hi.” The first thing Charlie did before his shift was see how Sarah and the baby were getting on, knowing this was probably where Duffy was.

“Hi.” Duffy smiled. The baby had awoken again so Duffy was giving her a cuddle. “Isn’t she just a precious little poppet?”

“You seem quite content. How’s Sarah?” He smiled at the baby, “She’s beautiful.”

“Physically fine but she won’t even look at her daughter.” Duffy sighed.

He sighed sadly, “Baby blues do you think?”

“Maybe. I’m not sure. She has previously mentioned the idea of putting her baby up for adoption…”

“You think she’s still considering the idea?”

“It would explain why she doesn’t want to hold her or look at her. She doesn’t want to risk getting attached.”

“Hmm.” Charlie sighed. 

Meanwhile Sarah had woken up and was sat up in bed. She was angry and frustrated as well as upset. She slowly moved her legs to the side of the bed.

“I tried everything. Poor lamb doesn’t even have a name yet.” Duffy sighed.

“Sometimes all you can do, is try.” Charlie said gently as he kissed her cheek.

Sarah slowly made her way down the corridor. It hurt to even walk! She was trying to find the nursery. Eventually she found the right room. She was about to open the door when she spied Peter’s parents through the window.

She instead found herself crying and turning around to go back.

She sat on the floor by the door. She was torn. Part of her wanted to flee, the other part wanted to see her daughter.

A few minutes later Charlie left the nursery and began to wander down the corridor ready to go start his shift downstairs.

Sarah remained on the floor, her head rested against the wall, her eyes closed. Tear streaks evident on her cheeks.

As he drew closer Charlie spotted Sarah.

She banged the back of her head against the wall in frustration.

“Sarah?” Charlie asked, grunting slightly as he sat down on the floor next to her.

Sarah turned her head to look at Charlie and then turned away again, not even saying anything.

“Do you need me to help you get back up? You should be in bed recovering.” Charlie told her kindly.

“No, I’m fine.”

“The floor isn’t the best place to sit when you’ve just had a baby…”

“I’m fine!”

“I can’t just leave you here…”

“Why not?” She paused briefly. “Do you have a cigarette on you?” She asked.

“No I don’t, I quit years ago.”

She sighed, “I could really do with one.”

“I know that feeling! When you last have one?”

“Nine months ago. I stopped cos I was pregnant.”

“Sensible. I’ve been caught by Duffy a few times over the years sneaking the odd crafty fag.”

“Is the baby ok?” She asked quietly.

“Yes, she’s doing very well. By the looks of it I think she’s going to have your colouring.”

“Ok.” She sighed, “Would you and Lisa adopt her?”

“What?!” Despite his wife’s earlier comment Charlie was still shocked. “Is that what you want? Honestly?”

“Why wouldn’t I be serious?” Sarah replied with a frown.

“Its a big decision.”

“Yeah, well. Do you want her or not?” Sarah asked sadly.

Charlie didn’t know what to say. “Maybe we should talk about this again in a couple of days once you’ve had time to recover more…” He replied hesitantly.

“Fine, whatever.” Sarah slowly got up from the floor, taking a deep breath because she was sore.

“Sarah? Where are you going?” Duffy asked as she left the nursery to head to the toilet.

“To the off license.” Sarah replied back. “That’s allowed, right?”

“You need to stay here Sarah. Your daughter needs you. She wants her mummy.” Duffy replied.

“Don’t! Don’t say that!”

“Say what?”

“She doesn’t need me!”

“Every baby needs parents.”

“She deserves better than me.” Sarah answered. “I want a drink and a fag.”

“You’re just struggling coz you’ve had such a hard time of things lately. We can help support you in whatever way you need.”

“I don’t want her!” Sarah yelled which just drew more attention to her. She fell to the floor and began to sob.

Duffy crouched down to wrap Sarah in her arms. “Ssh, it’s OK, this is perfectly natural, your hormones are all over the place right now. Just let it all out.”

“She’s supposed to have a mum and a dad! I wasn’t supposed to do this on my own!!” Sarah began to get more and more agitated. “AJ lied!!”

“Is this because of him being in such a state when he got home earlier?”

“He promised us.” Sarah said sadly. “He promised us, we’d be enough.” She whispered.

“For him to grow up and start behaving responsibly?”

Sarah nodded sadly. “He’ll never change.” She sighed and closed her eyes on Duffy’s shoulder. “Will I stop feeling so tired?” She mumbled.

“Eventually. How about we get you back to bed and then get you something to eat?”

“I want to see my daughter.” Sarah whispered.

“We can bring her with you to your bed.”

Sarah nodded, “Please.” She smiled sleepily.

Whilst Charlie helped Sarah back to bed Duffy went and fetched her baby girl from the nursery.

“Olivia.” Sarah said quietly as she sat in bed. “Olivia Lisa, that’s her name.”

“That’s beautiful Sarah.” Duffy smiled as she held the baby out towards the young woman.

Sarah took her daughter into her arms. “Hello beautiful girl.” She rested the baby against her chest. “Thank you.” She looked up at Charlie and Duffy, “Both of you. For everything.”

“You’re more than welcome. We’re here to help whenever you need us. Don’t forget that.” Duffy smiled, stroking her finger across Olivia’s cheek.

“Can I ask you a question about feeding?”

“Of course, what do you want to know?” Duffy asked.

“How do I know when she’s hungry and how do I breastfeed?”

“She’ll start to nuzzle and stick her tongue out when she’s hungry. I can help you latch her on when she next needs a feed if you like?”

Sarah smiled, “That’ll be great, thanks.”

Duffy smiled warmly.

“Well I best leave you two ladies to it, the ED won’t run itself.” Charlie chuckled.

“Oh crap. Sorry Charlie.” Sarah smiled shyly before she looked down at Olivia. “We’ll be ok, won’t we Liv?” She kissed her daughter’s head, her heart wanting to be burst!

“Its ok. Luckily for you my right hand woman here has today off so you’re welcome to hang onto her for a while longer.” He smiled.

“Thank you, Charlie.”

After giving her husband a quick kiss goodbye Duffy settled into the chair next to Sarah’s bed.

“I was scared.” Sarah admitted as she glanced at Duffy. “Still am terrified.”

“Its ok to be scared. I still get scared sometimes.”

“You do?”

Duffy nodded.

“I keep thinking I can’t be enough for her. I saw you and Charlie with her before and it made me upset.” Sarah admitted.

“Oh Sarah, we never meant for you to feel like that!”

“I know but… That’s how it’s supposed to be. Mum, dad, baby but it’s just me. Me and Liv.”

“For three years it was just me and Peter. It wasn’t how I’d wanted it to be but looking back I did OK. Hell I did more than OK! And so will you.”

“I just feel…” Sarah shrugged, “Useless. I have nothing to give her except love and what if that’s not enough?”

“That’s a good start and the rest you’ll figure out along the way just like the rest of us.” Duffy smiled.

“Why do you think I can do this?” Sarah looked up to hold Duffy’s gaze.

“I’ve known you since you were thirteen years old Sarah, I think I’ve got the measure of you by now.”

Sarah sighed and nodded. “I don’t want to let you down, like I’ve let everyone else down.”

“You haven’t let anyone down.”

“I let my parents down. But I don’t regret it.” Sarah smiled, “I’ve loved her from the minute I found out I was pregnant.”

“I feel the same about Jake. I may hate his father but I’ve always loved him and always will.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been… Hard work lately. I keep thinking she’ll be better off without me, not because I don’t love her but because I love her so much and I only want what’s best.”

“Its ok, I know its difficult what with me being Peter’s mum but regardless of that we want to help you and Olivia however we can.”

Sarah nodded, “I appreciate that, thank you.”

“I had friends who helped me a lot when I needed it. I know how it feels to struggle and want to help if I can.”

“There’s something else I should have mentioned months ago.”

“What’s that?”

“The doctors said I have… Erm, prenatal depression.”

“Well, that makes a bit more sense now.” Duffy replied, squeezing Sarah’s hand.

“I… I’ve really struggled.” Sarah smiled sadly.

Duffy stood up and wrapped her arms around Sarah’s shoulders, careful not to squash Olivia. “Oh pet.”

“I was struggling before I got pregnant.”

“Have you seen a therapist?”

Sarah shook her head, “I thought I could do it on my own.”

“In my experience that doesn’t often go very well.”

“No, it didn’t. I…” Sarah sighed and stroked her finger against Olivia’s cheek.

“You’ll be a priority for help now you have Olivia.”

“What if they take Olivia away from me?”

“They won’t. I won’t let them.”

“I don’t want them to take her. She’s my baby.” Sarah said.

“They won’t. I had postnatal depression after Jake was born.”

“You did?”

“Yes. It was tough but things eventually started to get better.”

“I just can’t seem to shake the darkness.” Sarah said quietly.

“The darkness will always be there, you just learn how to keep it at bay.”

Sarah nodded sadly, “I wouldn’t take any medication when I was pregnant because I wasn’t sure if they were safe or not. And I didn’t want to risk hurting her.”

“There’s medications you can take now though.”

“But there’ll be traces in breast milk won’t there? I’d like to breastfeed as much as I can.”

“There’s some that are suitable to use whilst breastfeeding. I’m not an expert but I can speak to a friend who knows more and can come talk to you?”

Sarah nodded. “Thank you.”

“I might not always know the answer but I usually know someone who does.” Duffy chuckled.

Sarah smiled and was about to say something when Olivia began to fidget. “I think she’s hungry?”

“I’d say so.” Duffy agreed.

Sarah managed to gently move Olivia and her top. It took her a couple of minutes, but she was able to get Olivia to latch onto her nipple.

“Perfect.”

Sarah smiled brightly, “I did it!”

“I knew you could.” Duffy smiled.

“Maybe I can do this after all!”

“You can.”

Sarah smiled. For the first time in a long while, her eyes sparkled.

“Once she’s finished you just need to wind her and then you’re all done.”

“How do I know when she’s finished?”

“She’ll tell you.”

“Ok.”

After a few minutes Olivia slipped off Sarah’s nipple, snoozing.

“Should I wind her?” Sarah asked gently as she gently moved Olivia to her shoulder and began to rub her back in gentle circles.

“Yeh just keep rubbing her back gently til she burps.”

“Ok.”

Olivia let out a little burp in her sleep.

A comfortable silence fell over the trio for several minutes.

“Do you want me to collect your bags from the house and store them at mine whilst you’re here?” Duffy asked hesitantly.

Sarah shook her head, “No it’s ok.”

“Are you sure? I’ve got to go there anyway to get my car.” Duffy pointed out.

Sarah chewed her lower lip, “I’m going to go back to the flat. It’s all I can do at that minute.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. You have choices. I know you think you don’t but you do!”

“I’ve got a baby. I’ve got to think of Olivia. It’s not about me anymore.”

“Yes and that’s exactly why you don’t have to go back there.”

Sarah shrugged, “There’s too much to think about.” She admitted.

“Its ok, you don’t have to think about it all now.” Duffy reassured.

“There was a man…” Sarah began and then stopped.

“A man?” Duffy repeated, sitting back down in the chair next to the bed.

“It doesn’t matter.” Sarah said quickly.

“No, tell me, it won’t go any further I promise.”

“Can I ask a question?”

“Of course.”

“How soon after having a baby can you have sex?”

“Six to eight weeks is the usual recommendation but it will depend on how you’re healing. Why?”

“Just wondered.”

“Is it something to do with this man you mentioned? Is he pressuring you?”

“It was a deal.”

“A deal?” Duffy was getting increasingly confused and concerned.

“He’d give us a room…”

“In exchange for sex?”

Sarah nodded.

“What he’s suggesting is illegal.”

“It was an option.” Sarah sighed. “It was a bit creepy but I considered it. If I was desperate enough.” She replied.

“You know you can always come stay with us again if you need to..?”

“That’s a lovely offer but I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair on you or Charlie or the kids living there.”

“We’d all much rather that than you and Olivia end up in danger.”

“I’m not your problem, Duffy.”

“That’s as maybe…”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Its just the way I am I suppose.” Duffy shrugged.

Sarah stroked Olivia’s back. “Why can’t my mum and dad be more like you?”

“I guess they have their reasons.” Duffy sighed.

“I tried to be enough.” Sarah said quietly, “I tried to be enough for my parents and for AJ but it wasn’t enough. Why? Why aren’t I enough, Duffy?”

“You are enough Sarah. They are just too blind to see that.”

“I’m going to make Olivia proud. I’m going to be a good mum, I promise.”

“I know you will. She’s a very lucky little girl.”

“You believe me, don’t you?”

“I do believe you.” Duffy smiled.

Sarah smiled. “Thank you.”

“I’ve found that a little bit of encouragement can make the world of difference.”

“I’ll make you proud too, Duffy.”

“I’m already proud of how much you’ve achieved.”

A slight blush coloured Sarah’s cheeks. She wasn’t used to making people proud.

“You had me worried for a bit but you got there.”

“I tried to pretend I didn’t care but I did.” Sarah smiled sadly and kissed Olivia’s head.

“You can try so hard to deny to yourself that you love someone but those feelings won’t go away.”

“I know.” Sarah snuggled her daughter to her chest again, “She’s so beautiful.”

“She is, she’s one of the prettiest baby girls I’ve ever seen.”

Sarah smiled brightly, her eyes twinkled.

“Every mother is always a little biased when it comes to her own babies though.” Duffy giggled.

“Yeah I think so too.”

“But Olivia is certainly the prettiest baby I’ve delivered.” Duffy smiled.

“Do you remember how many babies you’ve delivered?” Sarah asked.

“Oh gosh, it must be hundreds by now!” Duffy laughed softly.

“That many?”

“Well it’s been about eight years since I qualified and Charlie is kind enough to loan me out up here from time to time plus any time we have a birth in the ED I’m usually drafted in regardless of what I’m already doing!” Duffy chuckled.

“I was at uni…”

“What were you studying?”

“I studied psychology.”

“I bet that’s fascinating.” Duffy smiled.

“It’s amazing.” Sarah smiled brightly. “I loved learning. I loved been at Uni, even though it was tough sometimes.”

“You’ll get back there again one day, I know it.”

“Possibly. I think it’ll be hard to do an intense masters while looking after this one.”

“I’m sure I can find you some babysitters…” Duffy grinned mischievously.

Sarah giggled.

“What’s the use of having a house full of teenagers if I can’t loan them out for that sort of thing?”

“That’s very true! How are they all? I miss them.”

“They’re doing OK. Louis is back home again now thankfully.”

“How’s he doing?”

“He’s waiting on an evaluation.” Duffy sighed.

“Hopefully it won’t be long.”

“I hope so too.”

A comfortable silence descended over both adults.

“I should let you both get some rest.”

“You should rest too. It’s been quite the night for you as well.” Sarah paused, “Thank you so much, Duffy, for everything. You and Charlie.”

“You’re more than welcome.” Duffy smiled.

“I’ll message you in a few days, let you know how we’re getting on?”

“I look forward to it. Take care.” Duffy smiled, standing up and giving Sarah a hug.

Sarah hugged Duffy back and said bye. When she was alone, she looked back at Olivia and told her; “We’ll be ok, baby girl! I promise.”


	20. NSFW/TW: eating disorders

It was Friday afternoon and Charlie was upstairs in his bedroom, packing. It was this weekend that him and Duffy were going away for a much needed break, a chance to rediscover their love for one another. It had been a while since it had been just the two of them.

Louis had thrown a fit when he discovered that he was expected to stay at home with his sisters and younger brothers to be supervised by Kate. He felt that at almost seventeen he was more than capable of looking after himself.

Charlie sat on the edge of the bed and moved to get something out from underneath the bed. He hoped Duffy hadn’t noticed it was there.

He was taking advantage of the fact that she was at work to pack some surprises for her.

He made sure everything he’d brought was there and packed them into his suitcase. He couldn’t wait for her to finish work.

About an hour later she arrived home.

He was just finishing packing, he’d been distracted by one of the new gifts he’d brought Duffy.

When she couldn’t find her husband downstairs she headed up to their bedroom.

“I was beginning to think you’d never come home from work.” Charlie said as he sensed her presence in the doorway.

“Sorry, there was a HR issue that apparently needed my immediate attention.” She rolled her eyes.

He made a rude noise and held his hand out to her. “I can’t wait for this weekend.”

“Its long overdue.” She smiled.

“It really is.”

“So where are you taking me lover boy?” She giggled.

“It’s a surprise.” He replied back.

“Ooh! Well lead the way..!”

“Have you packed?”

“I made a start but it looks like you finished it off for me.” She raised an eyebrow and gestured to the two zipped up cases on the bed.

“I wasn’t rooting through your knicker drawer.” He smirked.

“Of course you weren’t, the drawer just left itself open of its own accord…” She smirked.

“Of course.”

“So do I need to check that you haven’t forgotten anything?”

“There’s a few surprises in those suitcases so I’d rather you didn’t.“

Duffy’s face lit up with child-like excitement. "Really?!”

“Uh huh.”

“Well let’s go then!” She giggled, tugging at his hand.

He laughed gently, “You’re really that excited, huh?”

“Why wouldn’t I be excited about having you all to myself for a whole weekend?”

“When you put it like that, how can you /not/ be excited?” He stood up and pulled her towards him for a rough kiss.

“No interruptions…” She purred as they parted.

“Plenty of time to tease you and get you soaking wet.” Charlie groped her bottom.

“I can’t wait…” She kissed his neck.

“Neither can I.”

“Well let’s go then!” She giggled.

Charlie picked up the cases from the bed.

“Actually I think I might get changed whilst you pack the car.” Duffy mused.

“Can I not watch you undress?” He smirked.

“You’re not the only one who might have one or two surprises up their sleeve…”

“Oh really?”

“Now off you go to pack the car!” She shooed him.

He pouted but nevertheless went to pack the car.

When Duffy joined him ten minutes later she was wearing a buttoned up coat.

“You’ll be too hot in that.” He winked.

“I don’t plan to keep it on for that long…” She giggled.

“That’s good. I don’t think I’ll keep my hands to myself for long.“

"Shall we head off?” She asked, sliding into the front passenger seat.

“Sure.” He kissed her cheek and Charlie began to drive.

She tried to work out where they were headed as they drove out of town but she quickly gave up. After about half an hour of travelling she decided to entertain herself and began to slowly unbutton her coat.

He was concentrating on the road.

She pouted as she slowly slid the top of the coat off.

He still hadn’t noticed.

She cleared her throat pointedly as she wriggled in her seat to pull the coat from under her.

He turned to look at her, his eyes widening. “Fucking hell Duffy!”

“Oh so you are paying attention..?” She smirked.

He looked back at the road. “You’ll make me crash…”

“I don’t know what you mean…” She giggled as she stretched arms behind her, arching her back slightly.

He placed his hand on her thigh. “Just you wait until we get there.”

“Are we nearly there yet..?” She giggled girlishly.

“Maybe, maybe not.” He smirked.

“I’m bored of travelling now…” She purred as she slowly crossed her legs and trailed her fingers across his lap.

“Can you hold on five more minutes?”

“I suppose…” She pouted.

“I’ll make it worth your while.”

“You better.”

About ten minutes later, Charlie pulled up outside a cottage.

“Very fancy..!”

“There’s a beach about a mile or two north. I thought we could explore it? In the morning, not now.”

“Sounds lovely.”

“Shall we go inside? Find out what’s waiting for us?”

“Is this all ours?!”

“The cottage?” He got out of the car.

“Yeh.” She giggled as he moved around the car and held his hand out to her after opening the passenger door.

“I must say, you do look beautiful this evening. Like you do every evening.” He took her hand. “The cottage is all ours until Monday morning.”

“Such a gentleman!” She giggled as he helped her to her feet.

“Always.” He picked her up, making sure he had the keys to open the door.

She let out a shriek as she found herself airborne. “Watch your back!” She giggled.

“Don’t want my back to go. That would really kill the mood, wouldn’t it?” He tried to unlock the door when he got there but struggled.

“Yes, I’m not playing that kind of nurse for you all weekend!”

“No, I much prefer when you play the naughty nurse instead!” He handed her the keys, “Do me a favour babe and open the door.”

She giggled as she opened the door.

As soon as they were inside, Charlie put her down on the floor. “Is this new? When did you buy it?” He was referring to her outfit, he was mesmerised by it.

“I may have snuck out on my lunch break earlier…” She grinned.

“Ah, naughty.” He winked.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to find it in you somewhere to forgive me.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him.

“I will.”

“You’re such a good boss to work for!” She wiggled her eyebrows and giggled.

“That’s not what you say behind my back,” he smirked.

Duffy clutched her chest in mock horror as she gasped, causing her breasts to strain against the material of her dress. “What have you heard?!”

Charlie bit his lip as he was drawn to her breasts. “Where do I start? Arsehole, cocky bastard, dickhead… Sound familiar?”

“I’m a lady, I would never use such language!” She giggled.

“Bollocks.” He burst out laughing. His fingertips brushing over her breasts.

“Same to you!” She retorted, reaching out to grope them through his trousers.

“You called me a dickhead on more than one occasion when we were ‘just friends’.” He gasped slightly as he felt her hand.

“Always to your face though. Never behind your back.” She asserted, tightening her grip slightly as she felt him begin to twitch into life.

“No that’s true.” He paused, “You’re gonna suffocate him if you’re not careful.”

“Then he’d need the kiss of life.” She cackled as she removed her hand.

“Ah, so that’s why you’re suffocating him? So you can bring him back to life?” Charlie pulled Duffy close and kissed her tenderly.

“It is something I have quite the talent for… Or that’s what I’ve been told anyway..!”

He smiled against her lips, “You do indeed.”

“You going to give me the guided tour..?”

“Of course.” He took her hand and lead her around the cottage. It was more spacious on the inside than it looked, had a beautiful open plan kitchen and living area. There was a large four poster bed in the only bedroom of the house that was decorated in rose petals.

“I could get used to this!” She giggled.

“I wanted to treat you.”

“You’ve succeeded.”

“You deserve it babe.” He smiled, “I should go and get the suitcases, shouldn’t I?”

“Shall I open the champagne while you do?” She asked, having spotted the bottle on ice on the desk.

“As long as you don’t pinch it all.” He kissed her nose before he got the keys to return to the car.

“Would I?!” She asked, doing her best to look innocent.

“Let me think about that? Yes!” He called back from the front door.

“Rude!” She called out, sticking her tongue out even though she knew he couldn’t see her. She grabbed the champagne and took it over to the bed.

Charlie just knew she’d stuck her tongue out. He shook his head fondly and went to the car to collect their cases. He brought them back in about five minutes later, a lot of banging as he tried to get both cases through the door at the same time.

“Try not to damage the walls!” She giggled, rolling her eyes. She could tell that he was in a hurry to get back inside.

Finally Charlie appeared at the doorway of the bedroom with both cases in hand. “Is there any champagne left?” He asked.

“I can’t drink that fast!” She giggled, holding up the bottle.

“That’s good.” He moved the suitcases into the corner of the room, dropped the keys on the bedside table and sat next to Duffy on the bed.

“Want some?” She held the bottle out towards him.

“Please.”

She passed him the bottle. “Its very nice. Goes down easily.” She giggled.

“A lot of things go down your throat easily.”

“You’d know!” She snorted.

“Certainly would.” He took the bottle and downed a considerable amount.

She smirked as she stretched out on the bed.

Placing the bottle on the side, Charlie’s hands began to run gently up and down Duffy’s legs. “You’ve got really nice legs.”

“Nice?” She repeated, raising an eyebrow, smirking.

“Yes. Soft, smooth, sexy.”

“That’s better.” She grinned.

“You really haven’t changed. In the whole time we’ve known each other.”

“How much of that champagne have you drunk?” She giggled.

“I’m being serious.”

“Sure you are..!”

“I am! You’re still as beautiful as the first day I set eyes on you.”

“There’s a reason you wear glasses now..!” She teased as she reached over him to pick up the champagne bottle from the bedside table.

He kissed her neck, “You make me so happy babe. I never thought that was possible.”

“You sentimental, soppy old fool!” She giggled, holding the champagne in her hand as she stayed straddled across him.

“But I’m your sentimental, soppy old fool.” He replied.

“You are indeed…” She smiled, running her hand up his chest.

“Love you.”

“I love you too.” She leant forward and gave him a kiss, placing the bottle back down. 

He slipped his tongue into her mouth as he returned the kiss.

She began to rock against his hips, her tongue fighting for dominance over his.

His hand trailed over her hip and up her back.

“I’ve missed this.” She mumbled against his lips.

“Me too.” He said quietly.

“I’ve been wondering all day where you were taking me and what you were going to do to me once we got there..!”

“I’m not planning on doing anything.” He grinned as his hands stroked her back.

“Well that is disappointing… I was looking forward to quite the dirty weekend..!” She pouted.

“Where can I fuck you, first?” He mused.

“Well I’m quite comfy here…”

He moved her onto her back and ran his fingertips up and down her thighs.

“I’m glad you like the dress, especially as you paid for it..!” She giggled.

“I seem to pay for a lot of things on that joint account.”

“I did mean to pick up my credit card but…” She shrugged. “…oops!” She giggled.

“The dress suits you. Enhances your breasts.”

“Maybe I should charge a boob job to the joint account next…” She mused.

“You don’t need a boob job.”

“It’d save me a fortune in bras in the long run…”

“Don’t.” He grabbed her breasts with both hands. “They’re are just perfect the way they are.”

“You’re just too tight to cough up the money!” She teased.

“Maybe.” He slowly moved one of the straps from her shoulder.

“No maybe about it!” She giggled.

He began to kiss her shoulder, gently sucking the skin.

She wriggled slightly, trying to encourage him to move his lips lower.

“Patience darling.”

She fixed him with a glare. “Its 5pm on a Friday, I’m slightly drunk and I’m horny as hell… I don’t have much patience..!”

“Where do you want my lips baby?”

“Lower…” She purred, tugging at the other strap of her dress.

He tiptoed his lips lower.

“Keep going…”

He kissed the top of her breasts, “Lower…?”

“Mmm…”

“I want to fuck you in that dress.”

“I was hoping you would.”

He chuckled as he tore her knickers off.

She giggled as she watched her underwear go flying through the air and land on a lamp. “Show off!”

He began to fumble with his belt.

She tried to help him but her coordination was a little off.

“You really are drunk, aren’t you?” He was able to get his belt and trousers off.

“No..!” She giggled.

“You mean, yes.” He removed his boxers, chucking them on the lamp before he ran a hand over himself.

A thought suddenly occured to her. “Did you remember to bring condoms?”

“I did.”

“Good. Wouldn’t want this weekend ending up like previous ones..!” She giggled.

“No we wouldn’t!” He laughed gently and moved off the bed.

“I’m not explaining that to the kids!”

“No neither am I.”

“So kids, me and your dad had a bit of an accident…!” She giggled.

“An explosion more like.” He placed one of the suitcases down and unzipped it.

Duffy snorted.

He began to look in the suitcase searching for the box of condoms that he was certain he’d packed.

“What the fuck is taking you so long?” Duffy grumbled from where she lay spread-eagled on the bed.

“I can’t find the fucking thing.” He answered back.

“Not funny Charlie!” She retorted as she got up from the bed and came over to him.

“It’s in one of these suitcases. I’m certain I packed them.”

Rolling her eyes she reached over to grab her handbag, pulling out a packet and handing it to him.

“You came prepared?”

“Well one of us had to.” She smirked.

“It’s in here somewhere!” He grumbled.

“You can look later…” She gave him a pointed look.

He stood up and took the packet, “I suggest you go and get comfortable Mrs Fairhead.”

She giggled as she quickly flopped back onto the bed. “I’m ready for you to have your wicked way with me!”

“Are you wet enough?”

“Why don’t you check?”

He put the condom on and crawled onto the bed towards her. He ran his fingers over her, “Hmm, definitely wet enough. Surprised there isn’t a puddle.”

“That’s an attractive thought..!” She giggled.

He began to tease her, stroking himself over her.

She let out a moan.

He entered her, moaning softly as he did. “God… You really are wet!” He murmured against her ear.

“I’ve been thinking about this all day…” She moaned.

“Naughty girl.” He nipped her earlobe as he began to move.

“I may have had some fun in your office earlier…” She breathed.

“What kind of fun?”

“A bit of solo fun…” She smirked. “I got impatient!” She giggled.

“You masturbated in my office? That’s so hot.” He bit her ear as his thrusts became harder.

“Ooooh!” She moaned. “I’ll call you next time I do!”

“Please do.”

She let out a moan as his fingers began to play with her nipples.

He pinched them slightly before he ran his tongue over both nipples and gave them a gentle kiss.

“Oh fuck!” She moaned.

“You’re so beautiful.”

She closed her eyes as the waves of pleasure began to ride over her.

“Shit!” Charlie groaned.

“Charlie!” She moaned.

Charlie climaxed with her.

She giggled breathlessly as he flopped onto the bed next to her.

“Bloody hell!”

“That was so good!”

“It was amazing!”

“What’s for dinner?” She giggled.

“Worked up an appetite?” He asked.

“Absolutely famished!”

He laughed gently and wrapped an arm around her, “Can we just cuddle for a bit? Before we go galavanting for food?”

“OK.” She snuggled up to him.

He sighed contently as they cuddled up together under the duvet.

“Fancy a nap?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

“Worn you out have I?”

“You certainly have.” He kissed her cheek. “Worth it though.”

“Better let you rest up and regain your strength.”

“Sounds ideal. Especially if I’m planning on fucking you multiple times a day on this trip.”

“Aiming for every room in the cottage are you?” She giggled.

“Of course.” He laughed against her ear before giving it a kiss.

“Well in that case… First we nap, then we have dinner and then what do you say to round two?”

“Perfect idea!”

She snuggled closer and closed her eyes. “Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams gorgeous.”

About an hour later Duffy reawoke, her stomach growling and her head throbbing slightly.

Charlie was snoring lightly.

Duffy lay staring at the ceiling willing her stomach to quieten. She didn’t want to have to confess to Charlie that she’d skipped lunch during her last three shifts where they hadn’t been working together.

He began to stir sensing she was awake. “Hello again beautiful.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t babe.”

“You sleep OK?”

“Uh huh. You?”

“Not too bad.”

“Good.”

“I’m gunna have a shower.” She announced, moving to sit up.

“Alright babe.”

Once in the bathroom she lent back against the door, cursing herself under her breath.

He rubbed the back of his neck. Was she ok?

She turned the shower on and stood motionless under the water, her eyes closed.

“Babe? What’s wrong?” Charlie asked from the other side.

“Nothing. I’m just washing my hair.”

“Ok babe.”

Charlie’s suspicions were only increased when she was still in the nearly half an hour later.

“Duffy?”

She let out a shriek and stumbled slightly on the wet surface.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

She spun round as the door flew open, clutching the shower rail.

“What’s wrong?”

“You scared the living shit out of me! I nearly broke my bloody neck!”

“I’m sorry.” He paused, “Are you ok? You seem… Distracted.”

“I’m fine. Can you pass me that towel?”

He reached for the towel and handed it to her. “You sure?”

“Yeh.” She smiled, wrapping the towel around her. She was still thinner than what was healthy for her height but she had made some progress over the last couple of months.

He nodded and kissed her cheek, wandering back over to the bed.

“Shall we put some music on and snuggle on the sofa?” She suggested, recalling seeing a stereo in the lounge when he’d shown her around the cottage.

“Yeah, lets.”

She finished drying and threw on Charlie’s discarded shirt before wandering through to the lounge.

He sat on the sofa beside her once he’d turned on the stereo.

She giggled as she realised he’d chosen ‘mood’ music.

He stroked his fingertips up and down her thigh, “Do you want to talk about anything?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” She shrugged.

“Are you sure there isn’t? You know you can talk to me about anything, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course.” She lent back against his chest. “Let’s just enjoy the alone time.”

He wrapped his arms around her and cuddled her.

“I could get used to this.”

“Me too.”

“A taste of what our lives could have been like without the kids.” She mused.

“I wouldn’t have liked it.” He admitted.

“I’m not enough to keep you entertained?” She pouted.

“You are. But the children are something else entirely.”

“They certainly are.”

“I love our family. To think we went from being ‘friends’ to raising a large amount of kids and doing it successfully.”

“We were rather kidding ourselves with the whole 'friends thing’…” She chuckled softly.

“Yeah, that never worked.”

“Mmhmm. Lust and then love got the better of us.”

“You were always attractive.”

“And you were always a cocky blue eyed charmer!”

“I didn’t think I could ever do this. Be a husband, be devoted to one woman. Be a father.”

“Well back then I rather doubted you could do that either.” She admitted.

“I won’t lie. It’s been difficult sometimes.” He kissed the top of her head, “But I can honestly say since we’ve been together, I’ve never looked at another woman.”

“That’s not to say other women haven’t looked at you…” Duffy pouted.

“And other men have looked at you.” He smiled.

“And when they have you’ve stood there glowering like a toddler who just had his favourite toy taken off him!” She teased.

“I get jealous but it also… Turns me on a little.” He admitted.

“Hmm, you do like to assert yourself afterwards!” She giggled.

“I know what men think. And sometimes it makes me horny to think about what they’re planning to do to you in their imagination.” He ran his hands up her thighs.

“And then you get to do it in reality…”

“Exactly.”

“What sort of things do you imagine that they’re envisioning doing to me..?”

“Making you cum. Fucking you hard. Wanking all over your tits. Slapping that arse of yours.”

“Well you’ve already done two of those since we got here…” She smirked.

“And there will be plenty more.” He nibbled her ear.

“I should hope so…” She purred, stretching out on the sofa.

Charlie’s hands began to undo the buttons of the shirt she was wearing.

“Ready for round two?” She smirked.

“Always.”

She watched Charlie’s eyes widen as he realised she was wearing nothing underneath the shirt.

His fingertips brushed underneath her breasts.

She arched her back, her breasts nudging against his hands.

His fingertips brushed against her nipples.

A little gasp escaped her lips.

“Turn around.” He whispered.

She turned so she was facing him.

He moved his hand to grope her breast and took her nipple into her mouth.

She looped her arms around his neck, her head tilting back slightly.

He continued to suck.

Duffy couldn’t help but giggle as the CD changed in the stereo and the music shifted from romantic to seductive.

He moved his lips to her other breast.

Duffy moved her hands to Charlie’s waist, tugging at the bottom of his tshirt.

He suddenly stopped and pulled away to meet her gaze.

“You ok?” She asked, tilting her head slightly.

He nodded, “You know I love you, right? More than anything in the entire world?”

“You’re going soppy on me again…”

He moved her to sit on his lap and kissed her tenderly.

“At least part of you hasn’t gone soft!” She giggled against his lips as she wiggled on his lap.

“My cock’s definitely not soft.”

“Not at all…” She moaned as she rubbed herself against him.

He moaned softly as he felt her, his hands stroking her lower back.

She moved her hands to free his engorged cock from his boxers, stroking her fingernail along the vein that throbbed the length of it.

“I’ll try and last longer this time.” He whispered as he moaned softly, feeling her fingertips.

Grasping his cock she brushed the tip against her clit, moaning contentedly.

“Fuck.”

“You like that?” She asked as she teased the tip of his cock against her damp folds.

“Yes.” He moaned. “It appears you like it too.”

“Oh yes!” She moaned as she took him deeper.

“Babe!” His fingers dug into her hips.

Grasping his face she pulled him close for a passionate kiss as she started to ride his cock.

His tongue began to fight for dominance against hers.

Duffy nearly bit his tongue off as she laughed when Let’s Get It On suddenly began playing on the stereo.

Charlie laughed gently, “It seems the radio knows we’re in the mood.”

“Let’s see if you can last longer than the song…” She smirked.

“I’m not ready to cum just yet.”

“Glad to hear it.” She gripped her thighs tightly around his waist.

“Though if you keep doing that, I might.” He began to kiss the sensitive spot on her neck.

She let out a moan as he nipped the skin with his teeth.

“Let’s get married again.” He murmured.

“What? Right now?!”

“Anytime.” He nipped her neck again.

“OK. Tell me when and where, I’ll be there.”

“Uh huh.” He suddenly got to his feet, his arms wrapped around her holding her into place.

She let out a startled yelp, her hands clinging to his shoulders for dear life.

“Relax. You’re not gonna fall and break my knob.” He found the nearest wall and backed her into it and began to move faster.

“Oh shit!” She moaned loudly.

His thrusts got deeper.

Her moans increased in volume as he bounced her against the wall.

“You’re so loud.” He chuckled against her ear, nipping it gently.

“You like it when I’m loud.”

“I do. I find it hot.”

“Let’s see if we can upset the neighbours over a mile away..!”

He shook his head fondly, “So naughty.” He moved faster and harder.

“Oh fuck, oh shit! Charlie!”

“Fuck Duffy!”

She let out another moan as she felt him suck on her neck.  
He sucked her neck and then her collarbone before his thrusts slowed.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too. You have no idea how much.”

She claimed his mouth once more as she tightened her legs around his waist.

As he passionately kissed her, he continued to move more gently inside of her.

She ran her fingernails across his shoulders.

He moved to nip her ear and whispered, “You’re beautiful!”

Her skin was flushed and shiny, she was close.

“Are you close to coming all over my cock?” He whispered in her ear.

“Oh yes!”

“Good girl.”

“I’m your good girl!” She giggled girlishly, fluttering her eyelashes.

“You are. And I love it when you’re a good girl but I love it more when you’re very naughty.” One hand grabbed her breast as he increased his speed again.

“Oh! Fuck!”

“Babe!”

“Oh shit!” She moaned loudly.

“Shit, babe!” He groaned loudly as he began to fill her.

“Oh wow!” She gasped, breathless.

“Fuck.” He muttered against her neck breathlessly.

“That was so good!”

“Yeah! Yeah it was!”

“You outlasted the song.” She giggled.

“Oh… So I did.”

“I knew you would.”

“Can we order a takeaway?” He whispered.

“If you want to. Saves me cooking.” She shrugged as they rearranged their clothes.

Charlie was knackered! That was certainly some shag!

Duffy joined him on the sofa after grabbing a blanket to throw over them as they snuggled.

“That took me back that did.”

“Its been a while.”

“I want to make more time for us. Just the two of us. Easier now the kids are a bit older.”

“I agree though I can’t believe that Paul is starting junior school. Where has the time gone? He’s not my little baby boy anymore!”

“I know, it only feels like yesterday he was born.”

“It does. I must admit little Olivia made me feel quite broody.” Duffy blushed.

He chuckled softly, “I noticed.”

“I can’t help it!” She pouted playfully.

“How are they both getting on?”

“They’re doing well. Sarah’s got a meeting with the council next week about a flat.”

“That’s good. Has she mentioned much about AJ or…?”

“No, I’m not sure what the hell is going on there.” Duffy sighed.

“Poor girl.”

“He was utterly off his face when he turned up at the house. I thought I was going to have to haul him up off the doorstep! She doesn’t need someone like that in her life and Olivia sure as hell doesn’t!”

“No you’re right, they don’t.”

“That little girl won’t want for anything, she doesn’t need him ruining her life.”

“Hopefully Olivia may have matured him.”

“I doubt it.”

Charlie sighed sadly.

“I know I kicked off when it looked like she might be Peter’s daughter and even though I’m relieved that she’s not I can’t help feeling she’s been given a shitty hand having AJ as a dad.” Duffy sighed.

“Only time will tell if he grows up or not and takes responsibility.”

“I’m not going to hold my breath.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence.

“Were you serious about us renewing our vows?” She asked after several minutes had passed.

“Deadly serious.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Somewhere all our children can be with us?”

“That would be lovely. I know most of them were there the first time around but the girls were only toddlers so I doubt they remember much if anything of it.”

“Exactly.” He smiled, “And we’ve added to the brood since the first wedding.”

“We had more kids before we got married than after. But then we never could do things in the expected way.” She giggled.

He laughed gently. “That’s true.”

“More fun that way.”

“Definitely is.”

“Trust you to propose the same day I had the twins though.” She chuckled. “Of all the days to pick..!”

“It was the perfect day.”

“I’m just put out that I don’t remember a large chunk of it.” She pouted playfully.

“Sorry.” He chuckled.

“Its my own fault for banging my head on the bathroom floor.”

“Sure is.” He kissed her cheek.

“I do wish I remembered more of that day though. Us getting engaged, Emily’s first Christmas, the twins being born…” She sighed.

“Rather than just gaps?”

She nodded. “I remember some of it but it gets more gappy as the day goes on.”

“What do you remember?”

“I remember us all being in the lounge together. I remember you proposing and Emily playing with the wrapping paper. Then mum arrived.” She sighed. “After that it starts to get hazy.”

“Emily preferred playing with the wrapping paper than her presents.”

“She sure did!” Duffy smiled at the memory. “She was fascinated by colours and textures from an early age.”

“Our little artist.”

“She sure is.” Duffy smiled. “Sounds like she and Beth had a wonderful time in Italy with the art school.”

“Yeah it sounds like it, doesn’t it?”

“I’m just glad that she seems happier recently.”

“Me too.”

“She’s ridden out so many storms over the years.”

“She’s a fighter, just like her mum.”

“I just wish she didn’t have to be.”

“I know.” He kissed her forehead.

Duffy snuggled into Charlie’s arms.

“It’s Tilly’s boyfriend I feel sorry for when she gets one.”

“Hey! You’ve coped with me all these years!”

“Just about!” He teased.

“Rude!” She pouted.

He kissed her lips.

“Are you still unhappy about Peter moving Holly into his flat?”

“No. I…” Charlie was silent for a few seconds, “I just worry it’s moving too fast and he’s gonna get hurt.”

“Says the man who knocked me up the first time he slept with me..!” She teased.

“That’s exactly why I’m worried. I don’t want Peter to follow my footsteps…”

“Thanks!” She folded her arms and pouted at him.

“I don’t mean it like that.” He sighed.

“Hmm!” She continued to pretend to sulk.

“Duffy, please. I… I don’t regret getting you pregnant the first time I slept with you.”

“And the other five times..?”

“I don’t regret it.”

“Right answer.” She smiled.

He smiled.

She pushed herself up from the sofa. “I’m going to see if there’s any champagne left.”

“I think we drank it all, babe.”

“Really?” She harumphed.

“Or should I say, you drank it all.” He laughed.

“Oops!” She giggled, stopping abruptly as she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror on the wall. “Charlie!”

“Yes babe?”

“Look at the state of my neck!” She pouted, turning to face him, her hands planted on her hips, his shirt that she wore unbuttoned still.

He came closer to Duffy, “What do you mean?” He giggled when he saw what she meant. “Oops!”

“I’ve got work on Monday!” She whined, punching his shoulder lightly.

“Sorry babe.”

“You’re worse than a horny teenager!”

He shrugged, “What can I say? I really like sex.”

“You certainly do. The exercise is good for you though so I’ll allow it.” She giggled.

He kissed her passionately.

“You’re insatiable!” She giggled as their lips parted.

“You satisfy me. Always have.”

“You’re lucky you found someone who can keep up.”

“That’s very true.”

“Is that why you went through more women than most of us have hot dinners before we got together?”

“I enjoyed sex. But I didn’t want to commit.”

“You just wanted notches on your bedpost.”

“Exactly.”

“Including me.”

“Yes.”

“Though it took you quite some time to get me into an actual bed with you..!” She giggled.

“Yeah it did.” He mused.

“And when you did I could see why you preferred other locations. Your bed in that flat was terribly squeaky!”

“That bed was awful.”

“Was it three or four times it lasted before we broke it?”

“Three times. I was clearly fucking you too hard.”

“Or that bed was just shit…” She giggled.

“Hmm.”

“Just like all those other beds and the kitchen table were clearly shit..!” She snorted.

He chuckled, “That’s right babe.”

“Fancy cuddling up in bed?”

“Yeah least this bed doesn’t squeak.” He kissed her once again.

“No, the one time it doesn’t matter and the bed doesn’t squeak!” She giggled as she led him into the bedroom.

“Get on the bed, Mrs Fairhead and then I’ll order a Chinese, how does that sound?”

“Sounds good.” She smiled.

He smiled as he cuddled up to her on the bed. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”


	21. NFSW/TW: eating disorder discussion

Once she’d finished getting rid of the evidence of how little of the takeaway she’d actually eaten she headed back through to the bedroom, startled to find Charlie awake and waiting for her to return.

“Good morning beautiful.”

“Hi. You been up long?”

“Not long sweetheart. You?”

“Only a few minutes, I went to the bathroom.”

“What do you fancy doing today?”

“You mentioned a walk along the beach..?”

“I’m still up for that if you are?”

“I’d love to.”

He yawned and stretched, “Did you sleep ok?”

“Yes, this bed is very comfy.” She smiled, sitting on the edge of it.

“Maybe we should invest in a new bed?” He moved to kiss her shoulder, “How’s your neck looking?”

“Do you think we could fit a four poster in our room at home?” She mused. “My neck looks like I spent the entirity of last night making out with an overly hormonal teenage boy!”

“I think so.” He chuckled. “I am a hormonal teenage boy.”

“Anyone would think you were sixteen not sixty-odd!” She giggled.

He chuckled. “I never grew up!”

“You didn’t.”

He kissed her shoulder and then her neck gently.

She relaxed back into his touch, her earlier anxiety melting away.

He planted gentle kisses along her shoulder.

She giggled as he pulled her backwards so they both lay on the bed.

His hands began to roam her figure.

“We’re never going to make it to the beach at this rate..!”

“We’ve got all day.”

“We have. Shall we take a shower?”

“Two minutes.”

She raised an eyebrow in question as to why the delay.

His hand moved down her back.

She shifted slightly in his arms which allowed him to travel lower and grope her bottom.

His hand squeezed her bottom.

“Fancy some wet ‘n’ wild fun in the bathroom?” She whispered.

“Depends if it involves you being wet and wild.” He whispered.

“I wouldn’t suggest it if it didn’t.”

He squeezed her bum again, “Come on gorgeous.”

Standing up from the bed she held her hands out towards him.

He took her hands in his.

She giggled as she led him through to the bathroom.

“You’ve got such a beautiful giggle.”

After closing the bathroom door, she turned on the shower allowing steam to fill the room.

His hands began to roam her curves again.

She pulled him close and began to kiss him passionately.

He slid his tongue into her mouth.

His hands slid into her hair as he walked her backwards towards the shower.

He giggled softly as her back collided against the tiled wall.

She let out a little squeal as the tiles were still quite cold despite the steaminess of the room.

His erection pressed against her thigh as he continued to snog her.

Reaching out her hand she flicked the shower to spray them both in hot water.

He moaned feeling the water cascade over them.

“I promised you wet 'n’ wild.”

“Yeah you did.”

“Turn the handle next to the shower.”

He turned the handle next to the shower after a few seconds of searching blindly.

“Who knew showers had a 'pulsating mode’..!” She giggled at his facial expression.

“Pulsating mode? Never heard of a shower having one of those.”

“I ended up having a bit of a play with it last night and discovered it by accident.”

“It’s different..”

“Its quite nice in certain places…”

“The shower?”

“Yeh.” She smirked as she stretched to grab the shower and began to slowly run the water over herself, letting out moans as the water hit certain parts of her body.

“Are you enjoying that?” He asked as he watched her closely.

“Mmm!” She moaned more as she moved the spray lower, her eyes closed, her head lent back against the tiled wall.

Charlie knelt down and kissed her stomach and her hips.

She moved the shower back to her breasts as his lips moved closer.

His lips trailed further down her body and planted kisses either side of her thighs.

She shifted her leg to rest her foot up on the edge of the bath over his shoulder.

He began to kiss the inside of her thighs. Slowly kissing nearer and nearer to her centre.

Nevermind wet 'n’ wild - she was quickly getting hot and bothered!

He looked up at her, meeting her gaze.

“I want you so badly right now!” She gasped.

“Which part of me?” He smirked.

“Any part that’ll get me off!”

“You’re really horny!”

She nodded, her free hand creeping down her stomach to touch herself.

“Touch yourself.” He watched her hand.

Her fingers started to explore, little moans escaping her lips.

He wrapped his hand around his cock and moved it up and down. This was hot!

She opened her eyes slightly as she heard Charlie begin to moan. Spurred on she moved her fingers faster and deeper.

“Duffy!” He moaned and stood up. He began to kiss her as his hand moved faster against his length.

She somehow managed to grope around and place the shower back in its holder so she had both hands free once more.

“Are you going to make yourself come?” He whispered against her lips.

“Unless you want to.” She panted.

He placed his hand on her wrist, stilling her movements.

She whimpered, her eyes dilated with passion.

He removed her hand and replaced it with his own.

She wrapped her hand around his cock and began to slide it up and down.

He moaned as his fingers began to move inside her.

Her moans grew in volume as he stroked all the right spots.

“I take it, I’m hitting the right spot.” He whispered breathlessly in her ear.

“Fuck yes!”

“Won’t be long until you come all over my hand.” He nipped her earlobe.

She moans grew loud and hoarse as he rubbed against one particular spot. That was all it took to unleash her orgasm.

He slowed down his movements slightly as she orgasmed.

Her grip on his cock tightened slightly as she came.

His fingers continued to move but at a gentle pace, “Good girl.” He whispered in her ear.

She grinned triumphantly as she felt his cock begin to twitch in her hand as she stroked it.

He removed his hand from inside her and brought his hand to his mouth. He held her gaze as he sucked his fingers clean.

“Do I taste good?”

“Yes.”

She opened her mouth and tilted her head towards him.

“You want to taste yourself?”

She nodded.

He removed his fingers and placed them gently into Duffy’s mouth.

She circled her tongue around his finger before sucking it gently.

“Like the taste of yourself?”

“Mmm!”

He picked her up and found himself entering her.

She slid up and down the wet tiles, the water cascading over them as he thrust into her.

“You make me so horny!” His fingers dug firmly into her hips. “I love you so much!”

She kissed him again, their bodies hot and wet as they fucked.

Charlie pulled out at the last minute and came all over her thigh.

“Messy boy!” She giggled inbetween passionate kisses.

He rested his forehead against hers.

“You ok?”

“Yeah. You?”

“We made quite a mess!” She giggled.

“So we have.” He kissed her forehead and rested his forehead against hers again.

“Was that wet 'n’ wild enough for you?” She giggled.

“It certainly was.”

“Now we need an actual shower before we go for that beach walk.”

“Yeah we do. I love you.”

“You’re the best husband a woman could wish for.”

“And you’re the best wife in the whole wide world.”

“Do you think you can behave yourself if we shower together or do I need to turf you out the bathroom?” She teased.

“I’ll behave. I promise.”

She giggled as she flicked the shower settings back to standard and stepped into the water stream.

He watched her, God she was beautiful!

She slowly ran her hands over her skin, aware that he was watching her despite her eyes being closed.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered.

There was a ghost of a smile on her lips as she continued to wash herself.

A familiar stirring began inside Charlie.

“I hope you’re not getting cold stood there.”

“No.” He stepped towards her.

She opened her eyes and grinned mischievously as she ran her gaze over him.

“You’re so gorgeous.”

“You enjoying the view?”

“I certainly am.”

She lent back and rinsed the suds from her hair and body before stepping out the shower. “All yours.” She grinned.

He kissed her tenderly.

She eased herself away from his grasp and headed into the bedroom.

He had a quick shower himself.

By the time Charlie reentered the bedroom Duffy was sat cross legged on the bed dressed in a sleeveless top, shorts and sandals.

“Are you waiting for me?” He asked with a laugh as he began to dry himself off.

“Its ok, take your time.”

He got himself dressed, putting on some aftershave.

“Do we need to pack anything to take with us?”

“We can always pack a picnic?”

“Good idea.”

He kissed her cheek before wandering into the kitchen.

Duffy took a steadying breath. Why was she getting so agitated about eating again? She’d been back in treatment for several weeks now but she was afraid to say anything to Charlie, she didn’t want him to worry that it wasn’t working.

Charlie began to make up a picnic for them to take to the beach.

After she’d tried and failed to go through her mental exercises Duffy gave up and headed through to the kitchen to join her husband.

“Everything ok?” He asked.

“Fine thanks.” She smiled.

“You sure?”

“Yeh.”

“Sure?”

“Why do you keep asking so many questions?”

He sighed, “Because I’m worried about you.”

“There’s really nothing to worry about.”

“Ok.”

She lent against the counter waiting for him to finish packing.

He finished packing and looked up to meet her gaze. “Ready?”

“Let’s go.”

He took her hand in his.

Heading out of the cottage they wandered along a country lane towards the beach.

There was a comfortable silence between them both as they walked to the beach.

Duffy squeezed Charlie’s hand as they walked along together. She smiled as the beach began to appear over the horizon in the distance.

“How’s your treatment going?” He asked quietly.

“Fine.” She replied, not turning back towards him.

“You know, whenever you say fine, it usually means it’s anything but fine.”

“Why wouldn’t it be fine?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then stop worrying and let’s enjoy the views.”

“I am.”

“The beach is that way Charlie…” She chuckled, pointing the exact opposite direction to where he was looking.

“I know where the beach is.” He rolled his eyes playfully.

“So why are you looking this way when I suggested we should enjoy the views?”

“I’m looking at you, you told me to enjoy the view.” He smirked.

“I meant a view that you don’t gawp at all day already.”

He pouted. “But you’re beautiful.”

“So you keep telling me.”

“Because I want you to believe it yourself, one day.”

“Hmm.”

They began to walk in the direction of the beach.

“We should come here more often.”

“Yeah we should.”

Reaching the edge of the beach Duffy bent down to remove her sandels, wanting to feel the warm sand between her toes.

“We’re lucky the weather has stayed nice.”

“Yeh, I was worried after the bank holiday weekend was such a wash out.”

“Me too.”

She took his hand and led him down to the water’s edge.

They found some rocks and sat on them.

She dipped her feet in the water, splashing gently, lent back on her hands soaking in the sun.

He watched her.

She opened the eye nearest to him a crack. “Are my freckles showing?” She asked quietly.

“No.” He smiled, “And even if they are, I like them.”

“I just don’t want to burn.”

“No they’re not out yet, your freckles.”

“It’ll be embarrassing enough going to work with a huge hickey on my throat without getting sunburnt too!”

He kissed her neck gently, “Wasn’t my fault.”

“Well I didn’t bite myself Charlie…” She raised her eyebrow at him.

“I just got a little carried away…”

“Mmhmm.” She chuckled.

He kissed her neck several times.

She let out a little moan as he reached her collarbone.

He kissed her again, by her collarbone.

She tilted her head down to capture his lips.

He smiled against her lips.

She let out a contented sigh as she settled into his arms, looking out over the sea.

He kissed the side of her head.

She wasn’t sure how long they’d been sat there just soaking in the peaceful atmosphere when suddenly they were interrupted by a loud rumbling growl from Charlie’s stomach.

“Oops, sorry!”

“You can have something to eat if you want.”

“I don’t want to put pressure on you to eat.” He said gently.

“I don’t have a problem!” She blurted out angrily.

Charlie didn’t say anything. He just looked back at the sea.

Duffy sighed running a hand through her hair.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I just hate that it overshadows everything.”

“It’s a part of you.” He said gently, “You’ve just started treatment… I don’t expect it to just go away.”

“I’m tired of you insisting on using it to define me though.”

“Do you feel I do?”

“I feel like an animal in the zoo whenever I’m anywhere near food.”

Charlie sighed but didn’t answer.

“I know you don’t mean to but you can’t help yourself.”

Charlie remained silent.

“I hate feeling like I need to be watched.” She sighed.

“Just forget I said anything.”

“Charlie… I don’t want to fight…”

“I don’t want to fight either.”

“What did you pack for lunch?” She asked after they were both quiet for several minutes. 

“Ham and cheese sandwiches.”

“With pickle?”

“Of course.”

He opened the bag and took out two tinfoil packets. He handed one to Duffy before unwrapping his own.

She burst out laughing as she opened the package.

“What?”

“Did you forget that you weren’t making a packed lunch for the boys?” She asked, holding up a sandwich had the crusts cut off.

He laughed gently, “I may have temporarily forgotten.”

“They always know when I’ve made their lunches not you.”

“How?”

“I refuse to cut the crusts off.”

“Ah.” He took a bite out of his sandwich.

They ate in silence for a few moments.

“I don’t really know how best to support you. I never really have known.” Charlie admitted quietly.

“And I don’t exactly make it easy for you do I?”

“You do things on your own because that’s the way you’ve always done things.” He paused, “Even though you don’t have to, anymore. I guess it’s hard to break the habit of a lifetime.”

“I try but I don’t want to let you down.”

“You won’t ever let me down.” He reassured.

“I’m trying my best.”

“Why do you think you’ll let me down?”

“If I can’t beat this.”

“Maybe you won’t.” He replied, “But it can live in the background, can’t it? Just there. It doesn’t have to control you.”

“I keep thinking I have it beat but then it comes back…”

“It won’t lie down and admit defeat?”

“Apparently not.” She sighed.

Another comfortable silence lapsed over them as they ate their sandwiches, both of them just watching the sea.

After a few minutes Duffy spotted a seagull eyeing them with great interest. “Blame him for the fact I don’t have any crusts to give you.” She told the bird, pointing her thumb at Charlie.

“Don’t blame me.” Charlie looked at the seagull, “Blame our boys for being awkward.”

“I don’t think you’ve convinced our feathered friend..!” Duffy giggled as the seagull advanced on Charlie.

“Must be a female seagull. Likes my charm!”

“Sounds angry to me.” Duffy chuckled as the seagull began to screech.

“Alright, here!” He chucked a piece of bread at the seagull, “I get enough earache off that one without you starting.” He flashed Duffy a cheeky grin.

“Rude!” Duffy huffed playfully as the seagull flew off with its prize.

He reached over and squeezed her knee.

“Do you think we better move before she brings all her buddies back to steal the rest of our lunch?”

“I don’t think I’ve heard anything better out of your mouth.” He smirked, “Well… One or two things better on second thoughts.” He winked.

“You just can’t help that one track mind of yours can you?”

“Nope.” He shook his head. “You said it yourself, I never got past the horny teenage boy stage.”

“You certainly didn’t and yet you complain about how our older boys behave..!” She teased.

“I don’t complain.” He pouted as he stood up, beginning to pack away their things.

“Hmm…” Duffy giggled.

“Do I complain about the older boys?”

“Peter and Sarah ring any bells?”

He sighed, “I know but I hoped Peter had more sense.”

“Well they do say that the apple doesn’t often fall far from the tree…”

“Sometimes it’s easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment.”

“I know all about what you’re like in the heat of the moment and if I ever forget then I have the section scars to remind me.” She snorted.

“What do you mean, what I’m like? The majority of those times, you wouldn’t let me pull out. I had the nail marks on my arse, back and shoulders to prove it.”

“Alright, alright, we’re both terrible! Happy?” She pouted playfully.

“Yes!” He kissed her lips.

“I’m never going to be allowed to live down that night by the lake am I? Or the night on the roof of the restaurant…” She giggled.

“Nope!” He kissed her nose.

“The twins and Paul would be horrified if they knew..!”

“If they found out where they were conceived?”

“Though to be fair Peter, Emily and Oliver wouldn’t be too impressed with us either..!”

“Imagine sitting down our children.” He paused, “Peter you were conceived at the back of a pub, against the wall. Em, you were probably conceived over my desk at work. Lottie and Tots, you were conceived by the lake in the park. Oli, you were conceived in a plane toilet on the way to Canada and Paul, you were conceived on the roof of a restaurant in town.”

Duffy couldn’t help laughing, her cheeks scarlet.

“I’d say we’re pretty active, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes but I’ve just realised there’s a gap in our repotoire…”

“What’s that?”

She grinned mischievously. “Here.”

“You want to conceive a baby, here on the beach?”

“I’m not sure that’s quite how it works but…” She giggled.

“Would it kill the mood if I said I didn’t want a baby?” He asked as he took her hand in hers and pulled her close.

“I’m fifty three, I’m not sure it’s a major worry anymore.”

“But knowing our luck, it’ll happen.” He chuckled.

“You have no sense of adventure Charlie..!” She teased, tickling him.

He squirmed especially when she hit a ticklish spot. “Duffy!” He giggled.

She continued to tickle him, shifting her legs to pin him between her and the rocks.

He put his hands on her hips and gazed at her. That look in his eye.

“I knew you’d come around to my way of thinking…” She whispered, leaning forwards.

Whenever he looked at Duffy, Charlie just had the look of devotion in his eyes. His love for her was clear to see. He lent forward, capturing her lips with his, tenderly at first.

She let out a contented sigh as he kissed her.

“You’re my entire world.” He whispered against her lips.

Unlike their earlier unbridled passions Charlie’s caresses were almost reverential, like she was a goddess to be worshiped.

“I love you so much.” She whispered.

“Not as much as I love you.” He whispered back. “Can I take you back to the cottage? Make love to you properly?”

“Don’t fancy getting sand in your arse?” She giggled.

“No.” He smiled, “I also just want to take my time with you.”

“Maybe that’s why we’ve never had sex at the beach, that pesky sand gets everywhere!”

“That sand ends up in places you didn’t realise you had.”

Duffy snorted loudly as she stood up and held her hand out to her husband.

He took her hand and they returned to the cottage.

She squeezed his hand as they headed back inside.

As soon as they arrived back at the cottage and Charlie closed the door behind them, he dumped the picnic bag on the floor and picked up Duffy.

She squealed, giggling.

He carried her through to the bedroom and gently laid her on the bed. Leaning over the top of her, he kissed her tenderly.

She stroked his cheek as he pulled back and gazed at her, her hair fanned out across the pillow.

He smiled as he met her gaze, nothing exchanged between them. No words needed to be exchange for them to convey their love for each other.

She smiled, her eyes sparkling.

Charlie could spend hours just getting lost in those beautiful green eyes of hers.

She was utterly contented cuddled in his arms.

Charlie moved to lie beside her and rested his head on her chest.

“I don’t know about you but all that sea air has made me sleepy.” She mumbled.

“Hmm. Me too.”

“We’re getting old…” She giggled softly.

“I agree with that statement. Don’t forget, I’m older than you.”

“Oh believe me I don’t forget that..!” She teased.

“Can still get it up though.” He planted a gentle kiss against her chest.

“That’s coz you stalled in puberty!”

He chuckled. “I’ll be on my death bed and still be trying to cop a feel with a hard on.”

“You’re terrible!” She giggled.

“I wasn’t ever this randy with other women.” He said quietly.

“Really?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“There’s a compliment in there somewhere I think..!”

“There is.” He paused, “Everything’s different with you. It always has been.”

“I know what you mean. I can’t put it into words but it’s always been different when we’re together.” She agreed.

“Yeah.” He kissed her chest again, “Love you.”

She stroked his head as she smothered a yawn.

“Nap?” He asked, his eyes closing.

She tried to ignore the warm sensation building in the pit of her stomach as he snuggled into her chest.

“Or maybe we could do something else to pass the time first?” He moved his head slightly.

“I thought you were too tired..?” Her breath quickened slightly as he nuzzled at her breast.

“Never too tired to make love to you.” He moved and lent up on his hands, over the top of her and gently kissed her.

“Mmm…”

It didn’t take long for Charlie to undress Duffy. Leaving her in her underwear.

It was then that he realised quite how exuberant they’d been since they’d arrived at the cottage.

His fingertips trailed up and down her stomach, under and over her breasts. “I feel we’ve really reconnected this past day or so.”

“I think we let things drift for too long.”

“Its easy to forget about us when we’re dealing with the children.” He licked the skin between her breasts and placed a gentle kiss against the skin.

“You didn’t honestly think I was suggesting that we have another child earlier did you?”

“You weren’t?”

“I haven’t totally taken leave of my senses Charlie!” She giggled.

He laughed gently and caught her eye, “I like babies. But I’m really enjoying the time we’re beginning to get back now they’re getting older.”

“Tilly’s convinced I get some kind of baby itch every five years of so.” Duffy snorted.

“You do.” He laughed softly.

“I blame hormones.” She pouted playfully.

“Least you’re not blaming it on me.” He trailed the kisses up her body.

“Well we do make very cute babies..!” She remarked mischievously.

“We do.” He teased her for ages, leaving plenty of kisses on her skin.

She felt like a puddle of goo, totally relaxed but insanely turned on at the same time.

“You’re horny.” He smirked as he met her gaze.

“Your fault.” She mumbled.

“I know.” He ran his fingers over the top of her knickers.

Her hips bucked involuntarily against his hand.

He removed her knickers, “Babe?”

“Mmm?”

“I remember the first time I ever wanked over you.” He lay beside her, “Ride me baby!” He told her.

“Why don’t you tell me all about it while I do?” She suggested as she slowly moved to straddle him.

“It wasn’t long after we met and started working together.”

“Really?” She let out a little moan as she slid herself down onto him.

As did Charlie feeling her. “Uh huh.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“Well, at first, I was surprised I found you attractive, not because you weren’t attractive but because you weren’t my usual type.” He placed his hands on her hips.

“Not a tall willowy brunette?”

“No, a beautiful redhead that had this temper that made her even more gorgeous.”

“Go on…” She encouraged as she slowly slid herself up and down his cock.

“I couldn’t sleep one night and you popped into my head. Then I started thinking about what was underneath your uniform and…”

“And?” She gasped as he began to stroke her clit as she rode him.

“Well I got hard, obviously. Thought about your figure, how perfect your skin would be. And your breasts. I imagined sucking on your tits and fucking you.”

“I presume you were home alone that night..!” She smirked.

“Yeah I was.”

“She would’ve strung you up by your balls..!” Duffy giggled, reaching down to tickle them.

“Yep, she would’ve done.” He shivered. “As much as I wanted you to be a notch on my bedpost, I kinda didn’t…”

“There’d be nothing left of that bedpost by now..!”

He lent up and captured her lips with his own. “I think you’re right on that.”

“Was that the only time back then that you had a cheeky wank over me?”

He blushed, “No I had several.”

She squeezed her thighs around his waist. “You naughty boy.” She smirked.

“I couldn’t help myself.”

“You should have told me, I would have helped you out.”

“It’s a shame I didn’t realise then how talented your hand is. Your throat’s even better though.”

“You know it.” She grinned as she picked up her pace slightly.

It didn’t take long for them to both hit their peaks.

She lay in his arms panting. “Now I do need a nap!” She giggled.

“Makes both of us.” He threw the duvet over them both.


	22. TW: discussion of illegal drug use

The entire house was asleep, or at least that’s what Louis thought. He crept out of his bedroom, a pile of books in his hands and quietly walked along the hall. Reaching the stairs, he made a mental note of which floor board squeaked and climbed down them. He didn’t want to wake the house up, he’d be too embarrassed if anyone found out what he was doing. He cursed quietly when he ended up standing on the squeaky floorboard and found himself dashing down the stairs.

Lottie rolled over sleepily. “Did you hear a noise?” She mumbled to Tilly.

Tilly nodded, “Probably Em.” She mumbled back.

Louis reached the bottom step and listened out for any noise. Satisfied he hadn’t disturbed anyone, Louis wandered into the kitchen. As he reached the doorway, he dropped a book that hit the floor and echoed around the house.

“For someone so tiny she’s so noisy!” Lottie grumbled, pulling her pillow over her head.

Tilly sat up, “Lottie? What if we’re getting burgled?”

“Someone else can deal with it.” Lottie shrugged.

“Shall we call mum?”

“She’s just finished a run of eighteen hour shifts - she won’t thank you..!”

“Dad then?”

“I thought he was working..?” Lottie yawned.

“Shit! I’m getting mum! I’m scared!” Tilly got out of bed and quietly moved to the door.

“Wussbag!” Lottie teased.

“Shut up!” Tilly frowned and went out of her bedroom. As she reached the door of her parents room, she heard another thud from downstairs and pushed open the door. “Mum?”

“Mmm?” Duffy yawned.

“I can hear noises downstairs and I’m scared.”

“What?!” That got Duffy’s attention.

“Noises downstairs. Like banging.”

“OK. You go back to bed and I’ll go take a look. It’s probably nothing.”

“I’ll come with you?” Tilly swallowed nervously.

“There’s no need.” Duffy reassured her daughter as she reached for her dressing gown.

Tilly nodded and kissed her mum’s cheek before going back to her room.

Duffy crept down the stairs slowly. The light was on in the kitchen so she grabbed a shoe which she held aloft as she burst into the kitchen.

Louis jumped off his chair, “Bloody hell!!”

Duffy let out a startled squeal, not expecting to find her stepson in the kitchen.

They both just stared at each other for a minute before Louis moved to try and hide the things on the table. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t, Tilly did.” Duffy attempted to get her heart to stop hammering.

“Sorry.” He smiled sadly, “I know you’ve been working eighteen hour shifts so I didn’t want to disturb you.” He managed to close the notebook.

“She thought we were being burgled.” Duffy smiled. “What are you doing?”

“Oh… Erm, nothing.” He looked down at the floor, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

Duffy stooped to pick up a book that still lay on the floor. “Looks like you dropped part of your nothing…” She remarked, handing it back to him.

He looked up and took the book. “You won’t laugh if I tell you, will you?”

“Of course not.”

“I’ve been studying for my exams.”

“Why would I laugh at that? That’s a good thing.”

“Because I know people don’t think I can do it.” He admitted sadly, “But I want to go to college.”

“And you will.”

He smiled. “Sorry about waking you up. I find it easier to study down here.”

“That’s OK. I’ll leave you to it.”

“Goodnight Duffy, love you, sorry once again for waking you.”

She squeezed his shoulder and placed a soft kiss on his hair. “Don’t stay up too late. You’ve got lessons tomorrow.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

She bid him goodnight before heading back to bed, stopping on the way to reassure Tilly that they weren’t in fact being burgled.

“Who was it?” Tilly asked as she lay on her side in bed facing the door. “I can sleep now, mama?”

“It was just your brother getting a drink. He dropped a cup.” Duffy explained. “Yes, you’ve got school in the morning missy!”

“Love you mama.”

“Love you too.”

It didn’t take Tilly long to fall back to sleep. As promised, Louis spent an hour downstairs studying before going to bed.

The next morning Duffy pulled Louis aside once the other children were at school.

He was just getting ready to go out. He was still anxious about taking trips on his own in case he bumped into his old friends and wasn’t strong enough to resist the temptation. “Yes Duffy?” He asked.

“After last night I was wondering if you’d like me and your dad to look into increasing your lesson contact hours?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “You and dad would do that for me?”

“Of course. You’ve shown that you’re taking it seriously and committing to it.”

“I’d really love that, thank you.” Then he paused, “That would mean more time at school though, right?”

“It would. But it would be like now - you’d still be with the teacher one to one.”

He nodded, “Ok.”

“You’re worried about spending more time at school?”

He nodded, “A little bit.”

“Is there a particular reason for that?” She asked gently.

“I worry I might be tempted.”

“Would it help if me or your dad drove you to school and picked you up after?”

He shook his head. “I need to face it. I can’t avoid it for the rest of my life.

“If you’re sure..?”

Louis nodded. “I don’t want to ever use drugs again. But it isn’t always easy to avoid temptation.”

“It’ll always be there but you have us to help you.”

“I’m grateful for that.” He smiled.

“Its what families are for.” Duffy smiled.

He smiled. “How are things with you?”

“I’m ok.” Duffy smiled.

“Good.”

“Did you want a packed lunch or would you rather eat in the school canteen?”

“I’ll eat in the canteen today, if that’s ok?”

“Saves me a job.” She smiled.

Louis opened his bag to stick in his textbooks, a comfortable silence between him and Duffy.

Duffy finished clearing up from breakfast. “What lessons do you have today?”

“Double English and Maths and Biology and IT.”

“Sounds like a busy day.”

“Yeah it is.” He smiled.

“How do you feel you’re getting on with it all?”

“Some of it is ok, some of it I’m finding difficult.” He admitted.

“Which subjects?”

“Physics I’m finding difficult and sometimes English.”

“It might be worth chatting to Peter about physics.” She mused.

“Peter’s good at physics?”

“I know he’s good at chemistry and I’m pretty sure he’s good at physics too.”

“I’ll ask him. Thank you.”

“That’s OK. We may need to look into a tutor to help with the English.”

“It’s not always but sometimes I find it difficult to follow what’s going on.” He sighed, “I think that’s me though.”

“I would suggest you could work with Emily’s tutor but I’m not sure how she’d feel about that.”

“Would it be OK if I asked Em?”

“I have no issue with you asking her.”

“I will after school. If she says no, that’s fine. I’m sure I’ll manage.”

“OK.”

“Thank you for the idea though.” He kissed her cheek before zipping up his bag. “I suppose I better get a move on.”

“Yes, don’t want you being late!” She smiled.

“No, it wouldn’t look good.”

“Both me and your Dad are so proud of how much progress you’ve made these last couple of months.” She smiled.

Louis blushed, “I’m really trying.”

“You are and that’s wonderful.” She smiled. “Now off to school with you!” She chuckled.

He smiled, “Yes Duffy.”

Duffy smiled as she watched Louis head out the house. She was thrilled that he seemed to be making such good progress.

Louis was desperately trying to be better. He was still awaiting an appointment with the mental health team. He hoped it would come soon because every now and then, he’d get some really horrible thoughts.

Arriving at school he was greeted by his English teacher.

“Hi,” He smiled.

“Good morning Louis. Did you manage to read the pages of the text that I asked you to?”

“Yes Miss, I did. I quite enjoyed the text.”

“That’s good. We’re going to work through some exam style questions on that section of the text today.”

“I’ve been practising.”

“That’s good. As you know you’ll be given an option of three questions in the exam.” She passed him a previous exam paper.

He took the exam paper and opened it up.

“Pick which question you want to attempt and then we’ll discuss it.”

Louis listened to the teacher’s instructions and began to read the question. He circled key words to help him.

He looked up briefly as his teacher sat down at her desk. She smiled before starting to work through marking some homework from one of her classes in the lower years.

Louis looked down at his paper and re-read the question: “What is the importance of Cathy in the play DNA and how does Kelly present her.” He smiled, he loved that play! He began to write his answer.

By the time his teacher told him it was time to stop he’d written two sides of A4.

He placed his pen down. He felt oddly positive about the experience! It wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.

“You’re smiling.” His teacher remarked.

“I am?” He blushed.

“Yes. I’m presuming you were happy with that exam question?”

“It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be.”

“That’s good. Exams shouldn’t be scary.”

“I’d really like to go to college Miss, so I know I need to pass my exams.”

“Well you’re making good progress towards that goal.” She picked up his paper. “Let’s have a look through your answer now shall we?”

He nodded, “I like the play. I think it helped me answer the question.”

“That does help but you need to put the same level of effort in on things you don’t like too.” She reminded him gently but firmly.

“I know Miss.”

“Because often you don’t.” She finished reading his answer. “This is excellent. I just need all your exam answers to be this good.”

“I’m really trying Miss.”

“I know you are. Have you considered the idea of speaking to your parents about extra help outside of school?”

“Do you feel it’s necessary?”

“It might give you that extra push. As there’s only so much we can do in the time you have at school with you only being part time.”

“I’ve spoken with my parents about increasing my hours at school.”

“That will certainly help.” She smiled.

A comfortable silence descended on them for a few moments. “What grade would I have achieved with that answer?” Louis asked.

“A high C, maybe even a low B.”

He nodded. “And how and where can I improve to get a higher grade?”

“Well your predicted grade is a C so this essay is above that.”

He nodded again, “Can I keep the essay?”

“Of course you can.”

He took the essay back and put it in his file. “Thanks.”

“Your analysis of each quote is very detailed. Keep it up.” She smiled.

“Yes Miss.”

“I’d like you to work through the other two questions at home before our next lesson.”

“I will do.” He was about to say something else when the bell rang to signal the end of the lesson.

His teacher smiled as she dismissed him.

He packed away his stuff and said bye. He made his way to his next lesson, keeping his head down. He kept himself to himself at school these days.

As a result he almost jumped out his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He swallowed, his heart racing as he turned around.

“No need to shit your pants bro!” Tilly giggled.

“Bloody hell Tilly! Please don’t do that again!” He took a deep breath trying to steady his breathing. “You alright, sis?”

“Yeh, not bad.” She shrugged. “Got PE next though. You any good at dad’s signature?”

“PE ain’t that bad. And no. Can’t you say you’re on your period or something?”

“Used that excuse last week.” She sulked. “How about mum’s signature?”

“Do you have your PE kit? I could keep it? They can’t make you do PE with no kit.” He smiled, “Or you could just skive?”

She dug into her bag and chucked her kit at him. “You’re the best bro!” She grinned.

“You’ll get me shot, you know that?” He put her PE kit into his bag.

“Yeh but I’m your favourite sister so I’m worth it!” She smirked.

“Maybe.” He smirked.

“Well I better go face Madam Hitler’s wrath for not having my kit..!” She sniggered.

“Enjoy Tils. See you at home?”

“Yeh, laters.”

“Love you sis.” He said quietly as he watched her head off down the corridor towards the gymnasium. He began to make his way towards his Maths classroom.

His maths teacher looked up as Louis walked in. “You’re late.”

“Sorry Sir. It won’t happen again.” Louis took a seat, opening his bag and taking out his pen and notebook.

“You’re right it won’t.”

Louis sighed. He began to chew the end of his pen.

“Do you have your trigonometry homework?”

“Yes.” Louis opened his notebook and took out his homework. He handed it to his teacher.

“Did you scribble this whilst eating your breakfast with the other hand?”

“No. I tried really hard on it but I didn’t quite understand it. I did my best.”

“Right. Let’s go over it again shall we?”

“Please.”

The teacher took out a marker pen and started to write on the board, explaining as he went.

Louis began to take notes.

Once he’d reached the end of the explanation the teacher turned back to Louis. “Is that any clearer now?”

Louis nodded as he looked up from his notebook, “Much clearer, thank you Sir.”

He pulled down a textbook from the shelf. He opened it to a particular page and placed it down in front of Louis. “Now try these questions.”

Louis moved the textbook closer and read the questions. He took his time, referring back to his notes but he felt more confident now it had been explained again to him.

Whilst Louis worked through the questions his teacher found some further questions for him to work on at home before their next lesson.

Louis put his hand up.

“Yes?”

“I’ve finished the questions, Sir.”

“Let’s have a look?” He held his hand out for the notebook.

Louis handed him the notebook.

He glanced down the page. “Good. That looks a lot more coherent.”

“Can I re-attempt the homework?“

"Yes. Plus these questions.” He handed Louis a sheet.

Louis took the sheet and put it in his notebook. “Sir?“

"Yes Louis?”

“Could I do a past paper one lesson? Just so I have a rough idea of what to expect during the exam?”

“Yes. This is the last topic area we need to cover so we’ll move onto exam prep next.”

“Ok. Thank you.”

“But in the mean time work through the two sets of questions I’ve given you plus the end of book questions in the textbook.”

“Can I take the textbook home?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.” He had a while left of his lesson so Louis made a start on his homework, doing one of the sheets of questions.

After he’d finished his maths lesson it was lunchtime - time to brave the school canteen…

His anxiety was practically through the roof. He packed up and left the classroom, heading in the direction of the canteen. He felt like he couldn’t breath.

Up until today he’d always eaten a packed lunch in a classroom to avoid having to be amongst so many other people in the canteen.

He reached the canteen but was unable to go in.

After a few moments of hesitation he felt a firm shove in his back as another pupil tried to barge past him.

Louis stepped aside so the other student could go into the canteen. He needed some air! Things were getting too overwhelming!

He accidentally bumped another student as he stepped back. The lad turned and pushed Louis hard in the chest.

“I didn’t mean to bump into you!” Louis apologised.

“You’re Emmy’s brother ain’t ya?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Do all of you have shit for brains in your family or is it just you two?” The lad asked, eliciting laughter from his friends.

Louis slammed the lad into the wall, “Leave my sister alone!”

“Ooh! What ya gunna do?!” The lad sneered, laughing mockingly.

“You’ll be laughing on the other side of your face when I’m finished with you!“

"You’re just druggy scum! I ain’t scared of you!”

“And you’re just a pathetic lad that gets his kicks out of bullying kids! We’re both scum!” Louis answered back, still pinning the lad against the wall.

The lad kicked Louis in the shins.

Louis laughed, “Is that all you’ve got?”

The lad gave a wink and Louis suddenly found himself being set on by the other three lads.

Louis’ survival instinct kicked in. He tried to stop himself getting seriously hurt by the four lads. Louis could fight when he needed to but he’d never been so outnumbered.

Some other students witnessed the fight and began to chant “fight, fight, fight.”

This caught the attention of a teacher in a nearby classroom who came running out into the corridor.

Several more teachers managed to break up the fight. Louis was bleeding. He had a nosebleed and a bust lip, he’d also been kicked in the ribs and stomach a few times.

“Urgh don’t touch him sir!” One of the lads in the crowd remarked loudly. “He’s probably got aids or sommat!”

“Enough! Get to the cooler now!” The teacher yelled, trying to disperse the gathering crowd. “The rest of you, get back to lunch!”

“I’m fucking clean!” Louis yelled as he stumbled to his feet, “Fuck off, prick!”

“Who you calling a prick?”

“You!” Louis stumbled into the wall, he really didn’t feel well.

“Woah, let’s get you to first aid.” One of the teachers instructed Louis as she took hold of his arm.

“Get off me!” Louis moved his arm away from her. He tried to stumble away but only made it a few steps before he collapsed.

The teacher checked his pulse before she called for assistance.

His eyes had rolled back and he was making choking noises.

The teacher put him onto his side, “It’s ok Louis.” She reassured. 

They closed off the corridor and the school nurse came down to examine him. She quickly decided that he needed to go to hospital.

It was on the way to the hospital when Louis began to come round. He was really disoriented.

The school had informed the paramedics that there had been a fight but also insinuated that Louis may have taken something.

Louis was clean. He hadn’t touched anything. “Need to go home.” He said as he tried to get up off the stretcher.

“Nah, you need to go to hospital mate.” The young paramedic told him.

“Home! Need to go home!”

“Not til you’ve been seen by a doctor. That’s a nasty bang to the head and the teacher said you was tripping.”

“Tripping?” Louis frowned.

“Yeh, it’ll help if you tell us what it was you took, save ‘em time at the hospital.”

“I haven’t fucking took anything!!” Louis replied angrily.

“Yeh I believe you mate.” The paramedic winked at him.

“I’m clean.” Louis said sadly and sighed, “I was an addict but I’ve been clean for months.” They soon arrived at the hospital, Louis didn’t want to be there. He knew nobody would believe that he hadn’t touched anything. He was wheeled in on the bed by the paramedics. He didn’t recognise the doctor who came to treat him which only increased his anxiety. “Who are you?” He asked.

“I’m Doctor Peters, I’m a locum here today. What’s your name?”

“Is there nobody else I can see?” He asked, fiddling with his hands nervously. “Louis.”

The doctor proceeded to order a barrage of tests, most of it going over Louis’ head until he heard a familar voice suddenly demand to know what the hell was going on and asking why they hadn’t been informed immediately.

“Duffy? Dad?” Louis called from inside the cubicle. He tried getting off the bed.

“Woah! Lie still.” Duffy told him gently. “Its ok, your dad will be here in a minute, I’ve sent someone to get him.” She turned to the locum. “I asked what’s going on?!” She repeated.

“Don’t feel well…” Louis told her. 

“I wasn’t aware this was your son and as he’s over the age of sixteen, I’m not obliged to inform the parents.” The doctor replied, “I’m running a series of tests including blood tests to see if that gives us any indication of what he took. The paramedics said the school are convinced he’s taken something. He also needs a head CT.”

“Louis what happened?” Duffy asked gently.

“Some lad started on me. Then he got his friends involved.” Louis sat up quickly, “Couldn’t go to the canteen!”

“Its ok lie down.” She turned back to the locum. “What makes you suspect intoxication? He’s as lucid as I’d expect for someone who has sustained a substantial head injury.”

“The school said he was tripping. I need to rule out drug use.” 

“I wasn’t!” Louis protested and sat up again. He was becoming more and more agitated. “I’m not scum ok!”

“Louis you need to lie still sweetheart.” Duffy attempted to soothe him as Charlie entered the cubicle.

“Don’t want to be here.” Louis mumbled. He lay down and closed his eyes.

“There was a fight at school.” Duffy explained sadly to her husband.

“He’s been fighting?”

“Sounds like he was set on by several lads.” She sighed.

“What? Why?”

She shrugged. “The school say he took something but I’m not convinced.”

“He hasn’t?”

“No!” Louis replied from the bed, “I’m clean! I’m clean, I promise!”

“We were talking this morning about how well he’s doing, about increasing his school hours and maybe getting a tutor. Why would he jepodise that now? It makes no sense!” Duffy argued.

“He’s a recovering addict, there’s bound to be relapses.” Charlie whispered back.

“Well I believe he’s telling the truth, even if the rest of you don’t!” She stepped back across to Louis, taking hold of his hand in hers.

“You believe me?” Louis looked up at Duffy. “I promise I haven’t touched anything.”

“I know it’s like to be judged on your past.”

“He… Shoved me. I wasn’t going to hurt him but—" Louis sighed.

“But what? Did he say something?” Duffy probed gently.

“Said Em had shit for brains and I pinned him against the wall.”

Charlie stepped closer to Louis. He was torn. He desperately wanted to believe his son.

“Was Emmy there when this happened?” Duffy asked sadly.

“No.” Louis shook his head. “No one talks about my sisters like that!” He began to cough up blood and groaned.

“OK, you’re OK.” She squeezed his hand again.

“Couldn’t go into the canteen.” Louis mumbled, repeating himself. 

“Don’t worry about that now.”

“Too many people. I don’t like it.” Louis paused for a second, “Gonna be sick…” He declared as he sat up quickly, searching for a sick bowl.

Duffy grabbed a bowl and held it for him, rubbing his back soothingly. “He needs a CT now!” She was beginning to get frustrated with the locum.

Louis threw up into the sick bowl, it had traces of blood in it. 

“I’ll go and order the CT.”

“Thank you.” Duffy muttered sarcastically.

The doctor went to order the CT scan. Charlie stroked Louis’ head, “It’s ok son.”

“How could the school let this happen?” Duffy sighed.

“I don’t know. I knew it was going to be tough going back to school but I didn’t think they’d let him get battered like this.” Charlie said gently.

“Do we pull him out? What about the girls?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we can look at a new school for the girls? Ask for their opinions?”

“Yeh. Good idea. If a bunch of fourteen, fifteen year olds can do this to him…” She sighed.

“The girl’s might be ok. But I don’t want to take any chances.” Charlie sighed.

“It sounds like they were in Emmy’s year.”

“We’ll talk to the girls? I’m happy to pull them all out so this doesn’t happen again.” 

Louis began to lose consciousness. His eyes rolled in the back of his head and he began to fit again.

“This has to be a serious head injury.” Duffy remarked sadly as she and Charlie moved Louis gently onto his side.

“You’re ok, son.” Charlie reassured Louis as they held him as he fitted.

“You do believe him don’t you?”

Charlie hesitated, “I want to believe him but I’m scared of believing him. In case he’s lying.”

“Do you think the same of me when I’m ill?” She whispered.

He didn’t answer for a minute, “I worry one day you’ll go too far and I won’t know how serious it is and you might die.”

She sighed sadly.

“I promised Em, I’d get you better for them.” He said quietly. “For the children. I promised and I can’t break that promise. I’ve already broken enough.”

“Oh Charlie..! That’s not your promise to make.”

Charlie shrugged. Louis’ fit began to subside.

“That’s it, you’re OK Louis.” Duffy soothed.

“I believe he’s clean.” Charlie said quietly.

“You need to tell him that.” Duffy replied softly.

Charlie kissed Louis’ forehead.

Once he’d stabilised Louis was taken for a CT. Charlie and Duffy sat anxiously waiting in their office for news.

Duffy reached over and took hold of Charlie’s hand as her husband called the doctor in.

“We’ve got the results back from Louis’ CT. He’s got a subdural haematoma.”

“And his tox screen results?” Duffy asked.

“Nothing except traces of methadone.”

Any smugness Duffy might have felt at being right all along was overridden by the seriousness of her stepson’s condition.

“We’re going to have to operate to remove the blood clot.” The doctor explained.

“What’s the wait time for a theatre?”

“There’s a space in theatre for him. The surgeon is just finishing off a trauma case in theatre three.”

“Can we see him before he goes to theatre?” Charlie asked.

“Of course you can. He’s currently in resus.”

“Do you want me to stay here whilst you go?” Duffy asked. “I can call the kids and my mum. We should let them know what’s going on.”

“I don’t mind. Whatever you think is best.” Charlie kissed her cheek before he got up and went to see Louis.

“I think you need some time alone.” She smiled softly. She picked up her phone. There was a message from Emily.

There was also a missed call. The text read: ‘Heard Louis’ been hurt??? Is he ok? Xx’ 

'He’s here. Are you free for me to call? Xx’ Duffy replied back.

There was no reply. Emily, along with her sisters had left school and made their way to the hospital. They were stood at the reception desk in their uniforms.

Duffy looked up as there was another knock on the office door. “Come in!” She called out.

“Hi Duffy, sorry to interrupt but it appears you have some visitors in reception.” Noel told her with a small smile.

“Is there three of them?” She chuckled.

“Yes. Shall I bring them here?”

“Yes, send my daughters in.” She smiled.

Noel nodded and closed the door again. 

A few minutes later, the door opened and all three girls ran into the room and hugged their mum tightly. “Is Louis ok?” Tilly asked sadly.

“Sit down girls.” Duffy told them softly.

All three of them looked terrified as they sat down in front of their mum.

“Your brother was assaulted at school by a group of boys. He’s hurt his head pretty badly so is about to have an operation to make that better. Your dad’s with him.”

They nodded. Tilly swallowed, “He was acting weird, I saw him just before second lesson.”

“Weird how?” Duffy asked.

“Jumpy. On edge, that kinda thing.” Tilly shrugged, “He shit himself when I put my hand on his shoulder from behind. Think it’s anxiety or something.”

“Seems he had every reason to be anxious.” Duffy sighed sadly.

Emily and Lottie were really quiet. Tilly sighed, “Some people just won’t let things go.”

“No.” Duffy hesitated slightly. “Have any of you had threats or problems from other kids at school?”

All three of them shrugged. Emily answered, “I’ve been teased a few times but nothing out of the ordinary.” 

“No mum.” The twins replied in unison.

“OK. You need to tell me or your dad immediately if that changes.”

“We will mum.” Emily smiled sadly and rubbed the back of her neck.

“Its going to be OK.” Duffy reassured the girls.

The girls stared at their mum and nodded. They desperately wanted to believe her.

“I need call your gran and older brothers.”

“Anything I can do mama?” Emily asked.

“Do you know the boys that did this? Louis said they mentioned you.”

Emily shook her head, “They mentioned me? Why? What did they say?“

"Just that they knew that he was your brother. We presumed that they’re probably in your year so you’d know who they were.”

“Did… Did they say something bad about me?”

“Just that he was your brother.” Duffy replied, flicking through her phone to bring up her mother’s number.

“Mama, that’s not true. What did they say about me? Why did Louis get hurt?”

“Just that they recognised him as your brother and decided to start on him.” Duffy replied before holding up her hand and turning her attention to her phone.

Emily sighed. She got up and went to leave the office.

“Where you going Emmy?” Lottie asked as their mum spoke to their gran.

“For a walk.”

“Can we come too?” Tilly piped up.

“Stay with mum. I won’t be long.” Emily forced a smile.

The twins grumbled but let her go.

Emily walked around the hospital, she was upset, confused and angry.

“Are you lost? You’re not supposed to be back here.” Fletch called out as he spotted Emily by the staff area.

“No.” She sighed, “Do you know where resus is?”

“Its down that way.” He pointed in the opposite direction to where she’d been headed. “You’re a Fairhead aren’t you?” He smiled.

She smiled, “Is it that obvious?”

“Well you are pretty much the spit of your mum.” He grinned.

Emily blushed, “Well if you think I’m the spit of mum, wait until you meet Tilly, she’s got mum’s attitude too.”

“Oh heck, is she running round the department today too?” He laughed.

“She’s in our parents office with Lottie.” Emily smiled, “Thanks for telling me where resus is. I best get on.” She turned to walk to resus, trying to find Louis.

“You can’t just go there on your own. Don’t matter who your parents are.”

“Dad’s there with Louis. I want to see him before he goes for surgery.”

“I’ll take you there then.”

Emily nodded, “Thank you.”

Fletch led her to the doors to resus before poking his head inside. “Charlie mate, I’ve got one of your kids here looking for you.”

“Can she come in?” Charlie asked, sensing he knew which daughter it was.

“She’s your kid, mate, it’s up to you.” Fletch replied.

“Yeah. Bring her in.”

Fletch pushed the door open further allowing Emily to enter.

“Come here Princess.” Charlie held his hand out for Emmy.

Emily moved closer, letting out a little gasp as she saw Louis.

Charlie wrapped his arms around Emily, “You shouldn’t be here Princess. We don’t want it to upset you.” Charlie said quietly.

“Its my fault isn’t it?” She whispered sadly.

“What makes you say that, Emmy?” He asked, full of concern.

“Mum said the boys who hurt Louis knew me.”

“It doesn’t mean it’s your fault, Em. This isn’t your fault. The only person at fault is the horrible boys that did this.” He reassured.

“He’ll be OK though?”

“I don’t know the answer to that sweetheart.” He paused, “Do you have any idea who it could be that hurt your brother?”

Emily rubbed her stomach and shook her head.

“Emily…” He pressed gently.

She shook her head frantically, “No.” She protested, still rubbing her stomach.

“Has something happened with these boys before?”

“I… I should go. Mum’ll be getting worried about me.” She mumbled.

“Emily… Please talk to me. Have these boys caused you problems before?”

“Yes.” She looked down at the floor before she moved to the other side and took Louis’ hand.

“What have they been doing?”

“Just teenage stuff.”

“Have they been acting inappropriately towards you?”

“Define inappropriate?”

“I was a teenage boy once, I think we both know what I mean.”

“Sexual harassment, that kind of thing?”

Charlie nodded. “I don’t know how much you’ve told your classmates…”

She paused, “I’m a retarded dyke with shit for brains.” She replied, “They keep trying to covert me into a ‘proper’ woman.”

“They said that?!” Charlie gasped, his fist clenching.

“You know it doesn’t bother me, right?”

“It bothers me, no-one talks to my little girl like that!”

“It’s an opinion. It’s not the truth.” Emily smiled, “I don’t lose any sleep over them. They stopped with the hair pulling; the groping and everything else a while ago when I threatened to chop off their little dicks.”

“They touched you..?” Charlie echoed, his heart racing at the thought of history repeating and how it would break his wife if she ever found out.

“Once. On the arse. Believe me, they never did it again.” Emily met her dad’s eye, “That day I came home with bust knuckles..?”

“That you said you got tripping over in the playground?”

“I got from punching the ring leader in the nose and his jack ass friend in the jaw.” Emily shrugged, “They’ve never done anything since.”

“Emily!” Charlie gasped.

“What?”

“Don’t tell your mother you got into a fight.”

“Why not?”

“She’ll want to know why.” He sighed.

“Mama doesn’t need to know why.”

“No she doesn’t.” Charlie agreed.

She kissed Louis’ forehead, “I should go back…”

“OK. Tell your mum I’ll be back when Louis has gone up to theatre.”

“I will.” Emily wandered out rubbing her stomach. She didn’t feel any better for telling her father, she just felt sick.

She wandered aimlessly back towards reception.

“There you are!” Duffy sighed.

Emily was a bit pale. She looked up at her mum and smiled sadly, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Are you OK princess?”

“Uh huh.”

“You should wait with your sisters in the office. Your gran will be here soon.”

“I…” Emily stopped, taking a deep breath.

“Princess?” Duffy prompted, tilting her daughter’s chin up.

As Emily looked at her mum with piercing green eyes, the tears in her eyes became evident.

“Oh princess what happened?”

Emily shook her head, “I need to get away from here.”

“Your gran will be here soon sweetheart.”

“On my own.”

“Do you want me to call Beth?” Duffy suggested.

“No. I want to be on my own.”

“You’re fourteen Emily…”

“Fine. Fancy coming with me?”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Far away?” Emily sighed, “The steps outside? I don’t know. Just away from here.”

“OK.” Duffy smiled and turned to catch Noel’s attention. “I just need to step outside.”

“I’ll come and grab you if you’re needed.” Noel replied.

“Thanks Noel.” Duffy smiled and placed her arm around Emily’s shoulders. “Right, come on you.” She gently guided the teenager outside. 

Emily wiped the tear from her cheek.

“Do you want a drink?” Duffy asked, nodding towards the coffee van.

“No thanks.” Emily whispered, her voice breaking.

Guiding her eldest daughter to a nearby bench Duffy pulled Emily into a hug.

“I’ve lied to you mama and I’m sorry,” Emily began to cry.

Duffy just rubbed Emily’s back and let her get out the emotions she’d been bottling up.

“I know who hurt Louis.”

“Who was it?”

“Joshua Adams, Jack Reilly, William Scott and Declan Wright. They’re the same four that…. have been….” Emily trailed off.

“Have been what..?”

“Saying and…” Emily shook her head, “I promised dad I wouldn’t tell you.”

Duffy rolled her eyes. “I don’t need protecting.” She sighed. “I’m your mum. You can tell me anything.”

“And watch you relapse again because you blame yourself?” Emily replied, “I ain’t gonna do that mum.”

“What are you talking about? What’s happened?”

“Do you remember a few weeks ago when I said I fell over in the playground and my knuckles were busted?”

“Yes.”

“I lied.”

“What really happened?”

“Joshua and Declan groped me. I punched Joshua in the nose and Declan in the jaw. They haven’t touched me since.”

“That’s it! I’m taking all four of you out of that school right away!”

Emily sighed, “I’m sorry I lied.”

“Its not your fault.”

“You’ve got to promise me mum, you won’t relapse over this?”

“Oh princess…”

“Please mum! Please!” Emily begged, “I don’t like it when you’re sick.”

Duffy ran her hand over Emily’s hair.

Emily sobbed against her mum’s chest, “They call me names but it doesn’t bother me.”

“Words hurt Emily.” Duffy sighed.

Emily looked up at her mum, “It’s their opinion. It’s not fact. I love myself enough to know I’m not the things they say I am.”

Duffy marvelled at her daughter’s self assuredness.

Despite the tears, Emily’s eyes twinkled.

“You really are something.” Duffy smiled.

“I’m happy in my own skin Mama. I love myself for who I am. Nobody will change that.”

“I’m so pleased to hear you say that.”

“Mama?”

“Yes princess?”

“I love you mama.” Emily smiled and kissed her cheek. “I met one of your colleagues earlier.”

“Oh? Who was that?”

“No idea. He said I was the spitting image of you.” Emily giggled, “I said wait until he meets Tilly. She’s got your looks and attitude.” She sighed, “I went to see Louis.”

“Well, I’ll have to find out who that was.” Duffy smiled. “How is he?”

“Asleep.” Emily wiped her tears from her cheek and cuddled her mum. “Mama?”

“Yes?” Duffy snuggled her closer.

“Someone at school said he’d taken something but he hasn’t. It’s a lie.”

“I know it’s a lie.”

“I didn’t doubt him.” Emily insisted. 

“Neither did I.”

“He’s changed.” Emily whispered.

“He has.”

“He’s…”

Duffy waited patiently for Emily to gather her thoughts.

“He’s more protective over us than ever.”

“He wants to earn back your love and respect.”

“He has.”

“You might want to tell him that when he wakes up. It’s all he wants to hear.”

“I will.” Emily smiled, “He’s been doing secret study sessions.”

“I know, I caught him in the middle of the night. Tilly thought we were being burgled!”

“He’s doing really well mama. I believe he can do this.”

“He can. I just hope this doesn’t set him back too much.” Duffy sighed.

“It will mama but…” Emily paused, “I think he’s got anxiety.”

“I think you might be right. I just wish they’d hurry up with his assessment meeting.” Duffy sighed.

“Hmm.” Emily sighed. She was good at observing people and picking up little signs that others wouldn’t necessarily notice.

“Then we could set the wheels in motion and get him the help he needs.”

“Yeah.” Emily paused, “Should we go back inside?”

“If you’re ready..?”

Emily nodded, “I told dad what they called me and did to me.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“They call me a retarded dyke with shit for brains.” Emily laughed, “They’re just jealous I get more pussy than they do.”

“Emily!” Duffy gasped, unsure whether to be horrified or amused by her daughter’s words.

Emily giggled softly. “They don’t bother me mama. I’m happy with who I am, that’s all that’s matters.”

“It is. You’ve come a long way in these last few months. I’m so proud of you.”

“Love you mama.”

“I love you too Emily.”

They went back inside the department to the office.

Charlie and Kate had joined the twins in the office whilst Duffy and Emily had been outside.

“Come on girls, I’d better take you home.” Kate said as Emily and Duffy made an appearance.

“Where are the boys?” Duffy asked, meaning Oliver and Paul.

“They’ve gone to their friends house for tea.” Kate explained, “Samuel and Joshua Rowland?”

“Ah right, their mum is a friend.” Duffy smiled, relieved.

Kate nodded, “How’s Louis?”

“He’s gone up to theatre.” Charlie explained. “It could be quite some time before we hear anything more.”

Kate nodded, a silence descending over the room.

Once Kate had left with the girls Duffy let out a sigh.

“You ok, babe?” Charlie asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

“You told Emily to lie to me.” Duffy whispered.

Charlie sighed, “I didn’t. I told her not to tell you what she’d told me because I know it would destroy you.”

“I told you - history always repeats itself.” She sighed.

“Em told you then?”

“Yes. Eventually. She also gave me the names of the boys who assaulted her brother.”

“I want to pull them out of school.”

“So do I. This can’t continue. But where do we send them?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do we look at other schools to send them to instead?”

“Yeah.”

“How was Louis when you left him?”

“Asleep. Stable for now.”

“Hopefully the operation will be a success.”

“Hopefully.” Charlie sighed.

“Things were going so well.” She sighed.

“I got his report through the other day.” Charlie said.

“Oh?”

“He managed to claw back his grades from F’s and U’s to B’s and C’s.”

“That’s amazing!” She beamed.

“It really is, isn’t it?” He replied with a grin.

“Except now thanks to a bunch of mindless thugs he could be brain damaged for life.” She sighed.

“He’s a fighter.”

“He is.”

He kissed her cheek. “We’ll be ok.”

“Those boys must be held accountable.”

“I agree.”

“Emily’s reaction amazed me. I wish I’d had half her strength at her age.”

“We’ve brought her up to be fiercely independent and happy in her skin.”

“I’m glad.”

“All our children are strong and independent.”

She nodded, snuggling closer into his embrace.

“They get that from their mum.” He whispered.

“Emily said she bumped into one of our colleagues who instantly recognised her coz she’s the spit of me apparently.” Duffy chuckled lightly.

“It was Fletch.” Charlie laughed, “He’s not wrong.”

Duffy blushed. “Emily told him to wait til he meets Tilly.”

“Now Tilly and Lottie have your looks too but Tilly is a proper spit of you. She has your sarcasm for starters.”

“I resent that insinuation!” Duffy replied, pretending to be offended.

“But she does.” He chuckled.

“I swear I wasn’t that tackless…”

“I don’t think you were.” He agreed.

“I know I didn’t always think before I spoke…”

“A bit like Tilly?”

Duffy harumphed as she realised she’d walked herself straight into that one!

He laughed and kissed her ear. “The girls inherited your beautiful looks! They’re going to be heartbreakers when they’re older.”

“According to Lottie, Tilly already is!”

“A heartbreaker?”

“She has a string of boys following her around but she just likes to torment them to see how far they’ll go to impress her!”

Charlie began to laugh and then went silent. “She’s too young for boys to be noticing her.”

“Ooh, daddy bear is cross!” Duffy teased.

“Maybe just a bit.” He pouted.

“This side of you is so funny!”

“Why?”

“You pride yourself on how independent and smart the girls are and then get all grumpy when they get attention.”

“Because I know what goes through young boys’ minds. And they’re gorgeous girls.”

“Who know exactly how to handle themselves.”

“That’s right, they do.”

“I spoke to Peter and sent a text to Jake. I’m not sure what time it is over there but he didn’t answer when I called.”

“He’ll ring back as soon as he can.”

“Yeh. I hate disturbing his trip but he’d want to know.” She sighed.

“Yeah he would.” Charlie smiled sadly.

“He and Louis seem to have a special bond.”

“They’re very close.”

“Jake once told me that they both understand what it’s like to be different.”

“Because they’re only half of us?”

She nodded.

Charlie smiled sadly.

“I thought things would get easier as time went on.”

“They did.”

“When we’re not lurching from one disaster to the next.”

“It keeps us occupied, I suppose.”

“Hmm…”

“It’s ok babe.”

They sat waiting for another couple of hours before there was finally news from theatre.

“The surgery was a success but I must warn you, it could be a while before Louis wakes up.” The surgeon explained.

Both breathed a sigh of relief.

“You should go sit with him Charlie.” Duffy suggested. “I’ll head home and let the kids know what’s going on.”

He nodded and kissed her gently, “I’ll ring as soon as he wakes up.”

“OK. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Duffy gathered her things and headed home whilst Charlie made his way up to intensive care.

Charlie kissed Louis’ forehead and sat down on the chair beside the bed.

Surrounded by so many wires and machines Louis looked like a little boy once more, not an almost grown man.

Charlie stroked his son’s hand. “I’m sorry I doubted you.”

The steady beeps of the machine were the only response.

“I won’t ever doubt you again, son. I promise.”

A nurse quietly entered to check Louis’ obs. “Can I get you anything sir?” She asked softly.

“No thank you.”

After she left Charlie sighed, feeling so helpless. He hated that feeling.

The hours ticked by as he sat there watching his son.

“I know I haven’t always been the best father or told you this often but I love you.”

He’d find a way to make things right.


	23. Chapter 23

December arrived and the whole family were thrilled that they'd all be together for Christmas. Louis had been released from hospital and Jake was coming back from South America for a few weeks. Tensions were bubbling under the surface though - Louis was frustrated that his exams were being postponed til the summer and the twins, Tilly in particular, were lashing out over the fact that their parents had insisted they change schools.

Louis had gone out for a long walk, he hadn’t been seen all morning. Tilly was sulking, her arms folded across her chest. “I don’t want to move schools and I won’t! You can’t make me!”

"We're doing it with your best interests at heart Tots." Duffy attempted to explain.

“I’m not going!”

"Will you at least take a look around the school first?"

“No!”

"Matilda!" Duffy was getting frustrated.

“I have friends at that school!” Tilly yelled and stormed off upstairs to her room. A few seconds later there was a loud bang as she slammed her bedroom door closed.

Duffy sighed, raking her hand through her hair. "That went well..." She harumphed.

Charlie sighed, “She'll come round.” He said gently.

"You say that..." Duffy sighed.

“She’s headstrong and stubborn. She will come round.”

"I hope you're right."

He kissed her cheek. “I hope so too.”

"At least Jake will be home soon. It'll be good to see him after so long."

Charlie wrapped his arms around her waist, “Yeah it will.”

"Let's hope Tilly has stopped sulking by then."

“Depends how much she takes after you.” He whispered in her ear.

"Rude!" Duffy folded her arms and huffed.

He stepped back and removed his hands from around Duffy’s waist. He began to massage her shoulders.

"Don't think that's gunna get round me..." She mumbled.

He continued to massage her shoulders.

She let out a low moan, her head tilting backwards as he continued.

“You’re too tense.” He whispered.

"Mmm..." She agreed.

Charlie placed a gentle kiss against the back of Duffy’s neck.

"Work your magic..." She whispered, a pleading note in her voice.

“Depends what magic we’re talking about.” He whispered back. His hands continued to remove the tension knots in her shoulders.

She let out a loud moan as he hit a particular spot.

“Just there..?” He massaged the area well, giving her another kiss against the back of her neck.

"Ooh yes..!" She moaned.

He massaged that area for a good ten minutes, hoping it would relax her.

She leaned back, her eyes sparkling with mischief as she moved his hand to continue his massage.

“Feel better, babe?” He asked.

"Mmm..." She pressed his hand into her breast.

He removed his hand and moved it under her top. Resting against her bra.

Her moans of pleasure encouraged him on.

“Are you turned on?” He whispered in her ear.

"You know I am."

He moved one of his hands from her breasts and undid her jeans. He slowly moved them down, crouching down behind her and planting two gentle kisses against her arse cheeks.

"Mmm... Yes..." She moaned.

The front door suddenly opened, causing Duffy to let out a squeal of panic and scramble for her clothes.

Charlie chuckled as he watched her.

"I see some things never change." Jake snorted from the kitchen doorway. "Want me to go back outside and give you both a few minutes?" He smirked.

Charlie laughed, “No it’s alright son, we didn’t get started.” He smiled, “You’re looking well.”

"Jake! Why didn't you tell us you were coming home today?" Duffy gasped.

“I wanted it to be a surprise.”

"Its certainly that!" Duffy rushed over to embrace her son, casting her eyes over him.

Jake laughed as he was squashed by his mum. “You look well.” He told her.

She ruffled his hair. "You run out of money for a haircut?" She teased gently.

He rolled his eyes playfully, “No mum.” He kissed her cheek.

"So this is on purpose..?"

“No, I just prefer to spend my money on other things.”

"Leave the poor boy alone Duffy!" Charlie teased her.

She turned around and stuck her tongue out at her husband.

“Thanks for that gorgeous.”

"I'm gunna dump my stuff and get a shower. Krystal will be here soon." Jake explained.

“Alright son.”

Jake headed upstairs, passing Lottie on the landing. "Hey sis."

“Hi.” Lottie smiled sadly.

Jake stopped immediately and turned. "What's wrong?"

“Nout.”

"Where's rent-a-gob?" He chuckled.

“In her room, sulking.”

"Why?"

“Mum says we’ve got to move schools.”

"Ah. Coz of what happened to Louis?"

“Yeah.”

"That sucks but I'm sure she's got her reasons."

“I know. I understand ‘em but Tilly just doesn’t.”

"That's coz she ain't getting her own way." Jake chuckled, purposefully standing outside the twins bedroom door as he spoke.

“Exactly!” 

“I heard that!” Tilly called from inside the bedroom.

"You were sposed to." Jake retorted. "Aren't you gunna come give your big brother a hug?"

“No.” Tilly called but the door opened and she embraced her brother.

"You got taller." Jake remarked.

“Have I? I’ve not noticed.” Tilly replied.

"Yeh, are you guys taller than Emmy now or has she grown too?"

“I like to think I’ve grown but who knows.” Emily replied from the top of her stairs with a shrug.

"Nah, you're gunna be the shortest in the family for sure." Jake teased her.

“Might be small but I’m tough stuff.” Emily answered back, “Nice to see you back bro! But what the fuck has happened to your hair?”

"I see you're still morphing into mum!" Jake groaned.

“Not as much as Tilly is.” Emily stuck her tongue out at her brother.

"You're all just freakish mum clones." Jake retorted, laughing.

The girls giggled at their brother's comment.

"I'm gunna get a shower before Krystal gets here."

“Alright bro.”

About half an hour later the doorbell rang.

“That’ll be Krystal.” Charlie called and went to the door.

"Hey Charlie." Krystal smiled. "Jake here?"

“He’s in the shower, tarting himself up.” Charlie laughed.

Krystal laughed. "I saw Louis in town. Don't think he saw me though."

“Is he ok?”

"I called out to him but he didn't reply." She shrugged.

He sighed, “I’m worried about him.”

"Maybe he'll talk to Jake now he's back." She suggested. "Am I OK to head up?"

“Course you are.” Charlie smiled. He closed the door and watched as Krystal headed upstairs. 

Five minutes later, Louis came through the front door, he seemed different. He stumbled slightly into the wall.

"Louis!" Duffy gasped, rushing over to help him.

“I’m fine.” His eyes closed slightly. “I went for a run. Pushed myself too hard.”

"Oh Louis! You're supposed to take things steady." Duffy sighed, steering him towards the bottom of the stairs and sitting him down.

“Needed to do something.” He sighed, “Something that didn’t involve hurting everyone.”

"I know it's frustrating but you have to take things one step at a time."

He sighed, “It’s not that...”

"What is it then?"

He shrugged.

"Is it your upcoming assessment in January? Is it worrying you?" She asked.

“The mental health assessment?” He asked quietly.

"Yes."

He didn’t reply for several minutes, “I just don’t know how honest I should be to them about my thoughts.”

"If you want things to get better then you need to be completely honest with them. I know that's really scary..."

“Even if you’re scared of what they might do to you as a result?”

"If you don't then it will just keep happening, it won't get better."

Louis nodded sadly.

"Whatever they say me and your dad will always be here to support you." She promised.

“The fact my exams have been postponed until summer, annoys me.”

"I know it does but think of it this way - it gives you more time to prepare."

“It was giving me something to focus on.”

"You still have it to focus on."

“I know. I’m just....” He sighed, “Frustrated and I’m trying not to let it win. I’m so desperate just to have a hit.” He whispered. “But I know it won’t help.”

She gently placed her arms around his shoulders. "You've come so far in these last few months. I know it's hard, I know it's frustrating but you're winning the battle one step at a time."

Louis nodded. That was true, he was.

"And I know sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back but it's all progress."

“The thoughts are still there sometimes.” He admitted quietly in barely a whisper.

"Saying the same things or different?"

“Different.”

"Do you want to talk about them?"

He glanced nervously at his father in the hall.

"We can go somewhere else if you'd rather?"

“Sometimes I want to hurt myself.”

"What do you do when you have these thoughts?"

“I try and stop it.”

"That's good. You know you can reach out to us too?"

“I know. I get worried sometimes.”

"About the thoughts?"

“Yeah.”

"Hopefully the assessment will get to the bottom of them and help you start to develop healthy coping mechanisms."

He nodded, “I hope so.”

"Until then I guess we just have to try and hang in there together."

Louis smiled sadly and rested his head against Duffy’s shoulder. “Do you ever get thoughts to hurt yourself?”

"In a way I guess..."

“Shit isn’t it?”

"It is." She sighed, her hand brushing his hair.

He kissed her cheek.

"We'll get there in the end though."

“Yeah we will.”

"Your big brother arrived home whilst you were out."

“Jake’s here?” His face lit up.

"Yeh, he surprised us by coming home early." She smiled.

He smiled, “I miss him when he’s not here.”

"I know you do. I think he's back til the end of January."

“I better go and say hi.” Louis kissed her cheek again, “Thanks Duffy, you’re the best!” He got up and ran up the stairs.

She chuckled indulgently at him as she watched him race up the stairs.

Charlie smiled as he stared at Duffy, “You’re amazing with him, you know that?”

She jumped slightly, she hadn't heard him approach.

“I didn’t mean to make you jump.”

"He's struggling." She sighed sadly.

“I thought as much.”

"Hopefully Jake being home will help boost his mood."

“They’re really close, aren’t they?”

"Yeh, Louis has really missed him."

Charlie sat down next to her on the stairs and kissed her cheek. “I love you.”

"I love you too." She smiled.

“Love you more.”

"Don't!"

“What?”

"You can't love me more than I love you."

“Yes I can. And I do. So there.” He playfully stuck out his tongue at her.

She licked the tip of his tongue.

“You’re weird.” He teased.

"You love me so you must be the weird one!" She giggled.

“True.” He gently kissed her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck.

Charlie’s gaze met Duffy’s.

"I love you so much." She whispered before kissing him again.

He deepened the kiss.

A couple of minutes later they were interrupted by Tilly emitting a disgusted groan from the top of the stairs.

Charlie chuckled, “What’s wrong Tots? Don’t like me and your mum being affectionate?”

"You've got your own room, use it!" Tilly retorted as she pushed past them, still in a sulk.

“Are you still sulking with us about the school situation?”

"Why should I have to leave my mates?"

“Do you think I want you to have to leave your friends?” Charlie asked her.

"I don't think you give that much of a shit." Tilly shrugged.

“Tilly!” He sighed. “That’s not true. How do I know what happened to Emmy, won’t happen to you and Lot?”

"Coz we don't associate with losers."

“Oh and your sister does, does she?”

"Well she knew the lads that kicked Louis' head in." Tilly shrugged.

“Doesn’t mean she associates with them.” Charlie answered, “I know it sucks moving school but your mum and I are doing this for you. You can still see your friends, that doesn’t change.”

"Urgh! I hate you all!" Tilly complained loudly before storming off in a huff.

Charlie shook his head fondly and couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on his lips.

"She'll calm down eventually." Duffy chuckled softly.

“I hope so.”

"In about six years time..." Duffy added with a grin.

Charlie groaned playfully, “Six years?”

Duffy laughed and tweeked his cheek.

He stood up and offered her his hand, “Shall we take our snogging somewhere more private?” He winked.

"That's the best offer I've had all day." She grinned.

Charlie laughed and pulled Duffy to her feet. “Our bedroom?”

"I'd say we can't be interrupted in there but that's not true..!" She giggled as she found herself being half dragged up the stairs.

“I’ll take my chances.” He smirked.

"I thought you might." She retorted. "Ow! Mind my wrist!" She pouted as they turned the corner at the top of the stairs.

“Sorry, is your wrist still tender?” The concern was noticeable in his voice.

"Only when turned in that direction."

“Sorry. I’ll be gentle. No tying you up for a while.”

"Yeh, I'm not explaining that at work..!"

“Can you imagine?” He laughed gently.

"I'd never get taken seriously ever again." She giggled.

“No that’s true, you wouldn’t.”

"Your reputation on the other hand..."

“I think most people know how kinky I am.” He smirked.

"But that just makes them all think you're 'a total lad'..!" She rolled her eyes as they entered their bedroom.

“That’s cos I am. Aren’t I?”

"You're practically a pensioner..!" She teased him.

“How rude.” He pouted.

She giggled and kissed his pushed out bottom lip.

“Thank you.”

"For what?"

“Kissing me.” He reached around and grabbed her bottom.

"You may be getting old but don't worry I still fancy you." She grinned.

“That’s good to know because you’re the only one who matters.”

"The curls may have gone and you might be a bit more snuggly these days but those sparkling blue eyes will never change." She smiled.

Those sparkling blue eyes of his connected with her sparkling green eyes.

"So did you drag me in here for a reason Mr Fairhead..?" She giggled.

“Only to tell you you’re beautiful.” His hands rested on her lower back under her top. “Really beautiful and fit.”

"Is that so..?"

“Uh huh. A proper milf.” He smirked.

"Oh god don't start that again..!" She blushed.

“You are a total milf though.”

"I still can't look Jake's friends the eye over that." She cringed.

“But I’m certain they can look at you, can’t they?”

"Its so embarrassing, I'm old enough to be their mother!"

“You’re really sexy!”

"To you maybe, but they're eighteen!"

“And they think you’re sexy too!” His fingers ran up her back, “You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?”

"I just don't see myself that way." She shrugged.

He kissed her nose. “Cuddles?”

"Cuddles." She grinned, pulling him over onto the bed with her.

He flopped down in the middle of the bed.

"I still can't believe we managed to fit this bed in here." She sighed contentedly.

“I’m glad we did.” He wrapped his arm around her.

"Did you have any more ideas for our vow renewal?"

“One or two. You?”

"Well I saw the cutest suits for Paul and Oliver..."

“Tell me more?”

"They come in navy or charcoal so I guess we'll need to work out what you and the older boys will be wearing first."

“What colour would make you weak at the knees for me?” He chuckled.

She giggled. "I'm not letting you pick my outfit if that's what you're trying to wangle."

“I’d have you wear next to nothing but I somehow don’t think that’ll be appropriate.”

"Probably not."

“I undress you daily anyway with my eyes so, I’ll still do the same.” He kissed her forehead.

"I know you will, regardless of where we are or who is with us."

“It’s not my fault.”

"No its the hormonal teenage boy trapped inside you..!" She teased. "So what are your ideas?"

“I was thinking of having it outside, but knowing our luck it would piss it down.”

"It would depend on the time of year I suppose."

Charlie’s fingertip traced over the top of her breasts and underneath. “I still remember the dress you wore on our wedding day. Just the perfect amount of cleavage to tease me.”

"I still have it in the loft." She smiled.

“You looked gorgeous.”

"It was a lovely dress."

“You could wear a bin bag and still looked beautiful.”

"And that is why you're a nurse and not a fashion designer!" She giggled.

He laughed gently. “That is true!”

"I thought about taking the girls shopping with me for my dress."

“Sounds a good idea.” He smiled.

"I can ask Holly, Beth and Krystal if they want to come too."

He kissed her cheek, “I’ll take the boys then?”

"Good idea. We could then all meet up afterwards."

“Sounds like a plan.”

"That's if Tilly has stopped sulking by then!" She chuckled.

“Probably not.”

"Maybe the prospect of new clothes might be enough for her to perk up..." Duffy shrugged.

“Did it stop you from sulking?”

"When I was Tilly's age?"

“Yes.”

"Sometimes."

“I knew she was a mini you!” He giggled as he moved, kissing her gently on the lips. “Our girls definitely take after their mum with their beautiful looks and sassy attitude.” His hand worked it’s way up her top.

"Mmm..."

“What’s wrong?”

"Nothing."

“Sure?”

"I'm just worried about Tilly. Maybe we're wrong to make her move school?"

“Maybe we could see how it goes with them both?” He suggested.

"I worry that leaves them vulnerable... Maybe if we explained why... But they're so young..." She sighed, uncertain how to proceed.

“They’re thirteen.” He smiled sadly, “Maybe we should have a word with them? Sit them down, talk to them like adults? Hear their side?” He suggested.

"That's true. They'll be fourteen in a couple of weeks."

“Exactly.”

"Do we tell them everything? About what happened before to Emily..?"

“Maybe we should ask Emily first?”

"You're right."

He kissed her tenderly.

"You're a terrible distraction." She giggled against his lips.

“So are you.”

"Hang on, where outside would we get married?"

“On a beach?” His hand brushed against the material of her bra, his hand still under her top.

"In England? Won't that be a little cold?" She asked, his touch distracting her.

“I’d soon warm you up though.” He knew he was distracting her.

"I'm sure you would..."

“Always can.” He smirked as he moved her top up over her breasts.

"I'm not sure our family and friends would appreciate that..!" She mumbled, her back arching to push her breasts more firmly against his hands.

“Hmm, probably not.” He chuckled, “I know of two people who wouldn’t. Megan and your mother!”

"They'd string you up!" She giggled.

“Uh huh, they certainly would.”

"That could be fun to watch..."

“Rude.” He whispered, his lips touching the skin above her bra.

"I'd nurse you better afterwards..."

“What would you do?” He whispered.

"Well we'd have to check that everything was still in full working order..." She purred, sliding her hand down his chest to his waist.

“We couldn’t have it not working, could we?”

"Not on our wedding night, that would be a catastrophe."

“It really would.”

"Anyway... Tell me more about this beach..."

“It’s got sand and sea.” He ran kisses up her neck.

"I see the blood has left your brain!" She giggled.

“Yeah it’s in my cock right now.”

"So I noticed." She purred, giving him a gentle squeeze.

“It’s your fault for being gorgeous.” He replied.

"So it seems."

“You are gorgeous. Beautiful and amazing, funny and kind.” He nuzzled his nose against hers, “Stubborn and infuriating.”

"Keep going..." She giggled.

He laughed gently, “I love you.”

"I love you too."

“Love you more.”

"Love you to the stars and back." She giggled as she moved to straddle him.

He gazed up at her. Even after all this time, he still looked at her with such devotion.

Her cheeks coloured under his gaze.

“You’re amazing.”

"I have to be seen to be believed!" She giggled.

He removed her top.

She let out a little moan as his hands began to caress her.

His hands moved over the top half of her body.

Her moans enticed him to continue.

He unclipped her bra.

She lent forward over him.

He took one of her nipples into his mouth and began to suck.

She began to unbuckle his belt but was interrupted by the sound of raised voices from downstairs.

He groaned, “Shall we go and see what’s going on?”

"I'm sure they'll work it o..." There was a loud bang followed by more yelling. "OK, maybe not..." She sighed, moving to stand up and redress.

Charlie rushed downstairs, “What the hell is going on?” He asked.

Lottie shrugged, tilting her head towards Tilly and Emily who were yelling at each other, unaware that their dad had come downstairs. A broken vase lay near Emily's feet.

“I said, what’s going on?!” Charlie demanded to know as he stepped towards his three daughters. “Tilly! Emily! Enough!”

Emily jumped as she heard her father's raised voice.

“What’s happened?” He asked, his tone gentle.

"She just went mental at me." Emily replied.

“What about, Tilly? Why are you angry with your sister?”

"Its all her fault." Tilly sulked.

“About you having to move schools?” He sighed, “It's not Em’s fault.”

"She's the one that grassed up the lads who beat up Louis!"

“That’s not why we’re moving you from school, Tilly!”

"Yeh right, she's made us targets so you're pulling us all out."

“These boys, did some things to Emily. Inappropriate things. That’s why I’m pulling you and your sister out of school!”

"Charlie!" Duffy gasped from the doorway as she caught the end of his words.

He rubbed the back of his neck, “Your mother and I want to talk to all three of you about this! As grown ups, if you can manage it?” He looked at all three of his daughters.

"I didn't do anything!" Lottie grumbled.

All of them went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Emily and Tilly stared at each other from over the table.

"I don't get why I'm being dragged into this - I was just an innocent bystander." Lottie continued to grumble.

“I want to hear your thoughts on moving school, Lottie.”

"I don't want to. Can I go now?"

“You don’t want to move school?”

"Nope."

“Are you happy at school?” He asked Lottie.

"Yes." Lottie replied.

"So am I!" Tilly added, still sulking.

“Ok. And Em, do you want to move school?”

"I understand why you want us to."

“But do you want to move school?” He asked.

"I don't mind moving to Bushmead." Emily smiled.

“Ok.” He smiled, “Tilly, Lottie. Can your mum and I run an idea past you?”

"She only wants to go to Bushmead coz Beth goes there." Tilly rolled her eyes.

“Do you and Lottie want to stay at school? You’re not having any problems are you?”

"Nothing we can't handle." Tilly replied cockily.

"Tilly..." Duffy shot her middle daughter a look.

“You can stay at the school for now. But believe me, if I feel you’re both in danger. I will just pull you both out with no warning. Now I suggest you apologise to your sister, Tilly.”

"Sorry Em." Tilly mumbled, not looking at her older sister.

“Properly, please.”

"Sorry Emily." Tilly repeated.

Emily smiled, “It’s kay sis.”

"She threw a vase at you! You're way too chill." Lottie shook her head.

Emily shrugged, “She needs to find a better way to channel her anger though.”

"I find it works." Tilly retorted.

“Yeah, until you really hurt someone.”

"She can't throw for shit coz she's always skiving PE." Lottie laughed.

Charlie sighed, “Tilly?”

"She's chatting shit!" Tilly retorted.

"Is she now?" Duffy remarked, unconvinced.

“Yeah.” Tilly replied back. 

“You might as well just tell the truth.” Lottie answered.

"You're such a grass!" Tilly accused.

“For God sake! I can’t do anything right!” Lottie grumbled, slammed her hands down on the table and got up. “I’m going to my room!”

"Lottie..!" Duffy called after her.

Lottie stopped at the bottom of the stairs, “Yes?”

Duffy followed her youngest daughter into the hall. "Are you sure everything is OK?"

“Uh huh.” Lottie nodded but didn’t seem 100% sure.

"Remember how we talked about how you can tell me anything..?" Duffy prompted Lottie.

Lottie sighed but didn’t say anything.

"Shall we go up to your room?" Duffy suggested.

Lottie shrugged but went up the stairs towards her bedroom.

Duffy followed her up the stairs, not saying anything, just allowing Lottie the space to speak when she was ready to.

When they reached Lottie’s room, Lottie went in and sat down on her bed.

Duffy decided to sit on Tilly's bed. "What's bothering you Lottiepop?"

Lottie sighed and shrugged, “Tilly’s doing my head in.”

"I think she's doing everyone's head in at the moment."

“She’s just so.... Urgh!”

"I'm hoping she'll calm down soon."

“I hate being a twin!” Lottie mumbled.

"Ah we're back to that are we?" Duffy replied. She couldn't help the small smile that graced her features.

“I’m sick of living in her shadow!” Lottie replied as she looked up.

"Oh Lottie! I'm sorry you feel like that, is there anything we can do to help? You're just as important to us as Tilly is."

Lottie laughed sadly, “Nobody notices me! I’m just Tilly’s twin. I’m not even as pretty!”

"You are so much more than Tilly's twin Lottie! You are a beautiful, kind, smart and sweet natured young lady."

Lottie sighed and shrugged, “That’s not how it feels.” She admitted.

"Do you think you and Tilly need some space from each other?"

Lottie shrugged, “Or maybe I should just get used to feeling inadequate?”

"You are not inadequate!"

Lottie sighed, “But I’m not like Tilly.”

"And nor should you try to be."

“I hate being me though!”

"Why do you hate being you?"

“Because I’m not Tilly! Or even Emily!”

"No, you're Lottie."

“But Lottie’s shit!” Lottie burst into tears. “I hate me.”

"Oh Lottie!" Duffy gasped and moved to sit beside her youngest daughter, pulling the teenager into a hug.

Lottie sobbed against her mum’s chest as she clung to her mum's top.

Duffy stroked Lottie's hair and back, letting her get it all out.

“Nobody really notices me.” Lottie whispered sadly.

"Nobody or no boys?"

“Boys.” Lottie mumbled.

"Boys aren't all that, trust me."

“They notice Tilly.”

"That's because Tilly insists on making people notice her." Duffy chuckled softly.

“It’s just... Ugh!” Lottie sighed again “I like being a twin but sometimes I hate it.”

"You've reached an age where you want to assert your individual independence. That's tricky anyway but even more so when there's a carbon copy of you walking around trying to do the same thing."

“I’m me. I’m a twin. But I’m so much more than just a twin.” Lottie said sadly.

"You are so much more than that."

Lottie sat up and wiped her tears with her hands and sniffed, “It’s hard finding who you are.”

"I'm not sure you ever really do. It's constantly evolving."

“It’s so hard when Tilly attracts all the attention.” Lottie admitted. “Sometimes I’d like to be just like Em.”

"Is there anything me and your dad can do to help? Is there any activities you'd like to try out or places you'd like to experience?"

“I’ve... Erm... Started playing football...”

"Really? Do you need kit? Boots? I'd love to come see you play sometime. If that's OK?"

“Not at the minute. It’s only for fun, with some of the lads. I really like it.” Lottie blushed.

"That's good. I'm glad you've found something you enjoy." Duffy smiled.

Lottie began to fiddle with her hands.

"Is there anything else that's worrying you?"

“A few things.”

"Do you want to talk about them?"

“I feel weird lately.”

"Weird?"

“Uh huh.” Lottie paused, “Happy, sad, stressed. Sometimes all at once, sometimes not for days.”

"Welcome to the joy of hormones and why your dad hides down the pub every few weeks!"

“Ah. That explains it.” Lottie smiled.

"The joys of being a woman I'm afraid."

Lottie groaned, “Boys get it so much easier! All they get is unexpected boners!”

Duffy cracked up laughing. "Do you not remember all the drama of your older brothers' voices breaking?"

Lottie giggled. “That was kinda funny.”

"They didn't think so." Duffy replied but couldn't help giggling still.

“No they didn’t.” Lottie giggled again.

"Do you feel a bit better about things now?"

Lottie blushed smiling shyly. “Yes mama. Sorry for being a brat.”

"Its ok, we can all be brats at times. Even me and your dad."

“Mama?”

"Yes Lottiepop?"

“I think I understand why Emily always liked the peace and quiet. Too much of Tilly gives you a headache.”

"There's a reason she requested to move bedrooms to the loft!" Duffy chuckled softly.

“I don’t blame her.”

"Do you want your own room?"

Lottie shook her head.

"OK, coz we could always renovate Peter's old room if you really wanted us to? Or we could look at partitioning this room somehow."

Lottie shook her head again, “Not at the minute but it’s something to think about.”

"Yeh, just let us know. I was thinking of seeing if you two wanted to redecorate in here anyway."

“That would be nice mama.”

"Make it a bit more grown up looking for you both."

“Thanks mama.”

"We can go shopping in the new year."

Lottie nodded.

"That's two big shopping trips planned now." Duffy smiled, squeezing Lottie's shoulders.

“What’s the first one?” Lottie asked.

"Can you keep a secret?"

“Of course I can.”

"Me and your dad have decided to renew our wedding vows so I need some help picking a dress."

“You and dad are getting married again?” Lottie smiled. “That’s brilliant!”

"It was your dad's idea."

“He’s such a romantic!”

"He really is." Duffy smiled.

Lottie smiled and lay down on the bed, “I’m gonna have a nap. Is that ok?”

"OK, I'll leave you to it. I love you." Duffy moved to kiss her daughter's forehead.

“Love you too mama.” Lottie smiled and kissed her mum's cheek.

Once back downstairs Duffy tentatively reentered the kitchen, unsure if there had been further arguments between the girls whilst she had been upstairs.

There hadn’t. Both girls were talking nicely to each other.

"Oh thank goodness you two have resolved your differences. Though next time it would be better if one of my vases didn't get broken in the process."

“Sorry mum.” Tilly apologised.

"Have you made sure there's no shards left on the floor? We don't want your little brothers hurting themselves."

“We’ve done it together, didn’t we sis?” Tilly smiled.

"Good, now no more fights. You might want to apologise to Lottie later too."

“But I haven’t done anything!” Tilly replied.

"I think she's feeling a little overwhelmed by you recently. She's your sister not your rival."

Tilly sighed, “OK.”

"I know you don't mean to but you need to remember that others are a little more sensitive than you are."

“Sorry.”

"Its ok." Seeing that Tilly looked a little sad Duffy held out her arms. "Come here you." She smiled.

Tilly went up to her mum.

Duffy pulled her middle daughter into a big hug. "Love you Tots."

“Love you too.”


	24. TW: eating disorders

Night shifts were bad enough, especially if your night shifts happened to fall on Friday and Saturday nights when the majority of A&E attendances were drunken louts. New Years Eve was no different and Charlie and Duffy were both rota’d in to cover the department. Charlie groaned as he looked at the clock. How an Earth was it only 10pm? He felt like he’d been here twelve hours already.

It seemed that the heavy drinking and fights had started especially early this year, with numerous patients arriving with injuries from assaults and traffic accidents.

Charlie had barely spoken to Duffy, both of them far too busy with their job.

After patching up a young man with a busted nose Duffy realised that they were minutes away from midnight. After finishing off her patient's notes she did a quick visual sweep of the department before spotting Charlie near his office. A mischievous grin lit up her face as she strode over to him. Grabbing hold of his arm with one hand and opening the door with the other she pulled him into his darkened office.

He laughed as he was pulled into his office. “Hello gorgeous.”

"Have you seen the time?" She giggled.

“Nearly midnight?” He smiled.

"Exactly. And this is one of the few perks of working the new year's night shift together." She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss.

As he kissed her gently, one of his hands grabbed her bottom, giving it a playful squeeze.

Her fingers played with the collar of his tunic as she slid her tongue into his mouth.

He sucked on her tongue.

She walked him backwards towards the desk, not breaking the kiss.

He reached the desk, the kiss becoming more passionate. 

She giggled against his lips as she heard the cheers and excitement from outside as the new year arrived.

He laughed gently against her lips, “Happy New Year babe.”

"Happy New Year handsome. Let's make this the best year yet." She grinned.

“Of course. We’re getting married again.”

"I can't wait. I..." There was a loud bang on the door. "Urgh, sounds like duty calls!" She sighed dramatically.

He gave her a quick kiss. “Sounds like we’re needed.”

"At least they've learnt not to just barge in!" She giggled.

“That’s true! Come on, gorgeous. Lets go back to work.”

"See you in a bit." She smiled as they both headed back out into the department.

It was around an hour later when there was a commotion in the middle of the reception area. Two blokes squaring up to each other. As the nearest senior member of staff Duffy headed over to try and calm things down without the need for security to be called yet again.

"Right, enough! Either you calm down or you leave! Which is it to be?" She raised her voice as she positioned herself between them as much as she could.

One of the men seemed to back down but the other one didn’t. He pushed Duffy and launched himself at the guy. Luckily, some other members of staff were able to separate them and chuck them out of the department.

The fracas had drawn Charlie's attention and he came rushing through concerned to find his wife sat awkwardly on the floor. He crouched down in front of her. “Babe, you ok?”

"Yeh, just give us a hand up will you?"

He helped her up off the floor.

The second she attempting to put any weight on her left leg it crumpled, a pained scream ripped from her throat.

“Duffy?” He stopped and looked at her.

"I'll be fine, I just need to walk on it a bit."

“Can I take you to cubicles? Give you a proper examination?”

"I think it's a busy right now for us to sneak off for a quickie." She attempted to joke but her leg was in agony.

“I think you’ve broken your ankle.”

"Don't be ridiculous, it'll just be bruised from landing awkwardly." She argued as she attempted to limp through to cubicles, trying to ignore the fact that he was having to do most of the work to propel her forwards.

He made her sit down on the bed and he gently took off her shoe. He wrinkled his nose and teased, “They’re a bit wiffy.”

"Rude! Ow! Are you this rough with all your patients?" She complained.

“No.” He examined her ankle gently, “I’m going to order an X-ray, there’s a chance it’s broken. Do you want some pain relief?”

"Oh don't be so dramatic! Just strap it up, I'll take a couple of paracetamol and I'll be fine in a couple of hours."

“Please Duffy. I don’t want you to be in pain. And with your history, I’m not taking any chances.”

"What history? A twisted ankle isn't going to trigger anything." She rolled her eyes.

“I meant the fact you’ve not long healed from a fractured wrist.” He sighed, “You’re having an X-ray, I’ll carry you up there myself if I have to.”

"Fair enough if I'd hurt my wrist again but I haven't."

“Please will you stop being so argumentative and stubborn? The quicker you agree to an X-ray, the quicker you can get back to work when it turns out to be a sprain.”

"Fine!" She harumphed. "But only because you won't shut up about it until I do."

“Thank you.” He kissed her nose and forehead before washing his hands and leaving. Before he reached the door, he called; “Try and stay out of mischief whilst I order your X-ray.”

"Fine." She folded her arms, sulking.

Charlie rolled his eyes playfully and went to order the X-ray for Duffy.

By the time he came back the cubicle was empty.

He shook his head. Where the bloody hell had she gone?

He eventually found her in a nearby cubicle, leaning against the trolley as she stitched the head wound of a young woman who had fallen over after being ejected from a nightclub.

He watched her clearly unamused. He waited until she’d finished stitching the head wound before he coughed. “Duffy?”

"Yes?" She asked nonchalantly.

“You need to go for your X-ray when you’ve finished here.”

"OK." She turned back to her patient. "A doctor will be along in a bit to give you a final check over and then you can go home."

The young girl smiled sleepily, “Thank you.” 

Once outside the cubicle, Charlie put his hand on her arm, “Do you want me to come with you?”

"Can you spare the time? It seems pretty busy."

“Yeah.”

"I'm not using a wheelchair." She insisted stubbornly.

“Did I mention using a wheelchair?”

"The way you've got hold of my arm suggests you don't believe I can walk there by myself."

“I’m worried that if you do have a broken ankle, you’re making it worse by walking on it.”

"Shall we just get this over with so I can get back to work?"

They went upstairs to the X-ray department and Charlie waited whilst Duffy had her ankle xrayed.

He was somewhat surprised when the xray tech came out to fetch him rather than her returning by herself.

“Everything ok?” He asked the technician.

"She's going to need help getting back downstairs and she wasn't happy for me to come out here to speak to you but..."

“Is her ankle broken then?” Charlie smiled sadly and stood up. “Did you get a mouthful?”

"In three places." The tech confirmed. "She insisted I take the xray again..."

“Stable fracture or is it displaced?” Charlie queried as he followed the technician into the room.

"You'll need to get one of your doctor mates to look at it to tell you that."

“Right, ok.” Charlie approached Duffy and picked her up. “I’m not letting you walk on that ankle if it’s broken in three places.”

"Charlie!" She complained loudly. "I am not an invalid!"

“Nope. But you’ve got a broken ankle. So either I carry you downstairs or I get you a wheelchair?”

"Oh this is so humiliating..!" She grumbled.

He was silent as he carried her downstairs and back to her original cubicle. Sitting her on the bed, he stroked her hair. “I’m going to get Zoe to come and talk to you, ok?”

"This is a lot of fuss over nothing Charlie."

“I think there’s something medically wrong.” He said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

“How many bones have you broken in the last twelve months?”

"Um... Three... Well I suppose four if you want to be pedantic and count each finger individually..." She caught the look he was giving her. "Alright! And my wrist was fractured in two places so... If you add that to today then I guess you'd call it seven fractures but I'm only counting it as three."

“That’s not normal.” He said gently, “And it never occurred to me that there may be a medical reason.”

"I've broken bones all through my adult life..." She shrugged. "Curse of being clumsy!" She added flippantly, attempting to gloss over the years of abuse she'd suffered at the hands of her exhusband.

He stroked her cheek, “You and I both know that’s not true. I want to talk to Zoe about referring you for a dexa scan.”

"I don't need one!" She retorted angrily.

“What are you so afraid of?”

"Nothing. I just think it's a pointless expense in an already financially unstable system."

“I disagree. I feel it’s necessary.”

"There's nothing wrong with me!"

“Has it ever occurred to you, you could have osteoporosis?”

"I'm too young." She retorted.

“That’s what I thought but,” He took her hand stroking his thumb over the back of it, “I think your eating disorder probably meant you developed it sooner.”

"I don't have an..!" Her outburst was cut off by Zoe entering the cubicle.

“You and I both know that’s bollocks, Duffy!” Charlie replied as he looked at Zoe.

"I'm here to check on your broken ankle." Zoe explained, looking suspiciously from Duffy to Charlie and back again.

There was an awkward silence between Charlie and Duffy until Charlie asked Zoe. “Can I ask you to do something for me?”

"Depends..." Zoe replied. She held Duffy's medical file in her hands and it made for concerning reading, especially when taken in conjunction with the argument she'd just witnessed.

“Is there any chance you can refer Duffy for a dexa scan?”

"Well I'd need to ascertain first if that was the correct way to proceed." Zoe replied before turning her attention to Duffy. "Do you have any other injuries or is it just the ankle?" She asked.

"Just the ankle. Honestly I'm fine. There's no need for any fuss."

“You’ve got her medical records.” Charlie replied and watched Duffy carefully.

"Yes I have and I'd like to examine Duffy thoroughly. Alone." Zoe added pointedly.

“Why? Because you think I’m the cause of her injuries?” He sighed and stood up. “I’ll be in my office.”

"That was completely unfair!" Duffy remarked angrily, folding her arms. As she did so she realised she had a ring of bruising on her upper arm, she shifted her fingers to cover it.

“Is there anything you’d like to talk to me about in confidence?” Zoe asked, “Does he hurt you?”

"No!" Duffy's heart was beginning to hammer, her head pounding.

“You don’t have to be scared of him.” Zoe watched Duffy’s reaction, noticing her breathing had become heavier. “You’ve got bruising on your upper arm. How did it happen?”

"I'm not. It's nothing!"

“Duffy, your medical records over the years show a lot of broken bones. Am I really supposed to believe it’s because you’re clumsy?”

"That's nothing to do with Charlie!" Duffy was teetering on the verge of hysteria.

“Can I examine you?”

"No!" Duffy hugged her arms around herself. "You're here to fix my ankle, nothing else!"

“As the doctor undertaking your care, I’d like to do an examination. Has Charlie hurt you somewhere else?”

"No!" Duffy practically screamed.

“Then if it’s not Charlie, has someone else?” Zoe pressed gently.

Duffy turned her head away.

Zoe sighed and began to examine Duffy's broken ankle, concerned that her foot felt cold. Her concern deepened when she checked Duffy's other foot and found the same issue.

“If someone’s hurting you, you don’t have to suffer alone.” Zoe paused, “Both your feet are cold, are you usually cold?”

"I'm fine." Duffy replied defensively, knowing full well that her toenails were tinged blue, just like her fingernails and her lips under her lipstick.

“She’s always cold but she’s more cold recently.” Charlie said from the curtain. “She’s bulimic. The reason she won’t let you examine her is because you’ll see how much weight she’s lost. It’s the same reason we haven’t been intimate for weeks. Ever since I said about renewing our wedding vows, her bulimia is worse. It’s the cause of her fractures most likely.”

"Charlie!" Duffy screamed angrily. "I don't have an eating disorder, there's nothing wrong with me!"

“Admit it. Just say it out loud Duffy!”

"No!" Duffy's heart was racing faster and faster, she began to struggle for breath.

“Hey,” He stepped closer to the bed and took her hands in his. “Breathe! Nice and slowly. It’s ok.”

Duffy clutched at her chest, the colour draining from her face as her eyes began to roll unfocused.

“I need some help in here!” Zoe called. 

“Baby? Babe?” Charlie’s own heart began to pound as he watched her.

"Has this happened before?" Zoe asked Charlie as she lowered the trolley flat.

“Duffy has had intermittent seizures ever since she was seventeen.” He explained as he stood up. “But other than that, nothing else.”

As the seizure subsided Zoe placed her fingers against Duffy's neck. "Her pulse is very thready. We need to move her to resus and keep her monitored."

He nodded, remaining quiet. He swallowed, “She thinks I don’t notice...” He said quietly as they moved Duffy into resus.

"Tell me everything. I'm guessing she's ensured this has a lot of gaps..." Zoe sighed, referring to the notes that lay on the foot of the trolley.

“I don’t hurt her.” He said gently as he sat down on a chair beside the bed. “Never laid a finger on her, never will.”

"I believe you. But someone has..?"

“Her ex husband. All those broken bones over the years, that was him. Last twelve months, she’s had broken bones but told me she’d tripped over things.” He paused, “Tonight, she was pushed and now she’s got a broken ankle. Her bones are weak, that’s why I wanted her to be referred.”

"Ah." Zoe sighed as she poured over the notes again, glancing up periodically at the monitors. "There's mention of heart problems several years ago but nothing recent. Do you know if she's had a resurgence of those issues recently?"

He smiled sadly, “Probably but not that she’d talk to me about them.”

A memory suddenly struck Zoe. "She mentioned having indigestion the other day but if you're right and she's not eating - which her frail appearance that she's clearly tried to hide would suggest - then why would she have indigestion..?"

Charlie shrugged, “Sign of heart trouble?”

"I get the feeling from your reaction tonight that her eating issues aren't a recent development..."

“No they’re not.” He sighed.

"So we could be looking at anorexic heart failure?" Zoe sighed. "How the hell did we miss this right under our noses?!" Her tone revealed just how angry she was with herself for the oversight.

“Don’t!” He snapped. He rarely snapped but the seriousness of the situation was getting to him. “I’ve tried so many times to get her help but...” He shrugged. “I give up.”

"I'm not blaming you. She spends every day surrounded by highly qualified medical professionals and none of us picked up on it."

He stood up, “I need some air. Will you come and find me if she wakes up or deteriorates?”

"OK." Zoe replied, turning her attention back to the monitors.

“Thank you.” Charlie left resus and sat in his darkened office.

He noticed there was a blinking light on the phone on his desk, indicating that he had a message. He sighed and picked up the phone, listening to the voicemail.

Peter and Jake's voices filled the air. "Happy New Year! You two losers are probably too busy working but we just wanted to wish you all the best!" It was clear from the slurred words and giggles that both young men were very drunk. "Hope you managed to see in the new year together and didn't break any furniture!" More giggles. "See you for lunch later."

Charlie smiled sadly as he listened to the voicemail and hung up the phone. He wiped away the tear that had rolled down his cheek. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could do any of this...

A little while later there was a knock on his office door and Dixie peered around it. "Charlie?"

“Hmm?” There was an unopened box on pills on the desk. He was still sat in the dark.

"I've just been in resus with a patient. What the hell happened?"

“She just had a funny turn. She’ll be fine.” He groaned as Dixie switched on the light.

"Looked like more than a funny turn to me. Why aren't you with her?"

“No point, she’ll be out for a while.” He replied.

"So you're just gunna sit here in the dark instead?" She asked as she stepped closer, spotting the pills on the desk.

He followed her vision and put the box of pills back in the top drawer of his desk. “Why not?”

"Your wife is lying unconscious in resus..."

“Yes and..?”

"If it were mine I'd want to be there with them."

“I just need time to think about things.” He replied, “Then I’ll go and be with her.”

"Do you want to talk?" She offered gently.

“Not particularly.”

"Cuppa?"

He smiled sadly, “No thanks.”

"OK." She squeezed his shoulder gently.

“I’ll be in here if anyone needs me.” He said gently as he looked at his desk drawer.

Dixie wanted to say more about the pills she'd seen on the desk but she felt it wasn't her place to.

When he was left alone again in his office, he rested his head against the desk.

It was another couple of hours before he was interrupted by another knock on his office door. This time it was Zoe.

“Come in.” He said sadly.

"I've been told to summon you to resus." Zoe told him with a small grin.

“She’s awake?” He stood up and followed Zoe to resus.

"Yes and in quite the foul mood..."

He sighed. He reached the doors to resus and hesitated.

The trolley was tilted up slightly, Duffy looked pale and had her ankle strapped up.

It took him about a minute before he finally entered resus and went towards the bed Duffy was occupying. “Hi...”

"Where have you been?"

“Working.”

"I want to go home."

“Well you can’t, not yet.”

"Well can you ask someone to come plaster my ankle so I can?"

“You need to be medically fit for discharge and I really don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon.”

"What the hell are you talking about?" She seemed genuinely confused.

“What’s the point in telling you? It won’t make a blind bit of difference...” He retorted.

"I'd just like to know why you're sulking!"

“Don’t!”

"What happened?" She repeated.

“Zoe thinks you’re possibly in anorexic heart failure but you’ll sit there and deny it. You’ll say everything’s fine, that you don’t have an eating disorder!”

"What?! But... But... All I did was break my ankle..." She stammered.

“On top of abusing your body for years.” He replied. “I’ve noticed Duffy! Ever since I said about renewing our vows, you’ve started losing weight again. Well it’s off! I don’t want to renew my vows!!”

"What are you going on about?" Her eyes were full of terror and panic.

“I don’t want us to renew our vows.”

"I don't understand... Are you leaving me?" Her voice broke, her eyes filling with tears.

He shook his head but didn’t come any closer.

"Charlie..?" Her bottom lip wobbled as she tried to hold back tears.

He closed his eyes and stayed where he was stood for a minute. “It’s making you ill. I thought it would give you something to look forward to but it didn’t... It just gave you another excuse to make yourself ill.”

"I'm sorry..." She sobbed.

He sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. “I’m sorry too.” He began to cry.

"Please don't leave me..." She begged in a whisper.

“I won’t ever leave you.” He told her through tears. “You were doing so well, sweetheart. What happened?”

"I... I..." She shrugged. "I don't know."

“What’s going through your mind right now?” He rested his chin on her head lightly.

"I don't want to be here like this."

“In hospital?”

She nodded. "Everyone knows don't they?" She sighed.

“Only Zoe.” He replied as he stroked her hair. “Is it something I’m doing wrong? Am I putting too much pressure on you? Am I not loving you enough?” He asked, his voice breaking.

"She thought you hurt me. I kept telling her that you don't but she wouldn't believe me!" There was a note of panic in Duffy's voice.

“Hey, don’t worry.” He reassured and kissed her head. “Zoe knows I haven’t hurt you.” He paused, “You didn’t answer the question. It is me, isn’t it?”

"I don't want to let you down."

“Why would you let me down?”

"I try so hard. I know you believe I can get better but I can't."

“Yes you can. You just need the right support.”

"We've been banging our head against this wall for years." She sighed.

“What’s stopping you from getting better? There has to be something.”

"I wish I knew. If only it was that simple..."

“Then maybe we need to look at a different treatment option. Inpatient rather than outpatient? Outpatient treatment isn’t working.”

"No!" Duffy's eyes widened with terror.

“Why not?”

"I can't do this without you."

“But outpatient therapy isn’t working.” He sighed, “Maybe we should try inpatient? See what’s out there? See what other options we have?” He suggested.

"Please don't send me away!" She begged, her hands clutching his tunic.

“I’m not planning on sending you away anywhere.” He reassured, “I just think we need another option because I fear this will break us.” He admitted.

"I can't go back there..." His words weren't sinking in.

“Go back where?”

"She said it was only for a few days... She lied."

“Who sweetheart and when? You’re not making much sense?” He cuddled her tightly.

"She said they'd make me better but it didn't. It just gave me ways to get worse."

“When? Who?” He was really confused.

"Did you never wonder why I didn't speak to my mum for years?"

“No.” He sighed, “You’ve been admitted before?”

"When I first started having seizures." 

“Ok.” He paused and kissed the top of her head. “No inpatient treatment. There is another option we could look into but it would require you to take leave from work.”

"What's that?"

“A day treatment programme.”

"I'm not sure..."

“What’s worrying you?”

"I don't know how to do anything else."

“What do you mean?”

"What if I don't know how to be better?"

“I can’t answer that sweetheart. But I think finding the right support network and programme can help you be better.” He said sadly, “Can we discuss the day treatment programme when you’re feeling a bit more up to it?”

"OK. Please can I go home?"

“Not yet, your shift doesn’t finish until eight.” He smirked.

She giggled. "What time is it?"

“Six o’clock.” He yawned and moved to meet her eye. He stroked her cheek, “I’m sorry I made you cry. I... I think you and I have a lot of things to talk about when we get home.”

"How long was I asleep for?"

“Five hours or so.”

"I don't remember what happened..."

“It’s ok, it doesn’t matter.” He kissed her cheek. “I just want you to know, I love you. You and the kids, ok?”

"I love you too." Another wave of panic crossed her face. "The kids! Have you spoken to them?"

“No, they don’t know.” He stroked her cheek again.

"How are we going to explain this?" She sighed, gesturing to her ankle.

“I haven’t thought that far.”

"Things got really serious didn't they?" She sighed. "I'm sorry I frightened you."

He nodded. “We’ve reached a point babe...” He sighed sadly.

"Are you saying that I nearly died?" She asked hesitantly.

“I think you’re in early stages of heart failure by the sounds of things.”

She closed her eyes briefly and swallowed, nodding.

“Which is why I want us to try something different in terms of your treatment.”

"To try and head things off before they get worse?"

“Before you die, yes.”

"I don't want to die."

“I don’t want you to die either.” A tear rolled down his cheek.

"I keep trying to fight but it's so exhausting."

He nodded, “I know. I know how exhausting it is fighting something that controls you.”

"I wish it didn't. It scares me, thinking of the effect it could have on the children."

He stroked her cheek. He couldn’t tell her about his own struggles. She needed him more than anything right now. “We’ll be ok sweetheart.” He reassured.

"I hope so." She was quiet for a few moments. "Did you mean what you said earlier..?"

“Which bit?” He asked.

"About our wedding vows."

“Maybe one day.” He replied sadly.

"That wasn't what made me worse. I was already slipping before that." She admitted.

“Was there a reason?”

"Does there need to be a reason?"

“Yes.”

"Do alcoholics need a reason to drink? Do drug addicts need a reason to inject?"

“Yes. Usually they’re avoiding something.”

"Not always. Sometimes they just feel a compulsion to do it."

“And that’s what it was? A compulsive need to stop eating?”

She nodded. "Coz that will somehow magically solve everything." She sighed.

“But it doesn’t. Can’t you see it just causes more problems?”

"Of course I can! I'm not stupid!" She retorted.

“I’m not suggesting you are.”

"I don't want to be like this. I didn't chose to be like this."

“Why didn’t you talk to me? When things were getting bad again?”

"I didn't want you to discover that I'd failed again. That I couldn't manage to do what you wanted, what you needed, me to do." She sighed. "I was ashamed."

“So you hid it from me instead?”

"I'm sorry."

“It’s fine.” He sighed. An uncomfortable silence descended over them.

"You're angry with me aren't you?"

“No. I...” He sighed, “It doesn’t matter.”

"It matters to me."

He shrugged.

"Please tell me what you're thinking."

“Why? It won’t change anything.”

"It might."

He sighed but didn’t say anything.

"Charlie please."

“Why? What good will it do?”

"Whatever it is, it's clearly eating you up inside."

“I am not going to be the reason you stick your fingers down your throat.” He whispered sadly.

"There'd be no point sticking my fingers down my throat, nothing would come up anyway." She replied somewhat flippantly. 

“I’m still not going to tell you.” He replied. “I won’t be the reason, OK? This isn’t getting us anywhere.”

"Fine! Be like that!" She huffed.

More silence fell over them.

Duffy could feel her eyelids growing heavy again but she tried to fight it.

“Go to sleep, I’ll wake you up when it’s time to go home.” He kissed her forehead.

"Promise to tell me later what's bothering you?"

“No. We need to focus on you babe.” He kissed her forehead again, “Love you.”

She sighed. "And you say I'm frustrating..!"

“We’ll talk later ok?”

"Promise?" She asked sleepily.

He nodded. “Promise.”

"Not the new year we planned..." She sighed, her eyes closing.

“No baby, no it wasn’t.” He sighed and kissed her forehead. He stayed with her whilst she slept.

A little while later Zoe came back into resus. "Is she still wanting to be discharged?" She asked softly.

“Yeah. She doesn’t want to be admitted.” He explained, “Can she go home?”

"I would normally say no but I trust you to give her the best care at home." Zoe smiled.

“We have a lot of things to discuss when we’re home. About where we go from here as a couple.” He said quietly.

"That sounds pretty deep." Zoe replied nervously.

“I won’t ever leave her but we have things to talk about.”

"I'm sure you'll be able to make it work. Mainly coz if you can't what the hell kinda chance is there for the rest of us?!"

He smiled and kissed Duffy’s hand. “We’ll be ok. I know we will.”

"Let me know when she's awake and I'll get her ankle plastered up and kit her out with some crutches."

“Thanks.”

Zoe turned to leave but a voice stopped her.

"Its a little difficult to sleep when you two are yattering on..!" Duffy mumbled.

“I thought you were asleep!”

"That'll teach you to talk about me." Duffy smiled cheekily, her eyes slowly opening.

He met her gaze. Those green eyes still continued to give him butterflies.

"So let's get this ankle sorted so I can go home. I've got a lot on today."

Around forty minutes later, Duffy’s ankle had been plastered up, she’d been given crutches and she had a follow up appointment at the fracture clinic for a week's time. She was free to go home.

"If the kids ask I tripped down some stairs OK?" She told Charlie.

He sighed, “Ok.” He stood up, “I just need to get something from the office, you stay here. Ok?”

"OK."

He was in his office for so long that eventually Duffy got bored of waiting and hobbled over to the office, not bothering to knock before going inside.

He jumped, dropping the box he held in his hands onto the floor.

"Charlie?" She questioned softly.

“It’s nothing.” He grabbed the box quickly and put it in his coat pocket. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

"Liar." She retorted.

He didn’t say anything. They went to the car in silence.

After he'd gotten her comfortable in the passenger seat Duffy took the opportunity whilst he was loading her crutches into the boot to take the box out of his coat pocket that he'd slung on the driver's seat.

It was a box of codeine, no label on them so they didn’t look prescribed. He closed the boot.

She held them up as he got into the car. "Zoe didn't prescribe these for my ankle so what are you doing with them?"

“Can I have them back?” He held his hand out.

"No, not til you explain."

“There’s nothing to explain.”

"You have an unlabelled box of pain meds, let's start with where they came from..."

“This is pointless. Can I have them back?” He sighed, “They’re mine.”

"I presumed that. How long have you been taking them again?"

“Not long.”

"How did we end up in such a mess again?" She sighed sadly.

He shrugged, “It's complicated.”

"It always is with us."

“There’s things I need to tell you but I won’t. Because I won’t be the reason you relapse over and over again.”

"I don't need a reason." She sighed.

“Exactly. So why would I tell you things if I know there’s a chance you’ll use my words to hurt yourself?” He sighed. “I promised Em I’d get you better. I’ve broken one promise to her, I won’t break another! But...” He rested his head against the steering wheel, “I am tired Duffy. I’m tired of not knowing how best to support you.”

"You should tell me things because I'm your wife."

“I hate it when you’re skinny.” He replied, “I hate making love to you because I’m scared I’ll bruise you or break your bones. And I promised on my life that I would never, ever hurt you!”

"When you pull away from me it makes me more paranoid, I fear I'm losing you." She admitted, her voice barely audible.

“I don’t want to be like Andrew. I don’t want to hurt you.” He whispered. “So I pull away from you.”

"You'll never be like him."

“I haven’t known what to do for a long time.” Charlie admitted, “I try my best to support you but, truth be told, I don’t know what you need from me. I don’t know what I should or shouldn’t do.”

"I wish I could tell you. I wish it was that simple."

“I don’t want us to ever reach the stage where we resent each other.” He closed his eyes and swallowed. “I just wish you’d be able to see what I see. What the children see.”

"Which is?"

“A woman who's infuriating and stubborn and beautiful. Who makes us laugh, bang our heads against walls in frustration but loves us with all her heart.” A tear rolled down his cheek, followed by another.

"Oh Charlie..." She reached out her hands towards him.

“I’m ok.” He smiled sadly, “We should go home.” He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Can I cuddle you when we get home?”

"I'd be upset if you didn't." She smiled.

“I’m sorry.” He paused, “I won’t ever leave you. You know that, right? Even when it’s really tough between us.”

"Deep down I know that's true but sometimes my fears get the better of me."

He squeezed her thigh, “I love you.” He started the engine.

"Even when I do stupid things like I did tonight?"

“Yes.” He rubbed her thigh before putting both hands on the steering wheel and beginning the journey home.


	25. NSFW, TW: eating disorders

Once home Duffy attempted to head straight upstairs for a nap but Tilly had heard the door open. Her eyes widened as she spotted her parents.

"What the fuck.?!" Tilly gasped.

“Your mum fell over at work. She’s broken her ankle.” Charlie explained to Tilly.

"You are literally the clumsiest person in the world mum!" Tilly teased.

"Yeh..." Duffy replied awkwardly.

Charlie kissed his daughter’s cheek, “Your mum and I are going to go for a nap for a bit. Have you lot been ok?”

"Yeh, gran made us a special new year breakfast." Tilly grinned.

He smiled, “Let me get your mum upstairs and I’ll come and speak to your gran. Assuming she’s still here..?”

"Yeh, she's helping the boys make biscuits for lunch later."

He smiled, “Love you Tots.” 

He helped Duffy up the stairs and into their bedroom.

"This is so ridiculous!" Duffy grumbled. "All I did was trip over."

“Hmm.” He sighed. They sat on the bed, Charlie’s hands in his lap.

"You really think there's something wrong with my bones don't you?" She sighed.

“Yes.” He went to move his hand to her leg but hesitated.

"But I'm only fifty two..."

“I know.” He put his hand back in his lap, “But the years of abuse you’ve put your body through has clearly had an effect on the strength of your bones. You break them really easily. There is treatment.”

"I know there is."

“So what’s scaring you?”

"That it won't work, that they'll say I brought it on myself so I don't deserve help."

“You’re ill. You need help.” He said quietly.

"You've seen how colleagues react to these kind of things..." She sighed. "Why do you think I didn't want them all to know?"

“Only Zoe knows.” He reassured.

"I doubt it'll stay that way for long. How many people saw me lying in resus for most of my shift?"

He stood up and began to change. “A few people.”

"So gossip will be flying round then."

“Probably.” He removed his top, putting it in the laundry basket.

"Most of them probably putting the pieces together all wrong like Zoe did." She sighed.

“That’s true.” He put on a clean T-shirt. “I’m used to people getting the wrong end of the stick though.”

"You'd think your friends would think better of you than that." She frowned. "Does it not hurt that they look at you and think 'yeh, he's probably capable of kicking several lumps of shit out of his missus...'?"

“They see things clinically.” He nodded, “Yeah it does.” He admitted. 

"You're the sweetest man I know." It was clear from her face that the accusations hurt her deeply too.

He removed his belt and then his jeans. “Do you need a hand getting out of your clothes?”

"With my trousers certainly."

Charlie helped her out of her trousers, he was gentle.

"So how long are you signing me off for this time?" She sighed.

“Initially six weeks.”

"Is that just for the ankle?"

“Just for the ankle.”

"That means I'll be off for longer than that then." She sighed as she attempted to get comfortable in the bed.

“You’ll be paid.” He reassured as he kissed her cheek, getting into bed beside her.

"That wasn't my main worry." She chuckled softly.

“What is your main worry?” His hand rested against her hip, his fingertips stroking the skin.

"That I'm going to fail. Again. That I'll let you down. Again." She sighed.

“You won’t.” He reassured, his fingertips gently moving up her body.

"But I've let you and the kids down so many times already..."

“You haven’t.” He kissed her cheek.

"You said that you'd broken some many promises to the kids over me."

“I promised Emily I’d get you better. I stand by that promise.”

"But what if I'm never going to be able to get better?"

“Then that’s something we’ll have to deal with.”

"If I don't get better there won't be a we..." She replied darkly. "You said that yourself earlier."

He closed his eyes.

Tears started to silently slide down her cheek and onto the pillow.

“I don’t want to lose you to this Duffy. I can’t lose you...” He pulled her closer.

"I was so scared when I woke up in resus by myself."

“I’m sorry. I was angry.”

"At me?"

“At me. I was annoyed at myself.”

"Why?"

He sighed, “I pretended you weren’t relapsing...”

"You and me both."

“I’m sorry.” He whispered as he kissed her neck.

"So am I. I should have spoken to you sooner."

“I should have spoken to you sooner too.” He whispered, he kissed up her neck.

She tilted her head slightly.

“I love you.” He whispered.

"I had planned to use our nap to finish what we started in our office earlier..."

“Make love..?”

"I'm guessing that's off the cards for a while." She sighed, frustrated.

“I just worry I’ll hurt you..” He said quietly as he ran his hand up her stomach towards her breasts.

"Zoe made a snarky remark about avoiding 'strenuous exercise'..." Duffy rolled her eyes.

“Since when did you listen to doctor’s orders?” He smirked, “She’s right though. Until you’ve seen a cardiologist at least.”

"Smart arse!" She muttered. "Its been a while since I've seen the cardiologist, the kids will start getting ideas..!" She added, her tone teasing.

“They wont need to know.”

"Its been about seven, almost eight years in fact." She ran her fingers along his cheek. "Are you sure we can't break the rules..?" She pouted.

He looked down at her lips. A familiar stirring... “No, we can’t.”

"This year is getting more shit with every passing minute." She continued to sulk.

His fingertips brushed against her breasts.

"That feels really good." She whispered.

He did it again.

"Your tongue would feel even better..."

“Would it? Where?”

"Right here." She moved his fingers to her nipple.

“You want my tongue right there?”

"Yes."

He moved down and kissed her breast, purposely ignoring her nipple.

She attempted to nudge his head nearer.

He kissed her nipple.

Duffy let out a little moan.

He smiled and did it again, allowing his tongue to run over her nipple.

"So much better." She breathed.

He began to suck on her nipple, his hand rested on the top of her thigh.

Her moans and sighs were encouraging him on.

He pulled away and met her gaze.

"Why you stop?" She whined playfully.

He kissed her passionately.

She moaned into his mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

The kiss was rough and heated.

"I want you so much!" She gasped between kisses.

“Which part of me?” He whispered as he took his penis and rubbed it against her wet folds.

"You know what I want!"

He entered her, gasping softly against her ear.

"I love you so much!"

“I love you too.” He moaned as he began to move gently.

She lightly scratched her nails across his shoulders.

He grabbed her hand and entwined his fingers through hers.

She wanted him to go faster but knew why he was being gentle and slow.

Knowing what she wanted from him, Charlie’s thrusts became faster.

She gripped his hands tightly.

“Are you okay?” He asked, “I’m not hurting you, am I?” He whispered.

"I'm ok." She replied, trying not to sound breathless.

“Promise me?”

"Yeh."

He slowed his thrusts down, “Lie on your side and face me,” he whispered.

She tried to roll over but the cast on her ankle was making it tricky.

He giggled. “It’s not going to work is it?”

"You could help me rather than laughing at me!" She pouted.

He gently moved her onto her side and took her back into his arms and began to make love to her once again.

Their eyes locked.

He smiled. Her eyes had a small sparkle evident.

Her eyes widened slightly as she began to reach orgasm.

“Oh fuck,” He moaned, his eyes still locked with hers.

She closed her eyes as her orgasm hit.

He continued his movements for a few minutes before he climaxed himself.

Several moments passed and she didn't reopen her eyes, her breathing laboured.

“Duffy!” He shook her. “Wake up!”

"Huh?!" Her eyes fluttered open.

“Are you alright?” He stroked his fingertips against her cheek.

"Sleepy." She mumbled, her eyes starting to close again.

“Look at me?” He took her wrist and checked her pulse.

She forced her eyes open again.

“Do you feel ok?”

"Just let me sleep." She grumbled.

“Not until you tell me you’re ok?”

"I'm fine, just tired."

“Love you.”

"Love you too."

He watched her as she slept, dozing himself for an hour or so.

He was awoken from his nap from the sounds of laughing and excited shouting from downstairs.

“Babe,” He whispered, trying to wake Duffy up.

She groaned softly, she was a little difficult to rouse.

“I think the family want us downstairs.” He whispered.

"Huh?!" She mumbled.

“It’s New Years Day. We’ve got a lunch to make, remember?”

"Oh... OK..." She started to push herself up but stopped halfway.

“What’s wrong?”

"I'm ok, just sat up too quickly."

“You’re lightheaded?”

"I'll be OK."

“Hopefully the urgent referral to the cardiologist won’t take long.”

"Please don't fuss."

“I can’t help it.” 

They got dressed and went downstairs, attempting to have the New Years Day they’d planned.

As he'd expected from their phone call Peter and Jake looked rather the worse for wear. Holly and Krystal looked slightly better but still clearly hungover.

"Fucking hell!" Jake gasped as he looked up and saw his mum hobbling into the lounge on crutches.

"I'm fine." Duffy insisted with a sigh.

Emily suddenly felt really sick and began to discreetly rub her stomach, escaping into the hallway. 

“Rowdy night in A&E, I take it?” Jake asked.

"Yeh. Lunch might take a little longer than anticipated." Duffy sighed.

Emily watched her mum intensely. Why did she have such a bad feeling about all this?

"Dare we ask what state the other guy is in?" Krystal laughed after Duffy had headed through to the kitchen.

Charlie laughed, “I’m going to go and help Duffy make lunch.”

"Someone ring ahead and alert the fire brigade!" Tilly giggled.

Emily moved to the stairs, “I’m going out.” She declared.

"Where? It's new year's day, nowhere is open." Lottie replied as she came down the stairs.

“Anywhere but here.”

"You can't just leave."

“Why can’t I?” Emily answered back.

"Everyone is here."

“So...?”

"Mum'll freak if you just piss off."

“I’ll be back. Just cover my arse for an hour?”

"Fine whatever."

“Thanks!” Emily quietly crept upstairs to get changed.

The rest of the family were spread out through the various downstairs rooms so no-one else noticed Emily slip out through the front door.

She didn’t really have a plan. She just needed to channel the nervous energy that she had inside of her.

She'd made it to the corner of the road when her phone beeped with a text from Beth.

She looked down at the message from Beth.

'Hey pocket! How's the fam thing? Mum's having a fight with her latest fella in the other room. Urgh! Xx'

She read the text but didn’t respond. She chucked her phone back in her pocket and decided to go for a run.

After running three laps of the local park she sat down on a bench and took her phone back out again.

She replied back to Beth’s text; ‘Mum’s broken her ankle. She’s so clumsy xx’, She put the phone back in her pocket and decided to run another six laps around the park. The nervous energy wasn’t subsiding.

By the time she'd done that there was a reply from Beth. 'Wtf?! She OK? Xx'

‘Yeah she’s fine xx’, Emily began to head back home. Despite all that, she didn’t feel at all better.

'I've escaped the flat. Can't stand listening to them fight anymore. You at home? Xx'

‘Yeah, heading there now. XX’

'Would your parents mind if I came hang? Xx'

‘They shouldn’t do xx’

'Meet you there? Xx'

‘Yeah xx’, Emily sighed as she got home. She closed the front door harder than she’d meant to.

Peter appeared in the hallway. "Where you been?"

“Out.”

"Alright moody face!"

“Whatever!” Emily pulled off her hoody, “I’m going for a bath. Beth’s on her way.”

"Ooooh!" He teased.

She rolled her eyes and went upstairs. She went into the bathroom and ran the bath before going back into her own room.

About half an hour later Tilly yelled up the stairs to say that Beth had arrived.

There was no answer from upstairs.

"You might as well just go up." Tilly shrugged to Beth. "She's been a right moody cow today."

“Has she? She said everything was fine earlier.” Beth smiled, “I’ll go up, thanks.”

"She's probably grumpy coz you two haven't hooked up since before Christmas." Tilly added over her shoulder as she walked off.

Beth rolled her eyes and climbed the stairs, “Pocket?” She called. 

Emily was asleep on her bed, curled up in a ball. The dustbin next to the bed had sick in it.

Beth crept into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. She gently placed her hand on Emily's forehead, relieved to find she had a normal temperature.

Beth lay down next to Emily and wrapped her arms around her.

“Emmy, lunch is ready.” Charlie called up the stairs a short while later.

"I hope your mum cooked and not your dad!" Beth chuckled.

Emily opened her eyes and sighed, “Mum cooked.”

"I was a little nervous when you said that she'd bust her ankle that your dad would offer to cook instead..."

“Nah.” Emily’s eyes flickered closed again, “I’m not really hungry. Are you?”

"Bit peckish. What's worrying you?"

“Nowt. Just can’t be bothered with the shit anymore.” Emily sat up, “Let’s go downstairs.”

"What shit?" Beth asked, confused, as she followed Emily.

“It doesn’t matter.” They went downstairs and both went into the kitchen. Emily looked a bit pale in the light of the kitchen.

"I thought you'd only bust your ankle!" Beth gasped as she saw Duffy. "How come it's plastered up to your knee?"

"It needs to stay immobile." Duffy sighed.

Emily pushed the food around her plate, she wasn’t hungry. 

“What happened?” Beth asked.

"I tripped over at work, landed awkwardly."

“That’s crap.” Beth tucked into her food.

"Yeh, one missed landing and I'm off work for six weeks."

There were different conversations happening over the table.

"Oh my god that's so cool!" Tilly suddenly gasped at the other end of the table.

“What is?” Lottie asked.

"Show Lottie!" Tilly urged Jake and Krystal. "Krystal gave them matching tattoos!"

“What?!”

Both Krystal and Jake rolled up their sleeves to show matching tattoos on the upper part of their arms.

“You’re both adults.” Charlie shrugged.

Duffy shot her husband a look. "Let's just hope you don't change your minds in a couple of years." She remarked.

Emily got up from the table and wandered into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

"Can I have a tattoo?" Tilly asked, grinning.

“Not until you’re eighteen!”

"Lame! What about getting my nose pierced? Or my tongue?"

“No!” Charlie and Duffy said in unison.

"I thought you were supposed to be cool parents..!" Tilly whined.

“We’ll think about it...” Charlie replied. 

"What?!" Duffy gasped, glaring at her husband.

Charlie caught his wife’s eye and smiled.

'Not a chance!' Duffy mouthed.

Charlie smiled and nodded.

After finishing their meal they moved through to the lounge, sitting on the sofa, armchairs and cushions on the floor.

Emily sat on the floor and rested her head in Beth’s lap.

Beth stroked her hair, curling strands of it round her fingers.

Emily yawned.

"Too much partying last night wear you out?" Beth whispered, giggling.

“No.” Emily shook her head.

Paul came bouncing back into the room holding a new toy that he'd gotten for Christmas. "Peter, look!" He grinned, holding the toy out to his oldest brother.

Peter smiled, “What’ve you got there, Paul? Santa bring you that?”

"Yeh. I've got a track upstairs. It makes the car jump and spin!" Paul explained excitedly.

Peter held his hand out to his brother, “Show me?”

"OK." Paul took hold of Peter's hand and led his brother up to the room he shared with Oliver. He moved the ramp slightly. "If I put it here then the cars hit Oli's head when he's asleep!" The youngster explained with a huge grin on his face.

“Paul, that’s not nice.” Peter shook his head fondly.

"Its funny though!" Paul laughed.

“Maybe so.” Peter smiled.

Paul set up the cars on the track to show Peter. "What did you get for Christmas?" He asked.

“I got some money and some new clothes.” Peter smiled, sitting on the floor.

"Cool." Paul laughed as the car hit Oli's bed.

“Paul, you should be nicer to your brother.” Peter laughed.

"You call Jake 'doofus'." Paul pointed out with a mischievous shrug.

“Ok, you’ve got a point.” Peter rolled his eyes playfully.

Paul continued to play for several minutes before he spoke again. "Is mum gunna be OK?" He asked quietly, not looking up from his toy.

“Yeah. What makes you think she won’t be?” Peter asked gently, trying to work out what was going on in Paul’s head.

"She keeps getting hurt."

“I know.” Peter kissed his little brother's head. “Are you scared?”

"She was fine when she went out yesterday and then she came back hurt. Can't she just stay here? Then she won't get hurt."

“Sometimes mum and dad’s job is scary.” Peter kissed his head again, “And they get hurt.”

"Why do they still do it?"

“Because they like to care for other people.”

"Like Holly cares for animals?"

“Yes.”

"I like Holly." Paul smiled.

“That’s good. I’m glad.”

"She's not icky like the girls at school."

“You’re too young to be looking at girls.”

"I don't look at them, they smell!" Paul replied, pulling a face.

Peter laughed.

"Are you and Holly gunna get married? All the girls at school like to play weddings but I run away when they try and make me play!"

“I’d like to get married one day.”

"I don't."

“When you’re a bit older, you’ll change your mind.”

Peter played with Paul and his car for ages.

Eventually Holly came upstairs to see where they'd gone. "You boys having fun?" She smiled.

Peter blushed as he looked up, “Yes we are.”

"The girls put a film on. Your mum was asleep within ten minutes and your dad was barely keeping his eyes open when I left to come up here."

“I don’t think they’ve slept much from their shift last night.” Peter replied.

"Yeh I imagine it was pretty busy there last night."

“Paul? Do you want to go and watch the film with your sisters and brothers?”

"Yeh!" Paul beemed, jumping up and running out the room.

Peter remained sat on the floor and held his hand out to Holly.

She took his hand and sat down next to him.

“Can you believe it’s been a whole year?”

"I know, it's gone so fast!" She grinned.

He kissed her gently, “Maybe this year we can start some new chapters together?” He placed his hand on her stomach and met her gaze.

"I'd like to get married first." She smiled, placing her hand over his.

“I know. And we will.” He smiled.

"I can't wait."

“Neither can I.”

"I want my mum to be at my wedding." She whispered.

“Your real mum?”

"Yeh."

“Then let’s start looking for her?”

"I filled out the request form for my file but I've been too scared to post it."

“Let’s do it together?”

"Its been in my bag since before Christmas." She admitted.

“Tonight on the way home, let’s post it?”

"O-ok." She smiled nervously.

There was a silence between them, Peter’s thumb stroking over the back of Holly’s hand.

"Do you think we'll find her?"

“It’s worth a look.”

"I want to be able to tell our children about where I came from."

“You never know, your mum could be looking for you too.”

"I hope so." She smiled.

He smiled and kissed her again.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked hesitantly.

“You can ask me anything, babe.”

"Did it make you feel different? When you found out about your dad."

He nodded. “Yeah it did.”

"In what way?"

“I don’t know, I can’t explain it. I was a bit pissed off at first..” He admitted.

"Coz they hadn't told you sooner?"

He nodded, “I mean, it was pretty obvious who my dad was...”

"You do look a lot like him." She agreed.

“Mum and dad were just... Caught up in the idea they were just friends.”

"I can't imagine those two ever being 'just friends'." She chuckled.

He laughed, “I don’t think it was ever a stage for them.”

"So they hooked up and then pretended it never happened even though your mum got pregnant? How they manage to keep that a secret for so long?"

“Ask my parents. They’ll tell you.”

"I'm not sure I wanna have that kinda chat with your mum and dad..!" She giggled.

He giggled. “Nah, neither do I really.”

"That's one of the few upsides of my parents total lack of emotional interaction with each other - no awkward conversations!"

“Awkward conversations aren’t the worst, trust me.”

"What's worse?"

“Hearing them engaging in physical activity.” He laughed.

"Oh..!" Her eyes widened.

“Yeah, they’re not exactly quiet.” He chuckled.

"That's not a mental image I needed..!" She giggled.

“Sorry babe.”

"I imagine they'll be a bit more restrained for a while..."

“You’d like to think, wouldn’t you?”

"You don't sound convinced..." She chuckled.

“I don’t think anything would stop them.”

"But your mum can't walk unaided right now..."

“If mum wants something, she’ll usually get it.” He shuddered, “Can we change the subject? I think my lunch might make a reappearance.” 

“What are you two laughing at?” Charlie asked from the doorway as he was passing. He’d come upstairs to grab a blanket for Duffy as she seemed colder than usual.

"Nothing!" Holly giggled. "I thought you were asleep."

“I was but I was cold, so I’ve come to grab a blanket. Are you both okay?”

"Yeh, we're OK. I'm amazed Lisa can sleep, her ankle must be agony!"

“You’d be surprised.”

"She's not having much luck with broken bones lately." Holly remarked.

“I know.” Charlie sighed.

"Dad..?" Peter questioned, picking up on the tone in his father's voice.

“She’ll be ok.”

"What's going on?" Peter pressed. "It wasn't just an accident was it?"

“Of course it was an accident.” Charlie paused, “I think your mum’s got brittle bones. It makes them easier to break.”

"I'm not surprised. She's lost weight since the last time we saw her. That was only a week ago dad!"

“I’m really trying, son.”

"I'm not blaming you." Peter sighed.

“I know.” Charlie sat on the edge of Paul’s bed and paused. “You know your mum’s problem, don’t you?”

"I know she's not getting any better. If anything, she's getting worse. She's a nurse, surely she knows the damage she's doing to herself." Peter sighed.

“It’s an addiction.” Charlie paused, “Like Louis’.”

Peter nodded.

“If only it was easy to ask for help.”

"What are her options?" Peter asked, he really wanted to help as best he could. It was obvious that it was tearing his parents apart.

“There’s three. One of which hasn’t worked so far.”

"The therapy sessions she's being going to?"

“Yeah. Anyway, come on, let’s go downstairs..?”

"OK." Peter agreed, though he wanted to press his father further he knew now was not the time.

Charlie smiled sadly as all three of them went downstairs, Charlie with the blanket in his hand. He was concerned to see that Duffy looked even paler than when he had left her to go upstairs and was still sleeping heavily despite the surrounding noise from the children.

Charlie took her wrist and discreetly tried to take her pulse, observing her respiration rate.

Peter moved to stand beside his dad, giving him a nervous look.

Charlie counted.

Peter became increasingly agitated though tried to hide it from his younger siblings.

Charlie counted twice before sighing and putting her arm back under the blanket.

"Dad?" Peter whispered nervously.

“She’s ok.” Charlie reassured.

Peter wasn't convinced but he realised he was starting to draw the attention of his sisters who were laid on the carpet watching TV.

Emily felt sick again. She rubbed her stomach.

"Hey girls do you fancy learning a new trick to teach the kittens?" Holly asked, smiling broadly.

“Yeah!” The twins replied.

"Em?" Holly prompted gently.

Em shook her head. “Stay with mum.” She said gently.

"OK." Holly sighed. "Come on you two, let's go find the kittens!"

Emily slowly got up from the floor and crept towards her parents. “Mum’s not well.”

Peter opened his mouth to reassure his sister but he just couldn't bring himself to lie to her.

“You don’t have to lie to me Peter.” Emily said quietly, “I’ve known for a while...”

Peter sighed and looked over at their dad.

Charlie sighed. He closed the door to the living room and sat down on the sofa next to Duffy. “I made you a promise, Em. I won’t break it darling. I’ll get your mum well.”

"This can't go on." Emily sighed, sitting down next to her mother and resting her head against her side.

“No it can’t.” Charlie smiled sadly.

"Should she still be in hospital?" Emily asked.

“Yeah she should.”

"Why did you let her leave?" Emily asked sharply.

“Because I don’t have control of her mind, Em.”

"But if she's hurting herself..!" The distress was clear on the teenager's face.

“My hands are tied sweetheart.”

"I hate this!" Emily cried, burying her head in her mother's side, causing Duffy to groan in her sleep.

“I know sweetheart.” Charlie ran his hand through Emily’s hair.

"Would an intervention work?" Beth suggested from where she still sat on the floor. "I mean, you're all here today..."

“An intervention? What kind?”

"Well it's clear that it's having an impact on all of you, maybe you need to make her more aware of that?"

Charlie hesitated, “I don’t know.”

"Maybe it'll be the jolt she needs?" Beth shrugged. "But you know her better than I do..."

“It’s worth a go.”

"She won't like it..." Peter sighed.

“I’m running out of options son.” Charlie admitted

"I know." Peter sighed, defeated.

“I’m sorry.”

"Its no one's fault. At least no one here..." Peter added bitterly.

“I don’t think he’s fully to blame, Peter.”

Peter crossed his arms and made a rude noise in response.

“I think your mum had these problems before she met Andrew. I just think he made it worse.”

"He more than made it worse..!" Peter replied sharply, his voice rising.

Duffy began to stir, the raised voices were beginning to wake her.

“It’s more complicated...” Charlie tried to explain.

In her semiconsciousness Duffy attempted to move - momentarily forgetting her injury - and let out a pained cry.

“Mum, you’ve broken your ankle, remember?” Em replied when she heard her cry.

Duffy's eyes fluttered open.

Beth, Charlie, Peter and Emily were watching her.

Duffy looked round at each in term. "Is something wrong?" She asked softly.

Em nodded. “We’re worried about you.”

"Why?" Duffy asked, attempting to smile reassuringly at her eldest daughter.

“Because you're ill.” Emily replied back.

"I'm going to be fine. You don't need to worry."

“But you’re not ok.” Emily said quietly.

Looking back at the others Duffy suddenly realised what was going on. "Oh I see, I can't move so you've all decided to ambush me?!"

Charlie sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, “We’re all worried.”

"What have you told them?!" Duffy demanded of Charlie.

“As little as possible.” Charlie answered.

"We're not stupid mum!" Peter burst out.

Duffy sighed, her gaze focused on her hands in her lap.

“We really need you to get better mum!” Emily chewed her bottom lip.

A single tear slid down Duffy's cheek.

Charlie wiped the tear from her cheek.

"I'm sorry." Duffy whispered.

“Ssh, don’t apologise.” Charlie smiled sadly and kissed her cheek. “You have nothing to be sorry for, ok?”

"I've let you all down."

“No you haven’t.” Peter replied. “You're ill.”

"I can see it in your faces." Duffy retorted.

“You haven’t let me down, mama. You haven’t let any of us down. We’ve just been so worried about you.” Emily rested her head in her mum’s lap.

Duffy gently stroked her fingers through Emily's hair.

Emily closed her eyes for a minute as she felt her mum's fingers through her hair. “Why did you break your ankle? Is it because your bones are weak because of your illness?”

"Its possible. I need to have tests done."

“What kind of tests?” Peter asked.

"A dexa scan."

“What’s that?”

"It looks at bone density."

“Ok.”

Emily looked from one parent to the other. "Is there a treatment?"

“Yes.” Charlie reassured.

"You have to do it then!" Emily stated firmly.

There was a silence. Duffy's fingers were twitching again.

Charlie took one of her hands into his. “I know it’s scary but we’re all here to support you.”

Duffy's hand shook slightly in his.

“We’re a team remember?”

Duffy nodded softly.

“And it looks like we’ve raised little children that want to help too.” Charlie kissed her cheek again.

"Little?!" Emily harumphed.

“Yeah.” Charlie laughed.

Emily scowled before smiling softly and snuggling into her mum again.

“I’m hardly little dad.” Peter replied.

Duffy laughed softly, holding out her free hand towards her eldest son.

Peter took his mum’s hand and stepped towards her. 

Beth smiled, “I'll give you some space as a family...” She got up and wandered into the kitchen to find Holly.

"Beth! Look at this!" Tilly giggled with delight as she held the cat toy above Shadow's head and the kitten jumped a flip.

“Oh wow! Did you teach her that?” Beth asked.

"Yeh Holly helped me." Tilly grinned.

'Everything OK?' Holly mouthed to Beth.

Beth nodded. 'Will be.' She mouthed back.


	26. TW: discussion of mental illness, self harm, illegal drug use and eating disorders

Louis looked anxiously around the waiting room. Today was the day and although he'd been waiting for this for several months now he still didn't feel totally ready.

Charlie had insisted on dropping Louis off for his appointment and had asked if he wanted him to stay. Louis had declined the offer and was therefore sat in the waiting room on his own but looking around at the various people sat in the waiting room, many of them with what he presumed to be family or friends, he began to wonder if he'd been too hasty in rejecting his father's offer.

Charlie hadn’t gone far, he was sat in the car park. He knew Louis needed him today so had taken the day off to support him. 

Louis hadn’t been there long when a petite, dark haired lady appeared at the desk and called his name. “Louis Fairhead?”

He didn't answer at first, eventually standing up when she repeated his name a second time.

She smiled warmly as she noticed the young lad on his own. “Follow me.” She began to lead him down a corridor.

He walked slowly down the corridor behind her, his eyes flickering around but not really taking anything of substance in about his surroundings.

They stopped at a room and she opened the door, inviting him inside. “Take a seat, Louis. I’ll be back in a minute, ok?”

"Um... OK..." He mumbled.

“Sit wherever you feel most comfortable.” 

Inside the room were two purple couches, a window overlooking a garden and a plain coffee table.

He moved slowly around the room. He briefly sat down on one of the couches before getting back up again.

She’d left him alone for a few minutes before she returned again, knocking softly on the door before she stepped into the room. “Sorry about that. I forgot my notebook.” She smiled and sat down on the opposite couch to Louis. “Take a seat. Would you like a glass of water or anything?”

Louis shook his head.

“First things first, I’m Fiona and I’m a psychologist.”

"Hi." Louis mumbled.

“Tell me about yourself Louis?”

"What do you want to know?"

“Everything.” She smiled warmly.

"Erm... My name's Louis and I'm seventeen." He shrugged.

“What’s brought you here today?”

"I'm scared of the voices." He whispered, unable to look up at her.

“You hear voices?” She smiled sadly, “How long has this been going on for?”

"Not all the time but it's been happening for a while now."

“How long is a while?”

"I'm not totally sure. I can't really remember when it first started happening."

“Tell me about your childhood. Are your parents together? Do you have any siblings?” She opened her notebook, “Do you mind if I take a few notes?”

"Um... OK. No, yes, that's fine."

“Thank you.” She waited for him to start talking again.

"I'm guessing you want more details than that..."

“I want to know about your childhood. Was it a happy one?” She asked. “Are you an only child? Are your parents together or separated? It helps us to have a background.”

"My parents split when I was a toddler."

“I’m sorry to hear that.” She wrote something down on the piece of paper, “Do you remember much about that time?”

"Not really. Mum didn't take it well."

“It’s hard when a relationship breaks down. Did you go to live with your mum after the separation?”

"Yeh, she got custody. Possibly coz dad had his hands full at the time." Louis explained though he didn't sound bitter.

“In what way?”

"My stepmother was pregnant with my sister when my parents split up."

“Ah.” She smiled sadly, “That must’ve been tough.”

"Yeh, especially when my mum had just had an abortion."

“Oh. Wow, it does sound awfully complicated.”

"Yeh." He paused. "Mum only had me but dad has six kids with my stepmum and she's got a kid of her own too."

“So you’ve got a lot of half siblings then? Are you close to your siblings?”

"Yeh though my dad and stepmum insist that we're just one big family. I'm probably closest to Jake but he's been away travelling a lot recently."

“What’s the relationship like with your mum? Is it a good one?”

Louis hesitated. "She... Um... She died when I was eight." He mumbled.

“Oh I’m sorry to hear that.”

"There was a car accident. We had to fly back to England the day after she died coz my stepmum was in labour with Oli."

“How did that make you feel?”

"I wanted to stay with her." He admitted quietly.

“Do you feel you didn’t get to say goodbye?”

"Not really. It was all so rushed."

“When did your mental health problems start?”

"Probably around then." He shrugged.

“Give me a rough idea of what kind of things you’re struggling with. How’s your mood?”

"I feel down and angry. Things get too much."

“When you say they get too much, do you try and do things to stop it?”

"I did..."

“And what kind of things were they?”

"I did drugs." He shrugged.

“What kind of drugs did you use?”

"Heroin mainly."

“Anything else? Do you use now?”

"It started with weed but that quickly wasn't enough. I tried ecstacy once but didn't like it." He explained. "Nah, I spent part of last year in rehab."

She smiled, “I’m glad you’re not using anymore. Are you at college?”

"Yeh. I was supposed to be taking my exams now but I have to wait til the summer." He replied, dejected.

“What exams are you studying for? What do you want to do afterwards?”

"My GCSEs. Not sure. I'd like to help other people somehow."

“But in order to do that, you feel you need to be able to help yourself first?”

"I suppose."

“In the last month, have you had any thoughts of hurting yourself? Have you ever tried to hurt yourself?”

He nodded mutely.

“What thoughts have you had?”

"I'd rather hurt myself than someone else." He mumbled.

“Have you acted on the thoughts?”

"I tried to..."

“What did you do?”

"I had a razor blade."

“And what were you going to do?”

"Cut myself with it."

“Where?”

"My arm. Where I used to inject."

"What stopped you from doing it?"

"I don't know."

“But something did?”

"Sometimes I got spooked."

“Spooked by what?”

"My siblings making noise."

“Do you feel able to talk to your father and stepmother about your thoughts?”

"I tried to before..."

“But it didn’t go very well?”

"Dad freaked."

“Talk to me about your voices? What do they tell you to do?”

"For a long time they wanted me to hurt my stepmum. That's why dad freaked."

“In what way?” She smiled reassuringly, “Do you want a glass of water?” She asked. She briefly made contact with him, she’d met many young people but there was something different about Louis.

He shook his head. "I... I tried to poison her. I wanted to make her sick. She was pregnant with Paul at the time." His face was full of shame at the admission.

“But you didn’t though? And that’s good.” She reassured, “Have you had any other thoughts?

"Only coz Emily caught me."

“Emily’s one of your siblings?”

"Yeh, she's the sister my stepmum had just after my parents split up."

“Do you get on well?"

"Sometimes."

“What other things do your thoughts tell you to do?”

"They want me to use again."

“Do they ever ask you to kill yourself or seriously hurt other people? More than the time you’ve told me about?”

"Sometimes."

“Do you have any immediate plans to kill yourself?”

"Not right now. But it seems to change from one day to the next. Sometimes even from one hour to the next."

“How do you feel right now?”

"Edgy but I guess that's not surprising."

“No it’s not. You’re in a new environment and these things can be daunting. It isn’t easy talking to people.” She smiled, “Are you on any medication at the minute?”

"Methadone."

“Anything else?”

"No."

“Ok.”

"Should I be?"

“Not necessarily, no.” She paused for a couple of seconds, allowing a comfortable silence to descend over them. Louis had done a lot of talking and she thought he could do with a small break.

He sat staring at the wall drumming his fingers on his thigh. He couldn't seem to stay still.

“How’s your sleeping and eating been over the last month?”

"I struggle to sleep and don't get very hungry much."

“Has that always been the case or are you struggling more lately?”

"Always."

“Ok. I’m going to ask you some questions and I want you to answer with not at all, several days, more than half the days or every day for the questions.” She smiled reassuringly, “Are you ready?

"Um... OK..."

“Over the last two weeks, have you had little interest or pleasure in doing things?”

"On some days."

“So would you say several days?”

He nodded.

“Over the last two weeks, have you felt down, depressed or hopeless?”

"Yes." His answer was immediate.

“All the days. Several days or more than half the days?”

"Several."

“In the last two weeks have you had trouble falling asleep or staying asleep or sleeping too much?”

"The first two most nights."

“More than half the days? Or every day?”

"More than half. Almost every night."

“In the last two weeks have you felt tired or have had little energy?”

"Every day." He sighed.

“In the last two weeks, have you had a poor appetite or have you been overeating?”

"Poor appetite most days."

“In the last two weeks have you felt bad about yourself - or that you’re a failure - or that you’ve let yourself or your family down.”

"Yes. Lots." He sighed sadly.

“More than half or almost every day?”

"Most days."

“In the last two weeks, have you had trouble concentrating on things, such as reading a book or watching tv?”

"Some days I struggle focusing on my work."

She smiled sadly, “In the last two weeks have you moved or spoken so slowly that other people could have noticed? Or the opposite, been really restless that you can’t sit still?”

"I get a bit twitchy when I can't concentrate."

“So would you say you’re restless?”

He nodded.

“Most days? Several days?”

"Most days."

“In the last two weeks, have you had any thoughts that you’d be better off dead or hurt yourself in any way?”

"Yes. Most days." He sighed.

She smiled sadly and began to jot up the findings.

"I've not scored well have I?" Louis remarked sadly.

“Judging by what you’ve told me, it looks like you’ve got severe depression.”

"And the voices..?" He asked hesitantly.

“That sounds like it could be a separate issue and definitely something that needs to be addressed.”

"So what happens next?"

“I’m going to put you on the waiting list to access our mental health services. The waiting list is about six to twelve months at the minute. I’m also going to write to your GP about seeing you regularly and starting you on some medication.”

"A year?!"

“About that yes. I’ll say nearer the six months for you though.”

"But I've been waiting months already!"

“I know. I apologise.”

He sighed, folding his arms. "So what am I supposed to do in the meantime?" He sulked.

“Like I said, I’ll write to your GP about seeing you weekly and ask them to prescribe you some medication to help.”

"More medication..." He rolled his eyes.

“There’s nothing wrong with taking medication.”

"You sound like my parents!" He snorted.

“Taking medication can really improve life.”

"Hmm..."

“You can really improve your life, Louis.”

"I don't want to have to take pills my whole life."

“You might not have to.”

"Really?" He perked up slightly.

She nodded, “I know people who’ve been on medication for a few years and with the right therapy and support, have been able to wean themselves off medication.”

"OK."

“Is there any other questions you’d like to ask?”

"I don't think so."

She smiled, “You’ve made the hardest step by being here.”

"Really?"

“Yes Louis.”

"Ok."

She scribbled a number on a piece of paper and gave it to Louis. “Here’s our number if you need someone to talk to. We will do our best to help, Louis.”

"OK. Thanks."

“Any final thoughts of anything you want to tell me before we draw this session to a close?”

"Not really." He shrugged.

“Ok. It was lovely to meet you Louis.”

"You too." He moved to stand up.

“Take care.” She showed him the way out.

"Thanks." Louis smiled and headed out through the waiting room and into the carpark. He was a little surprised to see his dad's car still parked waiting. He hesitated for a few minutes before he approached the car. "You didn't have to wait." He remarked as he opened the passenger side door.

“I wanted to.” Charlie smiled, “How did it go, son?”

"Was OK." Louis shrugged.

“How are you feeling now?”

"It sucks that I have to wait so long for everything to happen." Louis sighed.

“I know.”

"Did you really just sit out here the whole time?"

“Uh huh.” Charlie nodded.

"Why?" Louis asked, fastening his seat belt.

“Because you’re my son and I wanted to be here for you.”

"Thanks dad."

“You don’t need to thank me son.”

"Did you hear from Duffy yet about her follow up check at the fracture clinic?" Louis asked as they drove out of the carpark.

“No I haven’t. They’re probably running late.”

"Do you want to drive over there? It'll save her getting a taxi home. I can sit in the back." Louis suggested.

“Are you sure?”

"Yeh. I feel bad that she had to go on her own."

“Ok. Well we can drop by on the way home?”

"OK."

Charlie drove in the direction of the hospital.

When they pulled up in the carpark Louis turned to his dad. "So do we wait here or go inside?"

“Shall we go inside?”

"Sure. If you don't think she'll mind..?"

"I'm sure she won't." Charlie paused. "Louis?" 

"Hmm?"

“I love you and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come.” Charlie squeezed Louis' shoulder.

"Thanks." Louis mumbled awkwardly.

They got out of the car and went to the fracture clinic to meet Duffy.

She was quite surprised to see them as she hobbled out of the assessment room.

“Hi. We thought we’d come and pick you up.” Louis smiled warmly.

"Did your assessment go OK?" She asked, smiling softly at him.

Louis nodded, “Yeah. Gotta do more waiting though.” He sighed, “Is everything ok with you?”

"It'll be worth it in the end." She reassured. "Yeh, I'm fine."

“I know.” He paused for a minute, “Do you two mind if I went for a walk? And come home later?”

Duffy looked over at Charlie for his opinion.

Charlie shook his head, “I have no issue with it.”

"Ok. Just make sure you keep your phone on if we need to get in touch with you." Duffy told Louis.

“I will.” Louis kissed Duffy’s cheek and then said bye to them both before going for a walk.

"He seems fairly positive despite the long wait ahead of him."

“Hmm, it’s what worries me.” Charlie said quietly as he kissed Duffy’s cheek. “How did it go in there?”

"It was fine." She replied dismissively. "You're worried that he's taking it too well?"

He nodded. “I’m just worried about him.” They went to the car.

"He's seventeen, we have to give him some space and freedom." She reasoned.

“I know.”

Duffy sighed as she attempted to get comfortable in the passenger seat.

“Sure everything was ok?” He asked as he turned to look at her, his hand on her thigh.

"Yes!" She snapped back.

Charlie sighed and moved his hand from her thigh. He turned on the engine. “You know the more you’re defensive, the more I know you’ve got something to hide.”

"Calling me a liar now are you?!"

“Forget I said anything.” He replied as they began to drive out of the hospital.

"Is that why you came to pick me up? To check up on me?"

“I just wanted to know whether everything’s ok.” He replied.

"And then questioned me three times when I said it was..."

“I just wanted to make sure.” He sighed. “Like I said, just forget I said anything.” They drove home in a painful silence.

Once they arrived home Duffy threw down her handbag on the hallway floor and hobbled into the kitchen, clearly not in the mood to be followed. She hadn't noticed, however, that she'd caused the contents of her bag to spill out onto the floor. Amongst them was an open letter.

Charlie crouched down to retrieve the items from her handbag. He picked up the letter and hesitated before he opened it and began to read... 

The letter had come from the fracture clinic. It contained a substantial list of appointments and tests that they had recommended.

He folded up the letter and put it back in her handbag. He sighed, why couldn’t she just talk to him?

When he walked into the kitchen he found her leant against the worktop staring out the window, her crutches abandoned by the door.

He watched her from the doorway, not saying anything.

After several minutes had passed Duffy sighed, she knew she was being watched.

He sighed himself and turned. He ended up sitting on the sofa.

It was several more minutes before he heard the click of her crutches in the hallway.

He was deep in thought.

"So you're blanking me now are you?" She asked from the doorway.

“No. I’m not blanking you!” He replied back.

"So what's with the Mr Frosty routine then?"

He sighed “I’m not being frosty.”

"Could have fooled me. You've not said a word since we arrived home."

He shrugged.

"Oh like that is it?"

“I don’t know what to say.”

"About what?"

“To you. I don’t know what to say.”

"We've been married over ten years and you don't know what to say to me..?" She asked incredulously.

He held his hand out to her. “Tell me what’s the matter?”

She slowly made her way into the lounge, letting out a sigh as she sat down next to him.

“I know you’re hiding something from me.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"What do you think I'm hiding?"

“That all isn’t well.”

"I'm not dying if that's what you're worrying about."

“What did they say?”

"That it's healing as expected but there's other areas that seem weaker than they should be." She mumbled.

“What kind of areas?” He asked.

"They're concerned that I risk breaking other nearby bones when I come off the crutches."

“Because your bones are weak?”

"Smug much?" She retorted.

“No.” He sighed, “Did they say anything on how we can improve your bone strength?”

"They want to do more tests." She sighed.

“What kind of tests?” His fingers stroked down her neck and along her shoulder.

"I have a list. I began to zone out in the appointment if I'm honest." She sighed.

He kissed the side of her head, “We’re going to do this together.”

"I don't want to have to give up nursing because of this." She whispered.

“Is that what you think will happen?”

She nodded sadly.

“You won’t have to give up nursing.” He reassured. “We just need to get you better so you can continue to be the amazing nurse you are.”

"You promise?"

“I can’t promise but I’m going to do everything I can.”

"OK."

They sat in silence for ages on the sofa together.

She eventually laid her head on his shoulder.

“You’re the most beautiful, infuriating woman in my life.” He whispered.

"Even more infuriating than your teenage daughters?" She giggled.

“Yes.” He replied with a smile. It was beautiful to hear her giggle.

There was another spell of quiet before Duffy spoke again. "I'm scared what they'll find." She whispered.

“What do you think they’ll find?” He asked.

"That my bones are crumbling beyond repair."

“They might not be.” He reassured once again, “We don’t know until you’ve had the tests.”

"Yeh..." She sighed.

“I know you’re scared.”

"I know sticking my head in the sand isn't the best approach..."

“No it’s not.”

"I'm sorry."

“It’s ok.” He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, don’t forget that.”

Her smile was genuine.

“I find it tough too.” He admitted. “Your eating disorder...”

"I'm sorry."

“You don’t need to apologise.”

"I've not just screwed up my own life with it though."

“You haven’t screwed up the life we’ve created together, either.”

"I'm not sure the kids would agree with you..."

“Our children are just worried about you. No matter how much we try and shield them.”

"Paul has been so clingy recently."

“So has Oli.” Charlie admitted.

"Yeh..." She sighed.

Charlie cuddled her.

"I love you." She whispered.

He smiled. “I know. I love you too.”

"Should we check on Louis?" She asked after a few minutes.

“How long has he been gone? I don’t want him to think I’m checking up on him.”

"Almost two hours I think."

“I’ll ring him.” Charlie moved slightly to get out his phone. He called Louis’ mobile.

The phone seemed to ring for ages.

Charlie sighed when it went through to voicemail.

"Maybe try again in a few minutes..?" 

Charlie nodded. “Hopefully he’ll ring back..?”

"I'm sure he will."

Charlie nodded again and reached over to put the phone on the coffee table.

"It'll be OK."

“I know darling, it will.”

She watched as he kept sneaking glances at his phone.

He kissed her earlobe.

They both jumped as the phone began to ring.

He picked up the phone.

"Did you want something?" Louis asked, distractedly.

“I just wanted to know you were ok. Are you okay?”

"Fine."

There was a pause, “Will you be home for tea?”

"S'pose."

“Anything you really fancy?”

"Don't mind."

“Ok. Well, I’ll leave you alone. Love you.”

"OK. Bye." Louis replied before hanging up the phone.

Charlie sighed. Why did he have a bad feeling about this?

"Everything OK?" Duffy asked.

“I don’t know.” Charlie admitted. “He seems distracted.”

"He's probably just tired after his assessment."

Charlie nodded. “He says he’ll be home for tea.”

"That's good."

Charlie kissed the side of Duffy’s head again.

"You're going to make yourself poorly if you keep stressing about everything so much." She sighed.

“I can’t help it. There’s just so many people that need me right now.”

"They need you well."

“I know.”

"So make sure you take some time for you too." She smiled, snuggling up to him.

He cuddled her. “Can I be honest with you about something?”

"I'd like to think you'd feel able to be honest with me, yes."

“I have thought about leaving.” He admitted.

"I thought you might have done."

“But I won’t. Because I remember the day I married you. Our vows - I meant them. I meant every word.”

"So did I."

“I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you.” He smiled, “We’re going to be ok.”

"We will if we stick together and help each other."

“I want your sparkle back babe.” He admitted. “I want to look in those beautiful green eyes of yours and see your sparkle. I’ve missed it.”

"I'm trying..."

“I know you are.”

"I don't feel like I'm getting very far though."

“I know you’re trying your hardest.” He smiled.

"But what if that's not enough?"

“It will be. It has to be.” He paused, “Have you thought any more of the day support treatment?”

"I'm willing to give it a go if it avoids inpatient treatment."

“Ok, shall we ring them tomorrow?”

"Ok."

“Actually when’s your next appointment to see your eating disorder specialist?”

"I can't remember."

“She might refer you.”

"I can ask."

“We give it a go and see what happens? You never know, you might feel more supported there.”

"I just hope it works."

“It will. I have a good feeling.”

"You and your 'good feelings' have usually been pretty reliable in the past." She smiled.

“Exactly.” He smiled.

"They were right about Oliver." She chuckled.

“Did I put pressure on you?” He asked quietly. “Was it me that made you relapse?” He asked.

"No. It was me that caused it, no-one else."

"Are you sure?"

"I have to take responsibility for what happened."

He sighed and nodded. “I do want us to renew our vows. But I really want your curves back, is that selfish of me?”

"No." She sighed. "You want the woman you married."

“You still are the woman I married.”

"I'm a broken shadow of her." Duffy whispered sadly.

“No you’re not.” He whispered, “You’re still the woman I married. You’re still her inside.”

"I was so happy that day. It was perfect."

“It was the best day of my life, finally making you my wife.” He sniffed. He was getting teary.

"No regrets?"

“No regrets whatsoever.” His hand ran up her thigh, “I didn’t fall in love with you because you looked good. I fell in love with you because you were my missing piece.”

Tears filled her eyes at his words.

“You looked incredible on our wedding day.”

A single tear escaped as she smiled up at him.

He caught her eye, “You looked amazing. I couldn’t quite believe you were mine... I still get days like that, you know?”

"It sometimes feels like a dream doesn't it?"

He nodded, “Yes it does.”

"A very good dream though." She smiled.

“Definitely.”

"I really to want to get married again. Maybe it can be something to aim towards? An incentive to get better?"

“I’d like that.” He smiled brightly.

"Lottie knows." Duffy admitted.

“Lottie knows what?”

"About the wedding."

He smiled, “About us getting married again? That’s ok. How about we do it at the beginning of next year?”

"She was in a mood with Tilly and it kinda slipped out."

He kissed her gently, “It’s fine. What do you say to next year? Gives you something to focus on.”

"I'm ok with that."

“Next year, we get married.” He smiled and kissed her again.


	27. TW: discussion of eating disorders and infant death

Duffy stood in the carpark staring up at the building. She wasn't sure what she'd expected from a day treatment centre if she was honest. It just looked like a normal building, just like all the other nondescript buildings that surrounded it.

Charlie had insisted on dropping her off before heading into work for a meeting. He gave her a kiss and told her she’d be ok.

She took a deep breath and headed towards the building. It still felt slightly odd to be walking unaided once more even though she'd been off the crutches and out of plaster for a number of weeks now.

To the left of the doors to enter the building, was a bell. She hesitated several times before finally ringing it.

It took a few minutes but the door finally opened.

"I have an induction session." Duffy explained.

“Ah, you must be Lisa? Come in.” The woman who had answered the door stepped aside.

"Yes. Is it just me?" Duffy replied anxiously.

“There’s some people in the lounge, but we’ll introduce you to them shortly.”

"Oh OK. I'm not late am I?"

“No, not at all. I’m Kelly, I’m one of the therapists here at day treatment.” She showed Duffy to an office.

Duffy froze as she stood in the doorway.

“Are you okay?” Kelly asked gently. “We can sit somewhere else if you like?”

"I'm fine." Duffy mumbled.

Kelly nodded and entered the office after Duffy. “I thought we could have an informal talk about what you’re hoping to gain from being here?”

"Just me and you or..?"

“Just us. Me and you.” Kelly smiled encouragingly.

"Oh, OK." Duffy replied, sitting down in the chair Kelly had indicated.

“It can be very daunting, walking into here for the first time but we’re a lovely bunch.”

"I'm sure you are."

“So tell me about yourself, Lisa?”

"What sort of things do you want to know?"

“Anything that helps me know a bit about you.”

"Erm... Well... I'm a nurse."

“A nurse? How long have you been nursing?”

"Its a bit over thirty years now." Duffy replied, grimacing slightly at the realisation.

“So you’ve probably seen a lot of changes to the profession?”

"A lot yes."

“You’ll be surprised at how many of our patients work in the medical profession.”

"Is that so..?"

Kelly nodded. “What treatment have you tried before coming here?”

"I've been in an outpatient's program twice."

“And how did you find it?”

"It worked for a while the first time but not so well this time."

“Do you have an idea what you want to gain out of this?”

"I want to crack this once and for all."

Kelly smiled. “We have a high success rate here. 90% of our patients go on to maintain recovery.”

"And the other 10%?"

“10% relapse and sometimes need to come back or try inpatient treatment.”

"I can't afford to relapse." Duffy sighed, her fingers fiddling with the ends of her hair.

“Then we’ll help you make sure you won’t.” Kelly smiled again, “We have no more than five patients at any one time. We currently only have three patients, yourself included. We do group therapy, individual therapy. We have our meals together and our meals are planned daily.”

"OK."

“Do you have any questions?”

"I don't think so."

“Oh, I forgot to mention. We have a timetabled structure here.” Kelly began to find a copy of the timetable on her desk, finding it and handing it to Duffy.

Duffy ran her eyes down the sheet.

“Would you like me to show you around?”

"Thanks." Duffy smiled, folding the timetable and placing it in her handbag.

Kelly showed Duffy around the building. There was a kitchen area, a lounge, a dining room and a small relaxation environment. It was set up to be as unintimidating as possible.

"Seems nice." Duffy remarked.

“Our areas have all been redeveloped to how our patients thought might help.”

Duffy nodded.

“Would you like to be introduced to the two other girls?”

"OK."

They went into one of the rooms where two girls sat on the sofa. One girl was drawing something in a notebook and one was reading. “Victoria? Bethany? This is Lisa.”

"Hi." Duffy smiled politely, a little intimated by the fact that both were a lot younger than her.

“Hi, I’m Vicki. I hate been called Victoria, makes me sound like I’m in trouble. Nice to meet you, Lisa.” She pattered the seat next to her. 

Vicki was a young woman with a nose ring. She closed her book and put it on the coffee table.

"Pleased to meet you Vicki." Duffy smiled, sitting down next to her.

“Don’t be worried about being here. It’s alright.” Vicki reassured.

Duffy nodded, she turned to great the other young woman. "You're Beth? Is that right?"

Beth nodded, “Uh huh. Lemme just finish this drawing and I’ll introduce myself properly.”

"It must be something about girls called Beth and drawing." Duffy remarked with a smile.

“You know someone else called Beth who likes to draw?” Beth asked.

"Yeh, my daughter's girlfriend." Duffy smiled. "My daughter is a very talented artist too."

“What’s she called? Your daughter?”

"Emily."

“Nice name.” Beth sighed sadly and put down her stuff on the sofa next to her. She brought her knees to her chest. “I had a daughter...”

"What's your daughter's name?" Duffy asked gently, reaching out to place her hand on Beth's.

“Isla Rose.” Beth sighed.

"That's beautiful. Where is she now? If you don't mind me asking..."

“She died.”

"I'm so sorry." Duffy squeezed Beth's hand gently.

“It’s 'kay. It’s why I’m ill."

"I don't know if knowing the reason helps recovery but hopefully things will get better soon for you."

Beth smiled. “I want to start living again. It took me a while to get to this point.”

"You and me both sweetheart." Duffy replied ruefully.

Beth smiled. 

“Beth and I haven’t been here long. This is our second week.” Vicki explained.

"The fact you've both come back gives me some confidence." Duffy chuckled lightly.

“It’s quite laid back. This week me and Beth have to gain a little bit of weight for our weigh in on Monday so you can imagine we’re quite nervous.” Vicki admitted.

"Yeh I bet. I think I'm most nervous about tripping and breaking my ankle or wrist again." Duffy sighed.

“Ah, weak bones?”

Duffy nodded sadly. "Its no fun being old." She remarked, a slightly bitter tone in her voice.

“You’re not old.” Vicki replied.

"You say that but I'm willing to bet you're both probably not much older than my eldest son."

They both grinned. “How much are we talking?” Beth asked.

"He recently turned twenty three." Duffy replied, pulling a face of disgust.

“How old do you think we are?” Beth asked.

"I'd say you're both roughly in your mid twenties." Duffy replied.

“I’m twenty nine.” Beth answered. 

“I’m thirty three on my next birthday.” Vicki replied.

"That still makes me old enough to have given birth to both of you." Duffy groaned with a smile.

There was a comfortable silence between the three of them.

"Do you have a family Vicki?" Duffy asked after a few minutes had passed.

Vicki smiled brightly and nodded, “Husband and three boys.”

"Are your boys quite young?" Duffy asked.

“Fifteen, ten and six.”

"Ah, your eldest is the same age as Emily." Duffy smiled.

“They can be a handful.”

"Oh yes, I remember when my older boys were that age." Duffy chuckled.

“How many children do you have?”

"Eight." Duffy replied sheepishly.

“Bloody hell! How many?!” Beth giggled.

"You sounded like my mum for a moment there!" Duffy laughed.

“That’s amazing, that you’ve got eight children! How old are they?”

"Peter is twenty three, Jake is eighteen, Louis is seventeen, Emily is fifteen, Tilly and Lottie are fourteen, Oliver is almost nine and Paul is seven."

“Wow! I see you’ve got your hands full.”

"I'm lucky to have a very supportive and understanding husband." Duffy smiled.

Vicki smiled, “Me too.”

Duffy began to relax slightly. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad afterall.

“So what is it you do for a career?” Vicki asked as Beth went back to drawing.

"I'm a nurse." Duffy smiled.

“A nurse?” Vicki smiled, “Is it true what they say about nurses making the worst patients?”

"If my husband and I are anything to go by... I'd say its pretty true." Duffy laughed. "Though doctors aren't much better!"

Vicki laughed. “I’m a terrible patient.”

"What job do you do?"

“Biology teacher for GCSE years. It was, is, my passion.”

"Oh wow! I'm not sure I could have the patience to teach. I've done a few talks in schools and they were stressful enough!" Duffy chuckled.

“They’re not a bad bunch.” Vicki laughed, “Noisy, rowdy and full of hormones but good kids. Just some don’t always have the guidance they need. Or they have some forms of trauma that makes it hard to live well.”

"That's very true. They're lucky to have a teacher who is aware of that." Duffy smiled before turning to Beth. "What do you do for a living?" She asked.

“Lap dancer.” Beth replied without missing a beat.

"Wow! Bet that's interesting." Duffy smiled.

Beth laughed, “I’m not. I just say it to see people’s reactions.” She paused, “At the minute I’m unemployed but I’ve worked a few odd jobs.”

Duffy laughed. "After over thirty years working in A&E very little shocks me and I've learnt not to judge."

“Sex work is still work but.. It’s not something I enjoy. Sex as a whole I mean.” Beth sighed. “I’d rather stick to drawing.” 

"Sounds like you'd get on well with Emily and Beth." Duffy smiled.

Beth smiled. It was a genuine smile.

"Just don't pretend that you're a lap dancer when you meet them!" Duffy laughed.

“Why?”

"I'm not gunna be the one to explain that to my husband." Duffy continued to giggle.

All three of them broke out into giggles.

Kelly smiled, glad that the ice had been broken between the three women. She moved away, leaving the three women to get to know each other better.

The conversation was filled with laughter and interesting anecdotes.

About forty minutes later, Beth looked at the clock and groaned. “It’s snack time.” She said quietly.

"Is it the same snack every day?" Duffy asked softly.

“No, they give us different things every day.” Beth paused, “I like the milkshakes.”

"I wonder what it'll be today..." Duffy mused.

“Shall we go and find out?” Beth asked quietly. She was nervous.

"Sure. It's not like we have a choice is it?" Duffy whispered as she got up. "I hate being watched whilst I eat." She revealed.

“Me too. I feel like a zoo animal.” Vicki replied with understanding. 

"Others just don't understand do they?" Duffy sighed.

“No, they don’t.” Vicki replied.

"I try to explain it and he tries to understand..." Duffy sighed.

“Is this your husband?” Vicki asked quietly.

"He tries his best to help. I probably don't make it easy for him."

Vicki nodded, “My husband's the same.”

"I don't think they know what to do for the best."

“Husbands? No they don’t.”

"Its sweet that they keep trying though." Duffy smiled.

“Yeah it is.” Vicki smiled. 

Beth appeared to scratch her wrist and sighed sadly.

Duffy instantly felt bad that they were inadvertently leaving Beth out. She placed her hand on the younger woman's shoulder. "Let's go see what 'delightful' treats await us shall we?"

“I’m ok..” Beth smiled. She nodded.

The three women moved apprehensively into the dining area.

There were some milkshakes and a plate of pancakes on the table.

"It doesn't look too bad..." Duffy shrugged.

Each of the three women took a milkshake and then a pancake each.

"Is she gunna sit and watch us eat?" Duffy mumbled, nodding her head subtly towards Kelly.

Vicki nodded. “She won’t stare at us but she’ll watch us, yes.”

"Hmm..." Duffy sighed, placing a small piece of the pancake in her mouth.

“It’s her job, she has to.”

Beth was staring at the pancake, making no attempt to eat it.

"It doesn't taste that bad." Duffy remarked encouragingly.

“It’s not actually.” Vicki smiled, eating her pancake. 

Kelly looked at Beth, trying to work out whether she was going to eat or not.

Duffy pulled a face as she sipped the milkshake. "Urgh! That's like drinking sugary sludge!" She grumbled.

“You’ll get used to the taste.” Vicki reassured.

"Its worse than some of the shit the kids con their dad into letting them drink when I'm at work..!"

“All kids are the same by the sounds of things. Wanting junk and god knows what else.”

"Absolutely."

It took the woman about half an hour to finish their milkshake and pancake. “I’ll be back in a minute, I’m just going to the toilet.” Beth explained as she got up, unable to meet Kelly’s eye or the eye of the other women around the table.

"Isn't anyone going to go after her?" Duffy asked anxiously.

Kelly nodded. “I will in a minute.”

"I could go..." Duffy offered.

“You don’t have to.” Kelly smiled reassuringly.

"Oh... OK..." Duffy felt awkward and useless, she wasn't used to just passively standing aside.

“But if you want to go, you can?”

"If that's OK..?"

“Of course.”

Duffy got up and headed out the room, wandering til she found the toilets. She pushed the door open gently. "Beth?" She asked softly.

There was a sniffle.

"You ok?"

“Uh huh.” Beth sniffed again.

"Has something upset you?"

“No.”

Duffy lent against the wall for a few moments, waiting to see if Beth would offer any more.

“I... Erm... It sounds silly...” Beth sighed, “But I um, get a bit overwhelmed when I have to eat.”

"That's not silly at all. Silly is the grown man who came to A&E the other day for a hang nail!"

“What? Really?” Beth sighed. “Some people are so stupid!”

"The stories I could tell you..." Duffy chuckled.

Beth began to cry again, softly.

"Oh sweetheart, will you open the door?"

Beth slid the lock.

Duffy gently pushed the cubicle door open.

“Sorry. I know I shouldn’t cry.”

"There's nothing wrong with crying. Would a hug help?"

Beth nodded shyly.

"Come here." Duffy opened her arms out towards Beth.

Beth moved into Duffy’s arms. “I’m sorry. I’m not always this emotional.”

"Its ok. Sometimes we all just need a hug." Duffy soothed, stroking the younger woman's hair.

“That’s true.”

The two of them didn't move for several minutes.

“Lisa?” Beth said quietly.

"Yes Beth?"

"How do you know exactly what to do?" 

"Its just instinctive in me." Duffy shrugged, smiling.

“I really needed that hug.”

"They're always on offer if you need another one anytime."

“Thanks.”

"They'll be wondering where we've gotten to..."

“Shall we go back?”

"We probably should or they'll think we've run away..!"

Beth giggled.

"Let's go." Duffy held her hand out to Beth.

Beth placed her hand into Duffy’s.

Together they headed back to join Vicki and Kelly.

“Everything ok?” Kelly asked.

"Yeh, we're OK aren't we Beth?" Duffy smiled encouragingly.

Beth smiled and nodded, “Yeah we are!”

"So, what's next?" Duffy asked.

"Break time." 

"What do you usually do now?" Duffy asked Vicki and Beth.

“We wander around the garden.” They replied, “We spend about half an hour out here.”

"OK."

“It’s nice to just relax after snack time. It can be daunting.”

"Yeh, do you mind if I tag along with you?"

“Not at all.” Beth smiled.

The three women wandered out into the garden.

Vicki sat down on the grass near the flowerbeds. “How long have you had your eating disorder?” She asked Duffy.

"Most of my life." Duffy replied sadly.

“You realise how much you’ve lost to it.” Vicki said quietly.

Duffy nodded. "Its the effect on my daughters that I worry most about." She admitted.

“Because they’re at that age?”

"I don't want my problem to become their problem."

Vicki nodded. “I get that.” 

Beth was listening carefully to their conversation.

"What made you both come here?" Duffy asked.

“I wanted to start living instead of existing.” Vicki replied. 

Beth didn’t answer.

"For me it was realising that if I kept going the way I was I'd end up dead." Duffy admitted softly.

Vicki nodded. “It’s a scary thought.”

"I ended up in hospital over new year."

“What happened?” Vicki asked.

"I got pushed over at work. Bust my ankle in three places. One of my colleagues started questioning all the broken bones I'd had which triggered a panic attack, which led to a seizure which in turn triggered my underlying heart issues."

“Oh wow! Shit.” Vicki replied.

"Yeh... My husband was particularly unimpressed when I then insisted on discharging myself a couple of hours after waking up from near heart failure."

Beth picked a flower from the garden. “I killed Isla...” She said quietly, not sure how the rest of them would react to her admission.

Duffy reached out and silently squeezed Beth's hand.

“I want to get better so I can have a baby.” Beth smiled sadly.

"You will get better."

“We all will.”

"We will."

A comfortable silence fell over them.

After a few minutes Duffy noticed that rain clouds were beginning to gather on the horizon.

Vicki looked up. “Looks like it’s going to rain.”

"The joys of April." Duffy chuckled softly.

“I can’t wait until it’s summer and I can wear a dress on the beach and look nice.” Beth commented.

"My husband suggested a beach as a possible location for our vow renewal next year." Duffy smiled.

“You should do it.”

"I need to get better first."

“He wants you to be the woman he married?” Vicki asked.

"He wants me to be well. To be happy in myself."

“My husband’s the same.”

"He wishes I could see what he sees when he looks at me."

“What’s that?”

"Someone who is beautiful, kind, stubborn, funny..."

Vicki smiled. “That’s sweet. You are kind and funny.”

Duffy blushed slightly.

“And I mean, if I was gay or a bloke, I’d totally snog you.”

"I think that's the first time I've been hypothetically hit on by a married non-lesbian woman..!"

“It’s never happened before?”

"I can't say it has no." Duffy continued to giggle.

“First time for everything.” Vicki chuckled softly.

"Sure is. I wonder what our husbands would make of it if they heard..."

“Probably encourage it.” Vicki rolled her eyes.

"You're probably right."

Vicki yawned and stretched, “Ready to go back inside?”

"Sure. I mean what else is there to do?"

“I’m thinking before we start looking like drowned rats when the heavens open.”

"Yeh, it's not a good look."

“No, messes up my hair.” Beth answered and stood up.

"Yeh, no-one wants frizz." Duffy agreed.

“No frizz isn’t good.”

"Right, let's see what awaits us inside shall we?"

“Yeah, lets.”

They'd must made it back into the building when the rain started to lash down.

“I call that perfect timing.”

"I'm going to take that as a good omen for the rest of the day." Duffy smiled.

Beth and Vicki smiled. The rest of the day passed without any other issues - they had lunch together and just before the end of the day, they had a reflection session.

Duffy sat fiddling with her fingers nervously, this was the part of the day she was least comfortable with. It was one thing talking with the other women about her problems and reasons, they understood what it was like to be in her shoes, it was something else talking in front of a professional.

Kelly sensed Duffy’s nervousness over the situation and tried to make her feel at ease.

Duffy stared at the piece of paper in front of her. She sighed, placing the pen down.

“Has everyone wrote down a few words to describe how they feel today went?” Kelly asked.

Duffy nodded, a little disappointed in herself for only managing two words.

“Does anyone want to go first?” Kelly asked the group of women sat around the table with her.

Duffy kept her head down, her eyes focused on the paper.

“Overwhelming and anxious.” Beth said quietly. “I’ve felt more overwhelmed today than usual. Especially during meal times.”

"I put progress and stability." Vicki smiled.

“And you, Lisa? How do you feel today went?”

"Well... I put friendship and welcoming..."

Kelly smiled, “All three of you have made a connection.”

"Its nice to be with people who understand." Duffy smiled.

“Having an eating disorder can make you feel lonely.” Vicki said quietly, “Like no one in the world can understand.”

"It really can. Especially being a nurse. People just think 'you should know better'..." Duffy sighed.

Vicki nodded, “I can imagine how frustrating that is."

"I know it's bad for me but that doesn't stop the urges." Duffy sighed.

“No it doesn’t.”

"We're just human too."

“Yeah we are.”

They wrapped up the day and said their goodbyes. Duffy headed back out into the carpark.

Charlie was waiting for her in the car.

She walked straight over and smiled as she got into the passenger seat.

“Hi gorgeous, how was your first day?” He asked as he lent over and kissed her cheek.

"It was OK. I made some friends."

“What were your friends like?”

"Vicki is a married mum of three who works as a teacher and Beth isn't working currently but is very artistic."

“Another Beth who is artistic? What are the chances?” He smiled.

"That's what I said!" She giggled.

He squeezed her knee. “I’m glad it wasn’t as daunting as you thought.”

"Yeh, it was alright."

His hand moved up her thigh for a minute before he moved his hand away.

"Something wrong?" She asked, confused by his actions.

“No.” He smiled.

"How was your meeting?"

“The usual. Really boring.”

"You didn't have your usual distraction to keep you entertained..!" She teased.

“Exactly, I didn’t.”

"You must have been so bored... Or did you let your imagination wander?" She smirked.

“May have allowed my imagination to wander a few times.”

"Tut tut!" She giggled. "I'll have to punish you for that later. You should be paying full attention in meetings."

“I was.” He laughed.

"I know you can't keep your mind on two things at once..!"

“No I can’t.”

"So what was the meeting about?" She smirked.

“I can’t remember.”

"Exactly!" She grinned smugly.

He laughed gently, “You know me too well.” He began to drive them home.

"They gave me a timetable when I first arrived, it was like being back at school!"

“A timetable? What kind of things were on there?”

"Various different sessions, specific meal times, that sort of thing."

“Did it help having a specific mealtime or..?”

"In some ways it helped. In other ways it was like being at a big family dinner."

“With everyone watching?”

"Its like every mouthful is being judged."

“Tell me more about the two other women there?”

"Vicki's got three sons. Her eldest is Emily's age and her youngest is a little younger than Paul."

“And Beth?”

"I'm worried about her. There's more to her than she's saying."

“What do you mean?”

"She lost her daughter. She implied it was a result of her eating disorder. I don't know, something just doesn't quite sit right with me."

“You’ve got an inkling?”

"Yeh."

“Follow your gut. It’s usually right.”

"She opened up a little, maybe if I give it time..." Duffy mused.

“Maybe.”

"She's so young."

“How old is she?”

"Late twenties."

“She is just a kid.” Charlie sighed.

"Yeh. I want to help her."

“I know you will. That’s the kind of person you are.”

"I'm just not quite sure how just yet..." Duffy replied, chewing at her lip.

“It’ll become clearer in time.” He reassured.

"I hope so."

“It will.” He squeezed her knee as he pulled up outside their house.

"I'm glad to be home. Much as today went OK I'd hate to have to stay there all the time."

“I’d miss you too much if you were there all the time. Especially in bed.” He grinned cheekily.

"So predictable!" She giggled.

“Your naked body is warm under those covers!”

"Hot water bottles do exist..." She smirked.

“You are my hot water bottle.”

"Is that all I am?" She pouted playfully as they headed into the house.

“You’re many things, darling.” He slapped her bum playfully.

She squealed, giggling.

He did it again.

"Charlie..!" She continued to giggle.

“What?” He wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You just can't control yourself can you?"

“Not around you, no.”

"Good!" She grinned.

He rested his head against her shoulder.

"I don't feel quite so scared about going there again tomorrow." She whispered.

“That’s good. I’m glad.”

"Its just weird being on the receiving end."

He kissed her cheek once again, his arms still around her waist.

"Thank you for still believing in me despite everything."

“I’ll always believe in you.”

"You and the children are what keep me fighting."

“I’m glad we do.”

"The last few months really scared me." She admitted.

“They scared me too babe.”

"I'm sorry."

“You have nothing to apologise for.”

"I feel like I do."

“You don’t have any reason to be sorry.” He reassured gently.

"Doesn't stop the guilt but I'm trying."

“I know you are.”

"So what's the plan for this evening?" She smiled.

“Whatever you want to do.”

"I don't mind."

“Cuddles?”

"Perfect!" She smiled.

He smiled.

Once they were settled on the sofa Duffy spoke once more. "Turns out you're not the only husband who struggles with knowing how best to help."

He was silent for a few seconds, “I think there’s probably a lot of us out there. It’s just a bit lonely...” He admitted.

"Maybe you should all get together sometime?"

“Maybe.” Charlie paused, “I think sometimes us men get forgotten about.”

"As much as the feminist in me wants to mock that notion I think you're right."

“We’re supposed to be the strong ones but...” He sighed and didn’t elaborate.

"That's the thing - you don't have to be strong all the time."

“But I do. For our family.”

"We're a team though - we do this together."

He nodded, “I know sweetheart.”

"So that's what we'll do."

He nodded again.

"Are the kids going to be joining us or have they made themselves scarce?"

“I have no idea. I’m hoping they join us.”

"I hope so too. I was talking about them earlier." She smiled.

“You were?”

"I drew the line at dragging out photos but I was quite the cliché." She chuckled.

He laughed gently.

"Though it did lead to the inevitable 'how many kids?!' conversation..!" She giggled.

“How did they react when you said we’ve got eight?”

"Shocked amusement."

He laughed, “That’s about right.”

"Its quite fun to watch people's reactions."

“We have eight beautiful children.”

"We do indeed. It may not be how we intended our family to be but I don't care."

“Neither do I.”

"I don't know why people act like it's so freakish..." She giggled.

“We were just busy bees.”

"That's one way of looking at it..!"

“We like sex and you’re very fertile is another way of looking at it.”

"I once overheard Peter complaining that for nurses we have a very poor understanding of birth control." She giggled, before pausing and shooting him a look. "Oi! Don't be blaming it all on me!"

“Ok, I’m very fertile too.” He smirked.

"You certainly are." She grinned.

He kissed the side of her head. It wasn’t long before Paul and Oli joined their parents for cuddles.

Duffy's face lit up as Paul snuggled into her, his head resting in the crook of her neck.

Oli did the same but to his dad. Charlie stroked Oli’s back and smiled.

"Did you both have a fun day?" Duffy asked the boys.

“Yes mum.” Oli nodded.

"Paul? Did you have fun?"

Paul nodded.

"You're very quiet today little man."

“Tired.”

"Aww, is that why you're so cuddly?"

Paul giggled and nodded.

"And here I was worrying that you were getting too old for cuddles with your mum..."

Paul shook his head.

"I'm glad." She smiled.

Both boys were quieter than usual. Had been for a couple of days now.

"I was thinking that maybe this weekend we could go out somewhere just me and you two boys. You can choose where. What do you think?" Duffy suggested.

“Cinema?” Paul asked quietly.

"Sure. Is there a particular film you'd like to see?"

Oli and Paul both shrugged.

"Do you want me to pick something you might both like?"

They both nodded.

"OK, I'll pick up a copy of the film listing on my way home tomorrow." She smiled. "Here's something I know you'll have an opinion on - what sweets do you want to take with us to snack on during the film?"

“Haribo.” Paul replied. 

“Chocolate.” Said Oli.

"OK. I think I'll also get some chocolate buttons for me, does that sound like a good idea?"

“Yep!”

Out the corner of her eye Duffy saw a look flicker across Charlie's face. It was gone too quickly for her to fully identify it so she gave him a questioning look.

Charlie looked down at Oli and kissed his head, pretending not to notice the look Duffy had given him.

Duffy tilted her head, continuing to gaze at her husband.

Charlie caught her gaze and smiled.

'You ok?' She mouthed.

Charlie nodded.

"Do you boys want to go play for a bit before it's time for tea?"

They shook their head and stayed with their parents.

"You want snuggle time instead?"

“Yes.” Oli said quietly.

"Well how about we stretch out and get a bit more comfy?"

“Ok.”

After a few minutes of awkward rejigging they were all snuggled up on the sofa. Duffy sighed contentedly as Charlie gently stroked his fingers through her hair.

Charlie was content with Duffy and the boys. More content than he’d been for a while.

Duffy moved her head slightly as she heard gentle snoring. She smiled as she realised that Paul had fallen asleep. She snuggled him closer. Though all her children were special to her in different ways Paul was particularly special as the unexpected final missing piece of their family puzzle.

Charlie smiled as he watched Duffy and Paul.

"He really was tired!" She whispered.

“So is this one.” Charlie smiled, referring to Oli who was fighting his sleep.

"I don't think he's far off giving in." She smiled.

“No I don’t think he is either.”

Moments later Oli's eyelids closed and he succumbed to sleep.

Charlie’s fingers continued to run through Duffy’s hair.

"So what was that look you gave me earlier all about?" She whispered.

“What look?”

"When I was talking to the boys about the cinema."

“I can’t remember.”

"I think it was when I mentioned sweets..."

“Ah.”

"You're afraid I'm setting myself up to fail in front of the boys?"

“No. It wasn’t that.”

"Then what was it?"

“You were confident.”

"Confident?"

Charlie nodded. “About food. I hadn’t seen that for a while.”

She smiled softly. "I want to beat this."

“And I truly believe you will.”

Her smile widened and her eyes lit up at his words.

He smiled brightly. “I love you.”

"I love you too."

He lent forward and kissed her lips.

She sighed contentedly against his lips.

“I’m so content here.” He whispered

"Me too. Can we just stay like this for the rest of the evening?" She giggled softly.

“We can if you want to?”

"Well I'm supposed to eat my prescribed evening meal at some point..." She sighed.

“What meal is that?”

"Vegetable rice."

“That sounds appetising.”

"Doesn't it?"

“Uh huh.” He smiled.

"I will eat it later. Promise."

“Ok babe.”

"I'm not that hungry right now and I'm too comfy to move."

“That’s ok.” He kissed her head.

"I'd rather stay here with you and our boys for a while."

“Ok.”

"They're growing up so fast." She sighed.

“They really are.” Charlie agreed.

"Don't give me that look..!" She giggled.

“What look?” He laughed.

"Like you think I'm about to make a crazy suggestion..!"

“That’s because you usually do!” Charlie continued to laugh.

"How rude!" She gasped, giggling.

He pressed his forehead against hers.

"But now you've raised the topic..!" She teased.

He shook his head fondly.

"I nearly had you there for a moment... I'm clearly losing my touch!" She pouted playfully.

He looked down at her lips.

"I'm happy to stick with this young man being my baby." She smiled, stroking Paul's hair softly, as her eyes caught Charlie's.

“He was the missing piece that we didn’t know was missing until he was here.”

"Our little surprise." She smiled.

“He certainly was.”

"I can't believe I considered..." She closed her eyes, she couldn't finish the sentence.

“Hey,” Charlie squeezed her hand. “You panicked. That’s only natural.”

"I love him so much. I love them all so much. And I hate myself for the hurt I've inflicted on them."

“I know you love them so much. They do too.”

"That's why I have to beat this."

“I believe you.”

"I just hope I can do it."

“Believe in yourself and you can do anything you dream of. Isn’t that what we tell the girls?”

"Oh to be fourteen again and believe that anything is possible."

“It is.” He smiled.

"Since when did you suddenly become an optimist?" She teased.

“Must’ve had a bang to the head.”

"Clearly!" She giggled.

He pouted playfully.

She leant forward and kissed him.

He deepened the kiss.

The kiss lasted several moment before Oli wriggled on Charlie's lap and broke the moment.

Charlie smiled against Duffy’s lips.

"Even asleep our children can't help interrupting!" She giggled softly.

“That’s true.”

"Often makes me wonder how we found the time and opportunity to have so many of them..!"

“Stealing moments, that’s for sure.”

"Luckily you're quick when it's required." She teased.

Charlie whispered in her ear, “It doesn’t take me long to come around you.”

"Sometimes you barely make it out your clothes."

“That’s your fault.”

"Is it now?" She smirked.

“Yep.” He smirked.

"I think it's your fault for having a one track mind."

“You said it yourself, I never left the horny teenage boy stage.”

"You're the oldest teenager going." She giggled.

“You’re gorgeous. Is it any wonder?”

"I'm glad you still think so."

“You are so beautiful.” He stroked her cheek. “And I’m so glad I finally gave in.”

"Even now?" She asked, chewing at her lip. She was well aware of the damage her illness had wrought.

“Even now.” He repeated.

A single tear slowly trickled down her cheek.

He wiped it away gently.

The tenderness of his touch led to more tears falling.

He kissed away the tears, “Let it out darling.” He encouraged quietly.

She buried her face in his shoulder as she cried silent tears.

He held her in his arms as she cried.

Paul briefly opened his eyes and gave his dad a worried look.

“Your mum’s ok.” Charlie reassured as he stroked Paul’s back.

Duffy looked up as she heard Charlie's voice.

"Don't cry mama." Paul whispered.

Duffy pulled him close.

Charlie continued to stroke Paul’s back.

Paul quickly fell back to sleep again, his hand clutching his mum's top.

There was a comfortable silence between them.

All cried out Duffy started to yawn, the day beginning to catch up with her.

“Bed and cuddles?” Charlie whispered.

"But they look so comfy..."

“I know, they do.”

"Let's just stay here." She smiled.

“Ok.” He yawned himself.

"Its catching!" She giggled.

“I’m really sleepy.”

"Let's follow the boys' lead and have a snooze then."

“Best idea ever.”

Moments later all four of them were fast asleep.


	28. NSFW

Holly drew in a nervous breath as she took the package from the postman and headed back into the house. The adoption agency had called her the previous week saying they had some items to send her. She hoped with all her heart that it was a reply from her birth mother to the letter she had been asked to write when she'd decided to begin her search four months previously now.

Peter was on annual leave from work for a week and so was sat in the living room.

"Its here." She told him nervously as she carried the package over to the sofa.

He smiled and held his hand out to her. “Come here babe?”

She sat down next to him, the package resting in her lap, her fingers lacing through his.

His thumb stroked the back of her hand, “Are you ready?”

"I think so..." She swallowed nervously.

“We’re doing this together, remember.” He kissed her cheek.

"OK. Here goes nothing..!" She slid her finger under the edge of the package and pulled it open.

Peter watched her carefully.

Holly tipped up the open package. A letter, some photographs, a doll and a hand knitted cardigan fell onto her lap.

“Maybe that’s your mum’s reply?” Peter nodded towards the letter on Holly’s lap.

Holly nodded mutely, her attention focused on the photographs. She picked them up to take a closer look.

“Aww, is that little Holly?”

"I think so. I've never seen any photos from before I was adopted. My parents said that coz I was abandoned there was nothing. That they didn't even know my name or when exactly I was born. That I was a totally blank canvas."

“You haven’t changed.” He replied as he looked at the photographs

She turned one of the photos over. On the back was written 'Holly's first birthday'. "But that means..." Holly gasped.

“What?” He asked.

"This writing is as old as the photo..." She tilted the photo to show him. "It also lists my birthday."

“Your actual birthday?” He smiled sadly.

"Its the day I've always celebrated my birthday. There's no way they could have 'guessed' it that accurately. They must have known! Just like they must have known my name is Holly!"

“When did your parents say they adopted you?”

"When I was roughly two. I'd been left outside a doctor's surgery in just the clothes I was stood up in. No note, no identification, nothing."

“But there must’ve been something?”

"There must have been. They've lied to me all this time. That must have been why they didn't want me to go searching..!"

He smiled sadly, “Maybe they just panicked?”

"They don't panic. Everything they do is thought out and calculated." Holly replied, her anger bubbling inside.

Peter could sense her anger was bubbling away under the surface. “How about reading the letter?”

"I'm scared to."

“It’s ok to be scared.”

Holly picked up the letter and turned it over several times in her hands.

He stroked her arm, “You can do this. Whatever that letter says, you may have answered a few of your questions.”

Holly nodded and opened the letter, her eyes scanning the words.

There was a silence as Peter gave Holly time to digest the words on the paper.

She swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall as she reread the letter a second time.

Peter pulled her into a hug.

"She thought she was doing the best thing for me." Holly mumbled. "She had been diagnosed with depression. She was struggling to cope. She didn't just leave me outside. She made sure I was safe and warm inside."

“She loved you. Still does.”

Holly moved back slightly to pick up a photo of herself with her mum. She ran her fingertips across the woman's image. "Her name is Anna."

“Anna? That’s a lovely name.” He smiled.

"Yeh. Apparently they called me Holly coz my dad proposed at Christmas."

He smiled, “That’s beautiful.”

"It sounds like everything was perfect until..." Her voice trailed off, tears threatening once more.

“What’s wrong?” Peter hugged her again and kissed the top of her head.

"There was an accident..."

“With your father?”

She nodded. "He was hit by a car."

“Oh babe. I’m sorry.”

"She was there when it happened. He pushed me clear." Holly burst into tears.

Peter held her tighter as she cried.

"No wonder she gave me away. I must have reminded her of what happened." Holly sobbed.

“Or she was so caught up in her grief, she forgot how to be a mum?”

"You really think that?" Holly asked, looking up.

He nodded.

Holly mulled the thought over in her mind for several minutes. "There's an address... She wants to meet..."

He smiled, “And would you like to meet her?”

"I think I would yeh."

“Ok.” He smiled and kissed her head.

"What should I do? I can't just turn up there..."

“Is there a telephone number?”

"Um..." She scanned the letter once more. "Yeh, right here."

“How about we ring first?”

"O-ok."

“If that makes you feel more comfortable?”

"Will you sit with me? We can put the phone on speaker..."

“Of course I will.”

"Should I call her now?"

“Would you like to call her now?”

"I want to but I don't want it to be like I'm being pushy. Or intruding."

“We could leave it for a few days?”

"I might bottle it if I do that."

“I won’t let you bottle it babe.”

"I'm gunna make a cuppa and then I'll call." She declared, standing up from the sofa.

“Ok babe.”

She returned a few minutes later with two cups of tea and some biscuits.

He kissed her cheek. “Love you beautiful.”

She picked up her phone. "Let's do this shall we?" She entered the number and placed the ringing phone on the sofa between them.

It took a couple of rings but eventually a woman’s voice could be heard down the phone. “Hello?”

"Hi. Is that Anna?" Holly asked tentatively.

“Yes it is.” There was a pause, “Holly? Is that you?”

"Yeh. I... Um... I got your package..."

“It’s so good to hear your voice...” The emotion was evident in Anna’s voice.

"I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment for so long."

“So have I.” Anna wiped the tear from her cheek.

"I don't blame you for what you did."

“I thought I was doing what was right.” Anna swallowed, “But as soon as you were gone, it was the worst time of my life.”

"But things got better?"

“Not really.”

"I'm sorry."

“You have no reason to be sorry. I’m sorry.”

"Are things OK now?"

“Yes.”

"I'm glad. I feel like I should tell you that you're on speaker coz I was so nervous. I'm sat here with my boyfriend Peter." Holly explained.

“Hi Peter.” Anna smiled, “I... I've missed you so much Holly!” She admitted.

"I used to dream about what you were like when I was little." Holly admitted.

"Hi Anna." Peter replied.

“I regret every day I wasn’t there for you.”

"I wanted to find you sooner but I wasn't allowed to."

“Your parents did what they thought was right.” Anna sighed.

"I think they didn't want to share me." Holly frowned.

“They love you.”

"They lied to me."

“They were trying to protect you.”

"Protect me from what?"

“I can’t answer that, Holly.”

There was a pause. "There's something I've always wanted to know... But after reading your letter I'm afraid to ask..."

“What’s that, Holly? You can ask me anything.”

"Growing up I was always desperate to have a sibling..."

“I never had any more children.”

"I grew up an only child but Peter comes from quite a large family so I've been getting a crash course in having siblings for the past eighteen months!"

“How many siblings does Peter have?” Anna asked curiously.

"Do you want to answer that question Peter?" Holly giggled.

“I’m one of eight.”

"Eight?! Wow!" Anna gasped.

“I know.” He laughed gently.

"I'm guessing you get that reaction a lot?" Anna asked.

“All the time.”

Anna laughed softly.

“Anna?” Holly said quietly.

"Yes Holly?" Anna replied.

“Would you like to meet up sometime?”

"I would love that." Anna smiled.

Holly smiled, “So would I.”

"Where would you like to meet?"

“There’s a cafe near yours. They do really nice coffees.”

"That would be lovely. Do you mean Jack's Cafe?" Anna asked.

“Yes. That’s the one.”

"I know the owner. Lovely man." Anna smiled.

“Peter and I like going there.”

"We may have even run into each other there without knowing."

“That’s a point! We may have.”

"When would you like to meet up there?"

“Tomorrow?”

"Sounds perfect. Lunchtime?"

“Lunchtime tomorrow.”

"OK, I'll be there at midday."

“I’ll look forward to seeing you.”

"I can't wait."

“Me either.”

"Could you bring along some photos from when you were little? I'd love to see them."

“Of course I can.” Holly nodded.

"I should let you go, I'm sure you've got plenty to be doing today."

“It was so nice to hear your voice Anna.”

"Is this the best number to get hold of you on?"

“Yes.”

"I'll make a note of it if that's OK?"

“Of course it’s ok.”

"I'd best let you go. I said I'd help a friend with a fundraiser this afternoon."

“That’s lovely, have fun.”

"Thanks. It's for a local animal sanctuary." Anna explained.

“You like animals too?”

"Living in a flat I've never been able to have a pet of my own so I often help my friend out with dog walking at the sanctuary. I take it you're an animal lover too?"

“Yes!” Holly giggled down the phone, “I’m a veterinary nurse!”

"Oh that's wonderful! My friend will be so impressed when I tell her!" Anna replied excitedly.

Holly’s eyes began to fill with tears. “I’m so excited to see you!”

"You could always come along this afternoon. I mean, only if you wanted to of course..."

“You... You wouldn’t mind?”

"Mind?! I'd love to have you there!"

“Ok. I’ll be there!”

"I'll send you the details. Let me know when you're on your way and I'll come meet you by the entrance."

“I will. Thank you, Anna.”

"Take care and I'll see you soon." Anna replied.

As Holly hung up the phone, her hands began to shake nervously.

"That seemed to go well." Peter smiled encouragingly.

Holly nodded, afraid to speak in case she was sick. Her stomach was like a washing machine.

"She sounds really nice." Peter squeezed Holly's hand. "Do you want me to come with you this afternoon?"

“Would you? I don’t think I can do this on my own.”

"Of course I'll come with you." Peter smiled.

“Thank you.”

"So what shall we do between now and then?"

“I... I Don’t know.”

"We've got a few hours to relax til we need to head out."

“Can we just cuddle?”

"Sounds perfect to me."

Holly put everything back in the box and placed it on the coffee table. Then she snuggled into Peter, a soft sigh escaping her lips.

"I'm so happy for you that you found her." Peter smiled, stroking Holly's back.

“I’m happy too.” She said quietly.

"Just don't tell my mum or the twins that we're going to an animal sanctuary..!" Peter chuckled.

“They’ll want to come along?”

"With mum not working at the moment she'll probably try and convince dad that they should get a dog." Peter rolled his eyes.

“Don’t give her any ideas.” She giggled.

"Absolutely not! That house is enough of a menagerie as it is!"

Holly continued to giggle.

"Louis mentioned last time I saw him that Oli and Paul want to get pet rats."

“Oh my God.” Holly laughed gently.

"You didn't honestly think it would end at the kittens did you..?" Peter laughed.

“Your parents are crazy!”

"I've been telling people this for years!" Peter snorted.

“And nobody believed you?”

"Apparently not."

She lent up and kissed his lips. “I’d like us to have two children.”

"Yeh, that's a normal number." He chuckled.

“Maybe three at a push..?”

"I bet that's what my mum said to my dad..!" Peter smirked. "Put it this way, 'just one more..?' is a dirty phrase in my parents' house..!"

Holly laughed and blushed.

"Everyone freaks out when my mum gets a certain look in her eyes..!"

“What look is that?”

"I can't really describe it, it's this kind of twinkle. Usually means she's about to do something crazy..!"

She giggled softly, “A twinkle?”

"That's how dad describes it anyway." Peter shrugged, grinning.

“It’s cute your parents are so in love.” She paused, “Even if they do have their difficulties.”

"Yeh, I can't fault them for that. Most couples would have buckled under half of what they've been through but they're still hanging in there." He smiled.

“Love isn’t supposed to be easy.”

"The best things in life never are."

“No they’re not.”

"And if you want something strongly enough you'll find a way to get it."

“Exactly.”

"How do you feel about speaking to your mum finally?" Peter asked after a pause.

“It feels strange.”

"Good strange or..?"

“Good strange. I think.”

"It sounds like you have plenty in common."

Holly smiled brightly and nodded, “Yes! Our love for animals!”

"Maybe that's where you got it from?"

“My mum? It looks that way, doesn’t it?”

"It does. I can see a similarity between you in the photos too."

Holly smiled. “She’s really pretty.”

"Just like her daughter."

Holly blushed again.

"And I thank my lucky stars every day that you were dumb enough to agree to be my girlfriend!" He laughed.

“You’re fit! Why wouldn’t I?”

"Coz apparently I'm 'punching'..."

Holly giggled, “Is that what your mates say?”

"Yeh." He pouted playfully.

She lent up and pecked his lips. “Aww!”

"I think they're just jealous..."

“Jealous of us?”

"Jealous of the fact that my girlfriend is fitter than theirs!" He replied smugly.

Holly giggled, her cheeks a rosy colour.

"No offence but have you seen the lass Dave is shagging?"

“She’s alright.”

"She ain't a patch on you though."

“No but I’m gorgeous.” Holly giggled. She didn’t think she was gorgeous. She struggled with that aspect.

"You certainly are."

She snuggled further into Peter. “I’m the lucky one.”

"Shall we just agree to split the difference and say we're both lucky?" He chuckled.

She nodded, “Yeah lets.”

"Perfect." Peter smiled, hugging Holly closer.

A small yawn escaped Holly’s mouth.

"Sorry did I keep you up too late last night?"

“No,” She giggled.

"Good coz you weren't complaining at the time."

“What was I doing instead?”

"Begging for more as I recall..."

Holly blushed and giggled some more. “That tongue of yours is quite talented.”

"I like to think I have other talents too."

“Inside or outside the bedroom?”

"Both."

“You do have other talents.”

"I'm glad you noticed." 

She grinned and met his gaze. “I always noticed your talents.” She winked.

"I'd say we're quite the talented pair..." He replied, trailing his fingers up her thigh.

“That’s true.” She watched his fingertips trailing up her thigh.

"I should probably behave myself given I'm about to meet your mum..."

“Hmm, possibly.”

"I promise to make a good impression."

“I know you will.”

"Gotta make sure I impress the future mother in law afterall." He grinned.

“For when we get married?”

"Of course. You should ask my dad about the lengths he went to to try and impress gran. Though to be fair he was starting at quite a disadvantage in that respect..."

“What was the disadvantage?”

"She only discovered that they were seeing each other when it got out that mum was pregnant with Emily whilst still married to her first husband."

“Oh heck! I can imagine your gran wasn’t best pleased?”

"No. Nor was she pleased that it wasn't til mum was pregnant with the twins that she was informed about who my dad actually was..."

“Ah.” She smiled, “Your Gran seems quite stern and proper.”

"Yeh. She likes my dad but she thinks things should be done in a certain way. So the fact they didn't get married til the twins were two wasn't a big hit with her either..."

“Your parents liked to do their own thing. Nothing wrong with that.”

"They still do. No chance of that pair growing old gracefully!"

Holly chuckled, “I think you’re right there.”

"It would be weird if they suddenly went all conventional on us though."

“Yeah that would be weird.”

"I'm just glad mum seems to be slowly getting back to her old self. I just hope we don't have to go through it all again but we've been here before too many times for me to be convinced she won't relapse again." Peter sighed.

“Eating disorders are hard.” Holly said quietly, “Any kind of addiction is.”

"I just wish there was a magic fix but I know there's not."

“So do I.” Holly answered.

"I get this wave of anxiety every time I see a call from my dad. I fear he's ringing to tell me something has happened to mum."

“Have you spoken to your parents about how you feel?”

"No, they've got enough to worry about."

She sighed, “I’m glad you feel you’re able to talk to me.”

"Couples shouldn't have secrets."

“No they shouldn’t.” She smiled and lent up to kiss his cheek.

"I love you." He smiled.

“I love you too.”

"We should probably start getting ready to head out soon. I know what you women are like for taking ages to get changed..!" He teased.

“We don’t take forever.” She playfully rolled her eyes and got up, “Fancy helping me pick out my underwear?” She grinned.

"Now that's an offer I can't refuse..!" Peter laughed.

“I didn’t think you would!” She laughed and put her hand in his.

"I'm not going to turn down a chance to see you naked!" He grinned as they got up from the sofa.

“As long as you keep your hands to yourself and don’t distract me.”

"So unfair!" Peter pouted mischievously.

They went into the bedroom. “On second thoughts, you can touch as much as you like.”

"Oh good!" Peter reached out to grope Holly's bottom.

She giggled, “Peter!”

"What?!" He asked with mischievous innocence.

She shook her head fondly, “You’re so easily distracted.”

"Fairhead men just can't help themselves around beautiful women." He shrugged, smirking.

“And that’s why you are one of eight.” She smirked.

"Trust you to side with mum on that issue!" Peter laughed.

Holly giggled, “Us girls gotta stick together, you know?”

"Ah that's why she likes you so much..!"

Holly stepped away from Peter and opened the wardrobe. “Possibly!”

Peter sat down on the bed and laid back against the headboard with his hands behind his head. "I'll make myself comfy while you decide what to wear."

“Ok.” She studied the clothing in the wardrobe, a comfortable silence between the two.

"I thought I'd just go as I am." Peter shrugged.

“You look decent enough.” She smirked, taking out two T-shirts from the wardrobe. She closed the wardrobe and wriggled her bottom.

"Thanks, I think..."

“Which T-shirt?” She asked as she held them both up.

"That one. I've always thought you look great in blue."

“Blue T-shirt it is.” Holly turned and put the other tshirt back in the wardrobe.

Peter smiled as he watched her get changed.

She removed her top and threw it at Peter, giggling softly as she moved to grab a bra from the set of drawers.

He scrambled to pull the tshirt off his face. "Oi!"

“What?” She grinned as she stood by the drawer.

"You obscured my view." He pouted.

“Your view of what? My breasts?”

"Yes. Why would you block my view of something so lovely?"

She giggled, blushing.

"Hey it's not just my sister who has an eye for beautiful works of art you know. I just don't have her skills at producing them myself."

She continued to blush, “Peter! Stop it, you’re getting me all hot and bothered.”

"That totally wasn't my intention at all..!" He smirked.

“Of course not!” She crawled onto the bed towards Peter.

"I'm a good boy..."

“Bollocks.” She crawled into his lap.

"Yeh they're right here..."

She giggled and kissed him tenderly, “You’re so funny!”

"Funny, charming and good looking too - seems I'm quite the package!"

“That’s true.” She moved her hands under his T-shirt.

"Not that I'm big headed or anything. At least not in that sense..!"

She giggled again, shaking her head fondly.

"I'm big headed in a good way."

“Oh are you?” She nipped his ear with her teeth gently.

"You know it."

“How long do we have until we see Anna?”

"Didn't she say she'd text with the details?" Peter recalled.

“She did.” Holly paused. “Do you think we’ve got time for some love making?”

"I'm not gunna say no."

“I didn’t think you would.” She wriggled on his lap.

"Especially when you're doing that!"

“Doing what? This..?” She did it again.

"Yeh..." He moaned softly.

Her hands moved to his belt.

He moved his hands to her waist.

She undid his belt and then the button on his trousers.

He sighed contentedly as she slowly slid down his zip.

She moved off his lap so she could remove his trousers.

He shuffled down to lie flat on his back, his hands back resting under his head.

Her hand slipped into his boxers, her fingertips tracing against his length.

"Mmm... That feels good..." He mumbled.

Holly exposed his penis from his boxers and kissed the tip.

He nudged himself against her lips.

She opened her mouth and took the tip of him inside her mouth.

"Oh yes babe!"

Holly’s tongue ran over his tip before she began to suck.

"Feels so good..!"

Holly took Peter’s cock further down her throat, beginning to suck harder.

His moans grew louder.

Holly continued until he climaxed.

"Oh fuck!" Peter lay back breathless, a huge grin on his face.

She met his gaze and wiped the corners of her mouth with her thumb. “Satisfied?”

"Always."

“Good good.”

"I kinda fancy a nap now." He chuckled.

“Come on then. Let’s have a nap.”

"I'll set an alarm so we don't oversleep."

“Good plan.”

Once that was done and he'd rearranged his clothes Peter held out his arms towards Holly.

Holly smiled and lay in Peter’s arms.

It wasn't long before they both drifted off only to be awoken by the alarm a short while later.

Holly got up quickly, rushed to the bathroom and was sick. She was really nervous about meeting her mum.

"Hols? Babe?"

“I’m ok, I’m just really nervous.” She called from the bathroom.

"Can I help?"

“Hold my hair back for me?”

"OK." He headed into the bathroom and did as she asked.

She threw up again.

"Its ok." He soothed.

“Sorry.”

"No need to say sorry."

“Not attractive at all.” She laughed slightly.

"I've seen worse."

She threw up a final time and rested her head back against Peter’s chest, “We should get ready.”

"Only if you're OK..?"

“Yeah I will be.” She flushed the chain and slowly stood up. She went to the sink to wash her hands, her face and to brush her teeth.

"It'll be OK."

She nodded.

"You watch you'll be chatting like you've never been apart within a couple of minutes."

“I hope so.” She smiled. She quickly got changed and about fifteen minutes later, they left for the meeting with Anna.

It didn't take long to find the sanctuary and get parked.

Holly began to bite her lower lip.

"It'll be OK. We've got a few minutes."

“I’ve dreamt of this moment for years and now it’s here, I’m so scared.”

"That's totally understandable. I bet she feels the same way."

Holly nodded. “I know.”

"How do you want to do this?"

“Let’s just go in there?”

"OK." He smiled, opening the car door.

Holly got out of the car.

Peter walked around the car and took hold of her hand.

Holly squeezed his hand. Together they walked to the entrance of the sanctuary.

Just inside the entrance Peter gently nudged Holly and nodded his head to one side.

Holly followed his gaze and stopped.

"You can do this." Peter whispered.

Holly nodded and began to walk in the direction of the older woman stood waiting for them. “Anna?”

"Holly?"

Holly smiled brightly, her eyes filling with tears.

Anna tentatively held her arms out towards Holly.

Holly hugged Anna. “It’s lovely to meet you.”

"You're so beautiful!"

“So are you.” Holly whispered.

"I can see so much of your dad in you."

“What was he like?”

"He was wonderful. He adored being a father, he cried when you were born."

Holly smiled sadly, “I really wish I could remember him.”

"So do I." Anna sighed, stroking Holly's hair.

“Tell me about yourself, Anna?”

Anna guided them over to some nearby chairs and sat down. "Well, erm... As you know my name is Anna. I'm fiifty five and I work in a clothes shop."

Holly fiddled with her hands as she sat down.

"So you grew up in Holby?" Anna asked Holly.

Holly nodded, “Yes.”

"Did you have a good childhood?"

“My parents were quite strict but yes, it was good.” Holly sighed.

"I'm glad. I thought of you every day hoping you were happy and well."

“I was ten when I found out I was adopted. The year before I went to high school.”

"That must have been a difficult time for you."

“It was.” Holly admitted.

"I wanted to keep you but I wasn't in any state to look after you properly."

“I understand.”

"I left a letter with you attempting to explain, I'm guessing you weren't given it though."

Holly shook her head, “My parents didn’t want me to find you. They said I was ungrateful.”

"Oh Holly..! Do they know you're here today?"

Holly shook her head. “They don’t even know I found you.”

"That's such a shame. Do your family know about all this Peter?"

Peter nodded, “They know bits and pieces. They know it’s important for Holly to find her mum but they don’t know why.”

"What do you mean they don't know why? Surely the reason would be obvious if they know she's adopted?" Anna was baffled.

“Maybe Holly can explain?”

"Holly..?" Anna prompted.

“I want to get married one day and have children. But I couldn’t do that without knowing where I came from.” Holly smiled.

"Oh wow! Well anything I can do to help you find out more, just ask."

Holly smiled, “I will. Thank you.”

"I still speak to your dad's family from time to time too."

“Does it help?” Holly asked.

"For a long time we were estranged but things have gotten better over the years."

Holly nodded, playing with her hands again.

"I haven't told them yet that we're back in touch. I felt it was best to leave that decision to you."

“I want to meet them, if that’s ok? Not now but in the future.”

"Whenever you're ready I can arrange it."

“Thank you.”

"A photo of you still sits on their mantlepiece." Anna smiled. "The same one I have on my bedside table."

Holly smiled. “Did you ever regret giving me up?”

"Every day." Anna replied without missing a beat.

“You did what you thought was right at the time. I don’t hate you or judge you for that.”

"I'm glad. The more time passed the more I feared that was why I hadn't heard from you." Anna admitted.

“No. I... I’ve always wanted to meet me.”

"And now we have. The first time of many."

Holly smiled and hugged Anna again.

"Can I introduce you to my friends?" Anna asked.

“Sure.”

"Let's head inside shall we?"

Holly nodded.

The trio got up from the table and headed inside.

Anna introduced Holly to several of her friends.

Peter smiled as he watched the obvious pride on Anna's face.

Peter decided to give them a little time together, just the two of them. He tried to sneak away.

Holly noticed and smiled. "Remember, your mum ain't getting a dog..!" She teased, letting him wander around.

“I know!” He laughed gently.

"His mum is off work for a while and is trying to convince his dad that they should get a dog." Holly explained to Anna.

Anna laughed, “A dog? As well as eight children? Do they have any time on their hands?”

"They already have two kittens too." Holly giggled.

Anna laughed softly, “Really?”

"Yeh. Peter describes his parents' place as a 'menagerie'..!"

“It sounds like one.”

"That's not including the various friends and relatives who flit in and out of staying round too." Holly smiled.

“They sound very busy.”

"That's when they're not saving lives at work."

“What do his parents do?”

"They're nurses."

“Oh wow!”

"Can we go see some of the animals?" Holly asked.

“Of course we can.” Anna smiled, “Come on.”

Holy grinned excitedly as she followed Anna.

As they went to view some animals together in the sanctuary, it was like they’d known each other for years.

Peter had a wander around the fundraiser stalls.

Holly’s nerves began to settle.

"So this marriage and children that you mentioned wanting earlier - I'm presuming Peter is the man you have in mind for them to be with?" Anna asked with a smile.

Holly nodded. “I want to be married to Peter. But I couldn’t get married without you being there.”

"Really? You'd want me to be at your wedding?" Anna gasped.

“Yes you’re my mum.”

"I would be honoured." Anna's eyes filled with tears of joy.

“He hasn’t asked me yet so there’s no date set. But I want you there.” Holly smiled.

"From the look in his eye I don't think it'll be long."

Holly blushed, “Do you think so?”

"He's clearly very sweet on you."

“He’s not like other men.” Holly said gently. “He’s much more... Understanding and things.”

"That's good. He reminds me in some ways of your dad."

“What was dad like?”

"He was very kind and well read. Much smarter than me that's for sure! He could have gone to university but that just wasn't the done thing back then. He worked in a bank. He liked to play snooker with his friends on a Friday evening."

“How did you meet?” Holly asked.

"I was at school with his little sister."

“He’s got siblings?”

"Yes. She has two children."

Holly nodded. “So I have an aunt and cousins?”

"Yes. Plus I have two brothers. One of them has a daughter who is only a couple of months older than you."

Holly smiled, “I didn’t realise I had a family.”

"You and Ella were inseparable as babies."

“Ella’s a lovely name. What does she do?”

"She's a legal secretary."

“So she’s bright then?”

"We could tell from the start that you were both very bright."

Holly smiled sadly but didn’t say anything. A few seconds later she broke the silence, “I went to uni to study to be a veterinary nurse. I think I inherited my love of animals from you.”

"You had a mobile above your cot with lots of animals on it. You would spend hours staring at it."

Holly smiled, “Did dad like animals?”

"Not to quite the degree I do but yes he did."

“Tell me about you and dad. Everything, from the beginning.”

"We knew each other since we were kids but didn't become a couple til after I left school. We got married when I was twenty one but we didn't have you til ten years later. We had started to think we couldn't have children and then you came along out of nowhere."

“Surprise baby?” Holly smiled, her eyes watery.

"We just couldn't believe it."

“You both didn’t think it would ever happen?”

"No. There didn't seem to be any reasons as to why it wasn't happening."

“I was clearly waiting for the right moment.” Holly giggled softly.

"So it seems. You were worth the wait though."

Holly smiled, a tear rolling down her cheek.

Anna pulled her daughter into a hug. "Just like it's been worth the wait to see you again." She whispered.

Holly burst into tears on Anna’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

"Its ok. Its quite an emotional day for both of us."

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t cry.”

"Its ok. Don't apologise."

“I don’t usually cry. I seem to be crying a lot lately.”

"I cried for hours after receiving your letter."

“I never thought I’d ever find you.”

"I feared the same."

“But I was determined.”

"I'm glad you were."

Holly smiled, “I finally feel like the missing part is filled.”

"The cloud has finally lifted."

“I’m so pleased it has.”

"I hope Peter doesn't think we've just abandoned him."

“No, he wanted to give us some time alone.”

"So long as he doesn't get collared by the trio of old ladies - then we might have to rescue him!" Anna giggled.

Holly laughed, “OK.”

"If they get their clutches in to him... They're always on the lookout for a 'fine young man' to help out..!"

“He’s definitely a fine young man.” Holly smirked.

"They'll have him lugging furniture around and running errands for them before he even realises what's hit him!"

“He’s used to that, I think.”

"Yeh I suppose he is. You mentioned his mum has been off work, it's nothing serious I hope?"

Holly sighed sadly, “His mum isn’t well. She’s got an eating disorder.”

"Oh that must be terribly hard for the whole family."

“It is for Peter.” Holly smiled sadly.

"Is he the eldest?"

“Yeah he is.”

"Poor lad. He must want so badly to help but I doubt there's much anyone can do."

“There isn’t.” Holly sighed sadly, “They’re just an amazing family!"

"They sound it. I'm glad you've found a lovely family to be a part of."

“They are lovely!”

"Does he have plans for a large family too?"

“Oh God no!” Holly laughed. “Three max.”

"I bet you're relieved!"

“I only want two or three.”

"We had hoped to give you a sibling."

“It’s ok. It didn’t happen.” Holly smiled.

"No, sadly not."

“But you had me.” Holly grinned.

"Yes, our special little girl."

“I’m sorry about what happened to my dad.”

"He acted instinctively to save you. You meant more to him than anything else."

“I still feel it’s my fault.” Holly admitted.

"The driver was drunk and driving whilst banned."

“I’m sorry.”

"You didn't get away completely unscathed - that's how you broke your wrist."

“I broke my wrist?”

"It was only a tiny fracture and it healed quickly along with a few cuts and bruises."

“Were you ok?”

"I had a few cuts and bruises. The doctor said you probably hurt your wrist because your pram tipped over."

Holly swallowed, “Did he die straight away?”

Anna shook her head. "He never woke up though. They told me he wouldn't have felt any pain."

Holly nodded sadly, “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Anna wrapped her arm around Holly's shoulder.

"Was he buried?" 

"He was."

“Could we... Um, go to his grave one day? If that’s ok?”

"Of course. I still go visit at least once a month."

“Thank you.”

"I sit and talk about you when I go. Imagining what you're up to."

“Probably up to mischief.”

"More than likely, you always were a little monkey!"

Holly giggled.

"You kept us on our toes that's for sure!"

“Peter’s twin sisters keep their parents on their toes."

"How old are they?"

“Fourteen I think.”

"I imagine that's a tricky age."

“It can be.”

"Ella was a right tearaway at that age, often ended up at my flat in the middle of the night after a row with her parents."

“I didn’t do much.” Holly admitted.

"I knew you'd be a good girl really." Anna smiled.

“I was the boring geek.”

"Aww well things turned out well in the end."

“Yeah they did.”

"A good job, a lovely boyfriend. I'd say you've done very well for yourself."

Holly blushed, “I think I have too.”

"I'm proud of you."

“Thank you.”

"Your dad would be too."

“I hope so.”

"I know so."

Holly smiled brightly.

"That's better, you have a beautiful smile."

“Must be something I get from you.”

Anna blushed.

“Seems we both blush at compliments.”

"Your dad was forever teasing me for it."

“For blushing?”

"Yeh." Anna smiled.

“Peter does the same.”

"Its interesting how Peter is so similar to your dad despite them never meeting and you having no real memories of him."

“Peter takes after his dad.”

"He's clearly a very well brought up young man."

“He is.”

"I'm glad. Only the best for my little girl."

Holly smiled.

"Is there any other questions you have?"

“None that I can think of.”

"OK. What would you like to do now?"

“I... I don’t know.”

"I need to help out on the stall for a bit but you and Peter are welcome to stay for a while if you like or we can arrange another meet up for a different day?"

“We’ll stay for a bit, if that’s ok?”

"Of course it's OK." Anna smiled.

Holly kissed Anna’s cheek. “I best go and find Peter.”

"Yeh, go rescue the poor lad!" Anna chuckled.

“I will. See you later Anna.”

Anna smiled as she watch Holly walked away before going to join her friends at the stall.

Eventually finding Peter, Holly crept up behind him and placed her hands over his eyes. She giggled softly.

Peter pretended to squeal with surprise before bursting into laughter.

“Hi.” She continued to giggle.

"Hey beautiful, you're in a good mood."

She blushed, “You haven’t been kidnapped by little old women wanting a handsome young man to help them, have you?”

"I came close but I managed to escape."

“That’s good.” She smiled and kissed him tenderly.

"It was a very narrow escape."

“I said I’d stay for a bit, is that ok?”

"Absolutely."

She rested her head on his shoulder. “I love you.”

"I love you too. I'm so glad today has worked out well for you."

“Thank you for coming with me.”

"We're a team, we do these things together."

“I’m so lucky to have you.” She whispered to Peter.

"We're both lucky remember?" He smiled.

“Yeah we are.”

"It looked like you were both having a good chat."

“We were. She says you remind her of dad.”

"I hope that's a good thing..!" He chuckled.

“Yeah, it is.”

"That's good."

They found some chairs to sit on in the corner, Holly’s thumb stroking Peter’s hand.

Peter placed a gentle kiss on the top of Holly's hair.

“Love you.”

"Love you too. Lots and lots."

“Like jelly tots.”

"And more than vodka shots!" Peter laughed.

She giggled, “Fancy going out one night this week and celebrating?”

"I like the sound of that!"

She rested her head on his shoulder and began to people watch.

"Oh yeh, I forgot to mention I got a postcard from Jake yesterday. He's arrived in Mexico."

“He’s in Mexico? How long for? Did he say?”

"Couple of weeks I think. Then he's heading up to the States for a couple of months before coming back home."

Holly smiled, “He’ll hate been back in England.” She chuckled.

"I'm sure Krystal will quickly cheer him up!" Peter smirked.

“They’re bound to be missing each other.”

"It's not just her company that he's missing either..!"

“Peter!” She giggled.

"What? There's only so much he can do with his right hand..!"

“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you.”

"I don't know what you mean! I'm just glad I didn't have the bedroom above his at home. Poor Em! Maybe that's how she realised that she prefers girls..." Peter shrugged.

“Stop it!” Holly continued to giggle, “I’ve got an image in my head that I really didn’t want.”

Peter laughed at the face she pulled.

“Makes me feel sick!”

"Sorry." He replied, still trying to contain his laughter.

“I’ve never had to use my right hand.” She winked.

"Is this where you tell me you're secretly ambidextrous?" He chuckled.

She laughed. “Maybe.”

"Is there no end to your talents?"

"None!" She giggled. 

"Aren't I a lucky boy?" He grinned.

“Yes.” She smirked and lent up to kiss him.

Peter deepened the kiss.

She slid her tongue into his mouth as the kiss increased.

Peter wrapped his fingers in Holly's hair.

After a few minutes of passionate snogging, Holly pulled away and giggled. “Maybe we should stop before we get done for public indecency.”

"Yeh that might be awkward..."

She pressed her forehead against Peter’s.

He caressed her cheek with his fingertips.

“I love you so much.”

"I love you more!" He grinned.

“Nope.” She shook her head.

"I do."

“Nope.” She giggled.

"I do!"

“I do.”

"Do you now? Did I miss the bit where I got down on one knee?" He teased her.

She blushed, “That’s if you still want to marry me one day.”

"Of course." He grinned.

“That’s good.”

"I'm looking forward to having the most gorgeous and lovely bride in Holby!" He declared proudly.

Holly blushed more.

"Has it suddenly gotten warmer or something?" He teased, tickling under her jaw.

“Definitely has.”

"You blush like a strawberry!"

“I do not.”

"Like a raspberry then?"

“A very red raspberry.” She buried her head into Peter’s shoulder.

"A very cute red raspberry!" He corrected with a chuckle.

“I am cute.” She agreed.

"Very cute."

“Certainly am.”

"I'm cuter though!" He declared with a broad grin.

“Definitely not.” She smirked. “Well, a certain part of you is cute.”

"What part's that?"

“You know what part.” She whispered in his ear.

"He's never been called cute before..!"

“What’s he been called before?”

"Impressive..!" Peter replied with a smug grin.

“He’s that too.”

"I'm glad you think so."

“Who knew you were hiding something so /impressive/ in your pants.”

"I don't like to boast..."

“You certainly know how to use it, that’s for sure.” Holly smirked.

"I've made a point of learning what you like."

“What’s that?” She giggled.

"I'm not sure I should say in front of your mum..!" Peter chuckled, nodding behind Holly.

Holly blushed bright red as she followed Peter’s gaze. “Oh..! Hi mum.”

Anna froze briefly hearing that word fall so easily from Holly's lips.

“Are you okay?” Holly asked.

"Yes... I... Erm... I just wasn't expecting... Well, that you'd call me... I mean..." Anna babbled.

“Oh...” Holly looked at the floor. “Sorry. I... I shouldn’t have done that.”

"No, no, it's OK! I just wasn't sure you'd feel comfortable with it so wasn't expecting it."

“Yes if that’s ok?”

"Of course it's OK." Anna smiled, her eyes welling up again.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Holly smiled.

"Its ok."

“Me and Peter were just... Um, talking.” Holly couldn’t help but blush.

"That's OK, I just came over to let you know that I'm probably going to be here longer than I anticipated as we're short on volunteers to tidy up at the end."

“Me and Peter will help, won’t we Peter?”

"Of course we will."

“Great, means we get to spend more time getting to know each other.” Anna replied with a smile.

"Francine and Martha will be pleased that I'll be helping to move the tables..!" Peter chuckled.

Holly giggled, “Possibly.” She kissed his cheek, “Come on, let’s make a start before we’re here all night.”

With Peter there to help everything was packed away in half the time it would normally take.

“At least you come in handy for something.” Holly smirked.

"How rude! I'm always handy." Peter pouted playfully.

Holly giggled softly, “Maybe.”

"I'll show you how handy later... Refresh your memory..!" He whispered in her ear.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Holly whispered and squeezed his bum.

"I won't disappoint." He winked.

“You never do.”

"Have you had a good day?"

“Yes I have, have you?”

"Yeh, it's been a lovely afternoon."

Holly smiled, “I can’t believe how much better I feel already, knowing I know about Anna.”

"Even despite the tears you've been smiling all day."

“I feel really happy.” Holly admitted.

"I'm glad. We'd best head home now though."

“Yeah we should.”

"I'll let you say bye to Anna whilst I get the car sorted."

“Thanks.”

Peter waved goodbye to Anna and headed out to the car.

“Mum?” Holly began to play with her hands.

"Yes Holly?" Anna smiled.

“Me and Peter are gonna head off home now.” Holly smiled, “Thank you for meeting. It’s been really great!”

"I've had a wonderful afternoon with you both. We should meet up again soon."

Holly nodded, “I’d really like that.”

"So would I."

Holly kissed Anna’s cheek. “Thank you.”

"Take care sweetheart."

“You too.”

"Text me so I know you got home OK?" Anna asked, giving Holly a final hug.

“I will. Bye Anna, stay safe.”

"You too." Holly smiled and went to join Peter in the car.

“Ready for home?” He asked.

"Yes, hometime." Holly smiled.


	29. Chapter 29

It was the weekend, which meant Lottie had to endure Tilly for another forty eight hours before they went back to school. She got up early around 6am, heading into the back garden with a cup of tea.

Despite the early hour it was already quite warm, unusually so even for June.

She settled herself down in the garden with a soft sigh. Clutching the mug in her hands.

It was rare to catch a moment of peace at home so she savoured it, her gaze drifting around the garden.

She didn’t know how long she’d been out there but she was soon interrupted by the sound of her siblings. She sighed sadly.

The hustle and bustle of breakfast being prepared drifted through the open kitchen window but no-one ventured into the garden.

Lottie brought her knees to her chest, once again just observing the garden.

As she had gotten older Lottie found she preferred the quiet and solitude, unlike Tilly who seemed to thrive on being the centre of attention.

The older Lottie got, the more she understood why Emily was the way she was. It was a much simpler life, the peace and solitude.

It was almost like she and Emily were the calm bookends trying to contain the rowdy Tilly in the middle.

Lottie finished her cup of tea and stood up. She wandered back into the kitchen. Now the entire household was awake, she wouldn’t get any more peace.

"Morning Lottiepop." Duffy smiled. "Would you like cereal or toast?"

“I’ve already eaten.” She lied as she rinsed out her mug and placed it on the side.

"You ok Lottie?"

“Uh huh.”

"If you're going up to your room can you drag your sister out of bed please?"

“I can try.” She replied. “But she’s a right lazy arse.”

"Tell her if she's not up in ten minutes I'll send her father in there armed with your little brother's water pistol!"

Lottie giggled, “Yes mum. Noted.” She went upstairs and stood in the doorway, “Oi Tots!”

"What?!" Tilly mumbled into her pillow after a pause.

“Mum says if you’re not out of bed in the next ten minutes, she’s gonna send in dad with water pistols!”

"Whatever!" Tilly replied as she rolled over in bed.

Lottie moved further into the room as she began to get changed. She put on her black dress with her tights and put on her jewellery. As she began her make up she heard footsteps on the stairs. 

Tilly was still in bed.

Lottie shook her head fondly, "Tilly!”

Tilly merely grunted in reply.

Lottie gave up and continued to put on her makeup.

Tilly snuggled further into her duvet as the bedroom door opened.

Charlie was armed with two water pistols. He aimed them in Tilly’s direction.

Tilly shrieked as the freezing cold water hit her.

Lottie burst out laughing.

"I hate you all!" Tilly screamed as she tried to dive under the duvet that was being dragged off her bed.

“Should’ve got up then, shouldn’t ya, lazy arse?” Lottie called back.

"Not fair!"

Charlie laughed, “You were given warning.”

"Its Saturday..!" Tilly whined.

“You’re not spending your entire day in bed!” Charlie said.

"Its still early..!"

“It’s nine o’clock.”

"That's early."

Lottie had just finished applying her lipstick. Charlie glanced at his other daughter. She looked older than her fourteen years.

"I'm gunna go shopping in town." Lottie smiled, standing up and gathering her stuff together in her bag.

“Shopping?”

"Yeh, there's some new shoes I want to get."

“What kinda shoes?”

"The kind that go on my feet."

Charlie laughed, “You'll be back for lunch, won’t you?”

"Maybe, not sure." Lottie shrugged.

“Ok.” Charlie moved closer to Lottie and planted a kiss against her forehead. “You’ll ring or text us if you won’t be back for lunch, won’t you?”

"Will do." Lottie smiled.

He was quiet for a couple of seconds before he told his daughter, “I love you.”

Lottie gave her dad a dazzling smile before heading out into the hallway, laughing at her soggy twin sister as she passed her and went downstairs to head out.

Charlie followed a few seconds later to see Lottie walk out of the door. Since when did his girls get so big? When did they start looking so grown up?

His thoughts were broken by Tilly huffing as she stomped out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

He smiled, sitting on the bottom step for a moment. If anyone ever told him fifteen years ago, he’d have three very stroppy and occasionally stubborn girls, he’d have laughed.

"Earth to Charlie..!" Duffy giggled softly from the kitchen doorway, noticing that he didn't even flinch as Tilly slammed the bathroom door behind her.

“Huh?” He looked up.

"Where were you? You seemed a million miles away for a moment there!" She smiled.

“Wondering when I should spank you for giving your stubborn and beautiful genes to our three daughters.” He replied with a smile.

"MY stubbornness?" She asked, her eyebrow raised, smirking.

“You’re the most stubborn person I know.” He smiled, “Well, you were...”

Duffy giggled as she turned around, throwing him a suggestive look over her shoulder. "Do you wish to spank me here or somewhere more private?"

“Somewhere more private would be more appropriate, I think.”

"I agree." She giggled.

He shook his head fondly, “Lottie’s gone shopping by the way, I asked her to text if she wasn’t coming home for lunch.”

"Shopping?" Duffy repeated, confused. "I thought she was going to the cinema with some friends..."

“She told me shopping for new shoes..?” He frowned.

"She bought new shoes a fortnight ago..."

“Oh.” He sighed, “Do you think she’s OK..?”

"I'm sure she'd speak to us if something was wrong. Sometimes teenagers mislead their parents for dumb reasons..." Duffy replied, though she didn't sound convinced by her own words.

“You don’t sound convinced?” He smiled sadly. “Maybe it’s nothing...”

"I'm sure it is nothing."

He nodded and held his hand out to her. “Sit with me for a minute?” He asked quietly.

She walked over and took his hand, sitting down next to him and resting her head on his shoulder.

“When did our girls get so big, beautiful and scary?” He asked.

"They're not that scary..!" Duffy chuckled.

“You know who they remind me of?”

"No, who?" She grinned, knowing what he was about to say.

“Their beautiful mother.”

"Charmer..!" She giggled.

“But you are beautiful!”

"You'd say that even after I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards..!"

“That’s because your beauty doesn’t change!”

"Oh to see things the way you do..." She sighed softly.

“You still don’t see it?”

"I'm trying..."

“I know you are babe!”

"Do you feel like I'm making progress?"

He nodded, “I see it.”

"My clothes feel different." She mumbled.

“What kind of different?”

"Tighter." She sighed.

“That’s a good sign. It means you’re getting healthy.” He smiled, “You’re looking well. You don’t look quite as ill.”

"I know it's a step in the right direction but my head still wants to fight against it." She sighed.

“I know it does.”

"I wish my head would stop telling me that I'm fat and ugly." She sighed.

“So do I.” He wrapped his arms around her.

"I worry about the girls ending up the same way." She whispered.

“I don’t think that’s going to happen.” He reassured.

"How can you be so sure?"

“Because I think we’ve created three stubbornly perfect girls who love themselves and who they are. Em, especially.”

"I hope you're right, I wouldn't wish this on anyone."

“Our girls are very strong. They have their mother to thank for that.”

They weren't the only ones musing on life. Lottie sat on the bus staring out the window. She was lost in thought about everything - so much so, she nearly missed her stop.

Jolting back to reality she quickly rang the bell and jumped up out of her seat. “Thank you.” She thanked the bus driver as she got off the bus.

Standing on the pavement she paused for a few moments, smoothing out her dress with her hands.

Lottie had lied to her parents about today’s outing but not because she was doing anything bad. She had a date and she didn’t want anyone to find out.

She knew that Tilly would just tease her and her dad would fuss that she wasn't old enough to be dating.

It wasn’t the first date they’d been on. This was the third that they’d had together, they were going bowling, it was one of Lottie’s favourite activities despite her not being very good at it. Afterwards, they were going to play in the arcades for a bit.

She'd considered telling her mum about it but she'd been so busy with making breakfast for Lottie's siblings that she hadn't wanted to bother her.

Lottie began to walk in the direction of the bowling arcade, she was feeling quite confident.

Arriving outside she realised she was a little early so she sat down on one of the benches by the entrance. 

Lottie smiled to herself. She never had a boy be interested in her before. Then again, she’d never been interested in boys until very recently. She tapped her fingernails on her lap as she waited.

A few minutes later she saw him appear and head towards her across the carpark.

He was carrying some flowers. “Hi.” He smiled as he approached her.

"Hi." She smiled shyly.

Owen smiled and handed her the flowers, “I brought you these. Hope you don’t mind.”

"They're beautiful!"

“So are you.”

Lottie's cheeks blushed almost as red as her hair.

“You weren’t waiting for me for long, were you?” He held his hand out for her.

"No, only a couple of minutes." She smiled, taking his hand.

“That’s good. I was worried you’d think I wasn’t coming.”

"I was running a bit late myself."

“How’s your siblings?”

"They're alright." Lottie shrugged. "We going inside or did you want to do something else instead?"

“Walk around for a bit and talk? Then go bowling?”

"OK. Where do you want to walk?"

“Could go browsing in a few shops?”

"Good idea." She smiled.

They headed into the shopping centre together. They wandered in and out of various shops, browsing.

“Lottie?”

"Yeh?"

“Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

"I'd really like that." She smiled.

Owen smiled as he stopped and gently kissed her cheek.

As he moved back she turned her face towards him.

He met her gaze. “Can I kiss you?”

"I was hoping you would."

He closed the tiny gap between them and gently kissed her.

Lottie felt her heart do a little flip. She'd never been kissed before.

As Owen stepped away from Lottie, he grinned. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for weeks.”

"What stopped you?"

“Was nervous.”

"Its usually my twin that makes people nervous, not me."

“Your sister’s too loud.” He replied. “And yeah, she can be scary. So can you.”

"Yeh she's well gobby." Lottie agreed. "What's so scary about me?" She was genuinely curious.

“You might be quieter than Tilly but I’ve heard you as captain on the school football team bellowing your orders.”

"You watched me play?" Lottie gasped.

He nodded, “You’re really good!”

"Thanks." She smiled shyly.

“How long have you been playing?”

"A few months. My parents want to come see me play but I'm too nervous. They don't know I've been made captain of the team."

“What’s making you nervous?”

"Coz when my family goes anywhere its like the circus coming to town."

He began to laugh, “Because there’s so many of them?”

"Yeh." Lottie mumbled, embarrassed.

“I understand why you’re a bit nervous.”

"I don't like being stared at."

“Because of the size of your family?”

"Yeh. We do kinda stand out."

“I understand. I know what it’s like for everyone to stare at you.”

"What do you mean?"

He sighed and was quiet for a few seconds, “You never heard about my brother? Or my father?”

"No, I make a point of avoiding gossip coz too much of it is usually about someone from my family."

“My dad and my brother are in prison. They ran a massive drug dealing group here. Mostly cocaine.” He said quietly, “Teachers just think I’m gonna turn out like them but I’m not.”

"My older brother spent some time in rehab." Lottie admitted.

“How’s he doing now?”

"He's doing OK, he's seeing a therapist and has meds he has to take. He'll be sitting his GCSE soon. They were postponed from last year."

“Good luck to him.”

"So I know it's possible to break free of that kind of lifestyle."

“Yes it is. It takes a lot of work.”

"What about your mum? It must be hard for her."

“My mum misses the lifestyle.”

"Lifestyle?"

“The money...” He sighed.

"Oh. Is it just you and your mum now?"

“Yeah.”

"I'm glad you feel you can tell me."

He smiled shyly. “You’re so easy to talk to!”

"I've had a lot of practice." Lottie grinned, taking hold of his hand again.

He squeezed her hand as they went to a few more shops before they went to the bowling alley.

"Are you any good at bowling?"

“No I’m rubbish. You?”

"Last time I went bowling I got beat by my eight year old brother..!" Lottie giggled, blushing.

Owen chuckled softly, “You'll beat me today though!”

"We'll see. Wanna get some drinks and snacks?"

“Yeh sure.”

After grabbing their bowling shoes they wandered over to the refreshments area.

His hand brushed against her arm as they were stood in the queue.

She smiled coyly at him from under her eyelashes.

“You’re really pretty, you know?”

"I never thought someone like you would be interested in me."

“Why?” He stroked her arm.

"Well you're the mysterious cool lad. I'm just awkward and gawky."

“You’re cute though! And fit!”

"Thanks." She blushed.

“What drink and snacks do you want?”

"Lemonade and nachos?"

“Jalapeños on the nachos?”

"Is that OK?"

“Yeah course! I love them, was just making sure you did too.”

"Really? I'm the only one in my family who does."

“The rest of your family wimps when it comes to jalapeños?”

"Yeh." She giggled.

“And to think I thought you couldn’t get any cuter!”

"Do you want anything else?"

“Nah. Think we’re cool with the nachos and lemonade?”

"OK. Let's order and then see who's the worst at bowling."

“That’ll be you.” He teased, sticking his tongue out at her.

"Next time I get to pick the activity."

“Of course.”

"I wanna see you try ice skating..!" She giggled.

“I’m a pro at ice skating.” He joked.

"I used to go loads but I've not been for a while coz I normally go with my mum but she's banned from 'dangerous sports' for the time being."

“Why is she just as dangerous as the sports?” He laughed.

"Something like that."

“We'll definitely have to go ice skating one day.” They ordered their snacks at the bar.

"So what's the prize for the winner?"

“I haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”

"That's coz you know you're gunna lose!" She teased.

“Oh yes? Confident are we?”

Lottie grinned mischievously, grabbing a jalapeño off the top of the nachos and tossing it into her mouth.

He watched her as he took a nacho himself and began to eat.

"I don't care how much Tots moans next time I come here I'm having the jalapeños regardless of her whining!"

“She whines a lot your sister, doesn’t she?”

"All the freaking time!" Lottie rolled her eyes dramatically.

“What’s it like? Being a twin?”

"What's it like not being a twin?"

He shrugged, “Dunno. I guess it’s alright.”

"At least you don't have an identical copy of you walking around stealing all the limelight."

“Hmm. She doesn’t steal it all though.”

"She does. I'm forever stuck in her shadow." Lottie sighed sadly.

“That’s not true. You’re still your own person.” He smiled, trying to reassure her.

"Its nice that you see that. Most people just get blinded by her drama queen antics." Lottie huffed as they walked over to their lane.

“I noticed you first.” Owen told her.

Lottie smiled brightly, sitting down on the bench to change her shoes.

Owen sat next to her and began to change his shoes, another comfortable silence falling upon them.

Lottie couldn't help giggling at the gaudy mismatched bowling shoes they both wore.

“These shoes don’t half cramp your style.”

"We can look dopey together." She giggled.

“That’s true.” He kissed her cheek.

Neither of them did very well with the first few throws but they were having fun all the same.

They got a bit better half way through the game, Lottie managing to get a strike.

She strutted back up to the bench grinning from ear to ear.

“You cheated!” He teased, sticking his tongue out at her.

"Me?! Cheat! How rude!" She giggled.

He stood up from the bench, picked a ball and went to bowl.

Lottie faked a loud sneeze just as Owen was letting go of the ball.

Which distracted Owen and made him throw his ball wrong. It hit one pin.

"Now that was me cheating..!" She giggled.

He shook his head fondly as he came back towards the bench.

She fluttered her eyelashes at him before going up to take her next go.

Lottie ended up winning the game.

"So what's my prize for winning?" She grinned as they changed back into their normal shoes.

“How about I buy you a milkshake?”

"Can we go to the shake bar in town?"

“Course we can.”

Lottie couldn't help grinning as they walked into town hand in hand.

Outside the shake bar, Owen pulled Lottie closer to him and kissed her again.

They were interrupted by a voice declaring "Lottie Fairhead you dark horse!"

Lottie groaned, “Oh no!”

"Wait til everyone at school finds out about this!"

“No! Please don’t!” Lottie begged, “Don’t say anything!!”

"Oooh you scared that mummy and daddy will find out that their little princess is shagging a drug dealer?!"

“He isn’t a drug dealer!” She snapped.

"Oh you're so deluded Lottie!" Carla sneered. "His whole family are drug dealers. Well, 'cept his mum - she's just a cheap dirty slag who'll do anyone who chucks her a tenner..!"

“Oh piss off! You absolute scrubber!” Lottie was getting really angry.

"Lottie she ain't worth it. Let's just go inside." Owen pleaded.

“You’re a scrubber who gets her kicks out of bringing other people down! You wouldn’t say shit to anyone if you were on your own!”

"Whatever!" Carla retorted. "Wonder how long it'll be before he's got you turning tricks to help out the family business just like his dad did with his mum..!"

Owen gasped as Lottie’s fist connected with Carla’s nose. “I suggest you fuck off before I do some more damage, you piece of shit.”

Owen stood in shock as Carla hurried away, her cronies following swiftly behind her.

There was just a shocked silence between Owen and Lottie. She had not expected that to happen!

Eventually Owen found his voice once more. "Did she hurt you?" He asked quietly, noticing that Lottie was rubbing her hand.

“No but that really fucking hurt!” She replied with a giggle.

He took hold of her hand and kissed her knuckles.

“Thank you.”

"I'm sorry I've caused you trouble." Owen replied sadly.

“Don’t be daft, you haven’t.”

"I really like you but I don't want to get you into trouble with your family."

“Yeah cos my family are so holier-than-thou.” She replied, rolling her eyes.

"I'd like a chance to prove myself worthy but I understand if that's not gunna happen."

“Don’t worry about my family, ok? I’ll deal with them.” She lent up and kissed his cheek.

"Can I buy you that milkshake now?"

Lottie nodded, “I’d really like that.”

He took hold of her hand and led her inside. "Which flavour would you like?"

“Caramel chocolate please, thank you.”

He ordered it along with a strawberry milkshake for himself.

“Do you get much grief off them?”

"Who Carla?" He clarified.

“Yeah.”

"The thing is, she always forgets one particular detail when she lays into me about my mum..."

“What’s that?”

"When my mum got busted for soliciting it was in the back of her dad's car..."

Lottie couldn’t help but giggle. “Ah!”

"Yeh, her mum weren't happy about it..!"

“I can imagine.”

"Anyway. That's my fucked up family. You sure you can beat that?" Owen chuckled darkly.

“My parents were married to other people before they got together.” She shrugged.

"Is that it?" He asked, perplexed.

“Yeah.”

"Oh I'm gunna go down a storm with them then..!"

“There’s other things. I... I really wouldn’t worry too much.”

"So you're not going to chuck me within hours of agreeing to be my girlfriend?"

She shook her head, “Nah!”

Owen grinned, leaning in to kiss her again.

She returned the kiss gently.

"You're so beautiful." He whispered.

She blushed.

"You are!"

She giggled. “Whatever!”

"Its true, the prettiest girl in school and she's my girlfriend!" He grinned.

Her cheeks burned as brightly as her hair.

"I don't think I've ever met someone who blushes as much as you do!"

“You haven’t met my mum yet.”

"Oh is she where you get your stunning good looks from?"

She giggled and nodded, “Mum’s a redhead.”

"Does she go round punching people who upset her too?" He teased.

She shrugged, “Maybe. I dunno.”

"It must get pretty rowdy in your house sometimes."

She laughed, “Yeah it does.”

A comfortable silence settled over them once more as they drank their shakes.

Until Lottie interrupted the silence by slurping her milkshake really loudly. She giggled in embarrassment, “Oops. Sorry.”

Owen laughed, he thought she was so cute.

Lottie didn’t think she’d ever felt as happy before as she did around Owen.

Owen was so relieved that Lottie hadn't backed off the second he'd shared the truth about his family. He really liked her and didn't want anything to ruin that.

Lottie knew never to judge someone based on rumours and things she’d heard. However, she did want to be honest with her mum and her dad. She really liked him.

"Do you have anything planned for this afternoon?" Owen asked softly when they'd almost finished their shakes.

“No. Probably just go home and hope to avoid Tilly.” She giggled, “You?”

"Same, except I'll be avoiding my mum!" He chuckled.

“Is she really that bad to be around?”

"She is when my big brother once again refused to send her a visitor's pass." He sighed.

“Ah. I’m sorry.” Lottie sighed.

"He blames her..."

“For him being in prison?”

"Yeh. He says it's her fault coz she got caught."

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but they were probably always going to get caught?”

“It was just unfortunate it had to be when it was.”

"Ah right." 

"He got cocky. It might have been ok if he'd stuck with the other stuff." Owen sighed.

“Sorry.” She reached over and squeezed his hand.

"You sure you still wanna be involved with me? I'd not blame you if you ran screaming for the hills..."

“Yes of course! I’m hardly gonna run away because your family are a bit... Weird.”

"It says something when I'm the black sheep coz I'm the only one who ain't got a criminal record..!" Owen laughed, somewhat bitterly.

“I don’t care what people think about you. I like you and my opinion is the only one that matters.” She said confidently.

Owen smiled, reaching over to place his arm around her shoulders.

She smiled, “Fancy going for a walk?”

"I'd like that. Maybe somewhere a little quieter? Away from people we might know."

“Good idea.”

"Up on the common?" He suggested.

Lottie nodded and stood up. She picked up the empty milkshake cartons and threw them away.

Thankfully they didn't bump into anyone else on the walk from town to the common.

Lottie sent a text to her dad to say she’d be home later than planned.

They found a shaded spot under some trees.

Lottie lay down on the grass.

Owen sat watching her, mesmerised by the way the small amount of sunlight that had snuck through the leaves glinted off her hair.

Lottie blushed once again when she realised she was been watched.

"You remind me of the Celtic princess we were reading about in English last week."

“Really?” She turned her head to look at him.

"Yeh, she was a strong spirited redhead too."

She smiled, “Definitely get it from my mum.”

"You're very close to her aren't you?" He smiled softly.

“My mum?” She nodded, “She's my best friend. I know it sounds corny but she is.”

"Its not corny at all. I envy you in that."

“It just gets me sad that mum doesn’t see how awesome she is."

"She must be pretty awesome to have a daughter like you."

“And Tilly and Em. Three versions of her.” Lottie laughed.

"And yet you don't think she realises how great she is..?"

“She doesn’t.”

"What makes you say that? Maybe she's just a bit shy like you?"

Lottie chewed her lower lip for a few seconds, “I just get vibes that’s all.”

"Vibes?" Owen couldn't help but snort. "You sound like my mum when she's had a few..!"

“Sorry.” She giggled.

"Maybe talk to her about it?"

She nodded, “Yeh, I think I will.”

"It might help." Owen smiled as he lay down beside her.

“Hmm.” She nodded.

"It may turn out that you're worrying over nothing." He shrugged.

“I hope so.” She moved closer and rested her head against his shoulder. “I could just stay like this for hours.”

"So could I." He stroked her arm with his fingers.

They did end up staying in that spot for hours, just talking about their hopes and dreams for the future.

They totally lost track of the time until Lottie's phone rang.

She picked up the phone without looking at who was calling. “Hello?”

"Where are you?!"

“Oh... Erm, at a friends.” She sat up from the grass.

"Its 6pm Lottie, you were supposed to be home over an hour ago..!"

“I’m sorry. I’ll be on my way now. I lost track of the time.”

"OK, we were starting to worry as you hadn't answered any of the texts we sent."

“Sorry. I’ll be home in twenty minutes. Love you.” She smiled.

"Love you too."

After she hung up Owen regarded her with a curious look. "Why did you lie about where you are?" He asked quietly.

“I haven’t told my parents we’re going out yet.” She replied.

"Oh, OK."

“I didn’t want to tell them and then for us to not end up boyfriend and girlfriend.”

"Ah that makes sense. I just got scared that you were purposefully hiding me from them. I don't want to get you in any trouble."

“No. I’m going to tell them tonight.” She smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Do you want me to walk you home?"

“You don’t have to but I won’t say no.” She smiled.

"You'll have to show me the way..." He chuckled.

“I will.” She took his hand and Owen walked her home. He kissed her cheek, “Goodnight Lottie.”

"Thanks for a lovely day." Lottie smiled. "I'll text you."

He kissed her cheek again before watching as she entered the house and leaving.

"You are in so much trouble..!" Tilly informed Lottie with a catty smirk as she walked into the hall.

“Whatever.” Lottie replied.

"Lottie? Is that you?" Duffy called from the kitchen.

“Yes mum, it’s me.” Lottie walked along the hall and into the kitchen. She greeted her mum with a smile.

"You had us worried princess."

“I’m sorry mama.”

"Why did you tell your dad a different story to me?" Duffy asked, attempting to stay calm as she steered Lottie to sit at the kitchen table where Charlie already sat waiting.

“What do you mean?” Lottie sat down at the table.

"You told your dad that you were going shopping and you told me you were going to the cinema..." Duffy pointed out.

Charlie remained silent, studying his youngest daughter intensely.

“Ah.” Lottie chewed her lower lip nervously, “I lied to you both. I’m sorry.”

"I thought you and me promised to always be honest with each other about everything?" Duffy asked softly.

“I... Um, I still stand by that promise.” Lottie began, “I... Can I talk to you both? And you’re not gonna get mad or upset and stuff?”

Duffy exchanged a nervous glance with her husband before nodding.

“I was on a date. I’ve got a boyfriend.”

Duffy placed her hand on Charlie's arm, shooting him a warning look.

Lottie looked at her dad. “He’s really nice, dad. He’s lovely.”

"Tell us about him..." Duffy encouraged.

Lottie sighed nervously, “His family aren’t the nicest. His dad and brother are in prison and his mum's a prostitute by the sounds of things. He’s not like that. He’s sweet and funny and caring. He even brought me flowers, they’re next to my bag by the stairs.”

Duffy opened and closed her mouth several times, not sure what to say.

“I didn’t tell you because I was scared you’d judge him. But he’s not a bad lad just because he’s had a crap upbringing.” Lottie pointed out.

Duffy kicked Charlie under the table, willing him to say something.

“Is that where you’ve been today? With this lad?” Charlie asked.

Lottie nodded. "We went bowling and had milkshakes before going for a walk."

“How old is he?”

"Same age as me. He's in my class."

“Alright.” Charlie was quiet for a minute, “How did you hurt your hand?”

Before Lottie could answer Tilly stuck her head round the kitchen door. "So how long's she grounded for?"

“Never. I was only an hour late home.” Lottie replied.

"But she lied!" Tilly was determined to stir things for her twin sister.

“Shut up Tilly!! You always have to try and ruin everything, don’t you? Piss off.” Lottie yelled to her sister.

"What do you expect when you're snogging a lad who sells drugs at the school gates.?!" Tilly yelled back.

“No he doesn’t, you’re chatting shit!!” Lottie stood up.

"You're deluded, you couldn't have picked a more notorious family! I didn't think you had it in you."

Lottie shoved her sister. “You’re just jealous because for once I’ve got the attention!”

"Girls!" Duffy gasped.

"Ah, that's coz he hasn't got to know me yet..!" Tilly replied smugly.

“You dare!” Lottie was about to push her sister again when Charlie got up and stood between them.

“Tilly, go to your room please.” He tried to defuse the situation.

Tilly stuck her tongue out before sashaying out the room, throwing a smug smirk over her shoulder.

Lottie sighed, this was pointless. He was never going to like her once Tilly got her claws into him. Tilly was skinnier and prettier than she was.

"I'll have a word with her later." Duffy promised. "Is what she said true?"

“What’s the point?” Lottie replied. “No! He says he doesn’t sell drugs.”

"So why lie to us about seeing him?"

“Cos I didn’t want anyone to know about him.” Lottie replied and stood up. “Is this conversation over?”

"I don't know about your father but I'd feel happier if I met him."

“You don’t need to meet him. I’m sure this will all just fizzle out.” Lottie replied, “Can I go?”

"Lottie..!" Duffy sighed.

“What?”

"We just want the best for you princess."

“Like I said, it’ll just fizzle out. Especially when he meets Tilly.” Lottie sighed sadly, tears in her eyes. “I’m gonna go out for a walk, is that ok?”

"You only just got home..!"

Lottie shrugged just as a tear rolled down her cheek.

Duffy held out her arms towards her youngest daughter.

Lottie stepped into her mums arms. “He told me he didn’t do drugs. He wasn’t like his family... How do I know he isn’t lying?”

Duffy stroked her daughter's hair. "Maybe invite him over. We'll make sure it's just us."

“Please make sure Tilly isn’t here?? He likes me!!”

"We'll make sure of that." Duffy promised.

“He can’t see Tilly!”

"He'll have to meet her eventually though if you're serious about him..."

“No!! He’s not ever meeting her!!” Lottie stated firmly.

"She's your twin sister..!"

“I don’t care! She’s not going anywhere near him!!”

Duffy sighed, looking over to Charlie for help.

“Honey, why don’t you want your sister to meet him?” Charlie asked gently.

"Coz he'll like her more." Lottie sighed.

“Oh sweetheart.” He stepped towards his daughter. 

“All the boys like her. She’s pretty and skinny..”

Duffy froze, a chill passing over her at her daughter's words.

Lottie moved away from her parents and sat down at the table.

Duffy's mind was racing.

“I know there’s nothing wrong with me. But Tilly gets all the attention. Owen notices me...” Lottie smiled sadly, “I don’t want him to forget I exist because he sees Tilly.”

Charlie reached out and squeezed Lottie's hand.

“You asked me how I hurt my hand? I got into a scrap...”

"A scrap?!"

“I punched a girl in the face for being rude.” Lottie replied.

"Charlotte!" Duffy gasped.

Lottie shrugged, “I asked her nicely.”

"We've taught you better than that Charlotte!"

Lottie sighed, “I know. Sorry. Mum? Dad?”

"Yes sweetheart?"

“I love you both.” Lottie began to cry.

"Oh princess..!" Duffy sighed.

Charlie crouched down beside his daughter. “Hey, why’s daddy’s princess crying?” He wiped away the tear that had ran down her cheek.

"Why does she have to ruin everything?" Lottie sobbed.

Charlie wrapped his arms around his daughter. “If he really likes you Lottie, nothing Tilly says or does, will make a difference.”

"You say that..."

“I know that.” Charlie reassured, running his hand through Lottie’s hair.

"I just wanted something I didn't have to share with her."

“You don’t have to share Owen with Tilly.”

"She always has to go one better than me."

“If Owen really likes you, he won’t be interested in Tilly. He’ll only be interested in and have eyes for you. Like I only have eyes for your mum.”

"Mum'd have you with a carving knife if you dared look at another woman..!" Lottie couldn't help but giggle.

“There’s that too.” He smiled.

"Smart man your dad..!" Duffy chuckled.

Charlie kissed the top of Lottie’s forehead, “Come on. How about me, you and your mum cuddle up on the sofa and watch a Disney film together? Then I’ll run you a bath, how does that sound Princess?”

"You're not mad about today..?" Lottie queried nervously.

“I understand why you lied to me and your mum. I just wish you’d been honest with us.”

"I'm sorry."

“Apology accepted.”

"Can we watch Aladdin?" Lottie smiled.

“Of course we can.”

"You're the best daddy!" Lottie grinned girlishly.

“I try to be Princess. Now come on, wipe those tears and smile.”

Lottie rubbed her hands over her face and gave him a watery smile.

“That’s better. You’re just perfect the way you are Lottiepop. Don’t forget that.” He kissed her nose.

Lottie nodded, her smile widening slightly.

Duffy watched Charlie in awe. He was such a wonderful father, they were so lucky. "Shall we get that movie on?" She asked quietly.

“Yeah, lets get the movie on.” He smiled. They spent the rest of the evening curled up on the sofa.

It was the following evening before Duffy collared Tilly in order to have the conversation with her that she'd promised Lottie that she would. She steered her middle daughter into her and Charlie's bedroom so they could speak privately.

“So is she grounded or...?” Tilly asked as she stood near the bed.

"That's between me, Lottie and your father."

“Ok, fine.” Tilly sulked. 

"Would you like to explain what's going on between you and Lottie recently?"

Tilly shrugged, “Nothing.”

"Why are you so intent on upsetting her? You've always been so close but just lately all you two do is fight." Duffy sighed.

“It’s... It’s nothing.” Tilly sighed.

Duffy patted the spot on the bed next to her. "It doesn't sound like nothing..."

Tilly sighed and sat next to her mum.

Duffy slid her arm around Tilly's shoulders and gave her a gentle squeeze. "Do you want to talk about it..?"

“She annoys me sometimes.”

"That's fair enough but it doesn't really justify your behaviour last night or on other occasions towards her."

“You have no idea what it’s like!” Tilly muttered.

"Then tell me..!"

“Why’s Lottie got a boyfriend and I haven’t?”

"I had a horrible feeling that it was gunna come down to something like this..." Duffy sighed. "She thinks all the boys like you better than her.

“What? Why?” Tilly frowned.

"She thinks you're prettier and more popular than her."

Tilly sighed, “We’re twins. We’re both the same.” She shrugged, “I don’t have as many friends as she does though.” Tilly admitted quietly.

"The way Lottie describes it you have most of the year group following you around..."

“Yeah but.. None of them are really my friends.”

"Oh Tots..." Duffy pulled her closer.

Tilly snuggled into her mum. “I get jealous of Lottie sometimes.”

"You two really are as bad as each other! You know that?"

“Uh huh."

"Whatever am I going to do with the pair of you?!"

“Don’t know.” Tilly giggled a little.

"So you didn't mean what you threatened last night?"

“Nah. I promise.”

"Good! Because you really upset your sister with that." Duffy replied, her voice taking on a more serious tone.

Tilly was quiet for a minute, “Can I go and speak to Lottie?”

"I think that might be a good idea. Just try not to start fighting again. Please!"

“I won’t, promise. Is she in our room?” Tilly asked as she kissed her mum’s cheek.

"I think that's where she was headed when I came upstairs yes."

“Will you... Come with me?” Tilly asked hesitantly.

"Of course I can." Duffy smiled.

Tilly got up off the bed and slowly made her way to the bedroom that she shared with her sister. She knocked on the door. “Lottiepop, can I come in please?”

"What do you want?" Lottie replied tersly.

“I want to talk.” Tilly glanced at her mum nervously.

"Fine!" Lottie replied, rolling her eyes as she rolled over on her bed and waited for her twin to enter the room.

Tilly entered the room with Duffy and made her way to her bed. She sat down on it. “I’m sorry.”

"What exactly you sorry for?"

“For saying what I said.”

"You've said quite a lot of things..." Lottie wasn't going to make it easy.

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve said recently.” Tilly sighed and lay down on her bed. “I’m jealous.”

Lottie laughed but there was no humour in the sound.

“I know you don’t believe me but I am...”

"What could you possibly be jealous of..?"

“You’ve got a boyfriend and you’ve got friends...” Tilly trailed off.

"All anyone ever talks about is you though..."

“Because I’m loud,” Tilly replied, “I don’t really have anyone I can talk to at school.”

Lottie was quiet for a few moments. She hadn't considered that.

“Sometimes I hate that we’re carbon copies of each other but-" Tilly paused, “You’re my best friend Lottiepop and I don’t like it when we argue.” She said quietly.

"I don't like arguing either."

“Love you.”

"Love you too even though you can be the bane of my existence sometimes..!" Lottie teased.

“So can you.” Tilly stuck her tongue out playfully at Lottie.

Lottie stuck her tongue out in reply.

"That's a bit more like it!" Duffy chuckled.

“So... What's Owen like? Have you snogged him yet?” Tilly asked, clearly interested in hearing the latest gossip.

"I think this is the part where I leave you to it..!" Duffy chuckled.

Lottie and Tilly giggled together. “Night mum.” They both said, “Love you lots like jelly tots.”

"I love you both too, now no more arguing!" Duffy blew them each a kiss.

“No there won’t be.”

"Sweet dreams. Don't stay up too late gossiping!" Duffy chuckled as she headed back downstairs.

“Are they friends again?” Charlie asked.

"I think so. At least for the moment." Duffy sighed, shaking her head indulgently as she flopped down onto the sofa next to her husband.

“They’ll be arguing again tomorrow.” He laughed softly and placed his arm around her shoulders.

"More than likely..!"

“You ok? You seem quiet?”

"I don't like when the kids fight." She sighed.

“Neither do I but it’s part and parcel of having siblings.”

"I suppose I just worry coz I'm not used to it."

“I know.” He kissed the side of her head. “Sure you’re ok?” He pressed gently.

"Lottie worried me last night..." Duffy began softly.

“Go on.” He encouraged softly.

"Her comment about Tilly being skinnier than her..."

“Ah.”

"I worry its my fault..."

“Hey, no it’s not.” He reassured.

"I've not set the best example though..." She sighed.

“I don’t think we’ve got anything to worry about in regards to the girls.”

"I hope you're right..."

“Would you like me to have a word with Lottie? See how she’s feeling?"

"I think maybe it's time we sat both girls down."

Charlie nodded, “I agree.”

"Tomorrow? I think we all need a good night's sleep before tackling that."

“Yeah, lets do it tomorrow.”

"Fancy an early night?"

“With you, always.”


	30. NSFW, TW: eating disorders

It was just after lunch the next day when Kate picked up Oliver and Paul to take them out for the afternoon. The older children all had various plans so it just left the twins home with their parents.

Lottie and Tilly were sat in the living room, both of them shrugged as they looked at each other and questioned why their parents were in the same room as them.

Duffy was nervously picking at the skin around her fingernails.

Charlie squeezed Duffy’s hand reassuringly. “I suppose you’re wondering why your mum and I have called you both in here?”

"Yeh is this about us falling out? Coz I said sorry last night." Tilly grumbled.

“No, it’s not about you two falling out.” Charlie smiled, “Your mum has something she’d like to talk to you both about.”

Duffy took a deep breath as she felt both girls eyes fix on her.

Lottie frowned at her mum, “What is it? What’s wrong?” She began to panic slightly.

"I-I..." Duffy stammered slightly as she tried to find the right words.

Tilly moved closer to the edge of the sofa, “Mum?” She questioned. 

Charlie squeezed Duffy’s hand again.

"We... I..." Duffy cleared her throat nervously. "I decided that it's about time you both knew the truth..."

“The truth?” The twins exchanged a nervous look at each other. “The truth about what?”

"You're probably both well aware that I haven't been well recently..."

“You’ve got cancer!” Lottie gasped, her mind instantly jumping to conclusions. 

“You’re not well, yeah we’ve noticed.” Tilly smiled sadly.

"What?! No!" Duffy gasped.

“Thank fuck for that.” Lottie replied.

"Charlotte! Language!" Duffy admonished.

“Sorry!” Lottie giggled slightly and sighed, “Tilly and I have noticed for a while, you haven’t been yourself.”

Tilly nodded in agreement, “That’s true mum.”

"You're bright girls, I'm not surprised you've noticed." Duffy sighed, she hated that she had to have this conversation with them.

“You’ve got an eating disorder.” Lottie met her mum’s eye.

"You know already?!" Duffy couldn't keep the shock from her voice.

Lottie nodded and looked down at her lap. 

Tilly frowned, “You knew and didn’t tell me??!” She said to her sister.

"I didn't want to make you upset." Lottie mumbled.

Tilly nodded, “I get that.” She squeezed her sister's hand. “I always suspected there was something, especially cos you keep breaking your bones and going funny.”

Duffy sighed sadly. "That's because it has effects far beyond my weight." She attempted to explain.

“Osteoporosis, heart failure, digestive problems, always feeling cold, infertility.” Lottie whispered quietly unable to look her mum in the eye.

"You've clearly been researching..!" Duffy gasped, though she sounded impressed.

Lottie smiled sadly, “I noticed some signs a while ago and needed to make sure I was wrong...”

"I'm sorry..." Duffy sighed.

Tilly hadn’t said much. She was quiet, fiddling with her hands. 

“Don’t apologise, eating disorders are often complex.” Lottie replied.

"I'm pretty sure I've read that in a textbook..!" Duffy chuckled briefly, her smile quickly fading however.

Both girls remained quiet.

"Is there anything either of you want to ask?"

Tilly didn’t answer but Lottie shook her head.

"Tilly?" Duffy was concerned by how quiet her usually incredibly chatty daughter was.

Tilly shrugged.

"It's going to be OK, if that's what's worrying you..?"

“Are you gonna die?” Tilly whispered, “Because people do die from this, don’t they?”

"They can do but I'm getting treatment."

“Treatment doesn’t always work though, does it?”

"Sometimes it doesn't but I'm trying my best to make sure it does."

Tilly moved and wrapped her arms around her mum before she began to cry.

"Oh Tots!" Duffy sighed as she rubbed her daughter's back.

“I need you mama!”

"I'm not going anywhere."

“Good.” Lottie moved and hugged her mum and sister.

Duffy looked over the girls' heads at Charlie.

He smiled and mouthed, 'I love you.'

"I love you too." Duffy replied, her eyes filling with tears.

Charlie stood up and embraced Duffy along with the twins.

Duffy started to cry.

“Oh sweetheart.” Charlie kissed her head as he held all three of his girls.

"It'll be OK." Lottie tried to reassure them all.

“It will Lottie because we’re a family and we’ll get through this. But I don’t want you worrying about your mum ok, girls?”

"Is there anything we can do?" Tilly finally found her voice once more.

“There is one thing you can do. Both of you.”

Both girls' heads shot up.

“Talk to me and your mum if you’re ever upset about anything. Don’t keep it bottled up.”

"OK." Tilly nodded.

"I'll try my best." Lottie replied.

“Thank you girls.” He kissed the top of their heads.

Duffy wiped at her damp cheeks.

Charlie gently wiped away the tears.

"I'm sorry." Duffy mumbled.

“You don’t ever have to say sorry.”

Duffy looked pointedly at the twins who were cuddled into her, still visibly upset. 'My fault.' She mouthed.

He shook his head. 'Not your fault.' He mouthed back.

She didn't look convinced.

He gave her a loving kiss.

"Eww!" Tilly teased.

Charlie laughed, “It could be worse Tots. I could be checking out your mum’s tonsils.”

Tilly pulled a disgusted face.

Charlie laughed softly at Tilly’s expression.

"Why can't you just be normal, boring parents?" Tilly groaned good-naturedly.

“Because boring is boring.” Charlie replied

"Its more fun to keep things interesting." Duffy agreed.

“Exactly what your mum says.”

"I'd find it weird if you suddenly became normal." Lottie chuckled.

Charlie laughed softly, “I don’t think we could ever be normal.”

"I just want things to be OK." Tilly mumbled sadly.

“They will sweetheart.” Duffy whispered.

"Everything is OK when we stick together." Lottie added confidently.

“We’re a tough family.” He smiled, “And you and your mum are tough girls!”

"Do we have to keep it a secret?" Tilly asked softly, still not looking anyone in the eye.

“The older ones already know. We didn’t want to tell you because... I didn’t think both of you were ready. But you both are.”

"So we'd appreciate if you didn't discuss it in front of Oliver and Paul." Duffy requested.

“That’s fine.”

"If you want to talk about it with us at any time that's OK. We don't want you to be worried or frightened."

Tilly nodded, “Have you always been ill?”

"Its been something that I've dealt with for a very long time yes."

“How long is long?” Lottie asked curiously.

"Probably since I was not much older than you are now." Duffy admitted sadly.

“That’s a long time.” Lottie said sadly.

"It is."

“Was it because of a boy?” Lottie asked.

"Maybe at first but it became something more than that as I got older."

“Because of Jake’s dad?”

"He didn't help the situation no." Duffy sighed, hesitant to get into that topic with the girls.

They both nodded and then asked at the same time, “Is there anything we can do?”

"Just carry on as you are. I don't want things to change." Duffy insisted.

“Ok.”

"Is there anything you'd like to do this afternoon? Seeing as how it's just the four of us for the next few hours."

“Watch a film?”

"Here or shall we see what we can catch at the cinema?"

“Here. Me and Tilly can get our duvets.” Lottie giggled.

"Fancy dragging ours down while you're up there?" Duffy chuckled.

“No.” They giggled.

"Charlie..!" Duffy batted her eyelashes at him, pouting.

He stared at her. God, she had such a gorgeous pout...

"Will you get our duvet?"

He was clearly distracted and wasn’t listening.

"Earth to Charlie..!" Duffy giggled.

He broke out of his trance, a light blush colouring his cheeks. “Yes darling?”

"Can you fetch our duvet please?" Duffy repeated with a mischievous grin.

“Of course I can gorgeous.”

The twins smirked and giggled as they followed their dad upstairs.

“What’s so funny, Lottiepop and Tots?” He asked.

"Nothing!" They both burst into more giggles.

“Tell me?” He shook his head fondly, a smile gracing his lips.

"She just totally played you!" Tilly giggled.

“What do you mean, played me?”

"She couldn't be arsed to get the duvet and we wouldn't fetch it either so she just batted her eyelashes and here you are upstairs fetching it for her!"

“Your mum has certain talents about getting me to do things for her.” He replied.

"We noticed!" Lottie smirked.

Charlie shrugged, “Your mum is very beautiful and very sexy, that’s not my fault.”

"You'll have to ask mum how she does it and then try it on Owen!" Tilly giggled, nudging Lottie.

Lottie blushed, “Ssh.”

The giggling and teasing continued as they grabbed their duvets and headed back downstairs.

"What are you two plotting?" Duffy chuckled.

“Nothing mama.” Lottie giggled, “Dad gets well distracted around you!”

Duffy blushed.

Lottie and Tilly giggled as they sat down on the sofa with their duvet. “I think dad needs five minutes.” They burst out giggling again.

Duffy raised an eyebrow. "Maybe I should go help him, that duvet is quite heavy..."

The twins giggled, “I think dad will be ok.”

"What's so funny..?"

“Nope, nothing.”

Duffy shook her head indulgently at them as Charlie headed down the stairs once more.

“My ears are burning.” He entered the living room.

"So it seems..!" Duffy chuckled.

He threw their duvet over his wife and laughed.

Duffy giggled as she scrambled out from under the duvet and seized hold of Charlie's arm, pulling him towards her.

“Oh hello there.” He smiled as he met her gaze.

The twins rolled their eyes at each other and reached for the selection of dvds.

Charlie kissed Duffy gently.

Realising her hand was hidden from sight under the duvet she gave him a cheeky squeeze as they kissed.

He deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue against her lower lip.

After placing the dvd in the player Tilly purposefully turned the volume up.

“Busted, Mrs Fairhead.” He pulled away and sat beside Duffy underneath the duvet.

Duffy giggled mischievously. "So what are we watching?"

“Well me and Lottie are gonna watch Snow White. You two are probably gonna act like teenagers and spent the whole film snogging and groping each other.” Tilly giggled.

Duffy giggled, blushing and hiding her face in Charlie's shoulder.

“Your mum does have an attractive body...” Charlie replied, rubbing his hand across Duffy’s thigh.

The twins mimed puking gestures and giggled.

Charlie’s tongue ran up Duffy’s ear before he pulled her closer and they both began to watch the film.

Duffy snuggled her head on Charlie's chest, watching the girls as they sat together.

He rested his head slightly against hers. Halfway through the film, Charlie fell asleep.

"I think we've bored your dad." Duffy told the girls, chuckling softly.

“Dad always falls asleep during movies.” Lottie rolled her eyes playfully, “He’s old.”

"Don't let him hear you say that..!" Duffy giggled.

“Ssh. I won’t.” Lottie giggled.

"He's mellowed as he's aged." Duffy grinned.

“Do you still find dad fit?” Tilly asked.

"Yes." Duffy blushed.

“He still thinks you're fit too.”

"Is that so..?" Duffy couldn't help but giggle.

“Yeah. Dad gets that distracted look in his eye sometimes. You know what he’s thinking of.”

"Your father is very easily distracted..!"

“Around you mama, yes.” Lottie smirked.

"Hmm..." Duffy smiled. "Personally I'd like to know more about young Owen..."

Lottie blushed, “What would you like to know?”

"What's he like?"

“Cute, funny. Really handsome.”

"Are we going to get to meet him any time soon..?"

Lottie shrugged, “Maybe soon. We’ve only been on three dates.”

"Of course, we wouldn't want to cramp your style..!" Duffy teased gently.

“It’s not that. I don’t want to scare him.” Lottie admitted. “Or... You lot don’t like him.”

"All that your dad will be concerned with is making sure Owen is good enough for his little princess..!"

“But I don’t want people to judge Owen based on his family’s history.” Lottie sighed.

"I know sweetheart. I'll be sure to talk to your dad about not going all 'papa bear' on him..!"

Lottie smiled. “Thanks mama.”

"No promises that he won't just ignore me but I'll try my best for you." Duffy smiled.

“He’s not like his family.”

"That's good."

Tilly gave Lottie a look. That wasn’t what she’d heard around the playground.

Duffy noticed the look but decided not to persue it for the moment.

Tilly sighed. If he ever hurt Lottie, she’d hurt him!

Duffy turned her head away from the girls as Charlie began to snore in her ear.

“Dad’s so loud! How do you put up with his snoring?” Tilly asked as she reached for the control.

"Like this..!" Duffy chuckled, nudging Charlie in the ribs.

Charlie grumbled and moved slightly, stopping his snoring.

Duffy grinned smugly at the twins.

“Ah so that’s how you do it?”

"Years of practice."

Tilly smiled.

Duffy slowly slid out from the duvet she shared with Charlie and joined the twins on the sofa.

The girls cuddled their mum as she sat between them.

"When did you two get so grown up?"

“It just happened.”

"It's happening too quickly for my liking!"

“Me too.” Lottie admitted with a pout. “Sometimes I wish I was small.”

"It doesn't seem all that long ago to me that you were!"

“Never too old for mummy cuddles though!”

"Never!" Duffy chuckled, pulling both girls into a hug.

Both girls stayed like that for the rest of the movie.

As the credits rolled Duffy smiled at the twins. "We should do this more often."

“Yeah I agree mama, we should.”

"Maybe just the three of us next time though..!" Duffy chuckled, nodding her head towards her still snoozing husband.

The girls nodded, “Good idea.” Tilly giggled. She then sighed.

"What's wrong Tots?" Duffy asked gently.

“I wish I was young again.” Tilly admitted sadly, “Life was simpler then.”

"But think of all the adventures yet to come." Duffy smiled encouragingly.

“My exams? College and Uni?” Tilly smiled, “It’s exciting but... A bit scary.” She admitted.

"Its ok to be scared."

Lottie squeezed her sister's hand. “We’ve got each other! We can be scared together.”

Duffy smiled. "Funnily enough it was always Tilly that grabbed for your hand when you were both tiny."

“Really?”

Duffy nodded. "They put you in Tilly's incubator with her when you were only a few hours old coz that was the only way they could get you to settle." She told Lottie.

Lottie smiled, “It kinda feels weird when I do things by myself.” She admitted shyly.

"You've always had each other."

“Exactly. She’s a pain in the arse but she’s my sister and best friend.” Lottie hugged her sister tightly and kissed her cheek.

"Eww!" Tilly teased, giggling.

Lottie giggled softly.

"Its good to see you both smiling and laughing again."

“And you mama.”

"I'm sorry if I worried you earlier. I just felt it was time you both knew the truth."

“It’s ok mama. We get it.” Lottie replied, “Least we can help and talk about things now.”

"Yeh, I hope we can be open and honest about things."

“Like sex?” Tilly asked.

"Is that something you'd like to talk about..?" Duffy asked.

Lottie and Tilly exchanged a look before Tilly nodded.

"Well we did the basics with you both a couple of years ago, what else did you want to ask?"

“How do you know when you’re ready?” Tilly asked.

"Its important that you trust the person you are with and aren't just doing it coz you think everyone else is."

“Because it’s an important and special time?”

"Its something I'd hate you to have regrets about later."

“Did you have regrets?” Lottie asked quietly.

Duffy nodded sadly.

“Because he was a dick head?” Lottie asked.

"He wasn't very nice, no."

Tilly nodded, “I... There was a guy in school who asked me to sleep with him.”

"What did you say?"

“I told him I wouldn’t just give it up.”

"And you shouldn't."

“Only if they’re special.”

"And this boy isn't?"

“He’s not even my boyfriend.” Tilly replied.

"Do you like him?"

Tilly shrugged and then shook her head, “Not in that way.”

"OK. But he likes you?"

Tilly shrugged, “Dunno.”

"Do I know him?" Duffy asked, unable to contain her curiosity.

“No I don’t think so.”

"Oh, OK."

“I, um, don’t notice boys.” Lottie gave her a look and she giggled, “Ok. Let me rephrase that. I notice boys but, um, I don’t really fancy them.”

"That's OK. Boys aren't the be all and end all of being a teenager."

“I know.” Tilly smiled.

"I'm sure your dad will be relieved to hear you say that..!" Duffy chuckled.

“I am.” He yawned as he began to wake up from the sofa.

"He's been terrified of the idea of you girls being teenagers since the day you were born!" Duffy giggled.

“I’ve been scared of boys been turned because I have three gorgeous girls.” He sat up.

"You misjudged that one with Emmy!" Tilly giggled.

“That’s true.”

"With eight of us it's not really surprising that at least one of us is gay." Tilly shrugged.

Charlie smiled, “Emmy’s happy. That’s all I want in life. For my children to be happy doing whatever makes them happy.”

"Except if it involves teenage boys..!" Duffy teased mischievously.

Charlie smiled, “Correct darling.”

"And yet you thought teenage boys fancying me was funny..." Duffy rolled her eyes.

“It wasn’t just funny darling.”

"What was it then..?"

“Something I can’t say in front of the children.” He grinned.

"Eww! Dad!" Both girls complained.

“What?” He laughed, “Blame your mother, she started it.”

Duffy gasped, giving them all her best innocent expression.

The girls laughed gently, “We’re gonna go to our room, is that ok?” Tilly asked as they stood up.

"Sure." Duffy smiled.

Both girls kissed their mum and dad’s cheeks before picking up their duvets and heading upstairs.

"Do you think we grossed them out or something?" Duffy giggled.

“Yeah I think we did.” He smirked as he met his wife’s eye.

"Oops!" She giggled, moving back over to join her husband under the duvet.

Charlie’s hand moved up her thigh slowly, “You know I don’t just find it funny about young men fancying you...” He whispered in her ear.

"You are a very strange man Charlie Fairhead..!" She teased.

“Yeah but you love me...” He kissed her earlobe.

"Luckily for you..!"

He laughed.

"Do you think telling the girls went OK?" Duffy asked nervously.

“Yes it did.” His hand moved further up her leg, “They took it really well! I’m proud of them and you.”

"I feel bad for lying to them for so long." She sighed.

“You didn’t lie to them. You protected them, there’s a difference.”

"I guess you're right."

“I’m always right.”

"Of course you are darling..!" She retorted sarcastically.

“Do you fancy putting another film on and making out?” He asked.

"I don't imagine we'll be watching much of the film but sure..!" She giggled.

“Not whilst I’m checking out your tonsils, no.” He put another film on for them to watch, both of them knowing they wouldn’t really pay attention to it.

"Are you just trying to cover the noise?" She teased.

“You’re always so noisy so yes!”

"How rude!" She aimed a slug at his shoulder.

He pouted. “That’s not nice.”

"Want me to kiss it better for you..?" She purred.

“Yes please.”

She kissed her way up his arm.

He watched her, his breathing quickening slightly.

She continued up his neck.

He let out a low moan.

She ran her tongue along his jaw.

He closed his eyes for a second.

Reaching his ear she nipped the lobe.

He turned to look at her and opened his eyes, meeting her gaze.

She slowly licked her lips, keeping her eyes locked with his.

He lent forward and kissed her roughly. His hand at the back of her neck.

She giggled against his lips as they fell backwards onto the sofa cushions.

He giggled, his lips moving from her mouth to that spot on her neck that drove her wild.

She let out a moan then giggled as she heard the sound of a stereo increasing in volume above them.

“Busted.” He whispered as he began to suck on her neck.

"Oh well..!" She grinned mischievously.

Charlie’s hands ran up her sides and under her top.

She grabbed the edge of the duvet and threw it over their heads.

“You’re so sexy!”

"And you're the only one I want to hear saying that!" She giggled.

His hands squeezed her breasts. “You’re absolutely perfect.”

"You're such a charmer." She smiled.

“For you, always.” He undid her bra, his hands playing with her breasts again.

"You having fun there?"

“I always have fun playing with your breasts.”

"So I see!"

“Do you want me to stop?”

"No!" She exclaimed.

He smirked, “I didn’t think so.” He helped her out of her top and planted a kiss against her skin just above one of her nipples.

"Mmm..!"

He took her nipple into his mouth and began to suck.

She ran her fingers through his hair.

His teeth gently bite her nipple, giving it a final suck before paying attention to the other breast and repeating his actions.

She gripped his hair tighter.

He looked up at her as he withdrew his mouth from her breast.

"Why'd you stop?"

“Because I want my tongue somewhere else. Is that ok?” He kissed his way down her stomach and to the top of her jeans.

"Oh well in that case..!" She giggled.

“You’ve such a gorgeous giggle.” He kissed her naval before gently undoing her jeans.

She wriggled, helping him pull them down.

He kissed the inside of her thighs once her jeans were removed.

"Mmm..."

He did it again, his fingertips tracing patterns against her inner thighs.

She closed her eyes, her face glowing with contentment.

He watched her for a few minutes, watching the contentment grow on her face.

"So good..." She mumbled softly.

“I could just do this to you all night.” He whispered.

"I'm not going to stop you..."

His fingertips began to stroke her inner thighs, across her stomach and chest.

She shivered slightly as goosebumps sprung up on her skin in the wake of his touch.

“Your body is so beautiful.”

Her eyes flickered open. "You think I'm getting better?" She whispered.

He met her gaze and nodded.

"I'm trying so hard. I promise."

“I know, I can see you are.”

"Its not been easy but I want it to work."

“You’re doing really well.” He placed a kiss against her hips.

"It means a lot that you think that." She smiled.

Although her body hadn’t changed much, there was a noticeable change occurring and Charlie loved it.

As each day passed she found herself becoming more believing of the look of devotion and desire in her husband's eyes when he gazed upon her.

“You’re beautiful.” He told her again, kissing his way down her body once more and up her inner thighs.

His lips on her skin felt wonderful, causing the familiar fire to coil in her belly.

He moved one of his hands to undo his belt and jeans.

She ran her hands under his tshirt, pulling it up so she could reach more of him. "You didn't squeal like you usually do..!"

“Your hands aren’t as cold as they used to be.” He smiled.

"That's good right?"

He nodded, “It’s a good thing.” He reassured. He managed to undo his belt and trousers and pulled them down slightly.

"Not the only good thing round here right now..!" She winked.

“What’s the other good thing?” He asked with a chuckle.

"Hmm..." She reached out and ran her fingernail slowly along his cock.

He sighed contently, feeling her fingernail against his length.

"I like what I see." She grinned.

“I noticed.” He edged closer to her.

She narrowed her eyes as he teased her.

Carefully he guided himself into her.

She sighed contentedly as she felt him fill her perfectly.

He didn’t move for a minute, enjoying the feeling of being inside her. He kissed her shoulder.

She pulled him closer so there was no space between their bodies.

He slowly began to move.

She tangled her arms and legs around him.

His lips moved to her ear, her neck and shoulder. Kissing the skin softly and lovingly.

Her hands stroked his back, her nails grazing his skin.

He shivered slightly.

As he moved the sofa creaked underneath them.

“God sake,” He mumbled, “Is every item we own in this house squeaky?”

"The furniture just can't take the strain!" She giggled.

Luckily it didn’t creak too much as Charlie continued to thrust. He wanted to take his time with Duffy, relish in her and her body that he was growing very fond of and attracted to.

She moaned as his hands caressed her.

“You’re so sexy.”

"Not bad for an old lady..!" She giggled.

“You’re not old.” He smiled, “Still younger than me.”

"That's true but then again you're really old..!" She teased.

“Rude!” He gasped playfully.

"True!" She giggled.

“True but rude!”

"I still fancy you though." She kissed his pout.

“Good. I don’t think I ever stopped fancying you.” Charlie’s thrusts became a little faster. His hands still caressing her body.

"Good to know." She panted.

He grabbed her hips as he began to pound faster.

Neither noticed that the squeaking was once more getting louder.

Charlie was so close to climaxing.

Duffy dug her fingernails into his bum, urging him on.

He moaned loudly as he climaxed, unable to hold off once he felt her fingernails digging into his bum.

She followed shortly after him.

He was breathing heavy as he rested his head against her shoulder. “That was fucking incredible.”

"Yeh it was." She smiled, stroking her fingers over his head.

“You’re incredible.”

"You ain't so bad yourself." She giggled.

He moved his head from her shoulder.

They shifted slightly on the sofa until he lay on his back and she curled up, her head resting against his chest.

Neither of them spoke for a while. Just relishing in the afterglow of their love making and content with each other.

The movie was still playing in the background but neither was paying it much, if any, attention.

“Mrs Fairhead?”

"Mr Fairhead?"

“I love you.”

"I love you too."

“Love you more.” Charlie whispered.

She smiled and snuggled into his embrace. She was silent for a while before she whispered, "Charlie?"

“Yes sweetheart?”

"I want to go back to work."

“Do you feel ready?”

"Its been six months..!"

“Ok. If you’re ready to go back then I’ll sort it out in the morning.” He kissed the top of her head.

"Thank you."

“Has it really been six months without my partner in crime at work?”

"You mean you haven't found a new sidekick to replace me?"

He shook his head, “No.”

"Good! Coz I'd hate any harm to befall her when I returned..!" Duffy giggled menacingly.

He laughed at her menacing giggle. “It didn’t seem right to replace you.”

"I should think not!"

“I also wouldn’t get away with doing half of the stuff I do to you, on someone else.”

"Yeh, I really should request to see my contract coz I'm convinced most of the things you get me to do aren't in it..!" She giggled.

“What kind of things?” He smirked, running his fingertips up her side again.

"I'm pretty sure there's nothing about testing the structural integrity of your desk in there..!"

He chuckled, “Fair point.”

"I should get paid extra for that!"

“You do get paid extra.”

"Do I?" Her eyebrows knitted together as she sat up and regarded him.

He caught her eye and smirked, “No, you don’t. I’m joking.”

"Git!" She pouted.

He kissed her pout, that familiar feeling in his stomach.

"So you'll let me come back and show you what you've been missing..?" She grinned cheekily.

He nodded, “Yeah.” He pulled her onto his lap.

"Oh you want a sneak preview do you..?"

“Always.” He grinned.

She shifted to straddle his lap, her arms loosely looped round his neck. She kissed him softly.

His hands rested on her lower back as he returned the gentle kiss.

The kiss was beginning to heat up when the front door opened, banging loudly against the wall.

Charlie smiled against Duffy’s lips. “I wonder who that is?”

"Whoever it is needs a lesson on how to open doors correctly. My money is on Louis or Jake."

The door closed loudly behind them. “Mum? Dad?” Jake called as he kicked off his shoes.

Duffy scrambled to put her clothes back on. "Just a minute..!" She called back.

Jake laughed from the hallway, “I’ll give you both five minutes to finish off whatever it is you’re doing.” He called out as he wandered into the kitchen. 

Charlie began to get dressed.

"Cheeky bugger!" Duffy muttered under her breath. "He's only been back a week..!" She giggled.

“And he knows what his parents are like.” Charlie laughed.

"We have ourselves quite the reputation!"

“That’s your fault.” He smiled.

"My fault?" She stuck her tongue out at him as she opened the lounge door, purposefully ignoring the fact that he was still attempting to finish dressing.

“Oft, do you mind, it’s cold.” He had his trousers half on and no tshirt.

"Nope!" She giggled, pretending to walk away leaving the door open before leaning back and closing it. She found Jake in the kitchen.

Charlie shook his head fondly. 

Jake was sat at the table, with a glass of orange juice.

"You're back early..?" Duffy smiled at her son.

He smiled and nodded, “Yeah.”

"We, erm, weren't expecting you back yet..."

Jake sighed, “I wasn’t supposed to be back for a few hours but, Krystal and I had an argument.”

"What did you argue about? Nothing serious I hope."

“This and that.”

"Maybe it's just coz you've been apart for a while. I'm sure things'll settle down."

“Maybe.” He sighed and took a sip of his drink.

"Couples row sometimes. Look at me and your dad - we always make up in the end."

“I know.”

"I know you think I don't like Krystal but I do..." Duffy smiled as she sat down next to Jake at the kitchen table.

“Krystal’s different to what you thought my first girlfriend was going to be like.” He smiled, “Krystal’s happy here... With her job and stuff and....”

"And you're not..?"

“I’m happy but... What if you feel something is moving too fast?”

"You feel like she wants more commitment than you're able to give..?"

He nodded. “Yeah.”

"She wants you to stay here for longer or..?"

“Krystal’s been offered her dream job...”

"Oh?"

“In London. She wants to take it but wants me to go with her. And... I’m not sure.”

"What makes you unsure?"

“I’m worried things will go wrong.”

"That's understandable. Have you tried talking to Krystal about how you feel?"

Jake shook his head.

"Maybe you should." Duffy suggested, looking up and smiling as she spotted Charlie in the kitchen doorway.

“You might be worrying about nothing, son.” Charlie smiled. “But talk to her.”

Jake nodded. "Sorry I interrupted..." The smirk he couldn't quite hide somewhat lessened the impact of his apology however.

“You didn’t interrupt anything, your mother and I had already finished once.” Charlie laughed loudly.

"Charlie!" Duffy gasped.

"I did not need to know that!" Jake grimaced, laughing.

“Sorry son.” Charlie laughed gently, “Everything else alright?” He asked Jake as he joined Duffy at the table.

"Yeh not so bad." Jake shrugged.

“Sure? You know you can tell me and your mum anything, don’t you?”

"I'm bored." Jake admitted.

“Bored with life?”

"Bored with being here. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to see you all but I enjoy travelling, seeing new places and meeting new people..."

Charlie smiled, “I know. That’s your life, go and do things that make you happy Jake. Life’s too short.”

"I thought Krystal wanted the same..." Jake sighed.

“Have you spoken to her about what you both want?”

"I tried..."

“Go on..?” Charlie gently encouraged.

"She got mad at my 'lack of enthusiasm'..."

“Ah, so that’s why you argued?”

"Yeh, she just wouldn't let me explain, she just flew off the handle and wouldn't listen..!" Jake harumphed.

“Give her time to calm down and then try again?”

"I suppose." Jake grumbled.

“I sometimes have to let your mum calm down.”

"I don't know what you mean!" Duffy scowled.

Charlie rolled his eyes playfully, “Just give her time son and you’ll be ok.”

"I hope you're right." Jake sighed. "I don't want to fall out with her."

“You won’t. Couples have arguments all the time but they soon make up with each other. Your mum and I make up all the time.”

"Yeh, we know!" Jake smirked.

Charlie laughed, “What are you insinuating by that?”

"You know exactly what I'm insinuating." Jake chuckled.

"Your fault!" Duffy interjected before Charlie could reply.

Charlie squeezed Duffy’s thigh underneath the table and grinned. “Your mother has a strange way of making me forgive her.”

"Oh is that why the music upstairs was so loud when I came home?"

“I have no idea what you mean.”

"Seriously guys, never change." Jake chuckled. "You're both utterly weird but I'm not sure we'd want you any other way!"

“Your mum’s the weird one.” Charlie smiled.

"How rude!" Duffy gasped, giggling.

“I’m getting you back for earlier.” Charlie smirked.

"Lalala don't want to know!" Jake declared, laughing as he covered his ears.

Charlie and Duffy laughed at Jake’s reaction.

Hearing laughter Tilly yelled down from the top of the stairs, "Is it safe to come down again?"

“Yes Tots.” Charlie called back.

"Phew!" Tilly sighed dramatically and bounced down the stairs. "Oh hey Jake." She grinned as she entered the kitchen.

“Hi you freakish mum clone.” Jake grinned, “You’re looking more and more like mum every time I see you.”

Tilly stuck her tongue out and grabbed a can of pop from the fridge.

“It’s really quite frightening.” Jake added as he watched Tilly.

Tilly grinned, hoped up onto the kitchen worktop and opened her drink.

“Come and sit at the table, please Tilly.”

"Urgh!" Tilly harumphed dramatically but did as she was told.

“Thank you.”

Tilly smiled at Lottie as the teen joined the others downstairs. "There's cherryade in the fridge." She held up her can.

“My favourite!” Lottie grinned as she walked to the fridge, stopping to ruffle her brother's hair.

"Urgh, Lottie!" Jake grumbled, readjusting his hair.

Lottie grabbed a can from the fridge and jumped up on the worktop. Sitting in the exact same position Tilly sat a few minutes before.

"Lottie, your dad just told your sister off for that, get down!" Duffy shook her head indulgently.

“Urgh!” Lottie harumped dramatically and jumped down from the worktop.

"Thank you." Duffy smiled.

“I was just saying to Tilly, how you two and Emmy are freakish mum clones.” Jake filled in Lottie on what they’d been discussing.

"You say that like it's a bad thing..." Lottie smiled.

“You think it’s a good thing?” Jake smirked. “Is it a good thing.” He smiled.

"Damn straight it is!" Tilly asserted.

“Mum’s beautiful and kind. Why wouldn’t we want to be like her?” Lottie added.

Duffy could feel her cheeks burning, she chanced a glance at Charlie.

Jake nodded, “Fair point girls.”

"Yep. Now stop distracting the topic away from the fact your hair looks stupid..!" Tilly retorted.

Jake gasped, “It doesn’t!”

"Yeh it does." Lottie agreed.

“Stop teasing your brother, girls.” Charlie shook his head fondly.

"He does look stupid though!" Tilly giggled.

Duffy bit her lip, trying not to giggle too.

“Don’t all gang up on me!” Jake whined.

"Hey, dad's on your side but I've seen photos of what his hair used to look like..!" Lottie teased.

“Your mum loved my hair.” Charlie replied, “She misses my curls, don’t you darling?”

"I miss you having hair." Duffy giggled.

“You’re a baldy now, dad.” Lottie and Tilly giggled.

Duffy giggled at her husband's pouting face.

Jake looked at his phone and sighed. There was no messages from Krystal.

Duffy squeezed her son's shoulder. "How about we make some food together? You can impress us with something you've tried on your travels."

Jake smiled and nodded enthusiastically, “Ok sure!”

"Is there anything we need to go buy or do we have everything already?" Duffy asked.

Jake got up and began to look through the cupboards and the fridge. “I’ll be able to make something based on what we’ve got in.”

"OK, just let me know what you need me to do." Duffy smiled, shooing the others out the kitchen.

“Go and sit down and relax mum.” Jake smiled and kissed her cheek.

"Don't be silly, I want to help."

“Mum, let me treat you for a change. Please.”

"Don't you start treating me like an invalid too..!"

“I’m not. I just want this to be a surprise.” He smiled brightly, “Please mum.”

"Oh alright!" She rolled her eyes.

After everyone was shooed out of the kitchen, Jake began to make tea for the family.

"We best call the others to let them know that masterchef is making tea tonight!" Tilly smirked.

“Shall we invite your gran around for tea?” Charlie laughed.

"Well she's got to drop the boys back here so it would be nice to invite her." Duffy pointed out.

“Tilly, do you want to call your gran and tell her?”

"OK." Tilly smiled and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

“I’m gonna go and finish my homework before tea’s ready.” Lottie said.

"OK sweetheart." Duffy smiled.

Lottie slipped off upstairs to finish her English homework.

"Do you have any homework to do?" Duffy asked Tilly as the teenager got off the phone.

Tilly shook her head, “Done it.” She wasn’t lying, she had done all her homework that was due.

Duffy looked surprised but pleased.

“Do you think I should ring Louis?” Tilly mused, “Actually no. He said he was with....” She trailed off, “Forget I said anything.”

"Tilly..?"

“Yeah?”

"Where's your brother?"

“Out.”

"Don't mess us around Tilly." Charlie warned.

“He’s out with a friend, that’s all I know.” Tilly shrugged.

"The sort of friend we should be concerned about?" Duffy asked.

“No. I don’t think so.”

"You would say if you were worried wouldn't you? We're not angry, we just want to make sure Louis is safe." Duffy attempted to reassure her daughter.

“Yeah course I would.”

Duffy looked anxiously at Charlie.

Before she could be interrogated further, the front door opened and closed. Louis was home.

"You must have smelt your brother's cooking..!" Duffy called out with forced cheerfulness.

“Jake’s cooking?” Louis asked as he popped his head around the living room door. There was something different about him.

"Yeh, he's surprising us." Duffy smiled. "You ok?"

Louis smiled, “Yeah.”

"You been up to much?" Duffy asked, ensuring the question sounded casual.

“This and that.” Louis put his hand in his pocket.

"Louis? What's going on?" Charlie asked, more firmly than his wife.

Louis frowned, “What do you mean? What’s going on?”

Tilly looked at the floor, this was all her fault.

“I’ve been with a few friends, that’s all. Well a friend.”

"We're just concerned, that's all Louis." Duffy replied.

“You don’t need to be, I promise.” Louis smiled. “I haven’t touched anything.”

"Then why the shiftiness?" Charlie asked.

“Am I acting shifty?” Louis asked.

"Yes!" Charlie replied.

“I was with a friend, that’s all you need to know.”

"You're not eighteen just yet and while you live under this roof we have the right to ask about where you've been!" Charlie replied, rising from the sofa.

“This is bloody ridiculous!” Louis muttered as he turned to walk upstairs to his room.

"Come back here now!" Charlie yelled after him.

"Charlie!" Duffy gasped, trying to de-escalate the situation. She turned to Tilly. "Maybe you should go upstairs and call Peter? See if he and Holly would like to join us for tea." She suggested.

Louis stopped on the stairs and took a deep breath. He passed Tilly on the stairs as she went to her bedroom to call Peter, Louis returning back downstairs. “I was with a friend. We went to the park...” He looked at the floor.

"And.?!" Charlie prompted.

"Why don't we all sit down..?" Duffy suggested, placing her hand on Charlie's arm.

Louis shifted uncomfortably, “Then we went back to hers.”

"Oh... I see..." Charlie stammered awkwardly.

“She’s just a friend, nothing happened.” Louis insisted firmly, “I had a beer but nothing else.”

"You're underage, you shouldn't be drinking!" Charlie retorted.

He sighed, “I know but I...” He shrugged, “It doesn’t matter.”

"Does this friend take drugs?" 

“No.”

"That's something I suppose." Charlie remarked. 

"We just want to make sure you're staying safe, that's all." Duffy added.

“I am staying safe.” Louis replied, “I just... Oh I don’t know!”

"What's wrong? You can talk to us..." Duffy reassured, trying to steer both men to sit down calmly.

“It’s nothing. She’s good ok? She doesn’t use.” Louis protested.

"OK, we believe you." Duffy replied.

“Do you?”

"I do." Duffy replied. "Charlie?" She prompted.

“I believe you.”

Louis nodded, “Can I go to my room now, please?”

"Sure. We'll call when tea is ready." Duffy smiled.

“Thank you.” Louis ran up the stairs to his bedroom and closed the door behind him. He lent against it, took a deep breath before moving to his bed and throwing something into the drawer beside his bed.

A couple of minutes later he heard a light tap on the door.

He closed his drawer, “Come in.”

Tilly poked her head around the door tentatively. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to grass you up."

“Ah so it was you?” He teased, “Don’t worry about it.”

"Everything is OK right?" She asked, slowly creeping into the room.

“Yeah course it is.”

"I'm sorry dad got mad at you." She sat down on the bed next to him.

“It’s alright.”

"I don't like people keeping secrets." She sighed.

“I know.” He paused, “I’m sorry too. You don’t have to keep it a secret.”

"Will you tell me the truth?"

“I’m not using again Tilly, if that’s what you’re scared of.”

"You promise?" She asked, her voice sounded much younger than her fourteen years.

He held out his pinky finger, “I promise Tots.”

She giggled, raising her eyebrow at him. "I'm not five anymore!" She pouted playfully.

“Never too old for a pinky promise.” He replied with a smile. “I was with a friend, we went to the park, had a walk. It was lovely.”

"Oh my god, does literally everyone have a 'friend' now except me?!" Tilly sighed dramatically.

“She’s just a friend Tilly, nothing more.”

"Hmm." She didn't sound completely convinced.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

"Well everyone seems to be keeping secrets lately..." She sighed.

“Like?”

"Mum told us about her being ill..." Tilly whispered.

“Ah...”

"How long you known?"

“A while.” He replied.

"Do you believe that she'll be OK?"

Louis nodded, “She's looking better, don’t you think?”

"Yeh I suppose. But she's been ok before and then got sick again. We just weren't told why til now."

“We just need to believe her and hope for the best.” He said sadly as he wrapped his arms around his younger sister.

"Is it something we did wrong?" Tilly whispered sadly.

“What? No.” He shook his head, “I think your mum has been ill for a long time. I don’t think it’s anything we’ve done.” He reassured.

"She's your mum too!" Tilly replied. "Well, I know she's not your mum mum but, urgh, you know what I mean..!" She rambled, trying not to get upset.

“Yeah she’s my mum too.” He ran his fingers through Tilly’s hair, “What’s on your mind?”

"I don't want her to die." The tears she'd been holding back since her earlier conversation with her parents finally spilled forth.

He held his sister as she cried. “Mum’s stubborn, she isn’t going to die.”

"I didn't want her to see me cry. I didn't want her to blame herself."

“Ssh, she won’t.” He reassured, still holding his little sister. He didn’t say anything else.

"I wish she wasn't ill." Tilly mumbled.

“Me too.” He whispered.

Silence enveloped them for several minutes. Eventually Tilly spoke again. "Why didn't you tell anyone that you were meeting that girl?" She asked.

“Because I didn’t want anyone to know.” Louis sighed, “It’s complicated Tots.”

"What's so complicated about it? If you like her why couldn't you say anything?"

“I don’t want to hurt her.” He said quietly.

"Why would you hurt her?"

He shrugged, “I’m just scared I will.”

"So how do you know her?" Tilly asked, brightening somewhat as she sensed gossip.

“School.” He replied.

"Someone from a different year?"

“Yeah.”

"Do I know her?!!"

“No.” He laughed.

"Urgh! Lame!" She grumbled.

“Sorry.” He smiled.

"Well you're just boring so I'm gunna leave you to be boring alone!" She giggled, jumping up from the bed.

He shook his head fondly, “See you later Tots. Love you.” He called after her as she exited the room. He lay back on his bed and looked up at the ceiling. He knew all hell would break loose once his parents found out who he was seeing but he was happy. That was all that mattered right?


	31. NSFW, TW: eating disorders, infant death, rape and child abuse

Duffy swallowed the last of her coffee and moved to stand in front of her locker. She ran her hands down her uniform, suddenly nervous.

Charlie had left her a bunch of flowers beside their bed this morning as a good luck symbol before going into work.

She'd wanted to go into work by herself rather than them arriving together but now she wasn't so sure.

Taking a deep breath she closed her locker, held her head high and made her way to the office of the new clinical lead who had started whilst she'd been away. She knocked on the door.

“Come in.” A voice called from behind the closed office door.

Duffy pushed the door open. "Hi, I was told to report here before I started my shift." She smiled.

“You must be Lisa, Department Sister?”

"Yeh, that's me. Everyone calls me Duffy though."

“Come in and take a seat. Now there’s been a few changes in the department since you’ve been off sick...”

Duffy sat down in the chair next to the desk. "Yes, I've been kept apprised of the developments..." She began.

“Through your husband?”

"Yeh, Charlie didn't want me going in blind." Duffy smiled.

“That’s nice.” There was a sense of fakeism in her voice.

"He likes his nurses to be able to hit the ground running."

“I can see that.”

"Look, Mrs Beauchamp, let me level with you... I've been doing this job for a long time, I don't need a first day back pep talk. Let's just get the return to work paperwork signed and then I can get on with my job."

Connie rose an eyebrow at her tone. “I need to make sure you’re fit enough to recommence working before we sign anything.”

"I'm perfectly fit thank you. I do have a question though..."

“Go on...?”

"Why are you doing this interview? Charlie is my line manager, surely he should be the one to fill out the forms?"

“I asked Charlie if I was could do this interview. I didn’t want any bias to occur.”

"Bias?" Duffy echoed. "Oh, I see..! You don't trust his judgement?" Duffy's temper was bubbling.

“I think feelings may get involved and become complicated.” Connie replied. “I need to make sure you’re 100% fit for work.”

Duffy rolled her eyes. "There's a reason I don't use my married surname at work." She remarked, gesturing to her name badge. "I don't seek any special treatment from him, nor would he give it to me!"

“Good. I’m glad to hear it.” Connie paused for a few seconds, “How are you feeling?”

"Fine." Duffy replied shortly.

“Just fine?”

"I'm well enough to return to work." Duffy retorted, folding her arms. "Do we really need to go into all the details?" She sighed.

“I’d appreciate if you were honest with me.”

"Well it would help if I knew what you'd been told about me whilst I've been away..." Duffy muttered.

“That you're stubborn, keep yourself to yourself. A good nurse who's very efficient. Friendly to everyone you meet, well most people.”

"So you have been talking to Charlie..." Duffy retorted. "You're a doctor so I'm sure you can see that my ankle is healed and I'm having no mobility issues with it. So I'm fit to return to work."

“Charlie’s mentioned one or two things. I’m more concerned about your eating disorder and how that could impact on you as well as the department.”

"How the hell do you know about that?! That's confidential information!" Duffy gasped, standing up rapidly.

Connie sighed, “Please will you sit down?”

"There's only two people other than me who know about it. Who told you?! Or have you been accessing my medical records without permission?!"

“I consulted occupational health who gave me a copy of your report.”

"You did what?!" 

“I’m not here to cause trouble. I just want to make sure that we’re supporting you as much as possible.”

"I've got all the support I need thank you." Duffy's smile was clearly forced. "If you don't think I'm capable then just say it, don't beat around the bush!"

“I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.” Connie paused, “However, if I get the slightest inclination that you’re struggling, I’ll send you back home. Understood?”

Before Duffy could answer there was a knock on the office door. It was Charlie.

“Come in?” Connie called. 

Charlie entered the room and smiled softly at Duffy

He seemed oblivious to the tension between the two women.

“Everything ok?” He asked.

"Fine." Duffy replied.

“You know that usually means you’re not, right?” Charlie looked between both women. “Have you both already managed to clash?”

"I just want to get on with my job!" Duffy harumphed.

“Connie? Can she?” Charlie asked.

"I can fight my own battles..!" Duffy muttered under her breath.

Charlie couldn’t help the small smirk that appeared on his face at Duffy’s attitude. She was definitely back! 

“Fine, but if I’m unhappy at any point, I’ll make my feelings clear, ok?”

Duffy held her hand out for the form that lay on Connie's desk.

Connie picked it up and handed it to Duffy.

Duffy glanced at it before resting her foot on the chair so she could lean the form against her thigh and sign it.

Once the form was signed, Connie took it back and told Duffy she could leave. She turned her attention to Charlie, “Was there something you needed?”

Charlie's attention was briefly distracted as his gaze followed his wife as she left the office.

Connie cleared her throat pointedly.

Charlie’s attention was redirected back to Connie, “Sorry you were saying?”

"Did you want something from me?" Connie repeated, sounding unimpressed.

“I just came to see how Duffy was getting on, first day back and all.”

"She doesn't seem to appreciate the concern of others..."

“No because she feels there’s no reason to be concerned.”

"This..." Connie held up the occupational health report. "...concerns me."

“How the hell did you get hold of that?” Charlie asked, the shock evident in his voice.

Connie began to flick through the pages. "Quite the medical history your wife's got..."

“And you think that impacts on the way she works as a nurse?”

"Even a small portion of this would give me cause to question her mental stability..."

“Which bits are you referring to?”

Connie pointed to the pages that listed Duffy's multiple hospital and clinic admissions over the years along with brief descriptions of the cause.

“Look, Duffy’s a brilliant nurse who's never allowed her problems to impact on her duties as a nurse.”

"You would say that..!"

“Because she’s my wife?”

"Exactly."

“Oh so you do think there’s an issue with my judgement?”

"I'm not sure about your judgement but your concentration is certain lacking..."

“Concentration?”

"I had to repeat myself twice earlier..."

“Oh that?” He blushed.

"Do I have to separate the two of you?" Connie asked sarcastically.

“No. We work professionally together and always have done throughout our relationship and marriage.”

"Hmm..."

“You’re not convinced?”

"I'm not sure she's the right fit for this department..."

“Based on what?” Charlie folded his arms.

"I'm not sure she can take the pressure."

“Can I ask why you think that?”

"I need all my staff giving 110% at all times."

“Duffy is one of the most hardworking nurses I’ve ever met!”

"We'll see..."

“Yeah, we will see won’t we?!” He turned and walked out of the office.

His argument with Connie had put him in a foul mood which didn't lift until he made his way into the cubicle area and spyed a familiar looking bottom clad in dark blue poking out from one of the curtains, it's owner attempting to reach something under the trolley.

The sight of her arse cheered him right up! He secretly perved on her.

"That's a smile I haven't seen for a while..!" Tess teased as she walked towards Charlie heading to one of the cubicles behind him.

Charlie blushed trying not to make it obvious where his eyes had been staring. “I don’t know what you mean.”

"Its ok, its good to have her back."

He nodded, “Yeah it is.”

His gaze drifted again as he spied Duffy's bottom wiggling. Busted! He smiled as he was once again drawn to the movements of her bottom. God, she had a nice arse!

"I'll leave you to it!" Tess laughed.

“I’m not doing anything.” He replied with a smile.

Tess continued to giggle as she walked away.

“You’re going to get me in so much trouble.” Charlie said quietly as he moved and discreetly pressed himself against Duffy's bum. “Do you need a hand?”

"Well you deserve to be punished!" She replied, sounding more than a little cross.

He sighed, “What’ve I done now?”

"I don't need your help. Not now and certainly not with Connie!" She glared at him over her shoulder though she hadn't moved away from him.

“I didn’t mean to be so protective.”

"She already thinks you give me preferential treatment..!"

“I know, she told me that herself. I told her it was bullshit.”

"I don't need you sticking up for me like I'm a child!"

“I’m sorry.” He sighed.

"I wish you'd let me stand on my own two feet." She rolled her eyes as she felt him reacting to her temper.

“I’m just protective.” He made no effort to move. “I can’t help it.”

"I'm not a child that needs looking after..." She remarked pointedly, reversing slightly towards him.

“I know. I just can’t help but protect you. It’s an instinctive reaction.” He eventually moved, realising he was reacting to her temper.

As soon as he moved she turned around, leaning back slightly against the trolley. "You do seem to struggle to control those 'instincts' of yours..." Her voice was low and seductive.

He met her gaze, “I’d forgotten how sexy you are in that uniform.” He replied quietly.

"Seems your memory is quickly returning though..." She smirked.

“Is it that obvious?” He asked.

"In those trousers yes!" She giggled.

“Ah shit!”

"Its your own fault for being such a big boy..!" She purred mischievously.

“Oh I know.” He smirked. “I better let you get back to work and I, well, I had better go and deal with this, hadn’t I?”

"Need a hand?"

“Yes please!” He replied eagerly. 

"Well I can't reach you from there..!"

He stepped closer to her.

She ran her hand along his chest and down to his crotch.

His breathing quickened as he watched her hand.

Grabbing hold of him through his trousers she pulled him towards her.

He groaned, his hands against her hips. “I’ll get in trouble with Connie for doing this but...” He kissed her gently.

"Fuck Connie!" Duffy giggled against Charlie's lips.

“I’d rather fuck you.” He whispered against her lips.

"I can tell..!"

“I’d rather you were bent over that desk of mine, right now.”

"If we make a dash for it..."

“I’ll meet you in there, then?”

"Race ya!" She giggled, making a break for the curtain.

Charlie shook his head fondly.

By the time he made it to his office Duffy was already sat on his desk.

He closed his door and locked it. “You’re so naughty.”

"You wouldn't have me any other way though..."

“That’s debatable.” He smirked.

She pulled him closer, wrapping her legs around his waist. "Now where were we..?"

He pressed himself against her and kissed her once again.

She slipped her hands under his tunic, her tongue dueling with his for dominance.

He allowed her to win.

He'd just started to unbutton her tunic when someone tried to open the door.

He grabbed her breast, urging her to be quiet.

The door rattled again. "Charlie?!" Came Connie's voice from the other side.

He hoped she’d go away.

Connie banged on the door firmly.

He looked at Duffy, “Do you think we should..?” He whispered.

Duffy grinned mischievously and rubbed herself against him.

“Maybe not.” He kissed her passionately.

The banging on the door continued for a few more seconds before it was replaced by the sound of Connie's heels storming away.

“We’re so dead!” He whispered.

"You mean you're so dead..!" She giggled.

“Worth it though!” He smirked as he kissed her again.

"I promise to help to stitch it back on after she's finished with you."

“Thanks.”

"But before that happens..!"

“I better use it.”

"Before he faces his execution..!"

It wasn’t long before Charlie screwed Duffy on his desk.

"You really have missed me..!" She giggled breathlessly afterwards.

“I really have.” He kissed her neck.

"Glad I'm back now?"

“Yes babe.”

"I'd best go do some actual work before I get in trouble with my boss." She giggled.

“Yeah you better had.” He gave her a long lingering kiss before tidying himself up. “I love you.”

"I love you too." She neatened up her uniform, unlocked the door and slipped out the office as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Charlie also left the office, locking the door behind him. He hoped Connie wasn’t around.

He barely made it a dozen steps away from his office when he heard the familiar click clack of her heels behind him. "Charlie? A word..."

“Yes?” He turned to look at Connie.

"My office." She stated and turned around, not bothering to check that he was following.

He rolled his eyes and followed Connie to her office. “Problem?”

"Only with your office door it seems..!" She retorted sarcastically.

“What do you mean? It’s locked.” He replied, closing Connie’s office door.

"Just like it was locked earlier when I came looking for you."

“Yeah. That’s because I wasn’t here and I had confidential stuff on the desk. I always think you can’t be too careful with security. Was there a problem?”

"You make a habit of locking yourself in your office do you?"

“I wasn’t in my office.”

"Oh I think you'll find you were..!" Connie leveled a glare at him. "Funnily enough you weren't the only member of staff not to be found anywhere else in the department either..."

“Did you search the entire hospital?” He asked as he held her gaze. “There was a phone call from one of the wards about a patient not having their notes brought up with them. I went upstairs to see whether it was one of our patients or not.”

"Oh is that right? So you weren't locked in your office having sex with your wife..?"

“What?! No of course not!”

"So she didn't just sneak out of your office moments before I ran into you just now?"

“I have no idea because I wasn’t in my office, or near my office at the time.”

"I just watched you walk out of your office..! So much for professionalism!"

“So you’re watching me now are you?” Charlie stared at Connie.

"I want to ensure the smooth running of a professional department." She replied.

“And you don’t think we can?” He replied. “May I remind you that Duffy and I have worked here for a number of years and not once has our professionalism ever been questioned. Nor has our personal life affected this department in any way.”

"That's not what I've heard..!"

“Oh yeah? Why don’t you enlighten me, Connie? What’ve you heard?”

"That the two of you are quite famous for sexual hijinks whilst on shift together."

Charlie laughed. “Do you have any proof of those? Or is it just hearsay and rumours?”

"There's usually no smoke without fire Charlie."

“If you’re jealous Connie, just admit it?” He smirked.

"Jealous? Why would I be jealous?"

He shrugged, “I don’t know, you tell me?”

"I'm not jealous. I'd just prefer if you two kept your marital relations at home where they belong rather than dragging them into the work environment."

“Fine.” He shrugged, “But remember, I’m the manager of the nursing staff so leave my staff to me in future, yes?”

"Only if it doesn't affect the smooth running of the department. Then it becomes my issue to deal with."

“There’s never been an issue with this department and there will never be an issue in the department, am I clear?”

"Crystal." Connie retorted, clearly annoyed.

“Good.” The annoyance was clear in Charlie’s voice too.

"You may leave now." Connie replied dismissively as she sat down at her desk.

“Thank you.” As he left the office, he closed the door with a bit more force than necessary.

As he glanced up across reception he spotted Duffy lent against the desk struggling to contain her giggles.

He met her gaze and smiled lovingly. He was so lucky to have her.

"Did you get a spanking?" She whispered, giggling, as he drew closer.

“No but I think I pissed her off just as much as she pissed me off.”

"Hell of a first day back I'm having!"

“She drives me mad.” Charlie admitted in a whisper, “And not in a good way either!”

"I should think not!" Duffy gasped before breaking into more giggles.

“It’s not funny.” He sighed, “She knows I’ve just fucked you on my desk.” He whispered.

"Fuck!" Duffy cursed under her breath.

“She can’t prove it.”

"I guess we best behave ourselves from now on."

“She really does piss me off.” He muttered.

"She's so far up her own arse and a total hypocrite! She thinks no-one knows what her and Ric got up to in his office on her first day upstairs!"

“It’s probably not the first time she’s been fucked in an office.” He replied, “But yes, she’s a hypocrite.”

"She seduced her registrar that's for sure." Duffy whispered.

He reached out and gently stroked her cheek. “I’m not going to stop fucking you in my office just because she says so.” He grinned. “Now I do insist we get back to work.”

"Yes sir!" Duffy giggled, throwing off a mock salute for good measure.

He smiled and watched Duffy as she returned to work.

Things settled down until a deeply distressed patient was bought into resus.

She refused to let any of the medics help her, including Connie, until she spotted Charlie. "Lisa." She mumbled. "Only Lisa."

Charlie ended up getting Duffy. “Duffy, there’s a girl in resus who won’t be treated by anyone other than you.” He explained.

"Oh, OK." Duffy replied, confused, but followed her husband none-the-less. Entering resus she ignored the dirty look Connie gave her and walked over to the patient. "Beth!" She gasped. "What happened?" She asked, though from a quick visual assessment it appeared that the young woman was in a bad way, there was blood all over her.

“I... Couldn’t do it.” Beth smiled sadly.

"Oh sweetheart! Let us help you."

“I had a bad day.” Beth closed her eyes, “I don’t want anyone else to treat me. Just you, ok?”

"I'm going to struggle to treat you by myself. Will you let Charlie help me? You can trust him, I promise you that."

Beth hesitated for a moment before she nodded.

"She clearly needs a doctor." Connie muttered.

“Let Duffy lead on this one and see what happens ok?” Charlie whispered back hearing Connie’s mutter. “She needs to gain her trust first!”

Beth’s eyes fluttered close for a moment, her blood pressure was low.

"Come on Beth, don't go falling asleep on me!" Duffy whispered, shaking the younger woman slightly.

Beth’s eyes opened. “Didn’t mean to do this. Just a bad day.” She whispered. “You have bad days still... Right?” She whispered.

"Yes I do. In fact today is my first day back here and its not exactly been fantastic but that's the way it goes sometimes."

“Threw up.” Beth whispered, “Couldn’t stop and then...” She pointed to the blood that was on her top. “This.”

"OK. Am I OK to take a look in your mouth?"

Beth nodded and opened her mouth.

Duffy took a steadying breath before she spoke again. "Its ok, its happened to me a couple of times in the past. Its really scary but it probably looks lot worse than it is." She reassured as she shone her torch in the younger woman's mouth.

Beth didn’t reply as the torch was shone into her mouth.

Duffy continued her examination of Beth, feeling Connie's eyes boring into her as she did so. Thankfully there were no visible tears in the back of her mouth.

"When you were first sick, did you force it?" Duffy asked gently.

Beth nodded. “And the second time and the third.”

"OK. I'm gunna need to bring in a specialist to take a more thorough look but first let's get you cleaned up. Are you in pain now?"

“My stomach and chest hurt. And the back of my head. I blacked out.”

"Is it OK if Charlie takes a look at your head whilst I get you something to help with the pain?"

“Yes.” Beth sighed, “Will the rest of them go and stop gawping at me like I’m some kind of zoo animal?”

Duffy nodded. "Can we clear the room please?" She asked.

Connie reluctantly allowed Duffy to take control of the case and left resus. However, she didn’t go too far away, hovering around the doors. 

Duffy was well aware that she was being watched. She sighed and continued with her job, attempting to ignore Connie.

“Beth, can I check your head?” Charlie asked.

"OK. Lisa trusts you so you must be alright."

“I like to think so.” He smiled. “Where did you hit your head?”

Beth moved her hand towards her temple under her hair.

Charlie put on a pair of gloves and carefully examined the cut.

"I'm going to take some bloods now Beth." Duffy explained gently.

Beth moved her left arm, “This arm is better for taking blood.”

"Thanks." Duffy moved to the other side.

Beth hissed as Charlie prodded a particularly painful part. Luckily her head wound was superficial and didn’t need suturing.

At the same time Duffy took the required bloods and prepared them to be sent to the lab.

“I’m tired.” Beth admitted sadly.

"I know you are. We just need you to stay awake a little longer whilst we finish assessing you."

“Hmm...” Beth was really sleepy.

"Come on Beth! Fight just a little longer. I know you can!" Duffy's voice was firm but gentle.

“Tell me about your children again.” Beth whispered.

Duffy smiled. "Well, first there's Peter. I'll let you into a little secret - I think he's planning to pop the question to his girlfriend soon. He's not said anything, call it mother's intuition..." She chuckled.

“Oh really?” Beth smiled.

"He's very sweet on her. She's a lovely girl too." Duffy smiled before sighing softly. "Poor Jake, on the other hand, doesn't really seem to know what he wants right now."

“You never really find out what you want.” Beth whispered sadly.

"He's a free spirit that one for sure."

“I...” Beth sighed, “It doesn’t matter.”

"What is it? You can tell me anything remember?"

“Things were going too well...”

"And you couldn't handle that?"

“Got scared.”

"Its ok to be scared."

“My partner... Isla’s dad. He...” Beth paused.

Duffy gently took hold of Beth's hand, squeezing it gently, encouraging her to continue.

“Wants us to try for a baby.” Beth said sadly.

"And you don't feel ready?"

“I’m scared.”

"Have you talked to him about how you feel?"

Beth nodded. “He understands. But... I’m scared I’ll lose another baby.”

"You've never told me what happened to Isla..."

“She was healthy. Born two weeks early but had no problems. She was two months old.” Beth swallowed, “I put her down for a nap. I fell asleep... I didn’t check on her. Woke up and... She was dead. I tried to get my baby to wake up but she wouldn’t. They had to sedate me to take her from my arms because I didn’t want to let her go.” Tears streamed down Beth’s face as she let out a sob.

"Oh Beth! Sometimes these things just happen. I've seen it too many times." Duffy tried her best to comfort her friend.

“But what if I’m unlucky and it happens again?”

"I can't say for sure that it won't but I'd like to think that lightening doesn't strike twice like that."

Beth nodded. “My period was late.”

"Do you want me to run a test for you?"

Beth hesitated and nodded. “Thank you.”

"I'll just go phone that through."

Beth groaned softly, the area between her chest and abdomen were really beginning to hurt.

"Charlie can you give her this please?" Duffy handed him the IV paracetamol before heading over to the phone to add the pregnancy test to the blood test request.

Charlie took the IV paracetamol and gave it to Beth, “This should begin to work shortly.” He reassured.

"She talks about you loads." Beth whispered.

Charlie smiled, “She does? I could say the same thing about you.”

"Lisa told you about me?" Beth was genuinely surprised.

“Yes.”

"She's so determined to get better for you all." Beth whispered.

“I know.” He smiled sadly.

"She looks good." Beth smiled.

“Yeah she does.”

"She's such a lovely person." Beth smiled.

“She’s got a big kind heart.”

"She does. She's helped me out lots."

“And you’ve helped her too.”

"Really?!"

He nodded. “Yeah.”

"I wish I was more like her." Beth sighed.

“In what way?” He asked.

"She's just so amazing."

“You’re amazing as well Beth.”

"Hmm..." Beth didn't sound convinced. She yawned.

“You are. You’ve gone through a tragedy and you’re still here, facing the world. You should be proud of yourself.”

"I still miss her so much..."

“You always will miss her. But that doesn’t mean you’ll never be happy again.” He smiled, “Grief doesn’t go away but you do learn to live with it.”

Beth was quiet for several moments. "I can see why she likes you." She smiled softly.

“Why’s that?” He asked.

"You have a kindness and understanding about you."

He smiled, “Thank you.”

Beth yawned again. "I'm so tired."

“I know, just try and stay awake a little longer for us ok?”

"I just want to sleep!"

“Ok.”

"I'm sorry." Beth sobbed quietly.

“Ssh, you don’t have to apologise.” He reassured.

"Where's Lisa?" Beth continued to cry.

“Duffy?” He called gently.

Duffy walked back over. "That's all sorted, we should have the results in an hour or so."

“Thank you.” Beth whispered through her tears.

"We're gunna try and get you moved somewhere a little quieter and more private." Duffy smiled, stroking Beth's arm gently.

Beth smiled sadly.

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

“You’re needed here.”

"Its ok, I'm sure Charlie won't mind."

Beth looked at Charlie, “Would that be ok?”

He nodded. "I'm sure we'll find a way to cope." He smiled.

“Thank you.”

Duffy clocked the dirty look Connie gave her as Charlie helped her move Beth into a side room. What the hell was that woman's problem?!

“I think I may have torn a hole in my stomach from been sick repeatedly.”

"That's quite possible. It's easy to fix though."

“I’ve done it a few times.” Beth said sadly.

Once they'd got Beth settled Charlie turned to leave the two women alone. He squeezed Duffy's shoulder gently.

It was as Charlie was leaving, that Connie collared him. He sighed, “What now?”

"I wasn't aware that I'd sanctioned patients being able to pick and choose who treats them."

“What is your problem? Beth was clearly agitated and wanted to be treated by Duffy. She’s now calmed down enough for Duffy to broach the subject about letting a doctor be involved in her care.”

"So Duffy is a psychologist now in addition to her numerous other talents?" Connie retorted sarcastically.

“Well, she clearly handed the situation better than you did. You were struggling to keep control of the situation.”

"She has no respect for authority! She does what she likes and you just encourage her!"

“No respect for authority?!” He shook his head, “You've got an attitude problem and can’t deal with people challenging you.”

"She needs to learn to tow the line or she won't last long in MY department!"

“You try and remove Duffy from this department and I’ll make sure you have no department to run.” He warned.

"Are you threatening me?!"

“Are you threatening my wife?”

"I'm just trying to instill some discipline that this department has been sorely lacking."

“Funny how no other clinical lead had a problem with this department.”

"Maybe that's why I was brought in, because upstairs knew there was a problem and wanted it dealt with!"

“Or maybe you shagged your way to the job, who knows?”

"Says you!" Connie retorted.

He laughed, “I’ve not shagged my way to the top.”

"I wasn't suggesting that you had..."

“Weren’t you? It sounded like it.”

"I meant that you helped someone else sleep her way to the top..!"

“You spiteful bitch!” The words tumbled out of Charlie’s mouth before he could even stop himself.

"I'd rather be a bitch than a whore!" Connie retorted just as Duffy stepped out of the side room to get Beth some water.

Seeing Duffy step out of the side room, Charlie hoped she hadn’t heard what Connie had called her.

Unfortunately Duffy's horrified face instantly told him otherwise.

“Don’t you ever call her that!!” Charlie snapped.

"I appear to have hit a nerve." Connie retorted smugly as Duffy turned and reentered the side room without a word.

“You’ve no idea what you’ve just done!” He replied sadly.

"What the hell are you going on about? What else would you call someone who can't keep her knickers on for more than five minutes at work?!"

“Just stop! Please!! You have no idea what damage you’re doing!” He yelled, the emotion clear in his voice.

"Seems its not just her that can't take the pressure."

Charlie knew he had to walk away before he did or said something he regretted. He stormed off, his anger and emotions getting the better of him.

Inside the side room Beth was surprised that Duffy had returned so quickly. The older woman looked upset and she could hear raised voices outside.

Duffy leant back against the door and attempted to compose herself.

“What’s happened?” Beth sat up slightly, concerned at why Duffy looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"Its nothing." Duffy replied though her voice shook.

“Yes it is.” Beth sat up fully ignoring the pain in her stomach. She swung her legs around the side of the bed and went to stand up.

The movement snapped Duffy back to reality. She dove forward to catch hold of Beth.

“Tell me what’s wrong?”

"Only if you lie back down first."

“Ok.” Beth agreed.

Once Beth was settled back into bed Duffy pulled up a stool beside her and sighed. "You know how I told you I have eight kids? Well, that's not strictly true..." She began.

She frowned, “Oh..?”

"I'm not Louis' mother though I've helped raise him since he was little." Duffy explained. "His mother was Charlie's first wife. The two of us didn't really get along..." She sighed.

“Let me guess, Charlie fell in love with you whilst he was still married to his first wife?”

"He and I go back much further than that. For a long time everyone, including Charlie, thought my eldest son Peter was my first husband's son like Jake is."

“Wow. So... What happened?”

"I was involved with Jake's dad at the time but, well, we'd had a row and I had too much to drink... Anyway, Peter came along a few months later. It had only been the one time with Charlie so I convinced myself that he couldn't be the father despite the nagging feeling deep down that he was."

“So when did you and Charlie hook up and become an item? When Charlie found out he was Peter’s father?”

"I moved away for a few years after I got married but then moved back not long after Charlie got married. Neither of our lives were going well and it didn't take long before old habits resurfaced. Actually that's implying we behaved better than we did. The truth is that we had sex at his wedding reception." Duffy blushed, still ashamed by her behaviour that night even all these years later.

“But he was obviously madly in love with you! He still is by the looks of things.”

"We both risked a lot to be together. He'd only been married a few months when I fell pregnant with Emily. I told him to walk away but he refused. Everything was a mess for a long time."

“He wouldn’t walk away from you and the baby?”

"No, he refused even though I told him I wouldn't stop him seeing her. He stood firm and became even more determined when he discovered the truth about my husband..."

Beth smiled sadly, “Charlie's a good man.”

"He is. He saved me."

“He abused you, didn’t he, your first husband?”

Duffy nodded, a tear escaping down her cheek.

Beth reached up and gently wiped away the tear. “What happened out there?”

"She never forgave us. Despite everything, til the day she died I was just 'that whore'..."

“But you’re not a whore!” Beth said firmly.

"It doesn't matter what I do or how many years pass, it follows me."

“Because some people throw insults around without knowing how much damage words can do.” Beth paused, “Is that a small reason for your eating disorder?”

"I have no control over what people think of me but there are things I can control..." Duffy whispered.

Beth nodded, “I know.”

"That word... It just takes me back there..." Duffy whispered, more tears falling.

Beth held her arms out to give Duffy a hug, “Let it all out.” She encouraged.

Duffy cried for several minutes before pulling back, sniffling. "I'm supposed to be helping you..." She mumbled, embarrassed by her outburst.

“We help each other, remember?” It was one of the rules they’d made between themselves. They would always have each other and help.

"Yeh." Duffy nodded. "You're right."

“I was telling Charlie earlier how much you’re glowing.”

Duffy blushed, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Beth noticed the mischievous glint and laughed.

"I'm guessing that's what the argument outside was about."

“Why, what did you do?” Beth laughed gently.

"I may have seduced my husband in his office..!" Duffy giggled.

“No way!” Beth began to giggle.

"I don't think our boss is pleased about it..!"

“Is that the gobby cow that was mouthing off?”

"Yeh. I don't think she likes me much."

“Probably because you’ll always be a thousand times the woman she’ll ever be.”

"Beth! You don't even know her."

“I don’t need to know someone to know they’re a cunt. She sounds like one.” Beth shrugged.

Duffy couldn't help but giggle.

Duffy giggling caused Beth to start to giggle once again.

"I know what we did was out of line but she just rubs me up the wrong way. I wanted to start afresh and she's sat there thumbing through my occupational health file..!"

“Is that even legal?”

"I didn't authorise them to release it."

“Then you need to find out who allowed her to access your medical file without your permission.”

"It doesn't matter, its already too late - she knows everything. The eating disorder, the abuse, the osteoporosis, the heart failure, the rape, the epilepsy, everything!" The words were just flowing out of her like a torrent.

Beth’s eyes widened and she gasped. “You... You were raped?” She whispered quietly.

Duffy's head shot up, she hadn't realised she'd let that slip.

There was a silence between the two women.

"I don't usually tell people..." Duffy whispered eventually.

Beth nodded, she didn’t speak.

"For a long time I tried to convince myself nothing had happened."

“But it doesn’t work because it’s still there. You can feel them...”

"Beth..?"

“Mmm?”

"Did it happen to you too?" Duffy asked gently.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Beth whispered and shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

"You don't have to talk about it if you're not ready."

The room filled with silence once more.

“I... I need to go to the toilet.” Beth said quietly after a few minutes.

"Do you feel up to going to the bathroom or do you want me to get you a bedpan?"

“I’m not using a bedpan.” Beth said, “I’ll struggle to the toilet if I have to.”

"OK. You don't have to struggle, I'll help you."

“Thank you.”

"I'll need to get a wheelchair."

Beth nodded. “Ok.”

Duffy nipped out the room and returned a couple of minutes later with a wheelchair.

Beth gently got up off the bed and sat herself in the wheelchair.

"Right let's go." Duffy smiled, steering Beth into the corridor. She glanced around and then turned towards the staff area.

Beth began to play with a thread on her top.

"Its not exactly the Ritz but its nicer than the public toilets." Duffy smiled as they entered the staff toilets.

“Thanks.” Beth smiled as she got out of the wheelchair and hobbled to the cubicle. “You’re not staying in... Are you?”

"I have to stay outside the cubicle. Hospital rules I'm afraid."

“But I’ll get stage fright.”

"What about if I cover my ears and hum loudly?" Duffy chuckled.

Beth smiled, “Ok.” She closed the cubicle door and locked it.

Duffy began to hum, purposefully out of tune.

Beth bit her lower lip. She couldn’t be sick because Duffy was only metres away but the urge was so overwhelming!

Duffy was concerned but didn't want Beth to feel like she was being judged.

Beth sighed sadly from inside the cubicle and had a wee. A few minutes later, the toilet flushed and the door was unlocked.

"You ok?" Duffy asked softly.

Beth shook her head and wandered to the sinks where she washed her hands.

"If you want to talk I'm here but I won't force you."

“I want to make myself sick.” Beth sighed and dried her hands with the paper towel and got back into the wheelchair.

"But you didn't. That's progress."

“I only didn’t because I couldn’t.”

"Its ok."

There was a silence as Beth was brought back to the side room and helped into bed. She pulled the blanket over her and whispered, “I was eleven...”

Duffy sat back on the stool, allowing Beth to continue if she wanted to.

Beth didn’t elaborate further. She just rolled onto her side.

"Did you report it?"

“No, you?”

"No. I didn't report any of them."

“More than one?”

"I was raped by two different men and sexually assaulted by a third." Duffy admitted.

“I... Mine continued until I became too old for him.”

"I was fifteen when I was sexually assaulted by a friend of my dad's." Duffy explained.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.”

"Speaking to a therapist has helped me process a lot of it. It doesn't go away but..." Duffy shrugged. "Have you ever spoken to anyone about what happened to you?"

Beth shook her head. “Too much of a coward.”

"You're not a coward. It took me many years to face it too."

“I wasn’t the first....”

"Do you know if he's still offending?"

“He’s in prison.”

"For what he did to other girls like you?"

Beth swallowed and nodded. “I wasn’t brave enough.” She said sadly.

"You were a child. I was married to one of my rapists. My own son witnessed what he did but I was too afraid to break free for so long."

“It was my own fault.”

"Its never the victim's fault. Never." Duffy asserted.

“I was a flirt...”

"And he was an adult who should have known better."

“I was eleven. I was a flirt. Dad said... If I was going to be a flirt, I’d get what flirts got.” Beth suddenly sat up and retched.

Duffy took hold of Beth gently. "Breath slowly. You've been so brave. We don't have to continue."

“My own dad....” Beth threw up at the side of the bed, once again bringing up blood.

"What he did to you was wrong and was never your fault."

Beth didn’t answer as she brought up more blood. She suddenly passed out.

Duffy lay Beth gently onto her side and ran to the door. "Charlie!" She yelled. "I need help in here!"

“Huh?” Charlie was stood by the nurses office and dashed into the room. “What happened?” 

Beth’s heart rate was shockingly high and her blood pressure low. She was bleeding internally.

"She started vomiting blood again and suddenly went off. We need to get a surgeon down, I think it's a lot worse than we first thought." Duffy replied, shaking slightly as she tried to keep her professional mask in place.

“Internal bleeding?” He went to the phone and bleeped the on-call surgeon.

"Looks that way." Duffy mumbled distractedly.

Beth’s heart stopped beating, sounding an alarm off on one of the monitors she was attached to.

Duffy froze.

“Duffy,” Charlie gently tried to encourage her.

Duffy continued to stand rooted to the spot, all of her knowledge and experience seeming to have instantly evaporated.

“Duffy, I can’t do this on my own.” He began chest compressions.

"I..." She snapped out of her daze enough to grab the required equipment and medications though her hands were shaking violently.

“You can do this.” He told her. Finally the two of them and several rounds of adrenaline and shocks, brought Beth’s heart rate back to normal rhythm. Just as the surgeons arrived to take over.

As Beth was led away up to surgery Duffy's legs gave out and she slid down the wall to the floor, sobbing.

Charlie sat down on the floor next to her and hugged her tightly, trying his best to comfort her.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Duffy sobbed.

“Ssh, Ssh. It’s ok.”

Duffy continued to shake and sob uncontrollably.

The door opened and the sound of a throat being cleared pointedly filled the room.

He kissed the top of her head. Looking up, he caught sight of the figure at the door and replied; “Just go away.”

"Send her home or I will."

“Neither of us are sending her home. She just needs five minutes.”

"She's a mess, send her home."

“I said no!!”

"If she's not back at her post or going home within ten minutes you can both go home!" Connie replied before turning on her heel and marching off.

“Oh fuck off!” He called after her. “You focus on the doctors and I’ll focus on my nursing staff alright?!”

"This is all my fault." Duffy sobbed.

“No honey, no it’s not.”

"I screwed up. I thought I could handle it."

“You didn’t screw up.”

"Maybe I shouldn't have come back to work."

“Oh honey.”

"All I've done is cause problems."

“No you haven’t caused problems.” Charlie reassured.

"So why was Connie yelling at you earlier then?"

He sighed, “She's got a problem with us and I don’t understand why!”

"I just wanted to get back to work like I hadn't been away." She whispered.

“I know sweetheart.”

"She just seemed to hate me from the moment I stepped into her office."

“I know.” He kissed the side of her head. “She wants me to send you home but she can piss off.”

"Don't get into trouble over me. I'm not worth it."

“Yes you are.”

"Hmm..."

“You’re worth so much more than you think.”

"Beth told me some things..."

“Do you want to talk about it?”

"She was abused." Duffy whispered, unable to look at her husband.

“Abused? Oh the poor girl.”

"By her dad..."

“Her dad?!”

Duffy nodded and began to cry once more.

Charlie’s arms wrapped around Duffy once again.

"I knew there was something..." Duffy mumbled. "I should have seen it..." 

“What makes you think that?” He asked, his fingertips running up and down her arm.

She jumped at the touch, shrinking back against the wall.

He stopped and moved his hand, “Talk to me darling, please?”

"She was powerless, couldn't fight back. He said no-one would believe her." The words spilled out of Duffy along with the tears.

Charlie held Duffy to his chest and listened as she spoke and cried.

"He wouldn't listen. Wouldn't stop."

Charlie didn’t speak.

"He didn't care how much it hurt."

He swallowed the nausea he felt.

"I was too small and weak to fight back..." Her voice was barely a whisper.

“Who Duffy?” He whispered. “How old were you?”

She didn't reply, continuing to cry.

“Please tell me.” He whispered.

Her head snapped up. "Tell you what?"

“Who hurt you? How old were you?”

"It wasn't me."

“You said you were too small and weak to fight back... You said I...” He felt sick. Was she trying to tell him something?

"Its been a long day. I got confused."

He moved to crouch in front of her and placed his hands on her cheeks. “The time when you were fifteen... Did he rape you?”

She rested her head against her knees.

“He did, didn’t he?” His heart shattered but suddenly, everything made sense.

"Its exactly what little whores like me deserve." She muttered bitterly.

“No! You’re not a whore!! You’ve never been a whore!!” He kissed the top of her head, “I think we should go home...”

"No, you stay." Duffy stammered, trying to compose herself.

“I want to come home with you.” He paused, “I need to make sure you’re going to be ok.”

"I'll be fine."

“I don’t want to stay here. Please?”

"OK but I need to know Beth is alright first."

“We can stay until we find out about Beth, ok?”

"Thank you." She edged slightly closer to him once more.

There was a comfortable silence between them.

Eventually Charlie was able to move her up off the floor and over to his office, once more locking the door behind them.

Again, there was just silence.

Duffy sat in one of the chairs, her fingers playing with the edge of her tunic. She couldn't meet her husband's gaze.

“Look at me?”

She couldn't, she didn't want to see the disgust in his eyes. The disgust she felt in herself.

“Look at me, please.”

Her head stayed down. She had no more tears left but she still shook slightly.

Charlie crouched in front of her and gently lifted her chin up so he could make eye contact with her. Instead of the disgust Duffy thought she’d see in his eyes, she saw love.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled.

“Don’t ever apologise. None of this was your fault. They took advantage of you. But I’m beginning to understand why for years, you’ve been battling this deep rooted hatred for yourself.”

"It must be my fault. I'm at the root of it all. That night in the pub happened just like I told you but he came to find me again afterwards. He promised me that I'd be able to see my dad if I did what he wanted..."

“None of it, is your fault.”

"It was all a lie." She cried.

“Oh sweetheart.” He held her again.

"I was stupid."

“You were vulnerable.”

"There's only two men in my entire life who haven't taken advantage of me in some way and only one that hasn't broken my heart. What does that say about me?"

“Like I’ve told you before, some men don’t know how to handle such an independent, strong woman.”

"Or they just see that I've got 'victim' stamped on my forehead."

“They took advantage when you were vulnerable.”

"You still see me as a victim, you just react in a different way."

“I don’t see you as a victim.”

"So why do you always feel the need to fight my battles for me and protect me?"

“I can’t explain it.” He admitted.

"He never wanted me, even after everything I did, after everything he said." She sighed.

“Because he’s a bastard.”

"I want to hate him but I'm half him. If he hadn't left..." She sighed, the illusions she had about her father were finally starting to fall away.

“If he hadn’t have left, you wouldn’t have got hurt?”

"All I ever wanted was his affection, his love." She whispered.

“I know sweetheart. He was the one with the problem, not you. I love you, don’t I?”

She nodded softly.

“So there can’t be something inside you that stops people from loving you.”

"I suppose..."

“You’ve had some shit times growing up. But those things happened because the men were bastards, it wasn’t you.”

"I'd maybe believe you if it happened once but it happened again and again. I must be defective somehow."

“Me and the children don’t think you’re defective.” He paused, “Nor do Sarah and her baby. Or Beth. Or Em’s Beth and Krystal and Holly.”

Duffy nodded, slowly turning over his words in her mind.

“We all love you for who you are.” He smiled sadly. “You’re our hero.”

She blushed. "And you're mine."

He kissed her cheek. “I love you.”

"I love you too."

“Love you more.”

"Not this again!" She giggled.

He smiled, “It made you smile though!”

"You're such a twerp!"

“I am but I’m your twerp.”

"And I wouldn't have it any other way."

“Good, I’m glad.” He smiled.

"Everything is all such a mess again." She sighed.

“Maybe but we’re good at fixing those, aren’t we?”

"We've waded our way through enough of them over the years."

“And we’ll do it again.” He entwined his hand through hers.

"When will it stop being one thing after another?"

“Soon.”

"I hope you're right. I don't think I have the energy to keep fighting through."

“Then I’ll fight for you.”

"You can't help insisting on being my knight in shining armour can you?" There was the merest of smiles on her face.

“No. I’ll never stop.”

"If I'm totally honest I wouldn't want you to." She admitted.

He lent forward and softly kissed her lips.

She froze at first but slowly she melted into his tender touch.

He pulled away a few seconds later and smiled, “We’ll be ok. I promise.”

"I believe you." And for the first time all day she really did.


	32. NSFW

The first thing Louis did when he woke up, was roll over and grab his phone to send a text to his girlfriend. Every morning, he sent her a good morning text and it was something he looked forward to every night he went to bed.

It didn't take long before he received a reply asking if he'd slept well and wondering if she might see him today.

He smiled as he replied, he had a free house today and wondered whether she wanted to come over.

She hesitated briefly but agreed.

They agreed to see each other in a few hours time. Louis got out of bed and went for a shower before breakfast.

When he arrived in the kitchen Duffy looked up and smiled. "Are you sure you don't want to join us at the beach Louis?" She asked.

“No thank you. I’m going to stay behind and do some revision.”

"Revision? I thought you'd finished your exams now?"

“Um yeah I have but I want to get a head start for when I go to college.” He smiled shyly.

Duffy's smile widened. "It's so good to see your enthusiasm for your studies continuing. It was worth convincing your dad to hire a tutor afterall."

He nodded. “The tutor's been amazing.”

"So have you fixed on what subjects you want to study at college?" Duffy asked as she passed Louis some breakfast.

“Thanks.” He took the plate and sat down at the table, “I definitely want to do psychology. I’m not sure on the other two subjects.”

"You've still got some time to make up your mind." Duffy smiled as she handed out breakfast to the other kids as they arrived downstairs.

“Yeah I have. I’m going to talk things through with my tutor when I can.”

"That's a great idea, she seems very helpful. Doesn't she Charlie?" Duffy asked as her husband appeared in the kitchen.

“Who?” Charlie asked.

"Louis tutor. She's very helpful." Duffy clarified.

“Yeah she is.” Charlie smiled.

"Louis has a meeting with her today to do done revision prep for college and discuss his subject options."

“That’s good that you’re planning ahead.” Charlie told him.

"Thanks dad." Louis finished his breakfast and got up. "I best get my books ready." He added, heading towards the stairs.

Louis took the stairs two at a time. A warm feeling bubbling away in his stomach.

By the time the rest of the family finally left the house a couple of hours later he was almost fit to burst.

When there was a knock on the door, he almost tripped over himself to get to the door to invite her in.

"Hi." His tutor smiled as Louis opened the door.

“Hi, come in.”

"Its really quiet here today." Caroline remarked.

“They’ve all gone out for the day.” He replied as he closed the door behind her. “Can I get you a drink?”

Her heart quickened at his smile. "That would be lovely, thanks."

“Tea? Coffee?”

"What you going to have?"

“Tea. Want the same as me?”

"Please."

He wandered into the kitchen, “How's your morning been?”

"Not so bad. Yours?"

“Not bad. My stepmum’s been asking what I want to do at college.” He filled the kettle with water and switched it on.

"Oh is that what you invited me over?" She asked, sounding slightly disappointed.

“No. I invited you over because I was missing you and wanted to spend some time with you.” He admitted shyly.

"I've missed you too."

He turned around and lent against the counter.

"So how long do you have the house to yourself?"

“About three hours.”

"What did you have in mind..?"

He smiled. “What would you like to do?”

"How about we take our drinks and sit on the sofa?"

He nodded. Once he made them both a cup of tea, he carried the mugs into the living room and sat down on the sofa.

Sitting next to Louis, Caroline slipped off her shoes and tucked her feet up beside her.

He smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

She rested her head on his shoulder. Part of her was nervous but she couldn't help herself when they were together.

Louis’ fingers ran through her hair. She had lovely hair.

Caroline sighed softly, closing her eyes.

“I really like you.” He said quietly.

"I like you too. I know I shouldn't but I do."

He kissed the top of her head.

As he moved away she tilted her head up towards him.

He met her gaze and ran his thumb along her lower lip before he kissed her.

The kiss quickly heated up, the excitement of being alone taking over both of them.

Louis pulled away and stood up. He held his hand out to her.

Caroline smiled as she allowed Louis to lead her out of the room.

He led her upstairs and to his bedroom.

She glanced around, she'd never been upstairs before.

“It’s like a maze.” He told her, “My bedroom is up in the loft.”

"Wow! You must have quite a view from there!"

“I do. It’s a beautiful view.” He lead her up the stairs to his bedroom.

Butterflies began to flutter in her tummy as they entered the room.

Louis closed the door and pulled her towards him, kissing her gently.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

Louis’ hands rested against her bottom.

Caroline moaned into Louis' mouth.

He gave her bum a small squeeze, backing her towards his bed.

She sat down on the bed as the continued to kiss.

Louis began to kiss her neck.

She moved her hands under his tshirt.

He gently bit her neck, sucking softly on the skin.

She nibbled on his earlobe.

He moaned softly.

They fell back onto the bed as Louis began to unbutton Caroline's blouse. He was nervous, his heart beating fast.

She placed her hands over his. "Its ok." She smiled.

“I... I've only done this when I've been high...”

"We don't have to if you don't want to."

“No, I do want to. I, I just don’t want to hurt you.”

"I'm not easily hurt."

He nodded and removed her blouse, kissing her shoulder. “Lie down.”

She did as he requested, her chestnut coloured hair fanning out across the pillow.

He kissed her collarbone and the top of her breasts. “You’re really beautiful.”

She smiled, pulling his tshirt over his head and running her hands across his chest.

He unclipped her bra and grabbed her breasts. Playing with them in his hands.

She moaned encouragingly.

He smiled and ran his tongue over one of her nipples.

She ran her fingers through his hair.

He did the same to her other nipple.

She moaned again, it felt so good.

He was really enjoying hearing her moan because of his actions.

Her hands moved to the fastening of his jeans.

Louis met Caroline’s eye and smiled.

"You want this?" She asked.

He nodded, “Yes. Do you?”

"I shouldn't but I really do."

He kissed her tenderly as she removed his jeans.

She ran her hands over his body had he leant over her.

It wasn’t long before they were both fully naked on the bed.

Their hands roamed as they explored each other's bodies.

Louis’ hand began to move closer to her vagina.

Caroline spread her legs, encouraging him to touch her.

He touched her exactly where she wanted him to.

She ran her fingers along his cock, teasing it.

He let out a soft moan. He slipped two fingers inside of her.

She moaned, moving one hand to guide his.

He began to move his hand.

"Mmm... Yes..." She encouraged.

He continued at the same pace, kissing her roughly.

"I want you!" She moaned against his lips.

“I want you too.” He pulled his fingers out of her and with his other hand, opened the bedside drawer.

"Good to see you're prepared." She giggled.

He blushed, “I’m prepared.” He took out a silver packet from the drawer.

"I always carry some in my handbag."

“Nice to see you’re prepared too.

"Not that I make a habit out of this sort of thing..."

“Neither do I.” He undid the wrapper and slid the condom onto his penis.

She kissed him once more.

He entered her, gasping against her lips as he did.

She grasped his bum. She wanted him so much.

“You ok?” He asked once he was fully inside of her.

"Yes." She smiled, squeezing her thighs slightly around him.

He slowly began to move, taking his time to make love to her.

"Faster..!" She whispered after a few minutes.

He moved faster, his hands against her hips.

"Oh..! Yes!" She gasped.

“Fuck.”

Their moans grew louder.

They hurtled towards their peak.

She dug her nails into his bum.

Louis groaned as he reached his climax.

She stroked his hair as they regained their breath.

He pulled out of her to remove the condom, getting rid of it before he rejoined her on the bed.

Neither spoke for several minutes.

"So what do you fancy doing now?"

“Can we cuddle and have a nap?” He asked.

"Sure." She smiled.

He snuggled up to her and chucked the duvet over them.

They slept more deeply than they intended so didn't hear the door open downstairs a couple of hours later.

Paul and Oli went running into the lounge, crashing to the floor.

It was Louis who began to stir. “Babe?” He whispered as he kissed her earlobe and cheek.

"Mmm..." Caroline mumbled.

Downstairs Charlie and Duffy found the younger boys sat on the lounge floor holding a pair of heeled shoes.

“My parents are back.” Louis replied sleepily.

"Shit!" Caroline gasped.

"Those are not mine!" Duffy declared.

“Urgh! You’re so nice and warm though, I don’t want you to leave.” Louis mumbled.

"Maybe they've just popped back for something?" Caroline suggested, running her hand down Louis' arm.

“Maybe.” He wrapped his arm around her waist. “Hope so.”

"We just need to stay quiet..." She smiled, kissing him.

He returned the kiss and nodded.

“Well if they’re not your shoes, whose are they?” Charlie asked with a frown.

Tilly pulled a face as she walked into the lounge. "Omg those are so lame! Please tell me you aren't planning to go out in them mum!"

"Well that rules Tots out as the owner..." Duffy remarked.

“Louis’ tutor maybe?” Tilly replied with a shrug.

"Why would her shoes be here when she's clearly not?"

“Unless they’re up in his room?”

"He knows that's not allowed."

Tilly shrugged. “I don’t know, want me to go and check?”

"No, we'll go." Duffy gestured for Charlie to join her in the hallway. "You all stay down here." She told the children.

“Ok.” Tilly shrugged again and sat down on the sofa.

"What do you think?" Duffy asked her husband once they were out of earshot. "The shoes don't belong to me or Tilly. I highly doubt they're Lottie's and they're too big to be Emily's."

“Quite possibly they’re his tutor's and they’re up in his room.” Charlie replied.

"We should go upstairs - he knows we don't allow people upstairs when we're not home."

“Ok, come on.” Charlie began to climb the stairs.

Distracted by kisses and wandering hands neither Louis nor Caroline heard footsteps on the stairs until the bedroom door swung open.

Louis and Caroline dived apart from each other as soon as the door opened. Shit!

Duffy gasped.

“I can explain!” Louis pulled the duvet up over Caroline and himself to cover them both up.

"I didn't realise we were paying for biology practicals!" Duffy remarked sarcastically after taking a moment to regain her composure.

Charlie shook his head from the door, this was a right mess! “I suggest you both get dressed.” Charlie said.

"And as soon as you are you can get out of my house!" Duffy angrily told Caroline.

“Please don’t be like that, Duffy.” Louis said gently. “Caroline hasn’t done anything wrong.”

"You're seventeen and she's your tutor..! How about I call the police and see what they think of the situation?!"

“What? No! Please don’t!” Louis begged. “Caroline hasn’t taken advantage of me if that’s what you’re both thinking...”

Duffy looked at Charlie, her eyes pleading with him to back her up. To say something!

“I think you should both get dressed.” Charlie said, “Caroline I’d like you to leave. Louis, Duffy and I want to talk with you.”

Caroline attempted to grab her clothes that were scattered across the floor whilst still covered by the duvet.

Charlie steered Duffy out of the room and closed the door behind him. 

Louis sighed sadly, “I’m sorry babe.”

"Its ok. I should have known better. Your parents are right."

“No, they’re not right!” He sighed.

"I really care about you Louis."

“I really care about you too.” He smiled and kissed her nose and then her lips. He got dressed himself and they headed downstairs together, Louis telling Caroline that he’d call her.

Tilly nudged Lottie from the hallway as Caroline was leaving. "Oh my god!"

“Louis is sleeping with Caroline?” Lottie gasped.

"Mum and dad must've hit the roof!" Tilly giggled.

Louis tried going back upstairs so he wasn’t collared by Charlie and Duffy but to no avail.

Just after they led him into the dining room and closed the door Emily arrived back home with Beth. "Was that Louis' tutor that just left?" She asked the twins. "She looked really upset."

“You’ll never guess what, Em?!” Tilly said, “Louis’ been shagging Caroline!” 

Louis was sat at the dining room table. “I know you don’t agree with me and Caroline.”

"Don't agree is putting it mildly..!" Duffy retorted.

“Because she’s my tutor or because she’s older?”

"Both!"

“I really like her."

"She's your teacher Louis." Charlie sighed.

“I shouldn’t like her like that but I do.”

"She crossed a line." Duffy explained.

“No! She hasn’t.”

"Teachers are not supposed to sleep with their pupils!"

“I really want this to work.” Louis caught Duffy’s gaze and then his dad’s.

"She's twice your age!"

“And?”

"Age gap relationships don't work!" The words were out of Duffy's mouth before she had chance to consider them.

“You and dad work.” Louis answered back.

"I wasn't seventeen when we got together!" Duffy retorted.

“I want to see if it works.”

"I can't believe we're even discussing this!" Duffy responsed, folding her arms.

“Please. I really like her and she... She doesn’t hate me for what I’ve done.”

Duffy stood up. "This is utterly ridiculous!"

Louis sighed, “This is pointless. You’re not going to allow it, are you?”

"I'm certainly not. It breaks all the rules!"

“But I really like her!”

Duffy was growing angry with her husband's lack of response to the situation. "I don't care! You can't just decide to sod everything just coz you like her! She's off limits!"

“If it wasn’t for Caroline...” Louis began.

"Go on..." Charlie encouraged gently.

“I wouldn’t have sorted myself out enough to do my exams. She’s helping me think of my options for A-levels, she’s encouraging me to see a future. Something that the drugs took away for a long time.”

"So you thought you'd shag her to say thank you did you?!" Duffy retorted sarcastically.

Louis shook his head, “I slept with her because I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to experience sex without shit in my veins.”

"She's in a position of authority - it's an abuse of power!" Duffy replied, trying to calm her outburst.

“I... We want to see each other!”

"No." Duffy replied, looking to Charlie for his response.

“I agree with Duffy, I don’t feel it’s appropriate.”

"Hypocrites." Louis muttered.

“We’re only doing what’s best for you.” Charlie stated. 

“If you wanted to do what was best for me, you’d allow me to make my own decisions!” Louis answered back.

"You're clearly not capable of making sensible decisions." Duffy interjected.

“I am.”

Duffy rolled her eyes.

A silence descended over them.

On the other side of the door Tilly harumphed. "I can't hear what they're saying." She complained.

“Stop been so nosey!” Lottie rolled her eyes playfully and tugged at her sister.

"You saying you don't want to know?!" Tilly replied, astonished.

Emily rolled her eyes and shook her head at her younger sister's behaviour.

“Of course I want to know but at least I’ve got the balls to ask him outright.” Lottie replied.

"I tried that, got nowhere." Tilly replied, rolling her eyes dramatically.

Lottie giggled softly.

"Do you spy on everyone?" Emily asked Tilly.

“Most people.”

"Do you spy on us?" Beth asked from the bottom of the stairs.

“Nah.” Tilly shook her head.

"Good!" Beth chuckled. "You coming upstairs pocket?" She asked Emily.

“Yeah.” Emily turned around and went upstairs with Beth.

"How screwed do you think your brother is?" Beth asked as they reached Emily's bedroom.

“Proper screwed.”

"He really thought he'd get away with shagging his tutor?" Beth shook her head in disbelief.

“I think it’s more than that.”

"You do?"

Emily shrugged, “Maybe he really likes her? I don’t know.”

"But she's like practically forty!"

“Maybe Louis likes the older woman.” Beth shrugged again.

"Hmm..." Beth hesitated, another thought had occurred to her but she wasn't sure whether it was wise to voice it to Emily.

“What’s on your mind?”

"Promise not to freak..?"

“Promise.”

"Ignoring her hair colour, who does Caroline remind you of?"

“I don’t know.” Emily shrugged.

"Maybe I'm just seeing things that aren't there..." Beth hesitated.

“No, go on.” Em encouraged gently.

"I think she looks a bit like your mum..." Beth mumbled.

Emily shuddered, “Do you think he’s sleeping with her because he wants to sleep with my mum?”

"When you put it like that it sounds crazy..." Beth stammered awkwardly.

“It does a bit but... That’s sick if it’s the case!”

"Its not like she's his mum..." Beth replied, attempting to make it less weird.

“She practically raised him! I hope it’s just purely a coincidence that she happens to look a bit like my mum.”

"Yeh, I'm sure it is." Beth laughed nervously.

“Beth?”

"Yeh?"

“It doesn’t matter.”

"No, what is it?" Beth asked, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

“You don’t think it’s a coincidence, do you?”

"Its just a vibe I get. I hope I'm wrong."

“I hope you’re wrong too.”

"It'll be OK. It's not like your mum would be in any way interested."

“No, she wouldn’t.” However, what Beth said stuck in Emily’s mind and she couldn’t shake it off. 

“Can I go back to my room now?” Louis asked sadly.

Charlie nodded.

Duffy was still fuming and didn't reply as Louis got up and walked out.

Louis opened the kitchen door, walked past his sisters and wandered up the stairs, sadly. He reached his bedroom, lay in bed, hugged his pillow and cried.

Beth looked over anxiously at Emily. The sound of Louis' crying was clear to hear through the wall.

“Do you think we should go and see if he’s ok?” Beth asked.

"You can." Emily mumbled.

“You don’t want to?"

Emily shrugged.

“Because of what I said?”

"What if its true?"

“Do you think he’d be that upset if it was purely sex?”

"His head is a mess so who knows."

Beth sighed. “Sure you don’t wanna go?” She asked as she got up from the edge of the bed.

"I don't know." Emily sighed, running her hands through her hair.

“We could give him some time? And go and talk to your mum?”

"OK." Emily agreed after a few moments mulling things over.

Beth waited for Emily to make the first move.

Emily slowly stepped out of her bedroom and glanced at Louis' bedroom door before heading downstairs.

Charlie and Duffy were sat at the kitchen table, Charlie trying to calm his wife down.

"We paid her to tutor him, not seduce him!" Duffy retorted angrily, getting up once more and beginning to pace.

“I know sweetheart but maybe she didn’t.”

"She's a grown woman, he's a boy!"

Charlie sighed, “We need to find out the full facts.”

"They were naked in bed together - doesn't take a genius Charlie!" Duffy retorted sarcastically.

Emily nervously cleared her throat from the doorway.

He sighed and turned to the door. “You ok, Em?”

"I... Erm... Louis... He's... He's crying." Emily stammered, suddenly nervous as the eyes of both her parents turned in her direction. Her hand moved to rub at her stomach.

“He’s crying?” Charlie watched her rub her stomach. “Is there something on your mind?”

Emily nodded, staring down at the floor.

Beth stood just behind her, regretting what she had unwittingly unleashed.

Charlie held his arms out to Emily, “Would you like to talk to me and your mum about it?”

Emily glanced nervously at Beth.

Beth nodded.

Emily hesitated. She didn't know how to put her churning thoughts into words.

“Do you want me to leave you alone with your parents?” Beth asked.

Emily shook her head.

“Ok, I’ll stay.” 

Charlie frowned, “Is it about your brother and Caroline?”

Emily nodded mutely.

“Will you tell us?” He encouraged.

Emily opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Her stomach was in knots. She chewed at the skin around the nail on the thumb of her free hand, struggling to resist the urge to suck it like she had when she was a child.

“I may have said something to Emily about Caroline.” Beth admitted, “About how she looks familiar.”

"What do you mean by familiar?" Duffy asked, utterly bemused by the direction the conversation was heading in.

Beth hesitated for a moment before she blurted out, “Caroline looks a bit like you. Just without red hair.”

"What?!" Duffy gasped.

Emily darted through to the sink clutching her mouth.

Charlie held Emily’s hair as she threw up in the sink, rubbing her back.

“It was just a stupid comment.” Beth replied, “But Em thinks it could mean something.”

Duffy began to tremble uncontrollably, Louis' comment from the therapy session at rehab coming flooding back.

“You ok princess?” Charlie asked Emily once she’d finished been sick.

Emily nodded but still didn't speak.

“Sure?”

Emily moved away from the sink and back over to the table. Without uttering a word she flung herself at her trembling mother.

Charlie didn’t know what to say but his thoughts quickly turned to Louis’ comments whilst at rehab. Charlie began to make his way upstairs.

The sound of Louis' crying filtered through his closed bedroom door at Charlie reached the top of the stairs.

Charlie knocked on the door. He needed to know the truth.

Thinking it was one of his sisters Louis yelled, "Fuck off!"

“Louis, it’s your dad.”

Louis sighed. "You come to yell at me?"

“No, I’ve come to ask you a question. Can I come in?”

"You're gunna come in anyway so what does it matter what I say?"

Charlie entered the bedroom and closed the door behind him. “Is it a coincidence that Caroline looks a bit like Duffy?” He came out with it.

"What?!"

Charlie sighed, “Beth seems to think Caroline looks like Duffy. I just needed to hear it from you that it was purely a coincidence.” He moved closer to Louis. Although part of him didn’t agree with Louis seeing Caroline, part of him just wanted Louis to be happy.

"Of course it is!" Louis replied, not looking at his dad as he spoke.

“Louis, look at me, please?”

Louis reluctantly looked up.

“Is it just a coincidence?”

"Yeh." Louis replied defensively.

Charlie nodded and didn’t say anything for a moment.

Louis flung himself back down on his bed.

“Do... You, um, want a hug?”

"You just accused me of wanting to fuck my stepmum!" Louis retorted.

“I was thinking about what you’d said in rehab. About your thoughts. I needed to know you weren’t having those thoughts again.”

"I care about Caroline. I want to be with her." Louis mumbled.

Charlie nodded, “Tell me about her.”

"She's kind. She doesn't treat me like I'm trash."

Charlie smiled, “You’re not trash, Louis.”

"Everyone acts like I am."

“No we don’t.”

"She's really angry with me."

“Caroline? Or Duffy?”

"Duffy."

“She’s angry because she cares about you.”

"Was she there when Beth spoke to you?"

Charlie nodded, “Yeah.”

"Great!" Louis retorted darkly.

“She was understandably concerned.”

"You mean scared?"

“Yes.”

"I don't want her to be scared of me."

“She isn’t.” Charlie reassured.

"Why does everything end up in such a mess?"

“I don’t know son.”

"I kissed her first. I had to convince her that it was OK."

“She didn’t take advantage?”

"No!" Louis asserted firmly.

“Ok.” Charlie smiled sadly.

"You still won't let me see her though will you?"

Charlie didn’t answer.

Louis sighed.

Charlie wrapped his arms around Louis. “You really do like her, don’t you?”

Louis nodded.

“Let me talk to Duffy, ok?”

Louis sighed. He wasn't confident at all.

Charlie kissed Louis’ forehead.

"I really didn't mean for you to find out the way you did."

“I know. You both got a bit carried away.”

Louis nodded.

“I can’t promise anything but I’ll try and talk to Duffy, ok?”

"You're the only one with a chance of getting her to listen."

“That’s true.” Charlie smiled slightly, “Shall I leave you alone for a bit?”

Louis nodded.

Charlie kissed Louis' forehead again, “Love you. You know where I am if you want to talk?”

"Yeh..." Louis mumbled, rolling over on his bed.

Charlie rubbed Louis' back briefly before he left the teenager alone. He returned downstairs trying to find Duffy.

Duffy and Emily were curled up on the sofa together. Beth hovered awkwardly in the doorway. "I've never seen her like this..." She whispered as Charlie joined her.

“Like what?” He asked gently.

"It was like she couldn't speak."

He sighed sadly and stepped into the room, “Babe?”

Duffy looked up, placing her finger against her lips and nodding towards Emily.

Emily was snuggled up against her mum. “She’s asleep?” He whispered quietly.

"Yeh, she wore herself out pretty quickly."

He sat down beside them both and stroked Emily’s hair. “You ok?” He asked Duffy. Beth sat down on the nearest chair and watched Emily.

"I'm fine." Duffy replied.

“Sure?"

"What did Louis say?"

“That it’s a coincidence.”

Duffy nodded.

"I shouldn't have said anything." Beth interjected sadly.

Charlie turned to look at the teenager, “You did the right thing.”

"I didn't realise she'd react the way she did." Beth replied remorsefully.

“It’s ok Beth.” He reassured.

"She'll be OK right?" Beth asked, her eyes fixed on Emily.

“Yeah she’ll be ok. We’ll make sure of it. Would you like to stay?” He asked.

"Please." Beth replied.

A couple of hours passed.

Emily began to wriggle as she awoke.

“Hey princess.” He kissed the top of her head.

Emily smiled broadly at her father.

“Are you feeling better?” Beth had gone up to Emily’s room about an hour earlier.

Emily nodded. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"What for?" 

"Causing problems." Emily sighed.

"You don't cause problems." Duffy reassured her eldest daughter.

“You haven’t caused any problems.” Charlie reassured. “Beth’s in your room, she’s been worried about you.”

"Can I go up to see her?"

“Of course you can.”

Emily stretched as she stood and walked up to her room.

Charlie looked at Duffy, “Sure you’re ok?”

"Of course." Duffy replied dismissively.

“No you’re not. You thought back to Louis’ comment in rehab, didn’t you?”

Duffy pushed herself up from the sofa.

“Duffy?”

"What?"

“Talk to me?”

"I'm fine!"

“Of course you are.”

"You should be more concerned about Emily."

“I’m concerned about you both!”

Duffy sighed, she didn't really want to talk about it all. She was still raw from the events of her first shift back at work the previous week. She was just relieved that Beth seemed to be on the mend - physically at least...

He smiled sadly, “You know you can talk to me.”

"I don't want to talk. Can I have a hug instead?"

“Of course you can.” He wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest.

It took a moment but then the tension began to ease from her body.

He held her tightly.

Upstairs Beth was trying to broach what had happened with Emily.

“I didn’t mean to worry you earlier.”

"I'm guessing from the fact your parents didn't seem surprised that it's happened before..?"

“About Louis? Or...?

"It was like you couldn't speak..."

“It was weird.” Emily admitted.

"Has it happened before?"

Emily shook her head.

"I didn't mean to make you so upset."

“You didn’t. I just... It...” Emily sighed. She couldn’t explain.

"Its ok. You feeling better now?"

Emily nodded and lay next to Beth in bed. “Cuddles?”

Beth wrapped her arms around Emily, holding her close.

Emily rested her head in the crook of Beth’s neck.

Beth's fingers tangled in Emily's hair, her other hand resting on her girlfriend's hip.

“I never know whether to trust him or not.” Emily whispered.

"Your brother?"

Emily nodded. “I try so hard.”

"To give him the benefit of the doubt?"

“He’s my brother, I love him, despite everything.”

"He's made a lot of progress. It's not been easy for any of you."

“He’s different...”

"Different good..?"

Emily nodded.

"Maybe this is just a small blip."

“I hope so.”

"It'll be OK." Beth reassured, stroking Emily's hip.

Emily nodded.

Beth kissed Emily's hair.

Emily smiled sadly.

"It will be OK. I know it will."

Emily kissed Beth’s neck and smiled sadly.

Beth moved her hand to tickle Emily gently.

Emily giggled softly.

"That's more like it!" Beth chuckled, continuing to tickle Emily.

“Stop.” Emily giggled.

Beth giggled as Emily started to tickle her back.

Emily’s lips captured Beth's.

Beth stopped tickling Emily and wrapped her arms around her instead.

“I love you.”

"I love you too." Beth stroked Emily's cheek then kissed her again.

Emily deepened the kiss.

"You're so beautiful." Beth whispered between kisses.

“Not as beautiful as you.”

It wasn’t long before Emily fell asleep in Beth’s arms.

Beth kissed Emily's hair and closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep.

Emily's hand gripped Beth’s top as she slept.

In his room Louis threw a few belongings in his backpack and pushed open the skylight.

He left the house via the skylight, climbing down the drain pipe.

Checking his phone he turned and ran off down the street.

He found himself heading to Caroline’s.

When he got there, however, he was surprised to find that it wasn't her that opened the door.

“I... I must have the wrong address.”

"Who you looking for?"

“It doesn’t matter.” Louis turned to walk away.

When he reached the end of the road his phone beeped.

He looked down at the phone.

"Meet me at the park. Cxx"

He sighed sadly but made his way to the park. He sat on the bench as he waited for her.

About half an hour later she arrived at the park. "You came to my house?!" She gasped.

“I didn’t realise you’d been lying to me the whole time!” He replied.

"Its not what it looks like..!"

“Isn’t it?” He shrugged, “It’s fine. You don’t have to explain.”

"Louis please..!"

“You're married?”

She nodded softly.

He nodded sadly. He lent forward and kissed her cheek. “It was good, but I think it’s best if we go our separate ways...”

"I'm gunna end it with him."

“Were you ever gonna tell me?”

"I don't love him anymore."

He nodded but didn’t say anything.

"I want us to be together."

“I want us to be together too.” He whispered.

"We can make it work."

He kissed her cheek again. “I shouldn’t have turned up at your house. I’m sorry.”

"And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you the truth."

“It’s ok.” He smiled sadly. “I should go home...”

"Can't you stay a little longer?"

“Ok.”

She sat down on the bench next to him.

“Do you have any children?” He asked quietly after a while of them sat in silence.

"No."

“Did you ever want them?”

She nodded. "He didn't." She sighed.

“Sorry.”

"Its ok." She sighed.

Louis’ hand found Caroline’s. “I wish I could just hold you again.”

"You can."

He wrapped his arms around her.

She played with his hair between her fingers.

“We can make it work, can’t we?”

"We can. I want it to work."

“So do I.” He whispered.

She kissed him.

He returned the kiss.

She moaned softly as his hand crept under her skirt.

His hand began to stroke her inner thigh as he deepened the kiss.

They continued to kiss, not caring where they were or who might see them.

Hands began to wander again.

"I want you so much!" She whispered hotly in his ear.

“I want you too.” He whispered back.

"Can we go somewhere more private?"

“Where?”

"I don't know..."

“I could attempt to sneak you back home?” He smiled.

"What about your parents?"

“Ah yeah, good point.”

"I'm not sure I'm your mum's favourite person right now..."

“Hmm...”

"I never meant to fall for you but I just couldn't help how I felt."

“I know, neither did I.”

"I know it's wrong but it feels so right when we're together."

“It does.” He smiled brightly. “Maybe we can see each other tomorrow? If you’re not busy?”

"I can make time." She smiled.

“I’ll text you?” He kissed her again.

"OK."

“Can I walk you home?”

"I'd like that." She smiled.

Louis stood up and held his hand out to Caroline.

She took hold of his hand and stood up.

As promised, Louis walked her home.

As they neared her house she let go of his hand. "I'll talk to him tonight I promise."

“Ok.” He kissed her cheek, “Goodnight Caroline.”

"Goodbye Louis." She smiled and walked the rest of the way to her house.

Louis turned and walked back home with a sigh. Things were all such a mess!


	33. TW: discussion of eating disorders

Despite Sarah’s initial fears of being a terrible mother, she’d taken to motherhood like a duck to water. It turned out to be something that came naturally to her. 

“Liv, come on?” Sarah clapped her hands and held them out to her daughter who was sat in the middle of the living room, playing with her toys.

The little girl briefly looked up at her mum before going back to her toys.

Sarah sat down in front of Olivia and kissed her cheeks. “Let’s go and see someone special?”

Olivia smiled, sensing the excitement in her mum's voice.

“Come on then, baby girl.” Sarah picked up Olivia and sat down on the sofa with her in her lap. She attempted to get on the little girl's coat.

Not an easy task when the tot was such a wriggle bum.

“You’re so wriggly, monkey!” Sarah shook her head fondly.

Olivia babbled in response.

“Yes, I agree with you.” Eventually she got Olivia’s coat on her and managed to strap her into the pram.

The tot loved to look around at the world as her mum pushed her along the path.

There was a reason Sarah wanted to speak to Duffy.

It took about forty five minutes walk across town to the Fairhead house.

Olivia squealed in delight as she saw trees and cars and dogs. Eventually reaching the Fairhead’s house, Sarah went to the door and knocked on. A familiar nervousness settling in the pit of her stomach.

"Sarah?" Duffy yawned as she opened the door in her dressing gown.

“Hi.” Sarah smiled warmly, “Sorry! I didn’t realise you’d still be asleep.”

"Its ok. I stayed up late last night as I'm trying to flip my body clock ready for nights later this week. Come in." Duffy's eyes lit up at Olivia. "Oh you've grown so much since I last saw you!"

“Are you sure? Thank you.” Sarah replied. Olivia smiled at Duffy, her eyes fixated on the older woman as Sarah pushed the pram into the hallway.

"Of course! Just give me a minute to get dressed. You make yourselves comfy in the lounge."

“Thank you.” Sarah crouched down to unclip Olivia from the pram and helped the tot out of her coat, leaving it in the pram. She picked her up and carried her into the lounge. “Are you going to have cuddles with Auntie Duffy?” She asked Olivia.

Olivia babbled, wriggling to be let down onto the carpet.

Sarah placed Olivia on the carpet and sat down with her.

A couple of minutes later Duffy reappeared downstairs, now dressed for company. "Would you like a drink?"

“A tea would be lovely, thank you.” Sarah smiled.

Duffy headed to the kitchen and returned a couple of minutes later with two mugs - one tea which she handed to Sarah and a coffee that she kept for herself.

Sarah moved to sit on the sofa, watching Olivia. “Thank you.” She took the mug and smiled. “How are you?”

"I'm ok. Glad to be back at work properly again." Duffy smiled.

“That’s good.” Sarah sipped her tea, “Has there been many changes since you’ve been away?”

"We've got a new clinical lead..."

“Lemme guess, they’re an idiot?”

"She's so up herself it's not even funny."

“Really?”

"She swans around the place in the most ridiculous high heels and expects everyone to just jump at her every word." Duffy rolled her eyes.

“Ugh! She sounds annoying.” Sarah sipped her tea again, glancing at Olivia who was very happy playing with her teddy on the floor.

"Anyway... Enough about her! How are you both?"

“We’re really good thank you.” Sarah smiled brightly, “She's getting so big!”

"They grow up far too quickly!"

“They really do.” Sarah paused, “You know AJ and I broke up?”

"Permanently?"

Sarah nodded.

"Maybe it's for the best?"

“It is. Olivia deserves better but so do I.” Sarah smiled, “It’s been three months.”

"That long?" Duffy replied. "Does he see Olivia at all?"

Sarah shook her head, “He doesn’t bother.” She said sadly, “We are in temporary accommodation at the minute.”

"Oh sweetheart! Is there any way we can help?"

Sarah shook her head, “We’re ok.” She smiled, “I don’t have much but I have love and that’s enough for Olivia. She’s happy and healthy and that’s all that matters.”

"She looks like she's thriving." Duffy smiled.

“She really is.” 

Olivia looked at both adults and grinned, before returning to her teddy.

"Won't be long before she's toddling about. Then you'll really have your work cut out for you!" Duffy chuckled.

Sarah laughed, “I can imagine! She’ll be doing everything she’s not supposed to.”

"Exactly! And it doesn't stop from then on in. There's always some mischief going on."

“She’s cheeky enough as it is.” Sarah smiled, her eyes sparkling as she watched her daughter for a moment. The love she felt for her was like nothing she’d ever experienced before.

"She's got your eyes." Duffy smiled.

“Poor child.” Sarah teased. “How’s everyone?”

"The usual chaos. Louis isn't really speaking to us right now..." Duffy sighed.

“Oh, what’s happened?”

"Turns out that there was more going on during his tutoring sessions than we were paying for..."

Sarah’s eyes widened. “Oh...”

"He doesn't seem to understand why it's wrong." Duffy sighed again.

“He’s what seventeen?” Sarah asked, “He won’t see why it’s wrong. He just really likes someone.”

"Yeh, he'll be eighteen in September." Duffy ran her fingers through her hair. "Its her I'm angry at. She's old enough to know better."

“She’s older than him?” Sarah gasped.

"She's got to be at least in her mid-thirties."

“Holy shit.” Sarah muttered.

"He can't see that we only have his best interests at heart."

“You don’t see it like that at that age.”

"No you don't." Duffy smiled. "When did you get so mature and grown up?" She chuckled.

Sarah shrugged, “Motherhood does that to you I think.” She giggled.

"Yeh, that's probably true." Duffy smiled.

“There was a reason I came round today...”

"Oh?"

“I’ve got a new job.”

"That's fantastic! Where will you be working?"

“St James.” Sarah smiled.

"I'll try not to hold that against you..!" Duffy teased.

“Sorry.” Sarah giggled, “There was no vacancies at Holby, I checked.”

"What you going to be doing?"

“Psychology Assistant.”

"That's fantastic. I'm really proud of you."

“Thank you.” Sarah smiled, “Olivia and I can’t wait.”

"I bet. Hopefully you'll soon be able to get somewhere more permanent to live too."

“I’ve been looking and saving but I’ve not found the perfect place yet.” Sarah smiled.

"It'll come along when you least expect it."

“I hope so.”

Duffy smiled as Olivia crawled over holding her arms up in the air and babbling.

Duffy picked the tot up and gave her a big cuddle. "Don't tell Charlie, he'll start panicking!" She giggled.

Olivia touched Duffy’s cheek and continued to babble. “He’ll think you’ve gone baby gaga again?” Sarah asked.

"Something like that." Duffy laughed.

“Have you definitely finished having children?” Sarah asked.

"Yes!" Duffy rolled her eyes, laughing.

Sarah giggled softly.

"This is all the fun with none of the hard work." Duffy smiled, bouncing Olivia on her knee.

Olivia squealed.

Sarah laughed, “I’d love another one.”

"I'm sure Liv would love a playmate one day too."

Sarah smiled, “One day, yes.”

"Its nice to have a bit of a gap between them."

“Yeah it is.”

"Allows you more time to enjoy each of them."

“I suppose.”

"That's my excuse anyway." Duffy smiled.

Olivia continued to babble excitedly. 

“She’s a right talker!”

"Tilly was the same as a baby."

“Tilly’s not stopped talking since has she?” Sarah laughed.

"Not that I've noticed no!" Duffy chuckled.

Sarah chuckled.

"Though Emily and Lottie are just as mischievous."

“I can imagine they are.” 

Olivia babbled and then stopped, yawning.

"Aww, have you tired yourself out little lady?" Duffy cooed, snuggling Olivia against her chest.

Olivia closed her eyes.

Duffy stroked the little girl's hair. "So when do you start?"

“As soon as my references and CRB check come back.”

"Hopefully those won't take too long."

“I hope not! I can’t wait to get started." Sarah paused. "How’s Peter and Holly?”

"They're good. Holly's moved into the flat."

“That’s really good! I’m glad things are going well for them both.” Sarah smiled sadly.

"You still like him don't you?"

Sarah shook her head and sighed.

"The right person for you is out there somewhere."

“I don’t miss Peter as much as I used to.” Sarah smiled, “I’ll always love him but I’m glad we broke up.”

"Hopefully you'll be able to be friends going forwards."

“Maybe.” Sarah smiled, “If I hadn’t have broken up with Peter, I’d never have met AJ. And without AJ, I wouldn’t have Olivia so, I’m happy.”

"These things happen for a reason. Despite everything I went through with Andrew I have Jake and I wouldn't trade him for anything."

“Exactly.”

"Not that I see much of him these days - he's always off on some adventure or another!"

“I bet he has some amazing tales to tell.”

"Yeh, he's having the time of his life."

Sarah smiled as her gaze wandered to her daughter again. “I think she likes her auntie Duffy.”

"That's good because I like her too." Duffy smiled.

Olivia looked like she was falling asleep on Duffy, her head in the crook of Duffy’s neck. “You’re special to her. To us both.”

"I'm just glad I was able to help you both."

“I’ll never be able to say how grateful I am.” Sarah smiled softly.

"Cuddles with this cutie is all the thanks I need." Duffy smiled.

“Olivia and I are gonna be just fine with you to guide us.” Sarah smiled, “How are you doing? You’re looking well.”

"Charlie suggested the other night that I should write a book." Duffy chuckled. "Oh I'm OK."

“You really should! Good, I’m glad you’re well.”

"People like me don't write books!"

“Why not?”

"I barely made it through school, I'm nowhere near smart enough to write a book!"

“You don’t have enough faith in yourself.”

"Now you sound like Charlie!"

Sarah giggled softly.

"I'm not sure when you all think I'd have the time to write..!"

“Ah that’s true!”

"It was tricky enough finding the time to study for my midwifery course before I had the younger two boys."

“Do you remember when I said I wanted to do a masters?”

"Yes I do."

“I still want to but I’m hoping I’ll be able to do it through work.”

"That's a really good idea. That's how I was able to do my midwifery qualification. We have lots of staff doing various qualifications through work."

“It’s a good way of doing it.”

"You get your qualification and earn money at the same time. Win, win - especially when you have a family to support."

Sarah nodded. She let out a small giggle as Olivia trumped on Duffy in her sleep.

"That sort of behaviour doesn't stop as they get older either!" Duffy chuckled.

“She’s a windy bottom.”

Duffy chuckled. "Better out than in!"

“I’ve been lucky. She’s so good.”

"Peter was a nightmare baby."

“Really? I can’t imagine that.”

"Or maybe I was just a nightmare mum..!" Duffy shrugged.

“You weren’t that, I can assure you.” Sarah pointed out. “I hope my children grow up as amazing as your children.”

"I'd had a few years of practice by the time we met."

“You’re an amazing mum.”

"I try my best."

“That’s all we can do.” Sarah smiled reassuringly.

"It is."

A comfortable silence fell between them.

After a few minutes Duffy had a thought. "Do you have much planned for the rest of today? Once Liv wakes up how about we take her to the park and have some lunch?"

“I’ve not got anything planned for the rest of the day so I’d like to take you up on your offer of going to the park and lunch.”

"Perfect! They've got new swings but apparently Paul is too much of a big boy to go there now..!" Duffy giggled.

“Oh is he?” Sarah smiled brightly.

"I think he's been listening to Oli."

“Are they both still cheeky monkeys?”

"Yes they're thick as thieves those two!"

“It’s nice they’ve got such a bond!”

"They love to wind each other up but if anyone else gets involved they're straight in sticking up for each other."

“That’s the way it should be.”

"That's why I think Paul came along for a reason despite him being totally unplanned and unexpected."

“To look after Oli?”

"And give Oli someone to look after too."

Sarah nodded. “Olivia is going to have a sibling. It’s not nice been an only child, it’s a bit lonely.”

"It really is." Duffy smiled sadly.

“Is that why you had so many?”

"That's what my mum thinks." Duffy retorted with a chuckle.

“How is your mum?”

"She's doing OK. She's had a few health issues recently but she seems to be over the worst of them now."

“I’m glad to hear she’s doing ok.”

"Have you seen much of your parents recently?"

Sarah nodded, “About a fortnight ago.”

"That's good. Are things a bit better with them now?"

“A little. Things aren’t fantastic but better than they were.”

"Its a step in the right direction. I mean who could resist this gorgeous little miss?!" Duffy grinned, placing a light kiss on Olivia's hair.

Tears began to fill Sarah’s eyes.

"Oh sweetheart..!" Duffy held out her free arm towards her young friend.

“Sorry.” Sarah smiled sadly as she gave Duffy’s hand a squeeze.

"Come here." Duffy reached for Sarah's shoulder.

Sarah moved closer to Duffy.

Once she was close enough Duffy pulled her into a hug, being careful not to squish Liv.

Sarah closed her eyes as she was hugged.

"You're doing so well." Duffy whispered reassuringly.

“You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.” Sarah whispered.

"We all need a little encouragement for time to time. Both me and Charlie are so proud of the amazing job you're doing raising Olivia."

A tear rolled down Sarah’s cheek. “Thank you.” She whispered, afraid she’ll start fully crying in a minute.

"Its ok to cry."

“I’m ok.” Sarah whispered.

"You do know that you'll always be like another daughter to me and Charlie?"

Sarah nodded, “I know. Thank you.”

A few minutes later Olivia started to stir, fidgeting on Duffy's lap.

“Hello sleepy head.” Sarah stroked her daughter’s cheek.

"Mama!" Olivia smiled.

Sarah's heart skipped a beat. “Did you just say mama?! You clever girl!”

"Mama!" Olivia repeated, giggling.

Sarah smiled brightly and kissed Olivia’s cheeks and nose. “You’re such a big girl!”

Duffy passed the tot back over to her mum as Olivia was holding her arms out towards Sarah.

Sarah held Olivia to her chest and began to rock her. “Liv, shall we go to the park with Auntie Duffy?”

Olivia's eyes lit up even though she didn't really understand what her mum was suggesting.

“You like the park, don’t you baby?”

Olivia giggled, bouncing excitedly.

Sarah sat Olivia on the floor by Duffy as she went into the hallway to fetch Olivia’s coat.

Duffy wrinkled her nose as Olivia crawled closer. "Sarah? Can you throw me the change bag?" She called through to the hall.

“Oh no. Does she need changing?” Sarah laughed as she brought in Olivia’s coat and the changing bag. “Want me to change her?”

"She certainly does. Don't worry, I'll do it." Duffy smiled.

“Are you sure?”

"Its been a while but I think I can remember how!" Duffy chuckled.

“As long as you’re sure.” Sarah giggled softly.

"Come on little lady, let's take you up to the bathroom and get you all clean." Duffy smiled, picking up Olivia and taking her upstairs.

Olivia wriggled around and stared at the ceiling as she was cleaned up by Duffy. She began to squeal and giggle.

"That wouldn't have been nice to sit on the swings in would it?" Duffy cooed.

Olivia giggled. She didn’t understand.

Duffy finished pulling the little girl's tights back up. "All fresh as a daisy again." She declared, picking Olivia up.

Olivia placed her hand on Duffy’s cheek and opened her mouth, pressing her mouth to Duffy’s cheek.

"Oh you are just adorable!"

Olivia was a happy child. Always smiling and giggling, not to forget babbling and wriggling around.

"You are bad news for my old and tired ovaries missy!" Duffy chuckled as she carried Olivia back downstairs.

Olivia began to giggle as she reached the bottom of the stairs. Seeing her mum, she began to babble once again.

"All clean again." Duffy smiled, handing Liv over to Sarah.

“Thank you.” Sarah took Liv into her arms and kissed her nose. “You smell better now!”

Liv grumbled at being strapped into her buggy.

“I know, I’m sorry baby. We’re going to the park, play on the swings?” Sarah kissed Olivia's forehead before standing up.

"I'm just going to grab my bag." Duffy explained, slipping on her shoes and heading into the kitchen.

“Ok.” Sarah made sure she had everything.

When she returned from the kitchen Duffy slid a packet of chocolate buttons into Olivia's hands.

Sarah laughed.

Duffy grinned mischievously.

Sarah watched as Olivia began to eat the chocolate buttons. “She’s going to associate you with chocolate.” Sarah said with a giggle.

"I've been associated with a lot worse over the years!" Duffy chuckled as they headed outside, locking the door behind them.

They began to make the journey to the park, Olivia happily eating her chocolate buttons.

It didn't take them long to reach the park.

Sarah smiled as Olivia squealed. Her mouth full of chocolate.

"Now what do you want to go on first?" Duffy cooed, tickling under Olivia's chin.

Olivia giggled. 

“The slide?” Sarah suggested.

Duffy waited til the little girl had finished her chocolate and then lifted her out of her buggy and carried her over to the slide.

Liv kicked her little legs in excitement.

Duffy placed Olivia on the top of the slide. "Ready? Mummy will catch you at the bottom."

“Mama!” Liv called. 

Sarah stood at the bottom of the slide, “I’m here baby!”

Duffy gently slid Olivia down the slide.

Sarah caught Olivia at the bottom of the slide.

The little girl clapped her hands with excitement.

“Again? Do you want to go down the slide again?”

Olivia babbled excitedly.

“I think that’s a yes. Do you want to catch her this time?” Sarah asked Duffy with a bright smile.

"OK." Duffy swapped positions with Sarah.

Sarah was a little nervous to let Olivia go down the slide but she knew she trusted Duffy with her life. She let Olivia go once they’d reached the top of the slide.

Duffy caught Liv and gave her a big cuddle.

Olivia clapped her hands excitedly once again.

"Again?" Duffy gasped, giggling.

Olivia went down the slide four times in total before they moved over to the swings.

“You’re never too old to go on the swings.” Sarah told Duffy.

"Not at all!" Duffy grinned, sitting down on one of the swings with Olivia on her lap.

Sarah sat down on the other swing. “I used to come here late at night...”

"Getting up to no good with my eldest son no doubt!" Duffy chuckled.

Sarah laughed and shook her head, “Times when I was sad and needed to think.”

"Did it help?"

Sarah nodded, “Sometimes.”

Duffy reached over and squeezed Sarah's shoulder. "I always used to sit by the lake."

"Did it help?"

"Sometimes. I discovered later that it was a favourite thinking spot of Charlie's too."

“You both went to the same place?”

"At different times yes. Often to think about the other..!" Duffy chuckled.

“That’s so cute!”

Duffy laughed, shaking her head fondly.

“It is adorable!” 

Olivia clapped her hands and squealed again before babbling.

Duffy started to slowly rock forwards and backwards on the swing, one hand holding the chain and the other wrapped securely around Olivia.

“We’re both so lucky to have you.”

Duffy blushed. "She's gradually warming me up to the idea of being a grandmother..!" She chuckled.

Sarah laughed gently. “Who do you think will give you a grandchild first?”

"I'm thinking Peter. Jake is nowhere near ready to settle down and as for the girls... Charlie would have another heart attack for sure!"

Sarah smiled, “Peter would make a great dad.”

"He will." Duffy smiled.

Sarah smiled and watched Olivia. “What’s Holly like?”

"She's a lovely girl. She's been through a lot but it doesn't seem to have dented her too much thankfully."

“That’s good.”

"Under different circumstances I could imagine you two being good friends."

“Holly and I?”

"Yeh."

“Hmm, maybe.”

The two women fell quiet for several minutes as they swung slowly on the swings.

Olivia began to grumble.

"I think someone is getting hungry." Duffy smiled.

“I think so too.”

"Where do you fancy going for lunch? My treat." Duffy asked.

“How about that new cafe in town that’s just opened? I can feed Olivia when we get there.”

"Perfect!" Duffy smiled, easing herself up from the swing and placing Olivia back in her pram.

It was made harder by the fact Olivia continued to wiggle.

It took a bit of perseverance but eventually Olivia was strapped in and ready to go.

Sarah gave her her dummy just until they got to the cafe.

Duffy took a turn to push the pram this time.

“You don’t mind that I’m gonna be breastfeeding, do you?”

"Not at all." Duffy smiled.

“Thanks. I just wanted to check, some people get a bit grossed out.” Sarah shrugged, “I never understand why.”

"Neither do I. People's reactions was one of the things that put me off." Duffy admitted.

“I just kindly tell people to piss off if they have a problem.” Sarah grinned.

"I wish I'd had the balls to do the same."

“You don’t have to breast feed, bottle is just as good.”

"That's supposed to be my line!" Duffy chuckled.

Sarah giggled. “It’s true though!”

"It is." Duffy smiled.

About twenty minutes later, they arrived at the cafe.

It was the first time Duffy had a meal out with anyone who wasn't Charlie since she'd started the day treatment program so she was a little apprehensive.

“Are you ok?” Sarah sensed a little apprehension from her older friend.

"I'll be fine."

“Ok.” Sarah smiled.

Duffy pushed the pram through the cafe door. "So what do you fancy?"

“Ham and cheese toastie?”

"Do you want a tea or a cold drink instead?"

“A can of coke please.”

Duffy ordered the food and drinks whilst Sarah found them a table.

They sat in the corner, slightly out of the way from people. Sarah took Olivia out of the pram. “Are you hungry?”

Olivia snuggled up to her mum.

“Hungry and wanting cuddles?” Sarah discreetly removed her breast and latched Olivia onto her nipple.

"You're a natural with that now." Duffy smiled.

Sarah blushed. “You were right when you said you’d just know.”

The food arrived at the table.

“I don’t know about you but I’m starving!” Sarah replied.

"Hmm..." Duffy replied distractedly, opening her bottle of water.

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

"Ignore me, I'm just being daft."

“You can talk to me about anything, you know that, don’t you?”

"This is the first time I've eaten out since my last relapse." Duffy explained. "See, I told you I was being daft..!"

“You’re not being daft at all.” Sarah smiled, “I can imagine you’ve got a lot of anxiety. People don’t realise how daunting it can be.”

"I thought it would be OK..." Duffy sighed.

“But now the food is here, you’re not too sure?”

"I'm hungry but..." Duffy sighed.

“But?”

"It feels like everyone is watching me." Duffy whispered.

“Nobody’s watching you.” Sarah reassured.

Duffy slowly picked up her sandwich and took a small bite.

Sarah looked at Olivia as she fed, taking a small piece out of her toastie and eating it.

"What's your plans for feeding her when you start work?"

“Truthfully I haven’t thought that far ahead.”

"Will she take a bottle? You could maybe try expressing?"

“Yeah she’ll take a bottle. I think I might do that. Some days she doesn’t have a lot of milk, other days she can’t get enough.” Sarah kissed the top of Olivia’s head as she fed.

"Tilly and Paul were the only two I managed to feed to the point where I was going back to work."

“I didn’t take much maternity leave so I’ve expressed previously, especially when I was working nights with the agency.”

"Hopefully that'll make things easier for both of you." Duffy smiled, taking another small bite of her sandwich.

“I hope so.” Sarah smiled. “It’ll be nice to have a proper career.” She tucked into her own food.

"You'll go far, I just know it."

Sarah blushed, “Thank you.”

The conversation lulled as the two women ate their food.

Olivia fell asleep not long after Sarah had finished eating.

Duffy had eaten about half her sandwich. "Someone's milk drunk..!" She chuckled.

Sarah laughed gently, “I suppose it’s a bit like being wine drunk.”

"I'd like to think I don't dribble quite that much..!"

Sarah grabbed a wipe from the bag and gently wiped Olivia’s mouth, careful not to wake the youngster. “Dribbling isn’t attractive unless you’re under the age of one.”

"That's very true."

“I owe you so much Duffy! For everything you’ve done.”

"If you find yourself in need of a babysitter when you're working you can give me and Charlie a call."

“Thank you.”

"Charlie particularly likes babies that he can hand back at the end of the day..!" Duffy giggled.

“Oh is that true?” Sarah giggled.

"He's been saying that since before we had Oliver."

“Really?”

"Took a bit of gentle persuasion but I got him around to my way of thinking in the end." Duffy smirked.

“I won’t ask how or where you gently persuaded him.” Sarah smirked herself.

"Yeh, best not!" Duffy burst out laughing.

Sarah laughed. “I bet Peter’s glad he no longer lives at home, right?”

"He may have made a few comments along those lines yes."

Sarah smiled.

Olivia started to wriggle on her mum's lap.

Sarah shifted Olivia so she was in her arms, her head against her chest.

As she moved the little girl burped and resettled.

“Windy monkey.” Sarah whispered softly to her daughter.

Duffy chuckled softly.

“She’s definitely her father when she does that.” Sarah replied.

"Absolutely!"

“She’s like AJ in so many ways.”

"Its a shame he doesn't seem to want to have a relationship with her." Duffy sighed.

“He’s... Got a few things on his mind at the minute.”

"Such as..?" Duffy prompted gently.

Sarah shrugged, “He won’t talk to me.”

"Ah..."

“He never does.”

"That's men for you." Duffy sighed.

“You have the same problem with Charlie?”

"He doesn't like to worry me."

“But it worries you even more?”

"Yet he never seems to understand that."

“Bless him.”

"He's set in his ways. I doubt he'll change now."

“Of not wanting to worry you?”

"Old habits die hard."

Sarah nodded, “AJ wasn’t always so.... Cold...” She replied sadly.

"That's what makes it so hard."

“He seemed to just change one night...” Sarah sighed.

"Any idea if something happened that night?"

Sarah shook her head.

"Maybe things will get better given time..."

“How much time do you give someone?”

"Depends how much they mean to you."

Sarah shrugged. “He’ll always mean something to me because of Olivia. But I’m not sure I can handle it anymore.”

"I'd wait forever for Charlie but that's because he means everything to me." Duffy smiled. "If it's not a good situation for you then you have to think about yourself and Olivia first."

“Ever since I had her Olivia comes first."

"That's your mother's instinct shining through."

Sarah blushed.

"You'd do anything for them even when they drive you completely round the bend!" Duffy chuckled.

“And you wouldn’t change it for the world.” Sarah moved Olivia slightly and gazed down lovingly at her daughter.

"Nope!"

Sarah got lost just staring at her daughter for a while.

"Savour this time, it goes by far too fast." Duffy whispered.

“It already does feel like it has.” Sarah admitted.

"I can't quite wrap my head around the fact that Paul will be seven soon."

“Doesn’t feel that long ago, does it?”

"Mere seconds ago."

“Really not long ago.”

"Doesn't feel like it no."

“I remember Peter was terrified.” Sarah said gently. “After everything that happened with Oli.”

"We all were. From the moment I suspected I might be pregnant with Paul I was so scared." Duffy admitted.

“Because you didn’t want to die?”

Duffy nodded. "I'd seen the traumatic effect that Oli's birth had had on the other children. I strongly considered not going through with it."

“But something stopped you?”

"I felt him move. I knew then that I couldn't do it." Duffy whispered.

“I considered an abortion with Olivia.” Sarah looked up at Duffy and met her eye, “But I missed the bus and the appointment so... Here she is, thankfully.”

"I made it as far as the clinic carpark..."

“It’s not an easy decision to make.”

"I kept it a secret from Charlie until he found out by accident."

Sarah smiled sadly.

"I thought it would be easier that way."

“If you didn’t tell him and just got it over and done with?”

"I thought it would be easier to bury the guilt that way."

“You feel guilty for so much stuff, don’t you?”

"I suppose I do yeh."

“Can I ask why?”

"I'm not really sure."

“I’m going to stop psych analysing you.” Sarah giggled softly.

Duffy chuckled.

“Sorry.”

"Its ok."

“I’ve really enjoyed myself, thank you for treating Olivia and I to lunch.”

"I've enjoyed it too."

“We should do it again, shortly. My treat next time?”

"Once you've started earning a bit and have your housing arrangements sorted out. Til then it's my treat."

“Are you sure?” Sarah smiled, “You've already done so much for Olivia and I.”

"I'd rather you saved your money but still enjoy your company. So this way solves both." Duffy smiled.

“Ok. Thank you.” Sarah smiled brightly.

"Kids are expensive, you'll need all the pennies you can save!" Duffy chuckled.

“Oh I know! Olivia seems to keep having growth spurts.”

"They do it when you least expect it."

“They really do.”

"You wait til she insists on dressing herself..!" Duffy laughed.

“She’ll be a raft of different colours?”

"She will be if her Aunty Tilly gets her hands on her!"

Sarah giggled softly, “How are the girls?”

"They're OK." Duffy smiled as she started to gather her stuff together. "Lottie's gotten herself a boyfriend..."

“A boyfriend? Wow. She’s growing up!” Sarah moved from the chair and gently tried to put Olivia into the pram without waking her up.

"We've not met him yet."

“I’m sure you’ll be meeting him soon.”

"I'm slightly nervous from what I've heard about him..." Duffy mumbled as they left the cafe.

“What things are those?” Sarah asked.

"His family is mixed up in drug dealing and prostitution." Duffy replied as they turned to walk back to her house.

“Wow! Really?”

"Yeh. Lottie swears he's different but, well, she's only fourteen... I'm scared she's going to end up out of her depth."

“Lottie is a smart girl, I’m sure she’ll be ok. But it’s ok to be apprehensive and scared.”

"I know she's growing up but she's still my baby girl."

“She’ll always will be.”

"I don't want her to think I don't trust her."

“I think she’d know to come to you if she had a problem.”

"I hope so."

“She’s a smart girl.”

"She is." Duffy smiled as they turned into the road she lived on.

Sarah was quiet for a second.

Duffy dug into her handbag for her keys.

“They are always at the bottom of your handbag when you need them.”

"Yep! Charlie always teases me for having such a big handbag and taking forever to find things."

“Us girls have to carry everything in our bags.”

"Exactly. Aha!" Duffy declared triumphantly as she pulled the keys from her bag.

Sarah laughed gently.

Duffy smiled as she opened her front door.

Sarah pushed the buggy into the house.

Duffy slipped off her jacket and shoes after closing the door. "Thank you for earlier. For not, you know, judging..." She whispered.

“I’d never judge you.” Sarah smiled.

"I keep meeting these stumbling blocks in my path when I least expect it." Duffy sighed.

“It’s not easy.”

"Maybe one day it'll all be a distant memory..."

“Fingers crossed.”

"Looks like we've properly worn her out." Duffy smiled, looking over at Olivia who was spark out in her pram.

“Yeah I think we have.”

"Do you want a lift back home rather than you having to walk?"

“No, I’ll walk back. I've got a few things I need to think about.”

"You sure? I've got a carseat that Olivia can use."

“Ok. As long as you’re sure?”

"Of course, just give me a moment to grab the seat." Duffy smiled, heading upstairs.

As Duffy went upstairs, Sarah took Olivia out of the pram and held her in her arms. She sat down on the bottom step and just cuddled her.

A few minutes later Duffy reappeared holding a carseat. "Here we go!"

Sarah was lost in thought, her hand stroking Olivia’s back.

"Still snoozing?" Duffy smiled softly.

“Hmm?” Sarah looked up.

"Olivia is still asleep?"

"Yeah, still asleep."

"Its amazing what a trip to the park and a belly-full of milk will do." Duffy smiled.

“She was up earlier than normal. I think the noise upstairs startled her.”

"From your neighbours?" Duffy asked, holding the buggy and carseat as they made their way out to the car.

“Yeah.” Sarah nodded sadly, “They can be a bit noisy sometimes.”

"I frequently fell out with my neighbours when Peter was a baby." Duffy replied as she folded up the buggy and placed it in the boot.

“Because of them?”

"They used to have really loud parties late into the night and then complain Peter's crying woke them up." Duffy sighed.

“Urgh! Those kind of people are the worst.”

"Yeh. I was so relieved to move away from there." Duffy replied, opening the back door and fitting the carseat into place.

“I can’t wait for Olivia and I to have our own place to call home.” Sarah smiled as she strapped a sleeping Olivia into the car seat.

"I do love a good housewarming." Duffy chuckled, strapping herself into the driver's seat.

“I’ll remember that.”

As it wasn't quite school home time the roads were fairly clear across town.

Sarah directed Duffy to her accommodation.

Duffy stopped the car outside the block of flats Sarah indicated.

“Home sweet home.” Sarah smiled sadly before turning to Duffy, “Thank you for the lift back. And for today and lunch. Do you want to come in for a coffee?”

"That would be lovely, thanks." Duffy smiled as they both got out the car.

After retrieving Olivia and her items from the car, Sarah and Duffy made their way to the front doors of the block of flats. Entering a number into the keypad, Sarah pushed open the door. “I’m on the first floor, luckily.”

Duffy followed Sarah into the building, taking hold of the buggy again so the younger woman could open the door.

They walked down a darkened corridor before reaching another door. Sarah opened the door and stepped into the hallway of the flat. There were two rooms either side of the hallway, four in total.

"Where should I put this?" Duffy asked, meaning the buggy.

“You can put it in the living room, first room on your left. I’m just going to put Olivia down in my bed.”

"OK." Duffy smiled and did as Sarah instructed.

The living room was basic. Just a settee and a television unit. A few of Olivia’s toys were on the floor by the settee.

Duffy went to sit down but changed her mind and popped the blocks back in their box.

Sarah laughed gently when she saw what Duffy was doing. “Tea or coffee?”

"Coffee please."

“Sugar?”

"No thanks."

Sarah nodded. She went into the kitchen and made the coffees, coming back a few minutes later.

By the time Sarah returned Duffy had finished tidying up the toys and was just moving to sit on the sofa.

“Thank you for tidying up.” Sarah handed Duffy one of the mugs and sat down beside her.

"Force of habit." Duffy chuckled.

“The toys make the place look a bit more homely.”

"It does."

“I had to leave AJ. It wasn’t fair on Olivia.”

"You did the right thing. Its the children that suffer the most when the home atmosphere is bad."

“AJ and I were... Fighting all the time.” Sarah admitted.

"What about?"

“There didn’t need to be a reason. We just fought constantly. Until one day when I walked with Olivia and we came here. Even though we don’t have much, we have each other and that’s all that matters.”

"Sounds like the best thing for both of you."

“It is.” Sarah smiled and sipped her coffee.

"How many of these do you think I'll need in order to stay awake tonight?" Duffy joked, lifting her mug.

“Several.”

"I swear nights used to be a lot easier!" Duffy chuckled.

“Are you and Charlie both on nights or...?”

"Just me for the first few nights and then both of us over the weekend."

“Do you prefer nights over days?”

"I used to. Now it's trickier to flip myself around."

“I find it hard to flip my body clock.”

"It was a lot easier when I was your age believe me!"

“Still difficult though.”

"That's true."

Sarah yawned, “I’ll be glad to put in my notice.”

"Is your new job 9-5?"

Sarah nodded, “The occasional late shift but yes, mostly 9-5.”

"That'll make things easier with Olivia."

“Yeah it will. I’m really lucky in that they have a crèche on-site too so it doesn’t cost me an absolute fortune in childcare fees.”

"I'm glad they've started doing that. I really pushed for it when the girls were little as there were times when we really struggled with balancing work and home life, having to always work opposite shifts so one of us could look after the kids. It meant there were periods where it felt like we barely saw each other."

“There definitely needs to be more crèches in working places, especially in healthcare. Maybe it’s something I can look into and campaign for?”

"Sounds like a great idea. I can help you rally support at Holby for sure."

“Thank you.” Sarah smiled, “What would I do without you?”

"You've been there a lot for me too over the years. It's what friends are for. It's like I always told you, it didn't matter what happened between you and Peter, I'd always be there for you if and when you ever need me."

“And I’ll always be grateful for that.” Sarah gently rested her head against Duffy’s shoulder.

Duffy reached her arm around Sarah's shoulders, giving her a gentle squeeze.

Sarah yawned again. “I suppose I should let you get back to your family before they send out a search party for you.”

"Only because they'll be wanting tea when they get home from school, college and work!" Duffy chuckled before drinking the last of her coffee. "Thank you for a wonderful day."

Sarah chuckled softly, “No thank you. It’s been lovely and Olivia loved seeing you.”

"I loved seeing her too." Duffy smiled, gathering her bag and standing up. "I can't believe she'll be one soon though!"

“I know! It only feels like yesterday she was born.”

"That was quite a night!" Duffy chuckled as the two women walked back towards the door.

“Yeah it was.” Sarah smiled sadly.

"You've come a long way since then." Duffy smiled, giving Sarah a hug.

Sarah gave Duffy a gentle squeeze. “I certainly have!”

"Let me know how things go with your new job."

“I will. Bye Duffy, thanks for today. I needed it.”

"So did I. Take care." Duffy smiled before turning and heading back to her car.

Sarah closed the door with a smile. Maybe whilst Olivia was asleep, she could nap for half an hour herself? Yes, that sounded like a fantastic idea!


	34. Chapter 34

Tilly looked up and down the road as she waited nervously outside the corner shop. Her parents were both working night shifts. It hadn't been hard to convince her gran that she was spending the night at a friend's house.

She sighed, feeling a little lonely. Lottie was so wrapped up in Owen these days! It wasn't that Tilly was jealous, OK maybe a little, it was more that as much as being a twin often annoyed her she missed hanging out with Lottie, giggling the way they used to before things had changed.

Tilly decided she was going to be brave, she took the crumpled twenty pound note out of her pocket and walked into the corner shop. She headed straight for the alcohol aisle.

She'd done her make up, curled her hair and worn a low-cut top and short skirt teamed with heels in an attempt to look older than she was.

Her heart was beating furiously but she managed to compose herself enough to pick up two bottles, one vodka, one rose wine. Tilly confidently made her way to the till and placed them down on the counter, flashing the man behind the till a smile.

He took her money distractedly as he perved at her tits.

“Cheers.” She said as she took the carrier bag and the change and strolled out of there as quick as she could.

She then made her way up to the common where, amongst others, Tommy and Lewis were waiting for her to join them.

She knew if anyone found out what she was doing and where she was, all hell would break loose.

"We thought you'd gotten lost!" Tommy teased as she walked over to the group.

“Nah, I was getting these!” She held up the carrier bag.

"You can add them to the stash." Lewis instructed. "What's with the shoes?" He laughed.

“Had to pass off as being older, didn’t I?” She kicked off her shoes as she sat down on the grass.

"I think they look nice." Tommy mumbled shyly opening another can of cider.

She playfully elbowed him and blushed.

There was about thirty youths spread out under the trees, mostly clustered in small groups.

“How did you manage to get so many people to come?” Tilly asked as she opened the bottle of wine.

"Last hang out before everyone goes on holiday." Lewis shrugged.

Tilly took a swig of the wine, it didn’t taste too bad.

Over the next hour people started to mingle and Tilly eventually found herself sat under a tree with Tommy.

"You doing much for the holidays?" He asked, dropping his empty can on the grass and taking another from the bag.

Tilly picked up the empty can and placed it into her bag. She shook her head, “I don’t think there’s much planned. You?”

"Going down the beach mostly." He opened the can. "Cheers!" He chuckled as he held it out towards her open wine bottle.

“Cheers.” She laughed as her wine bottle clinked against his can.

"How come Lottie didn't come out?"

Tilly sighed. “She’s with her boyfriend.”

"Ah." Tommy paused. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

She shook her head.

Tommy nodded and went back to his drink as Milly came over to join them.

“She fancies you.” Tilly said quietly.

Tommy smiled awkwardly as Milly flashed him a big smile and flicked her hair.

“Hi.” Milly sat down on the other side of Tommy.

"Hi." He replied awkwardly, his gaze following in disappointment as Tilly got up and moved over to speak to some of the others.

Something Milly instantly picked up on. “You fancy her, don’t you?”

"No!" He replied sharply before taking another big swig of his drink.

“Whatever!”

"Urgh!" Tommy grumbled, girls were more effort than they were worth sometimes!

“She’s stuck up anyway.” Milly replied with a small shrug.

"No she's not!" He retorted, watching as she stood laughing with Lewis.

“Why don’t you just ask her out?”

"I don't fancy her alright!" Tommy shot back.

“Alright! Chill, I was only messing.”

Tommy got up and moved away, muttering as he threw himself down under a different tree.

Some more people from their year turned up and had a stereo which they turned up loudly.

It was about forty minutes later that Tilly danced over to Tommy. “What’s up? Why you not dancing?” It was clear from her speech, she was drunk.

"Huh?" Tommy replied, he was also very drunk.

“Why aren’t you dancing?”

"I don't dance."

“Neither do I, but come on? Pleaseeee!” She begged, holding her hand out.

"Only if you share some of that vodka first!" He giggled as she dragged him to his feet.

She thrusted the bottle into his hand. “Deal.”

He took a gulp and grimaced as the liquid burned down his throat.

“Disgusting, isn’t it?”

"Yeh but it does the job!" He chuckled, taking another gulp and passing it back to Tilly who also took another drink from the bottle.

She stumbled into Tommy and giggled softly, these heels weren’t such a good idea after all.

Tommy caught hold of her around the waist before one of his hands slid down onto her bottom.

“Did I say you could touch my arse?” She whispered, her green eyes staring into Tommy’s eyes.

"Thought I'd try my luck!" He replied with drunk cockiness.

“You’re cocky.” She replied and bit her lower lip.

"You know it!" He retorted, recalling the incident on the school field where she'd somehow convinced him and Lewis to drop their pants in front of her.

She didn’t say anything for a moment before she dragged Tommy to where a group of teenagers were dancing.

It took a few minutes but Tommy eventually started to relax into the idea of dancing.

They were having a really good time.

Several hours later it had gotten dark and the remaining teenagers lay on the grass looking up at the stars and sharing the remaining alcohol and some cigarettes.

“Tommy?” Tilly whispered as she stared up at the sky.

"Yeh?"

“I like you!”

"Really?"

“Uh huh. Do you want to kiss me?" She giggled.

“Maybe.”

"We can go somewhere quieter?"

Tommy nodded, “It’s getting quieter now, everyone’s drunk.”

"Yeh." She giggled. "Woah!" She gasped as she sat up and everything tilted and spun.

“You’re so drunk!” He slowly sat up himself.

"Am not!" She giggled.

“Are!”

"Not!" She stuck her tongue out at him.

He laughed gently before he placed his hand against her cheek.

"I'm not done arguing with you..!" She pouted playfully.

“You’re drunk!” He told her again with a smile.

"So are you!" She fired back before hiccuping.

He chuckled at her hiccups.

"Not. Funny." She hiccuped.

He waited for a few minutes before he scared her.

She let out a loud squeal.

“Did it work? Are your hiccups gone?” He asked.

"You git!" She giggled but didn't hiccup again.

“Worked though, didn’t it?” He grinned.

She nodded. "I'm bored, let's go find something more fun to do."

“Come on then, trouble!”

They scrambled to their feet, gathering their belongings and stumbled away from the rest of the group.

“So where you wanna go?” He asked.

Tilly shrugged. "Somewhere exciting!" She giggled.

“Ever climbed a tree?”

"Not for years." Tilly chuckled.

“Fancy climbing one now?”

"OK!" She grinned.

They found a large tree not far from the group of teenagers.

"Race ya to the top!" She giggled, kicking her shoes off.

“I’m gonna beat you!” He called back.

"No way!" She giggled, grabbing the lowest branch.

He shook his head fondly as he grabbed the lowest branch and pulled himself up.

Tilly squealed and giggled as they stumbled their way up the tree, reaching the top at practically the same time.

“Beat you!” He smirked.

"No! I won!" She argued, swinging her legs as she sat in the middle of the tree next to him.

He stood up and began to balance on the branch. “Can’t do this though, can you?”

"Bet I can!" She giggled, wobbling to her feet.

“Maybe we shouldn’t. I don’t want you to...” famous last words, Tommy lost his footing and fell out of the tree.

"Tommy! Shit!" Tilly gasped as she scrambled down the tree.

He was unconscious at the bottom of the tree.

Despite being highly inebriated her parents' voices rang in her head - 'don't move him, call an ambulance'. Her hands were shaking as she took her mobile out. "Its gunna be OK." She whispered, gently touching his hand as she dialed. "Ambulance please." She told the operator.

“You’re through to the ambulance service, is the patient breathing?”

"Yeh. He fell out the tree. Please come quick!" Tilly began to cry.

“What’s your location?”

"The common. I've not moved him."

“That’s great, you’ve done the right thing.”

"You need to help him!"

“Help is on its way. I’m going to stay on the line with you, until help arrives ok?”

“What happened? I’m sure that isn’t true.” The operator reassured.

"We climbed a tree."

“Is he bleeding from anywhere you can see?”

"I-I don't know..." Tilly cried. "I feel sick." She mumbled.

Sirens could be heard in the background as the ambulance came speeding up to the common.

"They're here." Tilly mumbled, shaking as she looked up.

“They will take care of you.” The call disconnected. 

Two paramedics rushed over, “What's happened?” One of them asked.

"He fell." Tilly mumbled, pointing at the tree.

“Out of the tree? Are you injured at all?” One of the paramedics helped Tommy whilst the other stayed with Tilly.

"I'm ok." Tilly replied, slowly getting to her feet. "I should go..." She mumbled, stumbling as she tried to reach for her shoes.

“I think we should take you to the hospital, get you checked out too. You could be suffering from shock.”

"No!" Tilly yelled, swaying dramatically as she attempted to run away, only making it a few metres before she tripped over her own feet.

The paramedic followed her and gently helped her to her feet. “Please? I’m sure you’ll like to stay with your friend.”

"I feel..." Tilly didn't finish her sentence as she was promptly sick down the front of the paramedic's uniform. She blinked several times. "Oops!" She giggled drunkenly.

The paramedic sighed, “It’s ok. Let’s just get you and your friend to the hospital ok?”

"Don't tell my parents!" Tilly babbled, the word 'hospital' slightly permiating the drunken haze that was quickly resettling over her brain.

The paramedic took Tilly to the ambulance and changed out of his jacket that was covered in sick. A short while later, they pulled up outside Holby ED.

Seeing the hospital Tilly became combative, trying once more to run away as soon as the ambulance doors opened.

“Hey, hey!” The paramedic tried to stop her once more as his crewmate took Tommy inside the hospital. “I know you don’t like hospitals, not many people do but it’s the best place for you both.”

"Its really not!" Tilly was becoming increasingly hysterical as she was gently yet firmly steered towards the entrance. “What’s gonna happen to Tommy?” She asked as she followed the paramedic to the cubicle area, she was so scared of bumping into her parents.

"He'll be checked over in resus. Do you have contact details for his parents?"

Tilly nodded and pulled out her mobile phone. “Um... yeah.”

The nurse took down the contact details and went to go call Tommy's parents.

“I want my mum.” Tilly whispered, her bottom lip beginning to tremble as she tried hard not to cry.

"I'll get the nurse to call her when she comes back. Now let me have a quick look at you, make sure you're OK..."

“I can just go and find her? She works here. So does dad.” Tilly mumbled.

"Sorry, what did you say? The paramedics said you refused to give them your name..."

“Matilda.”

"Matilda what..?" The doctor prompted.

“What’s your name?”

"I'm Tom. What's your surname Matilda?"

“Tom...?”

"Kent. Doctor Tom Kent." He replied, gesturing to his badge. "So now I've formally introduced myself..." He prompted.

“Matilda... Tilly Fairhead.” She closed her eyes, “I feel sick.”

"Fairhead? As in..?" Tom asked, holding out a sick bowl towards her.

“Fairhead, yes.” Tilly took the bowl and threw up. “I’m so dead.” She mumbled.

"Which parent would you prefer to face?"

Tilly looked up at Tom. “Neither?” She paused, “My mum.”

"OK, I'll just go find her." Tom had barely stepped out of the cubicle when Tilly bolted, running in the direction of resus and crashing through the doors.

"Tommy!" Tilly cried.

“What an earth is going on?”

“Tilly?” Charlie turned, hearing the sound of his daughter’s voice.

"Fuck!" Tilly swore.

"Get her out of here!" Connie instructed.

Charlie removed his gloves and chucked them away, moving towards his daughter. “You’ve got some serious explaining to do, young lady.”

"He fell outside my friend's house..." Tilly attempted to explain.

“You were found at the common, the paramedics told us.” He said gently as he guided Tilly to his office.

"That's a lie!" She yelled, pulling away and running back to resus.

He went after her and pulled her back. “Tots, you can’t go in there.” He wouldn’t let go of her. “Tell me what happened?”

"He fell. I want to know he's OK." Tilly demanding, stamping on her dad's foot in her heels causing him to let go and crashing back through the door again.

"Charlie! Will you please control your child?!" Connie demanded.

“Who the fuck are you?” Tilly asked Connie as she stepped closer to Tommy.

"I'm Mrs Beauchamp, clinical lead." Connie replied, an eyebrow raised at the teenager's spunky attitude.

“Oh it’s you.” Tilly remarked, “Is he gonna be ok?”

"Luckily the alcohol intoxication meant he didn't tense as he fell so his injuries aren't as serious as they could have been."

Tilly nodded and once again moved slightly closer to Tommy on Connie’s side. "Maybe you're not such a bitch afterall..." She shrugged.

“Excuse me?” Connie looked at the teenager. She was a uncanny lookalike of her mother.

"Mum says she's never worked for such a stuck up bitch in her whole career..!" Tilly giggled, her voice slurring slightly.

Charlie hid behind his hands. Oh shit! “Oh, did she now?” Connie asked, intrigued by Tilly’s comment.

"Yeh, her and dad are always complaining about the wicked witch they work for."

“Tilly, please stop talking.” Charlie begged. He could already see the scene in his head of what Connie would do when they were alone.

"Its true! You told mum that it was coz the witch was jealous of her coz people like mum better and she's not a miserable bitch with a face like a smacked arse!"

“Tilly! Please.” He wanted the ground to swallow him up.

"Is it coz you wouldn't give her one coz you were too busy with mum?" The words were just flowing from the teenager's mouth without a second's thought for the consequences.

“Matilda!” He had to practically drag her out of resus before she said anything else.

Tilly continued to giggle, tripping over her feet repeatedly.

“Your mum and I are so dead.” He told Tilly as he directed her to his office once again.

"Oops!" Tilly giggled.

Duffy was just coming out triage when Charlie and Tilly arrived in reception. "What the bloody hell.?!" She gasped, seeing her middle daughter being half held up by her husband.

“She’s drunk.” He told Duffy, “She's ok though. She’s not injured.”

"I can see that!" Duffy retorted sarcastically. "She was supposed to be at Milly's house."

He sat Tilly down on the sofa in his office and gave her the blanket. “She was with a boy.” He whispered quietly.

"Oh it gets better and better!" Duffy retorted angrily.

"I need..." Tilly started, attempting to get up. "Oof!" She giggled as she fell down on her backside.

“Not like that.” He frowned, “At least I hope not like that!” He looked at Tilly, “What do you need, sweetie?”

"Where's the boy?!" Duffy demanded.

Tilly continued to giggle incoherently.

“He’s in resus.” Charlie explained as he tried to ask Tilly once again, what she needed.

"Can you two stop spinning?" Tilly giggled and hiccuped.

“Lie down, it’ll help.” He told Tilly.

"Ooh, the floor..!" Tilly giggled.

"Did he touch you? Tilly?!" Duffy tried to get her daughter's attention.

Tilly frowned and shook her head, instantly regretting doing so when she felt her stomach flip.

"Tilly it's important. We need to get you checked over if he did." Duffy's tone was becoming increasingly panicked.

“He didn’t touch me!” Tilly replied, “He’s my... Friend...”

"That's what they tell you sweetheart. I'm not angry, I just need to know..!" Duffy's hands were shaking slightly.

“No!!” Tilly hiccuped again, “He... I...” She shook her head. “He didn’t touch me!”

Duffy crouched down, concerned that Tilly had turned a funny colour. "Tots..?"

“He didn’t.” Tilly protested, “I feel sick...”

Duffy passed her daughter the bin.

She threw up in the bin, this time bringing up bile as there was nothing else left in her stomach.

"Oh Tilly, you silly, silly girl..." Duffy sighed, holding back the youngster's hair and stroking her back.

“I’m sorry.” Tilly mumbled sadly.

"We've all done it." Duffy sighed, cradling Tilly in her arms once the teenager had stopped being sick.

Charlie rubbed Tilly’s back. It wasn’t long before Tilly had fallen asleep against her mum, clutching her mum’s top.

"Who's the boy she was with?" Duffy asked, still unable to shake the bad feelings and memories that had been stirred up inside her seeing the state her daughter had gotten into.

“A young lad called Tommy.”

"Is he going to be OK? I know his mum."

“Luckily the alcohol in his system caused him not to tense as he fell. He’s remarkably lucky. There’s barely a scratch on him, except for the broken wrist.”

"That's something. Was Milly with them too?"

“I’m not sure. Paramedics said there was a large group of teenagers on the common.”

"Seems it was quite the rave from the state of her." Duffy sighed.

“I’m glad she’s ok.”

"This is exactly what I was scared would happen." Duffy whispered sadly.

“What? Her going out and getting drunk?”

"The lies, the secrecy, the utter state she's in... She's me and I know what happened to me..."

He held his wife and kissed the top of her head. “It’s going to be ok.”

"I hope you're right but I fear this is just the start..."

“You might be worrying unnecessarily.”

"Just like I was 'worrying unnecessarily' about Peter and Sarah having sex at the same age..?" She shot back.

“You think she’s having sex?”

Duffy nodded sadly.

“Maybe we should ask her in the morning? When she’s sobered up a bit.”

"Nothing we say will make any difference but ok."

“I hope she’ll tell us the truth.”

"I never did."

“Hmm...” He sighed.

Duffy quietly stroked Tilly's hair, lost in her own thoughts and memories.

“It’s all going to be ok.”

Silent tears began to slide down Duffy's cheeks.

“Oh sweetheart.” He pulled Duffy into a hug and allowed her to cry against him. “I promise, it’ll be ok.”

The door opened and a familiar shadow cast itself across the three of them.

“Connie, please. Can we deal with this later?”

"Yet again your home lives intrude on your work lives." Connie remarked, her hands on her hips as she stood in the doorway.

“Oh seriously? You’re doing this now?” He sighed.

"I'd like to see you both in my office so I suggest you return the child to her cubicle so doctor Kent can complete his assessment and discharge her to sleep off her hangover at home rather than wasting valuable NHS resources!"

Duffy looked up completely confused by Connie's attitude and demand.

“The paramedic brought her in because he thought she may be suffering from shock. She has just witnessed her friend fall out of a tree.” He replied.

"Might I suggest you maintain a tighter control in future - this isn't the first time one of your children has ended up in the department due to drunken misdemeanours."

“And you’re such an excellent mother, yourself.” He remarked.

"Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?!" Duffy demanded.

“Tilly may have said a few things about our comments about Connie.”

"I see... So now we're being punished for a private conversation that took place in our home in our own time?"

“Exactly that.” Charlie replied. “She wants us to keep our private life at home. That’s fine but whatever is said at home, I can’t be held responsible for here.”

"Well maybe if you kept your children under better control..." Connie began.

Duffy gently placed Tilly down on the floor before rapidly drawing herself up to standing. "How dare you.?!"

“Duffy, please.” He sighed. “Connie, please just leave us alone. Why are you so determined to cause trouble for us?”

"No! I'm done playing nice! I'm done taking her remarks on the chin and smiling sweetly!" Duffy retorted.

Connie’s hands remained on her hips. “You really need to start getting a better grip on your home life.”

"My home life is just fine thank you!" Duffy took a step closer to Connie.

“Really? So that’s why two of your children have ended up in ED drunk and wasting valuable resources!”

"Oh you just wait, your daughter might be a sweet-faced little moppet now but give it a few years and we'll see just how well you cope." Duffy shot back.

"Ladies... Please..." Charlie attempted to intercede.

"That is no lady!" Duffy jabbed her finger in Connie's direction.

Connie laughed.

"I know exactly what you're like and refuse to dance to your tune. That's what you can't stand isn't it?"

“I expect my team to work together. And I expect this department to run effectively!”

"Oh your head is so far up your own backside it's unreal Connie!" Duffy laughed.

“I will make changes to this department. I can easily get rid of you both.”

"Try it and see how far you get!" Duffy dared.

“Probably far.”

"I hate to disappoint you but I don't think your sexual favours reach that far."

“Excuse me?”

"Oh sorry, did you think that was a secret? Me and my big mouth!" Duffy gasped sarcastically.

“I have never shagged my way to the top of my career unlike some!”

"Oh I gained my seniority before I married my husband. I didn't sleep with a colleague on my first day!"

Connie’s eyes widened. “How the hell, do you know about that?!”

"Walls have ears..." Duffy smirked.

“You dare repeat that to anyone and I’ll have you dismissed from here, quicker than you can apologise.”

"Don't try and take me on then. You'll find that I can cause a lot of mischief if I put my mind to it..!"

“This isn’t over!”

Duffy briefly watched as Connie stormed off across the department before whirling on her husband. "Well thanks for sticking up for me there!" She retorted sarcastically.

“I was allowing you to stick up for yourself!”

"Did you not care what she was calling me?!"

“Of course I care!”

"You just stood there like a gormless ass!"

“Last time I stuck up for you, you got pissed off!”

"That was different!"

“Was it?”

"Yes!" Duffy sulked, folding her arms under her bust.

He ended up distracted by the way her breasts stretched the material of her tunic.

"You should be defending me against that witch!" Duffy pouted.

“Maybe I got distracted...”

"By what? Shitting your pants that she really was gunna sack you?"

“By how hot you are when you’re arguing.”

"Turn you on does it?" She smirked.

“Yeah it does.”

"Bet she'll be pleased..!"

“Who?”

"Who do you think? I'm surprised she hasn't installed secret cameras in here..!"

“Maybe she has.” He smirked, “I’d give her a show if Tots wasn’t here.”

Duffy sighed, the smirk immediately vanishing as she looked back down at their middle daughter. "What are we going to do?"

“What we do every time.” He replied as he stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her.

"Which is..?" She sighed, resting her head against his chest.

“Survive.”

"I wish we didn't just do that though." Duffy sighed, moving from his arms to sit beside a sleeping Tilly.

He sat down beside her, “I don’t think Tilly’s been having sex.”

"She probably would have done if Tommy hadn't fallen out of that tree..."

“Maybe she wouldn’t. I like to think she’d talk to us if she was thinking of doing that.”

"She's been acting up so much lately, I should have seen this coming!" Duffy berated herself.

“Hey, that’s not true!” He shook his head, “This isn’t all your fault, Duffy so don’t you dare blame yourself!”

"It is my fault." She whispered, stroking Tilly's hair softly.

“No it isn’t.”

"Everyone always says she's a mini me and now my fears are coming true."

“She’s a mini you in looks and personality. She isn’t following the same path you did.”

"Really? So she's not passed out drunk on the floor right now after a ride in an ambulance?"

“Yes but tell me what teenager hasn’t done that?”

Duffy sighed, he had a point...

He kissed her head, “Let’s talk to her in the morning? See what’s going on?”

Duffy nodded. "What do we do right now though?"

“Sit here and watch her?”

"You should go back to work."

“I want to stay here with you both.” He said quietly. “I think we’ll be ok out there.”

"That's just giving her more ammunition." Duffy sighed.

"I don't care." 

"OK." She held out her hand towards him.

He smiled and placed his hand into hers.

She tugged his hand gently.

“I love you, gorgeous.”

"I love you too." She sighed contentedly as Charlie wrapped his arms around her once more.

He held her for a while, not bothering to move.

Tilly wriggled and sneezed in her sleep.

“Remember when she used to do that in your stomach?” Charlie said quietly. “Except she used to hiccup.”

"Yes," Duffy chuckled. "She never stopped moving about!"

“She still doesn’t sit still. Especially if she’s got something to say.”

"Not for a second. I can't believe she and Lottie are going to be fifteen in a matter of months. Where has the time gone Charlie?"

“I don’t know but there’s no one else I’d rather spend my life with.” He smiled shyly.

Duffy blushed, rubbing her nose against his, grinning softly.

“I do love you.” He whispered and kissed the end of her nose.

"Sorry I got mad at you before."

“It’s ok. You’re forgiven.”

"She just gets me so wound up..."

“Connie? Yeah I’ve noticed.”

"I don't know why, I've dealt with her type before..."

“Yeah, Baz.” He replied.

"She reminds you of Baz?!" Duffy's heckles were instantly back up again.

“Yes.”

"Oh so I should be concerned then?!"

“What?” He frowned.

"Well from what I hear she throws her sexual favours round like confetti..!"

“Oh so you think I’m just gonna drop my pants for her?”

"I wouldn't put it past her to try it on promising not to fire me if you do..." Duffy sneered.

“She’s attractive but she really doesn’t do anything to me.”

"Oh she's attractive is she?!"

“She’s an attractive woman.” He replied and met Duffy’s gaze. “Do you really think I’d go and fuck her?”

"You've always liked women in authority." Duffy shrugged.

“She pisses me off. Believe me, I don’t want to shag her.”

"I should hope not or I'll break it off!"

He smirked and then whispered in her ear, “You’d miss it too much if you did that.”

"I've plenty of other ways to get myself off." She shrugged.

“None feel as good as my cock though.” He licked her earlobe.

"Try all you like, you're still sleeping on the sofa..."

He groaned, “Really?”

"Yeh."

He pouted, “Why can’t I sleep with you?”

"Coz I'm in a mood with you."

He pouted. “Not fair! The sofa is cold without you!”

"That'll teach you to say you think Connie is attractive. Now bugger off back to work."

“Fine, Love you.” He kissed her lips and then Tilly’s head before getting up off the floor and going back to work.

"Oh Tilly..." Duffy sighed, stroking the teenager's hair, a single tear sliding down her cheek and splashing onto her daughter's red curls.

Tilly slept until 6am the following morning when she abruptly sat up. Her head was pounding!

Duffy had moved to sit at the desk, working her way through a stack of files. "Good morning!" She greeted her daughter with fake brightness.

“Tommy? Is Tommy ok? I need to go and find him.” Tilly slowly got up off the floor.

"Ah so you do remember how you got here then?"

“Yes! Please, take me to Tommy?” Tilly asked.

"OK."

“Thank you mum.” Tilly wouldn’t settle until she’d seen how Tommy was doing.

"Don't think you're off the hook missy!" Duffy remarked as they headed out the office and towards resus.

Tilly sighed but didn’t say anything. She stopped outside Resus and hesitated. “He’s not dead, is he?”

"No, he was incredibly lucky. He'll be going upstairs to a ward soon. His parents are with him." Duffy explained.

“Can I go inside and see him?”

"Just a minute." Duffy replied, pushing the door open, leaving Tilly in the corridor. "Hi. Tommy has a visitor if that's OK?" She asked his parents softly.

His mum nodded, “Of course.”

Duffy leant back through the door and gestured to her daughter to come in. "You know Tilly..?" She asked.

His mum smiled, “We do.”

Tilly entered Resus and slowly approached the bed where Tommy was asleep. She ran her thumb over his hand. “I’m sorry Tommy.”

"Do you know what he was doing up a tree?" Karen asked Tilly.

“We climbed the tree. Trying to find somewhere quieter.”

"Did you know they were out Lisa?" Karen asked.

"No." Duffy replied with a sigh.

“I lied to Gran and said I was staying at Milly‘s.” Tilly sighed, “It was only supposed to be some fun, before the holidays started.”

"Fun?!" Stuart repeated aghast. "My son is seriously injured in hospital because of your fun!"

“It was an accident!” Tilly snapped, “This was Tommy’s idea!”

"Sure blame Tommy. We should have known you were behind this..!" Stuart retorted.

"Now hang on one minute..!" Duffy interjected.

“Me?” Tilly frowned, “I didn’t mean for this to happen! I didn’t mean for Tommy to get hurt!!” She yelled.

"They were clearly both being silly." Duffy argued, placing her hand on Tilly's shoulder.

“I want to go home.” Tilly said sadly, “I didn’t mean for Tommy to get hurt. He’s my friend...”

"I warned him against getting mixed up with a little tart like you..!"

"Right, that's it! Out!" Duffy demanded angrily.

Tilly laughed and turned to Stuart, “I’m a tart?” She punched Stuart right in the nose, “Want to call me a little tart again, do you?!”

"Matilda!" Duffy gasped.

“Call me a tart again, and I swear to God I’ll do worse than that!!” Tilly warned before she confidently strolled out of resus with her head held high, her hands shaking.

Duffy glanced briefly at her daughter. "Don't you ever, ever, speak about my daughter like that again!" She warned before following Tilly out the room.

Tilly kicked and punched the nearest wall, letting her head rest against it.

"What the hell was that all about?!"

Tilly shrugged.

"Tilly you can't go around punching people who upset you."

Again she shrugged.

"Was it the words he used..?" Duffy asked nervously.

“Can I go home?” Tilly asked.

"As soon as your father and I finish work yes."

Tilly nodded but didn’t move away from the wall.

"I want you to go sit in your father's office while I go speak to him. Understood?"

“Fine.” Tilly moved away from the wall and headed in the direction of Charlie’s office.

"This isn't over Tilly." Duffy added as she went off in search of Charlie.

As she entered her dad’s office, Tilly closed the door and sat on the sofa. She brought her knees to her chest, cuddled them and burst into tears.

Duffy eventually located Charlie in triage. "A word?" She gestured for him to walk with her.

“Ok?” He followed Duffy.

"Tilly just punched Tommy's dad." Duffy told him succinctly once they were alone.

Charlie gasped, “She's done what?!”

"To be fair to her he did call her a tart."

“The bastard!” Charlie said and then sighed, “Where's Tilly now?”

"Your office." Duffy sighed.

He rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of how to proceed with their middle daughter.

"I didn't really check but I don't think she did too much damage."

“She punched him? I don’t know what to say.” He admitted.

"He put all the blame on her."

“He’s upset. Still no excuse for calling Tots a tart!”

"I was dealing with it Charlie!" Duffy's eyes were fiery.

“Dealing with what?” He asked. Noticing the famous fire in her eyes.

"I won't let anyone talk to one of my children like that!"

“I know you won’t! I’m not saying you would.” He sighed, “Are you still pissed off at me?”

"Maybe a little..."

“Where’s Tots now?”

"She's waiting for us in your office."

“Shall we go and talk to her?”

"I think that would be a good idea."

He followed Duffy to his office and knocked on the door, “Tilly?” 

There was a sniffle before Tilly shouted, “Go away!”

Duffy pushed open the door and stood in the entrance with her arms folded.

“I don’t want an argument!” Tilly said firmly through her tears.

"Oh I'm not planning to argue but I do think you owe your father and I an explanation."

“Of why I punched him?”

"Of why you lied and, yes, why you punched Stuart."

“He called me a tart! I’m not a tart!!” Tilly replied angrily.

"That's not an excuse to punch someone. I was dealing with it before you lost your temper and could now be looking at a criminal record if he decides to press charges."

Tilly shrugged. “Maybe it might make him think twice about calling people tarts then!”

"Why did you lie to your gran about where you were and what you were doing?"

“Dunno, just did.”

"You put yourself at unbelievable risk Tilly!"

“I know, I’m sorry.”

"What if you'd fallen too?"

“I didn’t think of that.”

"Clearly!" Duffy retorted, looking over at Charlie who had been very quiet.

“Are you having sex with Tommy?” Charlie asked only to be met with a large yell, “No!!”

Duffy dropped her head into her hands in despair. "I think what your father is trying to say is that we want to make sure you're being careful..."

“Why does everyone think I’m having sex?!” Tilly yelled angrily.

Duffy sighed, pulling the door closed behind them.

“I’m not a tart or a slag!!”

"We know that princess."

“Then why does everyone fucking say it?!”

"Who's everyone?" Duffy pressed gently.

“Boys at school!”

A dark shadow of life long emotional pain settled over Duffy.

“It’s all bollocks!”

Duffy didn't reply, she seemed to shrink into herself.

“Can I... Talk to you both?” Tilly whispered wiping the tears from her cheeks.

Duffy nodded numbly, her mind racing beyond her control.

“I don’t want yous to worry about me.”

Charlie could see that Duffy's mind was elsewhere. He knew this was a lot to take in. He placed his hand against Duffy’s lower back, “Babe?”

Duffy jumped, letting out a small squeal.

“It’s ok, darling.” He reassured. 

Tilly sighed, “I haven’t had sex with anyone.” She admitted quietly.

"Good. That's good." Duffy mumbled distractedly.

“Urgh! Whatever. Can we go home?” Tilly asked.

Duffy didn't reply, she was preoccupied by scratching at her arm.

Charlie gently placed his hands into hers, “Stop.” He whispered.

Duffy's hands shook under his.

Tilly stared at her parents, not entirely understanding what was going on.

“Duffy, sweetheart. It’s ok.”

"Mum? Dad?" Tilly questioned.

“It’s ok Tilly, your mum’s just a bit upset.” He tried to reassure.

"I thought she'd be mad and yelling. I don't get why she's upset, it's not like I got hurt." Tilly replied, utterly bemused by her mother's behaviour and reaction.

“Maybe your mum can explain it to you, one day?”

"One minute I'm slutting myself out to all the boys and then all of a sudden I'm too young to understand?!" Tilly replied bitterly.

“I think you being called a tart, has brought back some memories for your mum.”

"Um... OK..." Tilly replied, still none the wiser.

“Your mum's worried you’re going to end up the same way she is. You’re a mini her.”

"You say that like it's a bad thing..." Tilly replied, rubbing her temples as she watched her mum pull away from her dad and sit down in the chair behind the desk, resting her chin on the palm of her hand and staring into space.

“It’s not a bad thing but she worries about you.”

"I don't like it when she goes weird like this..." Tilly whispered.

“Neither do I.” He admitted.

"What if someone sees her like this? She'll hate that..."

“Nobody will. I promise.” He locked the office door. “She’ll come out of it. Maybe go and sit with her?”

Tilly nodded and moved to sit by the desk, laying her aching head on her mum's lap. “Mum?” She whispered.

Duffy jumped.

“Mum, what’s wrong?”

"Nothing. I'm fine." Duffy replied though her voice shook.

“No you’re not. Talk to me?”

"I just need you to be safe." Duffy whispered sadly.

“I am.”

"Promise me?" Duffy grasped Tilly's hand tightly, her eyes fearful.

“In what way do you want me to be safe?” Tilly whispered, meeting her mum's gaze.

"Don't let them take advantage."

“Boys?”

Duffy nodded, her hands starting to shake again.

“Nobody is going to take advantage of me.” Tilly replied, “Nobody has and nobody will.”

Duffy pulled Tilly into a hug.

“Tommy’s different.” Tilly whispered gently. “But I’m not ready.” She hugged her mum back tightly.

"Do you like him?" Duffy asked, attempting to pull herself back from the emotional brink.

Tilly nodded. “I wanted to kiss him but...”

"But?" Duffy asked, her fingers stroking Tilly's hair.

“I’m shy.”

"That's no bad thing." Duffy smiled before turning serious once more. "This doesn't get you off the hook though..!"

“I know. I didn’t mean to lie to you all, I’m sorry."

"Well you'll have plenty of time to consider your behaviour whilst you're grounded."

“Yes mum.”

"Your dad and I need to talk to Tommy's parents and then we'll be going home."

“Ok.” Tilly smiled sadly, “He said something just before he fell.”

"What did he say?"

“I can’t remember.”

"OK. Just stay here, we won't be long."

Tilly nodded and kissed her mum’s cheek.

Getting up from the desk Duffy didn't check to see if Charlie was following her as she headed back to resus.

Charlie followed Duffy to resus.

Duffy sighed as she pushed open the door.

Tommy’s parents looked up but didn’t say anything.

"We, um, wanted to speak to you about what happened..." Duffy began.

“Go on..?” Tommy’s dad replied.

"Tilly understands what she did was inappropriate but she was within her rights to stick up for herself."

“Maybe so but she didn’t need to get physical.” Stuart replied.

"She understands that. We have grounded her for her behaviour. I'm hoping we can leave it at that..?"

Stuart nodded, “I apologise for calling Tilly a tart.”

"I should think so!" Duffy replied sharply.

Stuart sighed, “I was angry. It’s no excuse.”

"Our families have known each other for a long time." Charlie pointed out diplomatically.

“I’d hate for us to fall out.” Karen said with a sad smile. “We should really be thanking Tilly.”

"She's very upset over what happened to Tommy." Duffy added.

“Will you tell her I say thank you?” Karen asked.

"We will." Duffy smiled. "Maybe once Tommy is settled upstairs and Tilly is feeling a bit better she can come visit him?"

“Yes.” Karen smiled.

"We'll leave you in peace. If there's anything we can do just let us know."

“Thank you.”

After leaving resus Duffy sighed and fidgeted with her uniform as they walked down the corridor.

“Talk to me?”

"I'm fine."

“Really?”

"Its nothing."

“It’s something if it’s bothering you.”

"I just don't want Tilly getting herself into trouble."

“Because of what happened with Stuart or..?”

"Hmm..."

“Babe?”

"Yeh?"

“What’s worrying you about Tots?”

"Why didn't she tell us she was having problems at school? After everything that happened with Louis that was the only reason we let her and Lottie stay there."

“I don’t know, maybe she didn’t know how to?”

"Maybe we should have a word with Lottie too?"

“Yeah, sit both girls down and have a word?”

"I think that's for the best."

“Yeah I think so too.” He kissed her cheek.

"Has Connie tried to speak to you again?"

“No thankfully.”

"That's a meeting I'm not looking forward to." Duffy sighed. "What exactly did Tilly say to her?"

“Where do I start?” He smiled.

"The beginning..?"

“Let’s just say, she said Connie wasn’t a bitch after all. Then said you’d said you’d never worked with a stuck up bitch in your whole career and how she regularly heard us complain about the wicked witch we work for. Then she asked, was Connie pissed cos I was giving you one and not her.”

"She said what?!"

“Yep. All of that.” Charlie laughed, “She’s got a point about the last one.”

"Charlie!" Duffy gasped, though she couldn't help the small smirk pulling at her lips.

“What?” He smirked, “Maybe she is pissed because I’m doing you on the desk and not her.”

"Your ego is almost as big as other parts of you!"

“Just almost?” He giggled softly, “Come on gorgeous, let’s get out of here! It’s been hell of a night!”

"Yeh before the wicked witch catches up with us..!"

“Yes! I can’t be dealing with earache for the rest of the morning.”

Duffy started to walk back towards Charlie's office before suddenly pulling him down a side corridor without warning.

“What?” He asked quietly as she did.

Duffy tried her best not to giggle as the sound of Connie's heels could be heard travelling down the corridor they'd just been stood in. 

Charlie kissed Duffy gently.

"I feel like a naughty schoolgirl avoiding the headmistress..!" Duffy giggled.

“You are naughty.”

"You're just as bad." She smirked.

“True.” He laughed.

"Do you think we can make a dash for it, grab Tilly and escape?"

“Yes! We should be able to.”

She took hold of his hand. "Let's do it!" She giggled.

Luckily they were able to leave the corridor, grab Tilly on the way out and leave the hospital without running into Connie.

"I feel sick." Tilly mumbled from the back seat when they were about halfway home.

“Oh please don’t be sick.” Charlie said from the driver's seat.

Duffy rummaged in the glove compartment and handed Tilly a bag.

"My head hurts." Tilly whimpered.

“I think you’re hungover sweetie.”

"That'll teach you." Duffy added with little sympathy.

Tilly groaned. “I’m never drinking again.”

"That sounds familiar..!" Duffy chuckled.

Tilly retched into the bag.

Duffy sighed, she had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

“I’m gonna go to bed.” Tilly mumbled.

'Now or later?' Duffy mouthed to Charlie, referencing their desire to talk to the twins.

“Now.” He mouthed back.

Once they arrived back home they found the other members of the family eating breakfast in the kitchen with Kate.

“Good shift?” Kate asked, not noticing Tilly had come in with them.

"It was eventful..." Duffy sighed.

“Eventful? Do you want breakfast?”

"No, I'm OK." Duffy replied.

Charlie knew she should eat something but also knew that pushing her wasn’t an option.

"Tilly?" Lottie suddenly noticed her twin hiding behind their dad.

Tilly smiled sadly as she met her sister’s eye. “Can I have a hug?” She asked shyly, holding her arms out to her sister.

Lottie hugged her sister. "Urgh! You stink!" She complained.

“I need a shower...” Tilly giggled a little and then sighed. “I did something stupid Lot.”

"Oh my god, you're not the reason Tommy Dorkins fell out a tree last night on the common are you?" Lottie gasped.

Tilly nodded sadly, “We were sat in the tree and he stood up and fell.” She said sadly, her eyes filling with tears.

"You are so grounded for the rest of ever!" Lottie commiserated, squeezing Tilly's shoulder.

“I know.” Tilly sighed.

"You told me that you were going to Milly's house!" Kate gasped, sounding cross.

“I know gran. I’m sorry I lied.”

"Your mother and I would like to have a word with both of you." Charlie told Tilly and Lottie.

“About..?” Tilly asked.

"You're so screwed!" Louis teased from the breakfast bar.

"Tilly did a bad?" Paul asked.

Emily had decided to stay out of the situation.

Oliver shrugged in response to Paul’s question as Charlie and Duffy took the twins into the living room. Maybe there they could have a bit of privacy.

"Why am I here? I didn't do nowt!" Lottie grumbled.

“We’ve not brought you in here to have a go at you.” Charlie told the twins, “The opposite actually. Your mother would like to say a few things.”

Duffy's head shot up, she hadn't expected him to be quite so blunt.

He caught Duffy’s gaze and smiled reassuringly, “We may as well all sit down.”

Duffy sat nervously on the edge of the armchair nearest the window.

“Mum?” Lottie frowned.

"We, um, wanted to talk about how things are going at school..." Duffy replied.

“They’re ok.” Lottie replied with a smile.

"Are you sure about that? We have reason to believe otherwise..."

Lottie frowned, “Yes! Things are fine, why wouldn’t they be? Tilly?” She turned to her sister.

Tilly looked down at her hands feeling decidedly unwell.

“Tilly?” Lottie nudged her sister.

"I feel sick." Tilly mumbled.

“Why?” Lottie asked.

"How did you know about Tommy?" Tilly mumbled.

“Everyone’s talking about it! Look,” Lottie pulled out her phone and showed Tilly the various status’ on social media.

"Shit!" Tilly gasped. Her phone had run out of battery whilst she'd been at the hospital so she hadn't seen any of it.

“Why did you even go out with them?” Lottie said, “You know half of them are morons.”

"At least they want to spend time with me." Tilly replied bitterly.

“Tilly.” Lottie sighed, “Of course I want to spend time with you!”

Duffy sighed, rubbing her temples as the girls continued to argue.

“Girls! Please.” Charlie attempted to keep the peace.

"Why am I getting in the shit?! It was her!" Lottie scowled.

“We want to talk to you both. Is school going ok?”

"You're not thinking of pulling us out again are you?" Lottie sighed dramatically.

“Not if you’re both honest with your mum and I.” Charlie replied.

"I'm always honest!" Lottie replied, offended.

"Bullshit!" Tilly coughed in response.

Lottie turned and glared at her sister. “You asked us about school? Well, Tilly’s been having a few problems.” Lottie told her mum.

"Lottie!" Tilly shrieked.

Lottie shrugged, “Isn’t it about time you talked to mum and dad?” 

Tilly shook her head, “No!”

Duffy looked over at Charlie anxiously.

“What’s been going on, Tilly?” Charlie asked gently. 

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Tilly replied firmly.

'Want me to try?' Duffy mouthed.

Charlie nodded.

Duffy nodded towards the door, suggesting it would be good for him to take Lottie elsewhere.

“You either tell them Tilly or I will.” Lottie said before Charlie and Lottie left the room. 

Tilly exhaled and rubbed her temple.

Duffy reached down into her handbag and passed Tilly some aspirin.

Tilly took the tablets without any water and sighed. “Thank you.”

"So do you want to talk about what's been going on?" Duffy asked gently.

“Lottie doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

"Are you sure about that? I know how hard things can be at your age."

"Some of the other kids say things..." 

"What kind of things?"

“I’m a slag, a bitch, I’m ugly.”

"Oh princess, come here..!" Duffy held out her arms to her daughter.

“It’s ok.” Tilly moved into her mum’s arms. “It doesn’t bother me.”

"I don't think you're being entirely honest with yourself on that."

“It doesn’t.” Tilly looked up at her mum, “I’ve never kissed a boy or a girl. I’ve never had sex so I’m not a slag. I’m not ugly because I’m actually quite pretty. And I’m a bitch but only if you’re a bitch to me.” She paused, “I miss Lottie.” She said quietly.

"You're growing apart a little but you'll find your way back soon." Duffy stroked Tilly's hair. "I know it's tough, I went through a lot of similar things when I was your age. That's why I worry about you and your sisters so much. I'd do anything to stop those things happening to any of you."

“She’s so busy with Owen all the time.” Tilly sighed, “I feel lost without her. I know you’re scared mum but all three of us are pretty strong. We can survive anything.” She rested her head on her mums shoulder. “I really like Tommy, even though he’s a bit of an idiot sometimes.”

"Boys are often idiots - look at your father and brothers!" Duffy chuckled.

Tilly laughed gently, “That’s true.”

"I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to frighten you."

“It’s ok.”

"I try my best not to let these things overpower me but sometimes it's just too difficult to fight."

“I know mama.” Tilly kissed her mum’s cheek. “I’m sorry that you and dad might get in trouble at work because of me.”

"Don't worry, I can handle whatever the wicked witch throws my way..!" Duffy smirked.

“She’s definitely jealous.”

"You think?"

Tilly nodded, “Clearly wants to give dad one and he’s not interested.” She smirked.

"Matilda!" Duffy gasped.

Tilly shrugged, an innocent look on her face.

"You are such a monkey!"

“Dad would be an idiot if he chose to shag her anyway!”

"Your dad wouldn't be walking afterwards if he did..!"

“Why would he have a hamburger if he’s got steak at home?” Tilly asked.

"You're still grounded..!" Duffy chuckled.

“I deserve it.”

"I'm glad you can see that."

“I shouldn’t have lied.”

"No. You frightened the life out of me and your dad."

“I’m sorry. I really am.”

"I know you are."

“I love you mama.”

"I love you too." Duffy smiled. "We should probably go have a sleep now."

“I’ll go and say sorry to gran first.” Tilly smiled.

"Yeh, go treat her to some deja vu!" Duffy couldn’t help giggling.

Tilly giggled as she got up and left the living room.

Duffy sighed, that had gone better than she'd thought it would.

“Gran?” Tilly stood in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Yes Matilda?" Kate replied, not looking up from her washing up.

“I’m sorry for lying to you.”

"I don't want you going wayward like your mother Matilda so I hope you've learnt your lesson!"

“Yes Gran.”

"You might want to consider writing a letter of apology to the parents of the young man who got hurt during your little misadventure."

“A letter? Why?”

"For leading their son astray."

“I wasn’t leading anyone astray.”

"Hmm..."

“I wasn’t.” Tilly stated firmly, “He’s a friend.”

"That's what your mother used to say too."

“I don’t want an argument gran. I came to apologise before bed.”

"Apology accepted."

“Thank you.” Tilly paused for a second or so. “Gran?”

"Yes?"

“I love you.”

"I love you too. That's why I don't want you going astray."

“I’m not going astray.”

"I hope so. Now off to bed with you!"

“Night Gran.” Tilly smiled.

"Night Tilly."

Tilly wiped the tear from her cheek as she walked down the hall. She really hated experiencing emotions.

Once she'd settled into her bed there was a light tap on the door.

“Come in?”

Lottie stuck her head round the door. "You ok?"

Tilly nodded, “Yeah. Are you?”

"Yeh. I missed you last night." Lottie admitted.

“Missed you too.”

"Can I have a hug?"

Tilly nodded. “Would love a hug!”

"Budge up then!" Lottie giggled as she finally fully entered the room.

Tilly budged up so Lottie could lie down with her.

Lottie laid down and wrapped her arms around Tilly. "I'll make sure the bugs don't bite."

“Thanks Sis.”

"You'll always mean more to me than any boy." Lottie whispered, squeezing Tilly tight.

“You mean that?” Tilly whispered.

"Yeh. Twinsies forever!"

Tilly smiled shyly, “love you.”

"Love you lots Tots."

“Love you too, Lots.”

Despite the fact that Lottie had already had a full night's sleep it wasn't long before both girls were fast asleep, snuggled up on the bed.

Charlie had gone upstairs to see if Tilly was ok and finding her snuggled up with her sister, made his heart swell. He remembered what they were like when they were babies.

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and turned to find Duffy behind him.

"Everything OK?" She asked softly.

He nodded, “Look at them both.” He gestured towards the twins.

Duffy's heart melted as she saw them together. "We should leave them to sleep and go to bed ourselves."

“Yeah we should.” He closed the door quietly and took Duffy’s hand, taking her to their bedroom on the other floor.

"You're lucky I'm feeling in a better mood..!" She giggled as she pushed open the bedroom door.

“You do know you have nothing to worry about in regards to Connie?” He said gently as he pulled her into the room and kissed her.

"Yeh, though she needs to be very worried about me!" Duffy declared with smirking menace.

“Oh I know.” His hands rested against her hips.

"I'm not a woman to be messed with..!"

“I know.” He pulled her closer to him and began to kiss her neck.

"Don't get any ideas, I'm tired!" She giggled.

He pulled her onto the bed and giggled, “I’m just giving you a kiss.”

"Really? Your hands don't need to be there when you're kissing me..!"

“They’re comfy there.”

"OK, so long you're a good boy and go to sleep..!" She smiled.

“Uh huh.” He stroked her hips underneath her top.

"I'm getting too old for nightshifts." She yawned.

“Me too.”

"I can still give the younger nurses a run for their money though..." She yawned again, her eyes fluttering closed.

“You certainly can.” His hand moved higher before he too fell asleep.


	35. TW: eating disorders

Due to diverging schedules it was almost a week later before Charlie found himself on the same shift as Connie. Duffy had supposed to have been working too but she'd caught a stomach bug so he was left to face the wicked witch alone.

He couldn’t understand what it was Connie disliked so much about him and Duffy. They were both excellent nurses who valued the reputation of the department and had done for the several years they’d worked together.

Robyn gave him a big smile as he walked into the staffroom. "Hi Charlie!" She frowned as she realised he was alone. "I thought Duffy was working today?"

“Hi.” He smiled, “She was but she’s come down with a stomach bug.”

"Oh a stomach bug eh?" Robyn smirked.

“Definitely a stomach bug, Robyn.”

"Not 'avoiding Mrs Beauchamp'-itus?"

“No why would she do that?”

"Everyone knows they fell out but no-one's saying why."

“They didn’t fall out. They just had words.” Charlie explained.

"I don't get why they don't like each other, well, I get why Duffy doesn't like Mrs Beauchamp but Duffy is like the nicest person ever."

“I don’t either.”

"Fancy a coffee?" Robyn offered.

“Please.”

She moved to the kettle and made him a cuppa. She held the mug out just as Connie appeared in the doorway.

"My office. Now." Connie instructed before turning on her heel and marching off to her office.

“I’ve been summoned.” He laughed slightly, “I’ll grab that coffee on my way back, thanks.” He followed Connie to her office.

"Good luck!" Robyn called after him.

“Yes?” He reached Connie’s office.

"Sister Duffin isn't on shift today?"

“Sadly no. She seems to have caught the stomach bug that our two youngest have had.”

"How convenient."

“These things happen unfortunately.”

"Hopefully it'll give her some time to consider her recent conduct."

“Her recent conduct? You were hardly a saint yourself, Connie.”

"I beg you're pardon?!"

“I seem to recall you gave as good as you got when it came to exchanging words with Sister Duffin.”

"I don't appreciate her smart mouth. It just encourages the more junior members of the nursing staff."

“She challenged you, that’s what you don’t like.”

"Well you can let her know that when she finally deigns to return to work I shall be placing her under observation."

“Under observation? Who has agreed to that? Because I haven’t...”

"I don't need your agreement."

“She’s a member of my nursing staff so I think you'll find you do.”

"Not when your partiality is in question I don't."

“Oh bullshit.” He replied, “You're just jealous aren’t you?”

"Don't flatter yourself!"

He laughed, “Duffy gets right under your skin and you don’t like it, do you?"

"She's a jumped up nurse who looks down her nose at authority."

“And you’re a self-centred bitch who doesn’t like anyone challenging that authority.”

"Well it's clear who's side you're on."

“I’ll always stick up for my nursing staff when they haven’t done anything wrong.”

"Hmm..."

“It’s just you and me here now, Connie. Tell me what your problem is.”

"I told you - I don't like her attitude."

“It’s more than that though.”

"Oh really? Care to enlighten me?"

“How about you enlighten me and tell me why you hate Duffy so much?”

"She thinks she's untouchable because of you."

“No she doesn’t.”

"She does whatever she wants and you never pull her up for anything."

“That’s bollocks and you know it.”

"You are so far under her spell that you can't even see it."

“I’m really not.” He paused, “She's an amazing nurse!”

"If you say so."

“She is! Look at her record, do you see a complaint made against her in twenty odd years?”

"Well there wouldn't be as they'd have to complain to you and I doubt you'd take it seriously."

"I take all accusations very seriously..!" 

"Oh just go get on with your job Charlie..!" Connie waved her arm dismissively.

“You get on with yours and leave the nurses to me.” He replied firmly.

"I don't think I want to know how you discipline your nurses..!"

“Oh you’d like me to discipline you though, wouldn’t you?”

"In your dreams!"

Charlie chuckled, “You've never been a part of my dreams Connie. Don’t flatter yourself.”

"Oh just get out!"

He continued to laugh as he walked out of the office, leaving her office door open.

He'd barely made it to the reception desk when Robyn popped up with the coffee she'd promised him at the start of his shift.

“You’re a star!” He told her with a smile.

"I even used the special sweeteners you like." Robyn grinned.

“Thank you!”

"I was supposed to be shadowing Duffy today..." Robyn started nervously.

“You can shadow me instead.” He smiled reassuringly.

"Y-you sure?"

“Of course I’m sure.”

"I won't let you down!"

Charlie spent the morning working cubicles with Robyn, he didn’t want her to feel overwhelmed by been thrown in at the deep end so suddenly.

Though still a student Robyn thrived under the challenge of working with Charlie.

“Do you want to take the next case on your own, Robyn?” He asked.

"Really?!" She squeaked.

“Yeah.”

"You'll still be here though?" She asked, realising as soon as the words were out her mouth how stupid she sounded.

“Of course I will. I’ll be shadowing you.” He smiled reassuringly.

"OK." She walked over to pick up the next patient card.

Charlie watched her, he trusted her. She had the makings of a brilliant nurse.

She went through each step in her head as they took her patient through to a cubicle.

“Thanks.” The patient smiled slightly as she sat on the edge of the bed.

Robyn went through the standard checks and questions, occasionally glancing at Charlie for reassurance.

“You’re doing really well.” He reassured.

Charlie continued to let her take the lead for the rest of the morning.

On his break, he sent a quick text to Duffy. ‘How are you feeling? Missing you! Xx’

'I'll be OK once I stop puking. xx' Came the reply a few minutes later.

‘Still throwing up? Xx’

'Yeh. I've not been this sick since I was pregnant with the girls! xx'

‘You’re not pregnant are you?? Xx’

'Not funny!!! xx'

‘I wasn’t being funny! Xx’

'If I didn't feel so ill right now I'd drive over there and whack you round the head for that question! xx'

‘Sorry but I had to ask xxx’

'If I was I'd personally rip your cock and balls off with my bare hands! xx'

‘Ouch xx’

Several minutes passed before he received another message. 'No sympathy! xx'

‘Are you able to keep down water? Xx’

'No. xx'

‘You should come into hospital xx’

'I'll live. Don't fuss. xx'

‘I love you gorgeous xxx’

He didn't receive a reply back before his break finished.

He spent the rest of the afternoon somewhat distracted worrying about Duffy. A little after 4pm he received a text from Lottie. 'Mum fainted in the bathroom. Still puking. Says she's fine. What should we do? xx'

He rang Lottie.

"Hi." She whispered when she eventually answered her phone.

“Hi, are you ok sweetheart?”

"Yeh. Don't tell mum I texted you - she said she's confiscating my phone if I did that."

“I won’t.” He smiled, “How is she? Still being a pain in the butt?”

"Tilly suggested we should get an ambulance coz we don't know when she fainted but mum said if we did that then Tilly would be grounded for another month on top of what she is already..."

“Will you ask your mum if she’ll let you ring the out of hours doctor?”

"Mum said she can look after herself." Lottie sighed. "She looks worse than when we went to school this morning. When we got home Tilly went upstairs to pee and found her passed out on the bathroom floor."

“Will you put your mum on the phone for me?” He paused, “Try not to worry honey.”

"Make sure you tell her to let me have my phone back afterwards." Lottie replied as she scrambled back upstairs.

“I will, I promise Princess.”

"Mum, dad wants to talk to you." Lottie held out her phone.

"I told you not to call him!" Duffy complained weakly before taking the phone. "I'm fine." She told Charlie.

“Of course you are. The girls said you fainted.”

"They're exagerat..!" Her words were cut off as she vomited again.

“I’m really not happy with the length of time you’ve been throwing up. I want you to come into hospital.”

"No..!" She groaned.

“Why don’t you want to come in?” He asked, “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

"Like what?" She asked before throwing up again.

“I don’t know.” He sighed sadly.

There were muffled noises on the other end before Tilly yelled "Mum!" followed by a bang.

“What’s happened?”

"She fainted again." Lottie replied, sounding frightened.

“Ok sweetheart. I want you and Tilly to ring an ambulance for me, ok?”

"Can't you come?"

“I need one of you to put your mum in the recovery position. Do you remember how?” He sighed, “I can’t princess.”

"Yeh." Lottie replied. There was more noises in the background. "Emmy just got home."

“Ok. Are you putting your mum in the recovery position or is Tilly?”

"Tilly is. Emmy call an ambulance!"

Charlie stayed on the phone with the girls until the ambulance arrived.

After calling the ambulance Emily had called her gran to tell her to hang on to her brothers.

Kate agreed to hold onto the younger two. Charlie told the girls he loved them before hanging up the phone. About twenty minutes later, Duffy was brought in by ambulance.

She was groaning and retching but conscious.

“Still gonna kick my arse for bringing you here?” Charlie asked, stroking his fingertips up her arm as she sat in one of the cubicles.

"Its just gastro." Duffy grumbled, holding her stomach.

“Maybe so but you’re clearly dehydrated.”

"I'll be fine. I told the girls not to fuss."

“I told them to call an ambulance and to put you in the recovery position so you didn’t choke.” He paused, “Are you going to agree to let Robyn run some tests on you?”

"Fine but only coz she can use it towards her course."

“Thank you.” He kissed her forehead. “Do we need to run a pregnancy test just to be certain?”

"Don't be ridiculous!" She attempted to glare at him.

“You never know.” He smirked, “You didn’t quite glare at me!”

"I haven't had a period since God knows when but sure, why the hell not?" She replied sarcastically, groaning slightly as she rolled onto her side.

He kissed her forehead again. “Love you.” He said quietly.

She groaned, rubbing her stomach, the discomfort clear on her face.

“Do you want some paracetamol?” He asked.

She nodded.

“IV or oral?”

She gestured limply with her left hand which had a cannula in it.

He smiled and kissed her forehead. He returned a short while later with some paracetamol.

"You do love me." She smiled sleepily as the medication started to take effect and the pain eased slightly.

“I do, very much.”

"Make it all stop, please." She whispered.

“I’ll try my best.” He stroked her hair and waited until she was asleep before leaving her.

When he arrived in his office the expectant faces of his three daughters greeted him.

"Is she gunna be OK?" Tilly asked.

"Is she still mad at me?" Lottie added.

“Your mum’s going to be fine,” He reassured his three daughters, “And no, I don’t think she is Lottiepop.”

"She's loads worse than the boys were." Emily sighed.

“Yeah she is.”

"Is it coz of the other stuff?" Emily asked tentatively.

“I don’t know, sweetheart.”

"You think she made herself sick?!" Tilly gasped. 

“What? No!” Emily sighed, “I was just thinking outside the box.”

"Even if she was I don't think it's in her control." Lottie attempted to interject.

“Girls, we need to stick together.”

The girls sighed. They were frightened but didn't want to squabble.

“Would you like to go and sit with your mum whilst she rests?” Charlie asked his three daughters.

The three girls looked at each other trying to decide who would get to go.

“All three of you can go.”

"Really?! We promise not to be too noisy." Lottie replied, giving Tilly a sidelong look.

“Please don’t.” He took the girls to see their mother.

"Hey, I'm not even supposed to be out the house so I ain't gunna make her any more mad than she already is." Tilly remarked.

“I’m sure your mum and I will bend the rules just this once.” Charlie told Tilly. “I’ve also got a way of making my mum unmad so...” He smirked.

"Eww! Dad!" Tilly pulled a face.

“What?” He laughed. “Can I trust all three of you to behave whilst I go back to work? I’ll keep popping in on you.”

"We'll be good but what do we do if mum tries to make a run for it?" Lottie asked.

“Do you think she will?” He paused, “Yeah she will actually. Tie her to the bed?”

The girls laughed lightly as the reached cubicles.

Duffy was still asleep.

The girls crept into the cubicle.

"We'll make sure she's OK." Emily whispered to her dad.

“I know you will girls.” He smiled. He watched as the twins lay either side of their mum and Emily lay on the end of the bed.

"Is everything OK?" Noel asked as Charlie walked past reception.

“Yeah, Duffy’s got the sickness bug that Paul and Oli had. Only she seems to be throwing up more than they were.” Charlie explained.

"Ah the joy of kids - they always seem to get off with it more lightly than we grown ups do." Noel smiled.

“They really do.” Charlie smiled, “I’ve told the girls to keep an eye on their mum for me and make sure she doesn’t try escaping.”

"I'll watch the exits for you too." Noel chuckled.

“Thanks.” Charlie laughed, “For someone who works in a hospital, she’s bloody stubborn about been a patient that’s for sure.”

"You're all terrible patients!" Noel retorted, his grin widening.

Charlie rolled his eyes playfully, “I’ll tell her you said that.”

"I best go prepare my hiding spot then!"

Charlie laughed gently.

"I hope she feels better soon. She gave us all a bit of a fright being wheeled in like that."

“She gave us all a fright, even the girls.”

"I bet. Just let me know if there's anything I can get for you or the girls."

“I will, cheers Noel.”

"Try not to worry." Noel smiled as Charlie turned to continue working.

Lottie stroked her mum’s cheek gently and rested her head against her shoulder. “Least she’s stopped puking.” She said quietly.

"They will have given her some medicine." Emily explained, pointing to the drip stand.

“Do you want to be a nurse, Emmy?” Lottie asked.

"Maybe." Emily shrugged. "If the whole being an internationally famous artist thing don't work out..!" She giggled.

Tilly and Lottie giggled.

A comfortable hush fell over the girls for several minutes.

"I hate how mum's feet are always so cold." Emily mused.

“I know! She’s always freezing.” Tilly replied.

"I just hope she's better soon." Lottie sighed.

“Me too.” Tilly sighed.

All three girls turned to look at their mum as she let out a groan.

“Maybe she wants us to be quiet?” Em shrugged.

Tilly couldn't help but giggle.

“Em?” Lottie turned to look at her sister.

"Yeh?" Emily replied, looking up from her hand that lay on her mum's foot.

“When did you know about mum being ill?”

"For sure a couple of years ago but I've felt something weren't right for ages before that."

“Hmm.”

"It was a vibe I got from her and dad." Emily tried to explain.

“Like they were hiding something?”

"Sort of. Though when I got that vibe it usually meant something else." Emily smirked.

“What do you mean?”

"Our little brothers." Emily chuckled.

"Yeh but mum's too old for that shit now, right? Right?!" Tilly's tone grew increasingly concerned.

Lottie shrugged, “I dunno.”

"Oh my god! No!" Tilly cried, dropping her head into her hands dramatically.

“It’s not that bad.”

"Mum being pregnant is 'not that bad'?! Have you lost your fucking mind?!" Tilly gasped.

Lottie sighed, “Maybe she isn’t pregnant!”

"Girls chill!" Emily rolled her eyes.

“How old is mum?” Lottie asked.

"Um..." Tilly thought for a moment. "She was about forty when she had us so, erm, mid-fifties..?"

“We could just ask dad?” Emily replied with a shrug. 

“Ask dad what?” Charlie asked from the doorway as he came to check on Duffy and the girls.

"Is mum pregnant?" Tilly blurted out before Lottie could stop her.

“No, your mum isn’t pregnant.” He replied.

"You totally sure?" Tilly pressed.

“A thousand percent.”

"Oh thank fuck for that!" Tilly declared, flopping back onto the bed dramatically.

Duffy let out another groan as she did.

"Oops!" Tilly whispered, giggling.

“You’re a pain!” Lottie replied with a giggle.

Tilly stuck her tongue out at her twin as both girls continued to giggle softly. Emily shook her head fondly at her younger sisters.

Charlie watched all three of them with a smile.

Duffy wriggled as she started to wake up, still holding her stomach, groaning softly.

“It’s ok mum, we’re here.” Emily reassured.

Duffy's eyes fluttered open. She was surprised to see so many people around her.

“Hello mama.” Lottie said with a smile.

"Can I go home yet?" Duffy asked softly.

“Not yet.” Charlie said gently, “Not until we’ve had your blood results.”

"But I'm feeling better now."

“Because you’ve had IV paracetamol.”

"And the stuff to stop you puking." Emily added softly.

"I just want to go home." Duffy grumbled.

“We know but you’re poorly.” Tilly said gently

Duffy sighed, not happy at being ganged up on.

“You gave us a fright.” Lottie added in a whisper.

"I'm ok, you don't need to worry."

“You passed out. I thought you were gonna choke...” Lottie answered.

"And I thought Tilly was the dramatic one." Duffy joked weakly.

“It happened to Emmy!”

Duffy sighed. She didn't have an answer to that.

“Mama?” Lottie stroked her mum’s cheek, “Just stay until the doctor says you can go home.”

"Fine..!" Duffy rolled her eyes before leveling a weak glare at Charlie.

Charlie smiled, it was nice to see that glare! He hated it when she was ill.

"Can you chase the results up?" Duffy pleaded.

“What’s in it for me?” Charlie winked, “Do I get a kiss?”

"Eww!!" The twins teased.

He laughed gently as his lips captured those belonging to his wife.

"You remember she's been puking all day right?" Tilly questioned, screwing her face up in disgust.

“Doesn’t bother me.” He replied.

Duffy giggled. "Now go be a good boy and chase up those results." She teased.

“I’ll try.” He laughed gently.

"Twenty quid says I've got gastroenteritis and can go home!" Duffy called after him.

“Deal.” He called back.

"You all witnessed that right?" Duffy asked her daughters.

“Didn’t see anything mama.” Emily teased with a giggle.

"Since when did you defect to team dad?" Duffy gasped, grinning.

Emily just giggled.

A thought suddenly occurred to Duffy. "Did you call you gran?"

“I told her to keep hold of the boys but didn’t tell her why.”

"Thanks." Duffy smiled softly.

“Gran would only worry if we said you were in hospital.” Lottie replied.

"She's a fuss bum like the rest of you!" Duffy teased gently.

“We just care.” Tilly smiled.

"I know you do princess." Duffy smiled.

“You’re our mama.” Tilly snuggled closer to her mum.

Duffy held out her arms to hug all three girls.

All three girls hugged their mother back.

"What's taking your dad so long..?" Duffy sighed.

“The wicked witch has probably got him.” Emily answered with a giggle.

"I'm surprised she hasn't come to check that I'm actually sick."

“Give her time, she probably will.” Lottie answered. 

“Do you think she fancies dad and that’s why she’s proper pissy?” Tilly mused.

"Welcome to one of the reasons Tilly is grounded girls..!" Duffy chuckled, looking at Emily and Lottie.

The girls giggled.

"Talk of the devil..!" Duffy muttered as the click clack of heels could be heard approaching.

“Urgh!” Tilly groaned.

"You zip it!" Duffy muttered sharply, though she couldn't help a small grin forming on her lips.

“Depends what she says.” Tilly answered back. “Pretend to be asleep.” She told her mum.

"You here to check on mum?" Emily asked Connie with fake politeness.

“Yes. Although, I have to ask why it’s necessary for three of you to be by your mother’s bedside.”

"The twins are too young to be left on their own apparently." Emily smirked at her sisters.

“Is that right?”

"So dad sez." Lottie replied.

"I'm not allowed out of mum's sight unless I'm at school so I gotta stay here." Tilly shrugged smugly.

“Your mum’s still asleep, I see.” Connie paused, “Have you seen your father around?”

"He's checking that mum don't have plague or something..!" Tilly replied.

Duffy was starting to struggle to rein in the urge to laugh. Normally she wouldn't accept such attitude and rudeness from the girls but it was Connie so she was prepared to let it slide.

“Right.” There was a silence as she looked at the three girls in the room. “When your father arrives back, will you tell him I was asking for him?” 

“Physically or metaphorically?” Tilly asked, unable to wipe the smirk that appeared on her face.

"What happens if she does have plague?" Lottie mused, attempting to look innocent but failing badly.

“I’m sure she doesn’t have the plague. Just a touch of stomach flu by the sounds of things.” Connie answered.

"Could be worse, at least she ain't pregnant again..!" Emily added.

“I don’t think you need to worry about that girls.” Connie turned to walk away, “Just tell your father I was here ok? I’ll be in my office.”

"You calling mum old?!" Tilly yelled.

Connie didn’t reply, instead she just walked down the corridor back to her office.

"How freaking rude!" Tilly huffed.

“She’s such a knob.” Emily replied.

"Girls... I have to work for her..!" Duffy muttered.

“She’s still a knob though.” Emily answered with a shrug.

"You three are terrible!" Duffy chuckled indulgently.

“Always got your back, mama!” The girls said together.

"Hmm, I'm not sure planting the idea that I might be pregnant in Connie's head was 'having my back'... Where did you get that crazy notion from anyway?"

Em shrugged, “Every time we’ve known you to be sick, you’re having a baby.”

"You're as bad as your dad!" Duffy sighed.

A silence descended over the room and nothing much was said until Charlie reappeared several minutes later.

“Good news, your blood results are back.”

"I'll take that twenty quid now then..!" Duffy smirked.

He laughed, “I didn’t agree to anything.” He smirked, “You've got a touch of gastro, and you’re dehydrated.”

"See? Not pregnant!"

“We are very fertile though. It was a possibility.”

"Did they not do Sex Ed back in the olden days when you were at school?" Tilly asked cheekily.

“No they didn’t.” Charlie replied.

"Hey! I'm not that old!" Duffy complained.

Tilly giggled.

"Can I go home now?"

“When your drip has finished and we repeat your bloods then yes.”

"You know what's wrong with me so why do you need to repeat the bloods?"

“To check you’re no longer dehydrated after that drip.”

"Urgh!" Duffy grumbled.

"The wicked witch summoned you to her office dad." Emily remarked.

“Really?” Charlie sighed, “I’m gonna go hide for the rest of my shift.”

"Coward!" Duffy teased, giggling.

“Not a coward. Just a bloke who can’t be arsed with the earache. I get enough of that from you.” He teased lightheartedly.

Duffy stuck her tongue out at him.

He stuck his tongue out back at her and laughed. He stepped closer and kissed the tip of her nose, “Look after your mum for me girls.” He kissed each of his daughters' foreheads.

"The men's toilets might be a good hiding place." Lottie suggested.

“I only have an hour left of my shift. Then we can go home, maybe?”

"Oh yes please!"

“Behave while I’m gone.” He kissed Duffy’s forehead before he went to hide for the remainder of his shift.

"I always behave!" Duffy called after him, pouting.

The girls watched their parents in awe. Although it was cringeworthy on occasions, it was cute that their parents were still as madly in love as ever before!

"I'm willing to bet that twenty quid your dad owes me that she catches up with him..!" Duffy smirked.

“He’s not a good hider?” Lottie asked curiously.

"She's just a very good seeker."

“She’s determined to get her claws into dad, ain’t she?” Emily met her mum’s eye.

"Only as a means to push me into doing something I live to regret."

“Dad doesn’t like her anyway.”

"Hmm."

“You think he does?” Lottie asked.

"Of course not..!" Duffy replied, a little too quickly.

It was something Emily picked up on instantly but knew now wasn’t the time to question her mum. Especially not in front of her sisters.

"Did you girls have a good day at school?" Duffy asked, swiftly changing the conversation topic.

All three girls then attempted to talk about their day at school all at once. 

“One at a time, girls.” Duffy laughed gently.

"We got our mock results back today." Emily replied quietly.

“You did? How did you do, sweetheart?”

"I haven't opened them yet. They're still in my bag." Emily admitted.

"What's making you so nervous? I thought you said you felt they went OK?"

Emily shrugged, “Might be wrong.” She reached for her bag and unzipped it. She peered inside for several minutes before she removed an envelope and placed it into her mum's lap.

"Do you want me to open it?" Duffy asked.

“Yes please,” Emily said quietly, her hand beginning to rub her stomach.

Duffy pushed herself up slightly and reached for the envelope.

“I did my best, that’s what you said to do.” Emily stated.

"Of course you did." Duffy smiled, opening the envelope and reading the folded sheet within.

Emily tried to read her mum’s face. She really hope she’d done enough to get good mock results!

Reaching the bottom of the page Duffy's gaze went back to one result in particular that had caught her attention.

“Well..?” Emily was desperate to know.

Duffy turned the page around. "See for yourself." She grinned.

Emily took the paper and began to read her results.

The result that had caught Duffy's eye was the English language grade.

Emily's eyes widened as she reached that grade. “Woah!!”

"I knew you could do it!" Duffy smiled proudly. "Your dad will be so impressed."

“I got a B!” Emily grinned, “I’ve just gotta do this on the actual exams.”

"All that extra work with your tutor paid off princess. I noticed you got a C in maths too."

“Yeah I did.” Emily smiled shyly, “I think I’m gonna be ok with my exams, mama!”

"I think so too. I'm guessing we'll have to wait til next month to find out how you did with taking your art GCSE a year early but I'm sure you aced that."

“I’m confident.”

"So am I."

Emily grinned and kissed her mama’s cheeks.

Duffy pulled Emily into a big hug. She was so proud of her eldest daughter's achievements, especially given how much she'd had to overcome during her young life.

“Well done Emmy!” The twins said to their sister. They too were proud!

"We can have a party when you're feeling better?" Lottie suggested.

"That sounds fun, what you think Emmy?" Duffy replied.

Emily nodded. “I’d like that.”

Tilly giggled as she saw Connie once again come storming across the department.

“Is she back for round two?”

"Seems that way. Now play nice girls!" Duffy chuckled.

“But I don’t like to play nice.” Tilly pouted.

"Remember you're still grounded missy..!" The grin was still visible on Duffy's face.

“Of course.”

Duffy attempted to wipe the grin from her face as Connie approached the bed.

“Do you know where Charlie is?” Connie asked.

"I haven't seen him for a while." Duffy replied sleepily.

“Are you sure?” Connie frowned.

"Girls have you seen your dad recently?" Duffy asked, rubbing at her stomach.

“No.” The three girls replied.

It was quite eery looking at each girl in turn sat with their mother. The similarities were remarkable. They really were like little clones of their mother.

"You feeling poorly again mama?" Emily asked, seeing that her mum was once more holding her stomach.

Duffy nodded softly, catching Connie's eye as if to prove a point.

“I think mama needs to rest and stop being interrogated. Do you do this with all your patients?” Lottie asked.

"Aren't you supposed to make people feel better?" Tilly added.

Connie looked at all three girls and then back at Duffy, “How are you feeling?”

"Rough." Duffy replied shortly.

“We’ll repeat your bloods after your bag of fluid and hopefully you’ll be able to go home to rest and recover.”

"I'd much rather be at home."

“Hopefully you’ll be able to go home shortly.”

"Aren't you supposed to examine her? Ain't that what proper doctors do?" Tilly asked cheekily.

“I don’t need to examine your mother.”

"Why? You psychic or something?" Tilly retorted.

Connie levelled a glare at the youngster.

Tilly pulled herself up to her full height and met Connie's glare with one of her own.

Connie wasn’t intimidated by anyone but there was something freaky about those green eyes of Tilly’s. “You ought to keep your children under control, Sister Duffin.”

"They've been behaving themselves just fine." Duffy retorted.

“We’ll agree to disagree on that one.”

"Are you questioning my parenting abilities?" Duffy shot back, swallowing a groan as she sat up quickly.

“Several of your children have ended up in my department.” Connie began before Tilly got to her feet. 

“I suggest you shut your mouth if you value those teeth of yours!”

"Matilda!" Duffy gasped.

“She’s acting like a twat.” Tilly grumbled in reply.

"I know but we've talked about this..."

Tilly sighed and sat back down on the bed.

"Respect is earned not bestowed." Duffy told Connie snidely.

“I think you’ve made your point.”

"Don't you have other patients to annoy?" Lottie asked.

Connie marched off without saying another word.

"I'd say that's 2-0 to the Fairheads..!" Lottie giggled.

“I think she may have met her match with the Fairhead girls.” Tilly answered also giggling.

"Going back to work is going to be fun..!" Duffy sighed, shaking her head at her daughters.

“She’s doing my head in already and I’ve only been here a few hours.” Emily groaned.

"You should try working with her..." Duffy groaned as she laid back down.

“I would’ve been sacked by now.” Replied Tilly.

"You would have if you'd gone through with your threat to put her teeth down her throat..!"

Tilly shrugged, “She deserved that.”

"Regardless..." Duffy sighed.

“You think I’ve got an anger issue?” Tilly mumbled.

"No I just think you need to not let yourself be so easily provoked." Duffy reassured.

“Maybe if people weren’t knobheads, I wouldn’t have a problem!”

"Oh Tilly..! "Duffy sighed, shaking her head indulgently.

“It annoys me!”

"I've noticed!"

Tilly brushed away the tear from her cheek and tried to hide it from the others.

Duffy noticed but decided to raise it with her daughter later when it was just the two of them.

About two hours later, Duffy was discharged and able to go home. She was still a bit wobbly but desperate to go home.

Charlie drove Duffy and the girls home.

Kate was sat on the sofa chatting with Louis having brought the younger boys home and sent them to play in their room for a bit before bedtime.

“Where have you lot been?” Louis asked as they entered the house and living room.

"Went to meet dad after his shift." Tilly replied.

“Alright.”

Duffy sat gingerly down in one of the armchairs. She was still pale and weak.

Kate looked at her daughter, “You look like death.”

"Thanks mum, you really know how to make me feel special!" Duffy muttered darkly.

“Are you okay?” Kate moved from the sofa and placed her hand against her daughter’s forehead before she stroked her cheek.

"Its just a bug, everyone needs to stop overreacting!" Duffy grumbled.

Kate kissed Duffy’s forehead. “Maybe so but I’ll always worry.”

"Hmm..." Duffy smiled weakly. "I'll be OK honestly."

“I know you will.”

"Emmy got her mock exam results!" Tilly burst out.

“She did? How did you do Emily?” Kate asked

"Pretty good." Emily blushed, shyly removing the result sheet from her pocket and handing it to her gran.

Kate took the piece of paper and opened it, reading the results.

Emily shifted nervously from one foot to the other, rubbing at her stomach. She was aware that her gran doubted her intellect - she'd overheard arguments between her gran and parents over it.

“Wow! Emily this is amazing!” Kate grinned proudly.

Emily smiled broadly. "I tried really hard." She explained softly.

“I know! You’ve always tried really hard Emily! I’ve only ever wanted you to reach your potential.”

"I have to wait another few weeks for my art grade."

“I’m sure you have nothing to worry about.”

"I'm pleased with the work I submitted." Emily smiled.

“I’m sure you have nothing to worry about and you’ll get the highest grade possible!” Kate replied as she hugged her granddaughter.

Emily beamed broadly.

"See that's what happens when you actually do school work with your tutor..!" Tilly muttered sarcastically.

“I do do school work with my tutor!” Louis replied with a frown. 

“Yeah, biology practicals.” Lottie giggled, “No wonder you’re always happy, bro.”

"Let's just hope you both listened in sex ed..!" Tilly smirked.

Louis rolled his eyes but didn’t reply. Now wasn’t the time for that discussion although they didn’t need to worry about that. Louis was always safe.

"Girls..!" Duffy sighed.

"What on earth are you both going on about?" Kate asked, her eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“Nothing Gran, they’re both just trying to be funny.” Emily explained, “They're not being very funny though.”

"Hmm..!" Kate wasn't entirely convinced.

“Have the boys been good?” Charlie asked trying to distract Kate from asking too many questions.

"Yes, good as gold. Well, other than insisting on describing their recent illness in graphic detail at the dinner table..!"

Charlie laughed, “Sorry about that.”

"I will never get used to that sort of mealtime conversation."

“I’ll remind them of their manners and what’s appropriate to discuss at the dinner table.”

"Thank you."

“Do you want a tea?” He asked.

"Oh yes please." Kate smiled.

He smiled, “Duffy, do you want one?"

Duffy shook her head slowly, her complexion still horribly pale and sickly.

He smiled sadly, “Be back in a minute.”

By the time he came back the twins and Louis had wandered off upstairs leaving Emily still chatting with her gran, Duffy having fallen asleep in the armchair.

He handed Kate a cup of tea and took the blanket from the sofa. He draped it around Duffy and left her to sleep.

"I'm gunna go call Beth." Emily smiled, getting up from the sofa.

“Ok sweetheart.” Charlie smiled.

Kate waited til she was sure that Emily was out of earshot before she spoke. "Is this a relapse?" She whispered.

“With Duffy?”

Kate nodded.

“No, it isn’t a relapse. She’s got what the boys had but more severe.”

"But that doesn't make sense, surely her system should be able to fight it better than them?"

“Illnesses are complex. Duffy became dehydrated because of the amount of times she’d thrown up.”

"And you're certain that she wasn't voluntarily being sick..?"

“Her obs were stable at the hospital.” Charlie replied.

"Her physical obs..."

“Usually in bulimia, or a relapse of the sort - the heart rate accelerates. She’s also not cold...”

"OK, I'll have to take your word for it."

“The thought did cross my mind, Kate.”

"It frightens me every time she's not well." Kate admitted sadly. "I fear one day she won't bounce back..."

“I fear the same.” He admitted.

"I just wish I could protect her from it but how do you protect someone from themselves?"

“You can’t.” He said quietly.

A silence lulled over them as they both sipped their tea.

“She’s doing better, Kate.”

"You promise?"

He nodded, “She's got some of her curves back.”

"Is she still going to the treatment sessions?"

He nodded, “Once a week.”

"Hopefully it'll work this time."

“It is working.”

Kate nodded, her reply cut off by Duffy groaning softly in her sleep.

Charlie glanced over at his wife, “She's bloody stubborn when she wants to be.”

"Oh I know that!" Kate chuckled.

“She clearly gets that from her mother.”

"How rude!" Kate gasped with a faint hint of a smile.

Charlie chuckled softly.

Kate placed her cup down on the coffee table. "I should leave you in peace."

“Would you like a lift back?”

"I'll be OK making my own way back, you're needed here."

“I’m sure the kids will ring if anything arises.”

"I'd feel better if you stayed here."

“As long as you’re sure?”

"Absolutely." Kate smiled, standing up.

“Thank you for having the boys.”

"That's OK, despite their love of discussing all manner of bodily fluids they are good boys."

“They need to learn to understand there’s a time and place to discuss bodily fluids and the dinner table isn’t one of them.” He smiled, placing his mug on the coffee table and standing up.

"Boys will be boys I suppose."

“They will.”

"Take care Charlie. Let me know if there's anything you need."

“I will, you too Kate.” He smiled and kissed her cheek as they reached the front door.

They exchanged their goodbyes and Kate set off home.

Charlie closed the front door and went back into the living room.

Duffy was still asleep, she'd curled herself up in a ball under the blanket.

He moved her hair out the way of her face and kissed her forehead.

She groaned softly, scrunching up her nose.

He smiled sadly, he hated it when one of them was ill. Whether it was Duffy or the children, he worried. He just hoped that the illness would be limited to the younger boys and Duffy. He hoped it wouldn’t spread to the entire household like it did a few years ago when everyone was ill.

Duffy burrowed deeper into the blanket, shivering slightly.

He watched her for a little while. He sighed, it had been a hell of a few days.

A little while later, Charlie had bathed both boys and was reading them a bedtime story after tucking them up in bed.

"How come we didn't have to go to hospital when we were sick?" Paul asked softly.

“Because you didn’t get as poorly as mummy. Your mummy couldn’t drink water so it made her a bit wobbly.”

"She's OK now?"

“She will be. Just like you and Oliver were. She had some water at the hospital.”

"And she didn't barf again?" Oliver asked.

“No she didn’t.”

"That's good." Paul smiled. His mum being ill had really worried him.

Charlie kissed Paul's forehead and pulled him into a hug.

"Love you daddy."

“Love you too, little man.” Charlie held his other arm out. “Come here Oli.”

Oliver shuffled over and snuggled up with his dad and brother.

“I love you.” Charlie whispered to the boys as he held them in his arms.

Both boys rested their heads against their dad's chest.

Charlie just held the boys. He had practically fallen asleep when he heard movement on the landing outside the boys' bedroom.

He gently moved the boys from his chest, tucking them up and giving them a kiss before he went to investigate the movement outside.

He was greeted by the sight of his wife half dragging herself into their bedroom.

Closing the boys bedroom door, he followed Duffy into their bedroom. “How are you feeling?”

"Urgh!" She groaned as she slumped onto the bed.

“Hopefully you’ll be right as rain tomorrow.”

"I hope you're right."

He tucked her up and got ready for bed, “I love you.”

"Even when I'm pukey and gross?" She giggled softly.

“Yep!”

"You feeling OK?"

“I’m fine, I’m just missing you.” He smiled.

"I'm right here..."

“I know.” He laughed gently and snuggled into her as he got under the duvet.

"Mmm... That feels nice..." Duffy mumbled sleepily.

His hand rested against her bum as he moved closer to her. “Go to sleep, gorgeous.”

She didn't reply as she'd already fallen asleep again.

He fell asleep himself not long afterwards.


	36. NSFW

It was early morning when Charlie woke, his arms still wrapped around Duffy like they’d been when he’d fallen asleep. Duffy was still asleep against his chest. He wasn't sure what had awoken him so early as the house was silent - a rare thing for the Fairheads!

It was eerie being so quiet! He watched Duffy for a while with a smile, hoping she was feeling much better. The fact she hadn't been sick in the night seemed to be a good sign.

He tried to settle back off to sleep.

He'd just started to drift off when the sounds of some of the kids waking up filled the air. He groaned softly and smiled. Now that was more like it!

Duffy moaned softly as Charlie rolled away from her.

“Sorry babe.” He whispered.

"Stay." She mumbled, her eyes still closed.

“Ok.” He got back into bed and placed his hands back on her body.

She snuggled back against him.

“You’re so sexy.”

She giggled, wiggling against him.

“I see you’re much better!”

"Hopefully I'm over the worst of it. You ok?"

“I’m fine.” He smiled.

"Thanks for looking after me, I know I'm not the easiest patient."

“No you’re not. You’re bloody stubborn.” He smiled, “But I fell in love with that stubbornness.”

"Well you're a bleeding nightmare when you're sick too!" She teased, giggling.

“Not as much as you.”

She finally opened her eyes, aiming a glare at him over her shoulder.

“That’s more like it!”

"I'd recommend hiding from Connie next time we're both at work..."

“Why? Was she after me again?”

"The girls decided to have a bit of fun..."

He couldn’t help but smile, “What did they say?”

"They were generally being smart arses."

“I think Connie’s met her match with Tilly.”

"Oh she was more than ably abetted by her sisters!"

“Really?”

"Oh yes, I don't think Connie will want to mess with the Fairhead girls any time soon!"

He laughed gently and squeezed her bum. “I’ve told Connie she needs to stop thinking I’d be stupid enough to screw her.”

"Ah..." Duffy chuckled.

“It doesn’t seem to be working though.”

"Do I need to intervene?" Duffy asked, a menacing glint in her eyes.

“No, I think I can handle it.” He pulled her closer to him, “She’d be nowhere near as good as you between the sheets, that’s a fact.”

"I hope you haven't been letting that imagination of yours run wild in the wrong directions..!"

“No, not at all.”

"Good coz I'd hate to have to punish you..."

“How would you do that?”

"I'd have to send you to the naughty boy's room..." She smirked, nodding in the direction of the small spare room that led off their bedroom.

“I’d find it awfully cold and lonely in there.” He replied.

"You're not supposed to enjoy being punished Charlie..."

“Coming from the person who gets really wet every time I spank her.” He smirked, his hand moved up her back.

"I said you're not supposed to enjoy it - I didn't say anything about me..!"

“I’m a good boy. I don’t need to be punished.”

"Good! Keep it that way!"

“I will,” He began to kiss her shoulder, moving her onto her back and trailing kisses down her front.

"You're so predictab...mmm..!"

“Hmm...” He grabbed her breast and kissed her passionately.

"You have missed me!" She giggled as they parted.

“I have.” He chuckled softly as he kissed her again, a little gentler.

"I've missed you too."

He nuzzled his nose against hers, “I love you.”

"Good!" She giggled.

“Always and forever.” He began to kiss down her body once again, disappearing under the duvet.

She let out a giggly moan as he reached a particular spot.

His tongue ran up her inner thighs as he gently nudged her legs apart.

Duffy relaxed back into the pillows, closing her eyes as she let the sensations wash over her.

After teasing her for a little while, Charlie’s tongue made contact with her sensitive spot.

Duffy let out a moan.

He worked his tongue around her clit, his hands reaching up to squeeze her breasts.

He was briefly confused when, moments later, her moan choked off and she froze suddenly.

He sat up quickly, “What's wrong?” The concern was evident in his voice.

She grabbed at the duvet that he'd pulled off her as he moved.

Paul was stood awkwardly in the doorway.

Following his wife’s gaze, Charlie's eyes fell upon their youngest son. “You ok little man?” He asked as he moved to sit up under the duvet.

"Thought mum was hurt." Paul mumbled, staring down at the floor.

“Ah. No your mum’s fine, I promise.”

"Ok." Paul turned and ran off down the stairs.

“Do you think we should talk to him and Oli?”

"About what exactly?" Duffy replied, her face bright red with embarrassment.

“About what Paul heard?”

"Do we have to.?!"

“I think it’s best.” Charlie pointed out.

"Right now?"

“Yeah. Get it out of the way.” He suggested. “I forgot to lock the door last night.”

"Fine!" She sulked. "I was just starting to enjoy myself..!" She pouted.

“I know, I could tell.” He smirked.

"Its your fault!" She replied grumpily.

“For not locking the door?”

"Exactly!"

“Sorry babe.”

"So you should be!" She wrapped her dressing gown around her. "Enjoy the naughty boy's room later!"

He pouted. “I was more concerned about getting you into bed safely than I was about locking the door.”

She glared at him and headed downstairs, he followed her, continuing to pout!

Paul and Oliver were sat watching cartoon in the lounge. The other children were in their bedrooms either still asleep or otherwise amusing themselves.

“Paul, Oli? We’d like to talk to you both.” Charlie explained quietly as he stood in the doorway with Duffy also in his dressing gown.

"We didn't do nothing!" Oli asserted.

“I know. We’re not talking to you because you’re in trouble.” Charlie sat down on the sofa, “Come here boys?” He opened his arms to Paul and Oli.

The boys looked at each other and moved to sit on the sofa.

“Paul... I know you’re probably wondering why mummy was making a noise like she was hurt before.”

"Coz you were poking her?"

“When mummy and daddy’s are in love with each other, they do special things.”

The boys looked at each other confused.

He looked at Duffy, should he continue or leave it..?

"You mean like special cuddles?" Oliver asked.

“Yes, special cuddles.”

"Eww, gross!" Both boys giggled.

Charlie kissed both boys' foreheads. “Go on, go and watch your cartoons.”

"So you can carry on having special cuddles with mum?" Oli asked as he and Paul bounced off the sofa and back onto the floor.

Charlie laughed. “No so your mum and I can make your breakfast. Are you hungry?”

"Yes!" The boys grinned.

“What do you want for breakfast?”

"Bacon butties!" Paul grinned.

“A bacon butty?” Charlie smiled, “Ok then. Oli, do you want the same?”

"Yes please daddy!"

“Alright boys, daddy will call you when your butties are done, ok?”

The boys nodded and turned back to the TV.

“Well that went ok.” Charlie said as he wandered into the kitchen.

"Special cuddles?" Duffy echoed, chuckling.

“It’s definitely a certain type of special cuddles.”

"I hope you don't cuddle anyone else with your tongue..."

“I certainly do not.”

"That tongue is strictly mine." She grinned wolfishly.

“It certainly is.” He pulled her towards him and kissed her. “Maybe I can show you again, tonight when everyone is safely asleep?”

"Sounds like a very good idea."

Charlie’s hands once again became to roam her body. Ever since she’d gained weight, Charlie made it his mission to worship her body.

"I still can't believe that the girls insinuated to Connie that I might be pregnant..! I wonder where they got that crazy idea..?" She shot him a look.

“What? It wasn’t from me!” He protested.

"Really.?!" She smirked.

“Yes.”

She stepped back slightly from his embrace. "I don't look pregnant do I?" She asked, looking down over her figure with a critical gaze.

“What? No!” He shook his head, “I think the girls were musing about why you were sick and came to the conclusion you might be pregnant. You certainly don’t look pregnant!”

"You sure..?" She still hadn't looked back up.

“Duffy, look at me?”

She slowly, reluctantly, looked up.

“There is nothing wrong with your figure, trust me. You look beautiful and you certainly don’t look pregnant.”

"Hmm..." She still didn't sound convinced.

“Babe.” He placed his hand against her cheek, “There is nothing wrong with you.”

She lent into his hand, starting to soften slightly.

“You’re gorgeous.” He smiled, “And I can’t wait for the day to see you in another wedding dress.”

Her smile brightened even more.

He smiled, it was lovely to see her smile!

"I can't wait to go shopping. To pick the perfect dress."

“So you still want to go ahead and book it?” He asked tentatively

"Of course I do!"

He smiled, “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

"Thank you." She smiled.

“You don’t have to thank me.”

"I've put you through so much yet you never give up on me."

“I’ll never give up on you.”

"And that means the world to me."

“Why would I want to? You’re my missing piece.”

"The puzzle pieces all dropped into place." She smiled.

“They did with you.”

"Best thing that ever happened to me."

“And me.”

"No trying to peek at my dress this time though!" She giggled.

“I’ll try not to.” He grinned.

"If you do I might just decide not to marry you again!" She teased.

Charlie pouted, “That’s just cruel!”

"You'll just have to behave yourself. At least until after the ceremony..!" She winked.

“Then do I get to pleasure you in every way possible when we’re husband and wife again?”

"You make it sound like we're not already and this is all elict and naughty..!" She giggled.

“It’s nice to feel naughty! Keeps the spark alive, wouldn’t you agree?”

"You think we need help with that?" She pouted, crossing her arms.

“No, we certainly don’t.” He smiled, “Though it has been a while since I wined and dined you. Maybe we can have a date night one evening?”

"I like that idea." She smiled brightly.

“Leave it with me gorgeous and I’ll surprise you.”

"Ooh!" She giggled girlishly.

He smiled and kissed her nose. “I love you Duffy Fairhead.”

"I love you too. Now make those sandwiches for the boys before they come charging in here demanding to be fed!"

“I will.” Charlie began for make bacon butties for the boys and extra for the rest of the household when they decided to wake.

Duffy hopped up onto the countertop to watch her husband cook.

He stole occasional glances at his wife. Even after all these years of being together, she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever met.

She slowly crossed her legs, the bottom of her dressing gown gaping slightly as she did.

He noticed straight away and stared at her legs. She had lovely legs!

"You're gunna burn the bacon Charlie..!" She giggled.

“Ah fuck!” He muttered.

Her giggles rang out across the kitchen.

“It’s your fault.” He grinned at her, able to rescue the bacon just in time!

"Me?!" She gasped playfully.

“Yes, showing me your legs.”

"Hmm..." She ran her hand down her leg. "Not bad for an old bird..!"

“You’re hardly old.”

"You would say that."

“You’re not!”

"Not to you but that's because you're ancient!" She teased.

“I am ancient.”

"I still love you though."

“That’s good, I’m glad.”

"You'll always be handsome to me, though my eyesight is going..!" She giggled.

He gasped. “I’m still just as handsome.”

"I'll take your word for it."

He finished making the boys' bacon butties before kissing Duffy’s nose.

She wrinkled her nose.

He chuckled.

"It tickles!"

“I know,” He smiled, “It’s just cute when you wrinkle your nose.”

The boys came running through from the lounge. "The cartoon finished. We're hungry!"

“Perfect timing, your butties are done.”

"Yay!" The boys squealed and jostled to sit at the table.

As they sat down at the table, Charlie put down the plates in front of the boys.

The boys plowed into the food like they hadn't been fed for years, not noticing that their mum was still sat up on the countertop.

“You’re hungry little monsters.” Charlie told the boys with a laugh, “Slow down.”

Both boys grinned, their mouths full of food.

Charlie made his way back over to Duffy and placed his hand on her thigh, “You ok, gorgeous?”

She nodded, smiling as she watched the boys.

“When did they get so big?” He whispered, “Only feels like yesterday I found out you were pregnant with Oli and Paul.”

"Time flies by far too fast!" She sighed.

“Yeah, it does.” He smiled sadly, “I like that they’re getting a bit older though. Not too much. I miss having a baby.” He admitted.

"Well you never know, it might not be too much longer before you can call yourself 'grandpa Charlie'!" She giggled.

“You think Peter and Holly are ready to settle down?” He questioned.

"I think we may hear wedding bells soon." She grinned.

“Really?”

"Call it woman's intuition."

Charlie sighed but didn’t say anything.

Duffy tilted her head and regarded him with a probing look.

He met her gaze, “What?”

"Well it's the only way there'll be another baby in this family any time soon coz you can't seriously be suggesting we have another one?!" She snorted derisively.

“No of course not.” He smiled, “I just don’t want Peter to rush into things. He’s got plenty of time for children and marriage.”

"In that order..?"

“In any order. He’s still young.”

"I know but if she makes him happy..."

“She makes him happy yes. But he’s still only young.”

"He's not that much younger than I was when we started working together..."

“That’s different.”

"Is it? You had your tongue down my throat within a matter of hours of us meeting!" She giggled, lowering her voice so as not to be overheard by their youngest sons.

“Yes it’s different.” He sighed, “I don’t want to see him get hurt, that’s all.”

"You're starting to sound like Megan!" She teased, giggling.

Charlie laughed, “He’s still my little boy!” He said quietly.

"Aww! You're such a softy!"

Charlie pouted.

She leant forward and kissed his pout.

“Would my beautiful, sexy wife like a bacon butty?”

"You're still determined to fatten me up aren't you?" She smirked.

“Of course not.”

"I'll share one with you."

“Ok, deal.” Whilst the boys finished their butties and ran up the stairs to their bedroom, Charlie and Duffy shared half a bacon butty in silence at the table.

The other children drifted in, enticed by the smell. Including Louis who seemed to be in a bit of a mood.

"Morning grumpy guts!" Tilly teased. 

“Leave me alone, tots.” Louis grumbled as he headed to the fridge and opened it.

"Oooh!" Tilly mocked.

Louis ignored his sister and took out the carton of orange juice. He had been quieter than usual lately, keeping himself to himself.

Duffy silently nodded her head towards Louis, locking eyes with Charlie.

“You alright son?” Charlie asked Louis.

"Fine." Louis grunted.

“Sure?”

"Yeh." Louis replied before walking out the room.

Charlie sighed. He was worried Louis was back on the drugs.

"Something I said?!" Tilly smirked.

“Do you know what’s wrong with your brother?” Charlie asked Tilly.

Tilly shrugged.

“Tilly?”

"I honestly don't know what he's got shuvved up his butt."

“You sure?”

"He's just being a dick."

“Ok.”

"He's always a dick." Lottie agreed.

“Be nice girls. He’s your brother.”

"Urgh!" Both girls rolled their eyes and tucked into their sandwiches.

“Maybe I should go and talk to him?” Charlie looked at Duffy, “Make sure everything’s ok.”

Duffy nodded.

Charlie kissed her cheek and stood up. He went upstairs to Louis’ bedroom and hovered outside his bedroom for a moment. Then he knocked.

"What?" Louis called out from his room.

“Can I come in?”

"Whatever."

Charlie opened the door and stepped into Louis’ room. “You seem a bit sullen? Are you sure everything is ok?”

"I just woke up." Louis shrugged.

Charlie sat down near Louis’ bed. “Nothing else on your mind, you want to talk about?”

"No."

“Your mood has been downhill ever since Duffy and I caught you sleeping with your tutor.”

"You're surprised? Duffy threatened to call the police!" Louis spat back.

“She was looking out for you. What Caroline did was... is... wrong.”

"You fucked Duffy at your wedding reception to my mum!"

“I wasn’t in a position of trust as a tutor to a vulnerable young lad.” Charlie replied back.

"You were her boss!"

Charlie couldn’t say anything to that. It wasn't like he was able to deny it.

"And from what I've heard she was the definition of vunerable." Louis added snidely.

“What do you mean by that?”

"I'm not dumb - that 'terrible incident' that mum spoke of in her diary... Plus she has a restraining order in place against Jake's dad..."

Charlie sighed and didn’t say anything for a moment. “Your mum surprised me with what she wrote in her diary about that day.”

"Why didn't you think she cared?" Louis asked bitterly.

“Your mum was complicated. She kept her feelings hidden.”

"Someone she worked with got raped, it's not surprising that it upset her."

Charlie nodded. “I used to read your mum's diaries.” He said quietly.

"Shame you didn't listen to what she had to say a bit more before she died." Louis remarked bitterly.

“Like I said, your mum was complicated. Kept her feelings hidden, had a guard up. It was hard to break those walls down sometimes. Yes I made mistakes Louis but that’s something I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life.” Charlie took a breath, “Caroline took advantage of you...”

"No she didn't!" Louis replied angrily.

“Ok.” Charlie met his son’s gaze, “What makes her different?”

"She doesn't judge me on what happened in the past."

“And other girls do?”

"Everyone does."

“Define everyone?”

"People at school... You lot..."

“We don’t judge you for what happened, Louis.”

"You do! You don't even realise you're doing it!"

“How do we judge you?”

"What's your first thought when I seem in a bad mood?"

“That you’ve relapsed.” Charlie admitted.

"Exactly! She doesn't think like that, she takes the time and effort to find out what's actually wrong and doesn't just assume."

“Why do you think I’m here talking to you? Because I want to find out what’s wrong.”

"Only as an afterthought."

“You’re not an afterthought.”

"Hmm..." Louis didn't sound convinced. "I can't wait til I'm eighteen and I can do what I want."

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. It isn’t long until you’re eighteen. I can’t stop you from seeing whoever you want. If you’re going to bring her round, please can you do it in a way Duffy and I don’t know?” Charlie smiled.

"Because you don't approve and don't want me to be happy?"

“I don’t approve of how it started but of course I want you to be happy! And if she makes you happy, then... I’m not going to stand in the way of that. Especially not when you reach eighteen and become an adult.”

"Are you sure she feels the same way?" Louis asked, referring to his stepmother.

“Duffy cares about you, as do I. We love you.”

"Yeh, that's why you threw my girlfriend out the house but you're totally fine with Lottie dating a drug dealer!"

“How do you know he deals drugs?”

"Oh I wonder..." Louis replied sarcastically, scratching at the faded track marks on his arm.

“He was your dealer???”

"No, he's just a bratty kid, but his big brother was one of them."

“So you think he’s a dealer because of his brother?” Charlie sighed. “Trust me, I wasn’t exactly thrilled when I found out who Lottie was dating. I’m still not. Just like I’m not happy that Caroline slept with you before you were eighteen. But that’s none of my business. I was wrong.”

"Holy shit, the great Charlie Fairhead admits he's wrong! Hold the front page!" Louis gasped sarcastically.

“I do admit I’m wrong on occasions, Louis.”

"Yeh right."

“I do.” Charlie sighed, “How is Caroline?”

"She's not great." Louis mumbled sadly.

“Why, what’s wrong?”

Louis continued to scratch at his arm, avoiding answering.

“Louis, talk to me?”

"So you can judge me some more?"

“I won’t judge you.” Charlie replied.

"She's married." Louis muttered bitterly.

“Married?”

"Yeh. Go on, you know you want to..!"

“I can’t say anything, can I?” Charlie sighed, “You didn’t know?”

"No."

“When did you find out?”

"After Duffy threw her out the house."

“And you still want to see her? Knowing she’s married?”

"She says she's unhappy, that they're gunna get divorced."

“Ok.” Charlie paused, “You need to be 100% certain you want to be with her and this isn’t some fling that’s gonna fizzle out.”

"I think I love her." Louis admitted.

Charlie smiled, “Love is a scary thing.”

"I feel different when I'm with her. She makes me feel worth something."

“You are worth something.”

"Hmm..."

“You are. You just got a bit lost, that’s all.” Charlie squeezed his shoulder, “And I love you. Even if you think all I do is judge you.”

"I don't feel worthy of being loved." Louis admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Oh Louis...” Charlie's heart broke and he held his son in his arms. “Why?”

"I'm scum, always have been, always will be."

“No that’s not true!”

Louis merely shrugged in reply.

“You were ill. You’re not scum because you took drugs and because of what happened.”

"I'm not one of your patients..." Louis rolled his eyes.

“No you’re my son whose gone through a lot in his young life.”

"And who's fault is that?!" Louis spat back angrily.

“Equally mine and your mother's!” Charlie replied back, “I should never have done what I did but she had no right to use you as a weapon either!”

"You didn't give her much choice!"

“She was always going to use you as a weapon!”

"Sure blame her!"

“You know, I’m done arguing with you about your mother. The sun didn’t shine out of her arse like you think it did.” Charlie stood up.

"No you think it shines out of Duffy's arse instead!" Louis sneered.

“Duffy isn’t perfect but at least she admits that.” Charlie replied, “She also wouldn’t ever use her children as a weapon either. Despite everything Andrew ever did to her, she still let Jake visit. That’s how you parent a child. You don’t take them to the other side of the world and try and stop every contact possible!”

"She didn't stop contact! You did!"

“Is that what she told you?!”

"I barely saw you so I asked her why."

“And what did she say? That I didn’t love you?”

"What other reason would there be? You were too busy over here with your other family."

“That didn’t mean I didn’t love you.” Charlie sighed, “I tried to fight for custody and I lost. Then there was the time when you were supposed to come for Christmas and she rang me to tell me there had been a change of plan. You weren’t coming to England for Christmas because you were going to Dan’s. And your mum thought it was best I didn’t contact you anymore. I didn’t have the money to fight.” He sighed, “So I didn’t. But Duffy decided to go and pay your mum a visit.”

"No she didn't. The only time she came to Canada was in the summer with you."

“No she didn’t because there was a plane crash.”

"I don't remember that." Louis mumbled, confused.

“You probably wouldn’t because you were so young. But several years ago, when you were in Canada, a transatlantic flight crashed into one of the terminals in Holby.”

"And Duffy was there?"

“She was in the airport waiting for a flight to Canada to speak to your mum.”

"That was the Christmas before mum died..." Louis was trying to fit the pieces together. "Duffy was pregnant with Oli..."

Charlie nodded, “I wanted you here with us for Christmas. God, I wanted you here every day of the week.”

"Was Duffy hurt?"

“No she wasn’t, thankfully. They’d sent her to the wrong terminal.”

"She was only there because of me..."

“She was there because she knew how much pain I was in, not seeing you.”

"Because mum took me away?"

Charlie nodded, “She took you away to punish me for what I did. It’s what I deserved. But it hurt Louis.”

"I wish you two hadn't ended up hating each other."

“I never hated her until she started using you to hurt me.”

"I just wanted you both to be happy." Louis sighed.

“Believe it or not, your mum did make me happy once upon a time.”

"For the brief moment before you met Duffy?"

“Your mum made me happy when we first met. When she was a young doctor.”

"Before she left?"

Charlie nodded, “It broke my heart when she left.”

"So you broke her heart by leaving her to be with Duffy?"

“No. It was... It was complicated.” Charlie sighed.

"Why couldn't you be happy with her like you had been before?"

“I don’t know.” Charlie admitted.

"I can't believe she's been gone for nearly ten years." Louis mumbled sadly.

“It’s a long time.” Charlie said quietly. “I miss her too. Every day. I wish things were different and I hadn’t hurt her as much as I did.” He held his arms out to Louis.

Louis rested his head against his dad's shoulder. "She didn't suffer did she?" He whispered.

“No, she didn’t.” Charlie reassured, “She wouldn’t have felt anything.”

"That's something. I was so scared." A tear trickled down Louis' cheek.

Charlie held Louis, “That she suffered?”

"She screamed and then nothing. I couldn't wake her up..."

“You wouldn’t have been able to.” Charlie paused, “Your mum was brain dead, they did tests and there was no brain activity.”

Louis nodded. "It was my fault. They were arguing about me..."

“It wasn’t your fault.”

"All I do is cause trouble."

“You’ve had a tough time. A lot of things have happened to you. You don’t cause trouble.”

"It's my fault that bad things happen coz I'm a bad person."

“You’re not a bad person!”

"I am."

“Look at me?”

Louis looked up, a challenging flicker in his eyes.

Charlie placed his hands either side of his son’s face. “You are not trouble. You have an addiction that will sometimes resurface but you’re not trouble. You are a lovely young man and I am so proud of you! I don’t say it enough Louis but I love you. I loved you from the day your mum told me she was pregnant with you.”

Louis blinked, another tear forming.

“Your mum would be so proud of the man you’re becoming.”

"I hope so." Louis whispered.

“I know so.” Charlie smiled.

"I wish she was still here."

“Me too. I wish she was here so she could guide you.”

"I'm not sure Duffy would like that so much."

“I know. But you were lucky in that you had two people who loved you like a son and one of them is still here.”

"I don't make things easy for her do I?" Louis replied, looking guilty.

“No but she cares. Which is why we reacted the way we did when we found out about you and Caroline.”

"Can't you just accept that I want to be with Caroline and she makes me happy?"

“I can accept it. But I think Duffy might not. Are you ok with that?”

"Why does she have such a problem with it? I'm not even her kid."

“It isn’t about that. She thinks you were in a vulnerable position and Caroline took advantage. But she didn’t, did she?”

"No! Why can't you get her to understand that?!"

“I believe you. I just think it’s going to take Duffy a while to come round to the idea. Will you give her time?”

"Do I have a choice?"

“Yes.”

"She's gunna have to get used to it eventually."

“Because you really like her and see a future with her?”

"Yeh."

“Alright. I don’t want you to get hurt though.”

"I won't." Louis replied with a confidence only a teenager could possess.

“Have you thought about what might happen if her husband finds out?”

"She's gunna divorce him." Louis shrugged.

“That doesn’t always happen. I’m not calling her a liar.”

"What do you mean then?"

“It can takes years for someone to be divorced.”

"I'll wait." Louis shrugged again.

“Ok.” Charlie squeezed his shoulder.

"You'll see!" Louis asserted.

“Is there anything else you want to talk about? Would you like to talk about your mum for a bit?”

"Nah. Why do you?"

“No, I just wondered.” Charlie smiled.

"OK."

“Have you thought any more about college?”

"I've gotta wait on my results."

“I meant in terms of your education? Have you chosen what to study?”

"Not sure." Louis shrugged.

“Anything you really want to study?”

Louis shrugged.

“Do you want to do something today? Just you and me?”

"Like what?"

“Anything. Whatever you want.”

"I don't know, it was your idea."

“That’s true, it was.”

"So whatever..."

“We could go and grab lunch somewhere later on?”

"OK."

“I’ll leave you to spend the morning doing whatever it is you boys do.” Charlie smiled, “I’ll come back at about 12pm?”

"OK." Louis replied, flopping down on his bed.

“Love you.”

Louis grunted in reply.

Charlie left Louis alone and exited the room. As he pulled the door closed, he sighed.


	37. NSFW

By the time Charlie arrived back downstairs the kids had scattered to various rooms and Duffy was elbow deep in washing up.

He wrapped his arms around Duffy’s waist from behind. “Hello gorgeous.”

She jumped slightly. "Don't creep up on me like that!" She scolded playfully, flicking bubbles at his face as she twisted in his arms.

He smiled, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He wrinkled his nose as the bubbles landed on his face.

"Louis OK?"

“Yeah.”

"I told Tilly not to wind him up."

“He’s just got a few things on his mind.” Charlie explained.

"Caroline by any chance?" Duffy retorted sarcastically.

“Yes. He’s missing her.”

"And I presume he blames us for that?"

“Yeah. He thinks we don’t want him to be happy.”

"Can't he see that she won't make him happy?!"

“We don’t know that. She could,”

"You have got to be kidding me?!"

“You do realise once he’s eighteen, we can’t actually stop him from seeing her?”

"You're actually taking his side?!"

“I’m not taking anyone’s side. Just trying to see things from a different perspective.”

"Of course you are, you always take his side!"

“That’s not true!”

"I don't even know why I'm surprised anymore - you've always put him first!"

“Seriously?!”

"Any time he's causing problems you take his side!"

“He isn’t causing trouble.”

"He's shagging a woman twice his age!"

“I know. I don’t agree with it but there isn’t much we can do.”

"So we're supposed to just roll over and let him get on with it?"

“He really likes her.”

"Well that's alright then..!" Duffy retorted sarcastically.

Charlie sighed, “I’ve told him once he’s eighteen, we can’t stop him from seeing who he wants. I don’t agree with him seeing Caroline but what if we’re wrong? What if it makes him feel better about himself?”

"It'll end in tears."

“I’ve warned him of that. Especially with her being...” He trailed off realising he was saying too much!

"Being what..? No! Don't tell me she's married?!"

“She’s married.”

"Oh bloody perfect! It just gets better and better! And you're encouraging him?!"

“I’d be a bloody hypocrite telling him to leave a married woman alone, wouldn’t I?”

"Oh so this is my fault is it?!"

“I’m not saying that!”

"Bullshit!" She spat back.

“You’re unbelievable sometime.”

Duffy moved to leave the room but Charlie blocked her path.

“Why are you so upset with me?”

"Just leave it Charlie!" She again tried to push past him.

“Talk to me? Please.” He softened slightly.

She took a steadying breath. "Would you be so calm about this if it was one of the girls seeing a much older man?"

“No, I wouldn’t. I’d want to kill the person.” He replied.

"But coz he's a boy it's OK?"

“It’s not ok.” He replied. “It’s... She makes him happy. That’s all I want for Louis. For him not to think he’s scum.”

"He doesn't know what he feels - he just thinks she makes him happy."

“He’s changed since she’s been in his life, don’t you think?”

"And you think that's down to her?"

“I think she’s one of several things in his life that are making him feel positive.”

"So we should just accept it?"

“I don’t know.”

"It'll end in tears."

“And we’ll be there to pick up the pieces.”

"I'd rather prevent it getting to that."

“Maybe we can’t.”

"So we just give up?"

“Not give up.”

"She's old enough to be his mother!"

“There’s an age gap there, yes.”

"An 'age gap'?! You and me have an age gap - this is just ridiculous!"

He sighed, “Do you have any better ideas to suggest?” He asked quietly.

"We call the police like we should have done when we first found out - that'll put an end to all this nonsense!"

“No. Don’t do that.”

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't?!" She challenged.

“Because I don’t want to drive him further away from me.” He said quietly.

"So you think I drive him away do you?!"

“Why do you feel the need to twist everything I say?”

"I do not!" 

He sighed once more. “Are we gonna spend all morning arguing?”

"Why you got somewhere else you'd rather be?!" She snapped back.

“Like where exactly?!”

"I don't know - as far away from me as you can get?" She replied sarcastically.

“I’m quite happy standing here watching you argue with me.”

"I'm just sick and tired of the fact that she still comes between us!"

“Huh?" It took a few moments for the penny to drop. "Baz?”

"Who else?!"

“I don’t know.” He shrugged and wandered to the kitchen door. He closed it and lent against it, facing Duffy. “She doesn’t come between us.”

"Yes she does. Always has and, by the sound of it, always will." Duffy sighed.

“Because of Louis?”

"I've tried so hard with him..."

“He knows that. He knows you love him.”

"I don't think he feels the same though. Not really."

“He does.”

Before Duffy could reply there was a knock at the door.

Charlie moved and opened the door.

There was a teenage boy stood nervously on the doorstep. "Does Jake live here?" He mumbled.

“Jake? Yeah he does. He’s still in bed at the minute though.”

"Oh... Um... Are you his dad?"

“Yeah, do you want me to give him a message or..?” 

Jake wandered down the stairs, yawning and stretching.

"Um... I.. I... Don't know... Um... I wasn't expecting you to live here too... Mum wouldn't tell me anything about you..." The lad stammered.

“Anything about me?” Charlie frowned.

"Yeh, you're my dad... I thought mum told you..."

Charlie was silent for a moment. “How old are you?”

"I'm sixteen today."

“You’re Jake’s brother?”

"Yeh. I should go..."

"Dad, what's going on?" Jake asked, hearing his name mentioned.

“No, wait. When I said I was Jake’s dad, I’m not his biological dad.” Charlie explained. “Jake, there’s someone here to see you.”

"Oh... OK..." The lad stammered, increasingly confused.

"Hi." Jake smiled. "Do we know each other?" He yawned, running a hand through his hair.

Charlie left Jake at the door and went back into the kitchen, a little pale. 

The young lad at the door put his hands in his pockets. “I... Um... You’re my brother.”

"Huh?" Jake blinked and then remembered. "You're Marie's son?"

Sam nodded, “Yeah.”

"I tried to contact you but your mum weren't keen..." Jake explained.

“You did?”

"Yeh, I didn't know you existed til I had to contact your mum last year."

"I only found out about you today." Sam replied.

“Do you wanna come in and talk?” Jake asked.

"Is that OK?" Sam hesitated.

“Course!”

"Thanks." Sam smiled and followed Jake into the house, his hands still in his pockets.

“Happy Birthday.” Jake said with a smile as he closed the door.

"Thanks." Sam grinned as he followed Jake into the kitchen.

“We’ll leave you boys to talk.” Charlie said gently as he held Duffy’s hand and lead her out of the kitchen. “Jake, your mum and I will be in the living room if you need us?”

"Sorry I got confused." Sam mumbled bashfully to Charlie.

“It’s ok. You gave me a bit of a fright there.” Charlie laughed gently.

"Mum doesn't like to talk much about my dad." Sam sighed sadly.

“Do you know much about him?”

"He was married when he was with my mum. They broke up while she was pregnant with me."

“Your mum didn’t tell you anything else?”

"She wanted him to leave his wife but he refused. They had lots of fights about it."

“He used to hurt my mum.” Jake said quietly.

"Jake..." Duffy sighed sadly.

Jake sighed, “But it’s true.”

"He doesn't need to know that." She countered, feeling Charlie's hand on her arm steering her towards the hall.

“He should be allowed to know what an absolute prick his father is.” Jake answered back.

Sam stood staring at his feet, his mum had told him not to just turn up but he'd ignored her. Maybe she'd been right afterall...

Jake didn’t really know what to do. He looked at his mum helplessly. He didn’t know what to say to the young lad, to his half-brother.

"Just talk to him." Duffy whispered, finally allowing Charlie to steer her out the room.

“I don’t think you told me your name?” Jake asked gently.

"Oh yeh... I'm Sam." The young lad attempted a smile.

“Jake.” He held his hand out for the young lad to shake.

Sam shook Jake's hand awkwardly.

“So it’s your birthday today then?”

"Yeh, I'm finally sixteen." Sam smiled.

“I’m sorry about what I said about Andrew, our father.”

"Is he really that terrible?"

Jake sighed, “I was lucky, I was too young to really remember things.”

"Mum said he just cut contact when she was about six months pregnant with me. She called him when I was born to tell him but he didn't want to meet me." Sam sighed sadly.

“He’s an idiot, you’re better off without him buddy.”

"Can we hang out though? I've always wanted a big brother." Sam asked hopefully.

“Of course we can. You're my brother.” Jake smiled.

"I wasn't sure you'd want to know me but I needed to try."

“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?” Jake smiled, “So do you have any other siblings?”

"I have a little sister. She's ten. What about you?"

“Where do we start?” Jake laughed, “There's Peter, Louis, Em, Tilly and Lottie, Oli and Paul.”

"Wow!" Sam laughed. "My sister is called Bella."

“Yeah there’s a lot of us.”

"So I guess getting another brother isn't too much of a huge deal to you."

“No it is.”

"Mum said you're older than me but she wasn't sure exactly how old you were."

“I’m nineteen.”

"Are you the eldest in your family then?"

“No, Peter’s the oldest.”

"So we both have older brothers? Cool."

“Yeah we do. You off to college this year?”

"I'm hoping to. If my exam results are good enough."

“What are you wanting to study?”

"History."

“Nice!”

"Are you at uni?"

“No, I’m not.”

"Didn't you want to go?"

Jake shook his head. “I still don’t really know what I wanna do.”

"I want to go to uni and train as a teacher." Sam grinned.

“That sounds great. What does your mum do?”

"She's a nurse. My stepdad is a teacher."

“My mum is a nurse too, so is my stepdad. What’s your stepdad like?”

"He's great. I was about two when he and my mum met. They got married when I was four."

“You don’t need your dad in your life.” Jake told Sam gently.

"I was twelve when I found out that my dad was actually my stepdad. I've thought lots about whether I should try contacting my actual dad or not."

“Don’t do it.” Jake said gently, “But that’s your choice to make.”

"Is he really that horrible? You said he hurt your mum..?"

“He hurt my mum physically and emotionally. Might have even done the same to your mum.” Jake shrugged.

"Why would he do that?"

“Because he’s horrible?” Jake shrugged, “I don’t know, I can’t work out why.”

"Did you see him much after him and your mum broke up?"

“I had to, the courts made me.”

"Do you still see him now?"

Jake shook his head, “I stopped all contact.”

"And you don't think I should contact him?"

“No but you should make your own decisions. It isn’t up to anyone else to say.”

Sam nodded, mulling it all over in his head.

“Sometimes we have to find things out for ourselves.”

"Yeh... I... Its a lot to think about..."

“You know where I live now so that’ll be easier for you. Do you want my mobile number so we can talk?”

"Yeh, that'd be great." Sam grinned, holding out his phone to Jake.

Jake took Sam’s phone and put his number into his contacts. “You can ring me any time of the day. Even at night though I might not always answer, coz I work some nights.”

"Thanks." Sam sent Jake's number a missed call so he'd had his number too.

“You don’t need to thank me. I’d really like to get to know you some more.” Jake saved Sam’s number into his contact list.

"Do you like sports?"

“Yeah, I like football and rugby, you?”

"I like football too. I got tickets to go see Holby play in the cup as a present, it's the weekend after next, would you like to go with me?"

Jake smiled brightly, “I’d love to go with you! Are you sure?”

"Yeh, we could maybe grab some food too?"

“Yeh! My treat though?” Jake stretched and yawned, “Sorry.”

"OK. Were you working last night?"

“Yeah I was. I’m a part time DJ, do a few gigs now and again.”

"That's so cool! My mates will be so impressed when I tell them!"

“It’s good money but tiring at times.”

"I'd love to see one of your gigs but I guess I ain't old enough."

“Maybe I could organise something for your next birthday?”

"That would be awesome."

“What school did you go?”

"Holby grammer."

“Is that where your stepdad teaches?”

"Yeh."

Neither of them spoke for several minutes.

The slightly awkward silence was broken as Tilly came bouncing into the kitchen, skidding to a halt as she spotted Sam.

“This is Tilly, one of my sisters.” Jake explained.

"Hi! I don't think we've met..?" Tilly smiled, her eyes sparkling flirtatiously.

“Sam.” He held his hand out to Tilly.

She took hold of his hand, smiling brightly. "Pleased to meet you." She squeezed his fingers gently, maintaining the contact longer than was strictly necessary.

Jake rolled his eyes, “Sam is my half-brother.”

Tilly instantly dropped hold of Sam's hand. "What? Does that mean..? Huh?!" She asked, slightly horrified.

“Andrew had another child. Meet Sam, it’s his birthday today. He’s sixteen.”

"Oh... Oh, OK..." Relief replaced the horror and the bright smile returned. "Hi! Happy birthday!"

Sam blushed, “Thanks.”

"So we're not..?" Tilly asked Jake, gesturing to herself and Sam.

“Related? Nah.”

"Phew!" She giggled.

Sam's phone rang. "Oh hi mum. Yeh, yeh, I'm OK. Yeh, I'll be back soon. OK. Bye." He hung up and rolled his eyes.

“Your mum checking up on you?” Tilly asked.

"Yeh, she's booked a meal for my birthday and was reminding me not to be late. So I best head back."

“Alright. Well it was nice to meet you, Sam.” Tilly’s eyes twinkled.

"Yeh you too." Sam smiled. "I'll call you about the football." He told Jake as they headed to the front door.

“Look forward to it.” Jake smiled before saying goodbye and watching Sam leave.

Tilly's smile faded as she heard the sound of arguing and raised voices coming from the lounge. She swallowed. “Are they arguing again?”

"Yeh..." Jake sighed. "Fuck knows what about this time."

“Shall we leave them to it?”

"You owe me an explanation!" They heard Duffy scream at Charlie.

"Yeh let's leave them to it." Tilly agreed, heading back upstairs.

"About what?" Charlie asked, confused. 

"Why you looked so freaked out when that lad turned up!" Duffy retorted.

“Wouldn’t you look freaked out if someone saying they were your son just turned up on the doorstep?!”

"Not if I know there wasn't a chance in hell of it being true!"

“There isn’t!!”

"You sure about that?! Sixteen years ago is about the time you got both me and your wife pregnant at the same time so who's to say you weren't bedding someone else too!"

“Oh so you think I was fucking the whole of Holby, do you?”

"Your bedpost had so many notches in it I'm surprised it was still standing!"

“I panicked ok? It’s only natural.”

"It isn't if you know there's no chance of there being some secret love child out there that you weren't aware of!"

“There isn’t!”

"You've admitted to being tempted in the past..!"

“So you think I’d have given in to that temptation?”

"You were fucking me within an hour of saying 'I do' to Baz..!"

“That was different!!”

"Because I'm your favourite whore of choice?"

“You’re not a whore!”

She took a steadying breath before looking him dead in the eyes, her gaze fiery, their faces mere centimetres apart. "Do you swear to me that there's never been anyone else?" In contrast to her eyes, her voice was like ice.

He met her gaze, “I swear down on my life that in the whole time we’ve been together, I’ve never fucked another woman.”

"If I ever find out that you've lied to me..!" She hissed.

“I wouldn’t cheat on you!!”

"I hope for your sake that's true." She retorted, her breathing short, anger still pumping through her veins.

He looked down at her lips and back up at her eyes. “Why would I destroy what we have for a meaningless fling?”

"You wouldn't be the first." She replied bitterly.

“I wouldn't make the same mistakes twice.” He said quietly.

"So there was someone?!" She screamed, pushing at his shoulders angrily.

“No!” He grabbed her wrists but not hard.

Her skin was flushed and her breathing heavy as she fought against his grip but it wasn't fear he could see in her eyes.

He pulled her closer to him and let go of her wrists. His lips met hers as he kissed her passionately.

Her hands grabbed frantically at his clothes, her leg hooking around his causing them to topple over onto the sofa.

His hands roamed her body, “I’ve never looked at another woman, never mind fucked one!” He whispered as he began to kiss her neck.

She wasn't listening, her brain was too clouded with lust and hunger for him.

His hand ran up her thigh, damn it, she was sexy when she was angry!

A desperate moan escaped her lips as his hand moved higher.

His hand slipped into her knickers, his fingers caressing her.

"Oh shit!" She gasped.

He slipped two fingers inside of her, kissing her once again.

"Fuck! Yes!" She urged.

His movements became a little faster, his own breathing changing as he became more aroused.

"I need you now!" Duffy breathed hotly in his ear.

He moved his hand from her and removed her knickers.

Their hands became entangled as they both tried to unbuckle his belt.

Eventually they unbuckled his belt and Charlie pulled his jeans and boxers down. He ran his hand over himself before guiding himself into Duffy, a moan escaping his lips as he filled her.

She let out a loud moan as he began to fuck her hard, neither caring how noisy they were.

“Fuck, babe!”

"Oh shit! Yes!"

Charlie’s hands were all over her body.

Duffy dug her fingernails into Charlie's shoulders.

He smiled as he continued to pound into her.

She threw her head back as she felt her peak approaching fast.

He reached down and began to play with her sensitive spot.

"Oh fuck!" She gasped, her eyes closed.

“Duffy!” He moaned her name louder.

"Uh-huh, right there!" She gasped.

“Fuck!”

"Charlie..!" She moaned loudly, her grip on his shoulders tightening.

A few moments later, they reached their peak.

They lay panting in each other's arms for several moments.

“Are you still pissed at me?” He asked quietly, his head in the crook of her neck.

"Hmm..?" She grinned mischievously.

He met her gaze and smiled, “You believe me don’t you?”

"I'd hope that you wouldn't lie to me but it was the way you reacted. If there wasn't a chance of it being true then you would have just brushed it off."

He sighed, “There was someone else between you and Baz.” He admitted.

Duffy pushed him off her and sat up. "When I was pregnant with Emily?! Or before that?" She hissed, swiftly redressing, attempting to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

“Not long after I got with Baz.”

"Before I came back to Holby?"

He nodded. “Baz never knew.”

"Oh. Did it last long?"

“One night.”

"OK." Duffy sighed. "Were you careful?"

He nodded, “Yes. I used a condom.”

"That's something I suppose."

He sat up, “When I was depressed years ago, I told Megan I didn’t want to continue to make the same mistakes.”

"Except when it came to you and me."

He nodded. “I don’t want to cheat on you. I don’t want to destroy what we have, what we worked so hard to get.”

"Is there anything else from the past that I should know about?" She asked, running one hand through her tangled hair, the other wiping at her eyes.

“No. I... Do you want to know why I panicked when he turned up?”

"Yes."

“I was scared that I had cheated on you and not even remembered or realised.”

"What?!" She asked, giving him a bemused look.

“Exactly that.”

"You have a habit of sleep shagging or something?" She asked, trying not to laugh.

“I don’t know.”

"In nearly thirty years of nursing its not something I've ever come across."

“Sleep shagging? No me either.”

"So I think we're safe on that score."

“I’m sorry I reacted the way I did.”

"And I'm sorry I lost my temper."

“It’s ok.”

"I let my insecurities and petty jealousy get the better of me."

“It’s understandable.”

"No it isn't. I should just trust you."

“I’d never do anything to break that trust of ours.”

"I know you wouldn't. Forgive me?" She fluttered her eyelashes at him.

“I forgive you.”

"He seems like a nice boy." Duffy mused.

“Very nice.”

"I wasn't expecting him to just turn up on our doorstep."

“Me either.”

"Sam's mum didn't think it was the right time for Jake and Sam to meet last year."

“I can understand why.”

"Me too."

There was a tentative knock on the lounge door.

“Yes?”

"Can we watch cartoons?" Oli called from the hall.

Charlie sorted himself out and nodded, “Of course you can.”

Oli came barrelling through the door, closely followed by Paul. Neither even gave their parents a second's glance as they grabbed the remote and flopped onto the beanbags on the floor.

Charlie kissed Duffy’s cheek, “I love you.”

"I love you too." She smiled softly.

"Were you having special cuddles with mama again?" Paul asked, his eyes not moving from the TV screen.

“No, we were just talking.” Charlie replied as he sat on the sofa and watched the boys.

Duffy couldn't stop the snorted giggle that escaped out her nose as she put her hand over her mouth.

Charlie shot her a look and smiled.

There was a slight blush colouring her cheeks and her hair was stuck up in places.

“Mummy your hair looks funny.” Oli said with a frown.

"Oh..!" She giggled awkwardly as she attempted to flatten it back down.

Charlie giggled softly.

Duffy stuck her tongue out at him before heading upstairs to get changed.

Charlie smiled as he watched her. His love for her was like nothing he’d ever experienced before.

"Daddy..?" Oli piped up.

“Yes son?”

"Have you been eating strawberries? Your mouth and cheek is all red!" Oliver giggled.

“It is?” Charlie laughed and rubbed at his cheek and mouth. “I think daddy’s just warm.”

Oli shrugged and went back to watching cartoons.

Charlie blushed.

Tilly's footsteps came thundering down the stairs. "Is it safe to come down again now?" She called out cheekily.

“Of course it is! Your mum and I have finished arguing.” Charlie called back.

Tilly frowned as she entered the lounge. "I wish you wouldn't fight." She sighed as she jumped onto the sofa next to her dad.

“You don’t have to worry about me and your mum arguing.”

"Really? All she does lately is yell."

“Couples yell at each other sometimes. It’s nothing to be scared of and it doesn’t mean I’m going to leave ok?” He reassured his daughter, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Its just that loads of my friends' parents keep splitting up and I don't want that to happen with you and mum."

“Your mum and I will never split up, you hear me?”

"Promise?" She asked, her eyes wide.

“I promise. Your mum and I are best friends.”

"So why do you fight so much?"

“Because your mum is stubborn at times and I also like winding her up.”

"Why would you want to wind her up and make her mad?!" Tilly asked incredulously. "She goes off like a rocket!"

He laughed, “I know!”

"You make it sound like that's a good thing?" She questioned, her eyebrow raised.

“Depends. You know what attracted me to your mother?”

"Is the answer gunna make me hurl?" Tilly teased, giggling.

“No.” He paused, “It was her stubbornness that first attracted me.”

"Why would you like someone for being stubborn?" Tilly asked, confused.

“Because being stubborn can also be a positive trait.”

"My teacher says my stubbornness is irritating." Tilly shrugged.

“In what ways are you stubborn at school?"

"Erm... We don't need to talk about that..!"

“Tell me? I promise I won’t shout.”

"I like to do my work the way I like to do it." She shrugged.

“Which is..?”

"I like to use different coloured pens."

“And you have to use black ink only?” He paused for a moment, “Does it help you remember things, using colours?”

"Yeh. She just don't get that." Tilly grumbled.

He kissed the top of her head. “Any idea what you want to do when you leave school?”

"Nah." She shrugged.

“Out of all the girls, you’re the one most like your mum, you know.”

Tilly grinned broadly.

“You really are.” He snuggled her. “I miss you being small. All of you.”

"You said mum wasn't pregnant..." Tilly replied suspiciously, looking a little nervous.

“She’s not.” He smiled.

"Then why you mention missing us being babies?"

“Because I do. It doesn’t mean I’m in any hurry to create any more.”

"Good!" Tilly replied firmly.

“Do you not want another little brother or sister?”

"Tell me you ain't serious?! What would I do with a baby sister now?"

“Look after it.” He smirked.

"Oh I see, you knock mum up and then I get lumbered with the baby afterwards? That don't seem fair..!" Tilly giggled.

"What are you two on about?" Duffy interjected. She was lent against the doorframe, her eyebrow raised in bemusement.

Charlie glanced at his wife and smiled, “Just talking about babies.”

"Should I be worried..?"

“No, not at all.”

"No babies in this house any time soon thank you very much!" Duffy replied, eyeballing Tilly pointedly.

Tilly giggled softly. “Ewww!”

The younger boys were still obliviously watching cartoons.

“Dad was saying I’m the one whose most like you.”

"Its uncanny." Duffy chuckled softly.

Tilly grinned.

Duffy winked at Charlie, swishing the skirt of her dress as she pushed away from the doorway and headed over to the sofa.

“Mama? Dad?” Tilly asked.

"Yes princess?" Duffy replied.

“Love you both.” Tilly grinned.

"We love you too." Duffy smiled, pulling Tilly into a hug.

Tilly sandwiched herself between both parents. Despite being very independent at times, she was still a mummy’s girl.

"So what did you think to Sam?" Duffy asked Tilly.

Tilly shrugged, “He’s alright I suppose.” Her cheeks began to turn red though.

"Just alright?" Duffy teased.

“He’s cute but...”

"But..?" Duffy encouraged, her eyes sparkling.

“I like Tommy.” Tilly whispered sadly.

"He's doing much better." Duffy reassured. "Would you like to go visit him?"

Tilly nodded. “Please? Would that be ok?”

"I'm sure I can arrange it." Duffy smiled.

“Thank you.”

"Doesn't seem five minutes since you used to complain about how gross Tommy and Lewis were!" Duffy chuckled.

“They’re still a bit gross.” Tilly admitted.

"Yeh boys never stop being gross!" Duffy agreed, nudging Charlie with her hand, her arm laid across the back of the sofa behind Tilly.

“Rude!” Charlie pouted.

"True!" Duffy retorted, sticking her tongue out.

He stuck his tongue out in response.

"How old are you two?!" Tilly giggled.

“It’s your mum, she brings out my teenage side.”

"Bollocks!" Duffy retorted.

Charlie chuckled softly.

"Mum!" Tilly gasped.

Duffy just shrugged.

“Where your mum is concerned Tilly, I don’t think I ever left the teenage boy stage.” Charlie told his daughter who promptly pulled a face.

"You promised not to make me want to hurl!" Tilly grumbled.

“Sorry.” He kissed his daughter's head.

"You guys are just gross!" Tilly giggled.

Charlie’s hand ran up Duffy’s thigh, “Why are we gross?” He asked.

"Can I leave the room if you're going to paw at each other?"

“Of course.”

Tilly got up from the sofa. "Enjoy yourselves!" She smirked.

“Oh we will.” He laughed.

Duffy playfully slapped her husband's thigh. "Charlie!" She gasped, giggling.

“What?” He grinned.

She shook her head indulgently at him.

He lent forward and whispered in her ear, “I’m so horny for you right now.” He gently kissed her earlobe.

"Again?!" She giggled.

He nodded, “Uh huh.” He licked her earlobe. “You’re so beautiful, can you blame me?”

"You're insatiable!"

“Your fault.” He replied as his hand disappeared under her skirt and he kissed her.

"The boys..." She mumbled against his lips.

“I’m only touching your thigh.” He replied against her lips.

"We both know you won't stop there..!"

“I promise I will.”

"Hmm..!" She giggled.

“Just you wait until tonight, sexy.”

"Promises, promises!" She teased.

He laughed gently and rested his head against her shoulder.

She snuggled into him.

“I love you.”

"I love you too."

He wrapped his arms around her and held her closely.

"I could stay like this forever." Duffy sighed contentedly.

“Me too.”

"This is perfect."

“Life’s always been perfect with you.” He whispered.

"We're both getting far too soppy and sentimental in our old age!" She giggled.

“We are.” He yawned.

"Have you reached an age where you need a midday nap?" She teased.

“Uh huh.” He replied.

"Want me to get your slippers and a blanket?"

He laughed gently, “No, I’ll be ok.”

"OK old man."

“Ssh.” He couldn’t help the smile on his lips.

"You need to build up your energy for later."

“I have enough energy, don’t you worry.”

"I'll hold you to that."

Charlie did end up dozing off on Duffy’s shoulder.

The boys finished watching cartoons and joined their parents on the sofa for a cuddle.

“Daddy sounds funny.”

"He snores very loudly doesn't he?" Duffy chuckled.

“Yep!” Oli giggled.

"Its coz he's old!"

Oli and Paul giggled again.

Charlie's snores got louder, prompting Duffy to nudge him which thankfully stopped his snoring

"Ah, peace at last!" She giggled.

“Mummy?” Oliver asked.

"Yes little man?"

“Can we go to the park?”

"Once daddy wakes up."

“Can we wake him up?” Paul asked with a grin.

Without waiting for their mum to reply both boys began jumping on their dad shouting, "Daddy wake up!"

Charlie groaned, “Urgh!”

"Boys!" Duffy chided.

“Daddy’s awake now.” He opened his eyes and looked at both his boys.

"Park!" Oli declared excitedly.

“You want to go to the park?”

"Yeh!" Oli grinned.

"Me too!" Paul added.

“Come on then, let’s go to the park.”

"Don't be too long, it's almost lunchtime." Duffy smiled.

“We won’t.” Charlie kissed Duffy gently on the lips.

"Have fun!" Duffy smiled.

“We will, babe.”

Duffy stretched out on the sofa as the boys dragged their dad into the hallway.

A few minutes later, the front door closed.

Duffy picked up the remote and flicked through the channels.

There was a peaceful silence in the house, something that was rare.

Part of her told her that silence was never a good thing but she brushed that thought away.

A little while later there was the sound of footsteps on the stairs.

Duffy glanced up from the cooking show she'd been watching.

Tilly was once again in the doorway of the living room.

"If you're looking for your dad he's taken your little brothers to the park."

“No...” Tilly paused, “I wanted to talk to you.”

"Me?" Duffy repeated, surprised.

Tilly nodded and came closer, “Can I sit next to you?”

"Sure." Duffy shuffled over to make room.

Tilly sat next to her mum and fiddled with her hands nervously.

"What's the matter?" Duffy asked gently.

“Is everything ok with you?”

"I'm fine. Why?" Duffy's eyebrows were knitted in confusion, her tone a little defensive.

“I’m just worried.”

"What's worrying you?"

“Um... You.”

"What have I done that's worried you?"

“I don’t know. You and dad... Have been arguing a lot lately...”

"Its nothing!" Duffy replied quickly.

“I don’t want yous to split up like everyone else.”

"We're not going to split up. Me and your dad are far too stubborn for that!" Duffy replied, attempting to lighten the mood.

Tilly smiled slightly, “Everyone's parents seem to be splitting up.”

"Oh princess!" Duffy sighed, pulling Tilly into a hug.

“I don’t want you and dad to split up.” Tilly whispered against her mum's chest.

"Not going to happen." Duffy insisted.

There was a silence between them both for a while.

Duffy stroked Tilly's hair as she turned her attention back to the TV.

“Do you have depression, mama?” Tilly asked quietly.

"Me? No. Why would you think that?"

Tilly shrugged.

Duffy shifted slightly on the sofa.

“I...”

Duffy fanned her hair away from the back of her neck. "Hmm..?"

“Nothing.”

"OK."

Tilly just sighed sadly.

An awkward silence stretched out between them once more.

“Mama?”

"Yes Tots?"

“Love you.”

"Love you too."

“I just worry about things.” Tilly said quietly.

"You shouldn't. There's no need to."

“I can’t help it.”

"You're like your dad in that respect."

“Hmm.”

"He's a worry wort too!"

Tilly smiled.

After a brief pause Duffy smiled. "So you and Tommy..?"

“He’s a friend.”

"But you like him?"

Tilly nodded.

"He seems like a nice boy."

“He’s a bit of an idiot sometimes.”

"That's all part of the package though." Duffy smiled.

“I know.”

"You two have known each other for a long time."

“Since we were kids.”

"You're still kids..!"

“I mean little ones.”

Duffy chuckled, ruffling Tilly's hair.

“I can’t go out with Tommy.”

"Why not?"

“It’s complicated.”

"Try me..." Duffy encouraged.

“I think Milly fancies him.” Tilly mumbled.

"Ah..."

Tilly sighed.

"And how does Tommy feel about her?"

“Dunno.”

"Maybe talk to him about it?"

“And say what? 'Do you fancy Milly?'!”

"Subtlety, Matilda, subtlety." Duffy chuckled.

“I don’t think I can be subtle, it ain’t in my nature.”

"You may benefit from learning how."

“Maybe.”

"He was prepared to fall out of a tree to impress you..."

“That says a lot, doesn’t it?”

"It does. And the fact you were so worried about him is equally telling."

Tilly nodded.

"If you really like him and he really likes you..."

“But what if Milly likes him too? She’s my best friend.”

"Its tricky. Have you spoken to Milly about how you feel?"

Tilly shook her head.

"That might be a good idea."

“But what if she says she likes him. Then what do I do?”

"Then I guess it's up to Tommy to decide who he likes. And which of them means more to you."

Tilly sighed. “Ok mama.”

"Its not easy I know."

“I’ve liked Tommy for a while.”

"What do you like about him?"

“He makes me laugh.”

"Always a good thing." Duffy smiled.

“That night... The night he fell....”

"What about it?" Duffy encouraged gently.

“I wanted him to be my first.”

"Your first..? Oh..!"

“Kiss! Nothing else.”

Relief flooded over Duffy's features. "Is that why you snuck off together? You know that nursery rhyme isn't meant to be taken literally..?"

“I’m not ready for that.”

"You're still very young. You should wait til it feels right."

“I don’t feel ready and that’s ok.”

"Its absolutely OK. Just make sure he understands and respects that."

“I will.”

"And if he has difficulties with that concept send him my way and I'll put him straight!"

“He won’t.” Tilly rubbed her forehead. She had a bit of a headache.

"Either that or he can have a nice little chat with your dad..!" Duffy smirked, trying to elicit a smile from her daughter.

Tilly smiled, “I’ll bare that in mind.”

"That's a bit better."

“I’ve got a headache. I’m gonna go back to bed, if that’s ok?"

"Sure. Do you want some painkillers?"

“No thanks, I think I just need some more water.” Tilly kissed her mum's cheek.

"OK. Sleep well princess."

“Love you mama.” Tilly kissed her mum’s cheek once again before standing up.

"I'm glad you came to talk to me." Duffy smiled.

“So am I.” Tilly went into the hall and climbed the stairs. As she reached her bedroom, she closed the door behind her.

Duffy had just settled back into her program when Louis arrived downstairs looking for his dad.

“He’s gone out with your brothers. Is everything ok?”

"We were supposed to be going out." Louis sulked. Bloody typical!

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be back soon." Duffy attempted to soothe her stepson, seeing the thunderous look in his eyes.

Louis sighed, “Ok. Do you know where he’s gone?”

"He's gone to the park. I didn't realise the two of you had plans."

“Only arranged it this morning after our talk.”

"I'm sure he won't be long then."

Louis nodded and scratched at his arm.

"You're welcome to wait with me til he gets back." Duffy suggested.

“Are you sure?”

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Louis shrugged, “Dunno.”

"Unless you'd rather continue to avoid me." She sighed.

“I’m not avoiding you.” He sat down on the chair.

"I know you're mad with me but I did what I did with your best interests at heart."

“I know. I do kinda get that.”

"What she did was wrong Louis."

“That’s where you’re wrong!”

"Oh am I?" Duffy retorted sarcastically.

“She didn’t do anything wrong.”

"She abused her position of authority!"

“We both wanted it to happen!”

"You're seventeen!"

“I still wanted it to happen.”

"That's beside the point!"

“I really like her Duffy. She’s different.”

"She's a..!" Duffy stopped abruptly as she heard the front door open.

“She’s what?” Louis asked sadly.

Duffy didn't reply as the boys came running back into the lounge.

Louis watched his brothers with a smile.

"We went park." Oli grinned.

“Did you have fun?” Louis asked.

"Yeh!"

“What did you do?”

"We went on the swings and spinned lots on the roundabout til Paul was gunna hurl!" Oli grinned.

"No I wasn't!" Paul retorted.

“Were!” Oli answered back.

"Nuh-uh!" Paul pouted.

Charlie shook his head fondly at the boys, “Are you ready Louis?”

"So you did remember..?"

“Of course I remembered.” Charlie smiled.

Louis nodded mutely and headed towards the door.

Oliver and Paul were still arguing.

“Boys, please. Give your mum a bit of a rest.” Charlie said as he lent down and kissed Duffy’s cheek. “We won’t be long, call me if you need anything. Love you.”

"Its ok, silence makes me uncomfortable!" Duffy chuckled. "Have fun, love you!"

Charlie squeezed Louis’ shoulder before they left. It was nice to see him no longer avoiding Duffy, he just hoped Louis would understand where Duffy was coming from.


	38. Chapter 38

Holly sat on the floor in the living room, surrounded by several items. She picked up the information leaflet and groaned. Why had she chosen today of all days to put up the new coffee table? Then again, who needed a man for simple DIY?

She was determined to have it put together before Peter got home from work so she set about reading the instructions once again. "Right, you can do this!" She told herself firmly.

That afternoon when Peter rang on his break to see how she was, she’d already put together three quarters of the table. She just had the legs left to attach and then she was done.

First though, she was going to have a spot of lunch! She was hungry. She wandered into the kitchen and opened the fridge. It was a lot fuller since she'd moved in and taken over the food shopping and cooking!

Peter actually got fed proper food now! 

She'd made herself a wrap, grabbed a bag of crisps and was just pouring herself a glass of juice when the doorbell rang.

She wasn’t expecting any visitors so frowned. Placing the bottle of juice next to the cup, she went to the front door and opened it.

"I hope you don't mind me popping round? I was nearby dropping off a get well card to a friend." Anna smiled.

“No, not at all!” Holly grinned, “I was just having lunch. Can I make you something?” She stood aside to let Anna in.

"That would be lovely if you don't mind?" Anna replied as she entered the flat.

“Excuse the mess in the living room, I’m sorting out the new coffee table.”

"Ah, that explains all the cardboard..!" Anna chuckled.

“I thought it would be a good idea.” Holly closed the front door, “What would you like for lunch? I’ve got wraps, tea cakes, normal bread.”

"Oh wow! Quite a choice! What are you having?"

“Chicken and cheese wrap.”

"I'll have the same then."

“Do you want a drink?”

"A cuppa would be lovely."

Holly wandered back into the kitchen to fill up the kettle.

"How have you been since we spoke last week?" Anna asked.

“I’ve been good. You?”

"I've been well thanks. We've been busy at the shelter with the school holidays starting."

“I can imagine. Do you need an extra pair of hands on a couple of days?” Holly reached up to grab a mug from the cupboard.

"Always! Who you got in mind?"

“Me and Peter. Although Peter doesn’t know that yet.” Holly chuckled.

"I'd love to have you come help out."

“I’d love to help out.” Holly began to make the cup of tea and the wrap.

"If any of Peter's younger siblings are looking for some volunteer work they'd be most welcome too."

“I’ll see if the twins want to come along.”

"I'm curious to see if they live up to their reputations!" Anna chuckled.

“You haven’t met Peter’s mum yet, have you? All three daughters are a spitting image of their mother, it’s uncanny and freaky.” Holly laughed.

"No, not yet. How is she? She hadn't been well from what I recall..."

“She had the same stomach bug that the younger boys had, only it was worse for her.”

"Because of her illness?"

“I’m not sure.”

"Its a shame she has such struggles." Anna frowned.

“She’s a lovely woman. Heart of gold, it is a shame to see her struggle so much.”

"Shows that even the best amongst us find things hard." Anna smiled softly as she took the lunch Holly held out.

“That’s true.” They went into the living room with their lunch and sat down on the settee.

"This is delicious." Anna smiled after swallowing the first mouthful.

“I’m glad you think so.”

A comfortable hush fell over the women as they both ate.

“How are things with you?” Holly asked.

"All good thanks. I went to see your dad's parents the other day."

“Are they ok?”

"Yes. They send their best wishes."

Holly smiled, “I’m glad they’re well.”

"They'd like to meet you in person." Anna replied tentatively.

“They would?”

Anna nodded. "I showed them some photos."

Holly blushed slightly, “Did they say when they wanted to see me?”

"Well, it's your granddad's birthday in a couple of weeks time and there's a party planned..."

“And you’d like me to come along to the party as your plus one?”

"You can bring Peter too."

Holly smiled, “I’ll ask him when he gets home from work.”

Anna smiled, finishing her wrap.

As did Holly.

Once they'd both finished eating Anna turned to look at the partially constructed coffee table. "Shall we finish this together?" She suggested.

“You don’t mind?” Holly asked.

"I've put a few bits of furniture together in my time." Anna chuckled.

“It’s been in its box for about a week and I was tired of waiting for Peter.” Holly giggled.

"Who needs men for these things anyway?" Anna laughed.

“We don’t. Let me just wash these few pots and then we can tackle the annoying coffee table together.”

"I'll take a quick look through the instructions whilst you do that."

Holly took the plates into the kitchen and washed up. She returned a couple of minutes later.

It didn't take them long to finish putting the coffee table together.

“I was a bit unsure of the colouring at first but it seems to fit the living room nicely.” Holly commented.

"I really like it."

“It might not be long before we find somewhere else to live. We’re still looking. We can’t seem to decide on what we like.” Holly giggled.

"You looking for another flat or a house?"

“A house, preferably three bedrooms.”

"A proper home?" Anna smiled.

Holly nodded, “To raise a family.”

"That's very exciting."

“We want to get married first. Well, I do.”

"You think he doesn't?"

“No I think he does.”

"That's good that you're on the same page."

“I don’t think he wanted to get married first before starting a family.”

"What makes you think that?"

“I don’t know, I just get a vibe.”

"I see. Why he wouldn't want marry someone as lovely as you is beyond me though..!"

Holly’s cheeks turned red as she blushed at Anna’s words.

"Do I have to have words with him?"

“No.” Holly shook her head.

There was another knock at the door.

“One minute.” Holly stood up and went to the front door. She wasn’t expecting any visitors and she’d received two in less than two hours.

Duffy was stood on her doorstep holding a box. "This got sent to ours for Peter." She explained.

“Hi.” Holly smiled and took the box. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

"Oh?" Duffy asked, following Holly into the flat.

Holly went through to the living room, placing the box onto the newly finished coffee table. “Duffy this is Anna, my mum. Mum, this is Duffy, Peter's mum.” She introduced both women.

"Pleased to meet you." Duffy smiled, holding out her hand to the other woman.

Anna shook Duffy’s hand as she got up off the sofa. “It’s nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

"Oh dear, what has my son being saying about me?" Duffy cringed, chuckling.

“Nothing bad, I promise. Holly speaks very highly of you.”

Duffy smiled. "She's well liked by all of us too."

“Holly was going to ask the girls if they wanted to help out at the animal shelter during the holidays. Would that be ok?”

"Of course, it's about time they did some work! Well the twins anyway. Emmy is away on residential."

“Thanks.” 

Holly smiled, “Where's she gone this time?”

"Scandinavia."

“Oh wow! That’s amazing! Emmy’s an artist.” Holly explained to her mum.

"She drew those." Duffy added proudly, pointing to two framed drawings on the shelf above the TV.

Anna approached the two drawings and ran her fingers along the frames. “She’s certainly very talented.”

"She drew before she could write. She's fifteen now and recently entered a national competition." Duffy grinned.

“Really? Wow! That’s incredible!”

"She takes people by surprise with being so young. Especially as she looks even younger than she is." Duffy explained, clearly incredibly proud of her eldest daughter.

Anna smiled, “Is her art work available to buy?”

"Not commercially yet but she does commissions for family and friends. She did the artwork for the posters advertising Jake's DJ sets before she went away with her art school."

“She’s really talented! I have a feeling she’s going to go very far in her career as an artist.”

"I think Peter is looking into the idea of setting her up with a website."

“I think it would be a good idea.”

"She wants to study fine art at university when she leaves school so that can go towards some of the costs!" Duffy chuckled.

“I’m sure she’ll be able to receive a scholarship.”

"She wants to go to University College or Goldsmiths. I barely scraped through Holby secondary modern!" Duffy chuckled softly.

“She’s got big ambitions.”

"She certainly does. I think it comes from lots of people trying to force low expectations onto her." Duffy frowned.

“Why’s that?” Anna asked curiously seeing Duffy frown.

"She was born three months early. Doctors weren't sure if she'd survive birth nevermind make it as far as she has."

“Oh wow, really?”

Duffy nodded sadly. "I was very unwell whilst I was pregnant with her. She's my little miracle."

Anna smiled, “Sounds like she’s a fighter.”

"She certainly is. Her girlfriend calls her 'pocket' coz she's so tiny but she more than makes up for it in determination to succeed."

Anna smiled.

"Anyway, I should let you ladies enjoy the rest of your afternoon. I only popped over to drop that round." Duffy smiled.

“Any idea what it is?” Holly asked curiously as she glanced back at the box.

"No idea."

Holly pouted.

"Be sure to tell me when he opens it."

“Oh I will!” Holly giggled.

"Its not very big..." Duffy mused.

“No, it’s quite small actually isn’t it?”

"I wonder what it could be..?" Duffy smirked, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

“You don’t think..?”

"Why else send it to our house?"

Holly’s eyes widened. “You don’t think he’s planning to propose do you?”

"I wouldn't be upset if he was..." Duffy smiled.

Holly swallowed. She’d suddenly gone very pale!

"You ok?" Duffy asked, placing her hand on Holly's arm.

“Uh huh.”

"I can take it to Peter's work if you'd rather? Pretend you don't know about it..."

Holly nodded, despite what she’d said earlier about wanting to get married, the whole thought did scare her slightly. “I...” She sat down quickly, going a bit green.

"I didn't mean to upset you." Duffy sighed, looking anxiously at Anna.

“You didn’t.”

"He's a good boy, he'll treat you well." Duffy was babbling slightly.

“I know, it’s not that. It’s just... I... Wow! It’s a shock.”

"Not to me but then I guess a mother sees these things when others don't."

Anna laughed gently, “Duffy’s right. Us mothers can see these things, you’ll know yourself one day.”

Holly blushed. "I hope so." She whispered.

“I’ll leave you and Anna to it. Should I take this?" Duffy added.

“No, I’ll put it in the kitchen.” Holly smiled, “And tell him I never saw a thing.”

"OK pet." Duffy smiled.

“Bye Duffy.”

"I'll see you at the weekend for lunch?" Duffy asked as she stepped outside to walk back to her car.

“Yes you will.” Holly lent against the doorframe, “Let me know when you’re home safely?”

"I will do." Duffy waved as she drove off.

Holly closed the front door and returned back to Anna in the living room. “Sorry about that.”

"That's OK. You're right, she's lovely." Anna smiled.

“I’m really glad you think so.”

"I'm not surprised after meeting Peter."

“His whole family are so lovely. Even Louis, despite the problems he had.”

"Which one is that? I lose track!" Anna chuckled.

“Louis is Duffy’s stepson. Charlie’s son. Peter’s half-brother.”

"Ah right. So many names to keep track of!"

“There really is!” Holly laughed. “They need name badges.”

"And it'll only get busier as they all grow up and start having families of their own..!"

“That’s true, I never thought about that.” Holly replied.

"Especially if any of them decide to have as many kids as their parents!"

“Peter and I have discussed this and I’m only prepared to give him three children at most.”

"Good girl!" Anna chuckled.

“To hell am I having eight! Duffy’s like superwoman but I couldn’t do it.”

"Yeh, you wouldn't think from looking at her that she has eight children!"

“No you wouldn’t.”

"She must have been barely out of school when she had Peter!"

“I think she was in her late twenties when she had Peter. I don’t know, I’ll have to ask Peter but I’m sure she wasn’t that young.”

"So she's roughly my age? Never!"

“Yeah.”

"Wow! I'd love to know her secret."

“You really thought she was much younger?”

"Yeh."

Holly curled up on the sofa beside Anna, “Maybe we should ask what her secret is.”

"That sounds like a very good idea." Anna smiled.

Holly rested her head against Anna’s shoulder and yawned.

"I should leave you to have a doze." Anna squeezed her daughter's arm.

“Stay and cuddle?” Holly asked shyly.

"If you want me to..?"

“Yeh. Unless you’ve got afternoon plans?”

"Only some laundry which can wait." Anna smiled.

“If you’re sure..?”

"Of course."

“Thank you.”

"Its been a long time since we've snuggled up for a nap like this."

“Too long.” Holly said quietly as she closed her eyes.

"But we have each other again now." Anna whispered, stroking Holly's hair.

“I’m really glad.” Holly murmured.

It didn't take long before both of them were fast asleep on the sofa.

Holly didn’t often have an afternoon nap but she hadn’t slept great the previous night.

Peter was rather surprised to find both women asleep on the sofa when he arrived home from work.

Holly began to wake up.

Peter swallowed as he noticed the package on the kitchen worktop. He swore he'd sent that to his parents' house.

Holly rubbed her eyes as she gently left Anna’s side and wandered into the kitchen. She jumped, a little startled, not expecting Peter to be home.

"I didn't want to wake you. You both looked so comfy." Peter smiled.

“It’s ok. I was waking up anyway, I’m thirsty.” She smiled, reaching up to stretch.

"I can make you a drink." Peter replied as they both reached for the kettle, right next to where the package lay.

“Your mum brought it round.” Holly whispered, “I left it here because I don’t want to spoil the surprise.”

"What surprise?" Peter grinned cheekily.

She looked up at him and laughed gently, “The one you’re planning.”

"I have no idea what you could possibly mean..!"

“No, of course not.”

"I was planning to put that coffee table together this evening..."

“Sorry, I beat you to it.”

"I'm sure you'll find me a million other jobs to do instead..!" Peter chuckled.

“Always baby.”

"So what's for dinner?" Peter smirked.

“Me.” She winked.

"My favourite..!" He reached out to stroke her cheek, licking his lips.

Holly giggled.

"That's one meal I have an insatiable appetite for."

“Oh I know.”

"You look after me so well." Peter smiled.

“I do my best.” She pouted.

"You're the most wonderful girlfriend I could ask for." He replied, kissing her pout.

“I try to be.” She returned the tender kiss.

"Did you enjoy your day off?"

“Yes thank you. How was work?”

"Busy. We're almost ready for the launch though."

“That’s good!”

"I didn't realise you were spending today with your mum."

“I didn’t plan to.” She giggled, “Mum came round at lunch.”

"And then my mum came over too?"

“Yes. It was nice to introduce them both to each other though.”

"They got along OK then?"

“Yeah they did.” She nodded, “My mum’s impressed with Emily’s art work and how young your mum looks.”

"Ah that reminds me! I need to do some more work on Em's website so it's ready for when she gets home."

“Have you spoken to her?”

"Yeh, she texted me some ideas she'd had."

“Is she doing ok?” Holly asked.

"Yeh her and Beth are having a blast."

“She’s so lucky! Being able to go and visit all these places.”

"Yeh she's had such amazing opportunities." He smiled.

Holly giggled as she playfully bopped Peter on the nose.

Peter stuck his tongue out at her.

“I love you.”

"I love you too." Peter smiled. "Hi, Anna, how are you?" He added as the older woman made her way through to the kitchen from the lounge.

“Hi Peter, I’m good thank you. Yourself?”

"Bit tired but I'm good thanks. I hear you met my mum today."

“I did! I can’t believe she’s around the same age as me!”

"She'll love you for saying that!" Peter chuckled.

“I seriously thought she was much younger!” Anna exclaimed.

"She certainly acts like she is!"

“Must be the nurse in her.” Anna smiled, “I should leave you two to spend some time together.”

"You sure? You're welcome to join us for tea." Peter smiled.

“I’m sure.” Anna smiled again.

"We'll see you again soon?" Holly asked.

“Of course.”

Holly smiled as she walked her mum to the door.

“Thank you for lunch, it was wonderful!”

"I enjoyed it too. We should do it again soon."

“Yes we should.” Anna kissed Holly’s cheek and forehead. “Love you.”

"Love you too mum."

“Bye sweetheart.” Anna left, walking back in the direction she’d come from a few hours before.

Holly waved til her mum rounded the corner and then headed back inside.

“Your mum's so lovely! Now I know where you get it from.” Peter smiled as Holly returned to the kitchen. 

"I just wish we hadn't missed out on so many years together." Holly sighed.

“You’re not going to miss out on anymore.” He reassured.

"I still haven't told my adoptive parents about her."

“Would you like me to be there when you do?”

"It might be better if you are."

“Then I’ll be there.” He smiled

"I don't think they'll be pleased."

“Maybe not but it’s your life Holly, not theirs.”

"They'll just yell that I'm an ungrateful brat as always." She sighed.

“You’re not ungrateful for wanting to know where you come from.” He wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm glad you understand why I needed to know her."

“I understand.” He kissed the top of her head.

"Family's important." She smiled.

“More important than you realise, sometimes.”

"Your family has shown me that."

“You’re part of our family.”

Holly smiled broadly.

“That’s it, I love your smile!”

"I'd never really felt part of a proper family til I met you."

Peter kissed her gently.

All thoughts of her adoptive parents' reactions left her mind as she cuddled with Peter.

“Go and sit down under the blanket, I’ll make us some tea.”

"I'll forewarn the fire brigade..!" She teased over her shoulder as she headed for the sofa.

Peter gasped and shook his head fondly. As Holly disappeared into the lounge, he picked up the small box on the worktop. Now he just needed to find the perfect moment to ask Holly to be his wife.


	39. TW: eating disorders, abuse, self harm and suicidal behaviour

Duffy smiled as she spotted the familiar figure stood waiting in the entrance to the train station as she parked her car and walked over.

As soon as Duffy got near enough, Megan threw her arms around the younger woman. “Hello pet!”

"Sorry I'm a little late. Traffic was terrible!"

“It’s ok. I’ve not long arrived myself.” Megan held Duffy at arms length and gave her the once over.

Duffy rolled her eyes, waiting for her older friend to finish.

“You’re looking well.” Megan complimented as she finally finished giving Duffy the once over.

Duffy quirked an eyebrow. "But..?"

“But nothing.”

Duffy didn't look entirely convinced.

“You do look well. Better than when I saw you last.” Megan replied.

"That's not difficult." Duffy sighed.

“How are things?”

"Busy but OK. How about you?"

“Pretty much the same.” They walked towards the car. “I’ve been looking forward to this catch-up for weeks!”

"Me too. I'm just sorry it took so long to find a date we could both do."

“Don’t worry about it. I know how busy you and Charlie are.”

"So what do you fancy doing?"

“Shall we take a walk and then go for some lunch?”

"Sounds lovely. I just need to grab a parking ticket."

Megan tried to give Duffy some money for the parking ticket but as usual, Duffy refused to accept anything.

"Remind me again which of us is the one still working..?" Duffy chided good-naturedly in response to Megan's offer.

Megan laughed. “You know I like to do my bit.”

“Yes.”

Placing the ticket in the windscreen, Duffy relocked her car.

“Any sign of you and Charlie becoming grandparents yet?” Megan asked.

"I think Peter might be planning to ask Holly to marry him soon." Duffy smiled.

“He’s growing up too fast, that young man!”

"Too fast!" Duffy chuckled.

“And the rest of the children? How are they?”

"Where to begin.?!" Duffy laughed.

“From the eldest and work your way down?” Megan chuckled.

"Jake has been doing well with his DJ work and has plans to set off travelling again soon. That's rather thrown a spanner between him and Krystal though."

“Ah. How long have they been together?”

"It must be well over a year now..."

“I’m guessing Krystal doesn’t want to travel?”

"She's very independent and doesn't want to just traipse around after him all the time. She's got a job in London."

“Ah! I can see why they may have a few issues to sort out.”

"Yeh." Duffy sighed. "Tangled love lives seem to be the order of the moment in our house..!"

“What makes you say that?”

"Oh I didn't tell you did I? About catching Louis in bed with his tutor..!"

“Pardon?” Megan’s eyes widened.

"Thank you! Finally someone else who's as horrified by it as I am!"

“Louis was in bed with his tutor? You caught them..?”

"Yeh, well and truly caught them in the act!"

“I hope you reported her!”

"They wouldn't let me."

“They...?” She frowned.

"Louis and Charlie."

“Charlie didn’t want you to call the police?! Why ever not? It’s abuse!”

"He's afraid of alienating Louis even more."

Megan sighed. “And you’re stuck in the middle?”

Duffy nodded, sighing.

“How is Louis? Other than that?”

"He seems to be making good progress. He gets his exam results in a few weeks time."

“That’s good. And the other things...?”

"He's stayed clean since he got out of rehab as far as we know."

“That’s amazing!” Megan smiled, “Tell me more about this tutor?”

"She's almost twice his age. She came highly recommended as a tutor..."

“No wonder if she seduces all her pupils.”

"Hmm..!"

“I’m guessing you banning Louis from seeing this tutor has caused problems between the two of you?”

"Yeh, I'm not exactly his favourite person right now..."

“You’ve done the right thing, pet.”

"I hope so."

“She’s abused her position of trust.”

"Louis tried to compare it to his dad and me..."

“It’s nothing alike!”

"He said that you could argue that Charlie abused his position of authority by sleeping with me." Duffy sighed, the accusation clearly stung.

Megan sighed, “Charlie was your boss and I guess you could say, he was in a position of trust. However, you weren’t a child.”

"No, you lot just all acted like I was..!"

“You were young!”

Duffy made a dismissive noise in reply.

“I knew it was never going to work, keeping you and Charlie apart.”

"It was inevitable from the moment we first set eyes on each other but he waited... That was a line he would never cross..."

“Only he did cross it in the end?”

"Only when I was able to cross that line first."

“I used to just think he was simply attracted to you because he wanted to make you a notch on his bedpost."

"He probably did at first." Duffy chuckled. "I've never told you about the first time we met..."

“No, you haven’t.”

"Everyone thinks it was when I started working at the hospital in eighty six but it wasn't..."

“You knew him before?”

"We met before. Just the once. During that long hot summer of seventy six..."

“Tell me more?”

"Truth be told I shouldn't have been in the pub but you probably worked that out already!"

“You met Charlie in a pub when you were...” Megan gasped, “A teenager?”

"Nothing happened. It was just a fleeting glance across the room. But neither of us ever forgot."

“I should hope not! You shouldn’t have even been drinking at your age!”

"Yeh I know." Duffy shrugged.

“But you both remembered each other?”

"We didn't realise it at first but yes."

“How did you both realise?”

"We got talking one morning and it came up. We suddenly realised that's why things seemed to instantly click when we started working together."

“You know what that is, don’t you?” Megan smiled.

"What?"

“Fate.”

Duffy blushed, smiling.

“I know what I did was wrong, keeping you apart. Well, at least attempting but I was doing it with your best interests at heart.” Megan explained.

"I know and I understand why you did what you did."

“I thought he’d hurt you but he never did.”

"He's a good man."

“A very good man.”

"Its fun watching him deal with his daughters starting to date though..!" Duffy giggled.

“Oh I can tell he wouldn’t like that!” Megan chuckled.

"He had just about gotten used to Emily dating and then the twins discovered boys..!"

“The girls are all dating?”

"Emily and Lottie are. Tilly has this 'it's complicated' thing going on with a boy in her class..."

“Is Emily still seeing Beth?”

"Yeh. They're away in Norway with the art school at the moment." Duffy smiled.

“And everything is ok?”

"As far as I know things are great between them."

“That’s great. And the person Lottie’s seeing? A boy?”

"We've not met him yet. It seems to be causing some friction between the twins." Duffy sighed.

“Oh..?”

"He comes from a difficult family."

“Define difficult?”

"His father and brother are currently in prison."

Megan’s eyes widened. “I hope Lottie isn’t going to get corrupted, getting caught up in things.”

"She swears he's not like the rest of his family but..." Duffy sighed.

“You're worried?”

"Of course. What mother wouldn't be?"

“That’s true.” Megan smiled sadly, “Does this young man have a name?”

"Owen."

“And what’s he like?”

"I wish I could tell you. She seems hell bent on avoiding bringing him to meet us."

“Do you think she’s just worried about how you’ll all react?”

"Maybe. I just wish she didn't feel like that. We haven't given her any reason to."

“Maybe she’ll bring him around soon. When things are more serious?”

"I suppose." Duffy sighed.

“How long have they been going out?”

"I'm not sure, a few weeks maybe."

“Give it time.” Megan assured.

Duffy nodded as they turned the corner onto the path that ran along the marina.

“How’s your treatment going?” Megan asked. “You’re definitely looking at lot better than when I saw you last. You don’t look as pale for starters!”

"Its the middle of summer so I've actually got something approaching a tan. Well for me anyway!" Duffy chuckled.

Megan smiled. It was lovely to see Duffy looking healthy.

"You look like you're doing well too. You had us a bit worried for a while..."

“Me? Why?” Megan asked.

"You just didn't seem your usual self last time we saw you."

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about me pet! Nothing a good sleep didn’t cure!”

"I'm glad."

Megan smiled as they stopped on the marina. “Is Charlie ok?”

"He's doing OK." Duffy smiled.

“Good. Everyone else is ok too? And your mum?”

"Yeh, she's still an eternal thorn in my side!" Duffy chuckled.

“You’re both still getting on ok?”

"Yes when she isn't being smug about how the stress I put her through as a teenager is coming back to bite me on the bum..!"

Megan laughed, “I don’t need to ask which one the handful is, do I?”

"The boy I mentioned that Tilly likes... Well, he fractured his wrist falling out of a tree trying to impress her..!"

“I hope he wasn’t seriously hurt because of his foolishness?”

"Amazingly not but that may be down to the fact that both of them were drunk to practically the point of incoherence at the time!"

Megan couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her lips. “Now she really is a miniature you!”

"Excuse me! I can hold my alcohol!" Duffy gasped, giggling.

“I’ve seen you in plenty of states over the years, Duffy Fairhead.”

Duffy continued to giggle, blushing furiously.

Megan chuckled softly, “Nevermind the things you and Charlie have done whilst drunk.”

"Yeh..." Duffy cleared her throat awkwardly.

Megan shook her head fondly as they sat down on a bench.

Duffy smiled as she looked out over the harbour.

A comfortable silence drifted over both women.

"Do you fancy a bite to eat?" Duffy asked tentatively after several minutes had elapsed.

“Yeah, there’s a nice sandwich bar just around the corner.”

"OK." Duffy agreed.

They got up and made their way to the sandwich bar.

After ordering their food they sat down at a table by the window.

“Are you sure everything is ok?” Megan asked.

Duffy sighed. "I did something stupid recently..." She admitted, her head down.

“Define stupid?” Megan said quietly.

"I accused my husband of having an affair that resulted in a child."

“What happened? Why?”

"Jake's brother turned up out the blue. He mistakenly thought Charlie was his dad."

“Andrew had another child?” Megan paused, “Why did you think Charlie had cheated?”

"Yeh, around the time he and I broke up." Duffy confirmed. "Oh I don't know! I guess all the stuff that happened with Baz made me paranoid."

“Did you have an argument about it?”

Duffy nodded.

“Did you explain to Charlie how it made you feel?”

Duffy laughed bitterly.

“I take it you didn’t?”

"We found other ways to 'deal' with it..."

“Oh..?”

The look on Duffy's face negated the need for an explanation.

“Are things ok between you and Charlie?”

Duffy sighed again. "All this stuff with Louis hasn't helped..."

“Are you both struggling?”

"He wanted to hurt me." Duffy whispered. "That's one of the ways it manifested itself."

“Louis did?” Megan gasped.

"He felt I needed to be punished."

Megan couldn’t hide the look of horror on her face. “He hasn’t hurt you, has he?”

"I'm terrified of being in the house at night when Charlie and Jake are working..."

“Because of Louis’ thoughts?”

"I wouldn't stand a chance if he acted on them."

“Have you talked to Charlie about this? About how you feel?”

Duffy shook her head. "He's scared of driving Louis away."

“You need to talk to each other! And preferably talk to Louis at the same time!”

"We tried that. It didn't work..."

“What happened?”

"Charlie totally flipped out."

“About Louis’ thoughts towards you?”

Duffy nodded.

“It’s no surprise after what’s happened to you in the past.” Megan replied softly, “You can’t spend your life being scared of your stepson.”

Duffy sighed.

“Communication has never been yours and Charlie’s strong point.”

"I don't want him to be forced to chose."

“Maybe he doesn’t need to choose. Maybe he just needs to be mindful of how you’re feeling?”

"Its his son!"

“And you’re his wife!”

"Hmm..."

“Is he working tonight?”

Duffy nodded.

“After we’ve had lunch, why don’t you go and talk to Charlie?”

Duffy looked reluctant but agreed.

“You need to tell him, pet.”

"I don't want to make things worse."

“You won’t.”

The food arrived and Duffy picked at her sandwich.

Megan couldn’t help but watch her. She was worried about what Duffy had told her.

Duffy's appetite had disappeared but she knew that Megan was watching her so forced down a mouthful.

“You don’t have to force yourself to eat.” Megan whispered sadly.

"I'm in recovery, I'll get in trouble if I don't." Duffy retorted bitterly.

Megan sighed.

Duffy swallowed a second mouthful. The food felt like a stone in her stomach.

“Duffy?”

"Hmm?"

“You’ll make yourself sick.” Megan said gently.

"Wouldn't be the first time..!" Duffy muttered.

Megan sighed.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to do that now. Mostly coz I don't fancy bursting a blood vessel."

Megan ended up leaving her sandwich, she was no longer hungry.

Duffy sighed sadly.

Neither of them spoke, for the first time ever, Megan didn’t know what to say to her friend.

Duffy found herself starting to cry. There was no sound, just a constant stream of tears rolling down her cheeks.

Megan got up and moved, wrapping her arms around the younger woman.

Duffy tensed slightly, the tears not stopping.

“Ssh, it’s ok.” Megan reassured.

Duffy buried herself deeper into Megan's arms, as though trying to hide from everything around her.

Megan’s hand ran through Duffy’s hair as she tried to comfort her.

Duffy suddenly pushed back, stumbled to her feet and bolted out the door.

Megan paid for the sandwiches and went after Duffy, “Duffy? Pet?” She called.

Duffy was lent over the railings staring down at the water.

Megan wasn’t sure whether to contact Charlie.

Duffy didn't seem to notice as Megan stepped closer.

“Would you like me to call Charlie?”

Duffy's breath was ragged and she didn't respond.

Megan ended up calling Charlie.

Duffy hadn't moved or spoken by the time that Charlie pulled up in his car.

Megan informed Charlie of what they’d spoken about before Charlie gently touched Duffy’s arm. “Sweetheart?”

Duffy shrieked, pulling back.

“Sweetheart, it’s me. It’s Charlie, you’re safe.”

"Why does it keep happening?" She sobbed.

“What?” He asked gently.

"What did I do wrong?"

“Nothing, you’ve done nothing wrong!”

"I must have!"

“You haven’t.”

"I'm sorry." She cried.

“Can I hold you?” He asked sadly, “You've got nothing to be sorry for.”

"It must be something I do. I don't mean to."

“Ssh, it’s nothing that you do! Do you hear me?”

"Then why do they treat me like that?"

“They’re the ones with the problem!”

"And I'm just the worthless whore they chose to take it out on!"

“You’re not a whore! Don’t you dare say that about yourself!” He replied sharply, “Nor are you worthless!”

She didn't look convinced.

“You’re not!”

She turned back to the railing, retching violently.

He rubbed her back.

Duffy began to panic as blood came up.

“I think we need to go to the hospital.” He whispered.

Duffy shook her head. "They can't know!"

“Who can’t?”

"I've let them down." Duffy cried.

“You haven’t let anyone down! Nobody at all!"

Her legs buckled.

He caught her just in time.

Megan stepped in to help him.

“Babe, let me take you to the hospital.” He asked again.

Duffy tried to answer but instead gagged and choked.

He rolled her onto her side. “Megan, will you call me an ambulance please.”

"I don't have a phone!"

He took his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Megan.

A few moments later Megan was on the line to the emergency services.

Charlie stroked Duffy’s cheek.

Several minutes later the ambulance pulled up and within five minutes Duffy was on her way to the hospital with Megan beside her, Charlie following in the car behind.

Duffy started to rouse, panicking. "Charlie..?" She mumbled, her eyes searching around her.

“He’s in the car, pet. He’s following behind.”

Duffy continued to cry.

Megan squeezed Duffy’s hand.

Duffy was starting to drift in and out of consciousness as they arrived at the hospital.

“Stay awake sweetie!” Megan replied.

The ambulance doors opened.

"What we got?" Connie asked.

Megan went into nurse mode, “Lisa Fairhead, collapsed about fifteen minutes ago and began to throw up blood. Been in and out of consciousness since.”

"Resus." Connie instructed tersly.

“Charlie’s on his way.”

Connie ignored Megan and turned to the paramedics.

Megan let go of Duffy’s hand as she was wheeled into the hospital and resus.

Moments later Charlie came barrelling through the doors. “Duffy, baby, I’m here!”

"Members of your family just can't seem to keep themselves out of this room!" Connie interjected.

“Don’t start, I’m not in the mood!” Charlie answered back.

"Gastric bleed brought on by self induced vomiting." Connie remarked as she examined Duffy's throat with a pentorch.

“She hasn’t made herself sick.”

Connie snorted derisively in response.

“She hasn’t!!”

"You really expect me to believe that? With her history?"

“Yes! I’d know...”

Duffy started to choke again.

“She wouldn’t! I'd know if she was...” He whispered.

Robyn's hands shook slightly as she attempted to suction the blood from Duffy's airway.

Why hadn’t he noticed? He stood frozen as his colleagues worked to stabilise his wife's condition. Why was this happening? He couldn’t lose her! Not now... Everything seemed to blur around him. He couldn’t cry in front of his colleagues so he ended up fleeing from resus, to his office.

Megan followed him, quietly slipping into the room behind him, closing the door and leaning against it in silence, simply watching Charlie as he trashed his office.

Everything on his desk, ended up been thrown around the room before he sat in the middle of the mess and began to cry.

Megan waited a few moments before stepping over towards him.

“This is all my fault.” He whispered.

"Its no one's fault."

“It’s mine!”

"She's frightened, she's confused."

“I should’ve noticed she wasn’t herself. But I didn’t... Again! I didn’t notice!”

"She's very good at hiding."

“Tell me about it! I used to think she’d tell me anything but she doesn’t anymore.”

"She wants to protect you."

“Protect me from what?” He threw a picture frame against the wall, the glass shattering. “Nobody ever asks me how I feel about all this?” He said quietly.

Megan looked down at the smashed photo. "How do you feel about it all?"

“It hurts.”

"You think it's your fault don't you?"

“It is my fault.”

"How?"

“Because I should’ve made better choices!”  
He paused. “It’s not just that.” He sighed.

"What is it?" Megan pressed gently. Charlie needed to face whatever it was.

“It doesn’t matter!”

"Yes it does! It's eating away at you!"

“I know she’s scared of Louis.”

"Surely you understand why..?"

“Of course I do! I understand. But I can’t and won’t chose between the two of them.” Charlie replied, “He’s my son! He’s only fucked up because of me! Because of what I did to him and his mum. I won’t walk away. But I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this. This constant...” He trailed off.

Megan waited for him to continue.

He didn’t continue.

"Charlie..?" She prompted.

“It’s so lonely sometimes, watching your wife hate everything about herself.” He whispered. “I’m supposed to be the strong one. The one to hold this family together but maybe I can’t anymore. Maybe I’m not enough..?”

"We both know she didn't make herself sick this afternoon."

“I know she didn’t. Deep down, I know. I love her so much. You know that right?”

"I know that and she knows that."

Charlie brought his knees to his chest and was quiet for several moments.

"She'll be OK." Megan attempted to reassure.

He nodded but didn’t speak.

The silence stretched out between them.

“What did she tell you?”

"About..?"

“This afternoon, before she began to panic.”

"She's frightened. She doesn't like being in the house at night when you or Jake aren't there."

“Because she’s worried Louis will hurt her?”

"She knows she can't defend herself if he did."

“He won’t hurt her.”

Megan nodded.

“He hates that Duffy’s so scared of him.”

"You all need to sit and talk. Properly."

He nodded, “We will. I think we need to, don’t we? In order to go forward from this.”

"Its the only way."

“Louis’ changed so much.”

"I'm not sure it's him that she's frightened of..."

“Then what is it?”

"The memories."

“The memories of everything that’s happened?”

Megan nodded.

He sighed, “What do you suggest we do?”

"You need to face it as a family."

He nodded.

"You should go back through to crash."

“Yeah I should. Before she thinks I’ve given up on her.” He smiled sadly.

"She was crying for you in the ambulance."

“Was she?” He swallowed as he stood up. “I’ll tidy this mess after.” He kissed Megan’s cheek, “Thank you.”

"You were all she wanted." Megan smiled. "Leave this to me."

He went to resus to see Duffy. He didn’t want an argument with Connie, he was tired.

Thankfully she wasn't there.

Robyn walked over to Charlie. "She's been asking for you."

“Where is she?” He asked, “She's ok?”

"She's in a side room. Bit of privacy." Robyn smiled.

“Thank you.” He smiled as Robyn led him to the side room where Duffy was sat.

"You've got a visitor." Robyn smiled as they entered.

"Charlie." Duffy smiled softly.

“Hello baby.” He smiled as he stepped towards the bed.

"I'm sorry."

He placed his finger against her lip and kissed her forehead.

"I'll leave you to it." Robyn smiled.

“Thank you.” As the door closed, Charlie kissed her forehead again. Tears rolling down his cheeks.

"It hurts." Duffy whispered, her voice cracking.

“The memories?” He whispered.

"Megan told you..?"

He nodded, “You’re scared of Louis.”

"I don't want to be."

“He won’t hurt you.” He whispered, “I know he won’t.”

"It reminds me how weak I am..." She started to cough again.

“You’re not weak.” He whispered. “You’ve never been weak!”

"Feel sick..." She mumbled, still coughing.

He handed her a sick bowl and held her hair back. “We need to sit down and talk to Louis about this.”

She retched but nothing came up. "He already hates me..."

“No he doesn’t. I just don’t think he knows how to repair the damage.” Charlie admitted, sitting beside her.

Duffy was quiet for several minutes before she spoke again. "They all think I did this to myself don't they?"

“Yeah but I don’t.”

"You believe me?" She smiled, the relief obvious in her eyes.

He nodded, “I never doubted you, princess.”

She giggled softly. "Aren't I a little old to be called that?"

“Never.”

"Can I go home yet?"

“Soon.” He kissed her nose.

She pouted, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

“Soon.” He smiled.

"You're supposed to be the boss..!" She sulked playfully.

“Let them run a few tests on you and then we’ll go home?”

"Fine!" She huffed, her bottom lip petruding as she continued to sulk.

Charlie’s hand gripped her hand. “I love you, you know that don’t you?”

She nodded softly.

“More than anything in the whole world.”

She ran her fingertips over his knuckles. "You hurt your hand?"

“I did something silly.” He murmured.

"What did you break?"

“Things in my office.”

"Oh Charlie..." She sighed.

“I...” He sighed.

"None of this is your fault."

“It feels like it.”

"Why?"

“It just does babe.”

"None of this is your fault. None of it." She asserted firmly.

He sighed and wiped the stray tear from his cheek.

"I thought I was strong enough to fight this on my own. I didn't want to let you down again."

“You’re not letting me down!” He asserted, “You never have.”

"Take me home. Please."

“Not until they tell me you’re allowed to leave.” He said quietly.

"She's going to use this against me isn't she?"

“I won’t let her.”

"She's determined to force me out."

“It won’t work.”

"Because you won't let her?" She teased gently.

“No, I won't! She has to go through me first.”

"My hero!" She giggled, pretending to swoon.

He kissed her cheek, “I love you. More than life itself.”

She smiled snuggling into him.

“When we’re home, would you like to speak to Louis?”

"I don't want to make things worse..." She fretted.

“You won’t make things worse. It’s what we need to move forward from this.”

Duffy nodded. "You're right." She whispered.

Fortunately, Duffy didn’t have to stay in hospital long and she was discharged a couple of hours later where Charlie took her home. Megan had gone home, promising to ring in a few days time to see how Duffy and Charlie were.

Duffy got settled on the sofa whilst Charlie headed upstairs.

“Louis are you home?” He knocked on Louis' bedroom door.

"Yeh." Louis' voice drifted through the door.

“Can you come downstairs? Duffy and I would like to talk to you.”

"Urgh! What now?!" Louis grumbled, getting up from his bed and pulling the door open.

“Yeah, please. It’s important.”

"Fine..!"

“Thank you.”

Louis harumphed as he followed his father downstairs.

“Duffy would like to talk to you about something.”

"What have I done this time?"

“You haven’t done anything.”

Louis wasn't convinced as they entered the lounge.

“Sit down.” Charlie said gently as he closed the door and sat next to Duffy.

“Everything ok?” Louis asked as he sat down on the chair.

"Your father thinks it's time the three of us had a talk and I agree with him." Duffy replied, her voice still slightly strained.

“A talk? About what?”

Duffy flicked her gaze nervously at Charlie.

Charlie squeezed her hand.

"Things have been strained between us for some time now..." She began tentatively.

Louis nodded, “Ever since rehab.” He replied.

"Its not your fault but it triggered certain things for me." Duffy attempted to explain.

“Because you were raped?” Louis asked as he nervously fiddled with his hands.

Duffy nodded, unable to meet either man's gaze.

“I...” Louis sighed, “I know you’re scared of me. I hate that I’ve made you scared of me.”

"I don't want to be." Duffy sighed.

“It wasn’t...” Louis sighed. “I never wanted to have sex with you.”

"But you wanted to hurt me..?"

Louis nodded, “Everything was... Mixed up. I wanted to hurt you. But deep down, I didn’t. Then when I... Found out about your rape... In the diary, I started thinking things. But... I never wanted to hurt you. Not like that.”

"You can understand why it frightened me though?"

Louis nodded, “I understand but I don’t want you to be scared of me. I don’t want to hurt you. I...”

A slightly awkward silence fell over the trio.

“I love you.” Louis mumbled shyly.

She glanced over at Louis.

Louis looked up and met Duffy’s eye.

She slowly reached out her hand towards him.

“I wish you weren’t scared of me. I wouldn’t ever hurt you.” Louis said quietly as he reached for her hand.

Her hand felt cold and she was shaking slightly but she didn't pull back.

“What mum did was wrong.”

"She did what she thought was best."

“It still wasn’t right.”

"We can work through this."

“I want us to,” Louis smiled.

"So do I."

After a few minutes of silence, Louis piped up. “Who is that woman you work with? The one who doesn’t like you...”

"You mean Connie?" Duffy sighed.

“Yeah. What’s her surname?”

"She uses her ex-husband's name Beauchamp."

“Hmm, ok.”

"Why?" Duffy asked, baffled by Louis' sudden interest.

“It’s nothing, I don’t think.”

Duffy shot Charlie a look.

“What was the hospital mum worked at? Back when she lived in Birmingham?” Louis asked.

Duffy shrugged.

“Dad?” He looked at Charlie.

"Birmingham City Hospital I think."

“Ok.” Louis smiled.

"What does this have to do with Connie?" Duffy asked.

“I think mum may have mentioned her a few times in one of her diaries.”

"Really?"

“Hmm. It’s a possibility.” Louis replied.

"Was it a Connie with a different surname?"

“I can’t remember. I’m gonna look into it again though.”

"OK."

“Do you think one day, you won’t be scared of me anymore?” Louis asked.

"I hope so. I hate living my life in fear."

“I’m sorry I made you scared.”

"I accept your apology."

“It was never my intention.”

"I know."

“Things just got messy. I’m really sorry.”

"I know you are."

Louis sighed, “Can I go back to my room now?”

Duffy nodded. "Thank you for coming to talk to us."

Louis smiled sadly as he got up and went to back to his room. He closed his bedroom door and hovered near the beside table. His deepest fears had been confirmed.

He picked up the blade out of his drawer. He ran his fingertip gently over the blade.

He gasped as he dug the blade into his arm, watching as the skin pierced and blood began to drip down his arm.

The sight was mesmerising, the pain helping distract his racing mind. He moved to another section of skin.

Before he knew it, he’d made several incisions in his arm. He began to panic when he realised he couldn’t control the blood loss.

He attempted to stagger towards the door.

He knew he needed to sort this but he couldn’t exactly tell his dad, could he?

He made it to the top of the stairs but his vision was swimming and blood was dripping on the floor.

He needed to get himself down the stairs!

His foot slipped and he heard a voice scream his name. “Louis? Shit!!”

“Mum!! Dad!!” Emily yelled.

The commotion brought Tilly and Lottie from their room. Tilly screamed as Louis began to tumble down the stairs towards them.

He ended up at the bottom of the stairs. Emily ran down and crouched beside her brother. “Louis?”

Charlie and Duffy came rushing up the stairs from the lounge, alerted by the banging and screams.

Emily pressed her hand against the cuts on Louis' arm, “He’s bleeding.”

"Oh god!" Duffy gasped, realising immediately that the wounds were self inflicted.

“I think he’s gone too deep.”

"Is he gunna be OK?" Tilly asked, her voice wobbling and her cheeks damp with tears.

“Yeah, course he will.” Emily replied.

Charlie had taken over from Emily in trying to stem the bleeding. “He’s not gonna wanna go to the hospital, is he?”

"No hospital!" 

"You need stitches!" Duffy gasped.

“Do it here.”

Duffy looked helplessly at her husband.

“Louis, we can’t do it here.” 

“Please.” Louis begged.

The blood was starting to ooze between Charlie's fingers.

“You’re losing a lot of blood, we need to take you to the hospital.” Charlie explained.

"No!"

“Please Louis. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think you needed to go.”

"No!"

“You need stitches son, please!”

"You do it!"

“You want me to stitch you up?”

Louis nodded.

“Ok, ok.” Charlie turned to Duffy, “Will you get me the first aid kit? There’s some sutures in there.”

"You have got to be kidding!" Duffy gasped.

“It’s the only way.”

"I'll get it." Lottie piped up.

“Thank you.”

Lottie rushed down the stairs and quickly returned with the kit.

“Thank you.” Charlie’s hands shook.

Paul and Oliver were peaking out around their bedroom door.

Tilly saw and went to them. “Come on boys, let’s give Louis some room.”

"He's hurt?" Paul asked.

“He’s a little poorly but it’s nothing to be worried about.” She reassured. “Let’s stay in here and play with your game?”

"OK." Paul replied but Oliver was still looking over at the door.

“Come on Oli.” She held her arms out.

Oliver reluctantly joined his brother and sister on the bed.

She kissed both their foreheads.

Laying out the pieces for the game Tilly tried her best to ignore the noises coming from the hallway.

“This is going to hurt.”

Louis flinched.

Charlie began to stitch Louis’ arm up.

"Ow!" Louis cried.

“I’m sorry.”

"We shouldn't be doing this." Duffy fretted.

“I know but I don’t think we’ve got much choice.” Charlie whispered.

"He's lost a lot of blood."

“I know.”

"He could go into shock."

“He could.” Charlie nodded.

"He needs to be in hospital!"

Lottie and Emily looked nervously at each other.

“I know but I can’t force him to go if he doesn’t want to.”

"He's a minor!"

“I know.” Charlie sighed.

"You're his father!"

“Louis, please can we go to the hospital?”

"No!"

“Please!”

"I'm calling an ambulance!" Duffy interjected in a tone that brokered no argument.

Louis sighed sadly, “Don’t let them take me away.” He whispered.

"I won't."

“Promise?”

Charlie nodded.

“Didn’t know what to do.” Louis mumbled.

"Oh Louis..." Charlie sighed, taking his son in his arms.

“I hate that she’s scared of me.” Louis said sadly as he began to cry.

"Its not you she's scared of. Not really."

“She is scared of me.”

"She's scared of the memories."

“And I don’t help.”

"We should get cleaned up." Emily attempted to steer Lottie away.

Lottie was rooted to the spot.

"Come on..." Emily's tone became firmer, making her sound like her mum.

Lottie moved away into the kitchen.

Once downstairs Lottie started to cry.

Emily tried her best to comfort her younger sister.

"There was so much blood..." Lottie mumbled.

“There was. It’s ok to be scared.”

"Why did he do it?"

“Because he was scared of something.”

"He's gunna be OK though?"

“He’s a Fairhead, of course he will be.”

There was a commotion in the hallway as the paramedics arrived.

“Louis! You need to let them help you.”

"They'll take me away!" Louis cried.

“They won’t! I won’t let them!” Charlie reassured.

They finally got Louis into the ambulance. Lottie stepped back into the hallway, the stairs looked like something out of a horror movie.

“It always looks worse than it is.” Emily reassured gently.

"How are you so calm?" Lottie asked, in awe of her older sister.

Emily shrugged, “Mum and dad’s genes I think.”

"We should clean up shouldn't we?"

“I will.” Emily smiled, “You go and find Tots and the boys, I’ll clean this up.”

"You sure? Where's mum?"

“I don’t know. I’ll go and find her...”

"Its ok, I'll go." Lottie insisted.

“Are you sure?”

"Yeh." Lottie jogged up the stairs and poked her head around her parents' bedroom door.

Duffy was sat on the edge of the bed, her head in her hands. She jumped as Lottie sat down on the bed next to her. 

“You ok, mum?”

"Yeh, I'm fine." Duffy replied without looking up.

“Sure?”

"Yeh. You ok?"

“Yeah.” Lottie nodded, “Emily’s cleaning up.”

Duffy got up from the bed and moved to the hall. "Oh Emmy, I'll do that."

“No mum, it’s ok.” Emily replied, her sleeves rolled up to her elbows.

"We'll do it together." Duffy insisted.

“If you’re sure..?”

"Yes." Duffy replied, moving to grab a sponge.

Emily was silent as she continued to clean up the blood.

Without a word Lottie took the bucket and refilled it with clean water.

Emily glanced up at her mum.

Tears were silently rolling down Duffy's cheeks.

“Mum?” Emily rested her hand against her mum's arm, “Its ok.”

"Its all my fault." Duffy whispered.

“No it’s not.”

"Where's Tilly?" Duffy asked, changing the subject.

“With the boys.”

"Did they see what happened?!"

“No.”

"Oh thank goodness!"

“Tilly made sure they were safe.” Emily explained.

"You all did so well."

“It’s in our genes.” Emily said quietly. “Keep a cool head in an emergency.”

"Certainly seems that way."

“He’s struggling again, isn’t he?”

Duffy nodded.

“And so are you.” Emily said quietly.

"I'm ok." Duffy mumbled as they finished cleaning up.

“No you’re not.” Emily sighed, “I see the signs mum.”

Taking hold of the bucket Duffy attempted to put some distance between herself and her daughters by going down to the kitchen.

“You don’t have to do everything on your own!” Emily replied.

Emptying the bucket down the sink Duffy sighed before turning around and facing her eldest daughter. Fearing an argument Lottie had decided to join Tilly in helping occupy the younger boys upstairs.

“We’re a family!”

"And as your mother it's my job to protect you!"

“I don’t need protecting.”

"I don't want the same things happening to you or your sisters."

“It won’t.”

A silence fell over them.

Emily began to wash her hands in the sink.

Duffy quietly observed the teenager's actions.

Emily continued to wash her hands for several minutes before drying them on a piece of kitchen roll.

"I'm sorry you all had to see that."

“Don’t be. It’s ok.”

"No its not!"

“Yes it is!” Emily replied firmly, “None of this is your fault so don’t start blaming yourself.”

"He did what he did because of me!"

“He did what he did because he’s struggling and doesn’t know how to cope with his emotions!”

"And I just poured more petrol on that fire."

“You weren’t to know that!”

"Hmm." Duffy wasn't convinced.

“What are you, a mind reader as well as a nurse?”

"You sound like your father when you talk like that!"

“It’s true though.”

"Doesn't make it any less frustrating to hear..." Duffy replied with a tiny smile.

“I get it,” Emily wrapped her arms around her mum.

Duffy held Emily tight.

“I love you mama.”

"I love you too princess."

Emily kissed her mum's cheek.

"It'll all be OK." Duffy attempted to reassure Emily though it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more.

“We’re a tough family, we can get through anything.”

"I hope you're right." Duffy sighed.


	40. TW: eating disorders, illicit drug use, self harm and mental health crisis

Duffy was awoken the next morning by the clang of the letterbox as the post arrived. She'd fallen asleep on the sofa having stayed up waiting for Charlie to arrive back from the hospital but he had yet to appear. She stretched, yawning, as Paul came bouncing through clutching a handful of letters.

“Post!” Paul declared as he held out the letters to his mum.

Duffy smiled as she took them from him. Three of them were bills which she tossed onto the coffee table unopened, her attention taken by the fourth letter which was handwritten and addressed to her by her maiden name.

She re-read the name and address several times before turning the envelope over and gently opening it.

The only time she got letters addressed in that name was from work if someone new had started working in HR but they were always typed some she was very much intrigued as she eased the sheet of paper from inside the envelope.

It was a standard A4 sheet of lined paper that had been folded into three halves. She slowly opened the letter out and began to read.

Paul stared curiously at his mum as she read the letter, her eyes widening and her skin going even paler than usual. “Mummy?” He asked quietly as he sat on his mum’s lap, he was worried when he saw she looked unwell.

She quickly shoved the letter into the pocket of her jeans. "Let's go see what everyone else is up to shall we?"

Paul hesitated before he nodded. “Where’s daddy?”

"He's at work."

“Been gone ages.” Paul said.

"He had a night shift sweetheart."

“Back soon though?”

"Yeh, shouldn't be long."

He nodded and snuggled into his mum with a yawn.

She chuckled softly as she wrapped her arms around him. It seemed they wouldn't be moving far for a while..!

Paul ended up falling asleep on his mum and was still there when Charlie arrived home.

Charlie yawned as he stepped into the house. It had been a long night and he’d fallen asleep at his desk.

"How's Louis?" Duffy asked softly. Her heart sank at how exhausted her husband looked.

Charlie smiled sadly as he lent against the doorframe of the living room, “He’s ok, I’ve come home for a quick shower. He’s asleep, just waiting for the mental health team to assess him but they’re held up.”

"Aren't they always..?" She sighed.

“Hmm.” Charlie sighed, “Sorry I didn’t call, I hope you didn’t get too worried about us.”

"I guessed you were busy. Do you want me to swap with you so you can get some kip?" She asked.

He shook his head and walked into the living room. He kissed her cheek before sitting down beside her, running his hand against Paul’s arm. “Did you sleep down here, waiting for me?” He asked, noticing she was wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

"No." She lied, her eyes darting frantically as she heard the crunching sound of Charlie sitting on the letter that had slipped out of her pocket.

“Yes.” He whispered as he moved slightly and found the letter. He smiled sadly, “Is this yours?”

"Mmhmm." She replied, attempting to snatch it from his hand but he held firm.

“Something you want to talk about?” He asked gently.

"Not here." She whispered, inclining her head towards Paul.

“That’s ok.” Charlie smiled.

She sighed, her head was spinning with it all.

“We’ll talk later? If you want to?”

Duffy nodded distractedly as she heard one of the kids come barrelling down the stairs.

“Sound like a herd of elephants.”

"It'll be one of the girls for sure." She chuckled.

“Which one begs the question.” He laughed gently.

"Fiver says Tilly."

“Deal.” He placed his hand out in front of him for her to shake.

She shook his hand just as Tilly bounded through the door.

“Where’s the fire?” Charlie joked as she came thundering into the room, waking up Paul as she did.

"You're home! Is Louis with you?" Tilly asked.

“No, he’s had to stay at the hospital. I’ve only come home for a quick shower.” Charlie explained.

"So it's really bad?" Tilly asked sadly as Paul grumbled sleepily on Duffy's lap.

“He needs to be assessed by the mental health team.”

Tilly wanted to ask more but was conscious of her little brother being in the room.

Charlie seemed to sense her hesitation and smiled sadly. “Do you want to talk in the kitchen?” He asked her.

Tilly hesitated briefly. "Yeh, I'm hungry." She finally decided.

He got up and held his hand out to Tilly. “Have you and Paul had breakfast?” He asked Duffy.

"Not yet." Duffy replied softly.

“Do you want me to make you both something, whilst I make Tilly’s?”

"Yay daddy breakfast!" Paul grinned.

“What would you like little man?”

"Eggy bread!"

“Ok. One eggy bread coming right up.” Squeezing Tilly’s hand, they moved into the kitchen where it was quieter. “Did you want to ask me about Louis?” He asked quietly.

The hesitation was still there. She fiddled with her fingers.

He placed his hands in his daughters gently, “What is it?” He encouraged gently.

"W-was..." She cleared her throat. "Was he..?" She couldn't get the words out for fear of the answer.

“Was he what, sweetheart?”

"Trying to... You know..."

“Kill himself?”

Tilly nodded.

“No sweetheart.” He answered back.

The relief seemed to wash over Tilly like a flood.

“I think Louis has a lot on his mind at the moment and he hurt himself to help with all that.”

Tilly nodded slowly, turning her father's words over in her mind.

“Is there anything else you want to talk about?”

"I just want him to be OK." Tilly sighed. "Mum cried herself to sleep last night. She thinks no-one heard..." She added in a whisper.

Charlie wrapped his arms around Tilly, held her to his chest and stroked her hair. “Don’t you worry princess, Louis’ going to be just fine.”

"And mum..?" She asked.

“Your mum’s going to be ok too.” He smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"I hope so."

“She will be. She’s made of tough stuff your mum.”

Tilly nodded, looking a little more confident. "We should make breakfast."

“Would you like to help me?” He asked.

"Yeh so you don't burn it..!" She giggled, her cheeky grin back.

“That’s more like it!”

They gathered the required items and began cooking. The smell of the food brought Lottie and Emily down from their bedrooms.

“Morning girls.”

"You ok dad?" Emily asked softly, her eyes searching her father's face.

“Yes Em, are you? Did you sleep well?”

"It was alright." Emily shrugged, sitting down at the kitchen table.

Lottie was grabbing a drink from the fridge.

“And you Lottie? Did you sleep ok?”

"I was worn out after cleaning the carpet." Lottie yawned.

“Do you both want to talk to me about what happened yesterday?”

"I know why he did it." Emily replied with a sigh. "Mum thinks it's her fault but it's not."

“No it’s not your mum’s fault.” He replied sadly.

"I tried to tell her that."

“I know sweetheart.”

"Sometimes she can be a right blockhead like these two donuts!" Emily remarked, gesturing to her sisters.

“We’re not donuts!” Lottie and Tilly replied in unison.

The three girls quickly dissolved into giggles.

Charlie laughed gently as he watched the girls.

Sensing the food was almost ready Paul and Oliver arrived in the kitchen.

As the boys sat down at the table, Charlie placed the plates of food in front of every child. “Sexy bum! Breakfast is served.” He called to Duffy.

"Urgh!" The girls grumbled, rolling their eyes at their father.

He chuckled at his daughters reaction to his nickname for Duffy.

It was several minutes before Duffy arrived in the kitchen. She'd gone upstairs to get changed.

As always, she looked beautiful.

"Good to see my kitchen is still in one piece." Duffy teased.

“It wouldn’t have been if we weren’t here.” Tilly replied cheekily.

"That's lucky." Duffy chuckled softly.

“Rude!” Charlie pouted.

"Aww, poor baby..!" Duffy teased, squeezing Charlie's cheek.

He gazed at her adorably and kissed the bridge of her nose.

She wrinkled her nose, smiling.

He did it again, his hand resting against her hip.

"Eww!" Paul and Oliver giggled.

“I’m gonna go for a shower,” Charlie whispered in her ear before kissing her cheek.

"Enjoy." Duffy smiled, grabbing a slice of toast from the counter.

“I will.” He winked and left the kitchen, heading upstairs to their bedroom.

Duffy slipped from the kitchen back into the lounge, taking the letter back out of her pocket. Her head was still reeling from it's contents. She’d never expected it.

Maybe she would have known sooner had her father's wife - she refused to call the woman her stepmother as they were practically the same age - let her into the house when she'd visited several years back now. But there'd been no contact since. She'd thought he wasn't interested and now this letter out the blue.

The letter made it seem like he wasn’t interested in her, never had been but now, he needed Duffy. She could have something he needed.

The part that hurt the most was that he hadn't even had the decency to write the letter himself. It had come from his son - a brother that, until she'd opened the letter that morning, she hadn't even known she had. He talked of a "we" in the letter - just how many children did her father have littered around the place..?

She shoved the letter back in her pocket and wiped away the tear from her cheek. She had no idea how she was going to proceed, part of her wanted to help. She was a nurse and it was in her nature but a small part of her wanted to tell her so-called father to piss off.

She'd spent her entire childhood and a good portion of her adult life idolising the idea of him. She'd raised him up to be practically God-like in her imagination - blaming her mother for sending him away. The truth, however, had shattered her.

Tilly wandered into the living room and noticed her mum was lost in thought.

Duffy jumped, letting out a squeal, as Tilly placed her hand on her mum's shoulder.

Her squeal also made Tilly jump, “Sorry mum. Didn’t mean to make you jump.”

"Sorry, I was away with the fairies." Duffy smiled, attempting to cover her reaction and the tears on her cheeks.

“What’s wrong mama?”

"I'm fine." Duffy insisted.

“Bet you a tenner, you’re not.”

"Its nothing."

Tilly sat down next to her mum. “You sure? I heard you crying last night.”

"I was just overtired." Duffy replied dismissively.

Tilly kissed her mum's cheek and wrapped her arms around her neck. “Are you worried about Louis?” She whispered.

"I just want him to get the help he needs."

“Me too, mama.”

"It'll be OK. I promise."

Out of the three sisters, Tilly was the one who was closest to Louis. “I wish he’d have spoken to me.” She said sadly.

"He probably didn't want to burden you."

Tilly sighed, “He usually tells me everything.”

Duffy squeezed her daughter's hand gently.

Tilly moved and rested her head into her mum’s lap. She was confused at the crinkling noise she heard as she did so. “Mama, what’s that?” She moved her head and took the letter in her hand.

"Its nothing." Duffy replied, attempting to take the letter back from Tilly.

“Is this what’s making you sad?”

Duffy sighed, she was tired, so tired. She nodded mutely.

“You should talk to dad.”

"Yeh... I probably should..."

“Dad always knows what to do.” Tilly paused, “Mama?”

"He does." Duffy agreed. "Yes princess?"

“Louis will be ok, won’t he mama?”

"We'll make sure he is."

Tilly nodded. “There’s a girl in my Maths class that cuts herself.”

"Do the teachers know?"

“I... I told the teacher when she told me what she did.”

"You did the right thing."

“It’s not good... Hurting yourself.”

"Hopefully she'll be able to get some help with how she's feeling."

“I....” Tilly trailed off.

"Tilly..?" Duffy prompted gently.

“I don’t understand why people hurt themselves.”

"There's many reasons. Sometimes it's because they can't cope with the emotional pain inside them."

“Is that why you hurt yourself?” Tilly asked.

"I don't..." Duffy attempted to lie.

Tilly sighed, “You have an eating disorder.”

"Its complicated..."

“Don’t some people with an eating disorder have a complicated sense of perception when it comes to their body image?”

"Have you and Lottie been reading medical textbooks again..?" Duffy asked with a hint of a smile.

Tilly giggled softly, “Maybe.”

"All of you are just far too bright for your own good..!" Duffy retorted, though her pride in her children shone through in her tone.

“We get that from you, mama.” Tilly replied back.

"I think it's only fair to give your dad some credit too..!" Duffy chuckled.

Tilly laughed gently, she handed back the letter to her mum and returned her head to Duffy’s lap.

As she stroked the teenager's hair Duffy found herself growing sleepy.

As did Tilly, she hadn’t slept very well over worrying about Louis.

It was about an hour later that Charlie wandered into the lounge, after tidying up the kitchen and taking a shower, and found the pair snuggled up fast asleep on the sofa.

He wrapped them up with a blanket and kissed the top of their heads.

The letter Duffy had received was lying open on the floor.

Even though he desperately wanted to read the contents of the letter, Charlie didnt want to ruin the trust he had with Duffy. So he picked up the letter, found the envelope it had come in and placed it on the fireplace.

Duffy's eyes fluttered open at the movement in the room.

He was trying to be as quiet as possible.

"You going back to the hospital?" Duffy mumbled.

“Yes sweetheart.” He moved towards the sofa.

"Its from my... I guess you'd call him my half brother... The letter, I mean..."

“You have a half-brother?” Charlie ran his fingertips against her cheek, “What does he want?”

"So that letter says. And not just him either..."

"What do you mean?" 

"From the sound of that letter he practically has a kid in every port so to speak..!" There was a distinct bitterness to her tone.

Charlie sighed, “What did they want? Do they want to meet you?”

"He's sick. My dad." She practically spat the word. "Really sick."

“And they need you to save him?”

"I might have what he needs yeh."

“You’re not doing it.”

"I beg your pardon?!" Her voice rose sharply.

“You're not doing it!” He repeated.

"I'm pretty sure that's my decision not yours!"

“You can’t be seriously considering it?”

"I don't know! At the end of the day, he's my dad!"

“He’s nothing more than a sperm donor! He doesn’t deserve to call himself a dad!”

Though she knew he was right, his words hurt deeply. She started to cry.

He sat on the arm of the sofa and held her in his arms, “I’m sorry beautiful, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

"I suppose at least I now know it wasn't personal." She sniffled.

He rubbed her back, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

"Mum's gunna have a field day when she finds out..."

“What he’s asked of you? I’m not surprised, she’ll be livid.”

"He's got end stage kidney failure. He's been on dialysis but it doesn't seem to be working properly."

“He’ll just have to wait on the transplant list, like everyone else.”

"They want to test all known family..."

Charlie sighed, “I don’t want you to be hurt. He couldn't even ask you himself, what does that say about him towards you?”

"He's ill..." She wasn't sure why she felt the need to defend him... "Why don't you want me to..?"

“I don’t want your so-called father to have anything of yours.”

"Its not just me though..." She mumbled, her gaze drifting to Tilly who, despite everything going on around her, was still fast asleep on her mum's lap.

“I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

"I know you don't." She sighed. "Do we tell Peter and Jake? They have the option to volunteer to be tested too..."

“Our children are not going to be tested.” He replied firmly. “He deserves nothing from you or our children.”

"The girls and younger boys are too young anyway but Peter and Jake are adults. It's their decision..."

“We are not asking them.”

"What's my decision?" Jake asked sleepily from the doorway. He yawned and ran his hand through his hair that was standing up in several directions.

“Nothing Jake.”

Jake looked from one parent to the other. There was clearly something going on but he was too tired to press further. "Fine, whatever." He yawned, heading into the kitchen to grab a drink before going back to bed.

“He deserves nothing from you or this family.” Charlie stated firmly.

"I want to see him. I need to know why."

“Why he left?”

"Yeh... And why he never got in touch after I tried to visit him when Oli was a baby."

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

"I have an entire family that I didn't even know about til this morning."

“And that’s his fault.”

"Look, I get that he's not exactly a candidate for father of the year but he's still my dad..!"

“He has no right to call himself that!”

Tilly began to wriggle and stretch.

Charlie looked down at his daughter and back up to Duffy, “He isn’t getting anything from you. Over my dead body Duffy!”

Tilly wrinkled her nose and opened her eyes. "You going back to the hospital?" She asked, seeing that her dad had changed his clothes.

“Yes princess.”

"Give Louis a hug from me?"

“I will.” He kissed her forehead, “Look after your mama for me, while I’m gone, yeah?”

"Always." Tilly smiled, snuggling into Duffy.

"I don't need looking after..." Duffy grumbled good-naturedly.

“Debatable.” Charlie teased with a smirk.

Duffy stuck out her tongue in response.

He laughed and kissed Duffy’s forehead, “Love you.”

"Love you too. Call me once you know what's going on?"

“I will. Love you too, Tots.”

"Love you dad. Take care of Louis." Tilly smiled softly.

“I will.” He smiled before he left the room. Shouting bye to the others before he left to return to the hospital.

Louis seemed calmer than when Charlie had left him.

“How are you feeling?” Charlie asked as he sat beside the bed.

"Numb." Louis mumbled.

Charlie held Louis' hand, “Do you want to talk?”

"Have they given me something?" Louis asked quietly.

“I don’t know, I don’t think so.”

"I feel weird." Louis mumbled.

“Define weird?”

"Hazy."

“Hmm...” Charlie smiled sadly, “I’ll go and ask the doctor what they’ve given you, if anything.”

When Charlie arrived back with the doctor a few minutes later Louis seemed even more out of it, staring at the wall.

“Did you give him something?” Charlie asked the doctor.

"We've given him some lorazepam to calm the agitation he was experiencing."

Charlie sighed, “Did Louis consent to that?”

"He's under eighteen and we had no choice."

Charlie sighed, “He’s a recovering addict!” He sat on the edge of the bed with Louis, “They gave you something to calm you down.”

"We gave him the smallest dose necessary."

"Dad..?" Louis mumbled, sounding worryingly incoherent despite the low dosage.

“Are you sure it was just a small amount?” Charlie pressed. “I’m here son.” He sat down on the bed where Louis could see him and took his hand again.

"Yes. Unless he's taken something we're unaware of..."

“No, he’s clean! Louis, I’m here. What do you need?”

"Go home..." Louis tried to get up but he couldn't coordinate properly.

“Not yet. As soon as you’re well.” Charlie replied, “In a few hours.”

"They want me to fail..!" Louis' eyes were flicking round the room frantically.

“Who?” Charlie tried to follow Louis’ gaze but couldn’t.

"Them!"

“Who are they?”

"Them!" Louis was becoming increasingly agitated and aggressive again.

“Calm down. Nobody’s going to get you.” Charlie reassured.

"Yes they are!"

“Nobody will get you, I promise.”

"I want to go home!" Louis cried.

Charlie held him. “Shortly, I promise.”

"They'll force me to stay. I don't want to enter the darkness again."

“I won’t let them, ok?”

"They always find me!"

“Are you seeing things?” Charlie whispered.

"I can't ever escape."

“You can. You do it every day, Louis.”

"They want me back..." Louis mumbled.

“Who?” Charlie rubbed Louis' back, holding his son against his chest. He hated seeing his boy look so lost.

"I'm scum, always will be..."

“That’s not true.”

"Nothing ever goes right, no point even trying. Just let me go."

“Everything goes right.” Charlie replied, “I’m not letting you go again, Louis. Tilly’s missing you.”

"She's better off without me..." 

“No she isn’t.” Charlie whispered, “None of us would be. You’re part of our family Louis and we love you more than you’ll ever know.”

Louis suddenly grasped his father's shirt. "Spinning..." He mumbled.

Charlie gently laid him down and lay beside him. “It’ll be the meds, it’s not nice.”

Louis wasn't listening, his eyes rolled back.

“Louis...”

The doctor stepped forward to examine the teenager, baffled by his reaction.

Louis was completely out of it, despite only been given a relatively small dose to sedate him.

"Are you sure he's not taken something..?" 

“Never. Did you consider the possibility he’d had his methadone this morning?”

"We didn't give him any."

“His methadone?” Charlie sighed, “I’ve never seen him like this before. Then again, he doesn’t touch anything since he’s been clean. Won’t even take paracetamol for a cold.”

"We don't have access to methadone so unless he's taken it himself..." The doctor continued his examination. "You sure he's still clean?"

“1000% certain.” Charlie replied without hesitation.

"Then what are these..?" The doctor asked, holding up Louis' arm.

“His old track marks?”

"Some of them look rather fresh to me." The doctor countered.

“He isn’t using!” Charlie snapped back, “He is clean!”

"I'm going to order a tox screen."

“Please do. He’s clean, I know he is. I know he isn’t lying to me.”

"I wouldn't have had you down at an optimist." The doctor retorted as he left.

Charlie cuddled up against Louis, “It’s gonna be ok son, I promise.”

Louis' eyes opened slightly, his pupils unfocused.

“I know you’re clean...”

"They want it." Louis mumbled.

“Want what?”

"They want it..." Louis mumbled repeatedly, his eyes rolling around.

“They want..?”

"Can't fight it..."

“You can, I know you can.”

"Just give them what they want..."

“No Louis, you’re not going anywhere. We’re gonna get you help though.”

"Just let me rot."

“No. I refuse to. You’re my little boy and I’m not letting you go again!”

"Everyone hates me."

“We love you,” Charlie said quietly, “Not everyone hates you.”

"She dumped me."

“Caroline?”

"I love her..." Louis mumbled, his eyes filling with tears.

Charlie's heart broke at his son. “Oh Louis, when did this happen?”

"Not sure..." The days had seemed to merge into one lately.

“I know you love her.”

"Got drunk. Had a fight."

“You and Caroline? Or you and someone else?”

"Couldn't get what I needed..."

“What did you need?”

"Make it stop."

“You wanted heroin?” Charlie asked sadly.

Louis nodded. "Couldn't take it."

“Did you take something else instead?”

"Can't remember."

“I’m so proud of you for not taking heroin because I know how difficult that was for you.” Charlie kissed the top of Louis' head. “Do you want to talk about you and Caroline?”

"Had it in my hands..." Louis was staring off into the distance again. "Felt good."

“Holding the heroin?”

"Tried. Hands slipped."

“You did so well!”

"Wanted to."

“But you didn’t and that is a massive achievement.”

"Feel sick." Louis sighed.

Charlie reached for a sick bowl of the side and gently handed it to Louis. “What did Caroline say to you?”

Louis breathed slowly trying not to vomit. "I freaked her out."

“Freaked her out by doing what?” Charlie moved to sit up and gently rubbed Louis’ back.

"Too much." Louis lent into his dad's side, everything was spinning again.

“Too much...?” Charlie pressed gently.

"Too much. Too strong."

“Your feelings for her?”

Louis nodded and then vomited.

Charlie rubbed the teenager's back, “Better out than in.” He reassured.

"I thought she loved me." Louis mumbled between vomits.

“But she didn’t?”

The vomiting was getting worse so Charlie called for the doctors again.

"This has to be some kind of mixed medication reaction." The doctor asserted after examining Louis once more. "Time to be honest young man."

“Methadone.” Louis mumbled.

"How much?"

Louis shrugged, “Dunno. Been messing with it.” He mumbled back. “She lied to me.” He sighed.

"I need to draw some blood to work out how much is in your system right now. Is that OK?"

Louis nodded.

"Did you take anything else?"

“Tried, couldn’t.”

Once the samples had been taken the doctor left to get them tested.

Louis snuggled into his dad further. “She was my first since being clean.” He mumbled sadly.

"I'm sorry she hurt you."

“Kinda saw it coming once she said she was married. But it still hurts.” Louis sighed again and closed his eyes.

"You'll find the one eventually." Charlie reassured.

“But they’ll hate me after finding out what I’ve done.”

"We all make mistakes."

“Hmm.” Louis' eyes fluttered closed. “Wasn’t just what Duffy said....” He whispered.

"She fears she pushed you over the edge."

Louis shook his head. "So tired..." He whispered.

“Go to sleep, son. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

"Don't let them get me..." Louis mumbled as he lost the battle with sleep.

“I won’t.” As promised, Charlie stayed by Louis’ side the entire time the teen was asleep.

Whilst Louis was sleeping the tox screen results arrived back. He had a high trace of methadone in his system but nothing else.

The doctor left to prepare the appropriate medication to resolve the issue.

Charlie yawned, he found himself becoming sleepy. He'd almost fallen asleep when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He moved gently to retrieve his phone, seeing a text from Duffy.

'How's Louis? Xx' 

'Not good. He’s asleep at the minute, turns out there’s things we didn’t know. Xx' 

'What things? Xx' 

'Caroline has dumped him. Xx' 

'As much as I want to say I told you so... Is that why he cut himself? Xx' 

'Yeah. Xx' 

Several minutes passed before he got another text. 'Tilly just told me the medicine cabinet has been damaged. Xx' 

'Anything missing? Xx' 

'Methadone and ibuprofen. Xx' 

'Yeah, I knew about the methadone. He’s been messing with his dosage. Xx' 

'Do you want me to check his room? Xx' 

'Please xx' 

'I'll let you know if I find anything. Xx' 

'Thank you. Babe? Xx' 

'Yes handsome? Xx' 

'I love you xxx' 

'I love you too darling. Take care of Louis. Xx' 

'I will. Xx' 

Louis started to stir, he appeared to be having a nightmare.

“Daddy’s here.” Charlie whispered to Louis.

"No!!" Louis screamed, thrashing his arms at some invisible assailant.

“Louis, you’re safe.”

"Make it stop! Make it stop!" Louis screamed.

“I will.”

Louis' eyes sprang open and he tried to scramble off the bed.

“Hey, hey. It’s ok.” Charlie reassured.

Louis hit the floor with a bang, curling up into a ball.

“Louis, you’re safe.” Charlie whispered.

"Make it stop!" Louis screamed, banging his head against the floor.

Charlie grabbed Louis and held him tightly, so he couldn’t hurt himself. “I will make it stop, but you need to talk to me?”

"It won't stop!" Louis cried repeatedly.

“What won’t stop? Your thoughts?”

Louis nodded though it was tricky to be sure as he was shaking so violently.

“Tell me about them?”

"I can't..."

“Yes you can.” Charlie reassured, “You can tell me anything.”

"They... They want me to end it all..." Louis whispered.

“They want you to kill yourself?” Charlie asked sadly.

"I'm worthless."

“No you’re not.”

"Just let me do it. Its better for everyone."

“No it’s not. You’re my little boy, you are my world. And your siblings look up to you, there’s a thousand reasons not to give up. Please.” Charlie's eyes glistened with tears as he spoke to Louis.

"Its too hard..."

“I know, I know it is. But I believe in you, I know you can do this. I know you can fight this. You just need help.”

"Don't let them take me away!"

“I won't. You’re not going anywhere other than home.” Charlie reassured.

"Promise?" Louis looked up at his father finally.

“I promise.” Charlie met his son's eye. “I’m going to find you a private therapist, Louis.”

"You'd do that..?"

Charlie nodded, “Yes.”

"You don't have to..."

“I want to.”

"I'm not worth it."

“Yes you are.”

Louis mumbled, not sounding convinced.

“You’re worth it.” Charlie repeated.

Louis continued to cry.

All Charlie did was hold him. “I love you.”

"I'm sorry." Louis mumbled repeatedly.

“Ssh, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all.”

The door opened and the doctor reentered.

Charlie and Louis were both still on the floor. Louis’ head in Charlie’s lap. “It’s ok,” He kept reassuring to his little boy.

"We need to give him the medication."

“What is it?” Charlie asked. “To counteract the drugs? I think it might be too late.”

"I'll be the judge of that." The doctor retorted.

“He’s vomited several times, whatever is in his system is certainly making its way out.”

"Still. He needs to be back up on the bed."

“He’s fine here.” Charlie replied.

The doctor harumphed as he knelt down on the floor to administer the injection.

Louis couldn’t stop shaking, he was too exhausted to try and fight against the injection.

"Its ok." Charlie reassured.

Louis fell asleep once again.

"I want him discharged home as soon as possible." Charlie stated.

“He’s still not medically fit and we’re awaiting psych liaison to arrive.”

"As soon as that is done I would like to take him home."

“Sure, though that decision isn’t up to me but is up to psych.”

"I understand that."

Charlie looked down at Louis and ran his hand over his back.

Though asleep, Louis' features were still twitching and contorting - his dreams were clearly frightening.

Charlie continued to rub Louis' back, wishing there was something he could do to take away his nightmare.

Despite the discomfort of sitting awkwardly on the cold, hard floor, Charlie stayed with Louis as he slept for the next couple of hours. It broke his heart to see his son so fragile.


	41. TW: mental health crisis, psychosis, drug use, self harm and suicide attempt

Finally the psych registrar arrived to see Louis.

He was still asleep. 

Charlie looked up at the reg and smiled sadly, “I don’t want to have to wake him up.”

"I know but the medical reg said you were keen to take him home..."

“I am.” Charlie tried to wake Louis, as gently as possible so as not to startle him.

Louis was groggy but a bit less agitated than he had been previously.

“Louis, the psych reg would like to talk to you.”

A look of panic filled the teenager's eyes. "Don't let them take me away!"

“I won’t let them.” Charlie replied firmly, “You’re coming home, back to us.”

"I need to ask you some questions Louis..." The psych registrar began.

Louis nodded, “Go on.”

"Do you want to sit up on the bed or are you happy here?"

“Happy here.” Louis replied, “Happy with dad.”

"OK." The registrar sat down on the floor with them. "I'm Gary." He smiled.

He smiled slightly. “Louis.”

"Pleased to meet you Louis. So this is your dad..?"

Louis nodded gently.

"So I've had a little look through your file but I'd like to hear about things from your point of view if that's OK?" Gary asked.

Louis nodded again, “What kind of things?”

"What's been happening these last couple of weeks?"

“My girlfriend dumped me.”

"I'm sorry to hear that. Had you been together long?"

“No.” Louis sighed, “But I love her.”

"What led to the breakup?"

Louis shrugged, “She said I was coming on too strong. That it was only supposed to be some fun.”

"And you didn't see it that way?"

Louis shook his head. “It was different for me.”

"Can you tell me more about your relationship with her?"

“She was my tutor. She’d been helping me... Get good grades so I can go to college and then university if I wanted.”

"OK. You're aware that that's somewhat inappropriate aren't you..?"

“It wasn’t like that.” Louis replied.

"Tell me what it was like then."

“It was...” Louis sighed, “She understood me.”

"And you feel like others don't?"

“Nobody will. I’m scum.”

"What makes you think that?"

“I was an addict, people got hurt because of me.”

"Was is the most important word in that sentence."

“I’m still scum.” Louis whispered sadly.

"What happened in the past cannot be changed but the future can." Gary asserted.

“People judge me for what I did. Caroline didn’t.”

"If Caroline could see beyond your past then so can others."

“No they won’t!”

"You're a very strong willed young man."

“She was my first time without drugs.” Louis muttered quietly. “I didn’t have poison in me...”

"That's a really big step to make."

“Nobody’s ever gonna like me, for me. I’m not a good person, I’m bad.”

"Why do you think you're bad?"

“The thoughts and voices tell me I’m bad.”

"OK. Well that's something that we can help you with."

“They want me to die. Said everyone will be better off without me.”

"OK. I've dealt with this kind of thing in several patients. We can help you."

“Please don’t take me away!” Louis began to get a little agitated.

"Its ok." Gary asserted calmly. He turned to Charlie. "I believe we're looking at a form of psychosis here." He explained.

“I thought we might be.” Charlie smiled sadly, “He won’t need to be admitted, will he? I promised I’d take him home.”

"Do you feel it is something you could handle dealing with at home? I understand if you can't answer that question immediately and need time to discuss the matter with Louis' mother..."

“We’ll be able to manage at home but we need a least community psychiatric support.”

"Of course, we can arrange all of that." Gary reassured. "Ideally it would be best to admit Louis for a couple of days though to get all the wheels in motion though."

“No, I don’t want him admitted.” Charlie replied, “I promised I wouldn’t.”

"OK. I'll see what we can do. It's going to be a rough ride initially, I can't emphasise that enough."

“We’ve been dealing with this the last six to twelve months.”

"OK." Gary turned back to Louis. "Would you be happy to attend regular appointments here if we allowed you to be discharged to the care of your parents?"

Louis nodded enthusiastically. “You’re not going to take me away?”

"It will be tough and take a lot of commitment but we will do our utmost to avoid that."

Louis nodded again, “Don’t want to be taken away.”

"We only do that as a last resort."

“Ok.”

"Are you happy to stay here for a few hours whilst we organise a treatment program?"

“Yeh.”

"OK. I'm going to leave you for a bit and go sort out the next steps. I'll be back soon though." Gary promised.

“Thank you, Gary.”

A more comfortable silence fell over Louis and Charlie after Gary left the room.

“See, it’s all going to be ok.”

"They can treat what's wrong with me?"

“Yes, but it might be difficult and a lot of hard work.”

"But it's something that other people have? Not just me?"

“A lot of people have psychosis. It’s treatable and manageable with the right support.”

"So I'm not a bad person? It's an illness?" Louis asked, the realisation lighting up on his face, his shoulders looking like a weight was being lifted from him.

“You were never a bad person Louis. You have an illness and it can be managed.” Charlie looked into his son’s eyes. “You’re not a bad person, son.”

"I want to get better."

“You will get better, I promise.”

"I don't want to feel like this anymore."

“I know you don’t.”

"You think I can do it?"

“I believe in you, yes.”

"I want to make you proud."

“You do make me proud. Every day that you fight your demons.”

"I want to make you proud for more than that. That I've actually achieved something."

“I’ll always be proud of you Louis. I want you to be happy.”

"Will Duffy be OK with me coming home?"

“She wants you home.”

"I don't want to frighten her anymore."

“You don’t frighten her.” Charlie reassured.

"She locks her bedroom door at night when you're not home."

Charlie sighed, “We’ll talk to Duffy together, again. Ok?”

"I remind her of what happened to her all those years ago don't I?"

“She isn’t scared of you. She’s scared of the memories of what happened to her.”

Louis nodded softly.

“I know you’d never want to hurt her.”

"Those thoughts scared me so much."

“I know they did.”

"Everything was all so jumbled in my head." Louis sighed.

“I know. You’ve been through a lot in a short space of time.”

"There's something I need you to do before we go home..." Louis began, his eyes lowered to the floor.

“What’s that?”

"I... I've been hoarding pills... In my bedside drawer..." Louis admitted.

“What kind of pills?”

"All sorts. Anything I could get my hands on."

“I need to talk to you about something, and I hope you don’t get cross..?”

"What about..?"

“Tilly noticed the medicine cupboard was damaged so Duffy has gone to check in your room.”

"She will have found them then." Louis sighed. "I panicked and ended up breaking the lock."

“It’s ok. We can replace the lock. We can’t replace you if we lose you.”

"I was going to wait til the weekend when you were all gunna be out but it all got on top of me."

“You are a massive part of our family Louis, and every single one of us would be devastated if we lost you.”

"I didn't see the point any more. I had it all planned out but then I panicked."

“Because you don’t really want to die?”

"Maybe. I don't know. I don't want to now."

“That’s good. I’m glad you don’t.” Charlie paused, “You know I suffer with depression?”

Louis nodded.

“I struggled a lot with my thoughts.” Charlie admitted.

"How do you make them go away?"

“With great difficulty.”

"But you make it seem like everything's OK."

“I went to counselling for a while. I still go sometimes.”

"And it helps?"

Charlie nodded, “It helps me to talk about things that I think would upset Duffy, if I told her.”

"Because she's fragile?" Louis asked, his tone sympathetic rather than accusatory.

“No...” Charlie sighed, “I talk about your mum.”

"You could talk to me..."

Charlie smiled, “I don’t want you to think I never loved your mum, because I did.”

"It just didn't work out?"

Charlie shook his head. “We both wanted different things, we were very different people. But together, we made you and despite everything - all the hurt and pain that I gave your mum, she was a good mum.”

"Sometimes... I... I see her..."

“Your mum?”

Louis nodded.

“Does she say anything to you?”

"Only when I'm high." Louis sighed.

“She’s proud of you. I know she is.”

"I miss her so much."

“I know you do.” Charlie embraced Louis.

"I worry that I'm spitting on her memory by caring for Duffy. I think maybe that's why my thoughts got so muddled..."

“It’s hard.” Charlie sighed, “You’re allowed to care for Duffy, she’s the one who's helped raise you. Your mum cared for Duffy a great deal but I... I hurt her and in turn, she hated Duffy. It wasn’t always like that.”

"She blamed Duffy for you leaving, said you made your choice."

“I was stuck.” Charlie said quietly, “I had to get Duffy away from Andrew.”

"Because he was hurting her and my older brothers?"

Charlie nodded.

"Did he know what had happened to her before? Is that why he did it?"

“I don’t know.” Charlie smiled sadly, “I don’t know why he hurt her. Some men hurt the people they love.”

"Sometimes Jake would talk to me about it."

“You and Jake are really close, aren’t you?”

"He gets it. I'm glad he's back, I know he wants to travel more but I don't want him to leave. That probably sounds dumb."

“No it doesn’t sound dumb at all.”

"Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to go with him."

“To go travelling? I’m sure you will.”

"I wouldn't want to go on my own though."

“Why not?”

"In case I got tempted..." Louis replied sadly.

“In time, you’ll become less tempted.”

"I hope so."

“I know so because you’re determined.”

Charlie's phone buzzed with a message. He took his phone out of his pocket, “It’s Duffy.” He read the message.

'You need to talk to Louis... Xx' 

'About...? Xx' 

The reply was a photo showing what she'd found in his drawer spread out across his bed.

'You found his pills from his bedroom drawer? We’re having a talk. Xx' 

'You knew about them?!! Xx' 

'He’s only just told me. Xx' 

'I've locked them in the car to be destroyed at work next shift. Xx' 

'Thank you. He was planning on killing himself but got scared. Xx' 

Charlie turned to Louis, “Is it ok, if Duffy destroys the pills?”

Louis nodded. "I don't want the temptation."

“That’s what we’ll do on our next shift, destroy them.” Charlie squeezed Louis’ hand.

Louis nodded as Duffy's reply pinged on his father's phone.

'There's enough here for him to have managed that several times over... Xx' 

'We’ll be home in a couple of hours. Xx' 

'They're happy to let him come home? Xx' 

'I promised him, I wouldn’t let them take him away. Xx' 

'And they're OK with that? Xx' 

'Yes. They said it’s not going to be easy. Xx' 

'You sure you can cope? Xx' 

'Yes I’m sure. He doesn’t want to be taken away from us. Xx' 

'OK. Xx' 

'Love you. Xx' 

'Love you too. Xx' 

“Do you know what you want to do at college yet?” Charlie asked as he returned his phone to his pocket.

Louis shook his head. "I'd pretty much given up on the idea." He admitted sadly.

“What? Why?”

"Didn't seem any point planning for a future that wasn't going to happen..."

“You get your results soon, don’t you?”

Louis nodded. "I've probably flunked anyway."

“I bet you’ve done amazing!”

"I tried my best." Louis shrugged.

“Your best is all that matters.” Charlie reassured.

Louis glanced over at the door. "When can I go home?"

“As soon as the psychiatrist has things in place for you.”

"Its taking forever..!" 

“I know, it won’t be for much longer. I promise.”

"I've heard that before." It was clear that Louis was getting agitated again, the medication in his system wearing off.

“Louis, it won’t be long now.”

"They've changed their mind haven't they?"

“About letting you go home?”

"They lied, they're gunna take me away..!"

“No they’re not. I said you weren’t going anywhere and you’re coming home with me!”

Louis' eyes were once again darting around the room.

“What helps you when you start getting agitated?” Charlie asked.

"Make it stop." Louis mumbled repeatedly.

“I will, but I need you to trust me.” Charlie held his hand out to his son.

Louis attempted to reach out but his hands were shaking violently.

Charlie gently took Louis' hand, “Do you want to sit back on the bed?”

Louis shook his head vehemently. "They'll tie me down!"

“They won’t because I will be there.”

"I want to go home!" Louis cried.

“It won’t be long now.” Thankfully within the hour, Louis was discharged home.

The house was pretty quiet when they arrived back though Tilly was sat at the bottom of the stairs, seemingly waiting for them to arrive.

As soon as Louis entered the house, Tilly nearly bowled him over as she went to hug him!

Louis froze momentarily then he gently wrapped his arms around his sister as she squeezed him.

"I've missed you so much!" Tilly didn't want to let him go again.

Louis didn’t say anything but his eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sorry I told mum about the broken cabinet." Tilly whispered.

“It’s ok.” He whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"I'm glad you're home." Tilly smiled softly.

“Me too.” He sniffed.

"Its gunna be OK."

A few months ago, he wouldn’t believe her but today he did.

Duffy smiled as she entered the hallway. "Would you boys like some food? Everyone else has eaten but I can make something."

Louis shook his head, “No thank you, I’m not hungry.”

"OK. Just give me a shout if you do get peckish."

He moved out of his hug with Tilly and stepped towards Duffy tentatively before hugging her.

"Its good to have you home." Duffy whispered in his ear.

“I’m glad to be home.”

"Do you want to go up to your room or would you rather stay down here?"

“Stay here, please.”

"We could watch a movie?" Tilly suggested.

“Only if it’s not girlie.” Louis replied with a grin.

"Alright, you can pick!" Tilly rolled her eyes dramatically.

Louis went into the living room, followed by Tilly. Charlie sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

A few minutes later the teenagers were settled on the sofa and Duffy had wandered back through to the kitchen to finish the washing up.

There was suddenly a loud bang on the door.

"Can you get that?" Duffy called through to Charlie from the sink.

“Of course.” Charlie went to the door and opened it.

A bloke Charlie didn't recognise, about twenty five years younger than himself, stood on the doorstep. He didn't speak, simply raising his fist and punching Charlie square on the jaw.

“What the..?” Charlie stumbled backwards clutching his jaw.

"That's for shagging my wife!"

Charlie laughed, “I didn’t shag your wife:”

"Bullshit! She told me all about it. She was sleeping with someone she met while tutoring."

“And you think she was tutoring me?!” Charlie couldn’t help but laugh harder, “Did she tell you how old the person was she was tutoring?”

"Some seventeen year old kid." He looked up as Duffy entered the hallway, utterly confused by what was going on. "Your husband's been shagging the hired help!"

“I don’t have time to shag the hired help.” Charlie replied, “I’m usually too busy shagging my wife. Maybe you should do the same to your own and she wouldn’t have to find it elsewhere?”

"You think you're so funny don't you?" He sneered, lunging towards Charlie again.

Charlie blocked his punch. “You need to be angry at your wife and not some confused seventeen year old kid!” Charlie pushed him away.

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

“He’s seventeen! He’s a child, Caroline should’ve known better.”

"She was sleeping with your son?!!"

“Yes! My son!!”

The guy immediately backed up away from Charlie. "Fucking hell! I... I'm sorry... I just assumed..!" He stammered, holding his hands up.

“It’s ok, don’t worry.” Charlie smiled sadly, “You need to talk to your wife. Louis was innocent in all this, she should’ve known better to sleep with a kid she was tutoring.”

He turned to Duffy. "I should've thought before I opened my gob."

"Maybe find out who you're dealing with before going punching people in future." She suggested, holding the door to the lounge closed.

“It’s alright mate.” Charlie replied, “It’s a shock for you as well.”

He ran his hand over his face. "I've ended it with her. Have you contacted the police over it?"

“No, we wanted to but our son didn’t.”

"I only found out yesterday. I found an appointment card that had fallen out of her handbag. It was from an abortion clinic. I had mumps as a teenager so can't have kids."

“She was pregnant..?”

"She told me she was going to visit her sister. The appointment was while she was supposed to be there."

“Do you know if she went through with it?”

"She says she did."

Louis tugged at the door handle, he’d heard everything.

Duffy attempted to hold the door closed but Louis was stronger than she was and the door flew open.

“She was pregnant??”

"I take it this is the son she was tutoring?"

“If she’s pregnant then it isn’t mine.” Louis replied as he held his hands up.

"Well it ain't mine either!"

Louis sighed, “I’m sorry.”

"Looks like we've both been taken for mugs."

Louis rubbed the back of his neck.

"Sounds like you're both better off without her." Duffy remarked.

“I’m sorry I punched you.”

"I think I'll live."

"Where is she now?" Louis asked.

“I don’t know, I haven’t seen her.” He replied.

Louis sighed, scratching at his bandaged arm.

“You’re better off without her.” Her husband stated firmly.

"I love her." Louis sighed.

“You think you love her.”

"She understood me, believed in me." Louis began to cry.

“She took advantage of you mate. Look, I better go.”

"I think that would be best." Duffy agreed.

“Once again, I’m sorry.” He left, feeling even worse than he did when he arrived.

"Are you OK?" Duffy asked Charlie who was still rubbing at his jaw.

“Uh huh.”

"She was with someone else..." Louis mumbled, his heart shattering again.

“How certain are you, it wasn’t your baby?” Charlie asked.

"I was always careful!"

Charlie nodded, “I thought so.”

"I'm not an idiot!"

“I’m not saying you are!” Charlie replied.

"Whatever!" Louis snapped, pushing past his stepmother and running up the stairs.

Charlie glanced at Duffy, “Shall we leave him for a bit or..?”

Duffy sighed. "She's really messed him up." She paused. "What did the psych reg say?"

“We’re looking at a form of psychosis.”

"OK." She took a moment to absorb the news. "Has he been experiencing hallucinations?"

“He says he sees Baz.”

"Does she tell him to do things?"

“No, he said she doesn’t. He just sees her. But he does hear voices that tell him things.”

Before Duffy could reply there was a loud bang from upstairs.

Charlie raced up the stairs to Louis’ room. “Louis?”

Louis lay on the floor, a belt around his neck, the smashed remains of the light fitting attached to the other end.

Charlie crouched down beside him and undid the belt. “Louis? Louis?” He checked his pulse though his hands were shaking violently.

Louis rasped as the belt was loosened.

“Don’t. Don’t you dare give up on me, Louis!” Charlie begged, he managed to loosen the belt enough to remove it.

Louis' eyes were closed and he was choking on his tongue.

Charlie moved him into the recovery position and opened his airway.

Duffy appeared back in the doorway having run downstairs when she'd seen what was going on. "I've called an ambulance."

“Thank you.” Charlie stroked Louis’ cheek, “It’s gonna be ok, son. I promise.”

"I've sent the kids downstairs. They don't need to see this." She whispered.

“No they don’t.” Charlie sighed, a tear rolling down his cheek. “What are we going to do?” He looked down at Louis, checking his breathing.

"He needs professional help Charlie." Duffy crouched beside her husband, resting her hand on his shoulder.

“But I promised I wouldn’t send him away. I wouldn’t let them take him.”

"I know you did and I'm not saying this lightly as I understand why he's terrified but I'm not sure we can cope with this."

“We can’t.” Charlie said sadly, “I don’t want him to die, Duffy. He’s my little boy.” His bottom lip trembled.

"I know. I know." Duffy wrapped her arms around Charlie.

Charlie began to cry against Duffy, his hand squeezing Louis’ hand tightly.

A few minutes later Jake appeared at the door. "The ambulance is here."

“Thank you, will you bring them up?”

Jake nodded over his shoulder as the paramedics came up the stairs.

Charlie desperately tried to wipe away the tears from his cheeks but found he couldn’t stop crying.

Duffy pulled him gently away so that the paramedics could help Louis.

“I’m sorry Louis.” Charlie kept whispering over and over again.

"Its not your fault." Duffy told him.

“Isn’t it?”

Duffy took hold of Charlie's face him her hands so he had no choice but to look her in the eyes. "Its not your fault."

He made eye contact with her and nodded. “He’s going to hate me for breaking my promise.”

"Maybe at first but he'll understand you did what was best for him."

Charlie clung to Duffy.

"What if the wire hadn't snapped? It's for his own safety." She pointed out. 

“I can’t lose him.” He whispered.

"Let them treat him and then you won't."

Charlie nodded, his head remained in the crook of Duffy’s neck.

"You need to consent to him being sectioned. It's for his own good." Duffy urged gently.

“I know.”

"They'll help him get better."

Charlie nodded, “I’ll go back to the hospital with him and consent him for treatment.”

"I'll stay here." She squeezed his shoulder again. "We will get our son back. I promise."

“I believe you.” Charlie said quietly.

She hugged him one last time and then watched helplessly as he left with Louis.


	42. NSFW

Duffy felt bad sneaking about behind Charlie's back but she felt she had no other choice. He was in pieces over what had happened to Louis and was firmly against her plans. So she'd chosen a day when he was working and, after asking her mum to look after the younger boys but not telling her why, she set off for the hospital mentioned in the letter. It had taken her three hours to drive there but finally she pulled up outside.

Her father’s ill health had taken a minor turn for the worst and he’d now been permanently admitted to the medical ward B7.

The medical ward was on the second floor, accessible from the main entrance and then further along the corridor. There were several flights of stairs or a lift.

Stalling for time whilst she settled her nerves she started up the stairs.

The stairs seemed never ending but eventually she located B7.

Taking a deep breath she pushed open the door and approached the desk.

“Hi can I help you?” She was smiled at by a lovely young carer, her uniform a pale green.

"Hi. I'm here to see..." Duffy stalled realising she didn't actually know what her father's full name was.

The young girl waited for her to continue.

"Erm... Mr Duffin..?" Duffy finished lamely, a hopeful note in her voice.

“Ah, yes. Follow me, I’ll take you to him.” She smiled.

"He... Um... He isn't expecting me..." Duffy mumbled awkwardly.

“That’s ok.” They went down the corridor into bay C. Pushing aside the curtain she smiled at the old man in the bed. "You have a visitor Brendan."

“Who?”

Duffy stepped out from behind her. "My name's Lisa..."

“My daughter.” He smiled.

"You remember me?"

“Of course I do.”

"I'll leave you both to catch up." The young woman smiled, closing the curtains behind her.

“You got the letter?”

"You knew about that?"

“I asked him to write to you. I wanted to see you.”

"Why now? Because you're ill?" She asked, still standing awkwardly by the curtains.

He patted the bed beside him, “Because I’m ill and I may not get another chance.”

"Its been over fifty years since you upped and left!"

“I tried to find you... But I didn’t know whether it was appropriate to turn your life upside down.”

"I tried to visit you eight years ago but I heard nothing from you."

“You tried to visit..?”

"Your wife called me a whore, told me I wouldn't get anything and slammed the door in my face."

“She said what?!” He sighed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that’s what she said.”

"Sounds like she doesn't trust you. I'm not surprised though - how many of us have you sired and then abandoned?" Duffy sneered, her arms folded across her chest, still refusing to move closer.

“Just the one I abandoned and that was a stupid mistake on my part.”

"So I'm the only one you didn't want to be part of raising? How many did you decide you could be bothered to raise?"

“Of course I wanted to be a part! Your mother wouldn’t allow me.”

"You left me to choke to death!" Duffy retorted angrily.

“I made a mistake!” He replied, “I’ve had children since you, and several marriages. But you were the only one I wasn’t there for.”

"Several?" Duffy echoed, her eyebrow raised.

“Four marriages.”

"And how many children?"

“Thirteen in total.”

Duffy's eyes widened. "It was almost fourteen." The words tumbled out her mouth before she could stop them.

“Almost fourteen?” He frowned.

"Mum was pregnant when you left." Duffy mumbled.

He sat up, “She was pregnant?! What happened to it?”

"She couldn't cope. I was really poorly after what had happened and she was on her own. So she did the only thing she could do but she didn't have the money to pay someone who knew what they were doing so it nearly killed her and left her infertile."

“An abortion? Fuck!”

"It was 1964, it wasn't like she could just go to a clinic and have it done properly. She ended up in someone's dirty back room and nearly bled to death coz they botched it!" It was clear that Duffy blamed her father for almost losing her mother.

“I’m sorry.”

"She sacrificed everything for me growing up but all I ever wanted was a dad who cared about me." Tears were starting to well up in her eyes.

“I did care about you! I still do.”

"I'm surprised I even entered your thoughts when you were busy impregnating women left, right and centre!" She spat back.

“I had an active sex life, what can I say?” He retorted back.

"Clearly! It would seem your wife thought my son was your latest sire..!"

“How many children do you have?”

"Eight. Five sons and three daughters." Duffy's eyes automatically lit up thinking of her children.

“Seemed you inherited your desire to have a large family from me.” He smiled, “How old are they? What are they like?”

"Funnily enough my mum always did blame you for that..!"

“Don’t tell her but she’s right.” He paused, “Does she know you’re here?”

"No, I may have missed that minor detail when I asked her to babysit."

“Do you have a husband?”

"Yes."

“Does your husband know you’re here?”

"So what caused your other marriages to crash and burn?" She was keen to keep the conversation away from her life as much as possible.

“My inability to keep it in my trousers.”

"So not all your children were born to your numerous wives?"

“Some were born by my mistresses.”

"And yet you still managed to actually be bothered to be involved with their lives but not mine..!" The bitterness was palpable.

“Your mum wouldn’t let me!”

"I was barely breathing when she came home from work that morning..!"

“I’ve regretted that day every day since!”

"It wasn't just that though..." The dam finally broke in her mind. "You turned a blind eye whilst your friends did things to me..!" Tears started to pour down her cheeks.

“What?”

"You let them get drunk around me. I was only a child, I didn't know what they were doing was wrong..!"

“What are you telling me?”

Duffy clammed up, it was all spinning too fast in her head. All the memories surging forth. She couldn't make it stop!

“Lisa?!”

She wasn't listening, she was starting to hyperventilate. Why was it all coming back now?

He recognised the signs and pressed the emergency buzzer.

Two nurses came running over, pulling back the curtains.

“She’s having a panic attack.”

"Its ok love." One of the nurses reassured Duffy whilst the other grabbed a paper bag. "Does she have them a lot?"

“I don’t know."

After a couple of minutes things started to calm down. Embarrassed, Duffy brushed away the attention, insisting that she was fine.

“You sure you’re ok?” One of the nurses asked.

"I'm fine." Duffy insisted again.

The nurses left Duffy alone after she protested once again she was ok, drawing the curtains again.

An awkward silence fell over Duffy and her father.

“I don’t want anything from you, Lisa. Whatever was written in that letter was wrong.”

"You're clearly sick. He said your kidneys and liver were failing. I can tell from looking at you that there's at least some truth in that." She felt better being on the firmer ground of medical experience.

He sighed, “Years of drinking have taken its toll on my body.”

"Yeh, alcohol will do that. Are you still drinking?"

“Haven’t touched a drop in months.”

"That's something. Did you require a treatment program or were you able to stop by yourself?" Duffy's nurse brain was now firmly in charge.

“A treatment program.”

"Was that why you left me that night? Coz you had to have a drink?"

He nodded, still ashamed of himself after all these years. “I tried to stop after what happened to you, but I couldn’t:”

"D-did it ever cause you to be violent?" She stammered.

He shook his head, “I never hit anyone in my life.”

She nodded. "Where you very young when you started drinking?"

“Eighteen.”

"And it quickly became a problem?"

“It was just a drink a couple of nights a week. Then it was more than a few nights.”

"Were you drinking heavily by the time you met my mum?"

“Yes.”

"And yet she still married you?!"

“It wasn’t a problem. I could stop.”

"My grandparents used to imply that you married my mum coz you had to. Is that true?"

“I married your mum because I loved her.”

"Not coz you got her pregnant with me?"

“No. You were a surprise.”

"You did want me though?" She whispered, fearful of the answer.

He nodded, “You were my first daughter.” He smiled brightly, his eyes full of tears, “Apple of my eye. Until I messed up. I lost you and your mum and I didn’t know what to do.”

"Did your drinking get worse after that?"

He nodded.

"How old are my siblings?"

“Where do we start?”

"So there's thirteen of us, I'm presuming I'm the eldest..?"

“You are. Their ages are forty nine, forty eight, forty six, forty four, forty, thirty eight, thirty six, thirty five, thirty two, twenty nine, twenty seven and twenty five.”

"And they're just the ones you know about..!" She couldn't help but mutter sarcastically.

“I don’t think there’s anymore that I don’t know about.”

"Some of them are quite close in age..."

“Yeah they are.”

"Quick turnaround or did you stray whilst they were at home pregnant and you were out on a bender?"

I strayed.” He sighed, “Usually when I was drunk.”

"Did you ever stop and wonder how they felt?"

“No. I was too drunk to even realise what I was doing half the time.”

"Til the women in question turned up on your doorstep with a swollen belly or a baby in her arms?"

He nodded and rubbed his hand over his face. “I made mistakes but I’m certainly paying for them now!”

"I'd be surprised if its just your liver and kidneys that have packed up..."

“I’m sorry.”

"How are your stomach and heart?" She asked, his abdomen was clearly distended but that likely from the liver failure which would also explain his jaundiced appearance.

“They’re fine.” He replied.

"That's something." She replied. "If you hadn't guessed, I'm a nurse by profession." She added.

“I gathered.” He smiled, “Always knew you’d be a nurse.”

"Really?"

He nodded, “You used to always look after your teddies. Pretend you were a nurse.”

"Really? Mum never mentioned that."

“Really.”

"After you left mum was at work a lot of the time."

“She wanted to give you everything.”

"I see that now. I didn't then."

“You were a child.”

Duffy nodded. "Having my own children gave me a new perspective on things."

“I wish I could turn back the clock, Lisa.”

"We all wish that sometimes."

“I’ve missed out on so much.”

"The past can't be changed, only the future." Duffy replied. "I'm guessing you have a fair few grandkids by now..?"

“Several.” He smiled, “A lot.”

"With thirteen kids I imagine it's tricky to keep track..! Just wait til those grandkids start having kids - if they haven't already - and then the numbers really will get mind boggling!"

“It is a bit complicated.” He smiled.

"Did you grow up in a big family yourself?"

“Just me and a brother.”

Duffy paused for a few moments, mulling things over. "Did my siblings always know about me?"

“Always.”

"I'm glad I wasn't some dirty little secret."

“I always carry your picture in my wallet.”

"Really?" It made her genuinely emotional to know that.

He nodded. He reached over to the table and picked up his wallet. As he opened it, he showed Duffy the picture. It was a tatty old picture, taken when Duffy was approximately two years old. She was sat on her dad’s lap, a massive grin on her face.

"I remember that dress! I wore it constantly til I grew too big for it and even then I'd try and squeeze into it!" She giggled.

“You were obsessed with it. Your mum and I had a battle whenever we tried getting you to wear something else.”

She held out her hand so she could study the photo more closely.

He gently took out the photograph and handed it to her.

"Oh look at those chubby cheeks!" She gasped, looking at her younger self.

“You were beautiful, still are.”

"Hmm... I was such a fat little child..."

“No you weren’t!”

"You were only there til I was three..."

He sighed sadly.

"You didn't see me being pushed around and treated badly by the other kids at school for things I couldn't change about myself."

“I’m sorry that happened to you.”

"All I wanted was a proper family."

“I messed up. I’ll always regret that.” He paused, “Did you ever get my flowers?”

"It was you! It made my husband slightly jealous when these big bunches of flowers turned up at the house on my fortieth and fiftieth birthdays..!" She chuckled.

“I sent them to you every birthday. Every birthday since I left.”

"I often wondered if they were from you. Why did you never sign the card?"

“I don’t know. I thought you probably hated me.”

"I idolised you for years. Mum shielded me from the truth for a long time."

He smiled sadly, “Your mum is a good woman.”

"She deserved better. I made her life a living hell for years coz she sent you away. I didn't remember any of the bad stuff - the fights, the drinking..."

“Your mum and I never fought. Not until that night, after what I did.” He sighed, “Your mum was probably the only woman I ever truely loved.”

"I remember waking up and hearing you yelling at each other. I didn't know til years later that I'd been in hospital and come home by that point and you'd been awol for two days..."

“I hated myself for what I’d done.” He suddenly looked ashamed, “I nearly killed you.”

"If mum had come home few minutes later..."

“You’d have been dead.”

Duffy nodded. "Its a miracle I avoided permanent serious brain damage but it probably left me susceptible."

“Saying I’m sorry will never be enough.”

"No but its a start."

“I’m sorry.” He met her eye, his words genuine.

She scooted her chair a little closer.

He closed his eyes a little, his breathing becoming a bit shallow. “I’m sorry I haven’t been a good dad.”

The change in him concerned her. She lent forwards and reached for his wrist.

“I’m ok.” He reassured.

"Let me be the judge of that."

“Do you ever stop been a nurse?” He asked with a smile.

"Nope. Its who I am."

“What kind of nurse are you?”

"Sister in the ED."

“Wow! Congratulations.”

"Its a little high..." She observed.

“Your position or..?”

"Your pulse." She replied, rolling her eyes.

“Oh.” He laughed.

"I'm not quite the highest ranking nurse in my department though I'm not far off."

“Can imagine as Sister you’re not far off though.”

"Just the nursing manager above me and he's usually pretty good at listening to my opinion on things."

“That’s good.”

"What did you do for work?"

“Used to be a builder.”

"How did you meet my mum? She was never keen on talking about it."

“She was my friend’s sister.”

"You were friends with Uncle Matt? Were you there when he was killed?"

He nodded, “Sadly yes.”

"Is that what made your drinking worse?"

“A bit.”

"He was murdered wasn't he?"

“Shot in his car. Never found who did it. Your mum was distraught.”

"Do you know why someone would want to do that?"

"There were rumours but I told your mum to ignore them." 

"What rumours?"

“Apparently he was a gangster.”

"Were you or any of your friends involved in that stuff?"

“No. I wasn’t but I can’t talk about anyone else.”

"I don't remember him much but he always looked really fancy in the photos of him that I've seen."

“He made decisions that not only impacted him but impacted those around him.”

"What do you mean?" This was the most she'd ever heard anyone say about her uncle and she was intruiged.

“He worked for some dangerous people.”

"Explains why mum kept your name for us even after you left."

“She did?”

"I've kept the surname Duffin my entire life. Still use it professionally."

He smiled brightly, “That’s my girl!”

"My friends call me Duffy. I've never much liked the name Lisa. Mum insists on calling me Lisa though."

“I’m not surprised. It took her ages to come up with a name she loved.”

"She gets so cross that my husband doesn't even use it."

“Does he ever call you Lisa?”

"Very rarely."

He smiled, “No wonder your mother isn’t happy, do you know how long it took your mother to find a name she loved?”

"How long?"

“You were three days old when we named you.”

"Ah." Duffy chuckled lightly.

“It was the right choice, Lisa suited you.”

"It was OK til I got to junior school and Elvis called his daughter Lisa. Then all the kids at school started to tease me."

“Elvis has good taste!”

"He wasn't exactly quite as cool when I was in school as he's considered to be now..." She pointed out.

“That’s true.”

"It was Robert that wrote to me." Duffy spoke again after a pause. "Is he one of the older or younger of your other children?"

“Younger. He’s thirty two. I don’t want anything from you Lisa.” Brandon said firmly.

"Then why did he make it sound like you did?"

“He has a very good way of manipulating words. I don’t want anything from my family. I don’t deserve it.”

"You sound like you don't approve of his behaviour..."

“I’ve already told him, I don’t want anyone’s kidney.”

"Did he think that's the only way I'd come or was he trying to get me to stay away?"

“I don’t know.”

"Is he the son of your current wife?"

“Yes.” Brandon sighed. “He doesn’t want me to die. But, everyone’s time comes eventually.”

"It does." Duffy sighed. "She must be very understanding to have stayed married to you for so long despite your affairs."

“I’ve strayed twice in our marriage. I love her.” He smiled sadly, “I’m glad I finally got to meet you Lisa.”

"Hopefully you've finally learnt your lesson on that. I'm glad I finally got some answers."

“Is there anything else you want to talk about?”

"Do my siblings want to meet me?"

He nodded, “Yes.”

"I'm not sure how I feel about meeting them all at the same time..."

“It would be a bit overwhelming, I’m sure.”

"Maybe I can meet a few at a time..?"

He nodded, “I think they’d love that.”

"Do I have more brothers than sisters or roughly the same amount of each?"

“You have more sisters than brothers. I have eight girls and five sons.”

"Does being ginger come from your side of the family?"

“Yes it does, I’m afraid.”

"Thought as much."

“Your colour starting changing round about the age of two.”

"I was shocked when mum explained that I was a blonde baby. But by the time I was five I was practically orange!" Duffy cringed.

He smiled, “I guess that’s something else the kids teased you for?”

"Yeh..." She sighed.

“Sorry about that. Your siblings have experienced the same problems.”

"My sons seem to have ducked the ginger genes but the girls are varying shades of red."

“And I bet they’re just like you, aren’t they?”

"That's what everyone says." Duffy smiled.

“What are they called? Tell me about your children? You said you’ve got eight, right?”

"That's right..." She replied hesitantly.

He waited for her to continue.

She'd vowed with herself on the way there that she wouldn't say too much about her kids but she was wobbling on that now...

“It’s ok. You don’t have to tell me.” He smiled reassuringly.

"The three eldest and two youngest are boys with the three girls in the middle."

“Did you ever have twins?” He asked.

"Two of the girls are twins. Why?"

“You’re not the only one who had twins.”

"Oh?"

“Only four of your siblings haven’t had twins and that’s because they haven’t started a family yet.”

"Wow!" Duffy gasped. "It rather took us by surprise as their older sister was only eight weeks old when I fell pregnant again with them." She admitted.

“Wow! You certainly had your hands full!”

"We did." Duffy smiled. "Are you a twin?"

“Yes.”

"Funny how it jumped a generation."

“Yeah it did.”

"That'll come as a relief to my kids!" She chuckled.

“It might not skip a generation again, or it might.” He shrugged, “It’s definitely in the family so it’s bound to happen sooner or later.”

"Sounds like that's the case."

He smiled, allowing a comfortable silence to fall over them.

After a while the curtain reopened and the same young woman from earlier poked her head through the gap. "Brendan, Clara has just arrived, do you want me to send her in?"

“Please.” He smiled.

The curtain was opened and a striking young woman with long red hair entered the cubicle. "Hello daddy!" She grinned and gave him a big hug.

“Hello Princess.” He wrapped his arms around his daughter.

"You look pale, are they looking after you properly?" Clara pouted.

“Yes. Clara, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

"Oh?"

“This is your sister, Lisa.”

Clara turned and gave Duffy the visual once over. "Oh, you're who Robbie wrote to..." She stated in a tone that implied that Duffy wasn't what she'd been expecting.

“Ah so you knew about Robbie writing that letter too?” He sighed, “As I keep telling your brother, I am not wanting anything from any of you! That includes Lisa, understood?”

"But daddy!" Clara whined though there was an air of put on drama in her tone. 

“But nothing! It isn’t up for discussion!”

Clara pouted at her dad before turning back to Duffy. “Robbie has good intentions.” She explained.

"I'm sure he does." Duffy smiled. "So you're Clara..?"

“Yeah.”

"I'm guessing you're the youngest..."

“And you’re the oldest? Daddy told us all about you.” Clara smiled.

"Yes, let's not dwell on how much older than you I am..." Duffy cringed.

Clara giggled softly, “It’s nice to finally put a name to the face.”

"Well given that's the only face you've seen..." Duffy gestured to the old photo that lay on the bed.

“He’s carried that for years!”

"I'm only two in that photo." Duffy smiled.

“Wow, really?”

"I'll have to find some more recent photos."

“I’d like that. So what do you do, Lisa?”

"I'm a nurse. What do you do?"

“I’m a doctor. F2.”

"Oh wow! I'm a band seven nurse."

“Wow!”

"Have you decided where you'd like to specialise yet?"

“Trauma and orthopaedics is where my heart lies.”

"I've spent my entire career in emergency medicine. Though I'm also a qualified midwife."

“It’s a wonderful place, ED.”

"It is." Duffy found herself warming more to the young woman as time went on.

They began to chat like they’d known each other years!

Clara took some photos out of her bag showing her siblings.

“How many of them are redheads?” Duffy asked with a giggle.

"Just me and Robbie out of our bit of the family though he dyes his hair."

"He's not the only one..!" Duffy chuckled lightly.

“You dye yours too?”

"So will you when you get to my age..!"

Clara giggled softly.

"So if this is Robbie, who are these?" Duffy asked, pointed to the two other people in the photo with Clara and the man she presumed was Robert.

“This is Anna and Phil.”

"Your brother and sister?"

“Our brother and sister, yes.”

"I'm still getting my head around that..!"

“That there’s a few of us?”

"I grew up an only child."

“Oh wow! I can’t imagine being an only child.”

"Its quite lonely."

“Yeah I can imagine.”

"My mum couldn't have any more children."

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

"These things happen."

Clara smiled sadly.

"Do you have photos of our other siblings?" Duffy asked, attempting to steer the conversation away from herself.

Clara didn’t say anything, she swallowed hard.

Duffy glanced over at Brendan who had dozed off to asleep. She reached out and squeezed Clara's hand, feeling a tad maternal towards her youngest sister.

Clara jumped slightly, not expecting the contact.

"Hey its OK." Duffy reassured gently. "What is it?"

“No it’s nothing.”

"I'm a mum Clara, I'm not easily fooled by being fobbed off."

“I can’t have kids.” Clara mumbled sadly.

"Oh sweetheart! Have you known long?"

“Month or two.”

"Do your parents know?"

Clara shook her head.

Duffy held her arms out tentatively towards Clara.

Clara moved closer, “I can’t tell dad, can I?”

"Because you think he expects you to have a large family one day?"

“No because he’s dying.”

"I would say that there's a chance he'll pull through and go on for years yet but we're both medics..."

“We know things the others don’t.” Clara said quietly.

"Yeh." Duffy sighed. "Do you know how long he's likely got?"

“Weeks at most.”

Duffy nodded, her professional head firmly in place.

“He doesn’t want a transplant.”

"Why not?"

“He says he doesn’t deserve it.”

"Because of his alcoholism?"

Clara nodded.

"What does the rest of the family think about that?"

“They don’t listen. Say he’s being ridiculous.”

"Which is why Robert thought bringing in the long lost daughter might sway his dad to reconsider?"

Clara nodded, “Dad always wanted to find you but only so he could make his peace before he died.”

"Did he tell you what happened?"

“Only that he got drunk and put you in danger. He never really spoke about it.”

"He went on a two day bender and left me alone in the flat..."

“Alone?”

"Mum was at work."

“He never told us any of that.”

"I doubt he was very proud of himself over it. I was three at the time and that's why my mum threw him out and divorced him."

“He said he missed you.”

"I missed him too. I clung to the few memories I had of him."

“He always told us about you.”

"I always feared I was a secret, especially after the way your mum reacted to me."

“My mum? What do you mean?” Clara asked with a frown.

"I went to the house about eight years ago. I think she thought I was someone else."

“Oh... Yeah maybe she did. Sorry.” Clara smiled sadly.

"After what I've been told today I have a better understanding of why she reacted the way she did."

“Dad told you about his numerous affairs?”

Duffy nodded.

“I don’t see what the attraction is myself.” Clara smirked.

"Do you see much of your other brothers and sisters?" Duffy asked after a pause.

“We try and see each other we much as we can but we're scattered all over the place so it’s a bit hard.”

"Yeh it took my three hours to get here from where I live."

“Where do you live?”

"A place called Holby. Its down by the coast."

“Oh wow, you are quite far, aren’t you?”

"Yeh. I've lived there practically my whole life."

“Yeah I’ve lived here my entire life too.”

"What was dad like when you were growing up? Was he a good dad to you?"

Clara nodded, “A brilliant dad.”

"I'm glad." Duffy smiled.

“I think he was making up for not being a good dad to you.”

"Maybe."

Clara smiled sadly, “I know this must be a shock for you.”

"I'd pretty much given up on him ever being a part of my life."

“And now he is but on limited time?”

"Yeh. I suppose limited time is better than no time though." Duffy mused.

Clara squeezed Duffy’s hand gently, “We’re all here.”

Duffy smiled. "I would like to get to know you all. Its quite overwhelming though." She sighed. "I didn't tell anyone that I was coming here today..."

“Because they’d try and talk you out of it?”

Duffy nodded. "My husband fears I'm not strong enough to cope with it all."

“Not strong enough? Why would he think like that?!"

"I've not been very well recently. I'm doing a lot better now but he can't help but worry."

“He’s a good man if he worries.”

"He is. I feel bad for lying to him about all this."

“Maybe tell him the truth when you get home?”

"Yeh I probably should. Our son's in hospital at the moment so he's very stressed about that." Duffy confided.

“Your son? Oh I’m sorry, nothing too serious I hope?”

"He'll be OK given time."

Clara nodded, “That’s good.”

"Do you work in this hospital then?" Duffy asked.

“No I’m just outside of town.”

"What do Anna and Phil, is it, do?" Duffy asked, attempting to juggle all the new names and information in her mind.

“They’re both secondary teachers, Phil teaches Geography and Anna does PE.”

"Oh wow!"

“I couldn’t deal with a bunch of rowdy teenagers myself.”

"I have enough dealing with the ones I have at home!"

“How many do you have?”

"We currently have five teenagers in the house..."

“Wow! five? That must be mental.”

"Well the oldest one is nineteen now and pretty much only comes home to eat and sleep..." Duffy chuckled.

Clara laughed gently, “And the others are younger I’m assuming?”

"My eldest is twenty three. He moved out a few years ago now."

Clara smiled. “What are their names?”

"Peter, Jake, Louis, Emily, Matilda, Charlotte, Oliver and Paul."

“Eight kids?” Clara giggled, “Did you take after dad?”

"We didn't exactly plan to have such a large family, it just sort of happened..!" Duffy chuckled. "So do I have most kids out of the thirteen of us or does someone else have me beat?"

“Fiona, one of our sisters. Older, she’s got six. But the rest have a normal number.” Clara explained.

"I guess the high occurance of twins sends the numbers up." Duffy chuckled.

“You’ve got twins? How many sets? Fiona has two. First set boys, second set girls.”

"One set of twins. Tilly and Lottie."

“I don’t think I could cope with twins.”

"It was the fact that I had three babies under the age of one that threw me for the biggest loop..!"

"Woah!" 

"Yeh Emily is only ten months older than the twins."

“That’s... Wow! Definitely did have your work cut out there!”

"Yeh." Duffy paused. "Clara... If I ask you something, you promise to be honest with me?"

“Of course.”

"Dad said that it was just his liver and kidneys but it's more than that isn't it?"

Clara smiled sadly and nodded, “His heart too.”

"I thought as much." Duffy sighed.

Clara looked at her father, “He’s a good dad, made a lot of mistakes but has a good heart.”

"I idolised him. He was practically a god in my imagination and mum was the mean, nasty lady who sent him away." Duffy sighed.

“Sounds like your mum had her reasons.”

Duffy nodded. A silence fell over them both as they watched their father sleep, both lost in their own thoughts.

Clara looked at her father and sat down on the very edge of the bed. “He talked about you a lot.”

"What sort of things did you talk about?"

“He said you’d be a nurse by now, with kids. I don’t think he anticipated how many though.”

"Well that wasn't quite part of the plan which is something my eldest often teases me and his dad about..!"

“Easily caught off guard?” Clara smirked. “Dad said he regretted never being there for you. Said he sent a bunch of flowers to you every birthday. He has your birthday as a tattoo, you know?”

"I knew about the flowers, they're my mum's favourite so I wondered if they were from him. I didn't know about the tattoo. Does he have all his children's birthdates?"

“No, just yours.” Clara smiled.

"I hope that hasn't put anyone else's nose out of joint..."

“No, why would it? He always told us about you, as soon as we were old enough. Every child he had.”

"I'm glad I wasn't some dirty little secret."

“No, never.”

"I need to leave soon but I don't want to just up and leave..."

“You can leave him a note, if you like? Or wait until he wakes up?”

"I'll wait. Does he have any other visitors coming today?"

“A few might pop in later, but don’t ask me which ones.” Clara giggled.

"OK. Do you think they'd mind if I'm here?"

“No, you’re family.”

Duffy smiled.

The two women chatted for a little while longer before Clara left, leaving Duffy alone with her dad once more.

Her father continued to sleep.

She took hold of his hand and snuggled up to him.

He smiled in his sleep.

She wasn't sure how long she lay like that when she was jolted back to reality by a querying voice above her.

“Who are you?” An older looking man was stood in the cubicle, looking at her.

"I'm Du- Lisa..." She blinked, stretching as she sat up. "And you are..?"

“Lisa..?” He asked.

"Lisa Fairhead. Though I was born Lisa Duffin." She explained.

“Dad’s Lisa?”

"Yeh."

“I’m David.” He held his hand out.

"Pleased to meet you." Duffy smiled, shaking the pro-offered hand.

“And you!”

"So... Um... I'm guessing you're one of his sons..?"

“Yes, I am. The first born son.”

"Its nice to meet a sibling that isn't young enough to be my child..!" She chuckled.

“It would be nice to be younger but hey,” He shrugged.

"I didn't want to just up and leave whilst he was asleep..."

“That’s ok. Has he been sleeping long?”

"Almost three hours now." She replied, looking at her watch.

“That long?”

Duffy nodded. "All the excitement probably wore him out."

“Of meeting you? Yes probably.”

Hearing his son's voice Brendan began to stir.

“Ah, looks like he’s finally returning to the land of the living.”

"Dave? You're early..." Brendan blinked at his son, clearly confused.

“Early? Father it’s almost 8pm.”

"Where's Clara? She was here a few minutes ago..."

“She left a few hours ago, I’m assuming.”

Unable to stop herself Duffy automatically started performing baseline obs.

“Lisa still here?”

"I'm right here." Duffy replied. "Can you see OK?"

“Yes.” Brendan smiled.

"You were confused for a moment there and your pulse and blood pressure dropped. Do you feel light-headed?"

“A bit.” Brendan admitted.

"Any nausea or pain anywhere?"

Brendan was silent, debating whether to answer truthfully or not. “A bit of nausea but nothing major.”

"I'm gunna ask the doctor to come take a look at you ok?"

“Ok.”

Duffy went to fetch the doctor, she'd slid into full nurse mode, updating him on Brendan's obs as they returned to the bed.

“Always handy to have a nurse in the family.” Brendan joked.

"And here was me thinking I had enough to deal with when Clara's on the warpath..!" The doctor chuckled.

“Afraid Lisa, my oldest, is a nurse.” Brendan smiled brightly, his eyes sparkling.

"Ah so you're the prodical Lisa..!"

"Apparently so..." Duffy blushed.

“We’ve heard a lot about you.” The doctor explained.

Duffy's blush briefly deepened before she regained her professional composure. "Do you agree that I'm right to be concerned..?"

The doctor studied Brendan’s obs closely and nodded, “Yes, I think you are. Brendan?”

"Yeh doc?"

“We’re going to have to increase the frequency of your observations, is that ok?”

"Why? I'm fine."

“Just so we can keep an eye on you a bit better. We’ll only disturb you every half an hour, you won’t even know we’ve been.” The doctor said lightly.

"I need to go home now dad, are you sure you're going to be OK?" Duffy fretted.

“Yes princess.” Brendan smiled, “Dave will look after me.”

She took a pen and piece of paper out of her handbag, quickly scribbling on it. "If you need me - day or night - call me." She insisted, handing her father the note.

Brendan took the piece of paper and lent forward and kissed her cheek.

"Take care." Duffy smiled before heading back out into the corridor where she collared her father's doctor. "I want to know everything - don't spare me." She insisted.

“Everything?”

"Yes." She replied firmly.

He sighed, “Your father is an alcoholic who is in end stage renal failure. Due to his heavy drinking, he’s developed cirrhosis of the liver. The development of cirrhosis on your father's liver has also caused him to develop a condition called congestive hepatopathy which is affecting the right side of his heart and putting him into heart failure.”

"Is he still drinking?"

“No, he’s been on a detox.”

"Is he here til the inevitable happens now..?"

“Ideally we’d love to be able to move him home, but unfortunately he’s not medically fit to be discharged currently.”

"OK. Do you forsee him reaching a point where he's medically fit enough..?"

“Truthfully? I don’t think so.”

"I understand. Thank you."

“Anytime.” The doctor smiled sadly. He hated breaking bad news to family members - it never got any easier.

"Your honesty is appreciated." She smiled before heading back down to her car.

Later that evening, back at home, Tilly was sat on the worktop, watching her dad as he sat at the table. Her gran had dropped her younger brothers back home hours ago but her mum was still awol and not picking up her mobile. “You don’t think she’s upside down in a ditch, do ya?” Tilly asked, breaking the silence between them.

"Tilly!" Lottie gasped from the doorway.

“What? I were just saying.” Tilly replied with a shrug.

"Is mum home yet?" Emily asked, appearing downstairs from her room.

“Doesn’t look like it,” Lottie answered back sadly.

"Why isn't she picking up her mobile?" Tilly wondered aloud.

“If she’s driving, she won’t be able to.”

"When do we call the police..?" Tilly asked.

“What, the police? Why? She’s not a missing person Tots.” Emily rolled her eyes dramatically.

"She lied to gran about where she was going and no-one's heard from her all day..." Tilly countered.

Before Lottie had chance to answer; the sound of a car pulling up on the drive caught their attention.

It was just after midnight. Duffy slowly, quietly, opened the front door, hoping to get inside and up to bed without being noticed. She was exhausted and had cried most of the way home.

“Mum!” The girls ran to the door and almost knocked Duffy over as they hugged her.

Duffy yelped, not expecting the girls to still be awake.

They clung to their mum tightly, sensing she was sad.

Duffy looked up, Charlie was stood in the kitchen doorway, a barely concealed look of agitation on his face.

“Girls, I think you should go to bed now your mother has returned home.”

Tilly looked like she wanted to argue but thought better of it and followed her sisters upstairs.

Satisfied that the girls weren’t within earshot, Charlie sighed softly. “Where’ve you been?”

"I went to see a friend. Lost track of time. Sorry."

He stepped towards her, “You forgot to send me a text to just let me know?”

"Um... Yeh... Sorry..." She replied nervously.

He got closer until he was a few steps away and reached out, running his fingertips against her cheek. “You’ve been crying...”

"Its nothing..." She looked away from his gaze.

“Yes it is. So talk to me?”

"I'm fine." She insisted, walking past him and into the kitchen. She noticed her address book open on the kitchen table next to the phone - he'd clearly called all her friends to try and find her...

He followed her, “Male friend or female...?” He asked.

"What exactly are you implying?!" She retorted, her eyes instantly blazing.

“Just wondering why you’re so distant from me.”

"I'm not! I'm going to bed!"

“No, we’re going to talk about this!”

She tried to push past him, getting increasingly agitated. "He's dying and there's nothing anyone can do! Happy now?!" She burst out into floods of tears.

He slowly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. “You met your father?” He whispered.

She crumpled into him. "He's got weeks, if that. He's in end stage renal failure and heart failure. He... He's an alcoholic..."

“Oh sweetheart.” Charlie held her for ages, rubbing her back, just allowing her to cry and let it all out of her system.

"That's why he left me that night..."

“Because he’s an alcoholic?”

"The urge was too strong. He regrets what he did but he just couldn't stop."

“That would explain it.”

"He was there when my uncle died."

He ran his fingers through her hair, “Why didn’t you tell me that’s where you were going?”

"I didn't want to worry you..."

“You worried me by not telling me.” He smiled sadly, “I thought you were dead somewhere.”

"I... I... Wasn't thinking straight... Lot to process..."

“It’s ok. I just had visions of that time when you went to the airport.”

"I'm really sorry." Fresh tears started trickling down her cheeks.

“Hey, Ssh. It’s ok, you’re safe.” He kissed the top of her head. “Did you ask the questions you wanted to ask?”

"Some of them... Turns out he's had quite a life..."

“What do you mean?”

"He's been married four times and... Erm... Well... Seems we're not the only ones with a large family..."

“So you got your fertility from your father?” He smirked.

"I'm the eldest of thirteen."

“Fucking hell!”

"Seven sisters and five brothers. Seems my dad had issues with staying faithful and taking precautions when he strayed..."

“No wonder today was so draining.”

"I've not quite gotten a definitive answer on how many mothers there are altogether..."

“So there could be a lot?”

"Well there's my mum and then his current wife is mum to Robert, Anna, Phil and Clara. Then there's David's mum - I'm not sure if she was dad's second wife or just a fling... Nor do I know if Fiona is his full sister or not. Then there's still the two brothers and four sisters I've yet to learn the names of yet..."

Even just listening to Duffy explain the dynamics of her new found family made Charlie’s head hurt. “And you’ve been thinking about this on your way home?”

"Well it gave me something to focus on other than the fact that I've finally found my dad only to discover he's terminally ill..."

He moved slightly and met her gaze, “I’m so sorry.”

"All these years I thought he just didn't want me..." She paused. "He's got my initials and birthdate tattooed on his chest."

“Really?”

She nodded. "And it was him that sent the flowers on my birthdays."

“And here I was thinking someone was competing against me for your affections.” Charlie joked, trying to lighten the mood.

She giggled softly. "I did notice that the flowers you brought me seemed to get more elaborate..."

He smiled, “Shall we go to bed and talk more?”

"I'd like that."

He picked her up and chuckled softly as she let out a squeal.

"Charlie!" She admonished, giggling.

“What?” He laughed as he carried her up the stairs.

"You'll put your back out..!"

“No I won’t, you’re light as a feather.” He replied. Reaching their bedroom, he pretended to drop her on the bed.

"I really am sorry I lied to you all. I was afraid you'd talk me out of going."

“Truthfully, I would.” He placed her gently on the bed.

"I needed to see him."

“I know.”

"So why would you stop me?"

“To protect you.”

"I'm a big girl you know..!"

“I know. I just... You know.” He smiled shyly.

"Its sweet that you want to protect me but some things I just have to face."

“I know, I know.”

A hush fell over them as they both got ready for bed.

He slid under the covers beside her.

She snuggled up close to him, sighing contentedly.

His fingertips traced patterns on her hip. “I love you.”

"I love you too."

Once again they fell quiet. Charlie thought Duffy had fallen asleep until she suddenly spoke again. "Charlie... I've been thinking..."

“Hmm?” He was almost asleep himself.

"I know we were planning to wait til next year but, well, I'm not sure I want to wait any longer..."

“Wait any longer for what?”

"Renewing our vows."

“You want to do it now?”

"As soon as we can organise it."

He was silent for a few minutes as he thought about it. Did they really have anything to lose by bringing it forward? “Ok.”

"Thank you. I promise no silly stunts between now and then."

“What kind of silly stunts are we talking?”

"The kind that led to us having to postpone in the first place..."

“I know whatever you’re going to wear, you’re going to look beautiful. And I cannot wait.” He smiled and kissed her nose.

"I want my dad to give me away." She explained softly.

“A thousand percent?”

"Its probably going to upset mum but I want him there."

“Then we’ll get your dad there.”

Duffy briefly hesitated before speaking again. "Did you get to see Louis today?"

“Yeah I did.”

"How is he?"

“Out of it, most of the time.”

"They've got him highly medicated?"

“He’s also on a 1:1 with staff.” Charlie nodded.

"Has there been any signs of improvement since he's been there?"

He shrugged, “I don’t know. The nurse says he’s not relying on the PRN as much which I guess is something?”

"That is a good sign. Have they kept him on the methadone?"

“Yeah they have.”

"And he's not had any more medication interactions?"

“No, they’ve only giving the tiniest amount of sedative to try and reduce the likelihood of a medication interaction occurring. It’s not happened since but there’s no guarantee that it won’t.”

"Did you get anything out of him or was he just out of it the whole time you were there?"

“He said he was ok. The voices were a little quieter.”

"That's good." Duffy smiled softly.

“Hopefully it won’t be long before the mood stabilisers kick in and he’ll be able to come home.”

"I hope so. I want him to be there too."

“So do I babe.” He rolled over so he lay on his side and faced her.

"I want it to be a proper family celebration." She smiled, stroking his cheek gently.

“So do I.” He smiled, tilting his head closer to her hand.

"We'll make it a day to remember."

“Yeah we will.”

"I can't wait." She smiled.

“Neither can I.” He lent forward and kissed her tenderly.

She snuggled into his arms. "I'm so glad our children have you as their dad."

“I’m glad you’re their mother.”

"We make a good pair don't we?"

“An excellent pair.”

She fell quiet as she got comfortable ready to go to sleep. "So... How far away were you from calling the police earlier..?"

“I was going to give you another hour and then I’d probably would have called.”

"I know I should have called."

“I was scared something bad had happened.”

"Will you go with me next time?"

He nodded, “Yes if you’d like me to?”

"I'd like you to meet each other. Get to know each other before the big day." She blushed a little.

He smiled. “Then I want to meet your father.”

"I'll call and arrange it." She smiled, closing her eyes.

“But first you should sleep.”

"Yes sir!" She giggled.

He kissed the bridge of her nose. “Duffy?”

"Mmhmm?"

“I love you.”

"I love you too."

“Love you more.”

"Not possible!"

“Is.”

"Isn't!"

“Is!”

"You're impossible, you know that?!" She giggled, rolling over so she lay on top of him.

“I am.” He smiled brightly as he gazed up at her.

"And yet I've agreed to marry you again... What does that say about me?"

“That you’re incredibly bonkers.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I must be."

He kissed her again. “You are.”

"And yet you're willing to marry me again..!"

“Because you’re mine. Oh and also, you’re really hot in your wedding dress.”

"You haven't even seen it yet..!"

“You were hot in the original so I know you’re going to be even hotter in the second.”

"I aim to please."

“Oh I think you will please me.”

"Well you are very easily pleased..." She teased.

“Always around you.”

"I'll gather the girls together for a dress shopping trip." She grinned.

“Once you’ve picked the dress, how about you and I go underwear shopping?” He winked.

"Ooh, that sounds fun..!"

“I thought you might like it.” He grinned.

"You just wanna get your kicks in a naughty knicker shop..!" She teased, giggling.

“I do. Especially when the knickers are on you.”

"You say that but you've seen me in my oldest, saggiest undies and still been able to crack one off..!"

“That’s because I know what’s inside your knickers and it makes me horny.”

"I can tell..!"

“Even talking about it...” He laughed.

"So much for sleeping..!" She giggled.

“It’s you, you distract me.” He rolled so she was underneath him.

"I'm terribly naughty like that..!"

“You certainly are!”

"I just can't help it!" She giggled.

He squeezed her bum and slapped her arse.

She let out a giggly moan.

He smiled and did it again.

Her moan this time was louder and followed by a bang on the ceiling from above.

“You’re in trouble.” He smirked, spanking her again.

She giggled, trying to look contrite but failing.

“You’re so sexy!” He mumbled, kissing her earlobe.

"I take it you missed me at work today..?"

“What could’ve possibly given you that idea?”

"Oh just a feeling..." She smirked.

“The one in my pants?”

"Yeh!" Her giggles grew louder again.

“Ssh.” He tried to silence her with a kiss.

"Make me!" She challenged playfully.

He kissed her passionately, slipping his tongue into her mouth.

It did the trick - a hush fell over the room, punctuated by the occasional soft moan from each of them.

Charlie’s hands began to trace patterns along Duffy’s body.

It was clear that, despite the lateness of the hour, neither was in the mood to sleep.

“I really don’t want to sleep.” He mumbled against her lips.

"What do you want to do..?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

“Make love to my beautiful wife.”

"Oh right, I best go find her for you..!" Duffy teased, moving slightly as if going to leave.

“But she’s already here!” He pouted.

She giggled as he pulled her back down onto the bed, throwing the duvet over them.

His hand began to stroke her inner thigh.

She took hold of his hand and moved it higher.

They both moaned as Charlie’s hand touched her intimately.

"Stop messing around and get on with it!" She whispered hotly in his ear.

He chuckled at her bossiness before slipping his fingers into her.

"That's better!" She pushed up against his fingers.

He moaned softly, she was very wet!

"Fuck me!" She whispered breathlessly.

“With my cock or my fingers?”

"Cock. That way we both get to come." She decided quickly.

He withdrew his fingers from her and sucked them clean, meeting her gaze as he did.

She licked her lips slowly.

He moved his fingers out of his mouth and snogged her passionately.

As he did she felt the tip of his cock pressing against her damp folds urgently.

“Can I?” He whispered.

"I demand you do..!" She giggled.

With her permission, Charlie gently entered Duffy.

Duffy's emotions were all over the place, she needed him so keenly, he made her feel safe and grounded in the storm.

His thrusts were gentle as he made love to her.

A few stray tears trickled down her cheeks.

He kissed away the tears, “Are you ok? Do you want me to stop?”

"Don't stop. I'm OK." She replied, snuggling into him.

“Are you sure?” He briefly stopped to make sure she was ok.

"Yeh, it's just been quite a day." She smiled softly.

He began to move once again. “Certainly has.”

"You make everything feel OK again though." She whispered.

“I’m glad I do.”

"You always have."

“Good.”

Her words faded as she kissed him once more, her legs encouraging him to pick up his pace slightly.

Encouraged by Duffy to pick up the pace, Charlie began to thrust harder and faster.

She moaned her approval in his ear.

“You’re so hot!” He whispered, his hands moved to squeeze her breasts.

She moaned louder as she felt him nibble at her collarbone.

He really enjoyed hearing her moan because of him!

Her nails scratched down his back before digging into his bum.

He moaned softly.

They were soon both on the edge of climaxing.

Ever the gentleman, Charlie waited for Duffy to climax first before quickly following suit.

She snuggled into him, catching her breath, needing to feel him close.

He snuggled her, yawning.

"Sweet dreams. I love you." Duffy whispered before succumbing to the exhaustion of the day.

“I love you too, beautiful.” He whispered back.


	43. NSFW, TW: discussion of suicidal behaviours

Over the last couple of days, Louis had made some improvement in the psychiatric facility he was in, his obs level had been reduced from having a 1:1 to five minute observations. He knew today was a big day - GCSE results day - so he’d started the morning off a little agitated. However, he’d managed to calm himself down without the use of PRN which was an achievement in itself.

At his latest observation the young nurse came in, a smile on his face. "You have some visitors." He told Louis.

“My parents?”

"Your dad is here. I don't know the lady with him, sorry." The young man shrugged apologetically.

“Ok.” He smiled and stood up, following the nurse to the visitors room.

The nurse held open the door to the visitors room for Louis.

“Thanks.” He stepped into the room.

"Hello Louis."

“Hi,” Louis smiled. “I wasn’t expecting anyone today.”

"We went to pick these up for you." Duffy smiled, nodding at the envelope that sat on Charlie's lap.

Louis sat down opposite his parents on the other sofa and sighed. “My results?”

"That's right." Charlie confirmed.

“You know it was pointless getting them right?”

"You don't believe that, not deep down."

Louis shrugged. “I was never going to pass my GCSEs.”

"Open them." Duffy encouraged gently.

“Why? So you can both be disappointed?”

"I don't think we're going to be disappointed."

Louis held his hand out for the envelope.

Charlie passed it over, an encouraging smile on his face.

Louis hesitated before he opened the envelope. He felt sick. He took out the piece of paper.

His parents waited patiently whilst he read the sheet.

Louis didn’t speak as he handed the paper to Duffy.

She attempted to read his face but he was hiding his emotions well. She took the paper and held it so that Charlie could see it too. "Louis?" She prompted gently.

“Yeh?”

"How do you feel about these results?"

Louis shrugged his shoulders, “I still can’t go to college and I’m still about two years behind so...”

"You can go to college."

“When? Next year? Making me behind yet again?”

"All things considered these results are good."

Louis sighed.

"We're proud of you."

“There’s not really much to be proud of but thanks.” Louis moved slightly on the sofa, “How is everyone?”

"They're all OK, they send their love. Tilly wants to come visit but..."

“They won’t let her? I don’t want her to visit me here.”

"Maybe a phone call might be better..?"

Louis nodded before a hush fell over them for a few minutes. “I tried contacting Caroline—“

"Oh Louis..." Duffy sighed.

“She won’t answer. I need to know.”

"About the baby?"

Louis nodded sadly.

"Her husband seemed pretty convinced she'd had an abortion."

“I need to know if it was mine.”

"You think there's a possibility?"

Louis shrugged, “Contraception isn’t 100%, is it?”

"No, it isn't."

Louis sighed again and began to scratch at his arm.

"And if it turns out it was your baby... What then..?"

“Ask her why she did it.” Louis sighed.

"Maybe she thought it was for the best. She thought that was the only option." Duffy replied, her eyes cast downwards.

“It’s her body and she has full control over that but—“ Louis paused, “I just wish she’d spoken to me. I’d have supported her decision, if that’s what she really wanted to do.”

"Sometimes it's not that easy to talk about it."

“Maybe not. Duffy? Dad?”

"Yes?"

Louis was quiet for a couple of minutes, “Do you think—um, are you and dad free tomorrow?”

"We can be if you want us to be..." Duffy looked up at Charlie who nodded. "What did you have in mind?"

Louis nodded, “I.. Um, if I speak to the nurse about having some leave, could we please go to the college?”

"Of course we can." Charlie smiled.

Louis smiled, his first genuine smile since stepping into the room. “Thank you.”

"Its good to see you smiling again."

A slight blush coloured his cheeks. “I think the meds are beginning to work, although they said I won’t see much benefit until the four to six week mark.”

"That's great news. There's something we'd like to talk to you about..." Duffy began softly.

“Oh, what’s that?”

"Well you know that me and your dad are planning to renew our wedding vows next year..? Well, we've decided to bring the date forward to next month and we'd love for you to be there." She smiled, hoping it would give him something nice to focus on and look forward to.

“Really?” Louis smiled, “And you’d like me to be there too?”

"We want all our family there. Its important to us."

Louis nodded, “I’ll be there.”

Duffy smiled.

“I hope... I’m not here much longer.”

"We hope so too. You understand why you had to come here though don't you?"

“Because you and dad couldn’t keep me safe at home.”

"We tried our best to." Charlie sighed.

“But the thoughts were too strong and I couldn’t think of anything else.” Louis mumbled sadly, “I wanted to die. I wanted to stop causing you both so much pain.”

Duffy reached out and squeezed Louis' hand.

“I’m sorry.”

"You've no need to be sorry."

“I always ruin everything.” Louis said sadly.

Duffy gently pulled Louis into a hug.

Louis hugged Duffy tightly.

She reached out a hand to her husband. "Its all gunna be OK." She whispered to Louis.

“Everything’s so complicated.” Louis whispered. Charlie gently took Duffy’s hand into his own.

"We'll get through it all together."

Louis nodded sadly, “Hope so.”

"We're a family, family's get through things together." Charlie asserted.

Louis nodded gently as he listened to his father.

Across town Jake was waiting anxiously outside the train station. Krystal was due back from London shortly and he'd arranged to meet her so they could talk.

He kept double checking the time of her train, arriving, worried he’d missed it and her.

It seemed like loads of people had come out the station whilst he'd been sat waiting but not her.

He sighed and looked down at his phone.

There was no reply to his latest text.

Jake was about to send another text to Krystal when he heard over the tannoy which platform the London train was arriving on.

Trying not to look too eager he got up from the bench and headed inside the station.

Krystal was just getting off the train, removing her headphones. She’d had a lot to think about on the journey here.

Jake walked over to her. "Hi." He smiled shyly.

“Hi,” She smiled shyly back. Despite everything going on between them, she still got butterflies around Jake.

"Good trip?"

“Yeah, were you waiting long?”

"No, only just got here."

She nodded and met his eye, “Do you fancy going for lunch, so we can talk?”

"I'd like that."

She held her hand out to him, hesitantly.

He took hold of her hand, glad that she still welcomed his touch.

Everything was complicated for them both. As much as they really loved each other, it seemed life was pulling them into different directions.

"How's things?" Jake asked.

“Things are ok. Work is busy, what about you?”

"I've been picking up more DJ gigs. Might be able to get some work abroad soon too."

“That’ll be nice, do you know where abouts abroad you’ll be?” They left the station and walked further into town.

"Hoping to go down under for the winter - it'll be summer over there."

“That’s great!”

"I was hoping you might consider coming with me for a bit..?"

Krystal smiled. “I’d like that.”

"So would I." Jake smiled, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

“Jake?” She suddenly stopped.

"Yeh?"

“You know I love you?”

"I love you too." Jake replied, shoving his free hand into his jeans pocket. Suddenly remembering he pulled out the now slightly crumpled envelope inside. "Erm... Mum and dad asked me to give you this." He handed her the envelope which had her name written on in his mother's handwriting.

“What is it?” She asked curiously as she took the crumpled envelope.

"Mum and dad are having a vow renewal next month."

“And this is my invitation?” She opened the envelope.

"Yeh." He smiled.

She smiled as she took out the invitation, “Consider me your plus one.”

"I can't wait."

She smiled again, turned around and gave Jake a loving kiss.

"I'm so glad you're back." He whispered against her lips.

“I’m glad to be back.” She whispered as she pulled him closer for a deeper kiss.

He slid his tongue along her bottom lip.

She parted her lips.

They spent several minutes making out in the middle of the street, not caring who was watching.

Krystal was flushed as she pulled away from him to catch her breath. She began to giggle. 

"I've really missed you."

“I’ve missed you too. Where do you want to eat?"

“Anywhere, where do you fancy going?”

"There's a new veggie fast food place on the High Street, my brother said its really good."

“Let’s go there?”

"Great." She smiled.

Holding her hand, Jake took Krystal in the general direction of the new veggie place they were going to check out.

"How is everyone?" She enquired as they walked.

“Everyone’s ok. Louis’ in hospital.” He told her.

"Did he have a relapse?"

“He tried to kill himself.”

"Oh Jake..!" She sighed sadly.

It was Jake’s turn to sigh, “Mum and dad are hoping he’s out of hospital by the time of the vow renewal.”

"How come they've moved it forward? I thought it was going to be next year..."

Jake shrugged, “They didn’t say. I reckon it’s one of mum’s crazy ideas again.”

"Seems odd to suddenly move it out the blue though..."

“Hmm, it is a bit.”

"I'm sure it'll all come to light eventually." She paused. "You don't think something's wrong do you..?"

“With my mum?”

"I don't know."

“Nah; she’s looking better than ever. Cheeks aren’t as hollow.” He replied.

"That's good, I'm glad."

“Me too.”

"Is Em back from her residential? I was hoping to run some tattoo designs by her for some creative feedback."

“Yeah Em’s back.”

"Awesome."

“She seems to have grown an inch or two since she’s got back. She’s still a scary mum clone though.” Jake laughed.

"All three of your sisters are!"

“Yeh that’s true, they are!”

"Ooh, this is the place!" She declared as they rounded the corner.

“It certainly is, I thought you might like it.”

They headed inside and sat down.

He held her hand over the table, stroking his thumb over the back of her hand.

"There's a couple of clubs near me in London that are looking for DJs..."

He continued to stroke his thumb over the back of her hand, “There is?”

"Yeh. I thought maybe you might be interested..."

“I am.” He paused, “I just dunno whether now is a good time.”

"I can find out some details, give you options..."

“I’d like that, babe.”

She smiled as they ordered their food.

“We need to talk about us, no matter how much we want to avoid having the conversation.” Jake said quietly.

"I know we do..." She sighed.

“I love you but I feel life is pulling us into different directions.”

"Are you dumping me?" She asked.

“No. Are you dumping me?”

"No. I was hoping we could make things work. It'll be hard but I want us to."

“I want us to make things work too.”

"I'm glad." She smiled.

Their food arrived at their table.

“I’m hoping this is as nice as it looks.” Jake commented.

"Clyde is a very good judge of food." Krystal smiled.

Jake smiled and began to tuck into his food.

Not much was said as they ate, each of them snatching glances at the other.

She honestly was so beautiful.

She winked at him as she caught his eye.

Jake winked back before looking down at his plate.

"You're not going shy are you?" She teased, giggling.

“Maybe just a little.”

"I've missed you being a shy dweeb..!" She giggled.

“You have?”

"Yeh, it's cute." She smiled.

“I’ve missed you so much, I can’t wait to show you how much.”

"I can't wait either!"

“Saucy!” He winked.

"Dirty phone calls only go so far..." She whispered.

“I’m tired of using my hand.” He smirked. “Yours is much better.” He whispered.

She winked as she reached under the table to squeeze his thigh.

He laughed gently, “And I’m sure my hand feels better than yours.”

"Not just your hand..."

“Oh?” He smirked.

"Toys just aren't a patch on the real thing."

“You mean you’ve been... You know?”

"You sound surprised."

He lent forward across the table and whispered in her ear, “Maybe you could demonstrate to me one time?”

"If you'd like..?"

“I would.”

"I'm sure we can find time later."

Jake grinned.

"There's actually a new one I've got that we can try together..."

“You’ll have to show me what it involves.”

"Oh I will..!"

“Do you fancy grabbing dessert?"

"We can share some ice cream if you like?"

“Only if it’s chocolate?"

"Of course!" She grinned.

They ordered chocolate ice cream for dessert.

The bowl had barely hit the table and they were digging their spoons in.

Jake fed Krystal a mouthful.

She licked it slowly off the spoon.

He watched her with wide eyes.

"Mmm... Delicious..!"

“It is nice ice-cream.”

"Its vegan."

“It’s vegan but it’s nice.”

"I've been considering going fully vegan."

“You have?”

"Yeh, there's so many great vegan food shops near where I live."

“If it seems an easier switch for you, go ahead.”

"I thought it might be interesting."

“It sounds interesting.”

"I'm not gunna try and convert you, don't worry!" She giggled.

He laughed gently, “I don’t think I could go vegan full time.”

"You'd miss steak too much!"

“I really would!”

"What you fancy doing next?"

“Fancy going home?”

"Sure."

He paid for their meal and stood up, offering her his hand.

She took hold of it gladly and walked with him back out onto the street.

“I love you.” He told her gently.

"I love you too."

“Love you more.”

She giggled as they walked into town.

“Your giggle is so cute.” He told her.

"Will the house be empty when we get there?" She asked mischievously.

“Probably not, no. It’s never empty but I’m sure that won’t stop us from doing what we need to.”

"Good coz I really have missed you..."

“I’ve missed you too.”

"I have a new piercing to show you..."

“Do I have to guess where it is?” He met her eye.

"If you like..." She grinned, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Well it can’t be your nipples, because you’ve already got those pierced.”

"True..."

“Unless it’s your..?” He gasped.

She winked at him in response.

“Oh my God! I can’t wait to see it.”

"I thought you might be interested... Just need to convince you to let me practice my art on you..."

“Go on then, why not?” He smiled and kissed her tenderly.

"You'll let me pierce you..?" She nodded her head in a particular direction.

“My cock?”

"Its supposed to increase pleasure during sex. Kinda like how a tongue piercing increases pleasure during oral."

“I don’t know, does it not hurt?”

"A bit but I promise to be gentle."

“Ok.”

"It'll be worth it!"

“I trust you, ok?”

"I'm glad. And don't worry - it was one of the other girls who did my new piercing..!"

“I wouldn’t have been bothered in a bloke had done it.” Jake replied with a shrug, “He can look but I’m the one who gets to touch it.”

"I can't wait for you to touch it."

“I can’t wait to touch it either.” He replied, a small grin on his face.

She giggled mischievously as the arrived back at Jake's car.

As they got into the car, Jake’s hand began to run up Krystal’s miniskirt.

She parted her legs, pushing the chair back slightly.

“One of these days, you’re going to get me in a lot of trouble.” He murmured.

"Trouble's fun though isn't it?" She giggled.

“Yes.”

Krystal's grin widened as Jake's hand moved higher.

He worked his hand inside her knickers.

She locked her gaze on his as his fingers inched closer.

He found her piercing.

She let out a little moan as he began to play with it between his fingers.

“Found it.” He whispered.

"You like?"

“Yeh. Do you like me playing with it?”

"I do yeh..!" She shifted slightly, pushing herself against his hand.

“I’ll play with you some more at home?”

She whined as he moved his hand away to start the car.

“Sorry babe.”

"Put your foot down..!" She giggled, her hand trailing across his lap.

He laughed gently, “I don’t fancy getting a speeding ticket because you’re horny.”

"Spoilsport!" She pouted playfully.

Jake’s hand continued to wander as he drove home, purposely more slowly than he needed to be.

Krystal decided to get her own back by letting her own hands wander too.

Jake nearly crashed the car into a parked car as he was parallel parking.

Krystal giggled mischievously.

“Your fault.” He replied, switching the engine off.

"You started it..!"

“You did.”

"Lies!" She gasped, giggling, pretending to be horrified at the accusation.

He chuckled himself as he got out of the car.

She followed him up the drive and into the house, surprised by how quiet it was.

Jake listened carefully before closing the door once Krystal was inside.

"Where is everyone?" Krystal whispered, trying not to giggle.

“No idea, maybe we got lucky and they’ve gone out?”

"Let's not waste the opportunity then..!" She grinned, dragging him towards the stairs.

He followed her up the stairs as she practically dragged him up them and towards his bedroom.

Once inside she shut the door and pushed him up against it, dropping her bag on the floor.

He placed his hands against her waist.

"So just how much have you missed me while I've been away..?"

“Oh, just a tiny bit. Nothing major.”

"Its ok, I didn't miss you either..!" She teased.

He laughed gently and backed her towards the bed in the corner of his bedroom.

"I had far too many other things to think about..!" She giggled.

“What things were those?”

"Suddenly I can't remember..!" She grinned as he pushed her onto the bed.

“That’s a shame.” Jake whispered as he ran his tongue over her earlobe.

"I did have several blokes try and chat me up that I had to let down gently by explaining that I was already dating a very fit DJ..."

“You’re gorgeous, so it’s no wonder people chatted you up.”

She ran her fingers through his hair. "I'm glad you've kept it longer." She smiled.

“I was toying with the idea of a haircut but...”

"I prefer it like this."

“This length?”

"Yeh, it's cute." She smiled, pulling his tshirt off over his head and running her hands over his broad chest. "You been down the gym a lot while I've been away?"

“Several times, is it beginning to show?”

"Yeh... I like it."

“I’m really glad you do.”

"Really sexy..." She purred, squeezing his biceps as he held himself above her.

He pouted, “I’m still tender from yesterday’s workout.”

"Would you like a massage to make you feel better?"

Jake nodded, “I’d find that really sexy and helpful.”

She nudged him so she could get up and reached into her bag. "Make yourself comfy." She told him.

He moved from holding himself above her and got comfortable on the bed.

She came back over to him holding a bottle of massage oil.

“Were you always planning on giving me a massage?”

"Busted!" She giggled.

“Anything to see me naked.”

She continued to giggle as she pulled her top over her head, leaving her in just her underwear and skirt.

“Have you brought yourself a new bra?”

"Yeh and a matching thong."

“Nice!”

Placing the bottle on the bed so undid and pulled down his khaki shorts, leaving him in just his boxers.

“It’s cold.” He pouted.

"I'll soon warm you up."

“I bet you will.”

Straddling him she poured the oil across his chest.

Jake couldn’t help but stare up at Krystal, his fingertips stroked against her hipbone.

She massaged the oil into his chest and arms, grinding her hips against his as she did.

“What else have you been getting up to without me?”

"I've been to a few gigs and museums."

He pouted softly, “What kind of gigs and museums?”

"There's so many random little places I've found whilst wandering around. I'll show you when you next come visit."

“Sounds like a plan.” Jake’s hands ran over her stomach and towards her breasts.

Picking up the bottle once more she held it out towards him. "Your turn."

He shifted slightly to reach around and unhook her bra.

She shivered, giggling, as he poured some of the oil over her breasts once her bra was on the floor with their other clothes.

He couldn’t help but kiss in between her cleavage.

"You noticed that it's edible then?" She giggled.

“I have.” He ran his tongue over one of her breasts.

"Mmm..!"

He repeated his actions on the other side.

She continued to grind against him, moaning softly.

He let out a laugh, as he tried to manoeuvre them on the bed.

She giggled as their bodies slipped and slid against each other.

Once Krystal was on her back, Jake propped himself up over her.

She reached out and ran her hand up and down his cock.

"My hand is better then..?" She smirked.

“Your hand is much better than mine.”

"You know what's even better..?"

“What?”

"Has it really been that long that you've forgotten..?" She giggled.

“Why don’t you remind me?”

"Come here then..!"

He moved closer to her.

She wrapped her arms around him moving so their bodies were flush against each other.

He kissed her tenderly.

She pulled at their underwear.

He helped her to get out of their underwear.

"Much better." She smiled, pulling him close again.

“One minute,” He reached for his bedside drawer.

"Oh yeh." She giggled.

He rummaged in his drawer for several seconds before pulling out a silver packet. “Would you like to do the honours babe, or shall I?”

"I'm sure you can manage by yourself..!" She teased.

He gently tore the packet and took out the condom. He put it on himself.

"Now we're all set."

“We’re all set.” He gently guided himself into her, gasping softly as he filled her.

"Oh I've missed that feeling..!" She sighed contentedly.

“Your toys don’t feel as good?”

"No they don't match up to the real thing."

He slowly began to move, moaning softly.

"Yes babe..!" She moaned encouragingly.

Jake’s hands held Krystal’s hips as he increased his pace slightly.

"Does it feel good for you too?"

“Uh huh.” He moaned, slightly louder than anticipated.

She rolled them over so she was now on top.

“Fuck babe!”

She picked up the pace causing the bed to shake and creak.

“Yes babe! Just like that...” He moaned.

"You like that?!" She gasped, continuing to ride him at a high pace.

“So much!” He moaned loudly, holding her hips.

"Oh fuck! Jake!" She moaned.

“Kryst, babe. Fuck!” Their moans became louder.

So loud in fact that they didn't hear the front door open and close.

The bed continued to creak, shake and bang against the wall.

Their moans grew louder and louder until suddenly everything went silent.

“I love you,” Jake whispered as he panted.

"Love you too babe."

Jake sorted himself out before he got back into bed beside Krystal.

"Fancy a nap?" She giggled.

“I think we’ve truly deserved one.” He chucked the duvet over them both.

"Mmhmm." She agreed, snuggling into him.

He kissed the top of her head.

"Sounds like Krystal is back in town." Tilly grumbled as she wandered back downstairs into the kitchen.

“Urgh, it’s like a sex fest in ‘ere sometimes!” Lottie replied back.

Tilly pulled a face. "Its bad enough when mum and dad are going at it..!"

There was a pause for a while. “Have you had sex yet?” Lottie asked her sister.

"Why? Have you?" Tilly deflected.

“I asked the question first!”

"No..." Tilly mumbled.

“Neither have I.”

"You mean you and Owen haven't..?"

“No!”

"Do you want to..?"

“Dunno. You?”

"I'm not sure. I like Tommy, he's a great kisser but..." Tilly shrugged.

“He don’t give you fanny flutters?” Lottie giggled.

"Its not that..!" Tilly giggled.

“Then what?”

"It just makes me nervous." Tilly admitted softly.

“The whole sex stuff?”

"Yeh... Stupid I know..." Tilly mumbled, blushing.

“It ain’t stupid.” Lottie replied, “I feel the same.” She admitted.

"Really?"

“Yep!”

"Its all everyone at school talks about."

“I know right?” Lottie rolled her eyes, “You know at least eighty percent are talking absolute bollocks.”

"Total bollocks!" Tilly agreed.

“You shouldn’t do it unless you’re feeling ready.”

"You sound like mum and dad!" Tilly teased.

“Mum an’ dad are right though.” Lottie replied, “Because if you’re not ready, it’s probably gonna hurt.”

"Noise Krystal and Jake make you'd think it still did!" Tilly snorted.

Lottie began to giggle.

"So what have you and Owen done then?"

“Just kissing. You and Tommy?”

"Yeh, same, but I think he wants more..."

“And do you want more?”

"I'm not sure..."

“It’s difficult isn’t it?”

"Yeh... I like him but I'm nervous."

“What’s making you nervous?”

"I'm scared he might tell Lewis and then he'll sprag it all round school."

“Do you think he will?” Lottie shrugged, “Like brag to his mates?”

"I don't know. Boys like to talk don't they?" Tilly shrugged.

“Yeh.”

"Milly still ain't talking to me..." Tilly sighed.

“She ain’t? Do you know why?”

"Coz of Tommy."

“She fancies him?! She never told me that!!” Lottie tutted.

"Yeh."

“But I thought Lewis fancied her?”

"He does. She blew him out coz she wants Tommy."

“Bitch.”

"She says it's my fault, that a friend wouldn't betray her like I did." Tilly frowned.

“Wow! But you haven’t betrayed her though?”

"I tried telling her that but she didn't listen."

“Just ignore her Tots, you’ve done nowt wrong.”

"Thanks Lottiepop." Tilly smiled, feeling better that her twin didn't think she'd done anything wrong. Lottie's opinion really mattered to Tilly.

“You really haven’t done anything wrong.” Lottie reassured.

"I was wondering..." Tilly started after a moment of quiet. "Would you and Owen like to go on a double date with me and Tommy..?" She asked tentatively.

Lottie smiled and nodded, “We’d love to, thank you.”

"Great!" Tilly grinned.

“Fancy going to the park?”

"Sounds good."

“Come on then. Before the lovebirds go for another round.”

"Oh my god, yes!" Tilly giggled as she grabbed her trainers and headed out with her twin.


	44. Chapter 44

Holly curled up on the sofa under the blanket, feeling absolutely rotten! She’d been suffering flu-like symptoms for the last couple of days and today had to be the worst day ever!

Only she could catch such a lurgy in the middle of summer! She and Peter were supposed to be going out for the evening but she barely had the energy to stagger from the sofa to the bathroom right now.

Holly felt bad that Peter may have to cancel the booking he’d made so she was trying to find as much energy as she could. However, it was proving very difficult.

All her muscles ached and she kept falling asleep.

Five minutes, she told herself as she fell asleep. She ended up waking an hour later with the horrible urge to be sick.

She just about managed to force her uncooperative limbs to propel her to the bathroom just in time. She was incredibly thankful they still lived in a flat!

She would've been screwed if there were any stairs to climb!

After she'd been sick she curled up weakly on the bathroom floor, resting her forehead against the cool tiles, it felt so nice against her clammy skin.

She ended up falling asleep again.

She stayed there until Peter came home from work.

"Holly?" Peter called out as he entered the flat.

She didn’t reply as she was heavily asleep by the toilet.

After wandering through the flat he finally found her in the bathroom. "Oh sweetheart..." He sighed sadly, crouching down beside her.

She grumbled, hearing his voice and beginning to come round.

"I was going to ask if you were feeling any better..."

“No.” She whispered.

"We'll stay in tonight then..."

“I’m sorry to let you down.”

"Its ok, we can go another evening."

She was about to open her mouth and say something when she found herself needing to be sick again. She moved to the toilet just in time.

Peter held her hair back with one hand and stroked her back with the other.

She let out a whimper. Her stomach was really sore!

"Maybe we should call the out of hours doctor..?"

She didn’t reply as she was sick again.

"Or I can call my parents..?"

She gave a little nod.

Taking his phone from his pocket he sent his mum a text first asking if she and his dad could pop round as Holly wasn't well.

His dad replied about ten minutes later to say he’d be around shortly. By that point, Peter had managed to get Holly into the lounge and back under the blanket.

There was a knock at the door as he finished tucking her in.

Peter opened the door to be greeted by his father.

"Evening Peter, where's the patient?"

“Hol is in the living room on the sofa.”

"Your mum's working tonight." Charlie explained as he followed his son through.

“I couldn’t remember so I texted you both.” As they reach the living room, Holly was doubled over on the sofa, holding her stomach.

"I don't normally make house calls but I'll make an exception for family." Charlie smiled warmly as he knelt down by the sofa, his knees creaking loudly.

“Dad your knees!” Peter laughed a little but was more concerned for Holly, he’d never seen her like this before.

"I'm going to start by taking your temperature, is that OK?" Charlie asked Holly.

She nodded and let out another whimper.

Charlie placed the thermometer in her ear and waited for it to take a reading before checking the display. "You've got a fever." He confirmed.

“Thought so.” She mumbled quietly.

"What other symptoms have you had?"

“Aches and pains, sickness, stomach pain.”

"Sounds viral. How long have you felt unwell?"

“Three days, maybe a bit longer.”

"Are you managing to keep fluids down?" Charlie asked whilst checking Holly's pulse and blood pressure.

“Yeh.”

"That's good. I think you'll be OK to recuperate at home. You can take paracetamol for the aches and fever. Plenty of fluids and rest. Hopefully you should start to feel better within the next couple of days."

Holly nodded as she settled down under the blanket, “Thanks Charlie.”

"One of us will drop by and check on you in a couple of days." Charlie smiled.

“So she’s definitely ok then?” Peter asked.

"Yes. It's a nasty virus but she'll be OK soon." Charlie reassured.

Peter nodded, “Thanks for coming round.”

"That's OK. Better to be safe with these things."

“I was worried when I came home and found her asleep on the bathroom floor.”

"They like to scare us and keep us on our toes."

“They certainly do.” Peter glanced over at Holly who was now asleep again. “Do you want a drink while you’re here or do you need to rush back?”

"I've got some time." Charlie smiled.

“Tea? Coffee?”

"Tea."

Peter went into the kitchen and switched on the kettle. “How are you and mum?” He asked.

"We're OK. Your mum is excitedly making plans for the ceremony next month." Charlie chuckled softly.

Peter laughed, “And you’re just going along with it?”

"Seems easiest that way..!" Charlie laughed.

Peter laughed and then paused, “Dad?” He whispered after a few seconds silence.

"Yes son?"

“When and where did you propose to mum?”

"It was Christmas day, I bought her a ring as a present. You were there but you were probably too occupied with your own presents." Charlie teased gently. "It was the day the twins were born."

“Ah.” Peter smiled, “So it was special then?”

"I tried to make it special. I'd been planning to ask her for ages but it was finding the right moment."

“Finding the right moment is really hard.” Peter replied sadly.

"It can be yes but you'll know it when it happens." Charlie reassured. "So you're set on marrying Holly then?"

Peter nodded, “Yeh, I want to marry her.”

"She's a lovely girl."

“I bumped into Sarah and little Olivia the other day. She’s getting so big.” Peter replied.

"The last year has really flown by." Charlie smiled, picking up the cup of tea.

“Yeh it really has.” Peter smiled, “Sarah looks well. I hope in time Sarah and I can be friends again.”

"I think you will be. You've been through a lot together over the years. That will never change."

Peter smiled again, “I hope not.”

They moved to sit by the breakfast bar so as not to disturb Holly by returning to the lounge. "So that box that got delivered to our house was an engagement ring like your mother suspected then?"

“Yeah it was.” Peter blushed, “I didn’t want it delivered here just in case Holly knew what it was.” He sat down at the breakfast bar.

"Well, your mum may have let that cat out the bag when she brought it round..!" Charlie chuckled good-naturedly.

Peter rolled his eyes playfully.

"She got quite excitable - I told her to wait as you'd be at work but does she ever listen..?" Charlie laughed.

“No but that’s why you love her so much, isn’t it?”

"One of the reasons." Charlie smiled.

“I won’t ask what the other ones are.” Peter smirked.

"I don't ask you any questions and you don't ask me..!" Charlie chuckled, nudging his son playfully.

Peter chuckled. “That’s true!”

"All being well Holly should be better in time for their big girly weekend away." Charlie remarked, pulling a face at the idea.

“Fingers crossed. What you think they’re planning on doing?”

"I'm not sure, I guess it can't get too crazy given that the twins and Emmy are going but then again..."

“Then again, the twins and Emily together are rebellious.” Peter laughed.

"Exactly..!"

A hush fell over them as they drank their mugs of tea.

"I was thinking that we could get a takeaway in with your brothers while the girls are away..?" Charlie suggested after a pause.

“Sounds like a great idea.”

"You can stay over in your old room too."

“One of the twins hasn’t grabbed it yet?” Peter asked, surprised.

"Not yet. They seem to be getting on better recently."

“That’s good. Can imagine it’s a bit hard for them both; been fiercely independent but having a copy walking round with you.”

"I think it helps that Tilly now has a boyfriend too." Charlie replied, his distaste at the idea of his youngest daughters dating was clear to hear.

Something Peter instantly picked up on. “Ooh, daddy bear isn’t happy.” He teased gently.

"You sound like your mother..!" Charlie pouted.

“Does mum wind you up too?”

"Constantly!"

Peter smiled, “I think I will be exactly the same when my daughter starts dating.”

"Sounds like you've got quite the plans in mind." Charlie smiled.

Peter smiled shyly and nodded.

"Hopefully things will work out the way you want them to."

“If it was up to me, Holly would be pregnant right now.”

"And what does she say about that?"

“She wants to be married first.”

"Sensible girl!" Charlie grinned.

“It’s sensible but sometimes I want a little Holly running around.”

"Well you best get on with asking her to marry you then!"

“I want it to be special; dad.”

"What have you come up with so far?"

“I was planning on taking her out for tacos at her favourite Mexican.”

"Sounds perfect." Charlie smiled.

“It was supposed to be tonight but it looks like cuddles on the sofa instead.”

"It'll be worth the wait."

“Yeh it will be.”

"It took me almost a year to ask your mum."

“Were you ever nervous in case she said no?”

"All the time!"

“I’m worried Holly might say no.”

"I'm sure she won't."

“I hope not.”

"She'd be crazy to turn down a lovely lad like you."

“And I’d be a stupid lad if I let her ever leave, she’s amazing.”

"You would."

Peter finished his mug of tea. “Dad?”

"Peter..."

“Do you think I’m too young to get married?”

"I have worried that you might be rushing into things a bit..."

Peter sighed, “You think I’m just going to be hurt again like I was with Sarah?”

"I'm your dad - it's part of my job to worry about these things."

“I know.”

"But I trust that you'll chose the right path for yourself."

“I will.”

"You're a smart kid."

“Get that from you and mum.”

"Your mum's the smart one."

“You’re both smart.”

Charlie shrugged dismissively as another comfortable silence fell over them whilst Charlie reached out to snag a biscuit from the counter.

Peter took a biscuit as well.

"Mmm, my favourite!" Charlie smiled.

“That’s why I brought them, for when you and mum came round.”

"I think your mum is planning to pop over on her way home from work in the morning."

“Ok.” Peter smiled, “She's getting better isn’t she?”

"She's doing really well." Charlie smiled.

“She doesn’t seem as sad.”

"Things have been rather tricky but I think the renewal ceremony has given her something to get excited about."

“I think so too.”

"I just hope it all works out as she hopes." Charlie mumbled.

“It’s going to go well. Unless you and mum have some skeletons in the closest that might come out on the wedding day.” Peter laughed. “Honestly dad, it’s gonna go fine, stop worrying!” He reassured.

Charlie sighed, they'd agreed not to tell the children til nearer the time but Charlie just couldn't keep it all to himself any longer. "Your mum has been in contact with her family..."

“Her family? I thought mum only had Gran?”

"Her father left her and gran when your mum was a toddler..."

“What he like? Her father?”

"I haven't met him yet."

“Will he be coming to the wedding?”

"She wants him to give her away."

“That’s understandable.”

"He's very ill."

There was a small silence, “He’s dying?”

Charlie nodded sadly.

“Ah, that’s rubbish.”

"That's why she wanted to move the ceremony forward."

“So he could be involved?”

"Yes." Charlie sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I worry she's just going to get her heart smashed to pieces all over again."

“She probably will but maybe all you can do is support her?”

Charlie nodded. "I didn't tell you this but he's an alcoholic."

“Is that why he’s dying?”

"Fifty odd years of heavy drinking doesn't do the body any good at all."

Peter sighed sadly.

"Explains a lot though."

Peter nodded quietly.

"It's not just her father though..."

“Oh?”

"Turns out your mum isn't the only child she thought she was..."

“She’s got siblings?”

"She does indeed!"

“How many?”

"Twelve."

Peter laughed, “You’re joking right?”

"I wish I was..!"

“Now we know where mum gets it from.”

Charlie couldn't help but laugh at his son's remark.

“What’s your excuse dad?”

"Your mother is a very persuasive lady..!"

“That’s gross.” Peter pulled a face.

"What can I say? She's always known where my weaknesses are located."

“Urgh, dad. I think I’m gonna puke.”

"I hope you haven't caught what Holly's got..!" Charlie chuckled.

“No, it’s listening to you tell me that mum knows what and where your weakness lie.” The look of horror was clear on his face.

Charlie continued to laugh.

Peter shook his head fondly.

"You wait, one day you'll be able to gross your kids out in the same way!"

“Hmm.”

"Its a perk of being a parent."

“If you say so.” Peter smiled brightly, before he heard movement from the lounge.

Holly appeared in the kitchen doorway, still pretty pale and yawning. "I came to get a glass of water."

“You should’ve called, I’d have got it for you.” Peter stood up and went to the sink, grabbing a glass from the side. He filled it up with water and handed it to Holly, kissing her forehead.

She took a couple of sips before resting her head on Peter's shoulder.

“You ok babe?” Peter asked.

"I feel less sick."

“That’s good.”

"Very tired still." She pouted.

“Well, let me finish talking to my dad and then we could go and have cuddles in bed if you fancy?”

"OK. I'm gunna get into bed. Don't be too long or I'll be fast asleep." She yawned. "Night Charlie." She added before heading out the room.

“Night Holly.” Charlie smiled and stood up, “I think that’s my cue to leave.”

"You don't have to..."

“Your partner needs you. I also need to make sure the twins haven’t thrown a party in my absence.”

"Fair enough." Peter chuckled. "We should go for a beer some time, catch up proper."

“Yeh we should.” Charlie squeezed Peter’s shoulder, “Night son, love you.”

"Love you too dad. I won't tell mum that I know about the stuff with her dad."

“Thanks son.”

"I'll let you know how it goes with the other thing..."

“Please do.”

"Keep your fingers crossed she don't say no." Peter grimaced as they walked towards the door.

“She won’t,” Charlie reassured as he stepped out of the house.

"Thanks for coming over dad."

“No problem. Night.” Charlie left, walking off down the road to his car.

When Peter entered the bedroom Holly was still just about awake.

He removed his clothes and got under the covers beside her.

"I'm sorry I ruined your evening." She whispered.

“You’re more important.” He whispered back.

"We can go another day?"

“Of course we can.”

"It was kind of your dad to come round."

“Yeah it was. I needed to know it wasn’t something serious you were suffering from.”

"Only I could catch a viral infection in the middle of summer..!"

“Yeah.” He snuggled up to her. “Babe, I’ve been thinking...”

"Oh..?"

“Do you fancy a holiday to Mexico?” He smiled, kissing her neck.

"Really?!" She squeaked excitedly.

“Yep!”

"I'd love that."

“So would I, gorgeous.”

She smiled as she snuggled further into Peter's arms.

“Love you beautiful.”

"You're the best boyfriend ever."

“And you’re the best girlfriend ever!”

"Go sleep now." Holly mumbled, her eyes closed.

“You’re a bit bossy, aren’t you?” He whispered.

"I'm tired."

“Then you sleep. I’ll cuddle you.”

"Ok." She mumbled, falling back to sleep almost instantly.

He smiled and kissed her head. He wasn’t long before he drifted off to sleep himself.

They slept through til mid-morning the next day when they were awoken by a light tap on the front door.

“I’ll go.” Peter got out of bed carefully not to disturb Holly and walked to the door in his boxers. He unlocked the door and opened it, stretching as he did.

"Morning." Duffy smiled. She looked tired but otherwise OK.

“Morning mum.” He smiled, standing aside to let her in. “You look knackered, busy night?”

"You're a charmer just like your father!" She retorted with a chuckle. "Yeh, pile up on the duel carriageway."

“No wonder you look tired,” He closed the door behind her as she came into the flat. “Many casualties? Do you want a tea?”

"A lot. We had to send two teams out." She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Coffee please."

“Two seconds.” He disappeared to his bedroom to check on Holly who was still asleep and chucked on a T-shirt and a pair of joggers. He returned to the kitchen and filled up the kettle, “You did everything you could though, right?”

"Yeh, we did. It just wasn't enough for some but that's the way it goes sometimes." She frowned.

“You ok?” He asked concerned by her frown as he glanced at her.

"Yeh, I'll be fine." She replied. "How's Holly?"

He made her the coffee and placed the mug down on the table, “She's snoring at the minute, seems better.”

"That's good." Duffy sighed contentedly as she swallowed a mouthful of coffee.

“I was gonna propose last night.” He said sadly as he sat down beside his mum, “You ok in here or do you want to go in the living room?”

"Really?!" Her voice rose a couple of octaves.

“Yes but I’ve got a new plan. It’ll be a few months yet though.”

"Oh?" Duffy's interest had been very much peaked.

“I’m going to take Holly on holiday, to Mexico. She’s always wanted to go.”

"That's a wonderful idea."

“And it would be nice to propose to her on the beach.” He smiled brightly.

"That sounds perfect."

There was a silence for a moment.

Once she'd finished her coffee Duffy was a little more awake. "Did the cufflinks for your dad arrive ok?" She asked.

“Yeah they arrived ok.” He smiled, “Is there a reason you brought it forward? The vow renewal?”

"I decided there was no point waiting any longer." She shrugged, not quite meeting her son's eye.

“No other reason?”

"Do you think there's some other reason..?" Suspicion was creeping into her tone.

“It just seems a bit sudden, that’s all.” Peter shrugged. “Plus you’re not making eye contact with me.”

"I just decided I wanted to."

“Ok.”

"I thought it would give us all something nice to look forward to."

“It does.” He smiled.

"So has your dad had anything delivered here recently..?" Duffy asked mischievously, blatently changing the subject.

“That would be telling.”

Duffy pouted.

Peter chuckled, “Sorry.”

"I won't tell him you told me..!"

“My lips are sealed.”

"But I birthed you..!"

He shrugged. “Holly would also kill me if I was to tell you and she’s scary so...”

"Fine!" Duffy huffed, folding her arms with exaggerated drama.

“Holly’s scarier than you.” He replied with a smile.

"I should probably head home soon before your dad thinks I've gotten lost! Do you want me to check on Holly before I do?"

“She’ll be ok, I’m certain.” He smiled, “But thanks though.”

"OK. Give us a call if you need anything. I'll take the cufflinks with me." She smiled.

“I will mum, you too. Two minutes, let me go and find them.” He laughed gently as he wandered into the bedroom. There was a few loud movements but eventually Peter came back with a gift bag.

"I hope you haven't woken Holly, sounded like a herd of elephants in there!" Duffy chided with a smile.

“Nah, she’s a pretty good sleeper to be honest.”

"She'd have to be!" Duffy laughed.

Peter laughed and handed over the gift bag. “Dad doesn’t know about them.”

"Good, good." Duffy smiled.

He kissed his mum’s cheek, “Enjoy your sleep when you get in.”

"Thanks." Duffy yawned, stretching as she got up.

“I still don’t know how you do it.” Peter commented.

"Work nights?"

“Work nights and be... Well... You...”

"Be me?" She repeated, her eyebrow raised.

“Yeh. Like mum, superwoman, nurse. It’s always been inspiring.”

Duffy blushed, genuinely touched by her son's comment.

Peter smiled noticing the blush on his mum’s cheeks.

"I just do what I do." She shrugged humbly.

“I know but it’s amazing.”

"It means a lot that you think that."

“We all think that.” Peter replied.

"I like helping people and seem to be quite good at it." She smiled as they walked towards the door.

“You’re more than quite good.” He replied as he opened the door.

"Give Holly my best when she wakes up."

“I will do. Love you mum.” He kissed her cheek again.

"Take care. Love you." She gave him one last hug and then headed back down to the road to drive home. 

He smiled and waited until his mother had driven out of sight before closing the front door and returning to bed.

Holly snuggled up to Peter as he lay back down.

“Are you awake?” He whispered.

"Mmm..." She mumbled.

“Just about by the sound of things.”

"Who was at the door?" She asked, not opening her eyes.

“My mum. She says hi.”

"She ok?"

“Yeh, she came for the cuff links that were delivered here.” His hand stroked her thigh.

"The ones for your dad? They for the ceremony?"

“Yeah they are.”

"I'm sure you'll all look very smart on the day." She smiled.

“And you’re going to look beautiful too.”

"My dress arrived but I haven't been well enough to try it on yet."

“Maybe when you’re up to full strength, I can be there when you do?”

"You're so predictable..!" She giggled.

“I just want to see what you look like that’s all.”

"You can give me your seal of approval."

“Exactly.” His hand moved further up her hip.

"Mmm..." She sighed contentedly.

He kissed her head. “Are you still off sick today?”

"Yeh, I can't go back til I've not been sick for forty eight hours."

“I’m off today too so do you fancy a duvet day?”

"Sounds good."

“Good.” He moved his hand under her pyjama top.

She giggled lightly as his hands tiptoed up her skin.

“I love you.”

"Love you too. Sorry I've been so rubbish these last few days."

“Hey, don’t ever apologise for been ill ok?”

"You've looked after me so well."

“I’m the son of two nurses. If I didn’t, something would be wrong.”

She smiled, snuggling up to him. "Tell me more about this trip to Mexico..."

“I was thinking we could go for new year? I’ve got some savings - I know we said we were going to save it for the house but I think there’s enough to go on holiday with as well as a deposit for a mortgage soon.”

"I've got some saved up too."

“Maybe we can spend today in bed, looking at hotels in Mexico?”

"I like that idea a lot. Can I have a bit of toast too? I'm feeling a bit peckish."

“Of course,” He smiled, “I’ll go and make you some.”

"Thanks babe."

Peter got out of bed and went to the kitchen to make Holly some breakfast.

Whilst he was in the kitchen Holly pushed herself up so she was sitting and attempted to tidy herself up a bit.

She still looked beautiful, her colour had returned and she looked less deathly.

"Mmm, that smells delicious!" She grinned as he returned.

“And I didn’t set the fire alarm off.”

"You're improving!" She giggled.

“I am.”

"Who knew toast could taste so good?!"

“It does when it’s all you’ve eaten for a while.”

"That's true." She smiled.

He got into bed beside her with the tray of toast on his lap.

"Didn't your brother visit Mexico recently..?"

“Yes he did.”

"We should ask him if he's got any suggestions of places to visit."

“Good idea, gorgeous!”

"I'd like to stay somewhere near the beach if we can."

“Yeh I was looking near the beach.”

"So we can sunbathe and chill out."

“Of course,” He pinched a piece of her toast and grinned.

"Cheeky!" She gasped, giggling.

“I’m hungry.” He pouted.

"Poor baby been starved while I've been ill..?" She teased, poking his tummy gently.

“Yes.” He laughed gently.

"Aww, I best rectify that soon."

“Please.” He bit into his toast and squeezed her thigh gently with his free hand.

"Can't have your parents thinking I don't feed their little boy properly..."

“I think they know you feed me well.”

"Yeh, you're not a skinny little runt anymore!" She teased, giggling.

“No I’m full of muscles instead.” He flexed his bicep.

"Hmm..!" She giggled.

“You love my biceps.”

"They have their uses."

“Oh they certainly do.” He finished his toast.

"They give good cuddles."

“I give the best cuddles.”

"You really do." She smiled, snuggling into him.

He moved the tray slightly so he could wrap both arms around her.

"I'm comfy here." She smiled.

“So am I.” He smiled, kissing the top of her head.

"I love you and can't wait for our holiday." She smiled.

“I can’t wait either.”

Her eyes slid closed, her imagination full of ideas for their trip as she dozed back off to sleep once more.

He watched her and just held her, resting his eyes.


	45. Chapter 45

Barely a word had been spoken between them during the three hour journey from home to the hospital. Duffy had visited her father several times but this was Charlie's first visit.

Charlie wasn’t sure what to expect. Here he was about to meet his wife’s father for the first time, a man who was, without a doubt, the cause of Duffy’s issues around men. He squeezed her thigh gently as they drove towards the hospital.

Duffy's eyes briefly glanced over from their focus on the road and she gave him a soft smile. "Its not too much further now." She explained.

“Good, I don’t know about you but I need to stretch.”

"We'll take the stairs up to the ward then..?" She chuckled.

“How many flights?” He asked.

"Half a dozen or so."

“We’ll take the lift.”

"Lazy bum!" She teased, giggling.

“Yeah I am a bit.”

"Right, here we are." She smiled, turning into the carpark.

“At long last.” He smiled.

Once out of the car they headed into the main building.

He took her hand into his as he followed her.

Her hand was twitching slightly as they waited for the lift.

“It’s ok.” He gave her hand a reassuringly squeeze.

Her smile in reply was slightly forced as they stepped into the lift.

He squeezed her hand again.

The fingers of her free hand fiddled with the ends of her hair as they travelled upwards through the floors.

He moved forward and kissed her cheek. “It’s ok.”

The lift doors pinged open before she could reply.

He followed her. A nervous feeling settling in his stomach.

After briefly speaking to the nurse behind the desk they were led along the corridor.

“I’m nervous.” Charlie admitted.

"You're not the only one..." Duffy admitted quietly.

“You’ve met your father before...” He replied. 

“Brendan? I’ve got a couple of visitors for you.” The nurse said as she opened the curtains.

Brendan smiled broadly as he spotted his eldest daughter behind the nurse.

"Hi dad." Duffy smiled nervously.

“Hello sweetheart.” Brendan smiled brightly, “Is this your fella?”

"This is my husband Charlie."

Charlie held his hand out to Brendan as he stepped closer to the bed, “Nice to meet you.”

"You too."

Charlie glanced at Duffy, an awkward silence falling over them.

"I thought it would be nice for the two of you to get to know each other..." Duffy explained, her smile still fixed and a little forced looking.

“Good idea.” Brendan smiled.

"And I was hoping you'd be well enough to be allowed out of hospital for the day in a couple of weeks time..." She paused, shooting Charlie a look that implied that she wanted him to explain why.

“The thing is, D...Lisa and I would like to renew our vows. We were hoping you’d be a part of our big day and give Lisa away.”

Brendan's eyes teared up. He didn't know what to say.

“I know it would mean the world to Lisa.”

"If its what you'd like then I'd be delighted." Brendan smiled. "So tell me about yourself..."

"I'm gunna grab a cup of coffee from the canteen, let the two of you get to know each other a bit better..." Duffy interjected, stepping back towards the curtain.

Charlie glanced at Duffy and smiled as she disappeared. “Me? There’s not much to say, I’m a nurse like Duffy. Father of eight and married to the most fantastic mother and woman in the world.”

"She's a credit to her mum, that's for sure."

“Yeh she really is.”

"You get on well with Kat?"

“Yeah. It took me a while to build up her trust that I wasn’t using Duffy as some sort of notch. We don’t always see eye to eye but we’re better than we were.”

"I doubt Kat has a very high opinion of men in general. Her father was emotionless and authoritarian, her older brother was a criminal and I, well, I was a scoundrel."

“I understand why she behaved the way she did.” Charlie smiled sadly.

"But you've been good to my little girl?"

“Not at the very beginning but that changed when we became a proper couple.”

Brendan nodded. "She seems very happy with you."

“She’s my world. I hope I’m hers.”

"She's very slow to open up about herself. I suppose I'm maybe expecting too much after all these years apart."

“It takes her a while to trust, but the fact she wants you at our vow renewal speaks volumes.”

Brendan paused, he knew he was probably the reason she had trust issues but it hurt too much to dwell on it. "How long have you been married?" He asked, deciding to change the subject.

“Twelve years now.” Charlie smiled brightly.

"You've managed to sweeze eight children into twelve years?!" Brendan replied, his brain not quite grasping all the numbers.

“No... We've been together much longer than that. Not... Properly... Our first born, Peter, was a one night stand. Then Duffy and I married other people and had two children. Jake was with her ex-husband and I had Louis with my ex wife.”

"I'm not exactly in a position to judge you after the way I've treated women..." Brendan chuckled darkly. "I've been caught out by one night of passion far more times than I like to admit."

“I always loved her, even back then. It was just a case of admitting it to myself and trusting myself not to hurt her.”

"She was the one?"

“She was always the one.”

"She's a very special girl."

“She is special and I’m so glad she’s my wife.”

"Is Kat aware of Lisa's plans for me to be at the wedding?"

“No, we haven’t discussed it with her yet.”

"Ah..!"

“But we will.”

"I'd like the opportunity to make peace with her."

Charlie smiled sadly, “Then I’ll try my best to make that happen. Ok?”

"That's kind of you."

“It’s no trouble.”

"I'm glad Lisa has someone to look after her." Brendan mumbled, shifting uncomfortably in his bed.

“You ok?” Charlie asked concerned by the obvious change. “I promise you, I will always look after her ok?”

"Its nothing. Just sat awkward."

“Are you sure?”

"I'm rapidly falling apart, there's no point fussing about it." Brendan shrugged though it was clear to see on his face that he was in pain.

“You’re in pain.” Charlie replied, “Do you need some more pain relief?”

"Its my own fault..."

“That you’re falling apart?”

"I just couldn't stop myself. I know that sounds like a cop-out but it's true. Even now if you held a bottle in front of me I wouldn't be able to say no."

“It’s an addiction.”

"I guess you see that sort of thing a lot in your line of work."

“My son Louis, he was addicted to heroin. But yeah, I see a lot of it at work too.”

"Was? He got clean?"

Charlie nodded, “He’s clean, has been for a while now.”

"That's good." Brendan smiled before grimacing again.

“Would you like me to ask the doctor for some more pain relief?”

"Being senseless with medication isn't quite as much fun as alcohol..." Brendan chuckled darkly.

“I know, I can imagine.” Charlie smiled slightly.

"If I'd known it was going to be my last drink then maybe I would have made a bigger deal out of it..." Brendan mused. He moved slightly which seemed to ease the pain in his abdomen.

“I’m beginning to wonder whether it’s you Duffy gets her stubbornness from.”

"Even as a baby she knew her own mind."

“Was it that apparent?”

"Very much so."

“Her stubbornness drives me mad sometimes.”

"That doesn't surprise me."

“Did Kate’s do the same to you?”

"You probably won't believe this but when I first met her she was very shy and quiet, terrified to speak out of turn."

“Really?”

"I think it was about a month before she said more than a handful of sentences to me. Not that I was too fussed, she was a hell of a knockout to look at! But when she did finally find her voice... Woo wee!" Brendan grinned.

Charlie chuckled.

"I see so much of her in Lisa."

“So do I. But don’t tell her I said that, because she’ll think I’m saying she’s turning into her mother.”

"Yeh, that's never a good thing to say to the missus!"

Charlie laughed, “No it’s not. However, our eldest often teases her about morphing into her mum, so I’m not the only one.”

"Had you known my daughter long when Peter came along?"

“I think it was about three-four years. In a professional capacity but also as friends.”

"But it developed into more..?"

“It had pretty much developed into more from the very first day.” Charlie replied.

Before Brendan could reply Duffy reappeared.

Charlie smiled, “Hello babe.”

"How you getting along?" She asked.

“We’re getting on just fine, aren’t we Brendan?”

"Of course." Brendan smiled.

Charlie smiled, “We were talking about you.”

"I should never have left the pair of you alone..!" She giggled lightly.

Brendan smiled as he looked at Duffy and then Charlie. “Charlie was saying how you’re turning into your mother.” Brendan chuckled softly. 

Duffy's eyes narrowed and she glared at Charlie.

Charlie smiled. That glare always did funny things to him. “I wasn’t...” He smirked.

"Wouldn't be the first time I've heard you say that..!"

“What if it’s just a tiny bit true?” Charlie said.

"You don't like my mother..."

“Yes I do!”

"Hmm..!" She smirked, her eyebrow raised.

“We don’t always see eye to eye on things but I do like her!” Charlie protested.

"OK I'll give you that..."

“I know she means well.”

"I'll tell her you said that..!" She teased, giggling.

“Ssh. It’s a secret.” Charlie replied with a smile. He loved seeing her giggle and smile, it showed on her face. 

Brendan watched them both and also smiled. Their love for each other was clear to anyone.

Moving closer to the bed Duffy cast her eyes around trying to spot a chair to sit down on.

Charlie stood up, “Take my seat and I’ll go and see if I can find another.”

"Thanks." She smiled.

As he walked past her, Charlie kissed her cheek and left the cubicle trying to find a spare chair.

"Sounds like you two had a nice chat..?" She queried as she sipped her coffee.

“We did.” brend smiled. “He treats you well, doesn’t he?”

"The best." She smiled, her eyes sparkling.

“Can see by the way he looks at you, he adores you.”

"I adore him too."

“I can tell.”

"How are you? You sounded very tired when we spoke on the phone the other day."

“I am tired,” He admitted. “Are you ok?”

"I'm good. I'm going away with the girls this weekend."

“Are you going anywhere nice?”

"A country house."

“Nearby or..?”

"About an hour's drive from where I live."

“It’s come around quickly, hasn’t it?”

"Its something we've been considering for some time now. We decided to stop talking about it and finally get on with it!"

“Your mother doesn’t know I’m going to be there, does she?”

"I will tell her soon!"

Brendan sighed, “Have you thought about what your mother might say?”

"Its my wedding!" Duffy retorted petulantly.

“Maybe but your mother won’t want me there.”

"But I do."

“I’d like to talk to your mother... Be able to clear the air?”

"Before the ceremony?"

He nodded. “I need to make my peace.” He said quietly, “Before it’s too late.”

"OK." Duffy swallowed back the emotion that wanted to break forth. "I can bring her here?"

“Thank you.” He reached out for her hand.

"I'm popping in to see her on my way home from here." She smiled, placing her hand in her father's.

He squeezed her hand. “Please don’t argue about me.”

"I'll try my best but no promises that she won't."

“You’re both too alike.”

"She swears I'm like you."

He laughed, “She would say that!”

"She's never spoken very kindly of you." Duffy sighed, frowning.

“I broke her heart.”

Duffy nodded and a quiet fell over them.

It was broken by Charlie returning to the cubicle with a chair he’d managed to find.

Duffy glanced up at her husband before turning back to her dad. "Can you tell me more about Uncle Matt?" She asked, her voice soft.

“What would you like to know?”

"What was he like? How did you meet him?"

“Your Uncle Matt and I met at school, we were the same age. He was the class clown, always getting up to mischief.”

"I'm sure that went down well with my grandparents..." Duffy cringed.

“He was classed as the one that led me astray. He didn’t, of course.”

"You were as bad as each other?"

“Yes.”

"I was pretty well behaved at school. Just wasn't particularly bright." She shrugged.

“Nonsense! I’m sure you were very bright!” Brendan reassured.

"I did OK but I was never going to trouble the top of the class." She smiled. "So what kind of trouble did you and my uncle get into?"

“Play fighting, getting our shorts dirty by playing rugby, general silliness that boys do really. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, how daft boys can get when they’re with their friends.”

"Oh yes!" Duffy chuckled, exchanging a look with Charlie.

“We know that quite well, don’t we sweetheart?” Charlie replied.

"How did he get involved in bad stuff?"

“Nobody knows. Just one day, he changed.”

"In what way?"

“More secretive. His friends were shady characters.”

"Did you meet any of them?"

“No, I always had a bad feeling about them.”

"You think it was gang related?"

Brendan nodded sadly, “I think Matt did something he shouldn’t.”

"And then he wasn't able to escape til they killed him?"

“I wouldn’t like to speculate.” Brendan replied. “I think he was stuck between a rock and a hard place.”

"He was only twenty three when he died." She sighed sadly.

“I know.” Brendan smiled sadly, “I miss him every day.”

"Mum can't bring herself to talk about him. It still upsets her too much."

“That’s understandable. She idolised him.”

"Jake, my second oldest, looks a bit like him." She smiled.

“Does he?”

Duffy reached into her handbag and took out her phone. Opening it up she found a group photo of all the children that had been taken a couple of months ago. "That's Jake there." She smiled, pointing him out.

Brendan examined the photograph and smiled. “Yeh he does look a bit like Matt doesn’t he?” He looked at the picture of all the children and smiled, “And those three girls are mini copies of their mother by the looks of things.”

"Yeh, it's quite eery how similar they look."

“Your girls and you? Or Jake and your Uncle Matt?”

"Both." She smiled. "Peter is the double of his dad too."

“They’re beautiful children.”

"Thank you." She smiled. She pointed out each of the children in turn. "That's Peter, Jake, Louis, Emily, Tilly, Lottie, Oli and Paul."

“I’d love to meet them one day.”

"They'll be at the ceremony."

Brendan smiled brightly.

"Has your doctor said anything more about if the changes to your medication regime have made any difference?"

Brendan shook his head, “Still early days.”

"Would you like me to talk to him?"

Brendan shook his head. “Clara's been mithering the young man for days.”

"We just can't help ourselves." Duffy blushed.

“It’s nice to know I’m being looked after so well.” Brendan smiled before he began to fidget again.

"Where's the pain?" Duffy asked, cutting straight to the point.

“I’m fine,” Brendan tried to dismiss her worries.

"No you're not."

“My stomach.”

"Where abouts?" She asked, getting up from her chair and moving closer.

Brendan placed his hand on his left side of his stomach. “Here. I’ll be ok though..”

She moved her hands to where his was. "Is the pain constant or in waves?"

“Comes and goes.”

"Does it hurt more when I apply pressure?"

“It’s just a little uncomfortable.”

"Charlie, can you get the doctor?"

“Of course.” Charlie stood up and went to look for the doctor.

"Do you have pain anywhere else?"

“No, just there.” Brendan sighed.

"You promise you're telling me the truth..?"

“I promise.”

Before she had time to press him further Charlie returned with the doctor.

“Everything ok, Brendan?” The Doctor asked as he put on a pair of gloves.

"My stomach hurts a bit. It's nothing though..."

“What kind of pain? And where about?” He stepped closer to the bed, “Am I ok to examine you?”

Brendan nodded. "Just here."

“Thank you.” He began to gentle press down on Brendan’s stomach and watched his facial expressions.

Brendan winced a couple of times.

“When did it start?”

"This morning." Brendan mumbled.

“What’s the pain like?”

"Stabby."

“When was the last time you had a bowel movement?”

"Um... I'm not sure."

“I’ll go and check your notes to find out, I’ll be back in a minute. Is that ok?”

"OK."

The doctor gave a small smile to Duffy as he disappeared from the cubicle.

Duffy exchanged a nervous glance with Charlie.

“How many days until the ceremony?” Brendan asked.

"Its a week on Saturday."

“Not long to go.”

"No." Duffy smiled. "I can't wait."

Brendan smiled. “Neither can I.”

"I had my final dress fitting yesterday."

“I bet you look like a proper princess!”

"I can show you a photo if someone promises to keep his eyes closed..!"

Brendan nodded excitedly.

"You keep 'em closed!" She warned Charlie, giggling.

“My eyes are closed.” Charlie answered back.

Turning her phone away from her husband she opened up the photos and found the one she was looking for to show her dad.

“That looks beautiful.”

"I wasn't sure when I saw it on the hanger but the girls talked me into it." She explained, swiping across to a photo of her wearing it.

“You look... Wow, like a Princess.”

Her cheeks flushed scarlet.

“He’s a very lucky man!”

"Not quite the girl he first married but..." She shrugged, her words tailing off awkwardly.

“What makes you say that?” Brendan frowned.

"Nothing..!" She replied hastily, placing her phone back in her bag. "You can open them again." She told Charlie.

“No, tell me?”

Charlie slowly opened his eyes, hearing the comment that Duffy had said.

"Its really nothing. Where the hell has that doctor disappeared to.?!" She was flustered and desperate to get out of the conversation. She pushed aside the curtains and went in search of the doctor.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Charlie told Brendan as he went after Duffy. “Duffy, wait?” He placed his hand on her arm once he’d caught up with her.

"Why is it you can never find a bloody doctor when you need them.?!"

“What did you mean by your comment?”

"You know full well..." She ran her hand through her hair with a sigh. "He doesn't need to know about all that though. Forget I said anything, it just slipped out."

“I can’t forget you said it.” He sighed, “You’ll always be the girl I married.”

"I try to be."

“You think you’re not?”

"Quite a lot has happened since that day..."

“The day we married?”

She nodded.

“You’re right, a lot has happened but you’re still the girl I married.” He gently pulled her towards him and embraced her. 

She rested her head against his shoulder and felt the tears she'd been holding back start to slide down her cheeks.

Charlie’s hold tightened around her.

She didn't say anything, she just let all the pent up emotions flow out of her.

He rubbed her back before kissing the top of her head.

"He's getting worse..." She whispered brokenly.

“I know sweetheart.”

"I thought I could handle this. I've dealt with death my entire career but this..."

“It’s different.” He whispered.

"I can't bare the thought of losing him. Not now..."

“I’m sorry sweetheart.”

"The way he keeps talking about making his peace with others..."

“It’s a tough thing to hear.”

"Its taken me so long to find him..."

“I know darling, I wish I could change things for you.”

"I tried my best to hold back, to not let it get to me."

“You’re having a relationship with someone you never thought was possible. It’s just a shit situation that he’s dying.”

"I'm not looking forward to speaking to mum about it later..."

“Would you like me to speak to her?”

"We can do it together..?"

“Good idea,” He smiled.

Duffy looked up as she saw the doctor heading back to her father's bay.

“Shall we give Brendan and the doctor a few minutes alone? We could go for a small walk?”

Duffy hesitated but then nodded.

He took her hand and in silence, they left the hospital to take a stroll around the grounds. 

"What if they say he can't leave the hospital? Even for just a few hours..." She started to fret.

“Hey, stop fretting. It’s going to be ok.” He squeezed her hand before they sat down on a bench.

"Every time I visit he seems a little worse. I know that sounds obvious, I mean of course he's getting worse he's terminally ill but..."

“You’re worried he might not make the ceremony?”

She nodded silently, her gaze fixed on the floor.

He sighed, “I think he’s determined to make it.”

"I really thought I could do this. I thought I could handle it. You knew I couldn't though didn't you? That's why you tried to stop me."

“No...” Charlie lied.

She looked up, she knew that tone. "Charlie..?"

“I didn’t want to see you get hurt all over again.”

"I had to know the truth..."

“I know. I just... I hate seeing you get hurt and not been able to do anything. I don’t want this to set you back.” He mumbled quietly.

"I don't want it to either." She sighed. "What do you think to him?" She asked, changing the subject slightly as the focus on her past issues was making her edgy.

“He’s alright. He spoke about your mum, a lot.” He smiled.

"Was he what you expected?"

“No. I expected him to not care, but he does.”

"He made mistakes. I wish mum had given him more of a chance but I understand why she didn't."

“He did.” Charlie moved slightly closer to Duffy, “He always loved you... So you know what that means, don’t you?”

"What..?"

“You are loveable after all.”

Duffy smiled softly, resting her head on Charlie's shoulder.

He gently rested his head against hers.

"Thank you." She whispered.

“What for?” He whispered back.

"Being you."

“You don’t need to thank me.”

"I want to though."

He smiled and kissed her head.

"Should we head back inside?"

“Yeh. Are you ready to?”

"Ready as I'll ever be..." She sighed.

He stood up and held his hand out to her.

She slid her hand inside his, it was slightly clammy.

“Are you feeling ok?”

"I'll be OK."

“Are you sure?”

"I'm just scared what the doctor is going to say."

“About his stomach pains?”

"You know as well as I do that it could be incredibly serious."

“It could be.”

"I guess we best go find out." She moved back towards the building, still tightly grasping his hand.

When they returned to the ward, Brendan wasn’t in his bed.

This caused Duffy to really panic, her eyes sweeping over the corridor and other bays.

“Relax sweetheart, he’s probably nipped to the toilet.” Charlie reassured, although he couldn’t help the awful feeling in his stomach either.

"Where's that bloody doctor?!"

Charlie tried to soothe her and calm her down.

"Please just help me find the doctor?"

“Ok.” He nodded. They went to search for the doctor but instead bumped into a Heathcare Assistant who was wheeling Brendan back in a wheelchair.

"Dad! Where did you go? I was so worried!" Duffy gasped, instantly moving to his side.

“I had to use the bathroom. I refuse to use a bedpan whilst I can still walk a little.” Brendan explained.

Duffy shook her head indulgently, chuckling softly. "Do you feel any better? What did the doctor say?"

“I feel better. Stomach pain has gone.” Brendan admitted, flushing a little with embarrassment. He was helped back into the bed.

"That's good." She smiled, helping to tuck him in without realising what she was doing.

“You’re off duty now Lisa.” Her father said quietly.

"Sorry..." She mumbled, blushing.

“Its ok.”

"Can't help myself."

“Neither can Clara.”

"Are you more comfortable now?" She asked.

Brendan nodded, “Bunged up.”

"Hopefully they'll be able to adjust your medication regime to alleviate that."

“It’s all the pain relief.” Brendan replied sadly.

"Yeh, they can have that effect." She smiled sadly, perching on the edge of the bed and stroking his hand gently.

Brendan smiled sadly, “Will you stay for a while longer?”

"If you'd like us to. Do you not have other visitors today?"

Brendan shook his head, “Not today.”

"We'll stay." She smiled.

Brendan smiled. They spoke some more before he fell asleep, a smile on his face.

Once she was sure he was settled she quietly slipped her hand from his and stood up. "I'm going to speak to his doctor." She whispered to Charlie.

“Do you want me to stay here?”

"Please. I don't want him to worry if he wakes up before I get back."

“Ok.”

She dropped a quick kiss on her husband's head before leaving the bay and heading to the main desk.

The doctor wasn’t around.

"Do you know where Dr Macintosh is?" She asked a nurse.

“He’s just gone on a break, is there anything I can help you with?”

"Ah, I was hoping to talk to him about my father's condition."

“Who's your father?”

"Brendan Duffin."

“Ah. Yes, Doctor Macintosh should be back shortly.”

"OK. I'll wait here if that's alright?"

“Yes sure.”

Leaning against the desk Duffy took her phone from her pocket and flicked through it whilst she waited.

“Ah, Dr Macintosh, one of Brendan’s children wants a word.” The nurse said eventually.

Duffy looked up and smiled at the doctor, placing her phone back in her pocket. "I won't take too much of your time..."

“It’s ok.” He smiled, “I hope you weren’t waiting long?”

"No, it's OK."

“What can I do for you?”

"I was hoping to get an update on my father's condition."

He smiled sadly, “Would you like to go somewhere more private?”

"OK." She followed his lead towards the office.

He closed the door behind her as she entered his office. “Sit down.”

Duffy chewed her lip nervously as she sat in the proffered chair.

The doctor sat down at his desk, “Your father’s condition is deteriorating.”

"I thought as much." She sighed. "What has caused the deterioration?"

“His illness.” He smiled sadly, “We are trying to keep him as comfortable as possible.”

"Is this it?" She whispered.

“Without a transplant becoming available, yes.”

"How long would a transplant give him? I know it's not a cure."

“In theory it could give him another ten years. If, and only if, he stopped drinking of course.”

"You think he's likely to start drinking again if he had a transplant?"

“I can’t answer that question.” He replied, “But we can’t pretend that your father isn’t an alcoholic, and has been for several years.”

"I know..." She sighed sadly. "What are his chances in terms of getting a transplant?"

“They’re not looking good. The lack of donors and your father’s ill health, means that even if he could get a donor organ, having a transplant may kill him.”

"I understand." She swallowed back the tears that threatened.

The doctor handed her a box of tissues.

She took a tissue and dabbed at her eyes, regaining her composure somewhat. "What are your thoughts on where we progress from here?"

“My professional opinion? I don’t know how long your father has left but I feel we should make him as comfortable as we can.”

"You wouldn't push for a transplant..?"

“I don’t think he’d survive a double transplant in his condition.”

"Is there any chance of him reaching a point where he could?"

“I don’t think so.”

"OK. Does he know this?"

“Yes we’ve spoken about this, Brendan and I.”

"Do his other children know?"

“Brendan’s very private with his wishes.”

"But he's OK with you discussing it with me?"

“I haven’t discussed everything. I’ve just told you things from a clinician’s point of view.”

"Fair enough. Is his condition more serious than you've outlined?"

“I think your father is holding on because he has something he needs to do first.”

"He wants to make his peace with my mother."

He nodded with a small smile.

"I'm going to speak to her after I leave here and see if I can convince her to see him."

He smiled, “Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?”

"I don't think so."

“You can contact me day or night.”

"Thank you." She smiled, standing up.

“You’re welcome.” He smiled and stood up.

Duffy headed back to her father's bay. She moved her chair to sit closer to Charlie and rest her head on his shoulder.

“What did the doctor say?” He whispered.

"He's deteriorated further and even if they could find a donor he probably wouldn't survive the operation." She whispered sadly.

“I’m sorry.”

"I knew it was likely." She sighed. "I just hope I can convince mum..."

“Would you like to go tonight on the way back from here?”

"Yes."

“Then that’s what we’ll do.”

"What if she won't see him?"

“I don’t know.”

She sighed and closed her eyes, her mind working overtime on how she was going to convince her incredibly stubborn mother to give her father one last chance.

“We’ll do it together.” Charlie whispered.

They stayed for another couple of hours before it was time to head to Kate's house.

The journey was quiet, they didn’t speak much.

Duffy had been too agitated to drive, she'd handed Charlie the keys as soon as they'd arrived in the carpark.

He glanced over at her as he drove, trying to wonder what was going through her mind.

Finally they reached Kate's house and parked outside.

They both stayed sat in the car.

After several minutes had passed Duffy sighed and opened the passenger door. "Here goes nothing..."

Charlie got out of the car and locked the car, holding his hand out for her.

She took his hand, hers shaking as she did so.

They went to the front door where Charlie rang the doorbell.

"Hi mum, can we come in? We need to speak to you about something important." Duffy explained when Kate opened the door.

“Of course you can, everything ok?” Kate stepped aside to let them both in.

"Not exactly..." Duffy replied nervously.

“Oh?” Kate showed them into the lounge, Charlie closing the door.

"Sit down mum."

“Why? What’s the matter?” Kate did what Duffy asked and sat down on the sofa.

"I'm not sure exactly how to begin so I'm just going to jump in." Duffy explained. "A few weeks back I received a letter..."

“A letter? What kind of letter?”

"From my brother."

“Brother? You don’t have a brother.”

"Turns out I do..."

Kate sighed, “Your so called father has been in contact?”

Duffy nodded. "Robert wrote to me to tell me that dad is really ill."

Kate didn’t say anything, she fiddled with her hands. “He isn’t your father, he doesn’t deserve to use that title.”

"He made a mistake, he was ill!"

“He was an alcoholic who almost killed you!”

"You knew and never told me!"

“Told you what?”

"That he had an addiction. You acted like he didn't care when really he had an illness beyond his control."

“I did that to protect you. So don’t throw it back in my face now, Lisa!”

Duffy took a steadying breath, this wasn't getting them anywhere... "He... He wants to see you..."

Kate laughed bitterly, “Not a chance.”

"He's dying mum! He's changed and wants a chance to explain. To make his peace with you."

“No. End of discussion, Lisa.”

"He's quit drinking! He's been sober for months now!"

“I will not be going to see your father, not any time now and not in the future. He doesn’t get to decide that now is the time to make his peace so he can die peacefully and pretend he’s a good man. He had years to do that.” Kate replied. “No, Lisa. We are not having this discussion!”

"Well you'll have to see him at the ceremony next weekend. I thought you might want the opportunity to clear the air before then."

“He’s coming to your ceremony?”

"Of course he is, he's my dad!"

Kate sighed, “He isn’t your father! He walked away from you! He doesn’t get to call himself that. Then I won’t be going if you insist on allowing him to be there.”

"Mum! Why are you making things so difficult?!" Duffy was on the verge of tears once more.

“I am not being difficult!”

"You want me to choose!"

Kate didn’t say anything for several seconds. “You came here to ask me to make peace with him, didn’t you?”

"Yes. Even if its not for him, do it for me. I've lived my whole life with you hating him, I don't want that to continue to the grave if it doesn't have to."

“You do what you have to do, Lisa. But don’t expect me to drag up the past.”

"I want you both to be there. Its my big day and its important to me. Can't you see that? It's the last chance I'll get."

“Do you want a cup of tea?” Kate changed the subject. She’d said her piece on the situation, she wasn’t going to say anything more.

"Mum! Please will you see him?!"

“No. Tea Charlie?” Kate turned her attention to Charlie.

"I'm ok thanks." He replied softly.

Kate stood up and wandered into the hall and then kitchen. She quietly closed the door to and put her hand over her mouth to try and stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

Duffy looked over at Charlie, at a loss for what to do next.

“Do you want me to go and talk to her?” Charlie whispered.

"She won't listen to me, maybe she'll listen to you." Duffy shrugged.

“I’ll try.” He kissed her forehead before he stood up and went into the kitchen. He knocked on the kitchen door that was pulled to, “Kate?”

"Changed your mind about that cuppa?" She asked with fake brightness as she opened the door.

“Not quite.” He smiled sadly, “Came to see if you’re alright.”

"I'm fine."

“Really? You’ve just found out your ex-husband is dying.”

"He's been dead to me for years Charlie."

“Maybe but can I come in?”

"If you want to."

He closed the door behind him as he stepped into the kitchen. “You don’t have to lie Kate.”

"He ruined my life Charlie, why can't she understand that? How would she feel if Andrew wanted to see her because he was dying and thought saying sorry would make it all better?!"

“She understands that. She just wanted to make her own peace before it was too late.” Charlie paused, “Saying sorry won’t make it all better but maybe you’ll find an answer?”

"He's an unreliable drunk and liar, what more is there to say?"

“You loved him at one point Kate. He loved you too. He still calls you Kat. I understand now why you hate anyone calling you Kat.”

"He seduced two of my best friends, women I'd been friends with since childhood, who were bridesmaids at our wedding!"

“I’m sorry.” He sighed sadly.

"He said it was just a drunken mistake and one of them probably was but the other... I came home early from work one morning and caught them in bed together. Lisa was asleep in her cot inches away from them!"

“He cheated on you?” Charlie was silent for a minute; “That explains a few things I guess.”

"My mother warned me he'd never stay faithful." Kate sighed sadly.

“I seem to recall you told Duffy the same about me.” He smiled sadly.

"Men just can't help themselves."

“Some men can’t.”

"I can see why. Fran was quite the good time girl. She had to swiftly change her ways though when she ended up on her own with twin girls..."

“Brendan got her pregnant?”

"She'd never admit it but I wouldn't be surprised."

“Wow. I... I have no reason to ask you to see him but would you listen to what he has to say? You may never get another chance.”

"What could he have to say that I could possibly want to hear? The only reason I don't wish I'd never met him is that if I hadn't I wouldn't have Lisa."

“I don’t know.”

"I should have known better right from the start. He was a serial seducer by the time he was barely out his teens!"

“I can’t stand here and defend his actions, Kate, and I won’t. However, I’d like you to be present at the ceremony when I marry your daughter again.”

"She says he's changed, has he?"

“He’s not drinking but that’s because his body can’t handle it. He’s in heart and liver failure.”

She nodded sadly. "What about his cheating ways? Did he ever manage to knock that on the head?"

“No.” Charlie was silent, “He’s got thirteen children, Lisa included, from various marriages and affairs. Fifteen, if you add the two from Fran. If they are his...”

"Those'll just be the ones he's been forced to admit to. Mark my words there'll be others."

“Will you please come to the ceremony? I want you there Kate.”

"I'll be there. I shouldn't have to miss out on my daughter's big day because the man who provided the other half of her genetic material suddenly wants to play daddy..!"

“Thank you. You don’t have to talk to him, but I think it might be a good idea.”

"So he can salve his guilty conscience?"

“Maybe.”

"When does she want me to speak to him?"

“Whenever you want.”

"She won't drop it til I do will she..?"

“No, she won't. She can be annoying like that sometimes.”

"She can be. Stubborn as a mule that girl!"

“She takes after her mother.”

"Hmm..!" Kate replied indignantly.

“Shall I give you some time on your own?”

"Thank you."

He squeezed her shoulder before giving her a few minutes alone in the kitchen.

"Did you convince her?" Duffy asked as Charlie reentered the lounge.

“I think so.”

"I just want her to give him a chance. If I can forgive him then surely she can..?"

“It’s not that simple, sweetheart.”

"What do you mean?"

“I’ll talk to you after, when we’re home?”

She raised an eyebrow at him but didn't speak as her mum reentered the room.

He kissed Duffy’s cheek before sitting down beside her.

"I can drive you to the hospital whenever is convenient for you." Duffy offered softly.

Kate smiled sadly, “When are you free?”

"We can go tomorrow..?"

“Day after tomorrow? I... I don’t think I’m ready to go tomorrow.”

"OK. That's fine with me."

“Thank you.”

"We should probably head home, the boys will be being dropped off before long."

Kate smiled, “Thank you for stopping in on your way.”

"I'll call you about Thursday." Duffy smiled.

“Ok Lisa.”

"Love you mum. Thanks for agreeing to speak to dad." Duffy hugged her mum.

“Love you too, Lisa.” Kate kissed her daughters cheek and gave her a hug before saying goodbye to her and Charlie.

Once back in the car Duffy swivelled on Charlie. "What did you mean by it being more complicated?"

“You may have fifteen siblings and not thirteen.”

"What?! This is a joke right?!"

“No.”

"Did mum tell you this? She knew about dad's kids and didn't tell me?!"

“No. Your mum found him in bed with one of her best friends who later had twins.”

Duffy's eyes widened as her mind whirred. "You don't mean Gail and Toni do you..?" She gasped.

“Your mum didn’t say.”

"They were in the year below me at school. They were sweet girls but any time I spoke to them mum would get really hostile and I could never understand why..."

“I’m sorry sweetheart.”

"I had two sisters who literally lived two blocks over and she never told me?!"

“You’ve got to see things from her point of view?”

"All I ever wanted was a little sister or brother to play with... To not be on my own..." Her voice cracked as she spoke.

He reached over and squeezed her hand, “Your father cheated on your mum repeatedly. You know how that feels, don’t you?”

She nodded, tears escaping and trickling down her cheeks.

He moved slightly to pull her into a hug, “Ssh. It’s ok.”

"Its all such a mess..!" She sobbed.

“I know. I know.”

"Just take me home. Please." She mumbled.

“I will.” He kissed her head, “I love you, Duffy.”

"I love you too." She whispered.

“Love you more.” He whispered.

She lifted her head briefly and there was a ghost of a smile on her face before she turned back to staring out the window.

He gave her knee a squeeze before he turned the keys in the ignition and they set off home.


	46. CW: Discussion of alcoholism and its effects

After a cursery greating no words had been exchanged between mother and daughter during the long car journey. Once she parked in the carpark Duffy had taken the lift with Kate up to the ward before hanging back, explaining that she thought it best her parents spoke alone so she was off to get some coffee and sort out a few last minute arrangements for the upcoming ceremony.

Now alone in the entrance to the ward Kate briefly considered turning around and leaving but catching the look in her daughter's eyes just before the lift doors closed she knew that wasn't an option.

Brendan was sat in his bed, in his cubicle. He’d had a bad night's rest, he'd been agitated ever since he’d been informed the day before that Kate would be visiting. He sighed and hoped he looked somewhat presentable - he’d been able to have a shave with a bit of assistance and had put on a clean shirt.

Neither was sure what to expect from the other. As she was led through from the desk to the bay Kate fidgeted with the collar of her blouse and the ends of her hair.

Brendan sorted out his shirt collar and took a deep breath.

"Brendan, you have a visitor." The HCA explained as she opened the curtains slightly.

“Is it Kat?” He asked.

"Yes, should I show her in?"

“Yes please.”

The curtain was pulled open further and Kate stepped into the cubicle before the curtain was redrawn behind her and they were left alone.

“Hello Kat.” He smiled.

"Brendan." She acknowledged, her tone a tad icy.

“I didn’t think you’d come.”

"Lisa wouldn't take no for an answer..."

“I wonder where she gets her stubbornness from..?” There was a tiny smile on his lips.

"She had to grow up tough."

“Do you want to sit down?”

"I'm ok here."

Brendan nodded.

"Why did you ask me here?" Kate asked.

“To make my peace.”

"After all these years? You may have Lisa fooled but I know you..!"

“Yes.” He sighed, “You always were a tough one to crack, Kat.”

"I've had to be."

He met her eye, “You think I’m lying to Lisa about changing?”

"She wants to believe you've changed, that you're finally gunna be the father she's created in her head all these years."

“I have changed!”

"Really?" She retorted sarcastically.

“Yes! I know you don’t believe me.”

"No I don't. You've cruised through life taking whatever you want and not giving a damn who you hurt in the process."

“You’ve got a point.”

"From the sounds of things I was just one of the first in a very, very long line..."

“That I hurt?”

She nodded.

“I’ve spent every single moment of my life regretting what I did to you and Lisa.”

"Have you now?!" Kate asked in disbelief. "You know she's epileptic because of you!"

“What? Because of that night?”

"Your selfish behaviour damaged her brain!"

“She’s brain damaged?”

"Slightest knock to the head and she fits."

“I’m sorry.”

"You couldn't even manage to put your child first."

“I tried! I bloody tried!”

"You didn't try, you just took her with you and hoped I wouldn't find out. Just how many times did she watch you drink yourself into a stupor?"

“Too many.” He replied sadly, “I was weak but I did try! Especially that night!”

"What happened to her whilst you were lying in the gutter with not a clue where you were? Who was looking after her?"

“My friends looked after her!”

"And how drunk were they?!"

“Not as drunk as I was.” He sighed, “You think I wanted to drink?”

"That's not saying much given the states you got yourself into!"

Brendan didn’t say anything, he just took in her words.

"And to think you were the prize pick at school. The one every girl wanted to call her own. Lucky me getting the honour of cleaning you up after you'd thrown up on yourself or pissed the bed because you were so drunk! All while you called me by the name of every hussy you'd had your hands on whilst you'd been out galavanting!"

“I wish I could turn the clock back and maybe then I wouldn’t have been so much of a bastard to you, hey Kat?”

"If only those girls could see you now... See what a burnt out, bloated wreck you've been reduced to!" She spat back cruelly.

“I never cheated on you after Fran. I know you don’t believe me but I made you a promise and I intended on sticking by that promise.”

"I should have thrown you out then."

“It was a mistake!”

"You had sex with her whilst our daughter was asleep in her cot next to you!"

“I hated myself for that! For cheating on you, the woman that I loved! With our daughter in the same room!”

"What if Lisa had woken up? Or did you slip her a little something so she wouldn't..?"

“I can’t believe you’re even suggesting that!”

"You repeatedly took her out boozing with your friends, I dread to think what she was exposed to."

“She was my world!”

"No, booze was your world Brendan!"

“I wish it wasn’t! It caused me to lose the two most important people in my life.”

"From what I've heard you soon replaced us." She replied bitterly.

“She wasn’t you, Kat. She could never be you.”

"Which one are you talking about?"

“All of them.”

"You never could resist, even before the booze took full control." She sighed.

“I tried to stop... After what happened to Lisa.”

"When I came home that morning I thought she was dead. She was so cold and still." Kate could barely choke out the words.

“I’m so sorry, Kat.” He tried to get out of bed to approach her. “It’ll never be enough but I’ve lived with that every day.”

"You weren't there, you ran away!"

“I... I was a coward.”

"At least you admit it."

“I wish I’d just spoken to you.”

"I tried to help but you wouldn't let me."

“I was scared.”

"What made you do it? What was so terrible about our life together that made you feel booze was the only option?"

“It wasn’t you Kat. God, I loved you and wanted to give you the world. You and Lisa.” He was silent for a moment, “It was just there. This need, this compulsion, to drink. I tried to stop but I couldn’t... And I hated myself every time I drank. Every time I saw how much it hurt you and then it was a cycle.” He exhaled, “I hated hurting you.”

"What made you eventually stop? Lisa says you're sober now."

“I’m dying.”

"Finally fully pickled your insides have you?"

“Yes. My heart's failing and my kidneys, not to mention my liver. And I’ve realised I’m going to die lonely and everyone is going to hate me.”

"You screwed up your other kids just as badly did you?"

“No!” He sighed, “I was a good dad, I tried to be a good dad.”

"Then why are you so desperate for my forgiveness for how you treated me and my daughter? You've clearly had plenty of other children to take her place."

“No one took yours or Lisa’s place. Nobody came close...”

"You can't deny you've been a busy boy over the years..."

“Maybe but it doesn’t mean I tried to replace you and Lisa.” He sighed, “You were my world.”

"I was willing to give you everything. Matty was so thrilled that his baby sister had married his best friend. I'm just thankful he didn't know the truth of what you were like."

“You did give me everything.” He caught her eye.

"It still wasn't enough though was it..?"

“I hated drinking but every time I didn’t drink, I found it so hard.”

"I wanted to help you. I thought we could get through it together but when you placed Lisa in danger..." She sighed. "I just couldn't anymore."

“I know. I understood that.” He smiled sadly, “I hurt Lisa and I swore when she was born, I’d never hurt her or you. I did.”

"She cried for you every night for weeks afterwards."

“So did I.” He admitted quietly, “I... I tried so many times to get clean.”

"Were you sober when you sent that letter to my house for her all those years ago?"

He nodded. “I was sober.”

"I didn't give it to her at the time. She had enough going on. She'd just had a baby and was on her own."

“Peter? Her oldest?”

"That's right."

“I’ve missed out on so much, Kat.”

"It took her a while but she finally landed on her feet."

“You’re still as gorgeous as you always were.” He remarked. 

"And you look like hell."

He flashed her that cheeky smile.

"Just can't help yourself can you?" There was the tiniest hint of a smile. "So how many of the nurses have you tried to charm whilst you've been here?"

“Only a few.” He winked with a small chuckle.

"You're losing your touch..!"

He sighed, “I’m tired Kat.”

"Do you want me to leave to let you sleep?"

“No, I want you to stay. I have so many things I need to say.”

"Go on..." She encouraged, her arms folding across her chest.

“I love you.”

"I don't love you." She replied, subconsciously tucking her left hand further under her arm.

“So why are you still wearing the ring I bought you?”

She looked down at her hand. "That's for Lisa's sake." She mumbled unconvincingly.

“Of course it is.” He smiled sadly, “There’s a fine line between love and hate.”

"Keep telling yourself that Brendan." The icy tone was back.

“I nearly thawed the ice queen.”

"Not a chance. I'm not that stupid anymore." She retorted. "Was that all you wanted to say..?"

“I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry for everything I did. And that I love you and Lisa.”

"You dragged me all this way to tell me that?"

“Yes! I needed to see you, Kat.”

There was a brief pause. "So you're going to be there next Saturday?"

“I am. Are you?”

"Yes. I hope you don't plan to disgrace yourself like you did at most of the previous events we've both been at..."

“Of course not.” He smiled slightly. “Kat?”

"I'll believe that when I see it!" She sneered. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”

That pulled her up short. "What?!"

“You were pregnant when I left.”

"How the hell do you know that?!"

“Lisa told me. It slipped out.”

"I didn't know until I fainted whilst at the hospital with Lisa."

“You nearly died...”

Kate sighed sadly. "That pregnancy saved Lisa's life. I only came home when I did that morning because I was feeling rubbish so the boss told me to knock off early and get some sleep."

“Maybe but it nearly destroyed yours. I’m so sorry.”

"I had no choice. I could barely afford to clothe and feed Lisa and keep up with the rent as it was. Your drinking and idle ways cleared us out. We had nothing."

“Will you ever forgive me for how I treated you both?”

"Is that what you want, me to say I forgive you and then you can die with a clear conscience?"

“My conscience will never be clear.”

Kate paused, mulling things over for several moments. "Where did you go? After you left?"

“I was homeless for a good couple of years.”

"Don't expect me to feel sorry that you drank yourself into the gutter..."

“I don’t.”

"Its funny that just after you disappeared Fran reappeared like a bad penny..!" Kate sneered.

“Fran was a fuck and nothing else!”

"You always were such a gentleman..!" Kate retorted sarcastically. "I take it she never contacted you..?"

“No, never. I never saw her after that night.”

"I bet she wasn't the first or last woman you had sex with and then never saw again."

He sighed sadly, “I didn’t ask you here for a slanging match.”

"You expect me to just roll over and act like it's all peachy just because you said sorry?"

“No, I don’t. You’re a tough one.”

"So what do you expect from me?"

“I don’t expect anything.”

"And Lisa, what do you want from her?"

“I just wanted her to know that I did love her and always have.”

"She was just starting to get settled and you swan back into her life and throw everything up in the air again!"

“Starting to get settled? What do you mean?” Brendan frowned.

"She's been seriously ill. I've come so close to losing her too many times..!" Kate swallowed, attempting to compose herself. "There's been periods where she's spent more time in hospital as a patient than as a nurse!"

“Shit!” Brendan swore as he stood up and wobbled unsteadily towards Kate. He touched her arm, “What's she ill with?”

"Sit down before you pull us both over!" Kate gasped.

“I’m fine. You didn’t answer my question!”

Kate ran her hand through her hair as she sat down on the edge of the bed. "She... She has a heart condition..." She began.

He sat down beside her, his hand still on her arm. “A heart condition?”

"Early stage heart failure. Its under control for the moment but it's a precarious situation mentally in terms of trying to stop it progressing."

His eyes widened and he swallowed, completely lost for words.

"She fights so hard but sometimes it gets too much for her. I'm just glad she's finally past childbearing age..!"

He didn’t speak, he didn’t know what to say.

"You did quite the number on her, she hates herself inside, was forever searching for a man who would love her unconditionally and look after her the way you should have done! Even now Charlie still has to convince her that she's worthy of the love he feels for her."

“I’m sorry!” His bottom lip wobbled.

"I've said and thought some horrible things to and of Charlie over the years - he has his flaws - we all do. But my little girl is his everything, always has been, and I can't ask for more. I just wish she could see how special she is and not continue to hurt herself..." Kate's words choked off.

Brendan wrapped his arms around her and gave her a hug.

Against her better judgement she found herself clutching him as she cried.

He rubbed her back gently as she cried against him.

Eventually her tears slowed. Her head had come to rest in the crook of his shoulder.

His hand continued to rest against her back.

She moved back slightly, her gaze catching his.

He met her gaze. Even after all those years, her eyes still made him feel warm inside.

Neither spoke for several moments.

He slowly moved his hand and gently wiped away the tear traces from her cheeks.

She lent into his touch.

They still didn’t talk, Brendan’s fingertips gently tracing her cheek.

Time stood still between them.

Brendan met her gaze again.

Despite everything she felt herself being drawn towards him.

“Are you ok?” He whispered.

"Why wasn't I enough?" Her voice was barely audible.

“You were enough! I drank so much that I forgot what was important. Then when I remembered when I sobered up, I hated every part of me. I made you a promise Kat, I promised I wouldn’t treat you the way your father and brother had. I broke it. I broke that promise and I beat myself up for it daily.” He whispered back.

"There was never anyone else..."

“I married multiple times but none of them ever had what we did.”

"It was another lifetime ago..."

“I wish I let you in more.”

"Can't change the past."

“I was scared.” Brendan whispered.

"What of..?"

“Ironically? Letting you in and then losing you like I lost Matt.”

"You'd think it would have pushed us closer but instead it tore us apart."

“I’m sorry for not letting you in, I’m sorry for destroying the special thing we had and for destroying our little family.”

She nodded, resting her head against his shoulder.

He placed his hand over hers.

"I shouldn't have gotten angry at you for Lisa's illness..."

“You’ve got every right.”

"I blame myself too. If I'd been there for her more when she was younger..."

“None of this is your fault.”

"I ignored the signs, thought it was just typical teenage dramatics, that she'd grow out of it. Except she didn't, it just got worse..."

“What did?”

"She stops eating. Or if that doesn't work she makes herself sick."

“She does what?” He sighed sadly, “Oh Kat! It’s all my fault isn’t it?”

"Oh I can't lay all the blame on you for that, though God knows I tried!"

Brendan sighed, “I didn’t help things though, did I?”

"From what I understand its a combination of many things that make her the way she is. It's possible that the same compulsion that drove you to drink drives her to stop eating or make herself sick." There was no accusation or judgement in her voice.

Brendan’s thumb ran over the back of Kate’s hand. “She’ll be ok though, won’t she?”

"I hope so." She whispered, looking down at their hands.

A comfortable silence fell over them both.

The urge for a fight had evaporated.

His thumb continued to run over the back of her hand, tracing small circles.

She turned her hand over, their fingers interlacing.

A small smile graced Brendan’s lips. “You’ve softened.” He murmured as he caught her gaze once again.

"I still hate you." There was no malice in her tone despite the words.

“I know.”

"Are they looking after you well in here?" She asked after a long pause.

“Yeh they are.” He smiled sadly, “They're trying to get me home.”

"Is that what you want?"

He nodded, “I don’t want to die here, Kat.”

"All these years I've hated you and wished terrible things on you..." She sighed. "Not very Christian of me..."

“I broke your heart. It’s the least I deserve.” He smiled sadly, “You’re a good Christian, Kat.”

"I'm not sure our daughter would agree."

A smile appeared on his lips at her words. “Our daughter doesn’t know the whole truth about how much I hurt you. I must say, our daughter is very stubborn, traits from us both I think.”

"Hmm, she can be quite the nightmare when she sets her mind to it..!" Kate smiled softly.

“Secretly gets that from you.” He teased lightly.

"I think you'll find that's you!"

He gasped. “Not true.”

"You're as stubborn as a goat Brendan!"

“So are you!” He laughed.

"We make quite the pair then."

“We do.”

"Despite everything she's done well for herself. I don't tell her that often enough but I'm very proud of her."

“I bet you are. She’s done very well for herself, Sister of the Emergency Department.”

"She's also a qualified midwife." Kate smiled proudly.

“A midwife as well? Is there no end to her talents?”

"She seems to have this desperate need to do as many things as possible." Kate chuckled lightly.

“Always on the go? She was like that as a toddler.”

"She was." It felt nice to reminisce together.

“Forever running rings around you.”

"Always onto the next thing."

“Does she still have you wrapped around her little finger or not so much now she’s older?”

"No, she has Charlie for that now!" Kate chuckled.

Brendan laughed.

"So what do you make of him?"

“He seems a nice bloke.”

Kate raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

“No he does. You can tell just by looking at him with Lisa how much he adores her.”

"That's true." Kate smiled.

“He treats her right, doesn’t he?”

"We don't always see eye to eye but yes he does."

“That’s good. You and him clash?” He smiled sadly.

"From time to time. But, ultimately, he's the reason I still have my little girl."

“Is it because you’re too opinionated?” He teased gently.

"I am not too opinionated!"

“Hmm.” He playfully nudged her.

"Is it safe to come in..?" Came a familiar voice from the other side of the curtain.

“Of course it is, darling.” Brendan reluctantly let go of Kate’s hand although it was the last thing he wanted to do.

The curtains parted and Duffy poked her head through the gap. She was quite surprised to see her parents sat together on the bed.

Brendan’s finger discreetly began to stroke Kate’s hand. “You ok sweetheart?” He asked Lisa.

"Yeh, everything seems to be in order for next weekend so that's a relief." Duffy smiled.

“Your mum’s going to be there too.” He smiled.

"Good. So you two have settled your differences?" Duffy asked hopefully.

“I’ll let your mother answer that one.”

"Its your day, that's what's important." Kate replied.

Duffy quirked an eyebrow, the atmosphere had definitely changed from when she'd left her mother earlier.

Kate noticed the look, “What?”

"Nothing." Duffy replied.

Brendan closed his eyes for a moment, a single tear escaped and fell down his cheek.

Duffy looked to each parent in turn, unsure what to do or say.

Brendan stood up and wobbled slightly.

Duffy instinctively reached out. "Careful!" She gasped.

“I’m ok.”

"You're supposed to ask for help if you want to get up." Duffy chided softly.

“You’re such a nurse!” He replied gently.

Duffy blushed. "I can't just stand there whilst you fall over."

“I’m not going to fall.”

"You think this is bad, you try being in the car with her when she suddenly pulls over because she's spotted an accident and decides to go help..!" Kate interjected.

"Its not because I 'decide' to mum, I'm obliged to help if I can!" Duffy grumbled, rolling her eyes.

Brendan smiled as he watched Lisa and her mother. “Do you mind letting the carer know I need to use the bathroom, please.” He asked quietly.

"I can..." Duffy stepped closer.

Brendan looked at his daughter.

"...help you?" She finished quietly.

“No,” He shook his head. “You’re my daughter.”

"I'm also a nurse..." Duffy countered.

“You're my daughter first.”

"O-ok." Duffy understood his reasoning, she'd feel the same in his shoes, but it still felt like something of a rejection. "I'll just be a minute." She added before leaving the cubicle.

“Lisa, sweetheart.” He called after her.

A few moments later the curtain reopened and a staff member entered with a wheelchair.

“Where’s Lisa?”

"She said she'd be back shortly."

“I want her now!”

"Oh..! OK!" The young lass stammered before disappearing back through the curtains.

“She thinks I’m rejecting her all over again, doesn’t she?” He whispered.

"She just wants to help." Kate sighed softly.

“I know but I draw the line at allowing my daughter to wash my dangly bits.”

"From what I remember its not like you've got much to be cleaned up anyway..!" Kate couldn't help biting back.

“Really?” He laughed gently, “I seem to recall you enjoyed the things it did.”

Kate's retort died on the tip of her tongue as the curtain opened once more.

"You summoned me..?" Duffy remarked.

He smiled sadly, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

"I'm not upset." Duffy deflected.

The staff member was back and moved to help Brendan into the wheelchair.

“You are. I’m grateful you want to help me but it’s embarrassing.”

"Its fine." Duffy insisted.

“As long as you’re sure?”

Duffy nodded, her gaze shifting away slightly.

The carer pushed him away to the toilet, leaving Kate and Duffy alone in the room.

Duffy sat down on the bed with a light sigh.

Kate rubbed her arm. “Everything ok?”

"He looks at me differently..." Duffy mumbled.

“What do you mean?”

"There's sadness in his eyes."

“We did some talking.”

"I see..."

“He loves you.” Kate said quietly.

Duffy looked down, a single tear sliding down her cheek.

Kate gently wiped the tear from her cheek.

"I don't want to lose him, not now." Duffy whispered brokenly.

“Death comes to us all one day.” Kate replied although her own heart was breaking, despite the ice she set around it.

"You think I don't know that..?"

Kate sighed but didn’t say anything.

"So you two think you can be nice to each other for a whole day next weekend?"

“I’ll try.”

"That's all I ask mum. I know you and him have your issues but can't you put them aside for just a few hours?"

Kate nodded.

"I just want one day with both my parents celebrating with my family."

“And you’ll have both parents there.” Kate answered.

"Thanks. I know its not easy." Duffy wrapped her arms around her mum.

“It’s ok.” Kate whispered as she hugged her daughter back.

Duffy rested her head on her mum's shoulder.

The curtains opened as Brendan returned.

“Sorry, I’m not interrupting anything am I?”

Kate shook her head, gesturing for Brendan to sit on the other side of their daughter.

Brendan got up gently, wobbled to the side of the bed and sat down beside Duffy. “Our wonderful daughter.” Brendan whispered.

Duffy looked up slightly, her hand reaching for her dad.

Brendan took his daughter’s hand in his.

Duffy sighed contentedly.

Kate kissed her forehead as they sat beside each other.

Brendan reached his arm around Duffy's back and squeezed Kate's shoulder, attempting to catch her eye over their daughter's head.

Kate looked up as she felt her ex-husband's gaze on her.

As he met his ex-wife’s eye, he smiled and mouthed; 'Thank you.' 

Kate smiled softly.

Brendan swallowed the lump in his throat. He never thought he’d have this opportunity and it was making him emotional.

Kate reached up with her free hand and squeezed Brendan's hand that rested on her shoulder. She wanted so much to hate him for all the pain he'd caused but it was at times like this that she remembered what she'd seen in him in the first place.

He’d finally made his peace with Kate, that and being able to see his daughter meant his goal was almost done. Just one more thing to do and, finally, he could rest.


	47. NSFW, TW: homophobia

"What the hell are you lot up to?!" Duffy asked as she was led through the hotel with her eyes covered and the sound of her daughters' giggles filling her ears. This wasn't quite what she'd had in mind when she'd agreed to a 'hen weekend'.

“Nothing mama, now are your eyes still closed?” Emily asked.

"Yes." Duffy pouted.

“Positive?”

"Just don't let me trip over!"

“I won’t mama! You trust me don’t you?”

"Yes..."

“You can open your eyes now mama!”

Duffy blinked a couple of times as she opened them, her eyes going wide as she took in her surroundings.

“Happy hen party!!”

"How?" Duffy gasped as she looked around at so many of her female friends and family.

“Holly and Krystal did most of it.” Emily replied.

"I swore I wasn't going to cry!"

“But you are?” Emily rolled her eyes dramatically and hugged her mum tightly.

"No..." Duffy's eyes sparkled with barely contained tears.

“Yes!”

"I need a glass of wine."

“We’ve got plenty of wine!” Krystal replied.

"Good to know." Duffy smiled as she started to mingle amongst the gathering.

Krystal opened one of the bottles and poured Duffy a glass.

"Thank you." Duffy smiled then gasped as she spotted Megan.

Megan smiled brightly, “Hello.”

"I thought you were away?"

“I am.”

Duffy laughed.

Megan held her arms out for a hug.

Duffy grinned and wrapped her arms around Megan.

“Your girls can be very persuasive when they want something.”

"They can indeed." Duffy smiled. "I was expecting to just have a quiet weekend."

“You are doing. You’ve just got everyone you care about having a quiet weekend with you.”

"Quiet? With this lot?" Duffy giggled.

“We’re not loud!” Tilly protested.

"Of course not." Duffy chuckled.

Tilly pouted.

"So what's the plan for this evening then you monkeys?" Duffy asked her daughters.

All three girls giggled, “Just us and no boys! And no mention of boys either because they’re smelly!” Lottie asserted. 

The comment elicited giggles from several others.

“I’ll gladly not talk about boys.” Krystal responded.

"Oh dear, what's my son done to upset you?" Duffy cringed.

“Oh no, he hasn’t actually done anything to upset me.” Krystal smiled, “I’d just like a break.”

"That's a relief." Duffy smiled. "Right ladies, this is now a men free zone." She giggled.

As everyone started to mingle and chat Duffy managed to eventually make her way over to Holly. "I'm so glad you're here, you feeling better now?"

“Yes thank you. Still a touch queasy now and again but much better.” Holly smiled.

"I'm glad. You had us all worried for a while." Duffy smiled, noticing Holly's empty hand. "Would you like a glass of wine?"

“Umm, no thanks. Just water would be fine for now, I’m taking it slowly.”

"OK." Duffy replied, raising an eyebrow slightly.

Holly looked down at her empty glass and sighed.

"Something you want to tell me?" Duffy asked softly, ensuring no-one else could hear her.

“No... Why?”

"No reason." Duffy smiled, giving Holly a wink.

“I’m not pregnant.” Holly said quietly.

"OK." Duffy gently squeezed Holly's shoulder.

Holly smiled, “I get drunk really quickly and I don’t fancy throwing up everywhere and missing half the party.”

"Ah, yeh, that's not fun." Duffy chuckled softly.

“No it’s not.” Holly laughed.

"I dread to think the state I'll be in by the end of the weekend!" Duffy laughed.

“We’ll look after you.”

"If we're not allowed to talk about men does that mean this is banned?" Duffy asked mischievously, holding her phone.

“I dunno. Do you and Charlie sext when you’re both drunk?” Holly asked with a giggle. “Cos if you do, the phone is definitely banned!”

"Would I do such a thing?!" Duffy giggled. "I'm just thankful these weren't around when me and Charlie were young and foolish."

“Can imagine the trouble you'd have got into.” Holly laughed.

Duffy blushed scarlet.

Holly laughed gently.

"I best continue mingling." Duffy smiled as she heard her name being called from across the room.

“I’ll catch up with you later?”

"Yes. You take care." Duffy smiled.

Back at the house the doorbell rang.

"Pizza!" Paul squealed, running into the hallway.

“Alright hungry monster, calm down!” Charlie joked as he went to the door.

The delivery driver handed over the big stack of pizzas and sides which Charlie took back through to the kitchen.

"Dad? Why does Jake have a shiny thing in his mouth?" Oli asked.

“What shiny thing?” Charlie asked putting the pizza boxes down on the side.

"That!" Oli replied, pointing at Jake's tongue.

“It’s a piercing Oli.”Jake replied, “You can have one when you’re eighteen.”

"Does it hurt?" Oli asked Jake.

“A little bit.”

"Why you do it then?"

“Because it’s cool.” Jake stuck his tongue out at Oli.

"Coz his girlfriend told him it was cool he means." Peter smirked, reaching over to open one of the pizza boxes.

“Shut up!” Jake groaned at his brother.

"Girls are icky!" Oli declared.

Paul made a noise of agreement but it was muffled by the pizza in his mouth.

Charlie chuckled as he handed out the pizza boxes.

"Boys rule!" Oli and Paul giggled.

“You and Hol ok?” Charlie asked Peter, “Is she feeling better?”

"Yeh, she's mostly better. She was determined not to miss mum's party." Peter replied.

“That’s good! She gave us quite a fright.”

"Yeh she was properly poorly for a while there." Peter frowned.

“She’s not pregnant is she?”

"I don't think so."

Charlie nodded.

"She would've said if she was..."

“I know.” Charlie took his pizza box.

"Least I know how to use a condom..!" Jake teased.

“So do I.” Peter replied.

"You sure bout that?" Jake laughed.

There was another knock at the door.

“Yes!” Peter sighed, “You always use one?” He asked Jake. 

Charlie went to the door.

"Course I do!" Jake bragged.

"I heard there was pizza..!" Josh grinned as Charlie opened the door.

“Even when you’re really drunk?” 

“Josh!” He grinned.

"Yeh, I don't want to get stuck changing nappies and cleaning up baby puke!" Jake grimaced.

"Uncle Josh!" Oli grinned as he spotted the older man walking into the kitchen with his dad.

“But Holly and I want to have babies. I want one now but she doesn’t.” Peter sighed. 

“Oli! Wow, you’re getting so big!” Josh commented at the young boy.

"I've had enough of babies living here." Jake grumbled.

"I play rugby at school."

“Do you?” Josh smiled, “Are you sharing that pizza?”

"Everyone's having some of everything." Oli explained.

"I'd dig in quickly if you're hungry." Jake laughed.

Josh laughed; “Thanks for the tip.”

"Hungry boys in this house!" Charlie chuckled.

“Definitely!”

Peter caught Jake's eye. It was clear that their dad was brave-facing the fact that Louis hadn't been allowed to join them.

Charlie’s heart ached at Louis not been able to join them but he’d spoken to him on the phone.

Picking up the food the guys moved through to the lounge to watch a movie.

"Time for a game!" Krystal declared.

“Oooh! What kind of game?” Lottie asked with a grin.

"I thought we could play a few rounds of Quiz The Bride..!" Krystal chuckled.

"Oh no, no, no!" Duffy cringed, covering her face as best she could with her wine glass still in her hand.

“You’re suddenly not all shy are you?” Megan commented as she watched Duffy’s reaction.

"My children are here..!" Duffy retorted, her face going increasingly scarlet.

Tilly laughed gently, “You’re not shy when we’re at home and you and dad are shagging.”

"Matilda!" Duffy gasped.

“What?”

Duffy shook her head in despair. "OK, let's get this over with..!" Turning to Krystal, Duffy held out her empty wine glass. "Fill her up, I think I'm gunna need it..!" 

When her mum's back was turned, Tilly pinched some wine.

Krystal filled up Duffy's wine glass. 

“What even is this game?” Emily asked.

"..especially in this game!" Duffy added as Krystal filled the glass to the brim.

“I don’t get it..?” Emily frowned, “What's the game Auntie Megan?”

"I think the idea is to ask your mum embarrassing questions." Megan smiled.

“About what?” Emily asked.

"You'll see..!" Megan replied.

Emily frowned. She still couldn’t quite grasp the concept of the game.

"Right... Who's going first..?" Duffy sighed dramatically, taking a sip from her refilled glass.

“I will.” Krystal smirked before she poured some wine into her cup and took a sip. “We can ask you anything right?”

"Yes but I reserve the right to refuse to answer..!" Duffy giggled.

“How long did you and Charlie know each other before you did the deed?”

"Four years after we started working together."

“Wow! Four years? You never shagged him before that?” Krystal was actually really surprised it’d taken them that long.

"Yes! I mean no!" Duffy flushed scarlet. "That was the first time we properly slept together." She attempted to clarify.

Krystal giggled, “Knew it!”

"What?" Duffy asked, trying to work out what she'd said.

“So when was the first time?” Krystal asked. “Before the four years.”

"The first time for what..?" Duffy asked, looking cautiously over at her daughters.

“We really don’t need to know, Krystal.” Tilly replied, “Not unless you want us three to puke?”

"Let's move on..." Duffy suggested.

“It’s so gross at home sometimes.” Tilly remarked.

"Tell us more..!" Krystal chuckled.

“You and Jake fuck with no consideration for the rest of us in the house, just like mum and dad!” Tilly glared at Krystal, “Now, can we stop talking about sex lives? Sex is disgusting!”

"Matilda Fairhead!" Kate gasped as she re-entered the room having missed the beginning of the game.

“Yes Gran?”

"I do not expect to hear such language coming from your mouth!"

Duffy took a large mouthful of her wine, thankful for the distraction.

“Sorry Gran.” Tilly replied with a sigh. “I was just sharing my opinion!”

"Can the questions be about other topics..?" Emily asked.

"Hang on, four years... Isn't that when Peter..? Eww! Gross!" Lottie pulled a face.

“Yes they can.” Megan replied before laughing gently at Lottie.

"Right, who's next..?" Duffy asked, attempting to steer the conversation in a different direction.

"I know!" Lottie piped up. "What annoys you most about dad?" She giggled.

"That's too easy! His snoring." Duffy laughed.

They began to giggle.

“I’ve got one!” Emily smiled, “What are dad’s other annoying habits?”

"He always puts too much sugar in my coffee, his cooking is terrible and he always gets shaving foam on the bathroom mirror!" Duffy reeled off after a moment's thought.

“Yeh! I agree with you on the cooking one mama!” Emily giggled.

"I dread to think what the boys will be eating this weekend!" Duffy cringed.

“Junk food no doubt.” Kate replied.

"Does that mean they get pizza?" Lottie grumbled.

“Probably, why are you hungry Lot?” Holly asked.

"Yeh, it's been ages since we had lunch!"

“Can we get pizza after this game?” Holly asked Duffy.

"OK." Duffy smiled.

Holly smiled.

There were a few more questions that elicited laughs and blushes before it was time to eat.

Holly took out her mobile phone and sighed before putting it back in her pocket.

"You ok?" Megan asked softly, hearing the young woman's sigh.

Holly nodded and then shrugged.

"You expecting a call?"

“I was hoping Peter might have texted but... Nothing.”

"He's probably slobbing out on the sofa with beer and pizza."

Holly smiled sadly, “Probably.”

"Now put that phone away and focus on having a good time..!"

“I’m trying.” Holly mumbled.

Megan put her arm gently around Holly's shoulders. "Now come on pet, what's really upsetting you?" She asked, steering the younger woman to the side of the room where it was quieter.

Holly sighed and chewed her lower lip as she thought. “It’s nothing, I’m just being silly.”

"Let me be the judge of that..." Megan encouraged gently.

“Peter’s been lying to me.” Holly mumbled.

"Lying about what?"

“I think he’s cheating on me.”

"Whatever makes you think that?" Megan was genuinely shocked, Peter didn't seem the type.

“He’s been seeing Sarah and Olivia for ages but never told me. Why? Because I know there’s something going on!” Holly was beginning to get hysterical by now. The mixture of lack of food and wine was beginning to take effect.

"Maybe he was worried it would upset you. He and Sarah have been friends for a long time."

“Why would it upset me?” Holly questioned.

"Because there was a chance Olivia could have been his. He's probably formed a bond of sorts of with the little tot."

“I know.” Holly sighed and grabbed a bottle of wine, pouring a large glass and necking it back in one. “What if he still loves her?”

"Sarah?"

Holly nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Megan gave her a hug. "She was his first love but you're his forever love."

Holly continued to cry, “I’m sorry. I’m all out of sorts at the minute.”

"That boy loves the bones of you."

“I know.”

"Are you ladies joining us for pizza?" Duffy smiled as she approached them, swaying slightly.

Holly quickly tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Uh huh.”

"You ok?" Duffy asked, reaching out a hand to Holly's shoulder, leaning against Megan as she did, not realising she was doing so.

“Yeh.” Holly replied quickly.

"Come have food." Duffy smiled.

Duffy attempted to step backwards but got her feet wrapped up and bumped into Megan.

Megan gently held Duffy’s arm, “You ok pet?” She asked.

"I'm ok." Duffy giggled.

“I’ll take your word for it.”

"I may have had a tiny bit too much wine..!" Duffy continued to giggle.

Megan shook her head fondly, “It’s your hen night, you’re allowed.”

"Just make sure the girls behave themselves."

“I will.” Holly slowly began to walk with Megan and Duffy.

Seeing her mum heading back over the room towards them Tilly hid the glass of wine in her hand behind her back.

Lottie whispered, “You’re gonna be in so much shit!”

"Only if you grass!" Tilly retorted, checking her phone. She giggled as she replied to the message.

“Who you texting? Tommy?”

"Yeh."

“I thought we agreed we wouldn’t talk to boys tonight?”

"He's out nearby."

“You can’t help yourself, can you?” Lottie giggled.

"Just don't tell mum..!"

“Tell mum what?” Emily piped up with a frown.

"Nothing..!" Tilly retorted quickly.

Emily rolled her eyes, “You not telling me?”

"You'll just grass me up to mum..."

“Whatever Tilly.”

"Its alright for you, your girlfriend's here tonight..!" Tilly shot back.

“Then become a lesbian.” Emily answered back with a shrug.

"Um... No thanks..!" Tilly replied before her phone beeped again.

Emily rolled her eyes. “So you planning on sneaking out and seeing him?” She asked.

"Maybe..." Tilly grinned, replying to the message and then knocking back the rest of the hidden wine.

Emily sighed and shook her head, “You can’t give up boys for one night?”

"He wants to see me and I want to see him. There's loads of people here, mum won't miss me unless you tell her I've gone." Tilly eyeballed each of her sisters in turn.

“It’s supposed to be a girls night for a reason, why’ve you got to spoil it??” Emily muttered.

"I'm not spoiling it!" Tilly pouted.

“You’re running away to meet your boyfriend for a bit? What do we say if mum asks where you’ve gone?”

"Tell her I've gone toilet." Tilly shrugged. "Laters!" She giggled, heading towards the door.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea..." Lottie fretted. "That's not the only glass of wine she's had..." She picked up the empty glass Tilly had placed back on the side.

“Tilly, get back here!” Emily grabbed her sister's arm and pulled her back to her and Lottie.

"Gerroff me!" Tilly struggled against her sister's hold.

“You’re drunk and if you think I’m gonna let you go out, you’re wrong.” Emily told her.

"I'm not drunk!"

“You’ve had a few glasses of wine though, you’re tipsy!”

"Urgh!" Tilly grumbled.

"You girls better not be fighting..!" Duffy remarked as she joined them.

Emily shrugged and let go of Tilly’s arm.

Seeing her mum, Lottie put down the glass and tried to leave so she wasn’t involved. She was merely a spectator and not a participant in this disagreement.

"I want to see smiles not frowns." Duffy added. "You're all getting far too grown up..." She mused.

“That we are mama!” Emily grinned.

"Can I have a cuddle?" Duffy asked, holding her arms out.

“Suppose so.” Tilly smiled before her and her sisters hugged their mother.

"I love you all so much." Duffy whispered, holding them tight.

“We love you too, mama.”

"Now no more fighting..!"

“We won’t.” Emily grumbled lightly.

Duffy smiled before being called back across the room as more guests arrived.

“So you’re really going to see Tommy?” Emily asked.

"I want to..." Tilly replied, fiddling with the wine glass again.

“Then go then. We’ve got your back. You’ll be safe though, won’t you?” Emily fretted slightly.

Tilly poured some more wine into the glass. "Just a bit of Dutch courage..." She mumbled.

Emily and Lottie watched their sister. Both of them wondering what the hell she was doing!

"Promise not to come up to our room til I'm back?" Tilly asked.

“I promise.”

"Do I look nice?" Tilly asked nervously.

“Yeh you look nice.” Lottie replied.

"Stay down here and cover for me." Tilly reiterated.

“We will.”

"You guys are the best." Tilly smiled, finishing the last of the wine.

Emily and Lottie went back to the party.

Slipping quietly out the front door Tilly made her way to the hotel gates.

Tommy was waiting for her outside the gates having arrived a few minutes before.

"Hi." Tilly smiled shyly.

“Hi.” He smiled and kissed her cheek, “You managed to sneak out without anyone noticing?”

"Sort of. Mum doesn't know. She's had a few glasses of wine but we'll still need to be careful when we sneak you in..."

“Are you sure you’re ok with this?” He asked.

"Yeh. I want this." She nodded, kissing him again.

He returned the kiss. “I want this too.”

"Follow me then..." She grinned.

He followed Tilly into the hotel.

Tilly glanced around nervously, they had to pass the main door to the ballroom to get upstairs to the rooms.

“We can wait until you get back if you want?”

"We'll never get a moment's peace at home."

“Hmm, true.”

"We can make a run for it..!"

“After you.”

She grabbed his hand and, after one last look, ran towards the stairs.

Tommy followed her up the stairs.

They burst into giggles as they reached the top.

“Ssh, you don’t want anyone to know, do you?” He smiled.

"My room's this way..." She led him down the corridor and into the room.

Downstairs, Lottie glanced at her watch. "How long do we give her?" She asked Emily in an anxious whisper.

“An hour,” Emily whispered back. “Come on, let’s go and get a drink?”

"OK." Lottie nodded, following her older sister to the drinks table and pouring herself a large drink.

Tommy stroked Tilly’s cheek, “Are you sure you’re ready?”

Tilly nodded though she was chewing her bottom lip.

“We can wait, if you’d rather?”

"No, I want to." She replied, walking towards her bed.

He followed her, “Ok.”

She willed her hands to stop shaking as she removed her dress.

He removed his T-shirt and his trousers.

She looked into his eyes as they lay on the bed facing each other.

“I’ll be gentle I promise.”

She nodded softly and felt herself relax slightly as they cuddled and kissed.

He tried to relax her enough so they could go further if she wanted.

After several minutes she felt she was ready and it wasn’t long before they were starting to have sex for the first time.

But then suddenly Tilly began to panic.

“What’s wrong?” He moved out of her.

"I... Erm... It hurts..." She couldn't look at him, she felt so stupid.

He lifted her chin up so he met her eye, “Sorry sweetheart. Am I going too fast?”

"I... Can't do this..." She started to cry.

“Tilly. It’s alright, we can stop.” He kissed her tenderly, “We can try again some other day.”

"You won't tell the others will you?"

“Tell them what?”

"About tonight. That I'm a total loser."

“Hey, you’re not a loser!”

"Everyone else is doing it though..."

“Who cares? We’ll do it one day together.” He smiled and cuddled her instead.

"How come you're so sweet when it's just us and you're a total dumbass when you're with Lewis?" She asked, giggling as she felt herself relaxing again, snuggling into the duvet with him.

“I don’t like people to know I’m soft underneath.” He whispered as he snuggled with her.

"You'd prefer them to think you're some kind of Jamaican tough guy?" She teased gently.

“Of course!” He kissed the side of her head.

"This place is so posh! We're not allowed to see the bridal suite til next weekend. I'm guessing we'll be eating beans on toast well into next year to afford it!" She chuckled, changing the subject.

He laughed, “Nah, your parents can well afford this!”

"Why does everyone think we're loaded?!"

“Dunno. You give off that vibe though.” He kissed her cheek.

"That I'm some pampered princess?"

“A little.”

"Think you can keep me in that lifestyle do you?" She teased, running her hand over his bare chest.

“Always babe.” He smiled, shivering slightly.

"Good!" She giggled.

He began to kiss her again, before kissing her neck and her chest.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and they snuggled under the duvet together.

They stayed in each other's arms for an hour or so, until the bedroom door opened.

Hidden under the duvet Tilly put her finger over Tommy's lips and hoped whoever it was would leave quickly without noticing the clothes on the floor.

Lottie closed the door a little harder than necessary. “You best get him out of here before mum comes up.” She told Tilly as she wandered to her bed.

"What?!" Tilly exclaimed, poking her head out from under the duvet. "Why's mum coming up?!"

“Because I said I wanted to be tucked up in bed.” Lottie replied, giving her sister a cold stare.

Tommy sat up, his arms wrapped around Tilly's waist. "I best go and let your baby sister get her beauty sleep." He smirked, kissing Tilly's neck.

“Urgh! Fuck off you creep.” Lottie muttered as she got into bed, her back to her sister.

Tommy gathered his clothes quickly and redressed. "I'll text you when I get home babe." He told Tilly, giving her a final lingering kiss before disappearing back into the corridor.

“Bye babe.” Tilly whispered as she settled under the covers to go back to sleep.

"I cannot believe you!" Lottie huffed.

“What?”

"You swore you hadn't done anything with Tommy!" Lottie sulked, holding her head as the room was tilting slightly.

“Well, I was ready.” Tilly replied back. “Not my fault that you’re not.”

“You’re fucking unbelievable!” Lottie answered back.

"What did I say about fighting..?" Duffy grumbled, leaning against the doorframe.

“She started it!” Lottie replied back.

"Didn't! She did!" Tilly retorted.

Duffy sighed, she was too drunk for this kind of nonsense..!

“I hate her!” Lottie replied back, “She always has to do one better than me! Do I have to share with her???”

"Girls! Calm down..." Duffy slowly walked over to sit between their beds.

“No. I won’t!” Lottie replied and sighed heavily. “I just want to sleep.”

"We'll talk about this tomorrow." Duffy suggested, getting her foot caught up in Tilly's bra as she pushed herself up from the floor.

Tilly giggled, “Sorry mama! I should’ve put my bra away.”

"Just because this is a hotel it doesn't mean others will pick up after you!" Duffy chuckled indulgently.

“Sorry.” Tilly smiled at her mum. “Night night mama.”

"Night Tilly, night Lottie." Duffy lent over and gave them each a kiss.

“Night mama. Love you.” They both said.

Duffy shut the door behind her and headed back downstairs, hoping whatever had happened between them would blow over by morning.

Lottie fell asleep, silent tears running down her cheeks. 

As Duffy re-entered the ballroom she saw that multiple shot glasses were being lined up on one of the tables.

"There you are!" Krystal grinned. "Now the kids are in bed its time for the serous drinking to start..!"

Duffy groaned and tried to protest, “I’ve had enough, can’t we go to bed?” She giggled.

"No, come on!"

Duffy found herself being dragged over to the table as several others in the room began to chant "Get 'em down ya!" at her. She picked up the first glass and swallowed the contents, screwing up her face as she did so.

Holly and Krystal laughed gently, “You've done shots before right???”

"Course I have!" Duffy retorted, taking another glass to prove the point that she knew what she was doing.

She managed to down the contents of the second glass, before she coughed slightly.

"Come on, don't be a lightweight!"

It took several minutes but eventually the table was cleared of shots. The remaining guests were all pretty drunk, with the exception of Megan and Kate.

"I love you mum!" Duffy slurred, tripping over as she attempted to give Kate a hug.

“You’re drunk.” Kate replied to Lisa as she caught her before she stumbled and fell.

"No I'm not!" Duffy insisted, giggling.

"Do you need a hand getting her to bed?" Megan asked.

“Please, if you don’t mind.” Kate replied to Megan. “I don’t think I can manage alone.”

"Right, up you come madam!" Megan announced as she and Kate put an arm each under Duffy's armpits to haul her up from where she'd slid onto the floor.

"I'm ok." Duffy attempted to insist.

“I think it’s definitely someone’s bedtime.” Between the two of them, they were able to get Duffy upstairs and into bed.

Charlie was lounging on the sofa, pizza boxes, cans of beer and a half empty bottle of whiskey scattered around the room.

The two youngest boys were fast asleep in bed.

Peter burped loudly from the armchair as he loosened his belt slightly.

“Good job Holly’s not here to hear you burp like that.” Charlie commented with a laugh.

"That's what he gets for being a fat bastard who ate all the pizza!" Jake laughed drunkenly from the floor.

“I was hungry!” Peter replied.

"We can tell!" Jake laughed, reaching up to poke his older brother in the stomach. "You need to get down the gym more bro, work off that gut!"

“I have been going to the gym, tonight’s the cheat night.” Peter laughed. “You been down the gym recently? Or you just been fucking Krystal’s brains out whilst she’s up here?”

"Gotta keep in shape!" Jake winked.

Charlie’s phone started to ring. He searched for his phone and answered it. “Hello?”

"Are you alone..?" Came a drunken giggle from the other end of the line.

“I can be alone if you want me to be, babe?” 

Jake and Peter pulled a face as they realised who their father was talking to. Charlie headed upstairs and into his room.

Josh laughed at the lads' faces and turned the TV over to some late night sports.

"I've missed you..." Duffy slurred down the phone.

“So, you boys alright?” Josh asked. “How are things?”

“I’ve missed you too. I wish you were here.” Charlie lay on his bed.

"Not bad. Just living life as it comes." Jake shrugged, grabbing another can.

"What would you do if I was..?" Duffy asked.

“You got any plans to go back travelling?” Josh asked.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Charlie smirked.

"Yeh, I'm getting bored being here all the time."

"I would. I got put to bed like a naughty little girl..!" She giggled.

“Any plans of where you’re going to visit?”

“Does my naughty girl need to be punished?”

"Not sure, wherever the mood takes me."

"What he means is he ain't got a fucking clue Josh..!" Peter shook his head, sighing at his younger brother.

"Maybe..."

“Nah I haven’t. Dunno, what to do about Krystal.” Jake admitted having some of his drink. 

“How do you want me to punish you? What are you wearing right now?”

"My dress from earlier. Can't you get a taxi and come here..?"

“You sure you’ll stay awake if I make the journey over?”

"Pinky promise..!" She giggled, a small moan slipping from her lips.

“What are you doing?” Charlie asked, as he stood up.

"Keeping myself awake..."

“By doing what?”

"Having a little play..." She moaned again.

“I’m on my way!” Charlie told her, “Don’t fall asleep. I want to play with you.” He came downstairs, “I’m heading out for a few hours, you don’t mind, do you Josh?”

"Sure." Josh smirked.

"Hang on... How come he gets to see his bird tonight and we can't?!" Jake grumbled.

“Your mum needs a hand with something.” Charlie replied.

"I bet she does!" Jake snorted.

"That's our mum you're talking about!" Peter pulled a face.

“Sorry,” There was a beep outside, “I’ll be back soon. Thanks Josh! I owe you!”

"Can't even manage one night..." Peter and Jake rolled their eyes.

Josh chuckled, “Tell me about it.” 

Charlie got in the taxi and told the driver the address. He sent Duffy a text, 'In the taxi. What are you doing? X'

'Getting comfy. Be careful when you sneak in, don't get caught! Xx'

‘What room are you in? Xx’

'36. Xx'

‘Be there soon xx’

As he arrived at the hotel Charlie spotted a side entrance. He paid the driver and headed towards it.

He managed to get in by the side entrance and went upstairs to where the rooms were located.

He was in the corridor heading towards Duffy's room when he heard Megan and Kate walking up the main stairs at the other end.

Shit! He had no choice but to hide. He sent a text to Duffy, 'Where’s Megan and your mum's room located? Xx'

'Next to mine I think. Xx'

‘Bollocks! I’m gonna get caught 😂 Xx’

Duffy stumbled to the door and opened it just as Megan and Kate reached theirs. She just missed them as they went into their room. Charlie crept out of the shadows and towards Duffy’s room. “Babe?” He whispered.

Leaning against the doorframe she reached out her hand towards him. Her hair was mussed up, her cheeks flushed and he could see her knickers lying on the floor behind her.

He placed his hand in hers before he whispered, “I see you’ve already started.”

"I got impatient..!" She giggled, pulling him towards her.

He kissed her roughly as he quietly closed the door.

She pulled at his belt as he pushed her up against the door.

One of his hands went up her dress, “You’re very wet.” He whispered as he gently rubbed his fingers against her.

"Was thinking about you..."

“Which part of me?” He slipped two fingers into her.

"You fingers, your tongue, your cock... My imagination wasn't fussy..!" She let out a throaty giggle.

His hand began to move.

"Isn't there supposed to be a stripper at a hen night..?" She whispered hotly in his ear between moans.

“Supposed to be.” He removed his hand before backing her towards the bed.

"Well I haven't had mine arrive yet..." She pouted playfully, leaning back on the bed, her legs spread invitingly.

“Oh.” He removed his jacket and dropped it to the floor before slowly undoing the buttons on his shirt, watching her.

Her hand moved to pleasure herself again as she watched him.

He dropped his shirt to the floor, followed by his trousers and boxers. As he watched her pleasure herself, he ran his hand over himself.

"Well hello there big boy..!" She purred, giggling, fluttering her eyelashes girlishly.

“He’s pleased to see you tonight!”

"He best get over here and show me how pleased..!" She demanded.

He made his way towards her, “Which position, beautiful?”

"Deep and hard. I need you now!" She felt like she was going to explode, she was so horny.

He moved her dress down to expose her breasts before he guided himself into her, him on top. He groaned as he felt her clench around him.

"Much better than getting myself off..!" She whispered.

“Did you get yourself off?” He asked as he began to move.

"Twice." She giggled.

“Fuck me! You are horny!!” He soon developed a rhythm.

"Blame the tequila." She replied between loud moans.

“Ssh.” He whispered in her ear as he continued to fuck her hard.

"What was that?!" Kate gasped bolting up in bed as she heard a series of loud bangs and muffled shouts through the wall.

“I think it’s best if we didn’t investigate.” Megan replied.

Kate was half out of bed when a loud shout of "Oh fuck!" was heard from the neighbouring room.

“Ssh, you’re gonna get me in trouble!” Charlie’s voice could be heard saying.

A giggly squeal and more loud bangs followed.

"I'm not standing for this..!" Kate declared, grabbing her dressing gown.

“Kate!” Megan groaned, “Kate! They’re adults...”

Charlie was so close to finishing, he whispered in her ear, “I’m gonna fill you.”

Megan reluctantly followed Kate into the corridor as the other woman began to bang loudly on her daughter's hotel room door just as Duffy and Charlie climaxed together.

It took a few moments before they were vaguely aware of the banging.

"Fuck off I'm busy!" Duffy called out, breathless and giggling, her words slurring together slightly.

“Lisa Duffin!” Her mum could be heard shouting from the corridor, despite the fact she hadn’t used her maiden name for years.

Duffy staggered to the door and opened it a crack. "What?!" Despite this it was obvious that she was still naked and Charlie lay barely covered on the bed behind her.

“Are you aware of just how loud you and your husband have been?!”

Duffy burst into giggles. "You're a naughty boy..!" She threw over her shoulder at Charlie.

“Hey, don’t be blaming me!”

"You're not even supposed to be here." Kate retorted.

The door opposite opened and a sleepy looking Emily appeared. "What's going on?" She yawned, woken up by the commotion in the corridor.

“Duffy needed a hand with something.” Charlie replied. 

“Nothing sweetheart, go back to sleep.” Megan tried to distract the youngster.

"Dad?" Emily asked, even more confused.

Charlie threw the duvet around him and came to the door. “It’s ok Princess, go back to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning?” 

Em looked between the adults and laughed. “Ah. Good luck retrieving your balls dad when Gran's finished with you.” She turned to walk back into the room yawning and stretching, still giggling.

"Where did you go?" Beth could be heard asking sleepily as Emily was closing the door.

"You let them share a room?!" Kate gasped, shocked.

“Dad’s been caught shagging mum and Gran’s going absolutely ballistic!” She giggled getting back into bed. 

“Of course. I trust them to be sensible.”

"She's fifteen years old!" Kate retorted angrily.

“And she’s the most mature fifteen year old I’ve ever met!” Charlie replied.

"But it's obscene! They're... They're..." Kate stammered.

"They're what mother?" Duffy asked, stealing some of the duvet from Charlie.

Kate couldn’t get the words out. 

Megan sighed, “I think we should all go back to bed before we all say things we don’t mean.”

"She's your granddaughter - remember that!" Duffy retorted.

“Sorry.” Kate mumbled an apology before she slinked back to her own room. 

Megan shook her head, “Charlie Fairhead? Next time you want to make love to your wife, I suggest you wait until her mother is asleep! Goodnight.”

"Oops!" Duffy giggled as the neighbouring room door was firmly shut.

“I am in the dog house.”

"Not with me you're not..!" She pulled him back into the room.

“That’s good, I’m glad.”

"I can't believe mum said that!" Duffy mumbled, her mood shifting as sat on the bed, crawling back into Charlie's arms.

“About Emmy? Or..?”

"I know those attitudes exist but my own mother..!"

“Your mother was upset. I wouldn’t take it to heart.”

Duffy started to cry, the emotions and alcohol that flooded her system overwhelming her.

“Oh sweetheart.” He held her against his chest. “Ssh, it’s ok. Let it out.”

She cried for several minutes before pulling back and stumbling towards the ensuite. "Sick..." She mumbled.

He went after her and managed to hold her hair back as she threw up.

She groaned as she vomited repeatedly.

“You never could handle your alcohol.” He teased lightly.

"Never doing shots again..!" She stammered.

“No, shots are deadly.” He rubbed her back gently.

"Feel like death..." She mumbled when she'd finally stopped being sick.

“Come on gorgeous, let’s have cuddles in bed, do you want me to stay?”

"Please don't go." She whispered as he helped her up from the bathroom floor.

“I’ll just have to tell Josh, ok?”

"OK." Duffy mumbled as she flopped onto the bed and almost instantly passed out.

He texted Josh to say he’d be back in the morning before getting beside her, covering them with the duvet and falling asleep.

In the next room Kate was too agitated to sleep.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Megan asked.

"She's a drunken sexual deviant just like her father!"

“Hey! She’s a married woman!”

"No wonder the children behave the way they do if that's how their parents behave!"

“Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh right now?” Megan asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Its like soddon and gomorrah in that house!" Kate replied, crossing herself.

“They have an active sex life, is that really such a bad thing?”

"So do their children apparently! I thought you were Catholic, how can you condone such behaviour?!"

“I am Catholic but the world is a very different place to when you and I grew up!” Megan replied.

"More's the pity in some respects..!"

“And better in other areas.” Megan pointed out. “You get to be free if your marriage doesn’t work out and nobody will judge you for being a divorcee.”

Kate couldn't argue with that point. "What belongs in the bedroom should be kept private, not flaunted in other's faces."

“I don’t think they set out to flaunt it into our face, Kate.”

"And don't even get me started on them letting their fifteen year old daughter indulge herself publically..!"

“There is nothing wrong with Emily!” Megan said sharply.

"I have no issue with it so long as she keeps it private!"

“Why should she have to keep a part of herself private?”

"So she isn't held back in the future due to a phase."

“And it’s exactly comments like that why so many other people are afraid to be themselves. You think she won’t get far? Have you seen her talent?”

"But no man will want her when she finally realises she wants to settle down with a husband and children."

“Maybe she doesn’t want a husband and children? Maybe she’s perfectly happy being with women. What’s so wrong with that?”

"Its just not normal!" Kate burst out.

“Who says it isn’t normal?”

"Man and woman, that's what the Bible says."

“The bible also talks about love. Who are we to decide whether love falls between the parameters of man and woman?”

"Hmm... I just want the best for her. She has enough hurdles to summount without creating more for herself..."

“What’s best for her is following her own path in life and not the paths we try and steer her to.”

"Even if we're only trying to steer them to the correct path?"

“You can’t stop people from going on the paths they choose, Kate. I tried that with someone before and it didn’t work.”

"What happened to them? The person you tried to steer onto another path?"

“He chose his own path. He did what he wanted.”

"What was that?" 

“He got married to the woman he loved, even though I tried to steer him away.”

Kate nodded, mulling it over. "Are they happy?"

Megan nodded, “The happiest I’ve ever seen them both. You can see it in their eyes.”

"Both? You know his wife too?"

Megan nodded again.

Kate sighed, lying back down on her bed.

“I didn’t want Charlie and Duffy to be together.” Megan replied as she too lay down in bed.

"You didn't?"

“No. He was her boss, she was a kid. He knew better.” Megan paused, “Not to mention his lack of respect for women and habit of making anything with a pulse a notch on his bedpost.”

"I can't say I was thrilled at the prospect either."

“I wasn’t thrilled when they had an affair whilst married to other people. However, I can’t say I was surprised.”

"She gets it from her father."

“I’m just glad they were able to make it work in the end. It’s been tough for them both.”

"I don't think anything was going to stop their desires."

“I know Charlie’s been struggling lately...”

"Because Lisa has been unwell?"

Megan nodded. “I’ve never seen Charlie look so helpless.”

"Hopefully things will improve for them. They'll need each other."

“They do. They can’t survive without the other.”

Kate sighed sadly as she rolled over. She'd never felt more jealous of her daughter than she did right now. She wished she had someone she could lean on when things got tough.

“Kate?”

"Mmm?"

“Goodnight.”

"Goodnight Megan." Kate replied, a silent tear trickling down her cheek and onto the pillow as she contemplated just how alone she was.


	48. CW: Homophobia

It was almost lunchtime before Duffy dragged herself downstairs from her room.

Charlie had left a couple of hours earlier to take the boys out for the day.

Duffy wore sunglasses as she slowly, tentatively, walked into the spa area.

“Nice to see you’re awake.” Krystal grinned as she bumped into Duffy!

"Urgh!" Duffy groaned.

“Sore head?”

"Mmm..." Duffy mumbled as she flopped down onto a sunbed chair.

“I’m not surprised after all those tequilas.”

"Nice of you to join us..!" Kate remarked.

"Mmm... Urgh..!" Duffy muttered.

“I hope you’ve reflected on last night's antics...” Kate began.

"Didn't do anything wrong." Duffy retorted.

"What antics?" Tilly piped up.

Kate huffed and shook her head.

They were then called through to begin their spa treatments.

Lottie was much quieter than usual. She laid down on the bed next to her mum, as far away from Tilly as possible.

Duffy sighed, whatever it was clearly hadn’t blown over. She willed the room to stop spinning as the therapist began the massage. She'd thrown up several more times after waking up and hoped that there was now nothing left to come up.

Lottie grumbled, “Is this supposed to be relaxing?”

"Supposed to be." Duffy mumbled, her breath hitching. She tried to breathe slowly through her nose.

“Can I go for a walk or something?” Lottie asked.

"Don't go too far." Duffy replied slowly.

“Just want to be on my own.” Lottie whispered sadly before heading outside to sit on the grass. She sighed sadly and scratched her arm. She hated feeling shit.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been sat there when she heard a voice call her name.

"Lottie? Is that you?" Sarah asked pushing Olivia over in her buggy.

“Hi.” Lottie looked at Sarah and Olivia. “What are you doing here?”

"I couldn't get a babysitter last night so I could only come today." Sarah explained. "We're a little early for lunch though."

Lottie smiled sadly but didn’t reply. She looked down at the grass.

"Mind if we join you for a bit? Livvy would love a cuddle from her aunty Lottie."

Lottie shrugged her shoulders, “Don’t mind.”

Sarah unbuckled Olivia from the pram and the two of them sat on the grass next to Lottie.

"TeeTee! TeeTee!" Olivia crawled into Lottie's lap.

“Lot Lot, I’m Lot Lot.” Lottie smiled at Olivia.

Olivia giggled, making herself comfy in Lottie's lap.

Lottie kissed the top of Olivia’s head. “How’s the job going?” She asked Sarah.

"Its going really well." Sarah smiled. "How's school?"

“Crap.” Lottie replied sadly.

"What's wrong? You always did so well at school."

Lottie shrugged.

"I won't tell anyone if that's what you're worried about."

“I’m just thick.” Lottie admitted.

"No you're not!"

“Yeh I am.” Lottie sighed again. “I don’t want to talk anymore, is that ok?”

"If that's what you want. Is your mum enjoying her party?"

“Yeh, she drank too much last night though.”

"Oops! She suffering today?"

“Very much so.”

"You need to be nice and quiet for aunty Duffy today." Sarah told Olivia.

Olivia began to babble and giggled loudly.

"Ssh!" Sarah encouraged softly. "It was so lovely of your mum to invite us." She smiled.

“You’re part of the family. You always will be.”

"I'll always feel terrible for hurting your brother the way I did. He didn't deserve it. He's a good man."

“People break up all the time.” Lottie smiled sadly, “Maybe one day you and Peter will be friends?”

"I really hope so. Things seem to be getting better between us."

Lottie looked down as she watched Olivia play on her lap. “That’s really good, I’m glad.”

"I hear you've got a boyfriend now..?"

Lottie shrugged, “Something like that.”

"Is he a boy from school?"

“Yeh.”

"Is he coming with you to the ceremony next weekend?"

“No.”

"That's a shame. Can't he make it?"

“I don’t want him there.”

"Why ever not?"

“I just don’t, ok?”

"OK." Sarah paused as she watched Olivia get up and toddle across the grass. "If something is wrong it might help to talk about it..."

“I’m fine.” Lottie protested.

"You look and sound just like your mum when you say that."

Lottie sighed, “I’m fine, honest.”

"If that was true then you wouldn't be sitting out here on your tod whilst everyone else is inside having fun."

“I don’t want to be around anyone. I just want to be on my own.” Lottie replied back.

"OK." Sarah stood up and held her hand out to her daughter. "Come on Livvy, let's head inside."

Olivia toddled towards her mum and reached for her mum's hand. Lottie sighed and got up, she headed further out of the grounds and began to walk away.

"We'll get to the bottom of that one way or another." Sarah promised Olivia in a whisper as she clipped her back into the pram and headed towards the hotel, looking sadly over her shoulder at Lottie's retreating figure.

Lottie didn’t know where she was going but she needed to be on her own. There were so many thoughts swirling around in her head.

A little while later her phone beeped.

She contemplated ignoring it but took her phone out of her pocket and read the message.

'Where you go? We're about to have lunch. Em x'

‘Went for a walk, still walking. Not hungry x'

'Mum's not feeling well, please don't upset her more.'

‘Fine. Whatever. x’ 

About twenty minutes later, Lottie arrived back at the hotel for lunch.

"Finally! Where you walk to? Space?!" Emily grumbled gently as she saw Lottie return.

“I wish I had.” Lottie replied. “I’m not hungry.”

Emily sighed. "Oh for fucks sake! Finally get you back and now mum's disappeared again..!"

“She’s clearly hungover!”

"If dad finds out she's been puking..."

“What’s he gonna do?”

"Freak that's what!" Emily retorted. "I'm gunna kill Krystal for this..!"

“He ain’t gonna freak out! He knows she’s hungover!” Lottie groaned, “Let's go and find her!”

"OK." Emily moved to head back into the corridor, pausing briefly. "Should we get Tilly too?"

“No.”

"Um... OK..." Emily looked perplexed as she and Lottie went in search of their mum.

Lottie still had so much on her mind but she tried to ignore it as she went in search of her mum. 

Duffy was sat on the floor of the ladies toilet, lent against the wall, looking pale and in pain.

“Mama, where’s the pain?” Emily crouched down in front of her mum.

"Stomach." Duffy grimaced. "I'll be OK."

“Are you sure? You might need to eat something.”

Duffy nodded but looked reluctant.

“It might help.”

Duffy got slowly to her feet, shaking slightly.

“Shots are bad for you, mama.” Lottie replied.

"Thanks for the warning." Duffy managed a half smile at her youngest daughter.

“You’ll be ok.”

Duffy nodded. "Where's the third musketeer?"

“Don’t know and don’t care.” Lottie answered.

"Charlotte!" Duffy gasped, shocked.

“What?”

"What on earth has happened between the pair of you?"

“Tired of living in her fucking shadow, that’s what.”

"Oh Lottie! You're not in Tilly's shadow. You're both wonderful young ladies in your own right."

“Yes I am! I’m always in her shadow!!”

"What makes you feel like that? Has something happened?"

“No.” Lottie sighed, “Yes! Maybe! I don’t know.” She punched the mirror in the bathroom.

Despite still feeling terrible Duffy darted forward to grab her daughter, wrapping her arms around the teenager.

“I’m fine mama. Let me go.” Lottie whispered as she tried to fight her mum’s hold.

"No, let me look at your hand first."

“It’s fine.”

"Let me judge that." Duffy replied softly but firmly.

Lottie sighed and held out her hand reluctantly. Her knuckles looked slightly swollen.

"Just bruised luckily." Duffy explained as she prodded them gently.

“Can we just go for lunch now?” Lottie asked sadly.

"I'd like that." Duffy smiled. "I was worried when you didn't come back."

“I just needed to get away.” Lottie whispered sadly.

"OK. Let's go back to the others." Duffy suggested gently. It didn't seem like she was going to get much out of Lottie so she determined to speak to Tilly at some point instead.

They went for lunch, Sarah and Olivia were there. Olivia squealed when she saw Duffy.

"Oh Livvy! You've grown so much!" Duffy gasped.

Olivia tried to wriggle out of her high chair, her arms held out in front of her.

"Once you've finished your lunch we'll have a big cuddle ok?"

Olivia babbled.

Duffy tickled the toddler's chin and went to sit down.

Olivia squealed and wriggled. She was always so happy!

Duffy motioned for Lottie to sit beside her.

Lottie sat beside her mum but was even more quieter than she’d been previously.

Duffy reached over and squeezed Lottie's left hand.

Lottie smiled sadly.

"Ooh, they have your favourite!" Duffy smiled as she looked at the food.

“I’m not really hungry,” Lottie explained.

"Oh princess I wish you'd tell me what's wrong." Duffy sighed.

“I can’t mama!”

"Why not?" Duffy asked, taking a small bite of her food as she noticed people had started to notice she hadn't touched her meal.

Lottie shrugged, “Cos I can’t tell anyone.” She looked down at the food and tentatively took a bite.

"Are you worried I'll be angry?"

Lottie shook her head.

"Then why won't you tell me?"

“What’s the point in talking? It won’t solve anything.” Lottie sighed sadly and pushed her food around her plate, taking another small mouthful.

"Because not talking will only make things worse."

“Owen dumped me, ok?” Lottie swallowed back the tears.

"What?! When?"

“Does it matter when?” Lottie replied, “He dumped me. It’s over, finished!”

"Oh sweetheart! He clearly didn't realise what a precious girl he'd found."

Lottie laughed angrily, “No! It was my fault he dumped me! Mine!”

"I very much doubt that."

“I give up with everything.” Lottie said quietly and stopped eating.

"You're only young, the person for you is still out there." Duffy reassured, pulling Lottie into a hug.

“Nobody will want me when they realise I’m a frigid little cow!” Lottie muttered the words and stood up, “I’m going for another walk!”

"No you're not." Duffy grasped Lottie's wrist. "I want all my girls together with me today. Please."

Lottie sighed and sat back down.

"Thank you."

Tilly was watching her sister closely, she was concerned about her and the way she’d been behaving.

Emily lent over to Tilly. "So what did you do to upset Lottie then?"

“I dunno, she just started acting weird last night.”

"Were you and Tommy up to no good last night or something?" Emily smirked.

“Maybe.” Tilly smirked, “And then Lottie got in a huff! I don’t know what her issue is.”

"Would you have wanted to walk in on her and Owen like that?"

“Ew no! It wasn’t like that! We weren’t doing anything when she walked in, just naked cuddles under the duvet.”

"Still! She wasn't to know that!" Emily chuckled. "At least you have some idea what you did wrong." She sighed. "I've got no idea why gran keeps looking at me weird."

“What do you mean?”

"She didn't even reply when me and Beth said morning to her earlier."

“Maybe Gran’s having a crisis of faith or something.”

"Why would that involve me?" Emily asked, perplexed.

“Dunno, cos you’re gay?” Tilly shrugged.

"But she's known that for ages."

“I dunno then.” Tilly shrugged.

"I feel like I've upset her but don't know why." Emily sighed.

“Why don’t you go and speak to her?”

"Maybe after lunch."

“Want me to come with you?”

"Nah, I'll be OK."

“Sure, sis?”

"Yeh I'll be OK." Emily smiled.

Tilly nodded and then sighed as she watched Lottie. “Do you think I should ask mum about Lottie?”

"Maybe later once we get home."

Tilly nodded.

After the meal was finished Emily and Beth managed to get Kate by herself.

“Gran?”

"Yes Emily?" Kate replied, not acknowledging Beth.

“Do you have a problem with me and Beth?” Emily asked as she made a point of holding Beth’s hand.

"Not at all." Kate replied, flustered.

“You’ve been eyeballing me at the table all day and I don’t know why.”

"I just don't agree with..." Kate paused, looking around. "...sharing a bed." She added in a stuttered whisper.

“Because I’m under sixteen?”

"You're too young to know what you want."

“Ah. So this is about me been gay?”

"Why chose this? Are you trying to rebel?"

“Gran, I fell in love with someone who happened to be a girl!” Emily sighed, “I’m gay, I didn’t choose anything. It’s who I am!”

"Is this because of what happened when you were born? Because you were so small and poorly and..?" Kate couldn't bring herself to say the word 'damaged'...

“Oh for goodness sake!” Emily sighed heavily, “I am a lesbian and nothing you say will change that! I’m happy and I don’t care what other people think.”

"We love each other Mrs Duffin." Beth added, wrapping an arm around Emily's shoulders.

“Don’t encourage her.” Kate tutted. “You’ll regret this when you’re older and no man will take you seriously.”

“Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe I don’t want a boy or a man? And that I’m very happy being with Beth. You can judge all you want, Gran. It won’t change anything. I’m used to dealing with homophobes, there’s plenty at school. I understand this is probably hard because of your faith and stuff...”

Beth was quickly growing tired of Kate's attitude. "How's this for encouragement?!" She retorted before pulling Emily close and kissing her passionately.

Emily pushed Beth away, “Stop it!” She sighed, “That’s not gonna help, Beth!”

"Whatever!" Beth shot back and stormed off.

Emily sighed heavily and looked at her Gran. “I don’t expect you to understand but I hope you’ll allow me to be happy, whichever way that is for me.”

"I just wish you didn't insist on making things hard for yourself."

“I’m not making things hard for myself. I need to go Gran but I love you. I just hope one day, you’ll be happy for me.”

Kate sighed as she watched her eldest granddaughter walk away.

“Beth?” Emily called trying to find Beth.

Beth was sat on the patio crying.

Emily sat down beside her. “Babe I’m sorry.” She moved closer to her.

"Are you embarrassed by me?"

“What? No! What gave you that idea?!”

"You pushed me away."

“I did because I didn’t think it was appropriate to snog you in front of my Gran when she’s clearly having a crisis over the whole thing.” Emily moved to crouch in front of Beth and traced her fingertips against her cheek, “But I’m not embarrassed by you.” She kissed her gently. “I’m sorry.”

"She needs to face her prejudice and deal with it!" Beth countered.

“It’s not that easy, Beth.”

"I just want to be able to show my love for you whenever and where ever we are without having to worry about how others will react. No-one bats an eyelid when we're all out together and your dad cops a feel of your mum's arse! Why should we be treated any different?"

“Gran’s Catholic. I always knew it would be problematic, I just didn’t realise how much.” Emily admitted.

"Your parents are both divorcees! Rather double standards to have an issue with us but not that!"

“You think Gran didn’t have an issue with mum and dad? I reckon she went ballistic.”

"Your mum and dad are great. They've been so amazing and accepting. Treat me like one of the family. I've never had that before."

“You’ll always be part of the family, look at Olivia and Sarah. We can’t get rid of them even if we try.” Emily said teasingly.

Beth giggled. "I wish more families were like that. My mum is the only one who'll have anything to do with me."

“Families are complicated.” Emily snuggled into Beth.

"Yeh." Beth wrapped her arm around Emily.

“I love you.”

"I love you too."

Emily smiled as she kissed Beth’s cheek.

There was a comfortable hush over them for several minutes.

"Do you think you'll ever want to get married?" Beth asked softly.

“I’d love too.” Emily smiled, “You?”

"I never really considered it, didn't think it would be an option for me..."

“Because you’re gay?”

Beth nodded. "This is the first time I've been involved with a wedding. Mum avoids them like the plague."

“Weddings aren’t that bad. You’ll be able to go to another when Peter and Holly get married.”

"They seem fun. Your mum and dad seem really happy. I still can't believe your mum snuck him into the hotel last night..!" Beth laughed.

“Oh God! Don’t.” Emily laughed, “Gran was losing her shit.”

"I know she's your gran and all that but she really needs to get a life. They were having a laugh!"

“Yeh but you know how loud my parents can be when they’re shagging. Gran probably couldn’t sleep.” Emily giggled.

"Maybe you could get her some earplugs for Christmas..?" Beth giggled.

“Good idea!”

"Its that or gags for your parents but that's kinda..." Beth pulled a face before cracking up in laughter.

“They’ve probably already got some.” Emily pulled a face.

Beth continued to laugh. "I dread to think what they're got stashed up in their bedroom..! Your gran'd have a fit!"

“Oh God I know!” Emily pulled another face, “Fancy going for a walk around the grounds and climbing some trees?”

"Yeh, sounds fun." Beth grinned.

Emily stood up and held her hand out to Beth.

Beth took hold of Emily's hand and they ran off together towards the trees.

Duffy came up behind Kate who had been watching from the windows. "Can't you see that they're happy?"

Kate didn’t answer straight away.

"Surely that's all that matters." Duffy added softly.

“I only want what’s best for her.”

"And Beth is what's best for her."

Kate nodded silently. “The world was a very different place when I grew up, Lisa.”

"I know it was but things move on mum."

“It just takes a while to get used to these things.” Kate said quietly.

"But you're willing to try?"

Kate nodded, “Yes, I’ll try.”

"Thank you. That's all I ask." Duffy replied, squeezing Kate's shoulder.

Kate sighed, “I’m sorry at how I reacted to you and Charlie last night.”

"I'd been drinking but that's no excuse for my attitude towards you. I'm sorry." Duffy apologised.

Kate smiled sadly as she continued to stare out of the window at Emily and Beth.

"She's really found her true self these last couple of years." Duffy smiled.

“She has?”

"Through her art and being with Beth. It's like all the potential I knew was locked inside her has finally been unleashed, the painful shyness and anxiety has melted away." Duffy's eyes shone as she watched her eldest daughter.

Kate glanced at her and smiled as she saw the love Duffy felt for Emily in her eyes.

"What's eating you?" Krystal asked Holly as she watched the blonde once again glaring daggers across the room.

“My emotions are all weird!” Holly replied.

"Is it coz Lisa invited Sarah?"

Holly nodded. “But I’m not jealous of Sarah.” She replied, “I’m due on. I’ve been a proper hormonal dragon these last few days.”

"Sucks don't it? Jake tends to hide when I'm due on coz I rage at him all the time!" Krystal grimaced.

“Yeh.” Holly watched as Olivia toddled over to them. She crouched down in front of the toddler, “Hello? Oh aren’t you a cutie!”

Olivia grinned broadly at Holly, holding her arms out. "Up! Up!"

Holly stood up and picked up Olivia. “Hello!”

"Hello!" Olivia snuggled her arms around Holly's neck.

“Are you ok?” Holly asked Olivia as she hugged her.

Olivia nodded. "Cake!" She giggled.

“Lemme go and ask your mummy!” Holly smiled as she walked in the direction of Sarah, “Hi Sarah!”

"Hi." Sarah smiled. "I wondered where you'd wandered off to, you monkey!" She tickled Olivia.

Olivia squealed and giggled, “Cake! Cake!”

"More cake?" Sarah chuckled.

Olivia's eyes widened and she nodded.

"Such a cake monster!"

Holly laughed, “How are you? I hope you’re both well?”

"We're good thanks. Livvy has settled really well into the nursery she goes to while I'm at work. She takes the unicorn you and Peter got her for her birthday everywhere." Sarah smiled, nodding towards her bag on the chair, the cuddly toy poking out the top.

Holly smiled brightly, “I’m really glad you’re both well! And that she loves the unicorn! I love unicorns too and have the same one at home.”

"You should come over for a coffee sometime. Its been lovely having Peter to visit but I'd like for us to get to know each other better."

Holly nodded, “I’d like that too.”

"You do know that I'm not interested in Peter don't you?"

Holly sighed, “Logically I know that.”

"I don't expect us to be besties but I'd like us to friends."

“I’d like us to be friends too.”

"Fancy some cake with this monster?" Sarah asked, chuckling.

“I would love some!”

Olivia squealed with delight as they all got cake.

“This one definitely loves cake.” Holly commented as she took a bite out of the chocolate cake.

"Its very good cake." Sarah smiled.

“I think it’s one of Lisa’s.”

"She's an amazing cook."

“Yes she really is.” Holly smiled, “Peter takes after his dad unfortunately and can’t cook.”

"He's not gotten any better then?" Sarah giggled.

“Nope!”

"I'm presuming from the looks of him that you're a good cook?" Sarah smiled.

Holly blushed and nodded, “I am.”

"Given how much he loves his food you'd think he would've learnt to cook but no..!" Sarah laughed.

“He’s trying to, he made a birthday cake for me.”

"Oh wow!" Sarah was impressed.

“I was genuinely touched.”

"How did it taste?"

“It tasted amazing!”

"You gunna ignore me all day?" Tilly asked softly as she approached where Lottie was sat.

“Yes.”

"Look I'm sorry about last night. Tommy was just teasing. He didn't mean to upset you."

“Whatever.”

"Seriously what the fuck is up your arse lately?!"

Lottie glared at her sister, her eyes icy cold. “Leave me alone!”

"Fine! Screw you!" Tilly retorted, storming off.

Lottie felt really frustrated! She couldn’t let go of it.

Tilly sat on the patio, trying her best not to cry.

Lottie let out a frustrated scream.

Duffy spun around as did several others. She quickly made her way across the room to the teenager.

Lottie brought her knees to her chest and hugged them tightly.

"Let's go upstairs princess." Duffy whispered.

Lottie nodded but made no effort to get up.

Duffy wrapped her arm around Lottie's shoulders and nudged her gently. "Are you in pain?"

“No.”

"You're too old for me to carry now..." Duffy smiled.

Lottie smiled sadly and stood up. “Can I go for a nap?”

"Ok. I'll come up with you if that's OK?"

Lottie nodded. She still hadn't said much by the time they arrived upstairs at the room she was sharing with Tilly. She just took off her shoes and lay underneath her duvet.

Duffy sat down on the edge of the bed. "This is about more than Owen isn't it?"

Lottie shook her head.

"Its just you and me now Charlotte." Duffy shifted to lie down next to Lottie, her arm softly draped over her daughter.

“I’m just tired.”

"Do you think anyone would notice if we both had a nap?" Duffy chuckled softly.

“No.” Lottie smiled sadly again before sighing heavily.

"I love you so much Lottiepop." Duffy whispered, hugging her closer.

Lottie began to cry silently as she rested her head against her mum’s chest.

Duffy stroked the teen's red hair trying to soothe her.

“I’m tired of being me. I don’t want to be me or be here anymore.” Lottie whispered.

"You are such a wonderful young lady. Would it help if we moved you to your own room at home? You can decorate it however you want."

Lottie shrugged. “Tilly’s the better twin. I’m just the thick one.”

"You are not thick!"

“Then why am I not as clever as Tilly? Why does everyone love Tilly and not me?!”

"We do love you both equally. You have different talents - it's not a case of being more clever."

“That’s not true!”

"You think me and your dad don't love you all equally?" The thought stung deep.

“I’m not like Tilly!”

"You don't have to be like Tilly to be loved."

“Don’t I?”

"No. You just have to be Lottie." Duffy smiled, lifting Lottie's chin to look at her properly.

Lottie met her mum's eye, “But I wish I was like Tilly. I wish I was as confident.”

"I don't think Tilly is as confident as she makes out you know."

“I wouldn’t have sex with Owen. That’s why he dumped me.” Lottie said looking down at her lap.

"Well if he's going to dump you over something like that then he's not worth bothering with."

“I wasn’t ready.” Lottie sighed and began to sob.

"I'm proud of you for knowing that and standing by your convictions."

“I should’ve just done it and stopped being so stupid!”

"No. Don't make the same mistake I did."

Lottie snuggled closer into her mum under the duvet. “There’s so much stuff in my head right now mama and I know Tilly’s hurting too.”

"I think you both need to sit down and have a proper talk without shouting at each other."

“After I’ve had a nap?” Lottie mumbled sleepily.

"Good idea." Duffy yawned.

“Love you.” Lottie whispered.

"Love you too."

They had been napping for a little over half an hour when the door creaked slowly open. Lottie stayed asleep but Duffy opened one eye a crack as she watched Tilly quietly enter the room. She'd clearly been crying and, seeing her mum and twin on the bed, came over and lay on the other side of her mum, snuggling up close.

Lottie seemed to sense that Tilly was nearby and reached her hand out for her sister.

Duffy smiled as the girls linked hands over her hip.

Tilly smiled sadly, at least her sister wanted to be with her.

Duffy tilted her head and kissed Tilly's forehead.

“Love you mum.”

"Love you too." Duffy smiled. "So what's happened with you two?" She asked softly.

“I don’t know.”

"Do you want to talk about why you've been crying?"

“Lottie won’t talk to me and it upsets me.” Tilly whispered.

"Have you any idea why?"

“Yes. I... I did something silly last night.”

"OK." Duffy paused. "Do you want to tell me what that was?"

“As long as you promise not to shout, mama?”

"OK..." Duffy replied reluctantly.

“I wanted to have sex with Tommy so I sneaked him in.” Tilly sighed, “But...”

"But..?"

“It really hurt so it didn’t kinda happen.” Tilly flushed bright red in embarrassment, “But I think Lottie thinks it happened.”

"OK." Duffy took a breath. "Please tell me you were careful?"

“No. I forgot about that! It’s ok, I’ll be ok won’t I? He was only in me for a minute, tops.”

"Oh Tilly! I think it best we go to the clinic just in case."

“Not before I’ve spoken to Lottie.”

"How about I take you and Lottie out for a drive later this afternoon and you two can have a talk and we'll pop to the clinic too?"

Tilly nodded, “Would that be ok?”

"Of course. Everyone will be heading home in a couple of hours anyway."

“Can we nap too?”

"OK." Duffy smiled.

It wasn’t long before Tilly, Duffy and Lottie were all cuddled up together and asleep.

A couple of hours later Duffy was awake and had bid the other guests farewell. Holly had agreed to drop Emily and Beth back at the house as she was picking Peter up anyway.

It took some persuading but Lottie eventually agreed to accompany her mum and Tilly.

“Lotpop, can we talk?” Tilly asked. 

"Only coz mum sez I have to." Lottie pouted.

“I think it’s important.” Tilly pouted back, “I didn’t have sex with Tommy.”

"But you were in bed together..."

“I wanted to have sex with him but... It hurt...”

"OK." Lottie replied, playing with her fingers. "What was it like?"

“It hurt so we didn’t do anything.” Tilly sighed, “It’s not as great as everyone makes out.” She admitted as she held her hand out to her little sister.

"I told Owen no." Lottie mumbled.

“Because you’re not ready?”

Lottie nodded. "Bet you think I'm lame too don't you?"

“No, I don’t think you’re lame at all!”

"Tommy was laughing at me. I bet Owen told him." Lottie mumbled, becoming upset again.

“What? No. Tommy was being a dick and having a laugh, I doubt he knows ok?” Tilly reassured and pulled her sister into a hug. “Did Owen dump you?”

Lottie nodded, bursting into tears again.

“Oh Lotpop.” Tilly hugged her sister tightly, “Owen’s a dickhead! And to think I actually thought he was alright. You have sex when you’re ready, not when some arsehole tells you to.”

"I thought he was different." Lottie sniffled.

“There’s someone out there for you, someone special enough that respects you.”

"That's what mum said."

“Mum’s right.”

Duffy smiled softly as she turned towards the clinic.

“Did you forget to get Tommy to wrap his willy?” Lottie giggled through her tears.

"Shurrup!" Tilly cringed, giggling too.

The twins continued to giggle.

"I'm glad you both find this so funny..!" Duffy retorted, trying to sound serious.

“It’s not funny mama.” Lottie continued to giggle. “Are we friends again?”

"I hope so." Tilly smiled.

“I’m sorry for being a bitch.”

"Me too. Want me to go with you?"

“Yeh, please.”

"I've messaged my friend Julie. She's going to meet us and take us straight through." Duffy explained.

“Ok mama.” Tilly smiled.

"They'll be using my name. I thought that would be for the best. If anyone asks you two just came with me OK?"

“Ok.”

The three of them got out the car and entered the clinic. Duffy gave her name to the receptionist and Julie came out to greet them and lead them through to one of the offices.

“Mum?” It was Tilly, who’d been chewing her lower lip.

"Yes princess?" Duffy asked as they walked down the corridor.

“Do you think now would be a wise time to start thinking about contraception?”

"I do and that's why I wanted you both here."

“Ok.” The twins held each other’s hand.

After entering the office and sitting down Duffy allowed Julie to take the lead.

“So, your mum tells me you’re thinking about having sex. Is that right?” Julie asked the twins.

They looked at each other and nodded.

“There’s no need to be shy. You can talk openly in this room.” Julie encouraged gently, “Have you had sex yet?”

"I... I tried to..." Tilly mumbled.

“And how was it?”

"Hurt."

“Sometimes when we’re afraid, we tense up. That can cause pain.”

"I wanted to but I got scared."

“Would you like to talk about what made you scared?"

"I really like him and he was really understanding and I thought it was what I wanted but I changed my mind."

“Are you aware there are other things you can do together? Without intercourse.”

"Yeh..." Tilly blushed as she cast her mum a brief look.

“Have you done these things?”

"Some things."

“Would you like to talk about them?”

"Is it OK if I don't?"

“Of course it is.” Julie smiled. “Do you know about the importance of using contraception?”

"Yeh."

“Lottie, do you?” Julie asked, aware of how quiet the younger girl had been.

"Yeh."

“Do you know about the different types of contraception there is?”

The twins reeled off a list between them.

"We did this at school." Lottie mumbled.

“That’s good that you’re both informed. Do you feel comfortable and confident to ask your sexual partner to wear condoms?”

The twins looked at each other nervously.

Tilly hesitated and shook her head. “Dunno how to ask.”

"I worry they'll say no." Lottie admitted.

“If they say no, you can say no too.”

Lottie nodded. "What if they don't listen..?" She hesitated before adding.

“Then you need to get out of that situation. The right person won’t hurt you.” Julie added.

"O-ok."

“And if you’re ever in a situation that you’re not uncomfortable in, you need to tell someone.”

"I will." Lottie replied, sounding more confident.

“Good girl. Now, is there a contraception either of you want more information on?”

"Mum said I should take that pill after what happened last night." Tilly replied.

“And that’s very sensible.” Julie smiled warmly, “But ideally, we’d like you to use other forms of contraceptive. There’s condoms and many different forms of the pill.”

"Yeh. I'm not gunna do that again." Tilly promised.

“I’m happy to answer any questions you’ve got about contraception.”

"Some of the girls at school said that taking the pill can do bad things to you. Is that true?" Lottie asked, glancing at both her mum and Julie.

“What kind of bad things?” Julie asked.

"Damage you inside."

“There are many advantages to the pill but there can be side effects, depending on the pill you take.”

"OK." Lottie replied.

"What do you think is best?" Tilly asked.

“I think you need to decide what’s best for you. Sometimes, contraception doesn’t always work and it’s a trial and error situation to find what’s best for you.”

"Do we have to decide right now?" Lottie asked.

“No you don’t.”

"Maybe we can take some information leaflets and have a look through them at home?" Duffy suggested.

“Would you girls like that?” Julie asked Tilly and Lottie. 

They both nodded.

Julie stood up and collected the relevant leaflets and handed them over to Lisa. “I’ll just go and get you the pill, Tilly.”

"Thanks." Tilly replied shyly.

As Julie left the room, Lottie began to fiddle with her hands.

"You alright?" Tilly whispered.

“Uh huh. You?”

"Yeh. Fancy watching a film when we get home?"

“Yeah would love to.”

"Proper twinsie night." Tilly's smile widened.

Lottie grinned, “I’d love that!”

"I've missed us hanging out together."

“Me too.” Lottie said shyly.

"We shouldn't let boys get in the way of us."

“No we shouldn’t.”

"You mean more to me than any boy."

“You too Tots.”

Julie reentered the room with the prescription just as Lottie and Tilly hugged each other tightly. "The chemist here can fill this for you."

“Thank you.”

"Right girls, is there anything else you wanted to ask Julie?" Duffy asked.

“No.” They answered in unison and shook their heads.

"Thank you for this Julie." Duffy smiled.

“No problem, anytime Lisa.”

After exchanging their goodbyes, the trio headed to the chemist and picked up the pill before heading out to the car.

“So this is the morning after pill?”

"Yes. The chances are that it's not necessary but I'd rather not take the risk." Duffy explained.

Tilly nodded. “Did you and dad ever have to use it?” She asked.

"Yes." Duffy hesitated before adding. "Not just with your dad..."

“With previous partners too?”

Duffy nodded sadly.

Tilly smiled sadly, “You’re not cross or upset with us are you?”

"I'm just glad you felt able to talk to me about it."

“We have no secrets remember mama?”

"We don't." Duffy turned in her chair and held her hands out to them.

Each daughter placed a hand into their mother’s.

"Don't ever be forced into something you don't want to do." Duffy whispered.

“I won’t be.” Lottie felt strangely a little more confident.

"Tilly?"

“Yes mama?"

"Did Tommy put pressure on you last night?"

“What? No.” Tilly shook her head, “He was so sweet!”

"Good! I was hoping that I was right about him being a good boy."

“He kept asking me if I wanted this and he stopped as soon as I said it was hurting.”

Duffy nodded.

“He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.” Tilly replied.

"So the two of you are serious about each other then?"

Tilly nodded. “Yeh!”

Duffy smiled softly.

“He’s good to me mum.”

"In my mind he's still that cheeky little boy who was forever traipsing mud over my carpets..." Duffy smiled.

Tilly laughed gently, “He was always traipsing mud around, wasn’t he?”

"All the time!" Duffy chuckled.

"Remember when he got mud all over that new rug?!" Lottie joined in the giggles.

“He was so embarrassed.”

"He came over the next day and brought me all the change out of his piggybank to pay for it to be cleaned..!" Duffy revealed.

“Did he really?” Tilly giggled, “He’s so soft.”

"I didn't tell you about that though..!" Duffy chuckled softly.

“He likes to come across as this big tough guy but he’s a teddy bear really.”

"So long as he treats you right then he'll stay on my good side."

“He does.”

Duffy turned back to the steering wheel and started the engine.

Tilly looked down at the package in her lap, her fingers playing with the lid of her water bottle.

“You’ve got to take it, Tots.”

Tilly nodded. She opened the packet and swallowed the pill inside, pulling a face as she did so.

“You ok?”

"Yeh." Tilly tried to smile at her twin.

“Taking tablets is minging.”

"Yeh, I'm not letting that happen again." Tilly grumbled.

“Good girl.” It wasn't long before they arrived home. "Let's see what kind of mess your dad and brothers have left the house in shall we?"

“That reminds me actually mama, how are dad’s balls after Gran strung him up by them?” Lottie asked with a giggle. “Em told us about the commotion.”

Duffy's cheeks instantly flushed scarlet. "He's... Um..." She cleared her throat awkwardly. "He's fine..."

“That’s good,” Lottie smiled.

"Let's go inside shall we..?"

“Yeah lets.”

When they entered the house it was surprisingly tidy. The boys were in the lounge, the youngest two watching cartoons whilst the elder two chatted. Charlie was snoring on the sofa.

Holly came through from the kitchen drying her hands on a tea towel. “Hey.” She smiled as she saw Duffy and the twins.

"I take it the place was a pigsty when you arrived..?" Duffy sighed.

“No it wasn’t that bad. Peter and Jake had done the majority of the cleaning before I arrived.” Holly explained.

"That's good." Duffy smiled.

The twins ran off upstairs giggling.

“Charlie’s having a nap.”

"I think I might join him." Duffy chuckled softly.

“You can’t beat a nap.”

"No you certainly can't, not after the couple of days I've had!" Duffy giggled, heading through to join her husband on the sofa.

“We’ll leave you to it?” Holly smiled.

"I'll see you next weekend." Duffy smiled, cuddling up to Charlie.

“You will.” 

After saying goodbye to Holly and Peter, Duffy snuggled with Charlie on the sofa and was soon fast asleep once more.


	49. NSFW, TW: discussion of eating disorders and homophobia

Charlie didn’t know why he was so nervous! It wasn’t like they were getting married for the first time, he’d married her once before but he couldn’t help feel nervous about the whole thing! He was probably more nervous second time round than he had been first time.

Duffy was nervous too but not about the ceremony as such. During the week her father had taken a bad turn and she was terrified that he'd be too ill to attend.

But in typical Brendan style, he’d pulled through at the last minute and insisted he was going to the ceremony! It was something he had to do.

Duffy was upstairs packing when Charlie arrived home. It was the evening before the ceremony.

He heard her banging about upstairs and smiled. He placed the keys on the side and wandered into the kitchen.

"Hi dad, the hotel called, everything is all ready." Jake smiled. "She hasn't got a clue, she thinks you're going to Josh's for the night."

“Thanks son.” Charlie squeezed Jake’s shoulder, “I suppose I’d better go and surprise her, hadn’t I?”

"She's gunna love it."

“I hope so.”

"I've got everything under control here. You go have a great time and we'll see you tomorrow."

“Love you son, thanks once again.” Charlie squeezed Jake's shoulder again before heading upstairs.

"Daddy!" Oli came bursting out onto the landing. "Jake's making burgers for our tea!" He declared excitedly.

“Is he really? Aren’t you and Paul lucky boys?!”

"Yeh!"

Charlie crouched down in front of Oli and held his arms out. “Be good. Daddy loves you.” He kissed his forehead.

"Love you too daddy. You make mummy a princess tomorrow?"

“I’m going to make your mummy a princess tomorrow.”

Oli grinned and ran off to find his little brother again.

Charlie followed so he could say goodbye to Paul.

"Are you gunna have chips for tea tonight too?" Paul asked.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” Charlie said as he crouched down in front of Paul.

Paul smiled and cuddled his dad.

“Love you, be good for your big brother ok?” Charlie kissed Paul's forehead and cuddled him.

"OK. Can we go play now?"

“Of course you can.” Charlie smiled as he watched Paul run back to his bedroom. “Hello gorgeous.” He smiled as he entered the master bedroom. 

"You're supposed to be at Josh's..?" Duffy looked up, bemused.

“No, I’m supposed to be with my wife.” He smiled, “I have a surprise for you.”

"A surprise..?" Her interest was peaked.

“Yes a surprise.”

"Where are we going?" She asked, closing the case.

“To the ceremony.”

"That's not til tomorrow afternoon..."

“I’ve booked us dinner and a room.”

Duffy squealed excitedly.

“I hoped that would be your reaction.” He smiled brightly.

"What about the kids?"

“Jake’s gonna look after the younger two for us.”

"Oh that's why Paul was going on about chips..."

“Yes.” He smiled. “They’re having burgers and chips for tea.” He stepped closer.

"Ah, that also explains the bag of groceries Jake bought home earlier. I did wonder why he needed mince when Krystal is vegetarian."

He wrapped his arms around her waist, “I intend on making the most out of that hotel bed.” He whispered, “And this time, I don’t have to worry about upsetting your mother.”

"She was so cross with me the next day."

“We got a bit enthusiastic.” He giggled and kissed her neck, “Is everything ok now between you both?”

"We had a conversation about her attitude towards Emmy and when I had lunch with her yesterday she basically blamed my father for my poor behaviour and everything that is wrong with the world..." Duffy sighed. "I just hope they can behave themselves tomorrow. I thought they'd made their peace."

“I think things might be a little different tomorrow.” He reassured.

"Mum's convinced dad won't be able to avoid temptation and will fall off the wagon."

“He’s dying. I really doubt that’ll be on his mind.”

"I don't think she wants to let herself fully trust him."

“That’s understandable.”

Duffy nodded. "All I want is them not to fight."

“Me too.”

A horn beeped outside. "Is that our taxi?"

“That certainly is!”

"Do I need anything extra?"

“No I think you’ve packed everything, haven’t you?”

"I've got everything I need for the ceremony."

“Mine’s already at the hotel.”

"Let's not keep the driver waiting then."

He picked up the suitcase and carried it downstairs.

"Be good kids! Love you." Duffy called out.

They received a series of goodbyes from the various children in the house.

Once in the car Duffy snuggled up to Charlie.

He wrapped his arm around her.

"At least you don't have to sneak in this time..!" She giggled.

“That’s true.”

"Have you booked the same room?"

“I’ve booked the same room, yes darling.”

"I'll try not to vomit afterwards this time." She cringed.

“It’s ok.” He laughed gently, “I was rough.”

"I'm never drinking tequila ever again."

“So tequila shots aren’t on the agenda tonight then?”

"No. Not tonight and not ever!" She chuckled.

“That’s a shame.” He lent forward to whisper in her ear, “I’d never seen you as horny.” He paused, “Actually that’s a lie, I have, but only when you were pregnant.”

"I'm very much not pregnant!" She snorted.

“I know.” He smiled, “I’m glad we’re finished with the baby making stage.”

"All the fun with none of the consequences..!" She grinned.

“Exactly!”

"We can't get too drunk tonight though, I don't want to be poorly tomorrow."

“We’re only going to have a glass or two over our meal.”

"Perfect." She smiled.

“You are perfect.”

"Charmer!" She giggled.

“Always your charmer!”

"You are."

He kissed her cheek. “I’m nervous for tomorrow.”

"Really?"

He nodded.

"Why?"

He shrugged, “I don’t know. I’ve just got butterflies, a bit like the first time we got married.”

"I remember your hands were shaking so bad!"

“It was scary!”

"Yeh I can see how marrying the woman you'd had four kids with would be really scary..!" She teased.

“You’re the love of my life and I was finally making you mine.”

"Best day ever."

He nodded, “Best day ever.”

"So what have you got up your sleeve for tonight?"

“Truthfully?”

"Yes."

“I hoped we could just talk? Have a romantic dinner and a lovely bath together in that beautiful bath we didn’t have chance to explore last week. Followed by making tender love and you falling asleep in my arms.”

"Is there something you want to talk about..?" She asked anxiously.

“No, you?” He smiled.

"No, it just sounded like there was something you wanted to raise."

“No.” He paused, “Not that I’m aware of.”

"The rest sounds lovely though."

“Duffy?”

"Charlie?"

“I love you.”

"I love you too."

“Love you more.”

"I love you to the moon and back!"

“So do I.”

She lent towards him for a kiss.

He gently kissed her.

Her fingers played with his collar.

He ran his tongue over her lower lip.

She parted her lips.

He gently slid his tongue into her mouth.

She moaned softly into his mouth.

One of his hands ended up cupping her breasts.

His fingers were creeping into her bra when the driver cleared his throat awkwardly.

Charlie pulled away with a soft chuckle as he faced the driver. “Thanks,” He handed over a £20 note. “Keep the change.”

"Have a good night..!" The driver winked, accepting the note.

“Thanks.” Charlie got out of the taxi and took the suitcase from the boot.

"Can I help?" Duffy held out her hand towards one of the bags.

“No, I’ve got it.” He smiled.

She rolled her eyes and followed him into the hotel.

Since Charlie had already checked in earlier, they didn’t need to check in again.

Once the got upstairs to the room Duffy stretched out on the bed.

He dumped the stuff on the floor and lay down beside her.

"Hi." She smiled.

“Hello gorgeous.”

"Here we are again..." She giggled.

“We are.” He moved closer and kissed her tenderly.

She slipped her arms around him.

His hands began to roam her body.

She moaned softly.

His hands ran over her thighs, her hips, up her sides, across her stomach and breasts. “Have I told you how beautiful you are today?”

"Not today..." She smiled.

“You’re so beautiful.”

She kissed the tip of his nose.

“I’m so lucky!” His eyes sparkled.

"I'm the lucky one."

“We’re both lucky.”

"Yeh."

His hands began to roam her figure again, she was so beautiful!

"I thought we were going for dinner..!" She giggled.

“The table is booked for half six.” He whispered.

"What time is it now..?" She asked, trying to crane round him to see the clock.

“Just gone four.”

"Plenty of time then."

“Uh huh.” Charlie traced kisses along her collarbone.

She ran her hands up his back.

“I love you so much.” He whispered.

"I love you too."

He rested his head in the crook of Duffy’s neck. “I’m so glad we made it to this point.”

"They tried to stop us but it was never going to work."

“You and me are a force.”

"An unstoppable force."

“We certainly are.” He nuzzled his nose against hers affectionately.

"Did they let you see the bridal suite yet?"

“No, they haven’t.” He pouted.

"I think the girls are up to something with it..."

“I want to see what the bed’s like.”

"You are so predictable Charlie Fairhead..!" She giggled.

“Around you, yes.” He smiled, “I wonder what the bath is like?”

"Shall we freshen up before dinner..?"

“Hmm, I’m sure I can be tempted. Though, I’d personally like to finish what I started in the taxi.” His hands ran up her top.

"We could do both..?" She moaned softly as his fingers tiptoed over her bra.

“That sounds an even better idea.”

"I thought it might..."

“Can I take off your top?”

"Go for it." She smiled.

He removed her top and flung it across the room, his hands returning to her breasts.

She held her breath as the top narrowly missed a lamp that sat on a desk across the room.

“Oops—“

"How about we go into the bathroom away from the breakable things..?" She chuckled.

“Good idea!”

"Before we end up adding to the already high bill we're paying for this place..!"

“They’ve got enough money out of us over the last few weeks.”

"Its worth it though?"

“Of course it is!”

She smiled broadly, slipping from his embrace and walking over to the door to the ensuite. "You coming?"

“Yes darling.” He pushed himself up from the bed.

She crooked a finger and beckoned him into the bathroom.

“You’re very sexy when you do that.”

She blew him a kiss and slowly lowered her jeans to the floor.

He followed her and stopped in front of her as she did.

"Do you need a hand..?" She asked, nodding to the fact he was still fully dressed.

“Yes please.”

She moved her hands to his belt, casually stroking him with her fingers as she did.

His breathing quickened slightly.

"These trousers seem a little snug..."

“Hmm, I think I might have a problem.”

"Hmm... I think you might be right..." She purred, running her fingertip down him slowly.

“I can’t help it babe. I only have to hear you softly moan and well...”

"It gets your engine running..?" She giggled.

“It certainly does.”

She gradually worked his trousers down til they lay in a pool around his feet.

His cock strained against his boxers. He stepped out of his trousers.

"Shower or bath?" She asked, running her gaze over him as he pulled his tshirt off over his head.

“Bath.”

"OK." She smiled and turned, bending over to start running the bath.

He stared at her arse. She had a great arse!

She squealed, giggling, as he slapped her bottom.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

"You never could!" She giggled, wiggling her bum at him.

“What can I say? It’s beautiful.”

"Mmm..!" She moaned as he rubbed himself against her.

He reached around and grabbed her breasts from behind as he rubbed himself against her.

"That feels good..."

“I bet it does.”

"This was a very good idea..."

“It was.” One of Charlie’s hands moved further down from her breast and began to caress her. “I love knowing I get you so wet!”

"And here was me thinking that would be more of an issue as I got older..."

“Did it never occur to you, that’s why I put that tube of lube in our bedside drawer. Just in case we ever needed to.” He whispered.

"I did wonder where that had appeared from..."

“I know vaginal dryness and lack of sex drive can be a sign of the menopause. I thought it would be something we discussed but, we’ve been lucky!” He continued to gently caress her folds.

"We have... Mmm..!"

“Like that?”

"Oh yes..!"

He smiled before moving his hand away from her. He gently began to kiss down her spine.

"Bath's ready..." She whispered.

He kissed all the way to her lower back. “Let’s have a bath.”

"We'll need to take our underwear off first..."

“You first.” He unhooked her bra.

She slipped her thumbs into the sides of her knickers and wiggled them, giggling.

“I love you.”

"I love you too." She smiled, sliding her knickers down slowly.

He removed his boxers slowly.

"Mmm..!" She giggled, her eyes dancing.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of seeing that look in your eye when you see my cock.”

She licked her lips.

“Shall we get in the bath before it goes cold?”

"Good idea."

“Shall I get in first?”

"OK."

He got in the bath, sighing as he submerged himself in the water.

"Nice and warm?" She asked as she stepped in.

“Lovely and warm.” He replied.

"It is." She sighed contentedly as she sat down.

He wrapped his arms around her stomach.

"Aaah..!" She sighed, leaning back against his chest.

He kissed her shoulder, a comfortable silence between the two of them.

"I love you." She whispered.

“I love you too.”

"This is perfect. I can't wait til tomorrow."

“Neither can I.” He smiled, “I can’t wait to see your dress. You’re going to look like a princess.”

"And you're going to look like a penguin..!" She teased.

“I am!” He chuckled. “Wait, did I look like a penguin last time?”

"Yes." She giggled. "A cute penguin though."

“That’s good.” He kissed her neck. “The younger two were excited, they wanted to know if I was going to make you a princess.”

"Oh that's so sweet!"

“I told them I was.”

"Fingers crossed I live up to the hype then."

“You’re already a princess in my eyes, and in the eyes of our children. The older ones just think you’re a Queen.” He paused, “Do you think Louis will make it tomorrow?” He whispered sadly.

"He'll be there. He knows how important this is to you. He'll move heaven and earth if he has to."

He nodded. “I hope so.”

"He was looking really well when I popped in to see him the other day."

“He’s looking better. His sparkle is back in his eyes.”

"And yours." She smiled.

“I thought I’d lost him.” Charlie admitted quietly.

"We nearly did." Duffy turned slightly to wrap her arms around her husband.

“Sorry.” He smiled sadly, “I’m bringing the mood down, aren’t I?”

"I'm glad you're opening up to me. Time was you would have tried to shoulder it all by yourself because you didn't want to worry me."

“I still don’t want to worry you.” He admitted.

"Its what I'm here for though, to shoulder the hardships with you when they come along just as much as I'm here to celebrate the good times with you too."

“I know babe.”

"For better, for worse remember?" 

“I know.” He stroked her cheek, “We’ve definitely had some rough times, haven’t we?”

"We have but we've made it through together."

“Stronger than ever.”

"Unbreakable." She whispered, reaching up to lace her fingers through his as they rested against her cheek.

He smiled, meeting her gaze.

Closing her eyes she leant into their joined hands.

“You’re content.” He whispered, knowing she was relaxing.

"Very..." She smiled sleepily.

“I love it when you’re fully relaxed.”

"I could get used to this..."

“No stress?”

"Mmm..."

“Anything you want to share?” He asked quietly.

"I'm ok."

“Sure..?”

"Yeh."

“Is it about the girls? The twins?”

"I think things are improving between them though I dread to think what they're plotting..!"

“Could be anything knowing them.”

"I think Owen will regret his decision..."

“Of dumping Lottie? Too right he will!”

"Ooh, papa bear is cross..!" She teased, opening an eye.

He met her eye and pouted, “Papa bear is cross! He shouldn’t hurt my little girl!” Charlie’s free hand ran down her front, “I had to have words with Peter, over the him, Holly and Sarah situation.”

"And now you're going to have words with Owen..?"

“Maybe.” He sighed.

"Maybe just let it lie." She smiled softly. "Holly and Sarah seemed to be getting on quite well last weekend."

“Yeh they did. I hope they can become friends.”

"Holly was really good with Olivia..." Duffy mused, her eyes sparkling.

“You think it won’t be long before we’re grandparents?”

"Let's just say I'm warming to the idea."

“You’ve got that sparkle in your eye.”

"What sparkle..?" She giggled.

“The one that means you’re plotting something.” He laughed.

"Me..?" She asked, attempting to look innocent.

“Yes, you.”

"But I'm a good girl..."

“No you’re a bad girl.” He replied, “I often have to punish you.”

"Am I going to have to be punished tonight..?"

“No. Tonight I intend on pleasuring you for hours, making love to you.”

"Lucky me..!"

“I haven’t made proper love to you for a while.”

"We've been so busy."

“It’s been more like a 'fuck me quick, I’m horny' five minute shag.”

"That's true."

“I miss spending time with you. Just doing this... Sitting in the bath together, talking.”

"Without interruptions..."

“Without interruptions.”

"We should probably get ready for dinner."

“Yeh we should but I’m comfortable here.”

"Lazy boy..!" She teased, running her free hand down his chest and under the water.

He watched her hand as it disappeared under the water.

She winked, her hand continuing downwards.

His breathing quickened once more.

"Luckily the water isn't too cold yet." She giggled as she grasped him.

He gasped as she did.

"Are you not getting hungry..?" She asked as she stroked his cock.

“I’m hungry but not for food.” He whispered.

"Shall we move this back to the bedroom?"

“Good idea.”

After giving him a final squeeze Duffy stood up in the bath, reaching over to grab a towel.

“You are so sexy.”

She giggled as he kissed her stomach.

“Bloody beautiful!”

"Not bad for an old bird..!" She chuckled, wrapping the towel around herself and stepping out the bath.

“You’re perfect!” He replied as he followed her out of the bath.

"I'm glad you think so." Duffy smiled as he wrapped his arms around her.

“I do.”

"You're supposed to say that tomorrow..!" She teased.

“I will say that tomorrow.”

"Only a few more hours to go..!"

“I can’t wait.” He murmured.

"Neither can I."

“Still want to get ready for dinner?” He whispered as he gently sucked on her neck.

"You're a bad, bad man..!" She whispered, giggling.

“Always.” He licked the area he’d just sucked on her neck.

"I'm surprised you didn't just order room service..!"

“That’s an option if we become too distracted.” Standing behind her he loosened the towel.

She moaned softly as his hands roamed her skin, the towel dropping to the floor.

His fingertips brushed against her nipples.

"I'm still wet..." She gestured ineffectually in the direction of the dropped towel.

“Which part of you is wet?”

"All of me..." She giggled.

“Shall I dry you off?” He laughed gently.

"I'm not sure I want to be too dry..."

“That wouldn’t be good.”

"No, think of the friction..!" She cringed, still giggling.

He gently took her hand and led her over to the bed.

She lent over the bed to reach into her bag.

He watched her.

She took out a small bottle.

“What’s that?” He asked, intrigued.

"A little present from Holly and Krystal." Duffy chuckled, turning the bottle to show it was massage oil.

“Have you been exchanging tips?” He asked with a laugh.

"Maybe, there's a portion of last weekend that I don't really remember..!" She blushed.

“I wonder what you said.” He smirked.

"I dread to think!"

“Would you like to be massaged first?”

"That would be lovely."

“Lay on your front then.”

"You just want my arse in the air..!" She giggled, rolling onto her front.

“I do.” He straddled the back of her legs and took the bottle of massage oil from her. He poured a substantial amount of oil onto her back.

"Ooh that's cold!" She shivered.

“I’ll soon warm you up babe.” His hands began to massage the oil into her back and shoulders.

Duffy sighed contentedly, resting her head on her arms.

His hands stayed on her shoulders.

Her eyes drifted closed.

It was nice to see her so content and relaxed.

A few minutes later a soft snore escaped her lips.

He shook his head fondly and kissed the back of her neck several times.

She mumbled incoherently in response, her eyes remaining closed.

He wrapped the duvet around her.

She'd been asleep about ten minutes when her phone vibrated on the table.

He reached over to grab her phone.

The screen flashed 'Dad hospital'.

He took the call, moving into the bathroom. “Hello?”

"Hello. Do I have the wrong number..? I was expecting to speak to a Mrs Lisa Fairhead..."

“She’s asleep at the minute. I’m her husband, is everything ok?”

"Oh..! Her father asked me to call. He's not been feeling too well today and wanted to speak to her."

“I’ll go and wake her up. Give me a few minutes.” Charlie returned to the room. He gently shook Duffy awake, “Babe, babe?”

"Huh..?" Duffy mumbled, yawning.

“It’s the hospital on the phone.” He handed her the mobile.

"What?" Her eyebrows knitted in confusion. "Hello?"

“Hello, is this Lisa Fairhead?”

"Speaking." Duffy replied, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to wake herself up more.

“Your father asked me to ring you, is now a good time?”

"Yeh, now's fine. Is everything OK?"

“Yes, your father’s just a bit ill but would like to talk to you about tomorrow.”

"Oh, OK." Duffy replied nervously.

There was a silence as the phone was handed over. “Hello Princess!”

"Dad! Is something wrong?"

“No, no. I just wanted to hear your voice!”

"The nurse said you've not been well today..."

“Oh you know, just a touch of flu or something!”

"Have they adjusted your medication?"

“They’ve given me more pills.” He sighed.

"They're to help you dad."

“I know but I’m tired.” He sighed.

"I know you are."

“I’ve just got to get through tomorrow.”

"It might give you a boost..."

“I’m tired Lisa.”

"It'll be OK. You'll feel better once the medication has had a chance to work."

He nodded. “How are you and Charlie?”

"We're good. Excited for tomorrow." She smiled, reaching out to hold Charlie's hand.

He squeezed her hand. 

“It’s come round very quick!”

"It has." Duffy paused. "Have you spoken to mum in the last few days..?" She asked hesitantly.

“I have.” He smiled. “She’s even been to visit.”

"That's good. She seemed in a foul mood yesterday is all..."

“She’s... Finding things difficult.”

"Oh?"

“With me.”

"What happened?"

“Nothing.” He sighed, “I don’t think she’d appreciate me telling you.”

"Oh... OK..."

“Your mum’s lonely.”

"She's always busy..."

He sighed, “She didn’t know how to trust after me.”

"I always thought it was my fault." Duffy admitted softly.

“Your fault, why?”

"That the few men she met went off her when they met me."

He sighed, “Some men are twats and don’t want the responsibility. It wasn’t your fault though.” He reassured.

"Hmm..." She replied non-committally.

“Your mum’s having a crisis of faith at the minute.”

"I had wondered... She's been behaving oddly recently."

“In what way?” He asked.

"She got into an argument with my eldest daughter last weekend." Duffy sighed.

“An argument? What happened?”

"It seems my mum takes issue with my daughter's personal life."

“Ah. Do you think she’s just looking out for her or..?”

"I think she wants the best for her but at the same time there is some buried homophobia there that needs to be tackled."

“The world was a different place when your mum and I were kids.” He replied.

"You're siding with her?!" Duffy gasped.

“What? No. No!” He sighed, “The world was a different place. We were taught things, had it drummed into us. Same sex couples were against the law, it was wrong, unnatural.”

"The world has moved on. Emmy shouldn't have to deal with this shit!" She sighed as she felt Charlie's hands move to her shoulders in an attempt to soothe her.

“You’re right, she shouldn’t and I’m not saying your mum is right. However, it takes a long time to get rid of those thoughts!”

Duffy sighed again. "I shouldn't be arguing with you."

“It’s ok.” He smiled sadly.

"I should let you rest ready for tomorrow."

“I couldn’t rest without hearing from you.”

"Make sure you get plenty of rest. It's all arranged, Peter and Holly are going to pick you up and drive you to the hotel."

Brendan was about to reply when a yawn escaped his lips.

"You should rest, they'll be there at 9.30am."

“Ok.” He smiled, “Love you, Lisa.”

"I love you daddy." The words fell from her lips in a whisper for the first time since she'd been the little toddler he'd left behind all those years ago.

Brendan wiped the tear that had rolled down his cheek.

"I'll see you when you get here tomorrow." She added.

“You will. Goodnight.”

She hung up the phone and turned to Charlie, sighing sadly.

He sighed sadly, “You ok?”

"He's getting weaker."

“I know, sweetheart.” He sighed.

"I'd started to hope that maybe we'd be able to have Christmas together... Silly I know..!"

“He might surprise you.”

"Its asking a lot isn't it?" She sighed. "Its just I have so few memories from back then."

“No it’s not asking a lot.” He rubbed her arm.

"I remember he got me a pink trike with ribbons on. Mum said it was a silly thing to buy when we lived in a flat."

“For Christmas?”

She nodded. "That was the last Christmas before he left."

He sighed sadly, “I’m sorry sweetheart. You never know, he may hold on for another Christmas.”

"I can but hope can't I?"

“Sometimes hope is all we have.”

"We're both getting quite maudlin this evening aren't we?" She sighed.

He nodded, “Shall we go back to bed and cuddle?”

"Its almost time for dinner."

“We could order room service? Unless you still want to go out?”

"I don't mind."

“It’s your decision, beautiful.”

"Let's go downstairs."

“Ok.” He smiled, “Let me look my best for you.”

"I need to get dressed and redo my make up."

He smiled and kissed her cheek. They each began to get ready.

After a few minutes Duffy wandered back through from the bathroom. "Will I do?" She asked, giving him a twirl.

“You look beautiful.” He replied.

"I bought a couple of new dresses with me to change into if I fancied it."

“Ah, that explains it.”

"I wasn't sure if I'd want to wear my wedding dress all day. Especially given I ended up changing halfway through the reception last time."

“That may have been my fault for allowing my hands to roam.” He grinned.

"Luckily the marks came out in the wash afterwards..!" She giggled.

“What can I say?”

"Hopefully your aim has improved in the intervening years..!"

“I think so.” He stepped towards her and grabbed her hips.

"That said... I might not be wearing white this time..."

“You’re not?”

"Or I might... You'll just have to wait til tomorrow..!" She teased.

He pouted, his hands still on her hips. His eyes were in line with her chest.

"No matter how much you pout you won't get a sneak peek..!"

“It’s alright, I’ve got the perfect view here for the time being.” He kissed the top of her breasts.

"I thought you'd appreciate this dress the moment I saw it."

“Babe? Have your boobs grown?”

"I was wondering if you'd notice..." She blushed.

“Oh I’ve noticed all right.” He reached up to squeeze them. “And I approve very much.”

"Luckily it hasn't affected the fit of tomorrow's dress." She was trying her best not to let her demons get the better of her but it was hard when her weight naturally fluctuated.

It was sadly something most women did - naturally fluctuate in weight. However, it was harder when you were recovering from an eating disorder. “You’re so beautiful, you know that don’t you?”

"So long as I don't gain any more it'll be OK." She mumbled, trying not to fixate on his hands resting on her hips which she knew had gotten wider in the last few weeks.

“And that’s the worst that would happen if you did?” He asked.

"I'll have to deal with the fact I'm getting fat again." She sighed.

“You’re not fat! You never were fat!”

"Hmm..." She didn't sound totally convinced. "Maybe we should stay up here afterall..." She sighed.

“You’re not hungry?”

The truth was that she was starving, she'd been running around all day so hadn't had much chance to eat but her head was getting too loud. "Why can't I see what you see..?" She whispered sadly.

“What do you see when you look in the mirror?” He whispered back.

"Someone who is old and fat. Past her best by a long shot." She admitted softly, her eyes cast downwards.

He sighed and lifted her head up, his fingers under her chin. “You are not old or fat or past your best.”

"I wish my mind didn't hate me so much." She sighed.

He sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hands on her hips, moving her closer to him. “You’re so sexy! I love your body and I think you’re so beautiful! Don’t think I don’t notice other men looking at you...”

"Really?!" She snorted, her eyebrow raised in disbelief.

“Yes! You’re beautiful.” Charlie began to gently move the end of the dress up.

Her hands moved to his shoulders as his tiptoed up her thighs.

“You said weeks ago, you wouldn’t be the woman I married... But you’re wrong.”

"Am I?"

“Yes.”

"You really mean that don't you?"

“Yes.” His fingertips continued up her thighs.

"I still can't work out what I did to deserve you."

“I fell in love with you, that’s all. I decided to give you the world.”

"You've certainly given me that!" Her eyes cast around their opulent surroundings.

“The world? I hope so.” He met her gaze and smiled, “You've given me everything I could only dream of.”

"I've tried my best to be everything you wanted."

“You’re more than everything I’ve wanted.”.

"You always know exactly the right things to say."

“I love you. Always did, always will.”

"I love you too. So, so much."

“I love you more.”

"Not possible." She giggled softly.

“It is.” His fingertips stroked the top of her knickers.

"Is that so..?"

“Uh huh.” His fingers had just slipped under the lace edging when the hotel phone on the desk rang. “I swear something is trying to stop us having sex.” He grumbled light heartedly and moved to pick up the phone.

"Good evening sir. Just calling to remind you that you had a table booking for 6pm and its now 6.15pm..."

“Hello, sorry I was supposed to ring down and cancel the reservation. Apologises.”

"Oh, OK, was there a particular reason?"

“My wife and I have decided to stay in our room.”

"Would you like food sent up to you?"

“Yes please.”

"Take a look at the menus on the desk and then call down with your order before 9pm."

“Thank you.”

"Are we in trouble?" Duffy giggled as he hung up the phone.

“No.” He returned to his previous position on the bed. “Just told us to ring down before nine if we want room service.”

"OK." She smiled.

His fingers resumed their previous position.

"Mmm..!"

He met her eye.

Unlike earlier she held his gaze without feeling the need to hide her fears.

“I know you don’t believe it inside but you’re amazing.”

She blushed, her eyes sparkling.

“And beautiful and sexy.”

"Charmer..!" She giggled.

“You taste like honey.”

"Sweet and sticky?"

“Definitely sweet.”

"No wonder you keep coming back for more..!"

“I love the taste of you.”

"So long as you don't spoil your appetite..."

“Never spoil my appetite with you.” He kissed just below her belly button.

She giggled. "That tickles!"

He laughed and did it again.

She continued to giggle, wriggling against his touch.

They ended up in the middle of the bed where Charlie placed her arms above her head on the pillow.

"Hello you..!" She purred.

“Hello gorgeous.” He was straddled over her lap.

She reached up and stroked her fingers down his cheek.

He smiled and lent into her touch.

"Silky smooth." She smiled.

“I know you like me clean shaven.”

"Its softer."

He kissed her gently. “Can I request something?”

"What's that..?"

“I make love to you in this dress.”

"OK."

“I’ll try and not make a mess.”

"Good boy!" She giggled.

“There’s a lot so I can’t promise I won’t be messy.”

"Sorry, its been a busy week..!"

“Don’t ever apologise.” He whispered.

"I promise not to leave you with blue balls tonight." She winked.

“Thank you.”

She reached down and squeezed him gently.

He moaned softly reacting to her touch.

"I think you're right..." She mused.

“What’s that gorgeous?” He whispered.

"There's a lot waiting to be unleashed..!"

“Hmm, there is.” He squeezed her breasts, gently moving the straps down to expose them.

Her nipples immediately reacted to the air.

Charlie licked his lips as he stared at her nipples.

She arched her back slightly towards him.

His fingertips brushed against them before he bent down to lick the right one.

She let out a moan.

He licked it again before taking the nipple into his mouth.

"Oh yes..!"

He sucked hard against her.

She wrapped her arms around his back and pulled his crotch to rub against hers.

He moved his head to pay attention to her other breast.

She slid her hand down the back of his trousers to squeeze his bum.

He moaned around her nipple.

"Staying up here was a very good idea."

“A very good idea.” He replied as he rolled into his back and removed his jeans.

"Oi, come 'ere!" She giggled, rolling over to straddle him.

He gazed up at her. “You’re gorgeous!!” His hands moved to her hips.

"You enjoying yourself down there?" She rocked against hips.

“Uh huh. Are you?”

"Oh yes!"

His hands roamed her figure, “I can’t get enough of you!”

She lent forwards, her hands either side of his head.

“I love you.” Placing his hands around her body again, he moved her so she was on her back. “Much better.”

She grinned as she unbuttoned his shirt.

“Tell me what you want.”

"You!" She giggled.

“Which part of me?” He smirked.

"Mmm... I wonder..." She ran her fingers down his chest.

He shivered slightly, goosebumps appearing on his skin.

She grasped his belt buckle.

“Will you please free me from these confinements?”

She wriggled so she could use both hands. She unhooked his belt and slid down the zip.

He wasn’t wearing any boxers so he became free straight away.

"Charlie..!" She giggled, slightly shocked.

“What?”

"Were you really going to go down to dinner with no pants on?!" She giggled

“Yes. Just in case we wanted a quickie.” He smirked.

"You are terrible!" She ran her fingers over him.

He groaned.

She wrapped her fingers around his cock, pumping her hand up and down.

“Yes baby!”

She gasped has his hands went inside her knickers.

His fingers caressed her before he inserted a finger into her.

"Oh yes..!"

He began to move his hand.

Her hands sped up their motion.

A loud moan escaped his lips.

Her hips bucked against him as his free hand tore down her knickers.

“I want you. Fuck, I need you!”

"Take me." She gasped.

It took Charlie a few seconds but he was soon inside of her.

The steady build up and frequent interruptions of the evening fueled their passions, now they were finally unleashed, frantic and lustfilled.

He withdrew almost completely before thrusting back into her. He did this at a steady pace, holding his weight above her. Watching the way she moaned every time he thrusted back into her.

After the first few thrusts her hips bucked as he withdrew, as if trying to prolong him being inside her before allowing him free to pound into her once more.

He began to pound a little harder.

She moved her hands to lay above her head, encouraging him to grasp her wrists.

He grabbed her wrists, “You ok with this?” He whispered.

She nodded. "I'm yours." She whispered hotly.

He maintained the same pace and depth, his hands on her wrists, their moans echoing off the walls.

She wrapped her legs further up his back, needing to feel him as deep as possible.

“Fuck Duffy!” He moaned loudly.

"Oh shit! Charlie..!"

“You feel so good!” He moaned.

Her moans grew louder as his grip on her wrists tightened. They were both close to the edge.

He knew she was close, the telltale signs were noticeable.

"Oh fuck!" She moaned, throwing her head back into the pillows, her eyes closed, her skin flushed.

“Yes!” He climaxed with her, still holding her wrists in his hands. He let go gently.

"I think we both needed that..!" She panted breathlessly after a few moments had passed.

“Mmm.” He lay next to her and rested his head in the crook of her neck.

She stroked his shoulder, feeling properly contented finally.

“I love you.”

"I love you too." She smiled.

“Are your thoughts a little quieter now?” He whispered as he kissed her neck.

"Yes." She whispered.

“Would you like to order room service?” He asked as he kissed her neck again.

She nodded, her tummy growling.

Charlie’s tummy grumbled in response to hers and he laughed. “I’ll grab the menus.” He moved out of bed and walked over to the desk naked.

Duffy snuggled up under the duvet.

He wriggled his bum at the desk before coming back to bed with the menus.

She giggled.

He lent over and kissed her nose.

She wrinkled her nose at him.

He did it again, sitting down next to her, under the covers.

She giggled as her tummy rumbled again.

“What do you fancy, princess?”

"I don't know. What are you going to have?"

“I might get the pizza, if you fancy sharing it with me?”

"Sounds like a great idea."

He ran his hand up her inner thigh, “What toppings?”

"Peppers? Hmm, what else..?" She mused, looking over the list.

His hand ran up her thigh again as he watched her.

"Mushrooms?"

“Peppers, mushrooms. Anything else?”

"Chillies?"

“Anything else?”

"What toppings would you like?"

“I’m happy with what you’ve suggested.” He smiled.

"Let's order then."

He got out of bed again and ordered the pizza.

She giggled as he also ordered garlic bread to go with it.

He wriggled his bum again as he got off the phone.

"You are so silly!" She laughed.

“Why?”

"You just are. But I like it."

“That’s good.” He wandered back to the bed.

"What shall we do while we wait?"

“Have a quickie?” He grinned cheekily.

"You ready to go again already?!" She giggled.

“Maybe.” He laughed, “Nah, food first and then sex.”

"Get your energy levels back up again..!" She teased gently.

“Oh certainly!” He chuckled.

"Don't want you flagging tomorrow."

“No we don’t.”

"Not long to go."

"And do you want to know the best bit about tomorrow?”

"What's that?"

“That when I stand in front of you tomorrow and marry you again, you’re still the woman I married all those years ago.”

"A few years older but no wiser..!" She smiled.

“I wouldn’t want you to be wiser.” He smiled.

"I wonder why..." She raised an eyebrow.

“Why?”

"It would mean you'd have to finally grow up!" She giggled.

“That’s very true!”

"We wouldn't want that!"

“No, we wouldn’t!”

"I'm not sure you'd cope past puberty!" She teased.

“No I couldn’t.”

"You'd not know what to do with yourself."

“No.” His hand edged closer to her centre.

"Can't even keep your hands to yourself for thirty seconds..!" She giggled, her legs parting, encouraging him on.

“I don’t like keeping my hands to myself.” He whispered as he moved closer. His fingers began to stroke her, “You’re sticky!”

"I wonder how that happened..." She mused with a grin.

“I don’t know.” He brought his hand to his mouth and sucked his two fingers before inserting them into her.

"Do I taste good?"

“You always taste good.” He kissed her shoulder as his hand began to move. “I always think you taste better when you’re a mixture of us both.”

"Is that s-oooh?!"

“Yes.” He sucked on her shoulder.

She breathing quickened once more.

“You’re such a horny little thing.” He whispered as his hand continued to move.

"Your fault." She gasped.

“Maybe.” He added this thumb to her clit, rubbing it. His tongue licked her earlobe, “I love the feel of you when you clench.”

"Feels so good..!"

He angled his hand and began to move it slightly faster.

"Oh yes!"

“God babe!”

She was just reaching her peak when there was a knock on the door.

“Leave it outside mate,” Charlie called out.

"OK sir." Came the muffled reply.

“Thank you.” He turned his attention back to Duffy, his hand moving frantically trying to push her over the edge.

The brief pause in his actions had served to heighten her arousal.

“Are you close?” He whispered.

"Uh-huh!" She panted.

He sucked her shoulder.

Her pants and moans became incoherent.

His free hand began to play with her breast, squeezing the nipple between his finger and thumb.

She arched her back, pressing against his hands.

“Come on baby, come for me.” He whispered.

She let out a series of moans as she fell over the edge.

His hand didn’t stop moving as she climaxed.

"Fuck! Charlie..!"

His hand began to slow down. “Fuck!”

She lay back, her eyes closed and a silly grin on her face for several moments. "Now I really am hungry!" She giggled.

“Me too! I better go and grab the pizza.”

"I can smell it from here."

He took the duvet from Duffy and wrapped it around him, going to the door.

She grumbled in protest, wrapping her arms around herself.

He got the pizza and came back.

"Finally!" She grumbled teasingly.

“I’m here, gorgeous.”

She stuck out her tongue and pulled back the duvet.

He sat next to her with the pizza box, snuggling under the duvet.

"Smells good."

“Smells delicious!”

They each reached for a slice.

It happened to be the same slice they were going for.

She giggled letting go so he could have it.

He let go at the same time so she could have it. “No go on, you have this one.”

The slice landed back in the box with a plop.

“I love you.”

She smiled, picking the slice back up again.

He picked up the slice next to her and took a bite out of it.

"Ooh this is good!" She declared around a mouthful of food.

He nodded in agreement.

It didn't take long before they had eaten several slices.

There was another knock at the door.

“I wonder who that is..?”

"I left my xray specs at home..!" She giggled.

He laughed gently and got out of bed. This time he threw on his trousers. He opened the door.

One of the staff stood outside. "I was asked to deliver this up to your room along with best wishes from your children." He explained, holding a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket and two glasses.

Charlie smiled brightly, “Thank you.”

"Have a good evening sir."

“You too.” He took the ice bucket and closed the door behind him.

"Ooh, what you got there?"

“Champagne, a gift from the children.” He replied.

Duffy’s eyes lit up. "That's so sweet!"

“It’s adorable isn’t it?”

She spotted the label as Charlie lifted the bottle out to open it. "That's not cheap either!"

“I know. Do you think they’ve clubbed together?”

"They must have done."

“Want me to open it now?”

"Please. I've worked up such a thirst!"

Charlie opened the bottle of champagne.

Duffy squealed, giggling as the cork popped.

Some of the bubbles overflowed. “Ah shit!”

"Bet Jake told him to shake it beforehand!"

“Probably.” He laughed as he took one of the glasses and poured her a glass.

She waited for him to fill his glass and then held hers up towards him. "Cheers!"

“To us.” He said as he raised his glass. “To falling in love with you more and more as the years pass.”

"The best thing that ever happened to me."

“And me.”

"To many more years to come."

“To us.” He smiled brightly, his eyes getting a little watery.

"To us." She echoed before taking a sip of her drink.

He took a sip of his drink and sat back next to her. He rested his head on her shoulder.

"This is very nice champagne, our children have good taste!"

“I wonder who they get that from.” He said.

"I overheard one of the new doctors complementing your excellent taste the other day..!" She giggled.

“Oh you did?” He laughed.

"Yeh." She grinned.

He kissed her cheek. “Maybe it’s me they get their good taste from then.”

"I like to think I've become more decerning with age."

“You have.”

"You would say that..!"

He sipped his drink. “What makes you say that?”

"You're my second husband."

“Second and last. Unless you trade me in for another younger model.”

"Cheeky!"

He chuckled. “Do you think the kids are ok?”

"I dread to think how late Jake will let the boys stay up..!"

“I know.”

"So long as they're not tired and grumpy tomorrow."

“We don’t want tired, grumpy monsters tomorrow.”

"No we don't."

“You’re hard enough when you're grumpy and tired.” He teased.

"How rude!" She pouted.

He looked down at her lips.

Noticing his gaze she slowly ran her tongue over her bottom lip.

He bit his lip.

"So what shall we do for the rest of the evening?"

“Whatever you want gorgeous.”

"We could explore the grounds but that would mean getting dressed..."

“I don’t know about you but I’m comfy under these covers with you.”

"So am I."

“Do you want to find a film to watch?”

"Good idea but I can't promise to stay awake til the end credits..!"

“That’s ok, I’ll let you in on a secret... I don’t think I will either.”

"Best make ourselves comfy then!"

Charlie and Duffy got themselves comfortable in the bed.

She rested her head on his chest as he flicked channels.

He yawned as he ran his hand through her hair.

She sighed contentedly.

“Happy there?”

"Very."

“Good. I’m glad.”

Eventually they settled on a film.

Charlie’s hand continued to play with Duffy’s hair.

The soothing nature of it was making her increasingly sleepy.

Charlie yawned again, moving his hand to rest on her lower back. “Babe?”

"Hmm..?" She replied sleepily.

“I love you.”

"Love you too." She mumbled, smiling.

“Shall we sleep?”

"Mmhmm..."

He kissed the top of her head. “Sweet dreams gorgeous.”

She didn't reply verbally, simply snuggling her face into his chest as she drifted off to sleep.

He adjusted the duvet and fell asleep himself.


	50. TW: abuse

Charlie began to stir when he become aware of several gentle prods in his side. As he turned his head to the side, he smiled hearing the gentle giggles of his wife. Opening an eye, he laughed. “Good morning beautiful.”

"You need to leave so I can get ready!" She giggled.

“But I’m comfy!” He complained with a pout.

"They've got the room next door set up ready for you and the boys."

He sat up and began to wrestle her playfully. “I want to see your naked body, and think dirty thoughts.”

"You don't need to see it in order to do that!" She replied between squeals and giggles.

His hands ran over her body as she squealed. “You’re so sexy!”

She moaned as he rolled her underneath him.

“Do I have permission to make love to my beautiful wife?”

"Oh yes..!" She giggled.

He rubbed himself over her folds.

He was starting to enter her when there was a series of loud bangs on the door. "Knock knock! Room service!" Giggled a chorus of familiar sounding voices.

“Urgh!” Charlie groaned, his tip of penis inside of her. “Looks like I’m gonna have to wait until after the ceremony.”

"Hurry up we're hungry!" The voices complained.

“I was about to make love to your mother.” Charlie called back.

"Not allowed!" Came the reply.

“Why not?” He pouted.

"Can't til later." They were clearly enjoying their father's torment.

“That’s not fair!” He groaned and got up, giving Duffy a lingering kiss.

"Best do as you're told..!" Duffy whispered, giggling as they parted.

“I think I’m gonna have to take a wank in the shower.” He whispered.

"Not in front of the boys! Please!" She giggled.

“I’ll be in the shower and I’ll be quiet.” He winked, he put on his clothes from yesterday.

Duffy grabbed a dressing gown and slipped it around herself.

Charlie opened the door, his shirt hanging open. “You may come in now Princesses!”

The girls rushed into the room.

Jake smirked at his dad as he stood by the door to the neighbouring room with his younger brothers. "We'll have breakfast with mum whilst you get yourself... Acquainted... With your room for the morning..!"

“Thanks.” Charlie shook his head fondly, “Should've woken up earlier.”

"Don't think lack of sleep was the issue..!" Jake laughed. "Is she decent?" He added, referring to his mother.

“I dunno. One minute. Babe?” He called from the doorway.

"Yes?" Duffy appeared at the door. "Oh hi boys!" She grinned, spotting her younger sons in the hallway. "Have you heard from Peter yet?"

“He was on his way last time I spoke to him which was about an hour or so ago.” Jake explained.

"OK thanks." Duffy smiled.

"We're having breakfast with you!" Oli declared as he and Paul ran past their parents into the hotel room.

“Yes, you’re going to have breakfast with your mummy.” Charlie replied to the boys, “That’s alright, isn’t it?” He asked Duffy.

"Of course. Go have a shower." She winked.

Jake pulled a face and disappeared into the room. Charlie pulled Duffy close for another kiss and whispered, “Such a shame you’re not able to join me.”

"Later I promise!" She giggled.

“But my cock's hard now.” He whispered, reaching down to squeeze her bum. “Enjoy your breakfast.”

"I know." She darted her hand into his jeans and squeezed him.

Charlie’s eyes closed. “I guess I’ll just have to fill you later.”

"I look forward to it!" She grinned.

“So do I.” After giving her another kiss, he disappeared into the adjoining room and went for a shower.

Not long after Duffy had headed back into her room breakfast arrived on a trolley.

“Yay!!” The children were happy, they were really hungry.

"Did you boys behave yourself for Jake last night?"

“Yep! We were good.” Oli grinned.

"Were they?" Duffy asked Jake with a smirk.

“Yeh they were.” Jake nodded, “Went to bed when I asked them to.”

Duffy smiled, moving to help the younger boys with their breakfast so they didn't make a mess.

“You and dad have a nice night being away?” Jake asked.

"Yes it was lovely."

“Dad had it planned for weeks.”

"I had no idea."

“He wanted it to be a surprise for you.”

"He certainly managed that!"

Jake smiled, “He’s romantic at heart! Wouldn’t think it to look at.”

"He's a hopeless romantic."

Jake was about to say something when there was a knock at the door.

"Its like Picadilly circus here!" Duffy snorted. "Come in!" She called out.

Peter opened the door. “Sorry I’m late, Holly and I overslept.” He blushed slightly.

"Its ok." Duffy smiled, anxiously looking behind him into the corridor.

“What’s wrong?” Peter asked.

"Is my dad with you?"

“Yes, Holly’s with him. He needed to use the bathroom.”

"Ah OK. Was the journey OK?"

“Yes it was fine.”

"Would you like some breakfast?"

“Please! I’m starving.”

"Help yourself." Duffy gestured to the trolley that was groaning with food.

“Thanks.”

Duffy moved to sit down on the edge of the bed, her hands fidgeting nervously.

“You alright?” Jake asked, noticing his mum was fidgeting nervously.

"I'm fine."

“Really? You're fidgeting.”

Another knock interrupted any further conversation.

"Its open!" Duffy called out.

Holly opened the door before she wheeled in Brendan.

"Holly!" Paul beemed before looking confused. "Who are you?" He asked Brendan.

“I’m Brendan. I’m your mummy’s dad.”

"But gran lives on her own..."

“That’s because your gran and I were together a very very very long time ago.”

"Less of the verys..!" Duffy muttered.

Paul frowned, trying to comprehend what Brendan was saying.

Duffy got up from the bed and went over to Paul. "Its ok, I only met him recently but I wanted him to be here to celebrate with us today. Is that alright?"

Paul nodded and grinned. “Are you having breakfast too?”

"If that's OK? What are you having?" Brendan asked.

"Kids, there's someone I'd you all to meet..." Duffy attempted to get her children's attention but she was interrupted by yet another knock at the door.

“Sausage, bacon and egg!” Paul replied.

"Come in!" Duffy called out.

“I think you should go to the door for this one mum.” Tilly said, “Might be room service or something.”

"Room service is already here..." Duffy muttered but made her way over to the door to open it.

As she opened the door, she received a shock to find Louis stood at the door. “Hi... Is there room for a little one?”

"Louis?!" Duffy threw her arms around him. "Does your dad know you're here?"

“No, not yet.” Louis hugged her back tightly.

"Join us for breakfast?" Duffy asked.

"You said there was someone to meet - we already know Louis!" Lottie joked.

“I’d love to if that’s OK?” Louis smiled brightly, “I got back last night whilst you and dad were away.”

"I thought they were still debating your discharge?" Duffy asked as they walked back into the room.

“They were but they agreed to take me off my section and allow me to come home.” Louis followed her into the room.

"That's wonderful news." Duffy smiled broadly. "Right now everyone is here. Kids this is my dad." She stood by Brendan and placed her hands on his shoulders. "We've been getting to know each other recently. I'll let you all introduce yourselves."

“He’s your dad? I thought he was your new husband.” Tilly joked. “Nice to meet you, I’m Tilly.”

Duffy rolled her eyes.

"Ah, you're one of the twins, is that right?" Brendan replied with a smile.

“Lottie’s the other twin.” Tilly replied before Lottie piped up. 

“I’m Lottie. It’s Charlotte but nobody calls me that.”

"Its lovely to meet you both." Brendan smiled.

“I’m Emily or Emmy, either is fine.”

"You're so like your mum."

Emily looked at Brendan and laughed, “All three of us are freakish clones as the boys like to say.”

"I can see why." There was a sadness though as it rammed home to Brendan just how much of his daughter's life he'd missed out on.

“I’m Oli!” 

“I’m Paul!” The younger boys piped up.

"Ah you're the two little cheeky chappies I've heard so much about." Brendan grinned.

“We’re not cheeky!” They both replied with big grins.

"Hmm..!" Brendan laughed.

“I’m Peter but you know that coz we met in the car with my girlfriend Holly.”

"Ah yes, thank you for springing me out for the day."

“You’re welcome! Couldn’t have you miss it, could we?” Peter replied.

"Lovely young lady you've got yourself too." Brendan smiled at Holly.

“I’m lucky.” Peter smiled and wrapped his arms around Holly’s waist.

“You must be Brendan? I’m Louis.” Louis introduced himself.

"I am. You're looking well."

“Thanks.”

"Its so lovely to meet you all in person." Brendan was feeling quite overcome.

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

"I'm Jake by the way." Jake piped up from across the room.

Brendan smiled, the resemblance to Jake and Matt was uncanny. “Nice to meet you.”

"So, yeh, this is the gang." Duffy smiled.

“It’s nice to finally meet you all.”

"What would you like to eat?" Duffy asked her dad as the kids went back to their food and chatting amongst themselves.

“Do you have any toast?”

"Yes. Emily can you pass over some toast please?"

Emily did as she was asked. 

"I'm so glad you could make it." Duffy smiled.

“I wasn’t going to miss it.”

Duffy wrapped her arms around Brendan's shoulders.

“You ok?” He asked.

"Yeh, it's all just turning into quite a day."

“A good day?”

Duffy smiled. "A very good day."

“That’s good, I’m glad.”

There was another knock on the door.

"I swear I'm just going to prop that door open at this rate!" Duffy chuckled. "Yes? Come in!" She called out.

The door opened.

"There's no food in the boys room." Charlie chuckled. He hadn’t spotted Louis yet.

“You best come in and grab something,” Peter told his father with a laugh.

Charlie grinned and headed over to the trolley. Louis crept up behind him quietly.

“Dad?” Louis said quietly as he stood behind him.

Charlie looked up and turned.

“Hi dad.” Louis smiled.

"Louis?!!" Charlie gasped. "I thought you only had a couple of hours leave for today..?"

“They took me off my section last night.” Louis revealed.

"That's the best news!" Charlie hugged his son.

Louis hugged him back, “I wasn’t going to miss today. I know how important it is for you both and I wanted to be here.”

There were smiles all round as everyone finished their food.

The girls and boys then separated so they could get ready.

Brendan stayed with the girls as he would be giving his daughter away.

But there was a problem with Emily’s dress. It didn’t fit, it was too big. She’d lost weight since the fitting...

Amongst all the commotion of toing and froing Kate, Megan, Beth and Krystal had arrive to join the girls.

"Right, pet, let's get the sewing kit out." Megan smiled, beckoning Emily over.

Emily sighed. “I didn’t mean to lose weight Auntie Megan.”

"Its ok, you're fifteen, these things happen." Megan reassured the teen.

“Mum’s gonna freak out though, isn’t she?”

"Not if we don't tell her." Megan whispered. "I had to fix the hem of Tilly's dress at your parents first wedding - neither of them ever found out though."

Emily smiled and wiped the tear from her cheek. “Thank you.” She whispered back.

"What are aunties for?" Megan smiled, pulling Emily into a hug.

Emily hugged Megan back tightly.

"Right, let's get this adjusted before your mum comes back through."

Emily nodded.

Raised voices floated into the room from the bathroom. Duffy and Kate appeared to be having a difference of opinion.

“Do you think they’ll manage one day without arguing?” Emily whispered to her auntie.

"Doubtful." Megan smiled, shaking her head.

“They’re too alike.”

"Don't let your mum hear you say that!" Megan chuckled as she adjusted the fabric at the back of the dress.

“Peter teases her enough.” Emily replied. 

Meanwhile in the boys room, Charlie was pacing.

"Will you chill out?!" Jake grumbled, teasing. "Its not like you ain't already been married to her for ages..!"

“Still doesn’t mean I’m not nervous.” Charlie replied back. “I feel sick.”

"It'll be fine." Peter attempted to reassure his dad.

Oli and Paul had gotten bored and were chasing each other around the room.

“I feel more nervous second time round.” Charlie admitted before watching the younger two boys, “Boys! Boys! Be careful!”

"But we're bored!" Oli complained.

“I know, it won’t be long now.”

"Girls take forever!" Paul whined.

“They do but they’re gonna look like Princesses, especially your mummy.”

"Is it lunchtime yet?" Oli asked.

“You’re hungry already?”

"He's always hungry." Jake chuckled.

“Always!” Oli nodded.

"There'll be food after the ceremony." Peter explained.

“Yay!!” Oli replied excitedly.

There was a knock at the door.

"I've arrived to collect the condemned man!" Josh called through the door, laughing.

Charlie laughed gently as he went to the door to let Josh in.

"You don't scrub up half bad for an old man!" Josh teased.

“Ah thanks!” Charlie laughed.

"Sounds like it's all go next door."

“Does that mean it’s time?”

"Almost I'd say. Shall we head downstairs?"

Charlie nodded, “Come on kids, let’s go.”

"I can't find my shoe!" Paul piped up.

“Where is your shoe?”

"Not on my foot." Paul shrugged. "Shoe! Where are you?!" He called out.

Charlie couldn’t help but laugh, “Where did you last have it?”

"On my foot."

Charlie began to check the room for Paul’s shoe. He eventually located it under one of the beds but when he took it over he realised that his youngest son now had neither shoe on. “Where's your other shoe gone, Paul?” He asked.

"Lost it." Paul shrugged.

Charlie crouched down in front of his son, “Now why don’t you want to wear your shoes?” He asked softly.

"I can't find them. I was looking for my missing shoe and lost the other one."

Charlie eventually managed to find both of Paul’s shoes.

"Daaaaadddd! I've got toothpaste on my tie!" Oli complained.

“How’ve you managed that?” Charlie tried to get the toothpaste out of Oliver’s tie.

"It fell off the brush." Oli replied in a tone that implied it was a stupid question.

After getting most of the toothpaste out of Oliver’s tie, Charlie looked at the clock. “We’re going to be late!”

"We're to tap three times on the girls' room when we're heading downstairs." Jake reminded his dad.

Charlie smiled, “Are we all ready to go?”

There was various nods and sounds of agreement.

Exactly as Jake said, Charlie tapped three times on the girls door as they headed down to the function room.

"That's the signal!" Tilly yelled out.

“Are you ready?” Megan asked Duffy.

"I think so." Duffy replied, fiddling with the neckline of her dress as she stood facing the bathroom mirror.

“Charlie’s a lucky fella, again.” Megan replied as she caught Duffy’s eye in the mirror.

Duffy took a final steadying breath before heading back out into the bedroom to show off her dress to the others.

“Wow mama!” The girls said, “You look beautiful!”

"Its very elaborate..." Kate started again.

“But it’s proper beautiful though.” Tilly began.

"I like it mother." Duffy grumbled, her eyes rolling in aspiration.

“I’m only saying...” Kate held her hands up.

"Do you like it dad?" Duffy asked Brendan who had so far remained quiet.

Brendan nodded, “You look incredible. Are you ready?”

Duffy nodded. She was still incredibly nervous but knew that would melt away once she was downstairs.

As the girls made their way downstairs to the room, Brendan followed in the wheelchair. “I want to walk you down the aisle.”

"Are you sure?" Duffy asked.

He nodded.

The others headed into the function room leaving Duffy and Brendan alone in the corridor.

Brendan carefully got up out of his wheelchair. “Ready Lisa?”

"I'm ready." She couldn't help reaching out to make sure he didn't fall.

“I’m ok.” He smiled, “Now I need to get you in one piece to your husband.”

"You sure?" She tried to hide her anxiety but failed.

“Yes.”

The door opened a crack. "You ready?" Emily asked.

Duffy nodded and swallowed nervously.

Emily smiled and held the door open for them.

Brendan slowly walked Duffy down the aisle.

Duffy was shaking slightly, she couldn't quite believe this was real.

Charlie’s hands were also shaking. He wanted to steal a glance at her as she walked towards him but resisted the urge.

Reaching the front Brendan stopped and squeezed Duffy's arm.

She blinked, trying to clear her tear blurred vision.

He let go of her arm as he handed her over to her husband and moved to sit next to Kate. 

Charlie side glanced her. Holy fuck, she was stunning!

"Hi." Duffy whispered shyly.

“Hi,” The emotion was evident in his voice.

"You like?"

“I love.” He replied, “You’re stunning.”

"Mum hates it." She rolled her eyes.

“I love it. It suits you, complements your skin tone perfectly.” He moved closer to her and whispered in her ear, “Nice breasts by the way.”

"I bet everyone thinks you whispered something deeply romantic to me just now..!" She giggled.

“Probably.” He laughed and took her hand into his. “You look stunning, Duffy. Just like the first day I married you.”

"You scrub up well too."

“Thanks.”

The registrar coughed lightly.

“Sorry,” Charlie smiled as he turned his attention to the registrar.

Duffy blushed, giggling, as she did the same.

The dress was making Charlie all hot and bothered. He found himself glancing at her again.

"Wait til you see what's underneath..!" She whispered.

He bit his lip. Any more thoughts and everyone in this room would discover his problem.

Luckily the registrar began the ceremony.

It wasn’t long before they exchanged their vows.

It was as magical as it had been the first time around.

Charlie ended up crying.

Duffy brushed her fingertips gently across his cheek.

“We did it.” He whispered quietly, the tears streaming down his face.

"You old softy!" She teased gently.

“I never thought we would.” He admitted as he kissed her passionately.

She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close.

He pulled away and searched her eyes. “I’m sorry for crying.”

"Don't worry, I think it's sweet."

“I...” He shook his head, “I’m not going to spoil today.”

"Why would you spoil it?" She asked, confused.

“By bringing up the past.”

"The past makes us who we are today."

He nodded, “Are you feeling ok?”

"I feel great." She smiled.

He nuzzled his nose against hers and smiled brightly, “Good, I’m glad.”

"Let's go celebrate."

“Come on.” He took her hand and led her to the adjoining room where there was food and drinks.

Duffy blushed, giggling girlishly as their friends and family cheered their entrance.

Charlie chuckled as she blushed.

"Raise your glasses to Mr and Mrs Fairhead!" Peter called out.

They raised a toast to the happy couple.

Duffy took a sip of the champagne she'd been passed as they'd walked in.

Charlie gazed lovingly at Duffy.

"Can we eat now?" Oli grumbled, pulling Jake's sleeve.

“Yes, you can eat now.” Jake replied as he felt Oli pull his sleeve.

"Yay!"

Charlie sneaked out for a few minutes and sat on the patio.

Duffy got swept away by various well wishers so it was several minutes before she was able to join him. "You ok?"

He sniffed and nodded. “Yeh.”

"So why you hiding out here?" She queried softly.

“I didn’t want people to see me cry.” He said softly.

"Oh come here..!" She wrapped her arms around him.

He rested his head on her shoulder. “It was just a dream for so long, I never thought we’d actually do it.”

"Because I was so ill?"

He nodded. “I feared we wouldn’t get through it.”

"Its always going to be there but I think we're learning to live with it better."

He smiled and lifted his head up. He met her eye, “I think we’re finally learning how to talk to each other instead of bottling things up.”

"Only took us how long.?!" She giggled.

“Years.” He giggled.

"Who says an old dog can't learn new tricks eh?!"

He reached out to stroke her cheek, running his fingertips against her cheek.

"They're all going to think we're up to no good out here..!" She smirked.

“For once it hasn’t crossed my mind.” He smiled brightly, his eyes shining.

"Saving yourself for later?" She winked.

He nodded, “Yeh.”

"I can't wait."

“Neither can I.”

"Shall we go back inside?"

“In a minute,” He whispered. “How does it feel to be my wife... Again?”

"It feels amazing."

“It really does.”

She circled round him to sit gently in his lap, her arms still wrapped around his neck.

He wrapped his arms around her waist. “I love you, Mrs Fairhead!”

"I used to dream of being called that."

“Mrs Fairhead? I used to dream that one day I’d marry you.”

"Both our dreams came true."

“They really did.” He smiled brightly, his eyes watering.

"You're going to make me cry and smudge my make up..!" She teased softly.

“I’m sorry.” He smiled and stroked her cheek.

"We're such soppy old fools!" She giggled.

“Less of the old!” He giggled.

"You're right."

“I’m still young underneath it all!” He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"I'm sure you'll show me just how young later..!" She grinned.

“Oh I will!” He smirked.

"Away from prying ears this time..!"

“Definitely.” His hands slowly moved up her front. “Let’s go back babe?”

"Unless you fancy a quickie amongst the hedgerows..?"

“I’ll fill you later.” He smirked.

"Keeping me waiting are you..?" She pouted playfully.

“Yes. You know it’ll be worth it when I can just pleasure you for ages. I’ll give you more than two orgasms put it that way.”

"Promises, promises." She giggled, knowing he would live up to it later.

“I promise,” He stood up and gently picked her up in his arms.

She let out a giggling squeal of surprise.

He carried her back to the function room.

"They just can't help making a spectical of themselves..!" Kate grumbled.

“Why?” Megan asked.

"They're having fun Kat, you should maybe try it sometime!" Brendan added. “Fancy a dance?” He asked Kate, wobbling to stand up.

"No."

"I will." Megan smiled.

“Come on Kat. I’ve still got it.” He grinned and held his hand out for Megan. “Fancy a dance, Megan?”

"Its a long time since I've been asked to dance so I'll try not to step on your toes!" Megan chuckled as she took Brendan's hand.

“I’ll try and stay upright,” Brendan joked as he lead Megan to the dance floor.

"I was a nurse for many years, I'll make sure you don't fall."

“I can imagine you were a very good nurse.”

"I worked with the best." Megan smiled, glancing over at Charlie and Duffy across the room.

He followed her gaze, “She talks very highly of you.”

"She's a lovely girl."

“Kat did well...”

"I had sons myself but if I'd had a daughter..."

“You’d want them to be like Lisa?”

"Very much so."

“She’s a lovely woman.”

"I bet you're glad of the chance to have a relationship with her."

Brendan nodded, “I just wish I had more time.”

"Each moment you do have is precious, treasure that rather than wishing for what you can't have." Megan replied sagely.

“I do treasure it. More than either of them realise.” He watched Kate for a moment,

"You still love her don't you?" Megan asked, noticing Brendan's gaze.

“I never stopped.”

"How does your current wife feel about that?" She asked without malice or judgement.

“She doesn’t know.” He replied. “Meeting Kat after all these years just reignited all those feelings I buried.”

Across the room one of the staff approached Peter and Holly. "Are you Jake?" She asked.

“No, I’m Peter.” Peter explained, “Jake’s over there.” He pointed to where Jake and Oli were at the food table. “The bigger one, not the smaller one.”

"Ah thank you." She smiled and headed over to the table indicated. "Excuse me, Jake..?"

“Yes?” He turned around and smiled at the girl.

"There's a boy in reception asking for you. He seems very upset. His name is Sam, do you know him?"

“Yes, I do.” Jake rubbed Oliver’s hair, “Now be good and go and find mum, yeh?” He watched as Oli went near Duffy and Charlie and turned to the woman, “Will you take me to Sam please?”

"Follow me." She smiled and led him back to the reception desk.

Sam was sat on one of the chairs, his head was down, his hood pulled up so it partially covered his face.

“Sam?” Jake moved closer to the younger lad.

"I went to your house and no-one was there but then I remembered you were here. I hope its OK, I didn't know what else to do..." Sam sniffled, still not looking up.

Jake crouched down, “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

"I went to see our dad..." Sam cried.

“And what happened?” Jake encouraged gently.

"We... There was an argument..." Sam finally looked up, his right eye was badly swollen.

Jake’s heart sank. “Did he hurt you? Did he do this to you?”

"He didn't want to see me. I just wanted to talk. He told me to leave."

“What’s his address?”

"You're not angry with me are you?" Panic filled Sam's eyes.

“No.” Jake smiled sadly, “I’m angry he hurt you!”

"Please don't tell my mum! She told me not to go so I told her I was going to a mate's house."

“Don’t you think your mum has a right to know?” Jake sighed sadly, “How are you gonna explain that?”

"I walked into a door..?" Sam shrugged.

“Your mum’s a nurse right?”

Sam nodded.

“You know she’d have heard that excuse a thousand times?”

Sam sighed. He passed Jake a crumpled up piece of paper. On it was written an address.

Jake took the piece of paper and shoved it into his pocket. “Now I’m gonna go and pay him a visit.”

"Right now?!"

“Yes! I’m not letting the bastard get away with it!”

"Don't leave me on my own! Please!" Sam begged.

“You’ll never be on your own in this family.” Jake paused, “Go and see my mum. Tell her I’ve gone to see Krystal, please.”

"Isn't Krystal here already?" Sam asked, confused.

“Oh shit yeh.” Jake paused, his head was all over the place. “Just tell her I’ve had to do some business, work related or something.”

"You sure..? I don't want you to get in trouble coz of me."

“Yes I’m sure, I won’t get into trouble.” Jake squeezed his brother’s shoulder reassuringly.

Sam couldn't shake the nervous feeling as he watched Jake jog outside towards his car. He knew he had to tell someone but he didn’t want Jake to be cross or angry with him.

Wiping his cheeks and pulling his hood back up he snuck into the ballroom, staying close to the wall til he spotted Krystal. His eyes darted across the room. He was scared. He didn’t know what was going to happen.

"Krystal! Krystal!" He tried to attract her attention without alerting anyone else at the same time.

Krystal heard her name been called and turned around.

"Jake's gone..!" Sam blurted out.

“Jake’s gone where? Who are you?” She asked.

"I'm Sam, Jake showed me your photo when we went to the football together. He's gone to see my dad..." The words tumbled from the teenager's mouth.

“Your dad? Why?” She searched Sam’s face, “Did your dad do that..?”

"I made him mad..."

“Shit. I need to find Duffy!”

"No! I don't want to ruin things. I shouldn't have come..." He turned and ran from the room.

“Shit! Sam? Sam?” Krystal called, causing a scene.

"Krystal?!" Duffy gasped, making a move to follow the young woman as she tore out the room.

“Sam? Please come back?” Krystal called out.

"Krystal, what's going on?!" Duffy demanded as she reached the reception area, Charlie hot on her heels. "Was that Sam?"

“Yeh. That was Sam.” Krystal sighed.

"Does he want to speak to Jake? Charlie can you go find him?"

“Sam’s got a black eye.”

"How did he get that?"

“I think his dad did it.”

"What?!" Duffy gasped. "Where's Jake?!"

“Sam said he’s gone to see his dad.” Krystal sighed, “But I didn’t know where that is.”

Duffy started to really panic. "We need to find Jake!"

“I don’t know where he’d go!” Krystal replied, “Do you know where their dad lives?”

Jake was in the car on the way to Andrew’s house. It was a fifteen minute drive away so it wouldn’t take him long.

"I've only ever had dealings with him through an intermediary." Duffy sighed.

“What are we going to do?”

"We need to find Sam. He'll know." Charlie suggested.

“Good idea, shall we split up?” Krystal suggested.

"He can't have gone far." Charlie attempted to reassure.

“Let’s still split up anyway.”

Charlie seemed reluctant to leave Duffy.

“I’ll be ok.” Duffy protested with a small smile although she couldn’t help the tangle of nerves deep down.

Charlie sighed as he, Duffy and Krystal split up to search the grounds for Sam.

Sam was sat underneath a tree in the grounds, his knees to his chest.

It was Charlie that found him first. “Sam?” He stepped towards the young lad.

"I've screwed everything up haven't I?"

“No you haven’t.”

"I shouldn't have come here."

“You did the right thing.” Charlie sat next to Sam. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

"I fell backwards..."

“Onto your back or...?”

Sam nodded sadly.

“Would you like to show me?”

After a moment's hesitation Sam turned slightly and lifted up the back of his hoody.

Charlie moved to examine the bruises on Sam’s back. “Did you bang your head at all?”

"I don't think so..."

“That’s good.” Charlie smiled sadly. “These bruises will heal, as will your black eye.”

"What's Jake gunna do when he finds his dad..?"

Charlie sighed, “Something I think he might regret.”

"I can take you there. Please stop him!"

“Ok. Are you sure?”

"Its all my fault, I have to make it better."

“No it’s not your fault.”

Sam got up and headed back towards the carpark.

Charlie followed. “I just need to tell Duffy, is that ok?”

Sam nodded.

“Duffy? Babe?” Charlie called out, “Krystal?”

Eventually they all found each other again by the entrance.

"Where's Jake?!" Duffy demanded.

“I haven’t found him. He’s gone to Andrew’s.” Charlie replied.

"We need to go there now!" Duffy insisted.

“Do you want to come with us?” He asked.

"Yes."

“Krystal, will you stay here for me please?”

"Yeh, what you want me to say if people ask where you both went?"

“Just say we went for a walk and we’ll be back soon.” Charlie smiled, “Thank you.”

"O-ok. Just make sure Jake is OK."

“I will, I promise.”

Duffy was shaking as they got into the car. Sam curled up in the corner of the back seat.

“Sam, will you direct us?”

Sam nodded and began to tell them where they needed to go.

It didn’t take them long to arrive at the house identified as Andrew’s.

A fact confirmed as they parked and saw Jake banging on the door yelling.

“Come on you coward!!” Jake yelled as he tried to kick open the door.

"Jake!" Duffy screamed out, running from the car.

“Come on Andrew, I thought you were a man!!” Jake yelled, kicking the door once again. He seemed oblivious to his mum.

Finally the door opened.

"You want some do you?!" Andrew slurred, clearly the worse for alcohol.

Jake laughed, “I like to see you try and hit me, you weak, pathetic old man!”

"Oh look its both the snotty little shits who are supposedly mine..!" Andrew laughed, waving his arm, still clutching a half empty bottle of vodka, in the direction of Jake and Sam who had gotten out of the car.

Jake headbutted Andrew sending him flying into the hall. “How the fuck you even got a woman to shag you, I’ll never know!” Jake said.

"Jake!" Duffy gasped.

“Mum, go back to the car, please.” Jake side glanced his mum before turning his attention back to Andrew. He stepped towards him, “Come on. Fight, like a man! Or are you just a coward who hits kids and women?”

Andrew attempted to lurch to his feet.

Jake just laughed at him, “You ever lay a hand on Sam or anyone else again. I will smack you so hard, you’ll not know what’s hit you. Do you understand?”

Andrew swung for Jake, missed and fell on his face.

“I think that just proves how pathetic you are.” Jake turned to walk away but not before taking out his mobile phone and calling for an ambulance.

"We can't just leave..!" Duffy fretted as Andrew began to vomit.

“We’re not, I’m calling an ambulance.” Jake replied as he tossed his phone to Charlie and shoved Andrew into the recovery position.

Andrew attempted to lash out at Jake.

“Keep going and I’ll just leave you to choke on your own vomit...” Jake threatened, “Then again, I’m not that much of a cunt like you.”

"Why... Suit..?" Andrew mumbled incoherently.

Jake felt really guilty, this wasn’t supposed to happen. “The ambulance is on its way.” He told Andrew sadly.

Duffy hitched up her dress and crouched down next to them. "You just couldn't resist could you..?" She muttered, checking Andrew over.

“Mum, please. I can deal with this, go back to the venue.” Jake told his mum.

"Which of us is the registered nurse?" She asked, checking Andrew's airway was clear.

“You, but it’s also your second wedding day and to hell am I letting you spend it with him.” Jake looked down at Andrew.

Charlie had taken over Jake's phone and was relaying information to the paramedics as they made their way to the house.

A part of Jake wanted to reach out to Andrew but he knew it was futile. Andrew didn’t want him... 

"Is he going to die?" Sam whispered, frozen to the spot beside Charlie.

“No.” Charlie replied confidently.

Sirens filled the air as the ambulance turned into the street.

Jake stepped back as the paramedics helped Andrew.

"Are you OK?" Duffy whispered, taking hold of her son's face between her hands.

Jake nodded sadly, “I didn’t mean to make him ill.” Jake whispered.

"You didn't." She reassured.

“I need to... Get away from here...” Jake whispered.

"Ok sweetheart, let's go." She pulled him into a hug.

Jake hugged his mum tightly.

She gently led him back to the car. "Its going to be OK." She reassured both Jake and Sam, holding out her free hand towards the younger lad.

Sam took Duffy’s hand and nodded. Jake was silent, he didn’t speak. He was in a bit of shock.

Duffy shifted herself so she could hug both boys.

“Will he be ok?” Sam asked.

"He will." Duffy reassured.

Sam nodded. Jake stared out of the window.

Once the ambulance had driven off Duffy lent forwards. "Let's go back to the hotel."

“I’ll drive my car back...” Jake replied. 

"One of us should go with you..." Duffy interjected.

“You?”

"If that's what you want." She smiled.

“Yes please.”

"You ok with Charlie?" Duffy asked Sam.

Sam nodded, “Yeh.”

"We'll see you back there." Duffy smiled and got out the car.

“Be safe.” Charlie told them as they got out of the car.

"Love you." She blew him a kiss.

“Love you too.” He blew one back.

Once in the car Duffy squeezed Jake's hand.

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly. 

"Don't be. None of this is your fault."

Jake rested his head on the steering wheel, his hands trembling.

"Do you want me to drive?" Duffy offered gently.

“No, I’ll be ok in a minute.”

"Why did you go sweetheart?"

“Why did I come here?”

Duffy nodded, her hand resting on top of his.

Jake sighed, “I got angry! He’s hurt Sam... He’ll only ever hit women or kids. He’ll never fight like a man, he’ll never fight someone like me or Peter.”

"That's because he's not a man."

“He’s a coward.” Jake sighed again. “I can’t get rid of that anger...”

"Anger at what you saw him do when you were too small to fight back?"

“For what he put you through and Sam’s mum, and Isla.”

"I'm sorry I didn't stop him when it all started." She replied sadly.

“It wasn’t your fault. He manipulated you, it’s what they do. They make out it's all your fault but it’s not!”

"I should have protected you better. You and Peter."

“You did protect us!”

"I should have walked away after the first time he raised a hand to me..."

“He told you it wouldn’t happen again? That he was sorry, didn’t mean it?”

"You were only a few weeks old. I was terrified of being on my own, he'd convinced me that I was useless..."

“You’re not useless. He was the useless one...”

"I see that now. But back then... Back then I was terrified of not coping, he said that if I said anything then you and Peter would be taken away, I was so scared, far from home, I had no-one..."

“I know, I understand how hard it must’ve been. Peter and I don’t blame you.” He met her eye, “You protected us for so long, now it’s time we did the same for you.”

"Violence isn't the answer though."

“I know. I just...” Jake shrugged, “Maybe I’m no better than him after all.”

"You are. You're more of a man than he'll ever be. Maybe we should look at some form of therapy to help you deal with your feelings and experiences?"

“Hmm, maybe.”

"Talk to Peter, he did the same while he was at university."

“He had therapy?” Jake was surprised by that.

"Yes. I think it really helped him."

“I didn’t know that.” Jake replied and sat up. “Thanks mum. Shall we go back?”

She squeezed his hand. "We probably should - don't want everyone thinking I've absconded!"

“Dad’ll be missing you.” Jake turned the keys in the ignition and checked his mirrors before pulling away.

Sam had been silent for most of the journey back to the hotel, fighting to hide the sound of his crying.

When Charlie got back to the hotel with Sam, he turned around to face Sam in the backseat. “It’s ok.”

"All I ever wanted was a dad." Sam cried. "My stepdad is great but it's not the same."

“You’ve got a dad. You’ve got your stepdad.” Charlie told him, “It is the same...”

"He says he loves me as much as Bella but can that really be true? Bella's his daughter, I'm just scum."

“Hey, you’re not scum and yes, it’s true. I’m not Jake’s biological father but he’s my son and I love him just as much as I love my own children.”

"Jake talks a lot about how great you are."

Charlie smiled, “I try to be a good dad! You don’t need Andrew in your life, Sam. I know you want him but he won’t be the father you expect. You’ve got your stepdad, let him in.”

"Is that what Jake did?"

Charlie nodded, “Jake let me be his dad. When you’re older and you’ve got children of your own, you’ll understand why blood doesn’t matter.”

"He said that he loves mum so he loves me too."

“Do you believe him? Sam, trust your stepdad ok? You might find the something you’ve been looking for.”

Sam nodded, mulling over Charlie's words.

“Would you like to stay for the rest of the celebration?” Charlie asked.

"Is that OK? I'm not ready to face mum yet." Sam replied sheepishly.

“Of course it’s ok.”

Sam smiled for the first time since he'd arrived and followed Charlie back inside.


	51. TW: discussion of abuse and homophobia

Relief flooded through Krystal as she saw Jake arrive back with his mum. Concern gnawed away at her, however, as she moved closer and noticed that his hair was swept down over his forehead.

Spotting Krystal, Jake smiled and kissed her cheek. “You alright babe?”

"What happened?" She asked, sweeping back his hair.

“I had a fight.” He sighed, “I need a drink!”

"You fought your dad?!" Krystal gasped, hurrying to keep up as Jake headed to the bar.

“He’s not my dad! He’s just a fucking sperm donor!” Jake reached the bar and ordered two shots of tequila.

"OK, OK!" Krystal held her hands up in defeat.

He necked back the two shots and sighed. “Sorry.” He turned to look at Krystal, holding his hand out to her.

"I was so scared when you disappeared."

“I’m sorry babe.”

"Is your mum OK?"

“I think so.”

"Are you OK?"

Jake shook his head.

Krystal pulled him into a hug. "I want to help you but you have to let me."

“I dunno what to do.” Jake whispered as he hugged her back.

"We need to find someone who does know what to do."

“Mum mentioned about therapy.”

"That sounds a good idea."

“Apparently Peter had some at uni.”

"Did it help him?"

“Mum said it did.”

"It might help you too."

Jake nodded, “I just get so angry and I can’t focus on anything other than that!”

"How much you hate him?"

“Yeh!”

"He's not worth your hate." She sighed sadly.

“I know. I try so hard to forget about what he did to mum but....”

"No-one expects you to forget what happened but you can't let it destroy your life going forward."

“I know that.” Jake closed his eyes. “Maybe we could do what mum suggested? About the therapy?”

"I think that's a good idea." Krystal replied, rubbing his back gently.

He rested his head on her shoulder. “Sorry.”

"You've nothing to be sorry about."

“I just hate that Andrew can hit women and kids but can’t hit another bloke.”

"He's an asshole."

“He is.”

"Let's enjoy the rest of the day without him spoiling it anymore."

“Good idea.” He smiled.

"Let's go party!" She grinned.

Jake laughed softly as Krystal dragged him to the dance floor. “Cheer up!” She told him playfully!

"I'm trying!" He replied, he couldn't help but smile though. She had that effect on him.

Krystal giggled as she saw the look in Jake’s eye as he gazed at her.

Duffy sighed, leaning her head against Charlie's shoulder, as she watched Jake from across the room.

“I’m sorry princess for what happened, you ok?” Charlie asked.

"I'm fine."

“No you’re not.” He whispered, wrapping his arm around her.

"He just can't help but ruin things for us can he?"

“He can try but he won’t.”

"What if he presses charges?"

“He won’t.” He reassured.

"How can you be so sure?"

“If Andrew has any sense he wouldn’t press charges.”

"Andrew and sense... Not two words I'd put in the same sentence..."

“No neither would I.” He kissed the top of her head. “Massage later?”

"Yes please." She smiled.

“And maybe something else..?”

"Oh..?" Her eyes lit up.

“I’ve got a present for you.”

"For me?!"

“Yes for you.”

"Do I have to wait to see it..?" She pouted playfully.

“Yes.” He bit his lip. That pout always did make him stir crazy inside.

"Are you sure I can't convince you to show me sooner..?" She purred softly in his ear.

“No....” He replied, “Fucking hell, Duffy!” He whispered.

"What..?" She fluttered her eyelashes with exaggerated innocence though the smile on her lips was anything but.

“You carry on and I’m gonna have a problem. A big problem...” He met her gaze.

"I can't wait..!" She giggled, winking mischievously.

He reached out to stroke her cheek.

She lent into his touch.

“You’re so beautiful. So really beautiful in that dress.” He smiled, “I’ll try and not get it dirty later.”

She blushed. "Thank you."

“I’m a lucky man!” He grinned.

"And I'm a lucky lady."

“Pinch me?”

She reached out and pinched him firmly, giggling mischievously.

“I’m not dreaming..?”

"'Fraid not!"

“I really married you again?”

"You did. Not regretting it are you?" She teased.

He shook his head, “My only regret is that I never did it all those years ago.”

"So you did it twice to make up for it..?" She giggled.

“I certainly did!”

"I'm glad you did."

“So am I, gorgeous.” He nuzzled his nose playfully against hers.

Sam stood awkwardly in the corner. His face and back stung and his mind was reeling from everything that had happened. He contemplated going up to the bar and ordering a drink but he knew they probably wouldn't serve him.

“You’re Sam right?” Emily asked as she stood beside him.

"Y-yeh."

“Emmy.” She held her hand out for him to shake.

He took her hand, smiling shyly. "Hi."

“You been fighting?” She asked noticing his black eye.

"Got beat up." He mumbled, still holding her hand.

“You had an adult look at it?” Emily looked down at their hands and blushed.

"Yeh. Jake's stepdad looked at it. I'll be OK." He smiled, attempting to look braver than he felt.

“It’s alright not to be, you know?”

"It was my own fault." He shrugged. He glanced up at her, she was very pretty and her hand felt soft and warm.

She took her hand back as she met his gaze. “Regardless, you don’t deserve that.” She replied.

He sighed, she clearly thought he was a loser just like everyone else did. "I'm gunna get a drink, you want one?" He asked, determined to try and impress her.

“Are you even old enough to drink?” She asked with a smile.

"Yeh course..." He grinned.

She giggled, “Ok then.”

Sam drew himself up as they approached the bar. "A pint and whatever the lady would like." He told the barman, trying to sound confident.

The barman looked at him, “You got any ID?”

Sam sighed. "No."

“Then I can’t serve you, I’m afraid.”

"Can I get anything?"

“You can get a lemonade or a coke.” The barman replied, “Or juice.”

"I'll have a coke. Emmy?"

“Lemonade please.”

They got their drinks and stepped away from the bar. "You must think I'm really dumb." He blushed.

Emily shook her head, “No I don’t.”

"Most girls do." Sam blushed.

“The right girl won’t.” She giggled as she sipped her lemonade.

"You don't think I'm dumb..."

She shook her head, “No.”

"I bet you've already got a boyfriend though haven't you?" He sighed.

“A girlfriend, Beth.”

"Oh..." Sam flushed scarlet.

“It’s ok.” She smiled, “Does it bother you?”

"What? No! It's just... I should of known it was too good to be true that a pretty girl like you would be interested in someone like me." He frowned sadly.

“Hey, girls can be friends with boys without wanting to get in their pants, y’know?”

"Yeh, it's just... I thought..." His eyes suddenly went wide. "Oh shit! You're Jake's sister aren't you?!"

“Yeh.”

"This is so embarrassing! Why didn't you say? Was it some sort of wind up?!" Sam accused. "I bet your girlfriend and sisters are watching us and having a right laugh at me aren't they?!"

“What? What are you going on about?” She asked with a frown, not understanding what was wrong.

"Just leave me alone!" He spat back at her and hurried away.

Emily was now even more confused, what had she done to upset him so much?

She was debating following him when Beth came over.

"You ok pocket?"

“No,” Emily sighed, “Why are boys weird?”

"What have your brothers done now?" Beth chuckled softly.

“It’s not my brothers.”

"Oh?"

“It’s Sam... Jake’s brother.”

"What happened? I didn't even know he was here."

“He’s had a fight... Dunno who with but they’ve given him a lovely black eye.”

"Shit!"

“And then he went all weird when he brought me a drink and remembered I’m Jake’s sister? He’s stormed off in a huff and I have no idea what I’ve done?” Emily frowned. It was clear she was upset by it.

"That is strange..." Beth's eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“I dunno what do.” Emily replied and sipped her lemonade again.

"What we're the two of you talking about before he went weird?"

“He asked if I thought he was dumb but I said I didn’t.”

"Why would he have thought that you thought that he was dumb?"

“Cos he was trying to impress me and get a drink at the bar but it didn’t work.” Emily explained.

"Ah!" Beth started to laugh.

“What?”

"He fancies you!"

“What?! How did you come to that conclusion?”

"Why else would he be trying to impress you? I can't blame him, you're really hot." Beth grinned.

“Wait! You seriously think he fancies me?!” Emily looked at Beth and blushed bright red.

"You are so funny! You didn't realise..!"

“Of course I didn’t realise.” Emily frowned, “I thought I was being nice!”

"Seems he took it as more than being nice."

“For fuck sake.” Emily muttered.

"People just fall at your feet pocket!" Beth teased gently.

Emily gently nudged Beth. “Really? I wonder if mum ever feels the same way...”

"Feels the same about what?"

“About men falling at her feet...” Emily shrugged, “I dunno.”

"She'd probably laugh at the suggestion. Though I gotta say she's fast winning me round to the idea of getting married one day."

“Who mum?”

"Yeh. Just thinking how gorgeous you'd look in a dress like that."

“Stop it!” Emily blushed and got shy.

"Its true. You look amazing right now. I can't wait til later."

“Why do we have to wait until later?” Emily pulled Beth closer and kissed her.

"Beauty and brains, it's a lethal combination!" Beth giggled inbetween kisses.

“I could say the same about you.”

"This is what I meant." Kate grumbled, gesturing towards Emily and Beth. Despite the many people at the party it seemed that Brendan was determined to follow her so she felt obliged to make some kind of conversation with her exhusband.

“What?” Brendan replied with a shrug. “I see two girls very much in love.”

"I shouldn't be surprised, not really, the way her parents maul each other so publically all the time."

“Aren’t you forgetting you and I used to be the same?” Brendan replied.

"And look where that got me..!"

“You were a great kisser.” Brendan replied. “Great at many things.”

"You're a married man and, unlike you, I have a respect for that institution." Kate retorted tartly.

“I’m separated actually.” Brendan replied, the first time he ever admitted that to anyone.

"But... Lisa said you were married..."

“That’s because everyone in this room thinks I am married. Only you and I know the truth.”

"How long?"

“A year.”

"She finally got tired of your philandering..?"

“It wasn’t me who cheated. Not this time round.” He sighed, “Call it karma for what I put you all through.”

"That's what you get for marrying a younger woman."

“Hmm, I know.” He sighed.

"From what I understand she's barely older than Lisa."

“She’s four years younger than Lisa.” He replied.

"I'm disgusted yet not at all surprised."

“Geez, thanks Kat!”

"Run out of women your own age to hit on?"

“She was sexy!”

"So you both spent the entire marriage cheating on each other?"

“I didn’t cheat on her.”

"I don't believe you. More than thirty years with the same woman and you didn't stray - don't insult my intelligence!"

“I couldn’t cheat.” He replied, “Even if I really wanted to.”

"You finally ran out of steam in that department after fathering so many children?" She retorted sarcastically.

“I started suffering with the whole... You know... When my final son was born.”

"How old is he again? I've frankly lost track of how many there are..!"

“He’s twenty seven. Clara’s the youngest at twenty five.” He smiled.

"Ah so you managed one last hurrah after things started going wrong..?" Kate wasn't sure why she was interested but she couldn't help herself.

“We tried, we didn’t think it was possible but it worked. We made Clara.”

"Ah that explains it."

“Explains what?”

"Lisa said that she got the impression that Clara was your little princess."

“She is my princess. All the girls are.”

"Lisa takes so strongly after you." Kate sighed.

“I know.”

"You have stubbornly strong genes."

“So do you.”

"Gran!" Tilly called out as she came jogging over, her heels clattering on the floor. "Mum needs you both outside for photos now it's finally sunny."

“Ok, we’re coming.” Kate told Tilly as she looked at Brendan.

"Can I drive?" Tilly asked cheekily.

“Drive?” Brendan asked.

"Your wheelchair." Tilly grinned mischievously.

“Go on but don’t crash me.” He replied.

"Yes!" Tilly excitedly took hold of the handles and swung him around.

Brendan shook his head fondly, “Careful!”

"Matilda!" Kate gasped.

“I’ll be careful.” Tilly giggled softly.

"She'll be fine." Brendan smiled, reaching up to squeeze Tilly's hand.

Tilly smiled and wheeled Brendan outside.

Charlie and Duffy were stood by some trees as the photographer took some pictures.

“Your mum looks beautiful, doesn’t she Tilly?” Brendan said.

"She looks amazing. I'm so happy she's well again." Tilly gushed.

“She’d been poorly for a while hasn’t she?”

Tilly nodded. "Nothing seemed to work for the longest time. They wouldn't tell us what was going on but we knew something was wrong."

“You lot will look after her, won’t you? And your Gran as well.”

"You going away again after today or something?"

Brendan smiled sadly but didn’t say anything.

"Please don't go, mum will be so upset if you do."

“I’m getting tired Tilly.” He replied sadly and gave her hand another squeeze.

"I can take you upstairs after this if you want a nap." Tilly suggested.

“Let’s take photographs.” Brendan replied, changing the subject. 

Over the next half hour the photographer called various groupings of people over to take photos. They took lots of photographs to remember the day.

Eventually people started to head back inside but Duffy called her dad back over.

Tilly wheeled Brendan over to her mum.

"Thank you princess, you can go back inside now." Duffy told her daughter.

Tilly knew it was her mum’s way of telling her to go inside so the adults could talk. She nodded and disappeared.

"I know it's not the usual sort of thing he does but the photographer has agreed to my request of some photos of the two of us. I have so few from when I was little. Is that OK?"

Brendan nodded, “That’s fine with me.”

"I'm so happy you were able to be here today."

“Me too. Thank you for letting me be part of your special day.”

"Its what I've always dreamed of." She smiled as they moved to a nearby bench.

“Me too.”

"Do you need a hand?" She asked softly.

“Please, I’m getting tired.”

She moved to help him. Though she was petite, her years of nursing made her stronger than she looked.

“Thank you.” He sat down on the bench and had to have a few minutes to catch his breath back.

"You should have brought some portable oxygen with you. I could have helped you with it."

“I considered it but I forgot.”

"Its there to help you." She sighed.

“I know.” He sighed, “I’m sorry.”

"No, I'm sorry. I need to take my nursing hat off for today." She blushed.

“You’ll always be a nurse.”

"Can't help myself." She smiled.

The photographer quietly took some pictures as they chatted.

“Do you know who I think will follow you and her father into the nursing profession?”

"Who?"

“Tilly.”

"Little miss dramatic?!" Duffy chuckled.

“She’s got a good heart, she’s just a bit... I think she’s protective of herself.”

"You're right. She's brash and tough on the outside but soft on the inside."

“She’ll make a great nurse.”

"Part of me does wonder if we'll get at least one child following us into the profession." She smiled. "It was interesting finding out I was related to a doctor."

“You never know, she may be a doctor.” Brendan smiled brightly.

"She's certainly got the cocky attitude for it!" Duffy snorted.

Brendan laughed.

"That could just be being fourteen though."

“That’s true.”

"Though, saying that, it won't be long til she and Lottie will be fifteen. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that..!"

“How are they getting on at school? All three of them?”

"Things seem to be going well. Emily gets extra help in some subjects because of her dyslexia but she was able to take her art GCSE a year early so that has freed up some time. The twins have just started their GCSE options so it's suddenly gotten serious."

“I’m glad they’re doing well at school.” He smiled.

"They've been through some tricky times but things seem to be settling down now."

“That’s good.” He smiled, “What are the twins studying?”

"Lottie chose cooking, geography and history. Tilly chose textiles, drama and music."

“Very different choices.”

"I think that was on purpose."

“So they could expand on growing their own personalities?”

Duffy nodded. "Lottie hates 'living in Tilly's shadow' as she calls it."

“I can imagine it’s quite difficult.”

Duffy nodded. "I try my best to help them through it but it's tough to see them fighting."

“I can imagine.”

"How did you cope with it when your kids were younger?"

“Spent a lot of time asking if they were ok and separating them.”

"Mum tended to just send me to my room when I acted up."

“We also did that.”

"I just climbed out my bedroom window."

Brendan laughed. “I hoped your mother never found out?”

"Of course she did. She was usually called to carry me home at the end of the night if my friends didn't dump me on the doorstep."

He shook his head fondly, “Are the girls just as rebellious or are they good?”

"Tilly can be a handful at times but I'd like to think they don't hate me to quite the degree I hated my mother at their age."

“No, they don’t. I see they care very deeply for you.”

"I didn't send their father away." She whispered sadly.

“Your mum did what she thought was right. I put you in danger. I nearly killed you.”

"I just wanted my dad. I went looking for you."

“What? When?” He reached for her hand.

"When I was fifteen. I found some of your old friends. They said they'd help me."

Neither realised that the photographer had finished his job and left them alone to talk.

Brendan swallowed. “They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

"You knew what they were like then?" She retorted bitterly.

“I knew they were a bunch of lads that liked women but I didn’t think they were interested in children!” He replied back.

"I hardly looked like a child..."

“You were fifteen! Regardless of how you looked, you were a child!”

"They didn't help me anyway. Sent me on a wild goose chase."

He sighed, “I’m sorry.”

"Its not your fault. I should have known better than to trust them to help me."

Brendan’s eyes closed for a moment.

"They got what they wanted and then disappeared back into the woodwork."

His eyes shot open. “They did hurt you, didn’t they?!”

"I don't want to talk about it!"

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.”

"You sound like Charlie..." There was the tiniest ghost of a smile on her lips.

“He’s very protective over you, isn’t he?”

She nodded softly.

“I’m glad.” He paused, “I love you, Lisa.”

She snuggled into his side. "I love you too." She whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek.

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve done, the hurt I’ve caused. You’ll always be my little girl.” He wrapped his arms around her.

"That's all I ever wanted to be."

“You always were my little girl.” He reassured, “That never stopped even when I fucked up and lost you.”

"You didn't lose me. We may have been apart but you never lost me."

He kissed the top of her head and held her tightly.

Silent tears trickled down her cheeks.

“I hope you’re not crying.” He whispered.

"No..." She replied weakly.

“Don’t ruin your makeup.” He smiled and kissed the top of her head.

She looked up, attempting a watery smile.

“What’s made you cry?” He asked.

"Its all slipping through my fingers so fast."

“What is?”

"Time."

“I’m still going to be around.”

"For how long though..?" She sighed.

He sighed, “For as long as I keep fighting.”

She buried herself back in his embrace once more.

He held her again. His little girl.

Over by the doors Kate stood watching Brendan and Lisa together.

Kate wanted to see whether Lisa was ok, she could see she’d been crying but she didn’t want to disrupt her time with Brendan.

It seemed she wasn't the only one who was concerned as Charlie appeared beside her.

“Do you think they’re ok?” Charlie asked.

"Who knows." Kate sighed.

He touched her arm. “Are you ok?”

"I'll survive."

“Do you want to talk?”

"Seeing them together... Makes me wonder if I should have tried harder..."

“You did what you thought was right. You can’t regret that.” He replied, “You had to protect your little girl.”

"Do you think she still blames me?"

“No.”

"Things could have been so different..."

“I know.” He rubbed her arm.

"Is there anything that can be done for him medically?"

“I don’t know much of his case to comment. I suppose if he remains stable enough, a doctor may consider the possibility of a transplant.”

"Is there a possibility that one of the family could be a match?"

“There’s a possibility, yes.”

Kate nodded and went back to watching Brendan and Lisa through the glass.

Charlie watched Kate for a moment.

"I don't say this often enough but you're the best thing that's happened to her and for that I'm eternally grateful."

He smiled, “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me too. I only regret I never told her sooner how I felt.”

"You got there in the end though."

He nodded, “We did.”

All the cute couple-y stuff was starting to get to Lottie so she went for a wander outside. She took out her phone and hovered over Owen’s number. She thought things had been going great between them but clearly they hadn’t. 

“What’s up Lot?” Louis asked as he followed her outside.

"All the cutesy stuff makes me want to puke!"

Louis chuckled, “Yeh tell me about it.”

"Like it's cute that mum and dad are still so into each other but does everyone else have to get in on the act..?"

“It’s a wedding. If you don’t have most couples playing tonsil tennis, you’re doing it wrong.”

Lottie snorted. "Would it be proper sad if I texted Owen?"

“Nah. Though, he should be the one texting you, Lot.”

"He texted me a couple of days ago..."

“What did he say?” They sat down on a bench.

"That he'd made a mistake."

“He did.” Louis replied.

"I told him to shove it up his arse but now I'm regretting that."

“Only you can decide what’s best for you.”

"I thought he was a really great guy..." She sighed.

Louis frowned. “Do you know why he dumped you?”

"Coz I, um, wouldn't do something he wanted me to..."

“What did he want from you?”

"Its not something I want to talk to my brother about..." She blushed.

“He wanted sex? You’re fourteen Lottie.” Louis reminded her.

"Urgh, you sound like dad!" She rolled her eyes.

“Does dad know?”

"That Owen dumped me?"

“And that it’s because you wouldn’t do the deed with him.”

"Mum knows so maybe." She shrugged.

“Don’t do it Lottie, you’ll regret it.”

"I just want to talk to him, jeez!"

Louis sighed, “Ok. You’re like your mum, strong-willed. You’ll do what’s right.”

She smiled at her older brother before sending a text to Owen.

'Can you come over tomorrow so we can talk?'

It took several minutes before a reply from Owen came through. ‘I’d like to talk.’

Lottie smiled as she read the message. Maybe they'd be able to work through things afterall.

Louis stood up to leave Lottie in privacy.

"I'm glad you're back home." She smiled softly at her brother.

“I’m glad to be back but I have a lot of making up to do.”

"We don't blame you for what happened."

Louis smiled sadly, “I still feel like I need to make it up to you all.”

"OK."

“I’m gonna head back inside, you alright out here?”

"Yeh, I'll be fine."

“Alright. See you later?” He went back inside and to the bar.

"Paul! Paul! I found cake!" Oli grinned as he came running over to his little brother.

“You’ve found cake?!” Paul gasped. “Show me!!”

The boys ran off towards the next room.

“We can’t have that cake.”

"There's some at the back, they'll never know..."

“No, it’s naughty!” Paul said. “Let’s go and ask dad?!”

"You're so lame!" Oli grumbled.

“It’s not nice being naughty!” Paul replied as he dragged Oli towards their dad.

Oli dug his heels in making things difficult for his brother.

“Why are you being mean?” Paul asked sadly. “Dad???!” He yelled.

"I want cake." Oli grumbled.

“We’ll ask dad.” Paul sighed, “I don’t want to upset mummy.”

"You're such a baby!"

Paul frowned. “I’m not a baby!”

"Only babies are scared of getting in trouble."

Paul frowned again, “It’s not nice to be mean and make people cry.”

"She wouldn't know." Oli argued as they drew closer to their dad.

“She’d cry!” Paul said. “Dad! Oli wants cake but I don’t want to make mummy cry.”

"You're such a tell tale!" Oli complained.

“Shut up!” 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Charlie asked as he bent down to his two young sons. “Why the fighting?”

"He always tells on me!" Oli whined.

Paul’s bottom lip wobbled.

"Urgh! Stop crying!"

Paul began to cry. “Stop being horrible to me!” 

“Hey, boys! That’s enough! Oli say sorry to your brother.” Charlie wrapped his arms around Paul.

"He's such a cry baby. This is why I have to stop the other boys pushing him around at school."

“Paul? Is that true?” Charlie asked gently.

"Everyone is mean to me!" Paul cried.

“Oh son!” Charlie picked up Paul, even though he was getting heavy and carried him over to a quieter area so they could sit and talk.

Oli trailed after them.

“Why didn’t you tell me or mum about what’s going on at school?” Charlie asked Paul quietly as he wiped his tears away.

"Coz I didn't want mummy to cry."

“Oh son. Mummy won’t cry.” Charlie reassured.

"I don't like it when mummy cries."

“I know, neither do I.” Charlie wiped his son’s tears. “Why are people mean to you?”

"Coz I'm shorter than the other boys."

“You are small but you’re still big and strong!” Charlie reminded him, “And you’ll grow!”

"Oli's way bigger than them." Paul replied, perking up.

“You’ve got lots of growing to do! But you’ll soon be as big as Oli and your oldest brothers.” Charlie kissed Paul's nose. “But you’ll always be mine and your mummy’s baby boy.”

"Do I have to be the youngest?"

“Yes.” Charlie laughed gently.

"But wwwwhhhhyyyy??!" Paul whined.

“Because mummy and daddy were very, very lucky to have you.” Charlie smiled brightly.

"Why were you..?" Paul asked, puzzled. 

“Well, we just were. You were our little surprise.”

"How can a baby be a surprise?" Paul pressed.

"Yeh, how?" Oli added.

“Well... Me and mummy after Oli... We weren’t going to have another baby. But then mummy found out you were growing in her tummy and daddy couldn’t be more excited about having another boy!”

"Boys are better than girls. Girls are icky!" Paul giggled.

"How did we get in mummy's tummy?" Oli asked.

“When mummys and daddys love each other, they do special things with each other...”

"Ewww!" Both boys exclaimed, pulling faces at each other, remembering something they'd overheard their siblings talking about.

Charlie chuckled softly.

"Can we have cake now?" Oli asked.

“Yes but first we need to get your mum to help me cut it.”

"Fine..!" Oli grumbled dramatically.

Charlie took the boys outside with him as they went to find Duffy.

The boys raced on ahead of their dad.

“Mummy!”

"Oh hello boys!" She smiled as they dived on her.

“Can we please have cake?!” Paul asked.

"You hungry?"

“Starving!” Both boys said in unison.

"You'd think we never feed them..!" Duffy chuckled to her father.

“They’re growing boys!”

"We best go cut this cake then!"

“Cake!!”

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Duffy chuckled, pushing herself up from the bench.

The boys ran back inside as Brendan moved to the wheelchair.

Charlie helped push Brendan back into the building.

“How are you feeling?” Charlie asked him.

"Tired." Brendan sighed.

“That’s to be expected. It’s been a long day.”

"Worth it though."

“Oh yes!”

"Time for cake!" The boys called out as they entered the ballroom.

Charlie glanced around the room to make sure everyone was accounted for.

Luckily everyone seemed to have wandered back into the ballroom.

Charlie went to stand next to Duffy.

The cake was wheeled in from the back room where the boys had found it.

It was still standing and looked perfect. There were oohs and aahs from the guests.

Charlie wrapped an arm around Duffy’s waist.

"We going to do this together?" She whispered.

“Yes.” He whispered back.

She picked up the knife from beside the cake. He placed his hand over hers and together they cut the cake.

Picking up the first slice Duffy couldn't resist smooshing some of it in Charlie's face.

“Wait until I do that to you later.” He smirked.

"Just where exactly are you planning to put the cake..?" She sniggered.

“All over your body and eating you out.” He whispered.

"The staff that do the laundry are going to love you for that!" She giggled.

“I don’t care.” He smirked. He took a bite out of the cake.

"Is it good?"

“It’s good. It’d taste even better on you.” He lent towards her. “I’m horny.” He whispered in her ear.

"I hadn't noticed..!" She giggled softly.

“It’s your fault. You’re looking stunning in that dress.”

"Wait til you see what's under the dress..!"

“Will it excite me?” He whispered.

"Oh I think it will..!" She licked the icing off the tip of his nose.

“Now I am even more excited to see what’s under there!”

"Patience is a virtue Charlie..!" She teased.

“I don’t have patience.” He replied with a laugh.

"I've noticed!"

"Can we have cake now?!" Oli grumbled, bored of waiting.

“Yes you can have cake now.” Charlie handed the plate of cake to Oli and some to Paul.

"Yay!" The boys exclaimed, finding seats at a nearby table and digging in.

Charlie’s free hand ended up grabbing Duffy’s arse playfully before he disappeared to the table with the boys.

She giggled before turning her attention back to helping to hand out cake.

“Are you happy now, boys?” Charlie asked his two youngest sons.

"Mmhmm!" Oli grinned, his mouth full of cake.

Paul nodded.

“Good.” Charlie watched the boys eat their cake, joining in and eating his. He knew he'd having to talk to Duffy about Paul's problems at school but decided that could wait for another day.

There was a comfortable silence as they ate their cake.

Duffy appeared behind Charlie, slipping her arms around his shoulders.

“Hello beautiful.”

"I've told them to send the leftover cake up to our room for safe keeping." She whispered mischievously.

He snorted, “Safe keeping? Is that what you call it?” He whispered back.

"If I told them what we really plan to do with it then they would have refused!" She giggled.

“Fair point.”

"Mum is gunna stay at ours tonight to help Jake with the kids."

“Sounds like a good plan.”

"I think Emily is staying at Beth's."

“I’m sure your mum will be thrilled about that.”

"Emmy decided it would be better than asking if Beth could stay at ours."

“Yeah, Kate would’ve said no to that.” He kissed her arm.

"Hopefully given time things will improve."

“I hope so.” He smiled.

"At least she and dad seem to be being civil."

“Yeh, they’re getting on well.”

"I think, maybe, deep down, they still care about each other." She mused.

“I think so too.”

"Maybe, just maybe, they could..."

“Could what?”

"Oh I'm just being silly! He's married." She shook herself, it was nothing but a childish daydream.

He smiled, “You never know.”

"At least you didn't laugh at me."

“Why would I laugh?”

"I'm a fully grown woman daydreaming about the idea of her parents getting back together when they've been divorced for over fifty years."

“It’s not silly to dream.” He replied.

"You really are the sweetest man I know."

“I used to dream about you all the time.” He whispered.

"I don't think we're talking about the same kind of dreams..!" She teased, giggling in his ear.

“I meant dreaming of being married to you, having children together.”

"Oh those dreams..!"

“I used to have the rude ones too.” He whispered.

"Oh I know all about those..!" She chuckled.

He laughed, “I still have them.”

"Oh do you? Well we can talk about those later."

Charlie laughed. 

"I may even let you turn some of them into reality if you're a very good boy..!"

“Oh really?” He grinned. “You know I’m always a good boy.”

"We best mingle or we're gunna get in trouble for being unsociable."

“That’s true.” He stood up and kissed her tenderly.

The rest of the evening seemed to fly by until it was time for everyone to say goodbye.

Duffy gave Megan a big hug. "Thank you for coming."

Megan hugged her back tightly, “I wasn’t about to miss it for the world.”

"Its been the best day."

“It really has!”

It took nearly an hour to say goodbye to all their guests and pack the children off home.


	52. NSFW, TW: discussion of abuse

Finally alone, Charlie and Duffy thanked the staff for all their hard work during the day and then made their way up to the suite of rooms that had been set up for the rest of their stay.

Reaching the room, Charlie lay down on the bed and yawned. “I don’t know about you but I am exhausted.”

"It has been quite a day." She replied, wandering around the suite, her dress trailing on the carpet, her shoes laying abandoned by the door.

“Would you like a hand to get out of your dress, gorgeous?” He asked as he sat up.

She nodded. "There are a lot of buttons and laces."

“Come here. I’ll help ya.”

"Be careful with it..!" She turned so her back was facing him.

“I will.” He gently began to undo the buttons.

"It took ages to get into it."

“I bet.” He stood up and brushed away her hair, leaving a delicate kiss against the back of her neck.

"That feels better!" She sighed, breathing out.

It took him a while but eventually all the buttons and laces were undone.

Slipping her arms out of the sleeves she let the dress slide down her body as Charlie sat down on the bed to admire the view.

The dress pooled at her feet and she turned to face her husband. He'd lent back on his arms, his tie loosened.

“I must say, you do look fabulous.”

She blushed as his eyes ran over her.

His hand went to his belt where he loosened it. “You’re so gorgeous!”

"Your clothes feeling a little snug?" She teased.

“To be fair, I’ve had a semi on all day.” He admitted as reached for her arm and pulled her onto the bed.

"Oh is that why you'd disappear every once in a while - to relieve yourself?" She giggled.

“I didn’t wank, I thought I’d save it all for you.” He smiled, “I just needed him to go down.” His fingertips ran over her stockings.

"You should have let me give you a hand."

“I didn’t want to get your dress all messy.” He replied. His hands ran over the material of her knickers.

"Yeh that would have been awkward..." She smirked.

“Very awkward.” He tangled his fingers through her hair before kissing her passionately.

She giggled into his mouth as she tipped forward onto him.

He slid his tongue into her mouth.

Squeezing her hands between them she started to tug his shirt buttons open.

He pulled away and smiled, “I love you.”

She rubbed her nose against his. "So what do you fancy first?"

“What do you fancy first?” His fingertips ran up her inner thighs.

"You did mention something about cake earlier..." She grinned.

“Smearing you in cake and eating you out?”

"That's right."

“You just want my tongue in your pussy.” Charlie replied with a chuckle.

"A girl has needs." She shrugged, her eyes sparkling.

“You need to come, beautiful?” He asked.

"I do." She whimpered softly as his fingers moved back down her thigh.

“I suggest you get comfortable then babe.”

She rolled over onto her back, watching as he rose from the bed.

He went to get a slice of cake and left it on the bedside table. He moved between her legs and gently moved her knickers to the side, running his tongue over her once.

She moaned softly.

He did it again before moving his head and licking his lips. “You taste good enough without the cake...”

She reached out and grasped his shirt collar, pulling him towards her for a kiss.

He slid his tongue into her mouth as the kiss deepened.

"Mmm..!" She licked her lips when they finally parted.

He smiled and kissed her once before kissing her shoulder, neck and collarbone. “I suppose I could put you on the verge of an orgasm and not let you fall over the edge... But that seems awfully mean of me.” He whispered.

"That would be very mean and would cause me to leave you with blue balls for days..!"

“I could never not let you orgasm. Best thing about watching a woman come is when their body trembles and they let out that satisfied moan.” His fingertips stroked the top of her inner thigh.

"Mmm..." She sighed contentedly.

“I’ve never met a woman that comes as elegantly as you.”

She giggled at the idea.

He laughed himself at her giggle. It was an infectious giggle.

"That's got to be up there as the most unusual compliment I've ever received..!"

His hands continued to roam her body, “You’re so beautiful!”

"I'm glad you've noticed the effort I've gone to today!"

“I have noticed! I appreciate it very much!”

"You scrub up very well too."

“I try my best.”

"You look very handsome in that suit."

“I wasn’t sure on the suit but the older boys said you’d like it.”

"Its very James Bond."

“It was the look I was going for.”

"Does that make me a Bond girl then?"

“Yes!”

"I've always wanted to be a Bond girl."

“You have?”

"What girl wouldn't want to be?"

“That’s a fair point actually.” He playfully grabbed her breasts.

"Pretty dresses, fancy hotels in exotic locations and a handsome man..."

“You know I can give you all that anyway.” He smiled.

"That's very true... Mmm..!" She moaned as he began to tease her once more.

One of his hands rubbed her over her knickers, the other on her breast.

She reached out her hand, dipping a finger in the cake and sucking it clean slowly, her eyes never leaving his.

He swallowed as he maintained eye contact. He thought about how her mouth would feel sucking something else.

"Fancy a taste?" She asked, dipping her finger into the cake once more.

“Please.”

She moved her hand closer to his mouth before pulling it back at the last minute.

He pouted.

She ran her finger down her skin leaving a trail of cake.

He ran his tongue over the cake on her skin.

She shivered, her skin forming goosebumps.

He licked his lips and removed all the cake on her skin. “Do you remember that time with the icing?”

"How can I forget?" She giggled.

“You made a mess, everywhere. And I’m not just talking about the icing.” He winked.

"I'm surprised I wasn't sick, I ate so much sugar that day!"

“You and me both.”

"My brain was buzzing for days afterwards!"

“I bet it was.” He slipped a finger inside of her.

She let out a low moan.

“Sorry, should’ve told you.” He smirked as his finger began to move inside of her.

Her legs widened as she moved against his hand.

He smiled as he watched her.

She lent up on her elbows to watch him.

“You having fun there, gorgeous?” He asked.

"Oh yes..!"

“Does it make you even wetter to watch me?”

She nodded, chewing at her bottom lip.

“Always knew you were kinky.” He replied as he withdrew his finger from her and sucked it clean.

"Taste good?"

“You always taste good. So sweet and perfect.”

"I taste even better straight from the source."

“Oh I know!” He smiled as he helped her out of her knickers.

She wiggled so he could get them out from underneath her.

As soon as her knickers were off, he dived between her legs like a starving man!

She let out a load moan as his tongue made contact.

He licked and sucked on her.

One hand clutched the sheets, the other gripping his head urging him on.

Feeling her grip his head, Charlie continued to suck and lick against her. His tongue flicked against her clit.

"Oh fuck!" She gasped, he hadn't been the only one who had been painfully turned on throughout the day.

Charlie could tell she was turned on because of how wet she was.

Her fingernails dug into the skin on the back of Charlie's head.

The harder she dug her nails in, the closer Charlie knew she was to coming.

Her breathing grew heavier.

Licking her harder once again, top to bottom, Charlie wrapped his mouth around her clit and began to suck hard against her.

"Fuck! Charlie!"

He continued to suck.

Her hips bucked against his face.

He moved his arm to her stomach to hold her down as she came on his tongue.

She let out a roar, thrashing against his arm as she rode the wave.

Charlie ran his tongue over her for a final time before he moved his head. He grinned.

"Fuck!" Duffy gasped, flopping back onto the bed.

He rested his head on her chest, “You ok gorgeous?”

"Yeh." She grinned, her pupils dilated and her breathing coming in gasps.

He moved his head to look at her and stroked his fingertips against her cheek.

"I needed that after we got interrupted this morning."

“You’ve been horny all this time?”

"A few times the feeling got punctured but, on the whole, yes."

“Christ.” He smiled, “I’m impressed. I still can’t believe we got interrupted this morning.”

"That was rather frustrating."

“It was frustrating for me! The tip was inside...”

"Did you end up having a wank in the shower after you left?"

“No. I figured it would just spoil everything.”

"Good boy..!" She giggled, reaching down to stroke him through his trousers.

“I wanted to make sure every bit of cum filled you.” He replied.

"Ooh..!"

He moaned softly as she squeezed him over his trousers.

"He feels very full indeed."

“He is full.”

"I'll be very full soon too it seems."

“Uh huh. Where do you want it?” He asked.

"Decisions... Decisions..." She pondered, grinning.

He slowly began to remove his trousers.

"You could take someone's eye out with that!" She giggled.

“Good job your face wasn’t any closer then isn’t it?” He laughed, “Sorry I’m big.”

"Never apologise for that, I love that you're such a big boy."

“Don’t I know it?” He smirked. “Would you like to help me out of my boxers or..?”

"I'll have to be careful I don't pull the trigger too soon." She teased.

“That’s a point. Please be delicate.”

She slowly, carefully, eased his boxers down. Moving closer to him she licked her lips and then licked the tip of his cock.

“Shit!” He wasn’t expecting her to do that.

"You want more?"

He nodded, “But don’t let me come down your throat.”

Leaning back she scooped up some cake into her mouth and then wrapped her lips and tongue around his rock hard cock.

The sensation of the cake in her mouth made him all funny inside. “Oh God...”

She took him deeper into her throat.

He tangled his hands into her hair and moaned softly.

She wrapped her tongue around him as she slid backwards and forwards. He was so thick and long.

Her mouth was a wonderful thing. Charlie’s moans began to get louder, “Duffy!”

She moved back, letting him drop from her lips as she swallowed. "You ok?" She giggled.

“Never been better.” He replied as his hands remained tangled in her hair.

She looked down at his cock that was smeared in icing. "Very messy..!" She chided playfully.

“You know me babe. I’m a very messy boy.”

"Very messy..!" She agreed as she pushed him backwards onto the bed.

He lay back on the bed.

She moved to straddle him, reaching behind her to unclip her bra.

He helped her out of her bra. “I take it you’re going on top?”

"I thought I might yeh."

“You know it’s my favourite position! I get to see all of you.”

She rubbed herself against him, moaning softly as his hands came up to cup her breasts.

“You’ve got a beautiful body Duffy. Not to mention fantastic tits.”

She grinned as she shifted to rub the tip of his cock against her damp folds.

He moaned softly as she did.

She slowly took him inside her.

He gasped as he finally entered her.

"So good." She sighed contentedly, feeling him fill her so perfectly.

“Perfect.” He whispered as his hands rested on her hips.

"Meant to be." She smiled.

“Always.” He slowly began to move.

She lent forwards, her breasts inches from his face.

He kissed her breasts.

She nudged her nipple towards his mouth.

He grabbed her breast and put the nipple into his mouth, licking it.

She moaned, sliding up and down on his cock.

He sucked her nipples on both breasts, a soft moan escaping his lips.

She moaned loudly as his teeth nipped her.

He laughed gently.

Her hand reached out to the bedside table and she smeared cake on his face. "That's for laughing at me!" She giggled mischievously.

He gasped and grabbed a handful of cake. He smeared it over her chest and breasts. “I have a feeling you and I are going to be rather sticky and messy at the end of this.”

Cake flew thick and fast between them as they fucked fast and hard.

Charlie ended up leaving a love bite to Duffy’s neck. “Fuck, babe!”

Her fingernails dug into his shoulders, leaving deep groves.

He met her gaze.

She rolled them over. "Fuck me hard!" She begged.

“Beg me again?”

"Fuck me please! I need it hard and fast!" She begged, a girlish note in her voice, her eyes pleading.

The pleading in her eyes made Charlie give in to her request. He began to fuck her harder.

He pressed her up against the headboard of the four poster bed with his thrusts.

“Is this what you wanted?” His hands held her hips.

"Oh fuck yes!" She moaned loudly.

“Yes baby!! Take my cock!”

"Fuck! Charlie!"

Their moans continued to echo off the walls.

He suddenly pulled back and flipped her around so she was face down.

He slapped her arse as he fucked her hard from behind.

The pillow barely muffled her moans.

He fucked her until she came multiple times.

She was breathless and panting hard.

He pulled out of her and rolled her onto her back. He thrusted into her again.

She locked her gaze on his, her hands either side of his face.

“I love you.” He whispered. He thrusted hard a couple more times before he let out a loud groan and came.

He flopped onto her chest and they lay in a sweaty, breathless pile.

He was still inside of her at this point, his breathing heavy!

"Bloody hell!" She gasped.

“That was fucking amazing!!”

"Oh yes!"

“Wow!” He kissed her neck gently.

"We're so sticky..!" She giggled.

“We’re very sticky.”

"Tastes good though."

“Certainly does.” He reached for the duvet and chucked it over them.

"That explains it..!" She giggled, running her hand over the large lovebite on her throat.

“Explains what, gorgeous?”

"Why you couldn't resist taking a little nibble." She joked.

“It’s because you taste sweet.”

"I do." She grinned.

He kissed her tenderly. “I do love you, Mrs Fairhead.”

"I love you too Mr Fairhead."

“I love you more.” He grinned and kissed her nose.

She scrunched up her nose grinning.

He did it again before resting his head on her shoulder. “Fancy a nap?”

"Have I worn you out?" She teased.

“Just a little bit.” He laughed.

"Poor little boy..!"

He yawned. “I used all my energy fucking you.”

"Time for a snooze."

He wrapped his arms around her.

She yawned, snuggling into his chest.

He stroked her arm. “Today has been amazing. Thank you for agreeing to be my wife again.”

"It was never in any doubt."

“I’m so proud of you.”

"Me?"

He nodded, “Yes.”

"I'm nothing special."

“Yes you are.”

"To you maybe." She smiled softly.

“To me and our children, you are the world.”

"And you're my world."

“You’ll make me all emotional.” Charlie replied.

"Its true. You're the reason I'm still here."

He kissed her tenderly.

"Its true."

“I’ll always be your reason.”

"Thank you for being my reason. For saving me when I didn't know how to save myself."

“Thank you for being my reason too.” He smiled, “Together we'll save each other.”

"You and me against the world." She smiled, placing a soft kiss against his chest.

“Forever and always.”

They drifted off to sleep for a little while before awakening once more.

Charlie’s tongue was licking the remains of the cake on her chest.

Duffy's eyes fluttered open. "That tickles..!" She giggled softly.

“Sorry.”

"There's worse ways to be woken up."

“Hmm, that’s true.”

"Feel free to continue though that's not the only place that's covered in cake..." She smirked suggestively.

“Where else are you covered?” He asked with a grin.

"Well your cock was covered in it when you fucked me earlier."

“You mean, down there..?”

"Where else did you think I meant..?" She giggled.

He moved further down her body, leaving a trail of kisses.

She giggled loudly as he disappeared under the duvet.

His tongue ran over her once again.

She moaned softly.

He was down there for ages again.

He lapped at the sticky mixture of both their fluids and cake. She moaned and sighed contentedly.

Despite the mix of their fluids and the cake, Charlie seemed to enjoy the taste. His hands grabbed her breasts as he continued to eat her out.

Every part of her was tingling with the pleasurable sensations his actions provoked.

Once he’d finished his snack, Charlie kissed all the way up her body.

Her eyes were closed, a look of total satisfaction and a dopey grin gracing her features.

“Did you enjoy that?”

"Mmhmm." She smiled.

“I can tell. You’ve got that smile on your face.”

"What smile?" She giggled, opening her eyes.

“That one.” He bopped her nose.

She giggled, wrinkling her nose.

He straddled her lap, holding his weight above her. “Do you fancy making love?”

"I'm not going to say no. You got your energy back after that little cat nap?" She asked, grinning mischievously as she felt his cock nudging against her thigh.

“I have.” He kissed her ear, “I want to take things slowly.”

"OK. Shall we explore the suite further? See if we can find somewhere else to indulge ourselves?"

“We could use the bath?”

"We certainly could."

“I’m sticky and so are you, despite my efforts to lick you clean.”

"You did a very good job."

“I never thought I’d say this but the mixture of us and cake is a nice combination.”

"I'll file that away for future reference..!" She giggled.

“You should.” He nudged against her thigh again, slow strokes against her thigh.

"Are we going to have that bath..?" She chuckled, rubbing herself against him.

“Yes.”

Once he'd rolled off her she stood up and attempted to peel her stockings off her legs.

Charlie’s eyes ran over her figure again. Damn, she really was beautiful!

She bent over further as she gradually worked them free.

Charlie couldn’t help but run a hand over himself.

She shifted her feet and peered up at him between her legs as she hung upside down. "You having fun..?" She giggled.

“Uh huh. Are you?”

"The blood's rushing to my head a little. A situation I'm sure you can sympathise with..!" She teased, watching his hand.

“The blood has left my head...” He replied still stroking himself.

She winked and turned her attention back to her stockings, sliding each one off her feet and dropping them to the floor.

His eyes were glued to her as his hand continued to move.

She turned around and stepped back over til she was in front of him. She knelt down. "I don't think we're gunna make it to that bath anytime soon..!" She licked the tip of his cock.

“No...” He sighed softly as she licked him. “Your fault.”

"Me?!" She giggled mischievously.

“Uh huh, getting me all hard.”

"You did that all by yourself..!" She retorted before wrapping her lips around him.

“Did...” He moaned softly, forgetting what he was going to say.

She gently moved his hands as she took his cock deeper into her mouth.

“Fuck!” He moved his hands into her hair.

His tightening grip encouraged her to move slightly so she could deep throat him.

“Holy shit!!” He groaned loudly.

She moved her hands to cup his balls, stroking them gently.

“Duffy.”

She sped up her movements, massaging his balls more firmly.

It didn’t take long before he came down her throat.

The amount and speed took her a little by surprise but she managed not to spill a drop.

He was impressed by her ability not to spill a single drop. He stroked her cheek lovingly.

As she moved back she slowly licked him clean.

His breathing was heavy.

She rocked back onto her heels, licking her lips.

He didn’t say anything as he met her eye.

"I'm not sure I can move now, you've filled me up good and proper."

He laughed gently.

"Reminds me of that time you did the same thing just after me and the boys had moved into your flat." She smiled, pulling him down to sit on the rug with her.

He sat on the floor but didn’t say anything. He rubbed his chest, “I think I’ve had too much excitement for one day.” He said quietly.

"You ok?" She grabbed a blanket from the bed behind him and draped it over him before reaching for his wrist.

“Yeh, chest has gone a bit funny.” He admitted.

"OK, is the pain easing now you're sat down?"

“Erm... Yeh.”

"Do you want to stay here or go lie down?" She asked. "Your pulse is a little high."

“Stay here.” He grabbed her hand.

"I'm just going to fetch a couple of pillows."

He nodded.

Once she'd grabbed the pillows and another blanket she returned to his side and constructed a fort around them on the floor. She then snuggled her arms around him. "Tell me if you start feeling worse."

“I will, I promise.”

She rested her head on his chest gently.

His heart was beating irregularly.

She looked up at him, worry filling her eyes.

He met her eye, “Hey, it’s ok. I’m fine.” He smiled reassuringly.

"I'm too drunk to drive if you're not."

“I’m not dying, don’t worry.” He reassured.

"You better not be!"

“I’d never leave you or the kids.” He replied. A short while later, his heartbeat returned to normal.

"How do you feel now?" She asked softly.

“Better,” He smiled.

"You sure?"

“Yes. I promise.”

"You just like to keep me on my toes don't you?"

“Yeh!” He laughed gently, “I forget I have a heart problem.”

"You've been so well recently."

“I have. I just forget sometimes that I’m not twenty anymore and I can’t keep fucking my wife really hard.” He laughed softly.

"It was very good though." She grinned.

“It was brilliant!”

"As good as the first time around."

“Im glad.”

"Today has been the most amazing day."

“Yeh it really has babe.”

"Having all our family with us was the icing on the cake."

He nodded and lent over to kiss her tenderly, “It was the perfect day and I’d do it over and over again.”

"Maybe it's something we can do every few years..?"

“I’d love that.” He kissed her again.

"Why is it that we always end up on the floor?" She giggled softly.

“I don’t know, it’s just comfortable.” He stroked her cheek, “I love you. Do you fancy going for that bath?”

"Only if you can be trusted to behave yourself..!" She teased.

“I can try.”

"Just make sure you keep your hands to yourself." She smirked.

“But what if I want my fingers and hands to be somewhere?”

"Well that all depends on if you're going to keel over on me again as a result..!"

“No I won’t.” He stood up and held his hand out to her. “Though I do want to make love to you in the bathroom, over the bath.”

"We must be positively crazy..!"

“Why crazy?” He asked.

"You forgotten your funny turn already?"

“No I haven’t.” He grinned. “Come on gorgeous, bath and then cuddles?”

"OK, let's go." She smiled.

He smiled as they went into the bathroom together.

Opening the cupboard above the sink she pulled out a bottle of bubble bath.

“Ooh, bubbles!”

"Can you flick the taps?"

Charlie put in the plug and flicked the taps on. Charlie watched as Duffy poured some bubble bath into the running water.

Placing the bottle back on the side she swished her hands through the water.

“You like your bubbles, don’t you?”

"Makes me feel like I'm in an old movie." She grinned.

He laughed gently.

She reached past him to turn off the taps. "After you..."

He slowly got into the bath full of bubbles, the warmth of the bath instantly relaxing him

Once he was sat down she climbed in to join him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist as she rested her back against his chest.

She sighed contentedly.

As did Charlie. His hands rested on her stomach.

"This is the life eh?"

“It certainly is.”

"I'm so pleased they let Louis come home."

“Me too. He’s looking really well.”

"So well. You made the right decision." She knew he still regretted being forced to agree to Louis being sectioned.

“It doesn’t always feel like that.” He admitted, “But I know he needed it. We’d have lost him if we’d kept him at home and it would’ve destroyed me to bury our son.”

"He needed more help than we could give him, no matter how desperately we tried."

“I know that. Deep down, I do.”

"He knows that too."

“The stuff with Caroline didn’t help.”

"No. I cannot and will not forgive her for that!"

“He won’t admit she took advantage of him but I know she did.” He sighed sadly.

"Its hard to admit when it's happening to you."

“I know.” He paused. “He wants to become a drugs counsellor.”

"I think he'd be very good at that."

“So do I.”

"My dad thinks Tilly would make a good nurse."

“I agree with him.” Charlie smiled. “Lottie keeps a cool head in an emergency too. Actually, all three girls do.”

"Most kids their age would panic but they don't."

“Not many people have two parents in charge of the emergency department.”

"That's very true." She chuckled.

He smiled proudly, “Whatever they choose to do, I’ll be proud of them! Just like I’m proud of the boys.”

"I think Jake's getting itchy feet again."

“He wants to go off travelling again?”

"All this stuff with Andrew has really mixed him up again. I just hope I convinced him that therapy with help with that."

“There’s no shame with going for therapy. Does he know Peter went?”

"I told him that. He seemed shocked."

“Peter doesn’t talk about it much, does he?”

"No. Despite their differences Jake really looks up to Peter."

“Yeh he does and Louis looks up to Jake and Peter.”

"They've all been through so much." Duffy sighed.

“They have but they’re stronger for it.”

"I hope so. Jake was like someone possessed earlier."

“He’s protective over his family.”

"Andrew could barely stand up..."

“He was clearly drunk as well.”

"Its been a long time since I've seen him that bad with drink." She sighed.

“Who Andrew?”

She nodded. "Those were the nights I would barricade the boys' rooms shut." She admitted quietly.

“Because he’d go off on one?”

"Yeh. Those were the worst times..."

“I’m sorry sweetheart.” He kissed the top of her head.

"I was terrified that one night he'd go too far and..." Her voice broke.

He wrapped his arms tighter around her. “Ssh, sweetheart. It’s ok."

"I wanted to tell you back then, to cry out but every time I tried the words stuck in my throat."

“I should’ve seen the signs but I didn’t. I didn’t realise and I’ll always be sorry.”

"He was vicious but he was clever. He knew exactly what would be hidden under my uniform or would be healed before my next shift."

“I never liked him.”

"That's because I was foolish enough to let him turn my head."

“I always got a vibe about him.”

"I wish I'd listened."

“You did in the end. We listened to each other.”

"It was strange to see him lying on the floor vomiting after he'd reduced me to that so many times."

“Yet you still helped him. That says a lot about you.”

"I did that for Jake's sake."

“Still says a lot about you.” He kissed her head again, “Jake wasn’t going to leave him.”

"I know." She sighed. "Unlike Andrew I don't make a habit of holding people's faces down in their vomit til they choke and pass out."

Charlie closed his eyes, the image breaking his heart.

"That's why making myself sick was always a desperate last resort when nothing else worked..."

“I’m sorry I didn’t protect you or the boys.” He whispered.

"You did as much as I let you."

“I still should’ve done more.” Charlie replied, “If I looked close enough, I would’ve seen what was going on.”

"I got very good at hiding the truth."

“I only had to look into your eyes.”

She sighed, snuggling herself into his embrace, only her head visible above the bubbly water.

“I love you, to the moon and back.”

"I was so scared earlier..." She admitted quietly.

“When Jake hit Andrew?”

"I feared Andrew would turn on me."

“He wouldn’t dare.”

"You really believe that?"

“You think he’d have hit you with Jake being there and me? Jake would’ve killed him if he'd laid a hand on you...”

"That's what I was scared of."

“Jake killing him?”

She nodded. "The final revenge on me. Destroying my son."

“I’m scared Jake might go too far one day.”

"There must be a way to stop that. I can't let that happen!"

“Anger management or therapy? Would you like me to have a word with him?”

"Maybe we both should. It may be a good idea to involve Krystal too."

“Good idea.”

"I have to protect him."

“We will protect him.”

"I wish with all my heart that you had been his father."

“It’s a shame I’m not but blood doesn’t matter. He always be my son.”

"You're the only proper father he's ever known."

“I’ll always be his dad.” Charlie smiled.

"I think he sees a lot of himself in Sam."

“Yeh I think so too.” He kissed her head. “We’ll talk to Jake when we get back, come up with a plan of action to help him?”

She nodded. "We should probably get some rest. It's been a long, eventful day."

“A long eventful day but one of the happiest days of my life.” He whispered.

"I agree. Nothing can change that."

“Nothing ever will.”

"Time for bed?" She suggested, yawning softly.

“Time for bed,” He replied as he began to yawn.

Duffy let out a little groan as she pushed herself up to standing.

“Aching?” He asked.

"I'm getting old." She reached over for a towel.

“Makes us both princess.” He smiled, “You’re still beautiful though.”

She stepped out the bath and wrapped the towel around herself. "Are you joining me?"

“In bed? Try stopping me.” He smirked.

She shrieked playfully, giggling, as he got out of the bath and chased her through to the bedroom.

He laughed gently at her giggling as he chased her back to the bedroom and to the bed.

The sheets were still sticky but neither of them cared as they climbed back into bed.

Wrapping his arms around her waist, Charlie pulled her closer towards him. “Don’t want you getting cold.” He whispered as he kissed the side of her head.

She smiled, snuggling into him. "Warm and safe, that's what I always am when I'm with you."

“That’s good because that’s the same for me.”

"Thank you for a wonderful day." She replied sleepily.

“No, thank you.”

"I love you."

“I love you more gorgeous.”

She chuckled softly as she drifted off to sleep.

It took Charlie a few minutes longer but eventually he fell asleep.


	53. TW: violence, sexual assault and drug dealing

Lottie didn’t know why she’d decided to meet Owen to “hear his side of the story”. Everyone said she was silly but she just wanted to talk, to ask questions. She figured now would be a good idea, now that the red mist had lifted.

She sat in the front garden. Her parents weren't home yet and her gran had taken Paul and Oliver to the supermarket with her.

Owen had said he’d be round in half an hour but so far he was running late!

She could feel Tilly's gaze on her from their bedroom window as she sat on the grass.

Her sister was so bloody nosey!

She looked at her watch again. Maybe this had been a stupid idea afterall...

As she stood up to return to the house, she heard a voice call her name. “Lottie?”

Owen came jogging into view. He was breathless and looked antsy.

“You finally made it then?” Lottie asked, an icy edge to her voice.

"I'm sorry." He hoped over the gate and sat down behind the wall.

“It’s ok.” She sat beside him. “You alright?”

"Yeh." He clearly wasn't though.

“No you’re not, what’s wrong?”

"I can't tell you. I don't want you getting in trouble."

She sighed and brought her knees to her chest. “There’s something bothering you and you should tell me.”

"I'm trying to keep you safe!"

“I don’t need protecting Owen.” She rolled her eyes playfully, “Tell me?”

"I shouldn't even be here. If Tony finds out..."

“Your brother? What’s he done?”

"I told you he was in prison right..?"

“Yeh you did.”

"They let him out on a tag. Good behaviour or summat."

“Ok..?”

"Dad's still inside and he and Tony don't think mum's done a very good job."

“So he wants you to take over?”

"Tony will run things but he has to be careful coz of his record." Owen kept glancing around, it was clear that he was terrified.

“Owen, tell me what he’s said?”

"I can't. It'd put you in danger and I can't do that! That's why I broke up with you, I was trying to protect you but I can't get you out of my head! Seeing you every day at school is like torture."

“I don’t need protecting, Owen! I can look after myself.” She replied before frowning, “What do you mean..? I’m in danger?”

"Just please... Don't ask questions..."

“Tell me!” Her temper was beginning to boil.

"I should have known you'd be here you pussy-whipped piece of shit!" Tony lent over the wall and dragged Owen back across it into the road.

“Oi! Leave him alone!” Lottie got to her feet and went after them.

“Get off me Tony!”

"Is this why you chickened out? Some stupid little slut?"

Seeing what was happening Tilly ran from the window and out into the hall. Jake and Krystal had gone to pick up Emily so she ran upstairs to Louis' room, screaming at him to come downstairs fast.

“Don’t call me that!” Lottie tried to get Tony off Owen but couldn’t, she was too small. 

“She’s not a slag so fuck off!” Owen pushed Tony. 

Louis hearing the commotion came out of his room. “What’s wrong, Tots?” He asked.

"Fight outside! Lottie!" Tilly blurted out, already running down the stairs.

Tony continued to punch and kick Owen.

“Shit!!” Louis began to follow Tilly down the stairs. 

“Leave him alone!!” Lottie tried to stand between the two boys.

"Stay out of this!" Tony sneered, swinging round and smacking Lottie in the mouth.

It took Lottie a couple of moments before she realised she’d been smacked in the mouth. She promptly burst into tears, her hand cupping her mouth. 

Owen tried to punch Tony but missed before the front door swung open and Louis and Tilly dashed out.

Tilly ran straight to her sister whilst Louis attempted to break up the fight.

“Take your sister and go back in the house.” Louis told the twins as he pulled Tony off Owen.

"Well look what got thrown out with the garbage..!" Tony sneered.

“Coming from the scumbag that used to sell drugs to kids?” Louis answered back. He’d spent a lot of time being scared of Tony but he wasn’t afraid anymore.

"And those are your sisters?" Tony added, pointed to the twins who stood frozen on the grass.

“Yeh, yeh they are.” Louis turned to the twins, “Go back inside and lock the door.”

"Oh no you don't! You still owe me and its time I collected your debt."

“Get back in the house, now!!” Louis yelled at the twins. “You’re not touching them!” He told Tony.

"I didn't realise you were screwing one of my payments baby brother..!" Tony still held Owen by the scruff of his tshirt, blood was pouring down the lad's face.

“They’re not payments!!” Louis yelled. “I will get you your fucking money but I won’t let you touch them!!” 

“What do you mean, your payment?” Owen mumbled confused, spitting out some blood onto the pavement

Tony gestured to the car parked nearby and two heavy-set young men got out and headed towards the twins. "Don't worry, you can have her back when I'm finished." Tony laughed at his little brother.

“No, no please!!” Louis begged. “I’ll get you your money... Don’t please!” 

Tilly dragged Lottie back into the house and locked them inside.

One of the hired thugs began attempting to break down the door whilst the other took hold of Louis and dragged him to the car.

“Stop!! I will do whatever you want. I’ll work for you, please don’t hurt them!”

There was a loud bang as the door came off its hinges. Pushing Louis into the car the other thug went to help his partner drag the girls from the house.

The girls screamed and ran upstairs. They reached the bedroom and together tried to move things in front of the door. Louis tried to kick out the window of the car, “Please!! I will do anything, don’t hurt them!!” He was screaming and yelling.

Police sirens could be heard in the distance, a neighbour had called the police after seeing the commotion.

Hearing the sirens Tony pulled a gun. "I ain't shitting around!"

Owen laughed, “You’re gonna go back inside and then what?”

Louis was continuing to kick the window of the car, he managed to finally break it.

Louis chased after Tony as the sound of gunfire echoed through the house as the thugs also drew their weapons.

The girls hid under their beds, sobbing and crying. 

“Tony?? What can I do to pay back the debt that doesn’t involve the girls?” Louis screamed.

"You ruined everything!" Tony yelled at Louis. He was starting to panic as the sirens grew closer.

Owen had run towards the house having escaped through the window Louis had broken.

"Run!" Tony yelled as the thugs broke down the girls bedroom door and sprayed the room with bullets. Seeing that Owen wasn't following him, however, Tony fired two shots in the direction of Louis and Owen before jumping into the car and speeding off with his two accomplices.

One of the shots caught Louis in the arm but he didn’t care. He needed to see if the twins were ok. “Tilly? Lottie?” He screamed as he ran back into the house and to the girls' bedroom.

Owen, on the other hand, was more seriously injured, his blood seeping out onto the grass at an alarming rate.

“Tilly? Lottie?” Louis raced up the stairs to the girls bedroom and stood in the doorway, “Girls?” He swallowed hard. “Please be alive! Please be alive!” He begged.

The room was trashed, the mirror on the wall shattered. Soft sounds came from under the bed by the window.

“Girls, you’re safe. Are you both ok?” Louis knew he needed to go to Owen... 

They crawled timidly out from under the bed. Lottie's face was bleeding but they seemed otherwise unharmed.

“Stay here, please?” Louis smiled sadly at the twins before he ran down the stairs and into the garden. “Owen? Owen? Shit!!” He crouched down beside him, checking his pulse.

The girls looked at each other briefly before following their brother downstairs. Reaching the door Lottie let out a terrified scream.

Owen had a very faint pulse. Louis placed his hands over the gunshot wound in Owen's stomach.

Tilly pushed past her sister, grabbing one of her mother's scarves from the hallway. "Hold this against the would." She told her brother.

Louis took the scarf and pressed it against the wound. “Thank you. Will you call an ambulance?” 

A few seconds later, armed police arrived.

Tilly called out to the police that they needed an ambulance, that the gunmen had escaped. Seeing their weapons she squealed, holding her hands above her head.

“It’s ok, you can put your hands down.” One of the officers called back.

"Please don't shoot me!" Tilly called back, her voice shaking.

“We’re not going to hurt you!”

Lottie was staring at Owen. She was shaking hysterically.

Louis’ heart broke. He’d done this, he was always going to do this to his family. 

Two ambulances pulled up outside the house with blue lights.

The first pair of paramedics immediately dealt with Owen whilst the other pair attempted to assess Louis and Lottie.

“Focus on the twins please, they’re in shock.” Louis told them. 

"You've been shot sir."

“Focus on the twins!”

"My colleague is attending to them."

"I'm ok." Tilly insisted.

“And Lottie?” Louis asked.

"I'll be OK, I think he broke my nose." Lottie mumbled.

“Bastard! I’ll fucking kill him!” Louis stood up and went to his sisters. “I’m so sorry, this is all my fault.”

"Who is he?" Tilly asked.

“He was my dealer. When I was using, I... I said he could use you and Lottie for payment.” Louis swallowed hard, feeling sick. “I regret that now and always will, but I promise I will try and protect you both. I’m sorry.”

"You mean... He was going to..?" Lottie struggled to wrap her head around it all. Owen's brother had been Louis' dealer?!

"I would have broken it off if he'd tried!" Tilly retorted, clearly high on adrenaline.

“He was going to rape you both, yes.” The words made Louis feel sick and he moved away from the twins to throw up. “I’m so sorry, so so sorry!”

"We need to get you all to the hospital." The paramedic explained. "Where are your parents?"

“Away...” Louis threw up again.

"They work at Holby General but they're at a hotel currently. They renewed their wedding vows yesterday." Tilly explained.

“We’ll have to ring your parents when you get to A&E, are you ready to go?”

"What about the door?" Lottie asked, dazed.

“The police will secure the house until an adult arrives.”

As they moved towards the ambulance it was noticeable that Tilly was limping.

“Tilly? You’re limping!”

"Its nothing, it's just a bit sore. I probably knocked it as I jumped under the bed." Tilly shrugged.

“Can I check?” The paramedic asked as she made Tilly sit down.

"Its nothing but if you insist." Tilly grumbled.

“I do.” Once Tilly was seated, she crouched down. “Which leg and is there any pain?”

"Left leg. Hurts a bit." Tilly shrugged.

“May I?” She asked gesturing to the trousers. She gently rolled up her trousers and inspected her leg.

The movement of the trousers revealed a glass embedded gash in Tilly's left calf.

The paramedic swore under her breath. “You need to be really careful with your left leg.”

"Its nothing." Tilly retorted.

“You currently have a piece of glass embedding in your left calf. Pulling that out could cause you a lot of damage.”

"O-ok..." Tilly suddenly felt dizzy as she looked down at her leg, the blood starting to soak into her sock.

Lottie grabbed her sister’s hand. “It’s ok, we’re gonna be fine.” She reached for her brother's hand as well.

It took a few minutes but finally the three of them were settled in the ambulance. The one with Owen on had already sped off towards the hospital.

“He’s dead, isn’t he?” Lottie mumbled referring to Owen.

"He'll be OK." Louis replied, desperate for that to be true.

Lottie nodded. She was beginning to shake uncontrollably now that her adrenaline levels had come down.

The paramedic in the back with them wrapped a blanket round Lottie.

“T—thank you.” Lottie whispered.

Tilly snuggled up to her sister's side. "Lottiepop..." She whispered, her voice full of fear.

“Yeh Tots?” Lottie whispered.

"Can I have a cuddle?"

Lottie wrapped her arms around Tilly and hugged her tightly. “We’re gonna be ok.” She whispered although she didn’t believe that for a minute, she was scared. What had Louis got them involved in?

“They don’t leave me when we’re at the hospital, alright?” Louis told the paramedic.

"That should be OK."

When they arrived at the hospital, they were triaged as appropriate and taken to cubicles. Louis was staring at the wound in his arm.

They still hadn't heard how Owen was.

“You got your phone on ya?” Louis asked the twins.

"Yeh." Both girls nodded.

“I was gonna ring mum and dad but...” Louis sighed, “Gran’s probably got back and all hell has broken loose now.”

"Didn't Noel say he was gunna call them?" Lottie replied.

“I don’t know.” Louis sighed, “You both probably hate me.”

"Why did you do it?" Tilly asked.

“I was ill and desperate.” He sighed, “I thought I didn’t love you both.”

"H-he was going to make you and Owen watch wasn't he?" Tilly asked, her voice a mere whisper.

Louis nodded. “I’m so sorry. I need to make this right but I don’t know how!”

"Was it just us or Emmy too?" Lottie asked.

“Emmy as well.” Louis hung his head, his mind filled with all the terrible things he'd done to get heroin. He'd exposed himself and his loved ones to the most degrading and dangerous exploitation. It had been one thing allowing himself to be sexually violated - he'd been willing to do anything to secure another fix - but his sisters had been children, hell, they still were. It all churned away inside him, no matter how hard he tried, all the progress he'd made, he was still scum and always would be. He looked up at his sisters. “I promise I will make this better and right.” He whispered. He would make it ok but then he’d leave, he’d ensure he wouldn’t ruin their lives anymore. That’s all he ever did - ruin things.

Tilly looked up as Louis stood and moved towards the curtain. "Where you going?"

“To make this right. Please stay here and be safe.” He kissed their foreheads. “I love you both.”

"What?! You can't just leave! What do we tell mum and dad when they ask?!" Tilly demanded.

“Tell them the truth. That I’m scum and I’m fixing things.”

"Louis..!" The twins called out after him but he didn't look back.

Louis went to the reception desk, “Can I use your phone please?” He asked Noel.

"Um... Sure... Your parents will be here soon if that's who you're trying to call."

“No. I’m ringing someone else.” Louis smiled sadly, “Will you tell my parents something?”

"Can't you tell them yourself? Like I said, they're on their way."

“No, I’ve got things I need to do.” Louis sighed.

"Oh, OK. Has the doctor discharged you already? What's the message?"

“Yeh.” Louis paused, “Will you tell them that I’m sorry and I love them?”

Noel was about to reply when another patient began yelling for his attention.

Louis seized the opportunity to use the phone on the desk. He waited for the person on the other end to answer.

"Hello?" They answered, not recognising the number.

“It’s me, Louis.”

"Long time, what do you need?"

“I need a favour. A big one, I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate and I promise to pay you back?”

"Depends what it is..."

“I need £600 quid.”

"Just like that?" There was a snort. "What's in it for me?"

“You’d be saving my three little sisters from getting raped.” Louis replied.

"What the hell shit you got yourself into now?!"

“It was from when I was using. I put the girls up for payment, I thought it was over. Only he’s back out of prison, I need the money to pay him. I can’t have him hurt the girls. Please! I don’t know who else to turn to.”

"These things are never over."

“I know. It doesn’t matter how far I get into recovery, it still comes and bites me on the arse. If I pay him, it’s over... Right?”

"You pay him but then you owe me."

“And I’ll pay you back, whatever way you need me to.”

"Well that is quite the offer..!"

“Please! I’m desperate!”

"I do have a delivery that I need a hand with..."

“What kind of delivery?”

"I'll explain more when you get here."

“Alright, thanks, can I come over now?”

"I'll have it ready for you."

“Thank you, I appreciate it.” Louis put down the phone and walked out of the department.

Twenty minutes after leaving the hospital, he found himself in familiar territory and knocked on the door in front of him.

The door opened a crack. "Ah, it's you."

“It’s me. Can I come in?”

"You sure you weren't followed?"

"Hundred percent.”

"OK. Come in."

Louis smiled as he stepped into the house. “Cheers.”

They walked through to the kitchen.

"I need you to go down to the docks and collect a package for me. Once you bring it back you can have the £600 and we'll be quits. Well, unless you'd like a share of the package - that'll cost you more..."

“What’s the package?” Louis asked, his hands in his pockets.

"Your escape of choice." Alex grinned.

"Louis?!" A young woman entered the kitchen grinning broadly at Louis. "Its been so long, I've missed you!" She fluttered her eyelashes at him.

“Nah, you’re alright but I’ll go and grab the package for you.” Turning to the young woman, it took Louis a few moments to recognise her. He smiled, “Hi.”

"Take Lucy with you." Alex insisted.

“Alright, will do.” Louis smiled at the young woman.

"The ship arrives in twenty minutes."

“Thanks, come on Lucy, we best go.” Louis replied.

She followed him outside. They'd only walked a few metres down the road when she grabbed his arm and pulled him down an alleyway. "I've missed you so much Louis!" She pressed herself against him.

“Lucy, not now.” He laughed, “Maybe later, when I’ve got the package?”

"You promise?" She pouted.

“I can’t promise but I’ll try ok?” He smiled and kissed her cheek.

"Is that all I get?"

“I will give you more later. I really need to get that package Lucy, my life depends on it.”

"OK." She sighed.

They made their way to the docks, a comfortable conversation happening between the two.

"You didn't used to be so backwards in coming forwards..!" Lucy giggled lightly, slipping her hand into his.

“What do you mean?” He looked down at their hands. They’d arrived at the docks with a few minutes to spare so waited for the package to arrive.

"When we last saw each other you couldn't keep your hands off me."

“I know.” He squeezed her hand.

"Alex never knew."

“Good. I hope he doesn’t because he’ll kill me.” He moved his hand from hers. “It can’t happen again Lucy. Not now, not ever. He’s bailed me out so much!”

"You act like he's my boyfriend rather than my brother!" She retorted.

“He’s a mate and I don’t think he’d take too kindly to me shagging his sister, do you?” He smiled. Their conversation been interrupted as the parcel was dropped off.

Lucy picked up the package and slipped it into her bag.

On the walk back, Louis was nervous. He also wasn’t feeling to good. “Luce?”

"Mmm?" She looked up at him, he was still as handsome as ever.

“You’re not involved in this stuff are you?” He asked, referring to the drugs. “You don’t use, do you?”

"Only to take the edge off when Alex sends me out to visit his customers..." She admitted sadly.

“You deserve so much better.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"He's my brother. He says I'm the best at persuading them to pay up."

He smiled sadly, “He still shouldn’t use you.” They began the walk home.

"I do what I have to do." She sighed. "Its what I'm good at. You of all people know that!"

“You are good but you’re worth more than that.”

"You're the only one I ever felt anything with."

“Really?”

"Yes." She looked up at him. "Please don't leave me begging..!"

“Leave you begging for what..?” He smiled, “I won’t.”

"You."

“Let’s go back and take this to Alex and then maybe you and I can do something together?”

"I like the sound of that." Lucy smiled.

He smiled and they walked back in a comfortable silence.

Alex checked over the package and gave Louis the money. "Are you sure I can't tempt you..?" He asked as he began to divide up the contents. "A little freebie for old time's sake..?"

Louis shook his head, “I appreciate the offer but no thanks.” He put the envelope into his pocket.

"Its top quality..." Alex added.

“I’m clean. Have been for a while now.” Louis smiled, “Cheers for helping me out.”

"Well, you know where I am if you ever change your mind."

“I do. Thanks mate, I better be off.”

"Pleasure doing business with you."

“You too.” Before he left, he slipped Lucy his number. Leaving, he walked towards the last known address of Tony’s. He knocked on the door, shuffling his weight from one foot to the other nervously.

Tony flung open the door. “What the fuck do you want?”

Louis reached into his pocket and held out the envelope. "Its all there, every penny."

“The £600 you owe me?”

"Yes."

Tony took the envelope. “You best not be bullshitting me!”

"Its legit. Count it. Its all there."

Tony tore open the envelope and counted every bit of the money. “We won’t be bothering you anymore.”

"You swear? The girls will be safe?"

“I’ve got my money, I don’t need the girls now.” Tony chucked the envelope onto the side.

"You shot your kid brother."

There was a look of remorse on Tony’s face, “I weren’t aiming for any of yous. It’s just unfortunate he got hit.”

"You brought guns and heavies!"

“To make you realise I was fucking serious but I won’t be troubling yous no more! You’ve paid me, your debts over. I don’t need the girls. I won’t hurt the girls! You’ve got my word on that, I don’t need to!”

"Its over?"

Tony nodded, “We’re quits.”

"Thank you."

“You know where I am if you need a pick me up.” Tony told him before shutting the door.

Louis let out a breath, shaking all over. He began to make his way back to the hospital. He needed to tell the twins that they were going to be ok.

He was halfway back when his phone beeped with a text message.

It was from Lucy. 'It was so great to see you. Can I see you again? Xx'

‘I’d like that. X’ He replied back, the tiniest hint of a smile on his face.

When he arrived back at the hospital he spotted his dad and Noel arguing.

He was in two minds whether to approach his dad or not. He slowly walked towards his dad and coughed behind him, “Dad?”

"Louis?!" Charlie took hold of his son.

“I’ve sorted it. It’s over.”

"Sorted what? Louis, please tell me you're not in trouble..!"

Louis shook his head, “It’s over. The girls are safe...”

"What the hell happened at the house?"

“Tony came for the girls. I put them up for payment remember?”

"The lad you owed money to? I thought he was in prison?"

“Released few days ago.” Louis swallowed. “They had guns, started shooting the shit out of the house. Owen must’ve got caught in the crossfire. Tony wanted the girls but I wasn’t going to let him! I tried to protect them.”

"What was Owen doing at the house? I thought he and Lottie had broken up."

“I don’t know why he was there.” Louis replied, “Tony won’t hurt the girls dad. It’s over, it’s finished. I paid him. He doesn’t need to chase a payment anymore, he’s got it.”

They'd arrived outside Charlie's office as they'd been talking. "How did you get the money?"

“Went to a friend.”

"So now you owe them instead?"

Louis shook his head, “I settled the debt.”

"Louis..." Charlie sighed.

“I picked up a parcel from the docks.” Louis rubbed his arm. It was beginning to hurt.

"What kind of package?"

“Heroin.”

"Louis!" Charlie gasped.

“I needed to do it dad. I’d do anything to make sure the girls were safe.” Louis replied. “I’m tired of all this. I thought this time it would be better but it isn’t and I’m sorry.”

"Its illegal!" Charlie hissed.

“It meant the girls were safe.” Louis countered.

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck and sighed.

“I had no choice but it’s done. I’ve paid everyone.”

Charlie noticed that blood was seeping through the dressing on Louis' arm. "You need that looking at."

“Will you look at it?” Louis asked, “How’s the twins?”

Charlie led Louis through to a free cubicle, gathering the needed supplies on the way. "Looks like the damage to Lottie's face is superficial thankfully. Tilly will likely have to have an operation to remove the glass from her leg."

Louis nodded, “It’s a mess.” He mumbled sadly as he sat down on the bed. “It’s a mess because of me.”

"How did he even know where to find you? You've only been home a couple of days."

“He was clearly watching me, waiting for his moment.”

"You should go to the police..."

“You know I can’t do that. How’s Owen?”

"He's up in surgery. They've been unable to get hold of his mum."

“She’ll be working.”

"The bullet did a lot of damage but hopefully the fact he's young and otherwise healthy will see him through."

Louis nodded, “Does Duffy hate me again?” He sighed and flinched as Charlie began to clean his cut.

"Why would she hate you?"

“I put the girls in danger, again.”

"You were shot trying to protect them. They told us that you saved their lives."

“Owen tried to protect them too.” Louis replied sadly before he began to cry over the situation.

Charlie pulled Louis into a hug.

Louis sobbed, clutching his dad’s shirt. “I’m really sorry for ruining everything again. I try so hard but... It’s always there. It’s always going to be there.”

"We want to help you. You have to let us though." Charlie paused. He hated what he was about to do but knew he had to. "Did you take anything?"

Louis smiled and shook his head, “He tried to tempt me but I said no. I don’t want to go back to that place...”

"I'm proud of you."

“It’s taken me ages to get out of it, I’m not going back in.”

"It took a lot of strength to say no."

“It really did.” Louis admitted.

"You'll need an xray to check there's nothing left in the wound but you've been lucky."

“I was lucky.” Louis agreed.

"Do you want to go sit with the girls whilst you wait?"

Louis nodded, “If that’s ok..?”

"They're worried about you."

Louis smiled sadly, “Are you coming dad?” He stood up.

"I'll just be a minute. I need to tidy up and order your xray."

Louis nodded, “Which cubicle are they in?”

"Nine."

“Thanks dad.” Louis walked out of the cubicle and went to the cubicle where the twins were. “Hi.”

"Louis! You're OK?!" Tilly was sat on the trolley with her leg elevated.

“Of course I’m ok.” He sat on the edge of the bed and hugged Tilly with one arm, holding his hand out for Lottie. “You’re not going to be hurt again, I promise.”

"Maybe you'll tell me what the hell happened today..!" Duffy interjected from where she stood by the wall. "The girls seem to have temporary mutism on the subject."

“Tony came to take his payment.” Louis replied as he looked at his stepmother.

"Oh god!" Duffy gasped.

“But they’re safe because I’ve paid him. He doesn’t need the girls.”

Duffy's hands shook as she nodded, swallowing back the tears that had been threatening ever since the hospital had called.

“It’s over.” He replied.

Out in admin Noel called out for Charlie. He was closely followed by a very agitated teenage boy and the boy's mother.

“Yes Noel?” He approached Noel and the agitated teenager.

"I'm so sorry to disturb you Mr Fairhead..." Karen apologised.

"I want to see Tilly now!" Tommy repeated, he was getting sick of this shit!

“Oh it’s no trouble whatsoever. Tommy, calm down.” Charlie told the youngster gently, “Tilly’s ok.”

"You swear?!" Tommy replied. He'd seen so many conflicting things online, he didn't know what to believe.

“Would I be this calm if she wasn’t?” Charlie asked.

"True. Sorry sir." Tommy replied.

“It’s ok, I can take you both to Tilly if you like?”

"Please." Tommy started to calm slightly.

Charlie showed Karen and Tommy to the cubicle.

"Tommy!" Tilly grinned as the curtains opened.

“You really are ok?!” Tommy hugged her tightly.

"They gotta take my upstairs to get the glass out my leg but I'm OK."

“Good!”

"I'm not allowed to use my phone in here." Tilly explained.

“I panicked. It’s all going around online about someone been shot.”

"Owen Simpkiss got shot." Tilly replied, glancing sadly at Lottie.

“Shit! You ok Lottie?” Tommy asked turning to look at Lottie.

Lottie sighed, her eyes red with tears.

Tommy sighed sadly.

"He's up in surgery." Duffy explained. "You don't have any contact details for his mum do you Karen? They're struggling to get hold of her."

Karen went into her phone and took out the last contact number she had for Owen’s mum. “She’s a difficult one to get hold of at times.”

"Yeh..." Duffy sighed. Both women knew of Owen's mum's profession but neither felt it their place to judge.

“You tried to contact his older brother?”

"Isn't he still... Unavailable..?" Duffy asked cautiously.

“I’m not sure.”

"I feel so bad, poor kid up there on his own." Duffy sighed sadly.

Lottie felt sick, she ended up running out of the cubicle and towards the toilets.

"Oh Lottie..!" Duffy sighed. "Can you stay with Tilly?" She asked Karen.

“Of course I can.”

Louis sighed as his stepmother jogged after his youngest sister. It was clear that she didn't trust him again. He scratched his arm hard. The overwhelming urge to use suddenly entering his brain.

Duffy eventually caught up with Lottie in the toilets. "Lottiepop?"

There was a silence before a small sob could be heard from the end toilet.

"Oh Lottie please come out." Duffy pleaded.

Lottie unlocked the door but made no effort to come out.

"Oh princess..!" Duffy sighed.

“I don’t want Owen to die.”

"He's in with the best up there."

“This happened because of Louis.” Lottie sighed, “But he... protected us.”

"I'm sorry you were exposed to this. Me and your dad tried our best to keep you safe."

“I don’t hate him.” Lottie came out of the toilet. “I don’t hate Louis!”

"We thought it would all be OK once Tony was sent to prison." Duffy sighed.

“It never ends until someone’s dead.” Lottie replied, “How much does Louis owe?”

"Lottie!" Duffy gasped. "I don't know." She sighed. "How does Owen fit into all this?"

“Tony and Owen are brothers.”

"Was it Tony who shot Owen?!"

“I don’t know, I wasn’t there.”

"Ok."

“Will they come back? Those men?”

"No because we're going to speak to the police about what happened and make sure they're punished for what they did."

“You can’t go to the police!”

"Why not?!"

“You can’t be a grass!” Lottie replied, “it’ll make things worse!”

"Charlotte this isn't playground snitching now. People were shot!"

“I’m not stupid.” Lottie replied, “But we can’t go to the police!”

"Give me one good reason..!"

“They’ll kill Louis, do you want that?”

Duffy sighed. She was torn. She was desperate to protect the girls but not at the expense of another child.

“Maybe they won’t come back? Not if Louis isn’t in debt anymore. Isn’t that what he said?”

"That's what he says."

“Then we need to move on?” Lottie sighed, rubbing her forehead. “But what if Owen can’t?”

"You really care for him don't you?"

Lottie nodded. “He dumped me to protect me.” She stood by the sinks.

"What do you mean?"

“I think he knew what Tony was planning.”

"To attack Louis? Or something else?"

Lottie shrugged. “Dunno.”

"We still can't get hold of Owen's mum. Do you have any ideas of where she could be?"

“She’s a prostitute, she could be anywhere.”

Duffy sighed. Harsh as it sounded, Lottie was right.

Lottie turned on the taps and splashed her face with water.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you."

Lottie smiled sadly, “You can’t always be there. It’s not your fault, just like it’s not Louis’. Do you think he’ll be ok?”

"I hope so. We all need to pull together."

“Yeh, I agree.”

"We can get through this."

Lottie nodded.

"As soon as Owen is out of surgery we'll find out how he is."

“Thanks mum.” Lottie held her arms out to her mum.

Duffy enveloped Lottie in a cuddle.

“I love you.”

"I love you too princess."

Lottie hugged her mum tightly.

Duffy stroked Lottie's hair, the tears she'd held back finally falling.

“Oh mama, please please don’t cry!” Lottie begged her mum.

"When the police called us to say there'd been a shooting I was so scared that I'd lost one or both of you."

“I can imagine it was very scary.”

"My legs gave out from underneath me." Duffy admitted in a whisper.

Lottie squeezed her mum tightly, “We were scared mum.”

"Oh baby!" Duffy cried harder.

Hearing her mum cry, just made Lottie begin to cry.

"I love you so much!" Duffy told Lottie repeatedly.

“I love you too, mama!”

Duffy continued to stroke Lottie's hair.

“Shall we go back to Tilly?”

"If you're OK with that?"

Lottie nodded, “I want to make sure Louis is ok.”

"OK."

The both attempted to dry their eyes and look somewhat presentable before leaving the toilets.

As they returned back to the cubicles, Louis had gone but Tilly, Karen and Tommy were there.

"Where's Louis?" Duffy asked.

“Said he needed some fresh air.” Tilly replied.

Duffy sighed, nodding. "How are you feeling princess?"

“My leg's sore and I’m scared.” Tilly admitted

"Its going to be absolutely fine. They'll only put you to sleep for a short time while they take the glass out."

“Ok mama.”

"Me and dad will be here when you wake up afterwards."

“And Lottie too?”

"I'll be there." Lottie smiled.

Tilly nodded.

"Your mum knows her stuff, you'll be fine." Tommy squeezed her hand.

“Yeh.” Tilly squeezed his hand back.

"Its a very straightforward procedure." Duffy added.

Tilly nodded again, “good.”

"Do you know where your dad has gone again?"

“I think he went after Louis, I dunno.” Tilly answered.

"I'm just going to check when they're coming to take you up to theatre."

“Ok.”

The curtains swished closed once more as Duffy left the cubicle.

Lottie sat on the bed with Tilly and cuddled her sister.

Charlie was outside with Louis, Louis was sat on the floor. His head was in his hands as he contemplated the day's events. "Will Tilly be permanently scarred?"

“She’ll have a small scar yes.” Charlie told him.

"I screwed up again."

“No you didn’t.”

"They could have been killed!"

“It wasn’t your fault.” Charlie reassured.

"I'm the one who ran up huge debts getting high."

“You were ill. You weren’t yourself.” Charlie said gently.

"No excuse!" Louis retorted.

“Why are you been so hard on yourself?”

"I nearly got my sisters killed today - why are you being so nice?!"

Charlie sat down beside Louis, “You also saved their lives and got shot in the process.” He pointed out.

"I wouldn't have had to if I hadn't been junkie scum."

“You still think so negatively about yourself, don’t you?”

"I thought things could be different but they just stay the same no matter what." Louis sighed.

“No Louis, things are already different.” Charlie replied, “Can’t you see that?”

"How are they different?" Louis looked up.

“You didn’t use today even when you had every opportunity to.”

"Hmm..."

“The girls don’t hate you.” Charlie told Louis gently before hugging him, “And neither does Duffy or me.”

"Really?!"

“Yes really.”

"I really want to make things right."

“We know you do. You already have.” Charlie kissed the top of Louis' head.

"I should have just walked away." Louis sighed.

“When?”

"Once I'd paid the debt."

“You’re not going anywhere. What about college?”

"You still think they'll accept me?"

“With the grades you got? They’d be stupid not to.”

"I barely passed half my exams." Louis sighed.

“You got the main ones. You don’t have to go to college if you don’t want too. It’s up to you. There’s other routes into the career you want.”

"Will you help me?"

“Do you still want to be a drugs counsellor? And yes of course I’ll help you. We all will.”

"I want to help people." Louis nodded.

“Then Duffy and I will help you find other ways of getting into the job you want to do.”

"Thank you." Louis whispered, leaning into his father.

“You don’t need to thank me.” Charlie kissed Louis' head.

"I realised earlier that it's my birthday in two days. I really didn't think I'd make it to eighteen." Louis admitted softly.

“We didn’t think you would.” Charlie sighed sadly, “I thought I’d lost you.”

"I really didn't want to be here any more. I couldn't see a way through."

“I know, I knew you’d hate me for having you sectioned when I promised not to but I wasn’t going to bury you.”

"I wanted to hate you but I couldn't."

“I didn’t sleep for a few days when you were first admitted. Just like the time you were in rehab.” Charlie continued to hold his son as they talked on the floor.

"Yeh, mum mentioned that."

“She did?” Charlie smiled.

"Yeh, she often came up on her breaks." Louis smiled.

“I’m so proud of what you did today, it wasn’t easy but you helped your sisters and kept them safe.”

"I had to. I couldn't think about anything else."

“This friend you did the deal with, what’s he like?”

"He's an alright guy. He does what he does to keep things going for him and his sister."

“What’s his sister like?” Charlie was genuinely curious at what these two friends were like so he didn’t have to worry.

"She's great." Louis smiled briefly. "Deserves so much better though." He added with a sigh.

“In what way?”

"She works for her brother..."

“Ah. I think I understand what you’re saying.”

"He makes her do stuff. Stuff she shouldn't have to."

“Have you ever done things with her?”

"No!" Louis replied instinctively but there was a blush creeping up his cheeks.

“You’re blushing.” Charlie smiled.

"Shurrup!" Louis grumbled, embarrassed.

“Sorry son.”

Duffy appeared outside. "There you both are! They're gunna take Tilly up to theatre in a few minutes."

“Ok, we’ll go in now, are you ready son?”

Louis nodded, pushing himself to his feet and dusting off his jeans.

Charlie took a minute to get up off the floor. All three of them then walked back to the cubicle Tilly was in.

It was clear that Tilly was trying to put a brave face on things.

Charlie kissed Tilly’s forehead. “You’re gonna be ok, you know Princess?”

Tilly nodded, her bottom lip wobbling slightly.

He cuddled her and stroked her hair. “They’ll get you to count down from 10 and then you’ll be asleep. And then when you wake up, we’ll be here ok?”

"O-ok."

“It’s nothing to be scared off.” He kissed her nose several times.

"Daddy!" Tilly giggled.

“You’re in safe hands Princess.”

"I can wait here with Lottie while you go up with Tilly?" Karen offered.

“Are you sure?” Duffy asked, “We’d appreciate it. Thank you.”

"If its OK with Lottie..?" Karen smiled.

Lottie nodded, she squeezed her sister's hand. “I’ll be here when you wake up Tots.”

"Love you Lottiepop." Tilly smiled.

“Love you too Tots.” Lottie smiled at her sister before she was taken upstairs with her parents.

"Now we just wait." Tommy sighed.


	54. TW: discussion of abuse and rape

Holly yawned as she got up and headed into the spare bedroom. It was 2am and she’d been woken up by the sobs of a little human. Picking up the toddler, she consoled her. “Oh Livvy, what’s the matter?” She whispered as she cuddled her and rocked her.

The toddler continued to cry loudly.

She checked her nappy and changed it, cuddling her again and walking around the room with her. Holly rubbed Olivia’s back and sang twinkle twinkle to her, hoping to settle her.

Peter was still asleep in the main bedroom.

She didn’t want to have to wake him up. She sighed, determined that she could deal with the toddler by herself. It couldn't be that hard, could it..?

Olivia continued to cry, clutching at Holly’s top, still sobbing loudly.

"Oh come on Livvy! It's time to sleep..!"

Olivia rested her head in the crook of Holly’s neck and continued to sob. Though with gentle encouragement and the way Holly was rubbing her back, Olivia began to settle.

Holly held her breath, hoping Liv would stay asleep as she drifted off.

Holly stood holding Olivia for ages, nervous to put her down for fear she'd awaken again.

Though as soon as Holly did put her down, the youngster wouldn’t let go of her top.

Bent over the cot Holly contemplated what to do.

Olivia held on for a few more minutes before she let go.

"Sweet dreams." Holly whispered.

Now that Olivia was asleep Holly moved back into the main bedroom. As she got into bed, she contemplated waking Peter to tell him but snuggled up beside him and went back to sleep.

When he awoke the next morning he was surprised to find Holly fast asleep still. He kissed her cheek before getting up to check on Olivia.

The toddler was asleep in the cot, her teddy cuddled up to her side.

He smiled and stroked Olivia’s cheek. She was such a happy toddler and he loved having her over for a sleepover. He watched her for what felt like ages before he went back to bed.

He was impressed by how much of a great sleeper she was. She never woke up in the night.

Holly began to stir when Peter got back into bed beside her.

"Did Livvy wake up again?" Holly mumbled.

“No, she’s fast asleep.” Peter replied.

"Good..!" She yawned.

“Was she awake in the night?” He asked.

"Several times." Holly grumbled.

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

"You were fast asleep."

“You still should’ve woken me up.” Peter kissed her cheek again, “Do you think she’s missing Sarah?”

"Probably. I'm doing my best..!" She sighed.

“You’re amazing with her!” He reassured.

"Hmm..."

“What makes you feel like you’re not?”

"It takes me so long to settle her."

“It doesn’t mean you’re not amazing with her. She’s just in unfamiliar territory with us both, she likes you.”

"I like her too."

“She’s beautiful isn’t she? An adorable little thing.”

"She is." Holly agreed, catching the look in Peter's eyes.

Seeing that look on Holly’s face, Peter chuckled. “What?”

"You're getting broody again aren't you?"

He nodded, “Of course.”

She smiled softly, snuggling back into the pillow.

“I think I’m always going to be broody.” He replied.

"You're as bad as your parents!" She teased.

“I’m not planning on having eight.” He giggled.

"Good!" She laughed.

“Two tops.”

"Given that twins seem to run quite strongly in your mum's family maybe we'll get it over with all at once..!"

“That’s a possibility.” He smiled.

"Can you imagine.?!" Holly cringed, giggling.

“Having twins? I don’t think I’d cope if I’m honest.”

"Your sisters are a force to be reckoned with!"

“They really are!”

"I meant to ask, did your mum say how Tilly's doing when she rang yesterday evening?"

“Yeah, surgery was a success and she’ll have a little scar on her calf. She’s back home apparently.”

"Glad she's OK. It all sounded so bloody scary!"

“You don’t expect people to start shooting kids do you?”

"No. Who the hell does something like that?! Shoots a seventeen year old and three fourteen year olds!"

Peter sighed, “The kind of people Louis got mixed with when he was ill.”

"Yeh..." Holly sighed.

“I’m worried this may have set him back though.”

"I worry that too. Did the boy make it through surgery OK?"

“Yeh he did luckily.”

"That's a relief. It's the boy Lottie's been seeing right?"

“Yeh he’s called Owen. He’s a nice lad.”

"Ah yeh, I couldn't think of his name but now you've said it that does ring a bell."

“It’s so messy and complicated, all this!”

"And I bet it'll drag on for ages waiting for it to get to court." She sighed.

“It’s not going to court.”

"What?! Surely the police were called?"

“Mum says nobody saw anything. At least, that’s what they’re saying.”

"Oh..."

“I really am worried that this will set Louis back.”

"Or it'll give him the push to continue forwards..?"

Peter sighed, “I don’t know. I might speak to him.”

"I think he'd appreciate that." She smiled before growing serious again. "Is Jake OK after all the stuff with his dad?"

“Yeah, he’s ok. He said he’ll come round later because he wants to talk to me about something.”

"OK. Would you like me to cook you boys some snacks for while you chat?"

“You don’t have to do that babe.”

"I don't mind." She smiled.

Peter kissed her tenderly, “What did I do to deserve you?”

"What indeed..!" She giggled.

He laughed and kissed her again.

The sounds of toddler grumbles from the next room interrupted them.

Peter giggled softly and moved, “I’ll go.”

Olivia's face lit up when Peter entered the room.

“Hello noisy!” He picked her up from her cot for a cuddle.

She snuggled her head into the crook of his shoulder.

He kissed her head and carried her back to his bedroom.

As soon as he put her down on the bed she crawled under the duvet, giggling.

He smiled, “Oh no! Where’s Livvy gone?”

Olivia's giggles grew louder.

“Oh no, I can’t find Livvy!” He gasped.

"What we going to tell her mummy?" Holly gasped dramatically.

Livvy continued to giggle and popped her head out of the duvet.

"There she is!" Holly chuckled.

Livvy giggled and crawled into Holly’s lap.

"Would you like pancakes for breakfast?" Holly asked the toddler.

Olivia’s eyes lit up at hearing the word pancakes!

"Is that a yes..?"

Olivia nodded and made a noise in agreement, clapping her hands.

"Are you going to help me?"

Olivia wriggled on Holly’s lap in excitement. “I think someone’s happy.” Peter commented.

"Let's go to the kitchen then." Holly smiled, picking Olivia up and carrying her to the kitchen.

Peter followed the girls, Olivia squealing happily.

Once the ingredients were out and on the worktop Holly set about showing Olivia how to make the pancakes.

Olivia squished her hands in the batter with a giggle.

"Can you hold her while I cook them?" Holly asked Peter.

“Of course.” He picked up Olivia.

The toddler pressed her sticky hands on his face.

He laughed, “Thanks for that Livvy!”

Both girls giggled at him.

It was a strange feeling for Peter, to fall in love with someone so small that wasn’t even his.

"That's a good look on you!" Holly teased.

“I might keep it then.”

Holly laughed before turning back to the pancakes.

Olivia gave Peter a kiss on the lips with a giggle.

"I think I've got competition." Holly chuckled.

“I think you have too.”

"I would sulk but she's just too cute!"

“She is adorable!”

Olivia grinned, sensing she was being talked about.

“You are so adorable! You little cheeky monkey.” Holly kissed her nose.

Olivia giggled.

Holly did it again.

The tot's giggles grew in pitch and volume.

Olivia was the cutest toddler around.

After a few minutes the pancakes were ready to eat.

They sat at the kitchen table, Olivia sat in the high chair. She picked up the cut up and cooled pieces of pancake and pushed them in her mouth.

Holly watched her carefully.

It didn't take Liv long to finish her pancake. She had chocolate around her mouth and her hands.

"I didn't think anyone could like pancakes more than me..!" Peter chuckled.

“You’ve met your match with Olivia it would seem.”

"I have."

“You’re really good with her, you know.”

"Thanks." Peter blushed.

“Sarah and Olivia are lucky to have you in their life.”

"I'm glad that we can be friends again."

Holly smiled. “You’ve got too much history for you not to be friends.”

"I'm just sad that she felt the need to lie." He sighed.

“That Olivia was yours?”

Peter nodded.

“She doesn’t have to be yours biologically for you to love her.”

"And you're OK with that?"

Holly nodded. “Yes.”

Peter smiled broadly.

Holly smiled as she gave Olivia another piece of pancake.

"Yum, yum!" Olivia giggled.

“Is that good?”

Olivia continue to babble excitedly. She was always so happy! Sarah was an excellent mother.

After she'd finished eating and had been cleaned up Livvy ran back into the lounge to play with her toys.

“What time did Sarah say she was coming?”

"Just after eleven."

“So she could have a nap after her night shift?” Holly asked.

"I'm guessing so."

Holly smiled, “I’ll miss Livvy when she’s not around.”

"So will I." Peter agreed.

“Least we can still visit when we’re off?”

"I said to Sarah that we could have her to stay over again sometime."

“That’d be good.” They wandered into the living room.

The morning passed quickly with both adults taking turns to play with the toddler.

Olivia wanted a nap around eleven, just before Sarah arrived to pick her up.

Peter tried to distract her with a toy but she continued to grumble.

“Ooh, somebody isn't happy.” Holly said gently to the toddler and stroked her cheek. “Shall we let her nap?”

"I guess we could put her in her buggy, then Sarah can just take her straight home..?"

“Yeh it sounds like a plan. She’s not going to stay awake I don’t think.” Holly looked at the little girl again.

"I'll go get her coat."

“Alright.” Holly smiled as she rocked Olivia for a minute, “Shall we put your coat on? So you’re already for mummy to pick you up?”

"Mama?" Olivia repeated sleepily.

“Mama be here soon.” Holly kissed Olivia's forehead.

Olivia yawned.

Peter returned with Olivia’s coat. “Here we are Livvy.”

Olivia wriggled and grumbled as her coat was put on her.

“Sorry Livvy.” Peter apologised to the toddler before kissing her forehead.

She settled quickly after being placed in her buggy and strapped in. She yawned again and cuddled her teddy.

"Toddlers are so cute when they're sleeping." Holly smiled.

“Yeh they are.” He smiled, sitting next to Holly and watching Olivia fall asleep.

"You are so broody!" Holly teased, giggling.

“So are you!” Peter teased back.

"Maybe a little..."

“Just a little..?”

"She is very cute..."

“She’s adorable!”

"She is."

“We could have one of our own?” He suggested.

"That's true..."

“Would mean finding our perfect house sooner...”

"Do we have enough left over for a deposit after buying the Mexico tickets?"

He nodded, “Yeah there is.”

"Maybe we can take a look in some estate agents next time we're in town..."

“Good plan.” He kissed her cheek.

"It'll be perfect." Holly smiled. 

“A house and garden.”

"Room for a swing set on the grass."

“Yes.”

"And a big kitchen..."

“For you to cook and bake.”

"I might even try to teach you again..!" She teased.

“I won’t say no to that.”

"You're slowly improving."

Peter was about to reply when there was a knock at the front door.

"That'll be Sarah." Holly remarked, looking up at the clock.

Peter stood up and went to the front door. He opened it and smiled. “Hi.”

"Hi." Sarah smiled.

“Livvy has just fallen asleep. We tried to keep her awake for you but she’s a bit of a grump.” He smiled.

"Yeh, she's like that most days around this time."

“She likes her mid morning nap then?”

"She does. Thank you so much for looking after her last night. I was really struggling to find someone to have her so you saved my life!"

“It’s no problem. Anytime you need someone, Holly and I are happy to help!”

"It didn't feel right asking your mum. She's been so busy recently." Sarah explained as she followed Peter through the flat.

“Honestly, Holly and I love having Olivia around. She’s a great kid.” He smiled brightly as they reached the lounge.

Holly appeared through from the kitchen. "We had pancakes for breakfast. There were a couple left over and Liv really liked them so I thought she could have them as a snack later." She smiled, holding out a sandwich bag.

Sarah smiled as she took the sandwich bag from Holly, “Ah, she loves pancakes! Thank you both once again for having her for the night at such short notice, how was she?”

"She was great." Peter smiled.

“I second that. She woke up in the night for about half an hour though, I couldn’t console her for trying.” Holly told Sarah.

"She might have more teeth coming through." Sarah mused.

“Ah, I didn’t think of that.” Holly giggled, “Did your last minute shift go ok?”

"Yeh, it went fine."

"That's good." 

"I best get Livvy home and let you get on with your day."

“Have a good day, both of you.” Holly said goodbye to Sarah once she’d taken hold of the pram.

Once Sarah and Olivia had left Holly set about tidying up before Jake was due over.

Peter helped her to tidy, a comfortable silence over them as they contemplated what they’d earlier spoken about.

Holly headed through to the kitchen. "Do you guys want tortilla chips?"

“Yes please.”

"I'll make a start on them. Would you like guac too?"

“You certainly know the way to my heart.”

"I like to think I do." Holly grinned.

He laughed, “I love you.”

"You love my cooking you mean..!" She teased, giggling.

“I love you and your cooking.”

"Right answer!" She laughed.

He wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Can't have you both starving..!"

“No you can’t.” He rubbed his nose against hers.

"Why don't you chill out on the sofa whilst I get the food ready? Jake'll be here soon."

“Can I help you?”

"You can grab some of the ingredients..?"

“Ok.”

"The avocados, lime and coriander are in the fridge."

Peter arms stayed around Holly’s waist. “I’ll get them in a minute.”

She smiled, leaning into him.

“I’m comfy here.” He replied as he kissed her ear.

"I noticed."

He rested his head on her shoulder from behind.

"Any ideas what Jake wants to talk about with you?"

“No he didn’t say.”

"Let's get the food ready then."

He pouted. “Ok babe.”

"I'll make it worth your while later..!"

“Oh will you?”

"Good boys get rewarded."

“I’ll be good then.” He grinned and went to get the ingredients Holly needed from the fridge.

Once Holly had gotten the other ingredients from the cupboards it didn't take long for her to make the snacks.

About an hour and a half later, Jake came round.

Jake's eyes lit up when he saw the snacks. "Did you make these?!" He asked Holly.

“Yes.” She smiled shyly.

"I'm gunna hang out here more often! Like, mum's a great cook and all but Mexican really ain't her strong point."

Peter laughed. “Holly loves everything Mexican.”

"Wait til you get out there, you'll love it!" Jake grinned, sitting down on the sofa.

“We can’t wait.” Holly answered, “I’m gonna go to my mum’s? Give you boys time to talk alone?”

"OK, I'll see you later." Peter smiled.

"Thanks for the food." Jake grinned as he tucked in.

“You’re welcome. You boys enjoy.” She smiled and kissed Peter tenderly, “Behave!”

Both men laughed at her remark.

“So what do you want to talk to me about?” Peter asked.

"Erm... It was mum's idea..." Jake began, his gaze flickering nervously around the room. "Hey, how come you've got baby toys?! Oh my god! Is Holly knocked up?!" He gasped, becoming distracted from his original purpose.

Peter laughed and shook his head, “We had Livvy over for the night.” He explained, “You were saying..?”

"Holly agreed to babysit your exe's kid? Are you sure she ain't yours? I totally won't tell anyone if she is..!"

“No she isn’t mine.” Peter smiled sadly, “But I love her like she’s my own.”

"You're weird! I'd be running for the fucking hills in your shoes!"

“It’s...” Peter smiled, “It’s a strange feeling.”

"OK..." Jake didn't sound convinced by the idea of kids being great.

“You don’t ever want kids?”

"I don't know." Jake shrugged. "Probably not."

“Too free spirited?”

"I like my freedom."

“Understandable.”

"I don't wanna turn out like him..." Jake mumbled, looking away from his brother.

“You’d never turn out like him. You haven’t got a bad bone in your body.”

"He only started hurting mum after I was born." Jake sighed.

“You think that’s your fault?”

"If it hadn't been for me she would have stayed with dad."

“Mum and dad took ages to get together because they were too stubborn.” Peter replied.

"I don't want to end up like him. Living in a scummy flat, almost too drunk to stand up by early afternoon, consumed by anger and violence."

“You’re not going to end up like him!” Peter answered firmly.

"I wanted to kill him for what he's done! So I'm just like him really, the anger and violence pulse through my veins too!" Jake retorted bitterly.

“I used to be just like you. So angry all the time, wanting to kill him for what he did.”

"He was laid on the floor barely conscious. It wouldn't have taken much..." It is clear that the thought had been tormenting Jake for some time.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

"He hit Sam."

“So you hit him?”

"Yeh!" Jake retorted then sighed. "Mum was there..."

“Do you want to talk about things? Other things like your anger issues.”

"So you think I have anger issues too?" Jake sighed.

“I used to have anger issues.” Peter replied, “But I went to therapy and it helped. Is that what mum said to do? Talk to me about the therapy and whether it’s a good idea or not?”

Jake nodded. "She thinks it might help."

“Do you think it might help?”

"Its only him that makes me feel like that. The way he picks on people who can't fight back."

“That’s true.” Peter smiled sadly.

"I want to get as far away from him as possible but I'm scared if I do he'll go after mum again."

“He’s not going to go after mum, he doesn’t have a hold over her anymore.”

"Doesn't mean he won't try."

“I think he would’ve tried by now.”

"He could still be in hospital..."

“Hmm, maybe.” Peter shrugged.

"Part of me wants to go round to his flat and end things once and for all." Jake admitted softly.

“You can’t do that because he’ll destroy your future. You need to learn to move on from what he did. I know it isn’t easy though.”

"I thought I had moved on but apparently not." Jake sighed.

Peter rubbed the back of his neck. “What he did to us and mum made him a bastard.”

"I didn't say anything for so long, didn't fight back. That makes me just as bad."

“We were kids.”

"He said..." Jake swallowed. "I saw him..." He struggled to get his words out.

“You saw him do what?” Peter asked Jake gently as he moved closer to him.

"H-he had a... A knife..." Jake screwed his eyes shut. "Said if I told anyone... H-he..." He swallowed back the urge to be sick. "He said if I told anyone..." A tear trickled down his cheek. "He'd slit her throat and say I did it..."

Peter pulled Jake into a tight hug, “He’s never going to hurt mum! I doubt he’ll get very far between us lot, the girls included.” He swallowed, “How old were you?”

"I'm not sure. It was after mum went back to work at the hospital."

Peter nodded, “I saw him... Do things to her when she was unconscious.”

"He tried to make me do things..."

“What things?" Peter wasn’t sure what Jake was going to say next and the whole thought terrified him.

"I had a tummy ache one night so came downstairs. She was lying on the floor, there was blood everywhere. I panicked and he saw me in the doorway. He told me to come over. Said he'd show me how to be a real man..."

“What did he want you to do?” Peter felt sick. It was worse than he could imagine.

"She wouldn't stay still, he told me to hold her down..."

“Did you?”

"I was so scared..." Jake started to cry, shaking all over. He'd never told anyone about it before.

Peter continued to hold his little brother tightly, protecting him like they were kids again. “Ssh, it’s ok.”

"She was choking... He made me hold the knife... It was dripping everywhere..."

Peter squeezed his eyes shut! He always wanted to protect Jake from the horror of Andrew but it seemed he hadn’t. Jake had witnessed it too.

"He wanted me to be just like him..."

“You are a thousand times the man he’ll ever be.”

"I still see that night in my nightmares. He was hurting her so bad and I helped..."

“You’re not evil Jake.” Peter reassured his brother. “Do you think it would help to talk to someone else about this?”

"That's how mum got that scar under her jaw. He put his hands over mine and pressed the tip of the blade in. He laughed saying it was so easy, that he only had to nudge it a little further and she'd never wake up again."

“From that night?” Peter swallowed, “Look at me Jake?”

It took Jake several moments to lift his head and look at his older brother. His eyes were haunted with the memories.

“You’re not him. You’re you. You were a child. You couldn’t have fought him, he was too strong.”

"I don't think mum remembers. I'm too scared to ask her."

“She probably doesn’t.”

"Did you see things too?" The brothers had never really talked properly about their experiences as very young children.

Peter nodded, “Yeh.”

"What did you see..?"

“He raped her once, I saw him do it.”

"I think that's what he planned to do before she started choking."

Peter sighed sadly, “He did it more than once. I just saw him do it the once.”

"I'm glad dad helped her escape."

“So am I.” Peter paused. “When I went to Uni, that’s when I started therapy.”

"What was it like?"

“At the beginning I didn’t really like it but then I started talking and... It helped me.”

"I'm scared they'll tell me that I really am like him and there's no way out."

“You’ve never hurt Krystal have you?”

"No!" Even the idea of doing that was abhorrent to Jake.

“Then you’re nothing like him!”

"But I'm half him..."

“Blood and genetics don’t mean anything. You’re not born evil.”

"Then why is he the way he is?"

“Nothing to do with genetics, he’s just evil.”

Jake mulled things over for several minutes. "I was so jealous of you when we were younger... In a way I still am..." He admitted quietly.

“Really? Why?”

"Dad really is your dad. I used to wish every night that I'd wake up and find out that there's been a mistake and he really was my dad too."

“He is your dad.”

"That's what I told Sam."

“You don’t have to share blood to be a parent.”

"Like you and Livvy?"

“Like me and Livvy.” Peter smiled brightly.

"You'll be a great dad."

“So will you when you decide to stop being so free spirited.” Peter laughed gently, “There's plenty of time to have kids, you’re only young!”

A comfortable hush fell over them both as they returned to the snacks. Jake already felt a little calmer for offloading some of the thoughts that had plagued him for so long to his older brother.

“Dad used to tell me not to keep my thoughts to myself.”

"Coz they end up eating you up?"

Peter nodded, “Yeah, dad says to talk.”

"He and mum are really big on the whole talking thing..."

“Yeh but I think they’ve got the right idea.”

"They're not very good at following their own advice though..!" Jake chuckled lightly.

“No. Considering communication is one of the key elements of emergency medicine, they don’t apply that to their personal lives do they?” Peter chuckled.

"Some days it's like watching two people who speak completely different languages trying to order a cup of coffee..!"

“It really is!”

Another period of quiet lapsed between them, this time broken by Jake. "So you're really serious about the whole getting married and having kids thing?"

Peter nodded, turning his attention to Jake. “Yeah I am.”

"Please tell me you ain't planning to follow the 'family tradition'..?" Jake joked.

“By having loads of kids?”

"Yeh..." Jake pulled a face.

“Nah. Two maximum.”

"Thank fuck for that!" Jake laughed. "Did you hear how many kids mum's dad's got? I thought there was loads of us but fuck me..!"

“I’ve lost count already, thirteen isn’t it?” Peter replied reaching over to take some snacks.

"Something like that... D'ya think that's where mum gets it from?"

Peter shrugged, “Possibly, I dunno. How are you and Krystal getting on? Things ok?”

"Yeh, not bad. Things got a bit weird for a while with the whole distance thing but we've found ways to deal with that."

“I bet you have.” Peter wriggled his eyebrows suggestively and laughed.

"Yeh, well, you gotta keep things fresh and exciting..!" Jake smirked.

“That’s true.”

"We got piercings recently. That livened things up loads!"

“Piercings? You mean... Down there?” Peter shuddered, “Can’t think of anything worse.”

"I weren't sure at first but don't knock it til you've tried it!"

“I don’t think that’s mine and Holly’s style to be honest.”

"Nah, you're all 'let's get married and have babies and a dog'..!" Jake teased with a grin.

Peter laughed gently, “Of course!”

Jake's phone beeped. He looked down to check it. "Yes!" He grinned ecstatically.

“What’s got you so excited?” Peter asked.

"I got the London gig!"

“What? Really? Wow!! That’s amazing!”

"Its as one of the support artists but it's such an opportunity!"

“Congratulations Bro!”

"Maybe this week ain't quite as shit as I feared it was turning out to be."

“That’s good.” Peter smiled. “You know Jake, if you wanted to go to therapy there’s no harm in it. Mum and dad have been themselves.”

"Would you go with me..?"

“Of course I will.”

"Thanks."

“No problem.” Peter playfully punched the top of Jake’s arm.

Jake returned the gesture.

“You spoken to Louis?” Peter asked Jake.

"Briefly when he got home from having his arm sorted."

“Did he say much?”

"Not really."

Peter sighed.

"Dad's really worried about him."

“This might set him back.”

"Yeh... The house got pretty trashed."

“Yeh I heard.”

"Louis said he'd pay for the repairs but I'm not sure how he's gunna do that."

“The thought of what he might do to pay for the repairs isn’t worth thinking about.”

"Yeh... He's apparently paid off his debts to that dealer too..."

“How?”

"He wouldn't say. Just that it was done."

Peter rubbed the back of his neck and sighed.

"You're so like dad when you do that!"

Peter laughed and blushed a little. “Everyone says that!”

"At least your hair ain't as curly as his was in the photos from when he was our age..!" Jake laughed.

“That’s true! Not sure I could cope with my hair being that curly!”

"Nah, me either!"

Another hush fell over the boys.

"I forgot to ask, did you get that promotion at work?" Jake asked after a while.

“Still haven’t made a decision.” Peter replied.

"What's stopping you?"

“I meant they haven’t made a decision yet.” Peter replied with a smile.

"Ah!"

“It’s more money, which means more for the deposit we're saving for on the house.”

"Then all you've got to do is pull your finger out your butt and propose to her..!"

“It’s already planned.” Peter smiled brightly.

"Oh..?" Jake's interest was peaked.

“I’d planned it a few weeks ago but then Holly came down with a bug. I was going to propose at her favourite Mexican restaurant. Then I decided, why don’t we just go to Mexico so I can do it on the beach?”

"She's gunna go nuts!"

“In a good way I hope?”

"Yeh, girls love that shit."

“I want it to be special and romantic. She’s perfect to me and I want her to know that.”

"That's sweet if a little pukey..!" Jake laughed.

“Soz bro.”

"To be fair you can't be more pukey than mum and dad... They really need to get a room..!"

Peter laughed, “It is kinda cute though! That they’re still so in love after all this time.”

"You don't have to live with them anymore..!" Jake chuckled.

“Is it still that bad?”

"Fancy chipping in with me and the girls to pay for soundproofing their bedroom as their joint Christmas present?"

Peter began to laugh. “You’d have to soundproof the entire house! I seem to recall it isn’t just the bedroom.”

"It'd be a start though..!"

Peter laughed gently, “Are they still that bad?”

"Yes!" Jake replied with exaggerated drama.

“Aren’t old people supposed to have problems in that area?”

"Apparently they're medical miracles..!"

“Sounds like it.”

"If you're lucky it'll turn out to be genetic..!" Jake laughed, nudging his brother in the ribs playfully.

“Holly would love that!”

"I bet she would!"

“I don’t know how or where they find the energy!”

"I don't want to think about it!" Jake cringed, laughing.

“Let’s talk about something else quickly before we both throw up and lose our appetite.”

"Yes!" Jake laughed.

Peter took a handful of crisps. “You wanna watch the footy?”

"Sounds good."

Peter reached over to grab the controls.

"Fancy a beer or two?" Jake asked.

“Yeh sure!”

"I'll get them from the fridge..." Jake pushed himself up from the sofa.

“Nah, I’ll go. You’re the guest.”

"Ooh, check you with your manners! Mother will be so proud!" Jake mocked good-naturedly.

Peter rolled his eyes playfully as he got up and headed into the kitchen. Grabbing the beers from the fridge, he returned.

"Cheers." Jake took one of the cans and opened it.

“Cheers Jake!” Peter opened his can.

The lads settled back down on the sofa to watch the game.

It was an eventful match.

Eventually their team won, just as Holly arrived back home.

“Is that you babe?” Peter called.

"Yeh, who else would it be?" She giggled, rolling her eyes at the multiple empty beer cans on the coffee table. "Good afternoon was it?"

“Could’ve been a burglar for all I know.” Peter replied looking at his girlfriend, “Yes thanks! How’s your mum?”

"We've nothing worth stealing..!" Holly snorted. "She's good thanks."

“I’m glad she’s good.”

"At least you lined your stomachs before you started drinking..!" Holly teased, picking up the empty plates from the coffee table.

“Let me help you.” Peter stood up to help her with the plates.

Holly smiled as both men helped her tidy up.

With the three of them, they were tidied up in no time.

"Would you like to stay for the evening?" Holly asked Jake.

“Are you sure?” Jake asked, “I wouldn’t be imposing, would I?”

"Not at all."

“Thank you.” Jake smiled.

"Good game?" Holly gestured to the TV that was now showing the post-match analysis.

“Yeh it was good,” Peter responded, “They played a bit shit in the first half but were the stronger side in the second half.”

"That's good. You get grumpy when they lose." She smiled.

Peter pouted, “I don’t.”

"Yeh you do..!" She teased, giggling.

“Do not.” Peter kissed her tenderly.

"If you're gunna be like that then I'm going home..!" Jake teased, laughing.

Peter laughed, “I promise I won’t make a habit out of kissing my girl.”

"Has Krystal gone back to London? She's welcome to join us if not." Holly suggested.

“She’s getting the last train home.” Jake explained with a sigh.

"What time's that? She got time for something to eat first? It's quite a long journey, I'd hate for her to be hungry."

“I’m not sure, I can text her?” Jake took his phone out of his pocket and texted Krystal. ‘Hey babe, what times your train? Xx’

'9.12pm. Almost finished packing, you talk to Peter? xx'

‘Yeh, Holly asked if you wanted to come round for a bite to eat before leaving. Xx’

'Cool. Better than a sandwich at the station! xx'

‘I’d pick you up but been drinking xx’ Jake replied. “Yeh Krystal says she’ll come round. Are you sure that’s alright?” He asked Holly again.

"Yeh of course." Holly smiled.

'Your mum says she'll give me a lift. See you soon. xx'

‘Love you xxx’ Jake replied. 

“So what’s for tea?” Peter asked with a grin. “And what can we do for you?”

"I was going to make veggie pasta. You can start chopping some of the veg if you like?"

“Sure.” The lads moved into the kitchen and began to chop the vegetables.

The food was prepared and bubbling away when the doorbell rang.

“That’ll be Krystal.” Jake went to the door.

"Hi babe." Krystal smiled.

“Hi.” Jake kissed her tenderly.

Duffy appeared behind them with the larger of Krystal's bags which had been in the boot.

“Here mum, let me take that.” Jake moved to grab the bag from his mum’s hands.

"Oh thanks sweetheart, what on earth have you got in there?!" Duffy asked Krystal, chuckling softly.

“You’d rather not now.” Krystal replied, a slight blush colouring her cheeks.

Duffy quirked an eyebrow at the younger woman before reaching into her handbag. "I made these." She held out a foil wrapped package. "Don't worry, I made sure they're vegan!"

Krystal took hold of the foil wrapped package and smiled, “Thank you.”

"Its a long journey, wouldn't want you getting hungry."

“I’ll have these as a snack, thanks.” Krystal gave Duffy a hug. “Thanks for the lift.”

"That's OK, have a safe journey home."

“I will. You too.”

"I will once I've made my final stop on mum's taxi route - picking Emily up from Beth's."

Krystal laughed gently as Jake hugged his mum. “See you when I get home?”

"Yes but I won't wait up..!" Duffy chuckled.

“I shouldn’t be home too late.”

"Will you need picking up too?"

“Nah I’ll be alright but thanks for the offer.”

"OK, I'll see you later." Duffy smiled and headed back to her car.

“Duffy, wait?” Holly called.

Duffy stopped and looked back up. "Yeh?"

“Would you like to stay for tea or are you busy?”

"I'm supposed to go pick up Emily but I'm sure she won't mind spending a little more time at Beth's." Duffy chuckled.

Holly smiled, “There's enough for one more.”

"If you're sure..?"

“I’m sure.” Holly smiled.

"That's very kind." Duffy relocked her car and headed back up to the flat.

“You’re welcome.” Holly went back into the kitchen.

Walking back into the flat Duffy took off her coat but left the silk scarf around her neck.

Jake and Krystal were snogging in the hallway. Peter and Holly dishing up. 

Duffy chuckled good-naturedly at them and headed into the kitchen. "Can I help at all?"

“No mum, we’ve got it.” Peter answered with a smile.

"Did you have a good afternoon?" Duffy asked Peter.

“Yes thank you. Jake and I talked about things.”

"That's good." A dark shadow briefly crossed Duffy's eyes.

“Are you ok?” Peter asked Duffy noticing the look in her eye.

"I'm fine." Duffy replied, her fingers fiddling with the scarf she wore.

“You sure about that?”

"Of course."

Peter rose an eyebrow.

Duffy avoided Peter's gaze as they went through to the lounge to eat.

“Mum, what’s wrong?” Peter asked. He'd pulled her over to one side of the room and lowered his voice.

"I'm just worried about Jake, that's all."

“He’s ok.” Peter reassured. 

"I'm so sorry for everything that happened." Duffy whispered sadly.

“Don’t you dare say sorry.” He whispered back, “none of this is your fault!”

"I should have walked away right from the start."

“He controlled you."

"He wants to see me." Duffy admitted, she hadn't even told Charlie about it.

“Andrew does?”

Duffy nodded.

“You’re not considering seeing him, are you?”

"I have to protect Jake." Duffy replied, quickly glancing over at her younger son who was sat eating with Krystal and Holly.

“Don’t mum, please.”

"I have no choice!" She whispered firmly.

“Yes you do! You don’t have to go!” Peter felt sick.

"I won't let him threaten Jake without a fight!"

“Mum, he’ll hurt you!”

Duffy sighed, turning to head over to join the others.

“Jake and I won’t let it happen!” Peter replied.

"Won't let what happen?" Jake asked, hearing his name. 

"Nothing.” Peter swallowed.

"No, what?!" Jake insisted.

“Not now!”

"For fucks sake..!" Jake grumbled under his breath.

“Mum’s going to meet Andrew.”

"What?! Tell me you're not fucking serious!!" Jake gasped.

"Peter!" Duffy glared at her eldest son.

“Sorry.” Peter sighed. 

“I am an adult, I’ll make the decisions.” Duffy replied.

"You're not going alone!" Jake insisted.

"I don't need a babysitter!" Duffy retorted.

“He’s a psycho!” Jake answered back.

"I will deal with it."

“No! It’s not happening mum!”

"I'm not prepared to continue this conversation. Now eat your food."

Holly and Krystal exchanged awkward glances across the table.

“Fine!”

The atmosphere in the room was tense as the five adults ate their meals.

Holly and Krystal glanced at Duffy occasionally.

"Does Charlie know?" Krystal asked.

Duffy looked down, not meeting anyone's gaze as they all turned to look at her.

“Dad would hit the roof if he knew.” Jake answered.

"I have to do something."

“He’ll hurt you!”

"Its a risk I have to face."

“No!” Jake was getting more agitated.

"I'm not prepared to let this continue. It needs dealing with."

“Let me deal with it!” Jake begged.

"You could go together..." Krystal attempted to suggest.

“No!” Both Duffy and Jake answered together and then sighed.

"You should all stay well clear." Holly finally spoke up.

“I agree with Holly.” Peter piped up. 

"Me too." Krystal added.

“Mum, you can’t go! Please don’t!” Jake begged again. His chest was beginning to feel tight.

Duffy sighed.

Jake rubbed his chest.

"Babe..?" Krystal whispered, concerned, placing her hand on his shoulder.

“I’m ok.” Jake whispered.

Krystal sighed, even more sad to be leaving.

“I’ll be ok babe, you know me.” Jake smiled softly and kissed her cheek.

The conversation lulled awkwardly once again.

“I’ll be back in a minute. I need some air.”

Duffy winced as she watched Jake leave abruptly.

“He’s upset.” Peter said gently.

"Its all my fault."

“No it’s not mum.” Peter sighed, “Jake and I spoke about things.”

Holly silently gestured for Krystal to follow her into the kitchen, leaving Duffy and Peter alone in the lounge.

Krystal followed Holly into the kitchen. Peter sat near his mum, “Jake saw things when he was younger.”

"Like you saw things..?" She whispered.

Peter nodded, “The scar under your jaw...”

"Oh that's just from a fall..." She replied dissmissively, her fingers raising instinctively to touch it.

“It was when Andrew stuck a knife into your neck. He told Jake to hold you down... An inch closer and you wouldn’t wake up and he’d tell everyone Jake did it.” Peter whispered.

"What?! No! I did it when I slipped loading the dishwasher!" Her agitation was clear.

“Jake told me. He’s scared Andrew will kill you and blame him.”

"I had no idea..."

“We’re both scared.” Peter admitted. 

"I'm sorry..."

“It’s not your fault.”

"It is and it always will be."

“No it’s not.”

"Did you convince Jake that counselling would be a good idea?" She was desperate to steer the conversation in a different direction.

“Yeh, I told him.”

She nodded, running one hand through her hair, the other pulling at the scarf.

“Please don’t go and see him.”

"He's threatening to go to the police and have Jake charged!"

“Let him.”

"If Jake gets a criminal record it could ruin his career prospects - he won't be able to travel to certain countries!"

“And you think you meeting him will change that?”

"If I give him what he wants..."

“What does he want?”

"To feel like he's broken me. That I've come begging to him. That he's in control."

“He’ll never be in control!”

"I just have to make him believe that he is."

“Not on your own.”

"Its more believable if I go on my own. Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

Peter nodded but didn’t say anything.

"You do trust me don't you..?"

Peter nodded again and swallowed. “Doesn’t mean I’m not scared.”

"It'll be OK."

“Are you sure?”

"I need to end this once and for all."

“Ok.”

"Would it make you feel better if you stayed at a distance where you could see what was going on?"

“It would make me and Jake feel better, yes.”

"OK. Can we keep this between us though..?"

“Of course.”

"Your dad would just worry unnecessarily."

“I know he would.”

"I don't want him getting upset. He's been through enough recently as it is."

Peter sighed sadly.

"We need to talk to Jake..."

“Yeh.”

"Let's go and find him."

Peter stood up.

They headed outside.

Jake was sat on the wall, his hands shaking slightly.

"Jake..?" Duffy approached her son.

He was a bit pale. He looked up.

"Oh Jake..!" She reached out to hug him.

He hugged his mum tightly.

"It'll be OK."

“I hope so.”

"I think you and me need to have a proper talk..."

“Peter told you?” He said quietly

Duffy nodded. "You're not to blame."

“I feel like I’m to blame.”

"You're not. I should have never have allowed you to be exposed to that."

“You’re blaming yourself again.”

"I'm your mum, I should have protected you."

“You did!”

"I'm going to put an end to this."

“Can Peter and I go with you?”

"Only if you stay out of sight."

“We will.” Jake kissed Duffy’s cheek, “Love you mum.”

"I love you too." She reached back to Peter. "Both of you."

“I love you too mum.” Peter held his mum's hand.

"We can sort this out."

The boys were quiet.

"You don't need to worry."

“We’ll always worry about you.”

"I'm supposed to be the one worrying about you..!"

“We’re a family, we worry about each other.” Peter answered.

"Hmm..." There was a hint of a smile on Duffy's lips.

“We love you mum.” Peter said and kissed her cheek. “Now shall we go back inside and pretend this conversation didn’t happen?”

"That's probably for the best."

Together, all three of them returned to the flat each deep in thought about what was to come.


	55. TW: bullying and discussion of rape

Paul forced a smile as he turned back to wave goodbye to his mum as he walked through the gates with Oli to start another week of school.

Oliver watched his younger brother closely as he followed him into the school playground.

Paul slowed as he spotted two boys from his class enter the playground opposite them.

“Come on,” Oli tugged at his brother’s arm.

Paul stumbled slightly.

“What’s wrong?”

"Oi dorky Fairhead!" One of the boys yelled across the playground at Paul.

Paul didn’t say anything, he retreated into himself.

The boys came closer. "Can't you hear or summat?!"

“What?”

"Did you bring your pocket money with you?"

“No.” Paul shook his head.

"You promised you wouldn't forget this week..!" The boys began to circle Paul, edging him towards one of the buildings in the corner of the playground.

“I forgot.” Paul whispered and swallowed.

Oliver watched, “Leave him alone!”

"What's it to you?" The main boy asked Oliver.

“You pick on my brother and you pick on me!”

"You're this dork's brother?" He looked from one brother to the other, they looked nothing alike! He knew some of the other boys had left Paul alone coz they'd been scared of him having an older brother but they were wusses.

“He isn’t a dork and yes!”

"We'll see you later dork!" He told Paul before heading away from the two brothers.

“I want to go home.” Paul mumbled.

"Did they say what they'd do if you didn't give them your pocket money?"

Paul nodded but didn’t speak.

"I can try to help but you need to talk to mum and dad."

“Why?”

"They can talk to the teachers."

Paul rubbed his stomach and nodded.

"Did they say they'd hurt you?"

Paul nodded quickly. “I want mum.” He mumbled.

"Do you want to go the office together?"

“Please.”

"OK." Oliver walked with his little brother to the office. He tapped on the window. "Paul did a sick, can you call mum?" He told the receptionist.

“Oh Paul, are you ok?” The receptionist asked.

"Want mummy." Paul mumbled.

“Ok, I’m going to ring her. Take a seat boys.”

The boys sat down on the chairs. Paul started to cry.

Oliver hugged his brother. It didn’t take long for Duffy to arrive.

"Oh Paul, why didn't you tell me that you didn't feel well?!"

Paul shrugged his shoulders.

She pulled her youngest son into her arms as he started crying again.

“Don’t want to stay at school!” Paul mumbled.

"Well you can't stay now you've been sick sweetie. I'm gunna have to take you to gran's."

“Stay with you? Please mummy!”

"I'm supposed to be working..."

“Mummy, please!”

"We can call daddy in the car ok..?" She turned to Oliver. "Do you feel OK Oli?"

Oliver nodded. “Yeh.”

"You best go to class before your teacher thinks you've gotten lost!" Duffy chuckled. "I'm proud of you for looking after your little brother." She added with a smile, pulling him into a cuddle.

Oli hugged his mum back, said bye and wandered back to class.

"Right, come on you." Duffy smiled at Paul.

Paul rubbed at his stomach as he followed his mum outside.

"Do you still feel sick?" She asked as they got in the car.

Paul nodded.

She rooted around in the glove box and handed him a plastic bag before starting the car and driving off.

Paul fiddled with the plastic bag, still remaining quiet.

He wasn't sick on the journey to the hospital. Once out of the car Duffy took hold of his hand and led him into the building. The department was uncharacteristically busy for a Monday morning.

Paul glanced around nervously, tightly holding his mum’s hand. He knew he had to tell his mum but he didn’t know how.

As they entered Charlie's office Duffy contemplated how she was going to pull off working when her little boy seemed so reluctant to leave her side. She couldn't just go home, they were short staffed as it was.

“Mummy?”

She turned her attention fully to her son, crouching down to his level.

“I don’t like school.” His bottom lip trembled.

"Its ok, no-one likes school when they're feeling poorly. Does your tummy still hurt?"

Paul hesitated for a moment, “No. I don’t like school. I hate it!”

"What do you mean you hate school? You're doing so well with your learning." She placed her hands gently on his shoulders.

“I hate it! I don’t want to go anymore!” He couldn’t meet his mum’s eye.

"You have to go to school Paul..."

“No!” He shook his head.

The door opened. "Oh good you're back!" Robyn sighed with relief. "Connie is demanding your presence in resus and I was running out of excuses."

Paul sighed and flopped down onto the couch.

Duffy was torn. She needed to get back to work but her son needed her too.

“Mummy?”

Duffy went back over to her son, wrapping her arms around him. "Its ok, mummy's here." She soothed softly.

“You need to go and work.” He rested his head on her chest.

She sighed. "Will you be OK in here by yourself for a bit? I'll get you a blankey so you can have a little sleep. You must stay in here though, do you understand?"

Paul nodded, “I understand.”

"Its ok, I'll get a blanket." Robyn smiled.

"Thank you." Duffy replied, cuddling her son.

“Love you mummy.”

"I love you too. I'll come and check on you when I can. And daddy too."

Paul nodded again, “OK.”

Robyn returned with the blanket and Duffy tucked it around Paul. "Do you still feel sick?"

“A bit.” He whispered.

She moved the bin closer to him. "Use this if you're gunna be sick ok?"

He nodded, “OK.”

"I'll keep coming to check on you I promise." She kissed his forehead.

He snuggled into the blanket.

She gave him a final kiss and then left the office, turning to Robyn with a sigh as she closed the door.

“Is he ok?”

"He was saying he hated school..." Duffy sighed.

“Has something happened to make him feel that way?”

"I don't know." Duffy sighed as they made their way towards resus. "The school hasn't been in touch to say there's a problem..."

“Maybe the school don’t know?”

"I need to call them. When I get chance to do that is anyone's guess though..." Duffy took a steadying breath as she pushed open the resus doors.

“Ok.” Robyn smiled and gave her arm a squeeze.

Duffy smiled gratefully at Robyn, it helped to have a friend to chat to, what with Charlie being stuck in board meetings all day.

Connie looked disapprovingly at Duffy when she’d made her presence known in Resus.

"I had a personnel issue to deal with." Duffy explained, grabbing some gloves.

“Quite often your personal issues affect the running of this department.”

"Person-EL." Duffy repeated, enphasising the last syllable to imply it was a staffing issue she had been dealing with, casting a quick look at Robyn to stay quiet.

“Oh really? And why wasn’t I aware of this issue?”

"Its a purely nursing matter."

“Fine.”

Duffy got to work, silently hoping that Connie wouldn't just randomly walk into Charlie's office during the shift.

In the chaos of the next couple of hours Duffy didn't get chance to tell Charlie about Paul being poorly.

It was only when Charlie walked in and saw Paul asleep on the settee, did he worry. He kissed his son’s forehead.

"Mummy?" Paul whispered.

“It’s daddy, you ok little man?”

"Got a cough." Paul replied, still half-asleep so not realising he'd told a different story to what Oli had told their mum.

“That’s ok.” Charlie stroked Paul's cheek.

"Cuddle?"

Charlie sat beside his son and wrapped his arms around him.

"Mummy went work. I stay here."

“You’re such a good boy.” Charlie smiled and kissed Paul's head, “Your cough still bad?”

Paul nodded and started coughing, hoping to convince his dad.

“Are you thirsty?” Charlie asked his son.

Paul nodded softly.

“I’ll go and grab you a drink. Do you want some juice?”

"Yes please daddy."

Charlie kissed Paul's forehead, “Stay here and I’ll go and get you some juice.”

Paul snuggled back into the blanket.

“Love you son.”

"Love you daddy." Paul replied before the door closed.

"Who are you talking to?" Connie asked, she'd been heading to Charlie's office in the hope of catching him between meetings.

“Pardon?” He smiled.

"Is there someone in your office?"

“No, I was talking to Louis on the phone.” He replied.

"Hmm... Can we have a quick word in private?"

“Shall we use your office?”

"Something wrong with yours?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

“No, I just thought yours might be a bit more private.”

She attempted to look over Charlie's shoulder but the blinds were closed.

“Shall we?” He gestured towards her office.

She nodded and followed him, her heels clicking on the floor.

Charlie entered Connie’s office. “Is there a problem?”

"You I just wanted to discuss the nursing personnel issue that arose this morning..."

“Oh? What did you want to discuss about it?”

"Why your wife felt it wasn't an issue I needed to be brought in on..."

“I wouldn’t really say it was an issue that needed upper management involved.”

"She was gone for a very long time dealing with it..!"

“It was more she needed my opinion on something.”

"But you've been in meetings all morning..."

“Correct.” He smiled, “When Duffy does discuss the matter with me, I’ll be happy to share it with you and see whether it needs your approval?”

Connie's eyes narrowed, something wasn't adding up. "Fine. You may go now."

“Are you sure?”

"There's clearly no point discussing it further now." She replied dissmissively as she sat down behind her desk.

“Not until we know the facts.”

Connie didn't reply, she'd already picked up a file, acting like he was no longer there.

He watched her for a minute before he turned to leave the office.

Arriving back in reception he suddenly remembered that he'd promised Paul some juice.

Charlie went to the staff room to get some juice for Paul. Returning to his office.

Paul was sat up on the sofa. "You were gone ages daddy!"

“Sorry, daddy got talking.” Charlie handed Paul the glass of juice and a couple of biscuits. “Now don’t tell mummy I gave you these biscuits because they’re mummy’s favourite.”

"Yay!" Paul grinned excitedly.

“Keep it under your hat.”

"I don't wear a hat to school daddy..." Paul replied, bemused.

“You’d look a bit funny if you did.”

"Can I have another biscuit?"

“Maybe later? I don’t want you to be sick.”

"I won't be sick! Promise!"

“Ok, let me go and get another biscuit.”

"Thank you daddy."

Charlie kissed Paul's head and left again.

Paul went back to looking through the desk drawers like he'd been doing when his dad had left the first time. Though he was glad to not be at school he was quickly getting very bored cooped up in the office by himself.

There was a present hidden in one of the drawers. It was in a small gift bag.

Intruiged Paul carefully opened the bag.

Inside was two small boxes.

Paul quickly glanced up at the door before opening the first box.

There were a set of earrings in the first box.

Paul made an unimpressed noise and quickly moved onto the second box.

Inside the second box, contained a bracelet. A silver bracelet that had a series of charms.

"Urgh, lame!" Paul grumbled to himself. He'd been hoping to find what his parents had got him for his upcoming birthday.

Charlie entered the office.

Paul looked up sheepishly, his hands still in the drawer, the bag laying open on top of the desk.

“Paul?”

"Sorry daddy..."

“You found mummy’s gift?”

"Why you bought her a gift? Its ages til her birthday."

“I like buying your mummy gifts.” Charlie replied with a shrug.

"She likes sparkly things."

“She does.”

"Is mummy still really busy?"

“Shall I go and check?”

"Can I have the biscuits first?"

Charlie gave Paul two more biscuits.

Paul smiled, placing the bag back in the drawer and closing it once more.

“You won’t tell your mum about the gift, will you?” Charlie asked Paul.

"Nope!"

“Good boy.” Charlie smiled. “Thank you.”

Paul hopped back over onto the sofa as his dad went to find his mum.

Charlie found Duffy in cubicles, attending to a patient. His gaze wandered over her several times.

It took mere moments for her to realise she was being watched. "I thought you had meetings all day..." She remarked without turning to face him.

He stared at her arse for a moment, “I was but I’ve escaped. Can we talk?”

"Just a moment..." She replied as she finished the sutures she was applying. "A doctor will be with you in due course to finish assessing you." She told the patient before stepping out the cubicle and closing the curtains. "All yours." She smiled at her husband.

“I was enjoying the view.” He smiled as he caught her gaze. “Why’s Paul not at school? Is it because of his cough?”

"What cough? He was sick so Oliver took him to reception."

Charlie frowned, “Paul said he had a cough?”

"The school told me he'd been sick."

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve just given him some biscuits.”

"Well we'll soon find out if we're being played..!"

“Do you think we are?”

"He started crying about hating school just after we got here..."

“Ah.” Charlie sighed and rubbed his neck again. “That explains it.”

"Explains what..?" Duffy asked as they started to walk in the direction of his office.

“Paul’s having some trouble at school.”

"What?! Since when?!"

“I don’t know.”

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

“I found out on our wedding day, I wasn’t going to tell you then, was I?”

"You've had an entire week since then to tell me!"

“I was waiting for the right moment.”

"Hmm..!" She harumphed.

“I was!” He sighed.

"I think it's time we sat down and had a little chat with Paul. Get to the bottom of things."

“I agree.” Charlie nodded as they reached his office and went inside.

Paul was sat on the sofa, biscuit crumbs clinging to the blanket that lay across his lap.

“Paul, is it ok if mummy and daddy talk to you?” Charlie asked as he closed the door.

The youngster looked a little confused but nodded. He snuggled into his mum as she sat down beside him.

Charlie sat down on the other side and kissed the top of Paul's head.

"Are you feeling better now?" Duffy asked softly.

Paul nodded.

"That's good. So your cough got better?"

Paul nodded. “And my tummy.”

"Ah, so both felt poorly did they..?"

“Yeh.”

"Is something worrying you..? Is that why you felt poorly?"

Paul didn’t say anything, he sighed and looked down at his lap.

Duffy stroked his hair gently.

“Is it the boys at school?” Charlie asked gently.

Paul started to cry softly.

Charlie hated seeing his little boy so upset and wrapped his arms around him. “Oh Paul.”

"Don't want to go there." Paul mumbled as he continued to cry, snuggled between his parents.

“Tell us what’s been going on?”

Paul shook his head.

“Please.” Charlie paused, “Mummy and daddy can’t help if we don’t know what’s going on.”

"They're mean to me."

“What things do they say or do?”

"They laugh at me."

“Do you know why?”

"They don't like me. No-one does."

Charlie sighed sadly, “That’s not true. Mummy and daddy like you and all your siblings. And Beth and Holly and Krystal.”

"You're not at school though."

Charlie sighed again. “Would you like me and mummy to talk to your teachers?”

"No!"

Duffy sighed, what was she - they - supposed to do?

"Telling tales is bad." Paul cried.

“You’re not telling tales.”

"Oli looks after me."

“Oli can’t always look after you.”

"Can't I just stay here?"

“No, you need to go to school and be clever!”

"Don't like school."

“Would you like to move schools?”

"Don't like school."

Charlie sighed, “I’ll talk to your teachers.”

"No! The boys will be mad!"

“They can’t bully you, Paul! That’s not nice.”

Paul continued to cry, burying himself into his mum's chest. She stroked his back trying to soothe him.

“You don’t deserve to be bullied. Those boys are mean and they need to be told off.”

"They'll think I'm a tell tale..!"

“You can’t keep secrets.”

Before Paul could reply the office door opened.

“Hello?” Charlie called.

"Sorry, am I interrupting 'nursing personnel' business?" Connie sneered, instantly spotting Paul.

“I’d say you were, yes.”

"What's he doing here?"

“He’s not well.”

"He should be at home then." Connie replied unsympathetically.

“I would’ve thought you’d want all the staff you can get seeing as you’re breaching targets multiple times.”

"Well neither of you are working right now..!"

“Neither are you.”

"Only because I had to come looking for the pair of you..!"

“Really? Are we not allowed to take a five minute break to check up on our son who’s unwell?”

"He should be at home with someone else."

Duffy cuddled Paul closer as his cries stepped up a notch again.

“There isn’t anyone else that can look after him.” Charlie replied, “Otherwise they would.”

"Stay with mummy!" Paul wailed.

"Ssh, it's OK." Duffy soothed.

“Now, are you going to spend all your time just standing there gawping or can Duffy and I discuss what we’re going to do about our son? Then we’ll be able to do our shift. I’m happy for Duffy to go home to look after Paul but it would mean I’d have to take one of your doctors to do the non-exciting jobs like suturing in minors.”

"You're mean!" Paul declared. "Daddy says being mean is naughty!"

“Paul, Ssh.” Charlie smiled slightly.

Duffy snuggled her face into Paul's shoulder, smothering a laugh.

“Is there anything else you’d like to say or... Is this conversation over?”

"Get him out of here!" Connie retorted before spinning on her heel and flouncing out the office.

Charlie laughed, “Not gonna happen Connie.” He called back.

"Don't like her." Paul frowned.

“Daddy doesn’t like her very much either.” Duffy said with a smile.

"Are you gunna tell the teachers on her too?" Paul giggled softly.

“I wish I could.” Charlie replied.

"Do I have to go home now?" Paul asked sadly.

“No.”

"But the mean lady said..."

“You’re staying here where mummy and daddy can keep an eye on you.”

"I stayed here like you said mummy."

"I know sweetheart. You've been a good boy."

“You are a very good boy.” Charlie replied and kissed his head.

'What we going to do?' Duffy mouthed to Charlie over Paul's head.

Charlie mouthed back, 'I don’t know and I don’t care what she says or does.'

Duffy grinned mischievously.

Charlie smiled brightly.

"Do you have to talk to the teachers?" Paul asked Charlie sadly.

“Yes.”

“We have to, son.”

"It'll be OK." Duffy reassured.

Paul snuggled further into his mum.

"I could stay in here and tackle that..?" Duffy gestured to the stack of files on the desk.

“Would you mind?”

"You can help me can't you?" She smiled at Paul.

Paul nodded. “Just don’t go in daddy’s drawer!”

"Oh.?!" She raised an eyebrow at Charlie, a smirk pulling at her lips.

“I don’t know what he means.” Charlie smiled.

"Hmm..!" She giggled. "Right, you go back to work and you come help me..!" She gestured to each of them in turn.

“Ok, I’m going. Love you both.”

"Love you daddy."

“Love you more, little man.” Charlie called before leaving.

Duffy moved to sit in the desk chair.

Paul watched his mum.

"Pen, pen, pen..!" She mumbled to herself as she searched the surface of the desk.

There was one on top of a stack of paper.

"Ah!" She picked it up along with the first file.

“Mummy?”

"Yes sweetheart?"

“I’m sorry for lying.”

"I understand why you did but thank you for saying sorry."

Paul sighed.

"Who are these boys..?"

“They’re in my class.” He said quietly.

"How long has it been going on for?"

“Ages.”

"Why didn't you tell us..?" She asked sadly.

“Was scared.”

"Of what the bullies would do..?"

He nodded.

"Oh sweetheart..!" She sighed sadly.

Paul sighed and watched his mum again.

An awkward silence fell over them for several minutes, the only noise in the room the sound of Duffy's pen and the shuffling of files.

Paul swung his legs on the sofa.

"Not the exciting day you were hoping for..?" Duffy asked with a small smile.

“Better than school.”

"Sitting watching me check off forms?"

Paul nodded, “What are the forms?”

"Its just checking over all the procedures and results, making sure they're correct and all there just incase we need to refer back to them at a future date. Those ones..." She pointed to a pile that she'd set aside as she'd gone along. "...are patients I cared for so your dad will have to check those as neither of us is allowed to check and sign off our own work."

“That sounds so boring and long!” Paul laughed.

"It can be but it's very important."

Paul nodded.

"Because if someone becomes ill in the future, it might be important to know what their previous test results were."

“That’s cool.”

"They'll then be stored away securely until they're needed again."

“Where do they go?”

"Over there." She pointed at the row of filing cabinets along the wall.

“Then where do they go?”

"Up to the central medical records storage."

“Is that really big?”

"Huge!" She chuckled.

“Wow!”

"Its all locked up though."

“Got to be special to get in there?”

"Very special."

“I’m special!” Paul laughed.

"Our special little surprise." She smiled.

“You and daddy didn’t want another baby after me, mummy?”

"Mummy's getting too old sweetheart."

Paul giggled, “You’re not really old!”

"Is this your way of saying you want a little brother or sister?" She chuckled.

Paul shrugged, “Dunno.” He admitted.

"When your dad next drops by tell him you do. I just want to see his face go a funny colour..!" She laughed.

“Ok mummy!”

"Good boy."

There was a comfortable silence between them.

Duffy went back to the files, making her way steadily through them.

Paul lay back on the sofa and yawned. “I’m bored mummy!” He declared not long afterwards.

Duffy chuckled softly. "Would you like some paper to draw on?"

“Yes please.”

Duffy reached over into the scrap paper tray and then into the top drawer, handing her son some paper and pens.

When Paul took the pens and pieces of paper, Duffy’s attention was drawn to the gift bag in the drawer.

She ran her fingers over the top of the bag, curious.

Paul began to draw on the piece of paper.

She lifted the bag onto the top of the desk and peeked inside.

“Mummy! You’re not supposed to see daddy’s present!”

"I got curious..." Duffy blushed.

“Mummy!” Paul giggled softly just as Charlie returned.

Duffy tried to put the bag back quickly.

“Found something of interest?” A smirk tugged at Charlie’s lips.

"Who me..?" Duffy attempted to look innocent. "Didn't you have something to ask daddy, Paul?"

"Can I have a little brother?"

Duffy tried to hide her smile, not missing the fact that Paul had instantly dismissed the idea of having a little sister.

Charlie blinked. “I—um, I... erm, don’t know.”

"Mummy's not that old..." Paul added eliciting a snort from Duffy.

“I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

"Why not?"

“Your mummy and I don’t have enough love for another baby.”

"But you said love doesn't have any limits..!"

“That’s true but I’m a lot older than your mummy.” Charlie pointed out.

"But that singer Elton whatsit just had a baby and he's way older than you..!"

“I know but daddy doesn’t want another baby.”

"Why?"

Duffy had abandoned the files she'd been looking through and was sat back watching the conversation unfolding between her son and husband.

“I don’t know why.”

"Oh... OK..." Paul shrugged.

“Sorry son.”

"Its lame being the littlest."

“You’ll grow big and strong!”

"Will Oli always be bigger than me?"

“Yes but you won’t always be little, little.”

"No-one picks on him coz he's loads bigger than me." Paul sighed.

Charlie sighed and sat next to him, “They bully you because they’re cowards!”

"Why is he some much bigger than me? He's only a year and half older." Paul pouted.

“He’s always been big. Even when he was a little baby.” Charlie replied.

"But why?! I hate being small!" Paul crossed his arms and huffed dramatically.

“I don’t know.” Charlie kissed the top of Paul’s head.

"You will grow, I promise." Duffy added, attempting to appease him.

“Hope so.” Paul grumbled.

"Oli is broad shouldered like Jake, you're more slim built like Peter." Duffy explained.

“But that’s not fair!”

"I know but there's not much we can do to change it."

Paul sighed dramatically.

"Oh sweetheart..!" Duffy sighed, moving over to the sofa.

Paul snuggled up to his mum.

"You're you and we love you for being you." Duffy explained.

Paul nodded sadly, “I’m still little though.”

"You're the perfect size for a hug though." Duffy smiled, wrapping her arms around him.

Paul didn’t say anything.

"Don't say you've decided you're too old for mummy cuddles too?" She pouted.

“No, never too old for that.”

"Good!" She grinned.

Paul cuddled his mum for a bit.

"How is it out there?" Duffy asked Charlie.

“Still busy.” Charlie smiled, “I wouldn’t expect anything less though.”

"Do you need me out there?"

“We’ll manage.”

"The wicked witch still after my blood?"

“When isn’t she?” Charlie smirked.

"I really don't understand why..." She sighed.

“I think she must’ve worked with Baz. It’s the only explanation.”

"She's never going to leave us alone is she?"

“No but I sure do love to annoy her.” Charlie smirked.

"Connie or the ghost of your dead ex-wife?"

“Connie.”

"It is rather fun isn't it?"

“Yeh. On occasions. Other times it’s just really frustrating.”

"She's just really frustrating." Duffy shrugged.

“I agree.”

"Like someone else we were just talking about..." She muttered, acutely conscious of Paul snuggled in her arms.

“Why don’t you take him home? We’ll talk at home later?”

"Are you sure? I've done most of the files..."

“Of course I’m sure.”

"I don't want to leave you shorthanded..." She fretted.

“We’ll be ok, I promise.” Charlie reassured.

"If you're sure..?"

“I’m sure babe.”

"OK." She stroked Paul's hair. "Let's get you home mister."

“Yes mummy.”

Once home Paul had disappeared up to the room he shared with his brother, leaving Duffy to contemplate the situation as she did what came naturally when she was anxious - clean.

By the time Charlie returned home, later that evening and late, the house was spotless.

The children were all in bed or otherwise occupied in their rooms.

Duffy felt awful when she saw Charlie, he looked exhausted and was home hours after his shift should have finished. She blamed herself, not just for that but for not spotting that her youngest was struggling at school.

Almost like he could read her mind, he smiled sadly, “None of this is your fault, you know?”

She was still scrubbing the perfectly spotless kitchen worktop. "Hmm..." She replied, unconvinced.

He stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist, “It’s not! I managed to get some cover at work and as for Paul, neither of us noticed.”

"Why didn't he come to us? Are we really such terrible parents that he didn't feel he could talk to us about what was going on?"

He kissed the side of her neck gently, “He was scared or maybe he didn’t know how to tell us. We’re not terrible parents, you’re an amazing mother and our children are lucky to have you in their lives.”

"Clearly the school doesn't know what's going on either." She sighed.

“We need to talk to the school.”

"You're on the late shift tomorrow aren't you?"

“Yes sweetheart.”

"We could both drop them off and then go speak to the school?"

“That sounds like the way forward.”

"We need to get this sorted quickly, he's clearly terrified of these boys."

“Yeh he is. We will sort it now we know what’s going on.”

"I tried to get him to open up more but he wouldn't." She sighed.

“He will, given time.” His hands moved to her shoulders and he began to massage her.

"He's desperate that we don't send him into school tomorrow." She started to cry.

He cuddled her tightly, “Ssh sweetheart, it’s ok.”

"He's such a sweet little boy. Why would they pick on him?"

“Because they pick on the ones that are nice.”

She sighed, her cheeks still damp with tears.

He pulled back and met her gaze, “None of this is your fault.” He tiptoed his fingertips against her cheek, removing the tears.

"If I was home more I'd notice..."

“Would you?”

"I've been so busy with everything recently - work, the wedding, my dad, Louis... I've neglected Paul and he's suffering as a result."

“No you’ve not neglected him.” Charlie told her firmly, “This isn’t on you!”

"I've always worked too much. I wouldn't blame you for me being mad at me and not looking after the children well enough."

He placed his hands against her cheeks and replied, “I am not mad at you! You go out and you work because you’re an amazing nurse and we’d be lost without you. You’re an amazing mother who never stops looking after the children even when you have a thousand other things to be doing. None of this is your fault, do you hear me? None of it. It’s the fault of those stupid little boys who wanted to pick on our son because our son is an amazing young boy with a heart of gold who takes after his mother.”

She stared at him for several seconds, processing his words, turning them over in her mind.

He kissed her tenderly.

She rested her forehead against his, needing his closeness after such a stressful day.

He stroked his fingertips against her cheek once more and smiled, his forehead against hers.

"I worry I don't do enough for them..." She whispered.

“Why?”

"I just do." It was difficult to explain.

“You’re there all the time, sweetheart.” He smiled sadly, “Do you want to spend more time at home?”

"I don't know. I love my job but sometimes..." She sighed, her head felt all over the place.

“How about we have an early night and discuss this in the morning?”

She nodded.

“Would you like me to run you a bath?”

"You're so good to me." She smiled.

“I try my best, gorgeous.”

Whilst Charlie went to run the bath Duffy headed up to their bedroom but stopped outside the door when she heard crying coming from the younger boys' bedroom.

Her heart broke at the sound of her son’s crying and she quietly opened the door.

"Paul..?" She whispered.

“Mummy?” He was curled up in bed clutching his teddy bear.

She sat down on the bed beside him and opened her arms to him. "I'm here sweetheart."

He crawled into her lap. “I’m sorry.”

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

“Making you sad.”

"You didn't make me sad."

“Are you sure?"

"None of this is your fault. We're going to make it all better I promise."

“You’ll talk to my teacher?”

"Me and daddy are going to both take you and Oli to school tomorrow so we can talk to your teacher."

He nodded. “Ok mummy.”

"Do you want to come with me and daddy to speak to your teacher?"

He nodded once again, “Please?”

"It will be OK I promise."

“I hope so.” He mumbled.

She hugged him closer.

“Love you.” He whispered.

"I love you too. To the stars and back."

Paul eventually fell asleep in his mum’s arms. He was exhausted.

Having finished running the bath Charlie came upstairs to investigate where Duffy had disappeared to.

Charlie smiled as he leant against the doorframe. “Is he asleep?” He whispered.

"Finally." She whispered back with a sigh.

Charlie moved closer to them. “How is he?”

"He wants to come with us to see his teacher in the morning."

“Ok, that’s fine.” Charlie stroked Paul’s back.

"He felt bad for making me sad..."

Charlie sighed sadly. “He worries about you.”

"He shouldn't have to."

“You’re his mum, of course he’s going to worry about you. He’s a mummy’s boy.”

"He doesn't like me leaving him. Do you think he senses what I tried to do all those years ago..?" She stroked Paul's hair gently.

“What? No, no.”

"I should never have even considered doing that."

“You were scared, it was a perfectly natural reaction.”

"How could I do that to him..?" Her voice was barely a whisper, her eyes fixed on her youngest son as he slept peacefully in her lap.

“You were scared, you contemplated it. That doesn’t make you a bad person.” He whispered.

"He's so precious." She stroked his hair, a tear trickling down her cheek.

“Our precious boy, the final missing piece of the jigsaw that we never knew was missing until he came along.” He lent over with his free hand and wiped away the tear.

A more comfortable hush fell over them for a few moments. "He seems very put out at being the youngest though..."

“You’re not suggesting we possibly try for another, are you?”

There was a mischievous glint in her eyes as she looked up. "No... Of course not..."

He smirked, “Try saying it again without that mischievous glint in your eye.”

She started to giggle softly.

“Ah, my favourite sound.” He smiled brightly.

She blushed lightly. "So that's a no to fulfilling our son's wish..?"

“It’s a no.”

She fluttered her eyelashes. "Are you sure..?" She teased.

“I’m positive.” He laughed gently.

"No sense of adventure..." She pouted playfully.

“Oh I have a sense of adventure...” He placed his hand on her thigh, “Your bath is ready for you.”

"Oh I'd forgotten about that..!" She looked back down at Paul. "We should probably get him settled back into bed."

“Yeah, we should.” With help from each other, Charlie and Duffy managed to get Paul into his pyjamas and tucked under his duvet.

"You sleep tight little man." Duffy whispered, kissing his forehead.

Paul smiled in his sleep.

She stroked her son's hair one last time before standing up.

“Night son, love you.” Charlie kissed Paul’s forehead and cheek.

Duffy turned to quickly check on Oli.

Oli was fast asleep, one leg out of the duvet, snoring loudly.

"You could run a freight train through this room and he wouldn't wake up..!" Duffy chuckled softly, kissing Oli's forehead and leaving the bedroom.

Charlie did the same before he pulled the door closed behind him as they entered the landing. He entwined his fingers through Duffy’s.

"Join me in the bath?"

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

"Oh so that's why you offered to run me a bath is it..?" She giggled as they made their way back downstairs.

“Of course.”

She giggled softly, taking hs hand and leading him into the bathroom.

“I just wanted you to relax gorgeous.”

She gasped softly as she took in the bathroom, the bath was filled with bubbles, candles flickered and soft music played.

“Do you like it babe?”

"I love it." She started to cry again.

“Oh babe, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He wrapped his arms around her.

"No, I'm sorry, I'm just such an emotional wreck lately."

“Not pregnant are you?” He joked.

"As lackadaisical as our approach to such matters is I doubt it."

He kissed the tip of her nose, “Just hormones and feeling delicate?”

She nodded sadly. "Everything is just getting on top of me." She sighed.

“Shall we get in the bath and talk about those things that are getting on top of you?”

"It can't make it any worse I suppose."

He kissed her gently before they removed their clothes and got into the bath.

She sighed contentedly as she sunk into the warm, bubbly water, leaning back to rest against her husband's chest.

Charlie’s arms wrapped around her waist, “What’s on your mind?”

"So many things, I don't know where to begin..."

“At the beginning usually helps.” He smiled and kissed the top of her head.

She mulled her options over in her mind for a few moments. "I think dad is distancing himself from me..." She settled on starting with.

“What makes you think that?”

"It feels like he's trying to shield me... He thinks I won't notice that I'm being fobbed off..."

“You think he’s deteriorating again?”

She nodded sadly.

“He’s doing it to protect you, isn’t he?”

"But I'm a nurse, I know what's going on."

“Maybe so but he isn’t one of your patients, Duffy. He’s your father.”

"I want to help but he just won't let me!"

“Wouldn’t you be the same if it was you and our children wanted to help?”

"That's diff..." She sighed, realising how ridiculous she sounded.

“Different? How?”

"It just is."

“Is he stable enough for a transplant yet?”

"I don't know. He won't discuss the topic with me."

Charlie sighed and paused for a moment or two. “Would it help if I spoke to him?”

"He might talk to you about it."

“Then that’s what I’ll do.”

"Thank you." She snuggled further into his embrace.

“You don’t have to thank me.” He held her, “What else is worrying you?”

"I'm worried about the impact of recent events on the kids."

“The shooting?”

"The girls won't talk about it and all Louis will say is that 'it's sorted'..."

“He paid his debts.” Charlie replied. “As for the girls, I’ve tried getting them to talk but they won’t.”

"How did he pay? Did you give him the money?"

“No I didn’t. He did a final job for a friend, picked up a parcel and delivered it.”

"He did what?!" The water sloshed over the side as she sat up and spun around to face him, a look of horrified disbelief on her face.

“He said it meant it was over.” Charlie sighed, “The money he got, he gave to Tony.”

"Was it Tony that shot at the girls?"

“Yes. Well, it was his mates.”

"Because Louis owed him. Over drugs? That's why he got these 'mates' to shoot at my daughters?! Are these the same people who assaulted Emily and... And..." She couldn't get the words out, she was too agitated.

“Yes.” He sighed, recognising the signs that she was beginning to get agitated. “Sweetheart?”

"Why is that always used as a weapon..?" Her eyes had glazed slightly and her voice lacked its previous fire.

“What?” He asked, brushing his fingertips against her arm.

She flinched, letting out a startled shriek.

“Sweetheart it’s me, you’re safe.” He reassured.

She shook like a leaf, her eyes darting around.

The sound of footsteps thundered up the stairs. "Mum?!" Jake's worried voice could be heard just outside the bathroom door.

“What’s wrong Jake?” Charlie asked his son.

"I heard mum scream, she ok?"

“Yeah she’s ok. I just startled her, that’s all.” He smiled sadly.

"You sure? Mum?" Jake persisted.

"I..." Duffy swallowed. "I'm ok."

“Ok, I’ll leave you both to it.”

Despite her reassurances to her son Duffy was still visibly shaking.

As Jake’s footsteps disappeared, Charlie touched Duffy’s arm again. “You went back there for a minute, didn’t you?”

She nodded silently, tears streaming down her face. "It never goes away..!" She whispered bitterly.

“I know it doesn’t.” He sighed sadly and wrapped his arms around her. “Can I hold you?”

She slowly, tentatively, moved back closer to him.

“You’re safe.” He told her.

"The thought that someone would do that to one of my girls..."

“It still hurts me to think I couldn’t protect her.”

"You did everything you could. You're not to blame." Her tone seemed to imply she wasn't just talking about Emily.

“Aren’t I?” He whispered back.

"No." She met his eye for the first time in several minutes as she spoke.

He held her gaze.

"You're not to blame." She reiterated.

He didn’t verbally answer but he nodded.

"I'd like to go to bed now." She told him softly.

He smiled, “Come on then, let’s go to bed.”

Stepping out of the bath she gladly accepted the warm, fluffy towel that Charlie wrapped around her.

There was a comfortable hush as they went back to their bedroom after Charlie drained the water from the bathtub.

Duffy was still shaking slightly as she put on her thickest pyjamas and wrapped her dressing gown around herself before getting under the duvet. She just couldn't seem to shift the chill that went all the way to her bones.

He got into bed beside her and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry.” He pulled the duvet over them.

"Don't apologise, just hold me."

“Do you think if I hadn’t have argued with you a few days before about been late, it wouldn’t have happened?” He whispered quietly.

"If it hadn't been me it would have been someone else. Or he'd have gotten me another night."

“I put you in danger.” He mumbled.

"No, I put myself in danger."

“We’ll have to disagree with that.”

"Hmm..."

“Duffy?”

"Mmm?"

“I love you.”

"I love you too."

“I love you to the stars and back.”

She didn't reply verbally but she'd finally stopped shaking.

“Sleep tight Princess.” He continued to hold her, making sure she was fast asleep before he allowed himself to drift off.


	56. NSFW, TW: abuse, rape, violence and coercion.

After several sleepless nights wondering whether those men were going to come back and hurt her and her siblings, Lottie pottered about downstairs early one morning. It was approximately 4am and she was trying her hardest not to wake her parents but to no avail when she dropped a glass on the kitchen floor.

The smashing glass was rapidly followed by the sound of her mother's scream reverberating around the upstairs - not the first time that week Duffy had awoken screaming.

Lottie sighed, hearing her mum scream. She’d heard her most nights over the last couple of days.

She set about clearing up the broken glass, hoping her parents wouldn't come downstairs, though she guessed her father would be busy trying to calm her mother and reassure her that she was safe.

Lottie felt so helpless, it was a feeling she hadn’t really experienced before.

She couldn't understand how Tilly seemed so calm given how she'd been more badly injured as a result.

Tilly wasn’t calm underneath it all but she had to pretend to be ok because she didn’t want everyone worrying!

Tipping the broken glass into the bin Lottie sighed, debating whether to go back up to bed.

She eventually went back to bed about twenty minutes later, having got bored of walking around downstairs.

She lay in down in her bed staring up at the ceiling. After a few moments there was a rustling sound across the room and then Tilly crept into the bed next to her.

“You kay?” Lottie whispered.

"Where you go?" Tilly whispered. "Mum was screaming again..."

“Downstairs, couldn’t sleep.” Lottie sighed, “I know. I keep hearing her and I dunno what to do.”

"Neither do I."

Lottie cuddled her sister, despite them being older, they were still just as close as they’d been when they were children.

"I love you Lottiepop."

“Love you too, Tillytots.”

"Did they let you go see Owen?" Tilly asked after a few moments of silence had passed.

“No, I haven’t asked them yet. Gonna ask them today.”

"You gunna get back with him?"

Lottie sighed, “Maybe, I dunno.”

A quiet fell over them again. "Can I stay here?" Tilly whispered.

“Yes.”

Tilly snuggled up to her younger twin and yawned.

“Tots?”

"Yeh?"

“Love you.”

"I love you too."

Lottie snuggled further into her sister.

The twins finally managed to drift off to sleep for a few hours, both sleeping through their alarms.

There was a light tap on the door. "Girls, you need to get up for school!" Charlie called from the hallway.

The girls were still asleep together, both so out for the count that they didn’t hear Charlie.

Charlie slowly opened the door, just a crack. "Girls..?"

They were under the covers, Lottie’s arms around Tilly and vice versa. They still didn’t wake.

Charlie sighed, the girls needed to get up for school but it didn't seem right to wake them when they looked so peaceful.

He decided against waking them, one day off school wouldn’t hurt them. He turned off the girls' alarm and quietly closed the door behind him.

He'd already called Tess to let her know that Duffy wouldn't be in work. His wife had had another poor night filled with insomnia followed by nightmares when she had finally fallen asleep.

He woke the younger boys and gave them their breakfast.

They were tucking into their food when Emily came padding downstairs, yawning.

“You ok princess?” Charlie asked, “What would you like for breakfast?”

"I'm ok. Can I have some toast please?"

“Butter and jam?”

Emily nodded, giving her dad a smile as she sat down at the table.

He smiled at his eldest daughter before turning to make her breakfast.

Paul seemed a little more enthusiastic about school after the conversation his parents had had with his teacher.

It was a good sign, thankfully.

Once the children were dressed Paul came over to his dad. "Isn't mummy taking me to school?"

“Do you still want mummy and daddy to take you to school?”

"When mummy takes me we sing along to the radio in her car."

“Do you?” Charlie ruffled Paul's hair.

"Yeh!"

“I’m sure mummy hasn’t forgotten, ok?”

"She was still asleep when I went into her room a few minutes ago." Paul frowned.

“I know, mummy didn’t have a good sleep last night. I’ll go and wake her ok?”

"Is she poorly again?"

“No, she just took ages and ages to fall asleep that’s all.”

"OK..."

“I’ll go and wake her.”

Paul followed his dad up the stairs.

Charlie quietly went into the bedroom. His wife still asleep in their marital bed. Her fingers were still tightly gripping the duvet.

Charlie sat on the edge of the bed, “Baby?” He whispered, “Time to wake up.”

"Mummy..?" Paul whispered nervously from the doorway.

“It’s ok, Son. Mummy’s just asleep.” Charlie smiled reassuringly. “Duffy, wake up.” He kissed her cheek.

Duffy's face scrunched up her breath picking up and becoming more rapid.

“Sweetheart? It’s me?”

Her eyes shot open.

“You’re ok.” Charlie reassured with a smile. “Paul was getting a bit worried.”

"W-what time is it?!"

“Just gone eight.”

"Shit! I'm going to be late for dropping the boys off and getting to work!" She gasped, bolting up in bed.

“Duffy, I’ve told Tess that you won’t be in.” Charlie explained gently.

"What gives you the right to do that?!" Duffy blazed as she charged around the room grabbing her underwear and uniform, unaware that Paul was stood in the doorway.

“We’ll talk about this later.” Charlie told her firmly aware their son was in the doorway, “Let’s take the boys to school like we agreed?”

Duffy didn't reply verbally as she stormed into the ensuite, slamming the door closed behind her.

Charlie sighed and turned to his son. “Go downstairs and get your shoes on.” He smiled reassuringly to Paul.

"O-ok." Paul's bottom lip wobbled slightly.

“Daddy just needs to talk to mummy, ok?”

"Coz mummy's angry..?"

“Cos mummy’s a bit grumpy first thing in the morning.”

"Oli gets grumpy when he wakes up too." Paul replied, brightening slightly.

“He gets it from mummy.” Charlie smiled and watched as Paul happily skipped away back downstairs. He stood up and knocked on the en-suite door, “Babe?”

"What?!" Came the terse reply from inside the bathroom.

“Can I come in?”

"If you must." She replied over the sound of the shower.

He entered the bathroom and closed the door behind him. “You’ve barely slept.”

"I'm fine." She retorted, scrubbing at her skin more firmly than was necessary.

“Really? Because your behaviour right now indicates you’re anything but fine.”

"Just drop it Charlie!"

“No, I won't!”

"Fine!" She turned her back on him pointedly.

“You woke up screaming again. That’s every night this week.”

"Its nothing."

“What is it you’re remembering?”

"I don't remember anything." She insisted.

“So why are you waking up screaming?”

"I'm not."

“So I’m lying am I? Hearing things?”

"I'm fine. Now just drop it before I'm even more late than I already am!"

“I told you, Tess knows you're not coming in.”

"You have no right to dictate that!"

“I do when I know you’re avoiding things!”

"Are you implying I'm mentally incompetent?!"

“Of course not!” He sighed, “You need to rest! Throwing yourself into work isn’t going to make your memories disappear, Duffy.”

"Nothing. Happened." She snapped.

“Tell me that when you’re not scrubbing your skin clean because you feel dirty.” He answered back.

"Leave me alone!" She screamed.

“No. I want you to talk to me.” His tone was gentle as he stepped towards the shower.

"There's nothing to talk about." She insisted, pushing past him to grab a towel and go back into their bedroom.

“Don’t push me away!”

"You're the one doing all the pushing!"

“Fine.” He stood watching her as she got ready, trying to understand what exactly was going through her mind right now.

She didn't speak til she was fully dressed though she'd been aware of his gaze on her the entire time. "Are you coming then?"

“Yes. Though I still think you should reconsider going to work.”

"Your suggestion is noted."

He rubbed the back of his neck, “The twins aren’t going to school today.”

That stopped her in her tracks. "Are they poorly?" Her voice was noticeably softer.

“I think they’re struggling to sleep at night.” He shrugged.

"OK. Are you OK to look after them?"

“Of course.”

"Right, let's go." She headed out the bedroom and down the stairs. "Boys? You ready for school?"

“Yes mummy.” The boys called. Charlie went to check on the twins before he went downstairs.

They were still sleeping, Tilly had rolled onto her back and was snoring loudly.

There was a slightly tense atmosphere as Charlie and Duffy took the boys to school.

Once the boys were in school Duffy moved to get out the car. "I can walk to work from here, you get back to the twins."

“I want you to stay at home.”

"I'll be fine."

“Just stop being stubborn!”

"I need to go..." She was getting agitated.

“Why?”

"I have work... I'm going to be late..!"

“I rang you in sick so technically you don’t have work.” He answered back.

She took a steadying breath, why wouldn't he just let her go? This was worse than him insisting on driving her to the hospital..!

“Are you sure you’re going to be ok?”

"I'll be fine." She insisted, giving him a smile that she hoped would convince him.

He smiled back. “I love you.”

"I love you too." She lent back into the car and gave him a quick kiss.

Charlie drove back to the house.

Once she was sure her husband was out of sight Duffy turned off the main road and headed down a side street. She got into the car that was parked waiting. "Right, let's get this over with."

Charlie got back to the house. The house was quiet, the other children asleep.

Duffy froze as Andrew's hand moved to rest on her thigh. "I'm here to talk..!" She swallowed, maybe this wasn't such a good idea afterall, not only had she lied to Charlie, she'd lied to Peter and Jake. They thought she was meeting Andrew the following day.

“Just talk...?” He asked.

"I want you to promise not to press charges against Jake."

“What do I get in return?”

"W-what do you want?" She desperately tried to keep her voice calm.

His hand ran up her thigh, “You one last time?”

Her blood ran cold. "And if I say no..?"

“I’ll press charges against Jake.” He knew he had her trapped.

"And you'll take what you want by force?" She whispered, becoming increasingly frightened as she heard the central locking click shut whilst the hand that had been making its way up her thigh tugged her coat open, revealing her uniform.

“I wouldn’t ever force you, Lisa.”

"We both know that's a lie!" She spat back, letting out a startled shriek as he grabbed hold of her face with his free hand.

“You wanted it!” He replied.

"No! Please don't hurt me!" She began to cry, her body shutting down on her as he pulled at her clothing. She knew it was the only way and it made her feel sick.

“Ssh, it’s gonna be ok.”

She whimpered with fear as he pushed her into the back of the car.

Time seemed to stand still for ages before the sound of breaking glass could be heard from the front of the car. The windshield had been broken.

She screamed but her voice sounded weak and strangled as her ex-husband slammed his forearm onto her throat. Her clothes had been torn from her and Andrew's trousers and pants were around his knees.

The rest of the windows were soon broken. “Get away from her!” The male voice demanded, a baseball bat in his hands.

"You didn't need to break the window, you only had to ask if you wanted to watch..!" Andrew retorted as he moved closer, keeping his arm on Duffy's throat.

“I’ll give you two seconds to get away from her otherwise I’ll smash your fucking head in, do you hear me?”

"Whatever!" Andrew laughed, forcing himself upon Duffy once more.

The man opened the car door and dragged Andrew from the back of the car.

"Ah maybe you are my son afterall..!" Andrew smirked as Jake swung the bat.

“You’re a prick!” Jake’s grip tightened on the baseball bat. “You’ll never leave mum alone will you?”

"Jake no!" Peter's yelled as he dove out his car, the brakes barely having time to engage. He'd told his brother to wait for him before confronting Andrew!

“Give me one good reason not to cave your fucking head in?” Jake yelled at Andrew.

"It was her idea, she's a dirty, lying little whore." Andrew replied, looking back at Duffy who lay barely conscious on the back seat.

“Jake no!” Peter was too late to stop Jake as he swung the bat right at Andrew and kept swinging it. “Shit! Mum?!” He saw his mum in the backseat and tried to cover her up before moving from the car to try and wrestle the bat from his little brother. “He isn’t worth it!” He desperately tried to get through to Jake but it seemed Jake was too far gone.

Finally Peter gained control of the bat. Holding it in his hands he stared at it before looking down at a Andrew, the temptation was overwhelming. Before he gave into temptation, however, Peter wiped the bat and chucked it into his car. 

“Mum?” Jake called as he peered into the car, he felt sick after what he’d seen Andrew do.

"She's breathing." Peter reassured.

“She needs to go to the hospital to be checked over.”Jake fretted. “Where’s the bat?”

"Its in my car."

"What the fuck are we going to do?!" Jake's panicked gaze looked from one parent to the other rapidly. "He was raping her!" He broke down, slumping down onto the kerb near where Andrew lay unconscious and bleeding heavily.

“I’m gonna call an ambulance for mum. Will you help me get her dressed?” Peter asked. 

“Can’t I just finish him off? Save us all a fucking job?” Jake replied.

"Do you wanna go to fucking jail?!" Peter gasped.

“I wouldn’t care if it meant that he could never hurt mum again!!” Jake replied.

"Well personally I don't want to spend life as a newlywed in prison so get a fucking grip and help me deal with this!" Peter shot back.

Jake and Peter tentatively tried to get their mum dressed before calling for an ambulance.

"We could make it look like an accident..?" Peter mused.

“I’ll tell the police what I did.” Jake replied with a shrug, “I’m not arsed.”

"No! I will not let him ruin your life as well!" Peter insisted. "And neither would she let you!" He added looking down at their mum as she lay in his lap.

“I’m an adult, it’s my choice.” Jake replied, “She's done enough trying to protect us. She wouldn’t be in this fucking mess if it wasn’t for me!” He could hear the sirens coming closer and moved towards Andrew. He couldn’t see him breathing...

"Jake... Jake!" Peter could see that his brother's focus had shifted.

“He’s not breathing.” Jake stated as he stared at Andrew.

"Shit!" Peter laid his mum's head gently back down on the backseat of the car and moved over to Andrew. "I'm doing this for mum and Jake, it's not quite time for you to rot in hell yet!" He muttered as he moved to resuscitate the older man.

“I’ll go and sit with her.” Jake went to sit with his mum as Peter began CPR on Andrew. Two ambulances arrived and screeched to a halt near them, followed by the police.

Peter barely noticed them come over. "Don't you dare fucking die!" He hissed.

“We’ll take over from here.” The paramedics said as they took over. 

Two paramedics approached Jake but he didn’t notice, he was stroking his mum’s hair, her head in his lap.

"Can you tell us what happened sir?"

Jake jumped. “Um... he...” He continued to stroke his mum’s hair.

"Is she your mum..?" The paramedic asked gently.

Jake nodded, “She'll need.... examining... when she gets to the hospital.” He whispered.

"Examining..?"

Jake nodded again.

"You mean intimately?" The second paramedic asked, noticing the disrupted clothing. "Did he attack her?"

“Yes.” Jake said quietly, “It’s why I attacked him, he wouldn’t get off her.”

"You did that?!"

"Jake! Shut up!" Peter hissed.

Jake glanced back at Peter and then down at his mum. “Can we go with her?”

"We'd need to check with the police..."

Jake didn’t stop stroking his mum’s hair, he didn’t know how to feel about everything he’d witnessed.

"Can we check her over? Would that be OK? We'll be gentle."

Jake shook his head. “No. Not until she gets to the hospital.”

"We need to make sure she's OK. How long has she been unconscious?"

“Twenty minutes or so.”

"Has she been breathing throughout?"

“Yeh. Please, just take her to the hospital.”

"We need to get her onto the stretcher and assess her airway."

“I don’t want anyone to touch her.”

"Jake you have to let them help her." Peter reached out a hand towards his brother.

“No, nobody is touching her!” Jake sighed.

"She could be really hurt. They can help her." Peter was scared by how his brother was seemingly rapidly losing his grip on reality.

“Please don’t hurt her!” Jake begged.

"We won't, we just want to help her. Is there anyone we can call? Is he your dad?"

“No. Please don’t call anyone yet. Please!” Jake looked helpless as he moved and allowed the paramedics to assess Duffy. “Peter?” He whispered, moving to his brother. “I’m scared.”

"Its going to be OK. I'll make sure of it. I promise." Peter whispered back, holding Jake close.

“I’m sorry.” Jake whispered, holding onto his older brother.

"No I'm sorry, I failed to protect you both."

“No you did protect us both! You always have. I just... I wanted to protect mum for a change, stop leaving it up to you but even I failed to do that.” Jake sighed.

"You did protect her, you figured out what was going on."

“I didn’t stop him from hurting her though.” Jake moved quickly and threw up in the gutter.

Peter wrapped his arm around Jake's shoulders. "Its ok."

“Can we go with her?”

One of the officers came over to the ambulance, the other having gone back over to the police car. "We'll need to interview you all later."

“Ok. Thank you.”

"We need to call dad." Peter told Jake as they got in the ambulance.

“When we get to the hospital?”

"Hang on, your name's Fairhead..! Why do I know that name?" The paramedic riding in the back of the ambulance with them asked.

“Mum and dad work at the hospital.”

"Shit!"

“What’s your name?” Peter asked as he kissed his mum’s cheek.

"Tamzin. I only started last week."

“Nice to meet you.” The boys were quiet as they were driven to the hospital, their eyes fixated on their mum who was still unconscious.

Jake hadn't spoken since they'd gotten into the ambulance.

Peter was still worried about how much Jake was being affected by all this. He was seeing Jake fade and he didn’t know what to do.

Jake's head was spinning, flashes of what he'd seen that day and in years gone by replaying over and over again. He needed something to take the edge off. “I need to go.” He mumbled to Peter.

"You can't just go." Peter replied but as soon as the ambulance stopped and the back doors opened Jake bolted.

“Jake?” Peter called but Jake was gone, running away as fast as he could. “Its ok, mum.” He reassured, as Duffy began to come round.

"Jake..?" She mumbled.

“He’s ok, he’ll be back soon.” Peter said gently, stroking his mum’s cheek as she was wheeled in.

"Hurts..." She still wasn't very coherent.

“Where does it hurt?” Peter asked sadly, he knew where one area would hurt.

"Everywhere. W-what happened? Feel sick..."

“What do you remember?” He asked.

"Car... Fight... Sorry... So sorry..." She mumbled brokenly before her head jerked back suddenly.

Peter looked helpless as his mum had a seizure and more staff ran to help his mum.

The seizure was over quite rapidly but was quickly followed by two more, each lasting longer than the previous one.

“Mum?” His voice broke, trying to keep hold of his emotions.

"She doesn't normally have these kind of seizures." Zoe observed aloud to Connie. "What caused her to become unconscious? How was her neck suppressed?" She asked Peter.

“She has intermittent seizures whenever she bangs her head. Andrew’s arm was around her neck, compromising her airway.” Peter explained.

"OK. So we're likely looking at an oxygen deprevation brain injury." Connie remarked dispassionately.

“She... erm, needs an examination.”

"I realise your parents are nurses but I think you'll find I'm the lead in this resus." Connie retorted. "Why was she not intubated at the scene?" She demanded of the paramedics.

“She was raped!” Peter snapped back.

"We shall deal with that in due course but currently my chief concern is ascertaining whether your mother has irreversible brain damage." Connie replied.

"She clearly put up a hell of a fight..!" Zoe murmured, glancing over at Andrew who was being treated across the room.

“Please save her.” Peter begged and glanced over at Andrew. “I need to call my dad...”

"Use the phone in his office sweetie." Zoe told him. "We'll let you know how she is as soon as we know more."

“Thank you.” He went to his dad’s office, his mind spinning from the events of the last hour or so.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and was saddened, but not surprised, to see no messages from Jake since he'd run off. Flicking through the phonebook he then dialed his parents home phone number from the desk phone.

“Hello?” Charlie answered the phone. He’d been unsettled all morning but couldn’t pinpoint exactly why.

"Dad..." Peter swallowed, how the hell was he going to explain this?!

“Peter? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

"I'm at the hospital. It's mum..."

“Why? What’s happened?” Charlie swallowed.

"Andrew... a-attacked her..." Peter couldn't bring himself to say the word out loud to his father.

“What? When?” Charlie swallowed hard, “I’m on my way.”

"I think she was on her way to work. She wasn't far from the school."

“Did she meet up with him?”

"Jake seemed to think so. I didn't get there til after..." Peter sighed.

“Where’s Jake?”

"I don't know. He legged it and won't answer his phone."

“I’m on my way ok? Love you son.” Charlie hung up the phone and sighed, grabbing his keys and rushing to the hospital.

By the time he arrived at the hospital Duffy had been sent up for a scan. Peter had remained in his dad's office and Jake was still awol.

Charlie tried to find Connie, he needed to know what was going on.

He found her in resus, checking over some of Andrew's xrays.

“Connie? Please tell me what’s gone on?” His gaze wandered to Andrew, hooked up to various machines.

"Severe, repeated blunt force trauma I'd say." She remarked, flicking off the xray board.

“On Andrew?”

"He's taken a hell of a beating off someone."

“Will he survive?”

"If he makes it though the next twenty four hours then his chances are reasonable." She replied.

“His chances of making it through the next twenty four hours?”

"Fifty, fifty."

He nodded, processing the information. “How’s Duffy?”

"Up in CT. We've had difficulty controlling her seizures."

“Have the police been informed?” He swallowed, “How bad are the seizures?”

"The police were called to the scene. I believe they want to talk to your son and stepson though the later seems to have disappeared rather conveniently..." Connie remarked. "We're into double figures within the last hour varying in length from thirty seconds to almost seven minutes."

“Do the police know about her being attacked?” He asked, closing his eyes momentarily. He let out a long sad sigh. “And when will she be down from CT? Can I stay with her?”

"I don't know, the police haven't seen fit to keep me appraised of their investigation progress." Connie retorted. "Providing she hasn't had another seizure in the scanner I'd expect her back down imminently."

“I need to go and speak to Peter and find out where the hell Jake’s gone!”

"OK."

Charlie left resus and went to his office. “Peter?” He knocked on the door.

"Dad?!" Peter jumped up and rushed at his father.

Charlie wrapped his arms around Peter and hugged him tightly, “Are you ok?”

"I screwed up! I should have gotten there sooner!"

“No! You haven’t screwed up at all!” Charlie reassured, “It was Jake who did the damage to Andrew wasn’t it?” He whispered.

"I couldn't stop him. I didn't know he'd gone there armed! I swear I didn't!"

“I believe you.” Charlie kissed Peter's head, “You can’t stop Jake from making choices, whether they’re good or bad.”

"He wanted to kill him. He didn't care about the consequences. I've never seen him like that - it was like he was possessed!"

Charlie sighed sadly, “Do you have any idea where he might have gone?”

"I've texted all his mates that I know, none of them have seen or heard from him today."

Charlie sighed, “I’ll try ringing him.” He let go of Peter and dialled Jake’s number into the phone that sat on his desk.

The phone rang a couple of times before cutting to voicemail.

“Jake it’s me, your dad. I just need to know that you’re safe, please give me a call. I love you.” Charlie sighed, leaving the voicemail and hanging up the phone.

Peter sighed, leaning against the wall. "Did they tell you how mum is?"

“She’s up in CT.”

"Coz of the fits?"

“Yeah.” Charlie sat on the edge of the desk and rubbed the back of his neck.

"They seemed really worried that she wasn't regaining consciousness inbetween. Does that mean there's something really wrong with her brain?"

“It’s possible she has brain damage but we won’t know until we receive the results of the scan back.”

"If she does then what does that mean?"

“That we have a long road ahead of us.” Charlie replied.

"She was just starting to get things back together..." Peter smashed his fist against the wall.

Charlie moved quickly to Peter, “I know, I’m sorry.”

"I hate him so much!" Peter hit the wall again. "When I got the bat off Jake I was so close to finishing what he started. Ending it once and for all." He admitted.

“But you didn’t because you’re not like him. You can’t allow him to ruin your future, that’s what he wants.” Charlie sighed, “I just keep trying to explain that to Jake.”

"What are we going to do about Jake? We can't let him get sent down for this!"

“He’s not going to get sent down for this.”

"Andrew could die!"

“It’s fifty, fifty but don’t worry, even if he does die, Jake isn’t going down for this. Over my dead body.”

"I wiped the bat. Its in my car." Peter admitted.

“Your car is still at the scene?”

Peter nodded.

“Are you sure there were no prints on it? Yours included..?”

"I tried my best but it all happened so fast."

“Whatever happens, you and Jake are gonna be fine. I’m not going to let him destroy your lives!”

Peter nodded, running his hand through his tousled hair. He was so much like his father on occasions it was uncanny.

"Its all such a fucking mess!" Peter cursed.

“Yeh it is.” Charlie agreed.

Another half hour trickled by with no further updates. Charlie was about to go and check what was going on when sounds of a disturbance in reception caught both men's attention.

They both left the office to investigate the disturbance that was occurring in reception.

Two policemen were practically dragging a young man towards the desk. It took them only seconds to realise it was Jake.

The teenager was covered in blood, vomit and goodness knows what else! He was yelling angrily and barely coherently, fighting against the handcuffs that had been placed on him.

Charlie rushed over to the police officers, “He’s my son, what the hell has happened?” He’d never seen Jake behave like this before and it scared him.

"Drunk and disorderly sir. He also threw a bottle at a police officer called to attend reports of a public disturbance."

“Why is he covered in blood?”

"He trashed a pub after the landlord refused to continue serving him."

Jake briefly stopped fighting the policeman's hold and vomited once more on himself and the floor.

“Is the landlord planning on pressing charges?” Charlie sighed as he showed the officers and Jake through to cubicles, making Jake sit on the bed.

"Fuck off!" Jake roared, kicking over the instrument trolley.

“Jake! Enough! You need to stop fighting the world right now!” Charlie told him.

Jake began to laugh meniacally. "Oops!" He mumbled as his jeans and the trolley became wet.

It broke Charlie’s heart. “Are you gonna let me get you changed?”

Jake shrugged before he was sick again.

Charlie went back to his office and grabbed the spare bag of clothing he kept. He changed Jake into some joggers and a fresh T-shirt, “Son, how much have you had to drink?” He held the sick bowl in front of him so he wasn’t sick over himself again,

"Not enough..." Jake mumbled, his eyes glazed.

“You can still see it can’t you?”

"They're both dead." Jake cried before vomiting again.

“Your mum’s not dead and neither is Andrew.” Charlie told him gently. “Your mum’s having a CT scan.”

"He was raping her!"

“You saw him?” Charlie felt his heart drop.

"He laughed when I told him to stop." Jake began to cry.

Charlie sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Jake into a hug, “You’ll tell the police what you saw?”

"I fucked up." Jake sobbed.

“No, you didn’t.” Charlie reassured, “You saved your mum, that’s important.”

"Is she gunna be OK?"

“You should know how stubborn your mum is by now.” Charlie smiled, “She'll get through this.”

"I wanted to kill him."

“I know you do and that’s what scares me, Jake. That one day you will.”

"I don't know what to do about how I feel inside." Jake slurred.

“Would it help to talk to someone?”

"Like who? A therapist?"Jake lay against Charlie, all the fight had gone out of him.

“If that’s what it takes, yes.” Charlie stroked Jake's back. “Or you can talk to me?”

"Did you ever want to kill him for what he's done?"

“All the time.” Charlie replied.

"How do you control it?" Jake mumbled, he felt weak, sore and sick.

“He isn’t worth stealing my future.” Charlie's hand continued to stroke Jake’s back, “How are you feeling?”

"Like shit."

“Physically and mentally?”

"Yeh." Jake sniffled. "I want to see my mum."

“Please can I go and see if she’s back from CT yet?”

"Where's Peter?" Jake asked.

“Sat in my office. Do you want him to come and sit with you?”

Jake nodded. "Don't want to be on my own." He sighed, picking at the top he was now wearing, looking confused.

“I changed your clothes cos you were sick.” Charlie explained, stroking Jake's cheek.

"Yours?" Jake asked.

Charlie nodded, “I always keep a spare change of clothing in my office.”

"My tummy hurts."

“I’m not surprised, how much have you drank?” Charlie smiled sadly, “I’ll start you on IV fluids when I get back. Do you want to come and lay on the sofa in my office?”

"I don't remember..." Jake attempted to get up to follow his dad.

He still had two officers with him, “Is he ok to sit in my office whilst he receives treatment?” Charlie asked.

They glanced at each other before nodding.

“Thank you. What’s the next steps regarding you guys?” Charlie asked as the police officers, Jake and Charlie went to his office.

"He's not in any fit state to be interviewed but he's still under arrest so we have to stay."

“That’s understandable.” Charlie made Jake lie on the sofa on his side and covered him with the blanket. “Will he be charged with criminal damage on top of the drunk and disorderly?”

"All depends on if the landlord presses charges. We've had it radioed through that he's wanted for questioning in relation to two serious assault charges too..."

The other police officer spotted Peter stood in the corner. "Would you be Peter Fairhead? Our colleagues also want to speak to you too."

“Who, Jake?” Charlie sighed. 

Peter nodded, “About the assault that took place this morning?”

"Yes. There was an assault last week and this morning's assault which could be escalated to attempted murder or manslaughter."

“It was self-defence on both occasions!”

"How so..?"

Peter sighed, “Andrew was... Um, he was raping our mum. We saw him. That’s why Jake hit him, to get him off her. He assaulted our mum, that’s why she’s having seizures, because he compromised her airway whilst he raped her.”

"OK. I would suggest getting a lawyer." The officer replied though she looked sympathetic to his circumstances.

“Don’t worry, I will.” Charlie answered back. He was not letting that scumbag ruin his sons' lives. Charlie went to check that Duffy was back from CT.

When he entered resus Zoe was carrying out neuro obs on Duffy.

“How is she?”

"She's still not regained consciousness but the seizures seem to have slowed down for the moment." Zoe replied, making some notes in Duffy's file. "How are the boys?"

He nodded and then sighed, “Not good. Jake’s a mess.” He replied, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'm so sorry, I promise we're doing everything we can." Zoe paused. "Jake did that?!"

Charlie nodded. He sat down next to Duffy and rested his head by her lap. “I don’t know where I went wrong.”

"Peter said that Andrew was raping Duffy..."

“That’s what Jake said and I believe them. He’s got form for doing this kind of thing against Duffy.”

"That would explain the boys' reactions."

“They’ve spent years trying to let go of the damage they saw Andrew do to her.” He sighed.

"You've all be through so much. Is Tilly recovering OK after her operation?"

“Yeah she’s doing well thanks.” He smiled, “Putting on a brave face though.”

"Seems to be the Fairhead way that!"

“Pretending to be ok when everything’s falling apart?”

"Sometimes it's the only thing you can do." Zoe shrugged.

“I let them all down again.” Charlie said quietly.

"I doubt that very much. She was telling me all about the service last week and I've never seen her look so animated. She clearly loves you very much."

“I didn’t protect her against him and I failed our two boys.” He sighed, “She'll hate me..”

"She won't hate you."

Charlie didn’t verbally answer. He hated himself right now.

"I'll leave you in peace for a bit." Zoe added before heading out the room.

Charlie began to silently cry against her lap, berating himself inside for failing his family once again.

Back at the house the twins finally woke up, confused to be greeted by complete silence.

“Where is everyone?” Tilly asked yawning.

"Don't know. What time is it?" Lottie replied.

“11am.”

"Why did no-one wake us up for school?"

Tilly shrugged, “Maybe mum and dad wanted to keep us off school for the day?”

"I suppose. Mum's at work today ain't she?"

“Yeh, think so.”

"Where'd dad go..?" Lottie wondered aloud as they made their way downstairs in search of food.

“To work as well..?”

"I didn't think he was working today."

“I never know when they’re working.” Tilly replied as she opened the fridge and grabbed a can of pop.

"Can you pass me one?"

Tilly passed Lottie a can.

Lottie popped open the can and hopped up onto the counter.

Tilly sat next to her. “You alright?”

"Yeh..." Lottie sighed. "I'm so confused about Owen..." She admitted.

“What’s making you confused?”

"I still really like him but he lied."

“You gotta do what you think is right.”

"I don't know what that is..." Lottie sighed.

“What’s your heart telling you?”

"I really like him..."

“Then go and see him?”

"I don't know if they'll let me."

“Who the hospital or mum and dad?”

"Both."

“We could go to the hospital and speak to mum and dad?”

"That could work. How we gunna get there though?"

“We’ll walk. It’s not that far.”

"OK. Let's eat and get dressed first."

“Alright.”

Lottie jumped back down and began to raid the fridge and cupboards.

“Are you hungry?” Tilly asked with a giggle.

"Starving!"

They both had a bowl of cereal before tidying up the kitchen and going upstairs to get ready.

Tilly was ready before Lottie so she sat on her bed texting Tommy.

Lottie sighed as she stared at her reflection. “Do I look alright?” She asked.

"You look fine." Tilly rolled her eyes.

Lottie added some makeup and picked up her phone and keys. “Ready?”

"Yeh."

“Let’s go.”

Tilly followed her twin out the house and turned down the road in the direction of the hospital.

“You and Tommy ok?"

"Yeh we're good. He wants to know if you're still mad at him though."

“Nah, it’s all cool.”

"I'm glad coz it was hella awkward."

“Was a bit to be honest.”

"Should we warn mum and dad that we're coming?"

Lottie shook her head, “Let it be a surprise.”

"Yeh!" Tilly giggled.

Lottie smiled brightly at her sister.

"They'll be well pleased to see us."

“You think so?”

"Yeh, we're totally their favourites!" Tilly giggled.

“Of course!” They giggled as they entered the hospital.

"Please let the wicked witch be in..!" Tilly declared.

“Tilly!” Lottie shook her head fondly.

Tilly shrugged and laughed loudly.

“Let’s go to dad’s office, he’s bound to be there.”

"Yeh and if he's not we can raid his desk drawer for mum's chocolate!"

“Exactly!” They giggled again before heading to the office and going in. They stopped when they saw Jake on the sofa, two police officers and Peter.

"Erm... Hi..."

“Where’s mum and dad?”

"Why aren't you at school?" Peter asked. 

“Why’s Jake been arrested?” Lottie replied back.

"And why's he wearing dad's clothes?" Tilly added.

“There’s been an accident.” One of the police officers said, “A serious accident involving two people.”

"Who's the other person?" Tilly asked.

“It’s mum.” Peter answered as he stepped towards the twins. “Mum’s hurt.”

"What?! Jake and mum had a fight?! What the fuck bro?!" Tilly gasped.

“No...” Peter sighed, “Andrew attacked mum.”

"I thought he wasn't allowed near mum?! How come he's not under arrest and Jake is?!" Tilly demanded of the officers.

Lottie had gone very quiet, her head spinning with it all.

“We’ll look into those allegations during the course of our investigation.” The officer replied. 

Lottie stumbled out of the door, “Where's mum?” She mumbled to herself, wondering where her mum would be.

"Lottie..!" Peter called out after his youngest sister.

Why was everything going wrong? She stumbled into someone.

"Look where you're going?!"

“S..sorry!” Lottie fell into the wall.

Tilly lunged for Lottie, glaring at the person she'd collided with. "Leave her alone!"

“I want mum.”

"Quick trigger tempers in your family I see..." The male officer, Mark, remarked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Peter answered back.

"Barely any provocation and she snapped, quite possibly a theme..."

“Andrew deserved it.”

"That's not your decision to make."

“Isn’t it? He was raping my mother again. Just like he did when I was a kid. Do you think people like him deserve to live? Or are you a dirty fucking nonce yourself?”

"Peter!" Charlie gasped as he appeared in reception.

“The twins are here.” Peter told his dad.

"I want mum!" Lottie cried.

“Ok Lottie, I’ll take you to your mum.”

"I'm coming too." Tilly insisted.

“Ok.” After starting Jake on IV fluids and ensuring he was ok, Charlie took the girls to see their mum.

"What did he do to mum..?" Tilly asked nervously as they reached the resus doors.

“Who?” Charlie swallowed, “He hurt her, but your mum's a fighter so please don’t be scared.”

"I thought he wasn't allowed near her..?" Tilly asked.

“He isn’t but... I don’t know what’s gone on.” He replied.

"Is he the reason Jake got arrested?"

“Jake hurt Andrew yes.”

"Good!" Tilly retorted.

Charlie sighed as he held both girls' hands and lead them into resus where Duffy was.

"Mum!" Lottie gasped. "Why's she got a tube down her throat?!"

“She can’t breathe without it at the minute,” He explained gently.

"But she will soon yeh?" Tilly asked.

“I can’t answer that question, Tilly.” He admitted sadly.

"She was fine last night..." Lottie mumbled, her voice breaking.

“I know.” His heart broke further.

Tilly's gaze was wandering around the room. "What the hell is he doing in here with her?!" She spat angrily, moving towards Andrew.

“He needs treatment too.” He watched his daughter walk towards Andrew.

"After what he did?! Let him rot!"

“That’s not our decision to make, Tilly.”

“What exactly did he do to mum?” Tilly asked. Her gaze on Andrew, burning holes into him.

"He... He strangled her..." Charlie explained softly.

She nodded but didn’t say anything.

"Come sit with your mum Tilly..."

"Dad, why's mum still wearing the bottom part of her work uniform?" Lottie asked.

“She was walking to work when it happened.” Tilly moved away from Andrew and sat down. She rested her head at the side of her mum.

"But they've taken her top off, why not her trousers?" Lottie persisted, something didn't seem right...

“I don’t know Lottie.”

Suddenly she remembered something. "Peter said... No!"

“Lottie no, whatever you heard it’s wrong.” He was desperately trying to hold on protecting them.

"Why would Peter lie?" Lottie asked.

"Lie about what..?" Tilly asked.

“It’s not the first time he’s done that to her, is it?” Lottie asked.

"No!" Tilly gasped, suddenly realising and jumping up from her mum's side.

“Girls, please. This isn’t helping.”

"Just let him die!" Tilly spat, advancing on Andrew once more.

“Tilly, please don’t.” Charlie pulled her back.

"I hate him!" Tilly screamed before breaking down in tears.

He pulled his daughter into a hug and consoled her. “I know you hate him, I do too.”

"Mum?!" Lottie gasped as Duffy began to make choking noises.

Charlie stopped hugging Tilly and moved towards Duffy. He pressed the emergency button.

The girls continued to scream in terror.

Duffy's eyelids briefly opened, her eyes rolling, unfocused.

“Girls, please, Ssh.” He begged.

Duffy started to fight against the tube as Connie and Zoe crashed through the resus doors.

“She’s beginning to wake up.”

Charlie stepped back with the twins as the doctors began their assessments. He hugged both girls tightly.

Connie removed the ET tube.

Duffy began to cough.

"Mum!"

Duffy turned her gaze and her head towards the girls. She tried to focus her vision and speak but coordinating everything was proving very difficult.

The twins moved over to their mum, petrified that she might never be able to talk again.

Duffy was confused, why was she here?

Charlie moved towards her. “Hello sweetheart.” He smiled sadly.

"Cha-?" Duffy tried to choke out.

“You’ve been in an accident.” He told her as he stroked her cheek. “You need to rest.”

"S-so-sorry..." She attempted to stammer out.

“Ssh, you have nothing to be sorry for. Do you hear me?”

"Hurts..." A tear trickled onto the pillow.

“I know.” He wiped the tear away, “He’s not going to get away with it this time.”

She tried to explain but the words wouldn't form. She moved her hand, there was blood under her fingernails.

“Your blood?” He asked, taking her hand into his.

She shook her head, her fingers curling as if in a claw.

“Andrew’s blood. You scratched him?”

She nodded sadly. She needed him to know that she'd tried to fight but he'd been too strong.

“I know you tried to fight.” He met her gaze.

Her eyes were filled with fear, pain and sadness.

“Jake’s in trouble.” He smiled sadly, stroking her cheek.

She tried to remember. "Glass?" She mumbled after a few moments.

“Andrew’s badly hurt.”

Duffy's brow furrowed, she didn't understand, she was tired, in pain and confused. 

“Go to sleep sweetheart, we’ll still be here when you wake up.” He kissed her cheek.

"Hold me..?" She whispered.

He sat on the edge of the bed and held her until she fell asleep.

"Is she going to be OK?"

He nodded, “Your mum is made of tough stuff.”

"Does she remember what happened?" Lottie asked.

“I don’t know.” He replied, “She might but I won’t know until she’s woken up fully.”

"Part of me hopes she doesn't remember." Tilly sighed.

“I hope she doesn’t. But if she does, it might mean Jake doesn’t get into too much trouble.”

"Because she'll be able to confirm why it happened?"

He nodded.

"Do the police know?"

“About your mum being attacked?”

Tilly nodded.

“They know but can’t take a statement until your mum is medically fit.”

"When she can string a sentence together you mean?"

He nodded, “Yeah.”

"Have you told Emmy what's going on?" Lottie asked.

He shook his head. “You girls weren’t supposed to know.”

"You need to tell her!" Tilly insisted.

“I will.”

"We need to speak to Peter and Jake too." Lottie added.

“What about princess?"

"That mum woke up."

“Yeah we should, you’re right princess.”

"I'll stay with mum." Tilly offered.

“And me.” Lottie replied.

Both girls moved to snuggle closer to their mum.

He kissed all three of them before he went back to his office.

Peter looked up as his dad arrived back in the office.

Jake was sleeping but it was clear he'd been sick again during Charlie's absence. Luckily this time it was in the bin and not all over himself. 

“How are you both?” Charlie asked as he pulled his son into a hug.

"Jake flipped out again when he woke up. I managed to get him settled again. He..." Peter glared at Mark. "...wanted to cuff him again."

“For our own safety more than anything.” 

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck.

"Jake ain't the one you should be worried about..!" Peter retorted.

“Peter.” Charlie tried to get his son to calm down.

"No! Mum might die coz they can't do their fucking job right and keep that fucking animal away from her!"

“It’s not the police’s fault.” Charlie told him.

"How many times do we have to end up here?! Is it any wonder Jake snapped? It's bad enough having grown up seeing that shit, at least I have the saving grace of knowing that lowlife isn't my biological father, that I'm not part him. Jake doesn't have that, he has to deal with that every day! He hates himself for that. Blames himself for what mum went through, is still going through. You should have seen the way his face lit up when Brendan told him how much he looked like mum's uncle. It meant so bloody much to him."

Charlie continued to rub the back of his neck. “Don’t you think I know that?!” He answered back, “I know how much this affects you both and there’s nothing I can do about it! No matter how much I try!!”

Peter let out a sigh. "I'm not blaming you. This has been a crash waiting to happen but there wasn't a damn thing any of us could do to stop it."

Charlie glanced over at Jake, for the time being he seemed so peaceful. “I tried. Believe me, I did.” He exhaled, “I didn’t realise just how much Jake saw growing up.”

"Neither of us did. I thought I'd shielded him from the worst of it. He was so little!"

“You did what you could.” Charlie squeezed Peter's shoulder, “You did protect him. I’m going to find him a good lawyer, his life isn’t being destroyed because of this.”

Peter nodded. "If there's any way I can help..?"

“I’ll let you know, son.” Charlie squeezed Peter's shoulder again.

"Is mum any better?"

“She woke up briefly, she’s asleep again now though. Your sisters are with her, if you want to go and sit with them?”

"Is that OK? I don't want to crowd her..."

“Yeah that’s ok.” Charlie smiled.

"You'll look after Jake?"

“I’ll look after Jake, yes.”

Peter lent over and squeezed Jake's shoulder gently before leaving the office to join his sisters.

Charlie sat on the floor by Jake and stroked his back, “Daddy will make this alright.”

Jake grunted softly in his sleep.

Charlie kissed Jake's forehead.

"It sounds like he's been through a lot..." The female officer, Penny, commented softly.

“He has.” Charlie sighed softly, “He’s seen things no child should ever witness.”

"Was it ever reported?"

“It was reported on a couple of occasions but, my wife didn’t tell anyone. She was too ashamed.”

Penny nodded. "That's quite common sadly."

“I don’t know how we’ll get through this.” Charlie said aloud.

"There's grounds to apply for extenuating circumstances if your wife would be willing to testify..." She replied, ignoring the glare from her colleague.

“What does that involve?” He asked, meeting the officer's gaze.

"We'd need to get everything logged formally along with any co-oberating evidence. Am I right in thinking she hasn't yet undergone an intimate examination?"

“Not yet, no. She needed to be stable first which she is now.”

"We'd need consent for the police doctor to examine her and collect any relevant evidence."

He nodded, “I’ll have to talk to her.”

"We could also look at some kind of anger rehabilitation program - if Jake was willing to cooperate with that it would go in his favour with a judge."

“He’ll be willing, he wants help with his anger.”

She smiled softly.

Mark rolled his eyes. Why couldn't she see that he was just another little thug who needed teaching a lesson? She was still so green and easily taken in by a sob story..!

“He’s a good kid, he just can’t control his anger where Andrew is concerned.” Charlie admitted, “All those times he couldn’t stand up for his mum. All those times he saw Andrew do things to her.”

"Its sounds like there's a lot of history to the issue."

“He isn’t a thug. He’s the kindest lad you’ll ever meet who wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

"Explain that to the bloke lying in resus fighting for his life right now..!" Mark retorted.

“The same bloke that was raping his mother in broad daylight and didn’t care about the consequences?” Charlie replied, “If I had my way, he’d be dead right now.

"That's all heresay currently. Show us the evidence."

Charlie was about to say something when Louis ran through the door. “What the hell's happened? Tilly told me to come!”

Jake groaned and opened his eyes a crack at the sound of his brother's voice.

“Jake?!” Louis sat on the edge of the sofa, “What’s happened?”

"Mum!" Jake gasped, his eyes searching wildly as he drunkenly lurched from the sofa.

“Jake, your mum is ok. She’s awake.” Charlie reassured as he made him sit down.

Jake tried to fight against his dad's hold, everything was spinning horribly.

“Jake, please just calm down.”

“Bro, it’s gonna be alright.”

"See mum?" Jake mumbled.

“Would you like to see your mum?”

"She ok?"

“She’s asleep, but she’s briefly been awake.” Charlie explained gently.

"Need mum." Jake replied, his voice small and childlike.

“Am I ok to take him to see his mum?” Charlie asked the officer.

"We'll need to go with him."

Charlie nodded. “That’s fine. Come on son, let’s go and see mum.” With Charlie and Louis’ help, Jake was able to go and see his mum.

"Mum..?" Jake started to cry, his legs giving out as he saw her.

Charlie caught his son and sat on the floor with him. “It’s ok, your mum’s going to be ok.”

"Yeh, she's tough your mum." Louis told Jake.

Jake nodded, clinging to his dad. Louis moved towards the bed and placed a kiss against Duffy’s forehead.

"Did you call Emmy?" Lottie asked.

“I have.” Louis replied, “She’ll be here after lunch.”

The voices caused Duffy to begin to stir again.

Charlie was still sat on the floor with Jake.

Duffy coughing softly. Everything hurt so much to move. She'd been in a car but now she was here..?

“Hi.” There were four pair of eyes watching her.

"Where..?"

“You’re in hospital.” Louis explained gently.

"Jake?!" Some of the pieces of what happened were coming back.

“Mum I’m here.” Jake reached for his mum’s hand.

Duffy clutched it tightly, pulling him towards her. "You're OK?" She croaked.

Jake nodded, “He didn’t hurt me. I hurt him though.”

"Oh Jake!" Duffy stroked a hand across his cheek, he looked awful.

“I’m sorry.”

"No. Me."

He shook his head, “Not your fault.”

Spotting the police officers Duffy stiffened, her eyes wide with panic.

Charlie moved towards Duffy, “You need to tell the police what happened.”

Duffy shook her head, she was terrified.

“Kids, will you give me and your mum a second to talk alone?”

"OK. We'll go wait for Emmy." Peter replied.

“Thank you.”

As the children left one by one, Charlie sat on the edge of the bed.

Duffy looked up at him, fear and pain in her eyes.

“Please will you let the police doctor examine you?” He asked quietly, holding her hand.

"What happened? Why can't I remember?" Her words were stuttered and muffled in places.

“What do you remember?”

"In a car..."

“With Andrew? Can you remember what he did or was doing?”

"Had to protect Jake." Her free hand moved to her head, why did it hurt so much and feel so jumbled?

“Did he rape you?” He asked her outright.

"He said it was my fault. That I wanted him to." She started to curl up in a ball despite the pain she felt all over.

“No sweetheart. It isn’t your fault. Please will you let the police doctor examine you?”

"You don't hate me?"

“Why would I hate you?” He asked.

"I lied."

“I don’t hate you.” He smiled sadly, “I just wished you’d told me. Do you consent for the doctor to examine you?”

"Only way. My head. Fuzzy..." Her gaze was becoming unfocused again.

“Say yes Duffy.” He encouraged, trying to get her to focus. Without the evidence, there would be no way of getting Jake off the hook or a lesser sentence.

"To what?"

“Letting the doctor examine you intimately.”

"Why? It hurts..."

“We need evidence against Andrew.”

"Had to. For Jake."

“I know sweetheart. We need more because... Well, Jake’s facing a serious charge of attempted murder.”

"What?" She screwed her eyes shut as she tried to fit the pieces together in her head. Why was nothing making sense?!

He touched her cheek.

Her eyes snapped open, filled with panic.

He moved his hand from her cheek. “Please,” he sighed.

"Flashes. Hurts." Duffy's speech was becoming incoherent again.

“Ssh, it’s ok. Go to sleep.”

"So sorry. My fault." She repeated.

“Not your fault, sweetheart.”

Her speech was slurring and incoherent.

He was worried she’d never be able to talk fully again.

Her eyes briefly locked on his, they were wild with terror as though she was seeing something horrific.

“Sweetheart?” He touched her cheek, “What is it?”

She tried to speak but instead started to choke as she foamed at the mouth, her eyes rolling.

He pressed the emergency button as she began to fit violently.

The room rapidly filled with people.

Charlie stepped back as his wife was attended to. The seizure seemed to go on forever as Charlie watched hopelessly. His gaze briefly wandered to the corner of resus where Andrew lay.

There had been little change in the other man's condition.

Charlie sighed and rubbed his neck. He needed some air.

"Why the bloody hell can't we stop the seizure?!" Zoe cursed.

“I don’t know!” Connie muttered back. Duffy’s CT scans were clear so why she was having another seizure, they didn’t know.

"These seizures seem different somehow..." Zoe remarked, desperately skimming through Duffy's notes for any clues.

“You think we’re looking at a functional seizure?”

"There's no trauma to the brain to explain why she's fitting. Duffy, you’re safe.” Zoe told her gently, “Just relax for us.”

There a brief calming in her seizure but not completely.

Zoe had an idea. "Charlie?! Can you try talking to her?" She asked.

“Sweetheart, it’s ok, you’re safe. We’re not going to hurt you.”

Nothing changed for several moments. Zoe sighed, she'd really hoped it would help. She went back to the notes.

“Come on baby, I need you to come and shout at me.” He told Duffy gently. 

Her limbs relaxed slightly, her lips moving but no sound came out.

“Good girl.” He smiled sadly, “Emmy will be here soon.”

"It's working..!" Zoe murmured, looking at the monitors.

“The rest of the monsters are already here.” He told her as he moved closer, “Just minus the two small smelly ones.”

"She'll clout you when she wakes up for talking about the kids like that!" Zoe chuckled.

He laughed, “I can hear her now.” He replied. The seizure stopped a couple of seconds later.

Connie stepped in and checked Duffy's obs.

They were stable.

"We should leave her to rest." Zoe suggested to Connie.

“Can I bring the kids to sit with her?” Charlie asked, “None of them will listen to me if I say no anyway.”

"So long as she isn't stressed..."

“They’ll be good.”

Connie nodded. She was still rather put out that Zoe had put the clues together before her.

As Zoe and Connie left Duffy to rest, the Fairhead children arrived back in the room to sat around her bedside.

About half an hour later the doors burst open as Emily arrived, Noel dashing behind her explaining that she couldn't just go into resus without an escort.

“Dad’s here.” Emily replied with a shrug.

Noel gave an aspirated sigh and looked over at Charlie.

“I’ve got this Noel, it’s ok. Thank you.”

"Ok." Noel replied and left to go back to reception.

“I got here as quick as I could.” Emily explained as she sat on the end of her mum’s bed.

"Emmy!" Lottie threw her arms around her sister.

“Hey Lottiepop.” Emily hugged her sister tightly.

Duffy's eyes fluttered as she groaned softly.

“Mum?”

"Emmy?"

“Yeh I’m here.”

"What happened?" Duffy asked.

The children looked at Charlie to explain. Charlie stepped closer to the bed, “You were hurt.”

"Jake?!" Duffy gasped, suddenly panic-stricken.

“I’m ok mum.” He told her.

"Why I here?"

“Andrew did something to you.” Jake told her sadly, “And then I hurt him.”

"It hurts." Duffy whimpered.

“Where sweetheart?” Charlie asked.

"Head." She replied though she was pointing at her neck. 

“And your throat? Anywhere else?”

Her eyes scrunched shut and a tear escaped as her hand slowly moved lower, shaking violently.

“Children, will you give me and your mum some privacy again, please?”

Emily opened her mouth to speak but Peter interrupted her. "I'll explain outside." He promised.

Emily nodded, “OK.” 

The children left the room once again leaving Charlie and Duffy alone.

"Can't remember." The frustration and confusion was clear in Duffy's tone.

“Can I ask you something again?”

"Again?"

He nodded, “Can the police examine you, intimately?”

"My tummy hurts?"

“Your stomach hurts? Show me where?”

She struggled to coordinate her arm but eventually placed her hand on her lower abdomen.

“Does anywhere else hurt?”

"Feel wet."

“Where? Can you tell me?”

The words wouldn't form. She struggled to move her hand lower.

He gently took hold of her hand.

"Why?"

“Why do I want you to be examined?”

"Why hurt?"

“Andrew sexually assaulted you.”

"I had to let him..." She mumbled.

“For Jake?” He entwined his fingers through hers. “Jake needs your help. He needs you to be examined by the police doctor.”

"He's in trouble?"

“He saw Andrew rape you...”

"He... The broken glass..?"

Charlie nodded, “Andrew’s critical. He may not make it through the night.”

"Jake..? How..?"

“A baseball bat.”

Duffy closed her eyes, tears falling. "My fault."

“Not your fault. Please don’t blame yourself, you couldn’t have stopped this.” He reassured, “Neither of us could. We need to collect evidence... Please?”

She nodded. "Stop it hurting."

“I will.” He kissed her forehead. “Am I ok to go and talk to the police?”

She nodded. "No questions."

“Will you talk to them?”

She started to cry again.

He moved closer and held his arms out to her.

She didn't move but she allowed him to hold her.

He held her in his arms. “I’m not angry with you.” He whispered.

"Didn't fight. My fault."

“You did fight!”

"Stay."

“I need to tell the police you’ve consented.”

"Then stay?"

“I’m not going anywhere baby.” He reassured. He kissed the top of her head before leaving and finding the two officers.

"Has she consented to examination?" Penny asked, her colleague was arguing with Peter over the fact that now Jake was more with it the officer had elected to place the teenager back in handcuffs.

“Yeah she has.” Charlie paused, “I don’t know whether she’ll be up for making a full statement yet, she’s still a bit groggy.”

"Its a start. I hope you don't mind but I called ahead on the hope that you'd be able to convince her. The police doctor will be here any minute."

“No, not at all. Your colleague doesn’t seem to like your opinion or thoughts, does he?” Charlie asked. 

"He thinks I'm too soft and green. The thing is I didn't join the force just to 'bang up bad guys', I joined to help people and I still stand by that."

“You’ll go far with that attitude, Jake will be grateful as am I.”

"He seems like a kid who needs help."

“He flipped.” Charlie sighed, “I didn’t see it coming, maybe if I had, I could’ve stopped it.”

"Because of what his real dad did?"

“I think seeing Andrew rape his mum made him remember things from his past.”

She nodded sadly.

There was a knock on the door.

“Come in.” He called.

"I'm Dr Peterson." The lady introduced herself.

“I’m Charlie.” He smiled sadly, “You’re the police doctor?”

"Yes sir."

"I can show you through..?" Penny offered.

“Thank you. Will you tell Duffy, I’ll be back after the examination?” Charlie asked Penny before the officer left to show Doctor Peterson to Duffy.

"OK." The two women left the office only for the officer to return a few minutes later. She pulled Charlie aside. "She got very upset again. She's crying for you." She whispered.

He nodded. He followed the officer back to Resus. The curtains were drawn around Duffy and Charlie could hear her gentle cries. He opened the curtain, “Sweetheart, I’m here.” He sat on the bed.

"Scared." Duffy cried.

“Oh sweetheart.” He rubbed her arm, “There's no need to be scared.”

"Stay?"

“I’ll stay.”

She buried her face in his chest, her hands, which had already been swabbed, clutching his top.

“It’s ok, you’re not on your own. I’m here.” He rubbed her back.

"Are we OK to continue?" Dr Peterson asked.

Duffy nodded quickly, the quicker this was over and done with the better.

Replacing her gloves Dr Peterson slowly, gently removed Duffy's trousers and placed them in the evidence bag. There was blood on them and the sheets.

Charlie kissed the top of her head. “You’re being so brave right now!” He told her.

Duffy gasped, wincing.

“Sorry, I’ll be as gentle as I can.” The doctor replied as she took several swabs from inside Duffy. “I’m going to need to take some photographs, is that ok?”

Duffy nodded softly, more tears falling.

The police doctor took some photographs of the bruising to Duffy’s thighs and the blood on the sheet. She also took other pictures of bruises and the blood underneath her fingernails.

"Is it over?" Duffy whimpered.

“Almost.” Charlie whispered back.

"My head hurts..."

“In a headache type way?”

"Fuzzy..."

“You’ve had several seizures.”

"Why?"

“Andrew compromised your airway, other than that, I don’t know why.”

“I’m finished now Lisa.” The police doctor told her gently as she removed her gloves.

"Its bad?" Duffy asked, frustrated that her speech was still stuttered and broken.

“No, no brain damage on the CT scan. It’s clear.”

"No. So dirty."

“As soon as you can go home, you can shower.”

"Hate this."

“I know sweetheart.” He kissed her head again, “You’re being really brave right now and I love you.”

"I'm sorry."

“Not your fault gorgeous.”

"We have everything we need." Dr Peterson explained. "Your doctors don't need to worry about destroying evidence anymore."

“Thank you.”

"She's going to need treatment..."

“For the rape?”

"There's a lot of bleeding and tearing."

He nodded sadly, “I’ll get one of our female doctors.”

"There's some pre-existing damage and weakness to the area..."

He nodded, “It’s not the first time she’s been raped.” He replied sadly.

Dr Peterson nodded. "Some of it looks medical but a lot of it doesn't."

“Traumatic childbirth with Oli could also be another reason.”

"That would make sense."

"Want to go home." Duffy whispered.

“I know sweetheart. Soon.” He reassured, “Thanks for your help, Doctor Peterson.”

"She's probably going to need an operation to fix the damage."

He nodded, “I thought so.”

"We'll be in touch once the results are back or she's well enough to be interviewed."

“Thank you.” As the doctor left, Charlie sighed. Why did he feel like they’d never get through this...

"Feel dizzy." Duffy mumbled, her skin even paler in tone.

“Let me go and get the doctor.”

Duffy groaned but loosened her grip on Charlie's top.

“Sorry sweetheart, I’ll be back shortly.” 

Louis sat on the wall outside the department with Lottie and lit up a fag, “Mum will be ok won’t she?”

"I hope so." Lottie sighed. "I swear Peter is gunna smack that copper, if Tilly don't do it first!" She cringed.

“They better not! We’re already in enough trouble!”

"He's a right dickhead though..!" Lottie retorted. "Can I have one?" She asked, holding out her hands towards Louis' cigarettes.

“That copper? Yeah, we’ve got history.” He raised an eyebrow, “Since when did you smoke?”

"He's arrested you too?" She asked. "I don't, just fancy one." She shrugged.

“Nah, let’s just say he’s got his own demons.” He replied as he handed a cigarette to Lottie, “It’s bad for you Lot, and you’re too pretty to smoke.”

Lottie threw a curious look at her brother, wondering if he'd elaborate further. She lit up the cigarette, took a drag and immediately started coughing violently.

He patted her back, “You ok?”

She dropped the cigarette and spat repeatedly. "That's disgusting!" She complained.

“I agree.” Louis replied.

She continued to cough for a few more minutes. "What you mean he got demons?" She asked when she could eventually breathe properly again.

“Police officers aren’t always good people.” Louis took a drag of his cigarette and blew out the smoke.

"Yeh I know that..!" She rolled her eyes before glaring at him.

“I did things when I was an addict, things I’m not proud of.”

"Stuff you can tell me..?"

“Stuff I can’t tell you.” He said sadly.

"Was it to do with what Peter said to him earlier..? Accusing him of being a dirty nonce..?" She spoke so quietly, only briefly glancing up at her brother.

“Kinda. He’s not really a nonce if the person is sixteen.”

"Did you tell anyone..?"

He shook his head, “No. It was a handful of times.”

"Why did he do it?"

“It was either I be charged with dealing or do what he wanted me to do and it would go away.”

Tilly suddenly came running into the carpark. "Come quick!" She gasped. "That wanker has arrested Peter!"

“What? He’s done what?” Louis threw his cig and raced into the department.

The twins chased after him.

“What the fuck are you arresting my brother for?” Louis yelled, challenging the officer.

"I know who you are! I've worked it out!" Peter was yelling.

“What? Peter, what’ve you worked out?” Louis tried to get Peter to calm down.

"He touched up Holly's mate in a bar and when she tried to complain he planted drugs on her!"

“Peter, he’s not worth it! Please!” Louis sighed, “Un arrest him, please.”

"Why should I do that?" Mark snorted derisively.

“You don’t remember me, do you?”

"You look vaguely familiar, whatever I collared you for clearly didn't stick..!"

“Or maybe you don’t recognise me with my clothes on, hey?”

"What?!" Emily gasped.

“Isn’t that right, officer?!”

"You're a lying little druggie scumbag, like anyone would believe a word you say!" Mark retorted.

“I’m not a druggie anymore. I know where your birthmark is.” Louis winked, “And what are the chances I’m wrong?”

"What the.?! My brother?!" Peter roared, launching himself at the officer.

Louis got in between them. “Peter, please calm down! I don’t want to tell mum you’ve both been banged up!”

Hearing the commotion security came crashing into the office closely followed by Charlie.

“Please Peter. Let it go.”

Seeing two of his sons in handcuffs and a third squaring up to one of the police officers whilst his daughters looked on Charlie stepped into the centre of the office. "Can someone please explain what the hell is going on?!"

“He’s falsely arrested me!” Peter protested. 

“I don’t want Peter to be in trouble over that nonce!” Louis answered.

"One at a time, I don't follow..."

“Can we please just all calm down?” Louis asked.

"Why have you arrested my eldest son?"

“Threatening behaviour.”

Peter rolled his eyes, “I didn’t threaten him.”

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck and turned to Penny who had returned with him looking helplessly at her.

She turned to her colleague, “Mark this isn’t helping matters. Arresting him isn’t going to change anything.”

"You're a soft touch Pen, I don't know why they let you out of dealing with little old ladies who've gotten lost..." Mark rolled his eyes.

“I think we should take Jake back to the station if he’s medically fit.”

"Don't want to leave mum!" Jake cried.

Penny crouched down to where Jake was sat. “Hopefully it’ll only be for a little while, whilst we interview you.”

"Not without a fucking lawyer you don't!" Peter cut in sharply.

“Son, I’ve arranged it.” Charlie could see the situation was getting out of hand.

"Also get the lawyer to speak to Louis about what that cunt did to him!" Peter retorted.

“Peter!” Louis shouted, “Shut up!”

"We need to take them both down the station." Mark interjected.

“On what charge for Peter?” Pen asked, she really didn’t like his attitude and he was really beginning to piss her off.

"Threatening a police officer, obstruction and perverting the course of justice."

Penny laughed, “I think you’re wrong to arrest him and I think it would be best to release him.”

"Who's the senior officer here?!"

“You but that doesn’t mean I have to kiss your arse at every move!” She moved over to unlock Peter's handcuffs.

"I'll be watching you!" Mark glared.

“Whatever Mark.”

"We'll contact you regarding being interviewed in due course." Pen explained.

“Thank you.” Charlie kissed Jake’s head, “The solicitor will meet you at the station, ok? I love you.”

"OK." Jake snuggled into Charlie, unable to hug him due to the handcuffs. He was frightened and still felt very unwell.

“Are you still feeling unwell?” Charlie asked his son.

Jake nodded sadly. "Feel sick and wobbly."

“Maybe I should get the doctor to check you over?” Charlie paused, “It was just alcohol you took, nothing else?”

"Think so."

“But don’t know?”

"Its hazy." Jake admitted.

“Oh son, why didn’t you say anything?"

"Mum's more important..."

“You’re just as important too.”

"Feel sick..." Jake mumbled.

“Drunk sick or different?”

"Don-" Jake's reply was cut off as he was once more violently sick down himself and Charlie.

“I don’t think he’s fit to be interviewed yet.” Charlie told the officers, “He’s going to need checking over by a doctor.”

"Sorry..." Jake mumbled to his dad.

“It’s ok son.”

There was a knock on the door and Zoe popped her head around it. "They're about to take Duffy up to theatre."

“Zoe, you couldn’t do me a favour, could you? You couldn’t check Jake over, he keeps throwing up violently.”

"Of course. You'll need to take those off though..!" She told the officers pointedly.

Penny removed the handcuffs from Jake.

"Can you help me get him through to cubicles?" Zoe asked.

“Dad, me and Peter will do this. Why don’t you go and see to mum?” Louis said.

"OK." Charlie squeezed Jake's shoulder. "I'll come straight back once your mum is settled." He promised.

Jake nodded, “Love you dad.” He mumbled before following his brothers towards cubicles. 

Charlie sighed, this was going to be a long day. He headed back out towards resus, pausing to grab a clean scrub top on the way.

Charlie reached Resus just as they were taking Duffy to theatre. He kissed her forehead, “Me and the children will be here when you’re back. I love you.”

She was picking anxiously at the cannula in her hand but hearing Charlie's voice seemed to soothe her a little.

“I love you. You’re going to be just fine.”

"Look after the kids. Tell them I love them." She whispered.

“I will, they love you too.”

"I love you." She mumbled, her eyes starting to close.

“Love you more.” He kissed her forehead once again and stepped back as they took his wife to theatre.


	57. NSFW, TW: illegal drug use and overdose

Louis lay on his bed absentmindedly staring up at the ceiling. He wasn't sure what time it was, everything seemed to have merged these last few days. Jake had been eventually interviewed and released on bail pending further investigations. Andrew was stable in ITU and Duffy seemed to be steadily improving, physically at least...

He jumped as his phone beeped. He picked up and there was a message from Lucy that simply said 'HELP!'

Louis jumped up from his bed and pulled on his hoody. He called her number, his heart beating nervously in his chest.

The phone answered but the line was muffled.

"Louis!" She screamed before there was a bang and the line went dead.

“Fuck!” He didn’t know where she’d be so he rang the only person he knew might shed some light on her location.

"Hi?"

“Hi, do you know where Lucy is? I think she’s in a bit of bother?”

"She went out with friends." Alex replied.

“Which friends and where?”

"Don't know. Think she was going down the marina."

“Thanks mate, bye.” Louis hung up the phone and left, running all the way to the marina. 

He searched around for several minutes before he noticed a figure laid on the grass. He almost missed her as she was in a secluded spot.

“Luce?” He crouched down beside her and felt for a pulse.

She lifted her head slightly, she was laying in a pool of vomit, her eyes not focusing properly.

“Luce, shit!” He tried to clear her airway.

She tried to reach out for him, revealing a needle stuck in her arm, a tourniquet wrapped above it.

He pulled his phone out and called an ambulance, citing she’d taken a drug overdose. “It’s ok, I’m here! I’ve got you!” He ran his hand through his hair. She'd sworn that she only dabbled when she was working with clients...

He knew he couldn’t ask her right now whether she’d lied to him, she was in no fit state.

He didn't removed the needle but there was multiple track marks on both her arms. He ran his fingertips over them. He sighed sadly, she was far too beautiful to be caught up in this murky world

She was limp in his arms, her breathing shallow.

“Please don’t give up!” He kissed her forehead. He looked around frantically, where was that bloody ambulance?! “I’ll take you out for dinner one night, as soon as I get a job.”

Her lips were turning blue.

He took off his hoody and wrapped it around her. “Stay with me, Luce please!” He checked her pulse as the blare of sirens drew nearer.

"Louis?!" Dixie gasped as she jumped from the ambulance.

“It’s not me, it’s my friend Lucy.” He explained, “I just found her like this.”

"Do you know what she's taken?"

“Heroin.”

"Is she a regular user?" Dixie asked as she took Lucy's obs.

“Judging by the track marks I’d say yes.”

"OK. I just need to get some bits from the ambulance."

Louis nodded, he stroked his fingertips against her cheek.

Dixie came back with the case. "Can you hold her so she sees you when she comes round? Hopefully that'll make her less scared."

“Of course.” Louis smiled sadly as he held Lucy in his arms.

"You ready?" Dixie asked as she drew the needle.

“Yeh.”

Dixie injected the naloxone.

Louis held his breath as he waited for the medication to work.

Lucy suddenly began to jerk violently.

“Luce, it’s me! Louis?”

Her eyes fluttered open.

“Hi.” He smiled.

She thrashed and screamed.

“Lucy it’s Louis.”

She clawed at him in a panic, confused.

“You’re ok, you’re safe.”

After a few moments she began to calm. "Louis?" She mumbled.

“I’m here.”

"Help me." She whimpered.

“I will.”

"We need to get you into hospital sweetheart." Dixie interceded gently.

“Can we take you to the hospital?”

Lucy nodded softly.

“Can I carry you?” Louis asked. 

Lucy snuggled into him.

“Am I ok to stay with her?” Louis asked.

"Of course." Dixie smiled. "Do you want me to call ahead and let your dad know?"

“No it’s ok.”

"Let's get Lucy settled in the ambulance and we can head in."

Louis carefully got up off the floor and held Lucy in his arms, carrying her to the ambulance.

The ride to the hospital was fairly quick and thankfully uneventful.

Louis watched Lucy as she lay on her side.

"You say she's a friend of yours..?" Dixie remarked.

He nodded, “Yes that’s right.”

"She seems very young, how old is she?"

“She’s sixteen.”

"Do you have contact numbers for her parents?"

“I’ve already let her brother know.” Louis replied.

"OK, are her parents not on the scene?"

“No.”

"OK." Dixie smiled softly as she watched Louis gently stroke Lucy's hair, it was clear that he was very fond of her.

Louis looked up and met Dixie’s gaze briefly where he smiled shyly.

"You saved her life."

“She told me she needed help.”

"She clearly trusts you."

“We’ve known each other a long time.”

"We're here." Dixie smiled as they pulled up outside the hospital.

Louis moved out of the way as they took Lucy out of the ambulance and into the department. He trailed behind them.

It was as they entered resus that he bumped into his dad.

“Louis? What are you doing here? Are you ok?”

"I'm ok. It's Lucy..." Louis sighed.

“Who's Lucy?”

"She's... A friend..."

Charlie smiled, “Just a friend?”

Louis blushed slightly. "I want to help her." He mumbled.

“She’s a user?”

Louis nodded sadly. "She took an overdose."

Charlie sighed, “She's lucky you were on hand.”

"Will she be OK?"

“Yeah, she’s in the best place.”

"She needs help."

“The only person who can make that decision is her, son.”

"I can make things better for her..."

“How?”

"I just can!"

“You can’t make someone get help, Louis.” Charlie told him gently, “How about we talk about this later?”

"Can't she come stay with us? You and mum can help her like you helped me."

“I don’t think we’d be able to.”

"Its your job to help people!" Louis retorted angrily.

“I’m not trained to deal with heroin addicts, Louis!” Charlie replied back.

"Whatever!" Louis pushed past his dad and into resus.

“Louis!” Charlie sighed.

Lucy was fighting and shouting at the staff to let her go.

“Luce, they need to check you over.” Louis moved so she could see him.

"Take me home Louis!" She begged.

“Not yet, not until they’ve said you’re ok.”

"Don't trust them!"

“Why don’t you trust them?” He asked as he stepped closer to her, holding out his hand.

"Only trust you."

“I can’t help you on my own.”

"I want to go home. Please Louis!" She begged plaintively.

“When the doctors say you can?” He squeezed her hand, “I’ll stay and I’ll look after you, ok?”

Lucy sighed. "OK."

“Why did you lie to me?”

"Huh?"

“You said you only use occasionally?”

"Yeh..."

“That’s not true, is it?”

"I'm not an addict!" She retorted angrily.

“The only way I can help is if you are honest with me, Lu.”

"I don't need help!" She pushed at him, trying to get up from the bed.

“Yes you do.” He kissed her.

She froze briefly before melting into him.

“Please let me help you?” He whispered as he rested his forehead against hers.

"I don't want to stay here though."

“You need to. Please?”

"They'll make me talk to some shitty shrink!"

“Would that be such a bad thing?"

"I don't need to. I messed up today, that's all."

“Maybe next time you won’t be so lucky, do you really want to die?”

"It wouldn't make much difference if I did." She shrugged. "Don't go all preachy on me please." She rolled her eyes.

“I want you to live.”

"Give me one good reason..."

“I’d like to get to know you better.”

"I didn't think you were interested anymore, you haven't replied to my messages recently."

“I want more than just sex.”

Lucy snorted with disbelief, that was all anyone ever wanted from her.

“I mean it! I like you."

"If you say so..." She pulled back, glaring at the doctor who attempted to adjust her cannula.

“Please Luce.”

"I want to go home! If you really care, get them to let me go home!"

“No!” He argued with her.

"I'm fine now. I don't need to be here."

“You do. They need to make sure the drug is out of your system and you’re not going to overdose again.”

"Urgh! How come you know all this shit anyway?"

“You’re talking to an addict in recovery remember?”

"Yeh I know that but how come you know all the medical stuff too?"

“Mum was a doctor. Dad and stepmum are nurses.”

"And you ended up hanging out with the likes of me..?"

“It’s complicated but things got blurred in my head.”

"Maybe we can compare notes sometime..?" She snorted. 

“We could talk, yes.”

"I'd like that." She smiled, softening slightly.

“So would I.” He smiled, meeting her eye.

"How long do I have to stay here?"

“I don’t know but I’ll stay with you so you’re not on your own?”

"You'd do that?"

He nodded. “Of course I will.”

She smiled, finally relenting.

As promised, Louis stayed with her as she was checked over by the medics and put under observation.

Upstairs in one of the side rooms Lottie was sat with her mum. Duffy had been asleep for almost half an hour so Lottie decided to see if she could finally get to see Owen who was still in hospital.

She planted a kiss against her mum’s forehead and left the room quietly, not wanting to disturb her.

When she reached Owen's bay his mum was sat with him.

“Hi.” Lottie said quietly.

"Who are you?" Owen's mum asked.

“I’m a friend of Owen’s. Am I ok to sit with him?”

"OK. What's your name?" Cindy asked.

“Charlotte. You?”

"Lucinda but everyone calls me Cindy."

“Nice to meet you.”

"I don't often get chance to meet many of Owen's friends."

“I’m sorry I haven’t visited sooner, I’ve had some... Family problems...”

"Do you and Owen go to school together?"

“Yes.”

"He won't say what happened." Cindy sighed.

“Maybe he doesn’t remember?”

"The doctor said he was brought in from some girl's house."

Lottie nodded, “Did they say what house?”

"No, apparently there was an argument. Trust my boys to fall out over a silly little girl."

“I don’t think it was that...” Lottie replied sadly.

"Their dad'll give them both a slap when he finds out."

“I thought Owen’s dad was in prison?”

"He is..." Cindy narrowed her eyes, how did Charlotte know about that?!

“Sorry, Owen told me.”

"You must be close then, he doesn't normally like to tell people."

“We were... Close friends.”

"Oh?"

“Boyfriend and girlfriend.”

"I didn't realise Owen had a girlfriend."

“He dumped me.” Lottie sat beside Owen on the other side.

"Why? You seem like a lovely girl."

“I don’t know.”

Hearing voices Owen started to wake up.

Lottie watched as he began to wake, she was nervous. What if he didn’t want to see her?

"Mum..?" Owen mumbled.

“I’m here.” Cindy reassured, stroking his face.

"Lottie?" Owen blinked.

“I’m here.”

"You ok?"

Lottie nodded, “Are you?”

"Been better..." Owen admitted with a smile.

Lottie couldn’t help but smile back. “Yeah, you’ve looked better too.”

"Glad you came."

“I didn’t know whether you wanted me here or not.” Lottie admitted.

"I've missed you." He reached out for her hand.

"I need to make some calls." Cindy smiled, standing to leave them to chat.

“It was nice to meet you Cindy.”

"You too Charlotte."

Lottie placed her hand in Owen’s. “I didn’t mean to wake you up, you can go back to sleep if you want?”

"I want to spend time with you."

“Ok.”

"I really have missed you. I can't stop thinking about you."

“I can’t stop thinking about you either.” She admitted shyly.

"Will you be my girlfriend again?"

“Yes.”

Owen's smile grew wider. "I really, really like you Lottie."

“I really like you too, that’s why it hurt when you dumped me.”

"I thought I was doing the best thing but I couldn't get you out of my head no matter how hard I tried."

She moved and kissed him gently on the lips. “It doesn’t matter ok?”

He ran his fingers over her cheek and kissed her again.

She giggled softly against his lips. “You should be resting.”

"This is resting..." He grinned, pulling her closer.

“If you say so.” She giggled.

"I keep dreaming of you..."

“I don’t want to know what kind of dreams you’re having.” She teased lightly.

Owen blushed slightly. "Good dreams..!"

“Not the dreams that get you all hot and bothered.” She whispered.

"Maybe..!" He admitted with a wink now it was just the two of them.

Lottie blushed and giggled shyly.

"I can't help it, you're so gorgeous."

“Stop it!” She giggled again.

"You're cute when you giggle."

She blushed again.

"Did you get hurt? Is that why I haven't seen you?"

“No, I’m fine. Tilly got a bit of glass in her leg and needed an op but she’s fine now.”

"I'm sorry. I still don't know why Tone attacked you guys." He frowned.

“It was for payment. Louis put us up for payment when he was ill.”

"I remember now... What did he mean by payment..?" Owen's brow furrowed.

“Louis was in debt.”

"How were you and Tilly payment?"

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask questions, Owen.”

"Its all such a mess." Owen sighed, squeezing Lottie's hand.

“I agree.” She sighed, “Sorry I haven’t visited you sooner, mum isn’t well so..”

"Oh Lottie, is it a relapse..?" He asked gently.

She shook her head, “Mum was attacked by her ex husband.”

"She ok?" He gasped.

“Yeah, she’s just in for observation in one of the side rooms.”

"Tell I hope she feels better soon."

“Thanks, she sends her love.”

"How's your dad holding up?"

“He’s coping just about.”

"I wish my mum and dad were like your parents." Owen sighed.

“Your mum doesn’t seem all that bad, just seems she was dealt a shit pile of cards.”

"You know she said she had calls to make..? She'll be calling clients to arrange seeing them later..."

Lottie was careful with what she said next because she didn’t want to offend him. “Maybe that’s your mum’s way of coping with things?”

"Whoring herself out to all and sundry..?" Owen replied bitterly.

“We all suffer with pain Owen. We all just chose to deal with that pain differently.”

"She does it more since dad went to jail coz he can't get her what she needs anymore."

“What does she need?”

"She's got a massive coke habit." He admitted softly.

“Oh Owen, I’m sorry.” Lottie sighed sadly as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"She's had it since before I was born. She was only fourteen when she and dad had Tony."

“She was just a kid.”

"She couldn't even stop when she was pregnant with me. She was high when I was born." Owen sighed, he'd never told anyone about it before.

Lottie squeezed his hand, running her thumb over the back of his hand. “Addiction isn’t nice, it makes people do things they wouldn’t usually do. Look at Louis...”

"She's high right now."

“How do you know?” She asked, curiously

"She's very rarely not high."

Lottie sighed, “Sorry.”

"I'm used to it. Nothing can be as bad as the time that she snorted three lines just before going to parents evening."

“Shit!”

"She got escorted out."

“I’m not surprised.” Lottie sighed and snuggled up to him. “Have the doctors said when you’ll be home?”

"Maybe next week. I'm so bored here."

“Yeah it doesn’t look interesting.”

"Will you come and visit me more?"

“Of course I will.”

"Have I missed anything interesting at school?"

“No, nothing interesting ever happens!"

Owen laughed.

A comfortable silence descended over them for a while.

Cindy reappeared around the door. "I have to go now. I'll be back later..."

“Ok Cindy, take care.” Lottie called.

"Bye mum." Owen smiled but his eyes were sad.

Cindy waved before leaving.

"I doubt she'll be back." Owen sighed.

Lottie sighed sadly, “I’ll be here though!”

"I'm glad."

“Me too!”

"Let's plan something fun for when I get out of this crappy place..."

“We could go for a day out to the beach?”

"I'd like that. Hopefully it won't be too cold. We could just go on the arcades if it is though."

“You sure you’ll be alright?”

"To go out for the day?"

“Yeah.”

"I'll be fine. And if I'm not I'm sure you know a trick or two..!" He nudged her playfully.

Lottie giggled softly, “Yeah I do.”

"I'd be more than happy to be under your medical care..!" He winked.

She blushed bright red. “Owen!”

"Can't knock a boy for trying..!" He shrugged with a grin.

“That’s true.”

"I'm not gunna push you though..." He replied softly.

“I... I don’t think I’m ready yet.” She admitted sadly and looked at the floor, “I’m sorry.”

"That's OK. I was dumb to push you before." He admitted, his expression contrite.

“I forgive you.”

"Thank you."

She kissed him gently. She stayed with him for most of the afternoon until he fell asleep.

Leaving the ward to go back to her mum Lottie was surprised to run into Louis in the corridor.

“Are you here to see mum?” She asked.

"I'm... Um... Here with a... Um... Friend..." Louis mumbled.

“A friend? What friend?”

"You don't know her..."

“Oh, that kinda friend?” She paused, “It isn’t the tutor you were fucking, is it?”

"No!" Louis retorted angrily.

“Wow, ok.” She was surprised by his outburst. “What’s eating you?”

"Nothing. She's just a friend ok?!"

“Yeah, ok. Hope she’s alright, I’m gonna go and see mum.”

"I'll see you later."

“See you later.”

Louis heading back into the ward to sit with Lucy.

Lucy was staring at the ceiling.

"Hey Luce." Louis smiled.

“Hi.”

"How you feeling?"

“Like shit.”

"That'll get better soon."

“They still want me to talk to some shitty psych?”

"It'd probably be a good idea..."

Lucy sighed. “What’s rehab like?”

"I won't lie, it was shit." He sighed. "I didn't want to be there most of the time but I'm glad now that I stuck it out."

“Is it tough?”

Louis nodded.

“What if I can’t do it?”

"I'll support you."

“But how?”

He edged a little closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Whatever you need I'll do."

She sighed sadly but melted into his touch.

"We'll get through this together."

She didn’t reply, she couldn’t fully trust him, could she? She stayed in his arms staring up at the ceiling. Her whole body felt weird. She desperately needed another fix. He did say he'd do whatever she needed... “Will you get me another fix?” She asked outright.

"Lucy!" Louis sighed. "You need to stay off that shit. It's no good for you."

“I feel all weird without it.”

"That'll pass..." He swallowed as he felt her hands roam down his body, her eyes so needy.

“Please. I’ll do anything...”

"Lucy..!" He felt himself reacting as her hand slid inside his jeans. The temptation was building inside him, it was a slippery slope...

“I don’t like feeling like this, Louis.” She burst into tears as she removed her hand from his jeans.

"Oh Lucy..!" He pulled her into his arms, gasping as she seized the chance to continue her seduction of him. He really couldn't resist her charms.

She moved her hand into his boxers with a watery giggle.

"Fuck! Lucy!" He mumbled, memories of their times together coming flooding back as she pulled down his boxers and began to suck his rapidly hardening cock.

She remembered how he liked his cock being sucked. She looked up at him, her eyes full of mischief.

He lent back on the bed. It felt so good! The craving started to niggle at the back of his mind, reminding him of how spectacular if had felt when she'd done this while they were both high. His arms started to tingle, he wanted it so bad! As much as he wanted it, though, he knew he could never go back to that place. He'd seen the devastation it caused for his family. “Oh God...” He whispered.

Her mouth briefly slid from his cock. "You're such a big boy..!" She whispered before deep throating him.

He groaned, shit! She was so good, he wasn’t sure he was able to hold off any longer.

She swallowed with practiced expertise as he blew his load down her throat. It had been quite some time since he'd last been sexually active so there was a lot stored up!

Letting his cock fall from her mouth, Lucy giggled and lay back down. “That was a lot of cum.”

"Sorry." Louis blushed. "You're amazing at that!" He panted. Even just a blow job from her was better than even the best sex he'd had with anyone else!

“Don’t apologise, I like it.” She gazed up at him.

He moved to lie back on the bed next to her, his now limp cock hanging out of his jeans but he didn't care, he was completely under her spell once more.

“Louis?”

"Lucy?"

“I’m not like you, I’ll never get better so, please, let me go home?"

"OK, but let me come with you?"

“Will you tell the doctor I want to go home?”

"They won't just let you walk out of here. We'll have to do a runner..." He whispered.

“I can self discharge!”

"They drag that out for ages, trust me." He moved to grab his jacket from the floor. "Put this on."

She took the jacket from him and put it on.

He hurriedly redid up his jeans and grabbed her hand after she'd put her shoes back on from where they'd been left under the bed. They snuck to the door and he peered around it. Seeing the coast was clear they made a run for it, not looking back til they were downstairs and away from the building.

“Can we get some stuff on the way back home?” She begged.

"OK but before we do..." He pulled her behind some trees, pressing her against one as he kissed her passionately.

She was taken by surprise by the kiss for a moment before she kissed him back. Pressing herself against him.

"I really want to fuck you..!" Louis whispered hotly, feeling himself growing hard once more. She was utterly intoxicating to him.

“Then I suggest you take me home.” She told him.

"OK." He panted, his cock was almost fit to burst against his jeans.

She giggled as Louis practically dragged her back to his.

As she'd demanded they'd paused on the journey to score some gear. Arriving back at the house Louis helped himself to a bottle of whisky from the kitchen before leading her upstairs to his room.

“Luce, you don’t need that stuff.” He tried to tell her, “Look at me?”

"Afterwards ok?" She promised. She watched him open the whisky with a sigh and take a large gulp before offering it to her. She did the same before lying back on the bed, giving him the eye.

He knew from experience that she'd let him do whatever he wanted with and to her. Nothing was too perverse for her to so much as bat an eyelid! “I want to help you but I can’t help you if you can’t help yourself.” He rolled to look at her.

"Shush!" She placed her fingers to his lips.

He sighed, the look she was giving him was very distracting and bringing his focus back to his hard and aching cock.

They continued to drink the whisky, the gear lying temporarily abandoned on his bedside table. The alcohol was stronger than they'd anticipated though so they rapidly both became very drunk as they drained the bottle between them.

He lent over and stroked her cheek before kissing her tenderly.

She moved back and giggled as she dropped her clothing to the floor. "So what do you fancy..?" She asked, touching herself in anticipation.

He bit his lip as he began to remove his own clothing. He watched her as she touched herself, “You know what I fancy.” He winked.

"You want this..?" She inserted a finger inside herself. "...or would you like me to bend over so you can fuck me up the arse..? I seem to recall you being quite fond of fucking my peachy little bum..." She winked. "Or we could do a bit of both..?"

He pulled her towards him and kissed her tenderly. Reaching inside his bedside drawer, he pulled out a condom. “I don’t want to fuck you Luce, I want to make love to you.”

She looked at him confused. She wasn't used to this side of him.

He smiled as he gently ran his cock over her once he put the condom on.

She stayed perfectly still as he ran his hands over her. Her breasts were small but pert, her heroin addiction rendering her already slender figure to skin and bones, causing her alcohol bloated belly to look big and round.

She tried to read the emotion in his eyes, she wasn’t used to this. She was used to men taking what they wanted and casting her aside. She watched him pause as his hand reached her bottom, running his fingers over the series of small scars there. She'd gotten them during a heroin and vodka fueled sex session where she had encouraged him to extinguish his cigarette on her so that regardless of who she was with after that she would always know who she truly belonged to. “Why are you been so gentle?” She asked in a whisper.

"You deserve to be treated right." He told her, fighting against the lustful passions that urged him to not hold back.

“But why?” She gasped as he began to enter her.

"I really care about you. I love you." The alcohol had loosened his tongue.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean.” She whispered back.

Her reply frustrated him, fueling him to start fucking her harder.

She moaned loudly, scratching her nails down his back, this was more like the Louis she knew.

"Oh fuck!" He gasped. "Tell me what you want..!" He insisted.

“I want you to make love to me! I want to know what it feels like!”

He stroked her cheek. "I really do love you."

“I... I love you too.” She whispered.

"Let me help you, please!" He begged as he continued to thrust inside her.

She didn’t answer, she was just focusing on the feeling of Louis being inside of her.

Memories of their previous times together floated through his mind, he wanted to be loving and sensual but he also craved those sensations.

She lent up and kissed him passionately.

His tongue dueled with hers and he grasped hold of her wrists.

She moaned, “Harder!”

He pressed down, his thrusts firm and needy. He suddenly pulled back, flipping her over onto her front.

She gripped the bedding tightly, encouraging him to screw her harder.

He stroked the tip of his cock against her bottom.

“Fuck my arse!” She demanded.

He slid inside her, moaning loudly. With one hand he pinned her down at the shoulder and neck whilst the other groped her bum, the sound of her moans as she finger-fucked herself at the same time driving him wild!

“Fuck you’re so big!” She moaned loudly. It didn’t take her long to climax underneath him, her body trembling as she rode the waves of her orgasm.

"Fuck Lucy!" His grip tightened on her hair as he pounded into her.

“Louis!”

He bit the back of her neck as he came hard.

She moaned softly as she felt him fill her up. She was exhausted.

He slumped on top of her breathing heavily in her ear. "So good."

“Will you help me, Louis?” She mumbled sleepily.

"Yeh..." Louis yawned, rolling off her slightly.

She snuggled into him. “Go rehab?”

"OK." He smiled, pulling the duvet over them.

“Please help.” She whispered as she fell asleep on him.

When he awoke a couple of hours later he sighed as a familiar smell filled his nostrils. Opening his eyes he saw Lucy sat on the edge of the bed, still naked, shooting up the heroin that had been left on the bedside table. "I thought you wanted my help..." He mumbled.

“Maybe I changed my mind.” She shrugged. “I need it Louis!” She lay back on the bed, her eyes becoming unfocused as the drug kicked in. "You need to chill out..." She held the needle out towards him, teasing the tip against his arm.

Louis jumped back like he’d been burnt. “I can’t do this! I can’t! Don’t make me Luce otherwise you can fuck off.” He told her.

"Fine. Suit yourself." She turned the needle back towards herself and injected what was left into her vein. "It feels so good..." She slurred.

He watched her intensely. He couldn’t stay and watch her without wanting and needing it.

Pushing herself up she fumbled in his bedside drawer, pulling out a cigarette. She lit it with the lighter she'd used to prepare the heroin. "At least you haven't quit smoking too..!" She giggled.

“Never.” He sighed sadly.

"Good. Want one?" She asked, her movements were clumsy and fumbled, the mixture of heroin, alcohol and goodness knows what else acting on her system.

He knew something bad was gonna happen.

She lay on the bed giggling softly as she used her spare hand to masturbate, her gaze locking on Louis'.

It was stirring up all those thoughts and memories from their previous times together again. “Luce, we don’t need to do this.” He gently held her wrist of the hand she was masturbating with. “Can we just cuddle?”

"You like when I do that, I know you do!" She pouted before grinning at his semi-erect cock.

“Lucy, not everything is about sex!” He told her sadly.

"Whatever." She retorted. She squinted at the clock. "Got clients soon anyway." She shrugged.

“Do you want my help or not?”

"Aw... Louis is cross..!" She mocked, giggling as she stumbled around the room to get redressed.

“Do you really want to die because that’s where you’re going to end up!” He warned her.

"I'll have fun whilst I'm doing it..!" She laughed, falling onto the floor.

“Can’t you see this isn’t living?!” He was frustrated at the fact he couldn’t help her.

"Don't be so boring Louis!" She slurred, still slumped on the carpet.

“I’m not being boring! I’m trying to save your life!”

She shrugged, slowly pulling on her clothes. "Got money to make." She smirked, using the drawers to pull herself back up to her feet.

“You need to rest.” He replied as he pushed her into the bed. “You can’t work like this.”

"Need the money!" She argued.

“I know but you’re so much better than shagging strangers and sticking shit into your veins!”

"Says you!"

He sighed, “I made mistakes.”

"Don't you dare judge me! You were more than willing to fuck me like a slut earlier!"

“I’m not judging you!”

"You can come too if you like. I charge extra to watch though..!" She giggled, her moods shifting wildly without warning.

“No, I don’t want to. I want you to go back to the hospital.”

"No!"

“Why? You said you wanted help? They can help you.”

"Don't need help." She stumbled from the room and down the stairs into the kitchen where she started to rifle through the drawers and cupboards.

“What the fuck are you looking for?” He asked following her downstairs in his boxers.

"Aha!" She grinned triumphantly as she pocketed a bottle of wine and some cash she'd found in a drawer.

He wrestled the cash from her, “Don't!” He grabbed her arm roughly and threw her out onto the street.

"You'd rather I mug someone instead..?" She lay on the ground crying.

He crouched down in front of her. “Let me help you leave this life behind.”

"Its what I do. Can't change." She slipped her arms around his neck, kissing his collarbone.

“You can! You can be anything you want to be! Just let me take you back to the hospital...”

She stared at him blankly for a few moments before vomiting.

He moved out of the way so she wasn’t throwing up on him. He held her hair out of the way, “You ok babe?”

The stench was horrendous, the vomit consisting of almost pure alcohol. Lucy attempted to get to her feet, lurching and stumbling all over the street in her efforts.

“Luce?” He made her sit down on the kerb. “Where’s your phone?”

She shrugged, falling into the road.

He began to search her pockets for her mobile.

Finally locating it he opened the phone to find a series of angry texts from Alex about the fact that she hadn't turned up for her "appointments" that afternoon.

Louis sighed sadly. He was in two minds whether to call an ambulance or not...

Lucy had curled up on the kerb and was drifting off to sleep.

He decided to ring an ambulance.

She grumbled incoherently as he carried her back into the house.

He was worried that the mixture of alcohol and heroin would cause some sort of deadly reaction.

It didn't take long for the ambulance to arrive.

"We need to stop meeting like this Mr Fairhead!" Dixie remarked when Louis answered the door.

He was still in his boxers. “I agree, we do. She’s in the lounge.”

Dixie briefly looked around as she followed Louis through to the lounge, she'd never been in Charlie and Duffy's house before. Her eyebrow raised as she spotted Lucy lying on the sofa. "Didn't I already bring her in earlier?"

“She ran away. She’s taken heroin and whisky.” Louis replied sadly.

"Heroin and alcohol? You kids sure know how to party!" Dixie remarked, crouching down to check Lucy's vitals.

“I’ve taken booze but nothing else.” Louis admitted.

"OK. She's been mixing though? Anything else that you know of?"

“Yeah she’s been mixing.” He shook his head, “No.”

"I'll get her started on some fluids again. You might want to put some clothes on..!"

“Oh yeah,” He blushed, “Sorry. You won’t tell my parents about this, will you?”

"That I caught their son in his boxers with an unconscious heroin addict..? Hmm... No I don't think I want to have that particular conversation..!"

“Thanks.” He smiled sadly.

Dixie spoke once more as Louis reached the bottom of the stairs. "They've been through a lot lately, please don't break their hearts further..."

“I’m clean.” He replied, “Doesn't mean the urge isn’t there.”

"The urge will probably never fully go away." Dixie frowned.

“Sometimes you can’t get rid of your memories about that time in your life.”

"You've turned a big corner though."

“Have you ever found someone you connect with but at the same time know they can destroy everything you’ve worked for?” He asked sadly.

"No but it sounds pretty intense." Dixie smiled softly. "Is she your girlfriend?"

He shook his head, “No.”

"You realise that it probably won't be long before word gets to your dad that there's been an ambulance called to a drug intoxication incident at his house..?"

Louis sighed. “Can I come with you to the hospital? So I can tell dad?”

"Of course. Now please go get dressed, you're putting me off my lunch!" She teased gently.

“Sorry.” He chuckled to himself as he went upstairs to get dressed.

By the time he returned downstairs Dixie had gotten Lucy settled into the ambulance.

“She looks peaceful.” He said, watching Lucy.

"Looks like this hit was weaker than the one from earlier."

“That’s good, I’m relieved.”

"Were you there when she took it?"

He nodded. “Yeah.”

"It must have taken a lot to resist joining her."

“You have no idea how much I wanted to join her.”

"But you didn't."

“I couldn’t bare to see the disappointment on my parents' faces.”

"Looks like you're about to face one of them now..." Dixie cringed slightly as she saw Charlie waiting outside the ambulance bay. Even from the other side of the carpark his agitation was clear to see.

Louis sighed. This was going to be difficult to explain!

"Louis! Oh thank god!" Charlie gasped as the ambulance doors opened.

“It didn’t take long for news to travel far, did it?” Louis asked his dad.

"I was so worried!"

“I’m ok dad, I promise.”

"What happened?" Charlie asked as he watched his colleagues wheel Lucy towards resus once more.

“She took heroin.” Louis said sadly.

"She was admitted upstairs earlier..."

“She ran away, I went after her. Tried to get her to come back.” Louis mumbled.

"You really care about her don't you?"

Louis nodded, “It's complicated.”

Charlie sniffed. "Have you been drinking?"

Louis nodded, “I needed something to blot it out.”

Charlie sighed.

“My head’s... spinning...” Louis admitted sadly.

"Did you take any heroin?"

“No. I wanted to though dad, I wanted to be high with her. Experience that first time together again.”

"She was someone you spent a lot of time with back then?"

Louis nodded and then sighed, “She was someone I went to when I was desperate... For both sex and drugs.” He looked down at the floor.

"And that's why you want to help her? You developed a bond with her?"

“I want to help her get better.”

"You can't do that alone though."

“I know I can’t.” Louis rubbed the back of his neck, “I... Really like her but she can destroy everything I’ve worked hard for.”

"We can try to help but we're not drugs specialists."

“She won’t admit to herself she needs help.”

"Its a hard road getting someone to realise what others see."

“She’ll die... And I won’t let that happen.”

"We can all try our best but she has to want to be helped or it'll never work."

“I don’t think she knows what she wants.” Louis whispered, “She's just been used all her life.”

"You need to show her that she's worthy, that she's special and deserves the world." Charlie smiled softly, his mind drifting.

“But how? Every time I try and be gentle, she thinks I’m only after one thing.”

"Its a delicate balance between persistence and giving her enough space. It takes time. She needs to feel she can trust you."

“Like Duffy trusts you?”

"I like to think she does. I hope she does."

“The kitchen looks like it’s been ransacked. In a sense it has, Lucy was looking for money.”

"I see..." Charlie sighed. "To fund her next fix?"

Louis nodded.

"Do you know if they were able to get in touch with her parents before she ran off earlier?"

“She doesn’t have any parents. Just an older brother, I’ve already let him know.”

"OK. Is he on his way in?"

“No, he’s busy.”

"His little sister has ended up in the ED twice in the space of a matter of hours and he's too busy?!"

“Hmm,” Louis nodded sadly. “Can we... Um, talk later?”

"We can talk now if you'd like? I'm due a break."

“If you’re not too busy?”

"I'm never too busy to talk to one of my children."

“I don’t know whether you’d want to go and be with Duffy?”

"I'm gunna go up at the end of my shift."

Louis nodded. “Can we go for a walk?"

"Sure. I'm gunna grab a coffee first if that's OK?"

“Sure.”

They wandered over to the staffroom. "Do you want one?" Charlie asked as he put the kettle on.

“No thanks.” Louis lent against the counter and scratched his arm.

"Shall we walk along the canal?"

“That’ll be nice.”

Once Charlie had made his coffee they headed outside and over to the canal that ran behind the hospital.

“I first met Lucy when I was using heroin. Her brother supplied me when I couldn’t reach Tony.”

"OK." Charlie waited for Louis to continue.

“I didn’t know she was underage...” Louis sighed, “I’ve probably been attracted to her from the day I saw her.”

"How old was she when you first met..?" Charlie asked tentatively.

“Fourteen, fifteen, I don’t know.”

"And you became involved with her..?"

“I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just happened, we were both high.” Louis sighed, “I... I’ve never had sex with her without heroin, not until today but what if it’s not the same?”

"You had sex with her today? Whilst she was high?"

Louis shook his head, “She wasn’t high at this point.”

"That's a relief." Charlie rubbed at the back of his neck. "I'm presuming her brother is her dealer too..?"

“I dont know, I wouldn’t like to say.” Louis admitted.

"And she funds her habit by stealing..?"

“And prostituting herself.”

Charlie sighed, pausing for a few moments, choosing his words carefully. "Have you..? Did you always wear protection?"

“I’ve always worn protection since I was in rehab and had the STI tests.”

"Did you ever share needles?"

“Several times.”

"But not since you were last tested?"

“No.”

"That's something."

“There’s drug schemes that talk about the importance of using your own needles and for them to be clean.”

Charlie smiled, so proud of the progress Louis had made.

Louis smiled. “I’ve got some news...”

"Oh?"

“I’ve got two interviews next week.”

"That's fantastic!" Charlie wrapped his arm around his son's shoulders.

Louis smiled broadly, “one’s a volunteering position.”

"I'm so proud of you son."

Louis smiled proudly, all he ever wanted was to make his parents proud.

"Can I tell Duffy when I go up later? She'll be so pleased."

Louis nodded, “I’d love you to share the news!”

"It'll give her something to smile about."

“She’ll be ok, won’t she dad?”

"I hope so. She's very quiet, I think she's still in a lot of pain and tires easily."

“That’s normal though, isn’t it?”

Charlie nodded. "She suffered a huge trauma."

“Are you ok, dad?” Louis squeezed his dad’s shoulder.

"I'll be fine."

“Sure?”

"You just focus on these interviews next week, don't be worrying about me!"

“You’re my dad! I’ll always worry!”

"We just need to keep strong and support her and Jake through this."

Louis nodded. “I intend to.”

"Together we can make it through."

“Yeh we can.”

"Do you want to go check how Lucy is?"

“If that’s ok..?”

"Of course it is."

“Love you dad.”

"I love you too Louis."

Louis hugged his father tightly.

They headed back inside the hospital.

“Dad?”

"Yes Louis?"

“Will you take me to Lucy? If you know where she’ll be?”

"I can find out. Go sit in my office and I'll speak to Connie."

“Thanks.”

Charlie took a deep breath and headed to resus.

Lucy was curled up still asleep on one of the beds in the corner of resus.

The sound of Charlie approaching caused her to stir slightly.

“Louis?” She whispered sleepily.

"No but I'll go get him in a moment."

She opened her eyes, “I don’t feel so good...”

"That'll be the opiates leaving your system."

She watched Charlie for several minutes, “You’re Louis’ father aren’t you?” She asked.

"Is it that obvious?" Charlie chuckled softly.

“He has your eyes.” She answered back.

"I see more of his mum in him."

She nodded and yawned.

"My son really cares about you."

“I’m not like him.” She mumbled sadly. 

"Where are your parents Lucy?" Charlie asked gently.

“Died.”

"So your brother looks after you..?"

“Just me and him trying to get by and survive the best we can.”

"You're very young, did you not get given help from social services?"

She shook her head.

"There are organisations that can help you get into recovery but you need to want that help."

“I...” She sighed, “I don’t have the same opportunities that Louis has. It makes us different."

"What opportunities are those?"

“You wouldn’t understand.” She sighed.

"Try me." He smiled softly.

“Louis has parents and a family.”

Charlie sighed sadly. "He lost his mother when he was eight years old."

“He still has you.”

"He does. It hasn't always been easy though." Charlie admitted.

“I have my brother but I can’t leave him.”

"Is he involved in drugs too?"

“I’ve said too much already.”

"OK." He paused. "We want to help you Lucy."

“I don’t know life without this, this is all I’ve known.”

"It won't be easy but it is possible."

“And what about my brother?”

"We can help him too."

“He doesn’t need help. He’s in control.”

"Are you sure about that?"

She nodded.

"OK. You're exposing yourself to a lot of danger, will you at least let us run some tests to check there's no long term damage?"

“What kind of tests?”

"Blood tests mainly. To check your liver and kidney function and also to make sure you haven't caught any STIs."

She nodded. “Ok.”

"Louis told me about your profession." Charlie explained, his tone non-judgemental.

“That I’m a prostitute?”

"Yes."

She sighed. “I have to get money somehow.”

"There are safer ways."

“By getting a proper job, you mean?”

"A rehab facility can help you with that."

“I haven’t been to school in years.”

"We enrolled Louis in a special schooling program so he could get his exams."

“I don’t really see myself doing anything other than this.”

"That's because you've never been given the opportunity."

“You make it sound so easy.”

"Its not but it is possible."

“Can I think about it?”

"Yes. I'll go and get Louis. He's anxious to know you're OK."

She smiled. “Thank you.”

Charlie smiled back and left to go back to his office.

Lucy curled back into a ball and sighed. She'd started to drift back off to sleep when Louis arrived in resus. “That you, Louis?” She mumbled sleepily.

"Yeh. You ok?"

“Hmm. Met your dad.”

"Did he give you one of his well-meaning speeches about the perils of drugs?" He asked with a soft smile.

A soft smile appeared on her lips, “Said he could help.”

"Yeh, he knows lots of people."

“Tired.”

"Will you let me help you?" He asked softly.

She nodded. “Maybe... Lemme sleep first?”

"OK. Do you want me to stay with you or go?"

“Stay please.”

"OK." Louis smiled, pushed a stool over to her bed and sat down.

“Hold me?” She whispered.

He moved to wrap his arms around her, gently kissing the mark he'd made on her neck earlier.

“You’re always insisting on leaving your mark on me, aren’t you?” She whispered.

"I'm sorry, I got carried away."

“It’s ok.” She whispered, “Its nice to know who I truly belong to.”

"I don't own you Lucy, no-one should." He sighed sadly.

Lucy snuggled further into his chest.

"You're too beautiful and special to be caught up in all this..." He whispered.

“It’s all I ever known.”

"I want to show you what else is out there."

“Why?” She murmured, drifting off to sleep.

"Because I love you." He whispered, stroking her cheek.

“Don’t...” A tear slid down her cheek as she fell asleep.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he sat watching her sleep. Why did she insist on keeping him at arm's length emotionally?

She was scared.

The stress of the day and the alcohol in his system led Louis to fall asleep beside her.

Which was where Charlie found them both when he came to check Lucy’s observations.

Neither stirred as Charlie came closer, Louis' arm was curled protectively around Lucy.

Gently, Charlie tried to take Lucy’s obs without disturbing them both.

Lucy wriggled slightly, Louis stroked her side to soothe her.

She relaxed with a gentle sigh.

Connie entered resus behind Charlie.

Hearing her familiar footsteps, Charlie looked back at her.

"They're ready for her upstairs now. Hopefully they won't lose her again this time."

“Hopefully not.” Charlie gently tried to wake Louis to let him know the news.

"Go away..!" Louis grumbled, his eyes remaining closed. His head was banging.

“Lucy’s about to go up to the ward.”

"Urgh..." Louis groaned. "Wha..? Oh OK..." He opened his eyes and squinted up at his dad.

“I thought you’d like to know before we moved her.” Charlie smiled.

Louis grimaced as he moved his head.

“Hangover kicking in?” Charlie asked sympathetically.

"Mmm..." Louis groaned.

“You can go and stay with her up on the ward if you feel more comfortable?”

"Please..?"

“Go on, go with her.” Charlie encouraged Louis gently, “Just don’t let her escape this time.”

"I'll try." Louis blushed.

Charlie squeezed his son’s shoulder.

Louis smiled at his dad and moved to head upstairs with Lucy.

Charlie sighed as he watched them go, he really hoped Louis wasn’t about to get his heart broken.


	58. TW: discussion of abuse, rape, suicidal thoughts and self harm

It was late and he was exhausted after a long, emotional shift but Charlie had promised his wife that he would go and see her before he went home.

As he arrived at the ward he was pulled aside by one of the doctors. "Can we have a chat Charlie?"

“Of course, is everything ok?” Charlie asked. He couldn’t help the yawn that escaped his mouth just after he’d asked the question.

"We've reduced your wife's sedation and pain relief levels but frankly she's reacted as though we've increased them instead. Her consciousness level keeps dipping dangerously low."

“Do you think she’s just tired or... Something else is going on?”

"There's no physical reason to explain it, we've got her on oxygen therapy and she appears to be recovering well from the surgery."

“Do you know when she’ll be able to come home yet?” Charlie asked.

"I'm not sure, she's totally shutting down and nothing seems to be bringing her out of it. Several of your kids have been sat with her throughout the day and she's barely spoken or reacted. I was hoping things would have improved by now. Maybe seeing you might help..?"

“I can try.” Charlie smiled sadly, “I think it’s affected her worse than she’s letting on.”

"Pysch can't do much until she's more communicative."

“I’ll see what’s going on. Leave it with me? She might talk to me.”

"That's what I was hoping. The famed Fairhead powers of persuasion."

Charlie laughed. “Thanks. I’ll come and find you when I’m about to leave?”

"Sure, I'm on for another few hours yet."

Saying goodbye to the doctor, Charlie walked towards the side room Duffy was in. He knocked gently on the door before he entered.

She was laid on her back, her head tilted away from the door. Her eyes were closed and she had an oxygen mask over her mouth. The paleness of her skin made the bruising on her neck look deep and vivid.

Charlie closed the door quietly and approached the bed. “Hello sweetheart.”

Her eyelids barely flickered in response to his voice.

He sat down beside her, facing her and placed his hand in hers. “Talk to me?” He said gently, “Tell me what’s on your mind?”

She slowly opened her eyes, they were dull, lacking their usual sparkle.

It saddened him that her eyes had lost their sparkle. He smiled sadly, “What do you need and want from me?”

"Hurts." Her voice was muffled by the mask.

“What hurts?”

"Everything." A tear trickled from her eye.

He hesitated for a moment before he lent over and wiped away the tear. “I know.”

She flinched slightly.

He felt his heart sink into his stomach. He moved his hand back into his lap. “The doctor says you’re not doing as well as they'd expect.”

Her eyes went back to staring at the wall.

He stayed silent, hoping she’d open up to him.

Tears silently rolled down her face.

“I can’t even begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now.” He told her gently.

She didn't reply for several moments. "Why are you here..?" She mumbled.

“You’re my wife and I want to be here.”

"I'm dirt." She spat.

“No you’re not!”

"Where's Jake?"

“At home. He’s bailed pending further investigations.” Charlie paused, “The doctor wants psych to come and speak with you. Would you agree to it?”

"I'm not crazy..." She retorted. "Want Jake."

“He’s not allowed here.” Charlie explained.

"Want to see him!"

“Not until you're home. He’s not allowed in the hospital because Andrew’s here.” Charlie explained gently.

She closed her eyes, once more refusing to engage.

“Please don’t push me away.” Charlie whispered as he reached out to stroke her cheek.

"I want to see my son!"

“Do you want to see him now?”

"Yes!"

“Ok.” Charlie sighed and got up. He went outside the door and rang Jake.

"Dad?! Is everything OK?!" Jake was agitated when he answered.

“I need you to come to the hospital.” Charlie paused, “Your mum’s refusing to speak to anyone until she’s spoken to you.”

"OK but... The police..."

“I know. I’ve told her that but she won’t have any of it. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate.”

"It'll take me like twenty minutes to get there..."

“That’s ok, I’ll let your mum know. Thank you, love you.”

"It's OK." Jake replied before hanging up.

Charlie took a couple of minutes to compose himself before returning to the seat in front of Duffy. “Your son’s on his way.”

"He has to be OK." She whispered.

“He is ok.”

"He's not to blame."

“I know that.” Charlie said sadly. “When Jake arrives, I’ll leave you two alone?”

"I'm scared." She admitted, her voice barely a whisper.

“Scared of what?” He whispered back.

"Never being the same."

“Physically and mentally?”

She nodded softly.

“You will. We’ve just got a long road ahead of us.” He squeezed her hand.

The touch of his hand shattered the dam inside and she broke down completely.

“Can I hold you?” He asked.

She was shaking like a leaf so it was difficult to tell when she nodded.

He sat on the edge of the bed and gently pulled her into his arms. He hugged her tightly, stroking her hair and rubbing her back.

She clung to him like her life depended on it.

“It’s ok, you’re going to be ok.”

Charlie was still reassuring a shaking Duffy when Jake appeared at the door. He was edgy, his eyes flitting around the corridor, terrified of being seen to be breaking the terms of his bail.

“Jake’s here, shall I leave you two alone?” Charlie asked Duffy as Jake entered the room.

Duffy's heart broke as she looked over at Jake, she held her hand out to him, not letting go of Charlie with the other.

Jake placed his hand in his mum’s and moved closer to her, joining his parents on the bed. “It’s ok mum, please don’t be sad.”

"It's all my fault."

“No mum it isn't. It’s Andrew’s fault, nobody else’s! Don’t blame yourself!”

"I thought I could stop him."

“You couldn’t.”

"I just made things worse." She sobbed.

“Sweetheart, you didn’t.” Charlie reassured.

“I’m sorry I didn’t stop him sooner.” Jake said quietly.

"I'm going to make this right I promise." She told Jake, stroking his hair and cheek.

“How?”

"I don't quite know yet but I will. I have to."

“It’s in the hands of the police.” Jake told her, “I’m not worried about going to prison.”

"I won't let that happen!"

“Mum, please will you focus on getting better so you can come home to us?”

"I won't let my little boy go to prison!"

“How do you plan on stopping it from happening?”

"I'll tell them everything."

“It might not be enough though.” Jake said sadly. 

“Duffy, do you really want to do this?” Charlie asked as he kissed the top of her head.

"I have to." She replied, the shaking worsening once more.

“You’re safe.” Charlie told her softly as he held her once again. 

Jake snuggled up to his mum, “Dad says you’re not talking to anyone.”

"Why don't you all hate me?" She mumbled.

“Why would we hate you?” Charlie whispered.

"I brought this on myself."

“You did what you thought was right. It was him who chose to hurt you, nobody else made that decision.”

"I made him to do it. Its my fault." Her mind was so messed up, Andrew's gaslighting making her question everything.

“No sweetheart, listen to me? You didn’t make him do anything. This isn’t your fault.”

"Why does it keep happening then?" She mumbled, her eyes starting to glaze again.

“Because I let you down and can’t protect you.” Charlie whispered. “It’s not your fault. It wasn’t your fault back then and it’s certainly not your fault now! We will get through this...”

"Make it stop..!" She whimpered, pushing at both men and stumbling as she moved from the bed, her legs weak and her head spinning.

Jake looked confused as his mum pushed him away and stumbled from the bed.

“Sweetheart?” Charlie placed his hand on her arm, “You're going to be ok. You just need to talk to someone about it...”

Her scream was piercing. Her legs gave out and she curled up in a ball in the corner.

Charlie crouched down in front of her. “Sweetheart, it’s me. You’re safe, nobody’s going to hurt you. Andrew can’t hurt you.” 

The door flew open as a nurse ran into the room, hearing the piercing scream.

"Mum?!" Jake gasped, utterly terrified.

“It’s going to be ok, Jake.” Charlie reassured before turning his attention back to Duffy. “Duffy?”

She continued to scream in terror as she noticed blood on the floor.

“Duffy, it’s Charlie. You’re safe, it’s ok.” He kept trying to reassure her over her screams that she wasn’t going to be hurt and she was safe.

Jake lay down on the bed. "Mum..? Mummy..?" He mumbled, starting to cry.

Gently taking Duffy’s hand into his, Charlie whispered to her. “Jake needs you. Your little boy needs you.” He wanted to comfort Jake as much as possible but couldn’t leave Duffy either. 

The nurse went to get the doctor.

Charlie's words partially pierced the haze in her mind. She stumbled towards the bed, her face ghostly pale, trailing blood along the floor.

Charlie couldn’t work out where she was bleeding from. She lay down on the bed and wrapped her arms around Jake. “Mummy’s here.” She whispered, refusing to let go of her little boy. She held him like he was still a child, not the muscular young man he had grown into.

Jake rested his head into his mum’s chest and also refused to let go.

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck, feeling utterly helpless as the doctor arrived. “She’s bleeding from somewhere but I can’t figure out where. She’s also not going to let go of Jake so I don’t know whether sedation is going to be the answer.”

"OK." The doctor considered her options. "We're going to need to examine her but we can hold off til she's calmed a little more. Any idea what triggered it?"

“I don’t know, she started saying she was dirt and couldn’t understand why we didn’t hate her.”

"We really need to bring psych in on this." The doctor sighed. "I can patch her up physically but there's a lot more going on than that..."

“Mentally, I know.” Charlie sighed sadly, “She did have a therapist a few years ago. I’m wondering whether to contact her again.”

"Might be worth a shot. When did she take her cannula out again?"

“Can’t have been long, I haven’t noticed.”

"She keeps doing it. We're desperately trying to get fluids into her as she keeps refusing to eat..."

“That doesn’t surprise me.” Charlie admitted, “She’s in recovery from her eating disorder, it’s a rocky road.”

"Yes, I saw that in her notes."

“This is bound to set her back.” He smiled sadly.

"I'd rather not have to put in a nasel tube but..."

“It’ll be the only way if she continues to refuse?”

"Her body will start to shut down if we don't."

He swallowed, “Do you think she’s deliberately trying to kill herself?”

"It's a possibility. At first we thought the cannula was coming dislodged due to the seizures but we've been monitoring her closely and though that's happened on a couple of occasions the cannula is clearly being removed expertly rather than accidentally."

“What do we do?” Although he was a medical professional himself, he felt so helpless at the clear self destruction of his wife.

"She doesn't seem to be processing the trauma. The police keep harassing us to allow her to be interviewed... They threatened one of my colleagues with obstruction coz he refused them access." She ran her hand through her hair.

“I don’t think she’s processing any of the trauma.” He sighed, “Do you think I can try and talk to her?”

"You're welcome to try."

“Thank you.” He smiled sadly and approached the bed. “Sweetheart?”

"Please don't take him!" Her hands held Jake tightly.

“I promise I won’t but I need to talk to you.” Charlie crouched down.

Her eyes were glazed as she stroked Jake's hair. The teenager was confused as she continued to talk to him as if he was a baby once more. "We'll be OK, I won't let them take you away." She whispered.

“Sweetheart? I need you to listen to me?” He stroked her cheek gently. “It’s me? It’s Charlie, your Charlie.”

She blinked several times. "Help me Charlie. Don't let them take him. You know I'm a good mum!"

“The best mum in the world.” Charlie replied. “Nobody will take him from you.”

"What's happening..?" Jake whispered, deeply concerned and confused.

"Promise?" Duffy replied.

“It’s ok.” Charlie reassured Jake, “Your mum is just reliving part of her trauma that’s all.” He explained. “I promise.” He told Duffy. 

"He says I can't cope but he's never there..."

“I know you can cope.”

"What did I do wrong..?" She whispered, tears rolling down her cheek.

“You did nothing wrong, nothing.” Charlie reassured gently, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “I need you to eat for me, do you think you can do that?”

"I'm fat and ugly! No wonder he goes to other women..."

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, Duffy Fairhead.” Charlie met her gaze.

The use of her married name seemed to snap her back to the present. She blinked several times.

Charlie's eyes were watery as he smiled sadly. “Hello beautiful.”

She looked terrified. "What happened?"

“Just now?”

She nodded, her eyes darting around the room, her grip on Jake loosening slightly.

“I think you had a flashback about your abuse with Andrew.” Charlie told her gently. “The doctors say you haven’t been eating, will you eat with me?”

"I'll try..." She mumbled.

“What do you fancy eating?”

She shrugged.

"I should go back home..." Jake mumbled.

“Stay. Your mum would love you to.” Charlie told Jake gently.

"Please." Duffy smiled softly, her hand moving to rest on Jake's. "I'm sorry." She added.

“It’s ok mum.” Jake smiled sadly. “Are you ok?”

"Not really, no." Duffy sighed sadly.

“Will you talk to someone?”

"I'm scared..." She admitted in a whisper.

“You don’t need to be scared mum, we’re here.”

"I have to make this right."

“And you will.” Jake smiled sadly at his mum, “We need you to get better and come home mum. Can you do that for me, Peter, Louis, Emmy, Lottie, Tilly, Oli and Paul?”

"I don't know if I'm strong enough..."

“Dad will help you.”

She moved to rest her head against Charlie's chest, gasping as she noticed the bloodstains on the sheet.

“You’ve pulled your cannula out.” Charlie explained gently.

She sighed, looking down at her left hand that lay in her lap, realising there was also large patches of blood on her gown. "Can't get clean..." She mumbled.

“Would it help if I gave you a bath and washed your hair?” Charlie asked gently.

A brief look of panic crossed her eyes at the thought of him going into the adjoining bathroom.

Noticing the panic in her eyes, he frowned. “What’s wrong sweetheart? What’s in the bathroom?”

"I... Tried to clean..." She stated at the bloodstains on her clothes.

“Clean what?”

"So dirty..." Her eyes filled with tears.

“You’re not dirty.” Charlie told her gently, “I don’t think you’re dirty.”

"I'm sorry."

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Jake kissed his mum’s cheek, “I should leave you and dad to talk.”

"I love you sweetheart." Duffy told Jake.

“I love you too mum. And you too, dad.” Jake smiled before kissing both his parents again and disappearing.

The doctor had also decided it was best to leave them to it, hoping that things would improve as a result.

“Can I run you a bath?”

She nodded softly.

“Do you want bubbles?”

She shook her head.

“Ok. Can I put a cannula back in your hand?”

She nodded, feeling a little woozy.

“Sweetheart? Are you feeling ok?”

"Weak..."

“That’s because you’re not eating. Or letting them put fluids into you.” He paused and sat facing her, “Can I bring the doctor in and ask her to give you some fluids? Fluids, bath, half a slice of toast and I’ll stay until you’re asleep?”

"O-ok."

“I’ll be back in a few minutes?” He kissed her forehead and stood up to leave to find the doctor.

Duffy sighed, groaning as she hauled herself up from the bed, stumbling over to the bathroom. Pushing the door open she surveyed the room. It looked like there'd been a massacre in there, blood covered the floor and was splattered on the walls and surfaces. She grabbed some paper towels and attempted to clean up. She couldn't let Charlie see it!

She wasn’t in the bathroom very long before Charlie returned. He followed the open door to the bathroom and stopped still when he saw the blood. What the..? Where had all this come from?

She lay very close to the floor, her actions making very little difference to the mess. Her hands shook, her vision swimming.

“Babe? Where’s all this blood come from?” He asked gently.

She looked up, her skin was even more pale than when he'd left her minutes before. She was swaying, more fresh blood pooling around her.

“Shit!” He pressed the emergency button, “Tell me where the blood's from, please baby?”

"Need to be clean..." She mumbled, her words stuttered and disjointed.

“Clean where?” He held her in his arms.

"So dirty..." She mumbled repeatedly, growing limper in his arms.

“Baby, please stay. You’re not dirty.” He kissed her head as several doctors and nurses rushed into the room.

They moved her onto the bed and gently lifted her gown, examining the damage she'd done.

Charlie didn’t even realise that he was covered in her blood. It didn’t even register to him when they said they were going to have to take her to theatre for emergency surgery. He merely sat, stunned, on the bed as she was wheeled away. He just felt utterly helpless. He didn’t know how they were going to get through this. He didn’t know how he was going to fix it, fix her.

"Oh, sorry! I... I... Was sent to change the bedding..." A young nurse stammered when she entered the room a while later to find Charlie still sat with his head in his hands.

Charlie looked up and sighed sadly, “Sorry I’ll move.”

"The cleaner will come by to sort out the floor and bathroom." She added softly as she got to work.

He moved to sit on the floor in the far end of the room, his knees to his chest.

He ended up staying far longer than he’d anticipated. He needed to stay until she was back from surgery.

In that time the cleaner had been and gone, the room once more looking pristine like nothing untoward had happened there.

The hours seemed to drag by.

Eventually she was wheeled back into the room, the noise rousing Charlie from a fitful sleep sat on the floor, half lent against the wall.

“Babe?” He said sleepily, trying to get up off the floor.

She was sleeping peacefully, a little more colour in her cheeks once more.

"We were able to repair the damage luckily. We've put her on antibiotics as there's a high risk of infection." The doctor explained.

“What did she do?” He asked.

"The stitches were badly torn in several places. They appear to have been scrubbed with considerable force with something abrasive."

“She was trying to make herself clean.” He sighed sadly. “Thank you. I’ll sit with her for a bit and then I’ll go...”

The doctor nodded sadly before leaving the couple alone in the room.

Charlie rested his head beside Duffy's hip.

Though he'd only meant to stay a short while he drifted off to sleep before awakening with a jolt at around 4am.

Shit! How long had he been here?

Duffy groaned softly as Charlie sat up suddenly.

“Sorry babe.”

"Charlie?" She blinked in the darkness, the only light being the moonlight creeping round the cracks in the blinds.

“Hi.” He whispered.

"Why does everything hurt?" She whispered sadly.

“You had to go to theatre again for another operation.”

"I'm sorry."

“Ssh, it’s ok.”

"Stay?"

“Ok.” He rested his head back in her lap. “I want you to talk to a psychiatrist, will you?”

"With you?"

“You’ll talk to a psych if I come with you?”

"I'll try."

“You need to talk to someone that isn’t me.” He said gently as he moved to look at her.

"Because you don't want to hear it..?"

Charlie was quiet for several minutes, “Because I don’t think I could cope with it.” He admitted.

She nodded, her fingers intertwining with his.

“I let you down and I’m sorry.” He ran his thumb over her thumb with their hands intertwined.

"You're here." She countered.

“I still let you down.”

"I shouldn't have lied."

“I... I should’ve insisted on taking you to work.” He sighed, “But again I failed.”

"I never planned to go to work." She admitted.

“I just wish I could protect you but I can’t. I don’t know how to deal with that...” He sighed.

"I didn't want to worry you. I thought I could deal with it."

“Part of me is just relieved Jake was there. Though I wish I could take away what he saw.”

"I'm sorry." She whispered brokenly.

“Don’t blame yourself, please.” He begged.

"You shouldn't either."

“I won’t blame myself if you don’t.” He smiled slightly.

She smiled softly back at him, such a typical response!

It was beautiful to see her smile. “I love you.” He told her with a grin.

"Even after what happened?"

“Even after everything that’s happened.”

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" She whispered, yawning.

“I don’t know, sweetheart.” He smiled and kissed her cheek. “Go back to sleep.”

"Stay?" She yawned again.

“I’ll stay.”

"Hold me?"

“Budge up then.”

She moved slowly, she was still very tender despite the high doses of pain relief coursing through her veins.

He wrapped his arms around her as he joined her on the bed. “We need you to get better so you can come home to our children.”

"Are Paul and Oli OK?" She hadn't seen either of the younger boys since she'd been admitted to hospital.

“They’re ok. They’re missing their mum though.”

"I miss them too."

“I told them you had to have a little operation but it was nothing for them to worry about.”

"OK. Don't want them to see this..." Her fingers brushed over the deep, dark bruising around her neck.

“They’ll get scared, I know.” He sighed sadly. “Later, when you’ve woken up a bit more and had some more sleep, I’ll help you have a bath and help you wash your hair?”

"I'd like that." She replied, the sedatives still in her system starting to win over her.

He placed a gentle kiss to the top of her head, “I love you, don’t ever forget that.”

"Mmm..." She relaxed a little more in his arms as sleep fully claimed her.

“Even when it’s tough.” He whispered as he watched her sleep.

When she next awoke it was almost 8am. She blinked, looking around the room, confused. She was alone as Charlie was in the bathroom. She felt so sore and wondered if she'd imagined him being there.

The chain flushed, followed by the sound of the taps as he washed his hands. Drying his hands, he came out and smiled. “Morning, sorry I didn’t wake you, did I?”

She shook her head. "I didn't dream it?"

“Dream what? Me being here? No, darling, you didn’t.”

"I feel so sore." She sighed sadly.

“You tore your stitches,” He explained, “So they needed to take you back to theatre. They also had to give you a blood transfusion, you lost a lot of blood.”

"Tried to clean..." It was all quite hazy.

“I know you did sweetheart. But you’re not dirty.”

"Never clean..."

“You are clean! You’re not dirty.” He told her again gently.

"He makes my skin crawl."

“I know but you’re not dirty! You never have been dirty!”

"Is he dead?"

“No.”

"Part of me wishes he was." She sighed, curling up against the pillow.

“So do I. I was so tempted to pull the plug.”

"What has he turned us into..?" She sighed sadly.

“We’re not bad people for thinking about these things. It’s the difference between thinking and doing. That's what separates us from Andrew.”

"What about Jake..?"

“He isn’t bad or evil. He was protecting you, protecting his mum from evil. That makes him brave.” Charlie paused, “He needs help.”

"It's my fault. I tried to help him but made it worse."

“You’re not to blame. You did everything you could.”

"He must hate me for what I've put him through."

“He doesn’t hate you sweetheart. He loves you and wants to make this better for you.”

"Peter begged me not to go but I didn't listen..."

“You did what you thought was right. I understand that.”

"Is Peter in trouble too?"

“No, he isn’t.”

"I'm going to be called to give evidence aren't I?" Her fingers fiddled with the ends of her lank hair.

“Yes.”

"Will Andrew be there when I do?" The fear was clear in her eyes as she glanced up at her husband.

“Possibly but you won’t be alone. We’ll be there.”

"He should be the one in the dock." She muttered bitterly.

“He will be. If you decide you want to press charges for the rape and assault.”

"Will you help me?"

“If you want me to, yes.”

"I can't do this alone anymore."

“Then we’ll do it together?”

"I'm tired of being scared."

Charlie touched her cheek, “You've been so brave.”

"I don't feel very brave."

“Maybe not but that doesn’t mean you aren’t brave.”

"Hmm..."

“You are.” He kissed her nose. “Do you want some breakfast? You must be hungry.”

"My stomach hurts." She admitted.

“Because of the pain?”

"Not eating." She mumbled, looking away from him.

“I know.” He smiled sadly, “And you’ve been refusing fluids. Are you suicidal?”

She shook her head. "No control."

“You want to be in control?”

She nodded.

“How can I help you be in control of what’s going on?”

"I don't know." She sighed, her eating habits had deteriorated rapidly since the ceremony as events had gotten on top of her.

“When did you start to restrict again?” He asked.

She looked down at her hands, debating how honest to be.

“Please be honest with me.” He squeezed her hand.

"Two days after the ceremony."

“What happened?”

"Seeing Tilly after her operation, I felt so helpless."

He smiled sadly, “I know how you feel.”

"She looked so fragile lying there sleeping."

“Tilly’s made of tough stuff, she’s got her mother to thank for that.”

"She's so angry about what happened..."

“With Andrew?”

She nodded.

“I know, she wanted to kill him too.”

"I hate it, the violence spreading through the children."

“Just because they feel violent, doesn’t mean they will be.”

"I wish I could believe that..."

“I’m sorry.”

"It's not your fault."

“Isn’t it? I failed my family again.”

"No you didn't." She reached out and squeezed his hands in hers.

“I did.”

"Nothing I say will convince you will it?"

He shook his head, “I feel... It doesn’t matter, let’s just concentrate on getting you better ok?”

"Don't push me away Charlie... Please!"

“I’m not. I just think we should focus on you.”

"Promise?"

“Promise.”

"Will you help me try eating something..?" She whispered.

“I will.”

She took a steadying breath as Charlie left to go get some breakfast for the both of them.

He didn’t return for a while but when he did, he brought her a cup of tea and some toast.

"We're going to share that I hope..?"

“Of course.”

"I'm not sure I could manage it on my own." She replied sadly.

“That’s ok.” He smiled sadly.

"I'll try though."

Charlie placed the tea and the toast on the table and wheeled it closer to Duffy.

"I like when we have breakfast together." She smiled softly.

“So do I.” He smiled as he caught her gaze.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you in."

“It’s ok.” He smiled and took a piece of toast.

"Its not though is it?"

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He put down his toast again.

"You think I don't trust you don't you?" She tentatively picked up a slice.

“No. I understand why you don’t always tell me things.”

"Because it isn't about trust." She took a small bite of the toast.

“It’s about protecting me?”

She nodded, taking another small bite.

“I understand.” He watched her and looked down at the toast. He wasn’t hungry himself but knew he needed to eat.

"I hate myself for being this way."

“You shouldn’t hate yourself.”

She sighed sadly.

“I should take my own advice, shouldn’t I?”

"You should."

Charlie sighed. “We’ll get through this.”

"Will you help me shower once I've eaten?"

“Of course.”

She screwed up her face as she took a sip of the tea. "Are you trying to give me hyperglycaemia?!"

Charlie chuckled softly, “No darling, I just thought you could do with the energy.”

"I'm going to be awake for days after drinking that..!" She teased.

“I’ve only put an extra teaspoon in.”

"Hmm..." There was the tiniest hint of a smile on her lips as she took another sip.

“And maybe one after that.” He smirked.

She giggled softly.

Her giggle was still one of the most beautiful sounds in the world. He took a bite out of his toast.

Slowly but surely she ate a little more, his tenderness and care for her filling her with a gentle warmth.

There was a peaceful silence as they both ate their breakfasts.

She managed to eat most of a second slice.

She’d done really well with breakfast and Charlie was really proud of her. He caught her eye and smiled, “Are you ok?”

"Not really but I think I will be."

“Good.” He smiled, “I love you.”

"I love you too."

“Love you more.”

"You're so silly!" She giggled.

“So are you!” He lent over and kissed the tip of her nose.

She wrinkled her nose, pulling a face as she fought to hold in further giggles.

It didn’t take long before she burst into fits of giggles.

It felt good to laugh.

“Do you definitely want a shower or would you like a bath?”

"I don't want to damage my stitches further." She fretted, ever the nurse.

“You never stop being a nurse, do you?”

"Can't help it..." She shrugged.

“I know you can’t.”

"Did I do permanent damage?"

“Thankfully no.”

"There was so much blood..."

“I know. Why didn’t you tell me? I’m not cross. I know it hurts deep down, I know you’re struggling so much with your thoughts and your past trauma.”

"Hoped it would stop."

“Your flashbacks?”

"All of it."

“I know.” He squeezed her hand, “You know how I asked you about speaking to the psychiatrist?”

She nodded sadly.

“What about the previous therapist we saw? Would you prefer talking to her seeing as you’d built up that trust?”

"Would that be possible?"

“She did say we could go back whenever we wanted.”

Duffy nodded. "It always feels like one step forwards, three steps back." She sighed.

“I know but that’s recovery.”

"I know but it's frustrating."

“I know.”

A few moments of quiet flowed over them. "Are you OK?" She asked softly.

“Uh huh.”

"You would tell me if you weren't wouldn't you?"

“Of course.” He smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Her heart sunk but she kept her smile fixed in place. "Will you wash my hair for me?"

“Yes.” He debated telling her but couldn’t. He didn’t want to further add to her stress.

Once the breakfast items were tidied away Charlie helped Duffy up from the bed.

Then he helped her through to the bathroom which looked spotless after being cleaned.

She tried not to cling on too tightly but she was still weak and very sore.

“Are you sure you’ll be ok with a shower?”

"I feel disgusting." She sighed sadly.

“Because you haven’t showered?” He asked gently.

"I can still feel him." She whispered brokenly.

“Inside you?” He whispered back.

She couldn't look at him as she started to cry again.

He gently wrapped his arms around her. “I can’t make it go away.”

She continued to cry, her face tucked into the crook of his shoulder.

He rubbed her back, trying to sooth her the best way he could non-verbally.

After a few minutes her breathing calmed and the sobs lessened.

He continued to hold her.

She lifted her head up to look at him, her eyes red and watery.

He smiled sadly.

"I just want to feel like me again."

“You will.”

"Help me?"

“I will.”

"When you come back later can you bring some of my clothes with you?"

“Which ones?”

"My pale pink pyjamas and slippers."

“I will take note of that and bring them in.”

"Thank you. I hate these things." She picked distastefully at the hospital gown she wore.

“They do show your arse.” He replied.

She snorted a laugh.

“But your arse is cute.”

"What is it with you and my arse?" She teased.

Charlie shrugged, “Dunno but it’s cute.”

She smiled, feeling a little stronger now the food was getting into her system.

Charlie helped her to wash her hair in the shower.

She sighed, relaxing visibly as Charlie's fingertips massaged her scalp.

It was nice to see her relaxed when she’d been so agitated for several days.

She opened her eyes, watching the soapy water slide over her skin and down the drain.

Once Charlie had shampooed her hair, he conditioned it.

Silent tears trickled down her cheeks, the tenderness of his actions overwhelming her.

He continued what he was doing, making sure her hair was clean and tidy.

He paused briefly as he finished washing her hair. “Babe?” 

She slowly raised her head to look at him.

“You ok?” He wiped the tears from her cheeks.

She nodded tentatively.

“Sure?”

"Tired." She admitted.

“Do you want a nap?”

"Please."

“Can I towel dry and brush your hair first? Do you want me to put your hair up or anything?” He asked as he helped her out of the shower.

"Just brush it and leave it down."

“Ok.” He kissed her forehead. He helped her back to the bed so she could redress before he gently began to tease the tangles from her hair.

Duffy found herself crying once more over Charlie’s actions, she didn't feel worthy of his kindness.

“What’s making you sad, sweetheart?”

"You're so kind to me even though I brought this all on myself."

“You didn’t bring this on yourself.” He said firmly, “You went to talk, to see if Andrew would be willing to discuss the issue like an adult without using violence. None of this is your fault, you were doing what you thought was right.”

"I willingly got into a car with a man I know is violent..." She countered.

“I know but even you didn’t think he’s go to the lengths he did!”

"He's won hasn't he?"

“He’s never won.”

"He's broken me."

“He may have broken you but it’s temporarily. You’re going to come back stronger than ever from this.”

"You really believe I can?" The uncertainty was clear in her eyes and the tone of her voice.

“I know you can.” He told her with a soft smile.

A hush fell over them as Charlie finished brushing her hair.

“There, all done.” He kissed her forehead and nose.

She ran her fingers through her damp hair, a small smile appearing on her face.

“We’ll get through this together.”

"It's the only way I can." She whispered, laying down on the bed.

“You’ll never be on your own whilst you’ve got me and the kids, ok?” He lay down beside her on the bed.

She reached for his hand, intertwining her fingers with his.

He placed their entwined hand on his heart and smiled.

It didn't take her long to fall asleep, cocooned in his embrace.


	59. NSFW, TW: discussion of homophobic attitudes

Emily was so tired but like most nights for the past few days, she’d been unable to sleep. Everything that had gone on with her mum had worried her a great deal and at night time, she began to overthink. 

She sighed softly as she wrapped her arm around Beth’s waist and moved closer to her, snuggling up to the teen. She rested her head against Beth’s shoulder.

Beth's eyes fluttered open at the movement. "You OK pocket?" She whispered.

“Uh huh. I just can’t sleep.”

"You worried about your mum?"

“Yes.”

"We could go see her tomorrow if you like?"

She nodded and smiled, “I’d like that, if that’s ok? I just... I don’t think she’s coping very well. Neither is dad and...”

"Of course we can." Beth smiled. She'd overheard one of her mum's colleagues talking the previous day about how they'd been called to Duffy's sideroom to clear up copious bloodstains but she hadn't mentioned that to Emily for fear of upsetting and worrying her girlfriend more than she already was.

“I know she did something bad.” Emily muttered, “Dad’s shirt was covered in blood but he thinks I don’t know.”

"Maybe it was just an after-effect of the surgery..?"

“She’d had all her surgery.” Emily sighed.

Beth rolled over to fully face Emily, their faces illuminated by the small amount of moonlight creeping round the edge of the curtains. "It'll be OK." She attempted to reassure.

“How can you be so certain?” Emily asked gently.

"Just a feeling." Beth shrugged.

Emily smiled sadly.

Beth stroked Emily's cheek tenderly. "She's tough like you."

“Even tough people break.”

"I know." Beth sighed sadly.

“I’m scared there’s no coming back from this.” Emily whispered, the pain noticeable in her voice.

"In what sense..?"

Emily shrugged, “What if it tears mum and dad apart?”

"Nah, they're indestructible!"

“What if they aren’t?”

"This is your mum and dad we're talking about..."

“I know but...” Emily sighed, “I don’t want my parents to split up.”

"They won't." Beth reassured, pulling Emily into a hug.

Emily began to cry as she cuddled Beth tightly.

Beth stroked Emily's back, kissing her hair softly.

“I can’t sleep.” Emily admitted after she’d finished crying on Beth.

"What can I do to cheer you up and help you sleep?"

“I don’t know.”

"I hate seeing you sad."

“I hate being sad.” Emily admitted as she moved her leg to tangle with Beth’s.

"Everything will be OK." Beth replied, her fingers playing with Emily's hair.

“I want to believe you so much but my tummy feels funny.”

"Would it help if I rubbed it better?" Beth asked, shifting her hand.

“Maybe.”

Beth slowly, gently, began to massage Emily's stomach.

Emily sighed contently as Beth’s hand massaged her stomach.

"Does that feel good..?"

“Yeh.”

Beth continued her massage, moving her fingers a little lower.

Emily’s eyes fluttered closed at the way Beth’s fingers felt on her skin.

Beth gently nudged Emily so she rolled onto her back.

As Emily lay on her back, she opened her eyes to look at Beth. “Hi.” She whispered gently.

"Hi." Beth smiled.

Emily smiled, she was so lucky to have someone like Beth in her life.

"You're so beautiful." Beth smiled.

A blush coloured Emily’s cheeks. “So are you!”

Beth lent down and kissed Emily softly.

Emily returned the kiss.

Beth ran her fingers along the waistband of Emily's pyjama bottoms, relishing their opportunity to be alone together overnight once more.

Emily bit her lip as she watched Beth’s hand for a moment.

"I'll stop if you tell me to..." Beth whispered.

“I don’t want you to stop.” Emily whispered back.

"I've missed you so much, I know it's only been a week but..."

“A week is a long time.” Emily smiled.

"A very long time..." Beth's hand dipped lower.

Emily's breath caught in her throat.

Beth trailed kisses down Emily's neck.

“You really have missed me, haven’t you?” Emily giggled softly.

"Lots and lots." Beth replied between kisses along Emily's collarbone.

Emily moaned softly as Beth’s lips caught a sensitive spot on her neck.

Beth focused on that spot, smiling as Emily's hands caressed her back.

“Are you sure about this?” Emily asked, wanting Beth to be a thousand per cent certain.

"I want you so much Emmy."

“So do I.”

They'd spent many nights together during their relationship, kissing and caressing but they both wanted to take things a step further now.

Emily was nervous but she knew she wanted Beth to be her first. She’d wanted that for a long time. She giggled as her hands moved under Beth’s pyjama top.

"You OK?" Beth asked softly, wanting to make sure Emily was cool with things.

“I’m ok, are you?"

"Yeh, really good."

“Good.”

Emily's hands moved further underneath Beth's top. She gently massaged her breasts. Emily's thumbs brushed over Beth's nipples, leaning up to kiss her again.

Beth moaned softly into Emily’s mouth as the kiss became more passionate.

Emily wriggled underneath Beth, encouraging her girlfriend's hand lower.

Beth’s hand slipped into Emily’s pyjama bottoms.

Emily nudged Beth onto side so they were facing one another and moved one of her hands from Beth's breast to slide into her knickers.

Beth smiled at Emily as their hands began to caress the other.

Their eyes locked.

“I love you.” Beth whispered.

"I love you too." Emily replied breathlessly as she felt Beth's fingers start to rub her clit.

“Babe?” Beth asked.

"Yeh..?" Emily replied, moving against Beth's hand, her own touch getting bolder.

“You’re so sexy.” Beth whispered.

Emily blushed softly.

“You’re so cute when you blush, pocket.”

They both fell quiet as they enjoyed the sensations of touching each other. It was different, a good different.

"There's something I'd like to try..." Emily whispered tentatively after a few minutes.

“What’s that, pocket?”

"Well... I thought... Maybe... Only if you want to..."

“What is it?”

"I thought that we could maybe try... You know... Um... Going down on each other..." Emily whispered, looking away nervously.

“Look at me, pocket?” Beth whispered.

Emily turned her head back towards Beth.

Beth smiled softly, “I’d like to try that if you would too?”

"I would. I'm not sure how though... Do we take it in turns or..?" Emily babbled.

“We can take it in turns if you like?”

"Can you go first..?"

“Would you like me to?”

"Yeh. I'm not really sure what to do..." Emily admitted, embarrassed.

Beth smiled and gently kissed Emily before she nudged her onto her back.

Emily looked up at Beth. "Is there anything I'm supposed to do..?" This was new territory to her but she was eager to learn and please her girlfriend.

“No, just lie back and enjoy the sensations.” Beth told her.

"O-ok."

“Tell me how it feels.”

"OK." Emily's voice sounded more sure this time.

Beth carefully removed Emily’s pyjama bottoms and kissed her stomach.

Emily giggled softly.

Beth did it again.

Emily's giggle morphed into a moan as Beth placed the third kiss slightly lower than the first two.

Beth moved her hands to either side of Emily’s thighs and spread her legs apart. She began to plant kisses up and down her thighs.

Emily sighed contentedly as she relaxed back into the pillow.

Unexpectedly, Beth’s tongue ran against Emily.

Emily gasped before realising that it felt good.

Beth did it again.

"Ooh..!"

Beth continued to lick her, she wasn’t sure if she was doing it right.

Emily's moans increased, she felt herself growing wetter.

Beth could taste that Emily was becoming more wet so guessed she must be doing something right and continued.

"Oh wow!" Emily gasped, a little louder than she'd intended.

Beth giggled against Emily as she continued to do the actions that enticed the moans from her.

Emily placed her hand over her mouth as a grunt from the next room reminded her that they weren't alone in the house. She caught Beth's eye and giggled mischievously.

Just as Beth moved to suck on her clit, catching the mischievous glint in her eyes.

Emily continued to giggle and moan as she pulled the duvet over them both.

Beth stopped and kissed up Emily’s body, snogging her passionately when she reached her lips.

Emily wrapped herself around Beth, returning the kiss with equal passion, their hands roaming each others bodies.

Beth was equally as wet as Emily! She thought she was about to explode.

As they groped at each other and wriggled under the covers they found themselves facing in opposite directions, discovering that they could pleasure each other at the same time.

“Fuck!” Beth moaned softly as she felt Emily’s tongue on her.

The taste was intoxicating, her tongue probing and lapping excitedly. It felt better than she ever imagined. The sensations flowed through her, she'd never felt anything like it!

They were both fortunate that they were preoccupied with trying to get the other off, that their moans weren’t so loud. After all, they weren’t alone in the house.

Eventually sated they crawled back into each others arms, their heads resting on the pillow as they faced each other.

Beth stroked Emily’s cheek, “That was amazing.”

"Yeh it was... Wow!" Emily grinned.

“Who knew eating pussy could be so fun?”

"Much better than sucking dick from what I've heard..!" Emily giggled.

“Dicks are gross!"

"They really are." Emily wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“Boys are just gross anyway.”

"Oh yes! Be thankful you don't have brothers!"

Beth giggled.

"As annoying as the twins can be I'm glad I'm not the only girl."

“Imagine being the only girl with all those boys.” Beth teased.

"Eww!" Emily grimaced playfully. "I only want girl babies." She added with a chuckle.

“Me too, pocket.”

"We'll send any boy babies back!"

“Good plan.”

"Or we could just give them to my mum..!" Emily chuckled.

“She’ll love you for that.”

"She would, dad wouldn't..!"

“Your dad finished with having babies?” Beth asked with a giggle.

"Yeh, though I think mum's been getting the itch again."

“To have another baby?”

"Yeh, she gets like this every few years."

“Your mum is crazy.”

"Oh absolutely!" Emily chuckled before growing serious. "Is having a baby something you'd like one day..?"

“I haven’t really thought about it, pocket.” Beth admitted, “But I probably would.”

"I'd like to have a baby one day. Maybe it's something we could consider together when we're older..?"

“I’d like that.” Beth smiled brightly.

Now she was more relaxed Emily found herself getting sleepy.

“We should sleep, pocket.”

"Mmm..." Emily yawned.

Beth yawned. “Night night, love you.” She threw the duvet over the both of them.

Much to her relief Emily managed to sleep soundly til the next morning.

Beth was still asleep beside her, their legs and arms tangled together.

Leaning over slightly Emily took her journal and pen from her drawer, opening it to a blank page and starting to write.

Beth stirred slightly but remained asleep.

Emily smiled as she wrote about the previous evening. She then started to sketch Beth as she lay sleeping beside her.

Emily glanced back at Beth as she continued to sketch, the concentration clear on her face. She didn't often draw people, preferring landscapes, but when she did Beth was her favourite subject.

Beth was still asleep, unaware that she was currently being drawn.

Emily's mind drifted back to the previous night, a warm feeling growing in the pit of her stomach once more.

Beth rolled further into Emily.

Placing her journal back on the bedside table, Emily gently stroked Beth's hair.

Beth began to wake, sighing softly.

"Hey gorgeous." Emily smiled.

“Hello beautiful.” Beth murmured.

"I was just thinking about how much I enjoyed last night..."

“Do you want a repeat?” Beth asked as she opened an eye.

"Ooh yes please..!" Emily grinned.

Beth giggled as her hands began to roam Emily’s body again. She straddled her, kissing her neck.

Emily moaned, reaching up to play with Beth's breasts.

Beth moaned against Emily’s neck, her own fingers brushing against Emily’s nipples.

They were so in sync, both knowing what the other needed and craved.

They had such a wonderful connection.

Their passions grew as their hands roamed until there was a bang on the door.

They jumped away from each other. “What?” Emily called out.

"Breakfast!" Tilly yelled from the hallway.

“Urgh! Ok.”

Tilly thundered back down the stairs leaving them alone once more.

"Where were we..?" Beth grinned mischievously, stroking her hand over Emily's skin once more.

“Do you think we should go down for breakfast..?” Emily asked but found herself becoming distracted by the feel of Beth’s hands on her skin.

"I don't need to go downstairs to have what I'm hungry for..." Beth whispered, her hands and mouth moving lower.

Emily let out a giggly moan as Beth’s lips moved lower.

Unlike the night before there was no hesitation in Beth's actions this time. She licked at Emily's clit before moving to bury her tongue deep inside, lapping hungrily.

“Fuck, Beth!” Emily moaned as she ran her hand through Beth’s hair. “Shit!”

Reaching up Beth massaged one of Emily's breasts, desperate to feel her girlfriend come on her face.

One of Emily’s hands grabbed the bedding, the feeling of Beth’s tongue inside her was like no other feeling she’d ever experienced. “Beth..!” she cried out.

Beth moaned with pleasure as she felt the waves of Emily's orgasm.

“Oh my God!”

Beth moved back slightly, grinning up at Emily as she licked her lips.

Emily met her eye, “Wow!”

"You taste so good."

“I seem to remember, you don’t taste so bad yourself.”

"I taste even better on you."

Emily pulled Beth towards her and snogged her.

It was several minutes before they finally parted.

“Lie down.” Emily whispered to Beth.

Beth smiled, stretching out on the bed.

Emily began to follow the same path Beth took. Planting kisses all over Beth’s body.

Beth sighed contentedly, her skin tingling. It was Beth’s turn to moan as Emily went down on her. "Oh fuck! Emmy!" She gasped between moans.

Emily giggled softly as she continued to lick and suck.

Beth tangled her fingers in Emily's long red hair.

Emily’s hand reached up to cup Beth’s breast, wanting her girlfriend to climax.

Beth moaned as Emily's fingertips played with her nipple. It didn’t take her long to climax on Emily’s tongue.

Emily moved to lay beside Beth. "I don't know about you but I don't think I need any breakfast now!" She giggled.

“Me either.” Beth giggled.

They lay contentedly in each others arms for several minutes before Beth spoke again. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about..."

“What’s that?” Emily asked gently.

"I'm totally cool if it's not something you're into but, well, I was out shopping the other day and I snuck into Ann Summers..."

“You didn’t see Tilly in there, did you?” Emily giggled softly.

"No... But I did find something else quite interesting..."

“What’s that?” Emily’s interest had spiked.

"I was looking through their toys section and, well..." Beth swallowed nervously before plowing on. "There was one in particular that I saw and, erm, I keep thinking about it and what it would be like to fuck you with it..." She explained shyly.

Emily didn’t say anything for a while before she nodded. “Ok, we can try?”

"We don't have to if you're not comfortable with it..." Beth replied, her fingers playing with Emily's hair.

“It’s not something I’ve thought about.” Emily admitted.

"We could go together and have a look? I was watching some videos and it looked fun..." Beth explained.

Emily nodded.

"I'd like us to explore more together but only if you're comfortable." Beth kissed Emily's cheek.

“OK. Can I think about it?”

"Sure."

Emily smiled and kissed Beth’s nose.

"I love you so much."

“I love you too.”

They lay together in a comfortable silence for several minutes.

"How about we take your mum a present when we visit her?" Beth suggested.

“Good idea.” Emily smiled.

There was another bang on the door. "You coming for breakfast?" Lottie yelled from the hallway.

“Yes!” Emily called back.

"What you doing in there?" Lottie shouted back, giggling.

“Nothing.” Emily blushed, “We’re just comfy!”

"Oooh!" Lottie teased, giggling.

“We’ll be down in a minute.”

"OK." Lottie replied, running off giggling to find Tilly.

Emily rolled her eyes playfully.

"They think we're up to no good don't they?" Beth chuckled, sitting up and stretching.

“Yeah.”

"It's cool that your parents let me stay over in your room."

“Mum and dad trust me,” Emily said quietly, “That's why you’re allowed to stay over.”

"I much prefer being here to home."

“Though I can imagine it’s quieter at yours?”

"Cept when mum and Ian are fighting."

“Do they fight a lot?”

"All the time. They only don't do it when you're there coz mum doesn't want you all thinking we're common."

“Why would I think you’re common?”

"Mum's got it into her head that coz your mum and dad have fancy job titles and a huge house that you all must be hella posh whereas we live in a shitty little council flat." Beth explained as she got dressed.

“We’re not posh.” Emily said sadly as she got dressed. “Shall I tell your mum that we’re not just cos we live in a fancy house?”

"She won't listen. I think it's coz they're in charge whereas she's the one that cleans up puke for a living." Beth shrugged.

“You know the workplace would fall apart without the cleaners?”

"Yeh. I also pointed out to her that whereas she may clean up puke for a living, they get puked ON for a living..!"

Emily chuckled softly, “There is that.”

"Anyway, posh girls are totally stuck up and you're not."

“That’s good! I’d hate for you to think I was.”

"I mean, you're totally mummy and daddy's little princess but you're not stuck up." Beth teased gently.

Emily giggled softly, “I am mummy and daddy’s princess but it’s cos I’m the first born girl.”

"After lots of smelly boys..!" Beth laughed.

“And of course, everything that happened after I was born.”

"Yeh..." Beth wrapped her arms around Emily. "We're all very lucky to have you." She kissed her neck softly.

“You certainly are.” Emily giggled softly.

"Not that you've got a big head or anything..!" Beth teased, tickling Emily's sides.

“Of course not!” Emily giggled loudly as she was tickled.

"To be fair you've got a lot to be big headed about..." Beth mused.

“I have? Why?” Emily asked with a pout.

"Fishing for compliments are we..?" Beth grinned.

“Maybe!”

"Well, you're gorgeous and smart and kind and..."

Emily blushed and giggled.

"Let's go have some breakfast and then we can go visit your mum."

Emily nodded, “Yeah I’d like that.” She smiled.

The two girls headed downstairs, rolling their eyes at the smirks from the twins.

“What?” Emily asked the twins as she sat down at the table.

"Oooooh!" They teased in unison, laughing.

“What?” Emily rolled her eyes.

"Tilly said yous were kissing!" Paul piped up from the far side of the table.

“Yeah we were kissing.”

"Eeww! Kissing is gross!" Oli declared.

Emily laughed at her little brother.

"One of the girls in my class was crying the other day coz the mean boys said that girls can't kiss girls. I told her that they can coz my sister kisses girls." Paul smiled.

“Girls can kiss girls and boys can kiss boys.” Emily smiled at her brother.

Paul smiled and nodded.

“Love you, little bro.”

Paul giggled, blushing, as he went back to his cereal.

Emily and Beth tucked into their own breakfast.

Just as they were finishing eating Jake appeared downstairs.

“You alright bro?” Lottie asked.

Jake grunted in reply, slumping into one of the chairs, his head in his hands.

“What’s wrong?” Tilly was worried about him.

"Nothing." Jake mumbled.

“It’s gotta be something.” Emily replied.

"Just leave me alone!" Jake snapped, jumping to his feet and throwing the chair against the table before storming back upstairs.

There was a stunned silence around the kitchen table.

"O... K..." Tilly remarked after several moments had passed.

“Do you think we should leave him or..?” Emily asked.

Louis came down the stairs after hearing the commotion, “What the hell was that?”

"Jake blew up again." Tilly remarked, rolling her eyes.

“Want me to go and talk to him?”

"That's probably a good idea." Emily agreed.

Louis went back upstairs and knocked on the door to Jake’s bedroom.

"Fuck off!" Jake yelled, thinking it was one of his sisters.

“It’s me! What’s up?”

Jake didn't reply so Louis slowly pushed the door open.

“What’s wrong?”

Jake was laid on the bed staring up at the ceiling. "Couldn't sleep again."

Louis sighed. “Maybe you should go to the doctor?”

"I keep seeing mum..." Jake whispered.

Louis sat near him, “Wanna talk about it?”

"He'd torn her clothes off her. She was choking."

“You saved mum, don’t forget.”

"And I'm gunna do time whilst he walks away scot free yet again laughing at us..!" Jake replied bitterly.

“Who says you’re going to do time?”

"He'll make sure I do and as soon as they lock me up he'll find her and kill her."

“You’re not going to go to prison! Mum won’t let it happen!”

"Look what happened when she last tried to stop him! She nearly fucking died!"

“I know!” Louis sighed, “She's given a statement to the police, hasn’t she?”

"Yeh but there's parts she can't remember."

“He’s not going to get away with it, Jake.”

"He always has before, why would this time be any different?"

“This time there’s evidence!”

"He'll find a way to wriggle out of it."

“He can’t lie when the evidence is staring him in the face!”

"You don't know him like I do." Jake sighed. He was resigned to his fate but was terrified of what might happen to his mum.

“It’s gonna work out ok!” Louis reassured and squeezed his shoulder.

"Yeh, mum's beyond traumatised and I'm going to jail, it's all just cushty!"

“You spoken to your solicitor?”

"Got a meeting this afternoon."

“Speak to your solicitor about your fears?”

"I can't get him out of my head!"

“You need to speak to someone, it’s no good dealing with this by yourself.”

Jake sighed sadly.

“I wish I could do something to help.”

"No-one can."

“I wish I could.”

"Just promise me you'll make sure mum and dad are OK..?"

“I promise.”

"Coz Peter will be busy with Holly and their baby. So mum and dad will be relying on you."

“Wait... Holly’s pregnant?!”

"Well she weren't drinking at the wedding and Peter's pretty much told me that they're planning to have kids..."

“Oh my God! I’ll look after mum and dad but you’re going to be fine. The judge isn’t going to send you down when he realises what a cunt Andrew is.”

"I reckon they're waiting to say something coz they didn't want to steal mum and dad's thunder at the wedding. I don't think it'll be long though coz Holly's looking quite plump." Jake remarked, much preferring to talk about anything other than himself.

“You think? I can’t say I’ve noticed Holly looking plump.” Louis replied to Jake.

"She might not be." Jake shrugged. "Could just be the effects of being a lazy, old cohabiting couple coz Peter's getting fat too!" He laughed.

Louis laughed, “You’re proper right.” He told his brother, still chuckling at his comment.

"Seriously it's turning into battle of the guts between him and dad!" Jake laughed, puffing out his cheeks and arching his back to stick out his toned belly in imitation.

Louis couldn’t stop laughing.

Jake continued to lark about, relieved to have the distraction. "I keep trying to get them down the gym but they're both lazy sods who like their food and sitting on the arses too much!" He remarked between laughs.

“Fancy going down the gym now?” Louis asked, “I could do with trying to get fit myself.”

"That's a great idea!" Jake grinned.

“Give me five minutes to get dressed and I’ll meet you downstairs?”

"Cool. I'll get my gear together." Jake smiled.

Louis smiled, squeezed Jake’s shoulder and left the room, bumping into Tilly in the hall as he was about to go up to his room.

"Has dickhead calmed down now?" She asked.

“Yeah, he’s fine. Just having a tough time.” He replied.

"He ain't the only one." She muttered as she headed into her room, closing the door behind her.

Louis sighed and made a mental note to check in with Tilly on his way back from the gym.

When he arrived downstairs his younger brothers were watching cartoons whilst Emily and Beth were tidying away the breakfast things. “Thanks you two.” He smiled. 

"It's OK. Gran will be here soon so me and Beth can go visit mum." Emily smiled.

“I’m gonna take Jake to the gym, will yous be ok waiting for Gran?”

"Yeh sure. Hopefully that'll help his mood."

“I hope so.” Louis smiled.

"Surely the police will see that there were extenuating circumstances..?" Beth sighed.

“It’s up to the judge and the jury.” Louis explained, “They're the ones you’ve gotta convince.”

"It's fucking ridiculous! He was protecting his mum against that animal!" Beth exclaimed.

“We all know that Beth.” He sighed.

"It'll be OK. It has to be OK." Emily sighed, sitting down at the table.

“It will be ok.”

An awkward silence permiated the room til Jake came downstairs with his gym bag.

“You ready, bro?”

"Yeh, let's go."

Emily sighed as the front door slammed shut behind her older brothers. She was getting tired of slamming doors and emotional outbursts.

“You ok pocket?” Beth asked hearing her sigh.

"Everything is falling apart." Emily replied sadly.

“Oh Pocket.” Beth sighed and hugged her tightly.

They stayed like that until they were startled by Kate clearling her throat from the kitchen doorway. They hadn't even heard her let herself into the house.

“Sorry Gran.” Emily smiled sadly.

"Have the boys eaten?"

“Yes they’ve had their breakfast.”

"Are you both staying here today or do you have plans?" Kate asked.

Beth held her tongue from commenting on how awkward and stilted the atmosphere was now that Kate had arrived.

Emily gave Beth a look, understanding that she wanted to pass comment.

"I'm gunna go get my stuff." Beth replied pointedly. Even though she knew that Duffy had had words with her mum about the situation Beth still felt uncomfortable.

Kate sighed as she watched Beth leave as did Emily. 

“Beth and I were going to see mum, if that’s ok?”

"Of course that's fine. Hopefully they'll soon get to the bottom of why she keeps fitting so she can come home."

“Do you think she’s..." Emily hesitated. "Always going to be fitting?” She finished awkwardly. 

"I don't know petal, you dad was quite vague about it when I spoke to him about it." Kate sighed. "Let's just be thankful that she wasn't in her car when it happened."

“No she was in Andrew’s!” Emily sighed sadly.

"What?!" Kate gasped.

“He assaulted her.”

"Your dad said she'd collapsed on her way to work after dropping the boys at school."

Emily sighed, “I don’t know why he said that.”

"It wouldn't be the first time your dad has lied to me about your mum."

“Dad was looking out for you I guess.”

Kate sat down at the table, her face in her hands.

“Gran?” Emily moved closer.

Kate was crying softly.

“Oh Gran, I’m sorry.” Emily hugged her Gran tightly.

"I keep praying that he'll leave my little girl alone once and for all."

“He’s going to go to prison!”

Kate looked up and reached for Emily's hands, grasping them between her own. "He should have gone to prison all those years ago when we almost lost you because of him."

“What do you mean?” Emily frowned.

"I'm sure you know that your parents were married to other people when your mum got caught with you. Well, the news did not go over well with Andrew..."

“I know mum and dad were married to other people and had an affair yes.” Emily confirmed. 

"Your mum wanted to leave her marriage but he wasn't prepared to let her go that easily."

“What did he do to her?” Emily asked in a whisper.

"He beat her so badly that she had to be taken to hospital. I was so angry at your dad for being so careless and putting her in danger but he didn't leave her side day or night til they were absolutely certain that she was going to be OK and wasn't going to lose you." Kate revealed.

“And I’m here.” Emily smiled sadly, “Everything is going wrong Gran and I don’t know what to do.”

"Yes, you're quite the little fighter, just like your mum." Kate smiled, stroking Emily's hair. "These things are sent to test us, we just have to have faith that it'll all come right in the end."

“How can we have faith when it’s destroying everything we love?”

"It isn't true faith unless it can withstand being tested."

"That's such utter bullshit!" Beth exclaimed from the kitchen doorway.

Emily gasped hearing Beth. “Beth! Please!”

"Seriously?! This is the same religion that says we'll burn in hell for all eternity for being in love." Beth retorted.

“Stop! Please.” Emily begged.

"Fine but you need to get used to the idea that I love your granddaughter." Beth told Kate. "And I don't care if you think that's a sin..." She smirked. "...coz if you ask me she has a body built for sinning with and I will happily indulge myself all night long..!"

“Stop!!” Emily yelled. “This isn’t helping anyone! Please Beth, I get what you’re saying but Gran doesn’t need this. Gran just needs time, things are different. She’s not purposely being awkward about this.”

"It's alright for you Emmy, everyone just thinks you're going through a phase and will eventually grow out of it and settle down with some nice bloke and get married like a good little girl! You don't get called names and spat at in the street!"

“You think I don’t understand?! It happens to me too!” Emily answered. “I just don’t tell people.” She mumbled as she turned to leave.

"Emmy!" Beth called out after her as she watched Emily storm out the room and up the stairs. "Fuck sake!" She screamed, punching the doorframe angrily.

Kate sighed, “Why don’t you sit down and have a cup of tea?” She didn’t know how to stop the awkwardness between them.

"Ah, so that's how middle class people deal with their problems is it..?" Beth replied sarcastically, throwing herself down in one of the chairs. She ran her hand through her bobbed hair, not realising that doing so revealed a large lovebite on her neck just below her ear from the previous night's escapades.

Kate caught sight of the love bite and stared at it. “What is that on your neck?” She asked. Her granddaughter was sexually active?! With a girl?! 

"Huh?" Beth ran her hand along her neck and laughed as she realised. "She's quite fiesty when she gets going is Emmy!" She smirked.

Kate closed her eyes and switched on the kettle.

"I get that you don't like me..." Beth shrugged. "I couldn't give a flying fuck but it upsets Emily."

“It isn’t that.” Kate replied.

"What is it then?" Beth asked, genuinely interested.

“The world is a very different place these days.” Kate remarked as she took two mugs out to the cupboard.

"You do realise that lesbians existed when you were young too, right?"

“Of course they did, I’m not naive or stupid, Beth.” Kate replied, “I was always taught it was a sin to be in love with someone from the same sex. It was drilled into me from a young age.”

"You were taught wrong!"

“Of course I was!”

"So why do you cling to religion like its the answer to everything when it's gotten things so totally wrong loads of the time?"

“Faith is the only thing I’ve had for so long.”

"Even though it says that most of your family, including yourself, are sinners?"

“Yes.” Kate sighed.

"Sounds like a crock of horseshit idea to me." Beth shrugged.

“I try and accept your relationship with my granddaughter but... It isn’t easy.”

"I really do love her. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. I know it's probably not what you imagined for her but she makes me so happy and I hope I make her happy too." Beth replied, blushing shyly.

“You do make her happy.”

"She ain't had it easy. I'm willing to do anything just to see her smile." Beth wasn't normally so gushing, she tended to try and hide it behind a smart mouth and sarcasm but it just seemed to be flowing out of her.

“Emily’s lucky to have someone like you in her life.” Kate put down a cup of tea in front of Beth.

"Thanks." Beth mumbled, getting embarrassed.

“I didn’t agree with Charlie’s relationship with my daughter for several years.” Kate revealed. 

"Coz they were fucking about whilst married to other people?" The smart mouth was back!

“They made a mockery of their vows but... I understand now.”

"Coz she was married to an evil cunt who gets his kicks raping and attacking women and kids?"

Kate sighed but didn’t say anything.

Beth slowly scooted her chair closer to the older woman. "It must have been hard to watch your daughter go through that. If it was my little girl it would break my heart." She reached out to squeeze Kate's hand.

“I couldn’t protect her.” Kate sighed, “I didn’t know how to. Charlie is a good man, he saved her.”

"Yeh, he's a top dude." Beth grinned before growing serious. "He's really cut up about it all. That's why I've been trying to help Em with her younger siblings."

“I’m glad you’re on hand to help Emily with her siblings, I appreciate it.”

"Paul cries for his mum every bedtime." Beth sighed sadly.

“He’s always been a mummy’s boy.”

"He's a cute kid. So funny too! He was trying to convince his dad recently that they should have another baby so he wouldn't be the youngest anymore!" Beth chuckled.

“Really? I think their days of having children are over, thankfully.”

"Charlie didn't seem to find it as funny as Duffy did."

“I bet he didn’t!"

"Coz Duffy had tricky pregnancies?"

“She nearly died multiple times.”

"Shit!" Beth exclaimed. "I didn't know, Em was always kinda vague on the details."

“Oli’s birth was the worst.”

"And they still had Paul?!"

“They’re crazy.” Kate replied with a soft smile.

"Yeh, but in a good way..!"

Kate nodded.

"My parents split up before I was even born."

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

"Well, I'm not sure you could really say they were ever properly together to be honest. They met at a party and then nine months later I came screaming into the world."

There was a soft smile on Kate’s lips. “Your mum loves you."

"She didn't even tell my grandparents that she was knocked up til they found out by accident about three weeks before I was born."

“Was she young? Your mum?”

"About twenty. My dad didn't even know til he bumped into my mum in town pushing my buggy and it was several months and a blood test later before he'd admit I was his and coughed up some maintenence."

“Some men are afraid of the responsibilities of parenthood.”

"I hear from him every once in a while when he remembers I exist and can be arsed. Nan sez mum should have made more of an effort with him and then maybe I wouldn't have turned out the way I have." Beth replied bitterly.

“What does she mean by that?” Kate frowned, “You're a lovely girl.”

Beth snorted. "Emily ain't the only one with a nan that don't like the fact she's gay."

Kate sighed, “Sorry.”

"So now do you understand why I get so angry?"

“Yes.”

"I always knew I was different. I was barely twelve when I came out. All I've ever wanted was to love someone and have them love me back."

“You just knew?”

"Yeh."

Kate smiled sadly, “I’m trying my hardest.”

"We both want Emily to be happy so maybe we can start with that and take it from there..?"

Kate nodded, “I’d like that.”

"So would I." Emily spoke up from the doorway. She'd been quietly watching and listening for a couple of minutes.

Kate held her hand out to Emily.

Emily stepped over towards them and took hold of her gran's outstretched hand, her other hand coming to rest on Beth's shoulder, her fingers stroking the ends of her hair.

A comfortable silence fell upon them for a while. It was soon broken by Kate however. “Don’t you two have plans?”

"Yeh, we should probably make a move to head to the hospital." Beth smiled up at Emily.

“Go on girls.” Kate encouraged with a smile.

"OK, we'll be home to help with tea." Emily smiled.

“Give your mum my love. Will you tell her I’ll see her tonight?”

"We will." Beth smiled.

“Take care girls.”

"Jake and Louis have gone to the gym. Not sure what the twins have planned though." Emily explained as she got her coat.

“Ok, I’m sure I can get them to help me around the house for a little while. Is your dad still at the hospital?"

"Yeh, he's working a double shift coz they're short staffed."

“He needs to be careful he doesn’t wear himself out.” Kate answered; the concern evident in her voice.

"You try telling him that! He won't listen to us." Emily retorted, rolling her eyes in perfect imitation of her mother.

Kate laughed at Emily’s actions. She was so much like her mum it was quite scary.

"I even threatened to tell mum but nope..!" Emily remarked over her shoulder as she opened the front door to leave.

“Your father wasn’t having any of it?”

"Of course not!" Emily laughed. "See you later gran!" She called out and closed the door.


	60. NSFW

As they reached the main entrance of the hospital, Emily found herself rubbing her stomach. She squeezed Beth’s hand tightly and took a deep breath, worried about seeing her mum.

Beth stopped and pulled Emily into a hug. "Hey, come here you!" She soothed gently.

“I’m ok.” Emily replied as she hugged her back.

"She'll be so happy to see you." Beth smiled.

“I miss her.” Emily admitted sadly.

"I bet she misses you too."

“She’s probably grateful for the peace to be honest.”

"You're not the one who makes all the noise though..!"

“No but I contribute.” Emily giggled.

"Only when I'm over!" Beth winked cheekily.

“Rude!” Emily giggled softly, blushing slightly.

"True though!" Beth chuckled as she took hold of Emily's hand and led her into the building.

“I feel a bit sick.” Emily admitted.

"There's worse places to puke in..." Beth shrugged, trying to distract her from being so anxious.

“I know.”

After stepping into the lift Beth wrapped her arms around Emily from behind, smiling at their reflection in the mirrored walls. "I think we make a cute couple, don't you agree?"

Emily looked at their reflection and giggled, “I would say so, yes!”

"I am sorry for winding your gran up earlier, maybe she isn't so bad afterall..."

“It’s ok.” Emily smiled, “She's like mum, just a Catholic. Her faith helps her through things, even if it’s sometimes wrong about events in life.”

"I can't imagine your mum ever being religious..."

“I don’t think mum is. Never has been, I don’t think.”

"I can't imagine you as a virginal little choir girl either to be honest..!" Beth teased, reaching down to pinch Emily's bum.

Emily giggled loudly as Beth pinched her bum. “Do you mind?”

"Nope!" Beth laughed doing it again.

Emily kissed her tenderly.

"I love you so much." Beth whispered as they parted.

“I love you more.”

"No I love you more!" Beth giggled, rubbing her nose against Emily's.

“Not possible!”

"Is!"

“Isn’t!” Emily giggled all the way until her mum’s room where she grew serious once more.

Beth also found herself growing apprehensive, unlike Emily, she hadn't seen Duffy since the attack so wasn't sure what to expect.

Emily knocked on the door.

"Just a moment!" The doctor called back.

“Ok.” Emily called back.

After a few more minutes the door opened and the doctor appeared. "Sorry about that. You must be... No don't tell me..! Emily?" She smiled.

“How did you guess?” Emily smiled brightly at the doctor.

"Lucky guess." The doctor smiled. "You can go see your mum now, I'm finished with her for a few hours."

“Is she ok? Still causing trouble?”

"When isn't your mum causing trouble?" The doctor laughed.

"Oi! I heard that!" Duffy called out.

“That’s a fair point actually.” Emily laughed, still holding Beth’s hand.

"I'll leave you ladies to visit in peace. Ring the buzzer if you need anything."

“I will, if mum will let me.” Emily laughed, “Have a good day Doctor.”

"You too." The doctor smiled and left to attend to other patients.

“Only me, mum, and Beth.” Emily said as she popped her head around the door. “Can we come in?”

"Emmy!" Duffy smiled broadly, sat up in her bed. "Come in, how are you Beth?"

“Mama!” She smiled as she hugged her mum tightly. 

“I’m good thanks.” Beth answered back.

Duffy held her free hand out towards Beth, her other arm wrapped around Emily.

Beth stepped towards Duffy, “You ok?” She asked as she placed her hand into Duffy’s.

Duffy pulled Beth into the hug with Emily. "I'm OK. How are you?"

“Em’s really missed you.” Beth explained gently. 

“Lots and lots!” Emily nodded.

"I've really missed you both too." Duffy replied as the teenagers moved to sit on the edges of the bed.

“Do the doctors know when you’ll be home yet?”

"Hopefully soon."

“Is it because you keep having seizures?” Beth asked gently.

"They seem to be happening less often but they still can't work out why so neurology are currently having a field day with me..!" It was clear that Duffy wasn't enjoying the experience.

“I hope you’re being nice to them, mama.” There was a hint of a smirk on Emily’s face.

"I'm always nice!" Duffy pouted.

“That’s not what dad says!” Emily giggled.

"You should know by now which of us you should be listening to..!"

“Dad?” Emily giggled cheekily. “Sure you’re ok mama?”

"I'll be fine." Duffy insisted.

“Sure?”

"Of course." Duffy smiled, stroking Emily's hair softly.

Emily smiled and snuggled into her mum. “Gran said she’ll come and visit tonight.”

"Have the twins and the boys been behaving for her?"

“Yes mum. They have, they’ve been good.”

"Give the boys a cuddle from me, I've really missed them." Duffy sighed sadly.

“I will Duffy.” Beth answered.

"So what have you girls been up to recently?" Duffy asked, keen to change the conversation topic away from herself.

“Oh nothing.” Emily’s cheeks began to turn red.

"Emily Fairhead you're blushing!" Duffy teased with a smile.

“I... Erm, it’s warm in here.”

"No its not, I had them turn the heating down."

Emily was bright red!

"I feel like I'm missing something here... Beth?" Duffy turned to the older teen.

“We... Um, we haven’t done much. This and that.”

"Hmm..!" Duffy didn't sound convinced. "I'm presuming my daughter was responsible for that..?" She nodded towards Beth's neck.

“Oh fuck.” Beth tried to cover up the love bite with her hand.

"She's as bad as her father in that respect!" Duffy chuckled.

“I... Um...” Emily stuttered.

"So long as you're being careful, enjoy yourselves." Duffy smiled.

“Oh we will!” Beth replied and winked at Emily.

"Have things gotten any better between you and my mum?" Duffy asked Beth.

“We had a moment earlier.” Beth replied with a smile.

"A good moment..?"

Beth nodded.

"I'm glad." Duffy smiled.

“She’s... Not so bad.”

"She has her moments." Duffy chuckled.

Emily listened to Beth and her mum. 

Beth nodded, “I bet. She seems nice. Just doesn’t always gets things right.”

"Did she admit that she was wrong though? Because that's a rare occurance..!"

“No.”

"Thought not!" Duffy snorted.

Beth and Emily giggled.

"I can count on one hand the number of times she's admitted to me that she was wrong so don't hold your breath girls..!"

“Gran’s stubborn. It’s where you get it from, isn’t it mama?”

"Don't let her hear you say that! She prefers to blame my father."

“Grandad’s stubborn too?”

"He..." Duffy paused. "Is that how you see him? As your grandad?" She asked, slightly choked up.

“He’s Grandad, he’s family.”

"He is." A stray tear escaped Duffy's eye.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry, mama.”

"It's OK." Duffy squeezed Emily's hand. "Does he know what happened to me?"

“No. Gran didn’t know either but I let it slip, I’m sorry.”

"It's OK, it's not your fault." Duffy reassured. "Why does my dad think I haven't been to visit since the ceremony?"

“We told Gran you’d collapsed and we were waiting for test results to know why. We’ve told Grandad the same. He wasn’t happy, he wanted to cone and visit.”

Duffy nodded. "But now your gran knows the truth..?"

“Yeah. Sorry.”

"How did she react?"

“She was upset.”

"Hopefully when I see her tonight I'll be able to help reassure her that I'm OK."

“I’ve never seen Gran upset before.” Emily mused. 

"She doesn't like to show that sort of thing very often."

“Bit like you.” Emily said quietly. “You’ve always got to be the strong one.”

"It's a mother's protective instinct."

“We can’t wait for you to come home.” Beth told Duffy. 

"Hopefully it won't be too much longer. I'm starting to get very bored of this room."

“Mum, can I ask you something?”

"Of course. You can ask me anything."

Emily began to chew nervously at her lower lip as she thought about her question.

"We promised each other no secrets remember?" Duffy prompted gently.

“It’s not a secret as such...” Emily repeated.

"OK..."

“It’s about dad...”

"What about him..?" Duffy asked, becoming concerned.

“I’m worried about him.”

"So am I." Duffy replied sadly.

“He says he’s ok but... I have a vibe.”

"I tried to get him to talk about it but he wouldn't." Duffy sighed.

“What can we do?”

"I'm not sure. He feels like he's failed us again. We just have to keep trying to show him that he hasn't."

“He’s a good dad, the best daddy ever!”

"Just keep telling him that." Duffy squeezed Emily's hand.

“I will.” Emily squeezed her mum’s hand back. “But we need you to come home too.”

"Fancy helping me escape girls?"

“Why do you want to go out?” Beth asked.

"I'm bored rigid of this room." Duffy sighed.

“We can go for a walk?”

"I'd like that." Duffy smiled.

“Or even go and sit outside? The weather’s nice."

"Is it?"

“Cold but ok.” Beth nodded.

"Let's go then." Duffy started to push herself to the edge of the bed.

“Ok mama.” Emily and Beth moved from the bed. “Will you be ok?”

"I'll be fine." Duffy insisted. "Hang on," A thought struck her, "Is your dad working today?"

“Yeh, he’s doing a double shift.” Emily explained.

"Again?!"

“Yeh.” Emily sighed.

Duffy stumbled slightly as she reached for the wheelchair.

Beth caught her. “You ok?” She asked.

"Yeh, I'm fine. I need to go give my husband a piece of my mind though!"

“What for?”

"Working too much." Duffy replied as Beth helped her sit down in the wheelchair.

“Charlie’s not going to like that.” Beth replied with a giggle.

"He's not meant to like it..!" Duffy smirked.

“That’s true.”

Settling herself more comfortably into the wheelchair Duffy wrapped her dressing gown more tightly around herself.

“We'll try and not crash you.” Beth giggled.

"You can't be worse than Tilly..!" Duffy cringed. "She managed to flip it over backwards whilst I was sleeping yesterday!"

The girls laughed loudly, “Was she in it at the time?”

"Yes."

The girls laughed again. “She’s a total klutz.”

"She was doing wheelies apparently."

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

"I'm just thankful she didn't hurt herself." Duffy sighed as Beth took the handles and began to wheel her out of the room.

“She’s tough stuff. She gets that from you.”

"Where do you think you three are going?" The doctor asked with a grin as they approached the ward entrance.

“Mum’s on her way to tell dad off for working too hard.”

"Fair enough. Enjoy!" She chuckled.

“We will.” The girls called before wheeling Duffy into the nearest lift.

Catching sight of herself in the mirrored walls of the lift Duffy sighed and began to fuss with her hair.

“I’ve got a brush, do you want me to brush it?” Beth asked.

"Thank you." Duffy nodded, her head down trying to hide the blush that coloured her cheeks.

Beth took her brush out of her bag and gently ran it through Duffy’s hair.

Emily smiled, her heart swelling with love as she watched the tenderness Beth showed.

Beth gently undid the knots in Duffy’s hair. “There we go.”

"Thank you." Duffy whispered, reaching up to squeeze Beth's hand.

“You’re very welcome.” Beth kissed Duffy’s forehead.

Duffy hugged Beth, kissing her hair.

“We’ll all look after you!”

"That's what families do, look after each other." Duffy smiled as the lift dinged to signal their arrival at the required floor.

“I hope dad’s ready.” Emily replied with a soft giggle as they left the lift.

Duffy glanced around quickly before instructing Beth to head to Charlie's office.

Beth headed to Charlie’s office where Emily knocked on the door.

"What now?!" Charlie grumbled. "Come in!"

Emily opened the door, “We’ve brought a visitor.”

Charlie looked briefly confused until the door opened further and Beth wheeled Duffy in.

"I'm pretty sure today is your day off..!" Duffy remarked, her eyebrow raised.

“Someone’s got to work.” Charlie replied. The girls put Duffy near Charlie’s desk and left them alone to talk waiting outside.

"Oh so this is my fault.?!"

“I never said that!”

"You're going to make yourself ill if you keep this up..!"

“I’m fine!”

"Are you really..?" She asked, her tone softening.

He sighed but didn’t answer.

"Talk to me Charlie, please..!" She struggled to reached out to take his hand in hers.

“What do you want me to say?” He asked as he took her hand into his.

"I want you to tell me what's troubling you so me and the kids can help you."

“You have enough to deal with.” He told her and squeezed her hand.

"Have you already forgotten the vows we reaffirmed a fortnight ago..?" She frowned.

“No but...” He shrugged, “I’m fine, please just focus on getting better so you can come home.”

"I can't if I'm worrying about you..."

“I...” He sighed.

She met his gaze, waiting for him to continue.

He held her gaze.

"I want to help..." She whispered.

“I... I failed you again. Why do I keep doing that?”

"What on earth do you mean?! You've never failed me!"

“I can’t protect you against bad things. You or the girls...”

"We don't expect you to protect us."

“I’m a husband and a father! It’s my job.”

"It's your job to love us."

“I do love you. All of you.”

"And that's all we need from you."

“I’m struggling.” He whispered.

"Oh sweetheart, let us help you!" She gently tugged at his hands so he'd come closer.

He moved closer to her. “How?”

"Just keep talking to us, don't bottle it up." She whispered, stroking his cheek.

“It hurts.”

"What does..?" She asked softly, glad that he was starting to open up.

“Knowing what I know.” He replied.

"About what happened?"

He nodded.

"I'm sorry." She rested her forehead against his.

“It’s not your fault gorgeous. It’s his fault but he hasn’t won. He’ll never win, do you hear me?”

"Not while we have each other." She whispered.

“Not while we have each other, no.” He smiled and kissed her nose. “I love you.”

"I love you too. Forever."

“Forever and always.”

"When I first heard the glass smash I thought it was you. I thought you'd maybe felt my terror... Sounds silly I know..."

“It was your son. Your little boy.” He smiled sadly. “He felt the terror. I’ll admit though, I was angsty and I didn’t know why.”

"I tried to escape but he locked the doors."

“I’m sorry.”

"I should have told you where I was going."

“It still probably wouldn’t have stopped him from hurting you. Part of me is just relieved Jake was there, though I wish I could take away what he saw.”

"You and me both."

“The house is broken without you there.” He admitted, “I’m trying but it’s not a home unless you’re there.”

"I'm tired of being stuck here. I can't sleep properly knowing he's here. I want to go home."

“Are you medically fit for discharge?”

"I just want to go home..!"

“I’ll speak to the doctors, ok?”

"Thank you." She kissed his lips softly.

“I love you.”

"I just want to be home with you."

“I know.”

"I feel safe there."

He stroked her cheek, “Then we’ll get you home.”

"Thank you." She lent into his touch. It was the longest amount of time she'd allowed him this close since the attack.

He held her closely.

She found herself growing sleepy as she relaxed in his arms.

“Is it time to go back to bed for my sleeping beauty?” He whispered.

"Can't I stay here with you..?" She replied sleepily.

“For an hour? Then I’ll have to take you back before they think the girls have kidnapped you.”

"OK." She yawned. "Sofa?" She mumbled, her eyes growing heavy.

“Sofa.” He smiled and picked her up, lying her down on the sofa and wrapping her up with the blanket.

She grasped his fingers as he finished tucking her in. "Don't go." She whispered.

“I’m staying right here.”

She finally allowed herself to sleep.

He stayed beside her, watching her.

After a few minutes had passed there was a light knock on the office door.

“Come in.” He called quietly.

Emily poked her head round the door. "Mum finished yelling at you?"

“She didn’t yell to begin with.” He smiled, stroking her cheek.

"Lame..!" Emily grumbled playfully. "Is she OK?" She asked, noticing that her mum was asleep on the sofa.

“She’s sleepy.” He smiled and held his hand out for Emily, “Come here princess?”

Emily pushed open the door further, glancing back towards Beth.

“Come in, Beth.” Charlie told her gently.

The teenagers quietly crept into the office.

“Thank you girls, for everything you’re doing.”

"It's OK." Emily shrugged.

"Glad we can help." Beth smiled softly.

“You’re both very special girls.”

"We just want everything to be OK again." Beth explained, taking hold of Emily's hand.

“It will be ok.”

"I keep telling her it will be." Beth smiled, moving to wrap her free arm around Emily's shoulders.

He smiled brightly.

"Are you OK dad?" Emily asked.

“I am sweetheart. I promise.”

"Do you really have to work so much? We miss you at home."

“I’m not going to work so much. I know you need me.”

Emily's smile widened.

“Starting from now. Will you do me both a favour, please girls?”

"Name it."

“Stay with your mum while I go and talk to her doctor?”

"Sure."

Charlie squeezed Beth’s shoulder and then kissed Emily’s forehead. “Thank you.”

The girls made themselves comfortable to wait whilst Charlie went upstairs.

“Hi.” He smiled at the female doctor that was undertaking Duffy’s care.

"Ah Mr Fairhead, are you trying to hide from your wife.?!" She chuckled.

He laughed gently, “I can’t hide from her, she’ll always hunt me down. No, I was wondering if we could have a word?”

"Well you're smarter than my husband! Of course, my office?"

“Please, if you’re not too busy?”

The pair headed through to the office.

“How’s Duffy’s progress since I was last here?”

"Steady. She still has occasional seizures but they seem to be over much quicker. Her stitches are healing well and the anemia has almost completely rectified itself now. Her food and fluid intake have improved but still have a ways to go."

“Medically, do you think she’s anywhere near being discharged?” He sat on the chair opposite the doctor.

"Normally I would say no but... I feel we've hit something of a plateau..."

He nodded, “She’d like to go home.”

"I had a feeling that was what you were going to say." 

He smiled sadly. “She doesn’t feel safe, not with him here.”

"It's been explained to her that there's an officer outside his room at all times but I can understand her feelings."

“He raped her in broad daylight, no wonder she doesn’t feel safe even with the police.”

"She refuses to allow the lights to be fully turned off in her room." The doctor revealed softly.

“She’s always been scared of the dark. Ever since 1986 when she was first attacked, on the way to work.” He smiled sadly.

She sighed sadly. "I'd be willing to let her go home but on the condition that you understand she's still going to need significant medical care."

“What kind of medical care are we talking?”

"She'll need help with getting around and bathing, using the bathroom, that kind of thing. Her fluid and nutrient intake needs to be strictly monitored and she's still on several medications."

He nodded, “How long for do we know?”

"It's all down to her."

He nodded. “I’ll have a talk with Duffy. You’ve been great with her.”

"Anything I can do to continue to help just let me know."

“I will. Thank you.”

"I know she's getting frustrated but if she sticks with it then she will get better."

“Duffy just likes to be awkward.”

"That's very true."

“She’s stubborn as well.” He smiled, “Always has been.”

"That stubbornness will be what sees her through if channelled in the right direction."

“It will. I’ve managed to arrange an appointment with the therapist.”

"That's good. Hopefully that'll help her make progress too. Has there been any further news from the police?"

“Not yet. She’s terrified about giving evidence...”

"Will she have to do so at both trials or will they combine them as there's so much overlap?"

“I don’t know. She’s scared of facing him but I think she needs to do it.”

"End it once and for all?"

“Yes.”

"Here's hoping."

“She thinks he’s succeeded in breaking her but I don’t think he has. She’ll come back stronger from this.”

"They do say that what doesn't break us makes us stronger."

“It did break her though.”

"Only temporarily."

“I thought he’d finally done it.”

"He very nearly did."

Charlie rubbed his hand over his face.

"She's got the best people around her."

He sighed, “Do you know much about Andrew’s progress?”

"He's regained consciousness and is able to talk and move."

He nodded. “As much as I didn’t want him to live, I’m glad he has.”

"For the sake of your stepson?"

“My son, yes.”

"Sorry... I thought..?"

“He is my stepson but I don’t see him as that. He’s my son.” Charlie explained.

"I understand." She smiled.

“Part of me wishes he was my biological son but... There's not even a small chance of that being the case.”

"Biology isn't everything."

“I know. All you need is love.”

"You're not about to burst into song are you..?" She teased gently. "Coz I really need prior warning on that sort of thing..!"

Charlie began to laugh, “Thankfully I don’t sing.”

"That's a relief!" She remarked. "It's good to see you smiling again though Charlie."

“Things have been harder than I thought they’d be.” He admitted.

"Make sure you get support too."

“I will.”

"Coz you can't look after Duffy if you ain't looking after yourself."

“I know that.” He smiled sadly.

"I best get started on my rounds. I'll make sure everything is in order for discharge."

“Thank you. We appreciate it.”

By the time Charlie arrived back in his office Duffy had reawoken.

“Hello sleepyhead.”

"Did they say yes?"

“We need to talk about this first.”

"You want us to do one for a bit..?" Emily asked with a smile.

“Please, if that’s ok Princess?”

"OK. Can we have some money for the canteen?"

Charlie went in his pocket and took out his wallet. Opening it, he took out £20 and handed it to the girls. “Keep the change.”

"You're the best daddy!" Emily grinned, throwing her arms around her dad.

He kissed her head several times as he hugged her back.

Once the girls had left the office Duffy pushed herself slowly up to sitting on the sofa. "So what do we need to talk about..?"

“You’re going to need a lot of medical care if you go home...”

"I guessed as much..."

“You still want to come home because you don’t feel safe?”

"I want to be at home with my family."

“Even though medically you have a long way to go?”

"Just take me home. Please!"

“I can’t, not yet.”

"She said no then?"

“She said yes actually.”

"Then why..?"

“Because I need to figure out how I’m gonna get a few weeks off when we’re already short staffed.” He smiled.

"Ah..." She considered that for a moment. "I'm sure I could manage whilst you're at work..."

“Not at chance. You need medical care and attention.”

Duffy sighed. None of the options were particularly palatable to her.

“I know you’re desperate to go home sweetheart. We’re desperate for you to be home too but we also want you to be well.”

"I'm a nurse, I can look after myself." She insisted.

“Not this time. What if you have a seizure in the bath?”

"I just won't have a bath when you're not home."

“Your fluid and diet needs carefully monitoring, as do your meds.”

"We can make a chart. I'm more than capable of filling it in."

“But how do I know you’ll be truthful?” He asked.

"You don't trust me?"

He carefully considered his words, “A few days ago you stopped eating and drinking. You refused to let them put fluids into you. You nearly stopped your organs from working properly. It’s not about trust. It’s about knowing that you’re ill and you have an eating disorder and you’ve gone through something traumatic that’s bound to affect your existing condition.”

She sighed softly running her hand through her hair. He had a point but it was so frustrating!

“I know you’re frustrated.” He cuddled her.

"Every time I hear a noise outside my room I think it's him." She admitted in a whisper.

“I know. He can’t hurt you whilst the police are with him but I know it scares you.”

"Who says he can't?"

“I know.”

"I just want to go home."

“I know you do.”

"How about..." She paused.

“Go on..?”

"We could maybe... Um... Get someone in to help..? Just til I'm back on my feet..." She added quickly.

“I was thinking that but I didn’t know if you’d like the idea.”

"I don't but if its the only way I can go home then its a pill I'm willing to reluctantly swallow."

“Duffy?”

She looked up to meet his gaze.

He held her gaze and ran his thumb over her lips. He’d forgotten what he was going to say.

"Earth to Charlie..!" She giggled after several moments had passed without him saying another word.

“Yes?” He smiled, still running his thumb over her lips.

"You were going to say something..?" She reminded him, gently kissing his thumb.

“I... I’ve forgotten.” He chuckled softly.

She shook her head indulgently at him.

“You do that to me all the time.”

"Distract you?"

“Uh huh.”

"So we're going to look at getting some help in..?"

“I was going to ask Megan to stay for a few days, if she can.”

"I could cope with that."

"OK."

He kissed her tenderly.

"Mum knows what really happened." She explained as they parted.

“What? How?”

"Emily told her accidentally."

He sighed, “I didn’t want to upset her. She’s been upset enough about Andrew and his meddling in our lives.”

"I understand why you did it. I would have done the same. She wants to see me this evening."

“I’ll make sure I’m home.” He smiled.

"So we don't fight..?" Duffy smirked.

“Something like that.”

"Emily feels bad for letting it slip."

“I shouldn’t have lied to her.”

"You had the best of intentions."

“I did.”

"Do you have time to join me for a bit of fresh air?"

“Yes, do you want to walk or use the wheelchair?”

"I should probably use the wheelchair but..."

“You’re not going to?”

The tiniest hint of a mischievous glint sparkled in her eyes.

“You’re being mischievous.”

"Maybe..! I want you to see that I really am OK."

“Ok, how about we go outside?” He stood up and held out his hand to her.

She took hold of his hand and pushed herself up with her other hand.

He helped her. “You ok?”

"Yeh." She took a moment to steady herself.

They gently walked out of Charlie’s office.

Duffy tried not to wobble as she slowly placed one foot in front of the other. It had been days since she'd walked more than a few steps so she was grateful for Charlie's strong arm around her waist.

“You’re not going to fall at my feet again, are you?” He joked.

"I really hope not." She replied, her concentration focused on her feet.

“I’ve got you.”

"Good!"

He kissed the side of her head.

Duffy breathed a sigh of relief as they finally arrived outside.

“Does that feel good?”

"Mmm..." She replied, her eyes briefly closed as she savoured the feeling of the breeze on her skin.

They slowly walked over to the beach near the grass.

She winced slightly as she sat down.

“Tender?”

"Yeh. Think I'm due some more painkillers soon."

“Ok.” He kissed her head. “I’ll speak to the nurse or doctor, when we go back.”

"OK. We don't have to go straight back do we?"

“No. I’m enjoying sitting out here with you.”

A few minutes passed before Duffy spoke again. "Sounds like Beth has been helping out a lot at the house..."

“She has. I’m grateful she’s around.”

"Things seem to be going well between her and Emmy."

“Yeah I believe so.”

"I'm glad. She's a lovely girl."

“Do you think they’re sexually active?” Charlie asked. “Do you think we need to talk to them?”

"You clocked the hickey too then..?"

“Yes, have you?”

"I'd have to be blind not to!"

“I don’t really know much about same sex relationships.” Charlie admitted, “So I don’t really know what to talk or say to them.”

"I guess so long as they're being monogamous... It's not like one of them can accidentally end up pregnant..."

“No that’s true.”

"How about we just let them know that we're here if they ever want to talk about anything..?"

“Ok, yeah. I’m happy with that.”

"If I'm honest it's the twins I'm more concerned about!"

“The twins? Why?”

"Well apparently Lottie is back with Owen and Tilly seems to be getting pretty serious about Tommy."

“Serious as in sexually serious?”

"There was an incident at the hen party..."

“They’ve had sex already?”

"Not exactly but that was her intention."

“We need to talk to them both. So they’re aware of safe sex and boundaries and... Things.”

"I had a chat with both of the twins and took them to explore contraceptive options."

“Have they spoken to you any further about contraception?” Charlie asked.

"We got some leaflets for them to look through."

“Maybe when you’re back home, we could talk to them together?”

"Good idea. Do we want to talk to all three girls together?"

“Yes, may as well.”

"OK."

He wrapped his arms around her, “I’ve got a doctor's appointment in a few days.”

"What for?"

“Just to talk... About things.”

"About what's been bothering you..?"

He nodded, “I can’t look after you and the rest of the rugrats if I’m not well, can I?”

"I'm glad you can see that." She smiled.

He smiled sadly.

"We'll be OK."

“Yep we will.”

"I love you. Never forget that." She whispered.

He smiled brightly, “I know.”

She lent against his shoulder, her energy levels starting to deplete again.

“Back inside and back to bed?”

"Yeh..." She yawned.

“Come on then, gorgeous.”

She groaned as she tried to push herself up from the bench, her legs shaking.

As soon as she was on her feet, Charlie picked her up and held her in his arms.

"Charlie! Your back!" She gasped, her voice sounding weaker than she'd like.

“I’m ok. I’ll carry you back.”

She contemplated arguing but she was too tired and sore.

Charlie carried Duffy back upstairs and to her room.

She'd fallen asleep against his shoulder.

He gently lay her down on the bed.

She sighed softly but didn't awaken.

He tucked her up and kissed her forehead, “Sweet dreams, beautiful.”

"Ah, the wanderer returns..!" The doctor chuckled softly from the doorway.

“She’s back, safe and sound.” He finished tucking her up and turned to face the doctor.

"How did she react to the terms of her discharge?" She asked as she gestured for Charlie to follow her into the corridor.

“She wasn’t happy. She said she could look after herself.” Charlie glanced back before following the doctor into the corridor.

"Sounds like Duffy..!"

“Then she suggested the idea of bringing in some help.”

"Instead of letting you be her carer?"

“As well as me being her carer. The days I can’t be there. I’m really going to struggle to get time off work when we’re so short staffed downstairs already.”

"I'm guessing your agency budget has been slashed as well..?"

He nodded. “Almost by 50%.”

"Really?! I thought ours was bad getting cut by 35%."

“Yeah.” He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. “I’m going to ring to ask a friend if she’ll help with Duffy but I hate asking her.”

"You think Duf won't like it?"

“She’s agreed to it. I just think Megan’s got a lot on herself right now and I’d hate to add to her troubles.”

"All you can do is ask..."

“True.”

"I was going to sort out her pain relief but I'll leave her to sleep for a bit."

“She wasn’t going to make the journey back without me carrying her.”

"She must have been tired if she let you carry her through the hospital!"

“Very sleepy. She was tired as soon as she walked outside in fairness.”

"That doesn't surprise me."

“Are we ok to hold off the discharge for a few more days?”

"I would prefer that."

“Thank you.” He gave a warm smile to the doctor, “I really should let you get on, ive taken up enough of your time today.”

"OK. I'll come by and check on her later." She smiled and headed back towards one of the other bays.

Charlie decided to return back downstairs via the canteen to see if he could see Emmy and Beth.

They were sat on a corner table drinking cola and sharing some crisps.

He watched them from a distance, a smile on his face.

Emily giggled as Beth fed her a crisp.

Beth really had brought Emmy out of her shell.

He heard a loud tut from a nearby table as the girls shared a kiss.

Emily heard the loud tut and it only encouraged her to do it again.

"It's bloody disgusting if you ask me!" The man remarked to Charlie, nodding towards Emily and Beth.

“Oh yeh, why’s that?” Charlie asked, trying to keep his cool.

"Well it's just not normal is it? Spose it could be worse, at least it ain't two boys being a pair of p..." He replied before Charlie cut him off.

“I suggest you keep your homophobic comments to yourself!” Charlie replied, “There is nothing wrong with two girls or two boys being in love, that’s the problem with you lot. Too interested in what other people are doing.” He shook his head, the anger clear to see on his face.

"Alright mate! I just think it's a waste. I'd happily have a crack at trying to turn the ginger one though." He winked. "See if it's true about redheads being right sluts in bed..!"

All Charlie’s emotions over the last few days exploded and Charlie punched the man in the face. “That’s my fifteen year old daughter you’re talking about!”

"Dad!!!" Emily screamed, jumping up and running over.

Charlie continued to punch the man, only stopping when he heard his daughter’s voice. She seemed to break through the red mist that had descended. “Take Beth and go and sit with your mum.” He said gently, his eyes watery.

Security had arrived and taken hold of the two men.

"Please don't! It's my fault!" Emily begged, bursting into tears.

“Get off me!” Charlie told the security guards. “Oh princess, this isn’t your fault!”

"Maybe if you'd given her a hiding like that she wouldn't have turned out to be a lezza!" The man remarked, spitting blood onto the floor as they guards dragged them into the corridor.

Charlie struggled against the security guard, trying to get to the man again. “Do you want another fucking punch?” He asked him, trying to get out of the hold he was in.

"Both of you calm down or we will get the police to arrest you both!"

“Tell him to stop calling my daughter and maybe I will!”

"He's psycho! He just went nuts and punched me!"

“He was talking shit about my fifteen year old daughter!”

"How was I supposed to know she was your daughter?"

“Oh so you think it’s perfectly acceptable to call people sluts?”

"I didn't mean it like that..! It's just what people say int it? Gingers are right goers."

“Just stop, please!”

"Look you divvy twat, you're getting in the face of someone who really don't need it right now!" Beth remarked, moving closer. "You're lucky I didn't hear your shit or I woulda smacked ya too! Just fuck off back under the rock you came from and leave us alone!"

“Oh fuck off!”

"I bet he's got a tiny dick!" Beth remarked with a smirk to Emily.

“You fucking Lezza!” The man roared.

"Come on big man, have a go if ya think ya hard enough!" Beth goaded.

“Beth, please.” Charlie didn’t want to see her get hurt.

“Beth, let’s go.” Emmy grabbed her hand.

"I could take him easy!" Beth shrugged but allowed Emily to lead her away.

As soon as they were out of the way, Emily pushed Beth against the wall and kissed her. “Fuck what people say about us.”

Beth giggled against Emily's lips and moved her hands to grope her girlfriend's bum, pulling her closer.

Emily giggled, moving closer to Beth. It got her really angry whenever people questioned her love for Beth. Why was being gay such a big deal?

"I love you so much babe." Beth told her between kisses.

“I love you too.”

A few minutes later Charlie heaved a sigh as it was decided to call it quits with the other guy and not involve the police on the condition that they left each other alone.

Charlie went back to the department. His knuckles were sore and bleeding.

"What on earth happened?!" Tess gasped when she saw him.

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter.” He sighed.

"Not Andrew..?" She asked nervously.

“No. Some other twat.”

"I'm sure we can handle things here if you want to go home or go sit with Duffy."

“I need to work.” He said quietly, “Find a way around the rota and how I’m gonna spend a few days with Duffy when she’s at home.”

"They're letting her come home so soon?"

“She’s demanding to be discharged. She doesn’t feel safe.”

"Poor thing. No wonder."

“She’s just going to need a lot of tlc when at home.”

"Is there any way I can help?" She asked as they headed towards Charlie's office.

“I don’t think so. I’m going to ask a friend if she’ll stay for a few days but I don’t like asking her as I feel she’s had enough on her mind, recently.”

"I'm happy to cover your shifts if that helps?"

“Really?”

"Of course. That's what friends are for."

Charlie smiled, “Thanks Tess, I owe you.”

"I'll remember that!" She joked softly.

“Please do.”

"I'm sure I'll think of something I need you to do for me."

Charlie rubbed at his knuckles, flinching because they were really painful.

"Want me to take a look at those for you?"

“You wouldn’t mind?”

"Of course not, can't have Duffy seeing what a daft bugger you've been!"

“I just saw red. It was the comment he made, he probably didn’t mean anything by it but...”

"But..?" Tess asked as she grabbed the first aid kit from the filing cabinet.

“It just got me angry.”

"Are you sure it was just him you were angry at..?" She asked, gently running a wipe over the cuts.

He hissed, damn that was painful. “Angry at everyone.” He admitted.

"I thought as much. Sorry. There's nothing you could have done to change what happened though."

“I know. Deep down I know that but I can’t help but feel I’ve failed her.”

"You didn't fail her. You've been with her through every step of this."

“I’ll always be with her.” He smiled. “By her side.”

"And that's all she really needs."

He didn’t speak for several minutes. “I get worried that one day, something will break us.”

"Nothing has yet." Tess replied as she finished tending to Charlie's wounds.

“We’re going to get through this.”

"You will."

He nodded. “Thank you, Tess.”

"Anytime." She smiled. "I best get back out there."

He smiled as he watched Tess leave and then looked down at his hand. He sighed softly. What a mess!

He looked at the pile of paperwork he needed to do and picked up his pen. Wincing, he slowly started to work his way through the files. He hated paperwork with a passion.

Back upstairs Duffy woke up as the girls returned to her room. She groaned, everything hurt so much!

The girls were as quiet as mouses as they crept into the room where Duffy was sleeping.

Emily frowned sadly as she heard her mum's pained groan.

“Mama? Do you need pain relief?”

"Hurts..." Duffy mumbled, still half asleep.

“I know.” She kissed her mum’s forehead. 

“I’ll go and find the doctor.” Beth said gently as she stood up to leave.

"Thank you." Emily smiled, stroking her mum's hair gently to try and soothe her.

"Feel sick." Duffy groaned. She tried to roll over but her head was muddled and dazed.

“Ok. Are you going to be sick?” Emily asked.

Duffy started to gag.

“Fuck.” Emily tried to shove her mum on her side.

Duffy shook slightly as she was violently sick.

“It’s ok, mama.” Emily reassured as she stroked her mum’s hair, trying not to get in the way of the sick.

Beth quickly arrived back with the doctor.

“She’s been sick.” Emily said although she realised that was pretty obvious.

"Did you move her onto her side?" The doctor asked as she checked Duffy over.

“Yes, she was choking.”

"Good girl. You've kept her airway clear."

“It’s important.” Emily replied with a smile.

"It certainly is. Duffy? I need you to open your eyes."

Duffy groaned softly.

Emily moved away to let the doctor examine her mum.

Duffy slowly opened her eyes, her vision unfocused.

“That’s it, good girl.” The doctor said gently.

Duffy looked around, frightened and confused.

“Do you remember where you are, Duffy?”

"Make it stop hurting." Duffy mumbled.

“I’m going to give you some pain relief ok?”

"Mmm..?" Duffy replied.

"Why is she so dazed?" Beth asked, deeply concerned.

“Tiredness, maybe? I don’t know.” Emily whispered. 

“Duffy, do you know where you are?” The doctor asked again.

"Go home." Duffy replied.

“I know you want to go home but we need to do a few more tests.”

"No!"

“Ok.”

"Mum please let then help you!" Emily begged.

Duffy moved her head, searching for her daughter.

“I’m here.” Emily stood next to the doctor. “Let them help you.”

Duffy nodded, crying softly.

“Oh mama, it’s ok.” Emily tangled her fingers in her mum’s hair.

The doctor left briefly, returning with the pain medication.

“Will you let the doctor give you, your medication?” Emily asked her mum.

“Ok.”

“Thank you.” 

The doctor smiled at Emily before she gently administered the medication through the cannula in Duffy’s hand.

Once she'd finished Duffy rolled over and curled up close to Emily.

“It’s ok mummy. You’re safe.”

"We'll stay with you." Beth reassured softly as she sat down on the bed.

Duffy’s eyes drifted close once more.

Once she was asleep Beth let out a sigh. "She seems worse than earlier." She whispered.

“I know.” Emily sighed.

"I honestly thought she was getting better but now I'm not so sure."

“Should we speak to the doctor?”

"It might be a good idea."

“We’ll go later.”

"Yeh, we shouldn't leave her by herself."

“No, we shouldn’t.” Emily continued to stroke her mum’s hair.

Beth reached over to take hold of Emily's other hand.

Emily took Beth’s hand and squeezed it.

"We can all look after her together." Beth insisted.

“Yeah we can!”

A comfortable hush fell over them for several minutes.

"Oh yeh! Did you hear that Peter is taking Holly to Mexico for new years?" Beth asked.

“Really? Wow, she’s so lucky!” Emily grinned.

"Do you think he's gunna, you know..?" Beth started humming the wedding march.

“Propose? Probably.” Emily giggled softly.

"He's proper got it bad for her..!" Beth chuckled.

“Yeah he has but it is kinda cute.”

"Yeh, they're a bit like younger versions of your mum and dad in a way."

“Do you think so?”

"I mean, your parents will always be the original couple goals but Peter and Holly are quite cute."

“Yeah I agree.”

"Hopefully our kids will think that we're cute too..!" Beth laughed.

“Here’s hoping.”

Back at the house Jake and Louis had returned from the gym. They were exhausted and sweaty but Jake was still agitated. He wasn't looking forward to his meeting with his solicitor.

“It’s gonna go ok.” Louis tried to reassure.

"He's not happy that I'm planning to plead guilty to save mum the trauma of recounting it all in court."

“Have you asked mum if that’s what she wants? Not to face him?”

"You didn't see how messed up she is over it!"

“She won’t let you plead guilty!”

"I beat the living shit out of him." Jake shrugged. "It's not like I can lie and say I didn't."

“But you did it to protect mum.”

"It's still GBH though."

“Self defence if you ask me.”

"It wasn't me he attacked though..." Jake sighed, pulling his sweat-soaked top off and throwing it in his laundry basket.

“No he was just attacking a defenceless woman instead.” Louis replied.

"Prosecution will say it weren't the first time I've attacked him..." Jake sighed, his hand running over the tattoo on his chest.

“No but, both times you had a reason.” Louis watched him.

The tattoo was one of several he'd gotten both at home and during his adventures overseas. Each had meaning but that one was the most personal to him.

“What does it mean?” Louis asked.

"This?" Jake looked down. "It symbolises family. Each link is interconnected and can't function alone, only in harmony with the others."

“Like we can’t function without mum?”

"The central link - that's her. Right at the heart of everything."

“We can’t function if she’s not here.” Louis smiled sadly, “Please plead not guilty.”

"It won't do any good..."

“Please Jake, for mum. She won’t want you to do that to protect her.”

"Fine..! I'm going down either way, what does it matter..?" Jake retorted as he prepared to jump in the shower.

“You don’t know that!”

"You prepared to put a wager on that?" Jake asked over his shoulder as he headed out of his room.

“I’m skint otherwise I would.”

"Borrow some off dad..." Jake chuckled darkly before closing the bathroom door behind him.

Louis went into his own bedroom and pulled off his top.

He was about to pull out some fresh clothes but then caught a whiff of himself and decided he'd wait til he'd showered before getting dressed. He stunk. He grabbed a clean towel and went into the bathroom.

It was times like this that he was grateful that they had more than one bathroom in the house.

As he showered, his mind wandered to Lucy. He began to imagine that she was there with him. He'd quickly become utterly intoxicated and obsessed with her all over again, just like he had been when he'd first met her. She filled his every waking thought and often his dreams too.

She was someone who could destroy everything he had but he couldn’t imagine life without her.

He needed her, he craved her. His hands ran over his wet, soapy skin. He began to imagine it was her, running her hands over him.

"Oh Lucy..!" He moaned softly, his eyes closed, as he grasped his erection, the hot water of the shower cascading over him.

He thought back to the first time they had sex. The first time that flame was ignited between them. There'd never been a hint of innocence about her and that had excited him, still excited him.

His hand began to move up and down his cock. “Oh fuck, Luce!” His breathing was ragged, the water from the shower aiding the illusion in his mind that it was her mouth rather than his hand jerking him off.

He’d do anything to experience another one of her blowjobs.

He was hoping to go see her again, she'd been so groggy when he'd visited the previous day.

She was in the best place, despite her protests to go home.

He could hear her voice in his head begging him.

He wanted to help her so much!

He lent forward against the tilled wall, his mind drifting to their recent tryst in his room.

He pictured her on his bed, on all fours, finger-fucking herself as he fucked her up the arse. His hand moved faster, his groans becoming louder.

"Oh, fuck! Fuck! Lucy!" He gasped. He groaned loudly before he climaxed in his hand. His breathing heavy and erratic. 

He rested his head against the tills, his mind jumbled. He was so confused by everything that was going on right now.

He needed her but at the same time she could destroy him. He rested his head against the tiled wall and banged it a little.

The voice inside him was telling him to go to her.

He turned off the shower and grabbed his towel.

After quickly rubbing it over himself he wrapped the towel around his waist to head back up to his room. He grabbed his clean clothes and began to change.

His eye was caught by something glinting from the floor, half covered by the bedsheets.

He crouched down and picked it up.

It was a pendant, Lucy must have dropped it when she'd last been there. He ran his fingers over it, a soft smile on his face. 

It sparkled in the light.

He put it in his pocket, put on his favourite aftershave and decided to go and pay her a visit.

Tilly peered into the hallway as Louis arrived downstairs. "Oh my god, what is that smell?!" She remarked, sniffing the air dramatically.

He rolled his eyes, “I think I’ve overdone it on the aftershave!” He laughed.

"Who you trying to impress?"

“No one.”

"Well that's just boring..!"

“It’s complicated anyway, Tots.”

"That's much more interesting..."

Louis sighed, “I’m gonna go and visit her. Will you be ok here with Gran?”

"I don't need you to babysit me Louis." She retorted, rolling her eyes. "I'll be fifteen soon!"

“I know but I want to make sure you’re ok.” Louis smiled at Tilly.

"I'm OK."

He smiled, “Good. Tell Gran I’ll be back for tea?”

"OK." Tilly replied before disappearing back into the dining room.

Louis left the house and sighed. Maybe one day, it’d become clearer.


	61. NSFW, TW: illegal drug and alcohol abuse, discussion of rape

When Louis arrived at the hospital Lucy was pacing her room like a caged animal.

He knocked on the door before entering the room. “What’s the matter?”

Her skin was pale and her hair lank as she ran her shaking fingers through it repeatedly. "I can't do this!"

“Yes you can. You can do it.” He closed the door behind him.

"This is hell!" She screamed, throwing herself against the wall.

“It’s what you need, Lucy!”

"What I need is to go home..!" She slid down the wall, curling up in a ball on the linoleum flooring.

He crouched down beside her. “You can’t go home. I need you to get better.”

"You call this better?!" She spat at him.

“Yes!”

"You promised to help me!"

“I am helping you.”

"You're not getting me what I need!"

“You don’t need it!”

"Just a little bit... Please..!" She looked up, her eyes wide and pleading.

“No. You don’t need it, why can’t you see that?” He reached out to stroke her cheek, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She nuzzled against his hand. "But Louis..!" She pouted.

“You need to get clean. So we can do things together, be together.”

"Just a little bit to take the edge off?"

“No, sorry babe but I can’t help you.”

"You sure I can't convince you..?" She purred.

“No!” He closed his eyes, “What’s scaring you about being clean?”

"I feel like shit!" She raged, clambouring up from the floor. She began to pace again, her nails clawing at the scars on her arms.

He tried to stop her from hurting herself, “That'll go away eventually.”

"No it won't..!" She retorted, pulling him closer to her.

“Yes it will. I’ve been there remember?"

"Why can't we go back to the way things were..? We had fun then..." She whispered, stroking her hands down his back.

“We can have fun, without the drugs.” He whispered back.

"Show me." She challenged.

“I don’t think it’s appropriate...” He tried to explain.

"Fuck appropriate!" She shrugged.

“You’re vulnerable and I’d feel like I was taking advantage.” He explained.

"That doesn't sound like the Louis I know..!" Her fingers began to run along the waistband of his jeans.

“Lucy...” He knew he was fighting a losing battle.

Holding him close by his belt buckle she moved her other hand to grasp his head, kissing him firmly.

As much as he wanted to be sensible about the idea, he realised he’d never be in control with Lucy. His hand moved up her stomach and chest to grab her breast, deepening the kiss as he did so.

She unbuckled his belt one handed before unbuttoning his jeans and sliding the zip down.

“Lucy,” He whispered her name as he moved his hands up her top and into her bra.

She grinned wolfishly as she felt him twitch under her hand.

“You’re so beautiful.” He complimented.

She blushed, she never knew how to respond when he said things like that so instead she stroked her fingers over him through his boxers.

“You are beautiful.” He told her, reacting to her touch.

Her gaze shifted to his cock. "I think he wants letting out..!" She giggled.

“I think you’re right.”

She slowly pulled at the waistbands of his boxers and jeans.

His fingertips brushed against her nipples inside her bra.

She let out a moan that quickly morphed into a giggle as his cock sprang to attention.

He blushed, a little embarrassed about the way his cock was behaving.

"He's missed me." She ran her finger over the tip.

“I’ve missed you, yes.” He whispered.

She slowly teased her hand over his cock.

He let out a low moan.

"You like that..?"

“Uh huh.”

She steered him back towards the bed.

He pushed her onto the bed and straddled her lap, kissing her tenderly.

She rubbed the tip of his cock against herself, moaning softly.

“You’re so wet.” Louis sucked his fingers and shoved them inside of her.

She moaned, arching her back and rubbing against his fingers frantically.

He kissed her neck as his hand moved.

"Fuck me." She begged, whimpering.

“Beg me again.” He whispered against her ear, leaving a gentle kiss against her earlobe.

"Fuck me please!" She begged.

He removed his hand and rubbed his cock along her folds before entering her gently, moaning.

"Oh Louis..!"

“Luce...” He groaned softly as he began to thrust gently.

"Harder!" She demanded.

His movements quickened.

The sensations helped eased the cravings she felt slightly.

“I love you.” He whispered before letting out a moan at the feel of her on his cock.

She trailed kisses and bites down his neck, her nails clawing at his shoulders and back.

It frustrated him when she didn’t verbally respond and his thrusts became faster. “Luce, fuck!”

She purposefully stayed silent, knowing the reaction it caused in him.

He met her gaze.

Her eyes were fiery, a far cry from the dullness that had filled them when he'd first arrived.

“I love you.” He told her again.

She wanted to believe him but she'd been spun lines like that from men too many times in the past.

It didn’t take them long to reach their peak. They climaxed together.

"Please help me..!" She gasped.

“I’m trying.” He replied sadly as he rolled and held her in his arms.

"I need to get out of here."

“No.” He sighed, “You need help Lucy! Prostituting yourself and throwing shit in your veins isn’t a life!!”

"You're jealous - is that why?"

“Why would I be jealous?” He asked.

"Coz I go with other men."

“It’s not about that!”

"Really..?" She mocked, moving to clean herself up.

“Yes!”

"So it turns you on?" She smirked as she washed herself in the small sink.

“It’s not about that! I just feel you’re worth more than being a whore!”

"You'd rather I was just your whore..?"

“I’d rather you weren’t a whore!”

"Once a whore, always a whore." She shrugged.

“That’s utter bollocks!”

She didn't reply, going back to scratching at her arms. "I hate this place."

“It’s what you need!”

"Fuck you Louis!" She raged.

“Oh fuck off! I don’t need this!!”

"Why you here then?" She sneered.

“I’m trying to give you a reason to get better!”

"This don't feel like getting better."

“You need to experience those emotions!”

"Fuck these emotions!"

“Why?!”

"I feel like shit!" She retorted, punching the wall.

“It gets easier.”

"Whatever!" She picked up the chair and threw it at the wall, screaming.

“Lucy stop! Please, you’re going to be restrained.”

She continued to scream as the door burst open.

Louis watched helplessly as Lucy was restrained by the staff.

Lucy screamed and thrashed, trying to bite and scratch the staff.

“Lucy please calm down! Please!” He begged. He’d never seen her like this before.

She laughed meniacally as they injected sedatives into her, the sensation helping the craving briefly before she passed out.

Louis was told to leave, being escorted from the premises. Outside he sighed sadly. He didn't know how to help her. He was becoming agitated himself, desperate for a release. His fingers traced along the fading track mark scars on his arm as his phone rang. It was Alex. He sighed and answered the phone, “Hi.”

"Is my slag of a sister holed up with you?!"

“I’ve just been to visit her, she’s still in hospital!”

"What? Why they keeping her in for so long? Do I have to sign her out or some bollocks?"

“I dunno mate. She’s kicking up a right fuss.” Louis said sadly.

"Oh for fucks sake! Stupid bitch was supposed to call me to come get her. I'll be there soon."

“She’s just been sedated so she might be out of it for a while.” Louis explained.

"Great! Just fucking great! You stay there til I get there OK?"

“I’m just about to go and visit mum...”

"Fine, whatever. I'll call you when I get there, come outside when I do. Understand?"

“I’ll wait for you.” Louis put down the phone and traced his fingertips along the faded track marks and scars on his arm. The craving was the strongest it had been since he'd come out of rehab. Everything was a mess and he hated it. He sat on the ground leaning against the wall. He couldn't face Duffy in this state, she'd see straight through him. He needed someone to tell him it was going to be ok. That he could do this.

His mind began to torment him with all the ways he could seek out the oblivion that he craved. He thought back to Jake’s words earlier. About Duffy essentially been the glue that held them all together. He sighed and got up from the ground.

It was ten minutes later that Alex joined Louis. “Where is she?”

Louis gave Alex the ward details and was surprised when the other man thrust his bag at him.

"Keep hold of this til I get back." Alex instructed.

“Fine.” Louis put Alex’s bag on his shoulders and watched as Alex dashed into the hospital.

The longer Alex was gone the more curious Louis grew about the bag's contents, so he opened it.

He immediately realised why Alex hadn't wanted to take the bag inside with him. Louis sighed and closed the bag again. It was exactly the kind of temptation he didn't need right now! Not when he was so close to relapsing.

"You alright mate?" A passing security officer asked him, noticing that he'd been loitering for some time now.

“Yeh, just waiting for my mate. He’s gone to visit his sister.” He put the bag on his shoulders, “She's not well.”

"OK. Hope she's OK soon." The guard replied before continuing on his way.

“Cheers.” Louis watched the security guard leave and went to sit on the wall nearby.

It was another forty minutes before Alex returned, half dragging Lucy with him.

“You finally were able to get her out?” Louis asked as he moved to help Alex with Lucy.

Alex nodded, taking the bag from Louis as they got into Alex's car.

Louis sat in the back with Lucy. “You need her back at work?”

"Yeh. I'm getting hell from everyone coz she went fucking awol!" Alex grumbled as he started the car and drove out the car park at speed.

"Alex you promised..!" Lucy whined then smiled as Alex tossed the bag back at her.

“Will you just drop me off on the corner, mate?” Louis asked. He couldn’t watch Lucy take the drugs, not when he was desperate to join her.

Alex ignored him, concentrating on the road as he sped across town.

Lucy scrambled in the bag like a woman possessed despite her coordination still being hampered by the sedation that had yet to fully wear off.

Louis was becoming increasingly more agitated the further he was driven away from the hospital. He stroked his hand through Lucy’s hair.

She finally managed to coordinate her hands enough to shoot up, letting out a sigh before her eyes lit up at the sight of a huge joint which she immediately grabbed for.

“Can I get out the fucking car?” Louis asked Alex.

Lucy lit the joint and inhaled deeply before waving it under Louis' nose. "Don't be lame..!" She giggled, her free hand moving to grope him.

“Get off me!”

"You weren't saying that earlier..." Lucy pouted.

"You been sampling the goods Fairhead?" Alex laughed.

“Yeah.” Louis answered back.

"Impressed?" Alex asked.

Lucy took advantage of Louis' distraction to move into the footwell, pull down his jeans and take his cock in her mouth.

Louis gasped softly as she took his cock into his mouth. “She’s good. Especially at giving head.”

"She's highly sought after." Alex smirked. "Help yourself mate." He added, gesturing to the bag.

“I... I’m not interested, but thanks.”

"You sure? We won't tell anyone..." Alex replied.

Lucy took Louis' cock deeper into her mouth, her eyes glazed as she put her hand inside her knickers to stroke herself.

“Yeah.” Louis smiled. He met Lucy’s gaze and reached out to stroke her cheek.

Desperate to use both hands Lucy slid the joint into Louis' hand.

Louis ended up smoking some of the joint.

His head relaxed back against the seat, staring up at the ceiling, a feeling of calm and elation settling over him more and more with each drag until he was stoned. Stoned and far too relaxed.

His hands settled on Lucy's head, grasping her hair as he thrust against her mouth, moaning loudly. It didn’t take him long to come for the third time that day.

A few minutes later Alex pulled into an industrial estate, stopped the car and threw a bottle of water into the back of the car. "Wash your mouth out and get to work you filthy whore." He laughed.

Lucy followed her brother's instructions, washing her mouth out before she got out of the car.

Louis was vaguely aware of three other cars parked nearby before he flopped down onto the back seat of the car. “I’ll walk back from here.” He muttered as he tried to sit up and get out the car. His head was spinning though so he quickly gave up. "Maybe a nap first..." He mumbled before falling asleep on the backseat of the car.

The next thing he remembered he was waking up laid on the sofa at Alex's house, Lucy passed out beside him.

He needed to get out of here. It was too hard, it hurt too much.

"Sleeping beauty finally wakes up!" Alex mocked, laughing, as he sat in a chair cutting up and weighing out cocaine on the coffee table, a brick of heroin laying open beside him.

Louis sat up, his head feeling weird. “I need to go, Alex.”

"Lucy will be upset if you just leave." Alex replied.

Louis gasped as he tried to move, his arm hurt almost as much as his head. “Why does my arm hurt?” He asked, the fear evident in his voice.

"Comedown sucks don't it?" Alex laughed.

“You injected me with heroin?”

"I didn't do it!"

“Lucy? Did she fucking do it?!”

"I went to go see some clients and when I came back you two seemed to be having a good time together so I left you to it. That was lying on the floor when I came back again." Alex nodded to the strap and used needle.

Louis couldn’t believe this. He’d taken heroin! Fuck! No, this wasn’t supposed to happen! Without even speaking, Louis got up, left the house and slammed the door behind him. Getting half way down the road, he threw up in the nearest gutter.

He slumped to the ground, the familiar uncontrollable craving and urges back full force. He couldn't go through this again! He knew the only way to make them go away was to score another hit.

He took out his phone. He really didn’t want to have to do this but he had no choice. He needed to tell someone, to talk. He needed someone to tell him it’d be ok.

The call was quickly answered. "Hello?"

“Dad... Dad, it’s me.”

"Louis? Is that you?" Charlie asked, concerned that Louis' voice sounded slurred and confused.

“Yes. I’ve relapsed... I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

"What? Where are you son? Louis?!" Charlie began to panic as he heard the sound of his son vomiting violently.

“Asher Street.” Louis mumbled.

"Louis?! Louis! Stay with me!" Charlie urged, hearing incoherent groans and crashing on the other end of the line. "I'm coming to get you!"

Louis curled up in a ball, everywhere hurt but most of all, he realised just how much he’d let everyone down.

Charlie panicked as the phone went dead, dashing out his office to his car.

Louis lay still for a few minutes before pushing himself back up onto his hands and knees. He crawled back to Lucy's house. "I need more..!" He slurred as Alex opened the door. He was so torn between wanting this feeling to go away and wanting to be better. “I want my mum.” He slurred as he tried to get to his feet.

Alex handed over the gear to Louis. "Maybe you'll see her..." He shrugged as Louis tightened the strap around his bicep and injected, slumping down the doorframe as the oblivion enveloped him once more. He loosened the belt and just sat on the doorstep, relief flooding over him again.

Alex pressed a small wrapped bag into Louis' hand. "For later." he explained.

Louis gave it back, “No. There won’t be a later.”

"Yeh right..!" Alex laughed before closing the door, leaving the wrap on the doorstep beside Louis.

Charlie pulled into the road and threw his car on the pavement. “Louis?!” He called as he got out his car.

His heart broke as he spotted his son. The teenager had passed out slumped against the wall, the needle still in his arm, his t-shirt was covered in vomit, his jeans, which were still partially undone revealing his boxers that were smeared with semen stains, and the ground around him wet. The stench was horrendous! How had he sunk so low so fast?!

“Come on, son. Let’s go home.” Charlie tried to pick him up so he could carry him to the car.

The movement roused Louis slightly. "Leave me..." He slurred.

“Never son.”

Louis' limbs were heavy and he seemed unable to coordinate them to walk so Charlie had to practically drag him to the car.

He got him in the car and took him straight home. At home, he made him shower and dress before putting him to bed.

"Dad... I..." Louis looked down at himself, humiliated. "Help I..." He mumbled.

Charlie sat down on the edge of the bed and hugged his son. “You need my help? I’m not angry with you, Louis.” Charlie admitted.

"I need..." Louis tried to move but it was too late, the heroin was still dulling his brains responses. "Sorry..." He sighed.

“It’s ok. You relapsed, it happens, it doesn’t mean you’ve ruined all the progress you’ve made. It’s been a tough time for us all lately and I had a feeling this may happen.”

"No I mean..." Louis pushed at the duvet, revealing the reason for his humiliation and apology.

“I’ll go and grab some clean bedding ok? Do you want to go to the toilet again?”

"I didn't realise I needed to til it happened." Louis mumbled.

“It’s ok.” Charlie reassured.

"I want mum..." Louis started to cry.

“She’ll be home soon.” Charlie reassured as he held Louis.

"She keeps everything together..." Louis mumbled, thinking of Jake again.

“She does, she’s the glue.” Charlie smiled sadly and kissed the top of Louis' head. “She’ll be home in the next few days, we just need to sort a few things out."

"I love her." Louis continued to cry as Charlie changed the sheets.

“Your mum? Or Lucy?”

"Both."

“I know.” Charlie sighed sadly, “Is this about Lucy?”

"Can't stop thinking about her. Need her. Want her."

“That’s your battle isn’t it?”

"She won't get clean. Couldn't resist."

“She’ll need a reason to get clean.”

"I thought I could give her a reason. She drives me crazy!"

“She might be just scared.”

"She won't let me love her."

“She might not know how to be loved. Or maybe that’s what scares her.”

"She didn't care that I saw her with punters."

“Have you had sex with her today?”

Louis nodded. "Once, twice... Maybe more..." He shrugged.

“Were you careful? Did you use protection?”

"Can't remember." A thought struck him. "One needle."

“Oh Louis.” Charlie sighed sadly, “You’re going to have to get tested.”

"Didn't think." Louis groaned. "Feel sick."

Charlie passed him the bin. “It’s going to be ok.”

Louis retched violently, his whole body shaking.

Charlie felt so helpless. He rubbed his son’s back.

Louis' skin was clammy and dripping with sweat but he felt freezing cold.

“Do you think you need to go to hospital?” Charlie asked Louis.

"They'll lock me up again."

“They won’t section you. They have no reason to.”

"Stay with you."

“Ok. I’m going to sit with you all night, is that ok?”

"Please." Louis lay back down. "Where's everyone?" He asked after a few moments.

“Good question. Emmy and Beth have gone out, they were seeing mum. Jake’s meeting his solicitor, Gran’s took the boys out and... You’re here.” Charlie smiled.

"Tilly seemed sad." Louis suddenly remembered.

“Sad? What about?”

"She wouldn't say." Louis sighed, jumping as the front door slammed loudly.

“Who do you think that is?” Charlie asked.

Jake swore loudly as he stormed up the stairs to his room.

Charlie sighed, “Jake?” He called.

Jake sighed and followed the sound of Charlie's voice upstairs to the loft.

“How did it go?” Charlie asked.

"He says mum has to give evidence..." Jake raged before halting when he spotted Louis. "What happened?"

“He’s... Had a minor setback, he’s ok.” Charlie sighed, “Your mum might want to give evidence.”

"Bro?" Jake asked.

“I’m fine.” Louis said quietly, “Just everything’s a mess.”

"I feel ya." Jake sighed, sitting down on the floor, running his hand through his hair.

“Girls send you crazy.” Louis forced a smile at his brother and reached for his hand.

"Yeh." Jake grasped Louis' hand tightly.

“Mum’s gonna be ok.”

"Hope so." Jake sighed. Now he was closer it was clear that he'd been drinking.

“How much have you had to drink?” Charlie asked Jake sadly.

"A bit." Jake shrugged, not wanting to admit the fact that he'd been drinking heavily every day since he'd been released on bail. It was the only way he could manage to get to sleep.

Charlie smiled sadly. “Can we talk?”

"Sure. Whatever." Jake sighed, knowing what was coming. It wasn't the first spell of heavy drinking he'd gone through but he was sure he'd managed to keep it hidden from his parents and family. It wasn't like it was a problem - not like it was for Brendan and Andrew - Jake was convinced he had it under control, it was only when things got too much emotionally. He could stop whenever he wanted.

Charlie stood up and told Louis he’d be back shortly. He followed Jake into his bedroom. “How long have you been drinking?”

"I haven't!" Jake retorted, sitting on the bed and attempting to seruptiously kick the empty bottle underneath.

“Jake, please be honest with me. I’m not going to be angry.”

"I'm fine!" Jake retorted.

Charlie was quiet for a moment, “Do you drink when things get too much emotionally?”

"I don't have a problem!" Jake yelled, jumping up, causing a clinking noise to echo from under the bed.

“I’m not saying you have.” Charlie’s voice was calm, non-judgemental.

"Yeh you are!" Jake's hands shook as his agitation grew.

“I know what it’s like to struggle with your emotions.”

Jake's eyes flitted around the room.

“More than you realise.”

"What you mean?"

“I had a problem with prescription drugs, when you and the others were smaller.”

"What?!" Jake was genuinely shocked.

Charlie lent against the desk in Jake’s room. “I suffer with depression and sometimes I can’t cope.”

"Is that why you were in hospital before Oli was born?"

“You remember?”

"Mum was really sad. She cried a lot in her room."

“I did something stupid but it all got too much and I didn’t want to let your mum down.”

"Me and Peter were worried that something would happen with the pregnancy." Jake admitted.

“I’m sorry.”

"It's not your fault." Jake sighed, moving back towards the bed.

“You drink when you feel helpless?”

Jake sighed sadly. Sitting on the edge of the bed he pulled up the duvet, unable to meet Charlie's eye as he revealed what was underneath the bed.

Charlie moved towards Jake’s bed and crouched down, “Oh Jake.”

There were several empty bottles, mostly spirits and whiskeys.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Charlie placed his hand on his son’s cheek.

"I can stop when I want to." Jake argued, refusing to face the fact that the number of empty bottles equated to nearly two bottles per day.

“Can you? Because I couldn’t stop the pills.”

"I'm not an alcoholic!" Jake yelled angrily.

“And if you were? Would that be such a bad thing? You’re not Andrew, Jake.”

"Aren't I?!"

“You’re nothing like him!” Charlie replied, “Nothing like him, you’re you. You’re Jake. The most caring young lad ever.”

"Yeh, so caring that I'm going down for GBH." Jake remarked bitterly.

“You didn’t attack an innocent person!”

"Jury won't care. They'll say I'm a dangerous psycho like him."

“Have you spoken to your mum about giving evidence?”

Jake shook his head. "I heard someone say on TV the other day that rapists should be castrated. Maybe they should have done that to him twenty years ago."

“I agree with castration and so does your mum.” Charlie paused, “Jake, how can I help you stop drinking?”

Jake shrugged. "It helps me stop wishing I didn't exist." He admitted sadly.

“We need you to exist. I love you, son. You have no idea how many times I wish you were mine.”

"I'm scared dad." Jake whispered.

“I know, it’s ok to be scared.” Charlie told him sadly, moving closer, an idea striking him. "Would it maybe help to talk to Brendan? You two seemed to form quite a bond at the wedding."

Jake thought about the suggestion and nodded, “He wouldn’t hate me, would he?”

"Why would he hate you? He can probably relate to a lot of how you're feeling."

Jake sighed and nodded. “Yeah that’s a good point. I didn’t think of that.”

"It might help to visit him, if nothing else I'm sure he'd appreciate the company for an afternoon."

Jake nodded, “Thanks dad.”

"I need to go sit with Louis, he's not doing well. You can come join us if you want to. It might help?"

Jake nodded once again. “Will he be ok?”

"I hope so. He... He had a relapse." Charlie replied quietly.

“He’s struggling with everything too?”

Charlie nodded sadly as they got up and headed back to Louis' room.

“We’ll be ok, won’t we dad?”

"We will be just fine." Charlie told both boys. “Love you both."

Jake moved to sit on the carpet and rest his head against the edge of Louis' mattress.

Charlie did the same.

They stayed there for the rest of the evening as the girls returned and Kate put the younger boys to bed before leaving to visit Duffy.

Kate wasn’t sure what to expect so found herself becoming nervous, the closer to the hospital she got. When she arrived up at the ward Duffy was sat in bed flicking mindlessly through a magazine. “Hi.” Kate said gently as she approached the bed.

"Mum!" Duffy smiled brightly, pushing the magazine aside.

Kate wrapped her arms around her daughter, hugging her tightly. “How are you feeling?”

"I'm OK." Duffy replied, keeping her chin tilted down in an attempt to hide her neck.

“Charlie told me about the bruising on your neck.” Kate said sadly.

"It's not as bad as it looks..."

“Can I see?”

Duffy sighed, slowly lifting her head.

Kate sighed sadly as she saw the deep bruising on Duffy’s skin. “Why must he always do this?” She asked sadly as she stroked her fingertips against the bruising.

"Because I make him mad." Duffy whispered sadly.

“Making someone mad doesn’t justify this.” Kate whispered back.

"I should have known better..."

“I’ve prayed every day since you’ve been with Charlie that Andrew would stop hurting you.”

"I guess he hasn't been listening." Duffy sighed.

“I’m sorry.” Kate sighed sadly.

"I brought this on myself mum. You don't have anything to be sorry for."

“You’re my daughter.” Kate simply said, “You didn’t bring this on yourself!”

"Why else would he do it? He's determined to destroy me by destroying Jake. I caused this."

“To be honest Lisa, he’s always been an egotistical little moron. He never liked having a strong woman on his arm.”

"Hmm..." Duffy didn't sound convinced. 

“Stubborn and strong, that’s what he couldn’t handle. That you were and are your own person.”

"You always said my stubborn streak would land me in trouble one day..."

Kate gasped, “I never meant at the hands of a man who needs to use violence to control people!”

"Hmm..."

“Charlie doesn’t hurt you, does he?”

"Mum! No!" Duffy gasped in horror.

“No and I bet you drive him around the bend.” Kate smiled.

"Yes..." Duffy replied, sensing where her mum was headed with this.

“Yet he never hurts you, why? If it was you that made Andrew do it, why doesn’t Charlie?”

"I know, I know..." Duffy sighed.

“It’s not your fault Lisa, never has been and never will.” Kate sat beside her daughter and took her hand in hers.

"He's determined to destroy Jake... I tried to stop him..."

“You nearly got yourself destroyed.” Kate replied sadly. “Jake did a foolish thing, hitting Andrew but nobody can blame the poor lad.”

"Jake wasn't supposed to find out." Duffy sighed.

“Find out about what? What did Jake find out?” Kate asked.

"That I was meeting Andrew that morning."

“The morning he attacked you?”

Duffy nodded.

“Was Jake there?”

"I think he turned up during... I don't really remember..." Duffy sighed.

“Oh Lisa!”

"I need to remember..!" Duffy muttered, frustrated.

“Can you remember anything?”

"I remember getting in the car... He put his hand on my thigh, I told him no, he put his other hand on my mouth..."

Kate closed her eyes. “And after that it’s not so clear?”

"He pushed me into the back of the car. I think I hit my head..."

“And that’s when you lost consciousness?”

"I'm not sure, I think I tried to fight him off. There was something in his hand. It hurt so much..!" Duffy's breathing became faster, her eyes wide with panic.

“Lisa it’s ok, you’re safe.” Kate reassured as she squeezed her hand trying to ground her.

"It was sharp..." Duffy gasped. "Different than before..."

“What was different and sharp?” Kate wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer.

"He slashed at me. It was in his hand..."

“Where?”

"He..." Duffy screwed her eyes shut as she tried to remember. "Urgh..!" She screamed in frustration.

“Hey it’s ok, it’s alright. You’re doing great.”

"I try to remember but then my head feels funny and I black out." Duffy sighed.

“Too traumatic for you to process, maybe?”

"But I need to! For Jake's sake!"

“You can’t force yourself to remember, Lisa.”

"I have to. I can't let my little boy go to prison!"

Kate sighed, understanding exactly why Duffy wanted to remember the sequence of events.

"It's all my fault so I have to put this right."

“No Lisa, none of this is your fault.”

"Regardless its my job to fix it."

“Ok.”

"Are Oliver and Paul OK?" Duffy asked after a pause.

“They’re ok. They just miss you lots.”

"I miss them so much too but I don't want to frighten them."

“I know.”

"Paul has been being bullied at school." Duffy sighed sadly.

“He’s being bullied? Since when?”

"We're not sure. He only told his dad a couple of weeks ago."

Kate sighed sadly and was silent for a moment or so. “I take it you’re blaming yourself for that too.”

"If I didn't work so much I would have realised sooner."

“Or maybe you wouldn’t have?”

"Well we'll never know will we?"

“No, we won’t.”

"I wish I'd done so many things differently." Duffy sighed.

“What kind of things are we talking?” There was a gentleness to Kate’s tone.

"The kids have been through so much because of decisions I made."

“You’ve created some pretty strong and incredible children, Lisa. It’s not all bad.”

"Just like I had to be strong and brave after dad left?" Duffy mumbled sadly.

Kate sighed sadly.

"I don't blame you for that."

“I made mistakes.”

"We all do that." Duffy sighed.

Kate stroked her daughter’s cheek, “You’re a good person Lisa and an even better mother.”

"I want it go home."

“You don’t want to be here?”

"I want to be with my family."

“I’m sure Charlie is sorting things out.”

Duffy nodded.

Kate smiled sadly, “You’ll be home before you know it.”

"Have you spoken to dad recently?"

“I spoke to him yesterday.”

"Is he OK?"

“He’s doing well, seems to have turned a bit of a corner.

"That's great." Duffy smiled. "We could do with some good news."

“Yeah we could.”

"Has Charlie seemed OK to you..?"

“Charlie? Erm...”

"Mum..?"

“He’s... He’s ok.”

"You don't sound very sure about that..."

“I don’t think he’s coping.”

"I don't think he is either, or the kids."

“Is that why you want to come home? You’re worried about Charlie and the children? Do you want me to talk to Charlie?”

Duffy nodded. "Was Charlie home when you left to come here?"

“He was with Jake and Louis. I don’t think Louis was well. He didn’t look it...”

"What do you mean Louis didn't look well? What was wrong with him?"

“I don’t know, he was in bed.”

"Was he in bed all day?" Duffy asked, becoming concerned. "He seemed OK when he popped by yesterday."

“No, he went to the gym with Jake in the morning. Then Tilly mentioned he was going to see a friend.”

"And then he came home feeling poorly? What friend?"

“I took the boys to the park so I didn’t see him come home but he was home when Charlie was. Tilly didn’t say though she seemed to imply it was a girlfriend.”

"I wasn't aware he had a girlfriend..."

“Maybe Charlie knows?”

"I'll ask him when I next see him. Was Jake helping look after Louis?" Duffy asked, suddenly remembering that her mum had mentioned that both teenagers were with Charlie.

“I think so. I didn’t ask questions, just told Charlie that the younger boys were in bed and I was leaving to see you.”

"Hmm... OK..." Something didn't add up but Duffy couldn't get to the bottom of what.

A comfortable silence elapsed between them.

It was eventually interrupted by a nurse arriving with Duffy's next medication dose. She stood and watched as Duffy swallowed the numerous pills, making notes on the chart at the end of the bed.

“Are you making sure Lisa takes all her medication?” Kate asked with a small laugh.

"We have to log everything." She replied.

“That’s understandable.”

"It's standard procedure mum." Duffy sighed.

“Well I didn’t know Lisa.”

The medication made Duffy drowsy so Kate stayed with her til she was asleep and then left to go home.

Back at the house, later on that night, Charlie awoke with a start, having dozed off. He quickly checked over Louis and sighed with relief that he seemed to be sleeping OK. Jake, on the other hand, had disappeared. Concerned, Charlie headed downstairs, spotting that Jake's bedroom light was on despite the lateness of the hour.

He knocked on Jake’s bedroom door as he approached the room.

Jake was laid on the carpet, flicking through an old photo album whilst drinking from a bottle of vodka. His home gym equipment was scattered around, his gloves laying abandoned next to the punch bag in the corner.

“Can I come in?” Charlie asked gently.

"Huh..?" Jake lifted his head slowly.

“Can I come in and join you?” Charlie asked.

"Whatever." Jake slurred, his gaze going back to the album as he took another mouthful from the bottle.

Charlie entered the room and sat next to him. “You don’t need to drink.” He told Jake gently, “What’s on your mind?”

Jake didn't reply, his gaze fixed on a photo of himself as a baby sat on his mum's lap.

Charlie followed Jake’s gaze and smiled sadly, “Your mum was besotted with you from the minute she found out she was pregnant.”

"Is it true she struggled to get pregnant?" Jake asked softly, stroking his mum's image.

“Yes.”

"Maybe she should have taken that as a hint..." Jake sighed sadly, placing the vodka to his lips and upending it, chugging it down.

Charlie shook his head, “Your mum wanted to have a baby. I don’t think even Andrew being the way he is, would have stopped her.” He placed his hand on Jake’s arm. “Give me the bottle, son. Please?”

Jake shook off Charlie's hand, finishing off the bottle like it was water. He then tried to hand the empty bottle to Charlie but his coordination was decidedly off.

Charlie took the bottle and sighed sadly. “You blame yourself for existing, don’t you?”

"She only stayed because of me..!" Jake slurred, stumbling over to his bedside cupboard.

“No. She didn’t stay because she got pregnant. She stayed because she was in love.”

"How could she love such a monster.?!" Jake stumbled into the bed.

“I don’t know.” Charlie answered softly as he got off the floor and helped Jake, “Your mum was frightened of Andrew long before you came along.”

Jake looked slightly confused as Charlie helped him right himself. He turned to speak but instead burped loudly in Charlie's face.

“Thanks son.” Charlie laughed slightly. “You aren’t the reason Andrew hurt your mum, you need to stop blaming yourself.”

"Huh?" Jake mumbled, his vision swimming as he tried to focus on Charlie and follow what he was saying.

“You should sleep. You’re going to feel rotten in the morning.”

Jake shrugged nonchalantly. He knew how to deal with that, everything always felt better in the morning once he'd knocked back a vodka red bull. Then he could deal with whatever.

As he got Jake into bed, Charlie stroked the teenager's cheek. “I won’t let him destroy your life Jake, don’t let him take your future.”

"Have no future." Jake replied before burping again and laughing drunkenly.

“Yes you do, you’ll see.”

Jake wasn't listening as he continued laugh drunkenly, his occasional attempts to speak becoming increasingly slurred to the point of incoherence.

Charlie knew he was in for a long night between watching Louis and Jake. He sighed, things were such a mess, the spectre of addiction was tightening its grip on both young men and Charlie feared no matter what he did it wouldn't be enough.

He was emotionally exhausted from trying to keep everything together in Duffy’s absence. He couldn’t keep it together much longer, his fears over the boys only adding to his stress. He knew she'd be devastated if she discovered the truth about what was going on.

Yet he also knew he couldn’t keep it a secret. They’d promised never to keep secrets between them... But how to tell her that her son was rapidly sinking into the same alcoholism that had blighted her father's life..?

He rubbed his neck and sighed heavily. He wasn’t sure he could fix this one.


	62. NSFW, TW: alcohol abuse

The next couple of days had been difficult for Louis and Jake as they both struggled through going cold turkey. Today was the first time that they'd had some time alone in the house just the two of them.

"I need to get out the house, wanna come too?" Jake asked Louis.

Louis hesitated. “Depends where.”

"Dunno. Just out the house." 

Louis nodded, “Alright then.”

They put their trainers on and headed out, walking aimlessly through the streets.

“Krystal is your first proper girlfriend, isn’t she?” Louis asked after a long period of silence between them.

"Yeh."

“Ok.”

"Is that girl you've been seeing your girlfriend?" Jake asked.

“Nah, it’s complicated.” Louis admitted sadly.

"Try me..." Jake replied.

Louis sighed. “She’s a heroin addict and a prostitute.”

"Fuck..!" Jake whistled. "What's it like shagging a prostitute?!" He couldn't help but ask.

“She’s good at sex.” Louis replied, “But I hate the fact she sleeps with other people.”

"Yeh, no way could I deal if Krystal was fucking about with other blokes."

“It’s her job but... I wish it weren’t. I was tryna get her clean but she doesn’t want to be.”

"Did you talk to her about it?"

“Tried but she wouldn’t listen.”

Jake's walking pace had slowed as they'd approached some shops. "I'm just gunna grab some crisps, you want anything?" He asked Louis.

“Can you grab me a can of red bull please?”

"Sure." Jake replied and disappeared into the shop. He returned a few minutes later holding a bag, passing Louis the drink he'd asked for before opening a can himself, using his hand to cover the label.

“Jake, please tell me you’re not drinking??”

"Urgh, don't go all preachy on me..! I don't judge your choices!" Jake retorted as he finished the first can and reached inside the bag for a second. "My head has been banging since yesterday, I need something to take the edge off." He explained, popping the ring pull on the second can.

“You need to stop drinking before you end up damaging your organs!”

"It's only a couple of cans..!" Jake rolled his eyes, barely pausing for breath as he drank the second can and let out a loud belch.

“It’s never just a couple of cans though, is it? Do you really want to end up like Brendan? Cos I’m sure at one point he was stood there saying the exact same things!”

"I thought you understood! You can fuck off if you're gunna be boring!" Jake retorted, moving to walk away with the rest of his stash.

“I understand there’s a fine line between thinking you’re in control and not being in control.” Louis followed after Jake. It concerned him the way that his brother was knocking back the cans like they were fizzy pop. It was clear that Jake was in a lot deeper than they'd thought.

After a few minutes they reached a park which Jake entered. Now he was off the street he discarded the empty cans and reached into the bag to retrieve his main goal, a bottle of vodka which he opened and chugged at, sitting down on the grass. He felt better as the familiar haze settled over him.

Louis sighed, “You need to stop self-destructing. It isn’t going to make you feel better!”

"Whatever! I feel fucking great right now!" Jake laughed, slurring, as he saluted Louis with the bottle before continuing to drink.

“Blocking it out doesn’t make it go away! It’s still there Jake. Eating away inside of you, suffocating you.”

Jake ignored his brother and continued to drink til the bottle was empty. He stumbled to his feet. "Need a slash." He mumbled before disappearing behind the trees.

Louis couldn’t leave Jake so hung around waiting for him.

When he hadn't reappeared after several minutes Louis became very concerned and moving to look behind the trees where Jake had headed. His concern increased when he found that Jake wasn't there. “Jake?”

Received no response Louis took off searching for Jake. “Jake?” He continued to call, even more worried about what state he was going to get himself into.

It took close to half an hour before Louis found Jake a few streets away from the park. He was passed out slumped against a wall outside an off licence, a bottle in each hand - one was empty and the other had barely a drop left in it. His head was lolled forward and there was vomit down the front of his jacket.

“Jake!” Louis shook his brother, “Jake!”

Jake groaned softly, vomit and vodka dribbling down his chin.

“Jake! Shit. Get up, we need to go home!”

"Huh? Was having a nap." Jake hiccuped and giggled as Louis dragged him to his feet. "Wait!" He held a hand up at Louis as he returned to his feet, swaying and continuing to giggle drunkenly as he used his other hand to fumble open his jeans, pulling out his cock and pissing up the wall, gasping with relief, seemingly oblivious to the fact he was stood in the middle of the street in broad daylight.

Louis walked off. There was no point trying to talk to Jake when he was like this. When he was so adamant on fucking up everything in his life.

As he did he overheard the voice of the owner of the off licence. "Jake mate how many times? This is an off licence not a urinal!" He laughed. "Do you want another?"

Louis went to the end of the street. He couldn’t bare to see Jake act like this any longer. He watched as Jake stumbled back inside, still trying to do his jeans back up and suddenly realised that all those times Jake had said he was visiting Krystal or out late DJing he was more likely here on a bender. Just how long had this been going on for?

Elsewhere at the hospital, Charlie was pacing up and down the corridor outside of Duffy’s room. Following the events of the last couple of days involving Jake and Louis, he’d completely forgot about Duffy’s pending discharge and hadn’t made any arrangements for her to come home.

She still hadn't been told about what had happened in her absence though she had a feeling that something wasn't right.

Charlie knew it was now or never, any longer and he’d bottle it all together. He knocked on the door and entered the room.

Duffy smiled brightly as the door opened but her expression quickly fell as she saw the look on her husband's face. "Charlie?"

“Hello darling.” He smiled although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. That and combined with the fact he looked like death, it was no surprise her expression fell.

"Don't 'darling' me, what's going on?!" She cut straight to the point.

“Nothing, everything’s fine.”

"Bullshit!" She retorted.

“You don’t need the stress!”

"Please just tell me what's wrong..!" She begged sadly.

“I can’t because I don’t want you to hate me or blame yourself even further.”

"Charlie.?!" She was getting really worried now.

“Louis relapsed and Jake’s in trouble, more trouble than we thought.” Charlie began to pace again.

"What?! What kind of trouble?" 

“He’s an alcoholic.”

"What?! That's not funny Charlie!"

“Do I look like I’m joking?!”

Duffy tried to reply but the words didn't come out. She ran her hand through her hair and burst into tears.

He moved to sit on the edge of her bed, “I didn’t want to tell you.”

"I've truly cursed him haven't I?" She sobbed.

“No you haven’t.” He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly as tears ran down his own cheeks. “I think he just needs his mum to tell him a few things that I can’t.”

"What do you mean..?"

“He blames himself for all this.” He paused for a moment, “Thinks none of this would’ve happened with Andrew if you hadn’t got pregnant with him.”

She closed her eyes. Charlie's words felt like a dagger through her heart.

“I told him you were always going to have a baby because that’s all you wanted.”

"I wanted him so much. Just like the others." She sobbed.

“I know that but I think he needs to hear that from you.” He whispered.

Duffy nodded. "We can talk once I'm home."

Louis' head was all over the place as he walked home in a daze. He was so distracted that he didn't hear the approaching footsteps so yelped with shock as a slender pair of arms wrapped themselves around his waist.

"Hey you..." Lucy purred in his ear, giving him a cheeky grope.

“Lucy, now isn’t a good time.” He replied, trying to shrug her off.

"Ooh, Louis' grumpy..! Need me to cheer you up..?" She asked impishly.

“No. I need you to leave me alone.” He replied, “You don’t want my help so why am I gonna waste my time?”

"But Louis..!" She pouted, her hands starting to wander and her eyes full of the look they both knew he couldn't resist.

“Don’t!” He moved away from her. She was too much. He couldn’t go back there, not to her and the drugs. One relapse was enough, he didn’t want to make it two. “Leave me alone!”

"It wasn't my fault..!" She sobbed.

“You don’t want to get clean and that’s fine. You live your life the way you want to. But I’m clean Luce and I fucking refuse to go back to that shitty, dark place! Even for the sake of love.” He told her, wanting to reach out to hold her.

"Please can we talk?" She reached out for his hand.

He hesitated before he put his hand into hers, “OK.”

She smiled softly and led him off the street and down a secluded alleyway.

He scoffed, “You wanna talk down a dirty back alley?”

"I've really missed you." She replied, leaning against the wall, one leg bent, resting her shoe heel against the brickwork.

“I’ve missed you too but I can’t see you anymore.”

"But why.?!" She pouted, unzipping her jacket revealing the tiny minidress she was wearing. Her eyes sparkled as she watched Louis' gaze automatically rake over her body.

“Because....” He was distracted by her figure in the minidress, “You’re a prostitute and an addict and I’m clean. That’s just a recipe for disaster!”

"You can't resist me..." She whispered hotly, watching his resolve rapidly weakening.

“Doesn’t mean I think what we’re doing is right.” He muttered back.

She reached out and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him closer.

“Lucy, I don’t want to shag you outside in the street.”

She silenced him with a kiss, reaching up to cup the back of his head.

He returned the kiss, his hands resting gently on her hips.

The hand that was on his waist moved down to his bum, she pulled him closer, moaning into his mouth as their bodies met.

His fingers stroked the ends of her minidress. No matter how much he tried to put distance between them, he was always going to melt around her.

She parted her legs so he could move his hand under her dress where he quickly discovered that she wore no underwear.

His hand rested against her inner thigh, “Let me take you home?”

She rubbed herself against the growing bulge in his jeans. "OK."

“You don’t always need to fuck outdoors, Luce. It can still be exciting inside.”

"Why don't you show me..?" She whispered seductively as he led her back to his, their pace fairly rapid as the anticipation between them grew.

Louis’ thumb stroked the back of her hand as he took her back to his house.

Once they were inside he pushed her up against the door, kissing her fervently.

Lucy giggled, pulling his body closer to her. She quickly undid his jeans and pushed them down, moaning softly as his erection pressed against her.

He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, “Take me.” She whispered.

He didn't need any further encouragement as she freed him from his boxers. Shifting his stance slightly he slammed his cock into her.

She let out a moan as she was finally filled.

"Why can't I resist you?!" He grunted in her ear as they fucked hard and fast against the door.

Lucy didn’t answer, her nails digging into his shoulders.

He moaned loudly as she bit down on his neck.

She slept with many people as part of her job but Louis was one of the best shags she’d ever had. She began to lick and suck the skin she’d just bit.

Her actions turned him on even more. He pulled back slightly from her and flipped her around so she faced the door. He teased the tip of his cock over her bottom before slamming it into her, grunting in her ear.

“Louis! Fuck!”

"I can't get you out of my head!" He grunted, each word punctuated with another thrust.

“Neither can I!” She confessed.

"Need you. Want you." He gasped, the thrusts getting quicker and harder as he approached his peak.

She groaned, as she felt him come inside her.

He lent against her, utterly spent, the weight of his body trapping her against the door, her cheek pressing into the wood.

“Louis, you’re squashing me!” She whined with a small pout.

"Sorry." He mumbled, moving off her, leaning back against the door next to her, still panting slightly.

She rested her head on his shoulder, her breathing heavy.

He reached over to stroke her cheek.

“That was different.” She giggled.

"Good different?"

“Good different.”

"I can't seem to keep away from you."

“I really like you, Louis.”

"Why do you keep going back to that life?"

“It’s my life and the only life I know.”

"I could give you so much more than that!"

“Like what?”

"Love and nice things."

“Why do you want to love someone like me?”

"I just do."

“You shouldn’t.”

"That's my decision to make." He asserted.

“I don’t want you to love me! I don’t deserve it!”

"I think you do."

“I don’t.”

"Do you love me?" He asked softly.

Lucy shrugged, “Don’t know what love is.”

"Will you let me show you?"

She shrugged. “I’m a whore, you know that don’t you?”

"I don't care."

“Yes you do!”

Louis sighed. "I wish you didn't have to do it..." He mumbled.

“I didn’t ask to be a whore.”

"I'm not saying you did!"

“I have to do it.” She sighed softly, “Alex makes me.”

"To make money for him to buy more drugs to sell?" Louis asked, sighing as he ran his fingers through his hair before redoing up his jeans and wandering through to the kitchen.

“It’s a cycle.” She replied as she followed him through to the kitchen. “He had nothing, remember? And a kid sister to feed.”

"You never told me what happened to your parents..." Louis spoke softly as he got a drink from the fridge.

“Mum was bipolar, she killed herself. Dad died from a broken heart six months later.”

"My mum died in a car crash." Louis mumbled.

“How old were you?” She placed a hand on his arm.

"Eight. I was in the car... They were arguing..."

“Oh Louis!” She sighed sadly. “I’m sorry.”

"It was just before Oli was born. Dad had to leave Duffy here with the other kids while he went to Canada to get me."

“That must’ve been tough on you all.”

"I didn't want to leave but Duffy was really sick so we didn't have a choice. I very nearly lost them both within a few days of each other."

“Your mum and Duffy?”

"Yeh. Duffy nearly died when she had Oli."

“Wow.”

"Yeh, don't talk about that in front of Peter though, he still gets weird about it."

“He’s your brother?”

"Yeh, the oldest. Then it's Jake, then me."

Lucy smiled. “As you know, it’s just me and Alex. We stuck together."

"We more than make up for your family's lack of numbers." He cringed.

“Why? How many of you, is there?”

"Eight." He mumbled. "Me, four brothers and three sisters."

“That must be nice, to have that many people care about you.”

"I suppose." Louis mused.

"No-one cares about me. It would be better if I didn't exist." Jake slurred as he stumbled back into the back room of the off licence from the toilet.

“That ain’t true!” Graham answered back as he watched Jake return to the room.

"Whatever." Jake shrugged, slumping back down in the chair and going back to his drink despite the fact he'd just been sick again. He didn't care, he was just waiting for the point where he would pass out fully, no longer having to think about how shit his life was.

“What happened to your girl? Krystal weren’t it?”

"London. I barely see her and soon I won't see her at all." Jake sighed, holding out his now empty glass for a refill. He desperately missed travelling, getting smashed off his face on exotic beaches with interesting strangers had been a lot more fun compared to getting wasted in grotty pubs and back rooms but he couldn't see a way out of the downward spiral - alcohol was the only way he could dull the memories and feelings of self hatred.

“Why do you hate yourself so much?”

"Coz I'm like him!" Jake slurred angrily, knocking back the refilled drink, barely able to hold his head up properly.

“Like who?”

"My mum's rapist!" Jake burst into tears.

Graham moved towards Jake and hugged him. “Nah, you ain’t.”

"You don't even know him..." Jake snivelled.

“I've worked in this shop for many years. You work out the ones who are bastards. The ones who knock about their missus and have hidden lives.”

"I'd never hurt Krystal! I love her so much, she deserves way better..." Jake lurched from the table again and staggered to the toilet.

“You’ve never given me that vibe, Jake!”

The only reply was Jake vomiting again followed by a thud.

“Jake? Shit.” Graham rushed into the toilet.

Jake had passed out on the floor.

Graham put him in the recovery position and then hesitated about calling an ambulance. What if he was suffering alcohol poisoning or something?

It wasn't the first time Graham had seen Jake end up in this kind of state. He knew he shouldn't enable him by continuing to serve him, it was clear that the lad had a major problem, but he also knew that if he didn't then Jake would just go elsewhere and then who knew what danger he'd end up in. At least here Graham could ensure he was safe. Well, as safe as possible.

Graham sighed again as he lent against the doorframe. He'd seen hundreds of people like Jake - hopelessly drowning in alcohol - but none of them had gotten to him quite the way Jake had and he couldn't work out why.

Like most nights, Graham sat and stayed with Jake to ensure the young man didn’t choke on his own vomit. He didn’t know why he cared so much for Jake, he couldn’t work that bit out but he knew Jake needed an intervention and fast.

The more he stared at Jake the more a fragment of a memory from long ago worked its way into Graham's mind again. The memory of another young man, not dissimilar to Jake in looks who Graham hadn't been able to help, hadn't been able to steer off a path that had ultimately led to that young man's brutal death.

Rob, that had been the young man’s name. Graham sighed again, he didn’t want another family to experience the loss of a child through a death as brutal as young Rob’s.

Rob hadn't been the only handsome young man in that class to meet a terrible end and those that had managed to escape still bore the emotional scars.

He sat down beside Jake and rubbed the young boy's back. How did some of them find themselves in this state? Hating themselves... He just hoped Jake would get the help he needed before it was too late... Before he became another statistic...


	63. TW: eating disorders, alcohol and drug abuse, mental health issues

Somehow the family had dragged themselves through Christmas and New Year. Duffy was slowly recovering from her ordeal, helped hugely by being home with her loved ones.

Jake was still struggling, sneaking away to drink secretly when it became too much, an increasing problem as the trial approached. Tilly hadn't helped matters by being in a sulk the entire festive season because Tommy had gone to Jamaica to visit his mum's family rather than being with her.

It was now a few days after New Year and Charlie hoped for something positive. Peter and Holly had called to say they were on their way over to share "news" after their trip to Mexico.

“Do you think we should tell them everything?” Holly asked nervously as she pulled on her coat.

"Yeh, mum's gunna be so excited!" Peter couldn't wipe the stupid grin off his face as he unlocked the door to his parents' house and stepped inside. "Hey dad!" He greeted Charlie who was in the hall.

Holly nodded, she didn’t know why but she was so nervous about how Charlie and Duffy would react to their news. 

“Hey son!” Charlie beamed as he greeted his son. “Hi Holly.”

"Hi." Holly smiled. "Where's Duffy?" She asked, looking around.

“She’s in the lounge.”

"O-ok." Holly chewed her lip as she followed Charlie through with Peter. "Hi Duffy." She smiled.

"Hi you two!" Duffy smiled from the sofa. "So what's this news then?" She asked, noticing something glittering between their joined hands.

“There’s... Um, two pieces of news we wanted to share...” Holly began, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves.

"Oh..?" Duffy's eyes widened as Holly unbuttoned her coat, before letting out a delighted squeal as Holly's left hand, which sported a dazzling diamond ring, came to rest on her obviously rounded belly.

Peter's arms slipped around his fiancée's waist, their hands interlocking, and flashed a huge grin at his parents. “We’re getting married and having a baby at the same time!” Peter couldn’t stop grinning, he was so happy that she'd said yes!

"Oh my gosh! Come here you two!" Duffy practically leapt up from the sofa and enveloped them both in a huge hug as she burst into floods of happy tears.

“Oh Duffy, don’t cry!” Holly said gently, “You'll set me off.”

"I can't help it!" Duffy laughed, as Peter stepped back slightly to accept a hug from his dad. "How are you? I hope the sickness wasn't too bad whilst you were away." Duffy asked Holly, her hand instinctively moving to gently rest on Holly's bump.

“I was ok, luckily I seem to be doing ok with the whole sickness thing. It’s more now and again.”

"Maybe a boy then? I was always much less sick with the boys." Duffy explained. "When are you due?" She asked, her midwife's eye noting the fact that Holly's belly was already quite big. It seemed to have appeared out of nowhere but then Duffy recalled that the young woman had been wearing a lot of loose fitting clothes recently.

“Four months time.” Holly mumbled, “Can I talk to you in private?” She asked.

"Of course." Duffy motioned Holly through to the kitchen. "Is something wrong..?"

“No I... I just want to explain why I’ve kept the pregnancy so quiet.” Holly explained.

"OK..." Duffy pulled out a chair, insisting Holly sit down.

Holly sat down in the chair and rested her hand on her bump. “I... I found out at eight weeks but wasn’t sure how to feel about it all.”

"I know that feeling." Duffy reached over and squeezed Holly's hand. "You're excited now though..?"

“I... I’m scared.” Holly admitted. “But excited. It’s a weird feeling. We’d planned to tell you a month or so ago but everything happened with you being in hospital and well... I didn’t want to add to your worries.”

"I felt like that pretty much the whole way through my pregnancy with Peter." Duffy admitted. "I can't quite believe he's going to be a dad himself now."

“Our original plan was once we were married but...”

"These things happen sometimes." Duffy smiled. "I didn't plan to still be married to someone else when I got pregnant with Emily..." She shrugged. "Do you plan to get married before the birth or wait til after?"

“Well, I got broody after having Livvy over all the time.” Holly blushed, “After the baby’s born.”

"She is such a little poppet isn't she?"

Holly nodded, “Peter’s amazing with her.”

"He's had a lot of practice with little ones." Duffy blushed.

“It’s like second nature to him.”

"He's been looking after you well then?"

“Too well.” Holly giggled, “He thinks I’m precious cargo though and that I’ll break doing anything normal.”

"Just like his dad!" Duffy snorted.

“It’s cute but I’m pregnant not ill.”

"He's probably quite anxious..." Duffy replied cautiously.

“He is. He’s...” Holly paused for a moment, “He’s not sleeping great though he won’t tell me what’s on his mind.”

"He was there when Oliver was born." Duffy explained quietly.

“Ah. That explains it.” Holly smiled sadly, “He’s scared?”

"I was lucky to survive..." Duffy replied in a whisper.

“Wow...” Holly then let out a gasp.

"He spent several months with a therapist afterwards working through it. You falling pregnant has probably resurfaced a lot of it in him."

“Oh... I’m sorry.” Holly rubbed her side.

"Hopefully things will run smoothly and it will help him put it to bed once and for all." Duffy replied hopefully. "You OK?" She asked, noticing Holly's discomfort.

“Uh huh. Baby’s feet are in my ribs.”

Duffy's eyes lit up with excitement.

“Would you like to feel?”

"Can I?!" Duffy's voice came out in a squeak.

Holly nodded and took Duffy’s hand and placed it gently against her bump. “Just about here.”

Duffy waited a few moments and then let out a gasp as she felt the tiniest of movements under her fingers. "Hello little one." She cooed. "I'm your nanny and I can't wait to meet you!"

It was still such an odd feeling to Holly, feeling her baby kick and wriggle around inside of her. “So you’re going to be called nanny then?”

"Oh yes! Granny would make me feel utterly ancient!" Duffy giggled, her eyes sparkling as the baby gave another, slightly harder, kick.

“Baby, careful of mummy’s insides.” Holly said with a giggle.

"I hate to break this to you but Peter didn't stay still inside me from about eighteen weeks til he was born..!" Duffy chuckled.

“Aren’t I the lucky one?” Holly replied with a grin.

"Tilly was by far the worst though..!"

“I bet she never stayed still, did she?” Holly laughed.

"Not for a second! Poor Lottie was having seven bells knocked out of her too!" Duffy joined in the laughter.

“No wonder Lottie’s always wanting her own space these days!”

"What did we do now?!" Lottie asked as the twins appeared at the kitchen door.

"Our ears were burning!" Tilly added with a giggle.

“Thought they might be.” Duffy replied to the twins. 

“Would you like to feel the baby?” Holly asked the twins. “We were just discussing how much Tilly moved in the womb and why you always prefer your own space, Lottie.”

"What baby..?" Lottie asked.

"Oh my god!" Tilly gasped as she looked over at Holly. "You're huge!"

"Matilda!" Duffy scolded, horrified yet again by her daughter's lack of tact.

“The baby Peter and I are having.” Holly replied before laughing at Tilly’s comment, “Yep, I’m huge!”

"You are not!" Duffy retorted.

"Oh thank fuck, I thought mum was dropping a bombshell for a moment there!" Lottie laughed with relief as she came over.

"Emily! Get down here!" Tilly yelled up the stairs.

“I am but I don’t care because I’m growing a baby.” Holly replied with a smile. 

“Urgh, what?” Emily called back as she strolled down the stairs.

Tilly's yelling had also alerted her brothers' attentions and they started to filter downstairs.

“Where’s the fire?” Emily asked as all the children piled into the kitchen.

"Holly's knocked up!" Tilly blurted out as Charlie and Peter also headed through from the lounge.

"Told ya!" Jake crowed at Louis smugly.

“Good job I didn’t stick a wager on it then, isn’t it?” Louis laughed, “Would've lost, congratulations Bro. And you as well, Holly.”

"Thanks Louis." Holly smiled, pushing herself slowly up from the chair.

“How many weeks?” Louis asked. 

"Twenty three weeks." Holly smiled, reaching into a handbag. "We had a scan done just before we went to Mexico." She handed over a couple of photos to be passed around.

“Just the one baby? No surprises like Tots and Lot?” Louis asked laughing.

"Luckily not! One set of twins is more than enough in this family." Peter laughed.

"We should celebrate!" Jake announced, walking over to the fridge.

Peter and Holly exchanged a confused look at the looks that were flickering backwards and forwards between his parents.

“Jake, I really don’t think we need to crack open the booze just yet.” Charlie said gently as he approached Jake.

"Oh come on! We've all had a shitty few months and who knows if I'll even still be a free man when this baby is born!" Jake retorted.

“You will be a free man. I’d also rather you didn’t drink right now.”

Jake retorted with a rude noise and stalked out of the kitchen, the front door slamming behind him shortly after.

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck. He decided to go after him, “Sorry.” He apologised to Duffy as he kissed her cheek and darted.

"What the f.?!" Peter smothered the end of the sentence as he remembered his youngest brothers were present. But luckily they were too distracted by their own conversation.

"I'm not gunna be the youngest anymore!" Paul was excitedly telling Oliver.

“Suppose not.”

"Since mummy and daddy won't have another baby." Paul grumbled.

“That’s a good thing!”

"Am I OK to tell Beth? She'll be so excited!" Emily asked softly.

“Of course you can!” Holly smiled, “I’m not going to be able to hide it for much longer.”

"Not in that top!" Peter laughed, pulling Holly into another hug. The red top she was wearing was quickly becoming a favourite of his for the way it wrapped snuggly around her rounded belly and increasingly plump breasts.

“No and we know exactly why this top is a favourite of yours.” Holly whispered in his ear as she embraced him back.

"Because you're so fucking sexy right now..?" Peter whispered hotly back in her ear.

“Is that right?” Holly giggled softly against his ear.

The others began to disperse back to what they'd been doing as Duffy moved to make a start on cooking dinner.

Peter steered Holly into the hall. "Dad was right." He remarked. "Pregnant women really are hot as hell." He clarified, noticing her confused look.

Holly blushed bright red as she realised what Peter meant.

Peter chuckled softly at Holly's embarrassment. "Seriously, you think they're bad in the time you've known them... Every time dad got mum knocked up he was all over her like a fucking rash!"

“Because your mum was pregnant?”

Peter nodded. "I thought he was weird but now I see it differently." He admitted with a smirk.

“You really do take after your father.” Holly remarked.

"So people say..!" He chuckled before becoming distracted, his hands moving over her figure. "I'm really missing that bikini of yours now we're back in chilly Blighty..!" He pouted.

“I seem to recall you really liked that bikini. More me out of it than in it.” She smirked.

"All those times your tits nearly burst out your top!" He grinned. "You can pull it off better than me." He cringed, one of his hands cradling her belly, the other poking at his own stomach, the buttons of his shirt showing the strain.

His new job had led to lots of meetings, company lunches and long hours sitting at a desk leaving little time or energy for exercise. His anxiety over Holly's pregnancy and her cravings for sweet treats hadn't helped matters either as they spent most evenings watching TV cuddled on the sofa binging on biscuits. The reflection he saw in the mirror each morning depressed him, despite Holly's reassurances that she loved and fancied him regardless. He had an obvious double chin and flabby man boobs that rested on top of his bulging gut. His mood had further sunk when he'd finally plucked up the courage to step on the scales the previous day only to discover that, having been a healthy weight just a year ago, he was now teetering on the brink of being clinically obese.

She stroked his cheek and smiled sadly, “I know your figure depresses you. Why don’t we try exercising together?” She asked, “I know you’re tired because of the long hours of your job but I know how happier you were, when you were down at the gym. I’m worried about you, Peter.” She added in a whisper sadly after a few minutes of silence.

"I am trying." He replied sadly. "I've even given up smoking to try and be healthier for the baby's sake but now when I would have gone for a fag break I just find myself reaching for a snack instead." He couldn't meet her eyes. "I could barely get my work trousers done up yesterday morning and then when I sat down in the car the waist seam split..." He admitted sadly. "I went to the drive through and ate three burger meals to try and feel better. I know I have a problem, I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be the unhealthy dad who can barely run around after his kid at the park."

She placed her fingers underneath his chin and gently lifted his head so he’d meet her gaze. “Tomorrow morning before work, you and me down the gym and do spin?” She smiled brightly. “And you can throw some weights in there?”

"Is that safe for you?" The agitation was clear in his voice.

“Perfectly safe for me.” She reassured. “I promise. How about I do you a packed lunch to take to work? Healthier snacks and food so you feel better?”

"You've got to be careful! If anything happened to you or the baby..!" He fretted. "You'd do that for me? I'd like that."

“Nothing’s going to happen to me and the baby. We’re both healthy and exercise will probably do us all good. I’ll speak to my doctor but I don’t think there will be a problem, exercise will help the baby.” She smiled and nodded, “Of course I will, I want to help you Peter to get yourself happier.”

"I love you so much Holly. You and our little one." He smiled, caressing her bump, his smile widening as he was rewarded with a kick.

“Your mum thinks its a boy.” She told Peter as she watched him interact with her bump. “And for the record, I love you too.”

"Son or daughter I don't care, so long as you're both healthy." Peter smiled.

Louis stood on a chair in his room, his head poking out the skylight, watching the cloud of smoke lingering in the cold winter air. He was so worried about Jake. He'd tried to tackle him about it but his brother had called him a hypocrit, which he was. What with his own history of addiction and the fact that, though he'd managed to steer clear of heroin since his recent relapse, he'd taken to smoking weed most days to try and curb the cravings and calm his anxieties. He closed his eyes as he took another deep drag on the joint in his hand.

It didn’t help that Lucy was on his mind twenty-four-seven. He was obsessed with her, madly in love and yet unable to help her steer free from the path she was on. He finished the joint, hating the fact that yet again, he was lying to his parents. He knew he had to talk to them, even if it was to just offload but they’d been so worried about Jake that he hadn’t wanted to add to their trouble.

He closed the skylight and stepped back down onto the carpet. Though the joint had settled his mind it hadn't taken care of the intense itching sensation he realised as he found himself once again scratching at his groin. It had also burned to pee for a couple of weeks now. He'd buried his head in the sand though, too embarrassed to say anything but his fears had increased earlier when he noticed a weird gunge leaking from his cock as he'd prepared to have a morning wank.

Realising it was now or never, he went downstairs to try and find his dad for a bit of advice.

He paused briefly at the bottom of the stairs realising that Charlie had returned without Jake and desperately hoping his dad wouldn't realise he was stoned. “Dad? Can I talk to you?”

"Um... Sure..." Charlie replied, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck.

“Hmm... It’s a bit embarrassing, can we go somewhere private?”

"OK son." Charlie replied, following Louis.

Louis went to his room, hoping the stench of weed wasn’t noticeable. He sat on the edge of his bed, “Um, I’ve... Got an infection I think...”

"What kind of infection?"

“Down there.” Louis mumbled. “For a few weeks.”

"Have you been to a clinic?

Louis shook his head, “Been too embarrassed! For fucks sake dad, she’s a whore and I still chose to have unprotected sex with her.” He slapped his forehead.

"Don't use that word!" Charlie shot back before taking a calming breath. "I don't think you need me to tell you the risks you're both taking - not just with infections but what if she fell pregnant? Ask Duffy what it's like to care for a baby born to an addict - premature, underweight, shaking with withdrawal, struggling to breath, likely permanently brain damaged..."

“I want to be safe... But she makes it so fucking difficult!” Louis scratched his arm, “How do you forget someone you love? How do you move on?”

"I can't answer that question." Charlie replied with a soft smile, his head inclining in the direction of downstairs.

Louis sighed, “Everything is a mess dad and I dunno what to do.”

"We'll take you to the clinic on Monday..."

They were interrupted by a loud banging on the front door. Being the closest Peter answered it.

"A concerned member of the public called us saying he was stumbling around in the road shouting." The officer explained, two of his colleagues holding up Jake who was laughing hysterically.

Peter frowned, “Jake?! What the fuck?” He gasped. “Mum! It’s Jake!” He called out, sensing his parents knew more about what the hell was going on with Jake than the rest of them and that this wasn’t as out of character as it seemed to him.

"I was celebrating!" Jake shrugged. "Can't believe you managed to find your dick to knock her up though - ya fat bastard!" He taunted, laughing cruelly.

"Oh Jake..." Duffy sighed sadly as she came out the kitchen.

“Fuck off you prick!” Peter answered back, that hurt him deeply.

"Oh you want some do ya?!" Jake retorted, pulling against the officers' hold on him.

"Jake calm down! I'm so sorry." Duffy sighed sadly.

Peter wasn’t going to raise to the bait. He stormed off, Jake’s words hitting deep inside. 

“I was partying but these pricks like arresting me for no reason!” Jake pulled against the chains once more before Charlie appeared. "What's his problem?" Jake asked Holly, his voice slurring, seemingly utterly bemused by Peter's reaction. "All I did was point out that he's even fatter than you are, at least you've got an excuse!"

“Don’t talk to people like that, it isn’t nice!” Holly said sadly.

“Jake, stop it!” Charlie told his son firmly. “Keep your comments to yourself!”

The officers brought Jake inside and took off the handcuffs. "We don't want to have to do this again."

"Whatever..!" Jake snorted as he toppled onto the floor the moment they let go.

“Thanks for bringing him back.” Charlie said sadly, “Hopefully he’ll start getting better once the trial is here.” 

Holly sighed and rubbed her bump, “Jake... This isn’t you.”

"This sort of behaviour isn't going to help his case." The officer sighed before leaving.

"It's none of your business you fat slag!" Jake retorted.

"Jake!" Duffy gasped.

Holly laughed, “I’d rather be a fat slag then an abusive drunk.” She retorted before leaving the hall and heading into the kitchen, “Oh and for the record, Krystal knows everything and doesn’t want to be with a drunk, so well done!”

"Fuck Krystal and fuck you!" Jake yelled after her as Holly headed outside to find Peter.

“Upstairs, now!” The anger was clear in Charlie’s tone.

Upstairs in the loft Louis' hands were shaking as his eyes darted around the room, unsure if the loud bangs and yelling was real or inside his own head. "Cmon! Cmon!" He muttered as he took drag after drag on the joint, willing it to kick in. Finally it did and he slumped onto the bed, doppily watching the smoke curl up to the ceiling as he inhaled and exhaled, relieved that Alex had been able to get hold of particularly strong cannabis as the standard stuff on the street just didn't hit the spot anymore.

Holly closed the back door to smother the sounds of Jake's abusive yells towards his parents. She moved over to where Peter sat on the bench.

"At least he's honest unlike the rest of you." Peter sighed sadly.

“And if I’m honest with you? What’s that going to achieve apart from your depression spiralling?” Holly asked gently.

"I want to hear the truth Holly! What do you see when you look at him? Honestly!"

“That you’ve put on weight and you’re miserable!” She replied, “And I still fancy you but I don’t like the new you.”

"How can you possibly fancy me like this?!"

“You’re still you! I love you for who you are, not what you look like. I just know this is making you miserable!”

"I don't know what to do..." He mumbled, fighting back tears.

“Let me help you? The gym? Better meals and snacks? Maybe we could talk to a counsellor or a therapist again?”

"O-ok." Peter sniffed, leaning into Holly's embrace.

“I know you’re worried about me and the baby because of your mum and Oli.”

"She told you?" Peter asked, surprised. "It didn't help when they said the baby was measuring big at the scan. Oli was a big baby too..."

“She told me she nearly died and I can’t imagine how that must’ve felt for you.”

"He got stuck, there was blood everywhere." Peter mumbled.

“You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to...”

"I'm just scared that something will go wrong and I'll lose both of you." He admitted, his hand rubbing her bump. "The bigger the baby gets the more scared I feel."

“I’m scared too, Peter.” She admitted.

"You are?" He smiled softly as the baby started to kick again. "He or she is certainly getting stronger."

“I am.” She confirmed. 

"What scares you most?"

“I don’t know, it just does.” She smiled sadly, “Us being responsible for a little baby. You’re a really good dad to Livvy so I know you’ll be amazing but it’s scary to think you and I will forever be connected.”

"Do you think Olivia thinks I'm her dad?"

“Yes, you only have to see the way she looks at you.”

The thought strangely gladdened his heart.

They were able to make it through the rest of the evening without too much further drama despite Jake's drunken outburst and Louis' unexplained no-show at dinner. When they arrived back at the flat Peter headed straight through to the bathroom, beckoning Holly to follow him.

Holly followed Peter into the bathroom, “What’s wrong?” She asked.

"If I'm going to do this I'm going to do it properly." He explained, stripping off his clothes having already pulled out the weighing scales from under the sink.

“You are serious about losing weight, aren’t you?”

"I don't like being this way." He sighed stepping onto the scales in just his boxers and socks. "What does it say?" He asked, he was struggling to see the screen clearly.

Holly looked at the scales, “This says you’re 90kg, what’s that in stone? Um, about fourteen something?”

"Oh OK." He frowned sadly as he stepped back onto the floor. "Either I read the scales wrong last time or I've gained ten kilos in the last few days." He sighed, sitting down heavily on the side of the bath, rubbing his chest as he was suffering from acid reflux yet again.

“It might be an eight. I don’t know, I don’t know if these scales are any good. Shall we buy some new ones?”

"We could do." He replied, shuffling in discomfort before burping, one hand continuing to rub his chest whilst the other clutched at his gut.

“You alright?” She asked, concerned at his discomfort.

"Feel really gassy and bloated."

“Acid reflux again?”

"Probably." He shifted again before burping and farting loudly at the same time, instantly filling the small bathroom with a noxious smell. "Sorry..." He mumbled, blushing scarlet in embarrassment.

“It’s fine.” She smiled, “Slightly gross but fine.”

"I'm just disgusting." Peter sighed sadly.

“No you’re not.” She stroked his cheek, “I love you.” She kissed his forehead. “You’re just depressed at the minute.”

"Hmm... I know I shouldn't take what Jake said to heart coz he's a fucking moron but it really hurt." A tear trickled onto her hand.

She crouched down as best she could and wiped away the tear, “It’s beating you up inside and that’s why I know we— I need to do something to stop you being so sad about your weight. I want to help you, Peter.”

"We can do this together can't we..?" He asked, the beginnings of a hopeful spark igniting in his eyes.

“Of course we can! We can do anything together, remember?” She grinned, seeing the hopeful spark in his eyes.

"Yeh." He grinned back at her before enveloping her in a big hug.

They were a team, they could do anything together! Holly hugged him back. 

Back across town, also in a bathroom, another couple who saw themselves as a team who could do anything together weren't feeling quite as positive about the future.

Duffy sighed as Charlie helped her deposit Jake into the shower cubicle. They didn't need words as cleaning up alcoholics who were covered in their own filth was something they'd done together at work more times than most people had had hot dinners but the fact it was her son in need of their help this time, however, shattered Duffy's heart into a million pieces.

Sensing what was on her mind, Charlie reached over and have her shoulder a squeeze.

She sighed again as she started to remove Jake's filthy clothes. The stench was horrendous!

“Let me deal with this?” He whispered.

"No. I'm his mother, it's my responsibility." She retorted, sighing as Jake mumbled incoherently and soiled himself again.

“I don’t know how to get through to him.” Charlie admitted sadly, “He’s so full of self-loathing that nothing I say or do, makes him feel any better.”

"I can't either. I tried to get him enrolled on a recovery program but because he's nineteen he has to do it himself and given he won't even accept he has a problem nevermind admit it out loud..."

“It’s proving difficult? He thinks he’s just like him and nothing we can say will change that belief. Jake isn’t like his father, I just wish he knew that!”

"I even tried calling Krystal but she said that as far as she's concerned Jake can drink himself to death in a ditch for all she cares."

Charlie sighed, “She's probably just hurt because he’s going down this path.”

"Maybe." Duffy replied, gently washing Jake with a flannel.

“Ever since he did what he did to Andrew, he’s felt like he’s the same.”

"He's nothing like Andrew." She whispered, wrapping a towel around Jake as she sat half soaked in the shower cradling her son's head on her lap.

“He’s nothing like him.”

Jake seemed to finally be settling into a more peaceful sleep as Duffy stroked his damp hair and cheek, totally obvious to the water that still rained down from the shower.

Charlie switched off the shower once he knew Jake was clean and sighed sadly.

"How did it come to this night after night..?" Duffy whispered brokenly.

“I don’t know sweetheart.”

"The way Jake spoke to Peter earlier was completely out of line..!"

“I agree, and his comment to Holly as well.” He rubbed the back of his neck, “Is he trying to push everyone away so they do hate him?”

"Maybe. But to pick on Peter when there's no reason to is just nasty!"

“I know. In a way, he does have a point. Peter has put on weight...”

"Oh that'll just be a bit of Christmas and holiday overindulgence..!" Duffy replied with a shrug.

“Sweetheart, it’s more than just Christmas and holiday overindulgence.” He said gently.

"Are you calling our son fat?!" She bit back angrily.

“I’m saying our son is overweight, there’s a difference.”

Duffy didn't reply straight away. It pained her to admit but she had rather been turning a blind eye to her eldest son's rapidly expanding girth these past few months, she hadn't wanted to broach it with him, knowing from bitter personal experience what a painful subject it was. So she'd bitten her tongue every time she'd seen him spooning extra helpings onto his plate at mealtimes and then having to unbutton his trousers in order to sit comfortably afterwards, his belly poking out of the gaps between the buttons of his shirt.

“I think we may need to talk to Peter but it’s a delicate subject. I only want him to be healthy, especially now he’s becoming a father.”

"Do you think it's connected to Holly being pregnant?" Duffy mused. "A lot of men gain sympathy weight when their partners are expecting."

Charlie shrugged, “It could be. Either that or he’s worrying about the pregnancy more than he’s letting on?”

"I did suggest to Holly that Peter might be anxious because of what happened when I had Oli. Holly said he hadn't been sleeping very well which won't be helping matters."

“Maybe we should leave it for now but if we’re still worried in a month, talk to him?”

"OK." She agreed softly.

“Maybe Holly’s already spoken to him?”

"Hopefully. She's a sensible, kind girl."

“I can’t believe we’re going to be grandparents.”

"I know! I'm still wrapping my head around it. Holly's absolutely blooming with it though."

“Pregnancy suits her, doesn’t it?”

"It really does. Baby's nice and active too."

“A bit like how our children were?”

"Oh yes!" She chuckled softly. "I must admit the whole thing has made me a touch broody."

“When aren’t you broody?” Charlie teased with a laugh.

"Rude!" She retorted, sticking her tongue out at him, looking down as Jake began to snore.

“Shall we move him into bed?”

"Probably a good idea." She replied, continuing to stroke Jake's hair.

“I’ll carry him.”

"Be careful of your back!" She fretted as Charlie moved to take hold of Jake.

“I’ll be alright.” Charlie reassured as he got hold off Jake and picked him up.

After Charlie had left the room Duffy caught sight of her reflection in the mirror as she got up from the floor. She sighed, grabbing a towel to start drying herself off.

Charlie tucked up Jake into bed and kissed his forehead. “Goodnight son, we love you.”

Whilst waiting to make sure Jake was fully settled Charlie found himself checking and searching around the room.

He was searching for more bottles, they had to be here somewhere. 

There was nothing under the bed so he opened the cupboard of Jake's bedside cabinet causing several bottles to roll out onto the carpet. 

Charlie sighed as he bent down to pick up the bottles. They contained varying amounts of liquids. Vodka, whiskey, cider. There were many different spirits. He looked at Jake then the bottles and moved towards the door.

He stood debating with himself for several minutes as to whether he should pour the remaining contents down the drain. He ultimately decided that he would and gathered them up before heading downstairs. 

He was halfway through draining the bottles when Duffy joined him in the kitchen having changed into her nightclothes, still rubbing a towel over her damp hair. "It smells like a brewery in here..!" She sighed, screwing up her nose.

“I was getting rid of what I found in Jake’s room.” He smiled sadly.

"That was all in his room?!" She gasped.

“Yes.”

"It scares me to think the damage he's doing to his insides." She sat down at the table, her head in her hands.

“Me too.” He smiled sadly as he finished emptying the bottles and sat down beside her.

"Can't he see the damage my father did to himself through alcohol abuse..?"

“He’s self-destructing. He’s also probably scared.”

"He's not the only one... I'm scared that one day that knock on the door from the police won't be to bring him home but will be to tell me that my little boy is dead." She whispered brokenly.

“I don’t want that to happen. I couldn’t bare him not here.”

"I always thought I couldn't love you more than I do but the way you see no difference when it comes to Jake just makes my heart burst."

“He’s my son.” Charlie said, “I may not be his biological father but he’ll always be my son.”

She smiled softly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I love you.”

"I love you too."

“Love you more.”

"I'm not going to argue with you over that again..!" She replied with the ghost of a smile.

He rested his head lightly against hers. “We’ll get through this, you’ll see.”

"We just need to keep strong and be there for each other."

“Yes we do.”

"The date came through for the trial."

“When’s the trial?”

"They've brought it forward to Monday."

“How do you feel about that?”

"I'm scared but I want it over with. I feel like I can't move on til it is."

He took her hand in his. “I feel like we can’t move on, yes.”

She sighed, exhaustion suddenly hitting her like a train. "I'm sorry, I need to go to bed now or I won't make it up the stairs."

“Come on gorgeous, let’s go to bed.”


	64. TW: eating disorders, alcohol abuse, mental health issues, discussion of rape and violence

Tensions and anxieties ran extremely high amongst the Fairhead family as the day of the trial dawned.

Peter and Jake hadn't spoken since their fight the previous week but when he spotted his younger brother across the foyer Peter slipped away from the rest of the group and approached him. "Can we talk?" He asked Jake.

Jake shrugged, “Whatever.”

Peter headed towards the nearby men's toilets hoping Jake would follow.

Jake did follow him, “You alright?”

"Not really but I will be." Peter replied. "There's something I had wanted to ask you last week but well..."

“What’s that?” Jake asked unable to meet his brother's eye.

"I want you to be best man at my wedding." Peter explained softly.

“Even after everything?”

"Yeh. You're my brother and I love you and I can't imagine anyone else standing with me when I marry Holly."

“I might not be a free man.” Jake shrugged again.

"I think you will be. In fact I already have a job for you to do as part of your best man duties."

“What’s that job?” Jake swallowed and brushed away a stray tear.

"Well, though your comments last week were said with your usual sledgehammer subtlety you do have a point." Peter paused, still uncomfortable talking about the topic but knowing he had to. "I was hoping you'd agree to be my personal trainer and come down the gym with me to help me get back in shape?"

“I’m sorry about what I said.” Jake apologised but was taken aback by Peter’s ask. “You want me to help you down at the gym?”

"Dude you had a point." Peter rubbed at the back of his neck. "We had to buy new scales the other day coz my lardy arse had broken the last set..!" His attempt at humour fell flat as it was clear to see in his eyes how much pain the situation was causing him. "Was bad enough thinking I was around fourteen and half stone but to find out I was actually nearer sixteen stone..." He looked down at the floor, ashamed of his utter loss of control and the way he looked as a result.

“Oh Bro! Why didn’t you say anything?” Jake sighed, “I haven’t been a very good brother recently have I? Right, me and you down at the gym tonight after this has finished? We’ll get you back to being your trim, buff self for your wedding!”

Peter laughed briefly at the return of his brother's usual enthusiasm. "It kinda crept up on me. At first it was like 'ooh, those jeans are a bit snug...' but it rapidly snowballed." He admitted sadly. "Next thing I knew none of my clothes fit right and then I had to adjust the seat in my car coz I got wedged in behind the wheel..."

“Did you keep your old clothes?” Jake asked. “Cos I reckon in about four to six months, you’re going to need them.”

"They're lying in the back of my wardrobe." Peter sighed. "You really think I can shift all this?" He asked, glumly poking at his rotund belly.

“Yep!” Jake was enthusiastic, “You had a few muscles to begin with which makes it easier to lose.”

"OK. I really don't want to have to buy any bigger clothes but I can only just squeeze into these." Peter frowned, attempting to tuck his shirt back into his trousers once more. It frequently came out when he moved but Peter didn't want to have to admit that even XL clothes were too small for him now.

“How have you been this week with your nutrition? Do you want me to look into doing some meal plans for you?” Jake squeezed his brother's shoulder, “In a month's time, you’ll be on your way to being a different man.”

"I've been doing a bit better. Holly's taken charge of meal planning but I've had a few slipups when I've been out on the road." Peter admitted. "I'm sure she'd appreciate any help you can give us with nutrition, I don't want her taking on too much in her condition."

“I’ll start thinking of some meal ideas for you. What’s your biggest problem when you’re out on the road?”

"I feel so lonely being away from Holly so much. I have tons of meetings and corporate events - there's always loads of food lying about and it's just too tempting! I feel so out of my depth in those meetings so I end up just sitting in the corner pigging out til my stomach feels like it's gunna explode."

“Ah so it’s psychological?” Jake asked, “You’re feeling rubbish so you’re eating? You need to break the cycle, mate. Are you happy in your new job or..?”

"I need the extra money it brings in. We're in the middle of buying a house and then there's the wedding and the baby - none of that comes cheap."

“Holly won’t want you making yourself unhappy or ill because you’re working a job you hate.” Jake pointed out. “I’m sure if you and Holly sit down and discuss finances, you’ll work out a way to afford all this without the promotion.”

"I can't! Holly is keen to give up work to stay home with the baby til they're big enough to go to school. I need to bring in enough money to support all three of us."

“Without your promotion, how much did you make? Peter, if you’re hating your job, that’s not going to do your self-esteem any favours!”

"Without the promotion I'd barely be able to pay the monthly mortgage payments. Its the perfect three bed place with a garden."

“Why how much is the mortgage?”

"A thousand a month. I just have to suck it up Jake." Peter sighed before raising another awkward topic. "Last week wasn't just a one off was it..?"

“But surely your take home pay is way more than that?” Jake replied with a frown. He sighed and shook his head, “No it’s not.”

"Yeh, but I also have to make monthly installments on the wedding costs and the landlord won't let me out the flat lease early so I've got to keep paying that for another six months after we move into the house." Peter sighed. "How often do you end up like that?" He asked after a pause.

“Then don’t buy that house just yet. You never know, your ideal house might turn up. Something bigger and better.” Jake shrugged, “Most days... Every day...”

"I want us to be settled in a house before the baby's born." Peter explained. "Oh Jake! Why didn't you talk to me about it?"

“Is that what Holly wants? Oh yeah and tell you what? That I hate myself so much and would rather be dead...”

"Of course it's what Holly wants." Peter remarked before moving towards Jake. "What makes you feel like that?"

“Is that what’s she’s said? It’s obvious isn’t it? I’m just like Andrew, an abusive drunk. If mum hadn’t have got pregnant with me, she’d have been saved but I came along and made Andrew do those things to her!”

"You're not like him! It's not alcohol or you that makes him abuse mum, he abuses her because he's an evil fucking bastard." Peter attempted to convince Jake. "I have to ask... Are you sober right now?"

“Yes. And I hate it.” Jake replied.

"Is that why you've got that with you..?" Peter asked, referring to the bottle that Jake was nervously fidgeting with. "That's not water in there is it..?" He asked sadly.

“I haven’t taken any.” Jake admitted, “I don’t want to ruin my chances of nailing Andrew once and for all but... I’m just like him."

"How about I do you a deal..?" Peter offered. "I know today is really messing your head up, it's doing the same to mine but we're gunna face this together. You put that bottle in the bin and I'll do the same with these." He reached into his pocket and held the contents out to his brother.

Jake hesitated for a moment, looked down at the bottle in his hands and nodded. He dropped the contents of the bottle into the bin.

Peter followed suit with the sugary snacks he'd stashed away.

“Can I have a hug?” Jake asked Peter quietly.

"Of course you can." Peter smiled, holding out his arms to his brother.

Jake moved into Peter’s arms and hugged him tightly.

"We're gunna get through this together. Will you let me help you?" Peter asked.

“Let’s see what happens first?” Jake knew he was going to go down for this... He'd nearly killed Andrew.

"Whatever happens I'm here for you OK?"

Jake nodded, “Thanks bro. I’m shitting it.” He admitted.

"Yeh, I'm not looking forward to being called to give evidence." Peter admitted. "It's mum I'm most worried about though. Emmy texted saying she was up all last night puking." He added sadly.

Jake sighed and rubbed his forehead, “That's why I wanted to plead guilty, so she didn’t have to go through this but she didn’t want me to.”

"She'd be in a worse state if you had."

“I know that now.”

There was a knock on the door. "They're calling for us!"

“Are you ready?” Peter asked Jake as he hugged his brother once more.

Jake nodded and headed out to join the security guards who were to escort him to the court room.

"You'll be OK." Peter told Jake as he followed him out, silently sighing as he saw that everyone else was waiting impatiently for him on the first floor. He kept his head down as he attempted to jog up the stairs to join them.

He was out of breath before he even reached the top. His cheeks burned scarlet as he joined the others, both from humiliation and overexertion. He could barely catch his breath and he was perspiring heavily.

“You ok, Peter?” Charlie asked concerned.

"Fine." Peter gasped in reply, trying to descretely loosen his trousers and tuck his shirt back in, hoping his dad wouldn't notice how constricting Peter's suit was as he came to stand beside him.

Charlie noticed but he didn’t say anything, he didn’t want to further embarrass the lad. He just hoped Peter would start to recognise what a problem he had and sort it out before he gave himself a heart attack.

Peter sighed sadly as he gave up and resorted to using the waist expander strap that he'd hooked inside his trousers and sat down heavily on a nearby bench with a grunt of relief, his legs spread wide to accommodate his gut as it flopped over the top of his trousers - the result of an anxiety fueled eating binge he'd gone on during the night before the trial, effectively undoing all the good progress he'd made in the previous week.

He’d done really well through the week although it had, at times, been torture. He knew Holly would be so ashamed of him, after all he was a failure at most things, including his job.

He'd always had to be a little careful of what he ate since he was little, like his dad he had to tendency to easily gain a bit of podge if he didn't keep an eye on things but it had gone way beyond that now. He looked down at himself with disgust, recalling how he'd secretly driven between each of the local late night takeaways and fast food joints, ordering as much food as he could and then binging on it until he had been unable to fit another mouthful in, before slowly, painfully, waddling back to bed to pretend to Holly that he'd never left her side.

He knew he had a problem but he didn’t know how to get out of the cycle and spiral. He’d been severely unhappy since gaining the promotion at work and was on the verge of leaving when Holly told him she was pregnant. So he’d stayed in a job he hated because he felt like they deserved the world, the extra money would come in handy. Swallowing back the tears, he tried to put on a brave face even though he desperately wanted to hide away from the world.

Charlie and Peter had been asked to wait outside whilst the others went into the public gallery. All except Duffy, who had been taken to another waiting area.

Peter could feel his father's eyes flickering over at him and then shifting away. "Go on, say it..!" He sighed.

“Is everything ok with you, son?” Charlie asked gently.

"Does it look OK to you?!" Peter shot back, his tone dripping with the depression he felt to his core.

“No it isn’t and that’s what worries me.” Charlie said sadly.

"Why would you be worried about me?!" Peter retorted sarcastically, laughing bitterly.

“You’re my son. I can see how unhappy you are since you’ve taken the promotion at work. The weight gain is linked.”

"Oh you noticed that then?" Peter remarked, poking his belly and pulling a face as it continued to jiggle for several moments.

“Your mother and I didn’t want to upset you by bringing it up.” Charlie admitted and squeezed Peter’s shoulder. “Talk to me?”

"It's not like you two to beat around the bush so why don't you just give it to me straight?" Peter replied, he wanted to hear his dad say the words.

“You’ve gained weight and I’m worried you’re going to have a heart attack.”

"Gained weight?" Peter snorted bitterly.

“Yes. A lot in a short space of time but I think it’s more psychological.”

"Is that so Nurse Fairhead?" Peter mocked, becoming defensive. "So it's purely in my head that I can't even button up the largest sized trousers in the shop?"

“You’re binge eating because of the feelings you’re experiencing. Now tell me what’s wrong with the promotion?”

"Binge eating eh? I thought you medical types had another word for it..."

“What would that be?”

"Well, correct me if I'm wrong but, I'm pretty sure I'm what is known as clinically obese." Peter shrugged, reaching into the other pocket of his jacket that he hadn't shown to Jake and quickly stuffing a large chocolate bar into his mouth, barely chewing it before swallowing it down in a gulp.

“Peter, please! I don’t want you to have a heart attack, do you want to die before your baby is even born? Because you’re heading that way. Now tell me why?!”

"At least I'd be sparing it from having a totally worthless dad!" The depressive spiral was hitting hard and Peter just wanted to hide away til it was over. He went to get up, grunting and panting with the exertion of trying to heave his bulk to standing.

“Would it help to talk to your doctor? To me and your mum? You’re depressed...”

Once he was finally standing Peter walked over to the stairs, ignoring his dad. He reached into his pocket and quickly ate two more chocolate bars, hoping it would make him feel better.

As Charlie came over to join him both men heard a sudden ripping sound.

“Peter? Are you ok?” Charlie asked as he looked at Peter, seeing the look on his face.

The humiliation was written large on Peter's expression as he looked down at his clothes - his trousers and shirt had burst open under the strain.

“Oh son.” Charlie sighed sadly, “I’ve got a spare suit in the car, give me five minutes?”

"Like it'll fit..." Peter started to cry, trying desperately to gather his clothes together, unable to reach down to retrieve the buttons from the floor.

“Oh son, come here.” Charlie pulled Peter into a hug and moved him towards the men’s room. “It will fit.”

"I really don't feel well..." Peter sighed, leaning against the wall of the toilet.

“What do you mean?” Charlie got him to sit down on the toilet, “Take a deep breath for me, in and out.”

"Gunna be sick." Peter mumbled.

Charlie took a plastic bag out of his pocket and handed it to Peter, “Throw up in there if you have to. I think you’re having a panic attack, have you had them before?”

Peter burped and then vomited violently. The quantity of food he'd consumed in the last few hours had completely overwhelmed his system so it was all coming back up barely digested.

Charlie quickly realised that the bag he'd passed over wasn't going to be sufficient. “Shit!” He swore, quickly running out of options. He moved Peter out of the toilet and into the free cubicle so he was able to throw up in the toilet.

Peter continued to vomit, clutching his belly in clear agony as sweat cascaded down his face.

“It’s ok son.” Charlie reassured.

Peter groaned softly. His torn shirt had fallen open revealing the skin of his stomach covered in large deep red stretch marks, a testament to the rapidity of his weight gain.

Charlie’s heart broke at the state of his son. How had things escalated so much? Charlie crouched down, “I want to help you Peter but you need to let me.” He whispered.

Having finally finished vomiting Peter looked up at his dad forlornly. He tried to move but realised he'd become wedged between the toilet and the cubicle wall. "Help..." He sobbed softly.

“I will help you.” It took Charlie long enough but he managed to free Peter from the wall and the toilet. “Will you stay here and I’ll grab that suit for you?”

"Can't go anywhere." Peter sighed as he sat sprawled on the toilet floor, feeling and looking like a large beached whale, his breathing loud and laboured despite the fact he wasn't moving.

“It’s going to get better, I promise.” Charlie reassured. He left to grab the suit from the car and returned to the toilet. “Peter?”

"Still here." Peter sighed.

Charlie smiled sadly and produced the suit. “Can you get up?”

"Think so." Peter grunted. As he struggled to his feet his movements revealed that there were patches of angry red sores beginning to form inbetween the numerous folds of his skin.

It was something Charlie noticed straight away and gently asked, “Peter? Have you been checking your skin?”

"Huh?" Peter asked looking down in confusion. It quickly became apparent that he wouldn't be able to see the areas concerned as the rest of his large belly would obscure his sight line.

“You’ve got red patches forming under your skin folds.” Charlie explained gently, “You didn’t know?”

"Where?" Peter asked, attempting to lift his belly up in order to see in the mirror.

“Several just under here.” 

Peter was now able to see the red marks in the mirror which horrified him, “What are they dad?”

Charlie moved slightly to help Peter hold his belly up so his son could see more clearly, trying not to let his reaction to the sheer bulk show on his face. "It's from sweat and dirt getting trapped between the folds and then the skin rubs together causing irritation and increasing the risk of infection." He explained gently.

Peter swallowed, “And what happens if I don’t lose weight and keep getting bigger?”

"You could develop a nasty infection and maybe even sepsis. You're also at an extremely high risk of having a heart attack or stroke because your body can't cope with the excess weight."

Peter nodded, “I hate being like this but I can’t stop.” He couldn't bear to look at his reflection in the mirror any longer. "I lied to Jake earlier." He sighed. "Or maybe I'm just trying to lie to myself..."

“What did you lie about?” Charlie asked.

"You can probably tell there's no way I only weigh sixteen stone." Peter sighed.

“How much do you weigh?”

"Would you be shocked if I said well over twenty stone..?"

“Yes.” Charlie sighed, rubbing his neck. “You need to sort this now! Before it gets worse!”

"I was doing OK until about four months ago. I'd only gained about three stone then. I was fat but it didn't bother me that much. But then it all veered out of control and instead of creeping up a few pounds at a time it was piling on so fast and I couldn't do anything about it."

“Then let’s try and stop the cycle? Would it help if you admitted you were depressed?”

Peter nodded sadly.

“Are you depressed because of the promotion at work? You haven’t been the same since...”

Peter sighed as he got dressed into the suit his father had brought. "We need the money."

“Do you? Or do you think you need the money because of the house, wedding and baby?”

"They need me to provide for them."

“They also need you to be well. You can’t provide for them if you’re depressed or dead, and that’s where you’re heading if you’re not careful.” Charlie told him gently.

"I don't know what else to do. I can't just quit my job, what would we do then?"

“You can quit your job and reapply elsewhere? With your CV and experience, you’ll get hired in no time.”

"But what about in the meantime?" Peter asked as he buttoned up the clothes. They were snug but they fit, just. "There's no way these are your clothes dad."

“Would it be worth being signed off for a few weeks to see how you get on?” Charlie smiled, “They are mine.”

"I can do that? Would I still be earning if I did?" Peter looked down at the clothes. "Don't lie, these would drown you if you put them on..!"

“You’ll need to read your contract but they may pay you your full wage whilst you’re on sick or a little more than statuary sick pay.” Charlie nodded. “I brought them for you, just in case you had nothing to wear.” He admitted.

"I dread to think where you had to go to get something that would fit." Peter sighed. "Everything just hurts all the time. I can't sleep properly and my chest feels like it's being crushed."

“The extra weight will be causing all those problems you’re describing.” Charlie smiled sadly. “After the trial, how about me and you go to the doctors together?”

"Often I wake up in the night covered in sweat, struggling to breathe and my heart feels like its gunna explode out my chest. That's not a good sign is it?"

“No that’s not a good sign!”

"And I can't sit at the dining table any more either coz I've managed to break two chairs." Peter added sadly. 

“So let’s tackle it together? Starting from now. I know you can do this, Peter.”

"You really think I can do it?"

“Yes, I know you can.”

"I'm scared dad. Scared that I can't do it and that it'll just get worse and then I'll suddenly keel over one day."

“Then let that fear drive you to get better. Please Peter, your mum and I don’t want to bury our oldest son.”

"I don't want to die." Peter whispered brokenly.

“You need to start being honest with yourself. There’s a reason - probably several - for your binge eating and you need to address it."

"O-ok."

“You’re not on your own, son.”

"I want to get better."

“You will get better. Are you ready to go back?”

Peter nodded. "I'm still in pain but I don't feel sick anymore."

“Let me know if the pain continues or gets any worse, ok?” Charlie squeezed Peter’s shoulder, “Love you son.”

"I will."

They moved back towards the door, the sound of Peter's knees clicking echoing off the tiled walls with each step he took.

Charlie didn’t comment, he just hoped that with a little encouragement and Peter’s fears, Peter would start to fight his demons better.

As he was led into the courtroom Jake's hands started to shake. It wasn’t so much that he was nervous about facing Andrew, he was nervous about the jury and what they might think of him.

Luckily this courtroom had two dock areas so he didn't have to stand next to Andrew. He just wanted all this to be over.

As he stood waiting for proceedings to begin he realised that it wasn't just his hands that were shaking. He tried to stay calm but his mind was whirring. Was this what his grandad had meant when he'd talked about alcoholic tremors?

He had to focus, this was his chance to prove he wasn’t a violent thug but simply an abused young lad who’d grown tired of Andrew’s violent ways.

He tried to listen as the judge spoke, his hands fidgeting on the rails of the dock, starting to wish he hadn't let Peter convince him to throw away the bottle. A few mouthfuls from that would have helped him concentrate and calm down right about now.

Jake’s eyes began to look around the courtroom, the nervousness settling at the bottom of his stomach. He blinked, trying to focus as the first witness was called. He really badly needed a drink!

The first witness stepped into the dock, their hands were also shaking violently.

Jake gasped as he realised the witness was his little brother Sam. What the hell was he doing here?! He wasn’t old enough to give evidence was he? 

Sam began to read out a preprepared statement after the judge explained that the teenager was too young to be directly questioned or cross-examined.

In his statement, Sam spoke about how Andrew had hit him for the first time, during the time in which Jake first allegedly assaulted Andrew.

The boy was close to tears as he explained how all he'd ever wanted was a relationship with his biological father and how that had led him to Jake. That Jake had protected him and warned him of Andrew's ways.

But despite the warnings, Sam had continued to want that relationship but realised it was pointless when he was given a black eye for his trouble.

He then explained how he'd sought out Jake as the only person who would understand.

Sam said that when Jake went to see Andrew, Andrew was drunk and became abusive towards them. Them being Duffy, Charlie and Jake. He wasn’t sure what was said but knew words were being exchanged. Jake did hit Andrew but then when realising Andrew wasn’t moving or getting up off the floor, Jake put the man into the recovery position and called an ambulance.

As he finished up his statement Sam looked over at Jake, trying to catch his eye.

Jake caught Sam’s eye and smiled sadly.

Sam couldn't hide his shock at how unwell his brother looked. Jake's eyes were sunken and ringed with dark shadows and he was shaking.

Sam thought it might have been nerves and the stress of the trial that was getting to Jake.

Sam reached the end of the typed up statement. Unbeknownst to anyone else though he'd added a couple of lines at the bottom in his own scrawled handwriting. He read it out. "I want everyone to know that my brother is so amazing. He's accepted me right from the start even though I was the result of his dad cheating on his mum. I love him and feel responsible for what has happened coz I didn't listen to his warnings."

Jake sighed sadly, this wasn’t Sam’s fault and he didn’t want the youngster to blame himself.

The judge told Sam that he could stand down from the witness box.

"I love you Jake! It's gunna be OK." Sam yelled out across the courtroom.

“Silence!” The judge told Sam but Jake smiled. “I love you too.” He whispered.

"Sorry." Sam blushed at the judge as his mum shook her head and ushered him out of the courtroom.

Jake’s hands wouldn’t stop trembling, nor would his head stop swimming. The voice inside was screaming at him that he needed a drink.

He didn’t need a drink! He had to do this sober otherwise Andrew had won... He forced himself to focus as the next witness was called.

Again, he didn’t take much notice of the witness until they were being questioned.

Preparing to be questioned by Jake's defense team first Peter looked up and caught Andrew's eye across the room.

There was a hint of a smirk on Andrew’s face. More so by the fact he’d barely recognised Peter until the young man's name had been read out during the oath because he’d piled on so much weight.

Peter glared at his former stepdad and then turned his attention to Jake's defense lawyer.

“Would you please tell the court about the abuse you’d witnessed as a child between your mother and Andrew? Whom at the time, you thought was your biological father?”

Peter took a steadying breath. His hands were sweating and he felt so hot and suffocated standing in the small witness box. "He hit her. A lot." He stammered.

“On more than one occasion?”

"Yes."

“Can you tell the court about those times?”

"Which one?"

“From the beginning? The first time you saw Andrew hurt your mother?”

"O-ok. I was probably about four or five..." Peter began before reaching for a glass of water. He rubbed his chest as he took a couple of sips. "Sorry..." He mumbled as he burped twice. His stomach felt like it was in knots.

“And what did you see?”

Peter slowly outlined the incidents he'd witnessed between Andrew and his mum, pausing frequently to gather his emotions, take a sip of water or mop his brow.

“What did you witness on the morning of Andrew’s assault when he was beaten in broad daylight?”

"Jake called to tell me that he was worried that mum had gone to meet Andrew. I told him to wait for me and we'd go together."

“Why did it concern you so much about your mother meeting up with him?”

"Because on previous occasions Andrew had attacked her when they'd had dealings with each other." Peter ran his hand through his wavy hair. "I hadn't been able to park next to my flat that day so... Um... It took me a while to get to where Jake was..." He mumbled, blushing.

“Did you fear for your mother’s safety?”

"Yes."

“Can you tell the court what you saw between your mother and Andrew on the day of question? Anything?”

"Mum was lying on the back seat of Andrew's car. Her work uniform was torn. She was unconscious and bleeding."

“Was Andrew responsible for those injuries?”

"Yes." A memory suddenly hit Peter. "There was a jaggered piece of metal on the seat!"

“A piece of metal? Do you know what from?”

"No. It was covered in blood."

“Where was Andrew at the time?”

"He was fighting with Jake." Peter replied, watching as one of the other members of defense team handed an evidence bag to the lead lawyer. It contained the piece of metal Peter had described.

“Fighting how?”

Peter sighed. "Jake was hitting him with a baseball bat." He admitted sadly.

“Thank you.”

"Do you have the forensic report on the metal?" The judge asked the defense team.

“We do, your honour. Would you like to see a copy?”

"Yes please." The judge took the pro-offered document and read the findings aloud to the court. "The blood found on exhibit six three one belongs to Mrs Lisa Fairhead and the single fingerprints that were obtained from exhibit six three one belong to Mr Andrew Bower."

Peter and Jake didn’t need to ask where Andrew had placed that piece of metal. They’d both guessed but didn’t want to say it out loud.

"I believe we will return to exhibit six three one later when Mrs Fairhead gives her witness testimony." The judge added.

Andrew’s lawyer stood up, “You never actually saw Andrew attack your mother did you?”

"Not that day but who else could have done it?!"

“Your brother could’ve done it.”

"You're implying that my brother raped our mother?! You sick fuck!" Peter shot back angrily, his breathing becoming heavier the more agitated he got.

“Silence!” The judge ordered, “Continue your questioning.”

“Your brother clearly has quite the temper.”

"He loses his head sometimes but only because he can't deal with having seen the abuse Andrew heaped on our mum for so long."

“Did you or your brother ever tell anyone about what you saw Andrew do when you were younger?”

"Yes. I told my dad."

“Thank you. No further questions.”

"OK." Peter sighed heavily as he left the witness box and headed back to the waiting area, surprised to see Holly waiting for him.

“Hey.” She smiled. “You ok?” She asked.

"I thought you had to work..?" He remarked, sitting down with a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I did but I managed to find cover.” She placed her hand on his arm, “How did it go?”

"They didn't ask many questions. I'm not sure if I did OK or not. They asked me about Jake's temper..."

“They do that.”

"I don't want to have let him down..." Peter sighed, rubbing his chest.

“You haven’t. Why are you rubbing your chest? Are you in pain?”

Peter sighed. "I had a bad turn..." He mumbled.

“What do you mean?”

"I was sick."

“From last night’s binge?” She whispered.

"You know about that..?"

“I woke up and you weren’t there. I knew where you’d be.” She sighed, “You need help Peter. I can’t watch you get bigger because it scares me you’re going to die and I can’t do this on my own.”

"I'm sorry, I really have been trying but last night it all just got too much..."

“I know. I think you and I need to make some changes, don’t we?”

"Just so you know, if I do die, I've made sure you get everything." He replied before heaving another sigh. "Dad wants to take me to see a doctor later."

“Thanks for that but I’d rather you were alive.” She nodded. “I think that’s wise. I also think you should consider giving up your promotion.”

"He said that I'm showing warning signs for a heart attack." He mumbled.

“You are.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “Give up your promotion?”

"What about the house?"

“I’m not sure I really like it.” She admitted, “I want my happy Peter back. He’s not happy with his new job and that makes me sad.”

"Now you tell me you don't like the house?!" He replied incredulously. "And here was me thinking my mum was the most bleeding contrary woman I ever met..!" He added with a laugh.

She giggled softly, “You’re not cross are you?”

"No. You're too cute for me to stay mad at." He grinned.

“Good!” She kissed his nose.

"So back to grafting on the floor for me then?"

“I think that’s where you’re most happiest.” She told him.

"I don't think I'm cut out for management suits." He sighed, pulling at his collar.

“One day you will.” She reassured, “Just not yet. Please will you consider it?”

"If you're sure we can cope? I don't want you being stressed over our finances."

“Of course we can cope. It’s never been about money Peter. I want you to be happy and I know, deep down, you’re not.” She took his hand and placed it on her bump. “He needs you to be well.”

Peter smiled as the baby kicked his hand.

“Do it for him.” Holly whispered with a smile.

"What do you think to naming him after my dad?" Peter asked.

“Calling him Charlie?” She smiled, “I like that name.”

"It's a hell of a name to live up to but..."

“Let’s do it.”

"I suppose we should also consider girls' names just incase mum is wrong..." Peter mused.

"Incase your mum's wrong about what?" Charlie asked as he entered the room.

“Oh nothing.” Holly giggled as she winked at Peter.

"How was it?" Peter asked.

“Awful.” Charlie admitted. “You?”

"Andrew's defense lawyer tried to imply it was Jake that attacked mum!"

“I know. They have to try and make Andrew look like a fucking saint.” Charlie answered back.

"Surely the forensic evidence will be enough..?"

“I think so. There’s been a surprise witness called to give evidence.”

"What?! Who? What about mum?"

Holly placed her hand on Peter's arm, sensing he was becoming agitated again.

“I don’t know. Your mum will be next, hopefully.”

The witness stepped into the box, her hands shaking.

"It's OK." Reassured Jake's defense lawyer. "Just take your time."

“I was once in a relationship with Andrew.” She began, swallowing the nausea away.

"And how would you characterise this relationship? How did he treat you?"

“At first it was fine, it was great. He was charming and handsome, treated me well. Then a few months later, the abuse started.”

"What was the nature of the abuse?"

“At first it was putting me down. I was thick, stupid, fat, ugly. You name it, he called it me. Then one day, he started getting physical. He was clever though, he never marked me where others could could see.”

"Bitch is lying!" Andrew burst out, unable to contain the sense of panic he'd felt as soon as she'd entered the witness box.

“Silence in the court room!” The judge ordered. 

Isla reached out and picked up the glass, taking a sip of water. Placing it down, she began to speak once again. “He was raping me as well. I would often wake up in the morning and be sore down there. I filed a police report twice for rape and twice for assault but I was never brave enough to press charges.”

"He raped you whilst you were sleeping?"

She nodded, “Yes.”

"Did you ever witness Andrew or Jake behave in a violent manner towards anyone else?"

“I’ve never seen Jake be violent towards anyone. Even as a child, he was a wonderful little boy that wouldn’t hurt a fly. Andrew on the other hand, I saw him attack Lisa in the hospital once.” Isla sipped her water again, “She’d tried to protect me but he’d been so mad that he hurt her, she was pregnant at the time.”

There was a gasp from the jury.

“He likes being in control. He doesn’t like it if you stand up to him.”

Back in the waiting room Peter, Holly and Charlie were still none the wiser as to the identity of the mystery witness.

"Peter tells me that you're going to arrange an appointment with a specialist..?" Holly asked Charlie. 

“Hmm? Sorry what were you saying?” Charlie asked, he’d zoned out.

"This appointment with the specialist, what will it involve?" Holly prompted.

“Somewhere Peter can talk about his feelings. Like a therapist.”

"OK. I'm presuming that will be done in tandem with someone helping with the physical aspects? We've agreed that Peter is gunna step back down to his old job, haven't we babe?"

“Yes it will.” Charlie smiled, “You have, son?” 

Peter nodded, “Holly says it’s making me unhappy and she’s got a point, it is.”

"I agree it will help a lot to remove that stress factor." Charlie smiled. "Plus the doctor will be able to set up a nutrition and exercise program for you."

“Jake’s also going to help me down at the gym.” Peter smiled. He felt strangely optimistic about what was to come. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "I don't want a repeat of earlier." He added, looking over at his dad.

“Good, I hope you don’t either.”

Holly looked from one to the other, feeling there was more to what had happened than they were letting on. She wondered if it was connected to the fact that Peter appeared to be wearing different clothes to what he'd left the house in earlier. She gave his arm a squeeze, she believed in him and knew he could do this. “Can I come with you to the doctors later or do you just want your dad there?”

"I want you both there. I'm gunna need all the help I can get."

“Then I’ll be there.” She smiled.

Back in the courtroom it was the turn of Andrew's lawyer to question Isla.

“How often did you report him to the police?”

"Four times."

“Why not more?”

"I was too scared." She admitted sadly.

“Of him hurting you more?”

"Yes." She whispered, waiting for the lawyer to accuse her of lying.

“Did you ever mention the abuse to anyone?”

"I told Charlie and Lisa. They encouraged and helped me to leave Andrew."

“Did you have any further contact with Andrew once you’d left?”

"No. This is the first time I've seen him since."

“No further questions.”

Isla stepped down from the witness box and was escorted to a special separate waiting room.

"Before our final witness is called I would like to give both councils and opportunity to question either their own client or the other defendant." The judge explained.

“Did you assault your ex-wife because you were jealous of the fact she was no longer under your control?” Andrew’s solicitor asked him.

"No, she engineered the situation to entrap me." Andrew replied, having practised the question with his lawyer.

“Did you assault her?”

"No. She seduced me and then cried rape when our son arrived."

Jake’s hands curled into fists. 

“So how do you explain the injuries that were found on Mrs Fairhead?”

"She's a dirty little whore who likes it rough. Always has." Andrew shrugged, smirking.

“No further questions.”

Jake's lawyer stood to address his client. "Can you please explain what happened when you arrived at Andrew's car that morning?" He purposefully avoided any reference to Andrew being Jake's biological father.

“When I got to the car, I noticed my mum in the back of the car with Andrew on top of her. I knew what he was doing to her. I’m not an idiot.”

"What was going through your mind at the time?"

“That this time he was going to kill her. I had to get him off her.”

"So you broke the window of the car?"

“I hoped the noise would disturb him so he’d stop but it didn’t.”

"What did he do instead?"

“Laughed and told me I only had to ask if I wanted to watch. I told him if he didn’t leave her, I’d hit him.”

"And he ignored this warning? Was your mother conscious at this point?"

“He ignored me and carried on, doing what he was doing.” Jake swallowed, “I’m not sure. I think I could hear her crying but he had his arm on her throat.”

"What did you do then?"

“I dragged him out of the car.”

"And then?"

“He told me I was just like him, I was his son after all.” He sighed, “Then I hit him.”

"What made you stop hitting him?"

“When he didn’t get back up.”

"No further questions."

Andrew's lawyer stood up. "Do you normally carry a baseball bat in your car with you?"

“No but I took it with me that day.”

"With the intention of violently assaulting your father?"

“I... I didn’t know what he was going to do to my mum.”

"It was the second time you had violently attacked your father in as many weeks. I would like the jury to consider that you had a premeditated desire to murder your father."

“No, I don’t!” Jake sighed, “I didn’t want to hurt him, I just... I needed to protect mum. He always said he’d kill her and tell everyone I did it.”

"No further questions."

As Duffy prepared to take the witness box the jury was show forensic photos of both her injuries and Andrew's from the day in question.

There was a gasp from the jury at the extent of the injuries sustained by both of them.

Duffy tried not to shake as she entered the witness box and took the oath.

“Can you tell us about your relationship with Andrew?”

"We were married for about six years."

“And how was your relationship in that time?”

"Sometimes it was OK but the periods of violence increased over time."

“When was the first time he hit you?”

"Jake was about two weeks old. I was struggling to feed him. Andrew started to taunt me and I began to cry. He then slapped me across the face telling me to stop being fucking pathetic."

Jake closed his eyes tightly. So it really was his fault, wasn’t it? 

“How often did he assault you? What was the extent to his abuse?”

"The verbal abuse had begun before that time. He would call me names - commenting on my appearance and weight. The physical assaults got worse over time, escalating from the odd slap or push when he lost his temper at me to sexual assaults. He also sometimes used weapons rather than just his fists. He isolated me from my friends, convincing me to leave my job and insisting we move several miles away."

“Can you tell us about some of those times he used a weapon?”

"He used a kitchen knife on me several times whilst he raped me. I have a scar from one such time." She held her head up to reveal the scar just under her jaw. "He also sometimes used a bottle that he'd smashed in a fit of anger."

“Did you ever tell anyone?”

"Not for a long time. I was too scared. I blamed myself for his behaviour."

“Why?”

"He convinced me it was my fault. That I made him behave like that."

“Do you believe that now?”

"I try not to."

“But you still do believe you were to blame for his actions?”

"Why else would he hurt me?"

“On the day you were assaulted, can you tell us what happened?”

"I wanted to speak to him about Jake, hoping he'd reconsider his desire to press charges after the fight the previous week."

“What happened when you met him?”

"He said he would only consider what I asked if I had sex with him."

“Did you want to have sex with him?”

"No! I'm happily married."

“What happened when you met him?”

"I told him that I wasn't going to have sex with him but he ignored me and began to grope me."

“Did you try to leave?”

"He locked me in the car."

“So you weren’t able to leave?”

"No."

“Then what did he do to you?”

"He pushed me onto the back seat."

“Did you know your sons were going to be there?”

"No, I'd told them I was meeting Andrew the following day." 

“But they knew you were lying?”

"So it seems." She sighed.

“Do you remember much of the attack?”

"He held his arm against my throat. He said that he was gunna make sure once and for all that no-one would ever want me again."

“Can you tell the court what he did to you?”

"He forced himself on me and when I tried to stop him he pulled out some sort of blade."

“Where did he put the blade?”

"He inserted it into me sexually."

The jury gasped. 

“What happened next?”

"He continued to rape me. Its a bit blurry but I remember glass smashing."

“Did you know who smashed the glass?”

"Jake."

“What happened when the window was smashed?”

"I heard a yell and then nothing til I woke up in hospital."

“Is there anything else you want to tell the court?”

"My son is a kind and sweet natured boy who struggles with the knowledge of what his biological father did to me for many years. He is not to blame for any of it though."

“Thank you for your words, you may step down from the witness box.”

"OK." She replied. Catching Jake's eye she mouthed 'I love you' before being escorted to join Isla.

'Love you too.' He mouthed back.

"Is there anything either council wishes to add before summing up commences?"

“No your honour.”

"You may commence with your summations then."

Both of them summarised and hoped it would be enough. They both had one goal in common, to get their client off the hook.


	65. TW: eating disorders and depression

Knowing that it could be a few hours til the verdicts came back and not being able to talk to Duffy or Jake til it was all over, Charlie, Holly and Peter got into Charlie's car and headed to the assessment appointment that Charlie had set up for Peter.

Peter fidgeted nervously in the seat. He felt awful. His chest was starting to hurt again and his breathing was heavy as his anxiety skyrocketed. The trousers of his suit were digging in painfully, he couldn't meet Holly's eye as he yet again had to resort to the waist expander strap in order to sit comfortably.

She squeezed his hand, “It’s gonna be ok.” She told him.

Peter smiled weakly as they were called into the examination room and he was told to strip to his underwear so the doctor could perform a physical exam to obtain baseline measurements.

Holly knew he as nervous, she was nervous too. She’d seen him change so much physically and mentally over the last few months that she was terrified he’d end up killing himself.

Peter stood staring at the wall as the doctor took various measurements and performed numerous tests. He then redressed and sat facing the doctor. "So what are the results?" He asked sadly.

“You’re clinically obese.”

"I knew that." Peter sighed. "How bad? What are the measurements?"

“Your BMI is forty two point five.”

"What should it be?"

“A healthy BMI is between eighteen and twenty five.”

Peter looked down. "How much do I weigh?" He mumbled. That made more sense to him than all this BMI numbers thing.

“Twenty one stone. Your ideal weight should be between twelve and thirteen.”

"OK." Peter sighed.

"What about BP, lung function and pulse?" Charlie asked. He was concerned as most of the weight Peter had gained was around his waist, the most dangerous area for excess weight.

“His lung function is reduced due to the excessive weight, blood pressure is higher and pulse is also on the high side.”

"And his waist measurement?"

“Ninty four centimetres.”

"That's bad isn't it?" Peter sighed.

“It is bad. I want to refer you to a dietitian who’ll be able to help you make small changes to your diet. You do need to lose weight now though, otherwise you will die.”

"What about exercise?" Holly asked.

“Walking and swimming would be the best start. Maybe even a walk or a jog on the treadmill.”

"OK." Holly nodded, fidgeting as the baby, sensing her emotional turmoil, was kicking strongly. She rubbed at her stomach. 

“Is there a reason for the weight gain?” The doctor asked.

"Everything just gets too much." Peter mumbled sadly.

“Emotionally?”

Peter nodded. He felt like a total failure.

“Many of us feel like that and have our own way of coping. Would you be interested in therapy if I was to offer to refer you?”

Peter nodded.

“I can refer you privately if you prefer?”

"Won't that be expensive?" Peter fretted.

“The NHS will cover the cost.”

"OK."

“I’ll refer you to a therapist.” He paused, “How’s your general mood been? Have you been experiencing suicidal thoughts?”

Peter shook his head. "I just feel like a failure. I don't want to die."

“Do you feel depressed?”

Peter nodded, unable to look at Holly. He shouldn't feel depressed.

Holly rubbed at her bump again. She knew it was ok to feel depressed even when they had everything in the world.

"I'm sorry." Peter mumbled, reaching for her hand.

“What are you sorry for?” She asked as she took his hand.

"I shouldn't feel like this."

“Says who?”

"I'm engaged to the most amazing girl in the world and we're gunna have a baby - what do I have to be depressed about?!"

“Things aren’t always that simple, Peter.” Charlie told him gently.

Peter sighed.

Charlie's phone beeped. He took it out as the doctor spoke to Peter about medication.

It was Jake's lawyer calling to inform them that the jury was ready to return the verdict shortly.

Charlie smiled sadly and put the phone away.

Once the doctor had written the prescription plus the details of Peter's referral the the dietician and psychologist the three of them left the office.

"I don't understand what half of this is..." Peter handed the prescription to his dad.

“They’ll have given you antidepressants to help you with your feelings.” Charlie explained.

"And that'll make me feel better?"

“It’ll help you feel better alongside the therapy, the diet and the exercise.”

"OK." Peter sighed as he got into his dad's car. It was still a long road ahead.

They drove back to the court in silence, Peter reading and re-reading the prescription.

As they stepped out the car at the court Holly stumbled, she felt lightheaded and dizzy.

“Holly?” Charlie took her arm gently, “Everything ok?”

"Got up too quick." She attempted to brush it off.

“How long have you been feeling dizzy?” Charlie asked.

"Since we left the doctors. I'll be fine, I'm probably just tired."

“Any other symptoms?”

"Bit thirsty."

"Sit down, I’ll get you some water.”

"You need to go inside."

“Will you be ok while we go inside?”

"I'll come with you." She insisted.

“Ok.”

They headed into the courtroom, taking seats in the public gallery.

Charlie’s hands were sweating and he wiped them on his trousers. 

“Have you, the jury reached a decision?” The judge asked.

The head juror stood up. "Yes we have."

“In the case of Jake Fairhead, do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty of actual bodily harm in relation to the first assault?”

"Not guilty."

“Do you find Jake guilty or not guilty of grievous bodily harm in relation to the second assault?”

"Not guilty on grounds of provocation and deminished responsibility."

“Do you find Andrew Bower guilty or not guilty of grievous bodily harm?”

"Guilty."

“And finally, do you find Andrew Bower guilty or not guilty on four charges of rape and two accounts of sexual assault?”

"Guilty on all charges."

The judge turned his attention to Jake. “You have been found not guilty in the eyes of the law and you are, therefore, free to leave this courtroom.”

Jake couldn't believe what he was hearing, he grabbed for the railing as his knees gave out.

Two people helped Jake out of the dock and outside. 

The judge turned to Andrew, “You have been found guilty of your crimes in this courtroom and I have no choice but to sentence you. You are a vicious and vindictive man who abused your partners and children for a long time, rendering them too frightened to ever come forward. It is only because of their bravery that you are today brought to justice. I sentence you to five years in prison for the charge of grievous bodily harm and three years for the multiple charges of rape. These sentences are to run concurrently.”

"Is that it?!" Peter gasped angrily.

“Peter, calm down!” Charlie told him. “It’s a start.”

"What about all the times he nearly killed her?!" Peter retorted, his agitation increasing rapidly.

“They’ve sentenced him on what they can prove.” He said quietly, “It’s eight years. It’s better than none.”

Hearing the sentence Duffy burst into tears, all the years of fear flowing out of her as Andrew was led down to the cells. He looked so small and pathetic.

"I need to see Jake!" She gasped out between sobs.

“Let’s go.” Charlie kissed the top of her head.

She stood up and turned towards the door, pausing when she realised Peter hadn't moved. "Peter? You OK?" She asked, her concern for him that had been bubbling inside her all day flowing to the surface.

Peter nodded, “Yeah.”

"Are you sure?" Duffy asked, moving closer. "Are you in pain?"

Peter shook his head.

She wasn't convinced but knew she wouldn't get anywhere now. "Let's go get Jake and all go home."

Peter nodded again and heaved himself up.

As soon as they entered the main foyer Jake came hurtling towards them, throwing himself into the waiting arms of his mother.

"It's over Jakey, its all over." Duffy whispered repeatedly, stroking his hair.

Jake cuddled his mum, “He won’t hurt you again.”

"He won't hurt any of us." She replied. "Let's go home sweetheart."

“Home.” He whispered back.

To say the relief felt by all when they got home was huge was an understatement! They all decided to stay at the house that night, each processing things in their own way but feeling the need to be together.

Once the younger children were in bed Duffy returned downstairs to find that Jake was chatting with Louis in the dining room, Holly had dozed off on the sofa and Peter had disappeared outside. Seizing her chance she approached the garden. She stood in the doorway for a few minutes watching him. He was completely unaware of her presence as she ran her gaze over him properly, forcing herself to see the truth after weeks of denial.

He was stood at the bottom of the garden, wiping the tears from his face. Everything was just piling on top of him and his mood was getting worse.

It shocked her to see that he was leant against the wall, almost as if he was having trouble supporting himself. He had untucked his shirt so his gut was hanging out beneath the bottom of it as he sadly reached into his pocket and began to eat. She continued to stare, seemingly unable to do anything to stop what was happening before her eyes.

He was getting frustrated in himself for constantly eating! He threw the half eaten chocolate bar on the floor and began to cry again. He was a failure, always had been.

He slid slowly down the wall til he was slumped on the ground. His hand came to rest against his pocket. He knew he shouldn't, he was utterly ashamed of himself but it was the only way he knew to deal with how he felt.

Duffy began to silently cry in horror as she watched her eldest son sit and gorge himself, seeming to barely pause for breath until there was nothing left. 

He looked down hearing the now familiar sound of straining fabric. He banged his back of his head against the wall in frustration, feeling like he was going to throw up. Holly and the baby deserved so much better than him... He reached into his pocket and took out the penknife he’d placed in there earlier. He ran his fingertips against the metal.

He moved the knife toward his wrist but just as he prepared to slice it into his skin several buttons of his shirt and the buckle of his trousers burst under the strain of his sheer bulk for the second time that day causing him to drop the knife.

He tried to bend down to retrieve it but he couldn't, the rolls of flesh that were now exposed to the night air getting in his way. “Bastard! Fuck sake!!” He yelled as he tried to find the knife. He desperately wanted this to be over with. The pain, the thoughts, the humiliation.

The outburst finally snapped something inside Duffy. "Peter!" She called out, rushing down the garden towards him as he lay utterly stuck on the ground.

“Fuck!” He tried to reach for the knife before his mum got to it but his fat made it too hard. He instead struggled to get up off the floor but after several seconds, was able to push himself up to his feet.

Duffy grabbed the knife and placed it securely in her pocket. "Peter? What's going on?" She asked, watching him as he attempted to hold his torn clothes around himself as he waddled away from her, each step slow and painful.

“Give me the knife?!” He demanded, turning back to face her. 

"No." She replied firmly. "Talk to me."

“Give me the knife?!” He repeated again, more firmly than the last.

"I won't. Now start talking..." She replied with equal firmness.

“What do you want me to say?”

"What's going on Peter? What's happening to you?"

“I’m getting fat.” He replied bitterly.

"I can see you've gained some weight..." She replied cautiously.

“Some weight? Try seven stone...”

Hard as she tried she couldn't keep the look of shock from flickering across her face.

“I can’t stop it. Now give me the knife?!”

"No I won't. Why didn't you come to me? I know what it's like to battle with your weight..."

He laughed, “Because I couldn’t bare to see the disappointment in your face about what I’m turning into.”

"Why would I be disappointed? You're my son, I love you regardless."

“I’ve failed at everything and I don’t want to be here. Holly and the baby will be taken care of by my death, they’ll get everything...”

"Everything except the one thing they need most - you!"

“They don’t need me when I look like this.” He answered back, “They don’t need me at all, they’re better off without me.”

"Peter please! Don't talk like that!" She started to cry again, holding her arms out towards him.

“The baby doesn’t need a dad like me.” Peter replied.

"You're going to be the best dad. I know you are. Just you wait and see!" She replied, moving closer and attempting to wrap her arms around him.

“I’m obese and will probably die of a heart attack before it arrives.” He pointed out.

"Let us help you?" She whispered, trying to ignore the fact she couldn't get her arms even close to fully around him anymore.

“I want to be me again.” He whispered, “Not this... Not fat.”

"Then let us help you. Me, your dad, your brothers and sisters, and the most important person in all of this - Holly. Who right now is inside curled up fast asleep on the sofa, your son growing healthy and strong inside her belly. Focus on that. That little life in need of a dad."

“Ok.” He whispered.

"She showed me the latest scans earlier. I can already see such a likeness to you." Duffy smiled.

“I don’t feel anything towards the baby.” He admitted. “I’m so scared of it killing her...”

"Because of what happened when Oli was born..?"

“I can’t sleep because I dream about that night... Only instead of you it’s Holly.” He moved away and sighed, “On top of everything else, it’s just too much. I needed to find a release so I kept eating but it’s a cycle and I can’t stop. I want to stop but I can’t.”

"I understand. There's some things I should tell you about that night. How about we go inside and get you a change of clothes and then we can talk properly..?"

“If you can find any clothes that fit.” He whispered and nodded.

She ignored the comment as they went inside. It broke her heart further as she heard Peter gasping and grunting as they climbed the stairs up to her room.

His heart was pounding out of his chest, the sweat dripping down his face. “Can’t do this anymore!” He muttered as he followed Duffy into her room.

She quietly passed him a towel as he sat down on the bed, the springs creaking loudly. She found some clothes that she hoped would fit.

The jogging bottoms just about fitted over his legs, hips and bottom but he had to do them up under his stomach. The t-shirt only reached a small way down his stomach leaving a large area exposed.

“I look ridiculous.” Peter told his mum, “Fat, pathetic and ridiculous!”

"You are not any of those things!" She countered as Peter struggled to lift his vast belly.

“Yes I am!” He answered back, “Why don’t you just put me, Holly and the baby out of our misery and kill me?” He asked.

Duffy gasped in horror.

"If this doesn't kill me first!" Peter added, struggling to move to show her the areas of sores, his breathing becoming more laboured as he rolled onto his back.

"Oh Peter..!" Duffy tried to help lift him back to sitting up.

“I’ve let myself go and I can’t break the cycle!” He sat back up, his breathing heavy. “You wanted to talk?”

Duffy took a moment to regain her breath from the exertion of helping move her son. "About... About that night..."

“What about it?”

"I ignored the doctor's instructions." She admitted.

“What do you mean?”

"During the pregnancy I underwent some tests to try and discover the cause of the problems I'd had in my previous pregnancies. They discovered that I'd sustained damage to my pelvis which hadn't healed properly causing a permanent defect."

“Which is why Oli got stuck?”

"Yes. They'd told me several weeks prior to his birth that I was not going to be allowed a natural birth because the defect when combined with the baby's measurements would almost certainly lead to him getting stuck during delivery."

“But you... You refused to go to the hospital... Why? Why would you do that if you knew what could happen?”

"I needed your dad to be there. I... I was frightened..." She whispered.

He nodded. “Oli didn’t get stuck just because he was big?”

"No. His broad shoulders didn't help matters but Jake's got the same shape and I delivered him just fine."

He nodded again and was quiet.

"Is that what's scaring you? Holly mentioned that the midwife said the baby's on track to be an eight and a half pounder..."

“Yeh. It’s not just about the baby though... There's so much stuff that I can’t keep a hold of it all.”

"You need to let those around you share the burden."

“I will.”

"Good. Do you want to go back downstairs or stay up here for a bit longer?"

“I don’t mind.”

"I love you Peter. Don't ever forget that."

“I love you too, mum.”

"I just want my smiley blue eyed boy back. I miss him."

“I miss him too.” Peter replied.

"He's still there, he's just hiding."

“I’m giving up the promotion.”

"I'm glad"

“What? Why?”

"I'm not saying that was the root of all your problems but it certainly accelerated them." She replied, internally admitting that Peter had been carrying a bit of a spare tyre around his middle for several months prior to that time, seemingly the result of enjoying Holly's excellent cooking just a little too much..! But he'd been happily plump rather than miserable.

“It has.” He replied sadly, “I don’t like it and feel out of my depth but I was worried about the money. You know with the house, the baby, the wedding.” He rubbed the back of his neck, “We’ve decided against the house so that’s another pressure that’s reduced.” He paused for a few minutes, “Do you think I can do this? Lose weight and be happy again?”

"Of course you can. It's all about finding a happy middle ground. Not so large that you're at risk of serious ill health but also not losing weight to the point of being as scrawny as you were when you were at university."

“Tomorrow I might ask Jake if he wants to go to the gym.”

"That's a great idea. It'll do you both the world of good." She smiled. "I hope we can see a return of the Peter from a few months after you and Holly moved in together. You were so happy then! OK, so you did have a bit of a tummy no doubt due to the fact that I hear Holly is a very good cook but you were always smiling and laughing. You were happy."

“I was happy, more happy than I’ve ever been.” He confessed. “I want to go back to that. I miss him, I hate looking like this.” He sighed. "It's crazy to think that back then it was something we joked about. Holly would fuss saying she'd hate you and dad to think that she wasn't taking good care of their precious boy and I'd laugh and pat my rounded belly and say 'no chance of them thinking that!'"

Duffy reached out and squeezed Peter's hand. “I know she takes good care of you.” Duffy told him, “You just need to take good care of yourself. We should sleep, it’s been a long day.” She whispered to him. She watched sadly as he attempted to move, clutching at his stomach. Noticing where he was holding himself, she placed her hand on his arm. "Do you need some help to use the bathroom?" She asked gently.

“No, it’s ok. I’ve got it.” He replied sadly as he got himself to his feet. “Night mum, I love you.”

"Peter... I'm a nurse, I can see when someone is badly constipated." She pointed out, the professional mask firmly in place. "When did you last have a bowel movement?"

“I can’t remember, about a week ago.”

"Is this a recent development or has it been going on for a while? I can speak to your dad about getting you some laxatives, I'm not allowed to due to, well..." She sighed sadly.

“Recent development.” Peter nodded sadly, “I understand.”

Duffy went downstairs and got Charlie to obtain the medication.

About an hour later Holly had awoken on the sofa and decided she should probably head to bed. As she passed the bathroom she heard Peter groaning. "Babe? You OK?" She asked through the door.

“No my stomach hurts.” He replied back with another groan.

She gently opened the unlocked door and stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. Peter was very red and sweating profusely, gasping for breath, a putred smell filling the air. "What's wrong?" She asked, deeply concerned.

“Just my stomach... I’m constipated, dad’s given me laxatives but it still hurts.”

"Oh babe!" She walked over to him and attempted to massage his lower stomach. "Does that help?" She asked. She noticed that the packet beside him on the sink was almost empty. "Should you have taken that many?"

“No and... I don’t know, I dropped a few.” He replied. “Go to bed, I’ll be there soon. Love you.”

"I love you too. If you're sure..?" Seeing him nod she moved back towards the door. She stopped, her hand on the handle, as the laxatives suddenly, violently, began to work. "Peter?!" She gasped, turning around.

“I’m ok. Go to bed,” He told her firmly despite gasping for breath. He didn’t want her to see him like this. It was embarrassing.

"I want to help you..!" She sobbed, he was clearly in agony.

“Get out of here, Holly!”

She left the bathroom in tears, crossing the hallway and hammering on Charlie and Duffy's bedroom door.

Charlie opened the door, “What’s wrong?” He frowned, seeing the tears streak down Holly’s cheeks.

"It's Peter, he's really not well but he won't let me help him." Holly sobbed.

“Is he in the bathroom?”

"Yeh. I think he took too many of the laxatives you gave him."

Charlie sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Stay here?”

"OK." Holly sighed as Charlie headed past her into the bathroom.

Charlie knocked on the door, “Peter?”

The only reply was a strangled sounding groan.

Charlie pushed open the door.

Peter was clutching at sink, barely able to sit upright, his hair and clothes soaked with sweat. His breath was coming in short gasps and he'd been sick down his tshirt having been unable to move.

“Oh Peter...”

"...dying..?" Peter gasped out, his chest felt like it was exploding.

“No you’re not dying.” Charlie told him gently.

Peter tried to get up but he was swaying dangerously utterly exhausted and weak.

“Here, let me help you.” Charlie said gently as he helped his son to get up. “Have you finished using the toilet?”

"Think so. Can't..." Peter motioned helplessly, it was humiliating!

“Can’t what?”

"Reach... That's... Not normal..?" Peter sighed, looking behind him at the contents of the toilet.

“You can’t clean yourself?” Charlie sighed, “No that’s not normal and I hope this gives you the push you need to lose weight.”

Peter sobbed quietly as his dad helped him get clean and change his clothes. He felt so weak that he could barely stand.

“Please Peter, let this be the motivation you need.” Charlie helped him into the bedroom once he was clean.

He then left Peter and Holly alone.

"We're going to do this, I know we will. You, me and little Charlie." Holly whispered, rubbing her bump.

“Why are you still here, Holly? Aren’t you embarrassed to be seen with me?"

"No, never. I love you with all my heart. I want to marry you and raise our family together."

“Even when I’m looking like this?”

"Do you think I'm still beautiful even though I look like I've swallowed a basketball?" She countered.

“I do.”

"So why are you questioning my feelings for you?"

“Because I’m obese.”

"I don't care about how you look. I just want you to be well. Now let's get some sleep before little Charlie decides it's playtime again..!"

“Ok.” He smiled, “I love you.”

"I love you too. To the stars and back."


	66. TW: discussion of abuse and rape, eating disorders, alcohol abuse and suicide

The next four weeks passed in a blur as everyone tried to re-find a sense of normality.

Duffy had tried not to worry when Jake had announced that he needed to get away from Holby. Especially as she knew that although he was struggling less with his anger he was still binge drinking and had only been sporadically in touch since his departure.

She sat in the kitchen drinking a cup of tea. Peter had his four week progress assessment this morning and had said that he and Holly would pop round afterwards for a visit.

There was a knock on the door as Peter and Holly arrived.

Duffy jumped up and rushed to the door pulling it open excitedly. "Come in! Come in!"

Peter smiled brightly at his mum. Although it had only been four weeks, there were changes in Peter’s physical appearance.

"You both look well!" Duffy smiled broadly as she gave them both a big hug. "How's baby?" She asked Holly, rubbing her daughter-in-law's growing bump.

“Baby’s doing really well thanks.” Holly replied, “Peter’s doing amazingly well too.”

"So I can see. I'm so proud of you sweetheart!" They followed Duffy back through to the kitchen. "What did the doctor say?"

“Well, he weighed me and took some measurements.”

"And..?" Duffy prompted. "I'm trying out some new herbal tea, would either of you like a cup?"

“I’ve lost a stone and a half in four weeks, my BMI’s gone down to thirty nine point five. I’ve lost ten centimetres off my waist and I don’t feel as out of breath!” Peter grinned.

"That's absolutely fantastic news! Your dad will be so pleased when he gets back..." The front door opened. "...speak of the devil!" Duffy giggled.

“Dad?” Peter called. He was so happy about his weight loss. Combined with losing weight, busting his arse off at the gym twice a day, letting go of his promotion and talking therapy, he was beginning to feel less anxious about things. He’d also started smoking again, in a bid to avoid reaching for the sugary snacks and it was working!

Duffy had noticed the cigarettes reappearing but had decided to stay quiet, choosing to tackle one issue at a time.

"I wasn't expecting you two for another half hour, how did it go?" Charlie asked.

“Amazing! I’ve lost a stone and a half! Plus ten centimetres from my waist!”

"I'm so proud of you son!" Charlie hugged Peter, patting him on the back.

“I’m feeling loads better already!” Peter admitted. “I’m not as out of breath and I can nearly keep up with Holly when she’s walking fast!”

"Yeh, it's me that gets out of breath more now..!" Holly chuckled as the baby did a somersault, her skin instantly paling.

"Holly, sit down!" Duffy insisted, pulling out a chair.

Holly stumbled slightly as she went to sit down.

"When did you last have a glass of water?" Duffy asked.

“This morning.”

Duffy tutted and placed a large glass of water in front of Holly, purposefully ignoring the look Charlie gave her. "You need to stay hydrated." She told Holly.

“I’m fine!” Holly replied, taking a sip of the water.

Peter caught his dad's eye, smirking at his mum's remark, fighting hard to resist the urge to pass comment.

“The baby did a somersault and it knocked me a bit sick.”

"Awkward little sod like his dad and grandad then!" Duffy remarked mischievously.

Holly giggled.

"Rude!" The men chorused as the ladies laughed.

Holly’s colour didn’t come back as she continued to rub her bump.

Duffy sat down next to Holly. "How do you feel right now?" She asked, concerned.

Holly met Duffy’s gaze and smiled slightly, “I’m fine.”

"Are you sure?" Duffy wasn't going to let it go easily.

Holly nodded, “Yes.” She rubbed her bump again, she seemed to be in a bit of discomfort.

"Will you let me just give you quick check over? To put my mind at rest if nothing else..."

“If you must.” Holly smiled slightly, “Not in front of an audience though.”

"Come on, upstairs you..!" Duffy chuckled softly.

Holly giggled softly and got up slowly off the chair.

Leaving the men downstairs they headed up to Duffy's room.

"Lay yourself down." Duffy told her.

Holly lay down on the bed, “Is this necessary?” She asked before she gasped.

"Yes." Duffy replied, blowing on her hands before lifting up Holly's top and gently placing her hands on the younger woman's bump, pushing gently as she realised the issue. The baby kicked back firmly. "Yes I know that's uncomfortable but you try being your poor mum right now!" She chastised gently. "That's a very awkward position you've gotten yourself into..!" She added as she pushed gently, attempting to coax the baby to move. Holly suddenly let out a sigh. "There we go! Now don't make me have to do that again young man!" Duffy chuckled.

“What an earth did he do?” Holly asked, instantly feeling better once the baby had shifted.

"He had a leg stuck under your rib and an arm in your kidney." Duffy explained.

“Thanks for sorting it.” Holly sighed, “Duffy, can I ask you something?”

"You can ask me anything sweetheart." Duffy smiled, moving to sit on the bed next to Holly.

“Is it normal to feel tired all the time?”

"You're entering the final stretch now, it takes a lot out of you. Just make sure you drink plenty of water and eat little and often."

“I just want to sleep all the time.”

"Have you had your iron levels checked?"

“Not recently.”

"Who's your midwife? Do you want me to arrange an appointment?"

“She’s called Sally, she’s really nice. I should be ok.”

"Curly blonde hair?"

“Yeah.”

"I know who you mean. We qualified together. She's very good." Duffy replied, feeling calmer about the situation.

Holly smiled. “Peter seems happier...”

"He really does. It's such a relief."

“The promotion I think made him worse.”

"It just wasn't right for him. We were so worried about him." Duffy admitted.

“He changed...”

"He did. He stopped being my smiley blue eyed boy." Duffy sighed sadly.

“I know. He’s coming back though, he’s more determined then ever to shift most of the weight before the baby’s born.”

"I'm glad he's got his determination back but he needs to bare in mind that the rate of weight loss will start to slow down over time. He needs to be ready for that emotionally."

“I don’t think he’s thought that far ahead yet.”

"He probably hasn't but be prepared for the fact that he might start to struggle when it does happen. But don't forget that me and Charlie are here to help whenever you need us."

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

"That goes for if you're struggling or worried about anything too. You're our daughter now too remember." Duffy smiled, gently squeezing Holly's arm.

“Poor you, having another daughter.” Holly smiled, “Thank you.”

"Evens out the numbers a bit more!" Duffy chuckled.

Holly giggled before she grew serious. “How are you doing?”

"I'm doing OK. I'm hoping to start my return to work next week."

“How do you feel about that?”

"I'm looking forward to it. A bit more normality and a chance to take my mind off things." Duffy explained before changing the topic back to Holly. "So have you started thinking about your birth plan yet? You've not got too much longer to go now... Only another ten weeks if he's early like his daddy."

“I’ve been considering a water birth.” Holly replied, “I feel calmer in water so I think it might help with baby.”

"I've assisted in a few water births and they've always seemed very relaxed."

“I’m not sure I want pain relief either. Have you had any of them without pain relief?”

"Yes. Other than the sections I had the others were without pain relief. It is possible."

Holly nodded.

"If there's any way I can help just let me know."

“Thanks.”

Charlie called up the stairs for Duffy after answering the phone.

Pushing herself up from the bed she headed back downstairs.

Holly sat on the bed for a couple of minutes before she got up and headed downstairs.

Duffy gasped as she listened to the person on the other end of the line. She started to shake slightly.

Charlie watched Duffy from the doorway of the living room as Peter and Holly sat on the sofa.

Duffy thanked the person on the phone, her voice barely a whisper. She replaced the phone, her skin pale as she continued to shake.

Charlie moved towards her slowly and made her sit down on the stairs. “What’s wrong?”

Concerned, Peter and Holly crept to the lounge door.

"That was my victim support officer..."

“Ok. What did they have to say?” Charlie stroked Duffy's cheek gently.

"They wanted to inform me of what happened earlier this morning..."

“What happened this morning?”

"Andrew..." Duffy swallowed, shaking violently.

“Andrew’s done what, sweetheart?”

"He... He..." Duffy took a steadying breath. "He was found hanging in his cell. He's dead..."

Charlie didn’t know what to say to that. Shit, he was dead? Charlie wrapped his arms around her and held her. “Ssh, it’s ok. It’s over, you’re safe.”

Peter gasped. “Andrew’s dead?”

"He'd been put in segregation after getting into fights with other prisoners who took objection to what he'd been locked up for..."

“And that’s where he killed himself?” Peter asked, “He was a coward.”

"They didn't say." Duffy jumped up from the step. "I need to call Jake!" The officer had said they'd been unable to get hold of Jake which had only served to heighten Duffy's existing anxieties over her son.

“Do you want me to call him?” Charlie offered, sensing her anxiety around Jake.

"No, he should hear it from me." Duffy insisted.

“That’s a good point.” Charlie sighed and kissed her forehead. 

Peter sat in the living room. He was stunned by the news that Andrew had killed himself.

"Peter?" Holly moved to sit beside him.

“It’s over.” Peter looked up at her.

Holly pulled him into a hug.

Charlie sighed as he heard Duffy struggling to get hold of Jake. "Have you heard much from Jake whilst he's been away?" He asked. "He was in a right state when he left." Charlie revealed sadly.

Peter didn't need to hear anymore. He knew from his sisters that Jake had repeatedly come home roaring drunk after going out with "friends", culminating in the night before he'd left home where he'd woken everyone up by stumbling through the door at 3am and urinating on the stairs carpet before curling up on the floor hiccuping and belching loudly, giggling drunkenly to himself.

Peter shook his head, “No I haven’t.” He replied sadly, “He’s not answering my calls lately.”

"Maybe try calling Krystal?" Holly suggested. "He might have gone to see her."

“I’ve tried, she says she hasn’t heard from him in weeks.”

The next hour was filled with repeatedly trying to contact Jake along with calling anyone they could think of who might have seen him recently.

Charlie was just as worried as Duffy at where and what Jake was doing. He hoped he wasn’t in trouble somewhere or worse dead.

Duffy had just put the phone down for what seemed like the hundredth time that day when it started to ring again. She snatched it up frantically. "Jake?!!"

“No, it’s Clara.” She said softly, “I’m just ringing to tell you dad’s operation was a success.”

"What?" It took Duffy a few moments to wrap her brain around what her sister was saying. "They found a match..?"

“Yes. Didn’t you know?”

"I thought they were still searching."

“No.” Clara paused, “Did Jake not tell you?”

"Tell me what..? Is he with you? Can I speak to him?!"

“You can’t speak to him, he’s in recovery.”

"What do you mean?! What happened? Was he in an accident?!" Duffy's panic was rising fast, her brain not fully wrapping itself around what her sister was saying.

“Oh my God, you really don’t know, do you?” Clara gasped, “Jake was our father's donor, his kidney was a match.”

"What?!" Duffy gasped. "But surely he'd be barred from donating due to his..." She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence. What if he'd lied to the doctors? Surely they would have run tests though...

“The alcohol abuse? Apparently he’s struck up a deal with dad to stop drinking... I don’t know the ins and outs.”

"Dad convinced him to go to AA?!" Duffy replied hopefully.

“I don’t know.”

"I've been trying for weeks but he just wouldn't listen." Duffy sighed.

“He’s been here often, the last three weeks.”

"I've barely heard from him." Duffy admitted sadly. "I've been so frightened."

“If it’s any consolation Lisa, he’s been sober the entire time he’s been here.”

"He has?" Relief flooded through Duffy. Maybe things were really starting to look up...

“Yes, he has. I really didn’t know you didn’t know he was here, otherwise I would’ve rung. You must’ve been going out of your mind?”

"He just took off one morning. Said he needed to get away, that he couldn't deal with being round here any longer."

“He hasn’t told me what happened...”

"Did he mention the court case at all?"

“No.”

"The spell I had in hospital a few months back... It wasn't because of the seizures." Duffy took a deep breath. "I was violently assaulted and raped by my exhusband. Jake got caught up in it all. That's why I really need to speak to him."

“Oh wow, really?” Clara sighed softly, “I’m so sorry.”

"Jake blamed himself. Something happened this morning and I really need to talk to him. I'll drive over to see him and dad."

“Ok, I’ll let them both know you’re on your way if they wake before they get here.”

“Bye bye.” Duffy hung up the phone and stood numb for several moments. Her head was all over the place, she didn't know what way was up..!

Charlie wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, “Are you ok?”

"J-jake's in hospital..." Duffy mumbled as Peter and Holly joined them in the hall, anxious for news.

“In hospital, why? Is he ok?” Charlie was worried.

"He gave a kidney to my dad."

“Who? Jake?”

Duffy nodded numbly.

“Wow.”

"I need to get over there." Duffy snapped out of her daze and grabbed for her car keys.

"You're not going on your own mum!" Peter interjected.

“Darling, you’re in no fit state to drive yourself.” Charlie reminded her gently.

"How about we all go together?" Holly suggested, knowing that Peter would only worry if they stayed behind.

“Good idea.”

Once they'd gathered their belongings and arranged for the younger boys to be looked after once school had finished both couples prepared to set off.

“Can you believe Jake’s given away a kidney?” Peter remarked as he followed his parents.

"I just hope he's able to stay sober now." Duffy mumbled, her mind whirring through all the most catastrophic possible outcomes.

“Hopefully he will.” Charlie squeezed her knee.

"Are you sure you don't mind driving us all Charlie?" Holly asked as she settled herself in the back of the car.

“Not at all.” Charlie smiled and squeezed Duffy’s knee then upper thigh once more.

Duffy smiled weakly at him in response before turning back to staring out the window once more.

There was a comfortable silence as they drove the journey to Brendan’s hospital.

There was a fair bit of traffic on the motorway so it took longer than usual to get there and by the end Duffy was practically climbing the walls of the car.

“We’re here.” Charlie told her as he pulled into the car park.

Duffy got out of the car and then froze.

Holly groaned softly as she stretched, thankful to be finally out the car.

Charlie and Peter got out of the car, stretching as well.

"How am I going to tell him..?" Duffy mumbled nervously.

“About Andrew?”

Duffy nodded numbly.

“Do you want me to tell him?”

"No. I'll do it."

“We’ll do it.”

Duffy smiled weakly and slipped her hand into Charlie's.

Charlie squeezed her hand. “Love you,” He whispered.

"I love you too." Duffy replied as they headed into the hospital, Peter and Holly following behind them.

Jake had just come round in recovery and felt like he’d been run over by a truck. His entire body ached. He was confused and couldn't remember where he was. A feeling he'd become quite used to over the last few months but this time his head didn't hurt and he wasn't covered in his own bodily fluids.

He looked around, everything was white so he figured he may be a hospital? Some kind of hospital. What the hell had he done to himself this time? His eyes struggled to focus but he saw a flash of red hair. "Mum..?" He groaned weakly.

"No but she's on her way." Clara whispered moving closer to the bed.

“You look just like mum.” He mumbled, the pain relief making him woozy.

"That's coz she's my sister remember?" Clara chuckled softly.

“I know but it’s uncanny...”

"Hmm... How you feeling?"

“Sore. I can’t remember what I did.”

"You had an operation. You donated a kidney."

“To Brendan?”

"That's right." Clara smiled.

Jake smiled weakly.

"Now you've just got to stick to your side of the bargain..."

“No drinking? I haven’t touched a drop for seven days.”

"That's good." Clara smiled. "Dad has been enquring about how to be an AA sponser apparently..."

“Really?”

"One of the nurses told me that he asked her to get him some information."

He smiled weakly, “Things are difficult... I keep remembering things I don’t want to remember.”

"That you did whilst you were drinking?"

“No about mum and Andrew...”

"Is that your mum's exhusband?"

“He’s my real dad.” He mumbled sadly.

"Oh, I didn't realise..." Clara replied. Luckily her doctor's training allowed her to keep a neutral exterior.

“I wish he wasn’t. It’s my fault.” He mumbled.

"I'm sure it's not."

Jake sighed sadly and tried to move onto his side but groaned instead.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Clara chided him, moving to encourage him back into his previous position on the bed.

“It’s uncomfortable.” He whined.

"We can look at adjusting your pain relief once you've seen your mum."

"Is she on her way?"

"She is bud."

“Good good.”

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door.

“Is that mum?” Jake asked, moving to sit up. He let out a loud gasp of pain.

Duffy dashed into the room. "Oh Jakey!"

“Mum!” He wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"I'm here now. You're going to be OK." Duffy soothed, stroking his hair.

He rested his head against his mum’s shoulder, instantly becoming settled.

"I wish you'd told me." Duffy whispered sadly.

“I was going to but I....” He trialed off.

"It doesn't matter now."

“You and Clara, too similar!” He whispered sleepily and yawned.

"That's more of a compliment to me than her..!" Duffy chuckled softly. "You need to rest."

Jake nodded and tried to fall asleep on his mum’s shoulder.

Duffy gently moved her son so his head was on the pillow again. "Much more comfy." She smiled, stroking his cheek. "I love you Jake."

“Love you.” He mumbled.

Duffy stayed with him til he was asleep again. "How's dad?" She whispered to Clara.

“He’s doing really well. He’s stable.”

Duffy gave Jake a kiss before heading back over to the doorway to stand beside her sister. "It's been quite a day..."

“Is everything ok?” Clara gave her sister's arm a squeeze.

"I don't know. I need to tell him something important but I don't know how he'll react." They moved back outside to where Charlie, Peter and Holly were waiting. "You've not met my eldest and his fiancée have you?"

“No I haven’t.” Clara smiled and held her hand out to Peter and Holly, “I’m Clara.”

They each shook her hand in turn. "I'm Peter and this is Holly."

“Congratulations on the pregnancy.”

"Thank you." Holly smiled, rubbing her bump. "We're both very excited."

“I bet! How long have you got left?”

"Just over twelve weeks. Everyone keeps thinking it's much less though." Holly blushed, rolling her eyes.

“By everyone do you mean Lisa?” Clara smirked.

"She just thinks he'll be early. That's not as bad as clients questioning why I'm still working when I'm 'about to drop'!" Holly cringed.

Duffy chuckled softly, “I had exactly the same throughout my pregnancies!”

"It'll be because you've both got slender frames and short torsos." Clara explained. "Baby's got nowhere to go except outwards."

“That explains it. Does that also explain why his feet keep getting stuck in my ribs?” Holly asked.

"Yes." Duffy and Clara replied at the same time.

Holly began to laugh, “You’re both like two peas in a pod.”

Both women laughed.

"Hang on... If they're having a baby that means you're going to be a grandmother and I'm gunna be... Oh fuck I'm too young to be someone's great aunt..!" Clara cringed.

“Oh yeah, I never thought of that.” Duffy admitted with a smirk. “You’re getting old now, Clara.”

As Jake and Brendan were going to be sleeping for some time they group moved to the canteen to wait before Duffy returned to Jake's room a few hours later. Seeing he was awake again she came to sit beside him. "Hello sweetheart."

“Hi mum.” He whispered. 

"How are you feeling?" She asked, fidgeting nervously with her fingers.

“Tired and sore.”

"I wish you'd told us what you were planning to do. We would have been here with you."

“I had to do it on my own.” He smiled weakly.

"Oh Jakey..! You don't have to struggle through everything on your own. Let us help you."

“No, I had to prove to myself I could do something good.”

"You do so much good Jake."

“Not at the minute I don't.”

Duffy sighed. "There's something I need to tell you..." She whispered.

“What’s that?”

Duffy took a steadying breath. Jake was still so poorly but she knew she couldn't keep it from him any longer. "My victim support officer called this morning..." She began.

“About Andrew?”

Duffy nodded.

“Is he dead?”

"How.?!" Duffy gasped. "He hung himself this morning."

Jake smiled sadly, “He was never going to last in prison.”

"I can't wrap my head around it." She admitted.

“He thrived off control. He didn’t have that in prison.”

"There'll be an inquest..."

“Will we be expected to go?”

"I'll go with you if you want to."

“I don’t want to go.”

"Then we won't."

“He’s really dead?”

"He was dead before they cut him down from what I understand. He knew what he was doing."

“He was a doctor... Doctors know how to successfully kill themselves.” Jake sighed, “He’s never going to hurt you again, is he?”

"We can finally truly move on."

“He’s not going to kill you and say it was me....”

"Is that what you were most scared of?"

He nodded, “Ever since he told me...”

"When was that?"

He reached out and stroked the scar on his mum’s jaw. “The night he did this. He put my hands over the knife...”

"But you were only tiny... Why did you never tell me..?" Duffy asked, her heart breaking.

“I was scared. He told me... If I told anyone he’d kill you and said I did it.”

"So you've held that inside you all these years?"

“I had to save you.”

"You did. You and Peter were the reason I kept fighting to carry on."

“But he really hurt you.”

"I'd rather that than he hurt you boys."

Jake met his mum’s eye and smiled sadly.

"Peter and Holly are outside with your dad if you'd like to see them?" She told him after a pause.

“Please.” He wrapped his arms around his mum tightly.

A few moments later the others joined them.

"You trying to nick Tilly's crown for being the most dramatic Fairhead doofus?" Peter teased his brother gently.

“Probably.” Jake laughed gently though it hurt his stomach to do so. 

"How many times..! Don't call your brother that..!" Duffy remarked, shaking her head indulgently at her sons.

"It's Tommy I feel sorry for, constantly getting his ear bent..!" Peter laughed, ignoring his mum and rolling his eyes, making chattering gestures with his hands.

Jake couldn’t help but laugh as he watched his brother mimic Tilly, “Takes after mum, mum can waffle for hours!” He teased playfully.

"Hey!" Duffy retorted.

"No wonder he went to Jamaica for Christmas!" Peter added.

“It’s true!”

"Boys don't be so mean about your sister..!" Charlie chuckled.

"How are you feeling?" Holly asked Jake, attempting to steer the conversation in a different direction.

“I’m sore and tired.” Jake admitted.

"I know that feeling well..!" Holly chuckled, patting her bump.

“How’s you and baby?”

"I'm looking forward to it being over as he's as awkward as your brother already..!" Holly joked.

“That doesn’t surprise me, Peter has also got dad’s genes so it’ll never not be awkward!”

"Rude!" Peter retorted, trying not to laugh.

“Rude but true.” Jake chuckled.

A comfortable quiet fell over the group for a few moments.

"So are you gunna turn your scar into some kind of funky body art to match the rest of your scribblings and metal work?" Peter asked.

“Maybe I haven’t really thought about it.” Jake admitted, “I do want another tattoo though.”

"Another one?!" Duffy remarked. "Surely you've got enough already..?" It wasn't that she objected to tattoos in principle, she just worried about the impression others had when they saw Jake given he was over six foot tall, very muscular and had multiple visible tattoos on his arms, legs and torso in addition to his eyebrow, ear, lip and nipple piercings. Plus others that she didn't want to think about..!

“I have but I like tattoos.” Jake grinned sleepily before he sighed. “Krystal... I need to speak to Krystal.”

"I called her earlier in case you'd been in contact with her whilst you'd been away. She was very worried. I texted when we found out you were here but I haven't had chance to check my phone since." Duffy replied, reaching into her handbag.

“We’ve been on a break...” Jake admitted, “I...” He shrugged.

"There's a message..." Duffy smiled softly, holding her phone out to Jake.

He took the phone and read the message.

"What does it say..?" Peter asked softly.

“That she’s coming up from work... She wants us to talk.”

"That's a good sign." Holly encouraged.

Jake sighed, “I messed up.”

"And now's the time to put things right." Charlie replied.

Jake nodded, “You think I can do that?”

"I do son." Charlie smiled.

"OK."

"Just tell her the truth and listen to what she has to say in return."

“I will. I want her to tell me her feelings.”

"Just don't say anything dumb and you'll be fine..!" Peter interjected cheekily.

Jake rolled his eyes and smiled.

"Hey, I ain't seen him for weeks, gotta get my jabs in to make up for it..!" Peter shrugged with a grin at the look his mum gave him.

“He does have a point.” Jake replied with a smirk.

"And don't think that's gunna get you out of making up for your lost gym coaching time with me for too much longer..!" Peter gestured to the bandaging on Jake's stomach.

“Alright alright.” Jake laughed, “You look like you’re doing great without me, Bro!”

"Thanks." Peter smiled. "It's hard work but I'm getting there. I've managed to lose one and half stone so far."

“Wow! That’s amazing, well done!”

"I'm hoping to lose the same or a bit more in the next four weeks."

“You will do. You seem happier... Are you happier?”

"Yeh. I'm starting to get things straight in my head."

Jake smiled, “That’s good, bro.”

"Things are getting better and they're gunna stay better." Peter smiled, reaching for Holly's hand.

Holly squeezed his hand. “Yeah they are.” She agreed before she frowned.

"You ok?" Peter asked as everyone turned to look at Holly with concern.

“Uh huh.”

"Let me get you a chair..." Charlie offered.

“It’s ok, I’m—-“ Holly cried out in pain.

"Holly..!" Duffy gasped, moving over to assist her.

“He’s stuck his foot in my rib.” Holly gasped. “Holy fuck! I’m ok! I’m ok!”

"Not again. Want me to try shifting him again?" Duffy asked.

“Please, if you don’t mind?”

The boys watched in astonishment as their mum worked her magic. "You make that look so simple..!" Peter remarked, thankful his mum was there to help.

“It’s easy when you’ve had to do it several times.” Duffy remarked with a smile.

"Why do you think we're so glad to have her back at work." Charlie smiled, causing Duffy to blush.

“Because she’s amazing?” Holly asked.

"I'm just me." Duffy shrugged modestly.

Charlie wrapped his arms around Duffy’s waist, “No you’re amazing.” He told her.

Duffy's blush grew darker, she still didn't really know what to do with compliments.

Charlie kissed her neck.

"Hopefully when he engages it'll stop happening." Duffy told Holly. "I'm just sorry there's not more I can do."

“It’s ok. He’s a boy, he’s awkward, it’s what they do.”

"They are!" Duffy agreed with a chuckle.

Holly rubbed her bump, “Maybe I should just have you on speed dial?”

Duffy chuckled again.

“That’s settled then.”

Jake yawned, struggling to stay awake.

“Maybe we should leave sleepy head to sleep?” Charlie asked.

Duffy nodded, stepping back over to Jake. "Do you need any more pain relief sweetheart?"

“No mum, I’m ok.”

"We'll come back and see you later ok?" Duffy told him, kissing his forehead as she stroked his hair.

“Love you mum, dad. And you as well Peter, Holly.” Jake mumbled sleepily.

"We love you too." Duffy told him. "Let's leave him be." She whispered to the others once she was sure he was asleep once more.

The rest of them left but not before Charlie went to kiss Jake’s forehead.

“Love you son.” Charlie whispered.


	67. NSFW, TW: discussion of abuse and rape, alcohol abuse

Charlie pottered about the bedroom as he packed a suitcase for his weekend away with Duffy. He couldn’t seem to shake the nervous feeling he had at the bottom of his stomach, which was silly really because it was just a date weekend. It was their first time away ever since everything had happened with Andrew and Charlie hoped he was able to make it as special as he wanted.

Duffy was sat on the side of the bath in their bathroom. She was equally nervous, possibly even more so as she knew it was likely that Charlie would attempt to move their relationship back to a more intimate level and she was scared that he would be turned off by the scars that remained from her rape. Her doctor had told her a few weeks ago now that she was physically ready to resume sexual relations but mentally was something else entirely despite knowing that Charlie would never hurt her.

He understood that mentally she may not have recovered enough to attempt any intimacy and he was ok with that. It’s why he hadn’t put any pressure onto her, he wanted her to show him that she was ready to be intimate again. Sex wasn’t everything, he was just grateful he could kiss and cuddle her, that meant more than anything. He knocked on the bathroom door, “Are you ok in there, gorgeous?” He asked.

"Mmhmm. Won't be long."

“Ok.” Charlie finished packing the suitcase and sat on the edge of the bed.

Several minutes later she appeared back in the bedroom. "Have you double-checked all the childcare arrangements?"

“Triple checked them.” He replied, “I knew you’d be worried.”

"Thank you." She smiled.

He held his hand out to her.

"I know Emily is now old enough to look after herself and the twins practically are too but..."

“They’re still our babies?”

"How is our oldest daughter sixteen already?!" Duffy cringed.

“I know right?” He smiled brightly, “Only feels like yesterday.”

"She was so tiny..! I'm just relieved that Holly's past that stage now."

“So am I.” Charlie admitted.

"She'll be thirty weeks on Tuesday."

“It’s coming around so quickly!”

"It is. Poor love is starting to really struggle with her back now though." Duffy sighed as they headed downstairs.

“I bet!” He carried the suitcase downstairs.

"He's going to be a big tall lad."

“Like Jake and Oliver?”

"Yes. There's not a spare ounce on her though."

“She’s tiny to begin with.”

"He's still got quite a lot of growing left to do yet." Duffy added, closing the door behind them.

“Yes he has.”

"I'm glad she's got Sally looking after her."

“Sally’s her midwife?”

"That's right. I studied with Sally."

“I thought I’d heard you say her name previously.”

"If I could pick anyone she's who I'd pick." Duffy smiled as she got into the taxi.

“That’s reassuring to know she’s in excellent hands.”

"She is." Duffy rested her head against Charlie's shoulder.

He kissed the top of her head and gave the address of the hotel to the driver.

A comfortable quiet fell over the taxi as they relaxed into their seats for the journey.

It wasn't long before they pulled up outside the hotel.

Charlie paid the driver and got out of the car, taking the suitcase and offering his hand to Duffy.

She interlinked her fingers with his, looking up at the hotel. "This is new..."

“I wanted us to try somewhere different.”

"Let's head inside."

He smiled, led her into the hotel and checked them in at the desk.

Duffy giggled excitedly as Charlie led her upstairs to their room.

“Would you like to do the honours?” He asked as he handed her the room key when they reached their room on the fourth floor.

Taking the key she unlocked the door and pushed it open, letting out a giggly squeal as Charlie scooped her up into his arms.

He chuckled softly as he heard her giggle. She had a beautiful giggle.

He carried her over to the bed before fetching the cases from the corridor.

"This is very fancy." She smiled, casting her gaze around the room.

“Do you like it?”

"I love it." She smiled brightly.

“Good, I’m glad it’s good enough for a princess.”

"I thought I was a queen..?" She giggled, mimicking Tilly.

“You are a queen! My mistake.”

"I forgive you..!" She replied imperially before bursting into giggles.

“You’re so cute when you giggle!”

"I'm too old to be cute anymore." She replied, patting the spot on the bed next to her.

“No you’re not.” He smiled as he sat next to her on the bed.

"Maybe not to you but you are so old..!" She teased.

“Rude!” He squeezed her thigh. “Duffy?”

"Charlie..?"

“Can we talk?”

"What about..?" She asked tentatively.

“Us.”

"Have I done something wrong..?" She asked sadly.

“No, of course not.” He smiled and kissed her tenderly.

"What do you want to talk about then?"

He took her hand in his. “I know you’re not mentally ready to have a physical relationship again just yet and I want you to know, I’m perfectly ok with that.”

"I thought that's why you'd brought me here..."

“I brought you here because I wanted to treat you and I value cuddles and kisses just as much as the sexual stuff.”

"The specialist consultant says I can despite the scarring. He said I should count myself lucky I didn't end up permanently incontinent." She sighed, she hadn't been happy at being transferred to another doctor but it hadn't been her original doctor's specialty.

“Physically your scars may have healed but mentally, you’ve still got a long way to go. I just don’t want you to think I’m putting pressure on you or that I’ve gone off you because that’s not true.”

"I've been scared to look at my scars. They feel pretty bad though." She looked down at her hands, upset and ashamed at the damage Andrew had done to her.

Charlie gently moved her head to look at him, “You’re still so beautiful, don’t ever forget that.”

"You haven't seen what he did to me." She whispered sadly.

“Are you scared I’ll not find you attractive?”

"It's different to before - these aren't scars I gained bearing our children, these are scars inflicted by another man who took what should only be yours."

He nodded sadly, “Show me?”

Duffy's fingers fidgeted with the cover of the duvet they sat on. "Does it make you angry that once upon a time I gave myself willingly to him in that way..?" She mumbled, again turning away from him.

“No it doesn’t.” He replied as he stroked her thigh.

She nodded softly. "Are you angry at me for being stupid enough to walk into the situation that allowed him to take me..?"

“I was angry but more at myself.” He admitted.

"Why?" She asked, bemused.

He shrugged. “I should’ve known you were planning something and followed you but I didn’t.”

"And done what? You saw what happened to Jake, we nearly lost him over this." She sighed.

“Maybe I would have got there before he hurt you.” Charlie sighed, “Have you never seen your scars?”

"I didn't want to look at them. I couldn't face it." She admitted.

“Maybe we can face it together?”

"I... I can try..." She replied hesitantly.

“It’s all we can do.” He smiled as he met her gaze. “I do love you, you know?”

She nodded, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.

“Nothing will ever change that for me!”

"You promise?" She whispered.

“I promise.” He smiled brightly. He reached for her hand and kissed it.

She started to cry softly.

Charlie wrapped his arms around her and held her.

They stayed like that for several minutes until Duffy looked up and slowly, tentatively, she brushed her lips against Charlie's.

He returned the kiss, a soft smile on his face.

She deepened the kiss, needing, craving his touch.

His hands moved to her hips and he pulled her onto his lap, sliding his tongue into her mouth.

Her fingers held tightly to his shoulders.

His fingertips stroked her hips under her top.

"Make me yours again." She pleaded softly, feeling the need to plough through her fears.

“Are you sure?” He asked as he held her gaze.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore. Don't want to feel him anymore."

“I promise to be gentle.” He reassured, “Tell me to stop if it hurts too much?”

She nodded.

He lay her down on the bed and lay next to her.

She watched him silently as he gently stroked his hands over her.

He gently removed her top.

Though she'd gained back some of the weight she'd lost in the immediate aftermath of the rape her ribs were still visible under her skin.

He carefully stroked the skin under her ribs before he moved and kissed the spot on her neck.

A soft moan fell from her lips, the first noise she'd made in several minutes.

Charlie giggled softly as he did it again, kissing up her neck and behind her ear.

Her grip loosened slightly on his shirt.

He began to suck on her neck as his hands worked their way into her bra.

"Make me yours again..!" She begged once more.

“You’ll always be mine.” He whispered.

"I want to feel like yours again."

Charlie’s lips travelled up and down her body, planting kisses against her skin.

Goosebumps appeared along the path of his kisses.

“I love you. So so much.” He whispered before he unbuttoned her jeans. “Are you 100% sure about this?”

She nodded, pushing down her nerves.

He pulled off her jeans and kissed her inner thighs.

She shivered at his touch.

He slid down her knickers. This was the first time he’d seen her intimately since her attack.

Her eyes were tightly shut. Though she tried to hide it, he could tell she was tense.

“Sweetheart? Are you ok?”

"Uh-huh."

“Are you sure? I can stop.”

"How bad is it..?" She whispered.

“Not as bad as you’re thinking.” He admitted.

"Really..?"

“Really, yes.” He smiled.

She opened her eyes slightly as he ran his fingertips gently along the scars.

“Were you worried I wouldn’t find you attractive with these scars?” He asked, as he continued to stroke her scars.

"I thought they'd remind you of what happened..."

“He’s never going to come between us.” He told her.

"I want to be finally truly free of him."

“You will be.” He straddled her lap, “I want you... Fuck, I need you.” He kissed her passionately.

She moaned softly into his mouth.

Charlie’s hand began to play with her.

She started to relax more under his touch.

“Do you like that?” He whispered.

"Yeh..." Her breathing was heavier.

“Can I go down on you?”

"You want to..?"

“Yes.”

"Ok." She nodded.

He kissed her tenderly before kissing back down her body, willing her to relax.

She lay back, trying to focus on something, anything, other than how nervous she felt.

Charlie’s tongue ran over her and he sighed contently.

Her breath hitched as a tingle ran through her.

He did it again, she still tasted just as sweet.

She shuddered under his touch.

He soon developed a rhythm, adding his fingers.

The sound of her soft moans were really turning him on. She was so hot when she moaned, there was no better sound in the world.

Her hands moved from laying on the duvet to rest on her chest, her fingertips dancing over her skin.

He looked up at her and caught her gaze as he continued to suck on her clit.

Her moans grew louder as she began to play with her nipples, her eyes never leaving his.

He watched her as she played with her nipples, he’d forgotten just how sexy she was!

"Oh fuck..!" She gasped breathlessly a few moments later.

Charlie grinned, extremely happy with himself as he moved to lie next to her.

She snuggled into him, seeking his warmth against her skin.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. “How was that? Are you ok?”

"More than ok." She smiled against his chest. "I think you enjoyed it too..!" She added with a hint of impish cheekiness as she rubbed herself against his crotch.

“I really enjoyed myself!”

"I'm glad." Her hand moved to squeeze him gently, aware of how turned on he was.

He let out a soft moan.

"I think he wants to be let out..." She whispered.

“I think you’re right.” He whispered back, “He’s a bit suffocated in there.”

"Poor thing..." She teased, continuing to stroke him over his trousers.

Charlie’s breathing began to quicken.

She slowly unzipped his trousers.

He wondered what she’d do.

She gently traced her fingernail along his length. "I want you to make love to me." She whispered, her eyes full of shyness.

He caught her eye and nodded, “I want to make love to you.” He cupped her cheek in his hand.

"I know I'm safe with you."

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

"I know you won't."

He stroked his hands up and down her body again. “Do you want to go on top?”

She smiled, knowing he wanted her to be in complete control of things. She nodded.

He kissed her tenderly before he lay on his back beside her.

She moved to straddle over his thighs, giggling as his hands instinctively moved to cup her breasts.

“You’re so beautiful!” He told her.

Her giggles morphed into moans as he stroked his thumbs over her nipples.

He played with her nipples before he took one into his mouth.

She rubbed herself against his cock as she moaned.

He sucked a little harder.

Her eyes were clouded with desire as she reopened them to look down at him.

He smiled, relieved to find the desire still evident in her eyes.

She shifted slightly, the tip of his cock nudging against her, as if begging for entry.

He held her hips and gently entered her.

She winced slightly but then relaxed.

“Are you ok?”

She nodded. "Been a while..." She tried to joke.

“Yeah, it has.” His hands ran up her thighs. “You feel so good..!"

She blushed softly as she gave him a watery smile.

He cupped her cheek, stroking his thumb against her cheek. “Are you ok?”

"A little scared..." She admitted softly.

“In case it hurts?”

She nodded. "Silly really..."

“No it’s not silly at all.”

"But we've had sex hundreds of times..."

“Probably even thousands...” He smirked. “If it hurts, we can stop.”

"Ok."

He kissed in between her breasts, his hands resting on her thighs.

She began to slowly move, her body instinctively moulding to his.

Charlie moaned softly.

"I love you." She whispered.

“I love you so much.”

They continued to take things slowly, their passions simmering just under the surface.

He really wanted to flip her onto her back and fuck her harder.

She lent forward and kissed him, their passions rising fast.

He snogged her passionately, thrusting upwards to meet her movements.

She giggled against his lips as he reversed their positions.

“You ok with this?” He asked.

"Yes." She panted.

He began to move faster and harder, his moans becoming louder.

"Oh fuck! Charlie..!" She clung to him.

He reached down to play with her clit as he continued his movements.

Her nails dug into his skin to an almost painful degree. Her eyes were closed and her breathing heavy.

“Come for me, Duffy!” He whispered to her.

The gentle urging in his voice loosened the last vestiges of nervousness inside her and she allowed the sensations to wash over her.

“That’s it baby...” He moaned softly as she let herself fall over the edge. He joined her a couple of seconds later.

They lay breathlessly in each other's arms for several moments before either spoke.

“I love you.”

"Thank you for making me feel like me again."

“You don’t have to thank me.”

"I was scared you wouldn't want me anymore." She admitted sadly.

“That’s not true. Why wouldn’t I want you? I’m still just as attracted to you...”

"That's a relief."

“I love you.”

"I love you too." She snuggled into him.

“Love you more. I’m so glad you were able to trust me.” He held her closely.

"You're the only one I trust."

He kissed her head, “Likewise.”

They lay together for a while before she got up to go into her bag, anxious to check her phone.

“They’ll be ok. They know where to contact us if they aren’t.”

"I know but I wanted to check if there's any further developments on Jake coming home."

“Ok. But come back to bed because I’m cold.” He pouted.

She giggled. "Poor boy, can't have you catching a cold..!" She teased.

“No I don’t want a cold.”

"Emmy wants to know if she's ok to go to a party tomorrow night..?" Duffy replied as she headed back over to the bed.

“A party? Who's party?”

"Some art school friends."

“She’ll be sensible, won’t she?”

"I'm sure she will. She's the sensible one out the girls." Duffy shrugged.

“Yeah."

"If it was Tilly asking it'd be a different answer..!" She chuckled.

“Oh of course!”

Duffy continued to scroll through her message. "They're discharging Jake Monday all being well. He wants Krystal to come stay for a bit when he gets home."

“That’s ok. I’m sure we can cope with Krystal being in the house.” He replied.

"I'm just glad they're on speaking terms again."

“Me too.” Charlie moved and wrapped his arms around Duffy’s waist. “How’s your dad?”

"He's slowly improving. His body seems to have accepted the new kidney but they're still keeping a close eye on him for any sign of rejection. He and Jake have been spending a lot of time together. Fingers crossed that's had a positive effect on Jake."

“I hope so, I really want him to stop drinking, especially now he’s only got one kidney.” Charlie smiled and kissed her shoulder, “I’m glad your dad is ok too.”

"If he goes back to his old ways now..." Duffy sighed, she knew it wouldn't be easy for Jake to avoid temptation once he came home again.

“Maybe he won’t. Maybe this time he wants to get help.”

"I was thinking of inviting dad to stay with us once he's discharged. That might help Jake..."

“It’s a good job, we’ve got a big house isn’t it?” He teased.

"He could use Peter's old room..?"

“Yeah he could.”

"Have you spoken to Peter in the last few days?"

“Yes. We’ve spoken.”

"How is he? I was thinking of asking Holly if she wanted to go shopping next weekend..."

“He’s doing well, keeps asking me questions about being a father though which is cute.” Charlie admitted, “Oh shopping? What for? Baby clothes?”

"I'm so glad you two are getting the chance to bond over this." Duffy smiled. "I just thought I'd offer to help out with anything they need. I don't want them to worry now that Peter's taken a pay cut at work."

“I think Peter was stressing that they needed the money but I don’t think they actually do.” Charlie nodded, “I’m glad I can bond with him over this. He doesn’t seem as anxious...”

"That's good. That may be so but I won't see my grandson going without if we can help it..!"

“Nor will I.” He was silent for a few seconds, “You know they’ve given up moving into the house?”

"Yes but that flat is nowhere big enough for the three of them..." She caught the look he gave her. "I know, I know, it's bigger than the flat you had when we moved in but..."

“But..?” He kissed her shoulder again.

"I just want them to have more than what we had that's all."

“If they’re happy where they are, why change?”

"I s'pose you're right..."

“Apparently Holly didn’t like the house they were planning on moving into. They’ll find their forever home.”

"Ah I did wonder why they'd changed their minds..."

He smiled brightly, “They’re a lovely couple!”

"They are. Holly has been so supportive of Peter."

“She reminds me of you.”

"Really..?" She blushed.

He nodded, tracing his fingertips along her spine. “Yes.”

She started to giggle at his actions.

He continued his actions.

"That tickles!" She gasped, she hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time.

“Do you feel relaxed though?” He briefly paused his actions.

"Yes." She smiled. "Thank you."

“You don’t need to thank me.” His lips began to follow the same path his fingers took on her skin.

Duffy sighed contentedly.

“I’ve booked us dinner for this evening. Table is booked for half seven.”

"Here or elsewhere?"

“Here. I thought we could have dinner and a couple of drinks?”

"Sounds lovely."

He lay down on the bed. “You’re so beautiful, you know?”

"I'm glad you think so."

“Everything is ok, isn’t it?”

"I'll be ok."

“You can talk to me about anything?” He gently reminded her.

"It's all just so overwhelming." She sighed.

“I know.”

"There's also a message asking if I want to go to the inquest..."

“Do you want to go?”

"I don't know."

“You don’t have to make a decision today.”

She nodded. "I worry it'll open up old wounds..."

“Of your trauma?”

She nodded. "For me and Jake."

“Do you think it will?”

She shrugged. "Jake doesn't want to go. As far as he's concerned you're his dad and that's the end of it."

“And you? What do you want to do?” He asked gently.

"Part of me feels I should go. I don't know why... Do you think I should go..?" She asked as she continued to mull the issue over in her head.

“I think you should go if it means you get closure.”

"I thought I'd gotten that after the court case but then he goes and opens up one last can of worms..."

“What can of worms?” He asked as he stroked her back, pulling her into a hug.

"Four weeks is barely anything..."

He kissed her neck, “Would you like me to come to the inquest with you?”

"If I go..."

“If you decide you want to go.”

She nodded. "I've spent longer recovering in hospital over the years..." She muttered.

“I know.” He sighed and stared at the ceiling.

A silence fell over them until it was punctuated by Duffy yawning. "Do we have time for a nap before dinner?"

“We certainly do, babe.”

"Good..." She mumbled, her eyes sliding closed.

Charlie reached for the duvet and threw it over them both.

They both fell asleep quickly but then Charlie was awoken by Duffy screaming as she suffered her first nightmare for several days.

“Sweetheart, it’s ok. You’re safe.” He reassured her.

"Let me go! Please don't hurt me!" She cried, her eyes still closed.

He stroked her cheek, trying to gently wake her up. “Duffy?”

"I'm sorry, it's all my fault... Please... Can't breathe..."

“Duffy, sweetheart?” He gently shook her.

She started to hyperventilate, thrashing violently.

“Baby, just breathe!” He told her and shook her again. This time it was a lot harder.

Her eyelids fluttered open revealing her eyes rolling around.

“Babe!”

She briefly went rigid in his arms before her eyes suddenly flickered into focus filled with confusion.

He swallowed and stroked her cheek gently.

"Where am I?" She mumbled.

“In a hotel with me.”

She blinked several times. "Did I have a seizure?"

“I think so.”

"I feel foggy..."

“You had a flashback. A nightmare...”

"I don't remember..." She sighed sadly.

“It’s ok.” He cuddled her again.

"Did any of it make sense?"

“I think you were back with Andrew.”

"I'm sorry." She whispered sadly.

“Why are you saying sorry?”

"He spoils everything..." She sighed sadly, her throat hurt.

“He hasn’t spoilt this evening...”

"Even dead I can't escape him."

“He was your husband at one point and you loved him. It’s ok to grieve.” He reminded her.

"He made my life a living hell."

“You loved him, Duffy. Despite everything he did to you.”

"The only thing I loved about him is Jake."

“Nothing else?”

"No." She was clearly compartmentalising again.

“Are you sure? It doesn’t make you an idiot for loving someone that abused you.”

"Maybe not but it would make me even more screwed up than I already am..." She sighed.

“Then let me help you?”

"Part of me wants to hear them say that he suffered horribly, that it was slow and excruciating but I know it probably wasn't." She admitted softly.

“He knew what he was doing.”

"Just like he knew what he was doing to me for all those years." She replied bitterly.

“You got the last laugh though, didn’t you?”

"Did I..?"

He nodded, “Your bravery helped convict him and he knew he’d lost all control when he went to prison.”

"It should have happened a lot sooner..."

“Maybe so but in the end, you did it.” He reached for her hand.

"Not before he almost destroyed everything..."

“He never could destroy you Duffy Fairhead.”

"That's why he went after Jake instead."

Charlie sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"He's so desperate not to end up like him."

“He isn’t like him. Never has been.”

"I just hope he's starting to see that now."

“I hope so too.”

"I just want him back home with us."

“He’ll be back home soon.”

"I couldn't have done this without you. You do realise that don't you?"

“I, darling, didn’t do anything.”

"You did everything without even realising."

“We’ve always been a team.”

"We have." The smile started to return to her face.

“The best team.”

She cuddled into him, still tired.

“Do you still fancy dinner?”

She nodded, her eyes closing.

“Are you sure?”

"Sleep first." She mumbled into his chest.

“Of course.”

She completely curled herself up against him as she fell asleep once more.

This time Charlie stayed awake, just watching her sleep.

Her fingers clutched his arm, her face pressed against his chest.

He held her closely to his chest, tucking her up once more.

She felt so tiny and delicate in his arms, almost like cradling a child.

He kissed her head and whispered that he would keep her as safe as he could.

This time she stayed asleep.

He ended up falling asleep himself about half an hour later.

They woke up at the same time about an hour later. He attempted to move slightly before she noticed the effect sleeping cuddled up to her naked body had had on him but it was too late as she looked up to meet his eye.

He blushed as he caught her eye.

"Good to know I've still got it..!" She giggled softly, moving to follow him.

“You’ve never stopped having it.” He replied, still blushing.

Now it was her turn to blush. "You're going to need to lose that before we go downstairs for dinner though..."

“I know.”

"Would you like me to help you with that..?" She whispered, reaching her hand tentatively towards him.

“I’d quite like your help.” He replied with a smile.

Her fingers brushed against the tip.

His cock twitched from her touch.

Emboldened, she ran her fingers slowly along his length.

Charlie pulled her closer to him by her hip and kissed her.

Distracted by the kiss her hand began to reflexively stroke his cock.

He moaned softly against her lips.

She ran her tongue along his bottom lip.

“You’re so sexy!” He whispered.

She ran her fingertip over the end of his cock before lifting her hand to her mouth to suck it clean.

He stared into her soul, his breathing heavy.

She placed a second finger into her mouth, licking them both before grasping his cock again.

“Fuck...!”

"You ok?" She giggled.

“Uh huh.”

"What would you like..?"

He ran his thumb along her lips.

She sucked his thumb, teasing him.

He moaned softly.

"Is there something else you want me to suck..?" She asked in a whisper.

He nodded.

She licked her lips, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

He smirked, noticing the glint in her eyes.

She giggled as she disappeared under the duvet.

“Fuck me, Duffy!” He groaned loudly as she took his length into her mouth.

Her laughter vibrated across the skin of his cock.

He wrapped his hands in her hair.

She licked and sucked hungrily.

His moans grew louder.

Encouraged by his moans she took him deeper, her teeth grazing along his skin.

“Babe... You feel so good!”

She settled into a rhythm, her fingers tiptoeing over the skin of his thighs.

He got goosebumps as she did.

She felt his grip on her hair tighten.

He was so close. He was going to come down her throat if she carried on.

Moving back she ran the tip of her tongue just under the head of his cock before taking him deeper again.

“I’m so close!!” He muttered to her, holding himself back.

She ticked his balls mischievously.

He let out a loud moan as he climaxed and emptied himself into her mouth.

A few moments later she appeared out from under the duvet licking her lips, her expression impish.

His breathing was heavy as he reached out and ran his thumb over her lips. “You won’t be needing dinner after that...”

She licked the tip of his thumb, giggling softly.

“You’re so sexy!”

She smiled, blushing lightly, as she snuggled into him.

“I love you.” He replied as he kissed her tenderly.

"I love you too."

“Love you more.” He reached down and squeezed her bum.

"How long til dinner?" She asked, wiggling her bum against his hand.

Charlie squeezed her bum again and licked his lips. He glanced at the clock, “An hour.”

"Time for a bath..?"

He pouted as he thought. “Yes.”

"Join me?"

“What if I can’t promise to keep my hands to myself?”

"I'd be disappointed if you did..!"

He laughed gently, “Bath it is then gorgeous.”

"You're usually pretty good when it comes to picking hotel bathrooms so let's see how you've done this time..."

He laughed again and got up out of bed.

"Mmm... Not bad... Not bad at all..." She grinned from the bathroom door.

“Does my Queen like?”

"You done good babe."

“I try to do good.” He kissed her neck and shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm a very lucky girl."

“I’m a lucky man.”

"Ready for a hot, bubbly soak?"

“With you, yes.”

"There's a bottle of bubbles in my bag."

“You always come prepared.” He laughed gently and kissed her cheek before he disappeared to grab the bottle of bubbles.

"Someone has to be..!" She giggled over her shoulder as she ran the water.

“Thats true.”

It didn't take long for the bath to fill and they both sunk themselves into the hot bubbly water.

Charlie’s hand played with the ends of Duffy’s hair. “I was worried for a while... That we weren’t going to get through this.” He confessed quietly.

"So was I..."

“I wasn’t sure how I could support you.”

"You did everything I needed just by being there."

“I... I went to a group."

"A group?"

“A support group for men whose partners had been assaulted or raped.”

"Was it helpful?"

He nodded, “It helped me realise I wasn’t on my own with my feelings.”

"I'm glad. Did they help you realise there's nothing you could have done? That you didn't fail?"

“Yes. I didn’t fail. I know that.”

"You didn't. None of you did."

He rested his head lightly against her shoulder. “It’s nice to know there was something out there for men.” He replied, “I feel we often get forgotten about.” He admitted.

"The ripples extend a long way."

“They do.”

"We'll be ok."

“I know we will.”

"Things will get better from now on."

“They are always better if you’re here.”

She blushed and snuggled into him.

“I love you.”

"I love you too."

Charlie kissed her shoulder gently and licked the skin with a cheeky laugh.

Duffy giggled, feeling more relaxed than she had for months.

“Your skin’s so beautiful.”

"Thanks." She giggled.

“You’re also very, very sexy.”

"Ah there's my husband..!" She teased gently.

“Your horny husband? He’s always here.” He laughed.

"He certainly is!" Her laughter grew louder.

“What can I say? You’re so beautiful.”

"You're doing wonders for my ego..!"

“I just wish you knew how beautiful and sexy you really are!”

"I'm just me." She shrugged.

“You’re bloody gorgeous!”

She gave him a dazzling smile.

He kissed her nose.

She wrinkled her nose.

He did it again.

"That tickles!" She giggled.

He laughed gently and did it for a third and final time. “I won’t do it again.”

"Good boy..!" She giggled. 

Knowing he still had a few more days to wait til he could go home had frustrated Jake so rather than stewing on it on his own he decided to head to the neighbouring room where Brendan was. "Hey." He smiled, popping his head around the door.

“Hi.” Brendan smiled as he caught sight of the person at the door. “Should you be out of bed?” He asked gently.

Jake shrugged. "Got bored." He explained.

“Come in.” Brendan gestured towards the chair by his bed. “How you feeling?”

"Antsy." Jake confessed as he sat down.

“Any particular reason?”

"They're saying I can't go to the gym for a few more weeks after I go home."

“Your body needs to rest, you’ve had a major op.”

"I don't do sitting around well..." Jake looked down, picking at his fingers.

“I can tell. You’re a free spirit, Matt was the same.” Brendan smiled. “Have you thought any more about the AA meetings?”

"Do I really need to go? It's been weeks..."

“I think it’s important.”

"Has mum been getting on you..?" Jake sighed.

“No, she’s worried about you.”

"He's dead. It's all over." Jake shrugged.

“You still have to deal with those feelings that are left behind.”

"I'm not an alcoholic! I'm sick of people making out like I am!" Jake jumped to his feet, wincing at the pain the movement caused him.

“I’m an alcoholic. There’s no shame in that, Jake.” Brendan reached out to take Jake’s hand.

"But it's normal to get a bit pissed when you're feeling shitty about stuff. I felt shitty about him and now he's dead so I'll be fine." Jake tried to convince Brendan as he looked down at their hands.

“It’s normal to get pissed with your friends. It’s not normal to get pissed every day because you hate the way you feel.” Brendan paused, “He’s dead but you’ve still got feelings and memories you need to deal with.”

"It wasn't every day..!" Jake attempted to argue.

“Just the majority of the days?”

"Mum makes it sound worse than it is..." Jake sighed, sitting back down.

“Tell me how it was?”

"I just overdid it sometimes coz I didn't want to think about him." Jake shrugged. "What did mum tell you..?"

“That most nights you got yourself into a state. How she was worried she’d get a knock on the door saying you were dead. How she blamed herself...”

"It ain't her fault." Jake replied, not denying the rest.

“You’re her son. Of course she’ll blame herself.” Brendan squeezed his hand, “How do you feel? Truthfully feel?”

"That I wanna get out of here and get hammered - is that what you want to hear me say?!"

“Yes because at least you’re being honest.”

"Is that what you wanna do too?"

“Be honest about what?”

"Do you still want to drink?"

“All the time, it doesn’t ever go away to be honest.” Brendan sighed, “I’ve been an alcoholic for nearly sixty years, Jake, and I nearly died because of it.”

"Is that why you abandoned mum?"

“I nearly killed her.”

"Shit!" Jake gasped.

“I left her alone when she was sick. She choked on her own vomit, I was so ashamed of myself.”

"I guess that explains why gran gets so freaked when mum fits."

“She’s terrified of losing her.”

"Yet they fight loads."

“They’re both stubborn and too alike, it happens.” Brendan smiled.

"Stubborn is a thing in our family." Jake cringed, laughing.

“You can blame your Gran.”

"She blames you." Jake snorted.

“Yeah she would.”

"Just like mum blames dad for being the stubborn one." Jake chuckled softly.

Brendan smiled. It was nice to see Jake smiling and laughing again.

Neither man spoke for several minutes as they pondered their own thoughts.

"So I can't drink ever again..?" Jake mumbled. "Surely I can control it..?"

“You can but you need to be in complete control. You can’t ever drink to excess again.”

"Coz I'll die.?!" Jake retorted sarcastically.

“Cos you’ll end up like me. On death's door, realising you’ve lost everything you’d ever loved. All because you weren’t brave enough to say the words out loud.”

"I ain't a coward!"

“And neither am I!” Brendan shot back.

"This is all just bullshit!" Jake muttered angrily, throwing his head back against the wall behind him.

“Talk to me, Jake?”

"I'm sick of being different..." Jake whispered sadly.

“What makes you different?”

"Him." Jake sighed. "He's the reason I walked away from Krystal. Everyone thinks she just got pissed off with my bullshit and kicked me to the kerb but that's not what happened..."

“What happened?”

"I lost it. I flipped." Jake replied staring down at the floor.

“And then what?”

"I trashed her flat. I was so angry."

“You can be angry without hurting people or destroying things. You’re allowed to be angry, it’s an emotion.”

"I threw a glass jar at her head." Jake admitted, running a hand through his hair.

“Did that make you ashamed?”

Jake nodded. "I've never seen her look so scared. She threw me out the flat. I came back later to try to apologise, she said she hated me and spat in my face. That's all I remember til I woke up the next morning face down on the wet pavement as she stepped over me to go to work. I tried to follow her but... I couldn't stand up properly..."

“You need to explore your feelings around what he did to your mum. You’re not him. You’re you and you can’t let him destroy your future. Believe me Jake, you don’t want to be in this position, wishing you’d done things differently, still mourning over your first wife because she was your first and only love.”

"She's agreed to give me another chance. I don't want to fuck it up but I'm scared I will."

“Have you ever thought about therapy? Talking to someone?”

"Mum and Peter suggested I should. They say it's helped them but I'm not convinced it has."

“What makes you think that?”

"Neither of them is exactly the poster child for mental and emotional stability..!"

Brendan sighed, “Therapy can only do so much. It can only give you the tools needed to get over the trauma, the rest you have to do yourself.”

"Mum's been making herself sick again..."

“What?”

"That's what Peter said at court."

Brendan sighed, “Would you like me to talk to your mum? See if it’s true?”

"She won't admit it."

“Would she admit it to your father?"

"Maybe. Her and Peter are like opposite ends of the same fucked up mess." Jake sighed.

“You need to focus on you, and get yourself better. It’s no good worrying about everyone else.” Brendan told him gently.

"But I'm the reason mum's the way she is."

“No you’re not. Do you think she ever blames you for what happened?”

"She says she doesn't..."

“That’s because she doesn’t. I think your mum was always going to have another baby, Jake.”

"Then why didn't she just try and make things work with dad? I get the impression they were pretty involved in each other's lives back then. They already had Peter..."

Brendan shrugged, “Maybe you need to ask your mum and dad that question? Have you ever asked them that?”

"No..." Jake replied pulling a horrified face.

“It might be worth asking. It might shed some light on things.”

"I s'pose."

“The next time they come and visit, ask them your questions. They’ll be honest with you.”

"I'm not sure I want them to be too honest..!" Jake screwed his face up.

Brendan laughed, “Maybe not that much but you should ask them.”

"Ok. I won't see them til Monday. They've gone away for the weekend together."

“Oh? Anywhere nice?”

"Some hotel."

“I hope they’re having a nice time.”

"I think it's like a belated second honeymoon or something."

“Nice!”

"They were gunna go after the renewal ceremony but then shit went down so they postponed."

“Ah, that explains it.”

"Dad's been wanting to arrange it for a while but didn't want mum to feel pressurised."

“Your dad is a lovely man. He raised you well.”

"I was really young when we started living with him. Mum was pregnant with Emily."

“It shows, you’re a lovely young man Jake but you can’t let this define your entire life.”

"I try not to but I can't help who I am can I?"

“No but you’re not him. You need to stop thinking you are.”

"I'm half him, you can't deny that."

“Biologically yes but that doesn’t account for everything.”

"Yeh coz I'm half my mum too and she's actually pretty sound... I get that..!" Jake rolled his eyes.

“Do you think he would’ve done something like this?”

"Like what?"

“Given away a kidney to help someone have a life?”

"Nah, he was a selfish cunt. This is where you tell me 'see you're not like him at all...' isn't it?" Jake rolled his eyes but there was a hint of humour in his tone.

“Yep! Because you need to believe that in order to move on.”

"I'll move on once this inquest is done with, they've buried him and I can go piss on his grave!"

“Do you want to go to it?”

"To what?"

“The inquest.”

"I don't much see the point. He's dead. What else can an inquest achieve?"

Brendan shrugged.

"I can't even go out and celebrate."

“Which is a good thing.”

Jake was silent again for several minutes. "What made you drink?" He asked eventually.

“Bad thoughts and memories.”

"Can you tell me about them?"

Brendan sighed. “I was a bastard who nearly killed his daughter because he couldn’t stop drinking for one night.”

"But you were drinking before that point..?"

“With friends, yes. Socially, maybe I did have a problem...”

"It's what people do though ain't it? Go drinking with their mates..."

“Yes but when it’s every night, maybe that’s when you have a problem...”

"I suppose..." Jake sighed.

Brendan smiled sadly.

"It used to be a laugh..."

“When did that stop?”

"When I came back to England."

“It was more of a need?”

"I started feeling I had to hide it..." Jake admitted.

“You didn’t want people to think you had a problem?”

"My mates started getting pissed off that I'd always end up getting thrown out of places for getting into arguments or puking and passing out."

“Will you say it to me? Will you say it out loud?”

"Say what?"

“That you’re an alcoholic?”

Jake looked down, running his hand through his hair as it flopped down into his eyes.

“You can be honest with me, Jake. I’m not going to judge you.”

"There's nothing to judge!" Jake retorted angrily, getting up and storming out of the room. Realising there was no-one around to stop him he simply kept going and walked out of the hospital into the night.

“Jake?” Brendan called after him, not wanting him to do something stupid.

Jake wandered aimlessly for several minutes not really sure where he was going as he didn't really know the area. Spotting a group of people he went over and managed to blag some money off them.

Brendan tried to call him on his mobile. He figured he’d have that with him, wouldn’t he?

Jake looked at his phone and put it back in his pocket without answering it. He didn't want to talk right now. He spotted a shop and went inside.

Brendan kept trying.

Jake turned his phone off and went to the counter with his purchases.

The man sold the goods to Jake.

He walked outside and sat on a nearby bench. "I don't have a problem." He muttered to himself as he unscrewed the bottle and chugged back the contents.

He’d barely drank the alcohol when he felt worse for wear!

He briefly screwed his eyes shut before taking a deep breath and finishing the bottle. He then staggered to his feet, swaying as he tried to find his balance. "Fuck..!" He mumbled. The empty bottle slipped from his hand and smashed on the pavement. "Oops!" He slurred, stumbling, unsure of where he was. He felt dizzy and nauseous.

This wasn’t supposed to happen, shit. He began to panic!

He tried to walk over to some people on the other side of the road. His stomach hurt so much! He heard the blare of a car horn moments before everything went black.

Brendan was getting agitated, the fact Jake wasn’t answering his calls.

Slowly getting up from his bed he made his way over to Jake's bay, his fear escalating as he realised the teenager hadn't come back. “Fuck! Jake!” Brendan sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. This was all such a mess..!


	68. NSFW, TW: alcohol abuse

Unaware of her elder brother's escapades Emily set out for the party the next evening with a spring in her step. She'd barely been there a few minutes when a familiar face approached her. 

"Emmy?! It is you!" Jamie grinned.

Emily turned around when she heard her name been called and grinned at Jamie. “Jamie? Is that you?”

"Yeh. It's been ages! You look great." He grinned, his gaze running over her. She looked stunning in a little black dress and heels.

Emily blushed, “Give over!”

"No seriously." His eyes kept being drawn back to her curves. "Can I get you a drink?"

Emily bit her lower lip and nodded, “That’d be nice, thanks.” She ran her eyes over Jamie, he’d always been good looking but he was even more so these days!

Moving through to the kitchen Jamie grabbed them a beer each, handing one to Emily. "I wasn't expecting to see you here..."

“Why’s that?” She accepted the beer and opened it.

"I didn't think you were allowed to these kind of things." He shrugged, opening his beer and taking a swig before placing his hand on her back to guide her back through the house.

“Well, you thought wrong.” She replied, taking a deep breath as she felt his hand on her lower back.

"Well I'm very pleased to be wrong." He lent down and whispered in her ear.

She giggled softly but didn’t say anything as she took a sip of her beer.

Finding a free corner they sat down and began chatting.

“So any big changes in your life?” Emily asked.

"Nah. Just enjoying life as it comes." He smiled, stretching, using the opportunity to rest his arm around her shoulders.

She looked up to meet Jamie’s gaze. “My girlfriend should be here soon.”

"Ah." Jamie replied but didn't move his arm.

She swallowed as she found herself becoming increasingly lost in his eyes.

"You're really fit." He whispered, moving a little closer.

Emily blushed, her cheeks nearly going as red as her hair. “You’re not so bad yourself...”

"It's suddenly got hot in here..!" He grinned, noticing her blush, his fingertips gently stroking her bare collarbone.

“Maybe you’re making me warm...” She whispered.

"And you me..." He whispered, drawn to her like a moth to a flame. He brushed his lips against hers.

She briefly contemplated kissing him back but remembered she was with Beth. She moved away, “I have a girlfriend, remember?” She whispered.

"That's ok. It's sexy..!" He replied, his mind entertaining the idea.

She chuckled, “You got a fantasy, Jamie?”

It was his turn to briefly blush before he regained his composure. "Well if you won't let me get off with you can I at least watch you two getting off with each other..?" He smirked.

“Is that what you’d like?”

"I'd rather you all to myself but I'm willing to share..!" He whispered hotly in her ear, nibbling her earlobe before kissing her neck.

She let out a giggly moan as he kissed the weak spot on her neck. “Maybe I can ask Beth?”

"Ok." He continued to kiss that spot, his fingers creeping under the hem of her dress. "Just one snog... Please..!"

Her heart began to race as his fingers crept under her dress, “Be patient and you might get more than a snog.”

"Really?!" He grinned against her neck, his fingers creeping a little higher, she was really turning him on!

“Like I said, I’ll have to speak to Beth.” She replied, she was becoming damp.

Jamie shifted slightly on the floor, he smirked as he watched Emily's gaze move to his crotch. "I did say I thought you were fit..!" He shrugged.

“I’m making you hard, am I?” She grinned.

"Yeh." He groaned softly as Emily moved her hand.

She gave him a small squeeze. “I should probably go and find my girlfriend, see if we can help relieve some of that pressure.”

"I'd like that..." He panted slightly.

She kissed his cheek before she disappeared and went to find Beth.

Jamie watched her go and then lent back against the wall, taking a swig from his beer. He attempted to rearrange his boxers but it proved tricky as he was still rock hard, his head filled with thoughts of Emily. She’d definitely become beautiful, the older she got. 

Emily was wet, even though she never thought she’d ever be attracted to boys again.

"Sorry I'm late." Beth smiled, removing her coat and coming over to Emily.

“It’s ok,” Emily grinned as she saw the outfit Beth was wearing. She looked incredible, very sexy!

"You missed me?" Beth smirked, leaning in to kiss Emily.

“I have something to ask you!” Emily replied as she kissed Beth.

"Oh..?"

Emily pulled Beth into the corner and whispered in her ear. “Have you ever thought about having a threesome?”

"What?!" Beth laughed. "You're funny when you're drunk pocket!"

“I’m being serious!”

"Really?" Beth considered the idea for a moment. "So which lass you got your eye on..?"

“A guy actually.”

Beth wrinkled her nose. "Lesbians don't shag guys babe..!"

“You’ve never wanted to shag a guy?” Emily asked.

"Fuck no!"

“Not even just to try it?” Emily pouted, “Well I guess there goes my fantasy!”

"What fantasy is that?" Beth asked nervously.

“Seeing you on your hands and knees being fucked by a cock whilst you stick your tongue in my pussy.” Emily giggled drunkenly.

"Ask me again after I've had a few drinks..!" Beth laughed awkwardly.

“Ok gorgeous.” Emily pulled Beth towards her and groped her bum, giving her a passionate snog.

They headed into the party and got some drinks from the kitchen. Beth was trying to work out who Emily had got her eye on.

It didn’t take her long to work out it was Jamie, which made Beth feel a bit jealous.

Beth's jealousy rose as Jamie strolled over to them. "Hey ladies." He grinned, not hiding the way his gaze ran hungrily over Emily.

“Hi.” Emily replied once more as she moved closer to Beth.

"Enjoying the party?" He asked.

“Yeh!” Beth answered, pulling Emily closer to her.

As the trio made small talk Beth found herself agreeing to Emily's earlier idea. She wasn't in the least bit interested in Jamie but she wanted Emily to be happy.

Jamie was most enthusiastic about the idea. He finally got to see a hot girl - the girl he had a crush on - make out with another girl!

They were all quite merry as the plans started to take shape. Jamie's hand had wandered to settle on Emily's bottom again.

Beth was experiencing so many different emotions right now! She was so jealous of the way Jamie looked at Emily!

It was clear that Emily was lapping up the attention she was receiving from both Beth and Jamie. She was very giggly and flirtatious.

“Shall we take this upstairs?” Beth asked.

"Sure." Emily grinned. 

They made their way upstairs and found an empty bedroom. Closing the door they moved a table partially in front of it so they wouldn't be disturbed.

“Have you two done this before?” Jamie asked with a grin.

"No." Emily giggled, stretching out on the bed.

“First time for you both?”

"Yeh. What about you..?" Beth asked, staying standing by the door as she watched Jamie move to sit next to Emily.

“Nah, never.”

"Join us..?" Emily giggled to Beth as Jamie stroked her thigh.

Beth slowly moved towards them. She still didn’t feel 100% over the idea but... Emily was clearly loving the attention. She felt a spike of aroused jealousy as she realised that Jamie was well aware of the weak spot Emily had on her neck. 

Emily moaned softly as Jamie kissed her neck, holding her hand out to Beth.

Maybe this could be fun after all... Beth took Emily’s hand and lay next to her.

Emily tilted her head to kiss Beth.

Beth kissed her passionately.

Jamie lent back slightly and watched them.

Beth’s hands began to roam Emily’s body.

It was beyond Jamie's wildest dreams! 

Emily turned her head towards him, her eyes beckoning him closer.

Emily let out a moan as Beth groped her breasts.

"Fuck..!" Jamie gasped, his hand slipping under Emily's dress and sliding up her leg.

Emily’s skin felt like it was on fire, she didn’t think she could get hornier. She moaned loudly as Jamie ran his fingers over her through her knickers and Beth began to suck on one of her nipples whilst fondling the other. “Oh God!” She moaned.

"You like that..?" Jamie smirked, tugging Emily's knickers down.

“Uh huh.”

He let out a moan as her hands began to roam over his body.

Emily took Beth’s hand and placed it on Jamie’s cock.

Beth tried to hide her distaste, gently swapping their hands over.

“You don’t like it, Beth?”

"Not as much as you do..!"

Emily nodded, squeezing his cock in her hand.

Beth returned her attention to pleasuring Emily. 

Jamie took hold of Emily's chin and snogged her.

Emily moaned into his mouth before gently sucking his tongue.

"I want to fuck you..." Jamie moaned against Emily's lips.

“Ask her first,” Emily whispered referring to Beth.

Jamie moved slightly and turned to Beth. "Can I fuck your girlfriend?"

“As long as you don’t hurt her.”

"I won't." He reached for the button of his jeans. "D'ya wanna do the honours..?" He asked Emily with a grin.

Emily looked at Beth for reassurance.

"If it's what you want then go for it." Beth replied.

“But is it ok with you?” Emily whispered.

"Yeh."

“100%?

"Yeh."

Jamie’s hand moved back to pleasure Emily. He smirked as Emily's eyes went wide as she undid his jeans. "Don't worry, he's a friendly giant..!" He laughed.

Even Beth’s eyes widened over the size of Jamie’s cock. Though it did nothing to stop the jealousy she was feeling inside. She felt her arousal spike when Emily moved her head closer to his penis and gently placed a kiss against his tip.

Jamie let out a moan as his cock twitched.

Emily giggled and ran her tongue over him.

"Oh fuck Em..!"

Emily giggled loudly as she gently took his length into her mouth.

He moaned loudly as she sucked and licked him. He then pulled back and moved so he could slide his cock into her wet pussy.

Emily moved her hand and rubbed her fingers over Beth. She beckoned her closer, encouraging Beth to straddle across her face.

Beth straddled Emily’s face.

Emily licked at Beth's clit before burying her tongue deep inside her.

Beth groaned loudly as she steadied herself, her hands clutching at Emily’s breasts.

Emily's breathing was hot and heavy. She hadn't thought it possible to feel this turned on. The experience was hitting every pleasurable button in her brain.

Jamie began to fuck Emily, one of his hands reached up to massage Beth’s breast.

Beth was surprised to find she didn't hate the sensation but her focus was more fixed on the feel of her girlfriend's tongue inside her.

He pinched her nipple, lent forward and placed a kiss against it.

Emily's hips bucked against him as he used his other hand to massage her clit as he continued to thrust deep inside her. She was desperate to bring Beth to an orgasm. She lapped hungrily at Beth. A few moments later she achieved her goal as Beth let out a loud moan.

Feeling Beth orgasm on her face, triggered one of Emily’s. She moaned out loud as she began to tremble.

"Fucking hell!" Jamie gasped as he felt her clench around his cock.

Emily let out a whimper, she was so fucking close!

He sped up his thrusts, pushing as deep as he could, his fingers rubbing her clit.

Emily grabbed Beth’s hand and clutched it tightly as she began to come.

"Fuck!" Jamie swore as he also came.

Emily snuggled into Beth, resting her head on her chest, a sleepy dopey grin on her face.

Jamie crawled up the bed to lay next to Emily, utterly spent.

Emily entwined her hand with his, “Thank you.”

They all dozed off to sleep. 

Emily awoke about an hour later. She still felt really horny. "Jamie..?" She whispered. Receiving only a grunt in reply she ran her hand over his semi aroused cock.

It soon woke Jamie up, when he felt her hand against his cock. “Emmy?” He opened his eyes.

"I wanna fuck again..!" She whispered hotly in his ear.

“You are horny, aren’t you?” He chuckled softly.

"Yeh." She grinned impishly. "Wanna help me out with that..?"

“I can do. Would your girlfriend not mind?”

"Nah. She knows I like big cocks just as much as I like tight pussies."

“Ok.” He pulled her into a passionate kiss.

This time Emily took the initiative, pushing Jamie onto his back so she could ride him.

He moved his hands to her hips and gently helped her onto his cock.

"You really are a big boy..!" She giggled.

“You like it though?”

"Yeh..!" She replied as she began to rock her hips.

He gazed up at her and tucked her hair behind her ear. “You’re so sexy!”

She grinned at him, her red curls bouncing as she rode him.

“You’re beautiful.” He moaned, liking the way she moved her hips against his cock

"Do I live up to your fantasies?" She purred, leaning forwards, bracing her hands either side of his head.

“You certainly do.” He ran his hands up her sides, “The real deal is better than the imagination.”

"Good! I want to keep seeing you but I won't break up with Beth." She told him, her words punctuated by moans and gasps.

“Your girlfriend happy to share you?” Jamie asked.

"Leave that to me." Emily winked.

“Are you always this wet and horny?” He asked as he tiptoed his fingers up her thigh, “Cos I can feel you dripping down my cock already.”

"I like sex." She shrugged mischievously.

“I can tell.”

"Scared you can't keep up.?!" She moaned as he fondled her breasts.

“Never.” He took one of her nipples into her mouth and began to suck hard.

"Oh fuck!" Emily gasped.

He really loved the way he could make her moan. He bit her nipple gently.

"Oh yes!" She really enjoyed having her nipples played with.

He moved his head to play with the other nipple.

"So good..!" She encouraged.

Once again, he sucked hard.

"Show me what a bad girl I am..!" She begged hotly.

“You are a bad girl! Get on your hands and knees!” He told her.

Her eyes lit up as she did as he demanded.

He slapped her arse twice and entered her, fucking her harder.

"Oh fuck!" She gasped. "Spank me again!" She begged.

He did it again.

She moaned loudly as he continued to spank her whist fucking her hard.

It didn’t take either of them very long to find themselves on the brink of an orgasm.

His hands roamed her body, pushing her over the edge.

She called out his name loudly as she fell forward, the sensations becoming too much.

Jamie pitched forward with her, his cock burying deep inside her as he came.

She giggled softly as she felt him come with her.

They lay in a tangle of bodies for several moments.

“That was amazing!” She giggled.

"It was. You're so fucking hot!" He brushed her hair aside and kissed her neck which was covered in hickies from both Jamie and Beth.

“You’re not so bad yourself.”

It didn't take them long to both fall back to sleep. 

When he next awoke Jamie was momentarily confused about where he was. He could hear muffled giggles and moans. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at the sight in front of him. It was like all his Christmases had come at once! Emily and Beth were writhing around naked on the bed next to him, simultaneously eating each other out.

Jamie’s cock was soon wanting to join in on the action. He ran his hand over himself as he watched the girls. "Fuck..!" He gasped, he practically tore his cock off he was wanking so exuberantly!

Despite being satisfied twice yesterday, Emily had woken up just as horny as ever! She looked up at Jamie, grinning wolfishly, before she returned to sucking on Beth's clit, her eyes remaining fixed on Jamie.

Beth ran her hands through Emily’s hair, “Fuck babe!”

"I think someone else wants something sucked..!" Emily giggled.

“He can wait!”

Emily laughed loudly before going back to lavishing attention on Beth til she climaxed hard all over Emily's lips a few minutes later.

“Holy fuck!”

Emily grinned cockily at Beth and Jamie as she stretched out on the bed. "Your turn now..!" She told him.

Jamie stepped towards them both, “I want you both to suck my cock?”

"Ok. But who's throat do you want to come down coz they'll go second.?!" Emily giggled.

“Yours.”

Beth moved reluctantly towards Jamie. She was nervous. She’d never done anything like this before. She tried not to gag as she placed his cock in her mouth. How did Emily find this pleasurable? After a few moments she pulled back, feeling rather nauseous at the whole experience.

Emily stroked her cheek, her eyes full of concern, “Are you okay?” She whispered.

"Yeh. It's just not for me... You go ahead."

“Are you sure?”

"Yeh."

Emily kissed Beth tenderly before she took Jamie’s cock into her mouth.

Jamie moaned softly. Emily's lips were still sticky from the oral she'd given Beth and it felt amazing!

Emily held his gaze as she gave him head.

"Oh fuck! Fuck!" Jamie moaned.

She took him deeper into her throat, holding onto his thighs.

He was so close to the edge and she was so good!

She giggled against his cock.

"Oh fuck!" Jamie moaned, his hands tightly grasping Emily's hair as he thrust into her mouth.

She moaned as he thrusted further into her mouth. She reached down and began to play with herself

Sensing they were very much distracted Beth quietly redressed and headed to the bathroom.

Emily didn’t notice that Beth had left.

Beth sighed as she closed the bathroom door. She could just about cope with the idea of Emily wanted to explore sexually with others but seeing it up close and personal was a step too far.

She sat on the toilet and put her head in her hands and began to cry softly.

She'd known from the start that Emily was most likely bisexual but she'd tried to push it from her mind and prove to Emily that she didn't need men to be sexually satisfied.

Now she wasn’t sure she could sexually satisfy Emily seeing as she’d been so interested in Jamie. She sobbed quietly.

She'd thought if she'd agreed to Emily's suggestion that it would just be a one off to get it out of Emily's system but apparently she'd been very wrong. 

Beth knew she needed time to think about her relationship with Emily and found herself leaving the house. 

Back in the bedroom things were quickly hitting a crescendo. "Oh fuck! Emily!" Jamie roared, his head thrown back.

Emily moaned in appreciation as he came down her throat. She swallowed every single drop of his hot juices.

Emily and Jamie were so wrapped up in each other and exploring the sexual possibilities between them that they didn't notice that Beth had left. Jamie roamed his mouth all over Emily's skin.

Emily had enjoyed exploring with Jamie but it had been a different sexual experience to the ones she’s had with Beth. They were both so good yet so far apart it was unreal.

"Much as I'd love to fuck you all day I should probably get you home before my knob falls off from overuse..!" Jamie laughed as he laid back on the bed.

Emily laughed gently and nodded, stretching. “Yeah I need to go home and talk to Beth.”

"Just talk..?" Jamie laughed. "You're fucking insatiable!"

“We need to discuss what’s just happened.” She replied, a sad tone to her voice.

"It'll be alright. She'll come round." He tried to reassure her, giving her a hug before they started to get dressed. "And if you want a repeat just call me coz I'll be up for it!"

“Ok, I will.” She smiled sadly.

"Let's get you home before your dad realises I've had his little princess out all night and chops my dick off!" He laughed.

“You don’t want that to be chopped off, do you?”

"Fuck no!" Jamie cringed, clutching his crotch with both hands. "He'd know how to do it too..!"

“Yeah he would.”

Jamie tentatively took hold of Emily's hand as they walked through the streets from the party venue to her house.

“I’m a big girl, you know? I can walk myself home.” She teased.

"I'm trying to be a gentleman..!" He laughed.

“It’s very sweet of you!”

"Wouldn't want you thinking that I'm just an oaf with a massive cock..!"

“No, I don’t.” She smiled.

As they drew near to her house Jamie stopped. "One last snog?" He asked with a cheeky grin.

She rolled her eyes, “Fine.”

His laugh was cut off by her lips on his. They made out for several minutes, hidden from view by a hedge.

“Now go. Before you get shot.” She told him as they parted several minutes later.

"Ok. Call me?!" He smirked before jogging off to head home himself.

“Will do.” As she watched him leave, she sighed sadly. This was all such a mess!!

She crept into the house and ran upstairs to the bathroom. "Fuck!" She muttered as she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her skin was covered in bruises and scratches from her escapades. She also stunk of beer, sweat and sex.

Emily jumped into the shower, desperate to get herself clean.

She was quite thankful that she'd had a shower as the moment she stepped out of the bathroom she'd walked straight into her mum. 

"I was starting to wonder if you were planning to sleep all day..!" Duffy chuckled.

Emily smiled, though her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “No, just having a shower to freshen up.”

Duffy wasn't totally convinced, especially given the way Emily held the so tightly under her chin and seemed very edgy. "You have a good time at the party?"

“Uh huh, it was good.”

"Would you like something to eat?"

“Jam on toast, please. I’ll be down soon.”

"You go get dressed, I'll bring it up to your room. Would you like some juice too?"

“No thanks, just a glass of water.”

"Ok. I won't be long." Duffy smiled before leaving to go make the food.

Emily headed back into her room. By the time Duffy came upstairs with the food, Emily was dressed and sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed. The love bites were visible on her neck, her hair tied up in a loose bobble.

"Looks like you and Beth had a good time!" Duffy joked. "I'm surprised you didn't bring her home with you. You know me and your dad don't mind so long as you're sensible..."

“I need the morning after pill.” Emily blurted out.

"What..?" Duffy replied, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I need the morning after pill.” Emily repeated again.

"I don't understand... I realise I'm not exactly experienced in lesbian sexual relations but, trust me, you don't need to worry in that regard..."

Emily sighed. “I had unprotected sex with a boy.”

Duffy's mind immediately went into high alert. "Did he force himself on you..?"

“What? No! Don’t be daft.”

"It happens princess. Boys put things in girls' drinks at parties so they can take advantage..." Duffy's tone indicated she wasn't simply generalising.

“He didn’t take advantage of me. Beth and I wanted it to happen."

"Beth was with you.?! Hang on..! I think we need to start from the beginning..." Duffy ran a hand through her hair and sat down on the bed beside Emily.

“I had sex with a boy and Beth at the party. Together...”

"Together? As in..?"

“A threesome? Yes.”

"With a boy you know or did you just meet him at the party?" Duffy asked, attempting to not outwardly show her surprise.

“I know him. We both do.” Emily sighed and began to play with the sleeves of the hoody she was wearing.

"Right... And none of you used protection..?"

“I didn’t use protection, it’s not Beth’s kinda thing.” Emily explained.

"Did Beth have sex with this boy too?"

“No, she doesn’t like it. Boys, she doesn’t like them.”

"Ok. So let me get my head around this... You had sex with this boy and with Beth but they didn't have sex with each other..?"

“No she didn’t have sex with Jamie. I had sex with Jamie and with Beth but Jamie didn’t have sex with Beth because Beth is a lesbian.”

"I was under the impression that you were too..." Duffy paused. "Hang on..! Jamie?!"

“This is where it gets complicated.” Emily said sadly, wiping the tear from her cheek. “Jamie, yes. It was his party.” She sighed, “I thought I was a lesbian but... I’ve wanted to explore my sexuality.”

"Ok... Have you spoken to Beth about this..?"

“Yes and she agreed to let me satisfy my cravings, shall we say. Only...”

Duffy waited quietly for Emily to continue. She gently squeezed her daughter's hand encouragingly.

“I really like sex with boys as well as girls and I don’t know what to do.”

"Ok. First of all it's totally normal to feel like that. I want you to understand that."

Emily nodded, listening carefully to her mum.

"There's nothing wrong with being bisexual but it's not fair to string both of them along..."

“I had sex with Jamie again, when Beth was asleep.” She sighed sadly, “I’ve already told Jamie that I’m not going to split up with Beth!”

"So where does that leave your desires for Jamie..?"

“Unlocked and wanting more?” Emily rubbed at her forehead.

"Can I ask you a question..?"

“Yes.”

"How would you feel if Beth told you she wanted to sleep with other people?"

“I’d be upset.”

"But you want to continue to sleep with Jamie as well as Beth..."

“No. I... I had great sex with Jamie but... I also have great sex with Beth. I also love Beth. I think I’m just... Well... Jamie is new and exciting, it’s different. I’m not giving up on Beth!”

"Ok. I think you need to talk to Beth. But first we need to deal with any possible consequences of last night's escapades..."

Emily nodded, “I didn’t think.”

"It's easily done..!" Duffy smiled softly. "But luckily it's also easily dealt with."

“I got carried away!” Emily blushed.

"So did I... Several times..!"

Emily pulled a face, “Ew mum! TMI!” She laughed

"Sorry were you under the impression that you and your siblings came about by some kind of immaculate conception.?!" Duffy laughed.

“Definitely not! We know what you and dad get up to!” Emily chuckled.

"Well at least you're smiling again. Let's go get things sorted."

“You’re not cross..?”

"Why would I be cross?"

“Dunno.” Emily shrugged.

"We all make mistakes. There's no point getting angry, that won't change the past."

Emily nodded, playing with her sleeves. “That’s true.”

"Would you rather we didn't mention this to your dad..?"

“Yes please. I don’t want him to go and chop Jamie’s dick off.”

"That would be most unfortunate for all involved..!" Duffy chuckled. "Right, come on you! This was a trip I wasn't envisioning taking with you but let's get it sorted and while we're there may I suggest we pick up some condoms..?"

“I think that will be a sensible idea.” Emily smiled.

"It's best to be safe. You're still so young..."

“I don’t want a baby. Too young for all that.”

"You are. Being a mum is a wonderful thing but you've got plenty of time for that when you're older."

“It’s not something I want at this present moment.”

"No. You're going places princess." Duffy smiled, her arm around Emily's shoulders as they headed downstairs.

Emily blushed as she followed her mum downstairs, “I am.”

"I hope you realise how proud me and your dad are of your achievements."

Emily nodded, “I know. I couldn’t have done it without you and dad though so thank you for always believing in me.”

"We'll always believe in you and support you." Duffy smiled as they grabbed their shoes and headed out to the car.

“Thanks! You’re the best parents ever.” Emily giggled softly as she followed her mum to the car.

"We try our best with you all." Duffy smiled. 

The trip to the clinic was straightforward and soon they were back in the car with the pill and condoms. 

As she checked her phone Duffy was surprised to see multiple missed calls from Charlie. She called him back to see what on earth was the matter.

“Sweetheart?”

"Sorry I was in a phone dead zone with Emily. What's wrong?"

“I’ve had a phone call from the hospital, it’s about Jake.”

"Jake? But he's being discharged tomorrow. Why do they need to speak to us?"

“He’s not being discharged. Where are you?”

"In town. Why the hell not?!"

“He’s been in an accident.”

"What kind of accident?" Duffy asked, her voice full of fear.

“He’s been hit by a car. Alcohol was involved.”

"What?! When?! He's supposed to be in hospital!"

“Your father says him and Jake had an argument and he stormed out.”

"Is Jake ok? When did it happen?"

“Friday night. He’d got a few cuts and bruises but he’s ok.”

"Why are they only calling us now?!" Duffy retorted as the sound of her car engine starting and Emily's concerned voice could be heard in the background.

“They didn’t know who he was for a while.”

"Mum! Slow down! Give me the phone!" Emily yelled in the background of the call.

“You’re not driving, are you?”

"Get out of my way! Are you blind?!" Duffy yelled out of her car window.

“Mum! Calm down! Otherwise we’ll not get there in one piece!!” Emily had finally wrestled the phone from her mum. "We're heading home." She explained.

“Ok. Please don’t worry, he’ll be fine.”

"Mum! Traffic lights exist for a reason!" Emily muttered.

“How are you princess? Did you have a nice time at the party?” Charlie asked, trying to keep Emily calm. 

"Yeh... Great..." Emily replied distractedly.

“You were sensible?”

"Always daddy."

“Good girl.”

"We're nearly home now. Who the hell taught mum to drive?!"

“I did.” He laughed gently.

"Someone else can teach me!"

“I only taught her so I could spend time with her.”

"You two are just sickeningly cute..!" Emily laughed. "Curb mum! Curb!"

“Are you both heading home?”

"We're outside." Emily replied as the car door slammed in the background. "I think she's pranged the car but best not to say anything..." She added.

“I’ll keep it under my hat, ok?”

Emily laughed as she hung up the phone, following her mum into the house. 

"How the hell did he get hit by a car?!" Duffy demanded as she stormed into the kitchen.

“He’d been drinking and stepped out into the road apparently.”

"How did he get hold of alcohol?!"

Charlie shrugged, “I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him.”

"He was getting better..." Duffy burst into tears.

“Oh sweetheart.” Charlie moved from where he was sat in the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Duffy, holding her.

"He'll be ok." Emily attempted to reassure.

“He will be ok.” Charlie agreed. 

"I can hold the fort here so you can go." Emily offered.

“Are you sure?”

"Yeh. Jake needs you both."

“Emmy, come here?” He held his arms out for his daughter

Emily stepped towards her dad.

“We are so lucky to have someone as thoughtful as you and we appreciate you so much!” He kissed her forehead. 

"Dad..!" Emily blushed, giggling softly. "Just tell the ugly muppet from me that he needs to relearn his green cross code!"

“I will make sure to tell him that.”

"Are you sure..?" Duffy asked giving Emily a pointed look.

“Of course mum. Please go and see Jake, he needs you both.”

Duffy pulled Emily into a hug. "Speak to Beth." She whispered in her daughter's ear.

“I will mama.” Emily whispered back.

Duffy smiled and then shot her husband a dirty look as he took hold of the car keys.

“What’s that look for?” He asked instantly receiving the look.

"I can drive..."

“I’ll drive us.” He smiled, “Emmy wanted to know who taught you to drive.”

"I'm a good driver!" Duffy pouted as they went outside and Charlie spotted her car...

“Hmm, I take it that damage did it itself?” He kissed her pout.

"Yes." She retorted as they headed over to Charlie's car.

The jovial mood soon evaporated as they drove to the hospital. Though Charlie had attempted to reassure her that Jake's injuries were minor Duffy was still very anxious.

Jake was now back up in the ward where he’d been previously having being discharged from the medics. He was lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He hated this.

He felt like a failure. He knew that as soon as he got out of hospital he'd go back to his old ways. Blaming his actions on Andrew had only been part of the problem.

He’d been lucky to only receive cuts and bruises and no real damage to his remaining kidney. He sighed sadly, running his hand through his hair.

Noticing no-one was watching he reached under his bed. He'd been surprised to discover that they hadn't searched or removed his belongings when he'd been admitted to A+E, he presumed it was coz they were so busy. He'd struggled to ration his stash since he'd been back in hospital though - partially so as not to get caught and partially so he wouldn't have to go cold turkey. Hiding under the duvet he took a large swig, his hands shaking slightly.

“Son?” Charlie’s voice could be heard as they came into the room.

"Shit!" Jake muttered, stashing the bottle under the duvet and grabbing a mint.

Charlie knew what he was doing, his son was an alcoholic. He moved towards the bed and removed the duvet, the bottle smashing on the floor as it fell out of the duvet.

"I don't know where that came from!" Jake blurted out.

Charlie sighed, “You’re an alcoholic Jake, I should’ve guessed you’d have some on you.”

"I'm not!" Jake retorted angrily.

“Then what are you then?!”

"I'm fine!" Jake rolled over away from them, his hands clearly trembling. "Just fuck off!"

“No..! I... We want to help you but you need to let us, Jake.”

“Oh Jakey!” Duffy sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her son into a hug.

"The car was on the wrong side of the road..!" Jake claimed. 

Tears were rolling down Duffy's cheeks.

“You were drunk!” Charlie answered back. “I’m not going to let you break your mum's heart over and over again!”

"Please Jakey!" Duffy begged, holding her son's face in her hands. She could smell the alcohol on his breath despite his attempts to disguise it.

“I’m not an alcoholic!” Jake protested.

"We want to help. Come home with us? Please!" Duffy begged.

“I’m not an alcoholic!”

Duffy's hands fell into her lap and she cried harder.

“Why won’t you admit it?” Charlie asked him quietly.

"There's nothing to admit!" Jake insisted. 

"I... I can't do this..!" Duffy sobbed, getting up and running from the ward.

Charlie really wanted to go after Duffy but also knew he needed to spend time with Jake. “Can you see what it’s doing to your mum? It’s breaking her heart. It’s bad enough she’s blaming herself, but you’re not helping by pretending you haven’t got a problem!”

"I'm not pretending!" Jake insisted. "Just take her home."

“There’s a place in rehab for you. If you want it?” Charlie said gently, “It’s either that or me and your mum are gonna end up burying you and I don’t think your mum would cope with that. I think that would destroy her.”

"I don't need rehab."

“Yes you do! You’re an alcoholic. You drink and you lie about it. You need to drink. That makes you an addict, just like Louis.”

"So he's still getting stoned and banging prossies then?!" Jake snorted.

“And you think you’re much better?”

"Just go. Please."

“No Jake, you’re my son.”

Jake sighed. "Please, just take mum home."

“I’m not leaving Jake. You can push me away all you want but it’s not going to work.”

"Fine." Jake reached down into the bag under the bed and removed another bottle. "Cheers then!" He laughed bitterly before chugging from the bottle.

Charlie wrestled the bottle from him.

"Fuck off!" Jake swung a punch at Charlie as he regained the bottle.

Charlie did it again, managing to overpower Jake. He chucked the bottle on the floor, allowing it to smash to pieces. He grabbed Jake's arms. “This isn’t my son!”

"You fucking cunt!" Jake yelled, raining blows on his stepfather as his anger exploded.

“Jake! Stop! Please!” Charlie begged as he tried to calm Jake down, “Son! Please!”

Several staff appeared in the room having been alerted by the commotion. 

"Make him leave!" Jake insisted.

Charlie wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his mouth was bleeding. “I’m not going anywhere! He’s my son and he needs me!”

"I think it's probably best to give him some time to calm down..." The nurse replied.

“No! He’ll drink himself into fucking oblivion! He’ll kill himself quicker with one kidney!!”

"Let's go talk somewhere quieter..?"

“No. I’m not leaving him!”

"Fine I'll leave then!" Jake declared, getting up from the bed.

Charlie pinned him back to the bed, “You’re not going anywhere!”

"Sir!" The nurse gasped. "I'll call security!"

“He’s an alcoholic that has already absconded once. I will pin him to this fucking bed until I get him to admit he’s got a problem!!”

The nurse panicked and pressed the emergency alert button. "You can't hold someone against their will sir..!" She stammered nervously.

“He’s my son!!!” Charlie yelled.

Security arrived and took hold of Charlie, pulling him into the corridor.

“Get off me! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”

"You're causing a disturbance and upsetting a patient sir."

“That patient is my son who's an alcoholic. Now I suggest you get off me!”

"Not until you calm down sir."

“I’m calm!”

It was several more minutes before the guards relented and let Charlie back onto the ward. Approaching the bed he found it empty. “Where is he?!”

"Who?" A nurse he hadn't seen before asked.

“My son! Jake Fairhead!”

"He was in this bed?" She asked.

“Yes!!”

"I think he discharged himself." She shrugged.

“Aren’t you lot supposed to be keeping an eye on him?! What? When? Fuck this!” Charlie yelled as he left, trying to find Jake.

He couldn't find Jake but he did find Duffy who was sat in the carpark sobbing.

He sat next to her. “He’s gone, he’s discharged himself. I don’t know where he’s gone.”

"What?!"

Charlie’s mouth was still bleeding. “Blame the fucking shit nurses in that place!” He muttered.

"I'm never going to see him alive again am I?"

“Truthfully? Probably not, no.”

She completely broke down in his arms, her heart shattering into a million pieces.


	69. TW: illegal drug use

Several weeks had passed and it had been just over a month since Emily’s body had began to change shape. At first, she just put it down to the fact she wasn’t eating as much and still just as active as before. However, when she missed her period and her stomach began to feel more bloated, she panicked and resorted to hiding her changing figure under baggy clothes.

She and Beth had had a series of huge rows which had led to Emily seeking comfort in Jamie's arms - and bed - repeatedly and despite her assurances to her mother they hadn't been careful, Emily finding herself thriving on the danger and excitement of it. 

She sighed as she stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom. She slowly lifted her top. Everything she ate seemed to go straight through her but that hadn't seemed to have stopped her stomach getting bigger and more rounded with each passing day. She placed her hand on her belly. Her parents were going to kill her when they found out..!

She didn’t want a baby, she knew she didn’t. She was far too young and it would only ruin the dreams she had in regards to her art career. She couldn’t work out why, despite her stomach being so big, she hadn’t put on any weight. In fact, she’d lost a stone in a month and she was beginning to feel quite ill from it all. 

She rolled down her top and sighed, climbing into bed.

She curled up as much as she could, clutching her tummy as she was wracked with cramps again. The first time it had happened she'd been relieved thinking that she was miscarrying but there'd been no blood, nor had they been during the subsequent bouts.

Emily desperately wanted to talk to her mum. They had no secrets and hadn’t done for years but Emily was scared of her mum hitting the roof when she found out she was pregnant.

As the cramps worsened, she let out a little cry.

Her mum had enough going on anyway with Jake's disappearance and the impending birth of Peter and Holly's baby. Emily didn't want to make things worse so she kept her secret.

It was getting harder to keep a secret. The feeling of nausea washed over her and Emily darted out of the bedroom, nearly collided with her mum in the hallway and dashed into the bathroom. She closed the door and seconds later, threw up in the toilet.

Duffy watched the path of her eldest daughter wondering what the hell had gotten into her. 

Emily lay curled up on the bathroom floor. She knew the girls at school were gossiping about her, wondering aloud who had "knocked up the dyke". It was only a matter of time before one of her siblings or her parents heard the rumours.

She cried out in pain as horrific cramps took hold again. All this was a mess! This wasn’t supposed to happen! Fuck! She also knew she shouldn’t be having cramps this severe... Oh my God, she wasn’t in labour was she?

She knew it was far too early, there was no way the baby could survive if born now. She couldn't be more than three months pregnant.

She threw up again before resuming her position curled up on the bathroom floor. The cold tiles of the bathroom were making her feel cooler, her skin all clammy.

Duffy knocked on the bathroom door having heard a cry. "Emmy? Are you ok?"

“Yes.” Emily called back before letting out another cry of pain.

"Princess open the door!" Duffy urged, wiggling the handle.

“No!” Emily sobbed. She crawled to the door and hesitated before she slid the lock and unlocked the door. She went back to her previous position by the toilet, lying on her side on the floor.

"Emmy!" Duffy gasped, falling to her knees beside her daughter. "Where does it hurt?"

“I’m ok.” Emily whispered, still clutching her stomach.

"When did you start being sick sweetheart?" Duffy asked, placing her hand on Emily's forehead.

“It’s been a while...” Emily admitted.

"Can I examine you..?"

Emily hesitated before she gently moved up her t-shirt, exposing her rounded stomach. “I’m sorry mama.”

Duffy's eyes widened as she realised what was going on.

“Please don’t be cross mama! Please! I’m so sorry!” Emily was becoming hysterical.

"Oh Emily..!" Duffy pulled the teenager into a hug. "Why didn't you tell me..?"

“You’ve got enough on your plate with Holly, Peter and the baby and Jake being missing. I don’t want to add to your problems.” Emily moved quickly as she threw up for a third time.

"That's as maybe but that's no reason for my little girl to hide her baby from me."

“I don’t want it.” Emily whispered.

"Is Jamie the father?"

Emily nodded sadly.

"Does he know?"

“Make the pain go away mama!” Emily shook her head.

"Where exactly does it hurt?"

“Here.” Emily placed her hands on her stomach to where her pain was.

"Can I..?"

Emily nodded.

Duffy gently palpated the area Emily indicated, her brow furrowing with confusion. "When did you take the test?"

“I haven’t... I guessed I was pregnant. I haven’t had a period for about a month, and there’s this.” Emily was referring to the bump she obviously had.

"Don't panic but your stomach doesn't feel how it should. I want to take you to the hospital to run some tests."

“What do you mean?” Emily frowned.

"I can feel a mass but it's not in your uterus."

“A tumour?” Emily's eyes widened.

"I don't think so but I'm not an expert princess. It could be an ectopic pregnancy or something else entirely."

“You’ll come with me to the hospital? I’m scared, I don’t want to be on my own.”

"Of course princess. I wouldn't leave you."

“I’m tired.” Emily admitted.

"I'm going to call an ambulance ok?"

“Can’t we go in the car?”

"We can try if you think you're well enough to get downstairs..?"

“Think I can manage...” Emily tried to get up to her feet but her stomach was killing her.

"I've got you..!" Duffy grasped hold of Emily. "Louis! Some help!" She yelled out as they made it slowly into the hall.

Louis dashed down the stairs, “Shit, Emmy? What’s wrong?” He took hold of his sister on the other side.

"She's sick." Duffy replied, her nose wrinkling. "Are you high?!" She demanded, looking into his eyes.

“What? No! I promise!”

Duffy wasn't convinced but became distracted as Emily's legs gave way.

Louis caught his sister, “It’s alright, Emmy. We’ve got you.”

They eventually managed to get Emily out to the car and laid down on the back seat. 

"Whatever you've been smoking make sure it's gone before your father gets home." Duffy told Louis firmly as she got into the car.

“I will. You sure you’re gonna be ok taking her to the hospital?”

"I'll be fine."

“Sure? I can come if you want?”

Emily began to cry out in pain again. 

"We need to go to the hospital and you need to get your head straightened out!"

“Ok, ok. Go!” He kissed Duffy’s cheek. “Drive safely.”

"It's going to be ok sweetheart." Duffy reassured Emily who was groaning in agony and had vomited on the car footwell.

“It really hurts and I don’t know why.” Emily sobbed.

"We'll know more after some tests but if you are pregnant I'm pretty certain you're miscarrying princess." Duffy replied sadly.

“No, I’ve had these cramps before but I never have bleeding.” Emily answered back.

"Ok." Duffy mulled the symptoms over in her head as she drove across town.

“I’ve lost weight too.” Emily admitted holding her stomach tightly.

"Do you know how much?"

“A stone, maybe a bit more.”

Duffy sighed sadly, Emily was such a small scrap of a girl as it was without losing more weight.

“Want to sleep.”

"Is the pain easing off?"

“Just tired,” Emily admitted.

"We're almost there now."

“Ok.”

Minutes later they arrived at the hospital and Duffy helped Emily stagger through the entrance before the teenager collapsed again. She screamed in agony as a pool formed around her but it wasn't blood...

“No! No!” Emily needed to use the bathroom...

Duffy tried to help Emily up but they weren't quick enough.

“No! Mummy, no!” Emily sobbed as she had an accident in the middle of the department. She tried to run to the nearest toilet but she only made it a few steps before she collapsed again, crying with humiliation at the mess that stained her trousers. 

"It's ok, it's ok." Duffy reassured, stroking Emily's hair.

“No it’s not ok, mummy! I need the toilet... Please!”

"It's a little late for that princess. Has this happened before?" Duffy asked as she helped Emily up onto a trolley.

“Get me out of these clothes, please!” Emily sobbed. “Lots... I can make it to the toilet usually.”

"I'll get you some scrubs once we're in a cubicle." Duffy promised. She was reminded of the many toilet accidents Emily had had as a youngster.

“Thank you.” Emily sighed, “The toilet trips have been more frequent over the last couple of months.”

"Do they coincide with the cramps?"

“Yes but not always.”

Duffy tensed slightly as Connie approached to examine Emily.

“Is there no other doctors available?” Emily asked as she eyed up Connie.

"No. We don't operate a 'pick your doctor' scheme in this department..!" Connie remarked. "So what appears to be the problem..?"

Emily rolled her eyes, “Mum’s found a mass when she examined my stomach earlier.”

Connie put on a pair of gloves. "Can you lift your top?"

Emily lifted her top up. Her stomach was still quite swollen.

Connie shot a look at Duffy. 

"It's possible that Emily is pregnant..." Duffy explained softly.

“I thought I was.” Emily replied sadly, “My periods have stopped but I’ve lost weight.”

"We'll run some blood and urine tests." Connie explained as she examined Emily's stomach. "How long have you been suffering with diarrhoea?"

“It’s become more frequent in the last two to three months. I put it down to stress, with everything that’s happened but... It’s been getting really severe.”

"And the rash, when did that first appear?"

“What rash?” Emily hadn’t noticed a rash on herself.

Connie indicated patches on Emily's stomach and, after removing the teenager's trousers, on her thighs.

“I haven’t really noticed.” Emily replied.

"It looks like an allergic reaction." Connie explained. "Can I examine your mouth and throat?"

“Sure.”

Connie took a pen torch and shone it into Emily's mouth. "Have you been sick a lot?"

“Yes.”

"There's some acid damage to her teeth plus several ulcers." Connie explained to Duffy. "I'd like your consent to run some blood tests." 

"Ok." Duffy nodded. "What's your thoughts on a diagnosis?"

“There’s several but I won’t know for certain until we get the blood test results. Some sort of food allergy.”

"Ok. I'll go get her a change of clothes whilst the tests are set up." Duffy replied.

Connie smiled slightly, “I’ll run these tests as a priority.”

"Thank you." Duffy smiled. "Are you ok here while I get you some clothes princess?" She asked Emily.

“Please? Can I get some pain relief?”

"We can give you some paracetamol but nothing stronger til we've confirmed if you're pregnant or not..." Connie explained.

“Thank you.”

The two women left Emily alone to organise the blood tests and some clean clothes.

Emily’s fingertips stroked against her stomach. She wanted to know what was going on inside her body. She was so confused. She desperately wanted a hug from Beth but she hadn't answered her messages for several days now. She sighed sadly and curled up in a ball waiting for her mum to come back.

A few minutes later the curtains opened. "Here we are." Duffy smiled softly.

“Thank you.”

"Do you need some help?"

“I’ll be ok.” Emily smiled sadly as she got herself dressed into the scrubs. “Not sure this colour is my colour.” She giggled softly.

"Yeh I've never been a fan of the green either..."

“Dunno mama. Suppose it brings out the green in your eyes.”

"Navy blue is much better but the only scrubs I could find in that colour are your dad's..."

“I’d rather not wear them.” Emily sat back on the bed. “Mum?”

"Yes princess..?" Duffy moved to perch in the edge of the bed.

“I haven’t been fully honest with you...”

"About what..?"

“About me, Jamie and Beth.”

"Do you want to be honest with me now..?"

“Beth and I keep rowing because I’m bisexual and every time we row, I go to Jamie and end up having sex with him.”

"And you've not been being careful..?"

“I keep meaning to be careful but... No.”

"Oh sweetheart..!" Duffy sighed.

“I love Beth! I really do but there’s something about Jamie and I’m so confused by it all.”

"You love Beth but lust after Jamie?" Duffy suggested.

Emily nodded. “Was it similar for you and dad?”

"It was probably lust in the beginning for us but it quickly became much more than that..." Duffy explained. "We knew we shouldn't but we couldn't resist the pull and before long I found myself pregnant with you and we knew we had to make some difficult choices..."

“I can imagine it was difficult.”

"It was no longer a game."

“It’s never a game though, is it? Someone always gets hurt.”

"Unfortunately they do." Duffy squeezed Emily's hand. "Earlier you said you didn't want a baby. If you are pregnant do you want me to organise a termination for you?" She asked gently.

“I’d need to talk to Jamie first, wouldn’t I?”

"Only if you want to. At the end of the day it's your body and your choice."

Emily nodded, “Ok.”

"You should rest."

“Do you know how long it’ll take for the bloods to come back?”

"Hopefully only an hour or so. Especially if Connie has put the wind up them..!"

“Will you stay with me while I sleep?”

"Of course I will. Are the fluids helping?"

“Yeah, a bit.” Emily lay down on the bed and yawned.

Duffy gently stroked Emily's hair til the teenager fell asleep. Duffy's head felt like it was going to explore! There was a lot that had been revealed in the last hour or so.

Now was not a good time for Charlie to be away on a course!

Charlie had already been reluctant to go on this sodding course!

His phone beeped with a message. 'Don't panic but I'm at the hospital with Em. They're running some tests as her stomach is playing up again. Dx'

He read the message, ‘What do you mean, tests? Is she ok? X’

'She keeps being sick and is very lathargic. x'

‘Do you need me to come back? X’

'No need to rush back but I won't say no to a cuddle. x'

‘I’m on my way! X’

Duffy was still staring into space when Connie returned with the test results.

“I’ve got the results back, Duffy.”

"Does it shed any light on what's wrong?"

“I think we were right about the possibility of a food allergy. Her bloods are abnormal for a number of things.”

"She's always struggled with food but they could never pin it down to a specific cause. They just put it down to her being a premie." Duffy paused. "Is she pregnant?" She asked nervously.

“No, she’s not pregnant.”

"That's a relief."

“I’ll need to run a couple more tests but I think we’re possibly looking at Coeliac's Disease.”

Duffy ran through the symptoms in her head. "Of course..! Why did I not consider that?!"

“It’s not so easy to diagnosis.”

"Do you think she's always had it..? Could that be another reason why she's so short..?" Duffy asked sadly.

“Quite possibly. She might be small but she’s made up for it in other aspects, hasn’t she?” Connie smiled sadly.

"Given we were told that she could be severely brain damaged and might never walk and talk... I guess dyslexia, asthma and coeliac's disease are relatively minor issues..." Duffy sighed, running her hand through her hair.

“She doesn’t let it hold her back though, does she?”

"No. She's very spirited."

“I’ll keep those fluids going and I’ll come back and review her in an hour.”

"Ok. Charlie is on his way. Can we please not mention the pregnancy test to him..?"

“Of course. I think that’s something you should discuss as a family.”

"Thank you."

“Give me a shout, if you need anything.”

"I will do."

Connie gave a slight smile before she disappeared and left Emily and Duffy alone.

Duffy sat stroking Emily's hair, she looked so pale and delicate. Her phone beeped. She checked and saw a message from Holly. She chuckled softly at the photo her daughter-in-law had sent entitled 'surely it's eviction day already?!'.

‘He’ll come when he’s ready! I take it, you haven’t got long? X’

'Hopefully not. Midwife thinks anytime..! x' Came the reply. 

Duffy looked up as she felt Charlie appear behind her. She held up her phone. "Poor Holly is very fed up..!" She smiled, showing him the photo Holly had sent of her very pregnant belly.

“How did you know I was here?” He asked as he smiled at the photograph.

"Sixth sense." Duffy smiled.

He kissed the top of her head. “How’s our princess?”

"Connie thinks it might be coeliac's disease."

“Coeliac’s? I guess that would explain some of her symptoms.” He sighed.

"She collapsed earlier."

His eyes widened as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed and stroked Emily’s hair. “She collapsed because of the pain or because of something else?”

"It's quite likely she's badly malnourished and anaemic." Duffy sighed.

Charlie sighed, “Why didn’t she tell us? I thought we told each other everything?”

"She didn't want to worry us."

He sighed again. “Is there anything else we... I should know?”

"I think the stress of rowing with Beth hasn't helped things."

“Why’s she been rowing with Beth?” He asked.

"I think our little girl is a bit confused and questioning things."

“Sexually?”

Duffy nodded. "She's come to the realisation that she's bisexual."

“She’s been sleeping with boys?” He gasped.

"Did I say that?!" Duffy rolled her eyes.

“Has she slept with a boy?”

"You'd have to ask your daughter that."

“Duffy!”

Emily let out a groan, her eyes fluttering open at the sound of her dad's voice.

“Hello princess.” He stroked her hair.

"Daddy..?" Emily replied weakly.

“How are you feeling?”

"Woozy and my tummy hurts."

“Have you had any pain relief?”

"They'd only let me have paracetamol..." Emily mumbled.

“How come?” He stroked her hair.

"Needed tests..." Emily mumbled sleepily.

“What kind of tests?”

"They just wanted to make sure they wouldn't make her more ill by prescribing something stronger and the results showed she's fine to have stronger pain meds." Duffy interceded.

“Ok.” He knew they were both hiding something from him but he knew now wasn’t the right time to question either of them.

"Feel sick..." Emily mumbled.

He grabbed her a sick bowl just in case. He stroked her cheek, “It’s all going to be ok, princess.”

Emily retched but nothing much came up. "What's wrong with me..?" She cried sadly.

“We think you’ve got coeliac’s disease. It means there’s certain foods your body can’t digest.”

"Is that why my belly is big and hurts..?"

“Yes, because your body can’t process gluten which is in most of the foods we eat.”

Emily nodded her understanding before letting out another cry as she clutched at her stomach, the movement causing the blanket that had been covering her to fall away from her body.

“Honey, what’s wrong? Are you in pain again?"

"Yeh..!" Emily gasped. She was in agony! Her skin felt painfully tight from the bloating.

“Ok, I’ll go and get you some stronger pain relief!”

Emily grasped for her dad. "Daddy..!" She cried, her body racked with spasming cramps.

“Sweetheart, it’s ok.”

"I'll go." Duffy stood up and dashed off to find Connie.

"My tummy feels like it's going to explode..!" Emily cried.

“Do you need to use the toilet? Will that help?”

"Think so... Maybe..." She tried to move but the pain was crippling, her stomach even more painfully distended than it had been when she'd first arrived.

“Your mum is going to get the doctor, please don’t worry.”

Charlie held her hand attempting to comfort his daughter. It was very disconcerting, the way she was writhing around on the bed and the rounded bloat of her belly gave the impression of someone in the throws of labour.

“Emmy, there’s no chance you’re pregnant, is there?”

She didn't reply verbally, simply crying harder.

“Emmy? Is that a yes?”

"Mum said I was miscarrying." She managed to gasp out.

His eyes widened. “Fuck! Emmy, I thought you were gay! Do the doctors know?”

"They did tests." Every word was a struggle.

“Ok, ok. Don’t talk if you’re in too much pain.” He reassured. His mind was racing with endless possibilities.

"Dad..!" She gasped. "Toilet..!"

“Come on.” He took her to the toilet, this time they made it in time.

Emily screamed in agony. "Daddy there's blood..!" Her voice was small and filled with panic.

“Sweetheart, it’s ok.” He reassured, “Where’s the blood?”

"In the toilet." She attempted to move towards him, blood trickling down the inside of her thighs as she did so.

“Sweetheart it’s ok,” He made her stay on the toilet. He got some tissues and wiped away the blood from her thighs. “We’re going to get to the bottom of this.”

"Its my fault." She cried. "I wished the baby dead and now it is..!"

“No sweetheart, none of this is your fault.” He reassured, wiping away the blood still. “You could be having your period...”

"Daddy..." She mumbled before passing out.

“I’ve got you baby!” He caught her.

She didn't immediately come round, lying limply in her father's arms.

“Emmy? Emily?! Wake up for daddy!”

He felt for her pulse. It was very slow and weak.

“Fuck!” He muttered as he rushed her back to the cubicle in his arms.

"Emily?!" Duffy screamed as she saw them.

“She’s collapsed again, she’s losing blood and her pulse is weak and slow.”

"Any idea where the blood is coming from?" Connie asked as she put on some gloves.

“Possibly down below due to her frequent diarrhoea.”

Connie gently examined the teenager. "Yes that's a confirmed PR bleed. Two units of blood please!" She called out instructions to the nurse assisting her.

Charlie stepped back and grabbed Duffy’s hand. “She’s going to be ok.” He whispered.

"I can't lose another child..!" She sobbed.

“You’re not. Emmy’s a fighter, she’s stubborn like you.”

Duffy rested her head against Charlie's shoulder, she felt dizzy and weak, her knees shaking.

He made her sit down, sensing she didn’t feel 100%.

After pushing the bloods and stronger pain medication through Emily began to stabilise.

She was asleep for a couple of hours, both her parents beside her.

Their hands were clutching hers and each other's.

She groaned groggily as she came round. The pain was duller, she felt slightly better already.

"Emmy!" Duffy gasped softly, she'd never been so relieved to see her daughter's green eyes..!

“Lights too bright.” Emily mumbled sleepily.

"They'll be moving you to a ward soon." Duffy reassured.

Emily nodded, “What happened?”

"You had a bleed and collapsed."

Emily nodded. “Did I miscarry?” She asked quietly.

"The test came back negative. You're not pregnant princess."

Emily burst into tears. She wasn’t pregnant? Thank God for that! She was relieved that her life wasn’t about to be changed.

"Neither of you were going to tell me were you..?" Charlie asked sadly.

Emily turned to her father, “I didn’t want to disappoint you, daddy.”

"It seems like a lot has been going on that I wasn't aware of." Charlie sighed.

“I’m sorry daddy.” Emily moved closer to him, “Please! I’m sorry.”

"I just wish you would have come to me princess." He replied, stroking her hair softly.

Emily sighed sadly, “I was scared I was pregnant and that you’d both be really angry with me for being silly.”

"Is this why you and Beth aren't speaking?"

Emily nodded, “There’s this boy.”

"You cheated on Beth..?"

Emily frowned, “The first time I had her permission but yes, whenever Beth and I row, I find myself going to Jamie for comfort.”

"Jamie?! He's far too old for you!" Charlie gasped.

"Charlie..." Duffy attempted to calm her husband.

“I’m sixteen!” Emily protested. “It’s not like I’m underage or anything.” She pointed out.

"Only barely! And he's in his twenties!"

“It doesn’t matter!”

"We're hardly in a position to judge that..." Duffy interjected.

“You were older than mum when you started sleeping with her, weren’t you?”

"She wasn't a child at the time..!"

"I don't think this is a good time to be having this conversation..." Duffy commented, seeing that Emily was becoming agitated.

Charlie sighed and nodded, “We’ll talk about this when you’re well?”

"Whatever." Emily groaned, rubbing her stomach again.

Charlie sighed and stroked her cheek, “I’m protective over all of you and yes, I do worry but that’s because I love you.”

Emily was silent for a few moments. "I need the toilet again." She sighed.

“Ok, do you want me to take you or your mum?”

"Mum." 

"Ok sweetheart." Duffy moved to help her daughter up.

Emily followed her mum to the toilet. She sat on it slowly, her stomach hurting again but not as severe as it had been. “Dad’s so annoying!” She grumbled lightly.

"It's just his way." Duffy sighed, leaning against the doorframe.

“Was he like this with you?” Emily said with a small giggle.

"He's still like this with me..!" Duffy chuckled lightly. "It's his way of showing he cares." She explained. "How you feeling?" She stepped closer and gently placed her hand on Emily's stomach.

“I’m ok, the pain isn’t as severe.” Emily smiled softly. She used the toilet and was soon on her way back to the cubicle with Duffy.

"Your stomach feels softer which is good." Duffy explained as she helped settle Emily back into the bed.

“That’s good.” Emily reached her hand out to her dad, “You’re not still cross, are you, papa bear?”

"I just worry about you princess." He sighed. "I know you think you're all grown up but really you're still so young."

“I know. I’ll be ok though, I’m tougher than I look.” Emily giggled softly.

"Just like your mum." Charlie smiled softly before becoming serious again. "You need to be more careful, you're too young to have a baby."

“It’s not always easy to remember?” Emily mumbled, her cheeks turning red. “You and mum know all about that, don’t you?”

Duffy couldn't help but giggle as she watched Charlie attempt to find an retort to that..!

“That’s different sweetheart.” Charlie tried to protest. 

“How? You and mum clearly didn’t use anything hence why you conceived Peter.” Emily shrugged.

"Not just Peter..." Duffy mumbled.

“Like I said sweetheart, it was different circumstances.”

"Hmm..." Emily didn't sound convinced

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck.

They were interrupted from any further conversation by the porters arriving to transfer Emily up to the ward. 

"Can I have some of my own clothes?" The teenager asked once she was settled.

“Of course, I’ll go home and get you some things.”

"Thanks daddy." Emily smiled.

He kissed her forehead, “Love you princess.”

So caught up was she in Emily's illness, Duffy forgot to warn Charlie what might greet him when he got home. So he was a little surprised when he stepped into the hall to find a note. He was reaching to pick it up when he heard a voice from the lounge doorway. 

"Some ginger kid left that..!" Lucy giggled. She was barely dressed and clearly high.

Charlie’s eyes widened as he looked at the barely dressed teen. “I don’t suppose you know which ginger kid?”

"Nope." Lucy shrugged. 

"Where you go..?" Louis appeared behind her, pawing at her lustfully, stark naked and stoned, poking his cock against her bottom urgently.

“Louis! Put some clothes on and take this to your bedroom!” Charlie told him firmly.

"Dad?" Louis tried to get his eyes to focus on his father as Lucy laughed grabbing hold of Louis' cock and leading him by it to the stairs.

“Keep it confined to your bedroom, I don’t need to know you’ve been having sex in our living room, son. Be careful!”

They disappeared upstairs and Charlie entered the lounge which he found scattered with clothes and drug paraphernalia.

He sighed sadly and tided up the living room as best as he could. He didn’t know how to broach the subject with Louis, that perhaps he was depending on weed just a little too much.

Glancing at the note in his hand he was just thankful that the twins had had the sense to take their little brothers to their gran's house as he picked up a used needle from the carpet.

He couldn’t believe Louis would be so reckless. If it was up to him, he’d stop all contact with Lucy but he couldn’t control Louis, Louis was an adult.

He just hoped the needle belonged to Lucy but he couldn't be sure.

Louis wouldn’t be so stupid, would he?

After he'd finished tidying Charlie went to check the answer machine like he did every time he came home in the increasingly vain hope that there would be a message from Jake.

Sadly, like every other day there was nothing. He rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh. He hoped wherever he was, he was safe. Most importantly, he was alive.

It broke his heart to watch his wife live in a constant limbo. She cried herself to sleep most nights clutching one of Jake's t-shirts and had refused to allow anyone to enter his bedroom or touch any of his belongings.

He couldn’t take that pain away for her and that was the worst thing. He’d contacted a few of Jake’s friends in the hope they’d have spoken to him but there was nothing. He just hoped Jake wasn’t dead.

The teenager's absence left a gaping hole in the family. The youngest boys were old enough to understand what had happened but not to fully process it emotionally.

Everyone missed Jake terribly, he was the missing piece in the family.

Peter had continued to send Jake progress reports about the baby in the hope that he would reply and all three girls had left many tearful voicemails which had gone unanswered.

He hadn’t even contacted Brendan which was worrying in itself.

The old man had taken Jake's disappearance particularly hard, blaming himself and risking his own recovery as a result. 

Charlie sighed as the sound of loud moans and bangs echoed down the stairs as he made his way up to Emily's bedroom.

He packed an overnight bag for Emily. He also packed a teddy so she’d have so company. He brought it downstairs.

He'd purposefully turned his head away as he'd passed Louis' open bedroom door but it didn't take a genius to work out what was going on in there..!

Charlie picked up his keys off the side and left, heading back to the hospital.

Emily was asleep when he arrived back. 

"They've given her sedatives so she can rest before the endoscopy." Duffy whispered.

“That’s ok. I’ve brought her a couple of things.” He smiled as he sat down beside Duffy and kissed her cheek.

"We're going to have to completely overhaul her diet..."

“That’s ok, we can do that.”

"All those times she was sick and had toilet accidents... Why didn't we think.?!"

“Because it’s not something that’s common in young children.”

"It's my fault isn't it..?" Duffy started to cry.

“No! No it’s not your fault!” He wrapped his arms around her.

"They want to send her for a dexa scan too."

“To see how her bones are? She’s probably more at risk of osteoporosis?”

"If it is coeliac's she was probably born with it so it's had sixteen years to attack her body and with my diagnosis she'd already be more at risk anyway."

“She hasn’t broken a bone yet, has she?” He reassured.

"No but it's probably stunted her growth."

“Maybe so but she’s a firecracker in a small package.”

"She's certainly that!" Duffy chuckled before sighing. "She was crying for Beth earlier..."

“Maybe one of us should ring Beth and let her know?”

"That's a good idea. Whatever has happened between them lately it's clear Emily still loves her deeply."

“Maybe that’s why it’s even more confusing...”

"I think so."

Charlie kissed Duffy’s ear, “Do you want me to ring Beth?”

"Please."

He got up and went outside to ring Beth.

"She's got you trying to plead her case for her now has she..?" Beth grumbled as she answered the phone.

“No. Listen Beth, I understand you might be upset because of recent developments but I need to let you know that Emily is in hospital and she’s asking for you.”

"Oh so Princess Emily finally told you guys that she don't know which way she wants it.?!" Beth replied bitterly, not registering the rest of Charlie's words.

“Beth, did you hear what I said?”

"Did Jamie get bored of her or something..?"

“Beth, I understand you might be hurt by what’s happened. I can’t say, I understand what it’s like because I don’t. Emily collapsed and had a bleed.”

"So the rumours were true then? That'll teach her to be a dirty whore..!"

“Don’t you dare call my daughter a whore!!” Charlie’s protective side came out, “She wasn’t pregnant!”

"Oh you really have no idea what your precious little princess has been up to have you.?!"

“No, I don’t. Care to enlighten me, Beth?"

"She's with him practically every other day. Possibly with his friends too from what I've heard. Apparently he likes to watch."

“Is that what you know or bullshit you’ve heard?”

"I'd suggest asking your daughter."

“Shall I tell Emmy that you won’t be visiting?”

"She actually wants to see me?!"

“Of course she does. You were the one she was crying for.”

"I'm tired of having my heart trampled on by her..." Beth sighed sadly.

“I can imagine it’s awful, being hurt by the person that’s supposed to love you.” He said sympathetically. “Maybe you both need to talk about this?”

"I gave her everything and she goes running to him." Beth started to cry.

“Oh Beth, I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could say or do.”

"Things were great, we were talking about our future together and then he reappears and ruined everything..!"

“You need to talk to each other, have you?”

"We tried but she just stomps off in a sulk."

“Would it help to have this conversation in front of me and Duffy? Someone acting as peace maker?”

"Maybe..." Beth sniffled.

“Emily does love you. I think right now, she’s experiencing a crisis. I know that’s not an excuse.”

"I love her so much. I just want her to be happy."

“You do make her happy, Beth. Don’t ever doubt that.”

"I'll come see her."

“I’ll meet you outside?”

"Ok."

“Thank you Beth.”

"It's ok." She replied before hanging up.

Charlie looked down at the phone and waited outside for Beth. He put the phone back in his pocket, he wasn’t too sure how he felt about the revelations that had come to light.

About half an hour later the teenager arrived. "Hi."

“Hi.” He smiled sadly.

"What happened to her?" Beth asked, her hands stuffed into her jeans pockets.

“We think she has coeliac’s disease.”

"What's that?"

“Her body can’t break down gluten in our food.”

"Gluten? That's like bread and pasta right?"

“Yes. You’ll also be surprised to learn that gluten is in practically everything we eat. Have you noticed any changes in Emmy?”

"We haven't really seen each other in person for few weeks." Beth admitted sadly.

“Because of what’s happened?” He paused, “Did you notice any changes?”

"She's been sick a lot and really pale. Then I started hearing rumours..."

“That she was pregnant?”

"Yeh. Some of the girls at school said they'd seen her trying to hide a bump under her blazer."

“She’s not pregnant Beth. She never was. Coeliac’s causes severe bloating.”

"We'd talked about the idea together..." Beth admitted softly.

“Of having a baby?”

"Yeh."

“She’s asleep at the minute, she’s waiting for her endoscopy.”

"That sounds scary." Beth replied as she followed Charlie into the hospital.

“It’s not pleasant but she’ll be happy to see you.” His smile was genuine as they went upstairs to the ward.

"I've missed her."

“She’s missed you too.”

Beth couldn't help the gasp that escaped her as she saw Emily. "She looks so different!"

“She’s a little anaemic because of the blood she’s lost.”

Emily was practically skin and bones except for her bloated stomach. She was deathly pale and hooked up to various leads and drips. "Can they make her better?" Beth whispered, her voice breaking.

“They can, we also need to change her diet so she’s not having any gluten. That’s if it is coealic’s disease. It could be a number of other things.”

"What else could it be?" Beth moved to perch on the edge of the bed, tentatively reaching to brush her fingers against Emily's hand.

“It could be Crohn’s or Ulcerative Colitis.”

"Those sound even more scary." Beth sighed, afraid to touch Emily for fear of causing her pain.

“You can touch her hand, you’re not going to hurt her.”

"I should have known she wasn't well." Beth sighed, taking hold of Emily's hand. "I'm so sorry Emmy."

Emmy didn’t stir as Beth took hold of her hand.

"I should have listened to you rather than just believing the worst." Beth whispered sadly.

“You’re here now.”

"Do they know why she got sick?" Beth asked.

“They think she’s always had it.” Duffy replied quietly.

"How come she's only been sick now?" Beth asked, confused.

“She hasn’t, she was sick as a child. We just didn’t know what it was.”

"She told me some foods made her poorly sometimes."

“That’s what we thought. Only it’s more than a few.”

Emily's eyes fluttered open as Beth stroked her cheek.

“Hey.” Emily smiled sadly.

"How you feeling?" Beth asked.

“Sore. You came?”

"Your dad called. Told me you were really poorly..."

“I feel dreadful and not just from this.”

"I'm sorry I didn't answer your messages." Beth sighed. "I shouldn't have just believed what others were saying about you."

“I was stupid Beth. I hurt you and I shouldn’t have.”

"I couldn't handle it and I'm sorry."

“I shouldn’t have made you do something you didn’t want to.”

"We've made a right fuck up of things haven't we?"

“Yeah we have.” A tear rolled down Emily’s cheek.

"Can we start again?" Beth asked, catching the tear with her finger. "Or is it completely over between us?"

“I love you Beth.” Emily smiled, “I want us to try again.”

"There's something you should know first..." Beth hesitated.

“What’s that?” Emily asked.

"There was someone else. I was upset and wanted to get back at you for Jamie..." Beth admitted.

“Who was it?”

"An ex."

Emily nodded. “Was it just the once?”

Beth shook her head. "I'm sorry."

“How many times?”

"I've seen her quite frequently since our last fight." Beth admitted.

“I’ve seen Jamie frequently too.” Emily sighed, “I love you Beth but I lust after Jamie and I don’t know why...”

"I think I understand. It's similar when I'm with Georgia."

“It’s like... It’s because it’s dangerous and exciting. Thrill of the chase...”

Charlie looked over and caught Duffy’s eye.

Duffy nodded towards the door and he followed her outside.

"I didn't mean to lie to you about what was going on." Duffy sighed, her hand running through her hair as she watched the girls through the window.

“It’s ok. I forgive you.” He smiled.

"She was so scared we'd be angry and upset."

“I know.” He stepped closer to her, “I probably would’ve hit the roof.”

"She's not a little girl anymore..." Duffy sighed, resting back into Charlie's arms.

“No, she’s a beautiful little firecracker like her mum.” He wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I must admit I was relieved when the test came back negative."

“She’s too young to have a baby. She’s going places that girl.”

"She is. I would have made sure it didn't hold her back if she had been pregnant though."

“I know, neither would I.” He sighed sadly, “Louis was stoned when I get home.”

"He was stoned when I left to take Emily to the hospital." Duffy sighed.

“We need to talk to him about several things.”

"We do. Is he still seeing Lucy?"

“He is. We need to talk about boundaries.”

"Dare I ask..?"

“Sex in our living room. That’s our spot.” He whispered in her ear.

She let out a disgruntled sigh. "I think he's been smoking weed in his bedroom."

“I think he has too.”

"The boys..!" She suddenly gasped.

“They’re with your mum. I told the twins to keep them there for a while.”

"That's good. We need to speak to Louis about bringing drugs into the house."

“I don’t agree with it.” He sighed, “I just hope he’s being careful with Lucy. The last thing we need is a pregnancy there...”

"It's doubtful a baby would make it to a viable point even if she did fall pregnant." Duffy sighed sadly.

“No it wouldn’t.” He sighed, resting his head on her shoulder. “They also need to learn to close bedroom doors...”

"Oh god..!" Duffy cringed.

“Yes. I got an eyeful that I really didn’t want.” He cringed.

"I dread to ask! I think words need to be had with all our children..!"

“I didn’t realise parenting would be so difficult.” Charlie admitted, “It was easier when they were all babies.”

"Yes, the sleepless nights were for an entirely different reason back then."

He kissed the spot on her neck, “Hmm, much simpler.”

Duffy tilted her head, her gaze wandering to the window again. "Well that's an interesting development..!" She remarked.

“What is?” He kissed her neck again.

She nodded towards Emily and Beth who were kissing, their arms wrapped around each other.

He laughed gently, “I’m glad they’ve managed to sort out their differences.” He gently sucked on the spot on her neck.

"Hopefully."

Charlie was distracted.

Duffy's phone began to ring. She frantically grabbed for it from her bag and gasped as she saw it was an unknown number.

“Answer it.” He encouraged gently.

"Hello..?" She answered tentatively. "Hello? Jake?!" She became increasingly panicked as only silence echoed back.

A couple of seconds later, the phone call cut off.

Duffy sighed, staring at the phone.

“Do you think it was Jake or a wrong number?”

"I don't know. I thought I heard something in the background but maybe I just wanted to hear it." She replied, starting to cry.

“What did you hear, sweetheart?” He hugged her tightly.

"Crying. Faint crying."

“Maybe there was crying, maybe you didn’t imagine it.”

"I just want him back..!"

“So do I, Duffy.”

"I wish I knew where to begin looking. He might not even be in the country anymore."

“I think we need to leave him to do this. He’ll be back when he’s ready.” Charlie said gently.

"You really believe that..?" She sniffled.

He nodded, “It’s the only thing I can cling onto.” He admitted as he wiped the tears away from Duffy’s cheeks.

"I'm terrified every time that phone rings." She admitted.

“It’s horrible and I wish I could do something. I feel so helpless watching you cry yourself to sleep every night, watching the emotional turmoil you go through daily.”

"It's the not knowing. He should be here with us. He doesn't know his sister is sick and his littlest brother can't excitedly show him the certificate he got from school. He's gunna be an uncle any day now and he may never get to hold his nephew."

“I know.” Charlie sighed sadly.

Duffy attempted to wipe her cheeks as she say the doctor approaching.

“We’re ready to do Emily’s endoscopy now.”

"O-ok." Duffy swallowed.

“She’s in safe hands.”

They headed through to Emily's bay.

“Princess, they’re ready for you to go for your endoscopy.”

Emily nodded, her eyes wide with fear.

“It’s gonna be ok, you won’t feel it.” He reassured, kissing her forehead. “They’ll give you another sedative, it’ll make you feel a bit sleepy.”

"I don't want to go on my own."

“Do you want your mum to go with you?"

Emily nodded. "Will you stay til I'm back?" She asked Beth.

“Of course I will, pocket.”

Emily grinned at Beth's use of her nickname.

“Now go pocket, I’ll still be here when you get back.”

Emily squeezed Beth's hand one last time before she left to be wheeled into theatre. 

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck as he watched her leave. Maybe this could shed some light on things?

All Charlie and Beth could do was wait. 

"Is it true Em's brother is missing?" Beth asked quietly after a few minutes had passed.

He nodded, “Jake’s been missing for just over a month.”

"I'm sorry. Lisa must be going out of her mind."

“She is. We both are but her especially.” He smiled sadly.

"Hopefully he'll come home soon."

“I hope so.”

"What will they do to Emily, the endo-whatsit..?"

“An endoscopy. It’s a camera that’s inserted into your body.”

"Inserted how..?" She asked, her eyes wide.

“Either down your throat or in your bottom.”

Beth grimaced.

“It’s not pleasant but you’re sedated.”

"So it won't hurt her?"

“It shouldn’t hurt, no.”

"Will it take a long time?"

“Shouldn’t do.”

"What are they looking for?" Beth asked. "Sorry, I'm asking too many questions..!" She blushed.

“They’re checking to see what Emmy’s digestive tract is like. It can help us pinpoint exactly what she’s suffering with.” He smiled, “You can ask as many questions as you like.”

"What's the worst thing they could find..?" Beth asked nervously.

“That there’s damage to her bowel and it’s worse than we thought.”

"Damage..? Like a tumour or something..?"

“No, just that her bowel doesn’t work as well as it should.”

"What would they do if they found that?"

“I don’t know.”

"I'm sorry about what I said about her earlier. You probably didn't want to hear that..."

“No I didn’t but I understand you were upset and hurt.”

"We both really screwed up." Beth sighed.

“We all screw up with the people we love.”

"I just hope we can make things better."

“You will.”

"I do love her."

“I know you do. She loves you too.” He smiled.

A comfortable quiet fell over them again.

Charlie reached out and gave Beth’s shoulder a squeeze. “You’ll find a way through this.”

"I hope so."

He smiled sadly, once again a silence fell between them.

A little while later Emily and Duffy returned to the ward.

Emily was asleep. “You’re welcome to stay until she wakes.” Charlie told Beth.

"Is that ok?"

“Of course it’s ok.”

Taking her reading glasses from her handbag Duffy began to read Emily's blood test results.

Charlie watched Duffy, “You look very sexy in those glasses.” He commented with a smirk.

Duffy stuck out her tongue as she continued to read.

“I mean it! Like a sexy headmistress.” He laughed.

"Ignore him." Duffy told Beth, smiling.

Charlie pouted as he discreetly ran his gaze over his wife. Every day, he thought she was the most beautiful woman ever in the world.

"Her folate and iron levels are well below what they should be." Duffy sighed sadly.

Charlie wasn’t really paying attention.

"What does that mean?" Beth asked.

“It explains why she’s so cold and tired all the time.” Duffy explained before glancing at Charlie. She shook her head fondly, “Earth to Charlie?”

Charlie blinked, his head snapping up. 

Duffy held the test results out towards him.

A light blush coloured his cheeks. He took hold of the piece of paper.

Duffy sat quietly as Charlie read through the blood test results.

“Folate and iron levels are lower than expected.”

"Yes they are..." Duffy replied, catching Beth's eye.

“Lisa already said that, Charlie.”

"Did she?" 

"Yes." Duffy smiled softly.

Charlie shrugged, “I was clearly distracted with the whole sexy headmistress vibe that was going on.”

"So predictable..!" Duffy teased playfully.

“You wouldn’t have me any other way.” He stuck his tongue out at her. “Hopefully we’ll know more after the results of the endoscopy.”

"Hopefully. These results could suggest several illnesses."

“Yeh they can.”

It was another couple of hours before Emily woke up from the sedation.

Charlie had told Kate what was going on with Emily and asked for her to keep an eye on the children to which she’d agreed. Charlie was dozing beside Emily, his head beside the bed.

Emily groaned, her throat was so sore!

“You ok, sweetheart?” Duffy asked as she heard Emily begin to wake.

"Drink..?" Emily whispered hoarsely.

Duffy reached for the jug of water and poured a glass for Emily. She helped her to take the drink.

"Tummy still hurts." Emily mumbled, her voice a little clearer.

“That’s because you’ve had an internal examination.” Duffy explained, “You’re also due painkillers, probably.”

"What did they find?"

“We don’t know the results yet, sweetheart.”

"Ok." Emily sighed, reaching out her hand towards Beth.

Beth took Emily’s hand in hers. “You ok, pocket?”

"Sore." Emily sighed.

“I bet.” Beth stroked her thumb over the back of Emily's hand.

"Thank you for staying."

“You don’t have to thank me. I wanted to stay.” Beth smiled.

They chatted in-between Emily dozing until the doctor arrived with the results of the endoscopy.

“The results of the endoscopy show damage to the number of areas in the small intestine.”

"What's your diagnosis?" Duffy asked.

“It’ll take a couple of days for the results to come back from the biopsy.”

"Of course."

“I should leave you all to get some rest. I can imagine it’s been a long day.”

"Thank you doctor."

The doctor left. It would be a few days before the biopsy was reported so they could do nothing but sit and wait.

Later that evening Charlie and Duffy arrived back home. The other children were spending the night at Kate's. The smell hit them the minute they opened the front door.

Charlie sighed, “It stinks in here.”

"Do you think they're still here?" Duffy asked, moving into the lounge to open some windows.

“No idea,” Charlie sighed. “I wish he wasn’t involved with her, she’s bad for him.” Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled up the second flight of stairs, “Louis?”

Duffy headed up the stairs to join her husband. Reaching Louis' room she knocked loudly on the door.

Louis grumbled, “Yeh?”

"Your father and I would like to speak to you." Duffy replied, her clinical eye running over him.

Apart from love bites, bruises, and scratches, there were no obvious track marks. Lucy lay on his chest, fast asleep. “Now?”

"This has gone on for too long already." Charlie sighed.

“Fine.” Louis kissed Lucy’s forehead and moved slightly, trying not to wake her up. “Meet you downstairs?”

"Five minutes." Duffy stated firmly.

“I just need to put on some clothes.” Louis replied sullenly.

"Please do." Duffy retorted over her shoulder as she headed back downstairs, opening more windows as she did so.

Charlie followed her downstairs and several minutes later, Louis joined them in the living room.

Duffy sighed, unsure they'd get very far as Louis was clearly still stoned from the looks of his uncoordinated gait and dilated pupils.

“I know what you’re going to say.” Louis mumbled as he sat down on the sofa and scratched at his arm.

"Louis..." Charlie sighed sadly. "You can't behave like this in our home..."

“I know.” Louis sighed, “Sorry.”

"What if your little brothers had come home and discovered the drugs?! It wouldn't be the first time your addiction has placed them at risk!" Duffy burst out.

“I would never put them at risk again!”

"There were used needles on the floor earlier..." Charlie sighed.

“Shit! I’m sorry. I have told her to tell me when she uses! I’ve got a yellow bin in my room...”

"She shouldn't be using in this house!" Duffy retorted, she hadn't known about the needles.

“I know. I’ve told her not to but she’s an addict.”

"She's not the only one..." Duffy sighed.

Louis sighed sadly, “I am addicted to weed...”

"At least you admit it. That's the first step." Duffy replied.

“It was just a way of getting through it.” Louis admitted, “She’s deadly and I shouldn’t be around her because I know I’ll fall into temptation. However, she’s too good.”

"What has she taken?" Charlie asked, concerned that she may need medical attention.

“Heroin.”

"Anything else?"

“Weed, alcohol.”

"I'll go check she's ok." Duffy interjected, moving back towards the hall.

“Ok.”

By the time Duffy had reached upstairs, Lucy was still asleep in Louis’ bed. It was clear that the young girl’s body was heavily damaged through years of drug abuse.

"Lucy?" Duffy shook the teenager firmly.

“Where’s the fire?” Lucy grumbled.

"Do you know where you are?"

“Louis’.” Lucy mumbled.

"That's good. I'm a nurse, I can help you." Duffy smiled.

“I’m ok. Don’t need help.” Lucy opened her eyes, staring at Duffy.

"You should be in school not lying naked and high in my son's bed." Duffy sighed.

“Not been school in ages.” Lucy sighed.

"You can't be much older than my daughter Emily..." Duffy reached out to gently stroke Lucy's hair.

Lucy sighed sadly but allowed Duffy to touch her. She moved closer to her.

"How much have you taken?" Duffy asked gently.

“Not enough, can still feel it.” Lucy whispered.

"Feel what?"

“Everything. Them...”

"Them? I don't understand..."

“Men...”

"Ah."

“Don’t really like it.” Lucy admitted.

"Having to sleep with men for money?"

Lucy nodded.

"There are organisations that can help you break free of the cycle..."

“I can’t. Alex won’t let me.”

"Who's Alex?"

“My brother.” Lucy sighed.

"What about your parents?"

“Dead.” Lucy sighed, “Mum died of suicide, she was bipolar, dad of a broken heart.”

"I'm so sorry. Were you very young?"

“A kid.” Lucy shrugged, “I’m cold.”

"Let me get you some clothes..."

“Why are you so nice?” Lucy asked, “I’m scum.”

"No you're not."

“I am. I do bad things...” Lucy shivered, “It’s really cold in here.”

Duffy felt Lucy's forehead. The teenager was hot and clammy. "Doing bad things doesn't make you a bad person."

“Hmm... Had dreams.”

"Tell me about those dreams..." Duffy insisted as she sent an urgent text to Charlie.

“I wanted to work with kids or something...”

"As a teacher..?"

"Nursery nurse, won't happen now..."

"It will. Never give up on your dreams." Duffy grabbed some water from the desk. "Take a sip." She instructed, holding the cup to the teenager's lips.

“Not thirsty.” Lucy shook her head.

"It'll help. Trust me."

Lucy took a small sip of water.

Duffy was relieved when, a few minutes later, she heard the sound of sirens approaching the house. Lucy was becoming more groggy and incoherent with every passing minute.

Louis raced up the stairs, “Mum? Lucy?”

"Stay awake Lucy..!" Duffy shook the teenager again. "Is that the ambulance?"

“Yeah, what’s happened?” Louis asked.

Duffy didn't reply verbally. She removed the pillow from under Lucy's head and commenced CPR.

Louis’ eyes widened. “Luce? Lucy? Lou?” He ran down the stairs and practically dragged the paramedics up.

"Drug and alcohol intoxication. Probable overdose leading to cardiac arrest. Commenced CPR." Duffy explained to the paramedics as they arrived upstairs.

The paramedics assisted Duffy with trying to stable Lucy and get her breathing again before she was taken down to the ambulance. 

Louis stood shocked and frozen watching as the ambulance raced away to the hospital. "Please let her be ok..." He cried.


	70. NSFW

Peter was determined to achieve beyond the goals his doctor had set him so started doing an extra session each day at the gym, almost doubling the recommended exercise time. As a result he was exhausted but the endorphins were giving him such a high. 

Holly was pacing the flat as he arrived home. "Where you been?!"

“At the gym.” He replied before frowning, “What’s wrong?”

"Again? I... Ooh..!" She clutched at her belly.

His eyes widened, “You’re in labour?”

"About bloody time eh.?!" She gasped. "Only eight days overdue..."

“How far apart are your contractions?”

"About five minutes now. Go get a shower and then call your mum to meet us at the hospital."

“Alright, yeh. Ok.”

"Go!" Holly insisted as Peter dithered in the doorway watching as she went back to pacing though her movements more resembled a waddle.

“Are you sure?” He asked, not waiting for her answer and dashing into the bathroom.

Holly continued to pace, finding the movement helped with the contractions. She'd been having them on and off since the previous day but hadn't wanted to worry Peter until they'd become regular and stronger.

However, by the time Peter had finished his shower, things had taken a dramatic turn. Holly was lay on the sofa, “Peter?!” She yelled, a suspicious watery substance on the floor.

Peter grabbed for his phone, dialing frantically as he tried to make sure they had everything. "It's ok, it's ok." He attempted to reassure Holly and himself.

“Peter, I don’t think the baby’s going to wait!” She called out just as his phone connected with his mum’s. 

“Mum?!”

"Peter what's wrong?"

“The baby’s coming! I don’t think we’re going to make it to the hospital.” He told his mum frantically.

"Ok. I'll call Sally to meet us at your flat. I'll be twenty minutes. Don't panic. Boil some water and get some towels just incase. How far apart are the contractions?" Duffy asked as gathered her bag and headed out to her car.

“Ok, I will do.” He nodded as he glanced back at Holly. She was really quiet which worried him, “Five minutes apart. She’s really quiet. Should she be this quiet?”

"Her body's conserving energy. She'll need it later. Make her some sugary squash or a glucose energy drink. That'll help."

“Anything else?”

"Just try to keep her comfortable and calm. Reassure her."

“I will. Please get here!” He got off the phone and approached Holly. He stroked her cheek and kissed her forehead, “Are you ok?” He asked.

"Hurts." She gasped before another contraction hit.

“You’re doing really well! Amazingly well!” He reassured, “Remember what they said, focus on your breathing. I’ll be in the kitchen boiling water and grabbing towels, ok?”

"O-ok. Help me to bed first?"

“You want to go to our room?”

She nodded. "More comfy."

He helped her to her feet into the bedroom. He got her comfy and then followed his mum's instructions. 

There was a knock at the door.

“That’ll be mum.” He gave her a smile before dashing to the door.

"First of all breath Peter!" Duffy told him as he threw open the door.

“I’m breathing, just about. Where’s Sally? Is she on her way too?”

"She's assisting at another delivery across town but will be here as soon as she can. Til then you've got me." Duffy smiled, heading into the house. "You look shattered already sweetheart." She frowned.

“Who?” Holly asked as she forced a smile. “I am shattered.”

"Both of you." Duffy replied. "Are you ok for me to examine you?"

“Never thought my mother in law would see my vagina but sure.” 

“I was at the gym,” Peter replied, “Second time today.”

"But it's barely past lunchtime!" Duffy rebuked. "Just think of me as Sister Duffin the midwife rather than your mother in law..!" She joked.

“I’m determined to shift this weight. I’ve only got three stone to go and I’m at my ideal weight.” 

“Hmm... Okay.” Holly closed her eyes and groaned as she felt another contraction.

"Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth." Duffy coached.

Holly was focusing on her breathing the entire way through the contraction, barely making a sound.

"Good girl." Duffy smiled as the contraction passed. "I'm going to examine you now before the next contraction hits ok?"

“Ok.” 

Peter didn’t know what to do. He felt a little helpless. He sat on the bed next to Holly, “You’re doing really well!”

"Hold her hand." Duffy encouraged as she put on some gloves and lifted Holly's skirt up.

Peter held Holly’s hand and stroked his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Waters have completely gone. You're eight, almost nine centimetres dilated. You'll start feeling the urge to push soon." Duffy explained as she examined Holly.

Holly nodded. “Ok.”

"Do you have some paracetamol? It'll help a little."

“I’ve taken some already.”

"Ok. He's in a good position, head well engaged and chin tucked in." Duffy reassured as she felt Holly's bump which was very low.

“Is that good? Means he’s in the right place?” Peter asked.

"He's in the perfect position." Duffy smiled. She took hold of Peter's hand and moved it across Holly's bump. "His head is there and that's his spine. Arms and legs will be tucked in at the back. I could feel his hair during the internal examination."

Peter was amazed, “She’s going to be ok delivering him, isn’t she?” He whispered. It still terrified him that he could lose them both.

"It'll hurt and will take some effort but I don't foresee any issues."

“That’s good.”

"Do you have some baby blankets to hand?"

“Yeh, should be in one of these drawers somewhere.” Peter got off the bed and began to look for them. 

Holly let out a small gasp.

Duffy took hold of Holly's hand and coached her to breathe through the contraction.

“I...”

The contractions increased in strength and there were barely any gaps between them.

“Come on babe, you can do this.” Peter encouraged, stroking her hair. 

Holly got the overwhelming urge to push.

"Give it all you've got pet." Duffy encouraged, her hands resting against Holly's knees.

Taking a deep breath, Holly pushed again with everything she had.

"Breathe as the contraction passes." Duffy coached, encouraging Holly to drink some of the squash between the contractions.

Holly continued to listen to Duffy, taking sips of the squash.

With each contraction Duffy could feel the baby's head moving lower.

Holly was becoming more exhausted but she was determined not to give up.

"Maybe if you change position that might help him move a bit quicker..?" Duffy suggested.

Holly moved onto her hands and knees.

The next two contractions produced better results. "If you move your hand down you'll be able to feel his hair." Duffy smiled.

“I don’t think I can.” Holly admitted.

"Peter help steady her." Duffy instructed as she took hold of Holly's hand. "Just there. Feel that? That's your baby." She smiled, her voice thick with emotion.

“Mine and Peter’s baby?” Holly whispered.

"Yes." Duffy smiled, reaching for Peter's hand so he could feel too.

“Wow...” Peter smiled. “You’re doing so well, Holly!”

Holly gasped as the next contraction hit.

“Come on babe!” Peter encouraged her.

Holly screamed as she pushed. 

"Head's crowning!" Duffy declared.

“That’s it babe!” He rubbed Holly's back, kissing her head.

"Short breaths. Pant through it."

Holly did as she was instructed although it really bloody hurt!

"There's a reason they call this stage the ring of fire..!" Duffy chuckled softly.

“It’s fucking painful!”

"A couple more contractions and we'll have the head."

“He’s not here yet?” Holly grumbled.

"Give him time." Duffy smiled.

“Already awkward like his father.” 

“I heard that!” Peter shook his head fondly. 

“You were meant to!”

"Slow and steady is the best way."

“Hmm.” Holly grunted and screamed as another string of contractions hit. 

"Here comes the head..!"'

Soon the head was out.

"Neck is clear." Duffy smiled. "Have a drink." She told Holly.

“Too tired,” Holly swallowed.

"It'll help give you more energy." Duffy insisted, holding the straw to Holly's lips.

“Feel sick.” Holly took a small sip.

"The bin is just by Peter if you're going to be sick pet."

“Want to sleep!”

"Soon. Once your little boy is snuggled in your arms." Duffy replied, massaging Holly's lower back.

“Never having another baby.”

"You'll feel differently after its all over." Duffy chuckled. "Good girl, big push!" She encouraged as Holly let out a roar.

Peter rubbed her lower back, encouraging her once again. She was doing amazing!

Now came the tricky part - the shoulders.

Despite their fears that Holly may have difficulty birthing the shoulders, she made it look easy.

"One more big push..!" Duffy encouraged, her hands cradling the baby's head and shoulders.

Holly screamed as she gave one final, big push.

The baby slid into Duffy's waiting arms, letting out a loud, lusty cry.

“Oh my God Holly! You’ve done it! I’m so so proud of you!” Peter kissed her head several times!

Duffy wrapped the baby boy in a blanket, wiping his face clean. She grimaced playfully as she lifted him up so his parents could see. "I think eight and a half pounds was underestimating things! He's at least nine pounds of solid baby boy!" She declared with a huge grin, placing him down on Holly's chest as she rested back against the pillows.

Holly gazed down at the baby boy on her chest and burst into tears. “We knew he was a boy...”

"And a handsome one at that." Duffy smiled broadly.

Peter kissed Holly tenderly and then kissed the top of his son’s head. “I’m so proud of you babe.”

"I couldn't have done it without you." Holly smiled.

“I didn’t do anything,” He smiled and kissed her again.

"You did so much." Holly insisted. 

Duffy quietly left the bedroom as she heard a tap on the door.

“Sorry I’m late,” Sally apologised as Duffy opened the door, “That was a complicated birth.”

"Things were luckily much more straightforward here." Duffy smiled. "I just need the cord cutting equipment and then we can deliver the placenta."

“She’s delivered already? You really are superwoman! Do you ever get any complicated births?” Sally asked as they made their way into the room.

"Yes. A lovely chunky grandson!" Duffy grinned broadly. "I'd say the baby boy I delivered on a plane over the mid-Atlantic was quite tricky..!" She chuckled.

“What?! Really? When was that?” Sally asked. “Hello Holly, Peter. Congratulations.”

"Several years ago now." Duffy replied. 

"Hi. Isn't he the most gorgeous baby you've ever seen?" Peter replied, bubbling over with excitement and pride.

“He’s beautiful.” Sally smiled, “Would you like to cut the cord?” She asked him.

"Can I?"

“Of course.” Sally explained how to cut the cord to Peter.

His hands shook slightly as he did as she instructed. 

"How about a little skin to skin contact with daddy whilst we check over mummy and deliver the placenta?" Sally suggested.

“Are you sure?” Peter was terrified but also so proud. He was now a father!

"It helps the bonding process. Newborns connect using touch and smell."

“Oh—ok.” Peter was also anxious about removing his t-shirt in front of other people. Taking a deep breath, he removed his T-shirt and took his son into his arms when Sally handed him over. He rested the little boy against his chest. “Hello son.” He whispered.

Tears started to fill Duffy's eyes at the sight. Her gaze was fixed on her son and grandson cuddled together so she didn't even notice the rolls of excess skin that hung around Peter's still rather rotund gut that he was so ashamed of. Although he had still some stones left to lose, his body looked much better than it had done previously. Duffy had also noticed over the last couple of months that her son was becoming muscular. 

Peter rested his hand lightly on the baby’s back. “You’re so beautiful!” He whispered, kissing his head.

"Does he have a name?" Sally asked after she'd delivered the placenta and checked it was intact.

Peter grinned at Holly, “Do you want to do the honours, babe?”

"It was your idea." Holly replied.

“He’s called Charlie.” Peter announced proudly.

Duffy burst into more happy tears.

“Oh mum! We didn’t mean to make you cry.”

"Your dad will be so made up."

Peter smiled. He looked down as his son began to wriggle slightly, “I’m... I'm a dad.” He whispered.

"You are." Duffy smiled tearfully. "I'm so proud of you both."

“What... What if I’m no good?” He asked quietly, tears in his own eyes.

"You're going to be an amazing dad. The fact you're worried about it shows that."

He smiled before turning to Holly, “You ok babe?”

"Tired and sore." Holly yawned.

“You did amazing! I’m so so proud of you!”

"We just need to weigh him and then I'll leave you all to it." Sally smiled, taking the scales out of her bag.

“Holly doesn’t need to go to the hospital?”

"No, she's perfectly healthy and so is Charlie so no need." Sally smiled as she took the baby and placed him on the scales. "Oh wow!" She gasped.

“What? What does he weigh?” Holly asked.

Duffy's eyebrows shot up as she read the conversion chart. "Nine pounds four and a half ounces!" She declared.

“Will my vagina ever look the same again?” Holly asked with a laugh. 

“Wow, you’re heavy son.” Peter kissed his son’s head again.

"It's best not to think too much about that..!" Duffy laughed.

“Sorry Peter.” Holly giggled softly before letting out another yawn.

"We should call dad!" Peter blurted out, attempting to find his phone.

“That might be a good idea.”

"Here." Duffy smiled, passing Peter her phone.

He excitedly pressed the call button on the phone as he reached his dad’s number.

"Hello?" Charlie replied after a few rings.

“Dad! Dad!”

"Peter? Why have you got your mum's phone?"

“Dad! Holly’s had the baby!”

"What?! When? I thought the induction wasn't for another few days..?"

“That was the plan but he decided to come of his own accord!”

"So it was a boy then?!" Charlie chuckled.

“We always knew it was a boy. You couldn’t miss his willy on the ultrasound.” Peter laughed.

"Peter!" Holly exclaimed, giggling in the background.

Peter laughed gently, “Dad?”

"Yes son?"

“Would you like to know what your grandson’s called?”

"He's got a name already?"

“Yes.”

"What's he called?"

“Charlie.”

"Yes?" Charlie replied, confused.

“No, that’s what the baby’s called. We’ve called him Charlie, after you dad.”

The other end of the call was silent except for a soft sniffling noise.

“Dad? You ok?”

"Y-yes." Charlie stammered, his voice suddenly thick.

“I love you, dad!”

"I love you too son." Charlie replied. "I take it your mum is with you..? I'll just give Tess a quick heads up and then I'll be up to see you all. If that's ok..?"

“Yeah mum’s here. Holly couldn’t make it to the hospital so she’s had a home birth. Mum was midwife. Sally was caught up across town.”

"Oh wow! How's Holly?"

“Tired but good. She did amazing!”

"Women are warriors son. What did the little man weigh in at?"

“Nine pounds four and a half.”

"No wonder poor Holly was struggling towards the end."

“Hmm, I know!”

"Do you need anything picking up before I head over?"

“No thanks dad, I think we’re alright.” Peter smiled brightly.

"Ok. I'll be over as soon as I can."

“Love you dad.”

"I love you too son. Congratulations, you're going to be a wonderful father."

“I hope so.” Peter replied with a broad smile. “I love him so much already.”

"There's nothing quite like that feeling."

“Is this why you and mum had as many as you did?”

Charlie laughed. "Maybe part of the reason..!" He conceded.

“Dare I ask what the other reasons were?”

"Well your mother is a very attractive lady who it's difficult to say no to..!"

Peter started laughing whilst pulling a face, “Dad, Dad! Too much information. Though, I have to admit. I understand why you used to be all over mum like a rash whenever she was pregnant...”

Charlie laughed heartily. "You're your father's son my boy!"

Peter laughed, “I better go. Holly wants cuddles. I’ll see you when you get here.”

"Ok. I love you son."

“I love you too, dad.”

Peter hung up the phone and handed it back to his mum.

“Peter, I want cuddles with you and the baby!” Holly grumbled.

"I'll head off now. See you all in the morning." Sally smiled.

"I'll see you out." Duffy offered.

“Ok, ok. I’m coming.” Peter gently moved his son back into his arms so he could hand him over to Holly. Placing little Charlie in his mum’s arms, Holly cooed over the baby. “Isn’t he beautiful, Peter?” 

Sally smiled as she was shown out of the flat, “Congratulations, grandma.” She teased lightly to Duffy.

"It's nanny thank you!" Duffy laughed.

Sally chuckled softly, “Didn’t fancy granny then, no?”

"Gosh no!" Duffy cringed playfully.

“Makes you feel old?”

"Just a bit. My eldest son has a son of his own now..!" Duffy replied as it truly started to sink in.

“And you were midwife. That’s pretty extraordinary.”

"It was amazing."

“I bet. It’s a privilege.”

"I'm just so glad it all went smoothly." Duffy replied.

“I had no concerns about how she’d deliver. You get an inkling for these things.”

"Peter's been so anxious..."

“That’s understandable. It’s his first baby, most dads are anxious.”

"He was there for the birth of one of his little brothers. It was a difficult birth..."

“What happened?” The concern was evident in Sally’s voice.

"Shoulder dystocia and a massive PPH."

“Wow! And he was there?” Sally paused for a few seconds, “It would explain why he’s been so anxious. Especially with the baby being on the larger side...”

Duffy nodded. "And Oliver was 'only' eight pounds four ounces..!" She chuckled.

“Much smaller than that one in there.” Sally smiled.

"It was quite a shock after a run of tiny baby girls."

“I bet!” Sally laughed.

"Thank you for looking after Holly through the pregnancy."

“It was my pleasure.”

The women exchanged their goodbyes and Duffy busied herself around the flat to give the young family some time to bond.

Peter was cuddling Holly, their son resting on Holly’s chest. “Hol?”

"Mmm..?" She smiled, looking up at her fiancé.

“I love you so much.”

"I love you too. Our perfect little family." She smiled.

“Our perfect little family.” He smiled and kissed her tenderly, “Thank you.”

"He needs a middle name..." Holly pointed out.

“Charlie James? Charlie George? I don’t know, do you have any ideas?”

"I think Charlie Peter sounds good." Holly smiled.

“My... My name as his middle name?”

"Of course."

He began to cry softly.

"Hey... Come here you!" Holly shuffled to wrap her arm around Peter.

He held her. “I can’t believe this is really happening. I have a son... We have a son!”

"We do. And he's healthy and handsome."

“I can’t believe he’s ours.”

"I'm looking forward to you taking a turn to carry him around for a bit..!"

“I can’t wait! I’m just scared I’m going to mess up.”

"You won't. You've got pretty awesome role models in the parenting stakes."

“I have. Mum and Dad are amazing.” He sighed, “I wish Jake was here.”

"I know babe. Maybe send him a photo..?"

Peter sent Jake a photograph of Holly and the baby with a message that said, ‘I’m a daddy!!' but he knew it wouldn’t be read or replied to.

"We should message your other siblings."

“Yeah we should, they’ll be ecstatic! Though they’ll probably want to come and see him.”

"That's ok. He'll have to get used to all the hubbub sooner or later. Have they discharged Emily home yet?"

“I’m not sure, I think so.”

"That's good. Poor kid. Do they know what's wrong?" Holly had a sudden thought as she looked down at Charlie. "Could it be genetic?"

“They think she’s got coeliac's disease and has had it since birth.” He explained, “As a kid she’d often get really bad stomach ache and throw up.”

"Ok. That's a food allergy isn't it?"

“Yeah, to gluten.”

"That'll be your dad." Holly smiled as she heard Duffy answer the door.

“Are you ok with mum and dad here?” Peter asked. “I can ask them to leave if you want to get some sleep?"

"Take Charlie through for some cuddles while I have a doze?"

“Are you sure? Are you feeling ok?” His overprotectiveness for Holly was beginning to show.

"I'm fine. Just fancy a bit of a kip before he starts demanding a feed and then keeps us up all night for the rest of ever..!" She giggled.

He laughed gently and kissed her tenderly, “I love you so much.”

"I should hope so after today!" She snorted.

Peter giggled and waited until she was asleep before he took Charlie for cuddles. He then made his way out of the bedroom, hearing his parents' voices drifting through from the kitchen. Standing at the door he watched his parents.

His dad appeared to be teasing his mum, pinching her bottom as she leant over to reach into a lower cupboard.

Peter shook his head fondly, his father always had trouble keeping his hands to himself around his mother.

Duffy let out a giggly squeal. "Gerroff!" She rebuked playfully, swatting her hand in Charlie's direction behind her.

Peter cleared his throat. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

"Peter!" Charlie grinned.

“Who’d like to do the honours first and give Charlie cuddles?”

"You take a go." Duffy smiled to her husband. "I've already had a cuddle and this lunch won't make itself..!" She smiled.

“Can I, son?” Charlie asked, desperate for cuddles with his grandson.

Peter smiled and stepped towards his dad, awkwardly attempting to pass the baby over.

Charlie took the little baby into his arms, “He’s a proper chunk isn’t he?”

"Holly's barely been able to manage the stairs to the flat for the last week." Peter replied.

“I’m not surprised with him!”

"I'm just glad they're both ok."

“Holly asleep?” Charlie asked as he cuddled his grandson.

"Yeh. I don't think she slept very well last night." Peter replied, trying not to yawn as he lent against the kitchen worktop, running a hand through his hair.

“You seem tired yourself. Are you alright?”

"Busy morning." Peter mumbled, realising that he hadn't replaced his t-shirt.

“Down at the gym?” Charlie smiled, “You’re doing really well, son!” He complimented.

"Yeh. Just wish I could shift this." Peter sighed, poking the excess baggy skin.

“You’re looking healthier than you were a few months ago.”

"I'm still overweight though." Peter countered.

“By a couple of stone, yes, maybe. Five-six months ago, Peter, you were clinically obese. Now you’re overweight. That’s a massive achievement in itself.”

"You really think so?" Peter asked. "It's getting harder and harder to lose more weight. No matter how hard I try."

“I think so yes.” Charlie smiled, “You’ve hit a point where your weight loss has stalled. It’s temporary, keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll start seeing results. It’ll be over a slower and a longer period of time but I think in the next six months, you’ll have shifted your remaining weight.”

"This isn't going to change though is it?" Peter asked, referring to his skin.

“No but it’s something we can look into if you wanted surgery in the future?”

"Really?" Peter hadn't realised that was a possibility.

“Yes.”

"I'd like to look into that in a few month's time."

“Ok.” Charlie looked up at his son and down at baby Charlie. “I can’t believe my firstborn has a baby, where’s the time gone?”

"So long as you two don't get any ideas..!" Peter teased.

“About adding to the family?” Charlie grinned.

"Yes! I don't want to have to explain to my son why he has an aunt or uncle who is younger than he is..!"

“Your mother and I wouldn’t do such a thing.”

"Yeh... Yeh..!" Peter laughed, his earlier pensive mood evaporating.

“Darling, why do we have such a reputation?” Charlie asked Duffy.

"Oh I wonder..!" She snorted. "Right, lunch is ready so get yourselves sat down boys." She smiled.

Peter smiled as he sat down at the table. “Thanks mum!”

She placed a plate of brightly coloured salad in front of both of them, holding out her arms for the baby once her hands were free.

Peter tucked in, he was starving after his gym session. Charlie handed Duffy the baby, reluctant to let go at first.

"Aren't you a handsome boy?!" She cooed, walking little Charlie around the lounge.

“Dad?” Peter looked up from his plate of food to catch Charlie’s eye.

"Mm..?"

“Mum’s got that look in her eye so you need to be careful.” Peter laughed.

Charlie laughed. "So do you incase she decides she's taking him home with her..!"

“Holly wouldn’t like that.” Peter laughed gently.

"I can hear you, you know!" Duffy interjected. "Are daddy and grandad being silly?" She cooed to the baby.

“That reminds me, I need to let Sarah and Livvy know.”

"I bet Livvy will be so excited." Charlie smiled. He was so proud of the way Peter had stepped up in regards to the little girl despite not being the child's biological father.

“She will be!” Peter grinned.

"I think someone is hungry..." Duffy chuckled, indicating the way little Charlie was nuzzling at her.

Peter laughed gently as he watched his son and stood up from the table. “Shall I go and wake Holly?”

"It's ok. I'll take him through." Duffy smiled. 

"I need to have a chat with my grandson and remind him those are mine..!" Charlie threw in cheekily.

“Charlie!” Duffy began to blush as she briefly met his gaze.

"You two are just incorrigible!" Peter laughed.

“Your mum’s beautiful and sexy, it’s not my fault.”

"Holly?" Duffy called out softly as she entered the bedroom.

“Hmm...”

"Your son is hungry. Do you want to try feeding him yourself or do you have some formula you'd like me to make up?"

“Try feeding him, first.” Holly smiled sleepily as she sat up. “Did you breastfeed?”

"I did with some of the children but not all of them." Duffy explained as she sat on the edge of the bed.

“As a midwife, would you recommend breastfeeding?”

"Breast milk is full of vital nutrients but then so is formula. I'd encourage you to have a go but not judge you if you feel it's not for you."

“Ok. Will you help me?” Holly asked.

"Of course I will." Duffy smiled.

“Thank you.” Holly took Charlie into her arms. “What do I do, now?”

"I might be easier to just remove your top til you get used to feeding..." Duffy suggested as Holly struggled to try and lift her t-shirt up.

With one hand, Holly was able to remove her T-shirt. “Now what?”

"Hold him so his mouth is near your nipple. It doesn't matter which one."

“Any one?” Holly did as Duffy suggested, holding Charlie.

"Yeh, once feeding is established you need to alternate sides with each feed but til then it doesn't matter too much."

“O—ok.”

Once he was held near the baby started to root at his mother's breast. 

"See, he knows what he's doing." Duffy smiled.

“What do I do now? Do I help him find the nipple or..?”

"Help guide him closer."

Holly helped move Charlie closer.

"There you go." Duffy smiled as he started to feed.

Holly smiled brightly.

"Does the feel ok?"

“It feels fine.”

"That's good. I'll leave you for a bit." Duffy moved to get up.

“Thank you.” Holly whispered.

"I'm very proud of you." Duffy placed a kiss on Holly's hair and headed back through to join the boys.

Holly began to cry softly at Duffy’s words. It was something she'd never heard growing up. “Oh isn’t mummy a bit silly?” She cooed to the baby as he fed.

All she got in reply were suckling noises.

“You’re very hungry!”

"Big appetites run in the family..!" Peter attempted to joke from the doorway as he came to reclaim his t-shirt from the bedroom floor.

“They must do!” She looked up and smiled. “Join us?”

He pulled the t-shirt on and sat down on the bed.

“I love you.” She rested her head on his shoulder. 

“Thank you for helping me do this. For... Not letting me do something I regretted.”

"We're a team. You, me and Charlie." She smiled. "We stick together and help each other out."

He kissed the top of her head.

"He's got blue eyes just like you."

“Your nose though.”

"Poor kid!" She giggled softly.

He ran his fingers through her hair, a comfortable silence between the two of them.

Duffy looked up as she heard a knock at the door. Heading over she opened it to find her three daughters stood on the step. 

"We got a taxi, can you pay for it?" Tilly asked impishly.

“Of course, come in. Your father is in the kitchen, Holly and Peter are with the baby. He’s just having a feed.”

"Thanks mum." 

The twins hurried through to the kitchen, Emily was a little slower. She was still pale and sore but glad to no longer be stuck in hospital.

“Hey Princesses.” Charlie smiled at his three daughters, insisting that Emily sat down.

"We got Peter's text." Lottie grinned.

“About the baby?”

"Is it true that mum delivered it in the bedroom here?!" Tilly asked.

“Yes. You’re not surprised, are you?” Charlie asked.

"No, I feel like it's gunna become a thing..!" Lottie giggled.

“Your mum’s a midwife. It’s what she does.”

"Is she aiming to deliver every kid in this family.?!" Tilly pulled a face before joining her twin in giggling.

“I wouldn’t put it past her.” Charlie smiled, “He’s just having a feed, I’m sure you can all have cuddles soon.”

Emily got up quietly and headed out the kitchen to the bathroom.

“You ok, sweetheart?” Duffy asked her daughter as she returned inside having paid the taxi driver.

"Tummy hurts." Emily sighed. Her new diet was helping a bit but she was a long way from being 100%.

“Oh sweetheart!” Duffy sighed, “Do you have cramps?”

"Little bit. I left the painkillers at home coz the twins were hassling me to hurry up." Emily sighed.

“I can ask Peter or Holly if they have any paracetamol?”

"Thanks." Emily smiled. "I'm gunna go toilet."

“Ok.”

Emily hurried off to the bathroom.

Duffy sighed. She knew it was going to be a long time before Emily got back to normal. She walked into the kitchen to find the twins chatting animatedly. She smiled as she watched and listened to them.

"I told you the baby was gunna be huge!" Tilly exclaimed.

“Alright, smart arse!”

"Boys babies are always bigger than girl babies in this family." Tilly retorted, pulling a face at Lottie.

“Best make sure you don’t have a boy baby!”

"Urgh no! Babies smell!" Tilly laughed.

“They’re also cute.” Lottie replied.

"S'pose."

“You’re not broody again, are you mum?” Lottie asked with a giggle.

"No comment!" Duffy chuckled.

Lottie pulled a face, “Do me and Tilly need to sleep with headphones in tonight?” She smirked.

"Are you two being inappropriate around the children again..?" Peter interjected with a laugh as he entered the kitchen carrying a sleeping Charlie.

“Would we be inappropriate around the children?” Charlie asked, before laughing. “On second thoughts, don’t answer that.” 

The girls squealed, “He’s so cute!”

"We think we winded him ok but be careful." Peter fretted.

“We will, don’t worry.”

"Who wants the first hold?"

“Me!” Both girls said together.

"I'll rock, paper, scissors you for it!" Tilly suggested.

“Ok, fine.”

"How old are you? Five?" Peter teased.

“Shurrup!” Tilly replied with a giggle as her and Lottie did rock, paper, scissors to see who’d hold him first.

The adults laughed as Tilly declared. "No! Best of three!"

“Oh for God's sake girl!” Lottie rolled her eyes and giggled.

Tilly pouted. "Best of five?!" She begged a few moments later.

Lottie rolled her eyes. “Really?”

"Fine! You can go first!" Tilly pouted, folding her arms dramatically.

“Thank you.”

"Make sure you sit still." Peter instructed. 

"I'm not a kid!" Lottie rolled her eyes.

“Maybe not but he’s precious.” Peter answered back.

"Hark at you! I hear you dropped Tilly on her head when she was little. Would explain a lot..!"

Tilly pouted, “That’s rude!”

"Stop mucking about and concentrate."

“I’m not going to drop him!” Lottie protested as she sat down and held her hands out.

Peter tentatively handed his son over to his youngest sister.

“Wow he’s heavy!”

"That's what happens when babies are overdue rather than ridiculously early like you girls..!" Duffy replied.

“We weren’t as early as Em!”

"What did I do now?" Emily grumbled as she re-entered the kitchen.

“The baby’s heavy but that’s what happens when their overdue. Not like me, you and Tots who all came early!” Lottie giggled.

"Well I'm paying the price for it now aren't I?" Emily retorted sarcastically.

“Hmm,” Tilly sighed.

Emily sat down with a sigh. She felt wretched and not in the mood to be sociable.

Charlie moved to crouch in front of his daughter, “You ok?”

"I thought going gluten free was supposed to help."

“It will but it’ll take some time for your body to adjust.” Charlie stroked her cheek.

Emily sighed and lent against her dad.

“You not feeling sociable?”

"Sorry." Emily mumbled, fighting to resist the urge to suck her thumb like she had when she was little and occasionally still did in private when she was feeling in need of comfort.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s ok. You know how I could tell you’re not feeling sociable?”

"How?" Emily asked quietly, thankful that the others were distracted by the baby.

“You and your mother are too alike.” Charlie tapped her nose playfully, “You both try and hide when you don’t want to be somewhere.”

"I am happy for Peter..."

“I know you are.”

"How am I gunna be able to take my exams next month if I'm still this poorly?"

“Is that what you’re worried about? Your exams?”

"Everyone's convinced I'm gunna fail anyway..."

“Whose everyone, sweetie?”

"Girls at school. They think it's funny that I get extra time in exams."

“You’re going to pass them, I know you are. You’re clever and smart.” He encouraged.

"I'm in the thickos class dad."

“But you’re not thick.” He told her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"No I'm dyslexic and dyscalcculic but try explaining that to the girls at school." Emily sighed.

“They’re jealous of you, princess.” He kissed her nose.

"You say that..." Emily sighed.

“They are.”

"They've all already got places at Holby sixth form."

“Is that what’s worrying you? You’ve got a scholarship...” He reminded her. 

"Only if I pass my maths and English exams."

“Can I tell you something, Princess?”

"What's that?"

“They’ll still offer the scholarship even if you don’t pass your English and maths.”

"Sez who?"

“Them.”

"Really?! I didn't know they'd replied since I sent off my portfolio."

He nodded, “They loved your portfolio.”

"I tried really hard daddy, even though I felt like shit..."

“On your portfolio?” He smiled, “They loved your work sweetie, said you were very talented and they’d love for you to study with them.”

"I still want to pass my exams though."

“Of course you do and I’m glad you want too. But please don’t make yourself sick over it.”

Emily nodded. "I want to take some photos of the baby for a present I'm working on for Peter and Holly."

“Do you have your camera or your phone?”

"My camera's in my bag."

“Want me to grab it for you?”

"Please."

As Charlie got up off the floor, his knees creaked loudly and he laughed gently. “Getting old.” He told her.

"Well you are a grandad now!" Emily giggled.

“Don’t remind me!” He laughed as he moved towards the table where Emily’s bag lay.

"Fine you can have your turn now..!" Lottie grumbled, getting tired of Tilly's whining.

“Yay!!”

Peter watched anxiously as Lottie handed little Charlie over to Tilly. 

"Aunty Tilly's gunna teach you to fly little man..!" She grinned impishly.

“No she will not!” Peter’s heart felt like it was going to burst.

"I'm sorry your daddy's boring kiddo." Tilly told the baby.

“He’s too small for that kind of stuff!”

"But when he's older..?"

“Maybe.”

"Don't worry little guy, Aunty Tilly will teach you all the cool stuff..!"

Peter shook his head fondly.

"Matilda stop teasing your brother! He's had a long day." Duffy chided.

“You sound like Gran.”

"I do not!" Duffy gasped.

“Just a smidge.” Tilly teased. 

“Matilda, stop winding your mother up.”

"How is he sleeping through all this noise?" Lottie smirked.

“Good question.”

"Because he's got a nice full belly of milk that's how." Duffy smiled.

“I’ve left Holly to sleep some more.”

"That's good." Duffy smiled. "Tilly, let Emily have a turn now."

“Is that ok, Peter?” Emily asked her brother.

"Of course. You're way more sensible than those two donuts!"

“I’m not a donut!” Lottie pouted. “Tilly maybe but I’m not.”

"Oi!" Tilly groused.

Emily looked down at her nephew as he was handed to her. Her mind couldn't help thinking about how not so long ago she'd thought she was pregnant. Even though she was ultimately relieved that she wasn't the whole thing had confused her even more inside. She looked down at her nephew and smiled. He was such a beautiful baby. “He’s heavy, isn’t he?”

"Poor kid is gunna end up with a complex!" Duffy remarked.

All three girls giggled. “But he is heavy!” Tilly whined in reply.

Charlie noticed the contemplative look on his eldest daughter's face as she stared at the baby. He wished he could read his eldest daughter’s thoughts. She was an enigma at times, much like her mother.

"We'll leave you in peace soon." Duffy told Peter.

“Ok mum.”

"Though we only a phonecall away if you need anything. Day or night."

“Thank you, we appreciate it.”

"We're so very proud of you both." Duffy pulled Peter into a big hug.

“Don’t mum! You’ll set me off.” Peter replied as he hugged his mum back.

"I just can't believe that my little boy has a little boy of his own now!" Duffy started to cry again.

“Oh mum!” He hugged her tightly.

"Is she going to be like this for the rest of the day..?" Tilly complained.

“Probably.” Charlie smiled as he went over to his wife and rubbed her back gently.

"Do you want another cuddle mum?" Emily asked, holding out Charlie.

“Oh yes, please!”

Emily smiled as Duffy took Charlie into her arms for another cuddle.

“Ooh, aren’t you a handsome boy?” Duffy cooed to the little boy.

"I'm gunna go to the toilet before we go home." Emily mumbled.

“Ok, princess.”

"She still don't look right." Peter sighed once his sister was out of earshot.

“It’s going to take a while for her body to adjust to the new diet.” Charlie explained to Peter.

"She looks like she could faint at any second."

“I know.”

About half an hour later everyone was ready to leave the new family in peace.

"Just call us if you need anything ok?" Duffy insisted yet again to Peter as they stood at the door.

“Yes mum, I will.”

"I'll take her home now..!" Charlie joked playfully.

Peter laughed.

The rest of the day passed by in a flurry of phonecalls to relatives and general excitement so everyone was pretty worn out and elected for an early night. 

When he came into their bedroom Charlie found Duffy sat in bed writing in her diary. It wasn't something she did very often, only on special occasions.

As he stood in the doorway of their bedroom, he watched her as she wrote in the diary, oblivious to the world around her.

After a few minutes she placed the pen down and flicked through the pages of her diary.

He continued to watch her, “All your important occasions in there?” He asked.

"Yeh." She smiled before reaching for her other diary to double-check something.

“You’re double-checking something?” He queried.

"Yeh..." She gave him an anxious look.

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked as he stepped closer.

"Don't get mad..." She turned her diary to show him the yearly overview page.

“Why would I get mad?” He asked with a frown, not quite following her.

She pointed to the fact she hadn't circled a date for the last two months. "I only just realised..." She mumbled nervously.

His eyes widened, “Is that date supposed to be your monthly cycle?” He whispered.

"Yeh..."

“Do you think you could be pregnant?”

"I..." She burst out laughing.

“What? What’s so funny?”

"Your face!" She laughed. "You really think that's likely at my age?!"

“Stranger things have happened, Duffy!”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down onto the bed with her. "The kids would kill us..!" She whispered impishly.

“Hmm, they’d castrate me I think.” He looked down at her lips and then back up at her eyes.

"I'm game if you are..!" She winked.

“You know you can be very persuasive...”

"I know..." She grinned impishly, her hand disappearing into his joggers.

He chuckled softly. “Don’t you prefer things how they are? Not as many interruptions.”

"But babies are so cute! That newborn smell!"

“They are cute, I agree but listen. It’s relatively quiet here.” He tiptoed his hand up her thigh.

"That's if it's not too late already..." She cringed but her eyes were sparkling with mischief.

“You’re being cheeky! Your eyes are sparkling!” He pulled her close for a gentle kiss.

"Mmm..." She sighed contentedly against his lips.

“As much as I wouldn’t say no to having another child, I really do think our baby making days are over.” He grinned, “Which is a good thing for me as means I get to fill you up without worrying.”

"Don't worry they really are. I got my hormone level results back the other day. I'm very much not pregnant nor will I ever be again but I couldn't resist seeing how you'd react..!"

“Did you really think I’d be angry?” He asked quietly.

"Of course not."

“Good because I wouldn’t have been. Even if you were...”

"I'm not sure I could cope with it at my age..."

“I don’t think I could either.” He confessed, “I’m getting too old and tired.”

"You get the easy job!"

“That’s true.”

"You are so good at it though..." She purred, stroking him with her fingertips.

He breathed out. “The fucking bit or..?”

"Yeh plus that smug 'look what I did..!' expression you've perfected..!" She giggled.

He chuckled, “We’ve had plenty of practise babe.”

"We certainly have!"

He pulled her towards him again for a snog.

"That's more like it..!" She giggled between kisses.

He slid his tongue into her mouth.

So caught up were they in each other that neither noticed the bang as her diary slipped off the bed and landed with a thump on the floor.

Charlie’s hands began to roam Duffy’s figure.

Her appreciative moans encouraged him on.

He moved his hands over her breasts and over her hips and waist before squeezing her bum gently.

"And here was me thinking you were tired..!" She teased.

“I am tired,” He replied, “But I’m also a gentleman and I like making you come.”

"And I like it when you do."

“It’s hot watching you.”

"Mmm..!"

Charlie chuckled softly before he moved his hand away.

"That's just mean..!" She pouted.

“Don’t pout, you know what happens to me.”

"And you know what happens when you tease me..!"

“You get very wet.” He smirked.

"Very, very wet..!" She purred.

He ran his fingers up her thigh and then over her, “Tell me what you want me to do?”

"Show me that I'm not quite an old lady just yet..."

“How do you want me to do that?” He asked as he bit her earlobe gently.

"Make me come til I scream."

“I’d love that.”

"Did you lock the door..?" She giggled as he disappeared under the duvet.

“I think so.” He answered back as he began to plant kisses on her lower stomach and inner thighs.

"We'll soon find out..!"

“Uh huh.” He ran his tongue over her.

She sighed contentedly.

He did it again, his tongue flicking against her clit.

"Oh yes..!" She encouraged.

He inserted his fingers into her and began to finger-fuck her as he licked and sucked at her clit.

"Oh fuck! Charlie!"

He didn’t stop, his movements continued apace.

Her moans got louder.

With his free hand, he reached up to grab her breasts and play with her nipples.

"Oh shit yes!" She gasped, using one of her hands to play with her other breast.

He began to gently suck against her clit.

Her other hand moved to grip his sparse hair.

Charlie knew she was close!

Moments later she screamed out his name.

Although she’d clearly come once, Charlie wasn’t about to stop.

"Come here..!" She gasped between moans.

He relented and moved towards her, “You ok?”

"Yes but I want you here..!" She pulled his lips to hers.

He kissed her passionately, their tongues duelling.

She seized the initiative and rolled him onto his back so she could straddle him.

“You want to be on top?” He whispered.

"Oh yes..!"

“Your favourite position.” He ran his hands over her body again, once again encouraged by the moans his actions enticed from her.

"I get to call the shots." She smirked, her eyes sparkling.

“You do.” He smirked, “I like you on top... I get the best view.”

She winked as she started to slowly rock backwards and forwards.

He moaned softly, “You feel so good...”

"And unlike you my knees don't creak when I move..!" She teased, speeding up her movements.

“Fair point.” He ran his hands up and down her thighs.

"They're just crumbling instead..!"

“Your knees aren’t bad.” He told her gently as he began to thrust upwards to meet her movements.

Any reply she might have had was lost amongst the moans of pleasure.

“Fuck, Duffy!” He moaned.

Her moans grew even louder as he reached up to spank her.

He spanked her several times, leaving her arse red.

Each time he did she clenched around his cock, her eyes closed and her head thrown back.

He gave one final slap to her arse, unable to hold himself back any longer. The more she clenched, the more he wanted to explode.

She lent forward so their bodies were flush against each other.

He met her gaze as he crashed his lips against her frantically. His hand moving between them to play with her.

She moaned into his mouth, panting at the sensations that filled her head.

His fingers rubbed frantically at her clit, desperate to push her over the edge.

"Oh fuck! Fuck! Charlie!"

“Oh shit, babe!”

"Oh wow!" She gasped breathlessly.

Charlie’s breathing was heavy as they both finished.

"Good to know we're not too old to have fun..!" She giggled after several moments had passed.

“No, we’re not!” He grinned.

"Sorry for winding you up earlier..."

“Don’t apologise, it’s fine.”

"It seemed like a good idea at the time..." She replied impishly.

“Duffy, it’s ok.” He placed his hand against her cheek, “It’s fine!”

"The kids really would kill us though..!"

“Yep they certainly would.”

"Time for bed now grandad." She laughed.

“Time to sleep, nanny.”

"We are getting old aren't we?" She cringed playfully as they got comfortable.

“We’re simply entering the next chapter of our lives.”

"I quite like the sound of that." She smiled. "And there's no-one else I'd rather enter it with."

“Me either.” He smiled brightly as he kissed her nose and lips tenderly.


	71. TW: eating disorders and depression

Exam season came and went, Emily had thankfully recovered enough to sit her exams and now just awaited the results. She felt she'd done well though so was hoping for the best. 

On the other end of the emotional spectrum Jake's twentieth birthday passed with no word from him. The day had been painful, Duffy hadn't left his room all day. 

Now, in the heat of the midsummer Charlie was hoping for a quiet shift but it wasn't to be... 

"Charlie you're needed in resus! Twenty four year old male with severe chest pains!"

Now Charlie knew it was pretty rare for a twenty-four year old to have severe chest pains and end up having a heart attack. Saying that, he also knew someone of that age could have a heart attack. He left his office and entered resus, pulling on a pair of gloves and running straight into a hysterical Holly. “Holly? What’s going on?” He asked. The concern was evident in his voice.

"I told him it didn't matter but he wouldn't listen!" She sobbed. "He stormed out the flat and drove off in his car. He came back an hour later and then suddenly keeled over in the doorway..."

“What didn’t matter?” He rubbed her shoulder, “Has he taken something?”

"I don't know." She sighed. "Duffy took Charlie out for the day so we could have some time just the two of us."

“You had an argument?”

She nodded. "Peter!" She cried as he started to vomit violently.

“It’s ok, Holly. Come on, let me take you to my office.”

"Is he going to be ok?" She asked as she reluctantly allowed him to lead her out of resus.

“I don’t know until we know more.” He sighed sadly, “How’s he been in himself lately?”

"He's been great. Things have been lovely. We took Charlie to the beach for the first time yesterday and had the best day ever."

“What did you argue over?” He asked quietly.

"We'd had a romantic dinner. Peter wanted to take things further but it all went a bit pear shaped."

“Sexually further or..?”

"Yeh." Holly blushed. "We haven't... Since before Charlie was born..."

They entered his office and Charlie made her sit down on the sofa.

"That's when it all kicked off..."

“It can take a woman a while for her body to readjust following childbirth.” He explained and then frowned, “Peter kicked off?”

"Yeh. I don't know why. One minute it was fine and then he flipped and stormed out."

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck, “I’ll be having words with him!”

"I don't understand. I wanted us to but he just suddenly didn't want to out of nowhere. I don't know what I've done wrong."

“Maybe it’s not you. Maybe it’s him... I don’t know.”

"Make him better! Please!"

“I will. I’m going to sit with him but I’ll come back when I can?”

"Ok."

He smiled and squeezed her shoulder before he returned to resus.

"Maybe he'll talk to you." Connie sighed as she saw Charlie approach.

“He’s not talking?”

Connie shook her head. 

Peter was hooked up to several leads on his chest. He was wheezing heavily on the oxygen mask he wore and, now his shirt had been removed, Charlie couldn't help but notice that he'd gained back a significant chunk of the weight he'd fought so hard over the last few months to lose.

Charlie sighed, “Peter? You went on a binge, didn’t you?”

Connie stepped back, motioning the others in the room to leave the two men alone. 

"No." Peter gasped.

“Yes.” Charlie sighed, “How much weight have you gained? You were doing so well, why the change? Are you finding things difficult being a father?”

"Don't know. Can't be the man she needs."

“Why? What makes you say that?” Charlie sat down at the edge of the bed.

"I can't..." Peter looked down, embarrassed.

“Can’t what?” Charlie asked, not quite understanding why Peter was embarrassed.

"Doctor said it would get better but it hasn't. Not for months. So what's the point trying?"

“Peter, I’m not following.”

"Don't make me say it dad! Please!"

“Peter, I can’t help if I don’t know what the matter is.”

"I can't get it up alright?!" Peter burst out, rubbing his chest which still felt like a huge weight was sat on it.

“Ah! How long have you been experiencing this?”

"Months. It first happened when we were in Mexico. Doctor said it would get better as I lost weight but it hasn't. I've tried everything."

“Your weight will be an issue, but it could be the antidepressants. You’re still taking your antidepressants, aren’t you?”

"I read that it could cause problems so I stopped taking them to see if it would help but it didn't."

“Then if it isn't the antidepressants, you know what the issue is, don’t you?”

"I'm a useless excuse of a man?"

“No but that your weight is causing issues in that department.”

"I tried losing weight and it didn't help! Hell, I even tried a bit of a boost. Still nothing." Peter sighed.

“You’ve not given it long enough!” Charlie told him firmly, “Stress effects us too. Are you overthinking it?”

"It's alright for you!" Peter retorted angrily, gasping in pain.

“What do you mean?!”

"Bet you've never had to resort to these!" Peter gasped, reaching into his pocket and throwing a bottle of pills at his dad. "Didn't even fucking work!" He wheezed.

Charlie caught the tablets and sighed, “No I haven’t, you’re right. You’re stressed with a newborn baby, battling depression and you’re overweight. None of this will be helping.”

"Is that your clinical assessment Nurse Fairhead?!"

“Yes.” Charlie paused for a few seconds, “Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, you know.”

"Sez you?!"

“It’s the truth!” Charlie struggled for a way to get through to his son. Looking down he noticed that the bottle was only half full and didn't have a label. “Where did you get these from?”

"A friend."

“How do you know it’s Viagra?”

"He's a medical professional."

“Have you spoken to Holly?”

"I can't tell her!"

“Why not? Sex isn’t everything!”

"Can I be there when you tell mum that?"

“Why is that all you think mine and your mother’s relationship consists of?”

Peter opened his mouth to reply but instead gasped and clutched at his chest. "Help. Hurts." He gasped out.

“Peter! Have you taken something?” Charlie pressed the emergency button.

"Just those. Lots." Peter gasped, struggling for breath.

Connie rushed back into the room.

“What the hell, are they?!”

Connie saw the bottle Charlie was holding. "Viagra?!"

“He says it is but I’m not sure.”

"Ok. We're still waiting on the bloods but we need to bring that down." She pointed to the ECG reading before moving to draw up the required medication. "Do you know how much he weighs?" She asked Charlie as a nurse lowered the bed.

“About seventeen stone...” Charlie rubbed the back of his neck.

Connie raised an eyebrow. "You sure about that..?"

“No.”

"So I should air on the side of more..?"

“Yes.” Charlie sighed, “He was doing so well!”

Connie drew up the medicine and administered it. 

"I'm struggling to keep his oxygen levels up." The nurse commented.

“You need to save him!”

"We need to roll him onto his side." Connie instructed.

Charlie helped them roll Peter onto his side. Charlie felt so helpless.

The trolley creaked under the movement. 

"That seems to have helped." Connie commented, studying the ECG readings. "It looks like he's had a second minor heart attack. He needs close monitoring under medication or we risk him having a massive one."

“A heart attack? At his age? Fucking hell!”

"I think whatever the hell is in those hasn't helped." Connie gestured to the pills. "That plus his weight and family history is a dangerous cocktail."

“He needs help but I don’t know where we even start.” Charlie confessed.

"It looks like his weight has yo-yo'd. Am I right?" Connie asked softly, guiding Charlie to a corner to talk more privately.

“You’d be right on that.” He sighed, “He’d lost five stone just before the baby was born! He’s having some issues with Holly."

"That's his fiancée..?" Connie asked, receiving a nod from Charlie. "How long has he struggled with his weight?"

“Last couple of years.”

"Has the idea of gastric bypass surgery been explored?"

“He’s too young, surely? On the NHS?”

"I'm sure a way could be found."

“It wouldn’t sort the psychological issues though, would it?”

"It would help him not kill himself while he was in the process of trying to deal with them though." She replied somewhat bluntly.

“Thanks. How do we go about the process of a gastric band?”

"I can put in a call to a friend."

“You’d do that?”

"Of course."

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

"Just doing my job. Do you want me to talk to Holly or do you want to?"

“I’ll talk to her.”

"I'll make sure he's kept under close observation."

“Thank you.” Charlie gave a small smile to Connie before he left to head to his office.

"Is he ok?!" Holly burst out as soon as the door opened.

He closed the door and sat next to her. “Peter’s had a heart attack.”

Holly burst into tears. "Is he..?"

He wrapped his arms around her. “He’s alive, he’s ok. He’s under strict observation.”

"Why did it happen? Why now?"

“He’s gained weight again. The constant yo-yoing isn’t going to be helping his heart. That on top of other issues, are bound to have an impact.”

"I don't understand. I've been cooking all our meals to the dietician's instructions. I've followed them to the letter for months."

“I think he’s been secretly binging again.” He sighed, “I’m going to suggest the idea of a gastric band to him when he’s a little more with it.”

"I tried to ask him about it but he denied it. Short of catching him in the act I didn't know what to do." She sighed. "He won't even acknowledge the fact he's gotten a lot fatter again in the last month."

“I take it he hasn’t talked to you about why he’s gained weight?”

"Not a word. He seems perfectly normal in himself. It's only the fact he's getting more out of breath again and the acid reflux and snoring are back that tipped me off. Well, that and his belly..."

“It would appear Peter’s inherited my lack of being able to communicate with partners about issues.”

"I keep trying but he just totally shuts me out." She sniffled. "I want to help him. I don't want little Charlie growing up without his daddy."

“It’s not going to come to that.” He handed her a tissue.

"I just wish I knew how to help him." She wiped her eyes with the tissue. "I'm scared to go to sleep in case..." She choked up, unable to finish the sentence.

“In case he dies?” He finished the sentence for her.

She nodded sadly. "A few times it's been like he's stopped breathing briefly in his sleep."

“It sounds like sleep apnea.”

"Coz of his weight problems?"

“Yes.”

"I don't want to lose him."

“Neither do I, Holly.”

"We need to call Lisa!"

“I’ll call her.” He smiled sadly.

"She's gunna be so upset."

“Yeah she will.”

"Can I sit with him?"

“Of course you can.”

She squeezed his shoulder before leaving him alone in the office to call his wife.

Charlie took a deep breath and dialled his wife’s number.

"Hi! You missing me at work or something?" She giggled.

“Of course, I usually am.” He smiled sadly, “Are you sat down?”

"Mmhmm. Me and Charlie are feeding the ducks by the lake. If this is about that double shift next Friday..!"

“No, no it’s not.” He sighed, “It’s about Peter...”

"What about him? I left him and Holly having a nice cosy meal."

“He’s had a heart attack.”

"What?!"

“He’s had a heart attack. Two, the second one being minor.” He sighed, “Will you please get here as soon as you can? He’s fine, please don’t panic.”

"Don't panic?!"

“You’d panic anyway, wouldn’t you?”

"My son's had a heart attack why would I panic?!" She retorted before taking a deep breath, her nursing instincts kicking in. "What caused it?"

“Weight gain amongst other things.”

"I'm just gonna get Charlie strapped into the car and I'll be on my way."

“I’ll meet you outside?”

"Ok. I love you."

“I love you too.”

It was about twenty minutes later when she pulled into her parking space in the hospital carpark, little Charlie fast asleep in his carseat in the back.

Like he said he would, Charlie was waiting for her outside.

She was all fingers and thumbs as she tried to unbuckle the carseat, her cheeks streaked with tears.

Charlie was fast asleep in the car seat, completely oblivious to the world around him.

"Oh for fuck's sake!"

Charlie was about to come over and help when Duffy managed to unbuckle the car seat.

"Have they taken him up to CCU yet?"

“Not yet, they’re waiting for a bed. Connie’s keeping an eye on him.”

"Ok." Carrying the carseat she headed straight towards resus.

Holly was sat silently crying sat next to him.

Duffy hurried over to the bed.

Holly didn’t even acknowledge she was no longer alone.

Duffy placed the carseat down gently before reaching out to stroke Peter's cheek. "Oh sweetheart..." She sighed.

He was asleep. Holly stood up, “I need to go for a walk.”

"We can stay with him."

“Thanks. I doubt he’ll ask for me when he wakes...”

"Oh Holly... He loves you so much!"

“Clearly! That’s why he doesn’t talk to me!”

"He doesn't talk to us either." Duffy sighed.

“We’re supposed to love each other but what’s our relationship based on, if he can’t tell me the things that are bothering him most?” She whispered, “What else do we have?”

"You have Charlie." Duffy pointed out. "Think of him before you do anything rash."

“I am thinking of him!”

"In sickness and in health. That's what that ring stands for."

“Don’t even bother trying to guilt-trip me Lisa!” Holly snapped.

"And don't you dare walk out on my son when he needs you!"

“Or what??!”

"I really thought you were different but you're just the same. Happy to stick around when the going is good but run for the hills the second things get tough. Just like Sarah and Krystal both did!"

Holly laughed angrily, “And do you know why Krystal walked away? Because Jake trashed her flat and threw a glass at her head, she was so scared, that’s why she left him!! But sure, let us be the bad ones!!”

"Holly..." Charlie attempted to intercede. 

"Oh sorry! Was it supposed to be a secret that her precious little boy likes to whack his girlfriend about?! I guess it's lucky she wasn't called to give evidence..!"

“Holly, that’s enough I know you’re upset...” 

“Upset? You have no idea! Neither of you do!!” Holly burst into tears as she grabbed Charlie’s car seat, “Just leave me alone, all of you!!”

They watched helplessly as Holly stormed out of the room.

Charlie sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He was worried about Holly, her outburst had been out of character but he thought it may have been her hormones. 

“You ok?” He asked Duffy, noticing his wife had gone awfully quiet.

"It can't be true..! My Jakey wouldn't do that!" She sobbed.

He moved towards her and cuddled her. “It’s true.”

"It can't be..! Why would you say that?!"

“So Holly and Krystal are both lying then?”

"He's not violent..." She replied weakly. 

“I don’t believe he is. I think it’s possibly what’s caused him to drink more and leave home.”

"I just wish he'd come home so we can sort it out."

“Hell be home when he’s ready.”

"I thought parenting was supposed to get easier..?" She sighed, turning back towards Peter.

“It never gets easier babe.”

"Why didn't he tell anyone he was struggling?" She sighed, her eyes flickering between the monitors and her eldest son.

“I don’t know.”

"He looks so unwell..." She knew she was stating the obvious but the words were just tumbling from her.

“He does. Connie’s suggested the idea about a gastric band?”

"Would a surgeon agree to that..?" She asked, her free hand resting on Peter's stomach.

“She said she’d put in a word with a friend.” He paused, “It might help some of his problems but not all.”

"It wouldn't solve everything." She sighed. "He's gained so much weight again..."

“I know. He’s been binge eating again.” Charlie sighed. “He’s not been on his medication, I think it’s a possible relapse.”

"Maybe this will give him enough of a scare..?"

“I hope so. Otherwise it’s possible, he’ll lose the best thing that’s happened to him.” Charlie was referring to Holly.

"If he hasn't already."

“I don’t think she’s doing as well as she’s pretending.”

"I don't think any of us are..."

“No, we’re not.”

"Why do things keep falling apart?"

“To test us.”

"I've been tested enough!"

“I know babe.”

"I just want our kids to be happy."

“They will be, they’re just experiencing their own struggles. It’s all part of growing up and life.”

"I wish it wasn't."

“So do I.” He kissed her head, “Should I go and find Holly or do you want to?”

"I probably should. It's my fault she ran off."

“You were a little harsh.” He told her gently.

"I was harsh?!"

“Yes, a little!”

"Hmm..!"

“I’ll stay with Peter until you get back.”

She lent over and gave Peter a kiss before doing the same to Charlie. She then left in search of Holly.

Holly was sat on the wall outside the department, Charlie in the car seat next to her. She was staring into space, her cheeks stained with tears.

"Holly..?" Duffy spoke softly as she approached.

“If you’re here for an argument, don’t bother. I haven’t got the energy!”

"I'm not. I'm here to check you're ok."

“I’m fantastic.” Holly replied sarcastically.

Duffy sighed. "What you said about Jake..."

“I didn’t mean to blurt it out.” Holly sighed, playing with the ends of her jumper.

"Was it just a one off or..?"

“Krystal said it happened once.”

"Those cuts and bruises Charlie had around the time Jake disappeared... They were caused by Jake..." Duffy admitted sadly.

“He isn’t a bad lad.” Holly sighed sadly, “He’s just lost.”

"So is Peter..."

Holly didn’t answer.

"He needs you by his side."

“I don’t think I can.”

"Why not?"

“I’m tired.”

"Let us help you. Together we can get through this."

“You can’t, Lisa! You can’t wave a magic wand and fix this.” Holly sighed, “Peter won’t talk to me. He pushes me away and I’m tired! He isn’t the only one whose struggling but he doesn’t notice!”

"I know I can't wave a magic wand and fix it all!"

“I need time to think!”

"Peter's facing major, life changing surgery, you can't just walk away!"

“I have to!”

"Why?!"

“I can’t stay...”

"That's not a reason. You can't take little Charlie away from his dad..!"

“He promised me!!”

"Promised you what?"

“He’d get better if I gave him a chance!”

"Gave him a chance..?"

“To be a dad!”

"When did he make that promise to you?"

“When he found out I was pregnant...”

"Was that when all this started?"

“His problems?”

Duffy nodded.

Holly shook her head, “Before I was pregnant. That’s why I didn’t tell him I was pregnant...”

"He was already struggling and you feared it would make things worse..?"

“I knew it wasn’t the right time for us to have a baby.”

"But you both seemed so happy..."

“Not at the beginning.”

"When did it all begin? What kicked off his problems?" Duffy was desperate to wrap her head round it all.

“I have no idea. I thought it was the promotion but I was clearly wrong because he’s not any happier.” Holly wiped the tear from her cheek.

"When did you first notice there was a problem? I'm guessing it was harder for him to hide from you compared to us."

“As soon as he got the promotion, he changed. Physically and mentally. I knew it was the promotion but he wouldn’t quit it. Kept saying he - we needed the money.”

"Depression and addiction unfortunately run in the family." Duffy sighed. "Is he still a heavy smoker?"

"He quit when he found out I was pregnant. He was really upset and angry with me for not telling him straight away.”

"I noticed he started up again after he started the diet plan. I just hope he doesn't get back to smoking forty plus a day like he used to..."

“Twenty a day max, at the minute.”

"I suppose that's something. It won't be helping the breathlessness."

“No it won’t be.” Holly let out a yawn, “Sorry, I haven’t been sleeping.”

"Babies tend to be nocturnal for the first few months. Would it help if we took him for a night or two a week? Allow you to get a decent night's sleep?"

“It’s not really the baby that’s keeping me awake.” Holly confessed as she ran her finger over Charlie’s cheek.

"What is it?"

“It’s Peter.”

"You're worried about him?"

Holly nodded and burst into tears.

"Oh pet!" Duffy pulled Holly into a hug.

“I’m scared he’s going to die! I can’t do this on my own with Charlie! That’s why I booked the appointment but he said he’d be there and we’d do it together, raise our baby! But I feel so alone. I feel like I’m the only one that’s doing it whilst he’s gripped by depression and addiction.” Everything was flowing out of Holly as she cried on Duffy’s shoulder.

"You were going to have an abortion?"

“Please don’t judge me!” Holly begged as she cried harder. “I love Charlie! You have to believe me?”

"I'm in no position to judge sweetheart. I made it as far as the clinic carpark when I was pregnant with Paul..."

Holly looked up in surprise as she heard Duffy’s response. “You... Considered it too?”

Duffy nodded. "It's not something I'm proud of but it happened."

Holly nodded, “I... I thought it was for the best.” She said quietly.

"So did I. I was convinced I was doing the right thing until I got out the car and had the most awful bout of morning sickness. I'd not had any up til that point. I knew right then that I couldn't do it. I got back in the car and as I sat there I felt this tiny little fluttering sensation low in my tummy."

Holly nodded, still crying. “I don’t know how best to help Peter because he doesn’t communicate with me.”

"He gets that from his dad I'm afraid. Some days it's like dragging blood from a stone with Charlie..!"

Holly sighed, “Great! So it’s not going to get any easier?”

"No but they're worth it despite all the stress."

Holly sighed sadly and wiped her cheeks.

"Will you come back inside?"

Holly sniffed, “Yes.”

"It will get better."

“There seems to be a glimmer of hope but then it disappears.”

"He needs you. If you walk away I'm scared he'll just give up."

“I love him. I’m not about to give up that easily. It’s just hard for me at times.”

"He loves you too."

“I know he does. Deep down, I know he does.”

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to him. You and little Charlie."

“I just wish I could get rid of how he feels. The depression...”

"It's a long hard road."

“I don’t want this to break us.”

"It won't."

“How do you know that?”

"I can't explain it. I just know it."

Holly smiled sadly and turned to her son. “Come on trouble, let’s go back to daddy.”

"He'll be moved up to CCU soon."

Holly nodded and followed Duffy back into the hospital. She then accompanied Peter upstairs whilst Duffy stayed downstairs with little Charlie.

Sitting beside him she stroked his cheek. “I can’t do this on my own, Peter! You need help.” She whispered.

He groaned softly.

“I promise to be with you, every step of the way. You’ve just gotta learn to trust me.”

"Holly?" He mumbled.

“I’m here.”

"What happened?"

“You had a heart attack, two heart attacks. The second one was minor.”

"I don't understand..."

“What don’t you understand?”

"How did I end up here?"

“It’s where people go who’ve had a heart attack and need monitoring...?”

"I remember feeling sick..."

“But you can’t remember anything else?”

"No."

“We argued. You stormed off, came back an hour later and keeled over in our doorway.”

"I'm sorry. I screwed up."

“It’s ok. You need to let me in Peter, I love you and it hurts every time you keep me at arm's length.”

"I don't want you to hate me..."

“Why would I hate you?” She sighed.

"I'm not the man you need."

“What makes you say that?”

"I'm a useless failure."

“Why are you a useless failure?”

"You do so much for us. You're amazing and so beautiful. I wanted to show you that I do appreciate you and love you."

“I already know you love me and appreciate me! You haven’t failed anything, Peter!”

"I know you said it doesn't matter but it does to me!"

“I thought you were referring to your weight. Is there something else, you’re not telling me?”

Peter took a few breaths, his chest still hurt. "When was the last time we had sex Holly?"

“A while ago.” She replied, “Months ago.” She rubbed his chest, “You need to calm down.”

"I'm a failure."

“No you’re not. Bloody hell, Peter, do you really think that’s all our relationship is based on? Sex?"

"It makes me feel like less of a man." He admitted softly.

“I get that. Maybe it’s a combination of many things?”

"I'm scared you'll leave and take our son with you."

“Because we don’t have sex?”

"Because I fail at everything."

“You’ve given me a beautiful son which means I’ll forever be connected to the man I love. I wouldn’t say that was a failure.” She entwined her hand with his.

"What if he turns out like me?"

“You’re an amazing person Peter! Why wouldn’t I want our son to turn out like you?” She sighed, “Depression and addiction run in your family, I understand that. I want you to be healthy and well...”

"I tried. I tried so hard." He rubbed at his stomach. "I feel really sick again."

“You’re getting worked up.” She reassured, “Please, Peter, we’ll talk about this when you’re better.” She kissed his nose and forehead.

"I thought the pills would help."

“What pills?”

"To satisfy you."

“Oh Peter!” She sighed, “It’s not going to work if you’re not fully happy.”

"I thought maybe if I took a few more it might..."

“Kickstart your engine?”

"It didn't."

“You can’t have sex if you’re struggling with other areas of your life.”

"Sounds like something dad would say."

“Your father is a wise man.”

"He'll love you for that!" Peter smiled, it was the first time he'd smiled since he'd stormed out earlier that day.

Holly met his gaze and smiled, “Let me help you?”

"I don't know how to make things better."

“I might be able to help. With you and your parents.”

"How?"

“I don’t know yet. But we’ll figure out something.”

"I hope so. I don't want to die." The day's events had really scared him. Despite being told it could happen he hadn't really thought it would.

“Hopefully this has scared you enough to change.”

"I keep trying to change." He sighed.

“I know, and it’s really hard. Would it be worth looking into surgery?”

"Surgery?"

“A gastric band? Or something?”

"I guess ask mum and dad."

“It wouldn’t help with the depression, but it might help with your weight. You wouldn’t be able to eat certain things though...”

"Like what?"

“I don’t know, fast food wouldn’t be a good option. I don’t know much about it.”

"Ok."

“Peter?”

"Yeh?"

“I love you.”

"Even after everything?"

“Even after everything.”

"I don't know what I did to deserve you."

“Something terrible.” She teased.

"Probably." He chuckled. "Urgh..!" He rubbed his chest.

“You ok?”

"Hurts when I laugh."

“I’ll try and not make you laugh, babe.”

"Where's Charlie?"

“With your mum. Do you want me to bring him up for a cuddle?”

"Please."

She gave him a tender kiss. “Alright, I’m going to get him.”

"Ok. I love you."

“I love you too."

By the time she returned Peter had been seen again by the doctor.

Charlie was beginning to wake in his car seat. “Is everything ok, doc?” She asked.

"We just got the toxicology back on those pills. They're not what they were sold as..."

“What were they?”

"Not entirely sure, seems a mixture of things. Most of it seems to have been vomited up but we'll keep checking bloods for twenty four hours just to be safe."

“So it wasn’t Viagra?”

"That's the only thing I can be certain about."

“So he didn’t take Viagra?”

"No." 

"But it said it was..?"

“It’s definitely not Viagra.” The doctor replied. 

Holly smiled, “Peter! You know what this means, don’t you?”

"What?" Peter asked.

She lent forward and whispered in his ear, “You can get it hard.”

Peter blushed at her words, hoping no-one else had heard.

“Maybe we can try when you’re feeling up to it.” She giggled.

Peter smiled. "What was in that medicine you just gave me doc? I'm starting to feel much better."

“You’ll still need to be monitored for twent four hours, we’ve given you a few drugs to bring down your heart rate and protect your heart.”

"From what was in those pills?"

“Yes. It’s a precautionary measure.”

"I'm gunna have to stay in for a few days aren't I?"

“Yes.” The doctor replied.

"Ok." Peter sighed, reaching out towards little Charlie.

Holly got Charlie out of the carseat and rested him on Peter’s chest.

"Hey little guy." Peter smiled, stroking Charlie's back.

Charlie snuggled into his father. He loved his daddy so much!

"I'll bring him in to visit every day til you can come home." Holly promised.

“You will?”

"Of course. He gets so grumpy when you go to work in the mornings so he'll probably be even more grumpy til you're home." She smiled.

“He does?” Tears filled Peter’s eyes. “He really knows who I am, doesn’t he?”

"He's a proper daddy's boy."

Peter smiled brightly and continued to rub the little boy's back.

"You're lucky to have a fan in here, it's boiling in the corridor. I guess it helps to have people on the inside..!"

He looked up and caught her eye, “I’m warm myself...”

"Do you want me to get you some ice? Or turn the fan up?"

He laughed and shook his head, “I’m warm because of... Well, you’re making me warm...”

"Peter! You'll set the monitors off!"

He winked.

"You're naughty!" She giggled before growing more serious. "We're gunna get through this together."

“We will. I don’t want to lose you and Charlie, you’re my world.”

"And you're ours. Remember that."

“I do.”

"You should rest."

“Will you stay for a bit?”

"Of course we will."

“Thank you.”

"I love you."

“I love you too.”

"I know I keep saying it but it will be ok. Things will get better." She reached out to squeeze his hand.

Peter squeezed her hand back, “I really want to believe you.”

"I know it's hard."

Peter brought Holly’s hand to his mouth and kissed it. “Thank you.”

"Just let me in." She pleaded softly.

“I’m trying.”

"I know you are."

“I don’t want to let you down, Holly.”

"You never will so long as you keep trying and let me help you."

He nodded, “I love you.”

"I love you too." Holly whispered as Peter fell asleep. Gently taking Charlie into her arms she cuddled him close. "We'll help daddy get better I promise."


	72. TW: alcohol abuse, eating disorders, depression, illicit drug use

A few days later there was a knock at the door. Duffy was busy helping Oli and Paul with a puzzle so Charlie went to answer it.

He opened the door, not really expecting it to be important. He recoiled in horror when he was greeted by two uniformed officers on his doorstep.

"Is Mrs Fairhead home?" One of the officers asked.

“Yeh, come in.” Charlie smiled sadly and led the officers through the house into the kitchen. “I’ll go and grab her. Sit down.”

"Thank you." The officers sat down at the table.

Charlie closed the kitchen door and took a deep breath. He didn’t think this was going to be good news at all. He stood in the doorway of the lounge, “Duffy?”

"Was that the door?" She asked innocently as she looked up from where she was sat on the floor with the boys.

“Yeah, it’s the police. They’re in the kitchen.” He told her.

The colour drained from Duffy's face as she slowly rose to her feet. "Jake..?" She whispered brokenly.

“I think so.” He held his hand out to her.

She took hold of his hand, her knees shaking.

“Stay here, boys.” Charlie told his two youngest sons and took Duffy into the kitchen. They sat down at the table.

"Is he dead..?" Duffy mumbled, unable to look up at the officers as they replied.

“There’s an unidentified male in a hospital down in London. He’s in a serious condition, he matches Jake’s description.”

"What happened to him?" Duffy asked as she got up and started gathering her belongings.

“We think he was drunk and fell into the Thames but we have no idea.” The officer explained. “The water exposure plus the alcoholism suffered by the young lad has made him unidentifiable without ID. One of our officers spotted a tattoo that looked like it could belong to Jake, it’s taken a few days for the pictures to come from the Met.” 

Duffy started to cry. "I have to see him."

Charlie wrapped his arms around Duffy as he got up from the table. 

The police officer nodded, “We’ll talk to the Met police.”

"Which hospital is he in?" Duffy demanded.

“He was taken to Chelsea and Westminster Hospital.”

"Ok. Is that quicker by car or train..?" She mused aloud as she pulled open the laptop on the kitchen counter.

“We can give you a police escort?”

"O-ok."

“We’ll go back to the station to talk to the Met police and then we’ll ring with an update?”

"Why can't I go now?!"

“We need to talk to the Met police. I ideally want someone to be with you when you give a formal identification.”

"It's been months!"

“Mrs Fairhead, I understand your frustration but this young lad was pulled out of the Thames three days ago. There is a very good chance he’ll pass away from the damage he’s done to himself and being in the water for so long. If this is your son, I want a police officer to be with you.”

"I'm a nurse!" She shot back.

“Maybe so but I still think a police officer should be present.”

"Sweetheart, let them do their job..." Charlie interceded.

Duffy grumbled a response.

"How long will it take to set up?" Charlie asked. "We'll need to call someone to watch the children."

“Thirty minutes to an hour.”

"We'll be ready." Charlie replied.

The two police officers stood up, “I’m sorry it wasn’t good news.”

Charlie saw the officers to the door.

They said their goodbyes before Charlie closed the door.

Duffy was pacing the kitchen, her hands shaking.

Charlie returned to the kitchen, “Babe?”

"He's going to die isn't he?" She sobbed.

“Hey, we don’t know if it’s Jake.” He reassured as he held her in his arms.

"He has the same tattoo!"

“They didn’t say which tattoo he has. Jake’s got a lot... It’s entirely possible that Jake has the same tattoo as another young lad.”

"His scar!" Duffy suddenly burst out.

“From his kidney transplant! That’s what we need to look for when we go down and see the boy. Shall I ring your mum to look after the kids?”

"Please."

He picked up his phone and went out into the garden. He dialled Kate’s number.

"Hello?" Kate answered after a couple of rings.

“Hi Kate, it’s Charlie.”

"Everything ok?"

“Not really no. Could you mind the children for the rest of the day? The police have been...”

"Jake's been found?!"

“We don’t know. A young boy’s been found in London, he’s got no identification on him and he’s in a serious condition. They want us to go and see if it’s Jake, they have the same tattoo apparently.”

Kate gasped. "I'll be there as soon as I can. I just need to make a quick phone call."

“Ok Kate, thank you.”

About half an hour later Kate arrived at the house.

Charlie opened the door and smiled, “Thank you for coming round at short notice.”

"It's ok. Where's Lisa?"

“Pacing the kitchen.”

Kate sighed and headed through to the kitchen. 

"The boys are watching cartoons, Tilly and Lottie are at the cinema with Tommy and Owen, Louis is sulking in his room and Emily is in town shopping for art supplies." Duffy explained without even pausing in her pacing.

Kate sighed sadly, “Lisa, come here?”

Duffy paused at her mother's voice. She looked around and instantly broke down.

Kate didn’t say anything and instantly wrapped her arms around Duffy as she moved closer.

"Mum..." Duffy sobbed.

“Ssh, Lisa. It’ll be ok.” Kate reassured with a whisper, stroking her daughter’s hair.

"What if it's Jakey?"

“If it’s Jakey, we’ll have to deal with that.” Kate whispered.

"I just want him back." Duffy sobbed.

“I know! We all do.”

There was another knock at the door.

Once again, Charlie, being the closest, opened the door.

The same officers from earlier were back. "Everything is set up with the Met."

Charlie smiled sadly, “I’ll go and get Duffy."

"We'll call as soon as we know." Duffy promised her mum as she headed to the door.

“Please do, Lisa.”

Barely a word was spoken on the journey down to London. Duffy spent the entire time nestled in Charlie's arms.

He stroked her hair, hoping she’d be ok. He wished he could take away her pain. If this was Jake, their lives were about to change dramatically.

Arriving at the hospital they were led upstairs to a side room in ITU. Duffy hesitated at the door, her hand clutching Charlie's hand tightly.

“I’m here sweetheart.”

She took a deep breath and stepped into the room.

Charlie followed and squeezed her hand tightly.

The young man was attached to numerous wires and tubes. The ventilator was breathing for him. His skin was motled and bloated, no doubt due to the lengthy water exposure. Her nurse's eyes told her that he was barely hanging onto life. His head was heavily bandaged.

Charlie stepped closer to the young man in the bed. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, he was barely hanging onto life. He squeezed Duffy’s hand. “We can ask the nurse if he’s got any identifying scars.”

"O-ok." She whispered, tentatively reaching out her free hand to touch the lad's hand. It was so cold!

“I’m going to go and see the nurse. Will you be ok?”

Duffy nodded, her fingers tracing the tattoo on his forearm.

It was the tattoo that they’d spotted in Holby, the reason they were here now. Charlie went to find the nurse.

"Jake?" She whispered softly.

The only response was the sound of various machines beeping.

A few minutes later Charlie returned. He was followed by a nurse and a doctor. 

“I believe you’re wondering if this young man has recent scars on his lower abdomen?”

"Yes. My son donated his left kidney earlier this year." Duffy explained.

“We can check.”

"Thank you." Duffy stepped back to allow the doctor closer.

The doctor and the nurse helped to move the wires, to check that there was a scar on the young man’s abdomen.

Duffy held her breath.

“Would you like to see?” The doctor asked.

Duffy nodded nervously. She stepped back to the side of the bed.

Charlie stepped towards Duffy as they checked the abdomen of the young boy.

There were various scars, he'd clearly been in a lot of fights, but not the distinctive scars that would suggest a transplant nor any of his distinctive abdominal tattoos.

“It’s not Jake!”

"No." Duffy whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“It’s not our son!” Charlie embraced Duffy as tears ran down his cheeks. “He’s someone’s son though.”

"He's dying." She sighed sadly.

“He is,” Charlie kissed the top of Duffy’s head.

"I want to stay with him. He shouldn't be alone."

“I’ll let the police know. They’re outside.”

Duffy nodded.

He kissed the top of her head before he went outside the room to the officers.

"Is he your son?" The officer asked softly.

“No, he isn’t our son. He isn’t Jakey.” Charlie sighed sadly, “But he’s someone’s son and Duffy wants to stay with him. She doesn’t think he’s going to stay alive for much longer.” He explained, the emotion clear in his voice.

"You were the only lead we had." The Met officer sighed. "The doctors weren't very optimistic that he'd last the day."

“I’d say he’s only got hours.” Charlie sighed.

"We're still trying our best to track down his family."

“Are we ok to stay with him?” Charlie asked.

"Of course."

“Thank you. I hope you find his parents.”

"We'll let you know. Would you like us to contact your family to confirm its not Jake?"

“No, we’ll do that but thank you.”

"Ok. We'll leave you for a bit to check in with the incident room."

“Thanks.” Charlie rubbed his hand against the back of his neck. He took the phone from his pocket and called the house.

Kate answered the phone straight away, “Lisa?!"

"It's not Jake." Charlie blurted out.

Kate breathed out, "It’s not Jake?”

"No. It's not him."

“That’s such a relief! Oh you and Lisa must be so relieved!”

"Yes though it's bittersweet." He sighed.

“The young man is really poorly, isn’t he?”

"He's dying."

“Oh Charlie!”

"Duffy wants to stay with him. She doesn't want him to be alone."

“That’s Lisa for you. She cares.” Kate smiled, “Take all the time you both need.”

"Thank you. Is that Brendan?" Charlie asked, hearing a voice in the background.

“Yeah, I invited him round. I hope you didn’t mind?” Kate blushed slightly on the other end of the phone.

"Not at all. I'm sure the children will enjoy spending time with their grandad."

“I thought they might like that.”

"I best let you go. I'll be in touch when we're heading home."

“Thank you for letting us know, Charlie.”

"Take care."

“You too.”

Charlie hung up the phone and went to rejoin his wife.

They were there a couple of hours until the police returned.

Duffy had held the young man's hand the entire time, speaking softly to him, reassuring him that he wasn't alone.

The police knocked on the door of the room.

Charlie looked up and opened the door.

“Hi, I’ve just come to let you know we’ve had another lead.”

"Are they on their way here?"

The officer nodded, “They’re local so should be here within half an hour.”

"That's good. He's barely hanging on." Charlie sighed. 

"You hear that? Your family will be here soon." Duffy whispered softly, squeezing the young lad's hand.

“Thank you to both of you for staying with him.”

"No-one should be alone."

“His family will be here shortly. We think it’s definitely their son.”

"What's his name?"

“Leo. Leo Wilson.”

"Hi Leo." Duffy smiled.

There was once again no response from the young man.

"What happened to him?" She asked.

“He was reported missing three months ago, he’s got a history of alcohol abuse.”

"His family will have been so worried."

“They have been.”

"It's so sad that it's ending this way." Duffy sighed, her eyes watery.

“It is.” The officer agreed, “This is often the worst part of the job.”

"Our job too." She agreed sadly.

“I’ve been doing this job twenty-five years and it never gets any easier.”

"It doesn't." Charlie sighed.

Five minutes passed in a comfortable silence before the door opened again and Leo’s parents arrived.

Duffy and Charlie stepped out of the room to give them some privacy.

Charlie wiped the tears from his cheeks as they left Leo and his parents.

"Part of me feels jealous that they know where their boy is." Duffy admitted softly.

“I just hope Jake’s ok and we don’t have to go through this again.” He whispered softly.

"I hope so too. I just wish he'd contact us."

“When we’re home I’ll try and ring him?”

"Ok." 

A few moments later Leo's dad stepped out into the corridor. "The police told me that your son is missing too."

Charlie nodded, “Yeah he is.”

"I hope you have better luck than we did. We tried so hard with Leo but nothing seemed to get through to him. He was hell-bent on the path to destruction since he was fourteen."

“We’ve tried everything to get our son to admit he needed help but nothing. He just disappeared one day, leaving a massive hole in his place. I know he’ll come back when he’s ready.” Charlie replied. “I’m sorry you’ve found your son and it isn’t a happy ending.”

"I can't say this in front of Maggie but I kinda always knew it would end this way. This isn't the first time he's gone missing and we barely got him back last time."

“I’m so sorry.”

"It was very kind of you both to stay with him."

“We didn’t want him to be alone.” Charlie smiled sadly.

"No-one should be alone." Duffy added, finally speaking.

“Thank you.” Leo’s dad went back inside to sit with his son.

"I guess we should probably head home." Duffy mumbled sadly.

“Let’s head home, sweetheart.” Charlie agreed. 

The journey home was as quiet as the journey there had been. When they were about ten miles from home a message came over the police radio with an update from the hospital to say that the lad had been successfully identified and was now no longer a missing person.

"He's still hanging on." Duffy whispered.

“It looks like it.” Charlie whispered back. 

Sadly, as they pulled into their road, another update came through from the hospital. It was informing them of Leo’s death.

Duffy began to cry softly.

As did Charlie as he held his wife tightly.

When they entered the house Duffy went straight upstairs without a word.

Charlie headed outside and rang Jake.

As with all the other times the phone rang for several minutes and then clicked over to voicemail.

“Hi son, it’s your dad. I’m just ringing because we really miss you and want you to come home.” He paused, “We had to identify a young lad on his deathbed today, to make sure it wasn’t you. It broke your mother’s heart, she’s still crying now. Please son, wherever you are, please come home, we all miss you. Life isn’t the same without you. We love you so much Jake.” He sighed and hung up the phone, sitting in the garden for several minutes until something caught his eye in the kitchen. 

Kate was doing some washing up when Brendan entered the kitchen. He went straight up to her and slipped his arms around her waist, placing a tender kiss on her cheek.

Kate blushed, “What’s that for?”

"I couldn't resist." He grinned. "Why do we have to keep this a secret?" He sighed.

“They have enough on their plates with Jake missing. I don’t know how Lisa will react to her parents suddenly getting back together.”

"I'm sure she'd be pleased. Everyone deserves a little happiness Kat."

“I know.” She lent back into his embrace.

"I'm glad we could still see each other today."

“Me too.”

Duffy stayed locked in Jake's room for the rest of the day so she didn't hear the knock at the door. 

Emily gasped as she answered the door. "Jake?!" She was briefly thrown as her brother's hair was now shoulder length and he'd grown a beard. His skin was tanned and he was even more muscular, if such a thing was possible.

“I see you’ve not got any taller in my absence.” He chuckled.

"We can't all be freakishly tall!" She fired back with a grin before throwing herself at him for a hug.

He wrapped his arms around his younger sister. 

The two youngest boys came out of the living room, “Jake!!”

Paul took off running into the kitchen. "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" He yelled.

Charlie was just coming into the kitchen from the garden, “What is it little man?”

"Jake!" Paul bounced up and down.

“Jake’s here?”

Paul nodded unable to contain his excitement. He grabbed hold of his father's hand and practically dragged him into the hallway.

After being dragged into the hallway, Charlie ran his eyes over the male in front of the door. “Jake?”

"Hi dad." Jake smiled.

“You’re back?” Charlie held his arms out for a hug.

"If I'm still welcome here?" Jake asked, settling into his dad's embrace.

“You’ll always be welcome here!” Charlie kissed the top of Jake's head. 

Jake’s return had alerted everyone in the house - except Duffy, who was still locked in Jake’s bedroom. Charlie got Jake to sit in the living room and went upstairs to the bedroom. He knocked on the door.

Duffy laid curled up on the bed clutching one of Jake's t-shirts. She'd cried herself to sleep so didn't hear the knocking.

“Duffy?” Charlie knocked again. Still receiving no reply he went up to their room to fetch the spare key he'd gotten cut after she'd previously locked herself in the room for hours on end with no way for anyone to check she was ok. He unlocked the door and closed it behind him. Crouching down by the side of the bed, he stroked her cheek. “Sweetheart? Wake up?”

She groaned, her eyes opening just enough for him to see they were red and bloodshot.

“I’ve got something that’ll make you smile.”

"Too tired." She mumbled, closing her eyes again and burying her face in Jake's t-shirt.

“It’s important. Let’s go downstairs?”

She groaned again as she slowly got to her feet. She had no energy so was weak and wobbly.

Charlie picked her up and carried her downstairs.

Jake felt wretched as he saw how weak and ill his mother looked. He'd done this to her. He ran a hand through his hair. “Mum?” He whispered quietly.

Duffy's head lifted slightly from Charlie's shoulder. "Jakey?" She gasped softly, blinking several times, convinced she was still dreaming.

“Hi mum.” Jake smiled sadly.

"It's really you..?" Duffy stumbled slightly as she reached out for her son once Charlie had placed her down on the floor.

“It’s really me.” Jake told her gently, “I’m back.”

She burst into tears as she threw her arms around him.

“I’m sorry for putting you through hell.”

"Please don't ever run away like that again!" Duffy begged, refusing to let go of Jake, even as her legs gave out and she fell down onto the sofa beside him.

Jake ran his hand through his mum’s hair. “I had to leave...”

"I was so scared they'd tell me you were dead..!"

“I went to rehab for a few months, then travelling again. I didn’t want to let you down by failing so I didn’t contact...”

"Did you get our messages?"

“Some. I was tempted to reply but I needed to do this for us all.”

"I got a call a few weeks ago from a number I didn't recognise. Was that you?"

Jake nodded, “Yeh.”

"Why didn't you speak?"

“I don’t know.”

"We've missed you so much." Duffy sighed. 

The front door opened again as the twins arrived home from their double date.

“I’ve missed you all so much!” Jake answered back. 

“Girls, come here?” Charlie called.

"We're not late!" Tilly grumbled as they came into the lounge.

“I know, there’s someone I want you both to see.”

"Oh?" Lottie asked as they looked around the room. "No way!" She gasped. 

"Where the fuck have you been?!" Tilly burst out.

“Language Tots.” Jake smiled, “Here and there.”

"Oma-ner! Tilly said a naughty word!" Paul giggled.

“She did say a naughty word didn’t she?” Jake grinned and shook his head fondly. “Do I get a cuddle?”

"So long as you don't touch me with that fuzzy face!" Tilly wrinkled her nose.

“Not a fan of the beard?”

"No." Tilly replied. 

"It looks like pubes!" Lottie added bluntly.

Jake laughed loudly, “Thanks for that Lottie.”

The twins hugged their brother. 

"I should go let Peter know." Charlie commented.

“You’ve got a nephew to meet!” Lottie told Jake excitedly as she squeezed her brother back.

About an hour later Peter, Holly and Charlie arrived at the house. Peter had been discharged from hospital the previous day and was awaiting an outpatients appointment with the gastric surgeon.

“Hey bro!” Jake grinned as his brother, “Is this Charlie?” He asked, referring to the baby in the car seat.

"You got my message?!" Peter asked as he slowly made his way to one of the armchairs. 

Holly carried the baby in behind him. "It's so good to see you Jake!" She smiled.

“Of course I got your message. I just wasn’t in any fit state to come home. I wasn’t ready.” Jake smiled, “It’s good to see you too, Holly.”

"Even just a reply saying you were alive would have been nice..!" Peter grunted, his breathing still noisy as he lowered himself into the chair, trying to ignore the loud creak it made.

“What happened to you?” Jake asked, full of concern for his older brother.

"Nothing. I'm fine." Peter replied dismissively, looking away as he noticed Jake's gaze running over him. He knew he looked awful, he was sweaty and breathless as he was struggling to sit up straight in the chair due to his huge gut which put more pressure on his lungs. The hospital staff had been making him move around as much as possible to try and help but it just caused all his joints to ache painfully.

Jake sighed sadly, “I see things aren’t good again? What’s happened?”

"Like you care!" Peter gasped out, trying to shift to a more comfortable position, rubbing at his chest.

“Of course I care! I’m your brother!”

"Who just swanned off for months on end without a word! We thought you were dead!" Peter's words were punctuated with gasping breaths and grunts of pain.

“Will you please calm down!” Holly told Peter gently, “The doctor said you’re not allowed to get stressed.”

"Tell that to the fucking Messiah over there!"

Jake sighed, “I was only trying to help!”

"It's not you he's angry at." Holly sighed. 

“He’s angry at himself?”

The twins had ushered their younger brothers out the room, they didn't need to witness all this. 

"Why would I be angry at myself?!" Peter sneered bitterly.

“I don’t know.”

"It's not like you to hold back Jake!" Peter retorted sarcastically.

“I don’t know why you’re angry with yourself but if you’re not angry at me, who are you angry at?”

"Speak your mind Jake, you know you want to! What do you see before you?!"

“That you’ve put on weight since I last saw you! You were doing so well with your weight loss.”

"What's the fucking point?!" Peter grunted as he slowly hauled himself out of the chair and left the room.

“Holly? What’s going on?”

Holly sighed, grateful that Charlie had gone after Peter. "He had a relapse Jake."

“What was the trigger?”

"I don't think Peter would want me to discuss that." Holly mumbled.

“Ah. Is it personal?”

Holly nodded as Charlie began to cry. "He needs a feed." She explained before disappearing out the room. 

"What's going on?" Jake asked. "He looks so fat again and even more ill."

Duffy sighed, “He’s struggling. He had two heart attacks. The second one was minor thankfully.”

"What?!" Jake gasped. "He's only twenty four!"

“He’s twenty-four but clinically obese. It happens.”

Jake could see how much it hurt his mum to say the words. He'd thought things were getting better but clearly not. It broke his heart to watch his brother struggling to move and breath properly. "I want to help but he clearly hates me." He sighed.

“He doesn’t hate you, Jake. He’s just angry at the world.”

Jake sighed, sitting back down on the sofa dejectedly. 

Peter lent against the doorframe of the back door and lit up a cigarette. Since he'd been discharged he'd barely stopped chain-smoking, it seemed the only way to keep the cravings at bay.

“Peter that’s not going to do you any good.” Holly told him as she fed Charlie.

"Take him away." Peter replied as he wafted the smoke into the garden, puffing repeatedly on the cigarette, relaxing slightly as the nicotine started to hit his system.

“Peter, please.”

Peter used the end of his cigarette to light another.

“Peter!”

"Holly take the baby upstairs." Charlie interjected softly from the kitchen doorway.

She sighed and did what Charlie asked, taking the baby upstairs.

"You want one?" Peter held the packet out towards his dad.

“No thanks, son.” Charlie smiled sadly, “Do you think that’s wise?”

"Shouldn't you be busy fawning over Jake..?"

“You’re my son, too.”

"He pushed mum to the edge of a fucking breakdown! He's a selfish cunt and you're all acting like he's wonderful!"

“He had his own demons Peter. Just like you!”

"And he just turns up like a shiny new penny while we've all been going through hell."

“We won’t be going through hell forever!” Charlie replied.

Peter coughed as he lit up a third cigarette in as many minutes. He rubbed at his gut, it was feeling gassy and cramping again.

“Are you determined to kill yourself?”

Peter shrugged, shifted again before sighing with relief as he farted loudly.

“You could have another heart attack. Is that what you want?”

"It's better than living like this." Peter muttered, his stomach hurting again.

“When’s the appointment with the gastric specialist?” Charlie asked.

"End of the month at the earliest. There's a waiting list apparently."

“There is but we can do this.” Charlie encouraged.

"Can we..?" Peter grumbled clutching his stomach.

“Yes! Now stop smoking and sit down.”

Peter took one last drag on the cigarette and flicked it into the garden. He moved to lean against the kitchen counter. A putrid smell filled the air once more.

Charlie sighed sadly, “Peter. We want to help you, but you need to let us.”

"I'm trying. I take these high fibre supplements they've insisted I drink even though they give me horrific cramps and gas." Peter sighed. "Every day is just a fresh hell."

“Stop the fibre supplements if they’re causing you pain.”

"The doctor said I have to lose weight before I see the specialist or they won't treat me." Peter turned his head away to try and hide the tears trickling down his cheeks.

Charlie crouched down in front of his son and wiped away the tears, “You can do it.”

Duffy, who had been stood silently in the doorway for a couple of minutes, chose that moment to make herself known. "Does that doctor know that your sister has coeliac's disease?"

“No, not that I know of.”

"It could be a factor in why the supplements are making you feel so ill."

“I didn’t think of that.” Peter sighed.

"It's worth discussing with them." She walked over and rested her hand on his shoulder.

“Do you really think that could be why I’m being so ill?”

"It could be. You might be sensitive to one of the ingredients."

Peter smiled sadly and nodded, “Yeah maybe.”

"Are you back on your other medication?"

“Uh huh. Just started them, it’s only been a few days.”

"Any other new medications?" It was clear that Duffy had her nurse's head firmly on.

“There was one for my heart but I can’t remember the name.”

"Warfarin?"

“That sounds right.”

"Your dad's on that too."

“Because of his heart attacks?”

Charlie nodded. "Hopefully you won't have to stay on it for the rest of your life though."

“I hope not.”

"Jake thinks you hate him." Duffy explained softly.

“I don’t hate him.” Peter mumbled. “I’m just pissed off at him.”

"Maybe you two need to have a proper talk..?"

“About what?"

"You're brothers. You can help and support each other."

“He got better and I didn’t!”

"He'll still need support. It's taken a lot for him to come home."

Peter sighed.

"Just talk to him please." Duffy pleaded as she went to get Jake from the lounge.

“Fine!” Peter grumbled.

The two young men stared at each other across the kitchen for several moments after Jake came and sat at the table and their parents left the room. 

Finally Peter broke the silence. "You look like a right twat with that beard." He remarked.

Jake laughed, “Does no one like my beard? Lottie said it looks like pubes!”

"She's got a point..."

“Fine, I’ll have a shave!”

"So where you been that you couldn't call or even send a text?"

“I was in rehab for a while.”

"You managed to stay sober since then?"

Jake nodded. “I went travelling and retrained. I’m not a DJ no more, I can’t DJ and not drink...”

"What you gunna do now?"

“I’m thinking of becoming a PT.”

"That explains why you look like the Terminator..!"

Jake smiled, “I need to help you.”

"To make you feel better about pissing off?!"

Jake sighed, “I shouldn’t have left because you needed me but I had no choice!”

"Oh get your head out your arse Jake, you ain't that special!"

“Why are you so angry with me?!” Jake demanded to know.

"You just always seem to make everything about you." Peter replied, lighting up another cigarette even though his mum would flip if she caught him smoking in the house.

“Will you put that fag out?! And how do I? I was struggling too!”

"Why? You gunna grass me up to mum?" Peter retorted, continuing to smoke. "Mum nearly got herself killed to save your precious ass!"

“Oh fuck off! She would’ve done the same for you!”

"Would she now?" Peter snorted. "You were always the special one. We must protect little Jakey! Can't have Jake coming to any harm!"

“Is this what it’s all about? Because you feel you didn’t protect me when we were kids?”

"I shouldn't have had to protect you!" Peter lit up another cigarette.

“So all this is because you’re pissed off with mum?”

"No, I'm pissed off with the scumbag that knocked her up with you!" Peter blurted out.

“We’re finally getting somewhere!” Jake resorted.

"You know how she nearly died having Oli? That was coz she had a fracture on her pelvis that hadn't healed properly. A fracture he caused."

“He was a bastard!”

"I had nightmares for months that Holly would die." Peter whispered as he lit yet another cigarette, a collection of stubbed out butts piling up on a small plate beside him.

“Will you stop smoking and just talk to me?”

"I have to do something with my hands." Peter admitted shamefully.

“You ever tried a fidget toy or something?”

"I'm not eight years old!"

“It doesn’t matter! Adults can use fidget toys!”

Peter sighed as he realised he was fast running out of cigarettes. He scrunched up the empty packets in frustration.

“Do you wanna go down the gym? We could do some boxing? That might help?”

"So you can watch me keel over? We don't need to go to the gym for that, you could just watch me climb the stairs to the gym gear in your room..!"

“I always forget I’ve got that stuff in there.” Jake smiled slightly, “You need to do something with your hands, is this why you eat so much?”

Peter didn't reply. 

"Let's go up to my room. Get rid of that first though before mum goes apeshit..!" Jake gestured to the makeshift astray as he went to find some air freshener from under the sink.

Peter started to tidy up the mess he’d made in the kitchen.

Between them they managed to hide the evidence before heading through to the hallway. 

Jake stopped a couple of steps up as Peter hesitated at the bottom. "You ok?"

“Yeh.”

"You wanna go first?"

“Yeh.”

Jake stepped aside to let his brother past, leaning casually against the wall of the stairwell.

Peter huffed and groaned his way up the stairs to his brother's bedroom.

Jake watched nervously as he followed him. By the time they reached Jake's bedroom door Peter was wheezing and perspiring heavily. “You alright?” He asked tentatively.

"Chest hurts." Peter replied, struggling to get his words out. "Feel sick."

“Don’t be sick!”

"Don't worry, I've barely eaten in the last week..."

“What? Why?”

"They've put me on an even stricter diet regime." Peter replied, adjusting his sweatpants.

“What kind of regime?”

"Only eight hundred to a thousand calories per day."

“And how are you coping on that?”

"I feel like shit but that's nothing new." Peter sighed as they entered Jake's room, watching as his younger brother realised nothing had changed in the months he'd been away.

“Everything is exactly how I left it...”

"Mum wouldn't let anyone touch it."

“Wow.” Jake was genuinely surprised by that.

"She's spent a lot of time in here over the last few months."

“Crying and worrying?” Jake sighed, “I feel like all this with Andrew and mum is my fault.” He confessed quietly.

"It's not your fault." Peter replied, softening for the first time since his brother had returned home.

“If mum hadn’t have got pregnant, she’d have escaped from him.”

"She'd already gone back to him once before..." Peter pointed out.

Jake sighed, “He only started abusing her after I was born. That’s not a coincidence!”

"He was verbally abusing her well before that point."

“He was?”

"I remember them having an argument not long after they got married. He was calling her every name under the sun and she was in floods of tears."

Jake sighed, “I made it worse though.”

"He was always a dick."

Jake shrugged and sat down on the edge of the bed. “You blame me, don’t you? That’s why you’re so angry!”

"I wanted to blame you but you're just as much a victim as the rest of us."

Jake sighed, “I’m sorry bro.”

"I'm sorry too." Peter moved closer to Jake, standing awkwardly by the bed.

Jake held his hand out to Peter.

Peter tentatively placed his hand in Jake's.

Jake squeezed his hand. “I love you, bro.”

"Love you too." Peter mumbled.

“How about you see if baby Charlie has finished feeding so Uncle Jake can have some cuddles?” Jake grinned. “Can’t believe you’re a dad!”

"I'm still getting my head around it." Peter admitted.

“Another thing bothering you?”

"I just feel I'm gunna let them down..."

“You’re not. You’re like dad.”

"I'm really not..." Peter groan, holding his stomach again.

“You are. You just can’t see it.” Jake told him before frowning, “What’s the matter?”

"I need to use the bathroom." Peter groaned again, slowly waddling out the room.

Jake sighed sadly as he watched his brother.

Peter stumbled by the bathroom door. "Help..!" He gasped.

Jake rushed out to him from his bedroom.

"My knee..." Peter gasped as Jake helped him limp into the bathroom.

“Your knee has gone?”

"It really hurts." Peter reached out for the wall by the toilet. "I'll be ok from here."

“Sure?”

"Yeh." Peter grunted as his stomach cramped again.

Jake left Peter to it and sat at the top of the stairs with his head in his hands. He didn’t even know where to start with fixing Peter’s problems... He tried to ignore the noises that came from the bathroom but it was impossible. He hadn't realised just how bad things had gotten. He didn’t realise because he hadn’t been here. Jake sighed sadly, all he wanted was his big brother back.

After a few minutes the bathroom door opened again.

“You ok?” Jake asked Peter.

"Nothing works properly." Peter sighed, clearly still struggling with his left leg.

“Your body or diet wise?”

"Body." Peter grunted as he slumped down onto the step beside Jake, squishing his younger brother against the wall.

“We need to get it working properly then, don’t we? The diet plans the dietician has given you, what they like?”

"They seem to be mostly liquid based with bulking agents to make me feel full. They make me feel bunged up and gassy for ages and then it's like a fucking explosion." Peter sighed.

“How about I plan you some proper meals? No carbs, plenty of protein and other essential vitamins and minerals.”

"Is that possible?" Peter asked, perking up slightly at the idea.

“Of course. You need meals to survive, food is essential. It’s not the enemy.” Jake replied, “You’ll lose weight and you won’t be suffering with cramps or other horrible side effects.”

"The supplements make me blow up like a balloon." Peter sighed. He slowly raised his t-shirt, it was clear to see where his belly had deflated slightly now he'd been able to go to the toilet.

“How many supplements are you on daily? Three?”

"Yeh." Peter couldn't meet Jake's eye as he sat exposed.

“Your belly is less bloated now you’ve used the toilet.” Jake gathered his thoughts for a moment, “Right so, how do you feel after one supplement? Just as terrible?"

"It gets worse as the day goes on. By the end of the evening I can barely stand upright coz it hurts so much." Peter explained. "It's still huge and grotesque." He sighed, placing his hands on either side of his belly.

“Maybe it’s the amount of supplements?” Jake shook his head, “It might be huge but we’re going to deal with it, ok? Right, what if I was to do you a meal plan for tomorrow. Do you think you’ll be able to follow it?”

"Anything to avoid feeling so ill." Peter groaned again.

“We’ll keep a supplement as your evening meal but breakfast and lunch will be proper meals, ok?”

"Ok. I should try and get back to the gym but I got out of the habit..." Peter admitted regretfully.

“Wanna come with me?”

"I'd like that. I've been lying to Holly... She thinks I've been going to the gym regularly but I stopped going about a month ago. I'd leave the house as though I was going but I wouldn't..."

“What stopped you from going?”

"I wasn't making any progress and then I found somewhere else to go..."

“Where was that?”

"A local cafe..." Peter admitted as he looked away.

“Hopefully now that I’m here, you’ll let me help you?”

"On the proviso that you don't pity me and you're always honest..?"

“Deal!”

"Coz you may be a brutally blunt twat at times but I want that. Mum and Holly are always too afraid to hurt my feelings." Peter sighed.

“Ok, fair enough.”

"I need to hear the truth." Peter sighed.

“Ok, well I promise to give you the truth.”

"You can start now."

“You want me to be honest?”

"Yes."

“You’re fat and you’re risking your life.”

Peter nodded sadly. "What made you finally break the cycle?"

“I don’t know.” Jake sighed.

"I don't want to be like this but I can't see a way out."

“It’s going to get harder before it gets better.”

"But you won't let me give in?"

“No!”

"I'm scared of the idea of having surgery." Peter admitted.

“In case it goes wrong?”

"Yeh. I'm scared I won't wake up again." Peter hadn't told anyone else about his fears.

“We can try and lose weight without the surgery, that’s an option.” Jake squeezed Peter’s shoulder, “You have more risks because of your weight...”

"I've tried that though and it didn't work."

“You need to focus on why you’re eating so much. Challenge it... Why do you eat so much?”

"It started out as a way to make me feel better, something to do when I felt like I wasn't coping..."

“What made you feel you weren’t coping?”

"Everything just got on top of me. Getting the promotion at work, starting a family, trying to find somewhere better to live, what happened to mum and you... It all just got too much..."

“And now? Why do you eat so much now?”

"Coz I feel like a failure."

“Why are you a failure?”

"Look at me."

“You’re fat! You’re not a failure! What do you think you’ve failed as?”

"I'm a fat failure. I can't even stick to a simple diet. I got myself into this mess and can't get myself out."

“You can’t get out of it alone so let me help? We can do this together!”

"You really believe that?"

Jake nodded, “Yep!”

"At least one of us is confident."

“By the time you go for your surgery, you may not need it.”

"I'll probably still need surgery to remove all the excess skin."

“Yeah most likely but you might not need the gastric band."

"The doctor seems to think that's the only way I'll keep the weight off." Peter replied dejectedly.

“Shall we try and prove the doctors wrong?”

"You've got that look in your eyes that usually leads to mum yelling at us..." There was a hint of a smile on Peter's lips.

“Shall we do it?” Jake smiled brightly.

"I s'pose its worth a try..."

“That’s the spirit!”

"So what's your plan..?"

“Come and join me in the gym? Meal plans and meal prep!”

"Ok. You really think I can do this?"

“Of course I do!”

"I want to get better so I can marry Holly."

“Let that be your motivation every time you want to give up!”

They were both quiet for a few minutes. 

"Tell me about your travels..?" Peter eventually asked.

“The recent ones?”

"Yeh. Where did you go? What did you see?"

“I didn’t go far. Just to London, to make amends with Krystal.”

"Oh so you didn't take off to sow your wild oats?" Peter snorted. "Krystal told mum and dad she hadn't seen you..."

“She didn’t. For a while, I didn’t contact her when I was in rehab. I hurt her and...”

"What happened?"

“I trashed her flat when I was drunk and chucked a glass at her.” Jake was ashamed of his behaviour, the shame evident on his face as he looked down.

"Shit Jake!"

“I know.”

"How are things between you now?"

“Fractured but we’re taking things slow.”

"That's something. I take you asked Krystal to lie to mum..?"

“About what I did?”

"About not having seen you for months."

Jake nodded. “I needed to change but I didn’t know how. I didn’t want to be like Andrew that made his partners scared of him.”

"Is that also why you swore you'd never have kids?"

Jake nodded.

"Coz you're scared you'll hurt them..?" Peter asked softly.

“Yeah.”

"I don't believe you'd ever do something like that."

“It’s scary having children.”

"It certainly is..!" 

Duffy smiled as she looked up the stairs before heading into the kitchen. "I think our boys have sorted out their differences." She told Charlie softly.

Charlie smiled softly, “That’s good, I’m glad they have.”

“Krystal had a scare...” 

"She thought she was pregnant?!"

“Yeh until she realised she’d changed contraception and that’s why she didn’t have a period.” Jake laughed.

"Oops!" Peter laughed before growing serious again. "Not a problem we've had for a long time nor will for a while yet." He sighed.

“Wanna talk about it?”

"My inability to get a hard on..?" Peter asked bitterly.

“You can’t get hard?”

"Haven't been able to for months. It's like it's shriveled up and fallen off."

“You been to the doctor?”

"Yeh. He just told me to lose some weight." Peter sighed.

Jake thought for a minute, “You tried Viagra?”

"Doctor won't prescribe it. I got hold of what I thought was Viagra off a mate but it weren't."

“You can’t get a stiffy at all?”

"No. I've tried everything. Even porn..."

“Is it cos of how you’re feeling in yourself as well as your weight?”

"Maybe..." A thought suddenly occurred to Peter. "That's what dad said..!"

“What? About your weight and yourself?”

Peter nodded. "When I was in hospital. I only just remembered."

“Dad’s got a point. Maybe it’ll start working when you lose weight and feel a bit more confident. You spoken to Holly?”

"A bit. It's embarrassing. I can't believe I'm even talking about this with my little brother." Peter couldn't help putting a teasing emphasis on the 'little'...

“Happens to me when I drink too much.” Jake told him, “And also if I’m too stressed.”

"Probably a good thing given you frequently pissed yourself when you were drunk. Didn't stop you waving it around like some kind of trophy though..."

Jake laughed gently.

"Not that it's much to write home about..!" Peter teased, relaxing back into their old bantering ways.

“Shut up! It’s bigger than yours!” Jake teased with a chuckle.

"No it ain't!"

“Is!”

"Is not!" 

"Do you two need a ruler coz I bet you I'll beat you both?!" Louis called down from his bedroom door.

“You think so?” Jake called back.

"Yeh. Want me to prove it?!" Louis smirked.

“Nah, we don’t wanna see your little winkie.” Jake replied.

"Louis' got a tiny penis..!" Peter chuckled.

“Nah, mine's big.” Louis protested, “I’ll show you both if you want?”

"Fuck no!" Jake snorted. "Especially if you've still been sticking it in that prossy girlfriend of yours..!"

“Hey, leave her alone!” Louis frowned, “She’s a good kid!”

"I'm not surprised, she's had plenty of practice!" Jake retorted.

“She’s just a bit... Fucked in the head but aren’t we all?”

"He's got a point..." Peter agreed.

“Yeh I guess!” Jake nodded in agreement.

"Anyway I'll see you both later. I gotta go meet her." Louis replied before heading downstairs and out the front door. 

"He's still getting high?" Jake asked once Louis had left.

Peter nodded, “I think so. Mum and dad seem to think so.”

"Sounds like Lucy's still leading him around by his balls..."

“He’s really in love with her, isn’t he?”

"Sounds like more than that. He looks properly strung out again like he's using heavily most days." His absence made the changes in Louis more obvious to Jake.

“You know she’s a heroin user?”

"Don't surprise me. Is he back on it again too?"

“No he isn’t but I think he’s using weed instead.”

"Did he tell you that? Did you not notice that he couldn't keep his eyes straight when he was talking to us just now?"

“It’ll be the weed, won’t it?”

"They're both opiates so maybe. The fact he could hold a conversation whilst that smashed shows how dependant he is though." Jake sighed. He'd studied a lot about different forms of addiction whilst in rehab.

“You’ve been doing your research?” Peter asked.

"They offered education courses in rehab." Jake shrugged. "There's one way to find out..." He got up and headed towards the stairs up to the loft.

“You can’t go in his room?!”

"He won't know..." Jake countered.

“Fine! Fine! I’ll keep look out in case he comes back?”

"Ok." Jake agreed, guessing that Peter didn't want to climb another set of stairs. After a few minutes he returned back to his older brother. "I'm not an expert but that ain't weed..." He whispered, opening his hand and holding it out to Peter.

“What the fuck is that?” Peter asked as he took the packet from Jake’s hand and held it up.

"Fuck knows but there's loads like it in a drawer up there."

“It’s not heroin, is it?”

"I'm not sure."

“Fuck! Do we tell mum and dad?”

"Or we confront Louis first?"

“Dunno, do you think we should?”

"Yeh. Now is not the time to drop this on mum and dad. Can we borrow your car to go find him?"

“Sure.”

"Let's go." Jake put the packet into his pocket.

Peter nodded and followed his brother downstairs.

They explained that they were going for a drive to continue catching up and wouldn't been long before heading to the car and beginning to drive around the local area in an attempt to find Louis.

“Any idea where Lucy lives?” Jake asked Peter.

"Down near the marina I think."

“Any idea which house?”

"Lots of people seem to be going in and out of that house..." Peter pointed to a house partway down the street. "Hang on, that's Louis!" He drove towards where their brother had turned into the street at the opposite end.

Louis seeing the car and immediately knew it was his brothers. 'Ah fuck!' He thought.

"Fancy seeing you here..!" Jake remarked as he wound down the car window.

“What you both doing here?”

"Get in." Peter insisted as Jake revealed the packet from his pocket.

“Fine!” Louis got in the back of the car.

Peter drove down towards the marina and parked in a side road where they wouldn't been easily seen. "Care to explain..?"

“You’ve been in my room??!”

"Quite the stash you've got up there..!" Jake remarked.

“It ain’t what you think it is!”

"Oh so what is it?"

Louis shrugged.

"You can either explain what's going on to us or you can explain it to mum and dad." Peter interjected. "Are you dealing?"

Louis rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeh I’m dealing.”

"Are you taking what you're dealing too?"

“Yeh.” Louis sighed, “I only started dealing cos...”

"Coz..?" Jake prompted.

“I wanna save money for Luce.”

"What is it?" Peter asked, referring to the white powder in the packet.

“Cocaine.”

"You're snorting cocaine?!" Peter gasped.

“What? Nah! I’m just selling it!”

"You just said you were taking what you were dealing..."

“Weed! I take weed, nowt else! I swear!”

"You dealing that too then?"

“Occasionally.”

"Anything else?"

“No.”

"Mum and dad will go mental if they find you've got drugs in the house! What about Paul and Oli? And Charlie when he starts crawling around?!" Peter couldn't believe Louis was being so irresponsible.

“They’re only there temp, until I can find somewhere else to store them!” Louis answered back.

"What if you get caught? You've got previous cautions for possession with intent to supply."

“I haven’t thought that far ahead.” Louis admitted sadly.

A silence fell over the car for several moments. 

"We all need to get our fucking acts together." Jake eventually spoke. "We're just causing pain to ourselves and those around us."

“Yeah you’re right!” Louis replied with a sigh.

"And we're gunna help each other coz that's what brothers do, yeh?"

“Yeh.”

"Fairhead men need to stick together no matter what." Peter replied. "Fighting amongst ourselves hasn't helped one bit."

“That’s true!” Jake answered back with a nod.

"So how can we help you Louis?" Peter asked.

Louis shrugged, “I don’t know.”

"That's ok. If you do think of something, we're here."

“I’m trying to save money.” Louis told his brothers.

"What for?" Peter asked.

“For Luce.”

"To get her off the game?" Jake asked.

Louis nodded.

"I don't know about doofus here but we're only just about covering our own bills and house saving so I can't really afford to give you a loan right now. I would if I could though." Peter sighed.

“I don’t want a loan off anyone, hence why I’ve been doing this.” Louis sighed. “I want her to get clean but she can’t, cos of her dickhead brother.”

"He's an addict too?" Jake asked.

“Nah, he’s her dealer and pimp.”

"Ah."

“It’s a fucking mess!”

"Sounds it." Peter agreed. "You really love her don't you?"

Louis nodded, “Yeh.” He blushed, embarrassed to be saying so.

"We should probably let you go before Lucy's brother comes looking for you hadn't we?"

“I’ll be alright.”

"Just be careful yeh?"

“Yeh I will.”

Peter flicked open the locks on the back doors.

“Love you both.”

"Love you too." Both lads replied.

Louis smiled to his brothers before he got out of the car and walked back towards the house.

"I really hope he knows what he's doing..." Peter sighed as he drove off back towards their parents' house.

“Me too, bro.” Jake sighed.


	73. TW: eating disorders and depression

Over the next two weeks Peter worked hard at adjusting to the meal plans Jake had devised for him. Today was their first gym session. He was nervous about what to expect but trusted his brother to make sure he would be ok. 

Jake had been hard at work preparing for a health and nutritional sciences course he'd gotten a last minute place on at the local college, to help further his ambitions to train as a personal trainer. He'd opted to enroll on long-term project add-on to get extra credits. He was really pleased that Peter had agreed to help him with the project and had gotten to the gym early so was waiting outside for his older brother to arrive.

Peter felt sick as he pulled up in the car. His anxiety going through the roof about what Jake had planned for him. He was also worried about everyone else in the gym! Would they laugh at him? Getting out of the car, he grabbed his bag from the boot and walked towards where Jake was waiting for him. Though he'd adapted well to the meal plans - mostly coz he was so pleased to not have to take as many of the horrific supplements - he'd failed completely at cutting down his smoking. If anything it had gotten worse, some days he was getting through almost sixty cigarettes. He smiled weakly at his younger brother.

“For a moment, I didn’t think you were coming.” Jake told him.

"I considered it." Peter admitted.

“Why? What’s bothering you?”

"They're gunna laugh at me..." Peter sighed, looking down at himself.

“Who is? The people in the gym? Nah, they won’t.”

"Let's just get this over with please." Peter grumbled.

“Alright, come on.” Jake headed off inside the gym, glancing back over his shoulder to make sure Peter was still following behind. 

Peter slowly followed Jake into the building, his head down, he already felt tired and breathless and they hadn't even started..!

“I’m gonna go gentle with you, you can break whenever you want.”

"How about now?" Peter grumbled as they entered the main gym area.

“No, not yet.” Jake told him.

Peter glanced nervously around the room. Previously he'd gone to the small gym area at his local leisure centre. This place looked way more serious and competitive.

“You alright?” Jake asked as he found a spot and dropped his gym bag.

"They've all got muscles bigger than my head..!" Peter mumbled.

“These guys are all sound. Honestly, you’ll look like them one day, Peter.”

"I doubt it but ok. You come here a lot then?"

“Yeah, now and again.”

"So what are we doing first..?" Peter asked nervously, putting his bag down next to Jake's.

“I thought we could start with some gentle weights?”

"Gentle..?"

“Yes gentle.”

"Ok." Peter replied. "Oh yeh, Holly said to say that she really enjoyed that veg medley dish."

“She did? I’ll make it again for you both then. Did you like it?”

"Yeh, it was nice to have different textures."

“I’ll make some more for you both!”

"Thanks." Peter watched as Jake demonstrated the first exercise.

Peter picked up the weights and copied Jake.

They carried on in a similar vein for about ten minutes.

Jake could see Peter was struggling and so suggested a five minute break.

Peter slumped down onto a nearby bench.

“You alright?”

"Just a minute..!"

“Sure?”

"Dare I ask what's next..?" Peter asked, looking nervously at the treadmill.

“The treadmill if you want.”

"I get a choice?!"

“Yeah!”

Peter groaned as he pushed himself up from the bench. He'd said he'd try hard and not give up. He reached into his bag and took an item out which he put in his pocket.

“What’s that you’ve just put in your pocket?”

As they approached the treadmill Peter took the item out and placed it next to the display screen. It was a photo of Holly and Charlie.

Jake smiled, “You’re doing it for them?”

Peter nodded. "I know it's daft..." He blushed.

“No it’s not daft at all!”

Peter waited anxiously as Jake set up the controls.

“Just going to do a gentle walk.”

"Ok." Peter mumbled as the machine started to move.

“I’ll be on this one, walking with you.”

Peter chewed at his bottom lip, holding onto the handles of the treadmill.

Jake jumped onto the treadmill next to him and walked with him.

"You can go faster if you want." Peter sighed.

“No it’s ok.”

Peter tried to focus on the photo in front of him when he started to struggle.

“You’ve got this!” Jake encouraged him.

"No I haven't..!" Peter gasped out.

"You have." 

"Gunna chuck!" Peter gasped a few moments later.

Jake jumped off his treadmill and turned off Peter’s. “Take a deep breath, you got any water?"

"Yeh..." Peter waved awkwardly in the direction of his bag.

Jake moved towards the bag and grabbed Peter’s water bottle. “Here.”

Peter started to choke as he chugged on the water bottle.

“Woah! Woah! Slow down!”

"Thirsty..!"

“I know but slow down before you choke!”

Eventually Peter managed to breath a bit more normally. He glanced at the readout on the treadmill and sighed, immediately downhearted.

“Why are you disheartened?” Jake told him, knowing the emotion well.

Peter pointed at the distance tracker. "That's pathetic!"

“No it’s not pathetic!”

"The average toddler could do better!"

“This is amazing progress!”

"It's really not." Peter sighed.

“You’re being too hard on yourself!”

"I barely managed a few hundred metres."

“Slow and steady wins the race, remember?”

"Did you swallow the book of mum?!"

“Maybe.” Jake grinned.

"So what torture is next?"

“More weights.”

"Ok..."

“Then we’re done for the day!”

"Really? Thank fuck!"

“Yes.”

Peter grunted as he went back to the weights, following Jake's instructions.

After they’d spent just over an hour in the gym, Jake called it a day.

Peter felt utterly done in as they made their way back outside. "I've got something for you in my car." He told Jake.

“Oh, what’s that?” Jake yawned, he was knackered.

Peter reached into the boot and passed a bag to his brother. "Dad said it was on your college reading list."

“A book for my course?” Jake grinned, “Cheers!”

"I asked him and mum to leave one that I could get when they were sorting out your textbooks."

“This is so helpful, thanks!”

"Is there anything else you need me to do for this project thing of yours?"

“No, nothing. Just keep a track on your calories for me yeah?”

"Ok. The dietician has me doing that anyway." Peter replied. "First weigh in tomorrow." He added, chewing his lip nervously.

“What time?”

"Midday."

“I would’ve come with you for moral support but I’m at college.”

"It's ok. I can text you and let you know how it goes?"

“Please do! You’re going to do so well!”

"Really?" Peter sighed and looked down at himself. "I can't really see any difference."

“That’s cos you can’t always see a difference, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening though.”

"Is it possible to replace the evening supplement with something more solid?" Peter asked, glancing round before adding, "Coz I keep waking up with the shits in the middle of the night." in a whisper.

“Of course.”

"It's gotten lots better since I went down to just one a day. I don't get the cramps and bloating as much but my arse feels like it's being put through the ring of fire constantly."

“Ok, we’ll get rid of the supplement in the evening. It obviously doesn’t agree with you.”

"Thanks. What you got planned for the rest of the day?"

“Dunno, I want a nap but I should read this.” Jake held up the bag.

"Jake Fairhead the study nerd!" Peter teased as he lit up a cigarette.

“I’m really enjoying it! I didn’t think I would enjoy studying but I do!”

"I'm glad. It's gunna be all heads in books this year what with you at college, Emily starting her art course next week and the twins preparing for their GCSEs..!"

“Oh yeah, I forgot about the twins starting their GCSE’s! We’re getting old!” Jake pulled a face.

"I know! In my head they're still screaming toddlers." Peter laughed as he finished his cigarette and lit another.

“Yeah!”

"It won't be long before Paul and Oli will be in high school either!" Peter cringed, relaxing back against his car as he continued to puff away like a chimney.

“Peter, I think you need to slow down on the fags mate.”

"It's not like I can smoke in the flat." Peter rolled his eyes. "And, anyway, it suppresses my appetite. Need all the help I can get if I'm gunna shift this..!" He sighed. "They measured me before I left hospital. I don't understand how but despite me being lighter than I was at my heaviest my waistline was bigger than it was then."

“Hmm, that’s odd. Could be a number of things though. I don’t think smoking all those fags helps though.”

"Holly thinks it's the bloating." Peter replied, ignoring Jake's remark and lighting up another cigarette.

“Yeah it could be.” Jake sighed, “Peter, I want you to be healthy. No point being healthy with old man’s lungs is there? Can you cut down a bit?"

"You're sounding like mum again..!"

“Mum’s full of good wisdom, you know!”

"I'll tell her you said that..!" Peter laughed. "Alright! Fine!" He grumbled and stubbed out the cigarette.

“Thanks!”

"You can stop giving me that look now..!"

“What look?” Jake asked innocently.

"You know what look..!"

“No I don’t!”

"The eye of judgement."

“I’m hardly in a position to judge!”

"I s'pose but you've always had a thing about smoking."

“It stinks!” Jake wrinkled his nose.

"I'm just thankful that Holly doesn't sniff me disapprovingly like mum does with dad..!" Peter chuckled.

Jake laughed, “Give her time!”

"I'm not sure I like the implication that me and Holly are gunna turn into dad and mum..!" Peter laughed, coughing slightly.

“You’re like a younger, cuter version of them!” Jake frowned, “You alright?”

"Yeh..." Peter replied after taking a few moments to clear his lungs.

“Smoker's cough?”

"There's nothing wrong with my lungs..!" Peter wheezed.

“Tell me that when you’re not wheezing.”

Peter rolled his eyes at his brother.

“I worry about you! It’s habit.”

"I've smoked for years, I'll be fine." Peter shrugged.

“You sure?”

"Yeh. I best let you go study..."

“Alright bro. See you tomorrow, yeah?”

"Yeh. What time?"

“You pick?”

"What time you finish college?"

“Around four ish.”

"4.30?"

“Sure, meet you here?”

"Ok. Thanks for not killing me today..!"

“I’m not always gonna be this easy on you.” Jake flashed him a smile.

"Thought not!"

Jake fist bumped his brother and said a final goodbye before they went their separate ways.

Peter sighed as he got into his car. Despite Jake insisting he'd gone "easy" on him Peter felt like he'd been run over! Reaching into his pocket he lit up another cigarette before starting the engine as his phone began to ring. He answered it without paying attention to who was calling. "Hello?"

“I hope you’re not smoking Peter,” Holly giggled down the phone. “Are you coming home yet?”

"Yeh, just about to leave the gym. Do you need anything getting on my way home?"

“Nope, will you please hurry up and come home?” She giggled again.

"Is something wrong?" Peter asked anxiously. "Charlie ok?"

“Everything is fine. Charlie’s asleep... I was hoping you and I could have some quality time together...”

"Oh... Ok..!" Peter swallowed. "I'm on my way home."

“Don’t be long. I love you.”

"I love you too." Peter smiled, hanging up the phone. He drove home via the florist to pick up a bunch of roses for Holly. He knew it was a cliché but didn't care. As he pulled up outside the flat he finished off his cigarette and grabbed some sugar free gum from the glove compartment.

Holly was sat in the living room, Charlie was asleep in their bedroom.

Taking the flowers from the passenger seat Peter slowly made his way up to the flat.

“I didn’t think you were ever going to arrive home,” Holly told him as she lent against the doorframe, wearing barely anything.

"I... I bought you these..!" He held the roses out to her, blushing nervously as he gazed at her.

She giggled softly, “You’re so romantic!” She took the bunch of roses, “Thank you.”

"You had a good afternoon?" He asked.

“Yes, did you have a good session with Jake?” She wandered into the kitchen, to put the roses in some water.

"It was ok. He said I did well but..." He sighed.

“You don’t feel like you have?” She called back over her shoulder as she poured water in the vase and placed the roses in it.

"I barely managed a few hundred metres on the treadmill." He harrumphed.

“Still better than none.” She walked back towards him, “Fancy a shower?”

"Yeh I should, I probably stink..!"

“Fancy company?” She grinned.

"If you want to..."

She took his hand and pulled him into the direction of the bathroom, giggling to herself as she did.

Once in the bathroom Peter turned his back towards Holly as he got undressed, hearing the shower turn on.

She squeezed his bum.

He yelped, not expecting her to do that.

“Sorry, you ok?”

"Yeh... No..." He sighed. "I'm frankly amazed you can even bare to touch me..."

“Peter, I’ve told you. I love you, your size doesn’t bother me!”

"It bothers me." He sighed as he got into the shower. "I keep trying but nothing seems to work..."

“To lose weight?” She sighed as she joined him in the shower.

"I'm dreading tomorrow." He admitted. "I'm scared they'll say I've gained weight rather than losing it."

“That’s not going to happen.” She reassured. She placed her hand on his chest and trailed her fingers down his front.

"I wish I had your confidence."

“You need to relax.” She whispered as she lent up and kissed him in the shower.

He sighed contentedly, her lips felt so soft.

Her hand moved lower down his body as she deepened the kiss.

He tried not to tense up but he couldn't help it.

She sighed, “You don’t want to?”

"I don't want to disappoint you..."

“Is that what you’re worried about? Disappointing me?”

Peter nodded sadly.

“Why would you disappoint me?”

He sighed, heaving up his gut and poking at his cock.

“Still nothing?” She asked sadly.

"I told you I was useless." He sighed as she reached out her fingers.

“Sex isn’t everything.” She told him as she kissed him again.

"I just wish it was something..." He replied glumly as she stroked him with her fingers.

“We’ll get there. Finish in the shower and then cuddles on the sofa?”

"Ok." He shuffled out the way so she could get to the water. "You can go first."

“Are you sure?”

"Yeh." He encouraged, watching as she started to shower.

“Ok.” Holly began to have a shower.

He smiled as he watched her. She was so beautiful, to look at her you'd barely think she'd had a baby only a few months previously.

She could feel his gaze on her as she began to shampoo her hair.

"You're so amazing." He whispered.

She blushed as she turned around and met his gaze.

"You are. I want you to know that."

“You’re amazing too. You just need to believe in yourself a lot more."

"Hmm..." A quiet fell over them as she finished her shower.

“Meet you in the bedroom?” She smiled, “I just need to check on Charlie.”

"Ok." Peter replied. Once she was out he stepped back under the hot water. He took hold of his cock in his hand once again. "Come on, help me out here..!" He muttered.

There was nothing, no response. It really was like it had stopped working. Holly wrapped a towel around herself and disappeared into the bedroom.

He lent his head against the tiles in frustration. He continued to rub at his cock, desperate for some kind of reaction.

Holly sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. Although she knew her relationship with Peter was more than just sex, she was really missing the physical side of their relationship. It was frustrating her that she couldn’t seem to get him to find her attractive... She looked over at the door as she heard the sounds of Peter grunting and gasped from the bathroom. “Peter? You ok in there?” She called.

"Uh-huh..!" He replied breathlessly.

“Are you sure?”

He didn't reply for several moments. "Holly! Holly!" He suddenly gasped out.

She dashed into the bathroom, “Peter?!”

He was red faced and breathing hard. "Look!"

Holly eyes widened, “Oh...”

He was lent against the tiles, his chest felt pretty tight. "Come here..?" He gasped out.

“I don’t think this is a good idea. I don’t want you to have a heart attack on me.” She smiled sadly.

"Yeh..." Peter agreed. "Help me to bed..?"

She held her hand out to him, “Fancy a nap?”

"Yeh." He stumbled slightly as he took hold of her hand.

“You ok?”

"Yeh." He forced a smile as she passed him a towel.

“What’s the matter? Is it your chest, is it hurting you?”

"Feels a bit tight. Worth it though..."

She smiled sadly as they walked into the bedroom. By now, Holly was already dressed and she got into bed, watching Peter as he dried himself off.

"Are you mad at me..?" He asked as he sat down on the bed.

“No, why would I be mad?”

"You didn't seem very happy." He shrugged.

“I’m just tired.” She forced a smile and lent over to kiss his cheek. “Cuddles?”

"Ok." Peter sighed, grunting as he tried to get comfortable. "I'm sorry. I wanted to please you..."

“I don’t want you to make yourself ill trying to please me.” She said softly.

"It's not because I don't fancy you. You do know that right?"

She nodded, resting her head against his chest.

"I love you." He whispered.

“I love you too.”

"Will you come with me tomorrow?"

“For your weigh in?”

"Yeh. I'm scared..."

“Of course I’ll be there!”

"I felt so sick on the treadmill earlier." He sighed.

“That’ll be your body getting used to it again.”

"You knew then..?"

She nodded. “You can’t hide things from me, Peter.”

"What tipped you off?"

“I had a feeling.” Her eyes were closed, her head on his chest.

"A feeling?"

“That you weren’t been entirely honest with me.”

"I'm sorry."

She kissed his chest.

"I'm trying better now. I promise."

“I know.” She smiled, “Let’s nap before Charlie wakes and decides it’s feeding time.”

"Ok." Peter looked up, smiling again at their son who was sleeping soundly in his cot.

“He looks so peaceful, doesn’t he?”

"It must be so nice to have no cares in the world."

“Just feeding time and having a poo and cuddled with his parents. It must be lovely.”

"He does seem particularly happy after doing a poo..!" Peter chuckled softly.

“Yeah he does actually.” She giggled softly.

"I dread to think what it'll be like when he starts solids next month..."

“Even bigger and smellier!”

"Yeh!" He chuckled, stroking her hair which was spread over his chest.

“You can deal with most of them!” She chuckled softly before she yawned.

"Thanks!" He retorted, closing his eyes.

Holly fell asleep a couple of seconds later.

Peter slept well for the first time in a very long time.

They were asleep for around an hour before they were woken.

"Think he's hungry." Peter mumbled.

“Hmm?”

"You're laid on me..."

“Comfy.” She mumbled sleepily.

"Charlie's crying babe..."

“What? Shit?!” She shot up out of bed.

"Is he wet or hungry?"

“Erm,” She picked him up and felt his nappy. “Probably both.”

"Want me to change him?" Peter asked as he pushed himself up to sitting.

“Can do, if you want?”

"Right, let's get you nice and clean and dry before you have some mummy milk." Peter cooed as he took Charlie in his arms.

Charlie continued to cry, wriggling around.

"Urgh! That stinks buddy!" Peter declared as he began to change his son in his room.

Holly laughed gently, “Clearly saving it for daddy!”

Peter's only reply was a gagging noise.

Holly giggled.

A few minutes later Peter returned with little Charlie.

“Is he all clean and smiley now?”

"Yeh he cheered up as soon as I mentioned boobs..!"

“That usually makes him smiley!”

"He's got good taste my boy!" Peter grinned.

Holly chuckled as she held her arms out for Charlie.

Peter passed over their son and moved to find some clean clothes.

Holly stroked Charlie’s cheek as he began to feed.

"You're such an amazing mum." Peter smiled as he sat back down on the bed.

Holly blushed, “I try to be!”

"Well me and little Charlie had a chat whilst we were changing his stinky bum and he things you're the bestest!"

“Oh did you now?” She grinned.

"Yeh, he's a very bright lad is our boy!"

“Takes after his dad.”

"Well I'd certainly say I was bright when I asked you to marry me."

“Have you spoken to Sarah, recently?”

"I've been meaning to text her back. She suggested that Charlie and Livvy could have a playdate."

“I’d like that.” Holly smiled.

"I still can't believe Livvy is two now. She's getting so chatty!"

“Only feels like yesterday she was born.” Holly replied.

"It does. I thought I'd feel differently about her after Charlie was born but I don't. It makes me so sad that her biological dad doesn't give a shit about her. How can he not care?"

“Some men don’t like the responsibilities of fatherhood. She has you though, she has her daddy.”

"And you're ok with that?"

“Of course I am! I’m more than ok with it!”

"Maybe one day we'll have a little girl too..?" He mused.

“You’d like us to have more children?” She was surprised.

"I would. I know it's been tough but I do want us to have another child at some point."

“Wow! I didn’t think I’d hear you say that.”

"Why not?"

“I don’t know.”

"After we've gotten married though."

“Good idea.”

He held out his hands as Charlie finished feeding.

Holly placed Charlie in Peter’s outstretched hands.

Peter shifted the baby up onto his shoulder and winded him.

Holly watched with a smile on her face, Peter really was the most amazing father ever!

"That feels better doesn't it?" Peter asked Charlie as the little boy burped.

Charlie giggled softly.

The little family spent the rest of the afternoon pottering around in the flat before it came time for the evening meal. Whilst Holly gave Charlie a feed Peter prepared a meal that Jake had texted him the recipe for.

“Something smells lovely.” Holly commented from the doorway.

"I'm stopping the evening supplement so we can have a nice meal together." He smiled. "Just hoping my cooking lives up Jake's culinary creativity."

“I'd love an evening meal together!”

"Hopefully it'll help my sleep."

“You not been sleeping?”

"I keep waking up with a bad belly." He sighed.

“Because of the supplement?”

"Yeh."

“Hopefully you won’t have a dodgy stomach tonight. What are you making?”

"I hope not. It's roast spiced vegetables with brown rice. Apparently I'm allowed a little coz it's a wholegrain and full of fibre."

“It sounds lovely.”

"Here's hoping."

“How long until dinner?”

"Another ten minutes now the rice is on."

“Alright.” She smiled.

"Would you like a glass of fruit smoothie to go with it?"

She pouted slightly as she thought, “No I’ll just have a glass of water if that’s ok?”

"Ok. I'll just make enough for one glass then." He smiled as he loaded the blender.

Holly wandered back into the living room.

A few minutes later Peter came through with the plates and then popped back to the kitchen to get their drinks.

Holly looked at the plate of food. It looked gorgeous!

Charlie was happily playing on his playmat so his parents could eat. He was having fun, babbling to himself.

"What you think..?" Peter asked after Holly ate a mouthful.

“Hmm, I quite like this.” She replied as she ate the food.

"Only quite..?" He teased.

“I love it!”

"I'm glad. He promised me that even I couldn't fuck it up..!" Peter laughed.

“You’re turning into a great cook, you know?”

"I'm really trying my hardest."

“I know you are.”

"I wasn't convinced when Jake suggested this smoothie but it ain't half bad!"

“What’s in it?” Holly asked as she glanced at Charlie making sure the youngster was still ok.

"Frozen banana, orange juice, carrot and kale."

“Ew, kale!”

"Yeh I thought he'd lost his mind but it's actually ok."

“You can keep the kale.” She told him, wrinkling her nose up.

"Try just a little bit..?"

Holly shook her head.

"Ok." Peter smiled.

They had a lovely evening meal together.

Peter had the best night's sleep he'd had in a long time. The only times he woke up were when Charlie woke for feeding. As a result he awoke the next morning with more of a sense of optimism that he'd felt for weeks.

“I’m meeting your mum for a coffee at ten, you don’t mind do you?” Holly asked as she fed Charlie

"Sure. I'll meet you at the hospital at just before midday?" Peter asked.

“Yeh. We’ll be there.”

"I've got some stretching exercises to do this morning."

“Want to do them together?”

"You got time?"

“Yeh, I should do.”

"Just promise not to laugh..!"

“I’ll try not to.” She giggled.

"They've given me a dvd to use."

“Oh?”

"Yeh I think it's like those keep fit videos. It arrived in the post as I was making breakfast."

“Might be a good idea for us both to loosen up a bit.”

"The doctor wants me to work on my hip and knee joints."

“How’s your knee been?”

"Bit better but still sore. I kept it strapped up yesterday at the gym which seemed to help."

“That’s good.” She smiled, “Hopefully the more weight you lose, the less your knee will hurt.”

"I hope so. They're both quite swollen and stiff but the left is the worst."

“You’re too young for a knee replacement.”

"Yeh. Physio says the more I use it the better it'll get. He was pleased to hear we have steps up to our flat!" Peter snorted.

Holly chuckled softly.

Peter went over to the TV and loaded the dvd. After listening to the instructions he glanced nervously at Holly.

“We can do this!”

"Ok..." Peter chewed his bottom lip as he attempted to follow the dvd.

Holly followed the dvd with Peter. It was harder than they both thought! “Who knew stretching could be so difficult!”

"Yeh..!" Peter gasped, trying to ignore the way his belly wobbled every time he moved.

“You ok?”

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?!" He sighed, gesturing to the instructor who was bent over with his hands flat on the floor in front of him.

“Even I can’t do that!”

Peter sighed and attempted to follow the instructor but could barely reach his knees.

“You’re doing great!” Holly reminded Peter.

Peter tried to reach further but the movement caused him to burp and retch.

“Maybe don’t try and do anymore.”

"No." Peter agreed weakly as he stood back up and moved to sit down on the sofa as he continued to burp repeatedly, rubbing his chest as the stomach acid rose up his throat.

“Will you be alright if I go and visit your mum?”

"Yeh. Can you grab the antacids?"

“Of course.” Holly went into the kitchen to grab the antacids from the cupboard, bringing Peter the meds and a glass of water on her return.

"Thanks." Peter poured out a handful and swallowed them with a few mouthfuls of water. He then lay back on the sofa groaning softly.

“I do worry about you, Peter.”

"I'm ok. Honestly. You go have a nice time with mum and little Charlie."

“Sure?”

"Yeh." He cringed as he burped again and took another couple of pills. "It'll settle down soon."

“Be careful with those pills!”

"They're just chalk." He replied dismissively.

“They’re medicine and can still be dangerous!”

"Ok. I won't take any more. It's settling now anyway."

“Thank you.” She kissed his cheek. “Love you.”

"Love you too."

“Charlie?” She sat on the floor, “Shall we go and see nanny?”

Charlie babbled excitedly despite not understanding a word of what his mum had just said.

“Yes! Let’s go and see nanny!”

"Have fun." Peter smiled.

“We will. Say bye bye to daddy.” Holly picked up Charlie and made him wave to Peter.

"Byebye little guy." Peter waved back.

Holly got Charlie’s coat on and soon they were ready to leave once Charlie was settled in his pram.

Peter stayed laid on the sofa as they headed off out. His initial optimism had taken a big knock as a result of the stretching session. He was in incredibly anxious and his stomach felt like it was in a washing machine.

Holly yawned as she walked along the road to the cafe she said she’d meet Duffy at. She was exhausted, tiredness was something she’d been struggling with a lot lately.

"You look like someone in need of an expresso!" Duffy declared sympathetically as Holly arrived. "Have you been keeping mummy up?" She cooed at her grandson.

“No, he was only up once in the night.” Holly explained. “I’m just tired.”

"Well it's a good thing that I've got ninety minutes of total relaxation planned for you then isn't it?" Duffy smiled, unclipping Charlie from his buggy and giving him a big cuddle.

“Hmm.” Holly forced a smile.

"You're going to sit down, drink your coffee, relax and let me deal with this little monster." Duffy insisted.

“Ok, ok. If you insist.”

Duffy let Holly get settled with her drink for a few minutes before asking, "Want to tell me what's really wrong?" softly.

“There’s nothing wrong.”

"Try again..."

“It’s not really something I want to be discussing with my future mother in law.”

"It can't be that bad surely?!"

“It’s still not something I want to discuss with you.”

"What has my son done to upset you Holly?"

“Just drop it!”

"Ok..!"

“Thank you.” Holly sipped her coffee and sighed heavily.

"You realise I'm not easily shocked right..?" Duffy stated softly after a couple of minutes of silence.

“Its not that. I just think there’s some things a mother doesn’t need to know about her son.” Holly replied.

"I see... Would it help if I got his dad to pop round for a chat..?"

Holly laughed sadly, “No.”

"Jake was really positive when he got back from the gym yesterday." Duffy smiled.

“Still a long way to go though.”

"Yes but it's a good start." Duffy encouraged.

Holly shrugged and sipped her coffee again.

Back at the flat Peter was really starting to panic about his appointment. He had to do something! Heaving himself up from the sofa he slowly moved through to the bathroom. He groaned as he knelt down, taking a steadying breath before forcing his fingers down his throat.

“When do you get to be the selfish one?” Holly asked out loud as she looked at Duffy.

"What do you mean?"

“When do you get to choose to walk away from something that no longer benefits you or makes you happy?”

"If you love someone then you don't, no matter how hard it gets."

“So you just stay in the hope it might get better?!”

"In the knowledge that it will get better."

“You know that for a fact?”

"I do yes."

“Maybe I don’t think this will work out between Peter and I.”

"So that's it is it?"

“What do you want me to say or do, Duffy?!” Holly was becoming agitated.

"I want you to tell me what exactly has got you so wound up."

“Why?”

"I might be able to help. I want to help."

“Everything between me and Peter has changed! Everything and I’m just supposed to accept that like a good little girl and that’s what pisses me off!”

"You have to ride out the storms to reach calmer waters."

Holly laughed bitterly. “Maybe I’ve had enough!”

"How would you feel if you were struggling and Peter just upped and walked out?"

“Don’t!”

"I'm not trying to guilt trip you. I'm just trying to get you to see it from his side. He is struggling so hard and you are what's getting him through. Did you know he had your photo next to the display when he was on the treadmill at the gym yesterday?"

“So you think I should stay and be miserable?”

"No I don't. Has something particular happened in the last couple of days to set you on this train of thought?"

“You wouldn’t even begin to understand even if I tried to explain it!”

"Try me..!" Duffy challenged as she shifted a fast asleep Charlie onto her shoulder.

“Peter was my best friend that I could tell anything to.”

"And you feel you can't tell him things any more..?"

“I can’t.”

"Why not?"

“Because no matter what I tell him, he’ll use that as a way to punish himself.” Holly sighed.

"That sounds eerily familiar..." Duffy sighed.

“I won’t be the reason he goes out for a binge! So I don’t tell him anything. Whereas before, I told him everything!”

"What is it you feel you can't tell him right now?"

“It’s not important!”

"It clearly is if you're getting this upset."

“It’s fine! I’ll get over it!”

"Holly..! Whatever it is you're not going to shock or horrify me so spit it out!"

“Well not only can I not rely on my partner for emotional support, I also can’t rely on him for the physical stuff either so tell me, why exactly am I bothering?”

"Because you love him?" Duffy replied, not batting an eyelid at Holly's revelations.

“What does this relationship offer me apart from the constant anxiety?!”

"What attracted you to Peter in the first place?"

“His looks, the fact he could make me laugh!”

"Have those things changed?"

“His looks have changed and we don’t really have much to laugh about these days.” Holly admitted.

"The way he looks now puts you off?"

“Puts me off what?”

"Him. Does the way he looks now physically repulse you?"

Holly shook her head. “I want to sleep with him!”

"What's stopping you?"

“Him.”

"He doesn't feel well enough?"

“No it’s...” Holly sighed. “He can’t...”

"The doctors will have told him he needs time to recover after his heart attack pet. Give it time."

“It’s not his heart attack that was the problem!” Holly shot back.

"What was it then?"

“The last time Peter and I were physically intimate was when I was still pregnant with Charlie!”

"Ok. Have you talked to Peter about this?"

“Like I said, have him blame himself and go on a binge?”

"It's probably frustrating him too. Especially as a young man supposedly in the prime of his life."

“I can’t talk to him because I know he’ll beat himself up and go on a binge! I won’t be the reason! So I just pretend I’m fine with everything but hey, that’s what good little girls do isn’t it? I can’t be a bitch and walk away when it’s making me miserable and upset!!”

"What about if I got his dad to talk to him? Man to man."

“And say what?”

"That it's actually more common than he thinks."

Holly laughed sadly, “It’s common for it never to work?”

"Most men have gone through spells of impotence. Including his father."

“I just want my relationship with Peter to go back to how it was! But it never fucking will, will it?”

"It will. It's likely his problems will always been there lurking in the background but he will learn to control them rather than them controlling him. Believe me, I know."

“Yeh, as if.”

"As if he'll get it under control or as if I know?"

“Both!”

"Holly, I've spent over thirty years battling anorexia and bulimia. I know exactly the mindset of someone who uses food to punish themselves. It's one of the reasons I was so scared to tackle Peter even though I could see what was happening in front of my eyes..! Instead I buried my head in the sand as my son got fatter and fatter and fatter. I could have stopped the cycle but I was too scared to challenge him head on til it reached the point where he was so obese that he couldn't even climb a flight of stairs without nearly collapsing!"

“So you know as well as I do, that it’s always going to be here! It’s a part of him. Are you telling me you’ve never relapsed with your eating disorder since you’ve been recovered? I didn’t sign up for any of this!!” Holly snapped and stood up, holding her arms out for Charlie. “I want my son.”

"Of course I've relapsed." Duffy sighed sadly as she handed the sleeping infant over to his mother. She had the horrible feeling in her gut that she was losing her grandson as well as her son.

Holly held Charlie tightly, “I’m so scared that one day I’ll wake up and I’ll either be on my own because Peter’s binged himself to death or I’ll resent him.”

"I think the person you need to talk to is Charlie. He'd lived with coping with my illness for nearly thirty years now."

“That’s different and you know it! Your illness is completely different to Peter’s!”

"Is it? I've done myself permanent damage as a result of my illness. I put myself in heart failure and nearly died only a couple of years ago. I have to take daily medication so that my bones won't snap like twigs at the merest stumble!"

“Yes it’s different!” Holly strapped Charlie into the pram, being careful not to wake him up.

"Please explain to me how it's different."

“You really want me to explain why it’s different? Your family helped you through yours! Me and Charlie can’t help Peter through this! He did really well and look where we ended up? Right back at the fucking beginning so tell me, why this time is going to be so different?!”

"Would you like a list of the number of times I've ended up being dragged into hospital because I hadn't eaten properly for days or sometimes weeks? The number of times I ended up right back where I started? How about the fact that these last few months I've had to force myself at every mouthful because I can see the haunted look in my husband's eyes as he realises my weight is slipping down again?! I can see him bracing himself for the next fall and I so desperately don't want that to happen but I just can't help it!"

Holly didn’t say anything, she just stared at Duffy for a while. “Thanks for the coffee but I need to go.” She mumbled.

"Back to the flat to pack your bags?!" Duffy spat back, unable to stop herself.

“No! Oh I don’t know! I need to think!”

"You and Charlie are his world Holly." Duffy sighed, her voice returning to its normal pitch.

“Are we?”

"Yes. It's all he's ever wanted. A wife and children. A stable family life. The exact thing he didn't have when he was little."

“It’s not exactly stable though, is it?” Holly answered back.

"No." Duffy sighed, defeated. She lent down and softly stroked her grandson's hair. "Whatever you decide... I beg you, please don't take him away from us..!" She whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek.

Holly sighed, “I’m losing so many people, I don’t know where I’m going wrong.” She whispered, tears trickling down her face.

Duffy stood back up and held her arms out towards the younger woman.

Holly hesitated. “I’m losing Peter and I can’t stop it. Just like I can’t stop losing my mum.” She whispered as she moved into Duffy’s arms.

Duffy held Holly tight. "Is something wrong with Anna?" She asked softly.

Holly nodded and began to cry softly.

Duffy held her daughter-in-law and just let her cry for several minutes. "What's happened?" She asked once Holly's tears had slowed somewhat.

“Stage three cervical cancer.”

"Oh sweetheart!" Duffy gasped. "When was she diagnosed?"

"A few days ago. I haven't told Peter though."

"You need to tell him."

“He’s got enough to think about. I’ll be ok.”

"Has she been given much in the way of prognosis and a treatment plan?"

“Not yet.” Holly’s eyes fluttered close for a few seconds. “She’s seeing the consultant this afternoon.”

"Are you going with her?"

“I can’t.”

"Why not?"

“I... I have Charlie.”

"I can take him for the afternoon."

“Only if you’re sure?”

"Of course I'm sure." Duffy insisted.

“Thank you.” Holly kissed Duffy’s cheek. 

Back at the flat Peter had returned to lying on the sofa. He was just staring into space with his head tormenting him when he was interrupted from his thoughts by a knock at the door.

Peter thought about leaving it before he got up and went to the door. He opened it, not really expecting anyone.

"I thought I'd come over seeing as you seem to have forgotten how a phone works!" Sarah teased before gasping as she looked up at her ex. Of course she knew he'd been having problems again but it had been a couple of months since they'd last seen each other in person so she was shocked by the transformation he'd undergone in that short time.

“Hi.” He forced a smile as he stepped aside to let her in. “Yeh, sorry about that. I do keep meaning to text you back, I was gonna do it later. Sorry.”

"It's ok. I've just been getting constant earache from Livvy about when can she see Charlie again." Sarah explained as she headed into the flat.

He laughed gently, “I’d really love to see Livvy again, have a play date for the both of them?”

"That would be great." She frowned as she noticed how slowly Peter was moving. "You ok?"

“Yeh, yeh.” He dismissed her concerns although his entire body was hurting again. “Want a cuppa?”

"Thanks." She smiled. "I really wish you'd spoken to me Peter. You and me, we go way back. I know things have never gotten this out of control before but I've been there when you've struggled in the past. When neither of us wanted to go home coz things were too tough to handle. I repeatedly watched you sit in the park and eat a whole backpack full of chocolate and crisps and then rubbed your big bloated belly whilst you lay on the floor with cramps til you were inevitably sick."

“Stop it Sarah, please!” He begged as he wandered into the kitchen, switching on the kettle

"Stop what Peter? The truth?!"

“Please!”

"You reached the point where your body just gave in. It stopped trying to purge and just opened the floodgates."

Peter sighed and rubbed his chest, “I got fat because I couldn’t stop eating.”

"It was always your comfort Peter." Sarah sighed sadly. "That and cigarettes."

Peter sighed. “I’m trying to lose weight but it’s so fucking difficult! It won’t fucking go!”

"I know." She stepped closer and hugged him, lightly kissing his cheek.

He closed his eyes at her touch.

"Things will get better." She promised in a whisper. She rubbed his belly gently.

“Do you really believe that?”

"I do." She smiled softly. She continued her gentle ministrations. "Don't give up."

“It’s so hard!”

"What's the hardest thing?"

“Stopping the binges.”

"How do they make you feel?" They'd made their way back through to the lounge and sat together on the sofa. She continued to hold him, trying to give him comfort and support.

“For a split second after a binge I feel calm. Then, the feelings of shame and guilt kick in.”

"You need to find something else that gives you that sense of calm but lasts longer and doesn't make you feel shameful and guilty." She smiled as he rested his head on her shoulder. His stomach was gurgling loudly though.

“The gym used to do that, make me feel calm but I’m just anxious all the time and the meds don’t work.”

"What meds they got you on?" She stroked his hair with one hand as she attempted to calm his belly with the other.

“Antidepressants. Sertraline but it doesn’t work.”

"Could you ask to try something else?" She smiled as some of the trapped gas started to pass. "That feel any better?"

“Yeh, it does.” He sighed, “I don’t know, maybe.”

"Worth asking." She wrinkled her nose in gentle teasing as her actions continued to have the desired effect. "How long you had that all stored up?!"

“Ages!” He blushed.

"No wonder you've been in so much pain! I have to help Livvy sometimes too. Lay back a bit more, we'll soon have you feeling much better."

“Livvy gets trapped wind too?”

"Yeh she cries so hard with it, it's heartbreaking." Sarah sighed. "Let's see if this works on grownups too..!" She moved and then let out a triumphant laugh, coughing slightly when moments later Peter let out a loud fart.

Peter began to laugh, “I’ve probably lost about six pounds letting all that air out! Shit, what’s the time?”

"Yeh, your tummy feels a bit more squishy now. Um... Quarter past eleven."

“That’s alright, I need to leave at half past, got an appointment with the dietician.”

"Want some company?" She offered. The physical closeness between them felt so natural to her.

“One more won’t hurt.” He smiled. “Holly and Charlie will be there.”

"You need all the support around you to beat this thing." She smiled. "It's crazy but I often see flickers of you in Livvy. Not just in her mannerisms but in her looks too."

“Really? That’s sweet, she’s been around me too long.” He joked.

"She misses you. She told her nursery teacher that her daddy is poorly and it makes her sad."

He sighed sadly, “I miss her too, but I can’t do the things I want to do with her.”

"I know. But soon you will be able to again." She lent over and grabbed the cigarette packet from next to the overflowing ashtray beside the sofa. She smiled gratefully as Peter lit both their cigarettes. "A rare naughty treat." She giggled impishly as she blew out a plume of smoke.

He shook his head fondly as he watched her.

"I only smoke socially these days." She explained. "Unlike you..!" She teased, noticing that his fingers were already reaching for another even though the cigarette that dangled from his lips was only half smoked.

“It’s the only other thing that stops me wanting to binge.”

"Dare I ask how many you're getting through a day?"

“About sixty. We can barely afford it.”

"Are you still working?" She asked. "I presume Holly is still on maternity leave?"

“I’m still working but I had to take a pay cut once I gave up the promotion.”

"At least you're still able to work." She recalled that the job he'd gone back to was quite physical. "Do you struggle with the manual aspects of it?" She asked gently.

“Some of it. Most of it.” He admitted, “I’m hoping once I start shifting this weight, things will be ok.”

"Have they been able to make some adjustments for you at work? They should do."

“Yeh they’ve been great.”

"That's good." She smiled as they both got up to get ready for Peter's appointment. "Your trousers are sliding!" She remarked with amusement as he bent over and inadvertently flashed his ample bottom at her. "I can see your arse crack!" She giggled.

“Sorry.” He laughed as he stood up and pulled his pants up.

"Not a view I've been treated to for a long time!"

“What, my arse?” He smirked.

"Yeh!" She giggled as she slapped it playfully.

“Hey!” He laughed loudly.

"What?" She grinned impishly as she repeated the action.

“Stop touching my butt!”

"Ok, I'll behave..!" She giggled.

“You’re terrible, you know that?" He teased.

"You'd know all about that..!" She laughed.

“I really would.”

"We had fun together." She smiled whistfully.

“Yeah we did!”

"It's a shame things went wrong." She sighed, giving him a gentle hug.

“Yeah but we’re best friends now and that’s what’s more important.”

"Yeh. I'd rather that than nothing."

“Me too.”

"We should probably head over to the hospital for your appointment."

“Yeh, I don’t fancy being late.”

"They won't like that." Sarah agreed as they left the flat to drive to the hospital in his car.

“No they won’t.” Having Sarah there was providing him with a distraction, although he was still anxious.

Having left Charlie with Duffy, Holly made her way to the hospital on the bus. As she stepped off the bus she spotted Peter sat on a bench outside the entrance. She paused as she realised he wasn't alone. He was smiling and chatting animatedly with Sarah. Holly moved behind some bushes so they wouldn't see her. She watched as Peter lifted his jumper slightly, allowing Sarah to rub his belly. She gasped, he always recoiled when she tried to touch him, but he seemed utterly relaxed around Sarah, his eyes closed and head lent back. What the hell was going on?!

He was totally relaxed around Sarah which made Holly feel even worse than she’d felt these last couple of weeks. She watched some more as Peter and Sarah laughed and joked, it was the happiest she’d seen Peter in a long time.

"You certainly have the magic touch!" Peter smiled at Sarah as he sighed with relief. "I don't know if anxiety makes it worse..." He mused. "At least we're outside this time so you won't choke on the smell!" He chuckled, blushing with embarrassment.

“No that’s true!” Sarah giggled softly.

"I swear it looks loads smaller than it did this morning." He declared, his hands running over his gut as he relaxed back. "Bloody hell gas is coming out both ends now!" He snorted after he bleched loudly.

“Better out than in as I always tell Livvy!”

"That's for sure!" He agreed. "Thanks for helping me and not being grossed out."

“It’s alright, what are friends for?” 

Holly took a steadying breath before she moved out of her hiding spot and went to join Peter and Sarah.

"You really are such a great friend Sarah!" Peter grinned, squeezing her shoulder.

Holly coughed, clearing her throat as she interrupted them

"Where's Charlie?" Peter asked his fiancée.

“With your mum.” Holly answered.

"Oh ok. Probably best. Did you have a nice coffee?"

“Yeh.”

"I might pop in and see mum after I've been to the gym with Jake later." Peter braced himself. "Right... Let's get this over with..!"

“Ok.” Holly smiled sadly, “Are you ready?”

"As I'll ever be." He grunted softly as he pushed himself up from the bench.

Holly glanced at Sarah. She felt jealous... She never thought she’d be jealous over Sarah again.

"I bet you'll have lost loads!" Sarah encouraged.

“You think so?”

"Yeh. Look at all that spare waistband!" Sarah chuckled, pulling at the strings of Peter's sweatpants.

Holly rolled her eyes, “Come on Peter, you’ll be late otherwise.”

"Ok." He looked down and retied the strings. "Don't wanna accidentally flash my butt!" He chuckled.

There was an awkwardness as they went inside the hospital and up to the dietician’s office.

"It'll be ok." Sarah reassured as Peter picked at a loose thread on his clothes.

“You’ve been doing so well lately!” Holly said.

"I hope so." Peter sighed. "It really helps having you both here." He added.

“You’re my fiancé, of course I’m gonna be here!” Holly told him.

Sarah smiled awkwardly, she couldn't help but notice the glare Holly shot her way.

They reached the dietitian’s office and Peter entered after his name was called out.

“Hello Peter, come in?”

"Hi." Peter smiled nervously. "You've met Holly. This is my best friend Sarah, she's come along for added moral support."

“Hello Holly, hello Sarah.”

The women smiled in greeting and stood to one side as Peter moved over to the trolley to prepare for his examination.

“How have you been feeling, Peter?”

"I've been struggling with the supplements so my brother has been helping me come up with a healthy eating plan to follow as well as helping me at the gym."

“In what way have you been struggling?”

"They make me feel really unwell with bad cramps and lots of trapped wind."

“Ok, we can stop the supplements if that’s what you’d prefer?”

"I would. My mum thinks it's maybe linked to the fact my little sister has coeliac's disease."

“Most likely.”

"Ok. Probably best I don't take them anymore."

“Are you ready to be weighed?”

"I think so..." Peter chewed his lip nervously. "Do you want me to strip down to my underwear?"

“Yes please.”

Peter slowly undressed, his anxiety skyrocketing.

The dietician began to measure him.

Peter screwed his eyes shut, he couldn't bear to watch!

“Well Peter, you have surprised me!”

"Oh?" Peter replied, opening his eyes to look at the doctor. "Good surprise or..?"

“Very good! You’ve lost six centimetres off your waist!”

"A lot of that was probably bloating from being gassy." Peter blushed.

“A loss is still a loss. Are you ready to step on the scales?”

Peter nodded nervously and stepped onto the pad of the scales.

In the couple of weeks he’d been dieting, he’d managed to lose seven pounds!

"I was hoping for more." Peter sighed. "That means I'm almost eighteen stone which is still really obese."

“It’s a good start, don’t be disheartened!”

"Yeh, yeh." Peter sighed. "What's next?"

“If you can continue to lose weight, we may be able to think about gastric surgery.”

"So I just need to keep doing what I'm doing..?"

“Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

"Ok. Can I get dressed again now?"

“Of course.”

"Thanks."

Holly ran her hand through her hair. She knew Peter would be disappointed.

He didn't say anything as they left the office and headed back downstairs to the carpark.

“You ok?” Sarah asked.

"I was hoping for more." He mumbled.

“Seven pounds is better than none.”

"I s'pose."

“Keep going!”

Peter looked up at Holly, she'd been very quiet.

Holly smiled, “I’m so proud of you!”

Peter beamed the biggest grin at her. "We should head home." He smiled at Holly. "And let you get on with your day." He chuckled to Sarah. "Thank you so much for coming."

“You don’t have to thank me!” Sarah gave him a big squeeze.

"We'll organise a playdate for Charlie and Livvy."

“Yeah we will.” Sarah smiled.

"Do you need a lift home?"

“Please, you don’t mind, do you Holly?” 

“No, go ahead. I’m gonna go and pick Charlie up from Duffy’s anyway.”

"I can drop you at mum's too."

“I’ll get the bus. It’s fine.”

"You sure?"

“Yep! It was nice seeing you, Sarah.”

"You too Holly."

“See you at home, Peter.”

"Ok. I'll drop in to see mum after the gym and then I'll be home at teatime."

“Ok. Love you.”

"Love you too sweetheart."

Holly left to head to the bus stop.

"Do you need to pick Livvy up on your way home?" Peter asked Sarah.

“Please.”

"Let's not keep the little monkey waiting then!" Peter smiled. 

It didn't take long for the pair to arrive at the childcare centre. Peter waited in the car whilst Sarah went to collect her daughter.

"Come in, he's still fast asleep." Duffy smiled as she welcomed Holly inside the house. 

"Hello princess!" Peter smiled, bracing himself as the little girl stared at him, her eyes flickering over him with intense curiousity after not seeing him for several weeks.

Holly entered the house, “Peter said he’ll drop by either before or after the gym with Jake.” 

“Daddy! Where you go?” Livvy asked.

"Oh that'll be lovely. How did his assessment go?" Duffy asked.

"I've... Um... Not been very well..." Peter replied, shifting awkwardly in his seat as Livvy reached forward, wanting to sit on his lap.

“It went well.” Holly sighed. 

“Poorly? Oh no.” Livvy hugged him tightly. “Look after you!”

"Thank you." Peter smiled, his eyes filling with tears as Livvy wiggled on his lap, trying to get comfy. 

"Daddy... Why your tummy big? You got a baby?" Livvy giggled innocently as she prodded Peter's stomach.

“No, not quite.” Peter sighed sadly, “Shall we go home?”

"No, go park!" Livvy insisted.

“Go to the park? Ok, let’s go to the park.”

“Do you think it’s too early to open the wine?” Holly asked Duffy.

Livvy ran around the park playing on all the equipment til she wore herself out. "Pick me up daddy!" She whined. 

"Depends what time you're meeting your mum." Duffy replied gently.

“Ok, ok.” Peter hauled himself up from the bench and went towards Livvy. 

“Not until four, I can have a glass or two, right?”

Peter groaned and struggled but was eventually able to lift the little girl up and stagger back to the car. 

Duffy nodded. "Shall we sit in the garden?"

Holly nodded, “Why not.”

Duffy poured them each a glass and took them outside. They sat sipping their drinks for a few moments. "Penny for them..?"

“Even more confused than I was before I met Peter.” Holly downed the wine in seconds.

"I thought the appointment went well..?"

“It did.”

"So why are you more confused?"

“Sarah was there.”

"Oh?"

Holly sighed sadly. “He was flirting with her.”

"What?!"

“He hates it whenever I touch him but he let her.”

"Touching..?" Duffy's eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“His body, he hates it when I touch him.”

"I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent explanation..."

“Yeh, he prefers his ex girlfriend to touch him instead of his fiancée.”

"She works in a hospital..." Duffy replied weakly.

“Peter was disappointed with his weigh in.”

"It was less than he was hoping..?"

Holly nodded. “He’s lost seven pounds which is better than none.”

"That's half a pound a day, that's really good!"

“I know. I’m just scared he’ll see it as rubbish and destroy everything.”

"We just have to keep encouraging him. Starting these workouts with Jake is bound to make a difference too."

“I do encourage him.”

"I know you do."

“Do you think I do enough?”

"I think it's hard for you both. I think you both need to sit down and have a proper talk."

“You know as much as I’d love to do that, I can’t.”

"It's the only way you can both move forward."

Holly sighed, “I know you’re right but how did I tell him how I feel?”

"Find out what the situation is with your mum and then tell him the truth."

“The truth about my mum or the truth about everything?”

"You both need to put your cards on the table." Duffy insisted.

“To see whether we are on the same page?”

"Yes." Duffy agreed. 

After he'd dropped Sarah and Olivia back at their flat, Peter sat in the car for a few minutes. He lit up a cigarette and stared out the window. His head was all over the place. Sarah's visit had stirred up so many feelings in him that he couldn't even begin to pick apart. Everything was so messy and complicated and he had no idea where to even begin to sort it all out.


	74. NSFW, TW: eating disorders and depression

When he arrived back at the flat later that evening after his gym session with Jake and coffee with his mum Peter felt his mood had lifted somewhat but he was still confused, not to mention physically exhausted. Jake had meant what he said about not always being so gentle with him!

Holly wasn’t home yet, she was still with her mum. The meeting with the consultant had gone well and Anna had a treatment plan in place. Holly got back to the flat about twenty minutes after Peter.

Peter had used the time to shower and change into some fresh clothes.

Holly was silent as she got the pram into the flat and then unstrapped Charlie. She carried him through to the living room, sat down with him and began to feed him.

"Hi?" Peter spoke softly from the kitchen.

“Hi.” She replied.

"You been anywhere nice?"

“Not really. How was your gym session?”

"Hard work. Jake is a right slave driver!"

“I bet!”

"He had me on the treadmill for ages!"

“You feel good for it though?”

"I think so. I managed a bit further than yesterday. Getting rid of all that trapped wind earlier really helped."

“That’s good.”

"And I managed to push Livvy on the swings and roundabout."

“Well done!”

"I thought we could take Charlie there tomorrow." He smiled, joining them on the sofa.

“That’ll be nice.”

"Take a trip out as a family."

“Hmm.” She stroked her finger along Charlie’s cheek as he fed. “We need to talk about things." 

"Oh?"

“When Charlie’s asleep?”

"He doesn't look far away from that now." Peter smiled, reaching out to stroke Charlie's head, frowning as Holly turned their son away.

“Hmm, possibly.” Holly sighed sadly.

"I think we're going to have to move him up into the next size clothes soon. He's getting so long!"

“I agree.”

"He's got the tall and broad-shouldered Duffin genes."

“He has.”

The conversation lulled awkwardly as Charlie continued to feed.

“I’m not happy in our relationship, Peter.” She blurted out.

"Oh..." Peter sighed sadly. "I'm sorry."

She shrugged, “It’s fine.”

"What can I do to make things better?" He asked softly.

“I don’t know.” She admitted.

Nothing was said as Peter winded Charlie and Holly put him down to sleep in their bedroom.

She came back into the living room and sat down beside Peter. “Your mum says I should talk to your dad.”

"Oh? What about?" Peter asked as he slipped a glass of water.

“What it’s like to help someone through an addiction.”

"I see..."

“You think I shouldn’t?”

"I think you should do whatever helps." He shrugged.

“I don’t want to break up with you but...”

"But..?"

“I’m not happy.”

"Because of me?" Peter asked softly.

“Because of what this relationship has turned into.”

"I'm sorry, I'm trying to do better."

“You don’t like me touching you, why?” Holly asked softly. “You let Sarah touch you today... But whenever I try, you move away from me. Do you not find me attractive anymore?”

Peter's face registered surprise at the fact Holly knew about that. "I... I wasn't feeling well, I had bad cramps... She was helping make them better."

“You still let her touch you!”

"I'm sorry. I didn't think anything of it."

“You didn’t answer my question... Do you not find me attractive anymore?”

"Of course I do!"

She sighed and fiddled with the ends of her sleeves.

"I just feel so repulsive looking like this."

"Is that why you keep avoiding intimacy with me?"

"I keep trying to get it to work but it won't." He sighed.

“Because you don’t feel confident in yourself?”

"Maybe. It just won't work. No matter how hard I try. Yesterday was the nearest I've gotten to anything in months and that was hardly anything to brag about."

“Maybe it’ll improve when you start actually liking yourself?” She suggested.

"Maybe. Or maybe when I'm no longer such a fat blob." He sighed.

“You’re too critical of yourself.” She sighed.

"I don't know how not to be."

“And I don’t know how to help you.”

"I don't know either. I do love you so much though. Things just get all mixed up in my head."

“Do you still love Sarah?” Holly asked quietly.

Peter pondered Holly's question for a few moments. "Maybe... I don't know... We have a connection. But it's different to you and me."

“In what way is it different? Our connection, how is it different?”

"I don't know but it is."

She nodded.

"I don't want us to fall apart." Peter hesitated for a moment before continuing. "There's things Sarah knows... From the past... That I've never told anyone else..."

“Your binge eating isn’t a new thing and has been happening for years?” Holly guessed. “Can you tell me about them?”

Peter nodded. "She was the only one who knew. It was our secret."

“Does she know anything else I don’t?” Holly got up and began to pace.

"No. I swear." Peter rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't know how else to cope with everything that was going on. Neither of us wanted to go home so we'd hang out in the park together."

“And she’d watch you binge eat?”

He nodded. "The first few times she tried to stop me but she knew it was pointless. She'd stay with me til it was over, til I was feeling better again."

She nodded, “What made you stop? Or didn’t you, you just hid it from everyone including me?!”

"It became less frequent as I got older. I found other ways to cope but when things get really overwhelming I always fall back to it." He admitted. "It was easier when I was younger, it didn't seem to have lasting effects. I'd sit there and stuff my face til I couldn't eat anything more, then I'd lie on the ground. My belly would swell up like a balloon, sticking out over my trousers and causing my t-shirt to ride up coz it couldn't fit over my gut anymore. I'd have really bad cramping pains for an hour or so. I'd lay there crying while Sarah held me, trying to ease the pain. Then I'd be horribly sick before falling asleep. By the time I'd wake up my tummy would be back to normal again and we'd just pretend it had never happened." He glanced up briefly before continuing. "These last couple of years have been different though. I'm still sometimes sick when I binge but it doesn't just go away anymore. My belly has just kept getting bigger and bigger."

“What helped you to cope?” She asked, “What changed?” She crouched down in front of him. “Tell me what I can do because, right now, I feel like I’m just waiting for the worst to happen. That I’ll wake up and find you dead.”

"When I was at uni I kinda just stopped eating for days on end. I couldn't really afford food. I started going to the gym every spare moment I had, boxing out my anger and anxieties. I collapsed repeatedly but I didn't care." He admitted. "No matter what I do I just end up using food to punish myself one way or another. I'm so scared too."

She gasped, “It’s not just binge eating is it?”

"No. My therapist says I never learnt to have a healthy relationship with food."

“Would you like to learn?”

"I do. I don't want little Charlie to make the same mistakes. I want to break the cycle but I don't know how."

“Does your therapist help?”

"Sort of. She says I need to have things out properly with mum but I just can't. I want to deal with this without having to involve her as I don't want her to feel responsible."

“I agree with her. You need to be honest with your mum, maybe that’ll help you break the cycle?”

"She'll just blame herself! She spends her life precariously balanced on the cliff edge, I won't be the one to shove her over it!" Peter retorted, his breathing growing wheezy as he became increasingly agitated.

“So instead you’re going to keep it locked inside and let it destroy yourself?!” She shot back, “Your mum needs to know Peter! You need to talk to her!”

"No!" Peter gasped. "I won't be the reason why we lose her!" He rubbed at his chest.

“So you let me and Charlie lose you instead?!”

"What do you suggest I say to her then?! 'Hi mum, just so you know my therapist thinks it's all your fault that I'm obese and probably going to die soon'?!" His wheezing was getting worse, his chest felt really tight and his head was spinning.

“Peter! You need to breathe.” She told him gently, “Please, breathe!”

Peter gasped and coughed, frantically grasping out for Holly's hand.

Holly squeezed his hand, “Deep breaths, in and out. Please!” She begged him, she couldn’t lose him! It would be her fault!

It seemed to take forever before Peter's breathing slowed down. He buried his face into Holly's shoulder and wept softly, his whole body shaking with fear and exertion.

She held him, rubbing his back. “We can’t live like this, Peter.” She whispered.

"Please don't leave me!" He begged in a child-like whisper.

“I won’t.” She sighed sadly. She knew she couldn’t leave because he’d just give up. So she knew she just had to put her feelings to one side and hope she didn’t wake up one day and resent him.

"I love you so much Holly." He looked up. "Can I have a cuddle?"

“I love you too.” She nodded and sat next to him, cuddling him.

"This feels so nice." He sighed contentedly.

“Yeh.” She agreed.

"You don't find me physically repulsive?" He asked tentatively.

”No, what makes you think I do?”

"I wouldn't blame you if you did..."

“I don’t!”

"Tell me how you do feel about me then. I promise to listen."

“I feel like I’ve lost my best friend.” She whispered.

"And you want him back?"

She nodded. “I need him back because...”

Peter looked up and waited for her to continue.

“Anna’s... Got cancer.”

Peter gasped. "Is she going to be ok?"

“I hope so because I can’t lose my mum.” She whispered, beginning to cry.

"Oh sweetheart!" He wrapped his arms around her, stroking her hair.

“I don’t want her to die. I don’t want you to die either because I can’t do this without you.” She cried harder.

"I don't want to die either."

“You’re my world.”

"And you're mine. I think we both let that drift with everything else that is going on." He admitted.

She nodded.

"We need to do better at that." He stated. "It meant so much to me to have your support at my appointment earlier."

“I’m always going to support you.” She smiled, “It’s what partners do. I just... I miss you, I feel scared of telling you things.”

"I think we both need to start being more open and honest with each other."

“I agree.”

"Is there anything else you want to tell me?"

“I’m scared that if I’m honest with you it’ll lead you to binge.”

"I can see why you'd feel like that. I haven't exactly given you reasons not to worry that's what I'll do."

“I’m scared. I can’t sleep...”

"What's scaring you?" Peter shifted on the sofa so Holly could cuddle into his side more.

“That you’ll die. I meant it Peter, I can’t do this by myself.”

"Then we'll do this together. I know it sounds easy to say but together we can do this."

Holly snuggled into him. “I won’t leave you Peter because I love you so much! As does Charlie.”

"I love you both so much." Peter smiled. "I know it's early but how about we go snuggle up in bed? It's much more comfy and warm in there."

“Best idea ever!”

Peter yawned and groaned softly as he got up from the sofa. "I swear I won't be walking for days if Jake repeats today's session tomorrow..!"

“What did he make you do?”

"More weights, treadmill and stretches." Peter explained as they entered the bedroom. He sat on the bed with a sigh. "Will you help me take the strapping off my knee?"

“Of course I will.” Holly kissed him tenderly before she helped him remove the strapping off his knee.

"Thanks. I've been stupid trying to struggle with it on my own rather than letting you help me." He admitted.

“Will you let me help you from now on?”

"Yeh. If you still want to after I've been such a stubborn twat..."

“Of course I do. I always knew you were going to be stubborn after meeting your parents.”

"Stubbornness runs deep in my family." He chuckled. "That feels so good..!" He sighed as she gently massaged his knee.

“I know! I thought your mum was very stubborn but I’m beginning to think it’s you that's the worst.” She smirked.

"I'm not sure mum's ready to relinquish that title just yet..!" He laughed, leaning back on the bed.

Holly giggled as she massaged his knee.

Peter moaned softly.

“That feel good, baby?”

"So good..! So many of my joints hurt..." He admitted sadly.

“It’s going to start getting better.”

"I hope so. Will you massage those too..?" He asked softly.

“Where is it?”

"My back, hips and shoulders are the worst." He admitted sadly.

“I’ll massage your back and shoulders.”

"Thank you." He grunted as he struggled to roll onto his side from lying on his back. His face flushed with embarrassment as he realised he was stuck but he tried to stay calm rather than lashing out and pushing Holly away like he had done previously.

“Do you need a hand?” She asked him gently.

"Yeh..." He gasped out, his lungs feeling crushed.

She helped him to move into a more comfortable position.

"That feels better!" He smiled once he could breathe more easily.

“Good, good.” She smiled.

"It's scary when I get stuck coz I can't breathe." He told her sadly.

“I can imagine it’s scary but, one day, you’re going to look back on this. We’re going to get to the other side.”

"I really hope you're right." He replied as she began to massage his lower back.

“I’m right about this.” She smiled.

"You usually are. Ooh..! Yeh, just there."

She continue to massage his lower back. “Do you still want the gastric band?”

"I'm scared of having surgery. Scared I won't wake up again. But the doctors seem to think it's the only way." He replied glumly.

“What if we could get your weight down to sixteen stone again?”

"That's doable I think."

“Then maybe the gastric band?”

"Dad said there's also less invasive options if I'm able to get my weight down more." A hopeful tone had started to creep back into Peter's voice.

“Oh? What are those?” She smiled hearing the hopeful tone in his voice.

"I'm not sure but he said he could get me some information during his next shift."

“I... I want to go back to work.” Holly replied after a pause.

"I thought you wanted to quit after your maternity leave ended?"

“I did but...”

"You've changed your mind?"

“Sort of.”

"Sort of?" He echoed.

“I’ve been looking at locum vet nursing.”

"Filling in part time as needed for cover?"

“Or full time, depending on what they’re looking for.”

"Sounds good. Mum did agency nursing when Jake was little."

“I applied for one of the positions.” She smiled, “It’s full time but only for ten weeks.”

"I'm sure we can figure something out with Charlie."

“I might not even get it yet!” She laughed.

"Oh you will. They'd be dumb not to snap you straight up!"

She blushed. She kissed his neck and shoulder.

He sighed contentedly as she slid her arms around him.

“I love you, don’t forget that.”

"I love you too." He relaxed as she stroked his chest.

“You seem more relaxed. Do you feel more relaxed?”

"Yeh. I've missed our cuddles."

“Me too! More than you’ll ever know.”

This time he didn't tense up as her hands brushed over his skin.

Her hand ran up and down his chest.

"That's feels good." He whispered.

“Does it?” She continued to do it.

"Yeh." He moved slightly causing her hand to slip lower.

She watched his face as she stroked her fingers over the waistband of his trousers.

He gasped softly.

“You ok?”

"Yeh." He smiled.

Her hand moved lower.

He lay still, not really expecting much to happen.

“Do you fancy a cuddle?” Holly replied with a grin.

"I thought we were already having a cud-oh!" He gasped as she began to stroke him.

She grinned.

"You're naughty!" He chuckled.

“No I’m not.” She giggled as she continued to stroke him.

His eyes widened. "D-did you feel that?"

“Uh huh, I sure did.”

"Keep going..!"

She continued her hand movements, giggling softly.

"What's funny?" He asked, reaching back to tickle his fingers under her chin.

“You feel good in my hand!” She whispered

"He's actually alive under there.?!"

“Unless I’m mistaken but yes, seems very much alive.”

"I kept trying but nothing happened..." Peter replied, slightly in shock over the turn of events.

“Well maybe he just needed a little helping hand.”

"Maybe." Peter took a breath, screwing up his courage. "Will you... Um... Give him a kiss..?" He mumbled.

“You want me to?”

"Please..?"

“O...ok.” She was slightly nervous as she moved to kiss him.

He felt a brief stab of humiliation as he felt her have to push his gut up out of the way so she could reach but that feeling was swiftly overtaken by the warm sensation that ran through him at the feeling of her lips on his cock.

She took his cock into her mouth.

"Oh shit!" He gasped.

She giggled softly.

"Fuck!" He gasped again a few moments later, covering his eyes with his hands at how quickly he'd gotten overexcited. "Sorry." He mumbled.

“Hey, why are you saying sorry?” She licked her lips.

"That wasn't even thirty seconds..." He cringed.

“It works, that’s the main thing. We can work on the rest.”

"I could last longer than that when I was having my first wanks as a teenager..!"

“You’re older now.” She teased, lying next to him.

"Thanks!" He pouted playfully, wriggling as she tickled him.

She laughed as she tickled him, this was the most relaxed they’d been for ages.

He laughed heartily, not even pausing as she tickled his belly. So much of the tension he'd felt for so long seemed to have seeped out of him.

Since their talk, Holly felt better, she felt like they could definitely get through this.

"I'll probably always have a bit of a belly..." Peter mumbled as they lay cuddled up together a few minutes later.

“You always did. It was my cooking remember?”

Peter chuckled. "The lads at the boxing club used to tease me about it. They found it odd how my arms, legs and chest were musclely yet I had this round podgey belly." It was the first time he'd talked about the club in over a year since he'd just suddenly stopped going one day.

“It’s your build.” She smiled, “Do you miss the club?”

"Yeh. No matter how many sit-ups I did it wouldn't shift. I do wonder if it was coz of what I did when I was younger. That maybe things didn't really go back to normal each time like I thought they did."

“Maybe or maybe it’s because you take after your father.” She smiled, “He has a belly too. You didn’t answer my question, do you miss the boxing club? You just suddenly stopped going one day.”

"True. Everyone says I'm so like him." Peter mused. "Yeh, I just didn't feel comfortable there anymore." He admitted.

“Would you like to go back one day?”

"Maybe one day. When I've shifted more of this." He gestured to their hands that lay intertwined on his stomach.

“I think it might help. Having boxing to be able to help you get rid of those feelings and thoughts.”

"Yeh. Jake suggested the same thing. We're gunna try and work up to that."

“That’s good, I’m so proud of you.”

"It means a lot to hear you say that." He smiled.

She smiled, “I know you’re disappointed with the seven pounds but it’s better than nothing. Your next weigh in is in two weeks isn’t it?”

"Yeh that's right. The waist measurement reduction was better though. Think that's coz I get so much excess gas trapped in my gut."

“You’re making really good progress and I’m proud of you! Keep going, you can do this. For me, for you, for our son but most importantly, for our wedding when we can finally get married.”

"Talking of which..." He grimaced and wriggled slightly.

“You’re going to fart?”

"I can't, it doesn't want to come out." He strained.

“Would it help if I rubbed your stomach?”

"Yeh..." He grunted. "I hate this! I thought stopping the supplements would make it stop..."

“Hmm.” She gently rubbed his stomach.

"Ooh..." He groaned.

“You ok?”

"Feels like I'm blowing up." He replied, his voice strained.

“That’s not good!”

"Does it look like I am?" He asked, his voice gasping.

“Blowing up?” She shook her head, “No.”

"Oh... Oh fuck..!" He suddenly gasped and then sighed.

“Feeling better?”

"Uh-huh." He swallowed back the rising nausea. "Wish it would stop." He eventually added.

“It will, eventually.” She reassured.

"I hope so." He sniffled softly as she cuddled him. He felt physically awful but emotionally safe.

She wrapped her arms around him. “We’ll get through this!”

"Together?"

“Together.” She repeated.

"Don't move." He mumbled, holding the duvet tightly in his hand.

“Why?”

"Just don't."

“Why?”

"It's disgusting. I'm disgusting." His voice sounded so sad and broken.

“No you’re not disgusting! Look at me?”

He slowly raised his head, there were tears in his eyes.

“You’re not disgusting. Please don’t talk about yourself like that.”

"It's how I feel." He admitted sadly.

“I know but it’s not true!”

"I'm glad you think so." Peter replied as Charlie started to grumble from his cot in the corner.

“Are you still going to therapy?” She asked as she got up off the bed and went to the cot.

Peter nodded. "I don't think the antidepressants are working." He sighed.

“Maybe we need to change them?” She picked up Charlie and brought him over to the bed. “What’s wrong grumpy?” She asked Charlie, kissing his cheeks.

Charlie pursed his lips together.

“Don’t tell me you're hungry?”

"Looks that way!" Peter chuckled.

“Again?!” She giggled softly and moved up her top.

"He's a growing boy."

“I know!”

"I still find it so amazing how you can feed him like that."

“What? By using my boobs?”

"Yeh, they just know how to produce exactly what he needs when he needs it. That's amazing!"

“Yeh they are amazing to be honest.”

"So long as he understands that he needs to share them..!"

“With you?”

"Yeh." Peter smiled, relaxing slightly again as he watched his son.

“He loves you, you know.”

"Even though my boobs can't feed him..?"

“Yes!”

"At least yours still seem to be bigger..." He stroked his fingertip across the skin of the breast she was feeding with.

“Been taking measurements now, have you?” She smirked.

"Nah, that's something my little brothers would do!" Peter snorted.

“Fair point.” She laughed.

There was a comfortable quiet between them for several minutes. 

"Is there anything else you'd like to talk about..?" Peter asked eventually.

“No, you?”

"Tell me more about what's happening with your mum..?"

“She’s got stage three cervical cancer. She needs an operation and then chemotherapy, maybe even radiotherapy.”

"A hysterectomy?"

She nodded.

"If you want to go stay with her I understand."

“She hasn’t got a date for her op yet.”

"When she does you should go be with her. Don't worry about me."

“I can’t not worry about you.”

"I wish you didn't feel you had to though."

“I’ll always worry even without your eating disorder.” She paused. “Peter, can I ask you a question?”

"Ok." He replied, nervous at what she was going to ask.

“Do you make yourself sick?”

"Sometimes." He admitted shamefully after a few moments of silence.

“When was the last time?”

"This morning." He mumbled.

“Will you please talk to your mum?”

"I don't want to make things worse for her."

“She wasn’t the reason for your eating disorder...”

"Maybe not but that's how she'll see it."

“I know but what else can you do?”

"I don't know. I don't want her to blame herself for this." He sighed. "Surely there's another way to do this..?"

“She might be able to help you.”

"You really think it's best that I talk to her don't you?"

“She’s got an eating disorder herself.”

"I've never really considered my issues and hers to be similar til my therapist started wanting me to talk about my parents. I guess I just thought that eating disorders don't happen to blokes."

“Of course they can happen to blokes.” She smiled sadly. “You’re not immune to it.”

"I remember overhearing mum and dad talking one night years ago. They were worrying about the idea of one of my sisters developing problems. They never mentioned me or my brothers."

“About an eating disorder? Maybe they didn’t think you were suffering.”

"I couldn't bare to tell them. They used to get so worried when Emily would get sick so I didn't want to make them more worried."

“You shouldn’t have kept all that to yourself, Peter. It isn’t your responsibility to protect your parents. How would you feel if Charlie kept something like that from us?”

"I'd feel that I'd failed as a dad. That he should be able to tell me anything." He paused. "They didn't fail though."

“So maybe we could talk to your parents together? You and me?”

"I'd like that." He smiled, snuggling up to Holly and Charlie now he'd finished feeding and had fallen back to sleep.

“Do you want cuddles for a bit with Charlie?”

"I know we should put him back down in his cot to sleep but I'd really like some cuddles yeh."

Holly gently moved Charlie into Peter’s arms. Charlie smiled in his sleep.

"I still can't quite believe he's ours." Peter whispered in awe.

“I know! Neither can I!”

"Livvy thought I had a baby in my tummy when she saw me earlier..."

"Really? How is she doing?"

"Yeh. I can see why she'd think that. She's good, she's coming on leaps and bounds every time I see her!"

“That’s amazing! It’s yours and Sarah’s influences that are doing that.”

"She's a great mum. Just like you are." Peter smiled.

She blushed, “I hope so.”

They stayed snuggled up together in the bed, cocooned in their own little world.


	75. TW: discussion of eating disorders and alcoholism

As Christmas morning dawned neither Charlie nor Duffy could quite believe that it was Tilly and Lottie's sixteenth birthdays. It felt like those years had passed by in a flash. 

It was late morning before the girls had finally appeared from their bedroom, giving them a bit of time to open a few presents before it was time for a big family Christmas/birthday lunch.

“Urgh, now you’re both the same age as me again!” Emily grumbled lightly.

"Yeh, let the nine weeks of weirdness begin!" Lottie giggled.

“It’s too long!” Emily groaned but she couldn’t help but giggle at the same time.

A short while later there was a knock at the door.

Charlie went to the door to open it.

"I'm so sorry we're late!" Holly apologised. "Peter insisted on trying out his new toy..!" 

"It's not a toy!" Peter grumbled playfully from just behind her.

“You can never keep a boy away from his toys.” Charlie remarked with a chuckle, “Come in, all three of you, before you get cold!”

"What do you think?" Peter asked as he pushed Charlie into the house. "It's a running buggy. Means I can take the little man out with me for company." He grinned.

“A running buggy? Now that is exciting!”

"I got talking to one of the other dads at the gym and he said he takes his daughter out in one." Peter smiled. "Is there time for me to grab a quick shower and change my clothes before lunch?"

“You’ve ran here?” Charlie was impressed. Over the last three months, Peter had come on leaps and bounds with his weight loss. The gastric band had been a success and the weight was now falling off him.

"Yeh." Peter grinned. He was still rather self conscious about the way he looked due to the large amount of baggy skin he had. He wanted to lose a bit more weight before looking into the possibility of surgery to remove the excess skin which he hoped would drop his weight further.

“Wow! I am impressed!”

"Thought I'd best work up an appetite for lunch." Peter chuckled as he headed upstairs with his bag.

Holly chuckled softly as she watched Peter head to the bathroom. She took Charlie out of the pram, the young boy babbling excitedly.

The little boy was now eight months old and able to support himself as his mother placed him down on the lounge carpet.

Holly loved being a mother, she never thought she could love someone so small!

The little boy babbled as he tried to bum shuffle towards the discarded wrapping paper which lay just out of his reach.

Holly crouched down in front of him. “You want the paper?”

Charlie reached out his hands excitedly.

Holly took the wrapping paper and placed it into his hands.

Charlie giggled loudly as it crinkled in his hands. 

Oli brought over some tinsel to see what his nephew would make of it. “Do you want some of this?” Oli asked Charlie.

The tot's eyes widened as he stared at the tinsel, fascinated by the way the light glistened off it.

Holly watched him, “He likes your tinsel Oli.”

The tinsel and paper kept him occupied til Duffy called through from the kitchen that lunch was ready.

“Ooh, nanny’s done lunch, shall we go and see?”

Everyone filed into the dining room where the table was laid out with a high chair placed at one end for Charlie. Duffy had placed a little bit of each food on a plastic plate for him, chopping it all up so it could cool down. “Charlie’s king of the table!” She kissed his cheeks.

Everyone sat down and the various dishes were passed around.

Peter was conscious of the amount he put on his plate. He had a very tiny portion.

Jake leant over towards his older brother. "It's Christmas, you've earnt it." He said gently.

“I still can’t have a lot because of the band.”

"I know but don't feel like you can't have a bit of a treat."

“I know.” He smiled at Jake.

The meal continued in a jovial mood, with much chatter going on around the table.

Charlie enjoyed his meal especially the veg!

"Oh aren't you such a clever boy!" Duffy cooed as the tot used his hands to grab items off the plate.

Holly rested her head against Peter’s shoulder as she watched Duffy and Charlie interact.

After the meal and some more presents had been opened the little boy settled down for a nap in his nanny's lap on the sofa. 

Jake wandered out into the garden. "So this is where you two disappeared to..!" He remarked to Peter and Louis, wafting the air with mock drama as he sat down on the bench next to them, stretching his legs out in front of him as he relaxed back and let out a loud belch that had been brewing for some time.

“Pig.” Peter said with a laugh as Louis also chuckled. 

Louis himself had also made changes in the last couple of months, he felt he was maybe starting to turn a corner as he was no longer as dependant on weed but was still madly in love with Lucy.

"It's not like you can smell it over the amount of fag smoke out 'ere!" Jake retorted, wrinkling his nose playfully.

“Blame him, not me!” Louis pointed to his older brother.

"Yeh right!" Peter retorted, lighting another cigarette.

"Anyway, it's what Christmas is for - sitting in the garden having some smokes with the lads whilst belching and farting, sigh of a good lunch!" Louis added with a laugh.

“Not wrong there bro!” Jake answered back.

"How did we ever pull the lasses we did?" Louis laughed, glancing at himself and his two brothers, all three of them displaying plump Christmas dinner guts as they relaxed, feeling lazy and sleepy.

“With luck and a little something else.” Peter winked.

"Little?!" Jake snorted. "Big machines require big engines!" He declared, slapping his belly playfully.

“I’m not little but I can’t speak for you two.” Peter laughed.

"And he can prove his works!" Louis laughed.

“You still seeing Lucy?” Jake asked Louis, attempting to change the subject.

"Yeh." Louis nodded. 

"I just gotta get something from the car..." Peter remarked as his phone beeped again. He got up and headed into the driveway, away from the house, dialing the number on his phone. 

"Finally decided to stop ignoring my calls did you?!" Sarah remarked as soon as she picked up.

“No, I’ve been busy. I’m at mum and dad’s. Are you and Livvy ok?”

"We're fine. You haven't replied since my suggestion the other night... You planning to just ignore it?!"

“I’m still considering it! You haven’t given me much time to think about it.” He replied awkwardly, he really didn't want to have this conversation.

"Oh so you are considering it then? Holly wouldn't need to know..." She giggled mischievously. "It would make Livvy so happy."

“Holly’s my fiancée she has a right to know.”

"Do you really think she'd be happy with the idea of you giving Livvy a sibling..?"

“No. And anyway, Livvy already has a sibling!”

"I suppose you've got a point... Maybe I should get that DNA test your mum wanted run on Livvy..." Sarah retorted.

“Bollocks Sarah! You know she isn’t biologically mine!” He retorted back and sighed, finally biting the bullet. “I don’t feel comfortable with the whole idea, it isn’t fair on Holly and I’m not in a financial position to afford more children.”

Sarah began to cry.

“Sarah, I’m sorry.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He'd worried she'd react this way. 

"No you're not!" She spat back and hung up the phone.

He stared at his phone and sighed again. Just lately, Sarah had been putting pressure on him about them having a baby. He loved Livvy like she was his own but he didn’t want a child with Sarah and he knew Holly would go ballistic if she found out.

He also knew he couldn’t keep it from her either. If he did, that made him look guilty. Like he had something to hide.

"You alright bro?" Jake asked, noticing Peter's obvious agitation as he appeared in the driveway. "Louis' gone back inside for a kip." He explained.

Peter shrugged, “That was Sarah on the phone...”

"Oh, ok." Jake lent against the wall, running his hand through his hair which he'd left down rather than tying it up like he usually did. He needed a distraction from the increasing urge he had to drink.

“You ok?” Peter asked Jake, “Wanna go for a run or something?” He suggested.

"I'd like that." Jake sighed. "The temptation sucks."

“Yeah it really does.”

"New Year's gunna be worse. I've been invited to a party by a mate..."

“Do you want to go?”

"I do but..." Jake sighed.

“You’re not sure you’ll resist the urge and temptation to drink?”

"Everyone will be getting hammered..."

“Yeah they tend to at new year.” Peter said sadly.

"Part of me's like 'I can just have one...' but I know I won't stop there. One'll lead to two that'll lead to... Til I'm lying in a gutter covered in my own piss and puke." Jake sighed sadly.

“Have you spoke to your mates?”

"No. I don't think they really get it."

“No one you can talk to?”

"Nah, not many people understand what it's like to be a twenty year old alcoholic."

Peter reached out and squeezed his brother’s shoulder. “If you need me, I’m a phone call away. You can have one drink and ring me and I’ll come and pick you up?”

"You'd do that?" Jake felt genuinely touched that his brother would go out of his way for him.

“Of course I would! I’ll bring you home or to mine with me and Holly.”

"Thanks." Jake smiled. "Who would've thought last Christmas that we'd be where we are now?"

Peter nodded, “I never thought I’d ever get back to a normal size.” He admitted, “I’d like to lose a few more stone and then get all this excessive skin removed.”

"You're doing great bro. I'm so proud of you. I probably don't say that enough but I am. What were your latest weigh in figures?"

“I’m down to fifteen stone. My ideal weight is thirteen. I want to build more muscle.”

"Remember that muscle weighs more. To be honest I think a lot of that two stone is the extra skin. What does your doctor say about removing it?"

“He’s happy for me to have surgery but at the minute, I want to lose a bit more weight.”

"Ok. We can work on doing some more cardio and strength training? You still happy with the meal plans?"

“Yeah, I’m really enjoying the meal plans. Although, some of the food is disagreeing with Holly at the minute.”

"Oh that's not good, anything in particular?"

“No, she’s not been saying but I keep hearing her be sick.” He sighed.

"Um, ok. Hmm... Could just be a bug. I guess keep an eye on it and maybe have a chat with her?" Jake shrugged.

“Yeah, maybe.”

"She's not knocked up again is she?" Jake teased, nudging his brother playfully.

Peter’s eyes widened. “Oh fuck... I never thought about that!”

"You two been making up for lost time then.?!" Jake wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Peter blushed, “Maybe... A lot actually, it’s nice to know it works fully again.”

"I bet. So long as you two don't end up like mum and dad!" Jake laughed as they continued to warm up for a quick jog round the block.

“Nah, no chance!” He laughed. “Having Charlie and Livvy is enough but I’d like one more.”

"I think I'll just stick to being the cool uncle."

“Sure you don’t want any?”

"Yeh. Being an uncle is way better." Jake shrugged.

“You and Krystal ok?”

"Things are getting better. We're just taking it as it comes."

“That’s good.”

"It's gunna take time to earn back her trust." Jake sighed as they started a steady jog. 

Back inside Holly and Emily were chatting whilst little Charlie was napping.

“He’s so cute! Have you thought about having anymore?” Emily asked.

"We'd like to one day." Holly smiled. "After the wedding when Charlie's a bit bigger."

“Any date for the wedding?”

"Possibly the summer. We'd love for you to design the invites if that's ok? We'd obviously pay for the materials and your time."

“Really?” Emily let out an excited squeal.

"It would mean so much to me and Peter." Holly smiled.

“Of course I’ll design the invites!”

"How's your art course going?"

“Really well, thank you. How’s work for you?”

"I'm enjoying being back. I'm so grateful to your parents for looking after Charlie when we're both working." Holly smiled. "I'm glad you're enjoying it, you're looking so much better."

“I’m feeling so much better!” Emily giggled softly, “Things are so much better with Beth too!”

"I'm really glad to hear that. It's really horrible when you're not feeling well and going through a tough time in your relationship at the same time."

“It was my own fault, I was to blame.”

"But you two are happy again now?"

Emily nodded. “Very much so.”

"I'm glad. I really like Beth." Holly squeezed Emily's shoulder, stretching out her legs on the carpet. 

There was a knock at the door followed by Tilly squealing excitedly. "Can Tommy and his mum come in for a bit?" She yelled through to her parents.

Charlie’s arms were wrapped around Duffy’s waist, his lips leaving a trail of kisses up and down her neck. Hearing Tilly, he laughed gently and replied, “Of course he can!”

"I'm sorry to interrupt your Christmas but Tommy insisted that he wanted to give Tilly her birthday present." Karen smiled as she entered the lounge, the two teenagers still too wrapped up in each other in the hall to notice.

“Are they playing tonsil tennis in there?” Charlie joked as he moved to step away from his wife. “Sit down, do you fancy a drink?”

"Thank you. A tea would be lovely." Karen smiled. "We saw your eldest two boys having a run up the street as we walked over. Much more energetic than me!" She laughed.

“They’ve gone for a run? I wondered where they’d got to.” Duffy laughed softly as Charlie disappeared into the kitchen to stick the kettle on.

"Don't you think we can't see you sneaking off up those stairs..!" Karen threw over her shoulder winking at Duffy who chuckled mischievously in reply, she'd clocked them too!

Tilly giggled and shot up the stairs even faster with Tommy behind her.

Duffy and Karen became distracted cooing over little Charlie who had woken from his nap and was playing with some toys on the rug.

Holly watched them coo over Charlie and smiled, “I’ll be back in a second, I’m just nipping to the toilet.”

"Ok. We'll keep an eye on him." Duffy smiled.

“Thanks.” As Holly moved to get up off the floor, she stumbled slightly.

"You ok?" Emily asked, reaching out a hand to steady her sister-in-law.

“Uh huh.” Holly rubbed her forehead, “Stood up too quickly.”

"I hate that." Emily agreed.

Holly smiled, “I’m alright now!”

"That's good." Emily replied.

“Be back in a min.”

Emily nodded and went back to looking at sketchbooks she'd gotten for Christmas.

Holly left the living room and went up the stairs. As she reached the second floor and the floor the bathroom was located, she had another funny turn.

Lottie looked up having seen a flash of something out the corner of her eye. She was sat on the stairs leading up to the loft listening to her iPod after being unceremoniously booted out of the bedroom she shared with Tilly. She jumped up and came over. "You ok?" She asked Holly.

“Uh huh. I keep going dizzy for some reason.” Holly sighed and sat on the floor.

"You drunk enough water? Do you have a headache?" Lottie asked, sitting down on the carpet beside her.

“Yeah, I’ve had enough water.” Holly shook her head, “No, no headache.”

"You look kinda pale. Do you feel sick?"

“A bit queasy, I think I’ve eaten too much though.” Holly giggled.

"Yeh, you ain't the only one. I think that's why Louis' gone for a lie down." Lottie chuckled. "I'll be surprised if dad ain't fallen asleep on the sofa too..!"

“He was in the kitchen making a cup of tea for Tommy’s mum.”

"Ah. Do you feel bloated?" Lottie asked, noticing that Holly was holding her belly and rubbing it.

“Yeah.”

"Want me to get you some medicine?" Lottie asked, pulling a face as she heard a loud burp come from Louis' room. "Why are boys so gross?"

Holly giggled, “You get used to them being gross. No, I should be ok.”

"Yeh, all my brothers are pretty gross." Lottie chuckled. "Maybe go have a lie down in Peter's old room?" She suggested. "That might help."

“Yeah, I think I will. Will you tell your mum? Peter’s gone out for a run so there’s no one to watch Charlie.” Holly fretted.

"Sure. I can tell Peter where you are too when he gets back if you like?"

“Are you sure?”

"Yeh, I'm gunna head downstairs anyway. Don't think I'm getting back in my room anytime soon... Not like it's also my birthday or anything...!" Lottie grumbled, rolling her eyes as they heard Tilly giggling.

“They’re not up to anything rude in there, are they?” Holly asked with a smirk.

"I don't wanna know!" Lottie grimaced. "Want a hand up?" She offered kindly.

“Please.”

Lottie lent down and offered out her hand.

Holly placed her hand in Lottie’s and stood up. She was on her feet for a few seconds before she promptly fainted.

"Shit. Mum!" Lottie screamed. 

Moments later Duffy appeared in the hallway and came dashing up the stairs.

“Holly’s fainted!”

"Did you see her faint?" Duffy asked as she examined the younger woman. "Holly, pet, open your eyes."

“Yeah. She went funny just before she fainted.” 

Holly grumbled slightly.

"Funny?" Duffy queried. "There's a good girl, stay laid down til you've got your barings again." She told Holly as the blonde's eyes fluttered open.

“She nearly fainted about five minutes ago, that’s why she had to sit on the floor.”

"What was that?" Duffy asked as Holly mumbled.

“Keep going dizzy.” Holly mumbled as she came round.

"For how long?" Duffy asked. "Can you help me get her through to Peter's room?" She asked Lottie.

“Course.” Lottie helped her mum take Holly to Peter’s old bedroom. 

“Few weeks.”

"Have you seen your GP?" Duffy asked. "Can you get my bag Lottie?"

Holly shook her head. “Be ok.” 

“Where is it?” Lottie asked.

"Utility room." Duffy explained. Once Lottie had left the room she turned back to Holly. "Am I ok to give you a quick examination?"

Lottie nodded and went to grab her mum’s bag. 

“What kind of examination?” Holly asked, “Sure...”

"Just check your pupil responses, check your heart and lungs. That sort of thing. Have your felt or been sick? Got a headache?"

“No headache. I’ve been sick a few times but I think I’ve just got a bug.”

"Have Peter and Charlie had it too? When were you last sick?"

“No and can’t remember.”

"I'm gunna have a little feel of your tummy while I wait for Lottie to bring my pentorch."

“Ok.”

Duffy waited whilst Holly rolled up her loose-fitting top. "Do you have any pain?" She asked as she gently pressed on the younger woman's belly which was rounded in quite a distinctive way to Duffy's professional eye.

“No.”

"That's good. Holly... I have to ask... When was your last period?" Duffy asked tentatively.

“I’m not pregnant.”

"Are you sure about that? You didn't answer the question..."

“I don’t know, they haven’t been regular since I had Charlie.”

"It might be a good idea to take a test, just to be sure."

Holly sighed.

"You wouldn't be the first it happened to."

“What? Getting pregnant again so soon?”

"Emily was only a couple of months old when I fell pregnant with the twins." Duffy reminded Holly.

“I’m not pregnant, Duffy.”

"Ok." Duffy held her hands up in defeat. 

Lottie returned with the bag.

“Thank you.” Duffy smiled at her daughter. 

“Can I put my top down now?” Holly asked.

"Yes of course." Duffy smiled. "I'm just gunna shine a light in your eyes ok?"

“Ok.”

"All looks fine to me." Duffy remarked a couple of minutes later after also checking Holly's pulse.

“I’m just tired. I might not be eating enough because of work and stuff and looking after Charlie.”

"Ok, well stay up here and have a little sleep. Don't worry about Charlie, we'll look after him."

“I’ll wait until Peter gets back? Is that ok?”

"You need to sleep Holly." Duffy insisted.

Holly was about to protest but she ended up yawning instead.

"Everything will feel better after a nap."

“Ok but are you sure?”

"Of course." Duffy smiled before heading back downstairs.

“Thanks.” Holly smiled sleepily.

Once alone in the room Holly lay staring up at the ceiling, her mind whirring. She rested her hands on her tummy. The thought had crossed her mind but she'd pushed it away. Now was an even worse time for this to happen than when she'd fallen pregnant with Charlie. It couldn't be happening..!

She began to cry softly as she curled up into a ball. It was all such a mess! They were just starting to get back on track. Peter was so much happier and had been doing so well but he still had a way to go and could easily relapse. Much as she wanted to deny it she had to face facts though. She couldn't deny that, despite following the same healthy eating plan as her fiancé, her weight had started to creep up over the last month as her belly had begun to swell and the other symptoms had started. She cried herself to sleep.

A little while later Peter crept up the stairs. Finding Holly asleep he lay down on the bed beside her, gently wrapping his arms around her.

In her sleep, one hand rested against her stomach.

Jake's teasing from earlier flooded back into Peter's mind. Maybe he'd had a point afterall... He placed his hand over hers, gently stroking her tummy with his fingertips. The idea of another child made him simultaneously burst with happiness and terror inside.

She began to stir, sensing she was no longer alone.

"You ok?" Peter whispered softly.

“Sleepy. I don’t feel very well.” She admitted.

"Do you want to go home? I can go get the car."

“Mmm. What time is it?”

"Almost 5pm."

“Shit! How long have I been asleep?”

"About an hour." Peter replied. "Mum's given Charlie a little bit of tea as he was peckish."

“When isn’t he hungry?” Holly chuckled softly.

"He's a big fan of the cheese..!" Peter chuckled.

“Everyone loves cheese!”

"True!"

“Peter?”

"Yeh..?"

She paused for a minute and then shook her head. “It’s ok, it doesn’t matter."

"What's wrong babe?" Peter asked as Holly slowly got up from the bed.

“I... I can’t tell you because, well, what if it sets you back and causes you to relapse?”

"What do you mean..? Holly, you're starting to worry me now..!"

“I...” She shook her head, “Ignore me, it’s fine. Can we go downstairs?”

"You sure?"

She nodded.

"You'd tell me if it something was really worrying you wouldn't you?"

“Of course I could.”

"I love you." He smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind.

“I love you too.”

He gently stroked his fingers over her tummy hoping she might open up.

“Shall we go and get Charlie and go home? Have cuddles in front of the fire?”

"Sounds perfect." Peter snuggled her. "Did you ask Emily about the invites?"

“I did ask her. She’s going to do the invites, she was so excited!”

"That's great. Jake is happy to help out with the music too."

“This is even better!” She giggled.

"We're gunna have the best wedding ever. All our family and friends around us."

“It’s going to be amazing.”

"Oh that reminds me! Mum has put together a little chemo hamper for your mum. A few bits and bobs to help her through the next few weeks."

Holly burst into tears.

"Hey, hey! Why the tears? It's gunna be ok!"

“I don’t know, sorry.” She sniffed and wiped at her tears.

"It's ok. She's gunna pull through this. You'll see."

“She might not...”

"She's got a brilliant care team. One of the best in the country according to dad."

“You’ve been talking to your dad about it?”

"I wanted to be able to help you by finding out as much as I can about everything and they're the best people I know for these things. If they say it's good then I trust them completely."

“Oh Peter, that’s so sweet.”

"You're not mad at me..?"

“No, why would I be?” She turned around to stroke his cheek.

"I just wanted to make sure." Peter explained. "I love you so much, you know that right? You're so beautiful and amazing, I'm so lucky that you picked me out of all the blokes you could have chosen to be with."

“I picked you because, one, you're good looking but, two, I could have an actual conversation with you and you make me laugh!”

"Even now?" He asked softly.

“Even now.” She repeated.

"I've decided I want to go for the op before the wedding."

“The skin removal op?”

"Yeh. Me and Jake are gunna spend the next couple of months powering up with lots of cardio and strength training in readiness."

Holly nodded, “We might have to postpone the wedding...”

"Or we could bring it forwards..?"

“How forward?”

"If I had the op early March we could look at getting married mid-April maybe?"

“We could... Can we think about it?”

"Of course." His fingers gently stroked her stomach. "Is that too soon or not soon enough?" He asked softly.

She looked down at his hand. “I don’t know.”

"You sure there's nothing you want to tell me..?"

She swallowed. “No...”

"No there isn't anything to tell me or no you're not sure..?"

“I... There’s nothing to tell.”

"Ok. Well if you change your mind you promise to come to me?"

“I will.”

"We should get you home."

Holly yawned, “I’d like that.”

"Gotta look after my girl."

She smiled, “I appreciate it!”

"You do some much for me, it's time I repaid the gesture. When we get home I'm gunna run you a nice warm bath and lay out some snuggly pajamas."

She giggled softly, “A bath sounds like a wonderful idea.”

"And while you're relaxing I'll give Charlie a bottle and get him into bed."

“I do love you, Peter.”

"I love you too. Now let's go home."

“Let’s go home.”

After saying their goodbyes they headed back to the flat and, as promised, Peter prepared a bath for his fiancée and then set about getting their son ready for bed.

Holly fell asleep in the bath. She was exhausted lately, more so than she’d been when she was pregnant with Charlie.

Once Charlie was settled Peter popped his head round the bathroom door. He shook his head indulgently as he watched Holly. She was clearly trying to do too much. He mentally slapped himself for not noticing sooner. It was all so obvious now he thought about it. The only thing he couldn't work out was why hadn't she told him? Things were so different now compared to the previous year. It was clear to see now she was naked that she was obviously several weeks along as her bump poked out the water between the bubbles. So why the secrecy?

She found herself stirring slightly as she woke up, sensing Peter was watching her. “Trying to sleep.” She mumbled sleepily.

"You should sleep in bed." He teased gently.

“Peter?”

"Yes babe?"

“I’m scared of telling you something.”

"I know. How about we get into our nightclothes and have a chat in bed?"

Holly nodded. She got out of the bath and grabbed the towel, unplugging the bath. There was a comfortable silence as she dried herself and put on her pyjamas.

As he got changed for bed Peter wondered if Holly would register the fact that he'd purposefully gotten out loose-fitting pajamas for her, remembering that she hated the feel of restrictive clothing early on in pregnancy.

“You know already, don’t you?”

"I have a hunch... I'm just waiting for you to tell me I'm right." He smiled softly, reaching out for her as he sat on the bed.

She placed her hand into his and moved towards him. “I don’t want this to set you back, you’ve done amazingly! You’re so close to the finish line and I’d hate to ruin it for you.”

"Nothing is going to ruin this. I promise. Now tell me what's been worrying you so much..." He encouraged.

“I... I think I’m pregnant.”

"Think?" He chuckled gently. "I'd say it's a bit more than think..!" He reached out with his free hand to caress her bump.

She frowned, “I haven’t taken a test yet! I’m only gonna be about eight weeks. This is mostly food!”

"Or its just another big baby boy..!" Peter chuckled.

“Probably!” She paused, “You’re not angry with me?”

"Why would I be angry?"

She shrugged, “I know what you’re like. I know you’re going to start panicking about how we’re going to afford the baby and where we’re going to live and I don’t want you to relapse!” She burst into tears for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

"Oh Holly! Of course those things are a worry but we'll find a way. I'm not going to relapse. I know that's your biggest fear. I'm actually hoping that this time I'll be able to relax more and enjoy the process of you being pregnant. Though I swear I read somewhere that babies get bigger with each subsequent pregnancy which after Charlie is a little concerning..!" He chuckled, his eyes comically wide as he placed his hands on her rounded belly.

She grumbled lightly, “Bigger??! Charlie was big enough!” She snuggled into him, still crying softly.

"This one could end up being a ten pounder..!" He teased, wiping her tears with his fingertips. "And this time round I plan on taking every opportunity to show you just how sexy you are whilst pregnant." He grinned wolfishly.

She giggled softly as she snuggled into him.

"We could start now if you feel up to it..?" He whispered in her ear.

She giggled again, “Someone is very keen!”

"I'm feeling pumped after my runs today." He smiled.

Holly kissed him tenderly.

"We'll be ok. It's ok to be scared and worry but we're gunna do this together." He promised and he really meant it. He knew he had to step up and though he was terrified he was determined to.

“As long as you’re sure.”

"I'm sure. I'm gunna make you proud of me." He smiled.

“You already make me proud.”

"More proud then!" He laughed.

“Ok.” She kissed him again and let out another yawn. “Sleep?”

"That sounds like a very good idea. Once the shops reopen we can get a test to be sure but I think it's only a formality."

“Yeah.”

"I love you so much." He snuggled her into his arms. "I can't wait to see my parents reaction, it's like Emmy and the twins all over again!" He chuckled.

“I didn’t plan for this to happen! You’ve clearly got very good working sperm!”

"I don't think my parents planned it either." He laughed. "They adore Charlie though so I'm sure they'll be thrilled."

“I hope so. I guess this means we need to start looking at houses.”

"I think we do yeh. We can visit a few estate agents in the new year."

“Sounds like a great idea, hopefully we can find our forever home.”

"I'm sure we will. But til then it's time for you to sleep." He smiled.

Across town, the twins were gossiping in their bedroom.

“So what was Tommy’s present to you?” Lottie giggled, “Or do I not want to know?”

Tilly giggled, rolling up her sleeve and showing off a brightly coloured bracelet. "He got it on his last trip to the Carribbean."

“Aww that’s lovely! So cute!” Lottie gushed.

"Isn't it?" Tilly beamed. "Now, come on, what happened earlier with Holly? She's been acting weird for a couple of weeks now don't you think?"

“She fainted and what do you mean weird? I haven’t noticed anything.”

"I know she fainted duh! Emmy told me that!" Tilly rolled her eyes. "What did mum say was wrong with her? Did you hear? She just looks really pale and knackered."

“Pretty much the same as you’ve just said.”

"Well that's lame..!" Tilly harrumphed.

“She’s just knackered, probably doing too much.”

"Aint her mum sick?" Tilly asked sadly.

“Yeah, cancer I think.” Lottie sighed, “Horrible isn’t it?”

"Well bad. She must be really scared. I know I feel so scared when mum gets sick. I'm just glad that Peter's doing better now, not sure how Holly would manage both of them being poorly."

“Peter’s looking better isn’t he?”

"Yeh looks more like his old self again. It's all so crazy."

“Yeh it is!”

"Think I'll be glad to see the back of this year! Well other than little Charlie being born. The rest was quite shit."

“Yeh I know what you mean!”

"It's weird being an aunty when we're still in high school." Tilly laughed.

“That’s true.”

"Hell, Oli and Paul are still in juniors and they're uncles! Some of their classmates are having little siblings still..!"

“I think mum and dad are waaaay past the point of having kids thankfully.”

"Yeh, thank fuck for that! I got a bit concerned after Holly had Charlie but if they were gunna then we'd know mum was knocked up by now..!"

“That’s true. I don’t think mum and dad have had much time to...” Lottie wriggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Unless they've finally learnt how to be quiet..!"

“That’ll never happen!”

"Seems not..!" Tilly rolled her eyes as a loud giggle was heard from above them.

“Urgh, is that them?”

"Sounds like it."

“Urgh!”

"Maybe that's why we got iPods for Christmas..!"

“Yeah maybe!”

"I think they're gunna be needed!" Tilly remarked, reaching for her headphones as the noises from above got louder.

“You can’t have a minute of peace in here, can you?!”

"Nope!"

“It’s a joke.” Lottie grumbled.

"Such a joke!" Tilly replied, throwing the duvet over her head. "Absolutely no respect in this house!"


	76. NSFW, TW: alcohol abuse

"Keep your eyes closed!" Peter chuckled softly as he continued to lay the table.

“My eyes are closed!” Holly replied, wondering what the hell he was doing.

"Ok, you can open them now." He replied a few moments later after he'd placed the bowls on the table and lit the candles.

Holly opened her eyes and gasped, “Oh Peter, this is lovely!”

"It's mum's recipe but I made it from scratch all by myself." He declared, feeling pretty proud of the soup he'd prepared.

“You did all this by yourself?”

He nodded. "I just hope it tastes good." He pulled out the chair for her.

She kissed his cheek before she sat down in the chair. “Thank you babe.”

"Anything for my girl." He grinned, unable to resist giving her tummy a gentle rub before moving to his own seat opposite her.

She smiled, she loved him touching her bump.

"I want you to be honest when you try it ok?"

“Of course I will.” She picked up her spoon and tried some of the soup.

Peter waited nervously for her reaction.

“It’s lovely!”

"Really?!" He was genuinely thrilled and excited. He'd felt absolutely buzzing the last few days.

“Yes!” She giggled, “Are you ok? You’re very buzzy lately.”

"I'm great!" He grinned. "This coming year is gunna be our year! We're gunna get married and buy a house, Charlie's starting to try and crawl, and we're having another baby. I feel like I'm on top of the world!"

She smiled brightly, “I can’t believe it either!”

"It's exciting though?" He replied between mouthfuls of soup.

“Yeah it’s so exciting!”

"It's been so hard not blurting it out though."

“I’ve got a scan in a few days, we can tell everyone then?”

"I can't wait." He grinned. "It was so hard keeping my hands to myself when we were round at mum and dad's earlier." He winked mischievously. He knew if he'd put his arms round her waist he would have instantly given the game away, her bump was getting bigger by the day!

“You really can’t keep your hands to yourself, can you?” She laughed gently as she ate the soup.

"It's not my fault that you're so sexy!" He pouted playfully.

“You really are your father’s son!”

Peter laughed heartily, blushing slightly.

“I love you.”

"I love you too. So much!" 

The rest of their meal together passed in giggles and chatter. Once they'd finished dessert they moved to the sofa.

“I’m a lot bigger than I was when I was pregnant with Charlie.” Holly pouted as she placed her hands on her bump.

"Hmm... I think you're right." He ran his hands over her belly. "Big and round and ripe already and as for these..!" He whispered hotly in her ear, letting out a moan as his hands moved up to grasp her breasts.

She let out a moan as he cupped her breasts, “Mmm..”

"You really are so sexy!" He played with her nipples through the thin vest she wore, having changing into loungewear when they'd gotten home. He lifted the bottom of her top, trailing kisses down her swollen stomach.

“Peter!” She moaned, her skin felt like it was on fire.

"Tell me what you want babe..." He continued to move lower.

“I want you.”

"You want me where..?" He ran his fingers along the waistband of her pajama bottoms which nestled low under her bump.

“You know where.”

"Here..?" He grinned mischievously, dipping his index finger inside her underwear.

“Mmm, perfect!” Her eyes fluttered closed.

He massaged his fingertip over her clit. "I think you might need something a bit bigger to fully satisfy you..!"

She gasped, “Oh God that feels so good!”

He continued to pleasure her whilst pulling down his joggers and boxers with his other hand, sighing with relief as his throbbing cock was released from it's confines.

Her breathing became very heavy, “Peter!”

He pulled down her knickers and rubbed himself against her folds. "Fuck!" He groaned.

“Fuck me, please!” She begged him with a giggle.

He shifted so he was lent back on the sofa and pulled her into his lap.

She straddled his lap, giggling softly again as she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him.

He groaned as she slid herself down his cock. "We might need to get creative soon..." He ran his hands over her hips and stomach.

“You getting bored of this position?” She asked as she began to move herself.

"No, just getting a bit tight..." He blushed, aware of his own belly as well as hers. They'd not encountered this problem when she'd been pregnant with Charlie as things had fallen apart physically between them very early on.

She kissed her tenderly as she moved up and down his cock. “You could take me from behind.” She gasped, moaning softly at the sensations she was experiencing.

"You'd like that..?"

“Uh huh. Why not?”

"You've never mentioned it before." 

“I’m feeling kinky.”

"Well in that case..!" His face lit up with mischief.

She suddenly stopped her movements.

"You ok?" He asked nervously.

“Uh huh.” She smiled, “Boobs are sore from all this bouncing.”

"How about if I hold them for you..?" He grinned cheekily, reaching out to cup them with his hands.

“Much better,” She continued to move up and down his cock, soft moans escaping her lips.

His thumbs teased her nipples as he ran his gaze over her. How did he get so lucky?

Feeling his gaze run over her, she blushed furiously.

"You're gorgeous." He grinned.

“Even though I look like I’ve swallowed a balloon?”

"I'm not sure that's how the baby got in there..!" He chuckled.

She giggled.

His hands roamed her figure before returning to her breasts. He was close.

“Oh shit, Peter!”

"Oh Holly!"

She was so near herself. Her movements quickened as they hurtled towards their peak.

"Oh fuck!" Peter gasped moments later.

She let out a loud moan as she climaxed, falling forward, her breathing heavy.

"Careful!" He fussed, moving her onto her side.

“I’m fine,” She giggled breathlessly.

"I know but you're carrying precious cargo."

Before Holly could reply Peter's phone began to ring. He scrambled in his discarded joggers and found it. "Hi Jake. Jake? Yeh I'm his brother... Why have you got his phone? What.?! Ok! Ok! Just stay with him and I'll be there as soon as I can."

“Are you ok?” Holly asked sadly as she moved.

"That was some lass called Amber." He explained as he rushed to get dressed. "There was an argument, some lads getting on Jake for not drinking at the party. Apparently one of them decided it'd be funny to spike Jake's drink and now he's in a state."

“What? Shit! Is he ok?” She began to get dressed. “He should go to the hospital...”

"I think I heard him being sick in the background. I'm gunna bring him here first. I'd rather avoid taking him in if I can - I don't want to worry mum and dad."

“But if he’s been spiked, it could be serious!”

"They'llve put vodka in it or something. He won't want mum finding out, he'll feel he's let her down." Peter sighed. "You stay here, I won't be long."

“Are you sure? Ok.”

"Yeh. Get some bedding out the cupboard, he can sleep here tonight."

“He can’t go home.”

"No." Peter sighed and left the flat. When he returned about forty minutes later banging and shouting could be heard from the stairwell. "Will you just fucking cooperate?! I'm trying to help you!"

Holly left the door open and went down to help. “Jake, we’re just trying to help you.” She said gently.

"Holly please stay back!" Peter insisted. "Go and get the first aid kit." He gasped as he struggled up the stairs with Jake.

“Let me help you, please!”

"I don't want you getting hurt! He's being quite aggressive." Peter sighed. 

Jake's head was bleeding and he was swaying as he fought against Peter's hold. He'd been sick and his eyes were unfocused.

“Are you sure it was just vodka that they’ve spiked him with?”

"Amber said that he got away from her and she found him in the back garden with several empty bottles."

“Fuck! What if he’s got alcohol poisoning? He’s only got one kidney, don’t forget!”

"You think I don't know that?! Mum's been terrified for months that he'd fall off the wagon. I should have stayed with him at the party..!"

“Don’t argue with me Peter!”

"I'm not... I just..." Peter sighed sadly as he finally bundled Jake into the flat. "Maybe I should call dad..?"

“Let me call your dad? And grab the first aid kit?”

"Ok." Peter nodded, sitting down next to Jake on the floor. "It's gunna be ok bro. I promise. Me, Holly and dad will make things better."

Jake mumbled something and then began to cry.

"It's ok. It's not your fault. It's gunna be ok. I'll stay with you and look after you." Peter reassured gently, rolling Jake onto his side as he was sick again.

Holly sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She grabbed her phone off the side and dialled Charlie’s number.

"Holly?" Charlie asked, confused, as he answered the phone. "What's wrong?"

“Hi... Erm, we didn’t want to worry you or Duffy but it’s Jake, he’s been spiked at the party. He’s at ours and he’s really really not well.”

There was a brief pause followed by the sound of a door closing. "Is he conscious?"

“He’s conscious but keeps being sick. He’s also bleeding from somewhere but we don’t know where. Peter’s with him.”

"Where on his body is the bleeding?" Charlie asked, hurriedly gathering some items together.

“Not sure."

"It's his head that's bleeding!" Peter called out. 

"What was that?" Charlie queried.

“It’s his head that’s bleeding.” Holly repeated back to Charlie.

"Ok. Was he spiked with alcohol or drugs?"

“Alcohol we think.”

"Ok. I'm gunna nip out on my break to check him over. Keep him awake as best you can and get him to sip some water."

“I will, thank you.”

"See you soon." 

True to his word Charlie arrived about fifteen minutes later with a bag of supplies. His eyes widened as Holly opened the door in her pyjamas.

“Are you ok, Charlie?” She asked, noticing the look he gave her.

"I'm fine. Duffy doesn't know I'm here so I won't mention anything I've seen tonight..." Charlie replied, inclining his head pointedly in her direction.

“What do you mean?” She frowned, “There’s nothing to tell! Oh... You’re talking about Jake right?” She quickly closed the door, “He’s in the lounge.”

Charlie headed through to the lounge. "Catching his mum in her pyjamas was exactly how Jake found out about Oliver..!" He added offhandedly over his shoulder. He crouched down next to the teenager. "Jake, it's dad. Can you remember how much you've had..?" He asked gently.

Holly didn’t answer back, she just swallowed. 

“Can’t 'member.” Jake mumbled back in response.

"Ok. You look like you've had quite a skinful buddy. I've got some fluids to help rehydrate you, that'll make you feel a bit better and we'll get that head sorted out."

Jake began to cry again. He felt dreadful, everywhere hurt but mostly his back.

"I'm not really supposed to do this but..." Charlie sighed as he removed a cannula kit and bag of saline from his bag. "Once this is hooked up I'll check him over fully."

“Dad, could you get into trouble for that?”

Charlie didn't reply, fixing up the cannula. "Can you hold that up?" He asked Holly, passing her the saline.

“Sure.” Holly took the saline but as she held it up her top moved up, exposing her bump.

Peter noticed. "You won't tell mum you know will you?" He asked his dad softly, reaching over and trying to pull down Holly's top.

“Your dad already knows Peter,” Holly said with a smile, “He spotted it as soon as I opened the door.”

"I'll let you tell your mum the happy news." Charlie smiled before turning his attention back to Jake.

"Is it possible to tell how much he's drunk?" Peter asked.

“No, sadly not.”

"Is he ok to stay here?" Peter asked as his dad examined Jake.

“Yes, I don’t see why not.”

"I'll stay up and watch over him." Peter promised.

“You need to sleep too, Peter.”

"I should have stayed with him at the party coz he was worried about temptation but I convinced him that he'd be ok." Peter explained sadly. 

Jake started to groan softly as he looked around, seemingly a little more aware of his surroundings.

“Hey son.” Charlie stroked his cheek.

"Dad?" Jake mumbled, confused and sore, his head spinning.

“It’s ok, you’re safe. What do you remember?”

"They kept taking the piss..."

“The lads at the party?”

"Yeh." Jake's words were slow and slurred. "Wanted them to shut up."

“What happened, do you remember?”

"Fell over. Hit lamppost."

“Because you were drunk?”

"I'm sorry." Jake mumbled, starting to cry again.

“Did they spike you, Jake?”

"I don't know."

Charlie stroked Jake’s cheek, “It’s ok, it’s alright, you’re safe.”

"Ruined everything."

“No, no. You haven’t.”

"Once an alcky, always an alcky." Jake sighed sadly, trying to sit up, rubbing his back.

“You were spiked, that’s all.” Charlie frowned, “Is your back hurting you?”

"Yeh."

“Will you come to the hospital with me?”

"Mum there?"

“Mum’s there yes.”

"She'll be sad."

“She’ll be sad but not with you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

"Got drunk."

“Did you know you were drinking alcohol?” Charlie asked softly.

"Tried to say no. They wouldn't stop..." Jake sighed.

"But Amber said..!" Peter interjected.

“Amber said what?”

"That the lads spiked your drink. Is that not true?" Peter demanded of his brother.

“I didn’t want to drink but they wouldn’t shut up!”

"Please don't fight..." Holly sighed sadly.

“I said no... But...” Jake sighed.

"They forced you to drink?" Charlie surmised sadly.

Jake nodded.

"They don't sound like very good friends." Holly frowned, handing the saline bag to Peter as she heard little Charlie starting to grumble from his cot.

Peter sighed, “I shouldn’t have left you, bro.”

"S'ok. Not your problem." Jake frowned. 

"Someone could clearly hear voices and got curious..!" Holly remarked as she carried her wide-awake son into the lounge with her.

Charlie babbled as he watched the adults intensely in the room.

"Can I stay here?" Jake asked softly.

“Of course you can.” Holly smiled to Jake as she cuddled Charlie.

"I was right then?" Jake smirked at Peter. 

“About what?” Peter rubbed the back of his neck.

"Holly being knocked up."

“Yes you were right but please don’t say anything to anyone.”

"You told Jake?!" Holly gasped but she didn't sound cross.

“Jake asked me if you were pregnant and I said no, because I didn’t think you were.”

"Well it don't really matter if you tell anyone Jake coz your mum already knows anyway. Possibly Lottie too... And if Lottie knows then Tilly will for sure... And if Tilly knows..!" Holly laughed softly.

“You told my mum already?” Peter laughed, “If Tilly knows then the whole world knows.”

"I didn't tell her. She guessed when she checked me over after I fainted at Christmas. I'm not sure how much Lottie heard or saw..."

Peter nodded, “Ok.”

"Is there any point now waiting for the scan before we tell everyone?" Holly chuckled.

“No.”

"So yeh, I'm pregnant. We think about nine weeks but coz my cycle is still irregular and I'm already so huge they're doing a scan now to give us a better idea of when I'm due." She smiled, resting the hand that wasn't holding Charlie on her bump.

Charlie smiled, “Congratulations.”

"It's gunna be a bit of a hectic few months coming up as we've decided to bring the wedding forwards but it's gunna be great." Peter smiled.

“I see.”

"Sounds great." Jake mumbled sleepily as he lay back down on the sofa and quickly fell asleep.

"Will he be ok?" Holly asked Charlie nervously.

“Yeah he will.”

"You should get back before mum comes looking for you at midnight and busts you..!" Peter remarked. "We'll call if he gets worse."

“Thank you.”

"Do we just let him sleep?"

“You can, I don’t think he’s suffering any effects of a head injury.”

"What should we look out for?" Holly asked.

“If you struggle to wake him up, definitely call an ambulance.” Charlie told Holly and Peter a couple more signs to look out for.

"Do you want us to check him at set intervals?"

“Once an hour should be sufficient.”

"Ok. We can text you when we check on him."

“I’d appreciate that, thank you.” Charlie smiled. “Will you both be alright?”

"We'll be fine." Peter insisted, placing his arm around Holly who was still holding little Charlie who had fallen back to sleep.

“Yeah we’ll be fine, Charlie, honestly.”

"Ok, well, I hope you manage to enjoy your new year and I'm sure we'll catch up in the next few days." Charlie smiled. As Peter walked him to the door he reached out a squeezed the young man's shoulder. "I'm so proud of you son."

Peter smiled brightly, “It’s gonna be ok this time dad. I promise!”

"I know. I can see the difference in you already. But remember your mum and I are always here for you whenever you need us ok?"

“I know dad, thank you.” Peter hugged his dad.

"Though I can't believe you two are making us grandparents again already!" Charlie chuckled.

“We didn’t plan for it to happen this quickly!”

"At least you know everything is in good working order again." Charlie smiled.

Peter blushed.

"I'm happy for you both. It's been a hell of a year but you've made it through together. There's nothing you can't overcome."

“It was tough dad.”

"It was and there will be times when it's tough again but you have a strength inside you both that when combined... Anything is possible."

Peter smiled, “Do you really think so?”

"I do. You've found the one who holds the other half of your soul. That's really special and precious."

“Like you and mum?”

"Yes." Charlie smiled. "Talking of which... I'd best be off back to work before she has my guts..!"

“She’ll string you up by your balls.” Peter laughed, “Goodnight dad, thank you.”

"Yeh, I don't fancy starting my new year in her bad books! You take care and I'll speak to you soon." With one last hug Charlie left to head back to the hospital.

Peter closed the door and walked back to the lounge.

Holly had put Charlie back down in his cot and tucked Jake up on the sofa. She kissed Jake’s forehead before she stood up. "I've done the best I can but he's really too tall for the sofa." She cringed.

“That’s cos he’s a lanky bastard.”

"He can't have been easy to get up the stairs. All that muscle must have been like a dead weight!"

“It really wasn’t easy to get up the stairs with him!”

"Not when he was swinging his arms around all over the place."

“You should go to bed.”

"So should you." She countered with a smile.

“I will, I’m just gonna sit with Jake for a bit. Is that ok?”

"Ok but don't stop up too long." She gave him a hug and a kiss.

“I won’t babe. I love you."

“Love you more.”

"No, I love you the mostest in the universe!" He chuckled.

“Nope! I do. Wake me up just before midnight?" She asked.

“Ok gorgeous, I will.”

She blew a kiss at him and headed into the bedroom.

Peter smiled brightly, how the hell did he get so lucky? He sat down on the armchair and looked over at Jake.

Jake was fast asleep, his feet sticking out from the blanket. They knew he was likely to relapse, Peter just hoped he'd bounce back from it stronger and not sink lower.

Peter couldn’t believe Jake's friends had done that to him. What bastards!

Peter and Holly took turns to check on Jake through the night though as it got later Peter repeatedly "forgot" to wake Holly to take her turn as he wanted to make sure she got enough sleep.

Holly was exhausted but she’d wanted them to share - he needed his sleep too. As she carried Charlie out of the bedroom for his breakfast she found both young men fast asleep - Peter in the armchair and Jake half hanging off the sofa. “Are daddy and Uncle Jakey still sleeping?” She spoke to Charlie as they went to the kitchen.

The tot babbled in his own way of making conversation.

“Yes is that right?”

The pair carried on their conversation for several minutes before they were interrupted by Peter. 

"What time is it?" He yawned, running his hand through his hair as he lent against the kitchen doorframe.

“Morning daddy! It’s half six.”

"Really? You should still be in bed!"

“Charlie wants his breakfast, he’s hungry.” She strapped him into the high chair where he banged on the table.

"I can do that. You need to rest!" Peter couldn't help but fuss.

“Peter?”

"Yes babe."

“I’m fine, I promise. I’ll tell you if I wasn’t, ok?”

"I'm sorry." He replied bashfully. "I just can't help it."

“I know you can’t. It is cute though.”

There was a groan followed by a thud in the lounge.

“Shit!” Peter dashed back into the lounge.

"Urgh..." Jake groaned again as he found himself on the floor.

“What you doing on the floor, bro?”

"What am I doing here?" Jake groaned, looking increasingly panicked as he searched back through his memory.

“You were spiked at the New Years party so we brought you home here.”

"You mean... I didn't... I didn't break my pledge?"

“No.” Peter smiled at his brother.

"Peter..!" Holly whispered sharply.

Peter turned back to Holly.

She beckoned him over. Once he was closer, she whispered, "Why are you lying to him?!"

“I’m not lying to him.” Peter whispered back. “I’m just not telling him the truth.”

"On your head be it!" Holly retorted before returning to feeding their son.

Peter sighed. He went back to the lounge, “Jake?”

"Hmm..?" Jake looked up.

“When you were found by Amber, you had some empty bottles with you. However, had you not been spiked, you wouldn’t have drank.”

"Amber was there? She's Gary's girlfriend... Did I do something stupid..?" Jake asked, rubbing his face. Krystal was gunna kill him!

“No. You were spiked, as soon as Amber called me, I brought you here. Dad gave you some fluids to help you recover and you’ve been here since!”

"Gary didn't give me this?" Jake rubbed his swollen eye.

“No, you told us you fell into a lamppost? You’ve got a cut on the back of your head as well.”

"Oh... Ok... He don't like blokes looking at his girl." Jake shrugged. "She's cute but I want Krystal." He blushed. "Do stupid things sometimes..."

“What kind of stupid things?” Peter asked gently.

"Fights... Girls... Fights over girls..."

“We’ve all been there.” Peter smiled sadly, “How are you feeling?"

"Hurts. Sick."

“Where are you hurting?”

"Back, tummy and head." Jake's eyes suddenly went wide. "Don't tell mum!"

“I think mum might already know. Dad was here. You didn’t do anything wrong, Jake!”

Jake dropped his head into his hands. "I fucked up."

“No you didn’t.”

"Why you being nice to me?" Jake asked, looking up slightly at his older brother.

“Why wouldn’t I be nice to you?” Peter frowned.

"I fucked up."

“You’re in recovery.” Peter replied, “I always knew you would probably relapse. I just hope you can get through this.”

"I was weak."

“You weren’t weak.”

"I don't want to feel like this."

“Then we’ll help.”

"Don't want to get you in trouble."

“You’re not going to get me into trouble.”

"Holly ain't mad?"

“No, course she’s not.” Peter smiled, “Do you remember much of last night when you got here?”

"I threw up on the floor. Was dad here? Holly got me a blanket." Jake replied, scratching his head as he attempted to piece everything together.

“Holly and I have some news.”

"Oh? About the wedding? You set a date?"

“Holly’s pregnant.”

"Told ya so!" Jake laughed smugly, smiling for the first time since he'd woken up.

“You did!” Peter laughed.

"Always knew you'd end up with a bunch of kids like mum and dad." Jake chuckled.

“This is the last, I can assure you on that!”

"I swear mum and dad said that..!" Jake snorted.

“No, really.”

"Yeh, yeh!" Jake teased.

“I mean it!”

"You're really gunna stick at two?" Jake asked, starting to feel a little better.

“Yeah, I technically already have three don’t I?”

"Yeh I s'pose... It's all just confusing, she's not yours but she's yours..."

“What makes you confused?”

"Is she actually your kid? For reals?"

“No, of course not. The dates don’t add up. Why?” Peter frowned.

"Then why do you let her call you daddy?" 

Whilst they'd been talking Holly had quietly slipped into the room and placed cups of coffee for them both on the table before going back into the kitchen again.

“I love her just like I love Charlie.” Peter smiled as they picked up their mugs.

"Ok." Jake paused as he took a few sips of his coffee. "You really are like dad aren't you..?"

“In what way?”

"You see Livvy the same way dad sees me." Jake mumbled softly.

“I think dad wishes you were fully his.”

"I used to wish so hard for that every night when I was little." Jake admitted.

“You’re still his son.”

"Took me a long time to realise that."

Peter smiled sadly.

Jake grimaced as he moved to sit back up on the sofa. "I feel like I've done ten rounds in the ring..!"

“Your body is still sore?”

"Yeh. Did I whack my back when I fell over?"

“Not that I know of. Do you think we should go to hospital and check your kidney is ok?”

"If we do that I have to face mum..." Jake sighed.

“I’ll come with you?”

"Don't you have better things to be doing with your day?"

“I have one or two things to be doing, mostly the gym and take Charlie out to the park but I’d like to come to the hospital with you."

"Ok." Jake sighed, guessing that Peter wouldn't drop it til he agreed.

"Dad’ll be happy to see you!”

"Did he do this?" Jake asked, holding up his left hand.

“Yeah he did.”

"Should probably take it out before we go so he don't get in shit."

“Yeah good point. I don’t have a sharps bin though and I haven’t got a clue how to take it out.” Peter admitted, “Hols?”

Holly stuck her head round the door. "Yeh?"

“You know how to take out a cannula don’t you?”

"Yeh, give me a sec." She disappeared briefly and then reappeared carrying Charlie on her hip.

“Hello Charlie!” Jake smiled at his nephew.

Charlie grinned and babbled, waving his arms at his uncle.

“Is that right?”

Holly handed the tot to Peter so she could remove the cannula.

Charlie babbled and waved his arms even more on his dad’s lap.

"Can you do this?" Jake asked, sticking his tongue out.

Charlie giggled loudly and babbled.

"So what do you think daddy and mummy should call your little brother or sister?"

Charlie babbled even more.

"Now, come on, it's not nice to call your sibling 'poo-face'!" Jake laughed.

Peter laughed as did Charlie.

Holly rolled her eyes and slid the needle out.

“How do you make it look so easy?” Peter asked.

"Well I have done a few in the past, just not on a human before..!" She giggled.

“Only cute furry animals?”

"Yes and they're much better behaved!" She teased.

Jake laughed, “Point taken.”

"There you go."

“Thanks.”

"It's ok." Holly smiled.

"We should get you checked over." Peter reminded his brother.

“Yeh. That ok with you, Holly?” Jake asked.

"Of course. Best to make sure you're ok."

“Thanks to both of you for last night.”

"That's ok. You've been there for us too. Do you want us to come with you?" She asked, referring to herself and Charlie.

“No, you stay here with Charlie where it’s warm.” Jake smiled.

"Ok. If you're sure..?"

“I’m sure.”

There was very little traffic on the roads as it was still early so it didn't take the brothers long to arrive at the hospital.

“I don’t want mum to be upset.” Jake said sadly.

"She'll just be happy that you're ok." Peter reassured.

Jake nodded.

The lads headed inside. It was clear to see that it had been quite a night in the department!

“I don’t know how mum and dad deal with this.” Jake said softly as they reached the reception desk.

"I guess they're used to it." Peter shrugged.

“Crazy ain’t it?”

"What you boys doing here so early?" Tess asked as she spotted them and approached. "Oh wow!" She gasped as she clocked Jake's eye.

“I was spiked last night at a party with alcohol and with me only having one kidney, I just wanted to make sure everything was ok. My lower back’s really sore.” Jake explained.

"Ok. Let's get you through to a cubicle."

“Thanks. I see you’ve had a busy night.”

"Yeh, gotta love this time of year. Do you want me to let your parents know you're here?"

“Please, if you don’t mind?”

"Of course. I'll just get you registered and let them know."

“Thank you.”

Jake started to become edgy again after the boys were left alone. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...

“Relax, it’s going to be fine!” Peter reassured him.

"What if I've damaged it bad?"

“You won’t have.”

"It hurts."

“That’s normal I’m sure.”

"Hope so." Jake sighed sadly.

“It’ll be ok.”

"Oh my gosh! Jake!" Duffy gasped as she burst through the curtains.

“Mum, I’m ok.”

"Where are you hurt?" She wrapped her arms around him.

“It’s my lower back.”

"Right side?" She asked nervously, scared his remaining kidney was damaged.

Jake nodded sadly.

"You'll be ok." She reassured him. She'd been able to smell the alcohol on him as soon as she'd entered the cubicle.

“I didn’t break my pledge mum!”

"Ok." She really wanted to believe him.

“I didn’t mum! I tried so hard but they took the piss...”

"Oh Jake..." She sighed.

It took about two hours before the specialist was able to come down to see Jake. In the meantime his bloods were taken and he was given more fluids. He slept on and off, still feeling rather sick and sore.

Peter sighed sadly, “I shouldn’t have left him at the party. If I knew they were a bunch of arseholes, I wouldn’t have.”

"It's not your fault." Charlie reassured his eldest son. "We can stay with Jake, you should get back off home to your family."

“Are you sure?”

"You're welcome to stay if you want but it could be hours."

“I’ll nip back and check on Holly and Charlie and then I’ll come back?”

"Ok." Charlie smiled. 

"Give them a hug from me." Duffy added.

“I will.”

Duffy sighed as they were left alone with a sleeping Jake. "You didn't seem very shocked to see him here..."

Charlie sighed, “Peter and Holly called me last night.”

"And you didn't tell me..?"

“I was waiting for the right time...”

"Why would his friends do this to him?!"

“I don’t know. Maybe because they don’t understand how complex alcoholism is.”

"That's if he's even told them..."

“He said he did.”

"At least he went to Peter this time."

“Yes, it could be worse.”

"Not quite the new year I was hoping for." Duffy sighed as Zoe returned with the blood test results.

“I’ve got the results of Jake’s bloods.”

"How bad?" Duffy asked nervously.

“The damage to his remaining kidney is mild. With fluids, it’ll improve but I would like to keep him in for observation.”

"Ok. That's probably the best we could have hoped for really." Charlie smiled.

“It could’ve been a lot worse.”

"What was his blood alcohol level?"

“Not that high.”

"That's a relief." Charlie replied. "Him only having one kidney will have altered how his body processed and reacted to the alcohol though? Made him appear more intoxicated?"

“Yes it would.”

"Thank you for getting the bloods through as quickly as you could. We appreciate it. Just got to wait for the specialist now."

“I’ll hold off chasing the bed until the specialist gives us a clearer idea.”

"Ok. Thank you." Duffy replied softly.

“No problem. I’ll leave you both to it, you know where I am if you need me?”

Duffy nodded in reply. After Zoe had left she turned to Charlie. "You should probably go relieve my mum of the kids."

“Yeah, I should.” He smiled and kissed her tenderly. “You’ll be ok with Jake?”

"Of course." She turned back to her son.

“Will you tell me when Jake’s been seen by the specialist?”

"I will do."

“I love you.”

"I love you too."

“See you later.” Charlie left, heading home to relieve Kate from the children.

"Oh Jakey, why didn't you tell me you were struggling..?" Duffy whispered softly, tears trickling down her cheeks as she held her sleeping son.


	77. NSFW, TW: illegal drug use, suicide and mental health issues

Louis sighed as once again, Lucy’s mobile when through to voicemail! Where the fuck was she? It had been days since she was last in contact and Louis was worried about her.

Admittedly new year had been a little hazy. He'd been at a party at the house she shared with Alex but had lost track of her during the night. 

He'd woken up in the garden the next morning and, after being unable to find her, had slunk off home, somewhat thankful that his parents had been out so hadn't asked too many questions.

He tried to ring her again, growing more frustrated when he still couldn’t get through to her. Getting up off his bed, he threw on his jacket and headed downstairs. Maybe Alex would know where she was.

It had now been four days since he'd heard from her. He was used to her going off radar for a couple of days but never this long.

“I’m just going out,” He called as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

He didn't wait for a reply as he headed out onto the street.

He went to Alex’s straight away, wondering if he could shed some light on Lucy’s recent disappearance.

A look of surprise filled Alex's face as he opened the door. "I wasn't expecting you til later, I haven't got it all prepared yet."

“I haven’t come for that.” Louis sighed, “Any idea where Lucy’s gone?”

"I thought she was with you." Alex shrugged.

“I’ve not seen her since New Year's.”

"I've not had any complaints."

“Any idea where she was last?”

"Erm..." Alex took out his phone and flicked through it. "Mostly her regulars by the looks of things. She must have turned up coz otherwise they would've called me. 'Specially Artie, he'llve been gagging to see her after two weeks stuck with his missus in the countryside!" He laughed.

“Right, I’ll look around for her, thanks.”

"Sure. I should have your supply ready about four ish."

“Thanks.”

"Might have a few extras too." Alex winked.

“I appreciate it.” Louis smiled as he turned to leave, trying to find Lucy again.

"See ya later." Alex replied and closed the door.

“Come on Luce, where the hell are you?”

Heading down to the marina he decided to check a popular touting area.

“Luce?” Louis called.

"Looking for business..?" A young woman asked him.

“I’m looking for Lucy, have you seen her?” He asked.

"Nah but I can give you the same services..?"

“Nah, I’m ok thanks.”

"Your loss." She shrugged and wandered over to a nearby car.

Louis sighed and scoured the area but couldn’t find Lucy. He was worried she’d got herself into a bit of trouble.

He seemed to be the only one concerned until he approached a slightly older woman, he guessed she was around forty, who looked familiar for some reason that he couldn't quite place. “Hey.”

"You're not a cop are you?" She smirked, having watched him asking questions for several minutes.

“No, I’m not a cop.” He studied her face again, “You seem really familiar...”

"I've seen you around here before but I've not had the pleasure..."

“I’m Louis. I’m looking for a friend of mine...”

"Cindy. What makes you think I might know your friend?"

He shrugged, “She hangs about these areas, you might have come across her.”

"What's her name?"

“She’s called Lucy.”

"Oh I know who you mean. I haven't seen her for a few days. I've been worried but didn't know how to contact anyone who might care."

He smiled sadly, “I care about her. She’s been seeing her regulars apparently but I can’t find her.”

"Is that what her pimp told you?" Cindy snorted as Louis nodded. "He ain't got a clue the games she's been playing! I told her to be careful but she wouldn't listen."

“What games? What are you talking about?”

"I can tell you but I'll need something in exchange."

“I’ve got money?”

"Ok. Come with me."

“Thank you.” He followed her.

She led him through the back alleys for a few minutes until Louis spotted a bloke he knew was a dealer. 

"He'll pay you." Cindy explained as she approached the guy.

“How much do you need?”

"Sixty quid."

Louis took the money out of his pocket and handed it over. “Is Luce ok?”

"Is that all you've got?!" Cindy complained at the dealer. "Can't you spare a little more..?" She simpered, reaching out to stroke his cock.

“Please, do you know where Lucy is?”

"Maybe... You know how to get it..!" The dealer laughed at Cindy as he opened his jeans.

Louis sighed, “Do you know where Lucy is or not?! Or are you just fucking me about?!”

"Oh she'll know!" The dealer laughed. "She might be a pathetic old crack whore but she knows everything that's going on round here." He groaned as Cindy started to suck his cock.

“I’ll go and wait over there and leave you both to it.” Louis moved away to give them both some privacy.

The whole situation made him feel awkward. Not because it felt voyeuristic but because it painfully reminded him of things he had done in the past when he was desperate for a fix. He didn't consider himself bisexual as he'd felt no sexual gratification from doing it, he'd just done what he'd had to with either gender of partner to get what he'd needed.

He fiddled with his hands as he waited for Cindy to finish.

A few minutes later Cindy joined Louis in the doorway. Placing the drugs on the windowsill she made and snorted three lines in quick succession.

He smiled sadly at Cindy as he watched her. He scratched at his arm.

She sighed contentedly, leaning against the wall.

“You alright?”

"Yeh. Thanks." She paused. "You wanted to know about Lucy..?"

“Yeah, you said she was playing a game but you didn’t elaborate?”

"Oh yeh..." Cindy shook her head, sniffing loudly.

“What’s she doing?”

"She's been taking extra clients and stashing the money."

“Stashing the money for what? Do you know where she’s gone?”

"I don't know what for. I thought maybe for drugs but she seems to get plenty from him." Cindy replied.

“Do you know where she’s gone?”

"No but I think she has a locker up by the train station."

“Alright, thanks.” He smiled, “I’ll head up there and see if she’s around.”

"Ok. Thanks. She's lucky to have someone who cares about her like you do." Cindy sighed, twisting her wedding ring. "My old man's doing a long stretch."

“A long stretch for what?” Louis asked as he put his hands in his jacket.

"Drug smuggling and dealing. My eldest just got put back inside again. He's like his dad. Just gotta hope my youngest keeps himself straight. He's the smart one, I'd love for him to make something of himself, unlike me."

“I’m sure he will. Don’t be too hard on yourself Cindy, we’ve all got demons.” He told her, “Look after yourself.”

"Yeh, you too. I best get back to it. Good luck finding Lucy. If you really care about her do her a favour and get her out of this game before she ends up stuck for life like me."

“I’ve been trying, she doesn’t make it easy for someone to help her though.”

"No, she's stubborn that kid. She's had to be tough. She won't say how old she is but she's been turning tricks for, well, must be almost five years now." Cindy sighed sadly.

Louis sighed. “I’ll help her get free. I’ll keep trying.”

"You do that." Cindy smiled whistfully before heading back down to the marina.

Louis headed up to the station to see if he could locate Lucy. He was even more nervous having found out what she’d been doing. What if Alex had gotten hold of her and killed her or something? Or a client...

He sat down on a wall by the station and prepared a cigarette. The whole situation was making him super edgy and, after reaching into his inside pocket, he sprinkled a little something extra in with the tobacco before rolling it up.

He’d tried to reduce his dependence on weed, but it was just making him more and more anxious so he’d quickly gone back on it.

His eyes flitted about as he smoked, if a copper walked past he was fucked, but he needed it. He lent back against the wall as the fog descended over his mind. He instantly felt calmer.

Seeing Cindy snorting cocaine earlier had set his demons chattering. It wasn't something he did often but he now had a serious craving to snort a couple of lines when he picked up the supply off Alex later. He rolled himself a second joint, tipping much more cannabis in this one than the first.

He really needed to find Lucy though. He shoved the second joint into his pocket for later and entered the station.

He spotted the lockers that Cindy had mentioned. There was no way of knowing which one was Lucy's or even if she actually had one. It felt like looking for a bloody needle in a haystack!

He felt like he'd been there for hours when suddenly he spotted a familiar tuft of hair sticking out from under a baseball cap.

“Lucy? Luce?”

She spun around, startled. "What the fuck are you doing here?!" She hissed.

“Looking for you.” He replied, “I was getting worried.”

"I'm a big girl Louis..!" She laughed bitterly.

“I care about you!”

"Who told you where to find me?"

“Cindy. What are you doing?”

"Shoulda known." Lucy rolled her eyes and quickly slipped a brown envelope into the locker before slamming it closed. "Not here."

“Ok.”

Neither said much as they headed down to the marina docks. Once out of sight behind some trees Lucy sat down and retrieved a wrap and lighter from her bag. "You missed me?" She teased.

“Yes but what the hell are you doing?”

"What does it look like I'm doing?" She asked, a needle placed between her teeth as she ran the lighter under the wrap.

“Why are you saving money in a locker and taking on extra clients that your brother doesn’t know about?"

"You said you wanted us to make a fresh start..."

“I do but I can’t make a fresh start when you’re using drugs.”

"It's the only way I can do this..!" She replied, loading the needle.

“What are you planning on using the money for?”

"Us."

“Us?”

"So we can start a new life. Away from all this shit." She smiled as she lay back on the grass, the drugs entering her system.

“You want to be clean?"

"I want us to run away together."

“I can’t run away. That’s not fair.”

"You would if you really loved me." She pouted.

“Don’t start that shit! You know my brother ran away from home recently and my mum’s heart was broken so I’m not gonna do that again!”

"I don't want to be here anymore." Lucy sighed, growing sleepy. She was a mess, her eyes bloodshot from several days of living off heroin and little else, barely sleeping or eating. Her hair was tangled and she was still wearing the same clothes he'd last seen her in at the party. He dreaded to think the number of men she'd been with in that time.

He sighed as he reached out and stroked her cheek. “Let me take you back to mine so you can sleep and have something to eat?”

She nodded, too tired to argue. She felt dirty. So dirty.

He picked her up and carried her back to his.

Owen sighed as he looked up from the kitchen table as Louis and Lucy arrived at the house. It was a sight he was all too familiar with from his own childhood.

Louis gently carried Lucy upstairs, bumping into Duffy in the hall.

"Put her down on the bed." Duffy sighed softly. It was getting to be an all too regular thing.

Louis placed Lucy down on the bed and stroked her hair as he tucked her up.

Once the teenager was comfortable Duffy gave her a quick examination.

“She’s planning on running away.” He said sadly.

"She won't get far in that state." Duffy sighed. "Any idea when she was beaten up?" She asked, revealing the bruising on Lucy's stomach and back.

“No I haven’t seen her for four days, I got worried hence why I went looking for her.”

"Can you sit with her and keep an eye on her? We'll let her sleep for a while and then try and get her to drink and eat something."

“Of course I will.”

Duffy nipped out the room and returned with a glass of water. "If she wakes up encourage her to drink some sips of water."

“I will.”

Duffy squeezed his shoulder and headed back downstairs. "Would you two like a snack?" She asked Lottie and Owen who were studying on the kitchen table.

“Please.” Lottie replied.

"Yes please Mrs Fairhead." Owen smiled, once again wishing his mum was like Lottie's mum, behaving like a proper mother.

Duffy laughed gently, “You can call me Duffy you know.”

"Sorry." He blushed.

“You’re so cute when you blush.” Lottie told Owen with a soft giggle.

Duffy smiled indulgently and left the pair of them to their snack and studies.

Louis was sat watching Lucy sleep, he really wished he could help her.

She looked so ill, her skin was pale where it wasn't bruised and damaged by track marks. She was gaunt, her hair lank and greasy.

He hated the fact he couldn’t help her. He also couldn’t leave her either and he wasn’t sure what was worse.

She groaned as she started to come round.

He stroked her hair.

"Louis?" She mumbled.

“I’m here babe.”

"Where am I?"

“At my house.”

"So cold."

He wrapped her up with his dressing gown and duvet, “When did you get hurt?” He asked, “Will you have some water?”

She drank a couple of sips. "Tried to rob me."

“Did they rob you?”

She shook her head. "Slashed his leg."

“Shit.” He stroked her cheek, “That’s how you got the bruises?”

"Yeh. Thought I was easy pickings."

“Can I run you a bath? Wash your hair for you?”

"Why are you being so nice..?"

“I love you.” He smiled.

She sighed sadly as he helped her up from the bed and through to the bathroom.

“I want to help you Luce.”

"You want to change me you mean."

“I want you to stop doing drugs and selling yourself, yes! You had dreams...”

"Dreams are pointless." She retorted, sitting on the floor whilst Louis ran the hot water.

“No they’re not. They can come true with a little help.”

"Maybe for people like you..." She replied bitterly, gesturing to the elegant surroundings.

“Oh so you think I’m privileged? I have a family yes but I had to work my arse off to get free from the grips of heroin.” He sighed.

"Yeh in a rehab paid for by daddy and mummy!" She sneered.

“You don’t have to pay for rehab. The NHS can refer you to rehab for free.”

"Alex will never agree." She sighed sadly.

“Why do you want to run away?” Louis asked gently.

"Only way to break free." She shrugged.

“From the hold Alex has over you?”

"He needs me but I'm so tired."

“He doesn’t need you.” Louis crouched down in front of her, “Let me help you go to rehab?”

"He won't let me go unless I disappear."

“What if you just went to rehab?”

"I can't."

“Why?”

"Can't start over here."

“Where would you go?”

"My mum used to talk about a little beach hut up the coast. I thought about maybe trying to find that."

“Would you get clean?”

"I could be at peace there. Like she was." Lucy mumbled as Louis helped her into the bath.

“Do you want to die?” He asked.

"Just so tired." She sighed.

“I understand.” He stroked her hair.

"Do you ever just want it all to stop?"

“All the time.” He admitted.

"It'd be so easy..." She mused softly.

“I don’t want to be without you, Lucy.” He carefully ran the water over her hair.

"Come with me then."

“I can’t leave.”

"I understand." She smiled sadly. "Can you fetch my phone from my bag?"

“Sure.” He got her bag and her phone and handed it to her.

She checked her phone quickly, sent a message and placed the phone back in her bag. "I can finish washing my hair, why don't you go an make us something to eat?"

“What do you want to eat?” Louis asked.

"I don't mind. You pick."

“Ok, I will.” He kissed the top of her head and left her in the bathroom as he went downstairs.

About five minutes later Tilly let out a scream from the landing.

Louis ran up the stairs, “Tots?”

"I... Get mum!" Tilly was shaking violently, she stood frozen in the doorway staring into the bathroom.

He pushed Tilly out of the way and stepped into the bathroom.

Lucy lay fully submerged in the bath. A note had been scribbled on the mirror in lipstick.

He dragged her out of the bath. “No! No! Lucy!! Mum!!” He screamed.

Duffy had already been partway up the stairs having heard her daughter's scream from the garden so quickly came barreling through the bathroom doorway.

Louis was cradling Lucy in his arms. “Don’t do this to me Lucy, please!”

"Tilly call an ambulance now!" Duffy called out. "Is she breathing?" She asked Louis, attempting to get closer to Lucy.

He shook his head, “No. She doesn’t want to live...” He kissed her forehead.

"Lay her down on the floor." Duffy instructed.

He gently lay her down on the floor. “Maybe I should let her go and be with her mum?” He mumbled quietly.

"That's not our decision to make." Duffy explained as she commenced CPR.

“She’s tired mum. Tired of living... Isn’t it worse to keep someone alive who doesn’t want to be?”

"I swore an oath to do no harm. I have to continue til told to stop."

“I shouldn’t have left her.” He reached out to stroke Lucy's cheek. She was so cold.

"You couldn't have known what she'd do."

“She talked about being at peace.” He sighed. He gasped as Lucy began to wake and vomited water all over the bathroom floor.

Duffy quickly put the teenager into the recovery position. "That's it." She encouraged. "Bring it all up."

“You don’t give up, do you?” Lucy mumbled after a few minutes.

"You can fight with him later once we've made sure you're ok." Duffy interjected.

“Just want to be at peace! Why won’t you let me?!”

"I couldn't just let you go." Louis cried. "I love you too much to just give up!"

Lucy tried getting up, she needed to get away from him.

"Ah, ah, ah! You're not going anywhere except hospital..!" Duffy explained calmly but firmly.

Lucy lay back down. “Will you come with me to the hospital?”

"Yes."

“Clothes! Shit! My clothes, I can’t go naked...”

Louis went into his bedroom and grabbed some clean clothes. A pair of joggers and a jumper for her to wear.

"Tilly?" Duffy encouraged, seeing her daughter once more lingering in the hallway.

“The ambulance is on its way.” Tilly said just as Louis came back into the bathroom with the clothes and helped Lucy to get dressed. The sirens of the ambulance could soon be heard.

"Come here princess..?" Duffy held her arms out towards Tilly.

Tilly stepped into her mum’s arms.

"It's ok. You're gunna come with me ok?" Duffy reassured the teenager.

Tilly nodded. “Ok.” She whispered.

After handing Lucy over to the paramedics Duffy went to speak to Lottie. "Can you keep an eye on your little brothers for a couple of hours?"

“Sure.” Lottie smiled.

"Tilly and Louis are going to come with me. Call if you need anything ok?" Duffy replied, giving her youngest daughter a hug.

“I will, love you mum.”

"Love you too princess."

“You ok Tots?” Louis asked his sister in the car as they went to the hospital.

"I thought she was dead." Tilly mumbled.

“She was.” Louis squeezed his sister’s hand.

"But mum got her back..?"

“Yeh.”

Tilly nodded mutely and turned back to staring out the window.

Louis sighed, “You shouldn’t have seen that.”

Tilly didn't reply.

He sighed sadly. “Mum?”

"Yes?"

“Will they section her?”

"They'll want to assess her certainly. Whether they section her or not will depend on the outcome of the assessment but it's possible."

“If she gets sectioned, can they refuse to let her out?”

"What do you mean?"

“If she was sectioned, could her brother un-section her and take her home?”

"I'm not sure. Do you feel that's a possibility?"

“He’s done it before and she needs to get away from him.”

"Ok. I'll speak to the psych registrar and make them aware."

“She’s...” Louis sighed and shrugged. “It’s...”

"If you know something important then you need to tell me." Duffy replied gently but firmly.

“It’s complicated.”

"I know but you need to try."

Louis sighed, “I can’t.”

"You want to help her..?" Duffy encouraged.

“I love her. I can’t give up on her. I want to help her go through rehab, help her go to college and get some GCSE’s.” He sighed. “But none of that is possible whilst she’s under the control of her brother.”

"Ok. It's possible she could be made a ward of the court."

“What’s that?”

"There'd be a court order that she has to remain under section."

“Ok.”

"We'll have to see what psych say though."

Louis nodded.

They arrived at the hospital and waited whilst Lucy was assessed physically.

Louis paced. Tilly stayed silent, she hadn’t said a word.

Duffy took her over to one side. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked softly.

Tilly shook her head.

"It was very scary wasn't it?"

Tilly nodded.

"It scared me too."

Tilly looked at her mum, “You get scared too?”

"Yeh. It's totally normal to get scared."

“I didn’t expect her to be like that in the bath.”

"Of course not, no-one would expect to see something like that."

“Did you read the message on the mirror?”

"No I didn't. What did it say?"

“I didn’t read it either.”

"Hopefully she'll now get the help she needs."

“She’s so young...”

"Yeh, she's not much older than you."

“Isn’t it sad?”

"It is. She's had a very tough life so far."

“Can... Can we help her?”

"We can try." Duffy smiled. "It's great that you want to help her."

“She’s alright to talk to, when she’s not high.” Tilly admitted, “Quite bright too.”

"I've not often had the pleasure to be honest." Duffy sighed.

“She makes me laugh.” Tilly sighed sadly.

"Maybe you might be able to help encourage her to seek help..?"'

“By saying and doing what?”

"Just try talking to her..?"

“I can try.”

"All you can do is try." Duffy smiled.

Tilly smiled and nodded.

They sat together for a while longer chatting softly. 

"Jake is coming home this evening." Duffy smiled.

“He is? I’ve missed him!”

"All the tests came back normal so he's allowed home. He shouldn't have any long term effects either which is a relief."

“His friends are fucking idiots!” Tilly replied.

"They are." Duffy frowned.

“Why are they like that?”

"I'm not sure. I don't think they understand what it's like."

Tilly sighed.

"Hopefully they'll realise the consequences of their actions now."

“Hopefully!”

"Shows you need to be careful when picking friends."

“Yeah you do.”

"How are you feeling now?"

“I’m ok mama.”

"If you start feeling worried again you must come to me ok?"

“I will.”

"I know you're getting older now but I'm still here when you need me. Your dad too."

“I know mama.”

"You're all getting so grown up now."

“We’re still your babies though.” Tilly giggled softly.

"You'll always be that!"

Tilly giggled again.

“Do you think I’ll be able to see Lucy now?” Louis asked, scratching his arm.

"I'm sure they'll come through once she's been assessed."

He nodded.

"That's one of the psych registrars." Duffy explained seeing the doctor that was heading into resus.

“I remember being sectioned, it wasn’t good.”

"But it was the best thing for you looking back..?"

He nodded.

"I've let your dad know we're here. He's stuck in board meetings all day."

“Poor dad.”

"The joys of seniority."

“Rather him then me.” Tilly giggled, “I never want to be that high up!”

"Why do you think I'm happy to work under him?"

Tilly smirked as Louis chuckled.

"What.?!" Duffy looked from one to the other.

“Nothing.” They both continued to giggle.

"No... What is it..?"

“Well, we know you like being under dad.” Tilly smirked.

It suddenly hit Duffy what she'd said. She flushed scarlet and covered her face with her hands.

They both continued to giggle for several minutes.

"At least you're both smiling again. Even if it is at my expense..!"

Louis sighed softly.

"It hopefully won't be too much longer."

“Hopefully.”

About ten minutes later Duffy caught the attention of the psych registrar as he left resus.

“Hello Duffy.” He smiled.

"How is she Zack?"

“She’s not good.” Zack sighed.

"Does she have what her mum had?" Louis asked.

“It’s too early to say.”

"Her mum killed herself." Louis sighed sadly.

“I’m sorry.” Zack sighed sadly.

"She very nearly succeeded in doing the same." Louis sighed. "Am I able to see her?"

“You can if you want to.”

"Thanks."

Louis went to sit with Lucy.

She had her back to him and seemed determined to ignore him. She'd had time to consider things a little more.

“Luce?”

"Why are you here?" She finally mumbled.

“I love you, I couldn’t let you go.”

"And now, thanks to you, they're gunna lock me up!"

“Maybe you need it, sweetheart.”

"It didn't work for you!"

“Yes it did.” He sighed.

"You're still doing drugs." She countered.

He sighed sadly, “I am.” He rubbed the back of his neck, “I was free from everything until I fell in love.”

"Is that why you want them to lock me up? To solve your problems too?!"

“No. I want you to reach your potential.”

"You sound like a right knob when you talk like that..."

“I really like you Lucy. You just make things so complicated.”

"You should walk away. It'd be better for both of us."

“But what if something pulls us together? Keeps us together?”

"Like what?"

“The love we have for each other.”

"I'm no good for you."

He shrugged, “So what’s the alternative?”

"You leave and forget about me."

“And if I can’t?”

"We both go down."

Louis sighed, “So this is it? This is goodbye?”

She finally turned to face him. "It has to be. I'm sorry. I'm doing this for you because... Because I love you." It was the first time she'd uttered the words to him.

He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I’ll always love you.” He told her before kissing her tenderly.

"Maybe in a different life this could have worked." She whispered.

“I’ll wait for you.”

"You need to live your life Louis."

“Maybe.” He sighed and smiled softly, “I love you Lucy. Please look after yourself.”

"Please don't tell Alex where I've gone."

“I won’t. I promise.”

"We'll probably never see each other again but I'll never forget you."

He kissed her again. “Can I stay until they find you a bed?”

"If you want to. I've told them not to tell you where I'm going after I leave here."

He nodded sadly.

"It's to protect us both."

“I know.” He kissed her a final time.

She curled up in his arms and stayed there til it was time for her to be transferred.

He didn’t want to let her go but knew it was best for her. He walked all the way to the lift with her, standing watching as the doors closed in front of him. He turned back to go and find his mum and Tilly.

Seeing the look on his face Tilly jumped up and hugged her brother.

He held his sister tightly.

"Did she agree to the treatment program?" Duffy asked softly.

“Yeh. We won’t be seeing her again though.”

"Maybe that's for the best."

“But I love her.”

"I know you do but sometimes we have to let go of those we love."

“Dad didn’t let go of you.” He replied.

"He had to let go of others though."

“Like me and mum?”

Duffy nodded sadly. She still felt guilt over it all.

Louis smiled sadly, “Can we just go home?"

"I need to go collect Jake and then we can."

“He’s coming home?”

"Yes." Duffy smiled.

Louis smiled, “That’s good.”

Duffy noticed that Louis' smile didn't quite reach his eyes but hoped that having his brother home would be good for him.

Louis couldn’t explain it but knowing he couldn’t see Lucy again, shattered his entire heart.


	78. TW: eating disorders, drug abuse and psychosis

"What you got there?" Holly asked as she drove from the flat to the hospital for their scan appointment. The letter in Peter's hands looked official. It had arrived just as they were heading out but it was only now being opened after they'd dropped their son off to spend the morning with his grandparents.

“I don’t know, I haven’t read it yet.” He laughed gently.

"From the hospital?" Holly guessed, glancing at the envelope out the corner of her eye. It looked very similar to the letter she'd received for her scan appointment.

“How did you guess that?”

"Same envelope as my scan appointment. Is it your surgery date?"

“Yeah, it’s in about two months' time.” He exhaled the breath he didn’t realise he was holding.

"Earlier than you thought. That's good though..?"

“Yeah, it’s the final hurdle, remove this loose skin.”

"Now we've got that date we just need to find out when this chunky monkey is due..." She giggled, rubbing her bump, "...and then we can get the registry office booked."

“That’s true! Are you nervous?”

"A little. I've been trying to work out what they're gunna say. I had a sort of period in late October so in theory I can't be more than three months gone but, well..." She pulled a face as her hand ran over her well-rounded stomach, something she'd had increasing difficulty hiding over the last couple of weeks.

“Unless there’s more than one in there?” Peter placed his hand on top of Holly’s on her bump.

"Oh that's not even funny Peter!"

“I wasn’t joking.” Peter replied back.

"I'm not aware of twins on my side..." She pondered. "No..." She shook herself. "It'll just be that my abdominal muscles are still weak from how much Charlie stretched them so this baby has decided to stretch out coz they're a little chunk like their big brother."

“But there’s twins on mine. Yeah, you're right, probably won’t be twins..!”

"No, just another broad-shouldered nine pounder!" Holly winced.

“Sorry!” He chuckled softly as they arrived at the hospital.

"It's fine. My back has just about recovered from last time..!" She laughed as she parked and eased herself out from behind the wheel.

He got out of the car and smiled. “You look beautiful.”

She blushed, straightening out the woollen poncho she wore over her clothes.

“You do look beautiful!”

"I'm glad you think so when I'm still chucking up morning, noon and night!" She laughed as he wrapped his arms around her, his chin resting on her shoulder.

He kissed her neck.

"You know we're stood metres away from where your parents work..!" She giggled as his hands roamed her belly.

“Oh shit yes.” He laughed gently.

"Not like everyone doesn't already know anyway..!" She laughed, her hands wrapping around his.

“That’s true.”

"How about after the scan we swing by the registry office and then go see your family?" She suggested.

“Sounds like a plan babe.”

"Right, let's head upstairs before my bladder bursts..!"

“Ok gorgeous.” They headed into the hospital and up to maternity for the scan.

"Shit!" Holly gasped softly as she spotted a nurse from the emergency department as they entered the waiting room.

“What’s wrong?”

"Nothing. It's fine." Holly sighed with relief as the nurse headed in the other direction.

“Sure?”

"Yeh. I don't know why I'm so jumpy."

“Nerves.” He kissed her forehead.

"I guess..." Her words were cut off as her name was called to come through for her initial check up before the scan.

“Want me to come with you?”

She nodded, taking hold of his hand as they headed through to the office. Once inside Holly answered the series of questions before her blood pressure and weight were measured.

Holly tried not to look at the scales when she was weighed.

The midwife made some notes on the form. "Your measurements are a little on the high side compared to the baseline figures you gave but they're within the boundaries." She smiled. "If you'd like to take this and sit in the waiting room you'll be called through for your scan shortly."

“Thank you.” Peter and Holly took a seat in the waiting room.

Holly glanced over at Peter to check his reaction to the look the midwife had given him when she'd mentioned the measurements being a bit high.

“Are you feeling ok?” Peter asked.

"Could she have been more rude?!"

“She was rude, you’re right!”

Holly glanced down at the form. "I've gained three pounds. Big bloody deal!"

“Three pounds is nothing!”

"We'll ignore the fact I'd barely gained half a pound by this point last time..."

“Hmm,” He rubbed her stomach.

"I didn't like the look she gave you either."

“What look? I didn’t notice babe.”

Holly hesitated whether to say something.

“Babe, what is it?” He asked. “Lemme guess, she gave me a look because I’m fat?” He sighed, “I can’t bloody wait for this skin to be removed!”

"You're not fat though." Holly sighed. "You're my cuddly bear and you've done so well. People are too quick to judge."

“Yeah they are!”

"Time to see what's going on inside..!" She remarked a few moments later when her name was called.

Peter stood up with her and swallowed. Why was he nervous? He’d been to a scan before. He followed Holly inside.

Peter sat silently in the chair next to the bed as Holly got herself comfortable. 

She giggled softly as the cold gel was applied to her bare skin.

It made Peter laugh and he reached for Holly’s hand.

"Why is that stuff always so bloody cold?!" Holly grumbled playfully.

“I have no idea, it does seem a bit mean though, doesn’t it?” The midwife replied as she began the ultrasound.

"Really mean!" Holly chuckled.

Peter’s thumb stroked over the back of Holly’s hand.

She looked over at him and smiled.

“You ok?” He asked.

"Yeh, you?"

Peter nodded, “Nervous.” He admitted shyly.

"Because of last time?" Holly asked as the sonographer started the scan.

“Just because it’s exciting.”

"It is." She smiled before they both turned their attention to the scan.

The midwife frowned.

"What's wrong?" Holly asked quietly.

The midwife smiled, “Here’s baby one.” She showed the young couple.

"Baby one..?" Holly repeated, her eyebrow raised.

“And here’s baby two.” She showed them the second baby.

"You tempted fate!" Holly gasped playfully at Peter.

“I’m sorry!” He laughed gently, the colour draining from his face.

"Twins..." Holly swallowed nervously.

“Twins. Both of whom are growing very healthily. You’re nine weeks and three days and because it’s twins, you’ll need to be closely monitored and we advise scans every two weeks at least initially, especially with you having only recently given birth. Any questions?”

"That's less far along than we thought." Holly replied.

“How far along did you think?”

"We thought maybe nearer eleven or twelve weeks because of how big my bump is."

“Twins can make you appear big. Especially if you’re small to begin with.”

"So I'm due around July..?" Holly asked, doing the sums in her head.

“About that, yes. Although with twins, we may look to induce but that’s something we’ll discuss nearer the time.”

"I went a week over with our little boy." Holly cringed.

“You won’t be going late with these two.”

"That's something." Holly smiled, still trying to process it all.

Peter was shocked and surprised. Shit, they were having twins?

"Would you like some photos?" The sonographer asked.

“Yes please.”

Both were still in a daze as they collected the photos and headed back downstairs to the car.

“Babe, are you ok?”

"Uh-huh..." She mumbled distractedly as she stared at the scan photo that she'd rested on the steering wheel.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

She finally turned to look at him. "Why are you sorry?"

“For getting you pregnant with twins.”

"They're identical so it's not your fault."

“Same egg, split in two?”

"Seems that way. Look, same amniotic sac." She ran her finger round the outside of the image.

He smiled as she showed him. He reached out and gently rubbed her bump, “Holly?”

"Yeh?"

“I promise things will be different this time round.”

"They already are..!"

He smiled, “They’re going to continue being different. We will manage ok? But I do definitely think we need to start looking for our forever home.”

"Yeh I'm not sure we can squeeze five of us into the flat!" She giggled. "But first we have an appointment at the registry office..."

“No I don’t think we can.” He laughed and nodded, “Yeah we have.”

"Do you have any preferences on when we set the date?" She asked as she placed the photo on the dashboard and started the engine.

“The sooner the better?”

"Before I'm too big to fit down the aisle?" She snorted.

“No, so I can finally introduce you as my wife.”

"I like the sound of that." She smiled. "How long do they estimate the recovery time after your operation?"

“Four to six weeks.”

"Ok. We should probably wait til after that time. What date is your operation again?"

“15th March.”

"That puts us at the end of April. That's doable."

Peter squeezed her thigh. “I can’t wait to marry you!”

"It'll be quite a day, Charlie will have just turned one and I'll be six months pregnant with twins..!"

“No doubt you’ll still look as sexy as ever in your wedding dress!”

"I wonder if my boobs'll continue to grow as fast as my belly..!" She mused with a grin.

“Your boob’s are amazing.” He chuckled, “Especially with my cock between them!”

"You're so predictable!" She giggled as they made their way across town and arrived at the registry office.

“You love me for it.” He chuckled softly.

"It's one of the reasons..." She grinned as she parked the car.

“What’s the other?”

"Fishing for complements are we..?" She giggled, reaching for his hand.

“Always babe.” He smiled and squeezed her hand.

"Here's hoping they have availablity when we want it."

“Fingers crossed.”

They headed inside and over to the reception desk.

Holly couldn't help the nervous excitement that bubbled through her as they waited in the queue.

Peter squeezed her hand.

She smiled up at him as they were called forward.

“Hi.” The receptionist said with a smile.

"Hi, we, erm, were wondering if we could book our wedding..?" Holly explained, glancing nervously at Peter who moved to wrap his arms around her.

“We were thinking the end of April if you’ve got anything available?” Peter grinned.

"That's quite soon..!" The receptionist replied, a hint of amusement in her tone.

“We’ve just been told we’re having twins! So the sooner the better.”

"Wow, congratulations!" She smiled. "Erm..." She flicked through the diary. "We have April 19th, is that any good?"

“What do you think, babe?”

"It's ok with me but does that give you long enough to recover? It's only just over a month after your operation..."

“Yes, I’ll make sure I’m ready!”

"Ok, what time of day?" Holly asked.

“2pm.”

Holly glanced briefly at Peter before replying. "We'll take it."

“Ok great. Can we take a name?”

Peter and Holly excitedly filled out all the required information to secure the booking.

They were really doing this! They were really going to get married!

They were grinning like idiots as they left the office and walked back into the carpark. 

"We've actually booked a date!" Holly giggled.

“I can’t believe it’s happening!”

"Only just over three months to go before we'll be Mr and Mrs!"

“Can you believe it?”

"It's been quite a day already and it's only quarter past eleven!"

“I don’t know about you but I could do with a nap?”

"We're supposed to be going for lunch at your parents' house. We have news to share remember..?" She giggled, placing their joined hands on her belly.

“I know but I want a nap.” He pouted, “Maybe we can nap later?”

"Just nap..?" She asked mischievously.

“Just nap. Unless you want to exercise first?”

"I'll see how I feel later, though any exercise can't get us in more trouble..!"

“That’s very true.”

"Right..." She adjusted her clothes. "Do you think they're gunna guess the second I walk through the door..?" She asked, doing a small twirl.

“Nah, I think we’ll be alright.” He smiled. “Come on sexy, let’s go and tell everyone our good news.”

"Do you want to take over driving for a bit?"

“Yeh, of course.”

Holly tossed Peter the keys and settled back into the passenger seat.

He caught the keys and took over driving, heading to his parents to reveal their good news.

"You're grinning like a total loon..!" She teased as they pulled up outside the house.

“I’m not!” He protested but couldn’t wipe the grin off his face.

"Yes you are!" She giggled, leaning over the hand brake to kiss him.

“Aren’t!” He smiled against her lips as he tenderly kissed her back.

"Are!" She giggled before deepening the kiss.

He pulled back several minutes later, “We should go inside.”

"Yeh, before we get caught necking in the car..!" She giggled.

“Exactly.”

Holly giggled more as Peter moved around the car to offer her his hand out of the car. "Thank you kind sir!" She teased, giggling as she stood up.

“You’re very welcome, gorgeous!”

"I wonder what the two Charlies have been up to whilst we've been out..."

“Probably causing trouble.”

"That's true." She smiled as they reached the door and Peter knocked.

It was Duffy who answered the door. "Hello!" She smiled. "I haven't quite finished making lunch but the boys are out in the garden." She explained as they entered the house.

“It’s ok, we’re early because we’ve got some news to share with you.” Peter said shyly.

"Oh?" Duffy replied as they headed into the kitchen.

“Is dad around?”

"He's watching the boys outside. Hang on..." She lent out the back door. "Charlie?!"

“Yes darling?”

"Seems Peter and Holly have news for us..." Duffy smiled mischievously.

“Oh? What kind of news?”

"I have no idea..." Duffy replied, her eyes sparkling.

Peter looked at Holly and smiled, squeezing her hand.

"So..?" Duffy smiled encouragingly, Charlie's arm around her waist, resting against the worktop.

“Holly and I have booked a date for our wedding.”

"Oh that's wonderful news! When?" Duffy asked excitedly.

“19th April.”

"That's very soon!" Charlie remarked.

“I didn’t want to wait for Holly to be my wife anymore.”

"That's true, you have been engaged for a year already..."

“I’ve got a date for my operation, it’s in March."

"So you're getting married pretty much straight after you've recovered from the operation? Are you sure that's a good idea..?" Duffy fretted.

“We need to.”

"I don't understand... Why the sudden rush?"

Peter looked at Holly as she took something out of her pocket and handed it to Duffy and Charlie. It was the ultrasound picture.

Duffy's eyes instantly widened, gasping, as she studied the image.

“We’re having twins....” Holly whispered nervously.

"I can see that!" Duffy replied with a giggle.

“Baby one on the left and baby two on the right. I... I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you before...”

"I understand. That's why I didn't push the topic." Duffy smiled. "Identical twins again..." She noted.

“Identical twins, yes.”

"You're going to have your hands full but it'll be wonderful." Charlie smiled.

“I’m really scared.” Holly admitted.

Duffy moved over to the younger woman. "You'll be ok." She reached out to give her a hug.

Holly smiled and accepted the hug from Duffy.

As they parted Duffy's hand moved down towards Holly's stomach. "May I?"

“Of course.”

Duffy smiled broadly as she gently rubbed Holly's bump after moving the woollen poncho aside to reveal the leggings and ruched top the younger woman was wearing.

“I seem so big already.”

"I was the same with Tilly and Lottie, it started to slow down a bit when I got to about twenty weeks or so if I remember right."

“That’s good.” Holly smiled.

"Your muscles will still be recovering from having Charlie too." Duffy attempted to reassure though she had to admit that Holly's bump was indeed already very plump.

Holly nodded mutely.

"Could be boys again..." Duffy mused.

“You think?”

"Maybe, I'll get a better hunch as your pregnancy progresses."

Holly laughed gently. “Ok.”

"It's going to be quite a year for you two!"

Holly nodded.

"It's all very exciting though." Duffy grinned.

“It’s exciting and scary.”

"How do you feel about it all?" Charlie asked Peter gently.

“I’m excited and nervous.” Peter admitted.

"I felt the same." Charlie replied.

“When mum had the twins?”

Charlie nodded. "It was a very intense time."

“You got through it though, didn’t you?”

"Yes and so will you."

Peter nodded.

"It was a hell of a year in my life. My daughters being born and confirming the truth I'd always known deep down about you..."

“That I was your son?”

Charlie nodded, even now it still made him emotional.

“I can’t wait to get married, dad. To make Holly my wife.” Peter grinned.

"It's a wonderful feeling." Charlie smiled, glancing over at his own wife who was deep in conversation with Holly, the pair of them having sat down at the kitchen table.

“You just know when you’ve met the one don’t you? Met your soul mate?”

"You do. You may have thought you had in the past but when that one true soulmate turns up its like being hit by lightening. Nothing is ever the same again."

“No, it isn’t. You’re right.”

"And you're sure you want to have the operation before the wedding..?"

Peter nodded. “More than ever!”

"Ok. You know you have our support."

“I know.”

"I'm guessing you'll be looking into finding somewhere bigger to live..?"

“Yeah. I don’t think we’ll fit the twins in the flat.” Peter laughed gently. “We’re going to start looking today.”

"Do you want us to keep Charlie with us for the afternoon? Make it easier for you to look around?"

“It’s entirely up to you. It would help but I feel you and mum have done enough.”

"He's spent most of the morning playing with his uncles." Charlie chuckled. "We love having him over, you two go house hunting."

“Are you sure?”

"Yes. Though have some lunch with us first."

“We will. Has Charlie been ok, yes?”

"Yeh he's been f-"

Charlie's words were cut off by Oli walking into the kitchen carrying the tot at arm's length. "He's pooped!" 

"It stinks!" Paul added from behind his brother.

Peter laughed and stood up, taking Charlie into his arms. “Do you two not fancy changing him?”

"Urgh! No!" The younger boys pulled horrified faces.

Peter continued to laugh as he took Charlie to get changed, “Come on son, let’s get you all fresh!”

"Babies stink!" Paul grumbled.

“You stank once you know.” Peter called down the stairs.

"Didn't!" Paul retorted, sticking his tongue out.

There was no further reply so the boys ran off back outside laughing. 

"That's what you've got to look forward to..!" Duffy chuckled to Holly.

“Aren’t I lucky?” Holly grinned.

"And then they get to the stroppy door slamming stage..." Duffy winced as one of the bedroom doors did exactly that.

“One of the twins?”

"Sounds like it."

Holly rubbed her bump, “I... I’m really scared that I won’t be able to cope with everything.”

"It is really scary and overwhelming at times but I wouldn't change it for the world. If you help each other you'll be ok."

Holly nodded.

"So long as you don't end up with five more after this you'll be just fine!" Duffy joked.

“This is the last. I’m getting the coil or something,” Holly smiled.

"Charlie had a vasectomy after the twins and we still ended up having the boys..!" Duffy laughed.

“No, we’re definitely not having anymore!”

"Good girl! I wouldn't swap them but oh my gosh the kids can be hard work at times!"

“Yeah, I don’t know how you do it. You make it look so easy.”

"Urgh! Why is Tilly so dramatic?" Lottie grumbled as she entered the kitchen for a drink. "All I did was ask to borrow her science textbook coz I left mine at school."

“Hi Lottie.” Holly smiled. “You studying for your GCSEs?”

"Yeh, got mocks next week. You ok?" Lottie asked, jumping up to sit on the side with a can of cola.

“You know what your mum’s going to say about you sitting up there.” Holly smirked, “Peter and I have some news we’d like to share.”

"Urgh..!" Lottie groaned dramatically, seeing the look her mum gave her, and got down, joining the other women at the table. "What news?"

“Peter and I are getting married on the nineteenth of April, would you and your sisters like be my bridesmaids?”

"Oh my god yes!" Lottie squealed.

Holly smiled brightly, “Peter and I are also having another baby... Actually two babies...”

"Twins?! I already feel sorry for the younger one if the older one's a girl - older twin sisters are so lame!"

“Why? Don’t you like being a twin?"

"Being a twin is great if your twin isn't Tilly..!" Lottie shrugged.

“Why?”

"You've met Tilly right..?" Lottie rolled her eyes.

“Of course...”

"Then you should know." Lottie replied with a smirk. 

"Stop trying to scare poor Holly..!" Duffy chided.

“I’m not!” Lottie giggled.

"Having twins is wonderful I promise!" Duffy chuckled.

“Also double the work.” Holly smiled and then let out a yawn, “Sorry.”

"You put your feet up whilst I dish up lunch. Lottie, go gather the troops."

“I’ll be ok, honest.”

"Rest while you can, Charlie will be running around by the time you have the twins and then you won't get a second's peace..!"

Holly groaned playfully. “Please don’t remind me.” She laughed gently.

"It's worth it." Duffy squeezed Holly's shoulder as she got up.

“Is there anything you want me to do, Duffy?” Holly asked.

"Yes. You can stay right where you are!" Duffy chuckled.

“Are you sure? I can help, I’m perfectly capable.”

"You can take the cutlery through once this is all dished up if you really insist."

“Of course I will.”

"Just so you don't complain that I'm coddling you..!" Duffy chuckled.

Holly giggled, “Thank you.”

"I remember how much I hated it too but it's hard not to." Duffy blushed with a shrug, rolling her eyes as she heard Lottie's voice echoing off the walls as she informed her siblings that it was lunchtime.

“It’s ok, I think it’s quite cute really.”

The two women started to lay the table as the children made their way downstairs. 

"What's this about news? Is Lottie bullshitting?" Tilly asked as she took a seat.

“No she’s not. I’d like you and the girls to be my bridesmaids, I’m also having twins!”

"What the fuck.?!" Tilly's eyes were wide. 

"Language Matilda!" Duffy interceded.

Holly looked at Tilly, “You ok?”

"Yeh, are you two literally trying to be mum and dad?!" Tilly snorted, recovering her composure.

“No.”

"You totally are!" Emily giggled as she walked into the room having caught the tail end of the conversation.

“No we're not!” Holly pouted.

"At least Charlie'll get to have his first birthday before they crash the party - unlike some..!" Emily playfully glared at her sisters.

“Don’t blame us!” Tilly answered back.

"If that wasn't bad enough they crashed my first Christmas..!" Emily pouted, playing for sympathy.

“Aww, I’m sorry.”

"Finally someone understands!" Emily laughed, sitting down opposite Holly. 

"Makes a change to hear someone other than Tilly whining..!" Jake laughed.

“Hey, I don’t whine!” Emily and the twins protested at the same time.

By this point everyone except Louis was at the table ready to dig in.

“Where’s Louis?” Holly asked.

"Said he wasn't hungry." Jake sighed.

“I’ll go and talk to him.” Charlie said as he stood from the table, “That ok darling?” He looked to Duffy.

"Take some food with you. Don't want it getting cold." Duffy replied with a smile.

“Ok. I will.” Charlie took some food and went upstairs to Louis’s bedroom. He knocked on the door.

"Said I'm not hungry." Louis grumbled from inside.

“Can I come in, son?”

"Whatever..." Louis didn't care anymore or even try to hide what he was doing.

Charlie opened the door and stepped into the room.

Louis lay on his bed, unwashed and unshaven. He was stoned, a cloud surrounding him from the joint he was smoking.

Charlie sighed and sat on the edge of Louis’ bed. “How much are you smoking?” He’d put the plate of food on top of the chest of drawers by the door.

"Not enough." Louis replied. He was still incredibly edgy, he'd been scared to leave the house after he had compounded Alex's displeasure at Lucy's decision to disappear into rehab by not following through on the drug deals Alex had set up for him to carry out - instead choosing to snort some of the cocaine before selling the rest and using it to buy cannabis instead of giving the money to Alex.

“How are you feeling? What are you feeling?”

"Like a marked man." Louis mumbled, taking another long drag.

“What’s happened? Are you in trouble?” Charlie asked. There was no anger in his voice, only concern for whatever mess his son had got involved in.

"There's no point anymore..!" Louis replied bitterly.

“No point in what? Talk to me, son, please.”

"Why couldn't she see we'd be so great together? That we could be happy?"

“Maybe she did but realised she’d never make you happy whilst she was addicted.”

"She's never coming back dad! She's too scared."

“She might, you never know.”

"I doubt it. He'll kill her if she does and she knows it."

Charlie sighed sadly, “Are you still taking your meds?”

"They do nothing..." Louis replied, his eyes once more flickering around the room.

“Louis!” Charlie gasped, he hadn’t realised he’d been off his medication, “No wonder you’re feeling like shit! You need to stay on your antipsychotics!”

"This works better." Louis gestured to the joint in his hand.

“Louis, that’s going to make things worse. Make you more anxious.”

Louis laughed darkly. He didn't really care anymore. He'd had several small episodes but he had lost the perspective to realise that they were building to only one inevitable outcome.

“Louis, please. Duffy and I don’t want to lose you. Let me help you?”

"Gunna lock me up again?!" Louis spat back.

“If I have to, yes!”

"Can't make me!"

Charlie sighed. “No I can’t because you’re an adult but I refuse to let you destroy yourself over some prostitute, Louis!”

"She's so much more than that!"

“She's a prostitute and a heroin addict!”

"And your wife is the whore that you slept with the night you married my mother!"

“Don’t you dare speak about Duffy like that!!”

"You're such a hypocrite!" Louis taunted. "Just leave me alone!"

“I get you loved her but don’t let her ruin your life!” Charlie sighed heavily, “Do you think she’d want you to be doing this?”

"She's probably so medicated right now that she doesn't have a clue about anything."

“Maybe not. Or maybe she’s learning to be free from whatever demons she’s got? Rehab was the best thing for her Louis. You know that deep down...”

"Really?"

“You don’t think it was?”

"Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't."

“So you could’ve lived with sharing her with every man?”

"I don't want to talk about it!"

“Why?”

"Just leave me alone!"

“Why? Touching a nerve, have I Louis?” Charlie asked sadly. “Talk to me? Tell me what’s on your mind?”

"Just go downstairs, please."

“Please, Louis?”

"It don't matter. I don't matter."

“You’ve always mattered to me and Duffy. And your mum...”

"Don't mention her!" Louis replied angrily.

Charlie sighed, “I loved her."

"No! There's only one person you ever loved!"

“Don’t tell me how I felt about your mother!!”

"You never loved her! If you did you would never have left her for that whore!"

“Don’t! Don’t you dare speak about Duffy like that! She didn’t ask for any of this!!”

"Did she not? You sure about that?" Louis laughed darkly. "Sounds like she's pretty good at asking for trouble..."

“I’m going to walk out of this room now before we both say things we don’t mean.”

"Now who's the one who's touched a nerve..?" Louis retorted. "Shame we can't ask Andrew if she really did ask for it..!"

Charlie left the room and slammed the door shut loudly, his breathing heavy. He was so angry right now!

"Not my fault you married a dirty whore!" Louis yelled out.

“Shut up!!” Charlie yelled. “Before I come in there and get rid of your stash!!”

"What the hell is going on?!" Duffy gasped, having come upstairs when she heard yelling.

“Nothing.”

The bedroom door reopened.

“Duffy, go downstairs.” Charlie told her as he moved towards the door.

"Louis?!" She gasped, she'd seen that look before...

“Louis, please let us help you?” Charlie begged.

"When did he last take his medication?" Duffy asked Charlie anxiously, taking a step back as previous experience taught her that she could be in danger.

“He hasn’t been. Go downstairs, please babe.” Charlie moved towards Louis, “Whatever the voices are saying, they’re wrong...”

"What would you know?!"

“We’ve been here before remember? The voices are wrong. I know you’re scared and I know you miss Lucy but you might be able to see her one day.”

"She took her away!" Louis spat, advancing on Duffy, who stumbled as she tried to step backwards, slipping on a step.

Charlie managed to get Louis back in his room and away from Duffy. “No, Lucy wanted to go away. She wanted to get better and away from Alex, remember?”

Peter and Jake looked up, concerned, and moved into the hall as they saw their mum come back down the stairs alone and rush to the phone.

“Mum, what’s going on?” Jake asked.

"Louis hasn't been taking his medication..." Duffy replied softly as the phone rang.

“Who are you calling?”

"The out of hours crisis team."

“I’ll go and help dad if he needs it.” Jake said as he jogged up the stairs.

"Pick up the damn phone!" Duffy muttered in frustration.

“Dad?”

Charlie looked up as he heard Jake's voice through the crack in the door.

“You need a hand?”

"Jake's here." Charlie explained softly to Louis who lay on the bed. "You could chat to him, it might help."

“Just want it to stop.” Louis mumbled.

Jake edged closer and noticed that Charlie was lightly holding Louis down. "It's pretty fucking shit ain't it?"

“Make it stop!!”

"You need to take your meds bro. That'll make it stop." Jake moved to sit beside the bed, gently reaching for his brother's hand.

“Don’t work.”

"Coz you're smoking super strong weed."

“Only thing that works! The weed, the meds don’t.”

Jake looked helplessly at Charlie.

'Keep talking to him.' Charlie mouthed back. 

“Miss her.” Louis said sadly.

"Lucy?" Jake asked.

Louis nodded, “Life isn’t the same without her.”

"She's getting her head straight. You need to do the same. Then you can start fresh together."

“She won’t come back here.” Louis sighed, “She wanted me to run away but I couldn’t do it to mum and dad.”

"I'm glad. Don't repeat my mistakes." Jake replied sadly.

“Everyone always leaves me in the end. Am I really that bad?” Louis asked sadly.

"You're not. We're here with you now." Jake reassured.

“Dad left, then mum. Then it was Caroline who got rid of my baby and now Luce.”

"Your dad came back though."

“Everyone still leaves...”

"New people arrive too..."

“Don’t want to be here!”

"What ya gunna do then?"

“Want to die.” Louis mumbled as he tried to roll onto his side.

"Mum's really worried about you..." Jake replied after a pause.

“She hates me.”

"Nah. Mum don't do hating people."

“Where is she?”

"On the phone."

“Who to?”

"The crisis team."

Louis nodded, “I don’t want to be locked up but I guess Alex can’t kill me there.”

"Why'd he wanna get you?" Jake asked, moving to where Charlie had been sat, the older man having moved back as Jake seemed to be getting through to Louis better.

“Didn’t give him the money after I’d sold the drugs.”

"How much?"

“Lots.”

"So he's put a hit out on you? Coz you owe him money? Or is there more to it?"

“Nah but he’ll kill me for not giving him what I owe.” Louis sighed, “He didn’t take too kindly to the news Lucy was gone and blamed me.”

"But you don't know where she is either..." 

Peter knocked on the door. "Can I come in?"

“I don’t and I wish I did.” Louis sighed.

“Yeh,” Charlie called.

"Mum can't get through to the team on the phone." Peter explained sadly as he opened the door.

“Tell your mum it’s ok. We'll take him into hospital.”

"Ok." Peter nodded. "Do you want me to also tell her to stop swearing at the phone..?"

“Yeah, if she can’t get through.”

"Ok. The estate agent called to postpone til Wednesday so we can hang out here this afternoon instead."

“Are you sure?”

"Sure. Will be nice to catch up with everyone for a few hours."

Charlie nodded. 

“You never know, if you and Lucy both gets your heads straight, you might bump into each other in the future.” Jake encouraged Louis.

Louis sighed.

“And you’ll be able to make a proper go of things.”

Louis rubbed at his temple.

“You ok?” Jake asked softly watching Louis.

"Getting louder." Louis mumbled.

“The voices? Would it help if we took you to hospital?” Jake asked.

"Don't wanna be locked up..!" Louis curled up in a ball, his voice small and frightened, he couldn't make it stop.

“They might not lock you up but might help give you some meds?”

"Just want it to stop."

“You need to take your meds.”

'Is this normal?' Jake mouthed to Charlie watching Louis rock in a ball.

Charlie shook his head sadly. “Son, can I take you to the hospital?” He asked.

"You stay?" Louis mumbled.

“You want me to stay with you when you’re there?”

Louis nodded.

“Of course I will.”

"Don't want them seeing."

“Who seeing?”

"The others."

“Ok, do you just want me to come with you or Duffy as well?”

"Scared I'll hurt her." Louis mumbled sadly.

“You’re not going to hurt her because I know you don’t want to.”

"They tell me to..." 

"They tell you to hurt mum?!" Jake gasped.

Louis nodded sadly, “Gets so complicated and messy. I love mum...”

"But you still want to hurt her?" Jake pressed. 

"Jake... Just drop it..!" Peter interjected.

“The voices do...” Louis replied sadly continuing to rock in the ball he was in.

"Do we call an ambulance?" Peter asked.

“Son, do you want to go in the car or by ambulance?” Charlie asked Louis.

"Go quietly."

“Ok no ambulance.”

"Just want it to stop." Louis briefly looked up but then buried his face back in the duvet, his eyes screwed shut.

“What is it, son?”

"They're coming! Make it stop!" Louis cried. 

"Is he hallucinating?" Peter asked. "There was nothing where he was looking..."

“Nobody’s going to get you son, we’re here. They’ll have to get through us.” Charlie reassured Louis as he held him. He turned to look at Peter and nodded, “He had psychosis. It causes hallucinations and delusions.”

"But he keeps flitting in and out..."

“Yeah, it’s usually what happens.” Charlie sighed. He stroked Louis’ back.

"Has he ever tried to act on the voices?" Jake asked softly.

“That’s not something you need to know about.” Charlie answered gently.

"She's my mum..." Jake ground out.

“And he’s your brother!”

"But if he's hurt mum..!" Jake argued.

“He hasn’t ever hurt her. Thought about it many times but he hasn’t hurt her.”

"We should leave dad to deal with this." Peter suggested. "He knows what he's doing."

Jake reluctantly agreed but stayed outside the bedroom.

"It's not Louis who wants to hurt mum." Peter sighed sadly. "It's the illness saying those things. You understand that don't you?"

Jake nodded, “Of course I do! How long have you known about his illness and his thoughts to hurt mum?”

"I've known something weren't quite right for some time but didn't know the exact ins and outs. I guessed it involved mum somehow from the way she was acting when she came downstairs. She's not normally flustered in a medical crisis."

“No that’s true.” Jake sighed sadly, “The weed, and god knows what else he’s taking, won’t be helping his psychosis will it?”

"I wouldn't think so." Peter sighed. "Especially as he's at least slightly stoned most of the time these days."

A silence descended over the boys.

"We should go downstairs." Peter suggested after a few moments.

“Do you think dad will be ok?”

"He's a psych nurse..." Peter shrugged.

“Kinda different when it’s your own kid though...” Jake answered with a sigh.

"Yeh... We should go downstairs, give them space and let mum know what's going on."

“Ok.” Jake followed Peter downstairs.

Holly had joined Duffy in the hallway. Both looked anxious as Duffy slammed the phone down in frustration.

“You can’t get through to them?”

"No." Duffy sighed.

“Dad said about taking him to the hospital.”

"Ok." 

"The boys are back playing in the garden and the girls are studying." Holly explained. "I'm gunna settle Charlie for a nap in the lounge."

“Louis doesn’t want to go by ambulance, he wants to go as quietly as possible so not to disturb the others.” Jake explained.

"That's understandable. I'll keep the boys outside and tell the girls to stay in the dining room with their books." Duffy replied.

“Are you ok?” Jake asked his mum quietly.

"I'm fine. Just worried about Louis."

“We all are.” Jake smiled sadly.

"Once he's back on his meds he'll hopefully be a lot better."

“He will.”

"Let's give him some space." Duffy replied as she heard movement upstairs.

“Ok.” Jake followed his mum into the lounge.

"You're going to be ok." Charlie reassured Louis as they reached the landing.

Louis didn’t say anything.

Slowly they made their way down the stairs. Louis' eyes were flitting around all over, his entire body shaking.

“It’s ok Louis. It’s ok. Nobody’s going to hurt you.”

"They're here." Louis mumbled.

“Who?"

"Them." Louis gestured to the corner of the room.

“They won’t get you if I’m here.” Charlie reassured.

"They wait."

“I’m not leaving you, Louis.”

Louis buried his face in his father's shoulder.

“Come on, that’s it.” Charlie encouraged Louis outside and into the car. It broke his heart to once more to see the terror on his son's face. “It’s going to be ok.” He reassured, “As soon as you get some meds at the hospital.”

"Make it stop!" Louis screamed, no longer able to differentiate what was real anymore.


	79. NSFW, TW: discussion of eating disorders

Tilly swallowed nervously as she made her way into the school hall. Much as she liked to give the impression that nothing phased her she was really nervous about her exams even though they were only mocks. It didn't help that, like her sister, she had to sit away from the rest of her class as she got extra time added on to the end of her exam.

Lottie was feeling just as nervous. She’d revised until she couldn’t revise anymore but the whole thought of failing her mocks was keeping her up at night.

Like their older sister both girls were impacted to differing degrees by dyslexia which made things trickier. 

As she sat down at her desk Tilly caught Tommy's eye from across the room.

Tommy gave her a reassuring smile. He looked so relaxed lounging back in his chair but she knew that he was nervous too.

Tilly sighed and looked down at the exam paper. Even if she failed, it was just mocks, it would be ok.

Their head of year told them to turn over the first page. Tilly took a deep breath and flicked the page. She read the question, picked up her pen and began to write.

After a few minutes she looked up and glanced around. Everyone seemed to be writing. Moving on she tried the next question. She thought for a while, she knew this one! She remembered studying it. A rush of relief flooded through her. She’d be ok!

It seemed like only a blink of an eye before the hour was over and the other pupils left the hall.

Tilly was coming up to her final question. She smiled as she finished writing. Knowing she had some time left she went back to that first tricky question. She decided to just write what she thought it was. 

Finally the exam was over and it was time to leave.

Tilly met her sister outside. “How do you think it went?” She asked her as she grabbed her bag.

"I think it went ok. I really hate exams though." Lottie sighed.

“Same here sis.”

"At least it's over with now."

“Yeah until the next one.”

"Don't remind me..!"

Tilly giggled, linking her arm through Lottie’s.

"Fancy a snack in the canteen?" Lottie suggested.

“Sure why not?”

The twins grabbed some crisps and some cans of cola before finding a free table in the corner.

“Did you answer all the questions?”

"I put something but I'm not sure it was right."

“No point worrying now, is there?”

"Nah." Lottie shrugged. "Dad seemed really quiet at breakfast." She sighed.

“He’s worried about Louis.”

"Yeh. Do you think he'll be in hospital for a long time again?"

“No, as soon as he starts taking his meds again, he should be ok.”

"Hope so." Lottie paused. "At least we've got the wedding to look forward to."

“And the arrival of the twins!”

"Yeh, that was a bit of a shocker!" Lottie chuckled. "You were right about Holly acting weird..!"

“She was clearly scared. Or maybe she didn’t know fully or suspected.

"I'd be scared too if I thought I was having twins!"

Tilly giggled softly.

"I wonder why they're not waiting til after they're born to get married..." Lottie mused, munching on her crisps.

“Maybe because they want to get married sooner rather than later?”

"That'd make sense if they'd gotten married when she was pregnant with Charlie."

“Yeah but they were having problems when Holly were pregnant with Charlie.”

"Yeh true. Hopefully they won't have problems this time."

“It doesn’t look like they’re having any problems.” Tilly smirked.

Lottie laughed. "Yeh they seemed pretty into each other at the weekend..!"

The girls giggled softly as they shared a packet of crisps.

"It's gunna be weird not being the only twins in our bit of the family."

“Yeah it is.”

"I just hope she don't have them as early as mum had us."

“Fingers crossed.”

"She'll be pretty far along by the time they get married..." Lottie thought aloud as she contemplated the dates.

“Hmm, six months or so?”

"I wouldn't want to get married whilst that pregnant..."

“Why?”

"I'd want to look all slim and fabulous in my dress."

“It’s not about looking slim.”

"But everyone is staring at you when you're the bride..."

“I think Holly just wants to be Peter’s wife. It should never be about how you look.”

"It's alright for you, Tommy likes curvy girls..!"

“You’re not fat, Lottie! You’re skinny!”

"Hmm..."

“You’ve been eating properly right?”

"Yeh, course."

“You’d tell me if you weren’t?”

"Yeh." Lottie sighed. "I just wish my bum was smaller." She admitted sadly.

“There’s nothing wrong with your arse!”

"Owen keeps mentioning the blonde from that movie we went to see during the holidays. She's really slim and pretty." Lottie sighed, resting her chin on her hands.

“Urgh! He’s a prick Lottie and you can do so much better! You’re beautiful.”

"I really like him. It's not his fault that I'm stupid and got a fat arse."

Tilly frowned, “Don’t you dare put yourself down like that! You are amazing and if he can’t see that, he needs to get his eyes tested! This is how everything started with mum... Please don’t go down the same route, Lottie.”

"It's not like mum, don't be so dramatic!" Lottie rolled her eyes.

“It’s how it started!”

"How would you know?"

Tilly shrugged, “I’ll tell mum if you don’t stop. You’re making me worried about you!”

"And you say I'm a tell-tale!"

“I’m worried about you!”

"There's nothing to worry about ok?"

“Promise me?”

"I promise nothing is wrong..!" Lottie retorted, rolling her eyes.

“Ok.”

"I didn't mean to worry you..." Lottie mumbled after a few moments of silence between the pair.

“You’re my sister, of course I’m gonna be worried about you. It’s just natural.”

"You just like to keep that sensitive side well hidden..!" Lottie teased playfully.

“Yeah, can’t be telling everyone!”

"Nah, Tilly must protect her terrifying reputation..!"

“I’m not that scary, am I?”

"I ain't scared of ya!" Lottie laughed.

“Good!”

"I know all your secrets!"

“And I know yours.”

"That's the up and downside of being twins."

“True!”

"It's not so bad."

“No, even if you are annoying sometimes,” Tilly teased.

"Can we have some twin time this weekend? Celebrate the end of mocks?"

“Of course! I’d like that.”

"We could watch a movie..?"

“What kinda movie?”

"What about Bridesmaids?" Lottie grinned, she'd gotten it on dvd for her birthday.

“Deal!”

"I wonder what Holly's hen party will be like..?"

“She can’t get drunk cos she’s pregnant.”

"Don't mean the rest of us can't..!"

“Exactly!”

"Just gotta make sure mum don't catch us..."

“Yeah, I don’t want to be grounded.”

"Fuck no."

Lottie finished the crisps and looked at Tilly, “So how are you and Tommy?”

"We're good thanks." Tilly smiled. "He mentioned the other day that he'd like for me to join him on their next holiday to visit his mum's family."

“Oh wow! So things are pretty serious then?”

"He wants me to meet his Nana."

“Aww.”

"She's the boss by the sounds of it..."

“His nana?”

"Yeh. If she don't like me then I'm screwed..!" Tilly pulled a face before breaking up giggling.

“You’ll be alright!”

"Either way I get to go to Jamaica!"

“You gotta ask mum first.”

"Don't burst my bubble!" Tilly pouted.

“Sorry!” Lottie giggled.

"They let Emmy go to Europe when she was fourteen..."

“For an art trip.”

"I'll take some colouring pencils with me..!" Tilly laughed.

“It was beneficial to her education.” Lottie tried to imitate her mum but ended up just giggling.

"Was that supposed to be mum?" Tilly's laughter grew louder.

“Yeah.”

It wasn’t long before both girls were hysterically laughing.

"Shouldn't you girls be revising?!" Their head of year remarked, appearing behind them.

“Yes sir.”

"Just going now..." Tilly grumbled.

The girls rolled their eyes as they got up. Grabbing their bags they headed to the library.

“I see the fun police is out in force.”

"Only six more months and we don't have to do what he says ever again..!"

“No, we don’t! I can’t wait.”

"Urgh, he's still watching! We better get our books out." 

Across town Charlie and Duffy were working the day shift together. It wasn't very busy so he was doing paperwork. 

"Hey you..!" Duffy smiled as she walked into his office without knocking. She'd been increasingly concerned by his quietness during the last few days.

He looked up and smiled at his wife. “Hello gorgeous, everything ok?”

"I was about to ask you the same question..." She replied, hoping up onto the desk.

“I’m ok.” He ran his hand up her thigh as she sat in front of him. “You?”

"It's been quite a start to the year hasn't it..?"

He sighed sadly and nodded, “I knew Louis and Lucy would end in disaster, I just didn’t realise how bad...”

"He will be ok. He's in the best place." She attempted to reassure him.

“I could’ve stopped it from happening.”

"We did the best we could..."

He nodded, “I know.”

She stroked his hand that lay on her thigh. "You shouldn't blame yourself."

“I can’t help it.”

"Would talking about it help?" She asked softly.

He shrugged, “I don’t know.”

"I'm worried about the effect on you if keep it all locked inside though."

“I don’t really know what to say.”

"You blame yourself for so many things that aren't your fault. You've been so strong for everyone else for so long and I just want to remind you that you don't always have to be strong. I'm here for you to lean on."

He smiled at her and entwined his fingers through hers. “I feel like there’s always something to test us.”

"We're still here though." She lent closer to him.

“Yeh we are. Couldn’t imagine us not being together.”

"We'll always be together."

“Always.” He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. “I love you.”

"I love you too. Things will get better. I'm sure of it."

“I agree, darling.”

She smiled as Charlie snuggled his head against her chest.

He didn’t speak for several minutes before he broke the silence and said, “I wonder how Lucy is doing.”

"I hope she's doing ok. It was awful finding her in the bathroom like that."

“I can imagine.” He sighed, “She’s so young...”

"She's the same age as the girls."

“Just a baby.”

"No parents to look after her..."

“No one to guide her.”

"Her brother just seems interested in what he can get from her."

“Which is a shame.”

"I'd like to think our kids would support and look out for each other if anything happened to us."

“I think they would support each other.”

"Despite everything we've done a pretty decent job with them."

“That’s because they’ve got a wonderful mother.”

"I didn't do it all by myself though..." She replied pointedly.

“No but they’re strong and independent because they have an excellent role model to look up to."

"You have to take some credit though." She smiled, blushing softly at his compliments.

“Maybe just a small amount.”

"We're a team, you and me."

“We are.”

"So talk to me. Let me inside that head of yours."

“I’m just worried about Louis and Lucy.”

"Is that all? I feel like other things are worrying you too."

“I’m worried about Peter and Holly, and the girls sitting their mock exams and Emily.”

"You shouldn't bottle it all up..."

“I know. I just hate worrying you.”

"I worry more when you don't talk to me."

“I’ve never been very good at talking, have I?”

"No. It's one of your more frustrating personality traits..!" She smiled.

He smiled and paused for a moment, “Louis told me something a while ago about him and Lucy. She was underage...”

"When they first slept together..?"

He nodded.

"Was he paying her for sex?"

“I don’t think so.”

"Ok."

He sighed again.

"Hopefully all this will show him that his medication is important."

“I think he just got all caught up in her.”

"I think so too. She seemed to cast quite the spell over him."

“I think he’s in love.”

"And we feared that it would be Caroline that was going to lead him down a path to destruction..." She sighed.

“Yes. Little did we know it would be someone like Lucy. Though, he met Lucy before Caroline.”

"Maybe Caroline was a rebound..?"

“Quite possibly.”

"She still messed him up badly though." Duffy sighed.

“Yeh she did.”

There was a pause between them for a few moments. 

"Holly has been worried about Peter and Sarah..." Duffy revealed softly.

“Peter and Sarah, why?”

"She thinks there's something still there between them."

“Really? What gives her that impression?”

"He seems to open up more to Sarah but I'm guessing things are improving between him and Holly."

“She’s pregnant so they’re clearly sorting things out..!” Charlie chuckled.

"Charlie!" Duffy gasped, giggling.

“What?” He asked innocently.

"Is that your solution to all relationship issues..?" She continued to giggle.

“Sex?”

"I meant getting your partner pregnant but that also works as an answer..!"

“Sex works. Depending on the type of sex you have.”

"That's true. I think Holly is still wrapping her head around being pregnant again so quickly after having little Charlie."

“I definitely don’t think it was planned."

"Neither were our twins..."

“It was your idea to go to the park and get drunk.” He smirked.

"You're never gunna let me live that down are you..?" She smirked back, leaning over him seductively.

“Nope!” He laughed gently and met her gaze.

"I don't recall you objecting... In fact you turned up commando if memory serves me right..!" Her lips hovered millimetres from his.

“That’s because it was easier.” He smirked and gently kissed her.

"Nor were you wearing any on the flight to Canada..." She reminded him as they parted.

“Again... It was easier.” He licked his lips, “When we joined the mile high club?”

"Joined the mile high club and came home with a baby..!" She replied after another kiss.

“Told you it would work eventually.”

"You did."

“You were so worried.” He stroked her thigh.

"I thought I was a failure..." She sighed. "Turns out all I needed to do was relax a little..!"

“Definitely.” He rested his head against her chest again.

"I wasn't expecting it to actually happen. I thought I'd maybe return home with a suntan if I was lucky. I certainly didn't think I'd come back with a plump belly..!"

“I wouldn’t change it.”

"Neither would I."

Charlie’s hand rubbed her thigh again.

She parted her legs slightly encouragingly.

He met her gaze as his hand moved further up her leg.

She grinned mischievously as she lent back on her hands.

“You after something?”

"Just making myself comfortable." She replied impishly.

“Hmm.”

"This sort of thing was much easier in the old uniforms..!" She mused, unbuttoning her tunic slightly.

“So much easier.” He agreed, watching her.

She unbuttoned down to her chest. "That's better." She smiled. "It's getting warm in here..."

He stared at her chest, “Did you lock the door?”

"No..."

“I’ll go and lock the door....”

"Good idea..!" She giggled.

He got up and walked to the door, locking it and returning to his previous position.

"Much better..."

He bit his lip as he stared at her chest again. “Did you come in here with the intention of distracting me?”

"No... I came here with the intention of making sure you're ok."

He laughed and ran his fingertips against the exposed skin on her chest.

"You would tell me if you weren't wouldn't you..?" She whispered.

“Of course.”

"You don't always have to be a pillar of strength." She told him as she looped her arms around his neck.

“But it helps if I am?”

"You need to let others be strong for you too."

“I know.” His hand moved under her top.

She lent down and kissed him.

"Ah, there's my husband..!" She giggled against his lips as his hand found its way inside her bra.

“Were you worried for a moment?” He whispered against her lips.

"Maybe a little."

“I haven’t forgotten how to pleasure my wife.”

"I know." She sighed contentedly.

“Do you... Fancy fully relaxing?”

"Oh yes please..!"

“What do you want?”

"What can we get away with before getting caught..?" She giggled impishly.

“Oh anything.”

"Confident..! I like it..!" She grinned. "I'm all yours..!"

“You look so sexy!”

She giggled as she lent back once more on the desk, pushing the files he'd been working on out the way.

“Do you mind?” He smirked.

"Nope!" She laughed.

“Rude.” He pouted.

"Aww... Did I mess up your work..?" She teased mischievously, running a finger over his pout.

“Yes.”

Reaching back she pushed a file onto the floor. "Oops!" She giggled, leaning over to pick it up, purposefully ensuring her bottom was in line with her husband's eyes.

His cock twitched as his gaze landed on her arse.

Knowing exactly where his eyes would be she stayed bent over and wiggled her hips and bottom.

He stood up and pressed himself against her.

"Oh hello..!"

“You ok there?” He laughed gently.

"I might need a hand up, the blood's rushing to my head..!"

“Oh is it?” He helped her.

"Oh my hero..!" She swooned, giggling, into his arms.

“I love you.”

"I love you too."

“I love you more than ever.”

"You soppy old fool..!" She giggled, turning slightly to stroke his cheek.

“Can we cuddle?” He whispered. “Is that ok?”

"Of course." She smiled, allowing him to pull them both backwards onto his chair.

He snuggled into her, resting his head against her shoulder.

She wriggled briefly in his lap til she found a comfortable position, flashing him a mischievous grin.

Charlie’s hand ran up her thigh again, edging higher.

Holding his gaze she unzipped her trousers.

“You’re so naughty!” He whispered as he slipped his hand inside her trousers.

"Who me?"

“Yes. Though I suppose you could say I’m naughty for having my hand in your pants.”

"If anyone asks we'll just say you're conducting an internal examination..!"

“Definitely. You might want to wriggle out of these.” He indicated to her trousers.

She lifted herself slightly and did as he asked, revealing a pair of black lace knickers.

“I haven’t seen these in a long time.” He moved his hand back inside her knickers as he kissed her neck.

"I decided they were due an outing..."

He ran his fingers over her.

"Mmm..!" She breathed against his ear.

He stroked over her.

She rocked herself on his lap.

Two of his fingers entered her.

Leaning back against his chest she unbuttoned the rest of her tunic, moaning softly as he kissed her neck.

His hand began to move slowly and teasingly inside of her, his other hand reached up and grabbed her breasts.

She sighed contentedly, rubbing her bottom against his crotch.

“You feel so good.” He murmured against her neck.

"I can tell..!" She giggled softly.

“Can you feel how hard I am for you?”

"Oh yes..!"

“You’re so distracting.”

"You're the one who can't keep his hands to himself..!" She teased.

“I couldn’t concentrate without getting into your pants first.”

"Ah so this is how you plan to get the paperwork done is it?" She asked, her breathing growing heavier as she leant forward slightly to feel him where she needed it most.

“Uh huh.”

"Fancy more than a cuddle..?"

“Yes!”

She moved to lean over the desk in front of him.

It wasn’t long before he’d replaced his fingers with his cock instead.

She clutched the edge of the desk, more files having toppled onto the floor.

He began to move gently inside of her, his fingertips stroking her neck.

Moving one of her hands she grasped the hand that rested on her neck, placing his fingers that had previously been inside her into her mouth and sucking them.

“Oh fuck, Duffy!” He moaned as he watched her suck on his fingers.

"So good..!" She moaned, her words muffled by his fingers.

His thrusts got harder.

"Oh yes!" Her moans were getting louder, there was always an extra thrill from this location.

He slapped her arse.

She moaned his name.

“Shit! Duffy!”

The desk started to creak loudly as their momentum built.

His hands gripped her body.

"Oh fuck! Yes! Charlie!"

He reached down to rub her clit and help bring her over the edge.

She let out a string of gasping moans, her muscles clenching around him.

“Yes baby!” He moaned.

"Oh yes!"

“Duffy!”

"Oof!" She gasped as they both slumped forward onto the desk.

“Fucking hell!”

"That was... Wow!" She giggled, regaining her breath in pants.

“You never fail to surprise me.” He told her as he kissed the back of her neck.

"Even after all these years?"

“Even after all these years.”

She turned around as he got up, snuggling into his arms once more.

“You’re going to be all sticky.”

He smiled. “I love you.” He cupped her cheek and kissed her tenderly.

"I love you too. Just promise to keep talking to me ok?"

“I promise.”

"And don't put so much pressure on yourself to be strong all the time."

“I’ll try not to.”

"We're stronger together."

“That we are.”

She kissed him once more as she finished redressing. "How do you rate my chances of getting to the ladies without bumping into Mrs Beauchamp?"

“I think you’ll be alright.”

"Ok, well, don't work too hard on all this paperwork and I'll see you later Charlie boy..!" She gave him one final kiss and left the office, glancing about before making a dash for the toilets.

He smiled as he sorted himself out and then retrieved the paperwork from the floor.

The rest of the afternoon had been uneventful and when Tilly arrived home, a little later than her sister as she'd had an after school "study session" with Tommy, she went up to their room and was surprised to find she had it to herself.

Tilly sent a text to Lottie, 'Where you are? X’

A reply came moments later. 'Bathroom.'

Tilly went to the bathroom and knocked on the door. “Lot, you ok?"

"Um... Yeh..."

You don’t sound so sure...?”

"Promise not to laugh..?"

“I promise."

The bathroom door opened and Tilly was instantly hit with the stench of peroxide.

“Lottie! What are you doing?”

"I bought bleach from the chemist. I thought it would be easy." Lottie cringed as she removed the towel that was wrapped around her hair, revealing a very patchy dye job. "It really burns..."

“Why are you dying your hair?” She asked sadly. “Your hair is so beautiful!”

"I was trying to dye it blonde..."

“Why? Because of Owen? You need to dump him...”

"I thought it'd look prettier..." Lottie winced. "I don't know what to do now..."

“You need to dump Owen!” Tilly sighed, “Come here, let me try and wash some of this bleach out.”

The twins attempted to rinse Lottie's hair but it was practically impossible whilst she was lent over the bath. Tilly's suggestion that Lottie jump into the shower was met with reluctance from her twin.

“Why? It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, we’re twins!”

Lottie sighed. She slowly removed her clothes, her head turned away from Tilly.

Tilly watched her sister. Their earlier conversation bubbled up in her mind as her sister undressed. “You’ve lost weight!” She gasped.

"It's nothing." Lottie retorted. "Can we just get this over with?"

“I’m telling mum! It’s not right, Lottie! Why are you doing this over a boy? Dying your hair, losing weight, turning yourself into someone you’re not!”

"If you're not gunna help me wash my hair then you can piss off!" Lottie spat back.

“Is he making you do this?!”

"No!" Lottie started to cry.

Tilly wrapped her arms around her sister, “Tell me why sis? I’m worried about you.”

"I'm sick of people looking at me like 'What's he doing with her? She's just a dumb, frumpy ginger!'..."

“You’re not dumb or frumpy! You’ve got an amazing figure!” Tilly sighed. “Please talk to mum?”

"No! Mum doesn't need to know!" Lottie retorted. 

"Mum doesn't need to know what..?" Duffy interjected from the bathroom doorway, having come upstairs to get changed after arriving home from work.

“Are you going to tell mum or am I?” Tilly asked Lottie, her voice soft and gentle.

Duffy gasped as she spotted Lottie's hair.

“I thought it would be easy to dye my hair.” Lottie muttered.

Duffy moved to the sink and picked up the bottle that lay in it. "You used this?!"

“Yeh.”

"Oh bloody hell!" Duffy rummaged in the bathroom cupboards for some gloves before approaching her youngest daughter to more closely survey the damage she'd done to her hair. "Did you get any on you?" She asked Tilly.

“No.” Tilly sighed sadly, “Shall I leave you both to it?”

"No, I want a word with you too." Duffy replied as she began to wash the bleach out of Lottie's hair.

“Ok.”

"What on earth possessed you both to think this was a good idea?!"

Neither of them said anything.

"You're lucky. These burns look superficial."

Lottie sighed, “I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

"Did you read the instructions?"

“I’m not thick!” Lottie answered back, “I can read!”

"I didn't say you couldn't! The reason I ask is that you didn't mix the ingredients before simply dumping the bleach on your hair and scalp."

“Is it bad?”

"No, luckily it didn't have time to do serious damage."

“Can I go for a shower?”

"Yes. I'm fine with you dying your hair but please come to me first so I can make sure you use decent products."

“Thanks.” Lottie turned on the shower but didn’t remove her T-shirt.

"We'll leave you in peace." Duffy replied, gesturing to Tilly to join her.

“Why Lottie? What are you hiding?” Tilly asked sadly.

Lottie ignored her sister, purposefully turning her back. 

Once outside the bathroom Duffy guided Tilly up to her bedroom. "Right, start talking..!"

“I...” Tilly sighed and sat on her bed.

"What don't I need to know..?" Duffy asked softly as she sat beside her daughter.

Tilly fiddled with her hands, “I’m worried about Lottie.”

"About anything specifically or just generally?"

“She’s... Changing herself and I don’t like it.”

"You mean her colouring her hair?"

Tilly nodded.

"It'll just be a phase, asserting her independence. It's nothing against you if that's what you're worried about."

“No, it’s... It’s more than that.”

"What do you mean?"

“She’s lost weight...”

"Has she talked to you about it?"

“I think it’s because of Owen.” Tilly shrugged, “Just a few things she’s said recently but no, she hasn’t spoken to me.”

"He's putting pressure on her?"

“No. I just think he’s being a typical bloke and being an arse and it’s upsetting her. She deserves better!”

"Ok. I think we need to have a little chat with her."

“She’s a bit more moody than usual.”

"Is that why you two have been fighting so much recently?"

“Yeh that and the exams.”

"Oh princess..!" Duffy pulled Tilly into a hug.

“She says I’m a tell tale for telling you about her but I’m worried and I think it’s important I tell you.”

"It is important. I'm glad you felt able to talk to me about it."

“It’s the right thing to do!”

"We'll sort this out. It'll be ok."

Tilly smiled.

Lottie sighed as she entered the bedroom and saw her mum and sister waiting for her.

“I had to tell mum.” Tilly said softly.

"There's nothing to tell!" Lottie insisted. 

"Tilly was concerned about you..." Duffy began.

“Well she shouldn’t be concerned!”

"Can you give us a few minutes..?" Duffy asked Tilly.

“Of course.” Tilly got up and passed her sister to leave the room, sighing softly.

Lottie glared at her sister, not moving from where she stood by the door. 

"Please sit down princess?" Duffy requested softly.

“Why?”

"I'd like us to have a chat."

Lottie sighed, “Can I get dressed first?”

"Of course."

“Thank you.” Lottie grabbed her pyjamas out of the drawer and got dressed.

Duffy surreptitiously observed her youngest daughter.

Lottie could feel her mum’s gaze on her as she got her pyjamas on.

Duffy sighed silently inside at what she saw.

Lottie sat next to her mum, “Whatever Tilly’s said, she’s wrong and she’s just got a big gob!”

"What makes you think she's said anything?"

“It’s Tilly, of course she’s said something.” Lottie raised an eyebrow, “And you’re looking at me funny.”

"She's worried about you." Duffy conceded.

“There’s nothing to be worried about!” Lottie rolled her eyes.

"Why did you try to dye your hair?"

“Cos I wanted to.”

"So it was completely your own decision?"

“What’s Tilly said?!”

"She thinks you're doing it to please Owen."

“No!” Lottie sighed. “And if I was doing it to please Owen..?”

"You should never change yourself to please someone else. If they don't love you for who you are then they're not worth bothering with."

“That’s what Tilly said but it’s alright for her. Tommy likes curvy girls.”

"Has Owen said something to you about the way you look?"

“Not as such.”

"What did he say?"

“Does it matter?”

"Yes it does. I want to know if someone has upset my daughter or made her feel worth less than she is."

“You wouldn’t understand!”

"I was a teenage girl once myself you know..!"

Lottie moved so she could cover herself with the duvet. “There’s this girl in a film that Owen keeps talking about... She’s blonde and skinny.”

"Ah..." Duffy sighed, moving to wrap an arm around Lottie. "And now you think he likes you less because of that?"

Lottie nodded, “I've done something really stupid mum... And I don’t want to make you cross.”

"I won't be cross."

“I’ve been taking diet pills.”

"Lottie!" Duffy gasped. "Where did you get those from?"

“The shop.”

"Did they not ask you for ID?"

“No, some of them don’t.”

"You do realise how dangerous they aren't..? Especially for you..."

“I didn’t really think. I’ve just being taking them and hoping I can lose weight.”

"I used to take them too." Duffy admitted softly. "They made me very sick. They're one of the reasons I have to take daily medication and have annual checkups with a cardiologist."

“Yeah, they make my heart go really fast and I feel sick and dizzy.” Lottie admitted.

"I'm not surprised. You have a family history of heart problems - I have heart failure and both your dad and older brother have had heart attacks. No doctor in his right mind would prescribe them to you. Nevermind the fact you're so young and still developing."

“But Owen wants me to be skinny...”

"He wants you to be or you think he does?"

”I think he does.”

"I used to think like that about your dad. That he wouldn't love me unless I was super skinny." Duffy confessed, stroking Lottie's damp hair.

“No dad loves you for who you are.”

"And so should Owen."

Lottie snuggled into her mum.

"You're a beautiful and talented young woman and if he can't see that then he's not worth wasting your time over."

Lottie sighed sadly and snuggled even further into her mum. “Tilly means well. God forbid if anyone realises she’s cuddly underneath that bravado.”

"If someone hurts you to her it's like she's been hurt too. She's really worried about you."

“I know. I thought I could do this on my own.”

"Will you promise me you won't take any more of those pills?"

“I promise.”

"Can you give them to me so I can dispose of them safely?"

“They’re in the top drawer.”

Duffy lent over and opened the drawer. She removed two packets. "Is this all of them?"

“Yes.”

Duffy placed them in her pocket.

“I’m sorry mama.”

"It's ok. We all make mistakes, you just need to learn from them." Duffy replied, cuddling Lottie in her arms again.

“I should say sorry to Tots.”

"She's probably still lurking in the hallway..." Duffy smiled.

“Tots?” Lottie yelled for her sister.

Tilly poked her head around the door.

Lottie held her hand out to her sister, “Will you come here?”

"You gunna yell at me again?"

“No. I’m sorry,” Lottie sighed, “I shouldn’t have been so mean!”

"I was just trying to help..." Tilly sighed, moving over to her sister.

“I know you were.” Lottie sighed.

"Shall I leave you girls to have a chat?" Duffy asked.

“You can stay.”

"Ok. How was your exam this morning?"

“It were alright,” Tilly shrugged, “We think we’ve done ok.”

"So long as you tried your best that's all me and your dad can ask for."

“We did.” The twins smiled and cuddled up with each other.

It made Duffy's heart swell to see her girls snuggled up together.

“I still have no idea what I want to do at college though.” Tilly pouted.

"That's ok. You've still got a while til you need to apply. Have your teachers suggested any ideas?"

Tilly shook her head but Lottie nodded.

"What did they suggest?" Duffy asked Lottie.

“It sounds silly but they said I should do health and social care.”

"It's not silly at all! Is it something you'd like to look into?"

“Yeh.” Lottie grinned.

"What about you Tilly? If you could do anything what would it be?"

“I don’t really know.”

"That's ok. There's an open day at the college soon, how about we go to it and see what grabs you?"

“I’d like that, thanks mum.”

"That's ok." Duffy smiled. "I should probably make tea for everyone before a riot breaks out downstairs..!" She chuckled.

“Can we help?”

"Sure. I'll just go get changed. You can put the pasta on though. That would be really helpful."

“We will.” Both girls kissed their mum’s cheeks and left the room.

Duffy made her way up to her bedroom to get changed. She sat on the bed and reached into her pocket, staring at the pills she'd taken off Lottie. She opened the packet. A couple wouldn't hurt... It would just give her an edge in dropping the extra few pounds she'd gained over the festive period. She quickly glanced over at the door before grabbing her water glass and knocking back four, hiding the rest in her bedside drawer.

The girls put the pasta on downstairs, oblivious to what Duffy had done upstairs. 

“Tots?”

"Yeh?" Tilly replied, reaching into the cupboard to start gathering the other ingredients.

“Do you have any idea what you want to do?”

"I'm not sure. Part of me wants to travel..."

“After we finish school? You can’t go away, you’re too young!”

"I know but I wanna experience life beyond Holby. There's got to be more out there."

“There is but, mum won’t let you until you are at least eighteen!”

Tilly sighed.

“I know what you mean though.”

"Me and Tommy were thinking of going together. See the world, have a good time."

“That would be lovely.”

"I'm bored of school."

“You might feel more free in college.”

"Maybe." Tilly shrugged.

“I really do want to do health and social care. Never know, I could be a nurse like mum.”

"You'd make a great nurse."

Lottie blushed, “Do you think?”

"Yeh, you're great with people and are calm in a crisis."

“I try to be calm.”

"You're way more calm than me!"

“Maybe.” Lottie blushed again.

"You're smarter than me too."

“Nah. That’s where you’re better than me!”

"The only reason I ain't in the thickos class for maths is coz mum and dad wanted us kept in the same class. I heard Mrs Anderson talking about it."

“You are smart Tilly! Honestly, we’re both going to be ok and get our grades!”

"I hope so. I don't want to have to resit."

“We won’t!”

A quiet fell over them as they started to prepare the food.

It wasn’t much longer until they were joined by Duffy. "Shall I just go put my feet up and leave you to it?" She joked.

“Yeh sure, we’ll be alright in here, won’t we?” Tilly asked her sister.

"Yeh, we got this."

The younger two boys were watching tv when Duffy entered the living room.

"Did you have a good day boys?" Duffy smiled.

“Yeh.”

"Daddy will be home soon." She smiled.

Oli smiled, “Missed you both!”

"We've got a few days off coming up."

“That’ll be nice!” Paul moved to sit next to his mum.

"I thought we could maybe have a day out as a family." Duffy smiled, giving Paul a cuddle.

“Go trampolining?”

"If that's what you'd like..." Duffy smiled. "I think me and Holly will just watch though!" She added with a chuckle.

“Don’t want the babies to fall out.” Oli giggled, “Or you to get hurt mummy.”

"No... Um... No we wouldn't want that would we?" Duffy shook her head indulgently.

“No mummy.”

"You looking forward to being uncles again?"

“Yeh!”

"It's very exciting, they'll be summer babies like Jake."

“That’s exciting!”

"We could maybe help look after little Charlie when they're born, what do you think?"

“Yeh!”

"That sounds like your dad." Duffy smiled, hearing the front door open.

“Yay!”

"Hi." Duffy smiled up at her husband. "Your meeting with Connie go ok?"

Charlie smiled, “Hello babe, yes it was ok thanks.” He kissed the top of her head, before doing the same to the boys. “Hello boys!”

"Hi dad! We're going trampolining!" Paul declared excitedly.

“We are? When?”

"Mum says you have days off soon. We're gunna go then."

“Yeh, I’d love to go! We’ll have fun, won’t we boys?”

"Yeh." 

"The twins are making tea." Duffy smiled.

“Are they feeling ok?” Charlie smiled.

"It was their idea. I think it's a good bonding exercise for them."

“They been having problems again?” Charlie asked sadly as he sat next to his wife.

"They had a disagreement..."

“Are they in the kitchen still?”

"Yes."

“I’ll go and talk to them?”

"Ok."

Charlie headed into the kitchen where the girls were making tea.

"Hey dad!" Tilly grinned.

“Hey Princesses!” He smiled at his daughters, “How are my girls?”

"We're good thanks." Lottie smiled as she sliced some bread.

“How did your exam go?”

"I managed to write something for all the questions so that's something."

“That’s good. And you Tots?”

"Did alright." Tilly shrugged.

“Good. Your mum and I only want you to try your best, that goes for you as well Lottie.”

"Yeh." Lottie nodded. 

"Food's almost ready if you wanna get changed before eating." Tilly added.

“I will. Come here for a minute though? Does your old dad get a cuddle?”

The twins rolled their eyes and hugged their dad, giggling softly.

He kissed the top of their heads, “I love you both, don’t forget that will you?"

"We love you too dad."

“I’ll go and get changed.”

A few minutes later the girls served up the meal on the table. "Enjoy your twins special!" They giggled just as Charlie came downstairs from getting changed.

Duffy caught her husband's eye and smiled. Though not all the family members were there it was lovely to eat together for a change.


End file.
